Looking to get rid of some of my manga, and also one of my rarer Nenderoids. Non-smoking house, and no yellowing. Most of My Dress Up Darling is actually still sealed. There is also a shelf there that has a bunch of single issues that I am accepting offers for. Most are the first issue of a series. The Megumin Nenderoid is also still sealed and has not been touched. I have a lot of other stuff as well, so this post will probably be either changed or replaced with a post with even more. Add $5 for shipping.
Will also take offers, and will make deals for bundles. Trying to keep sets together to make less trips to post office!
https://imgur.com/a/ACXcHZ5
Fist of the North Star 1&2 - $30
Komi Can't Communicate 1-4 - $35
My Dress Up Darling 1-6 - $60
Chainsaw Man Complete 1-11 - $90
Ode to Kirohito - $15
Black Jack 1 and 2 - $40
Dogs 0-6 - $50
Delicious in Dungeon 1-4 - $45
Neon Genesis Omnibus - $25
Prison School 1-9 - $100
Dimension W 1-7 - $45
Dissolving Classroom - $10
Megumin School Uniform Nendoroid - $120

Title explains most of it. I'm looking for something to have a bit more of a physical experience with rather than just tap tap tap on a DAW, something I could use in bed, on the go, ETC. (I could get a battery pack for the MPC One).
The main question is, when I have a daw to start mixing and mastering what I've worked on, which system would you recommend? One of the big draws to the MPC system is the fact you can get as far as basic mixing with it, which would be nice to be able to do on the go, but is of far less value than considering I am very happy with my DAW for those tasks, just want to break from it every once and a while.
From my understanding, once you remove the powerful daw-like capabilities of the MPC One, you are left with an extremely powerful sampler with great pads, but not the most inspiring workflow.
The SP404 MKII, despite being a much less capable machine, seems like it might be a bit more inspiring to work with, especially because my main goal it to mangle samples, resample and repeat, roughly compose them, and then export to FL Studio to finish up. However, I've been wanting to get into finger drumming, and coming from my existing controllers (a sensel morph and Fire) I wanted a bit more of a, how to I put this kindly, pleasant, drumming experience.
I make sample based industrial music, resampled guitars, drums, noise loops, with some synth over top. Think early NIN with a bit of the Caretaker mixed in.
Appreciate y'all ♥️

It is quite obvious that this series uses war as a backdrop to tell stories of people's personal relationships. The most common are Adora and Catra, Entrapta and Hordak, Hordak and Horde Prime and finally Shadow Weaver with both Adora and Catra. It should be noticed that as far as the story is concerned, Shadow Weaver's biggest crimes are her abuse of Adora and Catra as well as her manipulation of Micah.
The story does not focus on the fact that as someone who was the Horde's second in command for decades she would be responsible for the deaths of thousands of people, even more than Catra, who held the position for probably less than 3 years (The timeline is pretty vague). Considering that Hordak tends to spend most of his time in his lab rather than actually running things, you can argue that much of what the Horde did for most of the war was her doing.
When she joins the heroes in Season 3, no one seems to bring up the places she destroyed when she was Hordak's right hand. In fact, she only gets reprimanded when she tries to manipulate the heroes or what she did to Adora and Micah. So in other words, focusing on the war and any potential war crimes would be pointless since this story is not The Last Airbender where the war is an important part of the story and not just a backdrop. The war is just set dressing so the story can focus on personal relationships.

r u hot but looking for the deeper connection that would glue a marriage? (marriage is full of mundane days - but I've never been married)
do you speak in Physical-Intimacy? rather than in english.
I'm kind of a private girl (like, i could go out. But I'm not extroverted) and I DON'T chat a million words a day, ok
So banter is not my Forte. I'm not quick, smart, wordy or even communicative lol
I'm lots of feelings, tho. So you be emotional too, ok?
are you spiritual with physical intimacy? like, you just feel it down to your soul... Please contact me only if this is going to be sacred to you. Again, I'm a moody, feely type of person. So I don't want intimacy to be just robotic/on a schedule. I love catharsis and working out tho, but get deep with it with me, cool?
I have fantasies in mind that I want to have 😀
I'm starting to be less socially anxious in public - replaced w more dgafs. I promise to still try dressing cute tho and to show off my slendecuteness. Try.
I'm depressed-ish, but that's bc I'm dealing with Life being weighty. less Life being like that ig and more Death is like that I feel some responsibilities right now 😖 I'm scaredish
I'm incredibly caring about being respectful. That's on my mind a lot. I think about how relationships work... Equality. how it's absolutely required that ppl FEEL respected in all kinds of their relationships.. professional, personal, friendships, acquaintances, familial
But I'm learning so much about the types of ppl I just couldn't relate to. The shocks I've been through. traumas. the Universes🌌 are wild
This post is a mess lol I'll try more in the near future. maybe Talk more about practical stuff: like travels, location, maybe job? idk
Idk how much of that really determines Connection though. If we're talking about an emotionally intimate relationship as much as physical...

Please note that the ticket links are usually for general admission; for VIP tickets, if available, you may have to go to the band's website.
Monday, Jun 5, 2023

Rhapsody on Fire, Wind Rose, Seven Kingdoms	Conduit - Winter Park

Tuesday, Jun 6, 2023

Dying Whale, Dead Register, Moth Bite, The Path	Born Free Pub & Grill - Tampa
Heart Attack Man, Super American, Arm's Length	The Abbey - Orlando

Wednesday, Jun 7, 2023

Mike's Dead, The Haunt	Level 13 - Orlando
Within Chaos, Eyes Sewn Shut, Automatik Fit	Jack Rabbits - Jacksonville
Jameson Tank, Parks & Razz, Outer Edge Band	1904 Music Hall - Jacksonville

Thursday, Jun 8, 2023

Subhumans, UpChuck, gilt	Jack Rabbits - Jacksonville

Friday, Jun 9, 2023

Grass is Dead, The Coppertones	Underbelly - Jacksonville

Saturday, Jun 10, 2023

Halo Scars, Mind Virus, Cypher Machine, Re-Birth	Brass Mug - Tampa
Maul, Tombstoner, Plasmodulated	Conduit - Winter Park
Downswing, Falsifier, Bottomfeeders	Manna Tea & Kava Bar - Sarasota

Sunday, Jun 11, 2023

My Children My Bride, Extortionist, No Cure	Conduit - Winter Park
Bury Your Dead, Thirst, Edict	Tipsy Tiki - Fort Pierce

Monday, Jun 12, 2023

Maul, Tombstoner	Brass Mug - Tampa
Spotlights, Skyliner, The Darling Fire	Jack Rabbits - Jacksonville

Tuesday, Jun 13, 2023

Halocene, Lauren Babic, Alphamega	Hooch & Hive - Tampa

Wednesday, Jun 14, 2023

Drain, Drug Church, Magnitude, Gel	Brass Mug - Tampa
Halocene, Lauren Babic, Alphamega	Level 13 - Orlando
The Convalescence, Summoner's Circle	Jack Rabbits - Jacksonville
pulses., With Sails Ahead, I Met A Yeti	Will's Pub - Orlando

Thursday, Jun 15, 2023

Halocene, Lauren Babic, Alphamega	Jack Rabbits - Jacksonville

Friday, Jun 16, 2023

Roxx, Re-Birth, Cyber Machine, Haloscars	Conduit - Winter Park
Hollow Leg, Clamfight, Moat Cobra	Will's Pub - Orlando
Every Avenue, Makeout, Say We Can Fly	Orpheum - Tampa

Saturday, Jun 17, 2023

Crossbreed, Cultus Black, Cypher machine, Davey Partain	Orpheum - Tampa
Defy the Tyrant, Losing Daylight, Shadow the Earth	Kona Skate Park - Jacksonville
Breed, Gillian Carter, Audible Parts	Will's Pub - Orlando

Sunday, Jun 18, 2023

Crossbreed, Cultus Black, NoSelf, The Dev	Level 13 - Orlando
Bodybox, No Zodiac, High Pressure	Conduit - Winter Park
Dikembe, Camp Trash, Glazed	Will's Pub - Orlando

Wednesday, Jun 21, 2023

Dream Theater, Devin Townsend, Animals As Leaders	Ruth Eckerd Hall - Clearwater

Thursday, Jun 22, 2023

Garbage, Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds, Metric	MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre - Tampa

Friday, Jun 23, 2023

Dream Theater, Devin Townsend, Animals As Leaders	Hard Rock Live - Orlando

Saturday, Jun 24, 2023

Misfits, Megadeth, Fear	MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheater - Tampa
Intoxicated, Vacuous Depths, Ebullition	Conduit - Winter Park
black midi, YHWH Nailgun	Orpheum - Tampa

Sunday, Jun 25, 2023

No/Mas, Knoll, Shock	Conduit - Winter Park

Monday, June 26, 2023

We Are the Union, Kill Lincoln, Catbite	The Social - Orlando
No/Mas, Knoll	Orpheum - Tampa

Tuesday, Jun 27, 2023

Yungblud, The Regrettes, Caspr	Jannus - St. Petersburg

Wednesday, Jun 28, 2023

D.R.I., Metalriser	Underbelly - Jacksonville
Peter Frampton	St. Augustine Amphitheatre

Thursday, Jun 29, 2023

The Cure	Amalie Arena - Tampa
D.R.I., Metalriser	Will's Pub - Orlando

Saturday, Jul 1, 2023

D.R.I., Metalriser	Brass Mug - Tampa
Liliac, Fortune Child	The Twisted Fork - Port Charlotte

Sunday, Jul 2, 2023

Godflesh	Conduit - Winter Park

Thursday, Jul 6, 2023

Sad Summer Festival	Daily's Place Amphitheatre - Jacksonville

Friday, Jul 7, 2023

Sad Summer Festival	Coachman Park - Clearwater
Subdivisions, Violence System, The Fallen Sons	Jack Rabbits - Jacksonville
Days Of Summer festival	Conduit - Winter Park

Saturday, Jul 8, 2023

Memphis May Fire, Norma Jean, Secrets	The Beacham - Orlando
Days Of Summer festival	Conduit - Winter Park

Sunday, Jul 9, 2023

Memphis May Fire, Norma Jean, Secrets	High Dive - Gainesville
Crown The Empire, Varials	Orpheum - Tampa

Monday, Jul 10, 2023

blink-182, Turnstile	Amalie Arena - Tampa
Orthodox, Cell, Chamber	Crowbar - Tampa

Tuesday, Jul 11, 2023

Analepsy, Cognitive, Wormhole, Nectoricgorebeast	Conduit - Winter Park

Wednesday, Jul 12, 2023

Analepsy, Cognitive, Wormhole, Nectoricgorebeast	Crowbar - Tampa

Thursday, Jul 13, 2023

Staind	Seminole Hard Rock - Tampa

Friday, Jul 14, 2023

Staind	Hard Rock Live - Orlando

Saturday, Jul 15, 2023

Obituary	Brass Mug - Tampa
Flag On Fire, Scatter Shot, Backslide, Regions	O'Malley's Alley - Ocala

Monday, Jul 17, 2023

Cenotaph, Horrific Visions, Architectural Genocide	Conduit - Winter Park

Tuesday, Jul 18, 2023

Agents of Chaos, Black Clash	Jack Rabbits - Jacksonville
Buckcherry	Underbelly - Jacksonville

Friday, Jul 21, 2023

Joan Jett & the Blackhearts, Bryan Adams	Amalie Arena - Tampa
Mudvayne, Coal Chamber, Gwar, Nonpoint, Butcher Babies	MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre - Tampa
The Final Sound, Abbey Death, Layne Lyre	New World Music Hall - Tampa
Yosemite In Black, Endbringer, Murder Afloat	Orpheum - Tampa

Saturday, Jul 22, 2023

Yellowcard, Mayday Parade, Story of the Year	Daily's Place Amphitheatre - Jacksonville
Less Than Jake, Voodoo Glow Skulls, Devon Kay & the Solutions	House of Blues - Orlando
Rising Up Angry, Tragic, Legions Blind	Kona Skate Park - Jacksonville

Sunday, Jul 23, 2023

Yellowcard, Mayday Parade, Story of the Year	Yuengling Center - Tampa
Endbringer, Yosemite In Black, Heavy Hitter	1904 Music Hall - Jacksonville

Tuesday, Jul 25, 2023

Fall Out Boy, Bring Me The Horizon, Royal & The Serpent	MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre - Tampa

Thursday, Jul 27, 2023

Havok, Toxic Holocaust, I AM, Hammerhedd	Conduit - Winter Park

Friday, Jul 28, 2023

Between the Buried and Me, Rivers of Nihil, Thank you Scientist	Jannus - St. Petersburg
Round Eye, No Fraud, Caffiends	Will's Pub - Orlando

Saturday, Jul 29, 2023

Between the Buried and Me, Rivers of Nihil, Thank you Scientist	Beacham - Orlando
Southpaw, Highest Crown, Fortitude, Dead Mirrors	Born Free - Tampa

Sunday, Jul 30, 2023

Crobot, Rickshaw, Billie's Burger Patrol	Orpheum - Tampa

Thursday, Aug 3, 2023

Underoath, The Ghost Inside, We Came As Romans	Yuengling Center - Tampa

Saturday, Aug 5, 2023

Disturbed, Breaking Benjamin	MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre - Tampa
Underoath, The Ghost Inside, We Came As Romans	St. Augustine Amphitheatre
Sanguisugabogg, Kruelty, Vomit Forth	Conduit - Winter Park

Sunday, Aug 6, 2023

The Queers, The Radio Buzzkills, The Jasons	Jack Rabbits - Jacksonville

Wednesday, Aug 9, 2023

Pyrexia, Cerebral Incubation, Atoll	Conduit - Winter Park

Friday, Aug 11, 2023

The All-American Rejects, New Found Glory, The Starting Line	MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre - Tampa
Black Flag	High Dive - Gainesville

Sunday, Aug 13, 2023

Alesana, Vampires Everywhere, Limbs	Level 13 - Orlando

Wednesday, Aug 16, 2023

The Offspring, Sum 41, Simple Plan	MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre - Tampa
hed p.e., Lydia can't Breathe, Razorz Edge	Jack Rabbits - Jacksonville

Saturday, Aug 19, 2023

Left to Suffer, Distant, Justice for the Damned	Conduit - Winter Park

Sunday, Aug 20, 2023

The Smashing Pumpkins, Interpol, Rival Sons	MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre - Tampa

Tuesday, Aug 22, 2023

The Mezingers	Underbelly - Jacksonville

Wednesday, Aug 23, 2023

Bless The Fall, Caskets, Kingdom of Giants	Orpheum - Tampa

Thursday, Aug 24, 2023

Clutch, Giovanni & The Hired Guns, Mike Dillon	Jannus - St. Petersburg

Saturday, Aug 26, 2023

Rob Zombie, Alice Cooper, Ministry	MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre - Tampa

Wednesday, Aug 30, 2023

Ghost, Amon Amarth	Daily's Place Amphitheatre - Jacksonville

Thursday, Aug 31, 2023

Ghost, Amon Amarth	MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre - Tampa

Saturday, Sep 2, 2023

Baby Metal, Dethklok, Jason Richardson	Orlando Amphitheater

Sunday, Sep 3, 2023

Spitalfield, Rookie of the Year, The Future Perfect	Conduit - Winter Park

Tuesday, Sep 5, 2023

Bad Omens, ERRA, I See Stars	Jannus - St. Petersburg

Wednesday, Sep 6, 2023

Bad Omens, ERRA, I See Stars	House of Blues - Orlando

Friday, Sep 8, 2023

The Waning Moon, Palace of Tears, Rux Vendetta	Hooch & Hive - Tampa

Saturday, Sep 9, 2023

Kamelot, Battle Beast, Xandria	Hard Rock Live - Orlando

Sunday, Sep 10, 2023

Angelmaker, Vulvodynia, Flasifier	Conduit - Orlando

Tuesday, Sep 12, 2023

Black Veil Brides, VV, Dark Divine	Jannus - St. Petersburg

Wednesday, Sep 13, 2023

3 Doors Down, Candlebox	Daily's Place Amphitheatre - Jacksonville
Dance Gavin Dance, SiM, Rain City Drive	Hard Rock Live - Orlando

Friday, Sep 15, 2023

3 Doors Down, Candlebox	MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre - Tampa

Saturday, Sep 16, 2023

Movements, Mannequin Pussy, Softcult	The Ritz - Tampa

Sunday, Sep 17, 2023

Avenged Sevenfold, Falling in Reverse	MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre - Tampa
Wave to Earth, slchld	Orpheum - Tampa

Tuesday, Sep 19, 2023

Scowl, Militarie Gun, MSPAINT	Conduit - Winter Park

Thursday, Sep 21, 2023

Scowl, Militarie Gun, MSPAINT	1904 Music Hall - Jacksonville

Friday, Sep 22, 2023

Cavalera Conspiracy, Exhumed, Incite	Beacham - Orlando

Saturday, Sep 24, 2023

Boys Like Girls, State Champs, Four Year Strong	House Of Blues - Orlando

Sunday, Sep 25, 2023

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus	High Dive - Gainesville

Friday, Sep 29, 2023

CIRCLE JERKS, TSOL, Negative Approach	Underbelly - Jacksonville
Shinedown, Papa Roach, Spiritbox	MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre - Tampa

Saturday, Sep 30, 2023

NOFX	Vinoy Park - St. Petersburg
Flogging Molly, The Bronx	House Of Blues - Orlando

Thursday, Oct 5-7, 2023

Absolution Fest	Crowbar - Tampa

Tuesday, Oct 10, 2023

Ne Obliviscaris, Beyond Creation, Persefone	Orpheum - Tampa

Wednesday, Oct 11, 2023

Ne Obliviscaris, Beyond Creation, Persefone	Conduit - Winter Park
Fit For a King, The Devil Wears Prada, Counterparts, Landmvrks	The Ritz - Tampa

Thursday, Oct 12, 2023

Dawn of Ouroboros, Fires in the Distance, Somnent	Conduit - Winter Park

Saturday, Oct 14, 2023

Beast in Black, Dance with the Dead	Orpheum - Tampa
Fame on Fire, Kingdom Collapse	The Social - Orlando

Sunday, Oct 15, 2023

Beast in Black, Dance with the Dead	Conduit - Winter Park
Motionless In White, Knocked Loose, After the Burial, Alpha Wolf	Hard Rock Live - Orlando

Tuesday, Oct 17, 2023

Atilla, Gideon, Until I Wake, Ten56	Underbelly - Jacksonville

Wednesday, Oct 18, 2023

Atilla, Gideon, Until I Wake, Ten56	Orpheum - Tampa

Friday, Oct 27-29, 2023

The Fest	Gainesville

Tuesday, Nov 7, 2023

Protest the Hero, Moontooth	The Abbey - Orlando

Wednesday, Nov 8, 2023

Protest the Hero, Moontooth	Orpheum - Tampa

Friday, Jan 24, 2024

Kansas	Florida Theatre - Jacksonville

​

This is my first year of high school and it’s been a very hard transition for me. I have increased anxiety because of an altercation I had in the Fall and it’s been hard to go to school every day, I simply don't feel safe.
However, my grades don’t reflect that and I catch up on everything online. This is not permanent but I just need the extra time and support to bring my level up to where it should be.Last week I received a text from my grandma that I found incredibly insensitive. Apparently she had been talking to my dad and heard about me missing a few days that week. She then proceeded to tell me I was lazy and if I didn’t get my life together she would come over to show me the consequences.
The same thing happened to my brother when my parents struggled to find him a place in school, she threatened to call CPS on my mom for “neglect.” He has autism and they couldn’t get a secure placement until a few months ago.It's not the first time either. Last June she absolutely ruined my grad shopping experience by constantly body shaming me. I got the first and only dress I tried on after being in the shop for less than 30 mins. She took over everything and then decided to bill my dad for her time. She’s the type of person to use the brutally honest excuse and hide behind it.
Everyone else accepted it but I finally snapped at her. I told her if she wasn’t going to be a helpful asset in my life, she shouldn’t be in it at all and doesn’t deserve my respect just because she’s old.The conversation ended there and I haven’t heard from her since. She has been in contact with my dad and gave me one week to give her an in person apology or accept that I didn't have her side as family anymore, and I chose not to apologize because I didn't think I was in the wrong.
Anyway, I found out today that she has been telling every family member not to buy any birthday gifts/ return the ones already purchased for me. Even going as far as rubbing it in my face by only getting my brother special gifts instead, and he whole family is playing along. Dinner is tomorrow and I’ve been since uninvited. The gifts aren’t my problem, it’s the fact she’s a grown woman going behind my back and acting like the victim. What's worse is everyone is okay with it happening, it's like they're jealous of a child.I don’t know what to do, Am I The Asshole?

Some background about me is needed. I am an Indian male that was born in America in 2004 to 2 first generation immigrants. My early childhood was completely normal and definitely above average. My family has a high income and to be completely honest, I have been extremely spoiled my whole life.
My mother sometimes tells me I was a very happy kid. Hearing this now brings a smile to my face, but between 10th to 12th grade hearing that statement only brought sadness to me. Starting 9th I became very existential, and I would ponder day in and out about the purpose of life and the reason for everything.
Unsurprisingly, these thoughts over time changed my mindset and made me become very depressed. I felt hopeless and thought that everything was for nothing. I was too consumed by my thoughts to appreciate the value in everything. COVID amplified this by limiting my distractions and giving me more time to overthink in my own head alone. By 11th grade I was deep into these thoughts, and hearing my mother tell me I used to be a happy kid would upset me. I thought as though I failed as a person.
I truly believed that ignorance was bliss. I admired children for innocence and how they were not cynical due to exposure to this cruel world. Being reminded that I used to be one of those kids would make me bitter to the core. I was full of resentment towards everyone and everything that didn’t share my way of thinking.
This eventually led to self guilt. I felt as though that I shouldn’t be having these thoughts because I have an extremely blessed life. I was aware of the fact that I was taking my life for granted but I didn’t want to care about it because it would be contradictory and not embrace the “nothing matters” mindset. In the back of my mind this was slowly ruining me mentally and emotionally.
This led me to believe that I was a terrible person and that I did not deserve the life I had. This amplified a lot of my self esteem issues that I had in my life before the depression started and increased the downward spiral. These issues also manifested in anger, and I would have a lot of violent thoughts (don’t worry I wasn’t psycho). I had a lot of suicidal thoughts and used to cry myself to sleep every night praying to whatever forces were responsible for the universe that I would not wake up the next morning. Despite all my prayers, I always woke up the next day.
I kept waking up. The feeling felt worse and worse. The little bit of human emotion I had left in me didn't want to take my life. This was due to the damage I could cause to my loved ones. I didn’t care about myself at all, and honestly I didn’t care about how they felt that much either. I just felt that I owed them due to how much time and effort they put into me.
Over time, I got sick of feeling bad. It was not like a switch flipped into me, but I slowly realized I had to do something. I didn’t care about myself, but we all see the world through our eyes, and I realized that even if I feel like what I’m doing is useless, it’s all I have. There isn’t anything else you can do, so you might as well do it.
I slowly started taking care of myself. Skincare, losing weight, dressing better. Working on my confidence. At first I didn’t really understand why I was doing this. I know I looked better and was presented in a much better fashion than before, but I still felt as though it was pointless. I was simply doing it out of boredom.
It wasn’t a constant upward slope from that point. I would have my moments of plummet and would sometimes be extremely depressed. All my friends and family knew this but didn’t really talk to me about it too much. I was still much better than before though.
Entering college I was a brand new person, but I still had my baggage and people could tell. It wasn’t until I watched season 2 of Alice in Borderland that it clicked for me. It was never about how I felt, it was always about what I wanted. Despite being extremely depressed I did want to be happy, I just didn’t know how. In that show I constantly saw people beg for their lives, and all I could think to myself was how grateful they must be for their lives. Some characters didn’t always have great lives to go back to, and they have suffered a lot of loss. Despite that they still wanted to live. It amazed me how much they wanted to live and the lengths they were willing to go to survive.
It hit me. They didn’t want to live so they could be happy. They wanted to live so they could keep living. I realized that in order to appreciate life, you have to accept every single aspect of it.
I’m not talking about simple things, I’m talking about EVERYTHING. Unexpected events, growing as a person, pain/loss, the laws of physics, the ability to dwell on the past or have a hopeful future, the way the society is structured, the fact that you have to flip your pillow if it gets too hot. Every single little thing. I always viewed it all as a drag and that’s why I couldn’t see what was right in front me. It suddenly felt so clear.
Remove a single aspect from that and life as a whole is completely different. There isn’t anything specific needed to be done in life. Everyone's beginning and final destination is different, morals are subjective in nature, and no one truly knows why we actually exist. All we have is our life and nothing else. All you have to do is live it through. Our circumstances and past experiences shape who we are today. Life is nothing more than a process and you shouldn’t view it as anything else.
After watching Alice in Borderland, I started going to the gym, taking therapy, and working even harder on myself. The way I’m treated and how I treat other people is significantly different compared to before. I learned how to embrace every single aspect of life. No complaints. No if, ands, or buts. That’s it. Life is life. I truly believe that by coming to terms with every single thing, and understanding that it doesn’t have to go my way, it just has to go, that I was able to change my soul. I’m full of so much emotion now and I choose to be nice even if there is absolutely no reason to. If nothing matters and I just have to be, I might as well be feeling good about myself and make others feel good rather than doing the opposite. I realized I didn’t need to seek happiness, I just had to come to terms with everything so I wouldn’t be sad about it.
Life is a process. We grow and we change and our ability to do that is our greatest gift. We can choose to grow or dwell on the past. We can choose to be scared or look forward to the future. I made a full 180 degree turn in my life and I truly believe that if I could change, anybody could. Maybe this was a useless story and I’ll get criticism, even so, I chose to write it and whatever response I get from this is just part of the process. Human desire is the strongest emotion of all. As long as you want good for you and don’t let it fade away, nature will take its course and you will get better eventually. Every single one of you is just as important as each other, nobody is more and nobody is less. We all take up the same space in the universe and we’re all going through the process, whether it’s shorter or longer, happier or sadder, worse to bettebetter to worse, or any other discrepancy. The idea of someone being more valuable is created by society. I truly hope this reaches out to someone who is able to utilize it to help themselves. If you made it to the end I appreciate you taking time out of your progression to read this. Thank you all. <3

“I just had an idea pop into my head about something to do this coming weekend, and I wanted to bounce it off you two before it slips my mind” My friend Natasha said those words as the three of us sat on my couch one afternoon. I found myself sitting up slightly. Normally, Natasha was the last of our group to suggest things to do, letting Vinny, the third member of our group, or I come up with the plans to keep our free time occupied. The fact she was about to suggest something intrigued me. “What have you got in mind?” I asked her. A smile played over her face as her brown eyes seemed to flash. “How about a little ghost hunting?”
I felt Vinny sit straight up beside me. She had clearly grabbed both our attention now. The three of us were what you might call amateur ghost hunters, using very basic items we bought offline to visit some of the spookier places in the area and posting our adventures on YouTube, sort of like a crappier version of Ghost Adventures. “Now that’s one hell of a good idea” Vinny said, before a puzzled expression spread over his face. “But, I mean, where? We’ve already done most of the places around town. The Tioga building won’t let us in after that…well, what that one resident claims we stirred up in the old ballroom, and I’m not about to make the hours long drive to the Wolf Creek Inn” Natasha’s smile grew wider. “No, we don’t have to even go out of town for this one” she said, her voice dropping low, “What I’m suggesting, is we check out…” her voice trailed off, letting the suspense grow for a few seconds before finishing, “The Egyptian Theatre”
Instantly, Vinny let out a harsh bark of laughter. “HA! Now that’s a good one. You know damn good and well that the society that runs the theater won’t allow us in after hours to ghost hunt. As far as I know, they’ve never allowed any paranormal teams into the place” He pulled a face. “So, how exactly do you propose we get in there? You flutter your eyelashes for the night janitor and use your feminine charms to get us in?” Natasha still grinned, but rolled her eyes at our friend’s quip. “No, actually, I was thinking about using my lock picking skills to get us in” she declared. It was my turn to give her an incredulous look. “You’re joking, right?” I asked. She shook her head. “Nope, I’m dead serious” I let out an incredulous, almost baffled snort of laughter and pulled my glasses off my face, rubbing my eyes.
The country, and, to a large extent, the entire world, became gripped in an interest, sometimes bordering on obsession with all things Egyptian when King Tut’s tomb was discovered over a century ago. Many things came out of this, including the classic 1932 monster movie The Mummy. But, one thing that also came of this fever gripping the country was a desire to build many Egyptian style buildings. And one of the buildings which took this design and ran with it, were the movie theatres. A decade after the legendary discovery, over a hundred theatres had gone up all around the country, their interiors clad with fake temple columns, paintings of sphinxes and Egyptian gods such as Anubis decorating the walls, and hieroglyphs adorning the archways. People flocked in droves to them, both to watch movies, and live performances. But, like all trends, eventually, the interest began to wane, and as the late 20th Century approached, many began to shut down and be either remodeled, or straight up demolished. Today, there’s only between five and eight Egyptian style theatres left in the entire country.
And one just so happens to be right in the town I live in.
When I moved to Coos Bay, Oregon nine years ago, I immediately fell in love with the place. Even though it’s the largest coastal town on the Oregon coast, it’s a place which is more or less perpetually frozen in time, still looking pretty much as it did between thirty and seventy years ago. And, as someone who is not exactly into the modern world, it made a perfect place for me to live and escape away from the 21st Century. I began exploring right away, driving every street of it and the town neighboring it, North Bend, along with walking every alley and back road I could to learn the layout. That’s how I learned about the supernatural element to the town.
There are many places in town which people claim supernatural occurrences take place. From the remains of the old logging buildings on the estuary, to the old Tioga Hotel which has been remodeled into apartments, there is no shortage of ghostly tales. There was even the old McCauley Hospital, which had once been the focal point of the town’s annual ghost walks until it was demolished in 2018. As a side note, I heard a rumor that a couple people broke into that place right before it got torn down. Something sure spooked them, because a friend of mine on the police force told me they gave him a fright, bursting in the night before Easter and rambling about something. I always wondered what they saw in there.
But, for me, the place in town I always loved the most, and enjoyed the most hearing about the ghostly accounts told, was the Egyptian Theatre.
Originally built as a garage in 1922, it was renovated by a man named Charles Noble into a movie theatre in 1925, where it drew in droves of people from around the area to watch films, and enjoy live vaudeville performances. It continued to operate almost to the end of the 20th Century, when other theatres began to attract younger moviegoers, and for a while, it almost seemed as though the historic building might even be closed for good and gutted. But, thanks to the efforts of local preservation societies, it was saved, and now operates as a theatre once again. They mostly play only older movies, along with live performances.
And, of course, it draws curious people for the paranormal rumors surrounding it.
For years, people have reported strange occurrences happening inside the building, both when it’s open, and after hours. Patrons and employees alike have spoken about a pervasive feeling of being watched inside the building, but finding no one there when the place was searched. There have been reports of being touched by invisible hands, a few even pushed slightly. Beyond physical interaction, employees have reported the sounds of old film projectors playing and unseen audiences laughing after hours, along with the eerie playing of the theatre’s Wurlitzer pipe organ, along with a host of other occurrences. No ghost hunting team has ever gone in to try and document these events. And to Natasha, that was too good of an opportunity to pass up. Legal, or not.
“Are you freaking nuts?!” Vinny exclaimed, “Do you have any idea how much trouble we’d be in if we got caught breaking and entering? The cops around here are already a bit twitchy with the druggies and the homeless. You wanna give them a reason to throw us into jail alongside them?” Natasha held up a finger, flipping her black hair over her shoulder. “They won’t find out, because I have not one, but two aces in the hole here. The first is that thanks to being friends with Scott, I know the nighttime police sweeps, where they’re going to be and everything. There’ll be an hour long window where they’re not anywhere near the alley where the back door to the theatre is. We can get in and out with no threat of being spotted at all. And the second is, did you forget I’m dating Dylan now?” The realization washed over me like a wave; she had started dating the man who helped the preservation society run the theatre a month or so ago. Damn, she’s been planning this one for a while, I thought.
Vinny had a thoughtful look on his face, his green eyes darting around rapidly, but not seeing. “Hmm” he muttered, then looked at Natasha. “And you’re sure that there’s no chance of us getting caught?” he asked slowly. “Absolutely none” she said, then looked at both of us. “So, how about it?” For a few moments, there was silence, and then Vinny let out a chuckle. “What the hell, why not? The most exciting thing we’ve done the last few weeks is go down to the farmer’s market. This could shake things up a bit” I suddenly became aware that the two of them were looking at me, waiting for me to make my decision. I was always the most sensible of the three of us, doing all I could to keep us out of trouble with others as well as the law. But, I always had one nasty Achilles Heel ever since I had been a child, and that was peer pressure. So, despite the overwhelming feeling that I should tell them no, that I should say we should just find something else to do, I nodded. “Alright, let’s do it” I said simply, causing grins to break out on both of my friend’s faces.
I wish to God in retrospect that I’d just had the damn spine to stand up and say “No”
The rest of the week seemed to pass by faster than usual. Before I knew it, the weekend had arrived. We’d decided that late Saturday night would be the best time to do this, as most places downtown closed up between eleven and midnight, aside from the bars and strip club. To say I felt anxious about breaking the law, something I wasn’t used to doing at all, would be like calling a Megalodon a goldfish, but my worries about disappointing my friends ended up outweighing it. And so, at eleven-thirty, the three of us piled into my beat up Chevy Tahoe, and made our way towards downtown. As I drove us down Ocean Boulevard, which connected the two sides of town, something settled over me. I can’t exactly place it, even to this day. But it was the most uneasy feeling I’ve ever experienced. But I did my best to push it away. It’s nothing, Troy. It’s just because you’re, understandably, worried about this. Plus, the road being deserted isn’t helping much.
My mental chiding seemed to help center me a bit, which was a good thing. The road was now angling downward, and a moment later, we drove into downtown. The darkened shapes of the closed stores seemed to rise up higher on either side of us than they looked during the daytime. We’d decided to cruise by the front entrance first, just to see if anyone were still inside. As I turned the truck onto the main drag, the sign for the theatre rose high above us, a depiction of an Egyptian pharaoh next to the yellow and white letters which proclaimed its name to everyone who drove through town. I spared a glance as we passed it. The lit up marquee windows showed that The Blues Brothers and Jaws would be shown soon. For whatever reason, though, I couldn’t bring myself to look through the glass doors that showed the building’s darkened interior. The uneasy feeling had returned, and, for a moment, it felt as though if I did look, I would see someone, or something staring back out at me. And then we passed it, taking the next right and looping back around to Anderson Ave.
I turned the truck into the narrow alley drive which ran along the back of the theatre and neighboring buildings. Parking right next to the rear doors would be extremely conspicuous, so I pulled up a bit further and parked in a carport like area. Shutting off the engine, I turned to my two friends. “Well, this is it” I said, “Last chance to turn back if anyone’s having second thoughts” I’d hoped that either Vinny or Natasha would’ve gotten cold feet in the last few minutes, allowing us to go do something else. But there was no such luck. “Are you kidding me?” Natasha said from the passenger seat, “We are far too close to back out now!” Vinny grunted from behind me. Well, shit. Resigning myself to the fact they were determined to go through with this, I let a deep breath out through my nose and nodded. The others opened their doors and hopped out. A moment later, I followed.
The night air was cool and crisp on my skin as we slowly walked back down the alley to the rear of the yellow-ish, tan building. Three different sets of red double doors were built into the back of the theatre. Natasha pulled something out of her coat pocket, and I realized, with a small pang of surprise, that it was a lock pick set. A legitimate lock pick set. “Where the hell did you get that?” I whispered to her. She shrugged and smiled. “I have my ways of getting things” she said simply, then pointed to the far right set of doors. “We’ll have a bit of cover from that electrical box. You two keep an eye out while I deal with the lock” And with that, she scurried forward, bending down in front of the door handles. Vinny and I stood guard, each of us looking down both ends of the alley. As the soft sound of Natasha messing with the lock filtered over to me, I realized just how quiet it was. And how eerie hearing downtown so quiet was. Aside from a few distant booms and bangs, and the far off sound of a dog barking, all I could hear was the whistle of the wind as it whipped between the old buildings.
An involuntary shiver cascaded up my spine, and I tried again to reason myself back to a relative sense of calm. “Get a grip, dude, you’re gonna be fine” I whispered under my breath. But this time, it felt as though I weren’t able to entirely convince myself. I suddenly became aware of a creeping sensation, one which made me shoot a look around. Nothing moved in the stillness, no indication of anyone besides us being in the alley. And, yet…I was overcome with the distinct feeling of being watched. Not by either of my friends. But…by someone else. Before I had a chance to even think about it, I heard a rather loud click, and Natasha let out a soft laugh of triumph. “We’re in, ladies and gentleman!” she declared, standing up and pulling on the door. It opened silently, the streetlight in the alley casting a small shaft of light into the darkness beyond. Turning, she waved an arm at Vinny and I. “Come on, let’s get inside”
Before either of us could say anything, she turned and disappeared into the dark. I shot a look at Vinny, who simply shrugged. “After you, my man” he whispered. I let out a deep sigh, and then moved to the door. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the small flashlight, and then pulled on the heavy metal, slipping inside, Vinny right behind me. The darkness swallowed us as the door closed. For a moment, a small rush of panic from not being able to see flashed through me, before a light appeared beside me. It wasn’t from a flashlight, though; instead, a small, orange flame flickered beside me. “Don’t turn on your flashlights yet, just follow me” Natasha said, the flame making her face seem to dance and move behind it. She turned and headed away, leaving us no choice but to follow. I listened to her and didn’t turn on my flashlight. But every fiber of my being was screaming at me to. Because the feeling of being watched out in the alleyway? Had quintupled in here. The best way to describe it, was that we were angrily being stared at. And I didn’t like the sensation one bit.
Natasha led us up a flight of steps and pushed open another door. “We’re here” she said, still keeping her voice low, “You can turn on your flashlights now” Thank you, God, I silently said, snapping mine on and casting a bright white light into the room we’d entered. A moment later, so did my two friends’ lights. The beams played around, and I heard Vinny let out a bit of a gasp. “Ho-lyyyy shit” he muttered.
Natasha had guided us into the main theatre. The ceiling rose high above our heads, almost out of sight of even the flashlights. Rows upon rows of red movie seats stretched out and away from us, seeming almost unending in the shadows. The walls were all covered in hieroglyphs, all still original from the 1920s. To our left, the second story, which housed a smaller row of seats, along with the projection room rose about twenty feet above us. And to the right, was the stage itself. It was flanked by two huge columns, the screen rolled up and revealing a mosaic of an Egyptian building on the back wall, with two men clutching staffs sitting on either side. Directly in front of the stage sat the organ, its seating bench tucked beneath it.
“Okay, this is a trip to be in at night!” Natasha exclaimed excitedly, then pulled the backpack she’d been wearing off her shoulders. Dropping it into a seat, she unzipped it and began pulling items from it. “Guys, here” she said, holding them out. Vinny stepped forward and grabbed the camcorder from her; as someone who’d had a lifelong dream of being a filmmaker, he was our resident cameraman. I stepped forward and took two items from her: an infrared thermometer and an EVP recorder. The rest, she placed on the ground, and then faced Vinny. “Alright, tell me when you’re recording” He fumbled with the camcorder for a second, then shot her a thumbs up. Instantly, she took on a somber, eerie expression, giving an admittedly creepy look at the camera. “Well, well, welcome back to The Three Ghostkuteers, everyone. I hope you all have been well since our last trip. Tonight, you join us in a very, very special place, and one close to home for us. We are currently in the Egyptian Theatre in Coos Bay, Oregon, one of the last remaining in the country. It was built in the 1920s by a man named Charles Noble-“
I turned away, tuning her out as I did. The woman really, really enjoys being in front of the camera. Better her than me. Shining my light around, I looked up at the balcony. I could see the small hole in the projection booth where the movie projector would shine out onto the screen. Something caught the beam’s light, reflecting off it slightly, and I aimed the light at the wall. It was a wrought iron light fixture, one which had been shaped into the figure of a King Cobra, poised to strike. Gazing around, I saw they adorned much of the walls. I let out a small shudder at it. God, do I hate snakes. Thankfully, though, the feeling of being watched I’d had in the alley and the darkened back of the theatre had seemingly disappeared. Yeah, see, what’d I tell you, Troy? Nothing but your nerves.
Natasha had finished her opening monologue and moved to the edge of the stage, on which she placed the small, square spirit box. “And now, let’s see if anyone would like to speak with us” she said, flicking it on. Instantly, the silence of the theatre was shattered by the sound of static, intermittently interrupted by quick snippets of radio shows being picked up. “Is there anyone here who’d like to talk to us?” she called out into the huge room. The static and snippets were the only sound to answer her. After a minute, she tried again. “Are there any spirits who’d like to communicate with us?” There was still nothing. Vinny panned the camera from the box to Natasha as she paced back and forth for a few minutes. A small look of disappointment flooded over her face, but she instantly plastered it over with the same look she’d given the camera before. “Well, it looks like the spirit box isn’t gonna work tonight, so we’re gonna have to try something else” She pulled out an EVP recorder identical to mine and switched it on. “Let’s try this instead, shall we? Remember, by the way guys, if you’re new here and want to see more, to like and subscribe-“
I turned away again, feeling a small pang of irritation flow through me. This is freakin’ ridiculous, man. The longer we stay in here, the more chance we have of getting caught. Truth be told, as much as I enjoyed ghost hunting, I didn’t even really believe in the paranormal. In all the years the three of us had filmed together, not once had we caught anything, on tape or otherwise. In fact, many times we’d had to fake spooky occurrences in order to make sure our videos got any views at all. This is your own fault, man, I silently chided myself, you’re the one who couldn’t stand up to them and say no. You really, seriously need to grown a spine and learn how to say no. The mental self lecture was furthering my rotten mood, and I began to feel a wave of anger at my two friends, as well as myself boil up.
“Hell with this” I finally muttered, then turned and began walking up the aisle. “Troy, where the hell are you going?” I heard Natasha call out behind me. I stopped, not looking over my shoulder, but quietly aiming my voice behind me and allowing a hint of irritation to seep into it. “I’m gonna go check out the second floor balcony, okay? I don’t exactly like just standing here” For a moment, there was silence, and then her voice came, soft and almost apologetic. “Okay, go ahead” Before she could say anything more, I strode away, walking to the open doorway which led out of the theater and into the concession area. I hooded my flashlight beam with one hand to make sure it wouldn’t accidentally shine out of the glass entrance doors into the street and looked around. The lobby and concession stand took up most of the front area, the darkened shape of it stretching along the far wall.
Taking a few steps ahead, I turned and looked up at the wall above me. Large, blue letters stretched out from one side of it to the other. Through these doors pass the most wonderful people. I snorted softly. “Yeah, unfortunately, not tonight” I shook my head, then looked around. And nearly jumped out of my skin. Something also seemed to jump back. I felt my heartbeat begin to race in my chest and my breath quickened. “Shit…” I let out weakly, then slowly moved forward. After a few steps, I suddenly realized what I’d seen and let out a soft laugh of relief.
“Your own damn reflection, you fucking pussy” Shaking my head, I turned away from the glass wall and headed for the stairs to the second floor. At the base of them, I stopped and shone my flashlight up. “Ooh, boy” I said quietly. Sitting next to the stairway like a sentry, was a huge, golden statue of a pharaoh. It towered over me, and I estimated that, were it be standing straight up, it’d easily be between eight and ten feet tall. It stared straight ahead at the wall ahead of it, and I couldn’t help but let out a small shiver as I stared at it. It just seemed so damn eerie in the dark, and I quickly moved past it, heading up the stairs and stepping out onto the second story balcony.
I shone my light around. Red seats again surrounded me, though this time far fewer. Ahead of me, I could see the balcony’s edge and the hulking shape of the main stage beyond. I could also see the beams of my friends’ flashlights playing over it, and hear both of their voices speaking softly. Deciding while I was up here to at least check out the projection booth, I strode over to the door and tried to turn the handle. It was locked. Feeling my irritation bubble over into exasperation, I jiggled the handle in some stupid attempt to open it. But the door stayed shut. I turned away and rubbed my eyes, again hearing the voices of my friends softly filtering up to me from down below.
“Hey, if there really are any ghosts, or spooks, or specters, or whatever in here? If you’re actually real, could you appear to us, please?” I whispered to no one, “That way my friends can get what they want and I can go home” I received only silence in reply. I hadn’t really expected anything, anyways. You know what? Screw this, I’m going back down there and telling them I’m going home, with or without them. This is beyond stupid, I just broke the law for what? For nothing! For something dumb as hell. And with that, I turned to walk away. But I hadn’t even taken a single step when something crashed into me like a wave. The breath was driven from my lungs as I felt a massive chill shoot through me, as though I’d been doused with ice water. “What the fuck?!” I hissed through gritted teeth, then froze, my eyes going wide. The feeling of being watched had returned with a vengeance, and it had seemingly been ramped up in its intensity. I shot a look around, but saw nobody.
Still, the feeling remained, and with each passing second, it almost seemed to grow stronger. Chill after chill rolled up my spine, and even though I didn’t really believe, something deep inside me told me that it was time to get out. Okay, time to leave, I said in my head, and headed quickly for the stairs. As I reached the head, I turned to look back one final time. That’s when I saw something. It disappeared when I aimed my flashlight at it, but I swear a second earlier it had been the outline of a person, standing in the shadows and watching me. The split second sight catapulted me into motion, and I hurried down the steps, shining my light every which way but loose. Believer or not, I knew something wanted us out. I’d planned on jumping off the second to last stair and running for the main theatre floor. But as I reached the bottom, I froze.
For a moment, I couldn’t place why. And then, the realization fell over me like a tsunami. I let out an involuntary gasp, and fear like I’d never felt before surged through me. I didn’t want to turn around and look. I wanted to pretend I hadn’t seen it. I desperately wanted to. But, like a dumbass character in a horror movie, I couldn’t help it. I needed to look. I slowly turned, aiming my flashlight back up. And I couldn’t help but let out a strangled scream, falling backwards over my own feet as I began to backpedal rapidly.
The statue of the pharaoh still sat where it had. It still towered over me, looking as imposing and eerie as ever. But it’s carved and painted eyes were no longer staring straight ahead at the wall. Instead, they had somehow moved. And when I’d turned, I’d come to find they were staring directly at me.
I scrambled to my feet, snatching the flashlight from the floor where I’d dropped it and aiming it at the statue again. It stared straight out at nothing again. But I knew what I’d seen. It hadn’t been a trick of my mind, or the light. The freaking thing’s eyes had moved to watch me as I passed down by it. I began to stammer out as I backed away from it. “Okay, that’s it, no no no no, we’re done here, fuck this shit, I’m officially a believer, we’re leaving, right now” I kept backing towards the doorway to the theatre, never taking my eyes off the statue. I was terrified I’d seen it suddenly stand up and turn to lumber after me like Boris Karloff or something.
The blaring sound of the theatre’s organ slashed through the silence, causing me to let out another strangled scream and jump almost a foot off the ground. I whipped around, thinking I would see my moronic friends tinkering with the instrument. Instead, I froze again. The theatre was no longer dark. Both of my friends had seemingly vanished from the room, as I could no longer see them. The movie screen had somehow been pulled down, and above me, I heard the whir of the movie projector playing. An old, black and white movie, one which had no sound, played on the screen, occasionally changing to show dialogue being displayed in white letters.
It was also no longer empty.
The entire theatre was packed. I saw people sitting at almost every single seat in the huge room. I could only see the backs of their heads as they watched the movie playing. At the edge of the stage, what looked like a man now sat at the organ, playing it in time with the film. A slapstick moment came across the screen, and the audience began laughing. In any other situation, it would’ve been a comforting sound. But at that moment, it was the most spine chilling sound I’d ever heard. Especially as another wave of realization crashed into me. From the little I could see, everyone in the theatre looked to be dressed in long passed fashions.
That’s when the voice, low and quiet, came from behind me. “Good evening, sir” it said. It sounded like a man’s voice, one rather low and deep pitched, but something about it paralyzed me on the spot. The voice continued, putting on an air of pleasant politeness. “We’re so glad you could make it, it’s been so long since we’ve had new patrons arrive at a showing. If I could just see your ticket, please?”
For a moment, I couldn’t speak. Then, I managed to squeak out two words. “Uh, ticket?” The tone of the voice seemed to change somewhat. “Yes, your ticket. That’s the only way you could’ve gotten in. Please, let me verify it and show you to your seat” Ohhh, shit. Whoever, or whatever the voice belonged to, thought I had shown up like a regular moviegoer. The voice’s tone became less polite. “You do have a ticket, right, sir?” I was beyond terrified to answer, but I was more terrified to remain silent. For a moment, I considered lying. But I feared what might happen if I did. So I told the truth.
“I….uh, I, uh….I don’t have a ticket, sir” I stammered out, my voice barely above a whisper. Instantly, all sound stopped in the room like someone had flipped a switch. “You…don’t have a ticket?” the voice said, all pretense of manners vanishing from it, “Then how did you get in here for the late night showing?” Oh, god. I forced myself to speak, still unable to say anything except the truth. “My…my friends and I….broke in…through the back door…to…ghost hunt…” There was silence for a few moments, and then a heavy hand dropped onto my shoulder. My head swiveled to look at it. Oh, fuck me sideways. It wasn’t a regular hand. It was a fucking claw. One with black skin, tipped with what looked like razor sharp nails. It sat there for a moment, then tightened; almost painfully so, making me let out a small whimper of pain.
That’s when I looked up. Everyone in the theatre had turned to look at me. My initial thought had been correct; they all wore clothing from almost a century ago, and not the stuff cosplayers wear, either. They also had very angry expressions on their faces, as if they’d just noticed the intruder among their midst. The voice finally came again, almost directly behind me. Its tone lowered, almost sounding guttural and animal, making my legs almost melt into jelly from the fear. “Then, might I make a suggestion to you and your trespassing little friends?” My breath came in rapid, ragged gasps, and I barely managed to force out the one word. “Yes?”
“LEAVE”
At the single word reply, which now more closely resembled a growl than a word, I did something I will forever wish I hadn’t. I finally turned and looked up at who was addressing me. The only way I can describe what happened is, my mind shattered. The next thing I remember, I was crashing into the back doors of the theatre into the night.
And I was screaming.
That was a month or so ago. When I’d stumbled back into the alley, I’d turned and, in what I can only call blind fear and panic, bolted for my truck. I hadn’t even heard my friends chasing after me. Not until Vinny caught up to me as I scrambled with my keys, grabbing me from behind and turning me to face him. He said the look I’d had on my face scared him and Natasha more than anything ever had before. I’d been pale as a sheet, my eyes wider than they ever thought a human’s could be. I'd been babbling softly. I’d been saying the words “They want us to leave” over and over. They didn’t ask me what had happened. They just pushed me into the backseat of my truck and drove away from there. It was clear, as I found out later on, that both of them hadn’t seen anything. As far as they were concerned before seeing me dash to the rear doors, it was just an empty theatre. Neither one of them ever asked me what I saw that night. And for that, I’m thankful. Because I could never utter from my lips what I did see.
But I’ve had nightmares since then. Horrible ones. Ones that’ve been so bad, I had to let out what happened to me, deciding to just post it here, regardless of whether people believe me or not.
Nightmares about being back in that theatre after hours. About seeing that pharaoh statue’s eyes flick in its painted sockets to look at me. About seeing all those people, people long since dead, sitting and watching the films they did when they were alive. About seeing that hand fall on my shoulder, hearing that voice, telling me not to come back until I have a ticket.
And about turning to see who the hand and voice belonged to.
The Egyptian Theatre will be celebrating its centennial this year. People are planning to show up in 1920s cars, dressed in period clothing. They’re even going to show an old, silent film as part of the festivities. But I won’t be attending it. I won’t ever go anywhere near it again. The one time I tried, a week or so ago, I started trembling with fear. And the mental image played over and over in my head.
The image of turning to see that horrible canine head attached to the human-like body, red, glowing eyes glaring down at me as it’s sharp teeth glinted in the light.
I pray to god I never will end up with a ticket to one of its late night showings.
But I can't help but fear that, like those packed into the theatre, sooner or later, we all will.

I’ve been in the Navy for around a year but I’m prior service Army. Since joining, I’ve always been slightly irritated at how E6 and below have far less appealing (in my opinion) dress uniforms than the rest of the navy. I’ve seen a lot of older pictures of shortsleeved dress whites and am wondering why those are only reserved for chiefs and officers now.
Is it one of those weird chief/non-chief distinctions or is there a legitimate reason for this?

My kids are dancers. When it comes to the recitals I'm happy to be a seat-bound spectator. But for the dress rehearsal I could, in theory, move about a bit with my camera.
I have a Z 5 and the Z 24-120 f/4. Is that likely to be fast enough to get any decent shots?
I could instead rent an 85mm f/1.8 or 24-70mm f/2.8 (both F-mount) from a local shop for the day.
For context: I am a pure hobbyist, completely devoid of any talent or skill, and almost exclusively shoot wildlife with long zoom, so this setting and a prime lens would be more or less totally foreign to me. (For that matter, my main camera is a D500; I don't even use the Z 5 very often.)

Fox “Alright StarFox, I received intel from General Pepper about our latest assignment.”
Wolf “So what does the old dog need us for this time, Fox?”
Fox “Just to be Shredder’s undercover facility while he’s chatting with a Dark buyer…”
All StarFox members “WHAT!?”
Falco “Now why would we act as his servants? What is the purpose of this operation?”
Fox “General Pepper just wants us to gather information about the Collectors before planning to rescue the missing people.”
General Scales “Guessing you’ll be wearing your special clothes again?”
Fox “Right on the money there, Scales! While I am in my private aquarium again, you need to act as his servants and not reveal yourselves to the enemy.”
Falco “So we won’t capture the visitor, but just gather information to rescue the hostages. Got It!”
Fox “Thanks Falco!”
an hour later at the Floating Fortress
Shredder “Welcome back, StarFox! Are you prepared for the undercover assignment?”
Falco “I’m still feeling cautious about the strategy, but we are ready!”
Shredder “Good! Your uniforms are prepared in my bedroom.”
Krystal “Can I go with Fox to enter his private aquarium?”
Shredder “You are welcome to join Fox in his abode. I just need to think of something excusable that you’re temporarily added to my aquatic collection…”
Fox “Are you sure about this, Krystal?”
Krystal “I am quite sure, my love!”
Falco “Why do I look like a butler while the others are dressed differently?”
Shredder “My loyal servants are like ninjas, so I need you in formal clothing and be less suspicious.”
Scales “Guessing we’re Janitors, eh Wolf?”
Wolf “It’ll do the job easily…”
Maku “Seems your friend is almost here, and why am I dressed like a doctor!?”
Shredder “A perfect job for a kindhearted royal! Just be ready to aid your fellow merfolk Incase my friend would injure them from his uncontrollable anger.”
Maku “I’ll head to the infirmary then!”
at the private aquarium within the Shredder’s Grand Throne Room
Krystal “Is this where you slept in when you arrived here before?”
Fox “I actually came in an aquarium transport after going through the portal. Later he gave me a bigger Aquarium after handing a new shirt that I can wear.”
Krystal “I was relieved that we brought home the girls that you had adopted.”
Fox “Well I did let them enter my personal aquarium and heard what happened to their parents.”
Krystal “You are so kindhearted, Fox!”
Fox “Well, do you want snuggle on the bed while we wait for the Shredder’s friend to arrive?”
Krystal “Of course, my love!”

Throwaway for OBVIOUS reasons. This is a long, kind of crazy story that has a lot to do with intuition and straight up Facebook stalking lol not the most serious detective work, but it ties together. Please bare with me, as I'm going to do my best to get it all out in a way that makes sense.
I'm a healthcare worker. When I was in my early 20s, I had a coworker, lets call him "Ross," who rubbed me the wrong way within the first few weeks of knowing him. He was a seemingly charming, outgoing ~40 y/o who infiltrated into and got along well with my work friend group. He started to rub me the wrong way when he would try to "innocently" make physical contact with me during visits with our patients (making a point to put his hand over top of mine when doing a Hoyer transfer, asking for hugs, putting his hand on my back or shoulder, etc.). This escalated to him telling me on a regular basis how beautiful he thought I was and how "in shape" I was, telling me that I could be a supermodel... he continued to do this refer to me as "supermodel" at our group outings, in front of my boyfriend and his fiancé, "Rachel." She was less than thrilled and safe to say she didn't like me from the get-go. (Side note: when he started working with us he had told us about his girlfriend, it wasn't until we met her that she told us that they had been engaged for over a year.) To tell you a little about Rachel, she too was in her early 20s and a beautiful, sweet, reserved, dark-blonde girl. Hair color ties into this. They lived together with his "only" teenage daughter.
After about two months of working with this guy I could not shake the weird vibes he gave me. I told a friend that I worked with about it and she expressed that she had noticed how Ross was strangely infatuated with me and another girl that we worked with (also early 20s). She told me how she had felt like he was appropriate towards her, but pointed out that she has blonde hair and that me and the other coworker both had dark brown hair--suggesting that perhaps he had more of a type.
Decided to google Ross, as he has a rather unique last name. I figured that I would probably find nothing and could put my mind to rest about the weird feeling in my gut once I did... but I didn't. Instead, I found an obituary for a close relative of his that had his name listed as well as what I assumed were the names of his ex wife and three daughters. This peaked my interest because he had told us at length about one daughter, but only one, and that one's name was on the list.
I searched the name of his ex wife on Facebook and to my delight it seemed that most of, if not all of her posts were public. Under the influence of a strong edible, I spent more time than I'd like to admit just mindlessly scrolling through her posts. Not reading every one, but just scanning to see if there was anything that stood out. She was a pretty, older, dark-haired woman who shared a lot of After scrolling through a few months worth of posts, I came across a screenshot of a Pinterest-like image of a living room with two canvases that spelled out "STOCKHOLM" on them, or something to the effect... and her caption on it was "I found the perfect housewarming gift for my sister, Rachel," and in that moment my heart sunk to my stomach... because I KNEW.
I kept scrolling and found another post that was sharing a link to an article entitled "A Different Kind of Heart Attack: New Research Finds A Broken Heart Permanently Weakens The..." (I'm referring to a screenshot, so that's all I've got.) Her caption on the post solidified the feeling in my gut. She wrote in her caption, "This literally happened to me a few years ago... My BP was regularly low and I had fainting spells due to my heart not pumping enough blood to my brain... this was after discovering that my now ex husband was sleeping with my 15 year old sister. I later learned that he was also abusing our children." I could have barfed. Putting those pieces together told me that Rachel had been groomed into being this gross man's fiancé. From her comments it sounded like for whatever reason, the court system failed them and he had gotten out with no charges or anything.
I immediately told my friend and from that point on only interacted with Ross in a work setting. If he went out with our work friend group then I didn't talk to him, I brought my boyfriend to ensure I wasn't alone, and I avoided him at all costs. At work he still was overly friendly/touchy towards me for months until finally like a year later he finally seemed to get the hint that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. He stayed infatuated with my other dark-haired coworker.
I can't pinpoint when I finally noticed the mask drop from him, but I definitely can tell you that once it dropped I could see him for all that I had learned that he was... cold, dark, and unfriendly. Once he noticed that I would not play into his games, he turned off the charm on me and would get mad at me for miniscule things at work. I'm good at what I do, but this guy would try to belittle me in front of other coworkers and make it seem like I didn't know what I was doing when I would fill in for others and that my other coworker (that he loved) was the best at what we do and that I should lead by her example. I sucked it up and didn't take it personally, because I knew it wasn't... He would talk down to me and scold me for weird things and try to mansplain everything.
We had one interaction that I will never forget, outside of our clinical office. He had gone out to leave for a visit where he was training someone (still on the clock, in-home care setting) but had forgotten something in the office. I ran down to see if he had left yet to give it to him to take, as the patient needed it, and his car was still in the parking lot. I ran up and tapped on the window and this man turned his head back in disgust and his blue eyes went pitch black. It was a very short moment, but it was a switch I definitely noticed. He did the annoyed "one minute" gesture, as he had gotten on a phone call, so I waited then gave him the patient's item and quickly went back upstairs.
Not too long after that I ended up finding another job and I stopped hanging out with that work friend group because I decided that it was just giving me too much anxiety to be around this weirdo, and I didn't have to subject myself to that.
After changing jobs, he sent me an "apology" text for being rude to me and that he hoped we could still be friends. I didn't respond, but rather blocked him on everything to get my point across.
I did, however, keep Rachel, who at this point had started school for a specialty medical program. I told my close friend who knew the whole situation that I was holding out hope that Rachel was just using Ross to pay her way through school and that she would leave him once she got her degree. I never had a problem with Rachel, we just got off to a weird start and I didn't like her dude so I was not going out of my way to be her friend.. lol. So we have stayed social media friends the whole time.
Anyhow, fast forward to this last summer, Rachel graduates with her degree. I say again to my friend how much I hope she was just going to get a good job and leave him after a few good paychecks.. (I don't wish that upon most people, and definitely acknowledge that in most situations that would be awful lol my moral compass is there, I swear, but like COME ON!!! How full circle karma would that be?)
Well, they seem to stay together for a while after that until all of a sudden I noticed that she was posting in a seemingly single way... iykyk. I looked at her Instagram and noticed that she had deleted all of their photos together. After responding to a story post, I decided to ask her and she confirmed that they had in fact broken up. I told her congratulations and suggested we get a drink. This was in December.
At the beginning of spring term in my psychology class we had been discussing personality disorders and I asked my teacher some questions keeping the weird interactions I had with Ross in mind, as it is still to this day one of the craziest intuition stories I have. So I ask my teacher about the ability to infiltrate into groups with charisma but then switch to being cold, having the eyes turn black, etc.. My professor told me that the "switching" is literally that, it is the person's personality switching.. and in that moment you see the real them and it's when the "mask slips." He said it is a very common trait amongst serial killers and advised me to stay cautious and safe.
This is where I feel like my story definitely becomes more of a reach (maybe I'm just feeling insecurely crazy), but if you've stayed with me this long, maybe you'll see the dots I'm connecting. I'm a big true crime fan so there's some crime junkie theorizing here.
So, there have been a bunch of bodies that have turned up in the last four months in rural areas of surrounding counties where I live. One of the counties that the bodies were dropped is one that this guy lives in.
The first girl that they found went missing in December. She eerily resembles Ross' daughter that I saw on his ex-wife's FB page (not the one he continued to raise).
Ross and Rachel broke up around that time. Could be a trigger.
The next five bodies were found in rural areas and the commonality amongst the women is that they had dark hair and dark eyebrows, and were in their mid 20s.
That's clearly not enough to accuse someone of something as serious as murder, but it's surely enough to give me the suspicion that if the murders are connected and it's a serial killer that it could be him.
I decided to look at his FB page from an account that can't be traced back to me and over the last few months he's shared a lot of posts about mushroom hunting. You know where people go to hunt mushrooms?? RURAL. AREAS.
I feel so freaking crazy but I CANNOT shake this feeling in my gut that something is up.
Ted Bundy was the same way, a freaking charismatic guy that got caught because someone (his wife) had a weird feeling in her gut!!!
I can't really do anything though but vent to reddit, because I just can't imagine that anyone else would listen to this story and take it seriously.
Also, on the off chance that this guy's on reddit he's definitely going to know who I am. I'll be sure to tell my fiancé about this post and add it to my "if I go missing" file.

So I'm AFAB, and I'm AgendeGendervoid. I have shoulder-length hair. I dress for comfort and don't necessarily try and look fem or masc. However, because I'm AFAB it feels like no one takes me seriously as an ENBY person. It feels like I need to look more masc just to be considered ENBY. I hate it so much. I had someone say that I should get a pixie cut purely because it would look less fem. Which is absurd. It feels so invalidating that people still see me as a girl and because I don't look like a masc presenting ENBY it doesn't seem like I'm taken seriously. I hate the construct that gender has on people. I feel like I need to conform to a stereotype just to be seen for who I am. I just want to live as a genderless human, without being forced into a box.
Edit
Thank you for all the support that I've been receiving on this post. Knowing I'm not alone in feeling like this honestly helps 💗. Also a big thank you for everyone sharing their own experiences.

I think I like starting these with music now.
A young man in little more than a ski mask, black hoodie, basic jeans and sneakers walks the street, looking confused and aimless. As he does this, three men some block or two down are chasing a scared man in a suit and tie. The kid in the hoodie rounds the corner, and suddenly he and the man in the suit are in a heap on the ground.
He scrambles to his feet as the three men grab the man he bumped into, and begin to beat him.
"Thanks, kid," He hears one of the men say as his senses slowly come back to him. He shakes his head, trying to think of what to do in the situation. His fight or flight kicks in, and he doesn't know what to do. He stands there, his hands at his side, seemingly frozen. Before he can even realize what he is doing, however, he finds himself marching towards the men. Onlookers watch in quiet confusion at the scene.
If he really wants to do this, he can't let his fear dictate everything he does anymore. His voice comes out a bit shaky.
"Hey, leave him alone!"
One of the men quickly turns and punches him straight in the face. He falls to the ground holding his nose, which is to be expected from his scrawny stature, as one of the men spits on him and walks away, leaving him with a simple "It's none of your business, freak! Now buzz off."
He slowly stands up, looking down at his arm as yellow energy begins to crackle around it. He lets out a gasp as he tries to catch his breath, his adrenaline pumping. He can hear his own heartbeat, the pulse of it thumping in his head as he slowly makes his way onto his feet. He doesn't even have to think about what he says next, his voice shaky and his body already clearly winded from the punch.
"Yes, it is!"
The man who punched him turns around just in time to get punched straight in the chest and sent flying back past his other two friends. The two look behind them, clearly in shock, before turning their full attention to the man in the mask. He shakily adopts a fighting stance, clearly not experienced in fighting whatsoever, as he looks wildly at the two men ahead of him.
"He's one of those... Those freaks!"
The boy in the mask notices he may just have an upper hand in the situation if he can just exploit their fear.
"Yeah, that's right! And I'll... I'll zap you if you don't let him go!"
The two men look over at each other, before one of them gets out a pistol and points it at him.
"You really wanna do this, punk? The hell's wrong with you, going out dressed up like that? You trying to die for some guy you don't even know? How about you just walk away before we find out how strong you really are."
He falters for a moment. He guesses he isn't exactly in a position to be intimidating after already getting pummeled to the ground once. He nervously swallows, legs shaking as he keeps his footing.
"N-No! Never. Three thugs laying into one guy, thinking they can just get away with it while everyone else watches? And you want to know what's wrong with me? I'm the freak because I don't want to sit by and watch as you continue to scare the people in the place I call home? If I'm a freak for doing what's right, then I'm a freak who'd rather die than see you around here again. So... So bring it on!"
The man with the pistol clicks the safety off and lines up a shot as energy begins to crackle around the kid's arms once more. Suddenly, the kid in the mask screams as he runs towards the two men.
"Now back the hell off!"
In the streets of New York, people reflexively duck at the sound of gunfire.
Hey all! Sorry for the long post, I guess my muse is just high and I want to give some kind of writing sample. It's not really representative of what character or setting I'd like to write in, so much as a vibe, I suppose? Either way, I'm back!
This time I've come with a prompt that's recently come to mind after rekindling my relationship with my comic collection. I would like to, alongside someone, write a Superhero story together! At the risk of talking too much, allow me to elaborate:
I want to create a story you could feasibly see in a comic book. A tale of people with extraordinary doing things to help others, not because they want fame, or recognition, but because they feel they have to do what's right. Whether that's a setting heavily inspired by a preexisting franchise, or something entirely unique is fine with me! It's about the story to me. The only thing I request is that our characters aren't pre-existing ones!
For organization's sake, we would be using a discord server to keep everything tidy and organized!
As a player, I can offer enthusiasm, creativity, commitment to both the game and the story itself, and a genuine love for storytelling and connecting with my fellow storytellers! I'd love to have a genuinely fun and engaging time wherein I am both challenged as a writer to make something interesting, but also having fun making something I and someone I hope to call a friend can be proud of.
As a DM, while I'm not experienced with every system, I feel like I make up for that inexperience with how well experienced I am with making plot threads and a world that feels both engaging and full of possibilities! I feel like I especially excel whenever I can plan things out with my players, though that doesn't mean that I don't like keeping some of my plans under wraps either ;)
I don't have a particular system in mind, because I've never really tried any Superhero themed TTRPGS, which brings me to the next part of the ad. I would like to try to learn a system through this! Whether that be something I've heard about, such as Masks, or something I've never heard of before. Either or is fine by me! As long as you're patient and willing to work with me, I would like to learn a system that would fit what we want to write!
In terms of setting, I'm definitely more interested in light hearted with some serious moments rather than gritty all the time. Think less DC, more Marvel. And, as always, I would like for this to be a Long-Term arrangement!
Some things about myself, should you want to know:

• I am 19! As such, I would like my partner to at least be 17+
• I am pansexual! As a member of the LGBTQ, I would like my partner to be comfortable and okay with my identity, sexuality, and so on!
• I use Any/All pronouns!
• I draw a lot! Like a lot a lot. If our story/writing gets us particularly invested, there's a likelihood I will draw our characters! Hell, for one of my responses to my last ad, I started making a short comic!
• I tend to write a lot, if that wasn't obvious by this ramble of a post. This is especially true whenever I have a lot of things to describe, or very high muse for a situation. As such, I can tend to write a fair bit! Obviously, when it comes to things like combat, dialogue, etc etc, that length is subject to change. There's no real quota for me to meet or anything, nor is there one for you! I don't expect you to match my post length, all I ask for is effort and a show of interest! If your post is well written and I can tell you're putting in the effort and genuinely like what we're writing, we're good!
• I've been roleplaying and playing TTRPGs regularly for about 6 years now, and dabbling with them for upwards of 9, though the exact amount is a bit fuzzy. I've also been very into writing for 8, but have always wanted to make stories even at a young age. I wouldn't say I'm the best writer ever, but I am relatively experienced, and hope that I can make something interesting, engaging, and worthwhile for the both of us!
• I like to discuss with my partner what we are and aren't comfortable with appearing in the roleplay before we begin, so expect me to ask!
• You can call me soft for this if you'd like, but I generally don't prefer to kill off player characters without permission! I like to let characters finish their stories instead of cutting them short. I'm here for a story, not a struggle for survival.
• If anything comes up that I am uncomfortable with, I will tell you! I hope you will do the same! This is intended to be fun, and I would like for it to stay that way :)
• I'm looking forward to making friends with you! I don't want to treat roleplay as some "professional" thing, and I'd like to use it to meet new and interesting people!
• I prefer to write third person past or present tense!

If you're creative, willing to bear with me when it comes to mechanics, and have the same craving to write about the adventures and exploits of dudes in superhero outfits, feel free to message me! Be sure to send me your favorite joke and/or work the word "Hypochondria" into your message to me, so I know you read everything! (Or at least did a semi-thorough job skimming this in order to see this). Please note that if you don't, your message may be ignored or given lower priority than others that do!
Again, sorry for the wall of text. I always tend to get nervous before posting these. Nevertheless, I'm excited to see the comic-booky adventures we can get into together! Can't wait to see who reaches out :)

A friend is dating a woman with a trans daughter (13). The woman has asked me questions about lgbtq issues because she doesn't have anyone in her life to ask (I'm cis lesbian). My best friend is trans so I've been able to help her with resources I know about as well as asking my bff.
Recently, on fb, she has been posting memories of her daughter and her brother from various times in their life. I told her posting pics pre transition is like deadnaming. She said it didn't matter bc her daughter isn't on fb. I told her it does matter for a variety of reasons. It tells cishet folks on her page that's ok and her daughter has lost her mind when she has been misgendered and doesn't like pictures or anything with her dead name on it around the house so it's extremely disrespectful.
I asked my friend why his gf keeps doing it and he also said it didn't matter because she's not on fb and then double downed with "can't a mother have her memories?!" Yeah, sure. In private. I'm a mom and if my kid came out to me, I would try to do things that I know all the trans people in my life don't like. I'd certainly never, ever post a pre transition pic again!
This is doubly irritating bc the mother is a good ally in some regards...has gotten her gender affirming care, supports how she wants to dress and things like this, but just for some reason can't stop doing this.
They're Jewish and it's like if I posted some meme about jews on ig that wasn't great and said "oh, it doesn't matter bc they're not on ig anyway" It does matter! And you can't guarantee your kid will never see your fb.
I'm not sure how else to try to get them to see this is messed up. You can't really ask the 13 year old for consent bc there is still the parent/child power dynamic. And I don't like that they aren't listening to a member of the lgbtq community about an issue that impacts trans people, during Pride month no less.
Ideas? Thoughts?

The guy was dressed up sharp with a suit or tux, and possibly a fedora. A real playboy, Dean Martin-type. He may have been demonstrating his technique for hitting on women. The woman played a less-prominent role; As the guy is doing his thing, she's just hanging out across the stage looking pretty, possibly leaning against a lamppost or pillar. After their interaction they might have done a dance, or he may have moved on to another woman.
I thought for years it was from the old "Play It Cool" bit from the Simpsons. It's not that, but it's exactly that jazzy vibe. That's why I say it could be from an old movie, and actually be Dean Martin, or it's something from later, referencing or parodying that kind of musical number.

I’m 26 years old and will be running a major test campaign over the next month, where our hardware will ultimately be certified by the government agency we work with. I know that I know my stuff, my boss gave me this project for a reason, and over the phone I’ve worked to master that confidently nonchalant tone that conveys “no need to question me, I know what I’m doing”. Problem is, I look young (at best, I look my age) and the certification team who will be onsite is all 50+ year old men who like to opine on their decades of experience. I just know that I’m going to get comments on how I could be their daughter, which is so unhelpful when I’m trying to assert my ownership of this complicated test.
So far, I have the following list, but would love more suggestions.

• Firm handshakes!
  
• Dress slightly more formal, we’ll all be wearing steel-toes but I’m packing more short sleeve button-downs instead of t-shirts
  
• Hair pulled away from face (it’s too short for a low ponytail, which is otherwise my go-to).
  
• Consciously slowing down my speech, avoiding filler words and vocal fry
  
• Carrying laptop and notepad in a messenger bag, which looks less student-y than a backpack
  

I'll be honest: I've envied women's bodies since I was a teen. I've wanted a woman's body for well over a decade at this point, and I've only recently got to the point of realizing that I can do something about it. Crying about not having a vagina at 13 probably should have been a clue, but I guess I'm too daft.
The thing is that this is by far and away the thing I want the most, and this aspirational quality of my own transition goals is making it hard to experiment. Going by she/her IRL feels weird because it's in contrast to what I present as. Feminity is largely aspirational in this regard.
I like to dress femininely at home, and even get euphoria from it. Sometimes I'll be bummed out because I wish the clothes were actually built for my frame ("I need boobs for this"). I like wearing nail polish. I like having my ears pierced.
Truth be told, most of my dysphoria is physical. I have little to no social dysphoria day-to-day, and it only really rears its ugly head when it's a bad dysphoria day.
Ultimately though, I don't really care about clothes, or pronouns, or names...I just want a woman's body. And once I get that, I feel like I'll care a lot more about stuff like clothes and names/pronouns, but right now it's all kind of secondary. I certainly don't feel the need to redo my entire wardrobe to present more fem/androgynous...i just plan on not buying new men's clothing.
Anyone else feel this way? It's kinda screwing with me because it's kind of making me care less about my own gender experimentation.

My guest room has been a doom room for several years at this point. It is an unholy mess and I have to tackle it. Every time I get it to some semblance of acceptable it just takes a few weeks (or days) to get it back to something apocalyptic. I have had organized closet/dressing areas before, so clearly the set up is not working for me. This whole house honestly is an ADHD nightmare but I can’t move so I need to figure out something I can live with.
Please read, critique, and share your favorite closet organizing method/item/trick/magic spell.
Here’s my plan so far:
1) I am going to order a garment rack from Amazon and hope that I can get it finished in 30 days and return it after or sell it on Craigslist. I’m going to first get everything I own off the floor and other surfaces. It has a rack below that I can store shoes as well
2) PURGE
3) PURGE MORE
4) Remove the existing guts of my closet. It is the most awkward space and the worst set up. I hate it.
5) Get temporary Amazon closet guts that can be easily rearranged. I found some tension rod ones that look really promising. I can play around with placement and configurations and see what works best for me. There are also shoe cabinets that can be used for shoes or as shelving. So as I figure out what I like folded vs hanged I can make space either way.
6) Once I accomplish a stretch of working organization, either live with the cheap stuff if it isn’t too much of an eyesore or look for a permanent approximation that is more durable/higher quality.
I think the biggest thing is that my underwear and pajamas are in a dresser and my clothes are in a closet that is awkwardly behind it. So I need to get those things in the closet so that I am forced to go into the closet every day. If I’m in there I will be more likely to use it rather than just the floordrobe. I think I will put heavy knits and other less often used stuff in the dresser. Obviously my work clothes and favorite lounge stuff should be the easiest to hang up and put away. I’m thinking leggings, underthings, and work out wear I can organize in hanging shoe cubbies. I’m thinking of pairing all my misc sleep tops and bottoms so the can be folded or rolled together. I want to avoid rummaging as much as possible.
Fin! That’s all I’ve got so far.

Hello, friends.
Today, we're going to receive quite a lot of exposition about the nature of Strictland through the eyes of Seonghwa. There's a lot to discuss, so let's jump right in.

01: What are your thoughts on the page?

BobbyJ: I have a note on my page that says the Strictland government and economy are further explained in Pt. 3 Intro
GD: Okay. This is a big page
BobbyJ: It's interesting that emotions aren't fully abolished. They're just severely dulled. Which obviously reminds me of The Giver. And that only art has been abolished specifically.
GD: Yes, I think that's right. I feel like we should go paragraph by paragraph with this one because there is a lot
BobbyJ: From the top then?
Once again, it feels that we're left to infer what has happened in the meantime
GD: Yes, the first line makes it feel we're getting the Halateez story from the Grimes’ perspective, but then we get a lot of world building details to help us understand it. Are we to assume that the Grimes siblings think these boys look like Halateez? Or do they not know? Because Halateez wore masks?
BobbyJ: No, I think Ateez probably were like "What's the deal with this place?" And the Grimes Boy has been filling them in on the story. The entry starts at the end of the story and then fills us in
GD: A note: "the entire human race"
We've talked before about whether there is a world outside of strictland. And you know, I still don't know? Maybe that's a future goal? Or Z is in charge of the entire human race, which feels... big
BobbyJ: Yeah--it feels more like the simulation says "the entire human race would benefit from this thing" and Z just applies that structure to his world he somehow is in control of. And by his world, I mean more the country/area he's in charge of
GD: I'm in this second paragraph here, and I guess I'm just thinking that Z isn't wrong. Human emotions do cause crime and terrorism. But it reminds me of the gun debate we're currently having in our country? And all of the politicians who want to blame it on mental health? which is part of the problem, but it isn't the whole problem
BobbyJ: I disagree. It's true that we can't control our feelings. But our feelings do not dictate what we do or how we act. It's the will to do something wrong for the sake of selfishness or greed--which I don't classify as emotions
GD: I guess I'm saying that I think human emotions are a cause, but not the cause
BobbyJ: Mental health is also a factor, I think
GD: I think I am more sympathetic to Z and the simulation. I do think human emotions can lead to crime and terrorism, but they can just as easily lead to beauty and joy. So if you get rid of human emotions, you probably will stop some crime, but you will also stop other things.
BobbyJ: I am not sympathetic to Z because I don't feel this is as benevolent as it might appear. It feels very sinister to me. "This is all for you" is bullshit
GD: I can see Z as the hero of his own story--a Thanos type character--but we don't really know enough about him at this point.
BobbyJ: This is full speculation, but do we think Z also agreed to have his emotions limited and memories removed?
GD: Almost surely not. Those rules don't apply to people who can be trusted, I assume
BobbyJ: "Central government.” Implies, like, the existence of branches, no? Which makes me think the world is bigger than it feels
GD: Does the Korean government currently have branches? I know they have a president, but I guess I don't know much else about how power in the government works there. Like I don't know if they have legislative bodies, how powerful the judicial branch is, etc
BobbyJ: It appears it is similar to the U.S. After reading for two minutes
GD: Helpful context though
BobbyJ: Their president can only serve one five-year term. Means nothing but is interesting. Kinda wish we had that same policy these days
GD: For sure
I want to talk about art. Art with a capital A. Art=emotion
BobbyJ: Yes. The entire process of creating and engaging with art is based on emotions
GD: Sort of no matter how the individual members of Ateez feel about their lore, I have always felt that they embody that philosophy. Just this idea that Art is Important?
I talked about this the other day, but I was very impressed with KQ hiring a local artist for the billboard promotion during anchor. I thought it was very thematic, and also that it sort of embodied a lot of the ideas that they do put out in their diaries. Because as you mentioned earlier, art is the only thing that's banned
BobbyJ: I'm thinking about this idea of songs that give me negative feelings vs. songs that give me no feelings at all. I don't know exactly what I am thinking. But it reminds me of a chat I had with a fellow yearbook advisor years ago
He said that when his staff is trying to decide on their artistic direction for that year's volume, they'd go through a bunch of magazines and everyone would pick out spreads they really like. They'd pin them all to a bulletin board. Then each staffer would get two colors of push pins. They'd all use one color for spreads they like and one for spreads they hate. He said that after the exercise, they'd remove all the spreads that received none or few pins while those that had a lot of either love or hate pins they'd keep.
And I thought it was interesting that the hated spreads were kept. And his reasoning was that those spreads made the staffers feel something. It wasn't a good something, but it was something
GD: That is interesting
BobbyJ: And when I apply this idea to music or movies or tv or art--the things I actively dislike do stick with me while the things I just nothing fade away
GD: It reminds me of book clubs in a way? Like, in my book club, we have a great book club discussion when everyone loves or hates the book. If people are like, yeah, it's fine, the conversation is so.... nothing.
BobbyJ: Is it. . . harder to talk about things that we love actually?
I can't help but notice that whenever there's a heartfelt appreciation post, it gets very little traction and engagement. But if someone does an "unpopular opinion" or "things you hate about the group you love" post, suddenly everyone has something to share. Perhaps we've talked about this before. Justifying why you dislike something is easier than justifying why you love something?
GD: So I sometimes wonder if, when it comes to music, the problem is one of vocabulary more so than a lack of desire? Like, most people have taken a basic literature class, so when we love a book, we can all universally talk about things like plot, structure, characters--we have some sort of shared understanding of the parts of a story and can discuss and identify the things that we like
It's different for music. I do not know how to identify the parts of a song or the instruments or just the music things that are happening. Music knowledge and vocabulary is so much more niche, so I do think that makes it harder to discuss and pinpoint music that we really love--because we're experiencing it fully emotionally, the context and words all removed. So I do think with music especially, it is easier to talk about the things that we dislike.
BobbyJ: But shouldn't your dislike also require vocabulary? I remember when I was trying to rant about O.O I didn't have any of the words so I had to resort to metaphor
GD: I think it's possibly easier to come up with metaphors for things we dislike than things we love. I can only describe listening to Jongho as like looking into the face of god so many times before I start to sound like I'm slightly insane.
But you know, people don't have the right words to describe why they dislike something all the time--and they just go forward with the wrong words. How many times have you seen someone say "Ateez's music is too noisy for me" when Ateez has possibly two songs in their discography that could be labeled noise music? "I don't like the autotune" when there's barely any autotune
BobbyJ: People do seem to have Feelings about Ateez music. Which I would argue supports the idea that Ateez are making Art
I do wonder exactly what Z classifies as art
GD: I for sure agree with you. It's like that conversation about what a cover should be from the other day: you can like or dislike what Ateez does when covering another group's song, but they will be changing it to achieve their own artistic expression. They will not make you a copy. They will make new art.
We know paintings. Music seems implied.
BobbyJ: Fashion probably? Which makes me think it's interesting that Left Eye specifically is a former designer. But it wasn't the art ban that made him give up designing
Actually, reading ahead. I'm not sure fashion was banned after all? It's hard to tell
GD: I guess it's interesting to me because anything can be art. A house, a car, furniture? Given the right person making those things, they can be art just as easily as they might not be art.
So I do wonder if Z is defining Art more broadly... like, art is not this thing, but art is anything that incites an undue amount of emotion
BobbyJ: Right--I was just thinking, is all music art? And I would argue no if the person writing a song is not doing it for the sake of expression but for the sake of making money. But if that song evokes emotion in someone else, I'd say yes, it is art.
GD: We do have those prohibited signs from Rhythm Ta, which calls out "art, music, dance"? Am I remembering that correctly? Or is it "art, music, emotion"?
What does it mean for something to be defined as art is really a question courts have struggled with for many, many, many years. So it's possible that even in Z's world, what is art is a question that is constantly influx and being redefined
[BobbyJ provides screenshot of Rhythm Ta stage]
Okay, so art, dance, and music are Art specifically.
"Art" lower case art, I'm assuming is paintings, drawings, sculptures. The physical arts.
BobbyJ: Right. Literature and fashion aren't mentioned. Or acting. But maybe they fall under the general Art umbrella. Keeping it vague gives Z more control
GD: Do you know the supreme court case where the supreme court tries to define art?
I feel like I should look it up to get that quote. Hold on--I need to check something
[GD checks something]
So in Tutton v. Viti, the supreme court implied that it is up to the creators to define whether the thing they created is art. The case was about sculpture, and whether these sculptors who were copying sculptures were engaged in the act of creating art
BobbyJ: Just straight up copying?
GD: And basically, they said the sculptors were artists due to their skill despite the lack of creative merit. They weren't trying to like, sell them. It was creating replica sculptures in art class. Which would violate copyright (if they were selling them)
BobbyJ: So, like, if I do a cover of a BTS song and I sound identical to BTS, I'm still an artist . Hypothetically
GD: If you perform it with good enough skill, according to the US Supreme Court, it seems so
BobbyJ: Wait--they weren't selling them? Then what was the problem? How did it end up in the Supreme Court?
GD: I have not read the full case and it is extremely old, so hard to parse, but it seems the original sculptor did not want them making replicas in their art class and argued they were not allowed to do it because it wasn't real art
BobbyJ: Artists do studies all the time where they basically copy other artists' work in order to learn techniques
GD: And the supreme court said, no, they can do that. Which, exactly. This is a precedent that holds. If you do art and sell it, I can't copy it and also sell it. I can however copy it and use it for my own personal use (legally--that doesn't mean it's ethical, but legally)
BobbyJ: Well, it's the same idea as me copying a designer dress and making it myself and for myself because I don't want to spend $800 on a dress
GD: Like if someone made something on etsy that I wanted, and I didn't want to pay for it, I can legally copy it for myself. Right, the supreme court would define both of those things as artistic endeavors
BobbyJ: Huh. I mean--I don't disagree. I'm also not certain it needs to be termed as "art"
GD: Terming it "art" is how they protect it because art is a protected right under the constitution
BobbyJ: Wait--if art is also a protected right in the South Korean constitution, then that would imply that Z was able to change the constitution. Which is wild. How long did this process take?
(Also, assuming that Strictland was originally more like South Korea)
GD: We'd have to review the South Korean constitution. I don't know for sure that it is a right because I know nothing about their legal system. But because art is protected under our constitution, I have always defined art fairly broadly. So considering art being banned, is putting me in a different head space
BobbyJ: Article 22: All citizens shall enjoy freedom of learning and the arts.
GD: I'm now looking up how to make constitutional amendments in Korea
BobbyJ: I mean if they also had a National Assembly, he got the bill passed there
GD: It makes me think I've gone pretty far afield here
BobbyJ: If we're thinking about it, I guarantee the Intern also thought about it
GD: I would like to note that "people enjoyed material affluence"
BobbyJ: Yes, I have a sticky note about that
GD: And I am thinking of Maslow's hierarchy? Which I know is something we've also discussed a lot. But I am wondering, how many citizens weren't having their basic needs met when they agreed to give up art?
BobbyJ: Right. Is art part of our Maslow?
A lot probably. There had to have been problems in order for people to accept Z's proposal
GD: It's certainly easier to give up art if you're not currently able to eat
BobbyJ: Mingi comes to mind. Which I think is when we were discussing Maslow
GD: I have argued, and I will still argue it, that art should be part of human's basic needs. Like, it can make the rest of it all seem less grim for some people. But yeah, if you don't have a place to live, don't have any food, are struggling to just survive, giving up art for the promise of having your basic needs meet will be very appealing to many people
BobbyJ: I think I would argue that art belongs on the "love and belonging" tier which is about friends, family and connection. Art helps us connect with ourselves and others and the world around us. Like, you read a poem that perfectly describes how you feel. Or Ateez releases Turbulence and you swear they pulled the lyrics straight out of your soul
GD: Mmmmmm. . . and love and belonging aren't actually that low on the pyramid. High I mean. They're not that high--they're in the middle
BobbyJ: But you can't really fully reap the benefits of that tier if you are starving to death. And self-actualization is pretty meaningless if you aren't connected to other people in some way
GD: I spend a lot of time thinking about self-actualization which I forgot was even on this pyramid. I'm looking at the pyramid now, obviously
Yes. Art is love and belonging. I've decided you're right. So they've traded in love and belonging for the two things below it
In the next paragraph, they say that the songs had "the power to attract people" which I think is interesting
BobbyJ: The "various fields" is interesting to me. I think of people in different lines of work. Like scientists, teachers, lawyers, etc. But I'm not sure that's what it means
GD: I had long ago been confused about who the black pirates were and how they related to halaateez, but this line makes it pretty clear that halateez sort of inspired other people to get out of Z's control, and then those other people formed the black pirates
BobbyJ: Right. Halateez are "men wearing black fedora.” The Black Pirates is the name of the resistance
GD: Halateez "stimulated" them. Which, with what we know from Halazia, makes sense that the resistance seems to venerate them? Because they weren't necessarily a part of, and well known, to the resistance. They were merely the inspirational rallying cry. Does that make sense?
BobbyJ: Like Katniss. Not everyone knew her but they knew OF her
GD: Yes, and I'm interpreting Halazia as showing us what Strictland thought of halateez, not that halateez appear in the MV because I do not think they do.
Back to your point, what do you think people from various fields means if not different positions?
BobbyJ: I wondered if it meant more physical location. Although, if you have people with different skills and specialties, it would explain how the resistance is able to start fighting back
GD: Do you think it could mean something similar to stations too? Like, young, old, rich, poor, etc
BobbyJ: Could be.
GD: Skipping to the last line, we have Hwa sort of repeating a line similar to Hongjoong's in the first entry? What's important is getting back home. And they can't do that now
BobbyJ: Right. They haven't grasped their place in this story yet
GD: I read ahead because I couldn't stop myself and the jump is fascinating "we have to get back home" to "I won't come back home"
BobbyJ: I have also read ahead but a lot further
GD: Sounds right lol
BobbyJ: Because I became very curious about a different switch--how do they go from we need to get home to let's save this country
And I think I have an idea
GD: That is also the switch I was looking for
BobbyJ: This is way ahead, but after the Receiving of the Suits, in the very next chapter, San discovers the lost memories and feels "a surge of anger.” After that, Yeosang gets caught and all the drama happens with the museum and Yunho's brother. But I think that's the switch. I think it triggers San's empathy. And he spreads the agenda to the others
GD: I am very interested in what's happening with Yunho, but I suppose I need to save my interest for like 6 weeks. I do think we will need to cut this bible study in half
BobbyJ: Expected
GD: Well, this was a big page. It had a lot. We read some constitutions even
BobbyJ: Much was learned
GD: Do we have any more thoughts on the page? Or should we pick a patron saint to hold us to next week?
BobbyJ: I'm sure there's lots more to say. I just don't know what any of those things are.
GD: Perhaps we will have more thoughts on the page next week even. A double round of thoughts on the page
BobbyJ: Might even need a part 3
GD: I've been using an extra ES album to pin the postcard for my patron saint on my bulletin board, and I have appreciated it deeply. Hongjoong has been up for two weeks now
BobbyJ: I feel like the patron saints actually work. Except I didn't have one this past week and that probably explains a lot
GD: I kept Hongjoong, but I do think it would've been wise to have a refresher
BobbyJ: Let's just make sure we do it every Sunday, Bible study or not
GD: Right, even if we cancel bible study, a new, Very Important thing
So, this week, I need to finish the line edit of this book. Which means I need to focus and stay motivated. I think the boy I want to guide me through it is Jongho. I need his professionalism in the face of challenges and his commitment to doing the things that he doesn't like as much because he knows that it is part of his job.
Also, it's hard to think about anything other than his Immortal Songs stage, so I may as well lean in
BobbyJ: Let it be your battle cry
So. This is the last full week of classes. Which means a lot of work to finish off the semester. But, the list is so much shorter than it used to be. So that's something to be happy about.
But also, based on his condition today, I suspect that this might be the week I have to let go of Oliver. [Editor’s note: It was.]
And I think I need San. His ability to embody whatever moment he's in on stage. I don't fully understand how it translates, but I feel it's true
GD: Hmmm yes I think I understand, though I don't have the words either.
There's something about present-ness and humanity in there. I have always thought that San had a real ability to see the human-ness in others and to communicate the human-ness in himself. Which probably only makes sense to me.
BobbyJ: No, I think you're right. There's something extremely real about him
GD: I hope he helps guide you through what has the potential to be a very hard week
BobbyJ: Whatever happens, we keep moving forward. Which also feels very San.
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Thank you for joining us today. We'll be back next week with our Seonghwa Sacred Writing Practice. Have an excellent week, and may your personal patron saint guide you well.