Bad things have been happening to me all of my life. I remember my mom saying I was “retarded” while I pretended to sleep. Just because I had trouble speaking as a kid. Now as an adult I realize I was just having social anxiety but my mom hated that.
I used to get bullied as a kid in elementary school and ate by myself. My parents were strict to I didn’t really build friendships outside school unless it was an extracurricular like dancing or sports and I ducked at both.
In middle school was my first contact with self harm. I had watched the movie thirteen and like the girl in the movie, I felt comfort in slitting my wrists. I confided in a friend and my entire class started to call me “psycho” . My mom found out and punched me for ruining her reputation.
The next year while I was in class some boys called me ugly. I was so ashamed I didn’t want my friends to tell the teacher. They did. My parents found out which added to my shame.
Later that year, my mom passed away of cancer. I was 14. While I was shocked, I felt relief. Relief she would no longer insult or hurt me.
Around that time I got a new haircut and suddenly boys started to notice me. I was so shy and awkward that I made up for it by going straight to kissing and touching to avoid conversations. That’s how the rest of my relationships became even as an adult.
I lied to the world about being not being a virgin because I was. I ended up giving “it” to an older man because it was the only way no one my age would find out I was still a virgin. Around that time I was going out with one of my schools teachers. I was just 17. I never had sex with him but it got scary one time that he followed me home and I was by myself.
When I was in college things somewhat improved but I always felt lonely. I never had friends who cared enough and I covered that by always being in relationships. I never had a big family and I never attended family parties. I never learned how to dance or how to be social. My only sister got married and never introduced me to her partner or let me know she was getting married. It was a small intimate wedding but I never felt important enough even though I tell her everything.
I always ended up with men who needed me to take care of them. The college dropout who I did his school work for and who left me for another woman after he graduated.
After that I went on a tinder binge and had sex with about 5-10 people and I can’t recall their names. I met one man who took me out for dinner. I ended up being drugged and r*aped in my sleep.
I let my doorman who was 53 years old perform oral s*x on me. I was 23. I never felt so much regret and disgust for myself in my life.
At that time I met a man who would become my husband 2 years later. Now that I think about it it was too soon for us to marry. He never demonstrated sexual interest in me and always raised his voice at me. On my 25th birthday I asked him if he loved me and he said “love has to be built”. It had been 1 year after we started dating. A few months later he asked me to marry him while he said “I love you” for the first time. I don’t want to make this post about him but he rejected me so much. After he got his green card he left me. Now he’s with a beautiful woman and told her I love you after the first 2 months. I am in the process of divorce and we’ve been separated for nearly 3 years.
When I first got separated from him I tried to fill that void by shopping. I got into debt of 45k in just two years and I’ve let most of the payments default. I am so scared but i can’t afford it. I was also hospitalized twice and incurred medical debt. The only good thing that happened to me during that time was getting into my dream school for my doctoral program with a scholarship. I’ve always liked to learn and I want to build a career where I can help others. After all, sometimes I feel that everything that happens to me has a bigger purpose and that I should serve the world and help it become a better place.
I’ve been seeing someone for 1 year and for the first time I’m with someone who calls me pretty all the time and reassures his love for me. Even though I gained 20 pounds while dating him after starting my doctoral program, he always shows he desires me and has never rejected me. He helped me apply for school and takes care of the dishes when I’m too tired. He’s been my rock but I’ve been hurt by life so much I can’t appreciate that I’m worthy of anyone’s love.
I ended up getting pregnant. Due to financial reasons I decided to go for an abortion. I didn’t want to because I love my partner. He was by my side even though he wanted to keep it. The abortion ended up being incomplete. I spent two days in the hospital thinking I would die. I haven’t healed from that yet and all I do is sleep, eat, and cry. It’s so recent still.
Even though I am no longer with my ex husband I can’t stop comparing myself to his new partner. Physically, she’s everything he ever wanted in terms of what I observed about him while we were married. His friends always rejected me and I see how much love his friends have for her. It reminds me of the rejection my mother dad towards me and the rejection my peers had in school. I will always be the weird and ugly one.
I have isolated myself so much that I don’t have friends. I cry a lot though I’ve never thought of dying. Somehow, being depressed is so familiar to me that it’s all I’ve ever known. Even when I was little I would write about me having no worth in my journals. I’ve kept those journals many years.
However, something strange awoke me a few nights ago. I had a dream where I was in my childhood home and kept knocking on my sister’s door and she wouldn’t open. Suddenly a huge figure that looked like my mom broke into my room asked me what was going on. I went on my knees and started to cry and said that I was so tired of bad things happening to me. It was like my soul was vulnerable in that moment in my sleep. I can’t stop thinking about that dream or what it could’ve meant.
What does this dream mean and how can I use it to transform myself?

I'm ngl, I'm kind of stuck here at the moment. I jumped into wanting to take cna courses without really doing much research on how stressful and taxing the job actually is first. The thing that got me going with it, is I randomly got a job notification from indeed for an opening as a cna. I randomly got curious, and apparently you don't have to have a diploma to get certified in my state. So, I thought 'Oh cool! Chance for a career!'. Which now in hindsight, was a stupid, stupid decision.
I would feel really guilty about backing out now since I've already had my background check, tb test, and am going to have my physical and drug test done on Tuesday. Which wouldn't be so bad if another family member of mine hadn't been the one paying for it. (Which is embarrassing to admit, but I have little to no income rn). And also, just for the cherry on top, cnas in my state make like $12-something an hour starting out. I made more working for Walmart 2 years ago. I'm not really sure what else to do at this point besides just take the courses, hopefully pass, then just look for a different job, and have the cna thing under my belt? Idk, I could really use some other insight here, because I'm feeling really distraught now and I'm not sure what to do.

Bad things have been happening to me all of my life. I remember my mom saying I was “retarded” while I pretended to sleep. Just because I had trouble speaking as a kid. Now as an adult I realize I was just having social anxiety but my mom hated that.
I used to get bullied as a kid in elementary school and ate by myself. My parents were strict to I didn’t really build friendships outside school unless it was an extracurricular like dancing or sports and I ducked at both.
In middle school was my first contact with self harm. I had watched the movie thirteen and like the girl in the movie, I felt comfort in slitting my wrists. I confided in a friend and my entire class started to call me “psycho” . My mom found out and punched me for ruining her reputation.
The next year while I was in class some boys called me ugly. I was so ashamed I didn’t want my friends to tell the teacher. They did. My parents found out which added to my shame.
Later that year, my mom passed away of cancer. I was 14. While I was shocked, I felt relief. Relief she would no longer insult or hurt me.
Around that time I got a new haircut and suddenly boys started to notice me. I was so shy and awkward that I made up for it by going straight to kissing and touching to avoid conversations. That’s how the rest of my relationships became even as an adult.
I lied to the world about being not being a virgin because I was. I ended up giving “it” to an older man because it was the only way no one my age would find out I was still a virgin. Around that time I was going out with one of my schools teachers. I was just 17. I never had sex with him but it got scary one time that he followed me home and I was by myself.
When I was in college things somewhat improved but I always felt lonely. I never had friends who cared enough and I covered that by always being in relationships. I never had a big family and I never attended family parties. I never learned how to dance or how to be social. My only sister got married and never introduced me to her partner or let me know she was getting married. It was a small intimate wedding but I never felt important enough even though I tell her everything.
I always ended up with men who needed me to take care of them. The college dropout who I did his school work for and who left me for another woman after he graduated.
After that I went on a tinder binge and had sex with about 5-10 people and I can’t recall their names. I met one man who took me out for dinner. I ended up being drugged and r*aped in my sleep.
I let my doorman who was 53 years old perform oral s*x on me. I was 23. I never felt so much regret and disgust for myself in my life.
At that time I met a man who would become my husband 2 years later. Now that I think about it it was too soon for us to marry. He never demonstrated sexual interest in me and always raised his voice at me. On my 25th birthday I asked him if he loved me and he said “love has to be built”. It had been 1 year after we started dating. A few months later he asked me to marry him while he said “I love you” for the first time. I don’t want to make this post about him but he rejected me so much. After he got his green card he left me. Now he’s with a beautiful woman and told her I love you after the first 2 months. I am in the process of divorce and we’ve been separated for nearly 3 years.
When I first got separated from him I tried to fill that void by shopping. I got into debt of 45k in just two years and I’ve let most of the payments default. I am so scared but i can’t afford it. I was also hospitalized twice and incurred medical debt. The only good thing that happened to me during that time was getting into my dream school for my doctoral program with a scholarship. I’ve always liked to learn and I want to build a career where I can help others. After all, sometimes I feel that everything that happens to me has a bigger purpose and that I should serve the world and help it become a better place.
I’ve been seeing someone for 1 year and for the first time I’m with someone who calls me pretty all the time and reassures his love for me. Even though I gained 20 pounds while dating him after starting my doctoral program, he always shows he desires me and has never rejected me. He helped me apply for school and takes care of the dishes when I’m too tired. He’s been my rock but I’ve been hurt by life so much I can’t appreciate that I’m worthy of anyone’s love.
I ended up getting pregnant. Due to financial reasons I decided to go for an abortion. I didn’t want to because I love my partner. He was by my side even though he wanted to keep it. The abortion ended up being incomplete. I spent two days in the hospital thinking I would die. I haven’t healed from that yet and all I do is sleep, eat, and cry. It’s so recent still.
Even though I am no longer with my ex husband I can’t stop comparing myself to his new partner. Physically, she’s everything he ever wanted in terms of what I observed about him while we were married. His friends always rejected me and I see how much love his friends have for her. It reminds me of the rejection my mother dad towards me and the rejection my peers had in school. I will always be the weird and ugly one.
I have isolated myself so much that I don’t have friends. I cry a lot though I’ve never thought of dying. Somehow, being depressed is so familiar to me that it’s all I’ve ever known. Even when I was little I would write about me having no worth in my journals. I’ve kept those journals many years.
However, something strange awoke me a few nights ago. I had a dream where I was in my childhood home and kept knocking on my sister’s door and she wouldn’t open. Suddenly a huge figure that looked like my mom broke into my room asked me what was going on. I went on my knees and started to cry and said that I was so tired of bad things happening to me. It was like my soul was vulnerable in that moment in my sleep. I can’t stop thinking about that dream or what it could’ve meant.
What does this dream mean and how can I use it to transform myself?

Bad things have been happening to me all of my life. I remember my mom saying I was “retarded” while I pretended to sleep. Just because I had trouble speaking as a kid. Now as an adult I realize I was just having social anxiety but my mom hated that.
I used to get bullied as a kid in elementary school and ate by myself. My parents were strict to I didn’t really build friendships outside school unless it was an extracurricular like dancing or sports and I ducked at both.
In middle school was my first contact with self harm. I had watched the movie thirteen and like the girl in the movie, I felt comfort in slitting my wrists. I confided in a friend and my entire class started to call me “psycho” . My mom found out and punched me for ruining her reputation.
The next year while I was in class some boys called me ugly. I was so ashamed I didn’t want my friends to tell the teacher. They did. My parents found out which added to my shame.
Later that year, my mom passed away of cancer. I was 14. While I was shocked, I felt relief. Relief she would no longer insult or hurt me.
Around that time I got a new haircut and suddenly boys started to notice me. I was so shy and awkward that I made up for it by going straight to kissing and touching to avoid conversations. That’s how the rest of my relationships became even as an adult.
I lied to the world about being not being a virgin because I was. I ended up giving “it” to an older man because it was the only way no one my age would find out I was still a virgin. Around that time I was going out with one of my schools teachers. I was just 17. I never had sex with him but it got scary one time that he followed me home and I was by myself.
When I was in college things somewhat improved but I always felt lonely. I never had friends who cared enough and I covered that by always being in relationships. I never had a big family and I never attended family parties. I never learned how to dance or how to be social. My only sister got married and never introduced me to her partner or let me know she was getting married. It was a small intimate wedding but I never felt important enough even though I tell her everything.
I always ended up with men who needed me to take care of them. The college dropout who I did his school work for and who left me for another woman after he graduated.
After that I went on a tinder binge and had sex with about 5-10 people and I can’t recall their names. I met one man who took me out for dinner. I ended up being drugged and r*aped in my sleep.
I let my doorman who was 53 years old perform oral s*x on me. I was 23. I never felt so much regret and disgust for myself in my life.
At that time I met a man who would become my husband 2 years later. Now that I think about it it was too soon for us to marry. He never demonstrated sexual interest in me and always raised his voice at me. On my 25th birthday I asked him if he loved me and he said “love has to be built”. It had been 1 year after we started dating. A few months later he asked me to marry him while he said “I love you” for the first time. I don’t want to make this post about him but he rejected me so much. After he got his green card he left me. Now he’s with a beautiful woman and told her I love you after the first 2 months. I am in the process of divorce and we’ve been separated for nearly 3 years.
When I first got separated from him I tried to fill that void by shopping. I got into debt of 45k in just two years and I’ve let most of the payments default. I am so scared but i can’t afford it. I was also hospitalized twice and incurred medical debt. The only good thing that happened to me during that time was getting into my dream school for my doctoral program with a scholarship. I’ve always liked to learn and I want to build a career where I can help others. After all, sometimes I feel that everything that happens to me has a bigger purpose and that I should serve the world and help it become a better place.
I’ve been seeing someone for 1 year and for the first time I’m with someone who calls me pretty all the time and reassures his love for me. Even though I gained 20 pounds while dating him after starting my doctoral program, he always shows he desires me and has never rejected me. He helped me apply for school and takes care of the dishes when I’m too tired. He’s been my rock but I’ve been hurt by life so much I can’t appreciate that I’m worthy of anyone’s love.
I ended up getting pregnant. Due to financial reasons I decided to go for an abortion. I didn’t want to because I love my partner. He was by my side even though he wanted to keep it. The abortion ended up being incomplete. I spent two days in the hospital thinking I would die. I haven’t healed from that yet and all I do is sleep, eat, and cry. It’s so recent still.
Even though I am no longer with my ex husband I can’t stop comparing myself to his new partner. Physically, she’s everything he ever wanted in terms of what I observed about him while we were married. His friends always rejected me and I see how much love his friends have for her. It reminds me of the rejection my mother dad towards me and the rejection my peers had in school. I will always be the weird and ugly one.
I have isolated myself so much that I don’t have friends. I cry a lot though I’ve never thought of dying. Somehow, being depressed is so familiar to me that it’s all I’ve ever known. Even when I was little I would write about me having no worth in my journals. I’ve kept those journals many years.
However, something strange awoke me a few nights ago. I had a dream where I was in my childhood home and kept knocking on my sister’s door and she wouldn’t open. Suddenly a huge figure that looked like my mom broke into my room asked me what was going on. I went on my knees and started to cry and said that I was so tired of bad things happening to me. It was like my soul was vulnerable in that moment in my sleep. I can’t stop thinking about that dream or what it could’ve meant.
What does this dream mean and how can I use it to transform myself?

Hi. I’m 21 and will graduate from college in July.
My mother expects me to move in with her. She’s been in rehab for the past year and ~a half. Rehab rented her a flat as she started to feel better. She now lives there with the other girl from the rehab. They said she could stay there till the end of June. She has a job now, but obviously she hasn't been paid yet.
She dreams of me moving in with her. We are not close because of her past addiction and other related problems, so I have my doubts. However, my family and the rehab staff advised me not to say no because it might have upset her, and that was not what she needed at the time.
The thing is, she lives in a bigger city where there are more career options, so I'm considering moving in with her. However, it would leave my 2 grannys and my grandpa alone in our city. It’s only a 4-5-hour drive, but still.
I don’t ‘feel’ like she’s my mother. I feel like she’s a friend of mine, and I’m happy to see that she’s doing better now, but I’m worried she might not be the most reliable person. My granny, her mom, is like a mother to me, and leaving her kinda hurts.
I currently live alone. I used to live with my mother in the same flat before things got really bad. We own the place. I don't particularly want to rent it since it has appliances and looks nice overall. I’ve been thinking about ‘renting’ it to my friends, asking them to just cover the costs of community amenities and keep the place clean. Since we own the flat and it can serve as a backup plan, I don't particularly like the idea of selling it or leaving it unused.
I’ve been discussing it with my family and friends, but I’m still unsure. Thoughts?

I've been lurking this sub since I found out I was pregnant. Long story short, IUD baby.. husband pressured to birth baby even when I sobbed for an abortion.. gave in to exterior pressure from family and friends that "I would fall in love once it was here" FUCK NO. And fuck every person who blamed hormones for my feelings. Anyways I was 27, had already graduated college, lived abroad a few different times, fresh into my new logistics career and I loved my husband. I was always a generally happy person, bubbly and excited about living every morning. I lost everything after having a baby.. it started with my body, then my friends, then my autonomy, then my sleep, then my happiness and with that I lost my marriage, my sanity and my will to live. I never wanted to be a mom. I always thought babies were extremely boring, toddlers were dirty and annoying and I never experienced any type of baby fever. I wake up every morning hearing him cry and all I can do is grit my teeth, here we go again. Endless cycle of crying, feeding, bathing, changing until it's bedtime and I'm to drained to eat anything after eating half a banana the whole day. I used to spend my god damn days smoking weed and tanning my hot body on different costa rican beaches and now I'm a depressed overweight shell of my old self that cries everyday wishing she could crawl back to her old life. My advice to anybody on the fence or currently pregnant, just don't do it. Stay child less and enjoy your life please.

I'm 34 F, married, no kids. I have been in retail for over 15 years and I hated it.
My husband runs a small, successful family business, his success allowed me to return to college, I finished both my associate of art and associate of science degrees, I decided to pursue a career in medical lab science; it seemed like something I could do well, appealed to my introvert nature and would provide a salary I could be proud of.
For the past 3 semesters I have been working on finishing out my prerequisites; it was very slow going because I was only taking 2 classes per semester & working full time at my retail job.
This year in January I made the choice to quit my job and focus all my time and energy on school. One week into the semester I tore my ACL & both menisci and had to attend my classes via zoom. Almost exactly 3 weeks after that I was rushed to the ICU with massive pulmonary embolisms . I underwent 2 emergency surgeries and spent 9 days in the ICU fighting for my life (this isn't meant to be a sob story, I swear).
While in the ICU I withdrew from my university; it may have been a rash decision but, I figured if I didn't die I would be too busy with my physical recovery (estimated at ~6 months) to continue my studies, and I still haven't had corrective surgery on my knee.
Now I've been home for a week and I spend a lot of time thinking about the future. I'm already 34, these new health issues will have me down for the better part of a year! I don't want to be in school forever, but I don't want to go back to retail or a crappy 25k/yr job.
I want to do something that makes me feel accomplished & allows me to contribute monetarily to our life.
I have a lot of "hobbies" but nothing that I feel I could turn into a career.
Am I doomed to be a 40 yr old student or work retail for the rest of my life? Have any of you had a similar situation?
Any advice or input is appreciated, and thanks for reading :)
**TLDR**: I almost died & it put my studies on hold. I already feel "old" and don't want to waste my time. I'm looking for a career I can work toward in a reasonable amount of time that will be lucrative and fulfilling..

Hello,
Asking for a friend ;)
Please give your career advice! Any tips or career advice greatly appreciated!
Current government employee within the healthcare realm with a Bacherlor's in an EM distantly related social sciences field.
Looking at doing an online Master's in Emergency and Disaster Management.
Goal is:
To change career fields into Emergency Management, level up in the GS system, gain valuable theoratical and practical experience, once family circumstances allowing very willing to do Fema reservist, and ideally make the jump to FEMA fulltime employee.
Long term goal would be to gain enough experience domestically to later down the line (once kids are older) work on foreign disaster relief. Either temporarily deployed abroad like with USAID DART (disaster assistance response teams) or even for longer durations with the whole family living abroad with USAID to tie back into the Bachelor's degree.
Alternatively, I am also considering USAID foreign service.
Is this a semi-realistic career goal? Any advice on routes to take, or tips or criticism are greatly appreciated!
Furthermore: since it will be an online Master's in EM, is it better to go with an affordable online program, or rather expensive program from a renowned institution, since networking opportunities may be limited due to the online nature of the degree. For in person I think the latter would be a no brainer.
Looking forward to everyone's input!
Thank you so much in advance!

TLDR I am in a relationship which has got very onsided (i do everything financially, emotionally, practicality/chores) while my girlfriend keeps getting more angry with me for small things no matter what i try to the point where i get depressed and even feel a bit unsafe at home. My girlfriend has been going through hell so I have tried to be understanding, but shes not open to trying to change things and i am not sure how much longer i keep trying as its breaking my mental health. But I still really care about her and don't want to leave her without support so feel trapped and unsure what to do I feel a bit strange posting here at my age but feeling really lost it could do with some advice.
First a bit of background.
I am a m32, and have been dating my girlfriend f29 (gf), for coming up to a year, we both live in London.
There’s a bit of important background for both of us first.
I had some really big health (including depression) and career headaches (all sorted now and I’m generally in a very good place in both ) so coupled with the pandemic vaporising two years, I’ve had about five years off from being in (and not really seeking out) relationships, so I both feel a bit rusty and to be honest and within anxious about getting older (I do want to have a family/settle down).
Gf has had a really tough time her previous relationship was quite badly abusive and when I met her (which I didn’t know originally) she was staying in a women’s shelter.
I’m autistic so sometimes I don’t read social cues and the best way (although I have a decent circle of friends I’m in senior managerial job, I do get by okay but I know it’s not always my biggest strength), I’m about 99% sure gf is as well (not diagnosed which shows a lot of the traits and is of a mind that she probably has herself as well).
And onto the conundrum sorry this is a very long, having read these threads before I know people often miss out important information so I’m trying to be fair but that also means ends up as a bit of a wall of text.
I met gf on a dating website, where she had down as her career, that she did a bit of freelance website design and some translation work (we are both in the UK she is not from the UK originally and does speak a really impressive collection of languages). We started talking online and got on really well. This was odd for me as I tend to take quite a long time to figure if I like someone but we both seem to hit it off pretty much immediately. When we met in person I did realise she was in quite a lot of the worst state then I first thought and she shared (after some gentle prodding) she had been unemployed for a while, has gone out of an abusive relationship, and was in effectively a womens shelter, and was clearly suffering from quite bad depression (I’ve had depression myself and know what a nightmare it can be).
Hearing about the really tough time she had for the last few years absolutely broke my heart and while it wasn’t what I would he planned this point I’d already caught feelings so made it clear I appreciated she has some ship to get through I was happy to take things slowly and carefully and I wanted to be there to try and help.
One of the problem she mentioned was her room was uninhabitable a hot during the summer (we are about to hit a record heat wave) it was clearly really worrying her so I decided to offer to let her stay over at my house during the heatwave (I do have a spare room) while stressing there were no particular expectations from doing so. She agreed came over and I basically spent a long weekend trying to do all the things I felt was missing out on and honestly it was wonderful she got out of her shell we got really close really quickly at the end of the long weekend we properly kissed (as in more then a peck on the cheek) and agreed we were going to try and build something together. The first few months were honestly the best relationship I’d ever had. We have the same interests, she seemed really interested in building a life together, and generally we seem to gel incredibly well . I knew she was in a really crappy place but she was really clear she wanted to get back on her feet was really appreciative of me trying to help a bit with that (we did things like yours at all a user works to help people plan the next steps in their career to figure out what she could do to get a good job). I was paying for the dates (unsurprisingly and happily) but she assured me that what she was getting as benefits was enough to get by day-to-day, and long term she did not want to have to depend on anyone, so I didn’t really intervene more than that.
But then around last winter (so about 4-5 months in) things really started to change. She previously said she wanted to start looking for work after Christmas (she was originally going to be on her own over Christmas so I invited her over to me and my mums). But she was having real trouble starting to look into making applications she lost her computer (I think in the prior abusive relationship), so she was having to go into the library and often couldn’t get a device I could see was really upset about this and hatered how sad it made her, so I talked about it with her and agreed to get her a laptop as a slightly early Christmas present. I should point out a bit about my financial situation here stop I’m in a relatively senior role in a charity I make a good deal more than the national average but I’ve also got, a rather big mortgage (which massively spiked with the increase in interest rates), so I get by certainly don’t have to worry about getting food on the table but spare money is quite tight. So finding the cash for a decent, laptop was a fairly big deal and more or less drained my reserves (especially given of course I’ve been paying double for all the dates etc). Gf knew I was worrying a lot about money especially after the interest rate hike and seemed really understanding and very thankful for the laptop.
But then out of the blue she started talking about trying to apply to go back to uni next year instead of looking for work, she seemed to assume I’d cover the costs for the full three years! I tried to explain calmly and quietly I could not commit to that (after all complete financial responsibility for someone for years is very different to paying for a few meals out), and she got really angry and upset. We had our first really serious fight. But the next day she seemed better pretty much simultaneously came up with a mutual solution (she could look at applying for degree apprenticeship or similar which should mean should be bring enough cash in that it wouldn’t cause me to bigger financial headache even though I would still be doing most of the heavy lifting (which i would be okay with i can do most of it jsut not all long term) and it seemed like things had been resolved).
But ever since then she suddenly getting angry with me about the strangest things.
January came and went she missed the deadline to apply for courses and didn’t start looking for work when I brought up uni deadline and said I was happy to help with paperwork (something she expressed interest in before) she again got really angry with me, and accuse me of trying to force her to do what I want to/fit into a box for my interests. I made it really clear that I’m not too fussed what she does (e.g. she’s talked to a lot of different types of work lots of different types of uni etc) and she is happy with the understanding that I can’t commit to being completely financially responsible for someone else for years given my current financial situation (but I am in a comfortable enough position I can do most of the heavy lifting), but again she got really angry with me and so to say I don’t care about her. I explained I care about her massively and I do everything I can to try and help through I know is a really crap time and then she said this was me trying to blackmail her by doing nice things then creates an obligation for her to do nice things for me which she said isn’t fair…..
I was a bit lost for words as to be honest doing nice things just what I assume once you do for one’s partner! At this point I asked if she really wants to keep going she sounded like she really dislikes me but she said she did. I know sometimes when people are depressed say things they don’t mean and I try to keep muddling along.
A bit after that she went from staying at my house/in my spare room occasionally to pretty much constantly; and I slowly found her financial situation was a lot worse than I thought (she wasn’t affording enough to eat at her room and because of fees and some old debts she basely had no money coming through). Once I realised how bad it was I did offer to help out a little bit and have been giving her a couple of hundred pounds a month to cover necessities (while she’s staying at my mine most of the time so I was largely covering food anyway). Which was doable but again quite a strain in my current financial circumstances (at this point with everything else and higher food bills she’s pretty much all my discretionary spending)
Every now and again we’d link up like we used to and it would be brilliant and still me of those good days and It would remind how much I care about her but as time goes on she’s just getting more and more angry with me about the smallest of things and the good times have hot rarer. She still not looking for work (I’ve not been particularly pushing as I know she gets really worried when people push), and she’s even stopped helping out with basic cleaning when staying over (I’d say initially we were 50-50 now it’s 90/10). At the same time she keeps getting angry with me about the smallest things accusing me of being controlling, not caring for what just seems like normal everyday things.
A recent example was we’d been having a fairly separate day (I have some work to do over the weekend she was feeling unwell), I came down and we watched tv for a bit (I had got a new tv having not had one in my place before as when she was down she liked to binge watch). I tried to pause it manually to say something and she used the remote instead i commented it was amusing how little i know about how to use my tv as i rarely use it and she got very angry about me using the word my instead of our as this apparently meanti was treating her like a guest who could be kickd out at any time and did not care about her. It then took hours to calm her down after this
At the same time she has stopped showing any real affection for me (which has now been a case for about six months) something I used to really like about relationship was how close we were physically, but she stopped showing any real interest even in holding hands or cuddling on the sofa. I explained I was finding this really difficult she said it was and that should work on but then quickly step back into complete disengaging. I did ask if there’s something I could do to help, or if there was anything I was doing wrong and beyond listing whatever she was most recently angry with me about. And it’s not just about physical intimacy is also emotional intimacy when my birthday happened she’d did not even whish me happy birthday or try and do anything for the day, the other weekend when I had a really bad experience work that may be scared I was going to lose my job (I did not and it was fine in the end), and I came down to the sitting room and said I was feeling really vulnerable and scared (and clearly needed a bit of emtional support) she just said it should be fine and she didn’t understand why I was interrupting a television show.
So all in all I feel like I’m doing all the emotional labour, all the actual work, and I’m not getting any support back.
But the tragic thing is I can see moments of her getting better, she’s really musical but when shes depressed she can’t sing but she’s been starting to sing again, she’s really bad taking care of herself and she’s depressed but in the last few weeks and started to use nail varnish again it doesn’t sound like a lot but it’s a massive step for her. But we had long periods of her getting with me for anything that I do I’ve asked if she wants to break up but she’s been adamant that she doesn’t, she even says we fit really well together and keeps saying shes feels better when shes with me which makes me feel so happy I am helping. But the simple fact of the matter is for months now I’ve been living in a really uncomfortable environment I try and build bridges just gets shot down. In the meantime I keep crossing lines I’m not comfortable with (whether that’s starting to help pay off some of her debts, or effectively having her move in without having agreed), but I feel if I try and push back she just gets more angry with me more unwell.
I know if I ended the relationship it would pretty much destroy her (and she has more or less said that) I’m the only support network she’s got, and without me in her current situation I know she’d even struggle to do things like get regular food. And the honest truth is when we had in a good place I feel more alive with her than have anyone else. I also remember when I was badly depressed, I lost a lot of good friends including a good relationship because I wasn’t in any state to engage with people so it will be there to be supportive of her even if it means a few bumpy months, to look after someone I care about. But the stress of both carrying all of the burden for months, and constantly being berated for anything I do in my own home is starting to make me really ill to the point where it’s affecting my work in beginning to make me depressed in turn (something I haven’t had to deal with in years). When I have told her a few times I’m feeling really sad (without saying the cause is) she’s effectively just responded with well there’s not much I can do about that, and wandered off to watch TV or do things on her phone, while when the roles are reversed I drop everything to try and help her get through a dark period.
I think if I keep this up I’m going to have a nervious breakdown, but at the same time besides the fact they do really care about her and would like to stay with them if I could, it feels monstrous to break up knowing I’d be destroying her support network and throwing her back into the dark kit she was in when we met.
I’ve tried suggesting things like therapy and even offered to help her get access to it but while she initially shows interest she then doesn’t engage/ go forward with it. In general whenever I try and talk to her about my worries she just gets really angry with me to the point where I am scared to talk about my own needs. Ive also floated talking to other folk about out issues (id usually chat to friends or family about this sort of thing) but she got really angry and said it was private and I should not tell anyone hence coming hear where its at least anonymous)
So I’m at a loss, as to what I can do next I can’t live the rest of my life like this, but I feel trapped and I’m getting to the point where I feel scared and depressed in my own house, but i dont want to abandon her in her current situation so I don’t want to do next.
So for the kind souls who have read all the way through this
I can give more detail on any of the above but felt I should stop as I have already written a bit of a novel in length.
What do you think I should do?

[M]/Doing retro coz reddit has apparently locked my account before 2024 expired, and I just realised this hasn't been published /[M]

Canadian Federal Elections 101

Canada has inherited its political system from the United Kingdom, sticking to Westminster parliamentary system ever since. This means, that unlike in the United States, the outcome of Canadian elections are won by whichever party manages to elect the greatest number on Member of Parliament to the House of Commons of Canada, allowing the leader of this party to assume the office of Prime Minister.

The Senate of Canada provides for a stark contrast, since despite being originally designed to ensure provincial representation, the upper house remains unelected and is largely subjected to the politics in the House of Commons.

When no party is able to secure more than 50 per cent of seats in the House, a leader of a political party that is able to command more than 50 per cent of MPs, for example through singing supply and confidence or coalition agreements with other parties, becomes Prime Minister instead. Historically, however, the largest party in the House of Commons tends to form a monitory government, when it commands a plurality of MPs, rather than an outright majority. This allows the largest party to remain in power, but it has to rely on MPs from other political factions to pass crucial pieces of legislation, especially when it comes to votes that indicate parliamentary confidence, such as federal budgets. Losing those votes, would effectively mean that the current government has to either be completely re-staffed with new Cabinet Ministers, or call a snap election.
However, minority governments remained fairly uncommon in Canada, since the current voting system, called First-Past-the-Post (FPTP), allows for individual MPs to win their respective ridings - also known as constituencies - to be elected into the House of Commons with a simple plurality of votes. Thus, a political party can win most seats in the House of Commons through strategically placing their bets on ridings with very tight margins, where just one extra vote may allow their nominee to win a permanently seat, effectively making all votes for the opposition candidate in that riding meaningless.

General Backgrounder

For example, the Liberal Party of Canada has won the last two federal elections with a plurality of seats in the House of Commons, despite coming only 2nd to the Conservative Party of Canada during popular vote. The Liberals, despite becoming the largest party in the House still fell short of winning the majority of seats, being forced to rely on the New Democratic Party, that represented are more progressive social democratic part of the electorate, for crucial votes. Later, the Government has called a snap election aiming to get their desired majority, but failed, and had to sign a formal Supply and Confidence Agreement with the NDP, that included a massive package of social programmes, such as the recently implemented national dental care and prescription drug insurance.
However, while enjoying a steady lead in polls vis-a-vis, the federal Conservatives during the pandemic, the Liberals had experienced persistent slump as post-pandemic recovered coupled with sticky inflation and rapidly deteriorating housing crisis. As the Federal Conservatives have moved to the right following the election of a new leader, they have utilised concurrent economic challenges and liberal economic policy, blaming the current government's pandemic related emergency spending coupled with expansion of social programs as the root cause for inflation into collapsing housing affordability.
As Canada had to respond to America's Inflation Reduction Act with a new public investment into green transition, conservative criticism of the Trudeau government has become ever more vocal, with fiscal deficits presumably exacerbating, concurrent inflationary pressures.
Liberal policies, especially introducing the federal backstop mechanism for carbon pricing, has also spurred, vicious opposition, among Conservatives, especially those living in the Western Canada, that culminated in the razor-thin re-election of the United Conservatives in the oil-producing province of Alberta. The federal response to the freedom, convoy protest, as well as the general push, forever wider collective community during the pandemic, has created some fertile soil for the opposition, Conservatives to capitalise on, especially as the more moderate leader of the party had been ousted shortly after the convoy protest.
After more than eight years in government, the liberal party has also been embroiled in several corruption and ethics candles, including the SNC-Lavallin affair, the pandemic-era ArriveCan App scandal, and, most recently, the accusations of Chinese electoral interference, and Chinese police stations operating in Canada.
In fact, the situation for the current government has become so dire. It's a point, but more than 80% of forecasters projected a Conservative minority government has the most probable outcome for the next election. According to some polls, the Liberals would be unable to form a government, even with the support of the New Democratic Party. The liberal convention in late spring 2023, didn't provide much of a relief either, how's the party continued to lack a comprehensive platform to combat the issue of housing and affordability - something that steadily climbed the rate of priorities for many Canadians, to become the most pressing issue, when deciding who to vote for. If anything, the Conservative party has become the most popular political force, among younger Canadians, with their laser, sharp focus on the issue of inflation and housing affordability.
The issue of housing affordability has become central to the Conservative Convention, where the Party has committed to "restoring" home ownership across the country, through planning laws deregulation and "removing resections on the supply of housing". This would see the federal government to tie federal spending on housing to municipalities shortening approval times, waive HST/GST for housing, as well as allow landlords to re-invest their profits into new housing tax-free. The Conservative convention also proposed federal infrastructure funding to be linked to higher-density housing construction.
What did, however, play in favour of the current government, what is the time. Within Canadian Parliamentary system, the Prime Minister can call an election effectively anytime, so long their term doesn't exceed the four year threshold, that was approaching at Fall 2025, supported by the Supply and Confidence Agreement with New Democrats.
As inflation in North America has started slowly subsiding toreturn to the 2% target in early fall 2024, Trudeau has managed to re-gain some the economic credibility his government has seemingly lost. The Liberals have also continued their tilt to make some inroads into the NDP camp, with the Federal Budget 2024 going heavily on Net Zero and Green Transition.
However, the Liberals also had to deal with a political deadline, whether to call and election before or after the Budget 2025 would've been published. The former might allow the LPC to avoid the criticism of "buying up votes" that the party received after calling the snap election shortly after introducing their Federal Budget in 2021. However, Trudeau also had a stake at deferring the election for long as possible, hoping that waiving inflationary pressure might open up more space for the Liberals to re-gain the economic ground over the Conservatives.

Federal Election 2025

After long deliberation, the federal Cabinet has opened to hold an election in late March 2025, right at the time when a government would have normally tabled their budget. The election that both the Liberals and the Conservatives have approached after almost a year or neck-and-neck perforce in the polls, with Trudeau having a minuscule advantage in personal ratings.
The economy, especially housing affordability, have become two main issues during this election, closely followed by healthcare - namely access to family physicians and waiting times for selected procedures - and the issue of inflation still lingering at the back of the public debate.
Trudeau himself because a matter for the debate, with the Liberals banking on his personal likability, while Federal Conservatives continuously pressed with corruption and ethical scandals and corruption allegations, combined with the Liberal campaign continuously bringing up the "electability issue" of their opponents.

Housing

With the Tories enjoying slight lead on the matter of economic competence, the Liberals opted to treat the housing crisis as a matter of social policy, while banking heavily on personal popularity of Trudeau himself. From the policy-standpoint, LPC Election Platform has effectively copied the proposal originally voiced during the Conservative Convention. Namely, waiving GST/HST for housing construction, allowing landlords to re-invest their profits into constructing more units tax-free, as well as linking federal spending to new housing development and liberalising permitting process. The difference with the Conservatives was the focusing on new federal spending to combat housing affordability.
Liberal election promises involved the commitment for new federal housing construction to exceed population growth by the end of the first term, through the government directly contracting private developers to build more affordable housing, and task the Canada Infrastructure Development Corporation to provide funding to non-market housing in numbers meeting or exceeding population growth in larger metropolitan areas on Toronto, Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and across Atlantic Canada.
Unlike the Tories, Trudeau also went further, promising the government would cover development charges for projects that included affordable housing. The Liberals have also committed to conducting of affordable rental housing, aimed at younger Canadians and those who are yet to start cloning the property ladder. Conservatives on the other hand emphasised Trudeau's poor track on housing affordability, combined focusing on making home ownership more affable through market-driven construction of new units for sale.
Both Team Blue and Team Red have committed to expediting the arrival of new skilled trades professionals, especially those working in the housing sector, including interest-free loans to have their qualifications recognised or to up-skill their existing credentials. Liberals however, took a step further, promising automatic Permanent Residency who has worked in residential construction after 1 year, as well issuing Open Work Permits - exempt from the Labour Market Impact Assessment - to anyone with construction work experience willing to come to Canada, so long they continue working in the construction sector for the majority of their time before obtaining permanent residency. The Tories on their part suggested granting PR automatically after they've worked in construction for at least 5 years.
On the matter of banning foreign buyers, both parties have committed to banning home purchases in Canada for those who do not hold Canadian citizenship or are not Permanent Residents of Canada, with Liberals maintaining existing exemptions, so long the person buying has invested an equivalent amount in affordable housing construction.
Rhetorically, the Liberals have echoed the National Housing Act 1938, suggesting their government would run fiscal deficits to finance nation-wide home construction, especially affordable rental units. CPC has openly accused Trudeau of "policy stealing" choosing to emphasis permitting deregulation, subsidies for new units, and investing more construction professionals.

Healthcare & Social Care

Federal Conservatives have focused their attack in increasing waiting times, as well as increasing shortage of medical professionals across the country. Liberals, however, aimed to conservative proposals to introduce more private providers into the system, while emphasising their expansion of public health insurance that now covers both dental care and prescription drugs. Both parties suggested increasing the immigration intake for doctors, nurses, medical researches, providing financial support to have their credentials recognised in Canada as well as to update their skills.
The Liberals have however suggested lowering tuition rates international students who come to study health, social care, and eduction, granted them access to domestic rates of tuition, as well as a designated pathway to Permanent Residency for health, eduction, and social care who have obtained at least 1560 hours of Canadian work experience, and received at least part of their eduction in Canada. This would come as a supplementary measure, with domestic students becoming eligible for federal student loan write off if they have accumulated at least 1 year of post-graduation work experience in health, social care, or education - so long their degree is in the same field.
The Liberals have also committed to covering a Royal Commission to introduce a national social care insurance programme for seniors and people with disabilities.

The Economy

The Conservatives suggest introducing "full expensing" allowing companies to deduct up 120 per cent of their expenses on machinery, equipment, and non-residential property, akin to UK's Super Deduction, to combat Canada's low investment levels. They also propose to introduce tax credits for Canadian companies to up-skill their workers, as well as increased federal funding to provinces to support job training and second career programmes and labour market integration.
The Liberals suggest increasing the minimum wage in federally-regulated institutions, linking as a proportion of executive pay. LPC also pledged to introduce at least 4 weeks of paid vacation after 1 year on employment, with additional increases in line with employee tenure, as outlined in their Convention 2023, while brining paid leave of up to 6 weeks a year, allowing recipients to tradition onto disability payments after that.
Both parties have committed to supporting Employee Ownership Trusts, as well as introduction of worker representation on corporate boards in federally-regulated industries. Team Red however to it a step further, suggesting they will employee ownership mandatory for large corporations , with the only exemption provided for profit-sharing schemes.
Both parties have also supported reforming Canada's Employment Insurance Program:
The Conservatives suggest introducing Individual EI Savings Accounts that any Canadian can access whenever they are let go of their job or decide to quit. The proposed accounts would be funded through mandatory employer and employee contributions and could also be used to pay for labour training and re-skilling, with means-tested federal assistance available for those who's exhausted their accounts. Tories also suggest expanding current marginal earnings projection to apply to both individual and household income. The party also suggests waiving EI Premiums and provide rebates for C/QPP Contribution rebates to those not paying federal income tax, to guarantee every Canadian can earn at least $1000 a month free of payroll deductions.
Trudeau on the other hand suggested making EI coverage universal, and providing up to 90 per cent wage replacement in the first month of claim, while also introducing EI Benefit Floor, where every Canadian would be entitled to a minimum benefit equal to federal minimum wage regardless of their original earnings, for as long as they have enough insurable hours. The Liberal plan also introduces expands "working while on claim" provision, allowing people collecting EI benefits to have their wages supplemented through the program so their total paycheque reaches at least 90 per cent of their average 5-year earnings at all times, regardless whether the claimant is eligible for EI Regular Benefits. EI Parental Benefits are set to be fixed at at least 60 per cent of the family's income, subject o the benefit floor. Liberals suggest paying for the programme through waiving maximum insurable earnings to levy EI Premiums on all income of an individual, while introducing cap on benefits linked to median regional wages. However, the basic exemption shall be aligned to the federal income tax minimum threshold. Surpluses generated should be used to pay for expanded WWoC provisions and putting EI Operating Account back into surplus.
Both parties also committed to brining in a Canada Savers' Creditthat mirrors both the amounts and eligibly criteria of the GST/HST tax credit, but is instead deposited in people's Tax Free Savings Accounts (TFSAs) and automatically invested into corporate equity. Tories and Liberals also support introducing automatic enrolment for Registered Retirement Savings Plans (RRSPs), Registered Eduction Savings Plans (RESPs), Registered Disability Savings Plans (RDSP), First Homebuyer Savings Accounts (FHSAs) and TFSAs upon either birth of obtaining Canadian tax residency for eligible non-Canadians. While the Conservative proposal would new accounts automatically linked to existing financial institutions the individual already has an account in, the Liberals instant new accounts should be automatically assigned to a new independent crown corporation, so long the primary account holder haven't decided to the move their registered accounts to an eligible financial institution.
Both parties pitch the policy as a potential interim solution to address Canada's sky-high household debt, through increased asset ownership and participation in stock markets.
When it comes to fiscal policy, the Liberal Government suggests they'll keep their "structural deficit" - as defined by tax revenues versus programme expedites - bellow the rate of economic growth over the 10 year period. LPC however is open they'll not restrain their spending on new housing construction, Ottawa set to absorb almost all the costs of housing under the liberal plan. The Conservatives on the other hand suggest introducing the $1 for $1 rule for federal expenditure, where every dollar of new spending has to be offset by a dollar in spending cuts or increased taxes, suggesting to balance the budget in their first 5 years in the office.
Somewhat comically, the Liberals seem to be attacking Conservative proposals on the grounds it may bring back the pain on the nighties - referring to the Chretien austerity era - especially in Atlantic Canada and the Regions of Quebec where benefit dependency ratios have traditionally been elevated.
The Liberals have also committed to expand existing childcare agreements, to make childcare services and spare available to anyone, and drastically reduce wait times for subsidised spots.

Energy & Environment

The issue has surprisingly played a somewhat muted role during this election, as CPC has contained to opposed federal price on carbon, pressuring the idea of turning Canada into a "natural resource superpower". Liberals on the other hand boasted about their massive investment into Net Zero Transition, while also attacking the Tories one potential fiscal penalties that the government would assume after cancelling the carbon tax. Team Red had also opened to cling to previous commitments of the Conserve Leader to ban overseas oil, which Ontario, and Quebec, as well as Atlantic Canada remain fairly dependent on, due to lack of oil transportation infrastructure from western oil production facilities. Considering the fact Quebec has remained one of Liberal strongholds even at the lowest, as well as the party's perceived electability in the province, CPC would've had even harder to fight for the votes in Quebec.

Tipping the Scales

However, what truly decided this election, was something that may in the future divide the country even more, namely the issue of the French language. Something that has been present in Canadian politics for generations, but something that this time brought a party over the finish line, while completely tanking their opponents.
While both leaders fluent in French, having French Canadian roots, combined with an almost unchallenged dominance of the local Bloc Québécois, it seemed quite unlikely either party would be able to gain any meaningful advantage in Quebec, until both parties have revealed their election manifestos.
Here was the moment the Liberals played their cards best. Namely, the party has committed to supplying French language both within and outside Quebec, through drastically bolstering access to Francophone eduction across the country. The Liberals has committed to introducing a brand-new federal agency tasked with facilitating access to French eduction and integration services - Francisation Canada.
The agency was set to provide free-at-use eduction in French, while also providing up to $1000 a month in finical assistance to immigrants who were willing to learn French. On top of that, the Liberals have committed to make existing Explore and Odyssey Programmes more universal, integrating them into school curriculums across the country. The Party has also committed to negotiating bilateral agreements with all provinces to provide additional funding and guarantee access to services, including eduction in French across Canada, while making French a mandatory subject for Early Learning & Childcare, as well as in secondary education. LPC would also waive tuition fees for post-secondary eduction in French, and negotiate agreements with other francophone countries, to facilitate French-speaking immigration into Canada and Quebec.

Conclusion

Thus, on the night of the election, the sudden realisation waived through the country. The Liberal Party managed to protect their urban ridings, even in West, as their pledge to "spend whether it takes to make houses and rents affordable for everyone" managed to persuade swing urban voters across the country, combined with their massive investment in green transition. The Tories has also lost their lead in Atlantic Canada, where an idea of a massive EI expansion has resonated with voters much more than the concept of individual accounts. Massive subsidies in battery production have also helped the Liberals to protect their seats across Ontario, especially in former industrial towns. However, what actually brought Trudeau over the finish line, was Quebec. The Combination of absolutely massive investments into green tech, coupled with new social programs, and proposed childcare expansion, on top of the Liberal pledge to "protect and promote the French language from Coast to Coast to Coast" allowed the party to make some significant inroads across the province, despite loosing some suburban ridings, Central Canada gave Trudeau yet another chance to form yet another minority Liberal government.

Party Name	Popular Vote	Number of Seats
Liberal Party of Canada (LPC_	33.8%	158
Conservative Party of Canada (CPC)	35.8%	140
New Democratic Party (NDP)	19%	20

Bloc Québécois (BQ)6.2%21 People's Party of Canada1,5%0
​

Acknowledgements

• https://energynow.ca/2022/04/energy-east-will-not-live-again-heres-why-jean-francois-thibault/
• https://2023.liberal.ca/policy/
• https://macleans.ca/politics/ottawa/erin-otoole-socialist-crusade
• https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/grenier-election-results-1.5330105
• https://tnc.news/2022/03/25/pierre-poilievre-proposes-ban-on-foreign-oil-within-five-years/
• https://nationalpost.com/news/why-does-pierre-poilievre-appeal-to-young-canadians-its-all-about-economics-2
• https://www.theglobeandmail.com/politics/article-conservatives-more-trusted-than-liberals-to-manage-federal-finances/
• https://centre.irpp.org/research-studies/amending-the-official-languages-act-a-new-vision-of-bilingualism/
• https://energynow.ca/2022/04/energy-east-will-not-live-again-heres-why-jean-francois-thibault/
• https://tnc.news/2022/06/22/poilievre-pay-as-you-go/
• https://www.ctvnews.ca/politics/where-the-six-conservative-leadership-candidates-stand-on-key-policy-issues-1.5888530
• https://newsinteractives.cbc.ca/elections/federal/2021/party-platforms/
• https://338canada.com/sim.htm

I've been very interested in pursuing a career in medicine to become a Doctor. Around the time when the pandemic began, is when I started showing a strong interest in medicine but at the time I was more interested in the research side of things given my shyness. However, one particular Doctor visit really changed that. Not to go into too many details but let's just say that in that stressful situation, I was amazed at how the Doctor was really professional and made me feel very comfortable and, not going to lie, it got me thinking about people with chronic illnesses like a few of my family members where I witnessed how their condition negatively impacted them and how I just deeply wish I could help them. It was this combination of being amazed at this Doctor during that situation and thinking about helping others that was the catalyst that, when I got home that night, got me thinking about becoming a Doctor.
Let's just say I went down a rabbit hole of researching everything I could on anything related to being a Doctor from documentaries, to articles, to peer reviewed papers, to blog post, to youtube videos, etc. I even started reading about rare and undiagnosed diseases and hearing about individuals and their family members of what they have to go through that really tugged at me. Ultimately, the lure of helping others, having such a positive impact on somebody's life, the knowledge, research, and experience, and having a meaningful career is what really drew me in to wanting to become a Doctor.
However, with all that said, there is a very important caveat(s) that I have to mention. I'm actually currently working in the trade even though I still wish to change careers to become a Doctor, and while I'm very very afraid to say this, I have had a horrific academic track record.
In fact, prior to the pandemic, I actually went to college after high school to major in Computer Science but unfortunately I flunked out. I worked, quit that job and tried becoming a real estate broker in 2020. I passed the class but failed the final exam. Later on, had the Doctor visit that interested me in becoming a Doctor but I wanted to become an EMT so see if this career might be right for me. However, when I went to sign up for it at my local community college, I found out they didn't offer it though their other campuses far away from me did. At the time, I needed a job and with my parents encouragement, I settled for a certificate degree in the trade that I now work at. I graduated, got the job I work at now but everyday I can't stop thinking about becoming a Doctor despite all of my failures. Granted, I mostly attribute my failures to me having absolutely no freaking clue what I really wanted to do with my life. Plus, I really wasn't that interested in Computer Science and real estate but my thought process at the time was that I needed a job. However, it just made me extremely miserable and I had absolutely no motivation for any of my classes which inevitably led to my failures.
My ultimate plan is to take an EMT class and become certified. Then, if I enjoyed being an EMT and was still interested in becoming a Doctor I would try to shadow a Physician and see if this career is right for me. If everything goes well, then I wanted to go back to college, volunteer, and get into med school and well become a Doctor. Of course, nothing is set in stone.
In order to ensure that I can successfully pursue this career by taken the necessary steps, I have downloaded and bought textbooks related to the courses that I will take including biology, Physics, organic chemistry, etc and have read as well as taken notes on them. I also read and taken notes on a couple of EMT books given that it is my first major step and I wanted to be prepared and do well. I also read MCAT and USMLE books and even read about study strategies to ensure that I will not repeat any of my past academic failures. Furthermore, despite my parents objections in me becoming a Doctor (which I completely understand), I am in the process of writing a detailed report on why I wanted to become a Doctor, weighing the pros and cons, and my plans and strategies in order to convince them of my interest as well as being a general guide for me. The report is currently over 130 pages long which I'll even admit is a bit excessive but I wanted to really convince them in order to gain their support. Of course, with my past failures and with my current job, I understand the uphill battle that I have to overcome especially with how long and arduous the journey to becoming a Doctor takes. Although, I strongly believe that my failures have actually humbled and matured me and my current job has given me some pretty good real world experience that will definitely help me in my pursuit of a career in medicine.
I just wanted to ask you if this is the right decision for me, that my ultimate plan sounds reasonable and if there is any career advice you could give me. Obviously, if you are a Doctor yourself I would absolutely love to hear from you.
Thank you so much and I appreciate any feedback :)

When I take my family to visit someplace new, I usually give them a commemorative coin in a 2x2 with the date of our visit on it. Usually it's been a proof state quarter or proof national parks quarter. We are going back to NYC for a second visit. They got the proof NY state quarters the first time. So for this visit I was thinking about the 1986 statue of liberty centennial half or silver dollar. But I'm wondering if you folks have any other suggestions. Or if anybody has any of those for sale before I turn to eBay.

For the past few years(i’m in my twenties) I have always had the dream and goal of becoming a successful musician/artist. Lately after releasing music and content, I have gained numbers more and more and i can feel the clout arise. Like…. i’m actually getting noticed.
The problem is, while i’m getting some recognition i have also been hooking up with transgender women/models. The reason why this worries me is because none of my friends/family/fans know about this part of my sex life (I identify myself as a straight male because I love femininity). Keep in mind it’s NOT about people finding out that worries me, it’s about my music career falling off because people found out, i hope that makes sense.
I feel like it could be any day now that someone can find out my secret because of a post or a comment that someone leaves on a video.
I think the worst part is that i have sent so many nudes to these transgender women and all it takes is for one of them to put it out there and them in screwed. What should i do?? Do i keep chasing the dream?? Or do i stop the music dream now in order to save my sexual kinks from being exposed and not take music too serious anymore and just go back to hitting the books at my college?
I feel like i really have a good chance of getting the clout i want from my music but it really sucks that i have to consider not following all the way through because of the choices i made in my sex life.
P.s - I have blocked pretty much every transgender and female that i have sent my nudes too so that they don’t have them anymore.

I don't really talk but ig this is as good as anything. Lately idk what to do anymore for years i've dealt with things i've been through and overcome some things but its like no matter what i do it doesn't help the few times ive talked with very close friends have helped a bit but i still feel like shit when it hits me i've tried for so long to help my parents and even my siblings and friends because i do what i do for them and no matter how many times i fall i get back up thats me yet i don't feel like me and things just get worse. Trying to help a friend with a drug problem, me and boys had to get one of our homies in a mental hospital because he walked for miles and miles to go jump a bridge he just snapped one day and his body literally just gave out mid walk and thats how we got him my parents are both going through their own struggles and i can't do much now my siblings have their struggles and now i can't help anyone because my body and mind just feel so drained. Yet most expect me to always get up and always keep my hopes and smile but dealing medical issues on top of it all just adds more i know i have so much more to do but im feeling so weak and lost because i've done what everyone needed or wanted me to do wether it was in school to play a sport or studying for a certaim career or pursuing a certain job and now im trying to figure who tf i am there are things i like ofc but idk wtf is going on anymore and everyday i just get weaker and ik its mostly medical stuff but my mind feels destroyed too but i can't let anyone down. I have to be there and my boy he was the same way as me and he finally broke and i don't want that i've had break downs but i shake it off even if i lose a piece of me and now i feel empty like there's nothing. I can walk down the street and just think abt jumping in the road or wild shit i genuinely don't wanna do this anymore but ik i have to but im getting weaker and eventually ill just be discarded. I had a girl i loved a lot for years but it just didn't worked after awhile and we stayed friends because we grew up together but i felt like a part of me got ripped out and i can't fill it back in even if i try to distract myself or ignore it its still there. Me and my brother are supposed to be like family prodigies or whatever because we are really smart yet my brother didn't what could do he chose to live the way he wanted to be happy so as i grew up everyone just told that i can do it and ig im supposed to like lift the family up and be the rich successful guy and after everyone seen i wasn't really to pursue careers they thought was best and didn't go with many things its like no one believes in me anymore im sorry i wrote all this hope everyone here has a good day/night.

Now that I think about it— amateurs are people who don’t get paid for doing something. So I guess we’re all amateur daters…
Anywho. I found someone on this sub before, and though we had a great time, it ultimately didn’t work out but we remain as friends. So I’m back and hoping for another success. Hopefully an even greater one.
There’s a lot of things I can say about who I am or what I like. But I think the best way to do it is paint a picture; of what I’m looking for in life and how I’m building mine.
And that is by sharing what I’d do if I had F-U money. I’d become a traveling author writing a fictional epic as I wander through hotels in different countries. I’d run through my giant backlog of books, anime, restaurants, and games— and also become a massive donor to a bunch of aquariums because I think they’re absolutely beautiful places. And I’d also want to create some sort of social nonprofit that teaches people: both kids and young adults on things that I think society has forgotten or doesn’t know to teach: personal finance, understanding and being comfortable with emotions, finding meaning in life and being kind. Then there's family plans too, but all I'll say is that I'll be sneaking the kids out of school to show them theres more to life too much and become their teachers' least favorite parent.
I’d like us to start slowly, chat throughout the day and get to know each other. If we just stay as friends, that’s perfectly OK. If it does get romantic: I’m pretty free-form; I dont have an age range as long as we have similar values and compatible perspectives. You can be taller or shorter. You can be unemployed or studying or changing careers. My only condition is that health is something you prioritize, and ideally you exercise and care about your diet. And that you're a good person: kind, empathetic, and looking for the same.
As for me: I’m 28. Male. American-born Chinese. Speak Cantonese and Japanese (worked and studied there for a few years). 5’7 and have a lean-fit body type. Open to trading pics or video chatting if it gets there. I live in NYC but am open to out-of-state as long as you either travel here sometimes or do not mind eventually moving. If you’re interested; tell me about yourself— age, location, and what you’d do with FU money!

I F19 have been diagnosed with Autism since I was 6 years old. It was via my diagnosis my dad began to suspect he may also be Autistic. He doesn’t have an offical diagnosis but all the signs are there and just judging by his behaviour and his past as a child it’s pretty obvious he’s definitely not neurotypical and probably autistic.
Anyway, I’m absolutely miserable at home. He refuses to get help even though it’s obvious he has issues. My mum also has ADHD and depression/anxiety so that adds another layer of complexity.
Basically both of my parents have a lot of un-dealt with issues. Because my mum struggled with depression and sometimes kinda loses it and overreacts, my dad has taken it upon himself to be the main caregiver. Whilst I appreciate him and love him, I think because of his probable autistic behaviours he becomes really really obsessive and is very intense (I know because I am like this but I’ve been learning to manage it properly), especially with me because I have a lot of issues, his mindset is to be an overbearing/protective parent and he is a bit too intense.
He is an extreme micromanager, I think the way he has learnt to cope and avoid shutdowns/meltdowns is essentially to be in absolute control of EVERYTHING so that nothing can set him off.
Here is an example of his behaviour:
Last night when I was cleaning up after dinner he completely lost it because I didn’t do it HIS WAY in the RIGHT order. He is obsessed with routine and believes this will work for everyone. His routine when cleaning up involves wiping down the sink before the bench. In this case I wiped down the bench before the sink. He got really irritated and angry and started yelling at me telling me I couldn’t do it that way. He lectured me on the importance of doing things in such an orderly manner and made such a small thing into some big life lesson.
I know in his mind his intentions are good, he lived off and masked his whole life through living via routines like this. He genuinely believes micromanaging everything I do will benefit me in the long term and he constantly actively encourages me to mask but this just results in burnout for me.
For example, I basically always wear my headphones, it helps me focus and I’m very sensitive to noise. He knows this. But still always gets extremely upset when I wear them saying it is rude. I try explaining to him why I wear them and that I can hear him perfectly fine, and that it just blocks out the background noises. Then again he turns it into a life lecture - he tells me in the real world I cannot do this as everyone will think I’m being rude and blocking them out, that I need to learn to just ‘deal’ with these things like he did.
He is so overly critical whenever I try advocate for myself. Now I just stay in my room and avoid him because whenever I see him, he turns it into a lecture and he doesn’t respect my boundaries as well with things and is way too involved in my life.
Like recently, I started dating a guy, he’s great and things are going well, I told my dad about it and later that night we had a lot of extended family over, he then proceeded to announce that I had some big announcement to make. I talked quietly to him under my breath asking him not to do that because this guy and I aren’t even EXCLUSIVE YET. I was very embarrassed and upset, I like to keep my dating life personal and not share it with my whole extended family who I barely know. He then proceeded to tell them every single detail. And he won’t leave me alone about it, he is constantly suggesting dates and things I can do to ‘test’ this guy. Insists on reading all our messages, wants me to tell him every little detail about our dates, essentially stalked this guy’s social media, etc. My dad had a LITERAL FILE on his computer with my ex’s full name on it and all this information about him in it, which is WAY over the line. It’s like I have become my dad’s special interest/passion project. Back in high school he completely socially isolated me from all my friends for MONTHS because he was so concerned about how they may influence me (we were basically the ‘nerd’ group, everything we did was harmless). He insisted on being there for ALL of my sessions with my psychologist as well when I was 15-18. He wanted me to go into graphic design (his career) because that’s what he thought would be best for me - it’s not even at all what I’m interested in, I want to go into medicine! He has all my passwords to everything and gets upset when I tell him it’s not appropriate for him to have them now that I’m 19 and will guilt trip me saying “I’m your father, what bad things would I possibly do with them”.
He doesn’t do this with my other sisters but for some reason he is so obsessed and hyper-focused on my life and every single little thing that I do. I know I’ve become obsessive with people before due to my autism but I’ve learnt how to handle it because it’s wrong/unhealthy. Idk what to do, I feel miserable.

Looking back, I realize my ex was using me as a replacement. She was coming off a separation and got divorced while in the relationship w me. I went through all the highs of love bombing and now I’m left with thousands of dollars of gifts, photos, love notes, like almost everything I have is a reminder. When I moved out, I left all the things I gave her around as well. I want to throw out everything I own and run. After the fighting, discarding, devaluation, splitting etc I know I became her FP and she was mine too. We had looked at rings and it was the closest I came to marriage. I became obsessed with the idea after she brought it up.
Right now I’m so fucking sad and raw that I can’t help but compare myself to everyone in their thirties like me having babies, marriage, stability, etc. I feel so destabilized as I’m preparing to move abroad alone. I was raised in a dysfunctional alcoholic home and my mom probably had BPD. All my codependent tendencies, wounded inner child, attachment stuff came up in the pandemic at the same time when many family members died and my ex relapsed nearly dying twice. That on top of the two year relationship w her has been a mental hell. I am in therapy for ptsd but I just want to acknowledge I have choices and freedom. I don’t want to live in fear of relationships.
What has given you hope in your recovery? I’m a mess inside, no appetite, low self esteem, but trying.

I went to school for computer science. I had no lesion for but instead followed the guidance of my family. I never really applied myself because I spent most of college depressed and ended up completely restoring my social life, and ruining friendships. I’m now 31 years old having gained 100 pounds, depressed, constantly thinking of suicide, have no friends, and am stuck here day and night trying to figure out a new career that I enjoy. I feel like it’s too late and I can’t figure it out.
I’m currently a technical project manager btw. Absolutely hate it.