Tip top nails spring hill ks
IWTL how to paint my nails without smudging them
2023.06.05 09:17 Ok_Education_2939 IWTL how to paint my nails without smudging them
I have started to paint my nails because I like it and I want to stop biting them. I have gotten okay with not painting them all over the place, but somehow they always end up looking smudged no matter how long I wait. I've tried to put a top coat over it but that somehow made it even worse? I don't know, it keeps looking like a 5 year old made it. Also it takes FOREVER, and somehow still not long enough for them to dry. There has to be a quick(er) and easier way to do this. Or does everybody else just get professional manicures? I've tried looking online, but the tips are always just about which way to put the paint on and not really helpful :(
submitted by Ok_Education_2939 to IWantToLearn [link] [comments]
2023.06.05 09:15 willmagnify Through the Eyes of the Arhada, Vol. III: Cebecajamân, the War Leader
The four famous clans of Amadahai, its ladies and their sons, gathered together in the common hall of what people knew as "the palatial district". The core of the palace had overgrown the square, ring-like shape as new additions were built along the perimeter through the years. The symmetry of the structure was broken to accomodate the growing clans – and their growing entourage.
Half of the morning had already gone by, but the common hall was lit with oil candles and the glow of a central brazier: the sky outside was flat and grey, and whichever light filtered from the courtyard and the high windows on the outer walls of the palace were not enough to illuminate the faces of the clanpeople. They had taken their places on the ground, each kneeling on a soft cushion filled with cattail fluff, and would go on discussing as the morning went on.
The neighbouring village, Pabarha by the pond-of-many-lotuses, had refused to repay their debt. Two years before, the clans of Amadahai had come to their aid and provided them with plentiful rôdo in times of need; when the time came to hold their part of the bargain, however, they sent an empty-handed emissary with words of regret, conveying their intention to break the contract.
The youngest of the mothers present unfurled a thin stretch of birchbark where the two parties had impressed their promises, marked by five symbols. On top, was the picture of an empty granary, Pabarha's most pressing issue at the time. Below, their two choices: an empty granary and a farmhand working the fields or a full granary and a man at rest. At the bottom, two sigils representing the two parties participating in the exchange: the lotuses that gave their name to Pabarha, the village of the perjurers, and a bull atop a pecan tree, mythical symbol of Amadahai.
"When I drew those symbols," The matriarch said, as she passed the scroll around for all to see, "The terms of our exchange were no less clear than they are today. We saved Pabarha from a failed harvest: in return they had to either return the rôdo as soon as they could or would provide a number of farmhands to our city, for the entire period of their indebtedness." It was a fair exchange and, for a time, Pabarha had consented.
The farmhands were sent to Amadahai and they had soon proved themselves to be a profitable investment. They lived in wooden houses appositely built near the paddies and returned to their village every half moon to visit their wives and their families. That arrangement had continued for little more than a year. "The farmhands left four days ago and have not returned to their work – instead, what do we find? A young emissary has come in their stead, demanding Pabarha be allowed to forego her promises." The birchbark sheet had made the rounds amongst the reunited clanpeople and returned to her. "I ask the other mothers leave."
They women silently consented and the youngest, the writer of the contract, threw the birchbark onto the brazier. The mothers had forfeited their right to be a part of that conversation and, from then on, it would be the sons, not the mothers, to hold the first and last word. The clan had no other choice: promises had been forgotten, debts had not been repaid and that intricate tangle of promises, favours, debts and credits could be put in grave danger by such a simple refusal.
It did not happen often that the men gathered inside the high house took decisions without words of approval or lamentations from the elder women of the clans. It had never happened for Cebecajamân, a man who had not lived through his sixteenth year of age and was only recently invited to sit at the councils as one of the leaders nephews. He sat straight and looked around him as the tower of smoke emitted from the burning birchbark dissolved before them. Wordlessly, the women left the room.
For a moment, the men remained silent, reflecting on the weight of that moment – that meant war was the next solution, the only solution. Phazjedjei, Cebecajamân's uncle took his stick and his pipe, which was hidden in a pouch tied under his cape, and began smoking. The others followed his example. Six men, three uncles and three nephews, reflected and smoked. There would be a precise order to how they would speak and, as the youngest man admitted to that assembly, Cebecajamân would go first.
He cleared his throat – the pipe was still a little too much for him – and gathered the courage to speak: "Does... does that means we will have to kill them?"
_____
There were few places kinder than Amadahai on a spring morning. The sun would tickle the surface of the lake, then rise high – but never too hot – to the top of the sky. Those were the sweetest hours: the bright light streamed in like metal from Kamābarha, the same brassy copper that covered the points of Cebecajamân's arrows.
He was counting them, one by one, making sure his quiver was full and none of his precious arrows had been lost since his last tally. Most of the other men in his band would have stone arrowheads, others red copper, but that fine orange-gold one was destined only for Cebecajamân and the other clan-men, their leaders. No arrow was missing, so he took his quiver of woven cattail stalks, his bow and walked to meet the other men. As he passed under the passion fruit tree outside his home, he marvelled at the irony of life: preparing an attack as nature bloomed so beautifully.
He met them at the edge of the city, beyond the mound, where the groves began. Saying "a full unit of men" was something, but seeing them in person, each with his own quiver and bow, each with a straw, padded coat, was rather impressive. He greeted them with respect as he walked over the field to join the other members of his clan. There were three leaders for the attack, Cebecajamân was the youngest, but by far the best shot; then, there was Jajabadojôho, his cousin who was very quick and nimble, and Ineme, a young uncle who belonged to their same generation and who was well respected by the other men. He knew very little of the other men. There were some minor clanmen, children of true clanmen who had no claim to leadership: they often were better warriors, as they had much spare time and filled their days with pigeon hunts and competitions – Cebecajamân, was very envious about that; then, there were young men from the city: the son of the fisherman, the nephew of the butcher, the cousin of the man who sold the best preserves at the market; the rest were farmers who normally tended orchards or paddies and had been called to lend their bows to fight for the honour of their leaders. The best amongst them had been selected, and a hundred forty four good men would be more than enough to put a stop to Pabarha's defiance and dishonesty. As their Kabaima brought them pouches filled with crabapple sâna, the first spring wine, the three discussed the possibilities of a true battle.
"They are going to surrender immediately." Ineme said. There was no sign of worry or doubt on his face. He cocked an arrow absent mindedly as he spoke. "Then, we will either take the grain we need or bring them to the mothers and make a new contract." Swoosh! The arrow hit the the tree before them, which had been coloured with ochre to mark the height of a man. If that tree was a man, Ineme had hit his shoulder.
"I don't know, Ineme," Said Jajabadojôho, "They have the men, and the village is marshy all around and protected, on a hill."
"They do not have the number Cijajabo, and, considering they are not sending the grain they owe, they must be in dire straits – mother said so."
"Even then, they are proud people. They will not surrender without a fight. Cicebe," He said, turning towards the youngest, whose thoughts were rushin in hundreds of different directions and had been very quiet until that moment. "What do you think?"
He looked at his cousin, unsure about what he would say. Something strange and horrible was happening inside of Cebecajamân. Half of his soul dreaded the impending battle, and hoped that the young man facing them, from above the hill, would see how many they were and set down their weapons; his other half, however, had an ardent desire to be tested, to win, to prove himself before the mothers. He was a good shot – a great shot, in fact – and would stop at nothing in the face of danger. He wanted to fight, he wanted to stop his enemies from fooling the mothers of his clan – was that a bad thing? They said men were more impulsive than women, Always ready to fight rather than to discuss, and that the way of the mothers was the most virtuous. But Cebecajamân was a man, and there was little he could do about it.
He cocked his brass arrow and shot it across the field to hit the same tree his uncle had hit before him. His arrow burrowed into the wood just above the other one, where Ineme had intended to hit: the middle of the man-tree's head.
"Either way, I'm ready."
_____
They attacked immediately after sundown. They moved silently through the forest first, getting more and more quiet as the presence of the city became more noticeable. As they hid in the forest waiting for the right moment to strike, hearing the low voices of the Pabarhans, smelling the smoke of their fires, the fragrances of their dinners, Cebecajamân's heart pounded like never before.
"The heart of the fearful and a pigeon by the river..."
The battle ended before it could become too bloody, but Cebecajamân killed his first man that night. He would remember that blood he spilled forever, necessary blood, to remind everyone of the honour of his house, the honour of the promises the famous clans of Amadahai presided over – an honour he'd defend until his last day.
submitted by willmagnify to DawnPowers [link] [comments]
Half of the morning had already gone by, but the common hall was lit with oil candles and the glow of a central brazier: the sky outside was flat and grey, and whichever light filtered from the courtyard and the high windows on the outer walls of the palace were not enough to illuminate the faces of the clanpeople. They had taken their places on the ground, each kneeling on a soft cushion filled with cattail fluff, and would go on discussing as the morning went on.
The neighbouring village, Pabarha by the pond-of-many-lotuses, had refused to repay their debt. Two years before, the clans of Amadahai had come to their aid and provided them with plentiful rôdo in times of need; when the time came to hold their part of the bargain, however, they sent an empty-handed emissary with words of regret, conveying their intention to break the contract.
The youngest of the mothers present unfurled a thin stretch of birchbark where the two parties had impressed their promises, marked by five symbols. On top, was the picture of an empty granary, Pabarha's most pressing issue at the time. Below, their two choices: an empty granary and a farmhand working the fields or a full granary and a man at rest. At the bottom, two sigils representing the two parties participating in the exchange: the lotuses that gave their name to Pabarha, the village of the perjurers, and a bull atop a pecan tree, mythical symbol of Amadahai.
"When I drew those symbols," The matriarch said, as she passed the scroll around for all to see, "The terms of our exchange were no less clear than they are today. We saved Pabarha from a failed harvest: in return they had to either return the rôdo as soon as they could or would provide a number of farmhands to our city, for the entire period of their indebtedness." It was a fair exchange and, for a time, Pabarha had consented.
The farmhands were sent to Amadahai and they had soon proved themselves to be a profitable investment. They lived in wooden houses appositely built near the paddies and returned to their village every half moon to visit their wives and their families. That arrangement had continued for little more than a year. "The farmhands left four days ago and have not returned to their work – instead, what do we find? A young emissary has come in their stead, demanding Pabarha be allowed to forego her promises." The birchbark sheet had made the rounds amongst the reunited clanpeople and returned to her. "I ask the other mothers leave."
They women silently consented and the youngest, the writer of the contract, threw the birchbark onto the brazier. The mothers had forfeited their right to be a part of that conversation and, from then on, it would be the sons, not the mothers, to hold the first and last word. The clan had no other choice: promises had been forgotten, debts had not been repaid and that intricate tangle of promises, favours, debts and credits could be put in grave danger by such a simple refusal.
It did not happen often that the men gathered inside the high house took decisions without words of approval or lamentations from the elder women of the clans. It had never happened for Cebecajamân, a man who had not lived through his sixteenth year of age and was only recently invited to sit at the councils as one of the leaders nephews. He sat straight and looked around him as the tower of smoke emitted from the burning birchbark dissolved before them. Wordlessly, the women left the room.
For a moment, the men remained silent, reflecting on the weight of that moment – that meant war was the next solution, the only solution. Phazjedjei, Cebecajamân's uncle took his stick and his pipe, which was hidden in a pouch tied under his cape, and began smoking. The others followed his example. Six men, three uncles and three nephews, reflected and smoked. There would be a precise order to how they would speak and, as the youngest man admitted to that assembly, Cebecajamân would go first.
He cleared his throat – the pipe was still a little too much for him – and gathered the courage to speak: "Does... does that means we will have to kill them?"
_____
There were few places kinder than Amadahai on a spring morning. The sun would tickle the surface of the lake, then rise high – but never too hot – to the top of the sky. Those were the sweetest hours: the bright light streamed in like metal from Kamābarha, the same brassy copper that covered the points of Cebecajamân's arrows.
He was counting them, one by one, making sure his quiver was full and none of his precious arrows had been lost since his last tally. Most of the other men in his band would have stone arrowheads, others red copper, but that fine orange-gold one was destined only for Cebecajamân and the other clan-men, their leaders. No arrow was missing, so he took his quiver of woven cattail stalks, his bow and walked to meet the other men. As he passed under the passion fruit tree outside his home, he marvelled at the irony of life: preparing an attack as nature bloomed so beautifully.
He met them at the edge of the city, beyond the mound, where the groves began. Saying "a full unit of men" was something, but seeing them in person, each with his own quiver and bow, each with a straw, padded coat, was rather impressive. He greeted them with respect as he walked over the field to join the other members of his clan. There were three leaders for the attack, Cebecajamân was the youngest, but by far the best shot; then, there was Jajabadojôho, his cousin who was very quick and nimble, and Ineme, a young uncle who belonged to their same generation and who was well respected by the other men. He knew very little of the other men. There were some minor clanmen, children of true clanmen who had no claim to leadership: they often were better warriors, as they had much spare time and filled their days with pigeon hunts and competitions – Cebecajamân, was very envious about that; then, there were young men from the city: the son of the fisherman, the nephew of the butcher, the cousin of the man who sold the best preserves at the market; the rest were farmers who normally tended orchards or paddies and had been called to lend their bows to fight for the honour of their leaders. The best amongst them had been selected, and a hundred forty four good men would be more than enough to put a stop to Pabarha's defiance and dishonesty. As their Kabaima brought them pouches filled with crabapple sâna, the first spring wine, the three discussed the possibilities of a true battle.
"They are going to surrender immediately." Ineme said. There was no sign of worry or doubt on his face. He cocked an arrow absent mindedly as he spoke. "Then, we will either take the grain we need or bring them to the mothers and make a new contract." Swoosh! The arrow hit the the tree before them, which had been coloured with ochre to mark the height of a man. If that tree was a man, Ineme had hit his shoulder.
"I don't know, Ineme," Said Jajabadojôho, "They have the men, and the village is marshy all around and protected, on a hill."
"They do not have the number Cijajabo, and, considering they are not sending the grain they owe, they must be in dire straits – mother said so."
"Even then, they are proud people. They will not surrender without a fight. Cicebe," He said, turning towards the youngest, whose thoughts were rushin in hundreds of different directions and had been very quiet until that moment. "What do you think?"
He looked at his cousin, unsure about what he would say. Something strange and horrible was happening inside of Cebecajamân. Half of his soul dreaded the impending battle, and hoped that the young man facing them, from above the hill, would see how many they were and set down their weapons; his other half, however, had an ardent desire to be tested, to win, to prove himself before the mothers. He was a good shot – a great shot, in fact – and would stop at nothing in the face of danger. He wanted to fight, he wanted to stop his enemies from fooling the mothers of his clan – was that a bad thing? They said men were more impulsive than women, Always ready to fight rather than to discuss, and that the way of the mothers was the most virtuous. But Cebecajamân was a man, and there was little he could do about it.
He cocked his brass arrow and shot it across the field to hit the same tree his uncle had hit before him. His arrow burrowed into the wood just above the other one, where Ineme had intended to hit: the middle of the man-tree's head.
"Either way, I'm ready."
_____
They attacked immediately after sundown. They moved silently through the forest first, getting more and more quiet as the presence of the city became more noticeable. As they hid in the forest waiting for the right moment to strike, hearing the low voices of the Pabarhans, smelling the smoke of their fires, the fragrances of their dinners, Cebecajamân's heart pounded like never before.
"The heart of the fearful and a pigeon by the river..."
The battle ended before it could become too bloody, but Cebecajamân killed his first man that night. He would remember that blood he spilled forever, necessary blood, to remind everyone of the honour of his house, the honour of the promises the famous clans of Amadahai presided over – an honour he'd defend until his last day.
2023.06.05 08:58 InternationalLaw5786 Divan Beds Headboards: The Ultimate Guide to Comfort and Style
When it comes to creating a cozy and inviting bedroom, one of the key elements to consider is the choice of a divan bed and its accompanying headboard. These essential pieces of furniture not only provide support and comfort but also add a touch of style and elegance to your bedroom decor. In this comprehensive guide, we will delve into the world of divan beds and headboards, exploring their benefits, various types, materials, and design options. Whether you're looking to revamp your bedroom or searching for the perfect sleeping arrangement, this article will equip you with all the knowledge you need to make an informed decision.
So, embrace the comfort and style of divan beds and headboards, and elevate your sleep experience to new heights. Visit https://bedsdivans.co.uk for more inspiration, expert advice
submitted by InternationalLaw5786 to u/InternationalLaw5786 [link] [comments]
Why Choose a Divan Bed?
Comfort and Support
A divan bed is known for its exceptional comfort and support. The sturdy base and mattress combination offer excellent stability, ensuring a restful night's sleep. The base acts as a solid foundation, providing optimum support to the mattress, resulting in enhanced comfort and reduced pressure points. With a divan bed, you can wake up refreshed and rejuvenated, ready to take on the day.Storage Solutions
One of the standout features of divan beds is their practicality. Many models come with built-in storage options, such as drawers or ottomans, maximizing the use of space in your bedroom. These clever storage solutions are perfect for keeping your belongings organized and minimizing clutter. Say goodbye to unnecessary bedroom mess and hello to a clean and tidy sleeping environment.Versatility in Design
Divan beds offer endless design possibilities, allowing you to personalize your bedroom according to your taste and style. From luxurious upholstered options to sleek and modern designs, there's a divan bed to suit every aesthetic preference. Additionally, the headboard plays a crucial role in the overall look and feel of the bed. It serves as a focal point and can transform the entire ambiance of the room. With a wide range of headboard styles, fabrics, and finishes available, you can create a bed that perfectly complements your decor.Exploring Divan Bed Types
Open Spring Divan Beds
Open spring divan beds are a popular choice due to their affordability and comfort. They consist of a system of interconnected springs, which provide even support and distribute weight evenly across the mattress. While open spring divan beds offer good value for money, they may not provide the same level of durability as other options.Pocket Spring Divan Beds
Pocket spring divan beds are a step up in terms of comfort and support. Each spring is individually housed in a fabric pocket, allowing them to move independently. This feature ensures that the mattress adapts to your body shape and provides targeted support. Pocket spring divan beds are particularly beneficial for couples, as the movement of one partner is less likely to disturb the other.Memory Foam Divan Beds
If you prioritize pressure relief and body contouring, a memory foam divan bed might be the perfect choice for you. Memory foam mattresses conform to your body's shape, providing optimal support and alleviating any pressure points. They are also excellent at isolating motion, making them ideal for light sleepers or those sharing a bed.Hybrid Divan Beds
Hybrid divan beds combine the best of both worlds by incorporating different mattress technologies. These beds often feature a combination of pocket springs and memory foam layers, offering the benefits of both support and comfort. Hybrid divan beds are a great option for individuals who desire the responsiveness of springs and the contouring effect of memory foam.Selecting the Perfect Headboard
Upholstered Headboards
suede, or linen, allowing you to choose a texture that matches your style. These headboards often feature padding, providing added comfort and a cozy feel. Upholstered headboards are versatile and can be customized to fit any bedroom decor, making them a popular choice among homeowners seeking a touch of sophistication.Wooden Headboards
For a more classic and timeless look, wooden headboards are an excellent option. They come in various types of wood, such as oak, pine, or walnut, each with its distinct grain and finish. Wooden headboards add warmth and character to a bedroom, and their durability ensures they will stand the test of time. Whether you prefer a rustic, traditional, or contemporary aesthetic, there's a wooden headboard to suit your taste.Metal Headboards
Metal headboards offer a sleek and modern aesthetic to any bedroom. With intricate designs and elegant curves, they can become a focal point and add a touch of glamour. Metal headboards are available in different finishes, including chrome, brass, or iron, allowing you to create a look that complements your overall decor theme. These headboards are not only visually appealing but also durable and easy to maintain.Divan Bed Size Considerations
When choosing a divan bed and headboard, it's important to consider the size that best suits your needs. Divan beds are available in various sizes, including single, double, king, and super king. Assess the dimensions of your bedroom and ensure there's enough space to accommodate the bed and any additional furniture comfortably. Additionally, the height and width of the headboard should be proportionate to the bed size, creating a visually balanced and harmonious look.Maintaining and Caring for Divan Beds and Headboards
To ensure the longevity and pristine condition of your divan bed and headboard, it's essential to follow proper maintenance and care practices. Here are a few tips to keep them looking their best:- Regularly vacuum or brush the headboard to remove dust and debris.
- For upholstered headboards, spot clean any stains or spills immediately using a mild detergent and water.
- Rotate the mattress periodically to even out wear and prolong its lifespan.
- Follow the manufacturer's instructions for cleaning and maintaining the divan bed base.
- Avoid placing the bed in direct sunlight to prevent fabric and wood from fading.
- Use mattress protectors and bed linen to keep the bed clean and protect it from spills or accidents.
- Check and tighten any loose screws or fittings on the headboard regularly.
Conclusion
A divan bed with a carefully chosen headboard can transform your bedroom into a sanctuary of comfort and style. The combination of a supportive base, comfortable mattress, and aesthetically pleasing headboard creates a harmonious sleep environment that promotes relaxation and rejuvenation. Whether you opt for an open spring, pocket spring, memory foam, or hybrid divan bed, each offers unique benefits to suit individual preferences. Similarly, the selection of an upholstered, wooden, or metal headboard allows you to add your personal touch to the overall design. Remember to consider the size and maintenance requirements when making your choice. With the information provided in this guide, you are well-equipped to make an informed decision and create the bedroom of your dreams.So, embrace the comfort and style of divan beds and headboards, and elevate your sleep experience to new heights. Visit https://bedsdivans.co.uk for more inspiration, expert advice
2023.06.05 08:44 Fast-Ad-2310 Spinning bars
Hello,
I'm pretty new to woodworking, so any tips would be greatly appreciated.
I'm making a Pikler triangle for my boy, and am using round profiles to make the ladder rungs. The problem I'm having is that just using a screw through the leg and rung isn't a strong enough hold to keep the rung from spinning. I've made 8mm deep holes with a forstner bit that fits my rungs rather snug. Would just using wood glue at the joints be enough? Due to aesthetic reasons, I do not wish to put screws/nails through the side of the legs.
Also, I'm planning on making the triangle foldable, and as such am thinking of making the top rung longer to go through the entire leg to act as an axle of sorts and using a washer on both ends to keep it in place (I'm using a wooden triangle as the base to which the legs are connected). The problem I have here is that I can't really use glue as it will smear along the end and possibly glue the entire thing to the base triangle. Unless there's a way to do it cleanly? I'm planning on painting the the rungs different colors, and painting them once it's already all fixed seems pretty difficult.
If you have any advice or different solutions, I would greatly appreciate you sharing them with me.
submitted by Fast-Ad-2310 to woodworking [link] [comments]
I'm pretty new to woodworking, so any tips would be greatly appreciated.
I'm making a Pikler triangle for my boy, and am using round profiles to make the ladder rungs. The problem I'm having is that just using a screw through the leg and rung isn't a strong enough hold to keep the rung from spinning. I've made 8mm deep holes with a forstner bit that fits my rungs rather snug. Would just using wood glue at the joints be enough? Due to aesthetic reasons, I do not wish to put screws/nails through the side of the legs.
Also, I'm planning on making the triangle foldable, and as such am thinking of making the top rung longer to go through the entire leg to act as an axle of sorts and using a washer on both ends to keep it in place (I'm using a wooden triangle as the base to which the legs are connected). The problem I have here is that I can't really use glue as it will smear along the end and possibly glue the entire thing to the base triangle. Unless there's a way to do it cleanly? I'm planning on painting the the rungs different colors, and painting them once it's already all fixed seems pretty difficult.
If you have any advice or different solutions, I would greatly appreciate you sharing them with me.
2023.06.05 07:36 scarlet2248 Wedding Venue in The US: Our Recommendation Part II
Popular wedding venues in the western and central states were featured in Part 1 of US wedding venues. So in part two, we'll focus on wedding venues in the eastern states. Whether it's a luxurious hotel, a rustic barn, or a spacious meadow, all are included. Again, the features of these venues and the approximate prices will be written. Let's explore these beautiful wedding venues!
📷
(Hildene - The Lincoln Family Home)
Finally, we've rounded up our recommendations for wedding venues in each of the remaining states. Choosing the perfect wedding venue is an important step in creating your dream wedding. It sets the tone for the entire celebration and provides the backdrop for your special day. No matter what style of wedding venue you prefer, there is a venue above that perfectly suits your style and preferences.
Last but not least, don't forget to check out Quictent's wedding tent. we offer quality wedding tents for your outdoor wedding, containing various types and sizes.
submitted by scarlet2248 to u/scarlet2248 [link] [comments]
Wisconsin Wedding Venues
The Paine Art Center and Gardens
This is an art museum located at 1410 Algoma Blvd, Oshkosh. It is an English-style country estate and has nearly four acres of gardens. It has perennial plants and is a great outdoor ceremony venue. Also, there is a historic mansion, charming carriage house, and greenhouse. The venue can accommodate up to 200 people and costs approximately $3000 to $4000 For 100 Guests.The Lageret
This is a professional event venue located at 515 E Main St, Stoughton. This historic venue offers industrial and rustic charm with exposed brick walls, high ceilings, and wood beams. It has ample space for ceremonies and receptions. The venue offers event coordination, customizable lighting options, a bridal suite, and access to preferred vendors. Accommodations for up to 250 people start at $3,500 for a 12-hour rental.The Enchanted Barn
Located at 1543 6 1/2 Ave, Hillsdale, this barn has an old-world rustic atmosphere around every corner. Featuring several indoor and outdoor venues, one of the most popular ceremony locations is located in Barn's upper-level Hayloft, featuring old wood timbers. Several wedding package options are available here and can accommodate up to 220 people. Off-season all-inclusive wedding packages are $5,000 plus $21 per person.Illinois Wedding Venues
Danada House
This is a historic mansion located at 3S501 Naperville Rd, Wheaton. a short drive from Chicago. The mansion is also surrounded by a forest preserve that allows for nature-filled photos. There are seven ceremony locations in total, and the largest Magnolia Garden can accommodate up to 300 guests. Venue rentals start at $3,500.The Morton Arboretum
This is a public nature garden and outdoor museum located at 4100 IL-53, Lisle. Inside there are not only mature trees and flowers but also a playground for children. Offering beautiful woodland and lakeside views. The large garden has a total of 12 venues to choose from and the largest room can accommodate up to 300 guests. Prices range from $600 to $9,000 depending on the size of the room and the time of year it is held.Salvage One
Located at 1840 W Hubbard St, Chicago, this is a very unique location that serves as a store besides being a wedding venue. It preserves treasured furniture from the past. This old Chicago warehouse offers an enchanting vintage atmosphere. The ceremony and banquet space can accommodate about 200 people and space rentals start at $4,000.Kentucky Wedding Venues
The Barn at Cedar Grove
The address is 1000 Brockman Keltner Rd, Greensburg, which has a rustic barn setting with picturesque scenery. Offering outdoor ceremony space, climate-controlled reception space, bridal suite, groom's quarters, and fire pit. The venue in the barn can accommodate up to 230 people. For fewer guests, the average budget for a wedding here is between $6,000 and $9,000.The Brown Hotel
This 100-year-old hotel is located at 335 W Broadway, Louisville. The hotel has a striking Georgian Revival look and offers elegant ballrooms, luxurious accommodations, and a gorgeous rooftop garden. The hotel also has extensive experience in hosting weddings of different cultures, such as Jewish and Indian weddings. Prices are $18,000 in the off-season and can accommodate up to 300 guests.Talon Winery & Vineyards
This winery has a large outdoor space at 7086 Tates Creek Rd, Lexington. Offers vineyard and winery backdrop, outdoor ceremony space, and rustic barn. The best part is the wine-tasting and vineyard tours. The venue can accommodate up to 250 guests and prices for ceremonies start at $1500.Tennessee Wedding Venues
Butterfly Hollow
Located at 28 Bussell Rd, Gordonsville, our vacation accommodations are perfect for small weddings. Surrounded by scenic walking trails, mountains, and woods. This venue specializes in small weddings of 30 people or less, with a focus on an intimate and cozy experience. Wedding packages range from $1795 to $5000.Dixon Gallery and Gardens
An art gallery on 17 acres of gardens located at 4339 Park Ave, Memphis, offers a romantic and artistic setting for weddings. The gallery offers two indoor reception venues as well as woodlands and gardens, both of which can accommodate up to 200 guests. Prices are approximately $4000 to $5000 For 100 guests.The Bell Tower
The Bell Tower, located at 400 4th Ave S, Nashville, is almost 140 years old. The ballroom features large windows that provide plenty of natural light, creating a charming and historic setting for weddings. There are two floors beside the lobby. Seated dinners for up to 400 people range from $3,500 to $16,000 depending on time and venue.Mississippi Wedding Venues
The Cedars
The site at 4145 Old Canton Rd, Jackson is the oldest residential building in Jackson, with a history of 175 years. The courtyard in front of the house with trees such as cedar, oak, and magnolia provides a natural backdrop for weddings. The venue can accommodate up to 300 people and costs $3,500 for a two-day weekend rental.Dunleith Historic Inn
A National Historic Landmark located at 84 Homochitto St, Natchez, the mansion features Greek Revival columns and original pine floors. The event space has a main floor, courtyard, and South Lawn, which can accommodate up to 700 people. Wedding packages start at $6,500, not including catering.The Gin at Flora Station
The address is 4819 MS-22, Flora. The refurbished cotton gin blends rustic charm with modern amenities. It offers indoor and outdoor spaces, including a covered gazebo and a patio with an old-fashioned truck bar. Rentals for ceremonies and receptions start at $3,500.Alabama Wedding Venues
B&A Warehouse
This building, located at 1531 1st Ave S, Birmingham, is historic from the outside. With its industrial-inspired design and high ceilings along with red brick walls. Three indoor venues can accommodate up to 300 guests, and the cost of a ceremony starts at $4,000.The Sterling Castle
This castle is located at 389 Deseret Dr, Shelby, and has been voted the best wedding venue in Alabama. The fairytale-style castle, elegant ballroom, charming courtyard, and lakeside and drawbridge venues. This beautiful venue can accommodate up to 300 guests and all-inclusive weddings are priced at $10,000+.Huntsville Museum of Art
This is an art museum located at 300 Church St SW, Huntsville. With unique indoor and outdoor spaces, the museum is a contemporary art gallery. Offering outdoor spaces with a rooftop terrace, and five indoor hospitality venues. The starting venue fee for a wedding reception in high season is $1,500.Michigan Wedding Venues
Colony Club Detroit
Located at 2310 Park Ave, Detroit, this Georgian-style, historic venue features stunning architecture and gorgeous interiors. The hotel features a grand ballroom decorated with crystal chandeliers and intricate details. The ballroom can accommodate up to 350 guests and is priced between $12,000 and $15,000.Castle Farms
This historic building, built in 1918, is located at 5052 M-66, Charlevoix. With a total of four site combinations in the summer. It offers several ceremony and reception spaces, including a charming outdoor garden and a majestic stone courtyard. The largest of these, the East Garden and Queen's Courtyard can host up to 300 guests. And the price range is between $6,750 and $9,250.The Inn at Stonecliffe
This is a Victorian village located at 8593 Cudahy Cir, Mackinac Island. away from the hustle and bustle of the area. With beautiful gardens and breathtaking views of Lake Huron and the Mackinaw Bridge. Accommodates up to 300 people and prices range from $4000 to $10,000.Ohio Wedding Venues
Franklin Park Conservatory
This is a horticultural and educational institution located at 1777 E Broad St, Columbus. The most popular venue is the indoor garden with an all-glass ceiling. Besides, there is an industrial-style venue and a 200-year-old barn. The venue has plenty of space and can accommodate up to 500 people, with prices ranging from $7,000 to $11,000 for a wedding of 100 guests.The Columbus Athenaeum
The historic building at 32 N 4th St, Columbus, was built in 1899. With a total of ten venues to choose from, the Grand Ballroom boasts gorgeous details and a stunning atrium. It is decorated with classical Greek art as well as soaring ornate ceilings. It can accommodate up to 230 guests. Prices for receptions start at $3,000.Gervasi Vineyard
An oversized wine estate located at 1700 55th St NE, Canton. Picturesque vineyard setting and sparkling lake views. The open-air venue can accommodate up to 300 people, while the indoor venue can accommodate up to 120 guests. Full-service event planning, vineyard tours, and wine tastings are available. Prices for receptions will start at $1,450.Georgia Wedding Venues
Barnsley Resort
This resort is located at 597 Barnsley Gardens Rd NW, Adairsville. With over 3,000 acres of land, it is a historic southern estate. With lush gardens, luxurious cabins, and grounds that can accommodate up to 250 people. Three wedding packages are available: $275 per person, $320 per person, and $350 per person. And a least of 150 people is required.Summerour Studio
This is a renovated warehouse located at 409 Bishop St NW, Atlanta. The roof is supported by massive bow trusses, which allow for a spacious, open floor plan without columns or supports. Through a wall of windows running the length of the space, there are breathtaking views of Atlantic Station and the downtown skyline. Accommodating up to 425 people, prices start at $4,000.The Biltmore Ballrooms
The ballroom is located at 817 W Peachtree St NW 208, Atlanta, and was established in 1924. The ballroom features a handcrafted plaster relief ceiling, ornate crystal lighting, and a marble floor. Capacity ranges from 50 to 1,500 people and offers eleven caterers. Rental rates range from $3,500 to $5,000, depending on the day of the week.Florida Wedding Venues
The Ancient Spanish Monastery
Located at 16711 W Dixie Hwy, North Miami Beach. This monastery was dismantled piece by piece from northern Spain and shipped to the United States, then rebuilt over 19 months. It offers a chapel and gardens for ceremonies. The garden can accommodate up to 300 guests for $6,500 and includes only the cost of the reception.The Breakers Palm Beach
This is a luxury resort located at 1 S County Rd, Palm Beach. This luxury resort is located in Palm Beach and enjoys magnificent beachfront views, lush gardens, and an exquisite ballroom. It boasts a timeless and elegant ambiance. It can host weddings for a maximum of less than 500 people, and detailed prices need to be communicated with the hotel.The Ringling Museum
The museum is located at 5401 Bay Shore Rd, Sarasota, with a breathtaking view of Sarasota Bay. This venue offers unique views of art, culture, and the stunning waterfront. It includes many event spaces, including a large courtyard and an elegant ballroom. The largest art gallery courtyard can accommodate up to 125 guests and prices start at $20,000.New York Wedding Venues
Mohonk Mountain House
Located at 1000 Mountain Rest Rd, New Paltz, this historic resort is surrounded by 40,000 acres of pristine forest. Featuring a majestic Victorian castle with panoramic mountain views. Choose from lakeside, garden, and mountain views for your ceremony. Wedding packages range from $275 to $375 per person.The Foundry
The address is 42-38 9th Street, Long Island City, with a history dating back to the 19th century. Offering an industrial chic atmosphere, a garden courtyard and conservatory, a stunning main space, plus rustic interiors. Accommodates up to 180 guests, with receptions starting at $14,000.The Garrison
Estate at 2015 US-9, Garrison, with superb Hudson River views and Catskill Mountain views. The venue offers a modern ballroom, outdoor ceremony space, and golf course. The venue can accommodate up to 200 guests for $12,000.Pennsylvania Wedding Venues
The Curtis Atrium
The historic building at 699 Walnut St, Philadelphia used to be the Curtis Publishing Company. It is now a building with a mix of residential, office, and retail space. It features a stunning atrium, marble columns, and a stunning rotunda. Space rentals start at $8,000.The Cork Factory Hotel
This boutique hotel is located at 480 New Holland Ave 3000, Lancaster, a converted historic cork mill with exposed brick walls. Offering industrial charm and modern amenities. The venue has a ballroom, a terrace, and a 2,300-square-foot warehouse. Space is available for up to 200 guests, and wedding packages start at $7,000.Terrain Gardens at Devon Yard
A stunning garden is located at 138 W Lancaster Ave Suite 130, Devon. The venue is decorated with elements such as reclaimed barn wood floors, raised holiday lights, and skylights to create a unique aesthetic. Of course, there is an essential gardening setting and open-air venue that can accommodate up to 140 guests. Prices for receptions start at $4,525.West Virginia Wedding Venues
Stonewall Resort
The entire resort is nestled beside a tranquil lake at 940 Resort Drive Roanoke, a place of scenic beauty and rustic charm. Wedding venues are available on the lakeside lawn or in the courtyard, with an indoor grand hall and stone-walled ballroom. Spa services, golf courses, and entertainment can also be experienced with wedding packages ranging from $3,500 to $12,000.The Greenbrier
A luxury resort located at 101 W Main St, White Sulphur Springs. With stunning architecture, beautiful gardens, and breathtaking mountain views. The indoor venue has a dramatic chandelier and stage. The outdoor grounds feature expansive lawns and rustic cabins. Packages start at $10,000 and vary depending on the number of guests, season, and customization.Sleepy Hollow Golf Club
The Club at 3780 Sleepy Hollow Dr, Hurricane. It is a private golf club for families. Featuring a scenic golf course, elegant ballroom, outdoor lawn ceremony venue, and picturesque countryside views. Wedding packages start at $3,500.Virginia Wedding Venues
Maymont
Historic Manor River Park at 1700 Hampton St, Richmond. Inside are gardens, botanical gardens, and native wildlife habitats. The scenic setting includes 100-year-old Italian gardens, European-style manor houses, pavilions, expansive lawns, and the Robbins Nature Center. Prices range from $3,500 to $6,100.Inn At Willow Grove
This is a rustic accommodation located at 14079 Plantation Way, Orange. It is unusually peaceful and romantic, surrounded by ancient trees and beautiful gardens. One of the gardens, Boxwood, can accommodate up to 175 guests and offers idyllic views. A versatile barn is also available as a hospitality venue, with rates starting at $7,500.The Tides Inn
Located at 480 King Carter Dr, Irvington, the entire hotel is situated on a beautiful body of water with views of the Chesapeake Bay. It is a waterfront resort. You can also come here to take part in fun activities such as tennis, golf, paddle boarding, biking, and kayaking. Weddings start at $3,100.North Carolina Wedding Venues
The Bradford
Professional wedding venue located at 523 Pea Ridge Rd, New Hill. It resembles a European town building with charming gardens and rustic barns. It can accommodate up to 250 guests for a ceremony in the gardens. Wedding packages will vary depending on the time of year and are priced at $8,000 on Fridays and $9,800 on Saturdays.The Merrimon-Wynne House
The mansion located at 500 N Blount St, Raleigh was built in 1876 and has been well maintained and is now a venue for various events. The building has a main floor full of Southern charm. Inside are original floors and mantelshelves, ornate chandeliers, and a wide porch. The outdoor area is also large enough to host ceremonies in the garden and can accommodate up to 250 guests. Prices for receptions start at $5,000.Fearrington Village
It's an English-style country hotel located at 2000 Fearrington Village Center. Besides the quaint country setting there are dense gardens with water features. The largest venue is the barn, which offers spacious dining and dancing space and can accommodate up to 250 people guests. Prices for ceremonies start at $2500.South Carolina Wedding Venues
Middleton Place
This National Historic Landmark is located at 4300 Ashley River Rd, Charleston. You can experience daily life on an 18th-century plantation and enjoy 65 acres of unobstructed views and private garden rooms. Also, enjoy the oldest landscaped gardens on the property. There are 7 ceremony venues, ranging from small weddings of 50 to 400 guests. Prices start at $5,000.William Aiken House
The 1807 mansion is located at 456 King St, Charleston, a restored mansion that showcases Southern charm and architectural elegance. The yard features a magnolia tree that is over two hundred years old and an elegant terrace. It is also rated as one of South Carolina's premier wedding venues. The cost of a ceremony starts at $3,000.The Cedar Room
Modern industrial event space at 701 E Bay St, Charleston. Featuring exposed brick walls, high ceilings, and large windows overlooking the cityscape. The indoor Cedar Room venue can accommodate up to 500 people for events, and the outdoor yard can seat up to 200. Events on Fridays or Sundays start at $3,500.Vermont Wedding Venues
Inn at Mountain View Farm
The Inn at 3383 Darling Hill Rd, East Burke, has breathtaking mountaintop views. Enjoy mountain biking, cross-country skiing, and visits to animal farms, among many other activities. Venues can range from beautiful fields to cozy campfires. Weekend wedding packages start at $3,500.Hildene - The Lincoln Family Home
The building at 1005 Hildene Rd, Manchester is full of meaning. The Lincolns built Hildene as a summer home at the turn of the 20th century. Here you can look out over the Taconic Mountains to the west and the Green Mountains to the east. The outdoor venue can accommodate up to 200 people and wedding reception prices start at $8,000.📷
(Hildene - The Lincoln Family Home)
The Henry House
The historic house at 1338 Murphy Rd, North Bennington, built in 1769, is one of the oldest surviving houses in Vermont. Overlooks the authentic red-covered Henry Bridge. The site offers several vendors for you to consider. The large trees outside the house make for the best wedding photos. The venue needs to be contacted for a specific quote.Massachusetts Wedding Venues
The Crane Estate
This is a Tudor Revival mansion located at 290 Argilla Rd, Ipswich. It was the summer home of Mr. and Mrs. Richard Taylor Crane, Jr. with winding salt marshes, miles of barrier beaches, and a beautiful hilltop mansion. And of course the rolling lawns and gardens. There are three sites to choose from in all, with the beachfront site accommodating 200 to 500 people. Weekend weddings are priced at $6500.Red Lion Inn
The Inn at 30 Main St, Stockbridge has a 250-year history. The entire Inn combines traditional New England hospitality with the amenities of a modern hotel. The largest Hitchcock room capacity is capacity 30-175 people. Venue rentals start at $4,000.Liberty Hotel
A sophisticated hotel located at 215 Charles St, Boston. Located in the heart of downtown, just steps from shopping, dining, Boston Parks, and more. The hotel offers a private secret garden that can accommodate up to 200 people outdoors and an indoor 3000-square-foot ballroom. Wedding venue rates start at $26,000 for up to 100 guests.Connecticut Wedding Venues
The Lace Factory
This historic factory is located at 161 River St, Deep River, and offers a charming and rustic atmosphere for a wedding venue. It has wood floors, high ceilings, and large windows overlooking the river. The Lace Factory offers event planning services, on-site catering, and a variety of rental options for weddings of all sizes. The Factory can accommodate up to 225 people and prices start at $5,000.Eolia Mansion at Harkness State
The address is 275 Great Neck Rd, Waterford. Nestled on the shoreline of Waterford, Connecticut, this elegant mansion offers breathtaking views of Long Island Sound. It has manicured gardens, a stone terrace, and a beautiful ballroom. The price of $5,100 includes exclusive use of the mansion's first floor and south courtyard tent for 5 hours.The Society Room of Hartford
This event venue is located at 31 Pratt St, Hartford, and the historic venue boasts magnificent architecture. It includes a marble staircase, beautifully frescoed ceilings, and crystal chandeliers. It provides a luxurious and timeless setting for weddings. The venue can accommodate up to 300 guests and prices start at 15,000.New Hampshire Wedding Venues
Wentworth By The Sea Country Club
Country Club at 60 Wentworth Rd, Rye. This private club is near the shore and enjoys magnificent waterfront views and a romantic atmosphere. The hotel has manicured grounds and a historic clubhouse. It can accommodate up to 250 guests in this setting. Three options are available: lawn, clubhouse, and tent weddings. Reception prices start at $30,000.The Preserve at Chocorua
This venue, located at 88 Philbrick Neighborhood Rd, Tamworth, is a rustic and secluded wedding venue nestled in the White Mountains. It offers scenic views, a charming barn, and plenty of outdoor space for the ceremony. Outdoor activities such as sleigh rides and hiking are also available. Approximate prices will start at $1000.Bishop Farm
The Farmhouse, located at 33 Bishop Cutoff, Lisbon, is a historic and beautifully landscaped site in the White Mountains. It offers a restored 1876 farmhouse, a barn, and lush greenery. There is also a romantic bistro with a terrace to relax in. Accommodating up to 200 guests, prices start at $15,000.Rhode Island Wedding Venues
The Chanler at Cliff Walk
A luxury hotel located at 117 Memorial Blvd, Newport. The Chanler offers luxurious accommodations and a grand mansion setting with stunning views of the Atlantic Ocean and access to their world-class restaurant. Specializing in weddings for up to 120 guests with access to their world-class restaurant. Site rentals start at $10,000.Blithewold Mansion, Gardens & Arboretum
Historic mansion on 33 acres located at 101 Ferry Rd, Bristol with breathtaking views of Narragansett Bay. Large tents are available in the outdoor area, followed by sunset views. Accommodating up to 225 guests, weekend wedding rates start at $12,995.The Dorrance
Situated in the heart of Providence, The Dorrance is a restored bank building with a sophisticated atmosphere and elegant decor. The most special feature is the long, luxurious bar, which can accommodate up to 200 guests throughout the venue. Venue rentals start at $7,500.New Jersey Wedding Venues
The Ashford Estate
Located at 637 Province Line Rd, Allentown, this elegant property is nestled in a picturesque setting. Surrounded by hundreds of acres of beautifully preserved farmland, it features sparkling fountains, waterfalls, garden pavilions, expansive views, and of course, luxurious private suites. The wedding venue can accommodate up to 300 guests. Starting at $10,000.Mallard Island Yacht Club
A club surrounded by water at 1450 NJ-72, Manahawkin. six more venues to choose from in the luxurious private island mansion. The center plaza boasts grand arches and ornate ceilings reminiscent of old-world glamour. The ballroom can accommodate up to 250 people, and prices for receptions start at $20,000.Liberty House Restaurant & Events
This waterfront event venue is located at 76 Audrey Zapp Dr, Jersey City. It features unparalleled views of the New York City skyline, Ellis Island, the Statue of Liberty, and the Liberty Landing Pier. The Grand Ballroom features a marble floor and floor-to-ceiling windows. The venue can accommodate up to 300 people and venue rental fees start at $8,000.Delaware Wedding Venues
The Queen Wilmington
This dazzling venue is located at 500 N Market St, Wilmington is downtown. It is a historic music venue that offers a unique and eclectic atmosphere. The venue features a grand ballroom with a stage, state-of-the-art sound system, and elegant décor. The venue can accommodate up to 200 guests and wedding reception prices start from $3,000.The Cordrey Center
The address is 30366 Cordrey Rd, Millsboro, and its restored barn and surrounding gardens provide a rustic and charming setting. The venue offers a range of services, including in-house catering, bar service, and event coordination. It has indoor and outdoor options and can accommodate up to 200 guests. Venue rental rates start at $3,500.The Waterfall Catering and Special Events
With an address at 3416 Philadelphia Pike, Claymont, The Waterfall has a modern venue. Centered around a stunning indoor waterfall. The spacious ballroom features contemporary décor and customizable LED lighting systems. The venue can accommodate up to 500 guests. Prices for venue rentals start at $6,000.Maryland Wedding Venues
Belvedere Hotel
Located at 1 East Chase Street and built-in 1902 as a historic landmark in Baltimore, The Belvedere showcases stunning architecture and classic charm. It offers a variety of event spaces, including a rooftop ballroom with panoramic views of the city. Inside, the décor is more vintage and ornate. Accommodating up to 500 guests, venue rentals start at $8,000.Evergreen Museum & Library
This grand Gilded Age mansion is located at 4545 N Charles St, Baltimore. It is full of history with a house museum and research library. With beautiful gardens, this venue offers a mix of elegance and history. It's architectural details and scenic surroundings provide a unique backdrop. As well as a tour of the museum's collection. Accommodates up to 200 guests and starts at $6,000.Chesapeake Bay Beach Club
Located at 500 Marina Club Rd, Stevensville, this venue offers stunning waterfront views and an elegant ballroom. It also has an oceanfront ceremony venue and luxurious accommodations. There are four ballrooms in total, three indoor and one outdoor. Accommodations for up to 300 guests start at $10,000.District of Columbia Wedding Venues
Larz Anderson House
Located at 2118 Massachusetts Ave NW, Washington, the Anderson House, established in 1905, is a stunning Beaux-Arts mansion that offers a romantic and intimate setting for weddings. The venue features beautiful gardens, a grand staircase, and gorgeous rooms decorated with historic artwork. It can accommodate up to 200 guests and has access to the house's magnificent library. Prices start from $8,000.The Hay-Adams
Located at 800 16th St NW, Washington, across from the White House, the hotel offers magnificent views of the iconic landmark. This venue has many event spaces, including a rooftop terrace from which the White House can be used as a photo backdrop. Wedding venues can accommodate up to 250 guests and prices start at $15,000.National Museum of Women in the Arts
Located at 1250 New York Ave NW, Washington, this unique venue celebrates women artists and offers a distinctive setting for weddings. With its stunning architecture and world-class art collection, it provides an exquisite atmosphere for your special day. The venue offers a variety of event spaces, including an assembly hall and mezzanine level, and can accommodate up to 400 guests. However, the museum is temporarily closed for renovations.Maine Wedding Venues
Hidden Pond
The resort's address is 354 Goose Rocks Rd, Kennebunkport, and is nestled in a secluded wooded area. Featuring elegant indoor and outdoor spaces. Surrounded by 60 acres of birch and balsam fir, it features two outdoor pools and a three-room treetop spa. It ensures an unforgettable wedding experience. Prices start from US$10,000.Hardy Farm
The farm is located at 254 W Fryeburg Rd, Fryeburg. This rustic and chic site features a restored 18th-century farmhouse and a spacious barn with panoramic mountain views. Of course, there are also seasonal gardens and a woodland church. The most special feature is the provision of a cable car to reach the top of the mountain, which is also a popular backdrop for photos. It can accommodate up to 250 guests and prices start from $6,500.Portland Regency Hotel & Spa
The address is 20 Milk St, Portland, and is centrally located, offering a blend of classic elegance and modern amenities. With many event spaces, on-site catering, and a spa, it can accommodate intimate and large weddings. Accommodations range from 10 to 220 guests, with rates starting at $3,500.Conclusion
"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." When Harry Met SallyFinally, we've rounded up our recommendations for wedding venues in each of the remaining states. Choosing the perfect wedding venue is an important step in creating your dream wedding. It sets the tone for the entire celebration and provides the backdrop for your special day. No matter what style of wedding venue you prefer, there is a venue above that perfectly suits your style and preferences.
Last but not least, don't forget to check out Quictent's wedding tent. we offer quality wedding tents for your outdoor wedding, containing various types and sizes.
2023.06.05 07:12 Round_Shallot_2785 Journey into the Heart of the Jungle: Dooars Safari Expeditions!
 | submitted by Round_Shallot_2785 to u/Round_Shallot_2785 [link] [comments] Paramita Resorts If you're a nature enthusiast and crave thrilling adventures, then the Dooars region in India is a destination that should be at the top of your bucket list. Located in the foothills of the Eastern Himalayas, Dooars is a paradise for wildlife lovers, offering breath-taking jungle safari expeditions. Embark on a journey into the heart of the jungle, where every step reveals the wonders of nature. In this blog, we will guide you on how to reach Dooars, where to stay, popular sightseeing spots, and make the most of your incredible wildlife adventure. How to Reach Dooars: Dooars is well-connected to major cities and towns in West Bengal and neighbouring states. The nearest airport is Bagdogra Airport, which is approximately 80 kilometres away. From the airport, you can hire a taxi or take a shared cab to reach your destination. The region is also accessible by train, with New Jalpaiguri being the closest major railway station. From there, you can opt for private taxis or shared jeeps to reach your desired location in Dooars. Where to Stay in Dooars: Dooars offers a variety of accommodation options that cater to different budgets and preferences. Whether you're looking for luxurious resorts or budget-friendly guesthouses, you'll find a suitable place to stay. Some popular options include Paramita Resort. Staying in these accommodations will not only provide comfort but also immerse you in the natural surroundings, allowing you to hear the sounds of the jungle and spot wildlife from your window. Sightseeing and Jungle Safari: Dooars is renowned for its rich biodiversity and offers several exciting sightseeing options. Here are some must-visit places and experiences: Gorumara National Park: Embark on a thrilling jungle safari in Gorumara National Park, home to elephants, Indian rhinoceros, Bengal tigers, and various bird species. Traverse through dense forests, grasslands, and riverine landscapes as you spot these majestic creatures in their natural habitat. Jaldapara Wildlife Sanctuary: Witness the iconic one-horned rhinoceros and Indian elephants at Jaldapara Wildlife Sanctuary. Take an elephant safari or jeep safari to explore the sanctuary's diverse flora and fauna, including the Royal Bengal Tiger, leopards, and rare bird species. Buxa Tiger Reserve: Located in the Buxa Hills, this reserve is a treasure trove for nature enthusiasts. Trek through the lush greenery and explore ancient ruins, dense forests, and picturesque landscapes. The reserve is also famous for its diverse avifauna, making it a bird watcher's paradise. Chapramari Wildlife Sanctuary: Nestled on the banks of the Murti River, Chapramari Wildlife Sanctuary is a haven for wildlife lovers. Take a jeep safari through its dense forests, where you can spot elephants, Indian gaurs, leopards, and several bird species. Jayanti: Visit the quaint village of Jayanti, located on the banks of the Jayanti River. Surrounded by hills and forests, this place offers mesmerizing views and is an ideal spot for nature walks and bird watching. Make the Most of Your Adventure: To make the most of your Dooars safari expedition, keep in mind a few essential travel tips. Carry appropriate clothing, including comfortable shoes, light cotton clothes, and a hat to protect yourself from the sun. Don't forget to pack essentials such as sunscreen, insect repellent, and a pair of binoculars to enhance your wildlife spotting experience. Additionally, it's advisable to book your safari permits and accommodations in advance to avoid any last-minute hassles. Dooars is a hidden gem that offers a thrilling and immersive experience for nature enthusiasts. Journey into the heart of the jungle and explore the incredible wildlife of this region. From thrilling jungle safaris to serene landscapes, Dooars will leave you in awe of its natural beauty. So pack your bags, embark on this unforgettable adventure, and let the Dooars region mesmerize you with its breathtaking wonders. |
2023.06.05 06:44 Dan_Stainberg [Election]
[M]/Doing retro coz reddit has apparently locked my account before 2024 expired, and I just realised this hasn't been published /[M]
However, minority governments remained fairly uncommon in Canada, since the current voting system, called First-Past-the-Post (FPTP), allows for individual MPs to win their respective ridings - also known as constituencies - to be elected into the House of Commons with a simple plurality of votes. Thus, a political party can win most seats in the House of Commons through strategically placing their bets on ridings with very tight margins, where just one extra vote may allow their nominee to win a permanently seat, effectively making all votes for the opposition candidate in that riding meaningless.
However, while enjoying a steady lead in polls vis-a-vis, the federal Conservatives during the pandemic, the Liberals had experienced persistent slump as post-pandemic recovered coupled with sticky inflation and rapidly deteriorating housing crisis. As the Federal Conservatives have moved to the right following the election of a new leader, they have utilised concurrent economic challenges and liberal economic policy, blaming the current government's pandemic related emergency spending coupled with expansion of social programs as the root cause for inflation into collapsing housing affordability.
As Canada had to respond to America's Inflation Reduction Act with a new public investment into green transition, conservative criticism of the Trudeau government has become ever more vocal, with fiscal deficits presumably exacerbating, concurrent inflationary pressures.
Liberal policies, especially introducing the federal backstop mechanism for carbon pricing, has also spurred, vicious opposition, among Conservatives, especially those living in the Western Canada, that culminated in the razor-thin re-election of the United Conservatives in the oil-producing province of Alberta. The federal response to the freedom, convoy protest, as well as the general push, forever wider collective community during the pandemic, has created some fertile soil for the opposition, Conservatives to capitalise on, especially as the more moderate leader of the party had been ousted shortly after the convoy protest.
After more than eight years in government, the liberal party has also been embroiled in several corruption and ethics candles, including the SNC-Lavallin affair, the pandemic-era ArriveCan App scandal, and, most recently, the accusations of Chinese electoral interference, and Chinese police stations operating in Canada.
In fact, the situation for the current government has become so dire. It's a point, but more than 80% of forecasters projected a Conservative minority government has the most probable outcome for the next election. According to some polls, the Liberals would be unable to form a government, even with the support of the New Democratic Party. The liberal convention in late spring 2023, didn't provide much of a relief either, how's the party continued to lack a comprehensive platform to combat the issue of housing and affordability - something that steadily climbed the rate of priorities for many Canadians, to become the most pressing issue, when deciding who to vote for. If anything, the Conservative party has become the most popular political force, among younger Canadians, with their laser, sharp focus on the issue of inflation and housing affordability.
The issue of housing affordability has become central to the Conservative Convention, where the Party has committed to "restoring" home ownership across the country, through planning laws deregulation and "removing resections on the supply of housing". This would see the federal government to tie federal spending on housing to municipalities shortening approval times, waive HST/GST for housing, as well as allow landlords to re-invest their profits into new housing tax-free. The Conservative convention also proposed federal infrastructure funding to be linked to higher-density housing construction.
What did, however, play in favour of the current government, what is the time. Within Canadian Parliamentary system, the Prime Minister can call an election effectively anytime, so long their term doesn't exceed the four year threshold, that was approaching at Fall 2025, supported by the Supply and Confidence Agreement with New Democrats.
As inflation in North America has started slowly subsiding toreturn to the 2% target in early fall 2024, Trudeau has managed to re-gain some the economic credibility his government has seemingly lost. The Liberals have also continued their tilt to make some inroads into the NDP camp, with the Federal Budget 2024 going heavily on Net Zero and Green Transition.
However, the Liberals also had to deal with a political deadline, whether to call and election before or after the Budget 2025 would've been published. The former might allow the LPC to avoid the criticism of "buying up votes" that the party received after calling the snap election shortly after introducing their Federal Budget in 2021. However, Trudeau also had a stake at deferring the election for long as possible, hoping that waiving inflationary pressure might open up more space for the Liberals to re-gain the economic ground over the Conservatives.
The economy, especially housing affordability, have become two main issues during this election, closely followed by healthcare - namely access to family physicians and waiting times for selected procedures - and the issue of inflation still lingering at the back of the public debate.
Trudeau himself because a matter for the debate, with the Liberals banking on his personal likability, while Federal Conservatives continuously pressed with corruption and ethical scandals and corruption allegations, combined with the Liberal campaign continuously bringing up the "electability issue" of their opponents.
Liberal election promises involved the commitment for new federal housing construction to exceed population growth by the end of the first term, through the government directly contracting private developers to build more affordable housing, and task the Canada Infrastructure Development Corporation to provide funding to non-market housing in numbers meeting or exceeding population growth in larger metropolitan areas on Toronto, Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and across Atlantic Canada.
Unlike the Tories, Trudeau also went further, promising the government would cover development charges for projects that included affordable housing. The Liberals have also committed to conducting of affordable rental housing, aimed at younger Canadians and those who are yet to start cloning the property ladder. Conservatives on the other hand emphasised Trudeau's poor track on housing affordability, combined focusing on making home ownership more affable through market-driven construction of new units for sale.
Both Team Blue and Team Red have committed to expediting the arrival of new skilled trades professionals, especially those working in the housing sector, including interest-free loans to have their qualifications recognised or to up-skill their existing credentials. Liberals however, took a step further, promising automatic Permanent Residency who has worked in residential construction after 1 year, as well issuing Open Work Permits - exempt from the Labour Market Impact Assessment - to anyone with construction work experience willing to come to Canada, so long they continue working in the construction sector for the majority of their time before obtaining permanent residency. The Tories on their part suggested granting PR automatically after they've worked in construction for at least 5 years.
On the matter of banning foreign buyers, both parties have committed to banning home purchases in Canada for those who do not hold Canadian citizenship or are not Permanent Residents of Canada, with Liberals maintaining existing exemptions, so long the person buying has invested an equivalent amount in affordable housing construction.
Rhetorically, the Liberals have echoed the National Housing Act 1938, suggesting their government would run fiscal deficits to finance nation-wide home construction, especially affordable rental units. CPC has openly accused Trudeau of "policy stealing" choosing to emphasis permitting deregulation, subsidies for new units, and investing more construction professionals.
The Liberals have however suggested lowering tuition rates international students who come to study health, social care, and eduction, granted them access to domestic rates of tuition, as well as a designated pathway to Permanent Residency for health, eduction, and social care who have obtained at least 1560 hours of Canadian work experience, and received at least part of their eduction in Canada. This would come as a supplementary measure, with domestic students becoming eligible for federal student loan write off if they have accumulated at least 1 year of post-graduation work experience in health, social care, or education - so long their degree is in the same field.
The Liberals have also committed to covering a Royal Commission to introduce a national social care insurance programme for seniors and people with disabilities.
The Liberals suggest increasing the minimum wage in federally-regulated institutions, linking as a proportion of executive pay. LPC also pledged to introduce at least 4 weeks of paid vacation after 1 year on employment, with additional increases in line with employee tenure, as outlined in their Convention 2023, while brining paid leave of up to 6 weeks a year, allowing recipients to tradition onto disability payments after that.
Both parties have committed to supporting Employee Ownership Trusts, as well as introduction of worker representation on corporate boards in federally-regulated industries. Team Red however to it a step further, suggesting they will employee ownership mandatory for large corporations , with the only exemption provided for profit-sharing schemes.
Both parties have also supported reforming Canada's Employment Insurance Program:
The Conservatives suggest introducing Individual EI Savings Accounts that any Canadian can access whenever they are let go of their job or decide to quit. The proposed accounts would be funded through mandatory employer and employee contributions and could also be used to pay for labour training and re-skilling, with means-tested federal assistance available for those who's exhausted their accounts. Tories also suggest expanding current marginal earnings projection to apply to both individual and household income. The party also suggests waiving EI Premiums and provide rebates for C/QPP Contribution rebates to those not paying federal income tax, to guarantee every Canadian can earn at least $1000 a month free of payroll deductions.
Trudeau on the other hand suggested making EI coverage universal, and providing up to 90 per cent wage replacement in the first month of claim, while also introducing EI Benefit Floor, where every Canadian would be entitled to a minimum benefit equal to federal minimum wage regardless of their original earnings, for as long as they have enough insurable hours. The Liberal plan also introduces expands "working while on claim" provision, allowing people collecting EI benefits to have their wages supplemented through the program so their total paycheque reaches at least 90 per cent of their average 5-year earnings at all times, regardless whether the claimant is eligible for EI Regular Benefits. EI Parental Benefits are set to be fixed at at least 60 per cent of the family's income, subject o the benefit floor. Liberals suggest paying for the programme through waiving maximum insurable earnings to levy EI Premiums on all income of an individual, while introducing cap on benefits linked to median regional wages. However, the basic exemption shall be aligned to the federal income tax minimum threshold. Surpluses generated should be used to pay for expanded WWoC provisions and putting EI Operating Account back into surplus.
Both parties also committed to brining in a Canada Savers' Creditthat mirrors both the amounts and eligibly criteria of the GST/HST tax credit, but is instead deposited in people's Tax Free Savings Accounts (TFSAs) and automatically invested into corporate equity. Tories and Liberals also support introducing automatic enrolment for Registered Retirement Savings Plans (RRSPs), Registered Eduction Savings Plans (RESPs), Registered Disability Savings Plans (RDSP), First Homebuyer Savings Accounts (FHSAs) and TFSAs upon either birth of obtaining Canadian tax residency for eligible non-Canadians. While the Conservative proposal would new accounts automatically linked to existing financial institutions the individual already has an account in, the Liberals instant new accounts should be automatically assigned to a new independent crown corporation, so long the primary account holder haven't decided to the move their registered accounts to an eligible financial institution.
Both parties pitch the policy as a potential interim solution to address Canada's sky-high household debt, through increased asset ownership and participation in stock markets.
When it comes to fiscal policy, the Liberal Government suggests they'll keep their "structural deficit" - as defined by tax revenues versus programme expedites - bellow the rate of economic growth over the 10 year period. LPC however is open they'll not restrain their spending on new housing construction, Ottawa set to absorb almost all the costs of housing under the liberal plan. The Conservatives on the other hand suggest introducing the $1 for $1 rule for federal expenditure, where every dollar of new spending has to be offset by a dollar in spending cuts or increased taxes, suggesting to balance the budget in their first 5 years in the office.
Somewhat comically, the Liberals seem to be attacking Conservative proposals on the grounds it may bring back the pain on the nighties - referring to the Chretien austerity era - especially in Atlantic Canada and the Regions of Quebec where benefit dependency ratios have traditionally been elevated.
The Liberals have also committed to expand existing childcare agreements, to make childcare services and spare available to anyone, and drastically reduce wait times for subsidised spots.
While both leaders fluent in French, having French Canadian roots, combined with an almost unchallenged dominance of the local Bloc Québécois, it seemed quite unlikely either party would be able to gain any meaningful advantage in Quebec, until both parties have revealed their election manifestos.
Here was the moment the Liberals played their cards best. Namely, the party has committed to supplying French language both within and outside Quebec, through drastically bolstering access to Francophone eduction across the country. The Liberals has committed to introducing a brand-new federal agency tasked with facilitating access to French eduction and integration services - Francisation Canada.
The agency was set to provide free-at-use eduction in French, while also providing up to $1000 a month in finical assistance to immigrants who were willing to learn French. On top of that, the Liberals have committed to make existing Explore and Odyssey Programmes more universal, integrating them into school curriculums across the country. The Party has also committed to negotiating bilateral agreements with all provinces to provide additional funding and guarantee access to services, including eduction in French across Canada, while making French a mandatory subject for Early Learning & Childcare, as well as in secondary education. LPC would also waive tuition fees for post-secondary eduction in French, and negotiate agreements with other francophone countries, to facilitate French-speaking immigration into Canada and Quebec.
Bloc Québécois (BQ)6.2%21 People's Party of Canada1,5%0
submitted by Dan_Stainberg to Geosim [link] [comments]
Canadian Federal Elections 101
Canada has inherited its political system from the United Kingdom, sticking to Westminster parliamentary system ever since. This means, that unlike in the United States, the outcome of Canadian elections are won by whichever party manages to elect the greatest number on Member of Parliament to the House of Commons of Canada, allowing the leader of this party to assume the office of Prime Minister.The Senate of Canada provides for a stark contrast, since despite being originally designed to ensure provincial representation, the upper house remains unelected and is largely subjected to the politics in the House of Commons.When no party is able to secure more than 50 per cent of seats in the House, a leader of a political party that is able to command more than 50 per cent of MPs, for example through singing supply and confidence or coalition agreements with other parties, becomes Prime Minister instead. Historically, however, the largest party in the House of Commons tends to form a monitory government, when it commands a plurality of MPs, rather than an outright majority. This allows the largest party to remain in power, but it has to rely on MPs from other political factions to pass crucial pieces of legislation, especially when it comes to votes that indicate parliamentary confidence, such as federal budgets. Losing those votes, would effectively mean that the current government has to either be completely re-staffed with new Cabinet Ministers, or call a snap election.
However, minority governments remained fairly uncommon in Canada, since the current voting system, called First-Past-the-Post (FPTP), allows for individual MPs to win their respective ridings - also known as constituencies - to be elected into the House of Commons with a simple plurality of votes. Thus, a political party can win most seats in the House of Commons through strategically placing their bets on ridings with very tight margins, where just one extra vote may allow their nominee to win a permanently seat, effectively making all votes for the opposition candidate in that riding meaningless.
General Backgrounder
For example, the Liberal Party of Canada has won the last two federal elections with a plurality of seats in the House of Commons, despite coming only 2nd to the Conservative Party of Canada during popular vote. The Liberals, despite becoming the largest party in the House still fell short of winning the majority of seats, being forced to rely on the New Democratic Party, that represented are more progressive social democratic part of the electorate, for crucial votes. Later, the Government has called a snap election aiming to get their desired majority, but failed, and had to sign a formal Supply and Confidence Agreement with the NDP, that included a massive package of social programmes, such as the recently implemented national dental care and prescription drug insurance.However, while enjoying a steady lead in polls vis-a-vis, the federal Conservatives during the pandemic, the Liberals had experienced persistent slump as post-pandemic recovered coupled with sticky inflation and rapidly deteriorating housing crisis. As the Federal Conservatives have moved to the right following the election of a new leader, they have utilised concurrent economic challenges and liberal economic policy, blaming the current government's pandemic related emergency spending coupled with expansion of social programs as the root cause for inflation into collapsing housing affordability.
As Canada had to respond to America's Inflation Reduction Act with a new public investment into green transition, conservative criticism of the Trudeau government has become ever more vocal, with fiscal deficits presumably exacerbating, concurrent inflationary pressures.
Liberal policies, especially introducing the federal backstop mechanism for carbon pricing, has also spurred, vicious opposition, among Conservatives, especially those living in the Western Canada, that culminated in the razor-thin re-election of the United Conservatives in the oil-producing province of Alberta. The federal response to the freedom, convoy protest, as well as the general push, forever wider collective community during the pandemic, has created some fertile soil for the opposition, Conservatives to capitalise on, especially as the more moderate leader of the party had been ousted shortly after the convoy protest.
After more than eight years in government, the liberal party has also been embroiled in several corruption and ethics candles, including the SNC-Lavallin affair, the pandemic-era ArriveCan App scandal, and, most recently, the accusations of Chinese electoral interference, and Chinese police stations operating in Canada.
In fact, the situation for the current government has become so dire. It's a point, but more than 80% of forecasters projected a Conservative minority government has the most probable outcome for the next election. According to some polls, the Liberals would be unable to form a government, even with the support of the New Democratic Party. The liberal convention in late spring 2023, didn't provide much of a relief either, how's the party continued to lack a comprehensive platform to combat the issue of housing and affordability - something that steadily climbed the rate of priorities for many Canadians, to become the most pressing issue, when deciding who to vote for. If anything, the Conservative party has become the most popular political force, among younger Canadians, with their laser, sharp focus on the issue of inflation and housing affordability.
The issue of housing affordability has become central to the Conservative Convention, where the Party has committed to "restoring" home ownership across the country, through planning laws deregulation and "removing resections on the supply of housing". This would see the federal government to tie federal spending on housing to municipalities shortening approval times, waive HST/GST for housing, as well as allow landlords to re-invest their profits into new housing tax-free. The Conservative convention also proposed federal infrastructure funding to be linked to higher-density housing construction.
What did, however, play in favour of the current government, what is the time. Within Canadian Parliamentary system, the Prime Minister can call an election effectively anytime, so long their term doesn't exceed the four year threshold, that was approaching at Fall 2025, supported by the Supply and Confidence Agreement with New Democrats.
As inflation in North America has started slowly subsiding toreturn to the 2% target in early fall 2024, Trudeau has managed to re-gain some the economic credibility his government has seemingly lost. The Liberals have also continued their tilt to make some inroads into the NDP camp, with the Federal Budget 2024 going heavily on Net Zero and Green Transition.
However, the Liberals also had to deal with a political deadline, whether to call and election before or after the Budget 2025 would've been published. The former might allow the LPC to avoid the criticism of "buying up votes" that the party received after calling the snap election shortly after introducing their Federal Budget in 2021. However, Trudeau also had a stake at deferring the election for long as possible, hoping that waiving inflationary pressure might open up more space for the Liberals to re-gain the economic ground over the Conservatives.
Federal Election 2025
After long deliberation, the federal Cabinet has opened to hold an election in late March 2025, right at the time when a government would have normally tabled their budget. The election that both the Liberals and the Conservatives have approached after almost a year or neck-and-neck perforce in the polls, with Trudeau having a minuscule advantage in personal ratings.The economy, especially housing affordability, have become two main issues during this election, closely followed by healthcare - namely access to family physicians and waiting times for selected procedures - and the issue of inflation still lingering at the back of the public debate.
Trudeau himself because a matter for the debate, with the Liberals banking on his personal likability, while Federal Conservatives continuously pressed with corruption and ethical scandals and corruption allegations, combined with the Liberal campaign continuously bringing up the "electability issue" of their opponents.
Housing
With the Tories enjoying slight lead on the matter of economic competence, the Liberals opted to treat the housing crisis as a matter of social policy, while banking heavily on personal popularity of Trudeau himself. From the policy-standpoint, LPC Election Platform has effectively copied the proposal originally voiced during the Conservative Convention. Namely, waiving GST/HST for housing construction, allowing landlords to re-invest their profits into constructing more units tax-free, as well as linking federal spending to new housing development and liberalising permitting process. The difference with the Conservatives was the focusing on new federal spending to combat housing affordability.Liberal election promises involved the commitment for new federal housing construction to exceed population growth by the end of the first term, through the government directly contracting private developers to build more affordable housing, and task the Canada Infrastructure Development Corporation to provide funding to non-market housing in numbers meeting or exceeding population growth in larger metropolitan areas on Toronto, Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and across Atlantic Canada.
Unlike the Tories, Trudeau also went further, promising the government would cover development charges for projects that included affordable housing. The Liberals have also committed to conducting of affordable rental housing, aimed at younger Canadians and those who are yet to start cloning the property ladder. Conservatives on the other hand emphasised Trudeau's poor track on housing affordability, combined focusing on making home ownership more affable through market-driven construction of new units for sale.
Both Team Blue and Team Red have committed to expediting the arrival of new skilled trades professionals, especially those working in the housing sector, including interest-free loans to have their qualifications recognised or to up-skill their existing credentials. Liberals however, took a step further, promising automatic Permanent Residency who has worked in residential construction after 1 year, as well issuing Open Work Permits - exempt from the Labour Market Impact Assessment - to anyone with construction work experience willing to come to Canada, so long they continue working in the construction sector for the majority of their time before obtaining permanent residency. The Tories on their part suggested granting PR automatically after they've worked in construction for at least 5 years.
On the matter of banning foreign buyers, both parties have committed to banning home purchases in Canada for those who do not hold Canadian citizenship or are not Permanent Residents of Canada, with Liberals maintaining existing exemptions, so long the person buying has invested an equivalent amount in affordable housing construction.
Rhetorically, the Liberals have echoed the National Housing Act 1938, suggesting their government would run fiscal deficits to finance nation-wide home construction, especially affordable rental units. CPC has openly accused Trudeau of "policy stealing" choosing to emphasis permitting deregulation, subsidies for new units, and investing more construction professionals.
Healthcare & Social Care
Federal Conservatives have focused their attack in increasing waiting times, as well as increasing shortage of medical professionals across the country. Liberals, however, aimed to conservative proposals to introduce more private providers into the system, while emphasising their expansion of public health insurance that now covers both dental care and prescription drugs. Both parties suggested increasing the immigration intake for doctors, nurses, medical researches, providing financial support to have their credentials recognised in Canada as well as to update their skills.The Liberals have however suggested lowering tuition rates international students who come to study health, social care, and eduction, granted them access to domestic rates of tuition, as well as a designated pathway to Permanent Residency for health, eduction, and social care who have obtained at least 1560 hours of Canadian work experience, and received at least part of their eduction in Canada. This would come as a supplementary measure, with domestic students becoming eligible for federal student loan write off if they have accumulated at least 1 year of post-graduation work experience in health, social care, or education - so long their degree is in the same field.
The Liberals have also committed to covering a Royal Commission to introduce a national social care insurance programme for seniors and people with disabilities.
The Economy
The Conservatives suggest introducing "full expensing" allowing companies to deduct up 120 per cent of their expenses on machinery, equipment, and non-residential property, akin to UK's Super Deduction, to combat Canada's low investment levels. They also propose to introduce tax credits for Canadian companies to up-skill their workers, as well as increased federal funding to provinces to support job training and second career programmes and labour market integration.The Liberals suggest increasing the minimum wage in federally-regulated institutions, linking as a proportion of executive pay. LPC also pledged to introduce at least 4 weeks of paid vacation after 1 year on employment, with additional increases in line with employee tenure, as outlined in their Convention 2023, while brining paid leave of up to 6 weeks a year, allowing recipients to tradition onto disability payments after that.
Both parties have committed to supporting Employee Ownership Trusts, as well as introduction of worker representation on corporate boards in federally-regulated industries. Team Red however to it a step further, suggesting they will employee ownership mandatory for large corporations , with the only exemption provided for profit-sharing schemes.
Both parties have also supported reforming Canada's Employment Insurance Program:
The Conservatives suggest introducing Individual EI Savings Accounts that any Canadian can access whenever they are let go of their job or decide to quit. The proposed accounts would be funded through mandatory employer and employee contributions and could also be used to pay for labour training and re-skilling, with means-tested federal assistance available for those who's exhausted their accounts. Tories also suggest expanding current marginal earnings projection to apply to both individual and household income. The party also suggests waiving EI Premiums and provide rebates for C/QPP Contribution rebates to those not paying federal income tax, to guarantee every Canadian can earn at least $1000 a month free of payroll deductions.
Trudeau on the other hand suggested making EI coverage universal, and providing up to 90 per cent wage replacement in the first month of claim, while also introducing EI Benefit Floor, where every Canadian would be entitled to a minimum benefit equal to federal minimum wage regardless of their original earnings, for as long as they have enough insurable hours. The Liberal plan also introduces expands "working while on claim" provision, allowing people collecting EI benefits to have their wages supplemented through the program so their total paycheque reaches at least 90 per cent of their average 5-year earnings at all times, regardless whether the claimant is eligible for EI Regular Benefits. EI Parental Benefits are set to be fixed at at least 60 per cent of the family's income, subject o the benefit floor. Liberals suggest paying for the programme through waiving maximum insurable earnings to levy EI Premiums on all income of an individual, while introducing cap on benefits linked to median regional wages. However, the basic exemption shall be aligned to the federal income tax minimum threshold. Surpluses generated should be used to pay for expanded WWoC provisions and putting EI Operating Account back into surplus.
Both parties also committed to brining in a Canada Savers' Creditthat mirrors both the amounts and eligibly criteria of the GST/HST tax credit, but is instead deposited in people's Tax Free Savings Accounts (TFSAs) and automatically invested into corporate equity. Tories and Liberals also support introducing automatic enrolment for Registered Retirement Savings Plans (RRSPs), Registered Eduction Savings Plans (RESPs), Registered Disability Savings Plans (RDSP), First Homebuyer Savings Accounts (FHSAs) and TFSAs upon either birth of obtaining Canadian tax residency for eligible non-Canadians. While the Conservative proposal would new accounts automatically linked to existing financial institutions the individual already has an account in, the Liberals instant new accounts should be automatically assigned to a new independent crown corporation, so long the primary account holder haven't decided to the move their registered accounts to an eligible financial institution.
Both parties pitch the policy as a potential interim solution to address Canada's sky-high household debt, through increased asset ownership and participation in stock markets.
When it comes to fiscal policy, the Liberal Government suggests they'll keep their "structural deficit" - as defined by tax revenues versus programme expedites - bellow the rate of economic growth over the 10 year period. LPC however is open they'll not restrain their spending on new housing construction, Ottawa set to absorb almost all the costs of housing under the liberal plan. The Conservatives on the other hand suggest introducing the $1 for $1 rule for federal expenditure, where every dollar of new spending has to be offset by a dollar in spending cuts or increased taxes, suggesting to balance the budget in their first 5 years in the office.
Somewhat comically, the Liberals seem to be attacking Conservative proposals on the grounds it may bring back the pain on the nighties - referring to the Chretien austerity era - especially in Atlantic Canada and the Regions of Quebec where benefit dependency ratios have traditionally been elevated.
The Liberals have also committed to expand existing childcare agreements, to make childcare services and spare available to anyone, and drastically reduce wait times for subsidised spots.
Energy & Environment
The issue has surprisingly played a somewhat muted role during this election, as CPC has contained to opposed federal price on carbon, pressuring the idea of turning Canada into a "natural resource superpower". Liberals on the other hand boasted about their massive investment into Net Zero Transition, while also attacking the Tories one potential fiscal penalties that the government would assume after cancelling the carbon tax. Team Red had also opened to cling to previous commitments of the Conserve Leader to ban overseas oil, which Ontario, and Quebec, as well as Atlantic Canada remain fairly dependent on, due to lack of oil transportation infrastructure from western oil production facilities. Considering the fact Quebec has remained one of Liberal strongholds even at the lowest, as well as the party's perceived electability in the province, CPC would've had even harder to fight for the votes in Quebec.Tipping the Scales
However, what truly decided this election, was something that may in the future divide the country even more, namely the issue of the French language. Something that has been present in Canadian politics for generations, but something that this time brought a party over the finish line, while completely tanking their opponents.While both leaders fluent in French, having French Canadian roots, combined with an almost unchallenged dominance of the local Bloc Québécois, it seemed quite unlikely either party would be able to gain any meaningful advantage in Quebec, until both parties have revealed their election manifestos.
Here was the moment the Liberals played their cards best. Namely, the party has committed to supplying French language both within and outside Quebec, through drastically bolstering access to Francophone eduction across the country. The Liberals has committed to introducing a brand-new federal agency tasked with facilitating access to French eduction and integration services - Francisation Canada.
The agency was set to provide free-at-use eduction in French, while also providing up to $1000 a month in finical assistance to immigrants who were willing to learn French. On top of that, the Liberals have committed to make existing Explore and Odyssey Programmes more universal, integrating them into school curriculums across the country. The Party has also committed to negotiating bilateral agreements with all provinces to provide additional funding and guarantee access to services, including eduction in French across Canada, while making French a mandatory subject for Early Learning & Childcare, as well as in secondary education. LPC would also waive tuition fees for post-secondary eduction in French, and negotiate agreements with other francophone countries, to facilitate French-speaking immigration into Canada and Quebec.
Conclusion
Thus, on the night of the election, the sudden realisation waived through the country. The Liberal Party managed to protect their urban ridings, even in West, as their pledge to "spend whether it takes to make houses and rents affordable for everyone" managed to persuade swing urban voters across the country, combined with their massive investment in green transition. The Tories has also lost their lead in Atlantic Canada, where an idea of a massive EI expansion has resonated with voters much more than the concept of individual accounts. Massive subsidies in battery production have also helped the Liberals to protect their seats across Ontario, especially in former industrial towns. However, what actually brought Trudeau over the finish line, was Quebec. The Combination of absolutely massive investments into green tech, coupled with new social programs, and proposed childcare expansion, on top of the Liberal pledge to "protect and promote the French language from Coast to Coast to Coast" allowed the party to make some significant inroads across the province, despite loosing some suburban ridings, Central Canada gave Trudeau yet another chance to form yet another minority Liberal government.| Party Name | Popular Vote | Number of Seats |
|---|---|---|
| Liberal Party of Canada (LPC_ | 33.8% | 158 |
| Conservative Party of Canada (CPC) | 35.8% | 140 |
| New Democratic Party (NDP) | 19% | 20 |
Acknowledgements
- https://energynow.ca/2022/04/energy-east-will-not-live-again-heres-why-jean-francois-thibault/
- https://2023.liberal.ca/policy/
- https://macleans.ca/politics/ottawa/erin-otoole-socialist-crusade
- https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/grenier-election-results-1.5330105
- https://tnc.news/2022/03/25/pierre-poilievre-proposes-ban-on-foreign-oil-within-five-years/
- https://nationalpost.com/news/why-does-pierre-poilievre-appeal-to-young-canadians-its-all-about-economics-2
- https://www.theglobeandmail.com/politics/article-conservatives-more-trusted-than-liberals-to-manage-federal-finances/
- https://centre.irpp.org/research-studies/amending-the-official-languages-act-a-new-vision-of-bilingualism/
- https://energynow.ca/2022/04/energy-east-will-not-live-again-heres-why-jean-francois-thibault/
- https://tnc.news/2022/06/22/poilievre-pay-as-you-go/
- https://www.ctvnews.ca/politics/where-the-six-conservative-leadership-candidates-stand-on-key-policy-issues-1.5888530
- https://newsinteractives.cbc.ca/elections/federal/2021/party-platforms/
- https://338canada.com/sim.htm
2023.06.05 05:11 kennynailtech JELLY NAIL DESIGNS YOU MUST TRY RIGHT AWAY
 | For starters, Dua Lipa, Cardi B, Lil Nas X, Megan Fox, Lizzo, and Kylie Jenner have all rocked jelly nails. Or perhaps we should argue that because the jelly nails are translucent, we have "seen through" them. submitted by kennynailtech to u/kennynailtech [link] [comments] Glossy, translucent, and vibrant they are. Jelly nail store supply near me nails can be decorated in a variety of ways, but they are transparent like lip gloss. Additionally, performing this kind of manicure at home is simple. Check out these jelly nail art patterns that you need to attempt right away. DOING JELLY NAILS: A GUIDEUsing jelly nude nail paint is the easiest technique to create jelly nails. It already has a smooth, glass-like texture and is translucent.Look at this collection of trendy-colored gel polishes 24 COLOR SET OF THE LAVIS JELLY NUDE GEL COLLECTIONThese jelly nude gel hues are transparent but vibrant, and they last for up to 3 weeks. 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2023.06.05 04:20 SavingsSpare8104 How can hard gel nails be removed without using a drill?
 | In the salon, hard gel nails are removed with a drill. But what if you are unable to travel there? Next, you must learn how to cut off hard gel nails without using a drill. submitted by SavingsSpare8104 to u/SavingsSpare8104 [link] [comments] If at all feasible, seek the help of a professional wholesale nail supply professional if you're wondering how to remove hard gel nails at home. This is so that not all hard gels can be removed with acetone. Hand-filing the gel down requires a lot of time. Additionally, you must take care not to harm the natural nail. Nevertheless, we recognize that things happen. (During the pandemic, many people had to deal with situations like this. Let's discuss non-drill methods for removing stubborn gel overlays and extensions. HOW CAN GEL EXTENSIONS BE REMOVED?Because the molecules are tightly packed, hard gel is durable. As a result, it is not porous like soft gel, making it challenging for acetone to penetrate and dissolve.You won't be able to soak off extensions unless the product's directions specifically state that you can. Additionally, you might not be aware of the brand of hard gel used if you had your nails done at a salon. What is the remedy? Here are some professional nail product suppliers things you should avoid doing when removing gel extensions: What is the remedy? Here are some things you should avoid doing when removing gel extensions: Avoid using tools like nippers, clippers, tweezers, etc. to pry them off since you risk breaking the natural nail. Avoid picking or pealing them off. Instead, get to work by grabbing your reliable nail file. ESSENTIAL ACCESSORIES FOR REMOVING HARD GEL NAILSStart with a rough 80-grit file because you'll need to remove around 90% of the hard gel before you can soak off the remaining portion. Later, a fine-grit file or buffing block might be useful.Additionally, gather cotton, foil, and acetone to soak the fingers in after filing them. Utilizing something like foil remover wraps makes things even more convenient. Additionally, gather cotton, foil, and acetone to soak the fingers in after filing them. Utilizing something like foil remover wraps makes things even more convenient. Later, to remove the gel, you'll require an orange stick or cuticle pusher. If you cut yourself accidently, styptic fluid will stop the bleeding. Last but not least, to restore the dryness brought on by soaking in acetone, cuticle oil and hand cream are crucial. HARD GEL NAIL REMOVAL PROCEDURE WITHOUT A DRILLSelect a nail to test out. Be kind and move slowly until you acquire a sense of what to anticipate.Sand the top layer of the gel with a file until you notice the colored polish beginning to peel off. You must pay great attention if you have translucent polish (such as a French manicure). About 90% of the hard gel must be filed away, leaving only a thin coating. Stop there and cover the fingertip with foil and an acetone-soaked pad. As opposed to putting the finger in acetone, this causes less skin damage and is more effective. Before inspecting it, wait for at least 15 to 20 minutes. Apply cuticle oil to the skin if you have hangnails before soaking the nail in acetone, according to professional advice. You're almost done if the gel is crumbly, lifting, or soft enough to remove the finger with an orange stick. If not, soak for an additional five minutes and recheck. Lift the debris, scrape it off, and, if necessary, form the nail. It's acceptable to keep the natural nail covered in a thin coating of firm gel. It can be filled where it has expanded. Apply cuticle oil and moisturizer, then buff the nail with a fine-grit buffing block to make it shine. As usual, you can do a manicure. yournailsupplier HOW DOES HARD GEL SOAK OFF IN ACETONE?You're in luck if your nails have IBD hard gel additions. This brand uses acetone for removal. File away any shine, then wrap the nails and soak them for at least 10 minutes. Using a wooden cuticle stick and softened gel, remove it from the nail. Then, clean the nails.THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SOFT GELS AND HARD GEL NAILSWhy are soft gels simple to remove while hard gels are so challenging? Soft gel has more molecular gaps and is more porous. These minute openings allow the acetone to penetrate and dissolve the bonds.IS HARD GEL AND BUILDER GEL THE SAME THING?Builder gel is another name for hard gel. Additionally known as sculpture gel or sculpting gel.There are various kinds, arranged according to their thickness or consistency. Some are self-leveling and flow naturally, while others require effort. The latter kind works well for sculpture. WHAT OCCASIONS ARE BEST FOR A HARD GEL MANICURE?For gel tip extensions that must last, hard gels are fantastic. Furthermore, a soft gel polish can be applied over hard gels. This implies that you can alter the color of your manicure without removing the hard gel that is underlying. Simply soak off the gel polish and apply a fresh coat.THE ADVANTAGES OF HARD GEL NAILSYou might be hesitant to have this kind of manicure again if you had trouble removing hard gel nails at home. But there are several benefits to using hard gel for nail enhancements rather than soft gel.Hard gel is stronger and less flexible most popular dnd gel colors than soft gel, but it is also less stiff than acrylic. It is resistant to cracking under extreme pressure. However, it is adaptable enough to withstand lifting. In the event that it does begin to lift, it stays close to the original nail and is simple to mend. Compared to acrylics, strong gel is less likely to damage the natural nail if it does break. Hard gel is additionally hypoallergenic. Instead of polymer, it makes use of a material called oligomer. The molecule's size makes it improbable that it will pass through the skin and into the bloodstream. It is therefore unlikely to irritate you. Finally, hard gel makes it simple to construct many nail art forms and tip shapes, like square, stiletto, and coffin. Because of this, building gel is a common name for it CONCLUSIONInterested in knowing more about nail care? For advice wholesale nail supplies for professionals near me on the newest trends and a ton of how-to articles, check out our blog. Check out what's new and what's on sale. |
2023.06.05 03:33 The_Alloquist [A Lord of Death] - Chapter 58
[←Chapter 57] [Cover Art] [My Links] [Index] [Discord] [Subreddit] [Chapter 59→]
It had taken no small amount of doing to make sure Aya’s various trips went unnoticed. First there were the paladins, who, for all their apparent vigilance, somehow passed over her subterfuge. As for Sorore and Frare, Aya wasn’t quite sure - she’d debated on whether or not to bring them in on the offers of tutelage.
Ultimately, she chose to keep it to herself for now, not in jealousy or so she assured herself. The painstaking effort she’d taken to ensure that she did remain hidden took the better part of an hour. As for the reward, she wasn’t sure if it was worth it, at least not yet.
Most of the previous evenings had been long discussions with a cat who, while polite, responded to inquiries with indifference. ‘Ask Efrain’ was a common response whenever questions of history or of technique came up. The Madame spoke in broad strokes, and all in the context of nature, which did make a certain sense to Aya, but lacked substance.
She’d spent those evenings in rapt attention, however, only occasionally glancing at Efrain’s body, trying to see any sign of movement. Still, she often found herself wishing that it was him leading the lesson, confident that he could put her lingering queries to rest. Now, she was finally here, learning magic from the person she’d imagined about.
And he was asking her to boil water.
Perhaps not the auspicious start she imagined, but it would have to do.
Efrain raised one of the herbs up to the light for her inspection.
“Dracne,” he said, “very pungent, especially when you start heating it.”
She recognized it, though it was usually added to sour soups and flavouring meats.
“This will make tea?”
“Not particularly,” he said, “in truth, it will at best make boiled leaf juice.”
“Isn’t that what all tea is?”
The mask regarded her with a definite air of admonishment.
“Well, now I can see the need for instruction.”
He placed the herb bundle back down on the ground, and picked up one of the dishes.
“Let’s review from last night,” he said, “what exactly is magic?”
It took a moment for Aya to realise that this wasn’t a rhetorical question.
“Well, it’s… it’s a… it allows you to do things?” she said, vaguely remembering the definition Efrain gave in the waggon.
“Well, that’s a way to put it,” he said dryly, “in a broad sense, you’re not incorrect. We did touch on the issue last night, indirectly. How does one define magic? Is it a process, a technique, a method? Or is it something more defined, something that has a physical existence, or presence. The answer probably lies between.”
“So you don’t know?” Aya said, wondering if he would acknowledge the gap in his explanation.
“Of course I don’t. Anyone who says otherwise is an idiot or a fraud,” Efrain snorted, “what I do know is that magic existed long before us, and will do so long after us. There’s been many assumptions about its nature that have proven incorrect in that time, some disastrously so.”
Efrain sloshed the thin layer of water around the bowl.
“Perhaps even my assumptions about it are incorrect. If you continue your magical education, you’ll find there are many ways to view it in many lands. Some might be correct, others not so, most likely have at least parts that are true or useful.”
He set the bowl on the tips of his fingers, letting the fluid still.
“In any case, my personal thoughts on the matter are as we talked about yesterday. Memory, Intent, Emotion. Goal, process, energy,” he said, “those are the cornerstones of my method, and is what I’ll be teaching you.”
Plumes of white steam began to peel off the surface of the water.
“I remember heat, in the many forms I’ve encountered over the years. For this process, I think most akin are hot springs in the deep mountains, which stay steaming even in the depths of winter. That is what I imagine when I want to heat this water. That is Memory, it is the goal state you are to achieve. What do I want? Warm water for tea. And here we are.”
Aya nodded, picking up her own bowl of water, staring intently at the surface.
“Now, second. Intent. How do you achieve such a goal? What is the process? There’s rarely one way to do something, indeed, there can be as many as your imagination can conjure. Most people believe that this part is a mechanical process, but it’s actually quite creative. For me, I imagine hot blood, burning at first in my heart, then flowing down my arm, and that heat passing through my hand and the bowl into the water, raising the temperature.”
Aya could see it, could feel it, but still the water remained cool and still.
“And finally, the thing that drives the whole procedure. Emotion. Whatever you need to connect to the magic inside and around you, and drive it to your own end. Magic can be cantankerous, willful even, especially if it’s someone else’s. You need conviction, powerful emotions to drive strong spells, but for this, the joy of teaching for the first time in a long while.”
“So you can use any emotion?” said Aya, looking at the mirror surface of the bowl.
“Negative or positive. Sorrow as much as joy, rage as much as calm, all of them could be used as a potential catalyst. The more powerful, the more potential. However, remember that more powerful emotions are harder to control - when was the last time you acted rationally when you were frightened or angry?”
Aya tried not to think of the chilling fear of the fog monsters and the nights of terror they brought with them.
“So then, could faith be used?” she said, “you said any emotion.”
Efrain took a moment to consider, then nodded.
“I don’t see any reason it couldn’t. Faith, in the context of magic, should function like any other emotion. I suspect you already guessed as much, considering the lessons from your minders.”
Aya nodded, the paladins having confirmed as much during their brief sessions over the last few days.
“If you ask me, they're setting themselves up for failure,” Efrain said.
“Why?” said Aya, thinking of how strong the pair was.
“Because faith, while it certainly can be potent, is also fragile,” Efrain said, and perhaps seeing Aya’s confused expression hastily corrected, “that is to say, what happens if they cannot martial it? What if they see something that makes them doubt? What if some council from on high releases an edict that conflicts with their own understanding? All that work for nothing.”
Efrain set his own bowl down and folded his legs together.
“No, no. Faith cannot be the foundation. One can lose access to it easily, and it’s hard to get back. Anger, fear, joy, sorrow, all these are far more accessible. So, with that being as it may, try it.”
“Try it? Try- right now?”
“Yes,” the voice came without chuckle or sarcasm, “you know enough to try it. It might not be easy, but few things worth doing ever are.”
“A-Alright.”
Aya tried to get a grasp for something, anything. She imagined the flow of red-hot blood, she thought of steaming crockery on their stove. Still nothing happened. To stem the onset of dread, boredom, and frustration, she asked another question.
“But why would Niche and Lillian lie like that? Why would they use magic and then call it something else?”
“If you were building an empire, with enemies all around, would you deny yourself such a powerful tool?” Efrain said, “of course not. Empires are not made on scriptures and preaching alone, Angorrah knows this. However, its possible the paladins themselves might be confused - the theology on magic within the church is far from settled.”
“What does that mean?” she said, narrowing her eyes and willing the water to boil.
“If it was a simple matter of saying no magic period, then the paladins might’ve sorted themselves out by now,” Efrain said, “the scriptures on the subject are all over the place. Some espouse blanket prohibitions, others prescribe certain leniencies, others references older traditions that all went into the waters of the Black Tide Augury, or were lost in other ways.”
Aya’s head was spinning with all the words, although she thought that she had the general idea.
“I see your history is also something we have to work on,” Efrain said, “to make a long story short, the Black Tide Augury was many events, culminating in a flood that destroyed most original church texts.”
“Didn’t they keep copies?” she said, feeling something faintly tingling in her fingers.
“Yes. They were later destroyed by a priest named Noenea.”
“Huh.”
“He was, understandably, cast out of the church. Later, his students, or those who took inspiration from his preachings took control. Hence, most of the church’s modern thought. They, unfortunately for us, were opposed to magic and its use.”
“And that’s why they call it miracles now?” Aya said, digging her toes into the soft dirt.
“I suspect so,” Efrain said, “they were never going to give it up entirely. Condemning it on one side, while using it to mould your own bodies under a different name.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Do you think that your minders’ strength is natural? Few men can wield such large swords with two hands, let alone one, and your paladins aren’t exactly the biggest.”
Aya squirmed at the veiled implications of the mage, though she could not deny what she’d seen on the rooftop of the church.
“But we’re getting off topic,” he said, “perhaps for another time. You appear to be struggling.”
“Yes,” she admitted, “what exactly am I supposed to do with this?”
The mage raised a soft gloved hand, and it came to rest on hers.
“Now, close your eyes please,” he said, “I’ll guide you.”
That darkness closed in around her as she felt a distant tugging sensation. Was he attempting to tease out magic in some hidden place? The darkness around her grew deeper as she waited for something, anything to happen. There was a purpose to it, an anticipation, like she was being led somewhere by signs left by a person long gone. Within the darkness was where she found something bright and blue. From it came forth a flow, swelling in response to her attention.
“There you go,” came Efrain’s voice, distant somehow, “now remember your lesson. Memory, intent, emotion. The water bowl.”
She did so once more, feeling the flow of the magic race through her, her heart thundering in time with its passage.
“Alright, you can stop now,” he said, and her eyes snapped open.
The water was boiling violently, large bubbles exploding in gouts of steam, nearly spilling onto her hands. With a yelp of surprise, she dropped the bowl, only saved from it splattering her legs by Efrain catching it.
“Well, you did it,” he said, “more effectively than I might’ve expected to.”
“I- I didn’t mean to do this,” she said, looking sheepishly at the steaming liquid as Efrain set it down to the side.
“Oh, I’m quite aware,” Efrain said, “Sorore went through several buckets before she got it right.”
She felt a little burgeoning pride pulling her chest up and out at the appraisal.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” he said, “she had a harder task, and in the middle of that fog as well.”
“Oh, sorry,” she said, chastened.
“Regardless, you’ve done well,” he said, “usually it takes a good few tries before a student gets a feel for it. Sometimes as much as a day or two. You children are certainly gifted, if nothing else.”
“So, what’s next?” Aya said.
“Nothing, we’re done.”
The disappointment at the blank dismissal was only deepened by the lack of anything fiery to show for her efforts.
“I hope you didn’t think we were going to skip to anything dramatic. One doesn’t jump to algebra before learning addition,” said the mage, “but your work doesn’t end here.”
“What’s ‘algebra’?” she asked.
“Oh,” said Efrain, “moving on. The point is that you need to lock fundamentals in. Boil the water to steaming, every morning. Probably would be best to do it subtly, understood?”
She nodded, excited at last that she would have something to do, independent of both the paladins and the children.
“Remember. The three building blocks. Memory, Intent, Emotion. The more you have those drilled into your memory, the easier more complicated things will be. Now, off with you. Not wise to keep you too long, I think.”
She nodded, thanked him, and set off along the path she trod not twenty minutes before. She felt above all conflicted - the sense of anticlimax was profound. But there was definitely that sense of pride, and burgeoning curiosity, that gave a little pep in her step as she slinked back towards the waggon.
Fortunately, it seemed her absence had gone unnoticed for the time being. She briefly spared a thought to how it seemed rather odd that the paladins, being avowed protectors of them, seemed to so easily be deceived. The thoughts clung to her as she clambered back into the waggon and slipped underneath the blankets.
Before she could drift off to sleep, however, she found a wide eyed Frare, with a grin that was visible even in the deep darkness of the wagon.
“So, what, did you do it?” he said, as quietly as he could, which was probably not quiet enough.
“Do what?” she said, turning away from him, “I don’t know what you mean.”
“You’re not a very good liar, are you?” he said, huffing with what sounded like disappointment, “come on, tell me, what was it like?”
“About what? And no, I am not a good liar, maybe because I never had a reason. And still don’t,” she said.
“Whatever,” said the boy, shrugging his shoulders, “what are you going to worry about? Sorore’s fast asleep.”
“What makes you think I’d trust you?” she said.
“What?” he said, sounding genuinely hurt, “of course you can trust me.”
“I met you what… a week ago? I hardly know you,” she said.
“All right, fair. But you can trust me,” he said, “I just want to know what it was like. Please?”
She sighed as she settled into the blankets.
“Fine. It was disappointing,” she said, “I didn’t do much at all.”
“Oh,” he said, “well that’s boring.”
“I agree. Now I’m tired, and would like to sleep.”
The boy had already turned over, and had gone back to his steady rhythm of breathing.
Bonehead, Aya thought, though, try as she might, she couldn’t suppress a smile.
Aya slipped into the veil of sleep with ease, descending down through an inky blackness that consumed thought and time together. What she found in the darkness was a grand expanse of sand, dunes rising and falling into the distance as sand fell from her hair. As she watched, water began coursing through the troughs, pulling the sand with it until all the world was a river, flowing just past her feet. The sky was an endless expanse of blue, dotted by the occasional cloud, with no horizon seam between the endless sheet of glass below her.
Deep below her, though it should’ve been shallow enough to wade through, something coiled in the depths, moving at terrible speed. She could see many billowing fins and limbs, splayed in the dark, as if sails to catch some undersea wind. And eyes, so many eyes, stabbing through the depths with a blue radiance.
From them came a bubbling roar, echoing up from the abyss like rolling waves upon a shore.
She was awoken by a gentle shake of the shoulder, Sorore was pulling her up by the time she returned fully to consciousness, trying to recall all the details of the bizarre encounter
“Come on!” she said, “we’ve reached the hinterlands. They rode early through the morning. The commander said he wanted to reach the city by nightfall if they could help it.”
Aya struggled at the overwhelming sense of grogginess as she pushed her way to the front of the waggon. Outside, the morning was bright, the sun fully out and overhead to shine down upon a great expanse of flatlands. They were on the last of a set of steep hills, leading down onto a rolling series of narrow fields edged with forests and glimmering rivers.
Far, far to what must’ve been the east, stood a tall ridge of mountains made purple by the haze. They jutted south into a distant blue-green sea, craggy slopes trailing down into the lagoon below. It was still a half-day’s journey away, but even so, Aya could see the city - a forest of multi-coloured buildings, some laid into the mountain side, most following the gentle slope spilling down into what must’ve been the Emyaka, that mythical lagoon.
This was ‘home’, Aya thought, this was Karkos.
[←Chapter 57] [Cover Art] [My Links] [Index] [Discord] [Subreddit] [Chapter 59→]
submitted by The_Alloquist to redditserials [link] [comments]
It had taken no small amount of doing to make sure Aya’s various trips went unnoticed. First there were the paladins, who, for all their apparent vigilance, somehow passed over her subterfuge. As for Sorore and Frare, Aya wasn’t quite sure - she’d debated on whether or not to bring them in on the offers of tutelage.
Ultimately, she chose to keep it to herself for now, not in jealousy or so she assured herself. The painstaking effort she’d taken to ensure that she did remain hidden took the better part of an hour. As for the reward, she wasn’t sure if it was worth it, at least not yet.
Most of the previous evenings had been long discussions with a cat who, while polite, responded to inquiries with indifference. ‘Ask Efrain’ was a common response whenever questions of history or of technique came up. The Madame spoke in broad strokes, and all in the context of nature, which did make a certain sense to Aya, but lacked substance.
She’d spent those evenings in rapt attention, however, only occasionally glancing at Efrain’s body, trying to see any sign of movement. Still, she often found herself wishing that it was him leading the lesson, confident that he could put her lingering queries to rest. Now, she was finally here, learning magic from the person she’d imagined about.
And he was asking her to boil water.
Perhaps not the auspicious start she imagined, but it would have to do.
Efrain raised one of the herbs up to the light for her inspection.
“Dracne,” he said, “very pungent, especially when you start heating it.”
She recognized it, though it was usually added to sour soups and flavouring meats.
“This will make tea?”
“Not particularly,” he said, “in truth, it will at best make boiled leaf juice.”
“Isn’t that what all tea is?”
The mask regarded her with a definite air of admonishment.
“Well, now I can see the need for instruction.”
He placed the herb bundle back down on the ground, and picked up one of the dishes.
“Let’s review from last night,” he said, “what exactly is magic?”
It took a moment for Aya to realise that this wasn’t a rhetorical question.
“Well, it’s… it’s a… it allows you to do things?” she said, vaguely remembering the definition Efrain gave in the waggon.
“Well, that’s a way to put it,” he said dryly, “in a broad sense, you’re not incorrect. We did touch on the issue last night, indirectly. How does one define magic? Is it a process, a technique, a method? Or is it something more defined, something that has a physical existence, or presence. The answer probably lies between.”
“So you don’t know?” Aya said, wondering if he would acknowledge the gap in his explanation.
“Of course I don’t. Anyone who says otherwise is an idiot or a fraud,” Efrain snorted, “what I do know is that magic existed long before us, and will do so long after us. There’s been many assumptions about its nature that have proven incorrect in that time, some disastrously so.”
Efrain sloshed the thin layer of water around the bowl.
“Perhaps even my assumptions about it are incorrect. If you continue your magical education, you’ll find there are many ways to view it in many lands. Some might be correct, others not so, most likely have at least parts that are true or useful.”
He set the bowl on the tips of his fingers, letting the fluid still.
“In any case, my personal thoughts on the matter are as we talked about yesterday. Memory, Intent, Emotion. Goal, process, energy,” he said, “those are the cornerstones of my method, and is what I’ll be teaching you.”
Plumes of white steam began to peel off the surface of the water.
“I remember heat, in the many forms I’ve encountered over the years. For this process, I think most akin are hot springs in the deep mountains, which stay steaming even in the depths of winter. That is what I imagine when I want to heat this water. That is Memory, it is the goal state you are to achieve. What do I want? Warm water for tea. And here we are.”
Aya nodded, picking up her own bowl of water, staring intently at the surface.
“Now, second. Intent. How do you achieve such a goal? What is the process? There’s rarely one way to do something, indeed, there can be as many as your imagination can conjure. Most people believe that this part is a mechanical process, but it’s actually quite creative. For me, I imagine hot blood, burning at first in my heart, then flowing down my arm, and that heat passing through my hand and the bowl into the water, raising the temperature.”
Aya could see it, could feel it, but still the water remained cool and still.
“And finally, the thing that drives the whole procedure. Emotion. Whatever you need to connect to the magic inside and around you, and drive it to your own end. Magic can be cantankerous, willful even, especially if it’s someone else’s. You need conviction, powerful emotions to drive strong spells, but for this, the joy of teaching for the first time in a long while.”
“So you can use any emotion?” said Aya, looking at the mirror surface of the bowl.
“Negative or positive. Sorrow as much as joy, rage as much as calm, all of them could be used as a potential catalyst. The more powerful, the more potential. However, remember that more powerful emotions are harder to control - when was the last time you acted rationally when you were frightened or angry?”
Aya tried not to think of the chilling fear of the fog monsters and the nights of terror they brought with them.
“So then, could faith be used?” she said, “you said any emotion.”
Efrain took a moment to consider, then nodded.
“I don’t see any reason it couldn’t. Faith, in the context of magic, should function like any other emotion. I suspect you already guessed as much, considering the lessons from your minders.”
Aya nodded, the paladins having confirmed as much during their brief sessions over the last few days.
“If you ask me, they're setting themselves up for failure,” Efrain said.
“Why?” said Aya, thinking of how strong the pair was.
“Because faith, while it certainly can be potent, is also fragile,” Efrain said, and perhaps seeing Aya’s confused expression hastily corrected, “that is to say, what happens if they cannot martial it? What if they see something that makes them doubt? What if some council from on high releases an edict that conflicts with their own understanding? All that work for nothing.”
Efrain set his own bowl down and folded his legs together.
“No, no. Faith cannot be the foundation. One can lose access to it easily, and it’s hard to get back. Anger, fear, joy, sorrow, all these are far more accessible. So, with that being as it may, try it.”
“Try it? Try- right now?”
“Yes,” the voice came without chuckle or sarcasm, “you know enough to try it. It might not be easy, but few things worth doing ever are.”
“A-Alright.”
Aya tried to get a grasp for something, anything. She imagined the flow of red-hot blood, she thought of steaming crockery on their stove. Still nothing happened. To stem the onset of dread, boredom, and frustration, she asked another question.
“But why would Niche and Lillian lie like that? Why would they use magic and then call it something else?”
“If you were building an empire, with enemies all around, would you deny yourself such a powerful tool?” Efrain said, “of course not. Empires are not made on scriptures and preaching alone, Angorrah knows this. However, its possible the paladins themselves might be confused - the theology on magic within the church is far from settled.”
“What does that mean?” she said, narrowing her eyes and willing the water to boil.
“If it was a simple matter of saying no magic period, then the paladins might’ve sorted themselves out by now,” Efrain said, “the scriptures on the subject are all over the place. Some espouse blanket prohibitions, others prescribe certain leniencies, others references older traditions that all went into the waters of the Black Tide Augury, or were lost in other ways.”
Aya’s head was spinning with all the words, although she thought that she had the general idea.
“I see your history is also something we have to work on,” Efrain said, “to make a long story short, the Black Tide Augury was many events, culminating in a flood that destroyed most original church texts.”
“Didn’t they keep copies?” she said, feeling something faintly tingling in her fingers.
“Yes. They were later destroyed by a priest named Noenea.”
“Huh.”
“He was, understandably, cast out of the church. Later, his students, or those who took inspiration from his preachings took control. Hence, most of the church’s modern thought. They, unfortunately for us, were opposed to magic and its use.”
“And that’s why they call it miracles now?” Aya said, digging her toes into the soft dirt.
“I suspect so,” Efrain said, “they were never going to give it up entirely. Condemning it on one side, while using it to mould your own bodies under a different name.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Do you think that your minders’ strength is natural? Few men can wield such large swords with two hands, let alone one, and your paladins aren’t exactly the biggest.”
Aya squirmed at the veiled implications of the mage, though she could not deny what she’d seen on the rooftop of the church.
“But we’re getting off topic,” he said, “perhaps for another time. You appear to be struggling.”
“Yes,” she admitted, “what exactly am I supposed to do with this?”
The mage raised a soft gloved hand, and it came to rest on hers.
“Now, close your eyes please,” he said, “I’ll guide you.”
That darkness closed in around her as she felt a distant tugging sensation. Was he attempting to tease out magic in some hidden place? The darkness around her grew deeper as she waited for something, anything to happen. There was a purpose to it, an anticipation, like she was being led somewhere by signs left by a person long gone. Within the darkness was where she found something bright and blue. From it came forth a flow, swelling in response to her attention.
“There you go,” came Efrain’s voice, distant somehow, “now remember your lesson. Memory, intent, emotion. The water bowl.”
She did so once more, feeling the flow of the magic race through her, her heart thundering in time with its passage.
“Alright, you can stop now,” he said, and her eyes snapped open.
The water was boiling violently, large bubbles exploding in gouts of steam, nearly spilling onto her hands. With a yelp of surprise, she dropped the bowl, only saved from it splattering her legs by Efrain catching it.
“Well, you did it,” he said, “more effectively than I might’ve expected to.”
“I- I didn’t mean to do this,” she said, looking sheepishly at the steaming liquid as Efrain set it down to the side.
“Oh, I’m quite aware,” Efrain said, “Sorore went through several buckets before she got it right.”
She felt a little burgeoning pride pulling her chest up and out at the appraisal.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” he said, “she had a harder task, and in the middle of that fog as well.”
“Oh, sorry,” she said, chastened.
“Regardless, you’ve done well,” he said, “usually it takes a good few tries before a student gets a feel for it. Sometimes as much as a day or two. You children are certainly gifted, if nothing else.”
“So, what’s next?” Aya said.
“Nothing, we’re done.”
The disappointment at the blank dismissal was only deepened by the lack of anything fiery to show for her efforts.
“I hope you didn’t think we were going to skip to anything dramatic. One doesn’t jump to algebra before learning addition,” said the mage, “but your work doesn’t end here.”
“What’s ‘algebra’?” she asked.
“Oh,” said Efrain, “moving on. The point is that you need to lock fundamentals in. Boil the water to steaming, every morning. Probably would be best to do it subtly, understood?”
She nodded, excited at last that she would have something to do, independent of both the paladins and the children.
“Remember. The three building blocks. Memory, Intent, Emotion. The more you have those drilled into your memory, the easier more complicated things will be. Now, off with you. Not wise to keep you too long, I think.”
She nodded, thanked him, and set off along the path she trod not twenty minutes before. She felt above all conflicted - the sense of anticlimax was profound. But there was definitely that sense of pride, and burgeoning curiosity, that gave a little pep in her step as she slinked back towards the waggon.
Fortunately, it seemed her absence had gone unnoticed for the time being. She briefly spared a thought to how it seemed rather odd that the paladins, being avowed protectors of them, seemed to so easily be deceived. The thoughts clung to her as she clambered back into the waggon and slipped underneath the blankets.
Before she could drift off to sleep, however, she found a wide eyed Frare, with a grin that was visible even in the deep darkness of the wagon.
“So, what, did you do it?” he said, as quietly as he could, which was probably not quiet enough.
“Do what?” she said, turning away from him, “I don’t know what you mean.”
“You’re not a very good liar, are you?” he said, huffing with what sounded like disappointment, “come on, tell me, what was it like?”
“About what? And no, I am not a good liar, maybe because I never had a reason. And still don’t,” she said.
“Whatever,” said the boy, shrugging his shoulders, “what are you going to worry about? Sorore’s fast asleep.”
“What makes you think I’d trust you?” she said.
“What?” he said, sounding genuinely hurt, “of course you can trust me.”
“I met you what… a week ago? I hardly know you,” she said.
“All right, fair. But you can trust me,” he said, “I just want to know what it was like. Please?”
She sighed as she settled into the blankets.
“Fine. It was disappointing,” she said, “I didn’t do much at all.”
“Oh,” he said, “well that’s boring.”
“I agree. Now I’m tired, and would like to sleep.”
The boy had already turned over, and had gone back to his steady rhythm of breathing.
Bonehead, Aya thought, though, try as she might, she couldn’t suppress a smile.
Aya slipped into the veil of sleep with ease, descending down through an inky blackness that consumed thought and time together. What she found in the darkness was a grand expanse of sand, dunes rising and falling into the distance as sand fell from her hair. As she watched, water began coursing through the troughs, pulling the sand with it until all the world was a river, flowing just past her feet. The sky was an endless expanse of blue, dotted by the occasional cloud, with no horizon seam between the endless sheet of glass below her.
Deep below her, though it should’ve been shallow enough to wade through, something coiled in the depths, moving at terrible speed. She could see many billowing fins and limbs, splayed in the dark, as if sails to catch some undersea wind. And eyes, so many eyes, stabbing through the depths with a blue radiance.
From them came a bubbling roar, echoing up from the abyss like rolling waves upon a shore.
She was awoken by a gentle shake of the shoulder, Sorore was pulling her up by the time she returned fully to consciousness, trying to recall all the details of the bizarre encounter
“Come on!” she said, “we’ve reached the hinterlands. They rode early through the morning. The commander said he wanted to reach the city by nightfall if they could help it.”
Aya struggled at the overwhelming sense of grogginess as she pushed her way to the front of the waggon. Outside, the morning was bright, the sun fully out and overhead to shine down upon a great expanse of flatlands. They were on the last of a set of steep hills, leading down onto a rolling series of narrow fields edged with forests and glimmering rivers.
Far, far to what must’ve been the east, stood a tall ridge of mountains made purple by the haze. They jutted south into a distant blue-green sea, craggy slopes trailing down into the lagoon below. It was still a half-day’s journey away, but even so, Aya could see the city - a forest of multi-coloured buildings, some laid into the mountain side, most following the gentle slope spilling down into what must’ve been the Emyaka, that mythical lagoon.
This was ‘home’, Aya thought, this was Karkos.
[←Chapter 57] [Cover Art] [My Links] [Index] [Discord] [Subreddit] [Chapter 59→]
2023.06.05 02:20 JohnWarrenDailey Full review of Prehistoric Planet
Follow-up to my last post:
An Attenborough documentary on dinosaurs with the same CGI that made The Jungle Book so lifelike? I couldn't think of a greater sell. But was it worth it? Would it give me the same sense of wonder that I felt when Walking with Dinosaurs came out 22 years earlier?
The first episode, "Coasts", is overall the strongest episode of season 1. Starting immediately with a swimming t-rex (Tyrannosaurus rex) leading his children to an island where he smelled a dead archelon (species unknown, as no Maastrichtian-age archelon was ever found in the fossil record), that first scene showed the promise of the show as a whole. Seeing CG baby t-rexes interacting with live-action baby turtles is both concerning (as sea turtles are currently endangered) and entertaining, as they are demonstrated pretty goofily. But after that, we are done with dinosaurs for the rest of the episode.
We cut to the one scene that, while endearing with a riveting soundtrack by power couple Anže Rozman and Kara Talve, does give me pause. The pterosaurs featured in that episode were based on bones so fragmentary that they couldn't be diagnosed. How can we be sure that Barbaridactylus was a member of the antlerwing family, Phosphatodraco a member of the simurgh family, or even Tethydraco a member of the pteranodon family? How do we even know what Alcione even looked like? Also, the score doesn't really match the slower, less urgent movements of the pterosaurs.
The next scene was described as "the sunken continent of Zealandia", which is a refresher to see the lost continent bearing recognition for a change. Here, a family of plesiosaurs (Tuarangisaurus keyesi) comes to the coast to gulp themselves on anti-buoyant rocks, while the males ceremoniously poke their long, heavy necks up to the surface, the only good moment in an otherwise generic sequence.
After a quick focus on coral, we get treated to a Hoffmann's mosasaur (Mosasaurus hoffmanni) relying on fish and shrimp to give him a good, proper scratch, only to be pushed out of turn by a younger male. This sequence sticks out to me because it shows mosasaurs being portrayed as animals, not as monsters to shadow Nigel Marven or kaijuified Blackfish bootlegs.
The next scene shows a dazzling, mesmerizing mating ceremony of ammonites ("scaphitids", they were called, but that doesn't determine specific species, as it was a very huge family). They glow in the dark and mate very particularly. If the male's flashes don't sync with those of the female, he'd be rejected. Complimenting this alien but still soothing scene is Rozman and Talve's equally alien and soothing score.
Back in Zealandia, we end with plesiosaur pod mentality, as the whole group defends a pregnant mother from a kaika taniwha (Kaikaifilu hervei). As with the previous plesiosaur scene, it wasn't a scene that I got too crazy about.
The next episode, "Deserts", isn't really as impactful as the Planet Earth episode of the same name, both in regards to execution and the musical score, and it was riddled with confusing scene decisions. The first scene demonstrates a lek of dreadnoughts (Dreadnoughtus schrani) acting like a combination of elephant seals and frigatebirds, right down to the pops on their necks. The score in that sequence is definitely memorable, as it (literally) highlights the weights that the males take to demonstrate their fitness to attract the gaggle of girls in the audience. Though I'm left wondering--did the upstart beat the veteran because he was stronger, or because he popped one of the veteran's neck balloons, as male frigatebirds would do to ditch the competish?
Once the sauropod show is over, we now move to what was presumed to be Nemegtia, but it was portrayed to be as dry as Djadochta, which leads to the next problem. While there was evidence of Maastrichtian-age velos in Central Asia, calling them "Velociraptor" is just wrong. I grew up watching Walking with Dinosaurs, which means I watched "Giant of the Skies", which featured Utahraptor in the wrong place at the wrong time. And while the American cut justifies this with a demonstration of a land bridge that connected North America to Europe, I don't know how much water that holds, and that doesn't seem to be relevant anyway, for the damage has already been done. So having in Velociraptor, a genus of velos that went extinct 71 million years ago, in Nemegtia, which was set 66 million years ago, is just a rehash of that previous mistake. In short, Prehistoric Planet has Utahraptor'd the Velociraptor. And besides, hasn't the picture of pack-hunting raptors already been discarded?
The next scene, the one with the Nemegtian mononych (Mononykus olecranus), is cute but not top-notch memorable, and its color choice is teetering way close to the point of plagiarism.
Afterwards, the brief but violent rains have created a watering hole in the middle of the desert, luring in dinosaurs and pterosaurs from miles around, including a wandering khan (Tarbosaurus bataar). The reason that scene is so low was that it was just a near-identical rotoscope of the Water Truce sequence from The Jungle Book, right down to the herbivores making a clearing for the khan.
Then we go high up to see more Barbaridactylus. This scene I wasn't aware was a problem until Unnatural History Channel brought it up in his video, but the females were shown to be oddly consensual towards the similar-looking sneaky males, who use their feminine appearances to sneak past the larger, more impressive males. This is a problem, apparently, because the more extreme the sexual dimorphism, the more likely the sneaky male will be rejected and therefore resort to assaulting the females.
The last scene is an interesting one, albeit one that suffered an unmemorable score in the soundtrack. Apparently, salty southern duckbills (Secernosaurus koerneri) can thrive on dunes of gypsum, but when rains hit the coast, they rely on both their tenacity and their know-how of the sky to get to more productive grazing. This scene stands out to me because I question why any large animal would choose to thrive on such a taxing environment. It'd make sense for an animal as small as the cryptile, the scrofa and the gryken from The Future is Wild, but not for a duckbill bigger than 16 feet long.
It is unanimously agreed upon that "Freshwater" is the weakest episode in the first season. Apart from the humpbacked false duckbill (Deinocheirus mirificus) getting a scratch in the swamps of a more accurate Nemegtia and the devil frog (Beelzebufo ampinga) making a snack out of a baby whacktooth (Masiaksaurus knoplferi), the habitat itself has been relegated to the backseat, which is why the mating scene of the t-rex and the laying magnificent simurgh (Quetzalcoatlus northropi) are on the C tier, good scenes that have been damaged by simply being in the wrong episode. Speaking of the latter, memes have popped up in which the faces of dinosaurs have been pasted over two shots of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, with either Masiakasaurus or the Planet Dinosaur model of Majungasaurus being Galahad and the Quetzalcoatlus being the French taunter ("What are you doing in Africa?" "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!") when, really, that meme is more applicable to Velociraptor being in the Maastrichtian. On that topic, not only is it STILL in the wrong time, there is another problem, one I didn't pay attention to until Unnatural History Channel brought it up on his video. Instead of showing audiences raptor prey restraint (or "RPR"), the storytellers relied instead on mountain cats to show the velos hunting the pterosaurs (species unknown). Like the Deserts episode, Planet Earth has a far stronger "Freshwater" episode.
"Ice Worlds" didn't excite me as much as "Spirits of the Ice Forest" did, which is a shame, because dinosaurs in the snow is a refresher by default. We start at Prince Creek, which I couldn't ask for a worse place to start because the cast list is very fragmentary. In the opening scene, a pack of raptors (species unknown, though modeled after the pitbull raptor), shadows a herd of ugrunaaluk (Edmontosaurus sp.) for a long-delayed meal. Again, the picture of raptors hunting in packs has been debunked for a very long time now. Why insist on resorting to old cliches?
The Ornithomimus scene (can't think of a vernacular for them), while the designs look cool and add distinction to overall character, is still just a rotoscope of the Adelie penguin sequence from "Frozen Planet". Next.
The sequence with the swanneck (Olorotitan arharensis) is even less impressive. Are horsetails really more nutritious than grass? If so, then why have grasslands been the dominant plains since the Miocene?
The reason the scene with the tro-o is relatively low on the tier list is that it should have been longer, because a dinosaur with the intellect of a fire hawk is a very interesting prospect. But the final scene was just too short and too bland to show off any real gold.
We have spent so much time in the north that I question the necessity of a quick detour to Antarctica, rendering the scene with the polar macahutiul (Antarctopelta oliveroi) my least favorite of the series.
The final scene demonstrates the predator-prey dynamic between the northern boss (Pachyrhinosaurus perotorum) and the nanook (Nanuqsaurus hoglundi). The scene is great, the score has some very rhythmic moments, but what puts it low on the B tier are the nanooks themselves. From a distance, they look as good as most of the others. But in closeup, they look kind of fake, especially when they're running. Which brings up to the next problem--the story is based on fossil footprints of different lines pointing in the same direction. But how do we know that those parallel tracks were made at the same time and not separated within hours, days or even weeks of each other? And while it is true that nanooks were smaller than t-rexes, their portrayals in the show were just too small. More recent consensus shows that one nanook could easily match a boss in size, if not overtop it.
"Forests" is an everywhere kind of episode. The opening scene with the austroposeidon (Austroposeidon magnificus) is not long enough to get me invested.
Then a herd of trikes (Triceratops, species unknown) visits a cave to visit a clay lick to neutralize the poisons from their plant food. But why clay? Why not salt? Herbivores can clearly deal with poisonous plants without problem, but plants lack sodium, which is why the elephants of Mount Elgon (the inspiration behind that scene) scrape the caves not for clay, but for salt.
This next scene has gotten everyone talking. A male minotaur (Carnotaurus sastrei) clears the stage to wave his arms around to impress an impossibly stoic female. Everything about that scene--from the choreography to the score--is very goofy, and that is what makes it work so well.
While it is nice to finally see the Pinocchio-rex (Qianzhousaurus sinensis) in the flesh, its hunt for bright blue corythoraptors (Corythoraptor jacobsi) is not a scene I'd be in a hurry to revisit.
The fire scene is oddly slow, the only memorable moment in the whole sequence being my first official introduction to Atrociraptor marshalli...literally just one short week before Jurassic World: Dominion predictably ruined it.
The scene with the baby Therizinosaurus is passable. While it is cute to imagine babies having a taste for honey, it just wasn't executed memorably.
The final scene, the one set on Hateg Island, slogs on in pace, with the greatest focus being a bunch of odd-looking baby zalmos (Zalmoxes robustus) running and hiding from the real star of the episode, the robust simurgh (Hatzegopteryx thambena), looking more proper than how it looked in Planet Dinosaur. One question, though--weren't pterosaur wings supposed to be rounded at the tip? Sure, they've got the hands pointing backwards, but the pointed wingtips is now believed to be an outdated picture.
So it goes without saying that years of watching a moderate quantity of Attenborough documentaries has made the watching experience of Prehistoric Planet, at least in comparison to the original Walking with Dinosaurs, a bit numb. The creature designs are good, the CGI has not faltered in its photorealism from The Jungle Book, and even the soundtrack has enough of a score to make it memorable. But it's the stories that amount to the overall numbness of the first season. They hadn't opened my eyes in the way that Walking with Dinosaurs did.
When season 2 was announced literally one year after season 1, I had my doubts. Planet Earth 2 came out literally a decade after the first Planet Earth, and the differences in filming technology and musical score clearly show that. Same for the 16 years that separate The Blue Planet from Blue Planet 2. Dynasties 2, by contrast, came way too soon after the first Dynasties, and the end result is sloppy, from the stories being set at the tedious start rather than at the steady prime to the score from the first Dynasties being reused so often that the only episode to have any new music was "Meerkat". So to find Prehistoric Planet 2 come out literally one year after Prehistoric Planet, I was concerned that it'd be as shorthanded as Dynasties 2 was. The opening episode, "Islands", kind of suffered that, but it thankfully wasn't as severe a problem.
The first segment of that episode struck me as odd because the adult zalmo looks weirdly identical to the baby model from last episode.
While it is cool to see the robust simurgh being expanded upon, I personally wish we'd stayed at Hateg Island, where they'd hunt the Transylvanian dwarf duckbill (Telmatosaurus transylvanicus) and not the funky combbill (Tethyshadros insularis).
One of season 1's most recurring complaints is "no crocodiles", which is pretty apt when you consider how diverse they were during the Cretaceous period. So to see the Malagasy armadillo (Simosuchus clarki) at all, let alone stand up against a mahjong (Majungasaurus crenatissimus), is one to remember for the ages.
This next scene is actually pretty interesting, in which we see Adalatherium, which wasn't a true mammal, but rather something hovering closely outside the taxonomic boundaries. It's a long sequence, which is just as well, because this is as new a clade to me now as the cynodont was when Walking with Dinosaurs came out.
As with in "Ice Worlds", a quick detour to Antarctica doesn't seem necessary to me, as the hunt between the Imperobator and the Morrosaurus feels more like a skim.
The last scene in the episode is my personal favorite, in which a male robust simugh stands on a sandbar to do whatever it takes to impress a mate.
"Badlands" stands out in that there are only two settings. The first one is the strongest because of how the Deccan Traps, long reputed to be the co-culprit to the fall of the dinosaur empire, has been repurposed into prime nesting estate for a herd of sauropods (Isisaurus colberti). The journey seems reckless, but volcanic sand is hot and toasty, something that a modern species of dinosaur, the megapode, also exploits as it lays its egg in the hot volcanic sand of the Solomons.
The next scene hasn't fixed on last year's problems, in which Velociraptor is still there and it still hasn't performed RPR--it just kicks an herbivore off a cliff, and that was that.
The nesting Corythoraptor scene didn't interest me, but what really bugged me was that the antagonist of that sequence was a kuru (Kuru kulla), a raptor who, like the pterosaurs on the "Coasts" episode, was based on incomplete, fragmentary specimens.
The sequence with the tarchias (Tarchia, species unknown), is a refreshing detour from the previous sequence because we have a better idea as to what they would have looked like. And to see them slog around for an oasis is a second highlight (next to the Deccan nursery).
This next scene has nothing new added from either "Time of the Titans" or "Alpha's Egg", in which a herd of baby sauropods gets picked on by larger predators on their way to the safety of the forest.
The majority of the "Freshwater" sequences I feel fit better in "Swamps". The same unnamed pterosaurs from "Freshwater" have reappeared, this time trying to fly past an approaching population of alligators (Shamosuchus djadochtaensis).
The next episode features a grizzly bear gathering of austroraptors (Austroraptor cabazai) hunting gar. It stands out as highly as it does because it shows a species of raptor that looks and acts differently from the usual velo or nych. Plus, we know many miles more about austroraptors than we do about Spinosaurus, so that is a relieving plus.
The devil frog stands out in this episode, and to see a grumpy male try to fight off a herd of goavambe (Rapetosaurus krausei) is humorous. It also deviates from the usual picture of "the frog that eats dinosaurs".
This next sequence I was very concerned the moment I saw it in the ads. Thanks to Jack Horner, the poorly-known family Pachycephalosauridae has been under very hot fire with the notion of bone sponginess being a taxonomically viable method of identification, which it really isn't because all amniotes have spongy bones in their teens. But very thankfully, this sequence does not resort to Hornerism. It shows that older males do get longer horns on the backs of their heads, not the other way around. Also, new evidence has shown that the domes may have been covered in shiny skin, so this has me asking--is the dome a boys-only trait? Could that dracorex (Pachycephalosaurus hogwartsia) skull that I saw at the Black Hills Museum just be a girl entering her sweet 16 when she died? Could those stygimoloch (Pachycephalosaurus spinifer) skulls just be those of high school footballers?
"Swamps" ended on a high note with a couple of t-rexes hunting an anatotitan (Edmontosaurus annectens) in the dark. One just walks to the duckbill, and the animal, in its panic, goes right in the direction of the other t-rex in hiding. This perfectly reflects the current understanding that t-rexes exchanged fast running for better walking. Now can we see some duckbills fighting back, please?
On May 26, The Little Mermaid came out in theaters. A day earlier, "Oceans" came out. If I were to choose, I'd stick to the latter, simply because we're treated to fresh new stories with a wider variety of mosasaurs and ammonites than any of the Walking with programs ever did. The scene with the hesperorns chasing bait fish only to have themselves be chased by bulldog fish (Xiphactinus) is a classic, but a good one. However, "X-fish"? What's wrong with "bulldog fish"? But the highlight, no doubt, is the final sequence, in which a Hoffmann's mosasaur killed a juvenile plesiosaur simply by ramming it great white style.
"Freshwater" was weak due to being sorely unfocused. "North America", by contrast, is even weaker for being too rushed. Also, the "scars make the man" narrative with the trikes bugs me the most. What justification is there for that?
This has been a very exhaustive review of Prehistoric Planet, and it's way too early for me to worry about a season 3 coming out, if there is going to be one.
submitted by JohnWarrenDailey to Dinosaurs [link] [comments]
An Attenborough documentary on dinosaurs with the same CGI that made The Jungle Book so lifelike? I couldn't think of a greater sell. But was it worth it? Would it give me the same sense of wonder that I felt when Walking with Dinosaurs came out 22 years earlier?
The first episode, "Coasts", is overall the strongest episode of season 1. Starting immediately with a swimming t-rex (Tyrannosaurus rex) leading his children to an island where he smelled a dead archelon (species unknown, as no Maastrichtian-age archelon was ever found in the fossil record), that first scene showed the promise of the show as a whole. Seeing CG baby t-rexes interacting with live-action baby turtles is both concerning (as sea turtles are currently endangered) and entertaining, as they are demonstrated pretty goofily. But after that, we are done with dinosaurs for the rest of the episode.
We cut to the one scene that, while endearing with a riveting soundtrack by power couple Anže Rozman and Kara Talve, does give me pause. The pterosaurs featured in that episode were based on bones so fragmentary that they couldn't be diagnosed. How can we be sure that Barbaridactylus was a member of the antlerwing family, Phosphatodraco a member of the simurgh family, or even Tethydraco a member of the pteranodon family? How do we even know what Alcione even looked like? Also, the score doesn't really match the slower, less urgent movements of the pterosaurs.
The next scene was described as "the sunken continent of Zealandia", which is a refresher to see the lost continent bearing recognition for a change. Here, a family of plesiosaurs (Tuarangisaurus keyesi) comes to the coast to gulp themselves on anti-buoyant rocks, while the males ceremoniously poke their long, heavy necks up to the surface, the only good moment in an otherwise generic sequence.
After a quick focus on coral, we get treated to a Hoffmann's mosasaur (Mosasaurus hoffmanni) relying on fish and shrimp to give him a good, proper scratch, only to be pushed out of turn by a younger male. This sequence sticks out to me because it shows mosasaurs being portrayed as animals, not as monsters to shadow Nigel Marven or kaijuified Blackfish bootlegs.
The next scene shows a dazzling, mesmerizing mating ceremony of ammonites ("scaphitids", they were called, but that doesn't determine specific species, as it was a very huge family). They glow in the dark and mate very particularly. If the male's flashes don't sync with those of the female, he'd be rejected. Complimenting this alien but still soothing scene is Rozman and Talve's equally alien and soothing score.
Back in Zealandia, we end with plesiosaur pod mentality, as the whole group defends a pregnant mother from a kaika taniwha (Kaikaifilu hervei). As with the previous plesiosaur scene, it wasn't a scene that I got too crazy about.
The next episode, "Deserts", isn't really as impactful as the Planet Earth episode of the same name, both in regards to execution and the musical score, and it was riddled with confusing scene decisions. The first scene demonstrates a lek of dreadnoughts (Dreadnoughtus schrani) acting like a combination of elephant seals and frigatebirds, right down to the pops on their necks. The score in that sequence is definitely memorable, as it (literally) highlights the weights that the males take to demonstrate their fitness to attract the gaggle of girls in the audience. Though I'm left wondering--did the upstart beat the veteran because he was stronger, or because he popped one of the veteran's neck balloons, as male frigatebirds would do to ditch the competish?
Once the sauropod show is over, we now move to what was presumed to be Nemegtia, but it was portrayed to be as dry as Djadochta, which leads to the next problem. While there was evidence of Maastrichtian-age velos in Central Asia, calling them "Velociraptor" is just wrong. I grew up watching Walking with Dinosaurs, which means I watched "Giant of the Skies", which featured Utahraptor in the wrong place at the wrong time. And while the American cut justifies this with a demonstration of a land bridge that connected North America to Europe, I don't know how much water that holds, and that doesn't seem to be relevant anyway, for the damage has already been done. So having in Velociraptor, a genus of velos that went extinct 71 million years ago, in Nemegtia, which was set 66 million years ago, is just a rehash of that previous mistake. In short, Prehistoric Planet has Utahraptor'd the Velociraptor. And besides, hasn't the picture of pack-hunting raptors already been discarded?
The next scene, the one with the Nemegtian mononych (Mononykus olecranus), is cute but not top-notch memorable, and its color choice is teetering way close to the point of plagiarism.
Afterwards, the brief but violent rains have created a watering hole in the middle of the desert, luring in dinosaurs and pterosaurs from miles around, including a wandering khan (Tarbosaurus bataar). The reason that scene is so low was that it was just a near-identical rotoscope of the Water Truce sequence from The Jungle Book, right down to the herbivores making a clearing for the khan.
Then we go high up to see more Barbaridactylus. This scene I wasn't aware was a problem until Unnatural History Channel brought it up in his video, but the females were shown to be oddly consensual towards the similar-looking sneaky males, who use their feminine appearances to sneak past the larger, more impressive males. This is a problem, apparently, because the more extreme the sexual dimorphism, the more likely the sneaky male will be rejected and therefore resort to assaulting the females.
The last scene is an interesting one, albeit one that suffered an unmemorable score in the soundtrack. Apparently, salty southern duckbills (Secernosaurus koerneri) can thrive on dunes of gypsum, but when rains hit the coast, they rely on both their tenacity and their know-how of the sky to get to more productive grazing. This scene stands out to me because I question why any large animal would choose to thrive on such a taxing environment. It'd make sense for an animal as small as the cryptile, the scrofa and the gryken from The Future is Wild, but not for a duckbill bigger than 16 feet long.
It is unanimously agreed upon that "Freshwater" is the weakest episode in the first season. Apart from the humpbacked false duckbill (Deinocheirus mirificus) getting a scratch in the swamps of a more accurate Nemegtia and the devil frog (Beelzebufo ampinga) making a snack out of a baby whacktooth (Masiaksaurus knoplferi), the habitat itself has been relegated to the backseat, which is why the mating scene of the t-rex and the laying magnificent simurgh (Quetzalcoatlus northropi) are on the C tier, good scenes that have been damaged by simply being in the wrong episode. Speaking of the latter, memes have popped up in which the faces of dinosaurs have been pasted over two shots of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, with either Masiakasaurus or the Planet Dinosaur model of Majungasaurus being Galahad and the Quetzalcoatlus being the French taunter ("What are you doing in Africa?" "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!") when, really, that meme is more applicable to Velociraptor being in the Maastrichtian. On that topic, not only is it STILL in the wrong time, there is another problem, one I didn't pay attention to until Unnatural History Channel brought it up on his video. Instead of showing audiences raptor prey restraint (or "RPR"), the storytellers relied instead on mountain cats to show the velos hunting the pterosaurs (species unknown). Like the Deserts episode, Planet Earth has a far stronger "Freshwater" episode.
"Ice Worlds" didn't excite me as much as "Spirits of the Ice Forest" did, which is a shame, because dinosaurs in the snow is a refresher by default. We start at Prince Creek, which I couldn't ask for a worse place to start because the cast list is very fragmentary. In the opening scene, a pack of raptors (species unknown, though modeled after the pitbull raptor), shadows a herd of ugrunaaluk (Edmontosaurus sp.) for a long-delayed meal. Again, the picture of raptors hunting in packs has been debunked for a very long time now. Why insist on resorting to old cliches?
The Ornithomimus scene (can't think of a vernacular for them), while the designs look cool and add distinction to overall character, is still just a rotoscope of the Adelie penguin sequence from "Frozen Planet". Next.
The sequence with the swanneck (Olorotitan arharensis) is even less impressive. Are horsetails really more nutritious than grass? If so, then why have grasslands been the dominant plains since the Miocene?
The reason the scene with the tro-o is relatively low on the tier list is that it should have been longer, because a dinosaur with the intellect of a fire hawk is a very interesting prospect. But the final scene was just too short and too bland to show off any real gold.
We have spent so much time in the north that I question the necessity of a quick detour to Antarctica, rendering the scene with the polar macahutiul (Antarctopelta oliveroi) my least favorite of the series.
The final scene demonstrates the predator-prey dynamic between the northern boss (Pachyrhinosaurus perotorum) and the nanook (Nanuqsaurus hoglundi). The scene is great, the score has some very rhythmic moments, but what puts it low on the B tier are the nanooks themselves. From a distance, they look as good as most of the others. But in closeup, they look kind of fake, especially when they're running. Which brings up to the next problem--the story is based on fossil footprints of different lines pointing in the same direction. But how do we know that those parallel tracks were made at the same time and not separated within hours, days or even weeks of each other? And while it is true that nanooks were smaller than t-rexes, their portrayals in the show were just too small. More recent consensus shows that one nanook could easily match a boss in size, if not overtop it.
"Forests" is an everywhere kind of episode. The opening scene with the austroposeidon (Austroposeidon magnificus) is not long enough to get me invested.
Then a herd of trikes (Triceratops, species unknown) visits a cave to visit a clay lick to neutralize the poisons from their plant food. But why clay? Why not salt? Herbivores can clearly deal with poisonous plants without problem, but plants lack sodium, which is why the elephants of Mount Elgon (the inspiration behind that scene) scrape the caves not for clay, but for salt.
This next scene has gotten everyone talking. A male minotaur (Carnotaurus sastrei) clears the stage to wave his arms around to impress an impossibly stoic female. Everything about that scene--from the choreography to the score--is very goofy, and that is what makes it work so well.
While it is nice to finally see the Pinocchio-rex (Qianzhousaurus sinensis) in the flesh, its hunt for bright blue corythoraptors (Corythoraptor jacobsi) is not a scene I'd be in a hurry to revisit.
The fire scene is oddly slow, the only memorable moment in the whole sequence being my first official introduction to Atrociraptor marshalli...literally just one short week before Jurassic World: Dominion predictably ruined it.
The scene with the baby Therizinosaurus is passable. While it is cute to imagine babies having a taste for honey, it just wasn't executed memorably.
The final scene, the one set on Hateg Island, slogs on in pace, with the greatest focus being a bunch of odd-looking baby zalmos (Zalmoxes robustus) running and hiding from the real star of the episode, the robust simurgh (Hatzegopteryx thambena), looking more proper than how it looked in Planet Dinosaur. One question, though--weren't pterosaur wings supposed to be rounded at the tip? Sure, they've got the hands pointing backwards, but the pointed wingtips is now believed to be an outdated picture.
So it goes without saying that years of watching a moderate quantity of Attenborough documentaries has made the watching experience of Prehistoric Planet, at least in comparison to the original Walking with Dinosaurs, a bit numb. The creature designs are good, the CGI has not faltered in its photorealism from The Jungle Book, and even the soundtrack has enough of a score to make it memorable. But it's the stories that amount to the overall numbness of the first season. They hadn't opened my eyes in the way that Walking with Dinosaurs did.
When season 2 was announced literally one year after season 1, I had my doubts. Planet Earth 2 came out literally a decade after the first Planet Earth, and the differences in filming technology and musical score clearly show that. Same for the 16 years that separate The Blue Planet from Blue Planet 2. Dynasties 2, by contrast, came way too soon after the first Dynasties, and the end result is sloppy, from the stories being set at the tedious start rather than at the steady prime to the score from the first Dynasties being reused so often that the only episode to have any new music was "Meerkat". So to find Prehistoric Planet 2 come out literally one year after Prehistoric Planet, I was concerned that it'd be as shorthanded as Dynasties 2 was. The opening episode, "Islands", kind of suffered that, but it thankfully wasn't as severe a problem.
The first segment of that episode struck me as odd because the adult zalmo looks weirdly identical to the baby model from last episode.
While it is cool to see the robust simurgh being expanded upon, I personally wish we'd stayed at Hateg Island, where they'd hunt the Transylvanian dwarf duckbill (Telmatosaurus transylvanicus) and not the funky combbill (Tethyshadros insularis).
One of season 1's most recurring complaints is "no crocodiles", which is pretty apt when you consider how diverse they were during the Cretaceous period. So to see the Malagasy armadillo (Simosuchus clarki) at all, let alone stand up against a mahjong (Majungasaurus crenatissimus), is one to remember for the ages.
This next scene is actually pretty interesting, in which we see Adalatherium, which wasn't a true mammal, but rather something hovering closely outside the taxonomic boundaries. It's a long sequence, which is just as well, because this is as new a clade to me now as the cynodont was when Walking with Dinosaurs came out.
As with in "Ice Worlds", a quick detour to Antarctica doesn't seem necessary to me, as the hunt between the Imperobator and the Morrosaurus feels more like a skim.
The last scene in the episode is my personal favorite, in which a male robust simugh stands on a sandbar to do whatever it takes to impress a mate.
"Badlands" stands out in that there are only two settings. The first one is the strongest because of how the Deccan Traps, long reputed to be the co-culprit to the fall of the dinosaur empire, has been repurposed into prime nesting estate for a herd of sauropods (Isisaurus colberti). The journey seems reckless, but volcanic sand is hot and toasty, something that a modern species of dinosaur, the megapode, also exploits as it lays its egg in the hot volcanic sand of the Solomons.
The next scene hasn't fixed on last year's problems, in which Velociraptor is still there and it still hasn't performed RPR--it just kicks an herbivore off a cliff, and that was that.
The nesting Corythoraptor scene didn't interest me, but what really bugged me was that the antagonist of that sequence was a kuru (Kuru kulla), a raptor who, like the pterosaurs on the "Coasts" episode, was based on incomplete, fragmentary specimens.
The sequence with the tarchias (Tarchia, species unknown), is a refreshing detour from the previous sequence because we have a better idea as to what they would have looked like. And to see them slog around for an oasis is a second highlight (next to the Deccan nursery).
This next scene has nothing new added from either "Time of the Titans" or "Alpha's Egg", in which a herd of baby sauropods gets picked on by larger predators on their way to the safety of the forest.
The majority of the "Freshwater" sequences I feel fit better in "Swamps". The same unnamed pterosaurs from "Freshwater" have reappeared, this time trying to fly past an approaching population of alligators (Shamosuchus djadochtaensis).
The next episode features a grizzly bear gathering of austroraptors (Austroraptor cabazai) hunting gar. It stands out as highly as it does because it shows a species of raptor that looks and acts differently from the usual velo or nych. Plus, we know many miles more about austroraptors than we do about Spinosaurus, so that is a relieving plus.
The devil frog stands out in this episode, and to see a grumpy male try to fight off a herd of goavambe (Rapetosaurus krausei) is humorous. It also deviates from the usual picture of "the frog that eats dinosaurs".
This next sequence I was very concerned the moment I saw it in the ads. Thanks to Jack Horner, the poorly-known family Pachycephalosauridae has been under very hot fire with the notion of bone sponginess being a taxonomically viable method of identification, which it really isn't because all amniotes have spongy bones in their teens. But very thankfully, this sequence does not resort to Hornerism. It shows that older males do get longer horns on the backs of their heads, not the other way around. Also, new evidence has shown that the domes may have been covered in shiny skin, so this has me asking--is the dome a boys-only trait? Could that dracorex (Pachycephalosaurus hogwartsia) skull that I saw at the Black Hills Museum just be a girl entering her sweet 16 when she died? Could those stygimoloch (Pachycephalosaurus spinifer) skulls just be those of high school footballers?
"Swamps" ended on a high note with a couple of t-rexes hunting an anatotitan (Edmontosaurus annectens) in the dark. One just walks to the duckbill, and the animal, in its panic, goes right in the direction of the other t-rex in hiding. This perfectly reflects the current understanding that t-rexes exchanged fast running for better walking. Now can we see some duckbills fighting back, please?
On May 26, The Little Mermaid came out in theaters. A day earlier, "Oceans" came out. If I were to choose, I'd stick to the latter, simply because we're treated to fresh new stories with a wider variety of mosasaurs and ammonites than any of the Walking with programs ever did. The scene with the hesperorns chasing bait fish only to have themselves be chased by bulldog fish (Xiphactinus) is a classic, but a good one. However, "X-fish"? What's wrong with "bulldog fish"? But the highlight, no doubt, is the final sequence, in which a Hoffmann's mosasaur killed a juvenile plesiosaur simply by ramming it great white style.
"Freshwater" was weak due to being sorely unfocused. "North America", by contrast, is even weaker for being too rushed. Also, the "scars make the man" narrative with the trikes bugs me the most. What justification is there for that?
This has been a very exhaustive review of Prehistoric Planet, and it's way too early for me to worry about a season 3 coming out, if there is going to be one.
2023.06.05 01:57 CosToCoast ANA RTW Booking Report - My Learnings & Suggestions
I recently completed a RTW award on ANA and wanted to share my experience to help others with this amazing award. I spent a long time researching before going through with booking --Hope this can help the next person! I did make a few mistakes/learnings along the way hope some can take into consideration. Overall, I spent 125,000 points transferred from Amex MR & ~$950 for 8 segments going East from the US in Business.
*I was later able to change the times on the SIN-HND segment, and change the last segment from HND-SFO to NRT-SFO for better timing purposes and a longer stay in both locations. See bottom of this post for details regarding changes after ticketing.
The total portion of my time is about a month, with a majority of my time spent in Europe between LHR and VIE, a small portion of time in Bali to break up flights, and about a week in Japan before flying home.
I would definitely recommend being flexible and don't have your heart set on going one direction originally due to concerns about time in the Air vs. Jetlag etc. I had been reading a few articles/discussions about the best direction to take and really had my heart set on going westward originally; but would say after going through this process to ignore choosing a direction initially and try to do a few samples in either direction to see what is easiest. I think I wasted a-lot of time/frustration originally trying to go westward rather than just seeing what was easiest with the most connection opportunities.
Another research point is that domestic US Business availability/North America is extremly hard to come by. United basically was only offering Economy segments domestically; I didn't see any J fares. AC Departures from US up to Canada was nearly the same thing. I did randomly see consistent J availability from SMF - YVR on a CRJ AC was offering nearly every day, and from ORD on a few dates but didn't think going out of my way was worth it. It was at a bad time and on a relatively undesirable (IMO) CRJ so I could see why that route had wide open availability. The problem was once you made it to YVR; you usually had to connect to YYZ or YYC internationally and I had the same issue finding J space domestically in Canada; so it was a dead end. I ended up just booking my first segment in Economy on AC up to Canada - didn't want to waste valuable hunting time looking for a short segment in J domestically when the biggest fish looking for space was internationally. Don't obsess over having every segment in J especially your first flight. If space opens later you can always switch into a higher class on the same flight.
For research and booking I used FlightConnections to get routing ideas based on Star Alliance carriers. I then used United's monthly award calendar (without being logged in) to see Saver availability, and then confirmed this on ANA's website. I was going to use some other tools but didn't find them useful. I paid for a day trial of point . me but found it slow and cumbersome without the filtering I needed. I didn't find Aeroplan that useful either. If I was to do this again I would explore paying for ExpertFlyer Pro and using that to search more easily.. would have probably been faster. The trial wasn't long enough to be that useful for when I was researching/booking, but it did give me some ideas - and looking back I would have easily paid for a month or two of Pro Membership to speed up my searching. Overall though, I just stuck to FlightConnections + United + ANA confirmation.
I was on edge waiting for the points to deposit the entire weekend, and kept tabs on my various options. US - Europe had a-lot of options on AC; and I also had a few backup options on TAP. The "riskiest" flight for me was VIE-BKK as I really needed to get out of Europe to Asia; and there weren't many options since I was booking really close to the edge of the booking window. I couldn't see any long haul availability on Turkish/Ethiopian/other European Star Alliance carriers; so I was pretty much banking on EVA with my backup as Egyptaiothers. I noticed that Singapore seemingly doesn't publish any saver J availability to partners on long haul flights; but it does have pretty decent availability in J on short haul interasia flights. It seems like the cutoff is around 4.5 hr; but found good availability from some cities in India and even Dhaka in Bangladesh to SIN I could have used to connect to with a mix of EgyptAir / Air India / Singapore if EVA didn't work out but honestly this was a last resort and I didn't want to; but at least I had a plan. During the weekend my original VIE-BKK flight selection disappeared; but luckily they had another flight the next day I was able to book into instead. They also had other options within Europe I could have fallen back on like LHR and AMS. I didn't want to depart from LHR unless absolutely necessary as the UK Departure tax would have been ~200 pounds; something that can be avoided if possible. Definitely look into 5th freedom routes for "hidden gems"; I know Ethiopian offers some too. Apart from this; within Asia there were alot of options, and I wasn't concerned about getting back to the US from Japan because I was purposefully booking on the edge of the booking window for ANA to ensure I had availability.
Points were finally deposited early Monday morning sometime between 1am - 9am EST. I saw them in my account when I woke up early which was perfect as I was targeting calling the ANA Call Center around then, some posters online had said calling around this time resulted in the shortest wait. I waited about 1.5 hours and got a nice agent who helped me. Of note; when I called the very first thing she confirmed was my point balance. It seems like they won't even entertain booking something for you (or at least this agent in particular) if you have 0 points; so I am glad I transferred my points before. She was very helpful in quickly researching and confirming the flights -- at the same time I was on the ANA website with the multi city booking tool confirming the space was there too alongside her. She questioned at first about me backtracking by going from SIN - DPS - SIN but realized I had to do this to connect with SIN - HND as there weren't any direct flights from DPS and was fine with it. At the end of feeding her the flights she said the routing I desired was greater than 22,000 miles (~23,5000 miles) and would trigger the next bucket to be 135,000 points -- my heart sank.
This is where my mistake came in... Originally I had 2 inter-european segments, and also wanted to fly from HND - IAH instead of HND - SFO. The entire time I had been researching with gcmapper to get the distances; I had been using nautical miles (nm) in the calculations rather than statute miles (mi)! The nautical mile calculation had been below 22,000 so I thought I was in the clear the entire time. The agent was super helpful and understood my mistake and I did some research in the background for a few minutes. I ended up dropping the inter-european segments and switching from HND-IAD to HND-SFO which made my routing 21,526mi which was below the 22,000 threshold according to gcmapper. She came back to me and quoted 21,523mi, so we were pretty close in our distances after this... 3 mile difference hah. Disaster averted.
After she confirmed all the segments had availability she put me on hold and calculated the taxes and fees ~($950). The majority of the taxes and fees were from the 2 ANA segments at the end of my trip; with fuel charges. I got sent to an automated phone system to input my card info, and returned back to her (don't hang up!). She told me that she had to have the fare desk ticket the itinerary and I should be getting an email or callback. Sure enough ~2 hours later she called me back and said I had to re-enter my card info as they had some issue with their system; the flight hadn't yet been ticketed. I took the opportunity to change one of the segments during this callback to a better time I had found and she helped me change it since It hadn't yet been ticketed -- I was flustered on the first call when she said the milage was too high.
Something interesting I noted is during the time between calls I was able to see the reservation on the ANA App; and an alert said "Complete Payment by *date*" which was 3 days from the present. So it looks like technically they will "hold" a reservation for up to 3 days while waiting for card payment. It sounded like the Agent was willing to work with me as well when I needed 135,000 points instead of 125,000 points; but I didn't want to spend more or risk the timing with transfers. I wouldn't bank on this at all. Just FYI though. After this second call I got an email about a half an hour later with my receipt and ticket/itinerary and PNR. I was able to select seats and finally relax after the ordeal.
After all of this, I probably spent about 12 hours spaced out during 3 days of the booking process plus my previous research over about a month. Definitely set aside some time for yourself during booking and research.
About a week after booking I noticed one of the flights opened availability from SIN-HND on ANA at a better time. I was originally flying overnight but wanted to fly during the day to help minimize jetlag, and jumped at the chance. Also I wanted to spend more time in Singapore so this helped. Note you can only change the date + time of a flight; it must be the same routing and carrier and class (except you can move up a class if one becomes available and your original ticket allows for that class). I called around 2PM EST and it only took about an hour to get through this time. The agent simply told me I would owe the difference in taxes/fees for the change. There wasn't any penalty or call center charge assessed for this. I had read somewhere that apparently you'd be charged a 1,000 point fee for the change but this wasn't the case for me. The difference amounted to some small amount around a dollar or so which I happily paid. The agent shared something helpful to me -- she asked I save a card on the ANA website to my account rather than doing it on the phone. This would help the Fare Desk charge faster without needing to call me back like last time, I guess they have issues with their credit card system on the phone with some credit cards. I ended up doing this with her on the phone guiding me and she confirmed she could now see my card. The change ended up going through an hour later with a new ticket/itinerary and recipient emailed to me; no second call necessary.
According to the fare rules denoted on my PNR; you can do a similar change with date/time only up to 4 days (96 hours) before departure - also during the trip itself I believe as well. (full endorsements/restrictions on the ticket: NO MILEAGE CREDIT/NH FFP/NON END/RRT/DT CHNG UPTO 4DYS B4 NEW FLT)
submitted by CosToCoast to awardtravel [link] [comments]
Routing
DEN-YYZ-LHR, VIE-BKK-SIN-DPS-SIN-HND-SFO - can paste into GCMap which results in a total of 21,526 mi; within the 22,000 Business Category.
| Routing | CarrieClass |
|---|---|
| DEN (Denver) - YYZ (Toronto) | AC (Air Canada) / Economy |
| YYZ (Toronto) - LHR (London) | AC (Air Canada) / Business |
| VIE (Vienna) - BKK (Bangkok) | BR (Eva Airways) / Business |
| BKK (Bangkok) - SIN (Singapore) | SQ (Singapore) / Business |
| SIN (Singapore) - DPS (Bali) | SQ (Singapore) / Business |
| DPS (Bali) - SIN (Singapore) | SQ (Singapore) / Business |
| SIN (Singapore) - HND (Tokyo)* | NH (ANA) / Business |
| HND (Tokyo) - SFO (San Francisco)* | NH (ANA) / Business |
The total portion of my time is about a month, with a majority of my time spent in Europe between LHR and VIE, a small portion of time in Bali to break up flights, and about a week in Japan before flying home.
Research Process
I had been targeting Spring/Early Summer 2024 for this award for awhile but hadn't nailed down a particular date. I wanted to travel during shoulder season to maximize value, crowds, and decent weather across these regions. I was just waiting for the award calendar to open up for most of the carriers. I started looking about a month out (April) and doing some random searches/looks to see what flights were coming available and possible routings. In my research I found that most flights leaving from the US to Asia booked up fastest right after being released at the edge of the booking window (ex: ANA opens up bookings on its metal 355 days out; and within say 3-4 days of release most of these flights are snatched up and go into Waitlist status in Business). I had originally been planning on flying West from the US and starting in Asia, however, after doing a few mock bookings this soon became apparent it would be near impossible (Especially since Japan in spring is peak season with the Cherry Blossoms, festivals, etc). I would occasionally find a random flight departing from the US to Asia within a month of the edge of the booking window; and try to plan flights around that going westward, but it would disappear extremly quickly and my plans would be spoiled. As a result I found for this time of year it would be easiest to go east from the US through Europe first, and then ending in Asia and snatching my return flights at the edge of the booking window when ANA's flights opened/other carriers.I would definitely recommend being flexible and don't have your heart set on going one direction originally due to concerns about time in the Air vs. Jetlag etc. I had been reading a few articles/discussions about the best direction to take and really had my heart set on going westward originally; but would say after going through this process to ignore choosing a direction initially and try to do a few samples in either direction to see what is easiest. I think I wasted a-lot of time/frustration originally trying to go westward rather than just seeing what was easiest with the most connection opportunities.
Another research point is that domestic US Business availability/North America is extremly hard to come by. United basically was only offering Economy segments domestically; I didn't see any J fares. AC Departures from US up to Canada was nearly the same thing. I did randomly see consistent J availability from SMF - YVR on a CRJ AC was offering nearly every day, and from ORD on a few dates but didn't think going out of my way was worth it. It was at a bad time and on a relatively undesirable (IMO) CRJ so I could see why that route had wide open availability. The problem was once you made it to YVR; you usually had to connect to YYZ or YYC internationally and I had the same issue finding J space domestically in Canada; so it was a dead end. I ended up just booking my first segment in Economy on AC up to Canada - didn't want to waste valuable hunting time looking for a short segment in J domestically when the biggest fish looking for space was internationally. Don't obsess over having every segment in J especially your first flight. If space opens later you can always switch into a higher class on the same flight.
For research and booking I used FlightConnections to get routing ideas based on Star Alliance carriers. I then used United's monthly award calendar (without being logged in) to see Saver availability, and then confirmed this on ANA's website. I was going to use some other tools but didn't find them useful. I paid for a day trial of point . me but found it slow and cumbersome without the filtering I needed. I didn't find Aeroplan that useful either. If I was to do this again I would explore paying for ExpertFlyer Pro and using that to search more easily.. would have probably been faster. The trial wasn't long enough to be that useful for when I was researching/booking, but it did give me some ideas - and looking back I would have easily paid for a month or two of Pro Membership to speed up my searching. Overall though, I just stuck to FlightConnections + United + ANA confirmation.
Booking Process
The time had come to where the edge of the booking window was approaching the dates I wanted. I had a few routings in mind and had saved multiple variations targeting the 22,000 mileage cap. I had a few options but nothing nailed down; so I started the process to transfer 125,000 points from Amex to ANA. Even though as a "best practice" most say to not transfer until you have the flights chosen or held, I had read some conflicting points online stating ANA does not do holds, so didn't want to risk this. I was confident based on my research I would be able to piece something together as I had a-lot of backup options chosen. I attempted to transfer late on a Friday afternoon online but got the message the transfer was unsuccessful and had to call Amex; did that early Saturday morning and they completed the transfer for me manually. Turns out I didn't have a "Call Center Pin" setup; so make sure you go into your account and set one before trying and the transfer online should go through, according to the agent. This ordeal added to my stress during the process -- if you are going to be transferring MR please make note!I was on edge waiting for the points to deposit the entire weekend, and kept tabs on my various options. US - Europe had a-lot of options on AC; and I also had a few backup options on TAP. The "riskiest" flight for me was VIE-BKK as I really needed to get out of Europe to Asia; and there weren't many options since I was booking really close to the edge of the booking window. I couldn't see any long haul availability on Turkish/Ethiopian/other European Star Alliance carriers; so I was pretty much banking on EVA with my backup as Egyptaiothers. I noticed that Singapore seemingly doesn't publish any saver J availability to partners on long haul flights; but it does have pretty decent availability in J on short haul interasia flights. It seems like the cutoff is around 4.5 hr; but found good availability from some cities in India and even Dhaka in Bangladesh to SIN I could have used to connect to with a mix of EgyptAir / Air India / Singapore if EVA didn't work out but honestly this was a last resort and I didn't want to; but at least I had a plan. During the weekend my original VIE-BKK flight selection disappeared; but luckily they had another flight the next day I was able to book into instead. They also had other options within Europe I could have fallen back on like LHR and AMS. I didn't want to depart from LHR unless absolutely necessary as the UK Departure tax would have been ~200 pounds; something that can be avoided if possible. Definitely look into 5th freedom routes for "hidden gems"; I know Ethiopian offers some too. Apart from this; within Asia there were alot of options, and I wasn't concerned about getting back to the US from Japan because I was purposefully booking on the edge of the booking window for ANA to ensure I had availability.
Points were finally deposited early Monday morning sometime between 1am - 9am EST. I saw them in my account when I woke up early which was perfect as I was targeting calling the ANA Call Center around then, some posters online had said calling around this time resulted in the shortest wait. I waited about 1.5 hours and got a nice agent who helped me. Of note; when I called the very first thing she confirmed was my point balance. It seems like they won't even entertain booking something for you (or at least this agent in particular) if you have 0 points; so I am glad I transferred my points before. She was very helpful in quickly researching and confirming the flights -- at the same time I was on the ANA website with the multi city booking tool confirming the space was there too alongside her. She questioned at first about me backtracking by going from SIN - DPS - SIN but realized I had to do this to connect with SIN - HND as there weren't any direct flights from DPS and was fine with it. At the end of feeding her the flights she said the routing I desired was greater than 22,000 miles (~23,5000 miles) and would trigger the next bucket to be 135,000 points -- my heart sank.
This is where my mistake came in... Originally I had 2 inter-european segments, and also wanted to fly from HND - IAH instead of HND - SFO. The entire time I had been researching with gcmapper to get the distances; I had been using nautical miles (nm) in the calculations rather than statute miles (mi)! The nautical mile calculation had been below 22,000 so I thought I was in the clear the entire time. The agent was super helpful and understood my mistake and I did some research in the background for a few minutes. I ended up dropping the inter-european segments and switching from HND-IAD to HND-SFO which made my routing 21,526mi which was below the 22,000 threshold according to gcmapper. She came back to me and quoted 21,523mi, so we were pretty close in our distances after this... 3 mile difference hah. Disaster averted.
After she confirmed all the segments had availability she put me on hold and calculated the taxes and fees ~($950). The majority of the taxes and fees were from the 2 ANA segments at the end of my trip; with fuel charges. I got sent to an automated phone system to input my card info, and returned back to her (don't hang up!). She told me that she had to have the fare desk ticket the itinerary and I should be getting an email or callback. Sure enough ~2 hours later she called me back and said I had to re-enter my card info as they had some issue with their system; the flight hadn't yet been ticketed. I took the opportunity to change one of the segments during this callback to a better time I had found and she helped me change it since It hadn't yet been ticketed -- I was flustered on the first call when she said the milage was too high.
Something interesting I noted is during the time between calls I was able to see the reservation on the ANA App; and an alert said "Complete Payment by *date*" which was 3 days from the present. So it looks like technically they will "hold" a reservation for up to 3 days while waiting for card payment. It sounded like the Agent was willing to work with me as well when I needed 135,000 points instead of 125,000 points; but I didn't want to spend more or risk the timing with transfers. I wouldn't bank on this at all. Just FYI though. After this second call I got an email about a half an hour later with my receipt and ticket/itinerary and PNR. I was able to select seats and finally relax after the ordeal.
After all of this, I probably spent about 12 hours spaced out during 3 days of the booking process plus my previous research over about a month. Definitely set aside some time for yourself during booking and research.
Change Process
Something I hadn't seen much of online was the process for making a change to an existing RTW booking - I ended up doing this as well, so hopefully this can help some.About a week after booking I noticed one of the flights opened availability from SIN-HND on ANA at a better time. I was originally flying overnight but wanted to fly during the day to help minimize jetlag, and jumped at the chance. Also I wanted to spend more time in Singapore so this helped. Note you can only change the date + time of a flight; it must be the same routing and carrier and class (except you can move up a class if one becomes available and your original ticket allows for that class). I called around 2PM EST and it only took about an hour to get through this time. The agent simply told me I would owe the difference in taxes/fees for the change. There wasn't any penalty or call center charge assessed for this. I had read somewhere that apparently you'd be charged a 1,000 point fee for the change but this wasn't the case for me. The difference amounted to some small amount around a dollar or so which I happily paid. The agent shared something helpful to me -- she asked I save a card on the ANA website to my account rather than doing it on the phone. This would help the Fare Desk charge faster without needing to call me back like last time, I guess they have issues with their credit card system on the phone with some credit cards. I ended up doing this with her on the phone guiding me and she confirmed she could now see my card. The change ended up going through an hour later with a new ticket/itinerary and recipient emailed to me; no second call necessary.
According to the fare rules denoted on my PNR; you can do a similar change with date/time only up to 4 days (96 hours) before departure - also during the trip itself I believe as well. (full endorsements/restrictions on the ticket: NO MILEAGE CREDIT/NH FFP/NON END/RRT/DT CHNG UPTO 4DYS B4 NEW FLT)
TLDNeed to know Tips
- Successfully booked ANA RTW in Business at 125,000 points transferred from MR ~950 in taxes/fees. ANA was the culprit for majority of costs with fuel surcharges on 2 segments I flew.
- Don't have your heart set on going a particular direction upfront - go with what is easiest to book, and be flexible!
- Make sure you have Call Center Pin set in Amex if using MR before transferring to ANA to avoid issues.
- ANA seems to not hold for RTW for point transfer time if you have no points; I was asked upfront if I had the points before the agent would assist me. I had to transfer before.
- You can store a card online in ANA's system before calling which can help the Fare Desk/agent speed up processing to avoid callbacks/payment issues. You can store up to two cards. They were willing to hold itinerary up to 3 days awaiting card payment, and possibly for more points (but not with 0 points in my account) - did not test this. Use this info at your own risk. I wouldn't bank on it with points -- risky.
- Used United's award calendar without being logged in + FlightConnections; consider paying for ExpertFlyer too, also be savvy about the booking window(s) of carriers and book against the edge for the best availability especially with ANA.
- When calculating distance with gcmapper use statute miles (mi) not nautical miles (nm)!
- You can change flight(s) after booking as long as its simply a date+time change - no change in routing/carrier. Class change upwards is allowed if your original ticket allows for it. I was not assessed a penalty/fee for the change like some claimed online - could depend though. You are responsible for paying the difference in the calculated taxes/carrier imposed surcharges if any before the trip departs, but not once it has commenced if you make a change.
- Thanks to u/the_fit_hit_the_shan for letting me know you can change flights based on co-terminal airports, ex: HND/NRT. I'd imagine DCA/IAD or NY area airports are similar in this regard. I was able to utilize this after being made aware by switching from HND-SFO to NRT-SFO a day later at a better time.
2023.06.05 01:36 ReplyInteresting1304 [FTF] Dark Secret - Western
Their exchange carried them through the week-night 'til the sun turned red. The big blaze was setting on Bull Creek, & they had gotten drunk enough to prove it. Turner hunched over his hickory countertop, ice rattling in his empty glass. His Stetson hung low, his gray fuzz suspended over the table's fine wooden ridges.
At his home that evening was kindred spirit, Digby Jones, running the opposite end of the counter. Another old man clinging to the dark hair of youth. He sat back on the creaky barstool, lifting up his pint to polish off a bit more whiskey. Alcohol was hard on the ol' liver for Jones, ever since he cleaned up his act. He was still soaking up his rye.
"Awful nosy people 'round here, then." Turner muttered. Jones fought to keep him grounded. "Ain't that the truth. Either that, or ya really do got some'n fancy in that ol' hatch."
The banter caught a coy wheeeeeeeeeeze from the man, pulled from his mix of pondering & drunken stupor. Jones beamed at his grin. "No, I ain't got nothin' in that cellar. Just more of this shit!" Turner raised his glass for emphasis. Jones laughed, his bud backtracking into offended confusion.
"Now-- who's even sayin' all that? Who's got business in my floorboards?" He waved a perplexed hand. Jones pressed his palms into the hickory, tapping the table as he leaned in. "Isaac reckons it's some'n to do with Dean Whitley's daughter!" He reeled his head with a cackle. Turner pounded the counter with a balled fist.
Gruff teeth-grinding spat out his mouth. "Damnit, I knew it. I done told that boy..."
"Oh Lawrence, say it ain't so! You, with the paper-man's daughter?"
Rolled eyes. "C'mon, Digs, it's not like that." Jones' laugh drug on & dried up. "I know, I know. It doesn't sound like you anyway, Lawrence. Not with your Catherine expecting, now." His burned-out chuckles left in a sigh. But Turner had said nothing. By then, he was clasping the countertop with both hands, pinning Jones' attention with dry eyes.
He had already given up his oath to secrecy.
"Do you really wanna know?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
The wooden cut-out raised, peeling back on its iron hinges. A lantern passed through, carried by two boot sets. The hatch closed.
They stepped past crisscross shelves with moonshine décor. In a corner, Jones outlined rods & a bucket hat sat on a barrel. Remnants of Turner's fishing days in the south-east. He trailed in pace with the brother, stepping 'round a wood beam here, over a canyon portrait there.
The journey stopped with the lantern sat atop a dresser. Jones stood over Turner's side. His wrinkly fingers slid the top nook back, unveiling a patterned chest in the dim gas-light. The top lifted off, & he gently plucked the contents of a red bandana, sitting it by the lantern.
There was silence. Still, Turner lifted a finger to his lips. Shh.
"What am I looking at?" Jones whispered.
His buddy unfolded the bandana wrapping, a six-piece tucked inside.
He buried his suspicions within. "...Hell of an iron."
"You act like you've never met her."
"...Met her?"
"Yeah, Digs." A piercing, oiled gaze. "It's Catherine."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
His Stetson hung from its hook, his gray fuzz rocking back 'n forth in the hickory chair. His constant movement, the homeostasis of drunken restlessness. A sandy breeze tumbled in their far-off gaze. And Jones was frozen, nails curled 'round the end of each armrest; an anxious slouch in his chair.
Their eyes were best left apart. Under the lantern glow and moonlight, they instead peered into the desert. It was like a pebbled ocean. A long beat sat in the air; the saddle of confession.
"...You told us she went to see her mother, up north."
The soft whale-sound of the bellowing night wind.
"I did."
Sweat drunk in his scalp, watching the old coot finger with the frame. Just as, wind chime kisses rang overhead.
"...Why her?"
It came out like a demand.
"She bit my shoulder."
An avian dot curved in the black sky.
"...I don't understand."
Turner rocked. And rocked. And stopped to think for a moment.
"Life's complicated, Digs."
And he rocked. Crickets sounded in the dunes. Jones tried to lighten the mood, in denying disbelief.
"...Shoot her any?"
"Fuck no."
Another injection of adrenaline to Jones' system. He clamped his eyes shut.
"...Why not?"
Another end to Turner's rocking. Even he pondered on his quick response. A perverse stare mapped out each ridge of the sidearm. Wherever he was looking, he arrived.
"Lord knows I hate to give her away."
Jones lifted a hand to sponge the liquid caking his cheek.
Turner lifted the muzzle, pointing its tip like a compass into the night.
"Y' see it?"
Eyes scanning the deep.
"No sir, I don't." Jones panted.
The wasteland's belly groaned, and the aching was the wind.
"It rides at bedtime. A posse like thunder. Horses without hooves..."
The man leaned forward in his chair with a squint.
"They're wranglin' somethin' out there."
Jones was out of questions. He didn't want to know anymore. He nestled his temple in his palm. By then, he had just been speaking on Turner's accord.
"Is that right, Lawrence?"
Turner's index coiled onto the trigger, his thumb fingering the hammer.
"Yeah."
The hand over his head had become a mask for his eyes. Jones offered a final inquisition.
"What are they wranglin' on, Lawrence?"
Catherine clicked. Her voice was a gargling of blood. Her intonation said she had accepted that bubbling red long ago. By now, she only tasted moonshine.
"The spirit of Dean Whitley. It's out there, in that desert. Maybe it's the hooves."
submitted by ReplyInteresting1304 to replyinteresting1304 [link] [comments]
At his home that evening was kindred spirit, Digby Jones, running the opposite end of the counter. Another old man clinging to the dark hair of youth. He sat back on the creaky barstool, lifting up his pint to polish off a bit more whiskey. Alcohol was hard on the ol' liver for Jones, ever since he cleaned up his act. He was still soaking up his rye.
"Awful nosy people 'round here, then." Turner muttered. Jones fought to keep him grounded. "Ain't that the truth. Either that, or ya really do got some'n fancy in that ol' hatch."
The banter caught a coy wheeeeeeeeeeze from the man, pulled from his mix of pondering & drunken stupor. Jones beamed at his grin. "No, I ain't got nothin' in that cellar. Just more of this shit!" Turner raised his glass for emphasis. Jones laughed, his bud backtracking into offended confusion.
"Now-- who's even sayin' all that? Who's got business in my floorboards?" He waved a perplexed hand. Jones pressed his palms into the hickory, tapping the table as he leaned in. "Isaac reckons it's some'n to do with Dean Whitley's daughter!" He reeled his head with a cackle. Turner pounded the counter with a balled fist.
Gruff teeth-grinding spat out his mouth. "Damnit, I knew it. I done told that boy..."
"Oh Lawrence, say it ain't so! You, with the paper-man's daughter?"
Rolled eyes. "C'mon, Digs, it's not like that." Jones' laugh drug on & dried up. "I know, I know. It doesn't sound like you anyway, Lawrence. Not with your Catherine expecting, now." His burned-out chuckles left in a sigh. But Turner had said nothing. By then, he was clasping the countertop with both hands, pinning Jones' attention with dry eyes.
He had already given up his oath to secrecy.
"Do you really wanna know?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
The wooden cut-out raised, peeling back on its iron hinges. A lantern passed through, carried by two boot sets. The hatch closed.
They stepped past crisscross shelves with moonshine décor. In a corner, Jones outlined rods & a bucket hat sat on a barrel. Remnants of Turner's fishing days in the south-east. He trailed in pace with the brother, stepping 'round a wood beam here, over a canyon portrait there.
The journey stopped with the lantern sat atop a dresser. Jones stood over Turner's side. His wrinkly fingers slid the top nook back, unveiling a patterned chest in the dim gas-light. The top lifted off, & he gently plucked the contents of a red bandana, sitting it by the lantern.
There was silence. Still, Turner lifted a finger to his lips. Shh.
"What am I looking at?" Jones whispered.
His buddy unfolded the bandana wrapping, a six-piece tucked inside.
He buried his suspicions within. "...Hell of an iron."
"You act like you've never met her."
"...Met her?"
"Yeah, Digs." A piercing, oiled gaze. "It's Catherine."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
His Stetson hung from its hook, his gray fuzz rocking back 'n forth in the hickory chair. His constant movement, the homeostasis of drunken restlessness. A sandy breeze tumbled in their far-off gaze. And Jones was frozen, nails curled 'round the end of each armrest; an anxious slouch in his chair.
Their eyes were best left apart. Under the lantern glow and moonlight, they instead peered into the desert. It was like a pebbled ocean. A long beat sat in the air; the saddle of confession.
"...You told us she went to see her mother, up north."
The soft whale-sound of the bellowing night wind.
"I did."
Sweat drunk in his scalp, watching the old coot finger with the frame. Just as, wind chime kisses rang overhead.
"...Why her?"
It came out like a demand.
"She bit my shoulder."
An avian dot curved in the black sky.
"...I don't understand."
Turner rocked. And rocked. And stopped to think for a moment.
"Life's complicated, Digs."
And he rocked. Crickets sounded in the dunes. Jones tried to lighten the mood, in denying disbelief.
"...Shoot her any?"
"Fuck no."
Another injection of adrenaline to Jones' system. He clamped his eyes shut.
"...Why not?"
Another end to Turner's rocking. Even he pondered on his quick response. A perverse stare mapped out each ridge of the sidearm. Wherever he was looking, he arrived.
"Lord knows I hate to give her away."
Jones lifted a hand to sponge the liquid caking his cheek.
Turner lifted the muzzle, pointing its tip like a compass into the night.
"Y' see it?"
Eyes scanning the deep.
"No sir, I don't." Jones panted.
The wasteland's belly groaned, and the aching was the wind.
"It rides at bedtime. A posse like thunder. Horses without hooves..."
The man leaned forward in his chair with a squint.
"They're wranglin' somethin' out there."
Jones was out of questions. He didn't want to know anymore. He nestled his temple in his palm. By then, he had just been speaking on Turner's accord.
"Is that right, Lawrence?"
Turner's index coiled onto the trigger, his thumb fingering the hammer.
"Yeah."
The hand over his head had become a mask for his eyes. Jones offered a final inquisition.
"What are they wranglin' on, Lawrence?"
Catherine clicked. Her voice was a gargling of blood. Her intonation said she had accepted that bubbling red long ago. By now, she only tasted moonshine.
"The spirit of Dean Whitley. It's out there, in that desert. Maybe it's the hooves."
2023.06.05 01:23 airbenderbarney Pros and cons for part 141 vs part 61
I’m currently attending a 141 flight school through the university in my town and I’m (hopefully) just a few weeks away from getting my PPL. I’m behind schedule for usual reasons like weather and maintenance but also because I’m struggling to nail down certain maneuvers. I’ve used up all of the allotted hours for the spring semester and failed my EOC stage check and now I’m using remedial hours that cost extra on top of my regular tuition. There is a part 61 school about 40 minutes away from where I live and I’m starting to wonder if I would be better off training there instead. I understand there’s a lot of pros and cons to both but if I continue at my current school and end up using remedial time on extension every semester (which I hope wouldn’t be the case) it will take me twice as long as projected to get all of my certifications. I asked one of my previous instructors at the school for advice because she’s trained and instructed at both types of school and I thought she would have some good insight for me and she recommended that I stay at my current school. 141 was better in her experience. But she’s a very driven, type A personality whereas I’m a bit more laid back and honestly I’m not in that big of a hurry to get to the airlines. I could probably benefit from using more hours than are required by the FARs. I know it will be a hassle to switch schools and financing will be harder if I can’t get deferred-payment student loans but if a 61 environment is a better fit for me I’m sure I could make it work. I just want to hear some thoughts from the good pilots of Reddit. Is my old instructor right in that 141 is generally better? Or do some pilots thrive better training under 61 rules?
submitted by airbenderbarney to flying [link] [comments]
2023.06.05 01:18 nxnje KZ x HBB PR2 Review (IEM)
 | TLDR for those who have no time or willingness to read the full review: submitted by nxnje to headphones [link] [comments]
INTRODUCTION2022 was a crucial year for Chi-Fi development and the planar war pushed brands to their boundaries in order to keep up with the latest technology. Today, we are finally able to see planar IEMs in the budget segment too, and KZ was among the few that could really count on its scale economies to keep the price down and launch a very cheap planar set: this is where the KZ x HBB PR2 come into play.Disclaimer: the KZ x HBB PR2 were provided by Tyvan Lam from Knowledge Zenith (KZ) free of charge in order to write an honest review. I do not represent them in any way and this is not promotional content. At the time of the review, the KZ x HBB PR2 were sold for around €50 on KZ's Official Store on Aliexpress. https://preview.redd.it/mrxdgw4f334b1.jpg?width=1500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=393896281e7989dd1b33ac1f78a5029a35457364 TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONSConfiguration → 1 x 13,2mm Planar Magnetic DriverSensitivity → 94 ± 3 dB Impedance → 15 ± 3 Ω Frequency Response → 20 Hz – 40000 Hz Cable → 1,2m silver copper cable with 0,75mm PINs, no microphone on this sample but a MIC version is available Plug Type → L-type gold plated 3,5mm jack PACKAGINGThe packaging is nothing special, just like the majority of KZ/CCA sets. One thing I'd like to note is that the top cover is made of transparent plastic, the tips and the cable are contained in two separate small plastic packets, and considering that KZ mentions environmental protection I think they should start using cardboard instead of plastic. The box contains:
https://preview.redd.it/hdwhsswf334b1.jpg?width=1500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=72b72c757361e9cecf8b4bc55d2aebe6bc9e28bb DESIGN AND BUILD QUALITYKZ x HBB PR2’s design is minimal with a reflective faceplate that makes them very sleek and the overall assembly and plastic quality is noteworthy. One thing to mention is that the PR2 are thicker than the average IEM because of the fact that planar drivers usually take more space and need bigger shells, but there are no sharp edges or wings that could cause discomfort. Another good news is that the nozzle is a bit smaller than expected and I’m also happy to see that it ends with a small lip.https://preview.redd.it/yiu3lw8h334b1.jpg?width=1500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b5c5bacd423d41fb3904edb41f478b38d4a88cd0 https://preview.redd.it/vota6w8h334b1.jpg?width=1500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3384159b716446c34f2112f6cfb35523b438a25c https://preview.redd.it/kddtbx8h334b1.jpg?width=1500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1fd42f3c02b403dfe8953d6774a1c725d94987be CABLEThe cable is ages ahead of the old cables that KZ used to ship with their IEMs, while it is average for nowadays’ standards. In any case, it’s a solid cable and seems to be durable. Unfortunately, though, there’s no chin slider on it.https://preview.redd.it/nz5fv7rh334b1.jpg?width=1500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=826d9b81b78d6d00505d1c1d6953ffffc5c3c9c7 COMFORT AND ISOLATIONThe PR2 are very comfortable overall, this thanks to the small nozzle and the absence of shell wings. Those with very small ears, though, could face some fitting issues given the thick shells. Isolation is only average, but that was to be expected considering the semi-open back design.https://preview.redd.it/fs7kjpqi334b1.jpg?width=1500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=180627b2d5916d60da2fda1acf47268ac6f0e350 SOUNDGEAR USED FOR THE TESTDAC: Topping E30 AMP: Topping L30 Mobile phones: Samsung Galaxy S7 Edge Dongle: Apple Type-C dongle, Truthear SHIO Portable DAPs: Benjie S8/AGPTEK M30B Other sources: Presonus AudioBox iONE Tips used: Stock KZ Starline tips Do they need an amplifier? They don’t strictly need an amplifier, but may sound a bit less loud on weak sources due to the low sensitivity. They also scale pretty well with some amplification. Sound signature The KZ x HBB PR2 are warm and follow a sort of more relaxed version of the Harman target. Lows: sub-bass and bass are there in enough quantity to satisfy any listener and any genre. The sub-bass has nice extension and the sub-bass is well controlled and clean, even though it could use a bit more rumble. The bass has nice textures and a nice punch too, and you also get all the benefits of a planar driver: speedier transients, drier and faster kickdrums and low decay, which lead to an overall more agile set. The planar timbre of the bass is not completely gone, but many also like that kind of approach so it’s either good or bad news depending on the listener’s preferences. Mids: the midrange is present and not recessed like on older KZ products. Male vocals have good depth and don’t get masked by the mid-bass bleed, while female vocals are very energetic but occasionally show some sibilance. Instruments are also well placed in the space and their timbre is not off, which is another noteworthy characteristic of the PR2. Highs: highs have good extension and detail retrieval is good for the price bricket, but very small nuances aren’t an effortless task for the PR2. There aren’t “fatiguing” peaks or harsh, but the treble can occasionally be somewhat capricious and slightly splashy if these are underpowered or plugged to weak sources (probably due to the cheap planar driver). Those who are very sensitive may still feel the need for an even more relaxed set as the PR2 are still pretty bright, but in general the treble tuning is not bad and counterbalances the low-end nicely. The soundstage is wide and has good depth too, height is average. Imaging is very good for the price and so is the instrument separation. This definitely is one of the most advanced sets from KZ in terms of technical ability. SOME COMPARISON:--------------------------- KZ x HBB PR2 vs Celest Pandamon ---------------------------The Celest Pandamon isn’t a traditional planar, but it’s still a relevant set and almost shares the same price bricket with the KZ PR2. The biggest difference is that the PR2 are more energetic, more fun, brighter and more detailed, whereas the Pandamon are more relaxed, more neutral and natural in bass and treble regions. Pandamon’s timbre is perfectly in-line with most dynamic driver IEMs out there, while the PR2 have a more planar-ish bass timbre. Technical ability is not on very different levels so it all comes down to personal preferences and tastes. When it comes to build quality and design, tho, the PR2 just nail it. The stock cable is average on both with no one really taking the lead. Comfort is better with the PR2, even though Pandamon is not bad either. PR2 isolate slightly better, moreover while using the stock foam tips. ----------------------- KZ x HBB PR2 vs Celest Gumiho -----------------------Another very nice release from Celest, which came out even before the Pandamon. The low-end on the Gumiho is more present and punchy and carries more weight than the PR2, but the latter are faster, more precise and have slower bass decay. The midrange is more forward on the PR2 but the Gumiho has more energy in female vocals with the risk of being a tad shouty and sibilant in rare occasions. Lower midrange is warmer on the Gumiho with more weight but the PR2 somehow manage to have more natural male vocals. Highs have better extension on the PR2 that also happen to have a slightly less aggressive lower treble. The upper treble, instead, is more polite on the Gumiho, even though this leads to a less open sound on the latter. Technical performance is better on the PR2 with better staging and a slightly more precise imaging. Build quality is good on both, while Gumiho’s stock cable is better. Comfort is better wearing the PR2 as the Gumiho are trickier to fit properly in the ear due to their unique shell, whereas isolation is on par (although I was expecting PR2 to be inferior to the Gumiho due to their semi-open back design).FINAL THOUGHTSThe KZ x HBB PR2 were a pleasant surprise: not only the tuning is a big step forward considering KZ’s lineup, but also the overall technical ability is great for how much the company charges for these. For sure they are not perfect, as a lot of power is needed to drive them, the bass could use a bit more punch and rumble and the highs occasionally become splashy if underpowered, but the truth is that it’s super hard to complain about the overall performance of this set.Those who search for an ultra-budget planar magnetic drivers are very lucky nowadays, and hopefully this trend will lead to more competition in the market as it would mean better and better prices for the final user. Good job KZ, glad to see you back on the right track! |
2023.06.05 00:54 ThePhlyingPhish What Happened on June 3rd?
Honestly? I have no idea how to start this one. In fact, I don't even know if I should post this, period. My parents brought me my phone a couple hours ago, and scrolling through YouTube and Reddit doesn't do much to take my mind off of things. I might as well write my heart out, right? Maybe somebody out there can find my story helpful, insightful, thoughtful... I dunno. Anyways, I might as well get writing before another couple officers walk in, looking for some details that they missed the last time I told them about what happened on June 3rd.
This part isn't exactly central to the story per se, but I'd like to just honor my buds, say what I thought about them before I forget. These guys, to me, were like a second family. The type of guys you'd call to help get rid off a body, the type of guys who would follow you anywhere. I've known them since I transferred in 4th grade. Only pair of dudes that would give me the time of day in the entire school, Andy and Gabriel. Andy was a sort of short and skinny guy, but he'd talk so much you'd swear he was six inches taller than he was. He'd always go on like he was God's greatest gift on Earth, especially when it came to sports. He'd yell Kobe and miss a rebound, or tell us to call him Messi and miss every goal. Your typical jokester. We didn't start off as friends either. It was around the fourth time
in the Office for fighting that I got wise, looked over at him, glanced at his bruised eye, then felt my own jaw. "Hey, we good? I got my licks-" I paused to scratch my cheek for effect- "and you definitely got yours..." Andy just looked me up and down once, checked himself, grinned like a Hyena and that was that. I met Gabriel through Andy. He was the only one of us you could call a popular kid. He's good at Baseball, really friggin' athletic, tall, built like a milk truck, and kind. Super kind. Like you could just ask him for a french fry, or a slice of bacon off his burger or something and he'd just do it. Didn't expect anything back. Didn't say anything. He'd glance up and just give you whatever you needed, no BS. We were walking back to Gabe's house after a party at a Junior's house, some slacker that wears a bunch of fake bling to school and takes "bathroom breaks" to vape in the stall. Some dude destined to be handing you a Big Mac in a couple years, you know? Not exactly the shining example of morality, not that I would know. Anyways, I really only showed up to shoot the shit with my buds and for some "apple juice" in those plastic red cups. I was going to bounce when I figured out this dude who was hosting the party, Mr. "I'm too cool for school", didn't have anything that could get me plastered. As it turns out, Gabriel wasn't feeling the party either, and Andy was "having no luck with the ladies", (Giggity,) so we all decided to nab a couple of waters and cookies for the road and stepped out into a warm summer evening. (Seriously, Andy gives me pedo vibes sometimes)
It wasn't exactly dark when we left the house. It was that perfect time of night where there was red, orange and purple reflecting off of the clouds in the sky. I snapped a photo 'cause I'm that kinda guy, and we started walking. This neighborhood was one of those aging 60's neighborhoods with all of the one story buildings, rusty chain-link fences, crack houses, senior citizens, that sort of stuff. Perfectly square blocks and blocks of houses with the peeling paint, broken sidewalks, barking dogs, you get the picture. If you were to think of the neighborhood from the top down, it would be like a big square with about three streets of depth inwards, with a big forest in the middle. Inconveniently, the party was in the western corner, while Gabe's house was down a slope, on the exact opposite side, the east side of the neighborhood. Basically a big pain in the posterior. Now just to be clear, we couldn't call Gabriel's mom for a pickup because of the nature of the party, and we weren't really feeling like taking the shortcut path through the woods at night, so we took the long way around. about a quarter of the way down, like 10-15 minutes into the walk, the lights lining the street flicked on. Now, that didn't bother us too much, because Gabe's casa was su casa, or whatever. In short, we had spent a lot of time walking around here before. Anyways, when the lights turned on they sort of dazzled my eyes, and a whole thing happened with me and the sidewalk called tripping. I went down and cut up my hands real nice and both of the guys turned around to help me up. It took them a second to spot me, because the lights lining the street were spaced in such a way that they would have a sort of staggered area of effect when they turned on. I had happened to trip right in one of the dark spots, so like I said, it took them a second to get me off of the ground. I got up, and did that thing you do when your hands hurt after a fall and you smack them together and rub them against your pants.
"You good?" asked Andy.
"Yeah yeah, I'm fine," I said, still slapping my thighs.
I looked up and saw somebody standing underneath the closest streetlamp. They were positioned in such a way that they faced the road from the lip of the sidewalk they stood on, with their head cocked slightly way from us and down, like they were staring intently at a bug or something in the road.
they guys must have seen me gazing off into the distance and they turned around to stare with me. the figure was around 20 feet away, right underneath the halo of light that the streetlamp made. they were wearing an old ice cream coat and uniform, like something out of the 60's. The folded cap on their head at a jaunty angle, a shock of slicked back golden hair just underneath it.
"Whaaaaat theeeee fuuuuuuck..?" I whisper to no one in particular.
When did he get there?
We had started walking towards the man, transfixed, and stopped just outside of the light's reach. He looked gaunt, sickly, almost. His mouth was pulled into a thin customer service sort of smile. the uniform he wore was a bit dirty, with a twig or two hanging from his pants like he had been running through the forest or something. that something on the ground seemed to be pretty interesting to him, so we all turned to try to sot what was capturing his attention. Looking back, I should have known right there. Have you ever seen someone doing or wearing or saying something that had compelled you to stare at them? Like a junkie downtown or some dude wearing a sign saying the end is nigh? And do you remember how you tried not to stare but kept that person in your peripheral vision, because they were interesting or suspicious or whatever? That's exactly what this guy was doing. He was looking at us. We never even noticed. Anyways, we hadn't seen anything on the ground so we looked back at this dude. BOOM! Instant time-out. Somewhere in that quick glance when we weren't paying attention, his head snaps up and locks us with this piercing stare. Now my heart's going a mile a minute. Fight or flight's kicked in and I tense up. my hands come up and I'm making fists. Meanwhile, the rational, thinking part of me is analyzing this guy. He hasn't broken that unnerving, artificial customer service smile. in fact, it looks almost wider, almost hungry. that's not the worst part. there's blood on his left thigh, black now after so much time. His eyes. I'm going to remember those eyes 'till the day I die. Even at night, his pupils were a darker black than anything in the world had any right to be. All consuming, omnipotent, soul-seeing eyes. The killing intent radiating from this thing was overpowering. Time-in.
"Jesus Christ!" Gabe barks.
It's the first time I've heard him swear. Andy's transfixed.
"What's the game plan?" I say, surprising myself with the icy calm in my own voice.
Andy's practically talking to himself. "I-I think we should-" he swallows audibly- "go around?"
The light creates an invisible barrier between us and the man-thing. we shuffle along the edges of each streetlight's effect. The neighborhood goes silent, save for a slight breeze along my back. every time i glance towards the ground to make sure I stay out of the light, he seems to get closer. of course he doesn't in actuality, because every time I look up in fear, he's still standing there, right there on the curb. We finally make it around that first light and turn around to face the second one. He's right there. Right on the border. that invisible line that separated the living from the dead.
Andy falls backwards. His arm falls into the light and instantly it's upon him. it's nails have turned into long, wicked claws. They rip into his upper arm and shoulder. It managed to nick his artery before we pull him out of the light. Andy is screaming bloody murder and I take off my shirt and tie it around the worst around the worst of his wounds. An uncaring, cold part of me surveys the damage and notes that Andy is unlikely to live more than an hour without emergency care. I hate that part of me. I hate how in that time of crisis, I could come to terms with one of my best friends dying to a freak on the street. Did it even matter? those years of friendship, now that I look back? That's one of the reasons I'm writing this story I guess. This story is me caring, right? The fact that I'm writing this shows I care, right? Anyways, in that instant I know we're screwed. there's no way we can get Andy back to Gabriel's house in time if we have to deal with this thing. The Ice-Cream Man surveyed his work as Gabe tried calling his mom for the fourth time. Andy had stopped screaming and passed out. I ended up holding his hand, staring up at this monster. It seemed to enjoy hurting us, enjoy it's handiwork. I grimaced and turned to Gabriel.
"Time to go, dude." Gabe looked up at me, still holding his buzzing cellphone to his ear. there was desperation and shock in his eyes, and I guess it was the same for me too. "We've got to go."
I made it clear this wasn't a conversation to be having.
It's sort of an open secret that I'm the thug of the school. At least, that's what everyone else thinks. It's not like I'll try to rob you or anything, but everyone knows that time I bent a kid's knee backwards. I didn't get into major trouble because of it, due to the fact there was a recording showing three guys ganging up on me, hurting me. I didn't have to make that kid a cripple, but I did. I got beaten for a year and a half, by those same three guys, and it all came out at once. I wanted to hurt him, and I did. but when you do that to someone, no matter how justified, people treat you different. especially when they're the same people who watched me get punched, and kicked, and hit, and put down. In a heartbeat, I was an untouchable. No more social life. No girlfriend, or anything like that. So, my only friends on this earth were Andy and Gabe. Blah blah blah, I'm sure you don't care about the sob story screw-up called my life. Anyways, the important part is that Gabe knew my business voice when I spoke.
"Okay, here's the idea." I glanced over to Mr. Freak. "We're going to take the forest path. It doesn't have any lights, so we'll be fine. if we move fast on the downhills, we can make it to your Mom's house and go to the hospital before..." I spared a glance to looked at Andy's face. he looked like he was sleeping. I felt around for his pulse.
He was still alive, thank God.
Gabe looked like he wanted to say something, and I knew exactly what he wanted to say. We were going to cross that bridge when we came to it.
We had, like I said, been around the block before. we made it to the trailhead, with that thing following us all of the way. jumping from streetlight to streetlight. The streetlight that would normally light the signpost and path into the forest was out, and it had been for years. That wasn't the issue. The issue was that the exit, the exit that was a short jog away from Gabe's house, had been replaced just last summer. we both knew that it was very likely that someone wouldn't make it. Gabe hoisted Andy into a fireman's carry, and we started our descent down the hill in silence. I made a sparing glance backwards, and there the Ice-Cream Man stood waiting.
It was hard keeping track of which trail we were on and where to turn in the pitch dark. It was around 10:00 now, and Andy seemed to get worse as time went on. We almost got lost a couple times, and we had to double back every now and again too. Gabriel and I said nothing as we went downhill. We said nothing when we saw the trail outlet at the bottom of the hill. We said nothing when the Ice-Cream Man appeared right underneath the lamppost. The sign read; "Rubicon Valley River Loop: 1.1 mi". We came right up to that invisible border again.
"I'll go first."
"Will you? We both know-"
"Shut the hell up and listen to me."
Gabriel. He was good at Baseball, really friggin' athletic, tall, built like a milk truck, and kind. Super kind. Like you could just ask him for a french fry, or a slice of bacon off his burger or something and he'd just do it. Even if there was a deadly monster chasing you, with his Mom's house just a short jog away. Even if you were willing to fight it instead, even if it didn't make sense for him to stay behind. Even if he knew you wouldn't want to keep living without him and Andy. Didn't expect anything back. Didn't say anything. Even though I'm writing this story just 6 hours later, I can't remember for the life of me how I got across that halo of light without him right behind me. Gabe's Mom flew down the porch when I rounded the corner of the cul-de-sac. I bet she was wondering why we were home so late, why Gabriel wasn't with us, why I was staying clear of the streetlights.
I remember her asking me where her niño was.
When I woke up in the hospital, the police asked me where the wolves attacked us. I didn't correct them. What was the point? I assume they knew what was actually out there. After all, wolves bite and tear. It was just a line for the news stations. Turns out I was raked across the back by a wolf too. The doctors told me I was very lucky. They said if Gabe's Mom was a second slower getting us to the ER, I would have ended up like Andy. I feel cold. I haven't been crying. Do I even care? I feel like I'm a horrible person. I hope that I'm allowed to go to their funerals, pay my respects. My Dad has a Machete hidden under the bed. That Ice-Cream Man better be counting every second he has left, because I'm going to do more than bend his knee backwards next June 3rd.
submitted by ThePhlyingPhish to scarystories [link] [comments]
This part isn't exactly central to the story per se, but I'd like to just honor my buds, say what I thought about them before I forget. These guys, to me, were like a second family. The type of guys you'd call to help get rid off a body, the type of guys who would follow you anywhere. I've known them since I transferred in 4th grade. Only pair of dudes that would give me the time of day in the entire school, Andy and Gabriel. Andy was a sort of short and skinny guy, but he'd talk so much you'd swear he was six inches taller than he was. He'd always go on like he was God's greatest gift on Earth, especially when it came to sports. He'd yell Kobe and miss a rebound, or tell us to call him Messi and miss every goal. Your typical jokester. We didn't start off as friends either. It was around the fourth time
in the Office for fighting that I got wise, looked over at him, glanced at his bruised eye, then felt my own jaw. "Hey, we good? I got my licks-" I paused to scratch my cheek for effect- "and you definitely got yours..." Andy just looked me up and down once, checked himself, grinned like a Hyena and that was that. I met Gabriel through Andy. He was the only one of us you could call a popular kid. He's good at Baseball, really friggin' athletic, tall, built like a milk truck, and kind. Super kind. Like you could just ask him for a french fry, or a slice of bacon off his burger or something and he'd just do it. Didn't expect anything back. Didn't say anything. He'd glance up and just give you whatever you needed, no BS. We were walking back to Gabe's house after a party at a Junior's house, some slacker that wears a bunch of fake bling to school and takes "bathroom breaks" to vape in the stall. Some dude destined to be handing you a Big Mac in a couple years, you know? Not exactly the shining example of morality, not that I would know. Anyways, I really only showed up to shoot the shit with my buds and for some "apple juice" in those plastic red cups. I was going to bounce when I figured out this dude who was hosting the party, Mr. "I'm too cool for school", didn't have anything that could get me plastered. As it turns out, Gabriel wasn't feeling the party either, and Andy was "having no luck with the ladies", (Giggity,) so we all decided to nab a couple of waters and cookies for the road and stepped out into a warm summer evening. (Seriously, Andy gives me pedo vibes sometimes)
It wasn't exactly dark when we left the house. It was that perfect time of night where there was red, orange and purple reflecting off of the clouds in the sky. I snapped a photo 'cause I'm that kinda guy, and we started walking. This neighborhood was one of those aging 60's neighborhoods with all of the one story buildings, rusty chain-link fences, crack houses, senior citizens, that sort of stuff. Perfectly square blocks and blocks of houses with the peeling paint, broken sidewalks, barking dogs, you get the picture. If you were to think of the neighborhood from the top down, it would be like a big square with about three streets of depth inwards, with a big forest in the middle. Inconveniently, the party was in the western corner, while Gabe's house was down a slope, on the exact opposite side, the east side of the neighborhood. Basically a big pain in the posterior. Now just to be clear, we couldn't call Gabriel's mom for a pickup because of the nature of the party, and we weren't really feeling like taking the shortcut path through the woods at night, so we took the long way around. about a quarter of the way down, like 10-15 minutes into the walk, the lights lining the street flicked on. Now, that didn't bother us too much, because Gabe's casa was su casa, or whatever. In short, we had spent a lot of time walking around here before. Anyways, when the lights turned on they sort of dazzled my eyes, and a whole thing happened with me and the sidewalk called tripping. I went down and cut up my hands real nice and both of the guys turned around to help me up. It took them a second to spot me, because the lights lining the street were spaced in such a way that they would have a sort of staggered area of effect when they turned on. I had happened to trip right in one of the dark spots, so like I said, it took them a second to get me off of the ground. I got up, and did that thing you do when your hands hurt after a fall and you smack them together and rub them against your pants.
"You good?" asked Andy.
"Yeah yeah, I'm fine," I said, still slapping my thighs.
I looked up and saw somebody standing underneath the closest streetlamp. They were positioned in such a way that they faced the road from the lip of the sidewalk they stood on, with their head cocked slightly way from us and down, like they were staring intently at a bug or something in the road.
they guys must have seen me gazing off into the distance and they turned around to stare with me. the figure was around 20 feet away, right underneath the halo of light that the streetlamp made. they were wearing an old ice cream coat and uniform, like something out of the 60's. The folded cap on their head at a jaunty angle, a shock of slicked back golden hair just underneath it.
"Whaaaaat theeeee fuuuuuuck..?" I whisper to no one in particular.
When did he get there?
We had started walking towards the man, transfixed, and stopped just outside of the light's reach. He looked gaunt, sickly, almost. His mouth was pulled into a thin customer service sort of smile. the uniform he wore was a bit dirty, with a twig or two hanging from his pants like he had been running through the forest or something. that something on the ground seemed to be pretty interesting to him, so we all turned to try to sot what was capturing his attention. Looking back, I should have known right there. Have you ever seen someone doing or wearing or saying something that had compelled you to stare at them? Like a junkie downtown or some dude wearing a sign saying the end is nigh? And do you remember how you tried not to stare but kept that person in your peripheral vision, because they were interesting or suspicious or whatever? That's exactly what this guy was doing. He was looking at us. We never even noticed. Anyways, we hadn't seen anything on the ground so we looked back at this dude. BOOM! Instant time-out. Somewhere in that quick glance when we weren't paying attention, his head snaps up and locks us with this piercing stare. Now my heart's going a mile a minute. Fight or flight's kicked in and I tense up. my hands come up and I'm making fists. Meanwhile, the rational, thinking part of me is analyzing this guy. He hasn't broken that unnerving, artificial customer service smile. in fact, it looks almost wider, almost hungry. that's not the worst part. there's blood on his left thigh, black now after so much time. His eyes. I'm going to remember those eyes 'till the day I die. Even at night, his pupils were a darker black than anything in the world had any right to be. All consuming, omnipotent, soul-seeing eyes. The killing intent radiating from this thing was overpowering. Time-in.
"Jesus Christ!" Gabe barks.
It's the first time I've heard him swear. Andy's transfixed.
"What's the game plan?" I say, surprising myself with the icy calm in my own voice.
Andy's practically talking to himself. "I-I think we should-" he swallows audibly- "go around?"
The light creates an invisible barrier between us and the man-thing. we shuffle along the edges of each streetlight's effect. The neighborhood goes silent, save for a slight breeze along my back. every time i glance towards the ground to make sure I stay out of the light, he seems to get closer. of course he doesn't in actuality, because every time I look up in fear, he's still standing there, right there on the curb. We finally make it around that first light and turn around to face the second one. He's right there. Right on the border. that invisible line that separated the living from the dead.
Andy falls backwards. His arm falls into the light and instantly it's upon him. it's nails have turned into long, wicked claws. They rip into his upper arm and shoulder. It managed to nick his artery before we pull him out of the light. Andy is screaming bloody murder and I take off my shirt and tie it around the worst around the worst of his wounds. An uncaring, cold part of me surveys the damage and notes that Andy is unlikely to live more than an hour without emergency care. I hate that part of me. I hate how in that time of crisis, I could come to terms with one of my best friends dying to a freak on the street. Did it even matter? those years of friendship, now that I look back? That's one of the reasons I'm writing this story I guess. This story is me caring, right? The fact that I'm writing this shows I care, right? Anyways, in that instant I know we're screwed. there's no way we can get Andy back to Gabriel's house in time if we have to deal with this thing. The Ice-Cream Man surveyed his work as Gabe tried calling his mom for the fourth time. Andy had stopped screaming and passed out. I ended up holding his hand, staring up at this monster. It seemed to enjoy hurting us, enjoy it's handiwork. I grimaced and turned to Gabriel.
"Time to go, dude." Gabe looked up at me, still holding his buzzing cellphone to his ear. there was desperation and shock in his eyes, and I guess it was the same for me too. "We've got to go."
I made it clear this wasn't a conversation to be having.
It's sort of an open secret that I'm the thug of the school. At least, that's what everyone else thinks. It's not like I'll try to rob you or anything, but everyone knows that time I bent a kid's knee backwards. I didn't get into major trouble because of it, due to the fact there was a recording showing three guys ganging up on me, hurting me. I didn't have to make that kid a cripple, but I did. I got beaten for a year and a half, by those same three guys, and it all came out at once. I wanted to hurt him, and I did. but when you do that to someone, no matter how justified, people treat you different. especially when they're the same people who watched me get punched, and kicked, and hit, and put down. In a heartbeat, I was an untouchable. No more social life. No girlfriend, or anything like that. So, my only friends on this earth were Andy and Gabe. Blah blah blah, I'm sure you don't care about the sob story screw-up called my life. Anyways, the important part is that Gabe knew my business voice when I spoke.
"Okay, here's the idea." I glanced over to Mr. Freak. "We're going to take the forest path. It doesn't have any lights, so we'll be fine. if we move fast on the downhills, we can make it to your Mom's house and go to the hospital before..." I spared a glance to looked at Andy's face. he looked like he was sleeping. I felt around for his pulse.
He was still alive, thank God.
Gabe looked like he wanted to say something, and I knew exactly what he wanted to say. We were going to cross that bridge when we came to it.
We had, like I said, been around the block before. we made it to the trailhead, with that thing following us all of the way. jumping from streetlight to streetlight. The streetlight that would normally light the signpost and path into the forest was out, and it had been for years. That wasn't the issue. The issue was that the exit, the exit that was a short jog away from Gabe's house, had been replaced just last summer. we both knew that it was very likely that someone wouldn't make it. Gabe hoisted Andy into a fireman's carry, and we started our descent down the hill in silence. I made a sparing glance backwards, and there the Ice-Cream Man stood waiting.
It was hard keeping track of which trail we were on and where to turn in the pitch dark. It was around 10:00 now, and Andy seemed to get worse as time went on. We almost got lost a couple times, and we had to double back every now and again too. Gabriel and I said nothing as we went downhill. We said nothing when we saw the trail outlet at the bottom of the hill. We said nothing when the Ice-Cream Man appeared right underneath the lamppost. The sign read; "Rubicon Valley River Loop: 1.1 mi". We came right up to that invisible border again.
"I'll go first."
"Will you? We both know-"
"Shut the hell up and listen to me."
Gabriel. He was good at Baseball, really friggin' athletic, tall, built like a milk truck, and kind. Super kind. Like you could just ask him for a french fry, or a slice of bacon off his burger or something and he'd just do it. Even if there was a deadly monster chasing you, with his Mom's house just a short jog away. Even if you were willing to fight it instead, even if it didn't make sense for him to stay behind. Even if he knew you wouldn't want to keep living without him and Andy. Didn't expect anything back. Didn't say anything. Even though I'm writing this story just 6 hours later, I can't remember for the life of me how I got across that halo of light without him right behind me. Gabe's Mom flew down the porch when I rounded the corner of the cul-de-sac. I bet she was wondering why we were home so late, why Gabriel wasn't with us, why I was staying clear of the streetlights.
I remember her asking me where her niño was.
When I woke up in the hospital, the police asked me where the wolves attacked us. I didn't correct them. What was the point? I assume they knew what was actually out there. After all, wolves bite and tear. It was just a line for the news stations. Turns out I was raked across the back by a wolf too. The doctors told me I was very lucky. They said if Gabe's Mom was a second slower getting us to the ER, I would have ended up like Andy. I feel cold. I haven't been crying. Do I even care? I feel like I'm a horrible person. I hope that I'm allowed to go to their funerals, pay my respects. My Dad has a Machete hidden under the bed. That Ice-Cream Man better be counting every second he has left, because I'm going to do more than bend his knee backwards next June 3rd.
2023.06.05 00:45 Draculin Lang Jack
On first glance, Whickham appears to be a typical former pit village, a place of no consequence in the north east of England. But should you look closer, you would reveal a long and interesting folkloric history. And at the heart of that history, is Lang Jack.
Should you ever visit Whickham and ask about Lang Jack, you’d hear all the standard stuff. They’d tell you that he was incredibly tall, and inhumanly strong. They’d say he heaved stones from a quarry the next town over on his back and up the hill that Whickham sits atop in order to build his house. And lastly they’d tell you that you can visit him yourself, his monument is at the centre of the village, a great towering pillar holding up a bust of the man himself.
All of this is true, or so they say, but there’s more.
What they won’t tell you is that he was almost as famous for his anger as he was for his height. In fact, in a fit of rage he is reported to have tipped an entire cart of stones, horse and all, down an embankment, killing the poor animal and destroying the cart.
They also won’t tell you about his alcoholism, which destroyed his family, career, and liver, leading to his untimely death. He would often get so drunk that he would jump up and down on the spot, one part party trick, two parts act of vandalism when his heavy frame crashed through the wooden floorboards and he flopped into the cowshed beneath him.
But most importantly, they won’t tell you to visit his monument at midnight. They’ll never tell you this because they know the story of Ye Olde Lang Jack’s monument, they know the games they would play as children, and they know the fear that creeps into their chest when they remember the look on that contorted, dissolving stone face.
To tell the full story we have to go back in time, back to a time long after Lang Jack’s death, and long before his monument was moved. You see, the monument once sat in a very different part of Whickham, a place called Woodhouse Lane in Fellside. This area is much more rural, with sprawling fields around it in almost all directions. It sat beside a cottage, Jack’s cottage, the one he built with his bare hands.
The monument was first placed there in 1860, the same year of Lang Jack’s death. There has long been speculation that Jack was buried beneath the monument rather than in the churchyard like many other notable Whickham villagers. Peculiar for the time, Jack rejected the church, instead spending much of his time drinking and working as ‘hired help’ for businessmen who sought to intimidate and punish unruly workers, especially unionmen.
As a result of this speculation, the site of Lang Jack’s monument was a popular one among children and teenagers looking to spook themselves.
They would arrive, rocks in hand to hurl at the monument of Olde Lang Jack. Each child would take turns trying to strike the stone giant in the face as it smiled down at them from its 18 foot plinth. And if they missed, Ye Olde Lang Jack might just reach up with those long arms of his and snatch them deep down into the dirt.
Children played this game for years, and the stories of Jack’s grave spread like wildfire. Generation after generation the game was modified to fit the modern day, and as it was, so too did the stories of Jack mutate, and finally, with each stone throw, Jack’s face became more mutilated.
The years of wind, rain, sleet, and stones twisted Jack’s once charming and chiselled face into something much more unsettling. Corrosion took away his smug smile and replaced it with a sneer. Then it took his eyes, once kind, now they stare piercingly outward, as if a single glance could turn you to the very same stained and mossy stone.
This new face, and in particular the eyes, is what drew the children back. They gawked and pointed and groaned out chants they’d received from their parent’s childhoods. There were many variations, but most went something like this:
"Gangly Lang Jack, The Giant of Whickham
Who stood eighteen feet tall but that’s not all
So mighty and strong that they wrote this song
To tell all of Ye Olde Lang Jack.
He built our home with only his hands
The most beautiful village in all of the lands
Now he lies cold and dead underfoot
Hands grasping at nothing, his purpose kaput.
So chuck him a stone and give him a wink
Stare into his eyes and see if they blink
But watch where you step, the giant is sleeping
And listen carefully to Olde Lang Jack’s weeping."
They would dance around the monument to Lang Jack and sing this song, then dare each other to stare into his eyes. After that they’d throw their stones and more often than not be chased off by a local, giggling into the distance, off to tell their friends about their bravery under the stony gaze of Lang Jack.
This bravery didn’t last long. Soon the very sight of Lang Jack would strike fear into the hearts of the children of Whickham. No longer would children sing the song of The Giant of Whickham, they wouldn’t visit his grave or throw their stones, but most of all, no one would dare stare into Olde Jack’s eyes.
Fear like this was not the type that crept into the heads of sleeping children as they dreamt of the fun they’d had at Jack’s grave. Instead it was a very unnatural fear, a fear that came at a cost, and that cost was the life of a young girl named Mary.
Mary was brave, braver than most, and she wore that bravery like a badge of honour. So when some of the older girls dared her to go up to Lang Jack’s grave alone, she didn’t hesitate before agreeing. She even upped the stakes and decided that she would venture up in the evening, just as the sun was starting to set.
The night she chose was particularly blustery, the wind howled through the treetops as she made her way to meet Lang Jack. Polaroid camera in hand she pushed hard against the gale that saw fit to blow her back down the hill. But she was persistent, and so brave, so with each gust she only quickened her pace.
Mary rushed to the top of the hill, triumphant over the weather and ready to take on The Giant.
What happened next will forever be between Mary and Jack, and the two of them alone. A passerby claims to have seen a flash atop the hill before hearing a mighty crash. Thinking it was lightning they hurried back to their home. But beyond that, no one truly knows what happened that night.
Mary was found the next day, still clutching her camera. A single polaroid is said to have been found at the scene. Those who have seen it have described it as the frozen eyes of the devil himself. Although it is much more likely to have been a snapshot of Lang Jack’s face as the bust fell from atop the plinth and onto poor, brave Mary.
After that night the monument was moved to where it remains today. It was shortened to reduce the risk of another fatal accident, and placed where all of Whickham could see it, where there would always be someone to chase away the children.
The children who knew Mary, or knew her story, grew up fearing the statue. They forgot his song and denied ever throwing their stones. Time weathered their memories and before long they forgot why they were even scared in the first place. But their children remained curious, and some still met at the statue.
And so this brings us back to what they won’t tell you. They’ll never tell you to make the same mistake that so many have before. They won’t tell you to meet at Olde Lang Jack’s gravestone at midnight and stare into his eyes. And they won’t tell you to listen for his weeping and look for the tears streaming down his scarred face. But you’ll do it anyway, because how could you resist?
So the cycle goes on, and the stories continue to be told for years and years. All the while Jack cries on his plinth. Why does he cry? Nobody knows. Does he feel guilty for what happened to little Mary? Perhaps, or perhaps he mourns the man he once was. Before folklore changed him into the gibbering spector locked in the stone tower. Feared by many and ignored by most, only noticed by those who wish to see him weep.
submitted by Draculin to ChillingApp [link] [comments]
Should you ever visit Whickham and ask about Lang Jack, you’d hear all the standard stuff. They’d tell you that he was incredibly tall, and inhumanly strong. They’d say he heaved stones from a quarry the next town over on his back and up the hill that Whickham sits atop in order to build his house. And lastly they’d tell you that you can visit him yourself, his monument is at the centre of the village, a great towering pillar holding up a bust of the man himself.
All of this is true, or so they say, but there’s more.
What they won’t tell you is that he was almost as famous for his anger as he was for his height. In fact, in a fit of rage he is reported to have tipped an entire cart of stones, horse and all, down an embankment, killing the poor animal and destroying the cart.
They also won’t tell you about his alcoholism, which destroyed his family, career, and liver, leading to his untimely death. He would often get so drunk that he would jump up and down on the spot, one part party trick, two parts act of vandalism when his heavy frame crashed through the wooden floorboards and he flopped into the cowshed beneath him.
But most importantly, they won’t tell you to visit his monument at midnight. They’ll never tell you this because they know the story of Ye Olde Lang Jack’s monument, they know the games they would play as children, and they know the fear that creeps into their chest when they remember the look on that contorted, dissolving stone face.
To tell the full story we have to go back in time, back to a time long after Lang Jack’s death, and long before his monument was moved. You see, the monument once sat in a very different part of Whickham, a place called Woodhouse Lane in Fellside. This area is much more rural, with sprawling fields around it in almost all directions. It sat beside a cottage, Jack’s cottage, the one he built with his bare hands.
The monument was first placed there in 1860, the same year of Lang Jack’s death. There has long been speculation that Jack was buried beneath the monument rather than in the churchyard like many other notable Whickham villagers. Peculiar for the time, Jack rejected the church, instead spending much of his time drinking and working as ‘hired help’ for businessmen who sought to intimidate and punish unruly workers, especially unionmen.
As a result of this speculation, the site of Lang Jack’s monument was a popular one among children and teenagers looking to spook themselves.
They would arrive, rocks in hand to hurl at the monument of Olde Lang Jack. Each child would take turns trying to strike the stone giant in the face as it smiled down at them from its 18 foot plinth. And if they missed, Ye Olde Lang Jack might just reach up with those long arms of his and snatch them deep down into the dirt.
Children played this game for years, and the stories of Jack’s grave spread like wildfire. Generation after generation the game was modified to fit the modern day, and as it was, so too did the stories of Jack mutate, and finally, with each stone throw, Jack’s face became more mutilated.
The years of wind, rain, sleet, and stones twisted Jack’s once charming and chiselled face into something much more unsettling. Corrosion took away his smug smile and replaced it with a sneer. Then it took his eyes, once kind, now they stare piercingly outward, as if a single glance could turn you to the very same stained and mossy stone.
This new face, and in particular the eyes, is what drew the children back. They gawked and pointed and groaned out chants they’d received from their parent’s childhoods. There were many variations, but most went something like this:
"Gangly Lang Jack, The Giant of Whickham
Who stood eighteen feet tall but that’s not all
So mighty and strong that they wrote this song
To tell all of Ye Olde Lang Jack.
He built our home with only his hands
The most beautiful village in all of the lands
Now he lies cold and dead underfoot
Hands grasping at nothing, his purpose kaput.
So chuck him a stone and give him a wink
Stare into his eyes and see if they blink
But watch where you step, the giant is sleeping
And listen carefully to Olde Lang Jack’s weeping."
They would dance around the monument to Lang Jack and sing this song, then dare each other to stare into his eyes. After that they’d throw their stones and more often than not be chased off by a local, giggling into the distance, off to tell their friends about their bravery under the stony gaze of Lang Jack.
This bravery didn’t last long. Soon the very sight of Lang Jack would strike fear into the hearts of the children of Whickham. No longer would children sing the song of The Giant of Whickham, they wouldn’t visit his grave or throw their stones, but most of all, no one would dare stare into Olde Jack’s eyes.
Fear like this was not the type that crept into the heads of sleeping children as they dreamt of the fun they’d had at Jack’s grave. Instead it was a very unnatural fear, a fear that came at a cost, and that cost was the life of a young girl named Mary.
Mary was brave, braver than most, and she wore that bravery like a badge of honour. So when some of the older girls dared her to go up to Lang Jack’s grave alone, she didn’t hesitate before agreeing. She even upped the stakes and decided that she would venture up in the evening, just as the sun was starting to set.
The night she chose was particularly blustery, the wind howled through the treetops as she made her way to meet Lang Jack. Polaroid camera in hand she pushed hard against the gale that saw fit to blow her back down the hill. But she was persistent, and so brave, so with each gust she only quickened her pace.
Mary rushed to the top of the hill, triumphant over the weather and ready to take on The Giant.
What happened next will forever be between Mary and Jack, and the two of them alone. A passerby claims to have seen a flash atop the hill before hearing a mighty crash. Thinking it was lightning they hurried back to their home. But beyond that, no one truly knows what happened that night.
Mary was found the next day, still clutching her camera. A single polaroid is said to have been found at the scene. Those who have seen it have described it as the frozen eyes of the devil himself. Although it is much more likely to have been a snapshot of Lang Jack’s face as the bust fell from atop the plinth and onto poor, brave Mary.
After that night the monument was moved to where it remains today. It was shortened to reduce the risk of another fatal accident, and placed where all of Whickham could see it, where there would always be someone to chase away the children.
The children who knew Mary, or knew her story, grew up fearing the statue. They forgot his song and denied ever throwing their stones. Time weathered their memories and before long they forgot why they were even scared in the first place. But their children remained curious, and some still met at the statue.
And so this brings us back to what they won’t tell you. They’ll never tell you to make the same mistake that so many have before. They won’t tell you to meet at Olde Lang Jack’s gravestone at midnight and stare into his eyes. And they won’t tell you to listen for his weeping and look for the tears streaming down his scarred face. But you’ll do it anyway, because how could you resist?
So the cycle goes on, and the stories continue to be told for years and years. All the while Jack cries on his plinth. Why does he cry? Nobody knows. Does he feel guilty for what happened to little Mary? Perhaps, or perhaps he mourns the man he once was. Before folklore changed him into the gibbering spector locked in the stone tower. Feared by many and ignored by most, only noticed by those who wish to see him weep.
2023.06.04 23:30 khoafraelich789 Driven: 2023 Chevrolet Colorado Proves Mid-Size Trucks Don’t Have To Suck
 | submitted by khoafraelich789 to CarInformationNews [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/nnacw9ecny2b1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=09591c58da67e45c700456841de4978e9c700d84 The redesigned Colorado combines a good ride with a nicer interior as well as an all-new turbo engine Trucks are as American as apple pie, but most of the attention has been focused on the full-size segment. It’s been that way for decades, but smaller trucks have finally stepped into the spotlight. The Ford Maverick and Hyundai Santa Cruz revived the long dormant compact segment, while 2023 is shaping up to be the year of the mid-size truck thanks to new entries from Chevrolet, GMC, Ford, and Toyota. That’s a ton of new blood and we haven’t even mentioned the Jeep Gladiator and Nissan Frontier, which are still relatively fresh. We’re kicking the year off with the 2023 Chevrolet Colorado, which features a fantastic new design, an upgraded interior, and an all-new turbocharged 2.7-liter four-cylinder engine. However, the biggest news might be value as the truck starts at $29,200 and you can get one with four-wheel drive, adaptive cruise control, a bed liner, and a ton of safety features for under $37,000. A Sporty And Stylish Design While there’s a lot going on, there’s no better place to start than styling because designers knocked it out of the park. The model has “big truck energy” and sports an all-new design that echoes the Silverado. However, this is no scaled down copy as the Colorado has a more youthful and athletic appearance, which combines sharp lines with subtle curves. The resulting design is great and the Colorado is arguably better looking than its larger counterpart. That’s high praise and each trim has a slightly different aesthetic. The entry-level WT is the most basic of the bunch as it sports black components and 17-inch steel wheels. This look is shared with the all-new Colorado Trail Boss, which builds on the WT but adopts a 2-inch (51 mm) lift, a wider front track, and 18-inch aluminum wheels wrapped in 32-inch all-terrain tires. The Colorado LT is more traditional as it wears body-color components and 17-inch aluminum wheels, while the Z71 combines creature comforts with moderate amounts of off-road capability. The news isn’t all good as the Colorado is offered exclusively in a crew cab configuration with a 5’ 2” bed. This is a bit of a disappointment as the outgoing model offered extended and crew cab configurations as well as a larger 6’2” bed. That being said, the redesigned Colorado has a few tricks up its sleeve and one of the most interesting ideas is a lockable, watertight compartment that is integrated into the tailgate. With the tailgate down, you push two levers aside to gain access to a compartment that measures 45 inches (1,143 mm) wide and 4 inches (102 mm) deep. It can be a bit tricky to open, but there’s a decent amount of space and owners could easily stash tow straps and other off-road equipment there. While the compartment is a little gimmicky, it’s hard to argue with eight standard tie-downs, integrated motorcycle tire grooves, and an available 110-volt power outlet in the bed. The tailgate can also be positioned midway down to aid in transporting longer items, while a dampened EZ-lift and lower tailgate is also available. An Interior That Doesn’t Scream Cheap Mid-size trucks are far more affordable than their larger counterparts and this cut-rate pricing is often reflected in the interior. However, the Colorado bucks this trend as drivers will find a significantly improved cabin with better equipment. The changes are immediately apparent as driver sit behind a chunky steering wheel and find themselves looking at an all-new 8-inch digital instrument cluster. It comes standard and features an assortment of informative displays including an off-road focused setup, which shows pitch and roll as well as the steering angle and current transfer case setting. Speaking of screens, there’s an 11.3-inch infotainment system with Google integration as well as wireless Android Auto and Apple CarPlay. It’s a massive improvement over the old 7- and 8-inch displays, and the system is fast, responsive, and largely intuitive. That being said, we did experience a few hiccups including an instance where music was blasting at startup and the system initially refused to respond to attempts to lower the volume or mute. Putting the screens aside, the cabin sports a modern design with classy switchgear, gloss black trim, and metallic accents. The amenities vary by trim and things are pretty basic in the WT and Trail Boss. It’s not bad by any stretch of the imagination, but the models eschew a lot of the bright work, padding, and details that make higher-end variants look and feel special. It’s also worth mentioning that, regardless of which trim you get, black plastic is abound and it’s of the hard variety. Despite being a rough and tumble pickup, the Colorado can dust off its cowboy boots for a night on the town. In particular, the model can be equipped with two-tone heated and ventilated leather front seats as well as a heated steering wheel. While it’s not as fancy as the upcoming GMC Canyon Denali, it’s pretty darn nice for a mid-size truck. Speaking of the seats, the front chairs are perfectly comfortable and spacious while also offering a good amount of support. Furthermore, the entry-level WT doesn’t cheapen out too much, although a front center console is an optional extra. The rear seats are less impressive as they’re not terribly spacious. While there’s a good amount of headroom, legroom is limited as occupants will find a mere 34.7 inches (881 mm) of space and that’s 1.1 inches (28 mm) less than last year’s crew cab pickup. The experience reminded me of the compact Maverick and Santa Cruz, which actually have more rear seat legroom on paper. That being said, the seats seem to be competitive for the segment, although not as generous as those found in the Gladiator. A Turbo Four With V8 Levels Of Torque The streamlining continues under the hood as the Colorado’s engine lineup shrinks from three to one. As a result, every single model is equipped with a turbocharged 2.7-liter four-cylinder. The engine has been powering the Silverado for years and it’s available in three different outputs. The entry-level variant produces 237 hp (177 kW / 240 PS) and 259 lb-ft (351 Nm) of torque, which is a sizable improvement over the old 2.5-liter four-cylinder that developed 200 hp (149 kW / 203 PS) and 191 lb-ft (258 Nm). The entry-level engine comes standard in the WT and LT, and offers respectable performance. There’s plenty of power for cruising around town, although we wished for a little extra oomph when it came to merging onto the highway. The mid-level engine comes standard in the Trail Boss and Z71, where it produces 310 hp (231 kW / 314 PS) and 390 lb-ft (528 Nm) of torque. Customers can also opt for a high-output version that develops 310 hp (231 kW / 314 PS) and 430 lb-ft (582 Nm) of torque. The latter figure is insane as the engine has more torque than the 5.0-liter V8 in the Ford F-150. It also bests the Silverado’s 5.3-liter V8 by 47 lb-ft (64 Nm), despite having half the number of cylinders. The high-output engine comes standard in the range-topping Colorado ZR2, but Trail Boss and Z71 customers can order a high-output calibration for an additional $395. That seems pretty reasonable as it delivers an extra 40 lb-ft (54 Nm) of torque, which will be appreciated if you tow on a regular basis. While the base engine is fine, the upgraded versions transform the truck from good to great. As you’d expect, responsiveness improves significantly and there’s plenty of power throughout the band. Chevrolet hasn’t released detailed performance specifications, but officials we spoke to said all three versions of the engine enable the truck to accelerate from 0-60 mph (0-96 km/h) in less than seven seconds. Speaking of the engine, it seems relatively refined and engineers told us it was “designed like a diesel.” As a result, it sports a rigid cylinder block casting, a fully forged bottom end, and a stiff crankshaft – among other things. While that’s just scratching the surface, the engine has been subjected to countless torture tests and was designed to withstand years of heavy use. The engine is connected to a capable eight-speed automatic transmission, which worked well on- and off-road as shifts were perfectly timed and well executed. Rear-wheel drive comes standard on the WT and LT, but the rest of the lineup has four-wheel drive. EPA ratings haven’t been released, but the Colorado has an engine start/stop system and active fuel management technology. As a result, we can expect the truck to surpass the Silverado’s rating of 19 mpg city, 22 mpg highway, and 20 mpg combined. It’s also worth mentioning that all of the engines run on regular gasoline, even the high-output variant. A Capable Truck That Doesn’t Ride Rough One of the most surprising things about the 2023 Colorado is how well it drives. Body-on-frame trucks aren’t typically known for their refinement, but Chevy’s entry exceeded our expectations. While the ride can get a little bumpy on rough roads, it’s not uncomfortable and can best be described as truck-like. However, those incidents were few and far between as things settle down significantly on smooth roads and the Colorado proved to be a comfortable highway cruiser, despite having a solid rear axle and leaf springs. The good news doesn’t end there as handling is good for a body-on-frame pickup. Cornering was secure and predictable without any hints of drama until the truck was pushed hard. The experience can also be somewhat entertaining on the right road, although you’ll want to keep your expectations in check. Given this is a truck, it’s not surprising to learn the steering is a little heavy and slow. We didn’t have any problems with the heft, but we wish the truck offered a sport mode with a more direct response as traversing twisty mountain roads required an almost comical amount of turning. Speaking of driving modes, the Colorado offers Normal, Tow/Haul, Off-Road, Terrain, and Baja settings. Terrain mode might be the most notable as it was designed for low-speed rock crawling and it enables you to travel at a leisurely pace with subtle throttle responses. The truck also offers a cool off-road performance display as well as up to 10 different camera views including underneath the truck. Speaking of off-road goodies, the Z71 and Trail Boss come standard with a limited-slip differential and hill descent control. The Trail Boss is also notable for featuring the aforementioned lift and wider stance. Back on pavement, wind noise can be pronounced at highway speed, but otherwise the truck is fairly quiet. The model also sports an impressive amount of standard safety equipment including Automatic Emergency Braking, Forward Collision Alert, Front Pedestrian Braking, Lane Keep Assist with Lane Departure Warning, and IntelliBeam automatic high-beams. Customers looking for more safety tech will find an assortment of affordable packages that offer Adaptive Cruise Control, Rear Park Assist, and Rear-Cross Traffic Braking. They’re joined by Blind Zone Steering Assist, Rear Pedestrian Alert, and an HD Surround Vision system. Colorado owners like to tow and most versions of the truck have a maximum towing capacity of 7,700 lbs (3,493 kg). This bests the Frontier, Ranger, and Tacoma while also matching the mightiest Gladiator. Sticking with towing, customers can get a package that adds a receiver as well as an automatic locking rear differential, an integrated trailer brake controller, and a trailering app on the infotainment system. We’d also be remiss to mention the truck has a maximum payload capacity of up to 1,684 lbs (764 kg). Mid-Size No Longer Means Half As Good Mid-size trucks have often felt like half-hearted efforts, but that’s clearly not the case with the 2023 Chevrolet Colorado. Designers and engineers poured blood, sweat, and tears into the model and the end result is truly impressive as it looks great, drives well, and features an impressive new engine. On top of that, the Colorado boasts a significantly improved interior, more upscale equipment, and a new Trail Boss trim that should appeal to off-roaders on a budget. Speaking of which, Chevy managed to keep pricing affordable and this means you can get a nice truck for around $42,000. While there are a few tradeoffs, the Colorado is a solid pickup and the one to beat. Of course, there’s no shortage of challengers on the horizon and we’ll learn more about them in the coming months. Source: carscoops |
2023.06.04 23:29 sideswipe781 UFC 289 Betting Preview
Staked: 193.15u, Profit/Loss: +8.41u, ROI: 4.36%, Parlay Suggestions: 51-21
Scroll down for UFC 289 Breakdowns. Below is just a review of last week’s bets.
UFC Vegas 74
Staked: 18.70u
Profit/Loss: -3.31u
Parlay Suggestions: 3-2
✅ 2u Alex Caceres to Win & Arlovski/Mayes Over 1.5 Rounds (+100)
❌ 2u Jim Miller & Jamie Mullarkey to Win (-125)
✅ 2.5u Jim Miller ITD (-105)
✅ 0.5u Jim Miller in Round 1 (+235)
❌ 2u Abubakar Nurmagomedov to Win (-105)
❌ 1.5u Andrei Arlovski to Win by Decision (+200)
❌ 2u Muin Gafarov to Win (-125)
❌ 3u Luan Lacerda to Win (-125)❌ 1u Luan Lacerda to Win by Submission or Decision (+100)
✅ 2u Philipe Lins to Win (+140)
Once again I was my own worst enemy, making some good reads once I initially dropped the preview (Lins, Caceres, Elliott) but consistently made tweaks in the build-up that sent things south. I really need to be more disciplined and block out the noise once I’ve made my initial conclusions. I remember when I started posting here I was tipping about four bets maximum…now I apparently have action across almost every fight.
Going forward I think I’ll stop analysing each bet in this section, as no-one seems to really comment on that stuff and it just eats into the overall character count.
So let’s get into the PPV.
UFC 289
This is a weird, weird PPV card. I guess they kind of have to have a title fight at the top of the billing over a number-one contender bout as co-main, but to see Mike Malott, Nate Landwehr and Eryk Anders perform before Charles Oliveira…and then Amanda Nunes as the main event, is quite funny. Canadian MMA has been in ruins since GSP and Rory MacDonald left the UFC, and none of the guys on this card are not the one to restore its glory.
I know I say it every time the PPV event rolls around, but MMA oddsmakers are very sharp for these higher profile events. Once again I find myself coming to very similar conclusions for a lot of the fights here, so I very much expect this one to be a much smaller slate for me. Definitely a good idea given what I said in the review of last week.
Amanda Nunes v Irene Aldana
There’s a very loud narrative surrounding Amanda Nunes these days, and it’s a hard one to ignore. Having been in the UFC for a decade and holding a title for 7 years, there’s literally nothing left for her to do. She’s had the big money fights that Women’s MMA can offer (Rousey, Cyborg & the “redemption” sequel with Pena), and she doesn’t seem interested in setting up another fight with Shevchenko (who, to be fair, she’s beaten twice). What else is there for Nunes to be motivated for?
Outside the cage, She’s started a family with Nina Ansaroff, who also retired very recently and has spoken about wanting a second child with Nunes. The Brazilian has spoken quite candidly about her aspirations to retire very soon as well, and I believe that she would have laid her gloves in the centre of the Octagon if she’d beaten Pena in their initial meeting. She had to right the wrongs in the sequel, but a victory over Pena at UFC 289 to make it 2-1 in the series was probably enough of a narrative for Nunes to put her career to bed then and there. It’s a bold prediction, but I have a hunch that Nunes has done this whole training camp knowing it’s going to be her last.
Unfortunately, Pena was forced to withdraw and Irene Aldana steps in to challenge for the belt instead. Mexican MMA is absolutely booming right now, with three champions in the last few months, and the stage really feels set for Aldana. She’s always had very impressive boxing, as well as some opportunistic submissions…but her inability to stuff takedowns has often been her undoing in her career. Given that Nunes has relied heavily on her wrestling in recent years (20 takedowns in her last 4 wins), I think it’s fair to say Nunes should once again be favoured here.
Women’s Bantamweight and Featherweight have been underdeveloped weight classes for some time now, where the same names that were competing for the belt in like 2019 are still in the top 5 (looking at you Holly Holm!). The next generation seems to have broken through at Flyweight, with Valentina losing her last two title defences (not officially, but I scored the first one quite confidently for Santos). Nunes has been fortunate enough to govern over a division that doesn’t have many of those up-and-coming prospects yet, but those on the rise are still training and competing in a modern MMA context more frequently than the champion – which makes me think the changing of the guard could happen sometime soon. (For more on this, I asked a hypothetical question in the comment section).
So, overall, I think there are a lot of valid asterisks on Nunes’ name at the moment, and I think her career is coming to an end sometime soon, if not after this fight. However, if she’s fighting at her optimum then Aldana’s weaknesses can certainly be exploited, and are enough to deem her the Champion as favourite. With that said, I actually think Aldana could more than hold her own in the striking, so I would already be lining this one closer than Nunes normally is…and after adding in the narrative that surrounds the fight I think it gets even closer.
Therefore, I’ll be playing a 0.5u “value bet” on Aldana. It’s not something I expect to win, but I think her chances of winning are much greater than the odds available.
How I line this fight: Amanda Nunes -175 (64%), Irene Aldana +175 (36%)
Bet or Pass: 0.5u Irene Aldana to Win (+300)
Notable Props: I'd encourage you to play Nunes by Submission or Decision if you wanted to play her.
Charles Oliveira v Beneil Dariush
Oh this is a spicy one. Charles Oliveira holds a special place in my heart as being my favourite fighter of all time, and he’s the fighter I’ve definitely made the most money on in my time betting on MMA. At the start of that massive win streak he went on, you could get a decent price on Oliveira ITD against so many prelim guys, and the underdog prices available against Kevin Lee, Tony Ferguson, Michael Chandler and Dustin Poirier were even better.
But, as we know, Islam Makhachev exists and did a sensational job against Oliveira. Such a good job in fact, that I expect it to be footage that Beneil Dariush and his camp have dissected in great detail.
Dariush is an equally exciting fighter to watch. He’s got a brilliant skillset, but he’s not particularly athletic which makes him a very unassuming fighter. He looks like some bloke that works in HR in your office…not an elite Lightweight UFC fighter.
I think Dariush’s BJJ abilities are going to be the key to this fight, as we’ve seen many times in his career already. High level BJJ is a brilliant quality because not only does it make you dangerous at finishing fights, it also improves your defence and provides the platform for a wrestling based offence. We saw Dariush make full use of this in his wins over Tony Ferguson, Carlos Diego Ferreira (x2) and Thiago Moises, as well as his takedown defence on display against Gamrot. I feel like he’s going to be able to dictate where the fight takes place here.
What interests me is the competitiveness of the striking. If you’ve been watching this sport religiously for over seven years, you’ll still remember when Dariush was thought to have a glass jaw, where the likes of Alex Hernandez, Drew Dober and Drakkar Klose hurt him badly with strikes. I feel like Dariush has had quite favourable matchmaking against that weakness on his recent streak, and Oliveira is potentially one of the biggest threats he’s faced on the feet in recent years in terms of power.
On the flipside, Oliveira is still as reckless as ever, and has been knocked down or hurt in each of his last four title fights. Only Makhachev came away with a win in those fights, because his grappling was at a good enough level that he was happy to follow Charles down to the mat when he knocked him down, and capitalised fully to secure the submission soon after. Dariush has sneaky power himself, and if he is able to land a knockdown on Oliveira then I think we see him capitalise too.
The volatility is going to be massive in this fight, as both men are hard hitters with durability concerns (maybe not in a fight ending sense, but they frequently get rocked). With that in mind, I think any sort of finish is going to be very live in this fight. If not, I think you have to give Dariush the decision winning potential, as I think his ability to find top position is greater than Oliveira’s. It’s enough to make Benny the favourite, but not by a whole lot. I think the books have got this one priced spot on, actually.
How I line this fight: Charles Oliveira +110 (48%), Beneil Dariush -110 (52%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: FDGTD is probably a decent parlay piece at -200 or better
Live Betting Lean: I think the longer this fight goes, the more it favours Dariush due to his round winning superiority.
Mike Malott v Adam Fugitt
Honestly the fact that I’m breaking down this fight straight after Oliveira v Dariush is hilarious. I wouldn’t even question it if this was on the prelims of an Apex card.
I underestimated Mike Malott in his last fight against Yohan Lainesse, and my take was so bad that I looked like an idiot. He impressed me a lot, and I think he impressed the UFC too for them to give him this spot on the main card.
Malott looks to have really good submission ability, but I’m still a bit concerned that his striking might be a few too many steps behind. People will say things looked improved in the Lainesse fight, but I think that was more a case of Lainesse having no real interest in engaging or committing to his strikes in the early goings (he has become gunshy as to manage cardio). The fight against Mickey Gall was a massive, massive red flag for Malott…no one in the UFC should really be getting outstruck by Gall. That footage was from a year ago though, so there’s a chance he has improved things since then…but I don’t think you can really use the Lainesse fight as evidence of that.
Malott faces Adam Fugitt, who took the ‘sacrificial lamb’ approach to entering the UFC when he was paired up with Michael Morales – who is lowkey a very bright young prospect. It’s important not to judge a fighter by their performance in that type of fight, it’s best to instead treat their sophomore fight as their ‘real’ debut. We saw that with Fugitt, as he dominated Yusaku Kinoshita as a +260 underdog earlier this year.
I was quite impressed with Fugitt in his loss to Morales. His striking clearly wasn’t on Morales’ level, and he’ll have to be careful of Malott’s powerful hands, but he showed decent defensive awareness and had a couple of moments of his own. Fugitt’s a bit too kick heavy for my liking, but it looks like it confuses opponents and actually works well at establishing range. It did exactly that in his Solomon Renfro win.
Malott’s fight against Renfro however, despite only being 90 seconds long, really sums up his abilities as a fighter. He was getting tagged on the feet, but managed to find one moment to land a powerful shot and sinked in a choke in the blink of an eye. He was losing 98% of that fight convincingly.
The big question for this fight revolves around Fugitt’s grappling ability on bottom, and initial takedown defence, as that’s where most of Malott’s win equity is going to be. Unfortunately we have not actually seen him defensive grapple, so honestly it’s impossible to accurately line this fight given how integral it should be. The only inclination I have is that Fugitt’s takedowns have looked really good in his two fights. DC was very impressed with how he got Morales down, and his trips were also looking on point against Kinoshita. He did great work on top as well when he did establish position, and worked his way to a finish efficiently.
However, there can sometimes be a big disparity between a wrestler’s grappling ability on top vs on bottom, which is why BJJ is so important to MMA (see the breakdown of Dariush!). Therefore, complimenting Fugitt’s top position grappling doesn’t mean a whole lot, as he could be atrocious on bottom, and even if he does use wrestling himself he’s going to dive headfirst into Malott’s nasty guillotine.
So in conclusion, you can’t have super strong opinions on this fight, but you can deduce that Malott has more ways to win. If Fugitt isn’t winning via striking, it’s likely he’s not winning at all. Malott, on the other hand, could win with a big shot on the feet, through takedowns and top control of his own, or even from a guard submission on bottom.
Therefore, with Malott being the hometown hero and likely taking all the betting action on the moneyline, I think the books have the liberty to juice his odds a fair bit. -200 is probably an example of that, but it’s not too far off where I’d line this fight. There are still enough unknowns about both men that I wouldn’t be too surprised to see Fugitt pull off the upset, but I think the +170 available on him in return isn’t providing a whole lot of value. Smart work by the oddsmakers.
How I line this fight: Mike Malott -175 (64%), Adam Fugitt +175 (36%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: Malott by Submission would be the bet I’d make at +200 or better if someone told me I had to. Won’t be playing it though.
Dan Ige v Nate Landwehr
Well it seems the UFC matchmakers have confirmed their position on Dan Ige. He’s a top 15 gatekeeper now! His string of losses to Evloev, Emmett, Korean Zombie and Kattar did put one too many nails in his title aspiration coffin, but those bounce-back performances against Gavin Tucker and Damon Jackson were pretty impressive to me.
Ige is still a very, very tricky fighter to beat because he’s so well rounded, as most of the top 15 at Featherweight are. Ige faces Nate Landwehr, who has been on an entertaining run of form in the UFC – beating the likes of Ludovit Klein, David Onama and Austin Lingo. Whilst running through his record, it is important to note he went to a close decision in a striking bout against Darren Elkins, and also lost to Herbert Burns and Julian Erosa.
As I say quite often in higher level FeatheBantam/Fly-Weight breakdowns, they’re very tricky divisions to identify skill gaps in. The elite in the division are all very well-rounded offensively and defensively, so it often feels like you’re splitting hairs when you’re trying to find attributes that favour one fighter over the other.
The same can kind of be said here, except Dan Ige has the much better record in terms of actual wins and overall experience. If I imagine Nate Landwehr competing against Ige’s last eight opponents, I genuinely think he might win 1 or 2 of them…whilst Ige has won 4, not been finished in any of the losses and given a good account of himself on each scorecard (except the Evloev loss).
So honestly, the only real thing I feel I can reference here in terms of differentiating between both men is ‘levels’…but I genuinely think that’s enough for Ige to be about -200 here. You can’t go any further than that because this fight should still be reasonably competitive, but given what Ige has done to the opponents he’s stepped down in competition for (Damon Jackson, Gavin Tucker), I think you can have a certain degree of confidence that he should find that extra 10% to clearly win this fight. That equates to around -175 in my mind.
How I line this fight: Dan Ige -175 (64%), Nate Landwehr +175 (36%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: Ige ITD could be of some interest, as he’s started showing real power in his hands, and Landwehr is quite finish-able in his losses.
Marc-Andre Barriault v Eryk Anders
Eryk Anders is one of the most frustrating guys to watch. He had so much athleticism and decent skills, but just doesn’t put his best foot forward. Barely any evolution to his game, poor fight IQ…but the occasional glimmers of potential – enough to stop you from writing him off despite his constant underdelivering.
Marc-Andre Barriault is kind of the opposite really. He’s a jack-of-all-trades, master of none…but he will do everything in his power to maximise his advantages to turn the fight in his favour. He isn’t a physical specimen and doesn’t really have much power…but he can hustle hard for 15 minutes and use a mixture of striking, takedowns and clinch work to win rounds.
Anders has actually had some of his better performances in recent fights, looking in great shape and form against Kyle Daukaus, arguably beating Jun Yong Park by decision, and outpoint + KO’ing Darren Stewart (x2) beforehand.
If this fight was happening two years ago, MAB would be like -200 here due to his reliability to out-hustle Anders, but his recent performances have been a little bit lacklustre (Hernandez ragdolled him and Chidi Njokuani folded him like a deckchair). Couple that with the fact that Anders FINALLY looks to be growing into the potential he’s always been on the cusp of with a recent change in training camp…I think you’re looking at a closely lined fight here.
I predict this one ends up being a 29-28, possibly split decision type of fight. One man has activity whilst the other has power. The subjectivity of judging will be in full effect and everyone will call this one a robbery, depending on who they bet on.
How I line this fight: Marc-Andre Barriault +100 (50%), Eryk Anders +100 (50%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: Barriault by Decision would probably be my preferred choice.
Jasmine Jasudavicius v Miranda Maverick
Miranda Maverick is a Women’s MMA fighter that I hold in very high regard. The back-to-back losses put a real halt to her hype train, but I think she’s easily got Top 10 potential and got robbed against Maycee Barber anyway. I think her style is one that can very easily exploit a lot of opponents in her division. Her striking’s okay, but her wrestling and top pressure are very dominant tools.
She takes on Jasmine Jasudavicius, who has also used her wrestling ability to good effect in the UFC/DWCS so far. Neither woman is a particularly good striker, and I expect this one to turn into a bit of a scramble fest pretty quickly.
Their statures have been very important factors in their grappling successes so far, but for different reasons. JJ is basically a size bully at 5’7 and will have a 4 inch height advantage once again. Maverick, on the other hand, is going to be the stronger of the two during those close quarter engagements, because she’s pretty damn jacked.
I think Maverick should be favoured overall as I think her wrestling is the superior of the two and should lead to more time in top position, but I’m definitely not keen to play her at -275. Miranda’s strengths are also her opponent’s strengths, and facing the lanky size of Jasudavicius could cause her problems when it comes to securing the initial takedowns against those long legs, or keeping safe from guard submissions or maintaining that dominant position in the first place. Also, if they do somehow end up choosing to strike for significant portions, I can’t actually guarantee that Maverick is the better on the feet (reach disadvantage plays a part too).
I do however like Maverick to win this one, but not by the confidence of the current odds. I’m expecting this one to go the distance, but I highly doubt we get a good line on it as Maverick couldn’t even finish Shanna Young last time out.
How I line this fight: Jasmine Jasudavicius +188 (35%), Miranda Maverick -188 (65%)
Bet or Pass: Pass.
Notable Props: Fight goes to decision. It's probably like -400.
Blake Bilder v Kyle Nelson
There are a couple of fights on this card where one guy is clearly more populasuccessful/in-form than their opponent, but they’re still only around -200 (Dan Ige & Mike Malott are the best examples). Blake Bilder is the third. Before I jumped into research for all three of these bouts, I was instinctively thinking that I could easily want to bet all three at -200, as that didn’t seem short enough by my initial perception of their names. I came away from Ige and Malott agreeing with the line and feeling grateful that I looked into it…but I still think Blake Bilder’s odds are providing a bit of value.
Kyle Nelson is one of those fodder guys. The UFC are keeping him around to give to prospects and home-town fighters in the hope that they can invest in the future or the event itself. Jai Herbert notched a win for Team UK against Nelson on a UFC London card, Doo Ho Choi got given a softball to get him back on track for a card that was supposed to be in South Korea. Billy Quarantillo got given Nelson to put his name on the map with a highlight reel finish..and now Blake Bilder is being presented the chance to extend his UFC record to 2-0.
Bilder’s already fought a better opponent in the UFC when he beat Shane Young in February. We saw a very high pace being set in the third round of that fight, with both men landing 100+ significant strikes across the fight and Bilder also attempting 7 takedowns. His cardio is clearly quite decent, which will immediately give him the advantage over Nelson – who has often wilted in the latter half of a fight when the pace has been hectic.
Bilder’s a very well-rounded combatant, and has great BJJ once he gets established time on top. He’s a bit of a concern defensively though, where he can be taken down and can also get caught with strikes.
Kyle Nelson, on the other hand, doesn’t really seem to know what kind of fighter he is. He’s been a brawler for all of his UFC career, but comes out to land five takedowns and is seemingly not interested in striking with a Doo Ho Choi who has questionable durability. He didn’t do much at all with those takedowns either and actually put himself in danger in R1 by insisting on grappling.
If Nelson comes out looking to wrestle Bilder, I think they’re at different levels in the grappling and Blake should be able to turn things around in his favour. If they’re striking, I am aware that Nelson’s got fight ending power, but Bilder’s been much more patient and cerebral in his last couple of fights, so I trust him to stay safe and look for his openings. We saw him reactively find a takedown off of Shane Young’s kick, and Nelson’s offense is very body kick heavy.
Overall, I just think Bilder is the better fighter in pretty much every facet of MMA except one-punch power and, as long as he doesn’t get flash KO’d, I think he rolls here. -200 isn’t quite short enough, and I expect money to come in on him between now and fight night. I’ve already got my money down, just in case.
How I line this fight: Blake Bilder -300 (75%), Kyle Nelson +300 (25%)
Bet or Pass: 5u Blake Bilder to Win (-200)
Notable Props: Bilder ITD or R3 could be interesting. I'd probably be interested in that if I didn't have a lot of exposure already.
Aiemann Zahabi v Aoriqileng
There was a time where Aiemann Zahabi was considered one of the worst guys on the roster. Crazy that the standard of UFC fighter has gotten so much worse that that statement seems ridiculous now. To be fair, Zahabi did pull off a respectable upset in beating Ricky Turcios in his last fight..but it seems to be unanimously agreed that Ricky fought like an idiot in that fight and actually beat himself.
Aoriqileng is quite explosive and clearly hits hard, but he’s a bit too keen to hunt for the KO and it hurts his minute-winning ability. Against someone like Zahabi, who is quite composed and process driven (how could you not be when Firas is your family and coach), and I see that being a pretty key part to this fight. The big moments will side with the Mongolian, but Aiemann could just put together the more cohesive performance if he doesn’t get troubled by that explosiveness.
Overall this is just a pretty low level fight between guys who don’t compete very often. I didn’t have a whole lot to say prior to watching tape, and I’ve come away feeling equally uncertain of how this one’s going to end. An easy pass when there are more active and popular fighters for us to form a stronger opinion on.
How I line this fight: I don’t really know.
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: None
Nassourdine Imavov v Chris Curtis
This one instantly feels like a pretty close fight, solely based off both men’s most recent losses. Imavov getting outstruck by Sean Strickland across 25 minutes was a bit of a shock to everyone, myself included. I expected him to lose via cardio dump, but it was actually just lesser volume, a lack of takedowns being attempted and obviously not landing anything of significance on Strickland.
It’s widely known that Chris Curtis and Sean Strickland are close training partners at Xtreme Couture, which I think makes for an added element to this fight. On six days notice, Strickland and the team managed to devise a pretty genius striking gameplan with disruptive rhythm that completely threw Imavov of. Can Chris Curtis do the same? Probably.
Curtis himself has problems of his own in the striking though, namely that his volume and output just aren’t where they often need to be. I’m not sure whether it’s the managing of his gas tank or what, but he just doesn’t seem able to commit to matching his opponent’s tempo across 15 minutes. He threw the first round away against Gastelum, and it cost him the fight. He bitched and moaned about it on Twitter, but social media’s been telling the guy what his problem is for as long as he’s been in the UFC haha.
I do suspect that there’s a little bit of recency bias on Imavov here, as the guy was a pretty well-respected prospect prior to the loss to Strickland. Some will tell you it was misplaced faith, but he certainly doesn’t have tempo issues in the latter half of fights and should probably have the higher volume across 15 minutes. I don’t see him taking Curtis down either, given the 100% takedown defence and the fact Imavov seemingly abandoned it in his last fight. It would be great if he did though!
So yeah, it’s a bit of a close one this. Off pure skillset I lean towards Imavov at like -150, but the asterisk of Curtis’ team being able to easily design a gameplan against the Frenchman gives me enough pause to not want to pick a side here. I’d be more interested in betting overs, if a decent price is available.
How I line this fight: Nassourdine Imavov -137 (58%), Chris Curtis +137 (42%)
Bet or Pass: 1.5u Fight Goes to Decision (-137 or better)
Notable Props: I think this one goes to decision at a pretty high clip.
Diana Belbita v Maria Oliveira
My initial thought was “What would compel someone to bet on this fight?”, then I remember I placed 100 quid on Chase Hooper a few weeks ago…and it was a great bet haha! Given how most of my handicapping for this card has seen me in complete agreement with the books, perhaps looking into a lower level fight with significantly less interest could be the place to a strong opinion!?
Nope. I can’t do it. One quick glance at their records was enough for me. Belbita got 30-25’d by a wrestling Molly McCann and submitted by Liana Jojua, whilst Maria Oliveira got soundly beaten on the scorecards by Vanesa Demopoulos and voluntarily asked to stop fighting after 3 minutes against Marina Rodriguez.
This one isn’t good enough to open an Apex card, let alone sit on a PPV. I usually really dislike all the WMMA bashing on this sub, but this one isn’t worth the time.
How I line this fight: No.
Bet or Pass: No.
Notable Props: No.
Live Betting Lean: You could do something productive with that 15 minutes. Lift some weights, make some food, rewatch Ngannou v Lewis instead?
Bets
0.5u Irene Aldana to Win (+300)
5u Blake Bilder to Win (-200)
1.5u Imavov v Curtis Goes to Decision (-137 or better) (Might not get this kind of price).
Parlay Do’s: Dan Ige, Blake Bilder, Imavov/Curtis GTD, Maverick/Jasudavicius GTD
Parlay Don’ts: Amanda Nunes, Mike Malott, Miranda Maverick
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Scroll down for UFC 289 Breakdowns. Below is just a review of last week’s bets.
UFC Vegas 74
Staked: 18.70u
Profit/Loss: -3.31u
Parlay Suggestions: 3-2
✅ 2u Alex Caceres to Win & Arlovski/Mayes Over 1.5 Rounds (+100)
❌ 2u Jim Miller & Jamie Mullarkey to Win (-125)
✅ 2.5u Jim Miller ITD (-105)
✅ 0.5u Jim Miller in Round 1 (+235)
❌ 2u Abubakar Nurmagomedov to Win (-105)
❌ 1.5u Andrei Arlovski to Win by Decision (+200)
❌ 2u Muin Gafarov to Win (-125)
❌ 3u Luan Lacerda to Win (-125)❌ 1u Luan Lacerda to Win by Submission or Decision (+100)
✅ 2u Philipe Lins to Win (+140)
Once again I was my own worst enemy, making some good reads once I initially dropped the preview (Lins, Caceres, Elliott) but consistently made tweaks in the build-up that sent things south. I really need to be more disciplined and block out the noise once I’ve made my initial conclusions. I remember when I started posting here I was tipping about four bets maximum…now I apparently have action across almost every fight.
Going forward I think I’ll stop analysing each bet in this section, as no-one seems to really comment on that stuff and it just eats into the overall character count.
So let’s get into the PPV.
UFC 289
This is a weird, weird PPV card. I guess they kind of have to have a title fight at the top of the billing over a number-one contender bout as co-main, but to see Mike Malott, Nate Landwehr and Eryk Anders perform before Charles Oliveira…and then Amanda Nunes as the main event, is quite funny. Canadian MMA has been in ruins since GSP and Rory MacDonald left the UFC, and none of the guys on this card are not the one to restore its glory.
I know I say it every time the PPV event rolls around, but MMA oddsmakers are very sharp for these higher profile events. Once again I find myself coming to very similar conclusions for a lot of the fights here, so I very much expect this one to be a much smaller slate for me. Definitely a good idea given what I said in the review of last week.
Amanda Nunes v Irene Aldana
There’s a very loud narrative surrounding Amanda Nunes these days, and it’s a hard one to ignore. Having been in the UFC for a decade and holding a title for 7 years, there’s literally nothing left for her to do. She’s had the big money fights that Women’s MMA can offer (Rousey, Cyborg & the “redemption” sequel with Pena), and she doesn’t seem interested in setting up another fight with Shevchenko (who, to be fair, she’s beaten twice). What else is there for Nunes to be motivated for?
Outside the cage, She’s started a family with Nina Ansaroff, who also retired very recently and has spoken about wanting a second child with Nunes. The Brazilian has spoken quite candidly about her aspirations to retire very soon as well, and I believe that she would have laid her gloves in the centre of the Octagon if she’d beaten Pena in their initial meeting. She had to right the wrongs in the sequel, but a victory over Pena at UFC 289 to make it 2-1 in the series was probably enough of a narrative for Nunes to put her career to bed then and there. It’s a bold prediction, but I have a hunch that Nunes has done this whole training camp knowing it’s going to be her last.
Unfortunately, Pena was forced to withdraw and Irene Aldana steps in to challenge for the belt instead. Mexican MMA is absolutely booming right now, with three champions in the last few months, and the stage really feels set for Aldana. She’s always had very impressive boxing, as well as some opportunistic submissions…but her inability to stuff takedowns has often been her undoing in her career. Given that Nunes has relied heavily on her wrestling in recent years (20 takedowns in her last 4 wins), I think it’s fair to say Nunes should once again be favoured here.
Women’s Bantamweight and Featherweight have been underdeveloped weight classes for some time now, where the same names that were competing for the belt in like 2019 are still in the top 5 (looking at you Holly Holm!). The next generation seems to have broken through at Flyweight, with Valentina losing her last two title defences (not officially, but I scored the first one quite confidently for Santos). Nunes has been fortunate enough to govern over a division that doesn’t have many of those up-and-coming prospects yet, but those on the rise are still training and competing in a modern MMA context more frequently than the champion – which makes me think the changing of the guard could happen sometime soon. (For more on this, I asked a hypothetical question in the comment section).
So, overall, I think there are a lot of valid asterisks on Nunes’ name at the moment, and I think her career is coming to an end sometime soon, if not after this fight. However, if she’s fighting at her optimum then Aldana’s weaknesses can certainly be exploited, and are enough to deem her the Champion as favourite. With that said, I actually think Aldana could more than hold her own in the striking, so I would already be lining this one closer than Nunes normally is…and after adding in the narrative that surrounds the fight I think it gets even closer.
Therefore, I’ll be playing a 0.5u “value bet” on Aldana. It’s not something I expect to win, but I think her chances of winning are much greater than the odds available.
How I line this fight: Amanda Nunes -175 (64%), Irene Aldana +175 (36%)
Bet or Pass: 0.5u Irene Aldana to Win (+300)
Notable Props: I'd encourage you to play Nunes by Submission or Decision if you wanted to play her.
Charles Oliveira v Beneil Dariush
Oh this is a spicy one. Charles Oliveira holds a special place in my heart as being my favourite fighter of all time, and he’s the fighter I’ve definitely made the most money on in my time betting on MMA. At the start of that massive win streak he went on, you could get a decent price on Oliveira ITD against so many prelim guys, and the underdog prices available against Kevin Lee, Tony Ferguson, Michael Chandler and Dustin Poirier were even better.
But, as we know, Islam Makhachev exists and did a sensational job against Oliveira. Such a good job in fact, that I expect it to be footage that Beneil Dariush and his camp have dissected in great detail.
Dariush is an equally exciting fighter to watch. He’s got a brilliant skillset, but he’s not particularly athletic which makes him a very unassuming fighter. He looks like some bloke that works in HR in your office…not an elite Lightweight UFC fighter.
I think Dariush’s BJJ abilities are going to be the key to this fight, as we’ve seen many times in his career already. High level BJJ is a brilliant quality because not only does it make you dangerous at finishing fights, it also improves your defence and provides the platform for a wrestling based offence. We saw Dariush make full use of this in his wins over Tony Ferguson, Carlos Diego Ferreira (x2) and Thiago Moises, as well as his takedown defence on display against Gamrot. I feel like he’s going to be able to dictate where the fight takes place here.
What interests me is the competitiveness of the striking. If you’ve been watching this sport religiously for over seven years, you’ll still remember when Dariush was thought to have a glass jaw, where the likes of Alex Hernandez, Drew Dober and Drakkar Klose hurt him badly with strikes. I feel like Dariush has had quite favourable matchmaking against that weakness on his recent streak, and Oliveira is potentially one of the biggest threats he’s faced on the feet in recent years in terms of power.
On the flipside, Oliveira is still as reckless as ever, and has been knocked down or hurt in each of his last four title fights. Only Makhachev came away with a win in those fights, because his grappling was at a good enough level that he was happy to follow Charles down to the mat when he knocked him down, and capitalised fully to secure the submission soon after. Dariush has sneaky power himself, and if he is able to land a knockdown on Oliveira then I think we see him capitalise too.
The volatility is going to be massive in this fight, as both men are hard hitters with durability concerns (maybe not in a fight ending sense, but they frequently get rocked). With that in mind, I think any sort of finish is going to be very live in this fight. If not, I think you have to give Dariush the decision winning potential, as I think his ability to find top position is greater than Oliveira’s. It’s enough to make Benny the favourite, but not by a whole lot. I think the books have got this one priced spot on, actually.
How I line this fight: Charles Oliveira +110 (48%), Beneil Dariush -110 (52%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: FDGTD is probably a decent parlay piece at -200 or better
Live Betting Lean: I think the longer this fight goes, the more it favours Dariush due to his round winning superiority.
Mike Malott v Adam Fugitt
Honestly the fact that I’m breaking down this fight straight after Oliveira v Dariush is hilarious. I wouldn’t even question it if this was on the prelims of an Apex card.
I underestimated Mike Malott in his last fight against Yohan Lainesse, and my take was so bad that I looked like an idiot. He impressed me a lot, and I think he impressed the UFC too for them to give him this spot on the main card.
Malott looks to have really good submission ability, but I’m still a bit concerned that his striking might be a few too many steps behind. People will say things looked improved in the Lainesse fight, but I think that was more a case of Lainesse having no real interest in engaging or committing to his strikes in the early goings (he has become gunshy as to manage cardio). The fight against Mickey Gall was a massive, massive red flag for Malott…no one in the UFC should really be getting outstruck by Gall. That footage was from a year ago though, so there’s a chance he has improved things since then…but I don’t think you can really use the Lainesse fight as evidence of that.
Malott faces Adam Fugitt, who took the ‘sacrificial lamb’ approach to entering the UFC when he was paired up with Michael Morales – who is lowkey a very bright young prospect. It’s important not to judge a fighter by their performance in that type of fight, it’s best to instead treat their sophomore fight as their ‘real’ debut. We saw that with Fugitt, as he dominated Yusaku Kinoshita as a +260 underdog earlier this year.
I was quite impressed with Fugitt in his loss to Morales. His striking clearly wasn’t on Morales’ level, and he’ll have to be careful of Malott’s powerful hands, but he showed decent defensive awareness and had a couple of moments of his own. Fugitt’s a bit too kick heavy for my liking, but it looks like it confuses opponents and actually works well at establishing range. It did exactly that in his Solomon Renfro win.
Malott’s fight against Renfro however, despite only being 90 seconds long, really sums up his abilities as a fighter. He was getting tagged on the feet, but managed to find one moment to land a powerful shot and sinked in a choke in the blink of an eye. He was losing 98% of that fight convincingly.
The big question for this fight revolves around Fugitt’s grappling ability on bottom, and initial takedown defence, as that’s where most of Malott’s win equity is going to be. Unfortunately we have not actually seen him defensive grapple, so honestly it’s impossible to accurately line this fight given how integral it should be. The only inclination I have is that Fugitt’s takedowns have looked really good in his two fights. DC was very impressed with how he got Morales down, and his trips were also looking on point against Kinoshita. He did great work on top as well when he did establish position, and worked his way to a finish efficiently.
However, there can sometimes be a big disparity between a wrestler’s grappling ability on top vs on bottom, which is why BJJ is so important to MMA (see the breakdown of Dariush!). Therefore, complimenting Fugitt’s top position grappling doesn’t mean a whole lot, as he could be atrocious on bottom, and even if he does use wrestling himself he’s going to dive headfirst into Malott’s nasty guillotine.
So in conclusion, you can’t have super strong opinions on this fight, but you can deduce that Malott has more ways to win. If Fugitt isn’t winning via striking, it’s likely he’s not winning at all. Malott, on the other hand, could win with a big shot on the feet, through takedowns and top control of his own, or even from a guard submission on bottom.
Therefore, with Malott being the hometown hero and likely taking all the betting action on the moneyline, I think the books have the liberty to juice his odds a fair bit. -200 is probably an example of that, but it’s not too far off where I’d line this fight. There are still enough unknowns about both men that I wouldn’t be too surprised to see Fugitt pull off the upset, but I think the +170 available on him in return isn’t providing a whole lot of value. Smart work by the oddsmakers.
How I line this fight: Mike Malott -175 (64%), Adam Fugitt +175 (36%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: Malott by Submission would be the bet I’d make at +200 or better if someone told me I had to. Won’t be playing it though.
Dan Ige v Nate Landwehr
Well it seems the UFC matchmakers have confirmed their position on Dan Ige. He’s a top 15 gatekeeper now! His string of losses to Evloev, Emmett, Korean Zombie and Kattar did put one too many nails in his title aspiration coffin, but those bounce-back performances against Gavin Tucker and Damon Jackson were pretty impressive to me.
Ige is still a very, very tricky fighter to beat because he’s so well rounded, as most of the top 15 at Featherweight are. Ige faces Nate Landwehr, who has been on an entertaining run of form in the UFC – beating the likes of Ludovit Klein, David Onama and Austin Lingo. Whilst running through his record, it is important to note he went to a close decision in a striking bout against Darren Elkins, and also lost to Herbert Burns and Julian Erosa.
As I say quite often in higher level FeatheBantam/Fly-Weight breakdowns, they’re very tricky divisions to identify skill gaps in. The elite in the division are all very well-rounded offensively and defensively, so it often feels like you’re splitting hairs when you’re trying to find attributes that favour one fighter over the other.
The same can kind of be said here, except Dan Ige has the much better record in terms of actual wins and overall experience. If I imagine Nate Landwehr competing against Ige’s last eight opponents, I genuinely think he might win 1 or 2 of them…whilst Ige has won 4, not been finished in any of the losses and given a good account of himself on each scorecard (except the Evloev loss).
So honestly, the only real thing I feel I can reference here in terms of differentiating between both men is ‘levels’…but I genuinely think that’s enough for Ige to be about -200 here. You can’t go any further than that because this fight should still be reasonably competitive, but given what Ige has done to the opponents he’s stepped down in competition for (Damon Jackson, Gavin Tucker), I think you can have a certain degree of confidence that he should find that extra 10% to clearly win this fight. That equates to around -175 in my mind.
How I line this fight: Dan Ige -175 (64%), Nate Landwehr +175 (36%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: Ige ITD could be of some interest, as he’s started showing real power in his hands, and Landwehr is quite finish-able in his losses.
Marc-Andre Barriault v Eryk Anders
Eryk Anders is one of the most frustrating guys to watch. He had so much athleticism and decent skills, but just doesn’t put his best foot forward. Barely any evolution to his game, poor fight IQ…but the occasional glimmers of potential – enough to stop you from writing him off despite his constant underdelivering.
Marc-Andre Barriault is kind of the opposite really. He’s a jack-of-all-trades, master of none…but he will do everything in his power to maximise his advantages to turn the fight in his favour. He isn’t a physical specimen and doesn’t really have much power…but he can hustle hard for 15 minutes and use a mixture of striking, takedowns and clinch work to win rounds.
Anders has actually had some of his better performances in recent fights, looking in great shape and form against Kyle Daukaus, arguably beating Jun Yong Park by decision, and outpoint + KO’ing Darren Stewart (x2) beforehand.
If this fight was happening two years ago, MAB would be like -200 here due to his reliability to out-hustle Anders, but his recent performances have been a little bit lacklustre (Hernandez ragdolled him and Chidi Njokuani folded him like a deckchair). Couple that with the fact that Anders FINALLY looks to be growing into the potential he’s always been on the cusp of with a recent change in training camp…I think you’re looking at a closely lined fight here.
I predict this one ends up being a 29-28, possibly split decision type of fight. One man has activity whilst the other has power. The subjectivity of judging will be in full effect and everyone will call this one a robbery, depending on who they bet on.
How I line this fight: Marc-Andre Barriault +100 (50%), Eryk Anders +100 (50%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: Barriault by Decision would probably be my preferred choice.
Jasmine Jasudavicius v Miranda Maverick
Miranda Maverick is a Women’s MMA fighter that I hold in very high regard. The back-to-back losses put a real halt to her hype train, but I think she’s easily got Top 10 potential and got robbed against Maycee Barber anyway. I think her style is one that can very easily exploit a lot of opponents in her division. Her striking’s okay, but her wrestling and top pressure are very dominant tools.
She takes on Jasmine Jasudavicius, who has also used her wrestling ability to good effect in the UFC/DWCS so far. Neither woman is a particularly good striker, and I expect this one to turn into a bit of a scramble fest pretty quickly.
Their statures have been very important factors in their grappling successes so far, but for different reasons. JJ is basically a size bully at 5’7 and will have a 4 inch height advantage once again. Maverick, on the other hand, is going to be the stronger of the two during those close quarter engagements, because she’s pretty damn jacked.
I think Maverick should be favoured overall as I think her wrestling is the superior of the two and should lead to more time in top position, but I’m definitely not keen to play her at -275. Miranda’s strengths are also her opponent’s strengths, and facing the lanky size of Jasudavicius could cause her problems when it comes to securing the initial takedowns against those long legs, or keeping safe from guard submissions or maintaining that dominant position in the first place. Also, if they do somehow end up choosing to strike for significant portions, I can’t actually guarantee that Maverick is the better on the feet (reach disadvantage plays a part too).
I do however like Maverick to win this one, but not by the confidence of the current odds. I’m expecting this one to go the distance, but I highly doubt we get a good line on it as Maverick couldn’t even finish Shanna Young last time out.
How I line this fight: Jasmine Jasudavicius +188 (35%), Miranda Maverick -188 (65%)
Bet or Pass: Pass.
Notable Props: Fight goes to decision. It's probably like -400.
Blake Bilder v Kyle Nelson
There are a couple of fights on this card where one guy is clearly more populasuccessful/in-form than their opponent, but they’re still only around -200 (Dan Ige & Mike Malott are the best examples). Blake Bilder is the third. Before I jumped into research for all three of these bouts, I was instinctively thinking that I could easily want to bet all three at -200, as that didn’t seem short enough by my initial perception of their names. I came away from Ige and Malott agreeing with the line and feeling grateful that I looked into it…but I still think Blake Bilder’s odds are providing a bit of value.
Kyle Nelson is one of those fodder guys. The UFC are keeping him around to give to prospects and home-town fighters in the hope that they can invest in the future or the event itself. Jai Herbert notched a win for Team UK against Nelson on a UFC London card, Doo Ho Choi got given a softball to get him back on track for a card that was supposed to be in South Korea. Billy Quarantillo got given Nelson to put his name on the map with a highlight reel finish..and now Blake Bilder is being presented the chance to extend his UFC record to 2-0.
Bilder’s already fought a better opponent in the UFC when he beat Shane Young in February. We saw a very high pace being set in the third round of that fight, with both men landing 100+ significant strikes across the fight and Bilder also attempting 7 takedowns. His cardio is clearly quite decent, which will immediately give him the advantage over Nelson – who has often wilted in the latter half of a fight when the pace has been hectic.
Bilder’s a very well-rounded combatant, and has great BJJ once he gets established time on top. He’s a bit of a concern defensively though, where he can be taken down and can also get caught with strikes.
Kyle Nelson, on the other hand, doesn’t really seem to know what kind of fighter he is. He’s been a brawler for all of his UFC career, but comes out to land five takedowns and is seemingly not interested in striking with a Doo Ho Choi who has questionable durability. He didn’t do much at all with those takedowns either and actually put himself in danger in R1 by insisting on grappling.
If Nelson comes out looking to wrestle Bilder, I think they’re at different levels in the grappling and Blake should be able to turn things around in his favour. If they’re striking, I am aware that Nelson’s got fight ending power, but Bilder’s been much more patient and cerebral in his last couple of fights, so I trust him to stay safe and look for his openings. We saw him reactively find a takedown off of Shane Young’s kick, and Nelson’s offense is very body kick heavy.
Overall, I just think Bilder is the better fighter in pretty much every facet of MMA except one-punch power and, as long as he doesn’t get flash KO’d, I think he rolls here. -200 isn’t quite short enough, and I expect money to come in on him between now and fight night. I’ve already got my money down, just in case.
How I line this fight: Blake Bilder -300 (75%), Kyle Nelson +300 (25%)
Bet or Pass: 5u Blake Bilder to Win (-200)
Notable Props: Bilder ITD or R3 could be interesting. I'd probably be interested in that if I didn't have a lot of exposure already.
Aiemann Zahabi v Aoriqileng
There was a time where Aiemann Zahabi was considered one of the worst guys on the roster. Crazy that the standard of UFC fighter has gotten so much worse that that statement seems ridiculous now. To be fair, Zahabi did pull off a respectable upset in beating Ricky Turcios in his last fight..but it seems to be unanimously agreed that Ricky fought like an idiot in that fight and actually beat himself.
Aoriqileng is quite explosive and clearly hits hard, but he’s a bit too keen to hunt for the KO and it hurts his minute-winning ability. Against someone like Zahabi, who is quite composed and process driven (how could you not be when Firas is your family and coach), and I see that being a pretty key part to this fight. The big moments will side with the Mongolian, but Aiemann could just put together the more cohesive performance if he doesn’t get troubled by that explosiveness.
Overall this is just a pretty low level fight between guys who don’t compete very often. I didn’t have a whole lot to say prior to watching tape, and I’ve come away feeling equally uncertain of how this one’s going to end. An easy pass when there are more active and popular fighters for us to form a stronger opinion on.
How I line this fight: I don’t really know.
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: None
Nassourdine Imavov v Chris Curtis
This one instantly feels like a pretty close fight, solely based off both men’s most recent losses. Imavov getting outstruck by Sean Strickland across 25 minutes was a bit of a shock to everyone, myself included. I expected him to lose via cardio dump, but it was actually just lesser volume, a lack of takedowns being attempted and obviously not landing anything of significance on Strickland.
It’s widely known that Chris Curtis and Sean Strickland are close training partners at Xtreme Couture, which I think makes for an added element to this fight. On six days notice, Strickland and the team managed to devise a pretty genius striking gameplan with disruptive rhythm that completely threw Imavov of. Can Chris Curtis do the same? Probably.
Curtis himself has problems of his own in the striking though, namely that his volume and output just aren’t where they often need to be. I’m not sure whether it’s the managing of his gas tank or what, but he just doesn’t seem able to commit to matching his opponent’s tempo across 15 minutes. He threw the first round away against Gastelum, and it cost him the fight. He bitched and moaned about it on Twitter, but social media’s been telling the guy what his problem is for as long as he’s been in the UFC haha.
I do suspect that there’s a little bit of recency bias on Imavov here, as the guy was a pretty well-respected prospect prior to the loss to Strickland. Some will tell you it was misplaced faith, but he certainly doesn’t have tempo issues in the latter half of fights and should probably have the higher volume across 15 minutes. I don’t see him taking Curtis down either, given the 100% takedown defence and the fact Imavov seemingly abandoned it in his last fight. It would be great if he did though!
So yeah, it’s a bit of a close one this. Off pure skillset I lean towards Imavov at like -150, but the asterisk of Curtis’ team being able to easily design a gameplan against the Frenchman gives me enough pause to not want to pick a side here. I’d be more interested in betting overs, if a decent price is available.
How I line this fight: Nassourdine Imavov -137 (58%), Chris Curtis +137 (42%)
Bet or Pass: 1.5u Fight Goes to Decision (-137 or better)
Notable Props: I think this one goes to decision at a pretty high clip.
Diana Belbita v Maria Oliveira
My initial thought was “What would compel someone to bet on this fight?”, then I remember I placed 100 quid on Chase Hooper a few weeks ago…and it was a great bet haha! Given how most of my handicapping for this card has seen me in complete agreement with the books, perhaps looking into a lower level fight with significantly less interest could be the place to a strong opinion!?
Nope. I can’t do it. One quick glance at their records was enough for me. Belbita got 30-25’d by a wrestling Molly McCann and submitted by Liana Jojua, whilst Maria Oliveira got soundly beaten on the scorecards by Vanesa Demopoulos and voluntarily asked to stop fighting after 3 minutes against Marina Rodriguez.
This one isn’t good enough to open an Apex card, let alone sit on a PPV. I usually really dislike all the WMMA bashing on this sub, but this one isn’t worth the time.
How I line this fight: No.
Bet or Pass: No.
Notable Props: No.
Live Betting Lean: You could do something productive with that 15 minutes. Lift some weights, make some food, rewatch Ngannou v Lewis instead?
Bets
0.5u Irene Aldana to Win (+300)
5u Blake Bilder to Win (-200)
1.5u Imavov v Curtis Goes to Decision (-137 or better) (Might not get this kind of price).
Parlay Do’s: Dan Ige, Blake Bilder, Imavov/Curtis GTD, Maverick/Jasudavicius GTD
Parlay Don’ts: Amanda Nunes, Mike Malott, Miranda Maverick
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2023.06.04 22:32 Mother_Tell998 A very long joke
(Apologies to anyone who reads this in full. But this joke is hideously long on purpose. It's effects are best if you actually sit someone down and tell it to them. I took up my workmates entire lunch break with this and he hasn't spoken to me all evening.)
There are one hundred priests of an unspecified religion. They have arrived dressed in the symbols of their faith in a new land to spread the word of their 'Superbook'. This could be any land, France, Egypt, Feudal Japan, the Toronto Film Festival, any land. Absolutely any land you can imagine, Gondor, Pangaea, 1992 or your own home and surrounding lands which are unique to you.
Upon arriving in this strange new land they learn that the people here have no knowledge of Superbook. They decide that the best way to spread the word is to construct a building as a symbol of the new faith. So they purchased some basic tools and set to work gathering wood for their shrine. As there were one hundred priests in their prime the shrine was constructed in under a week.
It was a basic thing. The sort of shrine you would look at and say "that's pretty shit. Did children build this? You didn't tell me there were feral children around.". A central trunk with a roughly carved deity symbol nailed to the top stood in a forest clearing. A few rows of log seats encircled it and around the edges stood a few tall torches burning incense.
The priests stood back and looked proud over their creation, happy that they could begin spreading the words and illustrations of Superbook. It was suggested by one of the priests that "Hey we should go for a drink to celebrate our success!" to which exactly half of the priests thought would be a good idea. So fifty of the priests headed down to the local pub where they spent the night drinking whatever beverages Superbook allowed.
Upon returning from their celebrations the priests were greeted by a horrifying sight. "Have I got beverage in my eyes!?" one of the priests was heard to say "or has something destroyed our shrine!?". The priest was correct, before them lay the ruins of their primitive shrine, a tangle of wood and limbs all set ablaze by the incense torches.
How exactly all fifty priests who remained at the shrine managed to perish as the single tall, thin structure collapsed remains a mystery to this day. As the priests stood in shock staring and mourning over their lost friends, one of them turned to notice something that looked out of place. As he squinted he could make out on the horizon a figure all in black, speeding away on an unspecified vehicle. It could be a motorbike, a sports car, a horse and carriage, a horse without a carriage, absolutely any vehicle you can think of, a bicycle, a unicycle, a pangolin, or a petrol powered pangolin.
But it was too late, the man disappeared over the horizon. As the remaining priests gathered their thoughts, one of them suggested that they should not be discouraged, and that their fallen friends would want them to rebuild the shrine in memory of them.
The priests agreed and set about building a new shrine! bigger and better than the first to remember this tragic day. They quarried stones, they cut down trees and they sewed curtains, nice curtains, I mean REALLY nice curtains, with tassels and everything. It took the fifty priests a few weeks to complete but eventually they were able to stand back and admire their new creation.
It was a quaint chapel on the hill. The sort of chapel you would look at and say "hey look at that quaint little chapel, and oh damn check out those nice curtains!". A trodden dirt path led to the entrance of a small stone structure, inside was the picture of simplicity and modesty. A few rows of pews on a polished wooden floor, and an altar stood in front of a patchwork deity symbol.
As the priests admired their new chapel, they remarked that yes, their fallen friends would be happy with this. One of the priests suggested that they visit a local theme park to celebrate this day. Exactly half of the priests agreed, they spent the day riding deity approved rides, gambling deity approved amounts of money and not riding deity condemned rides.
Upon returning from their celebrations the priests were greeted by a horrifying sight. "Have I got deity approved theme park snacks in my eyes!?" one of the priests was heard to say "or has something destroyed our chapel!?". The priest was correct, on the hill lay a pill of stone rubble, limbs and silky smooth curtain tassels.... which was all on fire for some reason.
As the priests stood staring in horror over their lost friends, one of them turned to notice something that, yes, upon the horizon he could just make out the man in black speeding into the distance. But it was too late, he was gone. As the remaining priests took care of the dead in the way decreed by Superbook, one of them suggested that this should not be the end, and that their fallen friends would want them to rebuild the chapel in memory of them.
The priests agreed and set about pillaging neighbouring villages for building supplies. They gathered glass, mixed cement, smelted iron, mined for gold and expanded their quarry. They didn't just rebuild the chapel, they built a fully fledged church! The sort of church that when you refer to it like "Oh it's up by the church", people would know what you are talking about and benefit from your informative directions. It had taken the twenty five priests six months of labour but there it stood. A paved path led through an iron fence, protection against and would-be-church-destroyers and towards an imposing stone structure. Stain glass windows adorned the front complete with deity symbols, the pews could seat a thousand and a golden forged Superbook sat upon the altar.
The twenty five priests patted themselves on the back and said a prayer for the lost friends. One priest suggested that after six months they deserved a celebratory meal to mark the occasion. Twelve priests agreed whilst the rest stayed to rest, content in the safety of their shiny new iron fence. The twelve priests spent the evening at a nearby Italian restaurant, because everyone is allowed to eat Italian food.
After an evening of scoffing increasingly abstract pasta shapes the twelve priests returned to their church. One of the priests was heard to say "Have I got tagliatelle in my eye!? Or has someone knocked down our church!? AGAIN!" The scene that greeted them was one of sorrow and anger. Sorrow for their dead friends, crushed under heaps of stone and glass. Anger at their dead friends, for placing so much faith in an iron fence. Yet more anger at the figure they could see vanishing over the horizon.
At this point you are probably thinking that these priests are idiots, that surely they can understand the pattern by now that building a church plus staying in the church equals death. You would also think that after the previous events they would not believe that the solution would be to build a bigger church.... as this in no way addresses the problem at hand. You may think that surely he can't just keep rambling on like this and that he will wrap this up soon, after all we have figured out the pattern of the joke and we know where it is going anyway.
So one of the priests, suffering from long term memory loss, suggested that to honour their friends they should build a new monument to their faith. The others, after giving him concerned looks, figured they had come this far and, resigned to their fate, they agreed. The priests then spent the next five years ravaging the lands for resources. They felled forests, flattened hills and drove the critically endangered Pentapus to extinction to use their tears for cement (its like an octopus but it only has five arms... and only has five eyes.)
After a further five years of construction, they were finally able to stand back, crane their necks high, and admire their creation. This was a truly great achievement. This was now a cathedral, the sort of cathedral that architecture student congregate around. The sort of structure that everyone for miles around would refer to as "That massive f***ing monstrosity made of tears" and there would be weird rumors like "at night I've heard that you can hear the pentapusses crying from inside the walls". Whether these rumors were true or not, it was an impressive building. The size of an aeroplane hangar. It had an attached aeroplane hangar. It was the first cathedral built with a solid steel support structure and, for added protection, a moat and barbwire fence surrounded it.
The priests had been at the whole 'building monuments for the Superbook' for many years now and were getting old and tired. One of them suggested that they should take a trip to a local spa for a day of relaxation after this great achievement, "after all..." he said "page 69 of Superbook does proclaim in giant text, 'Thou shalt spa'". Five other priests, who probably had better survival instincts, agreed and the six of them took off. Six remained content in their reinforced structure, even taking shifts to keep watch for added security.
The six who left spent the day wallowing in mud, having cucumbers placed on various body parts and being generally as un-energetic as possible. They were also pleasantly surprised to find that their local infamy granted them free access to all the spas facilities. After they had left in their own time and the spa owner barred the doors shut behind them they headed back to their church.
"Have I still got cucumber in my eye!?" one of the six said as their home loomed on the horizon, "or has someone destroyed our church!?"
The priest was correct. As they approached and crossed the moat they found a towering pile of rubble. There was an eerie silence as they glared at the destruction, picturing their dead friends somewhere inside. The silence was only broken by the sound of the man in black speeding off over the horizon and the joyous cries of Pentapus souls being freed.
The sight of the man in black filled one of the priests with rage. He turned to the others and said "Hey I know what we need to do!" ... The others agreed before he had chance to say what it was.
The priests set about gathering more resources. After the ten years it took them to gather this, they were surrounded by a scorched barren earth. They had felled all the trees for twenty miles, flattened the earth, hunted all life to extinction (I mean all life, even worms... they took all the worms and used them to lure down all the birds. Then they trained the birds to help lift heavy objects for them. Then they ate the birds. Then they made a monument to remember the birds. Then they... didn't really put much effort into maintaining it and it ran into disrepair... the end), drained lakes and sucked clouds from the sky somehow.
It took a further ten years for the small group of ageing priests to complete their construction. For the sake of this story four of the priests died during a slave bird rebellion that was later crushed. Mainly because I can't think of many more advancing stages of church besides going into ghost churches or space churches, though those would be awesome.
Their creation could barely be called a church.Yes it was built in the shape of their deity symbol and inside were super mahogany (like regular mahogany only more awesome) pews and a diamond pulpit, but to all other purposes this was a fortress. The entire structure was titanium, standing thirty stories high. It was surrounded with laser fences, laser moats full of lasers, and atop the building were placed a cluster of guns which shot bullets which were also made of lasers. There were immense speaker systems built into the walls which issued threats as well as religious good will messages to all who approached. It was the sort of church that you wouldn't say anything about... because the church would know what you said and rain lasers upon you.
The doom of the man in black was built. But they needed bait. The two old priests drew straws to decide who would stay. The priest who left made it known that he would be leaving for a day on the beach.
He spent his day pretending to sunbathe, pretending to build sandcastles and pretending to dip his toes in the water. Until he heard a commotion in the distance. He raced back towards his fortress with a smile on his face, the sort of smile you would have if the person who has killed ninety eight of your closest ninety nine friends had been killed. When he could peer over the next horizon however, his smile vanished. All he could see in front of him was a smoking heap of titanium and misfiring lasers. As he peered through the smoke he could make out the man in black making his escape.
Something inside him had told him that this would happen and this time he was prepared. He knew there was no sand in his eyes... he had only been pretending to touch the sand. He ran behind a nearby bush and hopped aboard his Super Priesty Priest Scooter and gave chase.
Through the desolate lands he chased the man, gaining ever so slowly until after hours, to the priests surprise, the man had pulled over. The priest pulled up and approached the man, his face red with rage.
"HAVE YOU BEEN KNOCKING DOWN OUR CHURCHES!?" The priest roared.
And the man replied
"...... no....... "
submitted by Mother_Tell998 to Jokes [link] [comments]
There are one hundred priests of an unspecified religion. They have arrived dressed in the symbols of their faith in a new land to spread the word of their 'Superbook'. This could be any land, France, Egypt, Feudal Japan, the Toronto Film Festival, any land. Absolutely any land you can imagine, Gondor, Pangaea, 1992 or your own home and surrounding lands which are unique to you.
Upon arriving in this strange new land they learn that the people here have no knowledge of Superbook. They decide that the best way to spread the word is to construct a building as a symbol of the new faith. So they purchased some basic tools and set to work gathering wood for their shrine. As there were one hundred priests in their prime the shrine was constructed in under a week.
It was a basic thing. The sort of shrine you would look at and say "that's pretty shit. Did children build this? You didn't tell me there were feral children around.". A central trunk with a roughly carved deity symbol nailed to the top stood in a forest clearing. A few rows of log seats encircled it and around the edges stood a few tall torches burning incense.
The priests stood back and looked proud over their creation, happy that they could begin spreading the words and illustrations of Superbook. It was suggested by one of the priests that "Hey we should go for a drink to celebrate our success!" to which exactly half of the priests thought would be a good idea. So fifty of the priests headed down to the local pub where they spent the night drinking whatever beverages Superbook allowed.
Upon returning from their celebrations the priests were greeted by a horrifying sight. "Have I got beverage in my eyes!?" one of the priests was heard to say "or has something destroyed our shrine!?". The priest was correct, before them lay the ruins of their primitive shrine, a tangle of wood and limbs all set ablaze by the incense torches.
How exactly all fifty priests who remained at the shrine managed to perish as the single tall, thin structure collapsed remains a mystery to this day. As the priests stood in shock staring and mourning over their lost friends, one of them turned to notice something that looked out of place. As he squinted he could make out on the horizon a figure all in black, speeding away on an unspecified vehicle. It could be a motorbike, a sports car, a horse and carriage, a horse without a carriage, absolutely any vehicle you can think of, a bicycle, a unicycle, a pangolin, or a petrol powered pangolin.
But it was too late, the man disappeared over the horizon. As the remaining priests gathered their thoughts, one of them suggested that they should not be discouraged, and that their fallen friends would want them to rebuild the shrine in memory of them.
The priests agreed and set about building a new shrine! bigger and better than the first to remember this tragic day. They quarried stones, they cut down trees and they sewed curtains, nice curtains, I mean REALLY nice curtains, with tassels and everything. It took the fifty priests a few weeks to complete but eventually they were able to stand back and admire their new creation.
It was a quaint chapel on the hill. The sort of chapel you would look at and say "hey look at that quaint little chapel, and oh damn check out those nice curtains!". A trodden dirt path led to the entrance of a small stone structure, inside was the picture of simplicity and modesty. A few rows of pews on a polished wooden floor, and an altar stood in front of a patchwork deity symbol.
As the priests admired their new chapel, they remarked that yes, their fallen friends would be happy with this. One of the priests suggested that they visit a local theme park to celebrate this day. Exactly half of the priests agreed, they spent the day riding deity approved rides, gambling deity approved amounts of money and not riding deity condemned rides.
Upon returning from their celebrations the priests were greeted by a horrifying sight. "Have I got deity approved theme park snacks in my eyes!?" one of the priests was heard to say "or has something destroyed our chapel!?". The priest was correct, on the hill lay a pill of stone rubble, limbs and silky smooth curtain tassels.... which was all on fire for some reason.
As the priests stood staring in horror over their lost friends, one of them turned to notice something that, yes, upon the horizon he could just make out the man in black speeding into the distance. But it was too late, he was gone. As the remaining priests took care of the dead in the way decreed by Superbook, one of them suggested that this should not be the end, and that their fallen friends would want them to rebuild the chapel in memory of them.
The priests agreed and set about pillaging neighbouring villages for building supplies. They gathered glass, mixed cement, smelted iron, mined for gold and expanded their quarry. They didn't just rebuild the chapel, they built a fully fledged church! The sort of church that when you refer to it like "Oh it's up by the church", people would know what you are talking about and benefit from your informative directions. It had taken the twenty five priests six months of labour but there it stood. A paved path led through an iron fence, protection against and would-be-church-destroyers and towards an imposing stone structure. Stain glass windows adorned the front complete with deity symbols, the pews could seat a thousand and a golden forged Superbook sat upon the altar.
The twenty five priests patted themselves on the back and said a prayer for the lost friends. One priest suggested that after six months they deserved a celebratory meal to mark the occasion. Twelve priests agreed whilst the rest stayed to rest, content in the safety of their shiny new iron fence. The twelve priests spent the evening at a nearby Italian restaurant, because everyone is allowed to eat Italian food.
After an evening of scoffing increasingly abstract pasta shapes the twelve priests returned to their church. One of the priests was heard to say "Have I got tagliatelle in my eye!? Or has someone knocked down our church!? AGAIN!" The scene that greeted them was one of sorrow and anger. Sorrow for their dead friends, crushed under heaps of stone and glass. Anger at their dead friends, for placing so much faith in an iron fence. Yet more anger at the figure they could see vanishing over the horizon.
At this point you are probably thinking that these priests are idiots, that surely they can understand the pattern by now that building a church plus staying in the church equals death. You would also think that after the previous events they would not believe that the solution would be to build a bigger church.... as this in no way addresses the problem at hand. You may think that surely he can't just keep rambling on like this and that he will wrap this up soon, after all we have figured out the pattern of the joke and we know where it is going anyway.
So one of the priests, suffering from long term memory loss, suggested that to honour their friends they should build a new monument to their faith. The others, after giving him concerned looks, figured they had come this far and, resigned to their fate, they agreed. The priests then spent the next five years ravaging the lands for resources. They felled forests, flattened hills and drove the critically endangered Pentapus to extinction to use their tears for cement (its like an octopus but it only has five arms... and only has five eyes.)
After a further five years of construction, they were finally able to stand back, crane their necks high, and admire their creation. This was a truly great achievement. This was now a cathedral, the sort of cathedral that architecture student congregate around. The sort of structure that everyone for miles around would refer to as "That massive f***ing monstrosity made of tears" and there would be weird rumors like "at night I've heard that you can hear the pentapusses crying from inside the walls". Whether these rumors were true or not, it was an impressive building. The size of an aeroplane hangar. It had an attached aeroplane hangar. It was the first cathedral built with a solid steel support structure and, for added protection, a moat and barbwire fence surrounded it.
The priests had been at the whole 'building monuments for the Superbook' for many years now and were getting old and tired. One of them suggested that they should take a trip to a local spa for a day of relaxation after this great achievement, "after all..." he said "page 69 of Superbook does proclaim in giant text, 'Thou shalt spa'". Five other priests, who probably had better survival instincts, agreed and the six of them took off. Six remained content in their reinforced structure, even taking shifts to keep watch for added security.
The six who left spent the day wallowing in mud, having cucumbers placed on various body parts and being generally as un-energetic as possible. They were also pleasantly surprised to find that their local infamy granted them free access to all the spas facilities. After they had left in their own time and the spa owner barred the doors shut behind them they headed back to their church.
"Have I still got cucumber in my eye!?" one of the six said as their home loomed on the horizon, "or has someone destroyed our church!?"
The priest was correct. As they approached and crossed the moat they found a towering pile of rubble. There was an eerie silence as they glared at the destruction, picturing their dead friends somewhere inside. The silence was only broken by the sound of the man in black speeding off over the horizon and the joyous cries of Pentapus souls being freed.
The sight of the man in black filled one of the priests with rage. He turned to the others and said "Hey I know what we need to do!" ... The others agreed before he had chance to say what it was.
The priests set about gathering more resources. After the ten years it took them to gather this, they were surrounded by a scorched barren earth. They had felled all the trees for twenty miles, flattened the earth, hunted all life to extinction (I mean all life, even worms... they took all the worms and used them to lure down all the birds. Then they trained the birds to help lift heavy objects for them. Then they ate the birds. Then they made a monument to remember the birds. Then they... didn't really put much effort into maintaining it and it ran into disrepair... the end), drained lakes and sucked clouds from the sky somehow.
It took a further ten years for the small group of ageing priests to complete their construction. For the sake of this story four of the priests died during a slave bird rebellion that was later crushed. Mainly because I can't think of many more advancing stages of church besides going into ghost churches or space churches, though those would be awesome.
Their creation could barely be called a church.Yes it was built in the shape of their deity symbol and inside were super mahogany (like regular mahogany only more awesome) pews and a diamond pulpit, but to all other purposes this was a fortress. The entire structure was titanium, standing thirty stories high. It was surrounded with laser fences, laser moats full of lasers, and atop the building were placed a cluster of guns which shot bullets which were also made of lasers. There were immense speaker systems built into the walls which issued threats as well as religious good will messages to all who approached. It was the sort of church that you wouldn't say anything about... because the church would know what you said and rain lasers upon you.
The doom of the man in black was built. But they needed bait. The two old priests drew straws to decide who would stay. The priest who left made it known that he would be leaving for a day on the beach.
He spent his day pretending to sunbathe, pretending to build sandcastles and pretending to dip his toes in the water. Until he heard a commotion in the distance. He raced back towards his fortress with a smile on his face, the sort of smile you would have if the person who has killed ninety eight of your closest ninety nine friends had been killed. When he could peer over the next horizon however, his smile vanished. All he could see in front of him was a smoking heap of titanium and misfiring lasers. As he peered through the smoke he could make out the man in black making his escape.
Something inside him had told him that this would happen and this time he was prepared. He knew there was no sand in his eyes... he had only been pretending to touch the sand. He ran behind a nearby bush and hopped aboard his Super Priesty Priest Scooter and gave chase.
Through the desolate lands he chased the man, gaining ever so slowly until after hours, to the priests surprise, the man had pulled over. The priest pulled up and approached the man, his face red with rage.
"HAVE YOU BEEN KNOCKING DOWN OUR CHURCHES!?" The priest roared.
And the man replied
"...... no....... "
2023.06.04 22:08 No-Veterinarian-7659 Gel nails with nail tips???? Pls help!!
I’ve done the gel x morbid for 4 sets but I was wondering can I apply a free-edge nail tips with gel instead of traditional nail glue? I still want to do a gel overlay on top. Will they last or lift ?
submitted by No-Veterinarian-7659 to Nailtechs [link] [comments]