Is jimmy uso married

Please help.
There are three scenes that keep popping up in my mind, I cannot even remember if they are from the same story or from different variations. Perhaps someone has an idea: early marriage/ compromise story in which E&D decide (while in London) to never again talk about her family so that they stop arguing on the subject, then during a visit of the Bingleys at Pemberley, Elizabeth comes upon Darcy disparaging her family with Caroline; same or other fic: they are married at Pemberley, also during Bingleys' visit, Darcy and Caroline come upon her on the grounds, walking shoeless, I think, and leading a muddy child towards the house; a third one where they are also married, Elizabeth is with child and receives a letter from Lady C. telling her she hopes E dies in childbirth. Do any of these ring any bells?

I am married to a typical Somali Faarax. I want to share some of my biggest pet peeves with my husband and want to know if this is common among Somali men. When my husband pees in the toilet bowl, he waddles to the sink carrying his thing and washes himself in the sink. I don't understand why he does this, we even have a bidet installed.
I don't know what to do

I’m estranged to my father but recently found out a bunch of information that has me questioning a lot of things. One thing I found out is that he was married for 7 years to someone before he married my mom. How can I go about finding out who she was and if they had any kids together?

We all love that Niles and Daphne end up together but what a mess they made. Donny got Alter Dumped which is bad enough but to leave Mel just a few days after getting married is rotten. No wonder she is so upset with him.

My (26F) boyfriend (25M) and I have been together for 2 years, and before that, we were best friends for nearly a decade. However, I'm thinking if I should break up with him so he can get married.
He's always wanted been a romantic and has always dreamed of getting married. He's dreamed of his wedding day since he was a little boy. I, on the other hand, have always been very career oriented. Marriage was never a priority of mine.
He's said he wants to get married before 30. I'm nearly 30 and I don't see myself getting married any time soon. There's still so much I want to do before I get married.
I don't want to be pressured to marry him before 30, but at the same time, I know that it's unfair of me to hold him back, even if he said he's willing to wait. Perhaps there is someone better for him who can marry him before 30. What if we don't work out? I don't want him to give up his dream for nothing.
The thing is, I'm worried about that girl possibly becoming a second choice that he marries just so he can be a husband before 30. He's loved me since he was younger, and before we got together, he would have other girlfriends and would admit to me that he still loved me more than them. Whenever he'd say that, I would encourage him to break up with them, not because I want him, but for the good of the poor girl. It's incredibly unfair for her to be second choice, especially if that time and effort she wastes on him could be better used on someone who actually loves her and chose her as their first time. I don't think I can sleep well in good conscience either knowing that another woman is wasting her time in a relationship like that because of me.
However, they were all before he was 24. He's approaching his deadline now. We need to start being serious. Surely he must be able to find a girl there that he could actually fall for right? And it's not that he will lose me either, I'll still be his best friend.
If I want him to actually really love that girl and make her first choice, we should break up now so he can have a year or 2 to find her, then another 2-3 years to be sure of his choice and really love her truly.
But there's always the risk of it not working out, and honestly we both still love each other a lot. I love him and that's why I don't want to hold him back. I don't want to let go of him either, but maybe this is for the best?

I’ve know I’m Bi since I was a teen, but I grew up steeped in purity culture and heteronormativity due to my religious upbringing. I was always a vocal ally of the queer community, but found it easier to push aside my own sexuality since I could just date men publicly, and laugh off my feelings and experiences with women as “just having fun”.
I married an awesome guy in my early 20s, and thought “cool, now I don’t even have to worry about that anymore, it’s irrelevant since I married a man! Won’t come up again.”
Well, as I began to deconstruct my skewed views on faith over the past few years, I realized that even though I am in a very happy, monogamous heterosexual relationship, that doesn’t erase my bisexuality. And that my past experiences & feelings with women were very real, and my attraction to women and non binary people is just as valid as my attraction to men. It is nothing to hide or be ashamed of, and being married doesn’t erase it from who I am. In a sense, that’s when I fully “came out” to myself.
Over the past few years I began to be a bit more open about it with friends and my husband- making jokes, telling casual coming of age stories including past experiences with women, sharing about attraction to female celebrities, etc. I figured everyone kinda got the picture, but again, I didn’t need to say it explicitly.
Well, a few weeks ago when on the topic of my religious deconstruction, it came up in therapy. My therapist asked if my friends and my partner knew. I was like “oh, kinda? I’m sure. I don’t hide it”. She suggested I have a conversation with my partner if I felt comfortable.
So tonight, I did! It started with me telling him about how I was going to watch the Blues Clues Pride episode with our toddler tomorrow, and explain to her what pride is, which he said he thought was great. Then I just dropped a “oh… and I don’t know if I’ve said it explicitly… but you know I’m Bi right?” He laughed and said he didn’t know that. We then had a great conversation about my journey with my sexuality, reflecting on past experiences, my conversation with my therapist, and the spectrum of sexuality in general. When the conversation ended he said he loved me and was glad I shared that with him.
So, I came out to my husband tonight. It feels really good, and makes me feel even more confident and comfortable in my bisexuality knowing that someone else knows too, plainly and clearly. Not sure if or when I’ll fully come out to friends and family, but this is a great first step. Happy pride, my fellow bisexuals. I’d love to hear some of your experiences with this if you came out while in a heterosexual relationship.

Hi reddit
What I am looking for from this community is love and support. And Im looking to return it in kind
Id like some clarification. I feel comfortable with most LGBTQ spaces as a bisexual woman married to a man with kids. I am still welcome here correct
Or is this one of those spaces where Im no longer seen as lgBtq?

I love my wife, she has been my best friend for the last 9 years and when we got married it was the happiest day of my life. We just had a daughter together and love my daughter to the moon. BUT, I would be lying if I didn't say I was still in love with something...else... gaming.
My wife knew I was a gamer when she met me. And so was she sort of. One of our ice breaker convos was about how I could build her a machine that could run sims while watching netflix haha.
Anyway, the point of the post I guess is a question about "balance."
Because I work long hours (avg 12 hrs) as a PM, I tend to stay up late to "capture" the free time that I don't have during the day to play games. And because I stay up late, I tend to wake up later in the day, especially on the weekends. And my wife GREATLY dislikes this.
My wife has made her requirements especially clear:

• I want to spend mornings with you
• I don't like that you stay up to 2+ in the morning
• want you to take better care of yourself
• want you to prioritize your health and family

The thing is, my nights are my sanctuary. My daughter is asleep, me and the wife spent time together and she is asleep,... game on right? This might be selfish, but it is hard for me to see a future where I give up a hobby that has brought me joy since I was 13. I love a good game....game does not describe some of the journeys I have been on with some titles. This is reddit so I'm sure you know what I am talking about here.
Idk, I'm writing this after a deep talk I had with my wife where she said:

• I'm disappointed every night I go to bed and I don't see you next to me
• I just wish you cared as much about us as you do some of your games ...yes that one hurt :<

Most likely someone will tell me I need to be ready to sacrifice for my family. YES, that's why I don't play MMO's any more hahaha
But seriously, I don't want to give this hobby up. I enjoy it. Would you tell a painter that he can only pain on certain days of the week for only an hour a day?
anyway looking for any insight the community can send my way :)

Preface… oh goodness, you know it is a long post if I have to write “preface” first thing. Thank you so much to everyone who stays and reads!!!I’ve been a TBM guy for nearly my whole life (I left when I was a super depressed teenager 9 years ago, went back 7 years ago). Baptized at 8, priesthood of Aaron at 12. Applied to go on a mission at 18, was “honorably dismissed” from serving due to passed anxiety and depression issues.
Married at 19 (3 months after mission dismissal letter, 6 months of dating before marriage), baby at 20, divorced at 21 (she just wanted a baby but not me. I don’t have to pay alimony, just child support, so hoorah!). To be clear, I don’t regret my beautiful baby girl (I’ll call her “A”), but I do regret that I didn’t wait longer to a - know my ex better before getting married, & b - to know my ex better after getting married to have a baby. But, the past is in the past and I am doing everything I can to be an amazing father to that little girl of mine. Fast forward to today, I am now dating an incredible woman (I’ll call her “V”) and have been for nearly a year. She and I are TBM at this point in the story.
My current beliefs: I believe in Jesus Christ, the Atonement, resurrection, and opportunity for everyone to live in Eternity with their loved ones. I have no idea what Eternity looks like because Jesus hasn’t spoken about it in the bible (at least, not the parts that I’ve read. I’m reading the NKJV for the first time because I never had the chance in the BoM church). I don’t believe there is any one person on Earth who has God’s power and allows us to use it. I don’t believe God will condemn anyone for being part of the “wrong” church. I think the only thing that matters is genuinely trying to be a good person. I have no issue with personal beliefs and practices of other churches, members of this church, agnostics, atheists, LGBT community, etc… I know a lot of people here are atheistic or agnostic. Just like I respect your belief system, please respect mine.
Story time… 2 months ago, I was at an Institute class with V (not my class, just visiting her’s) and A was with us for visitation. A was restless and wanted to run around and play in the church halls like any 2 y/o girl does. So, I took her into the hall and quietly chased her around. This is when I heard one of the teachers pose the question/statement to his students: “isn’t it so sad when people leave the church?”
This question seemed so off to me. First, I feel absolutely no sorrow when people leave the church. They are simply choosing to follow their own belief system and to be their own individual person. Wasn’t Jesus super accepting and loving of everyone? Second, it seemed manipulative to me for a teacher to suggest to these college students, who are just figuring out life, that it is automatically a bad thing when someone leaves the church.
Anyway, being a TBM at the time, I had no idea why someone would want to leave the church. My concerns with that question was the first red flag I actually noticed. So, being an incredibly curious person, I decided to google it. Queue the smug looks of every exmo in this community who know what I found, haha! All of my research came from a place of trying to disprove the exmos and anti-mos wrong, so I focussed on diving deep into any topic that concerned me. Each point of research includes exmo, neutral, modern LDS, and LDS archive sources to ensure I had all of the information. Everything in this post I validated from church posts or archives unless I explicitly state otherwise. The CES letter beautifully summarized (is 130 somethings pages actually a summary though?) everything I was feeling and also addressed something things I don’t actually find concerning about the church.
So, my concerns boil down to the following: *The First Vision accounts of who Joseph allegedly saw. Did he see an angel, just Jesus/God/spirit as one being (God), both Jesus and the Father, or both of them and a host of angels? Why did it take him 20 years to tell anyone about it? Why does the church teach that he immediately told people about it when he didn’t? Why did the church actively tell members that he did NOT see God or Jesus, but an angel, for ~40 years after the vision? Any other details of the first vision itself are of no concern to me as it feels like he was simply discussing different parts of what happened. Yes, I’ve read each account.
*Joseph started off his youth by treasure hunting and defrauding people of their money using his peep/seer stone. Sure, he could have just been a kid who didn’t know what it was he was doing (scams) but also… this goes against what I was taught about him being the most honest person you could meet (the phrase “more honest than honest Abe” comes to mind for some reason).
*He used his peep/seer stone to “translate” a large part of the BoM. Most of his translation efforts didn’t require the BoM to be visible or even be near him. I always imagined he held the Urim and Thumim over the plates to see the characters transcribed, much like live google translate. Additionally, his mother recalled him telling stories about the Lamanites and Nephites before the BoM was a thing (I don’t remember my source on this one or if I validated it with church archives). The BoM has many parallels with another book that it may be heavily based on (I forgot the name). The BoM lifts text straight from the KJV and includes non-JST verses that Joseph later “corrected” for the JST.
*He later “translated” the Book of Abraham from Egyptian Papyri which were just ancient burial records. He later “translated” the Kinderhook plates but they were fakes that some of his “disciples” pranked him with. His ability to translate seems fake at best… and a fake ability is no ability in my book.
*Polygamy and polyandry. Do I even need to list any details here? The fact he started the practices before the “revelation” to do so was received, had to manipulate Emma into “letting him” do it, was caught cheating at least once (Emma documented it), married teens, married already married women, wasn’t sealed to Emma until he was already sealed to 20-something other women, never sealed to his parents or children, etc…
*SEC fines. I thought my tithing money was being used to help the poor and needy. It’s frustrating to know it is actually being used to run a business. Yes, the choices the church made were shady but were also comparable to many other businesses. My biggest problem here is the lack of transparency and that my money wasn’t being used for the Lord’s work. If I want to support a business I’ll invest time or money. I prefer not to be scammed out of it by being told it is being used for service and providing for thosein need.
*BITE model. I won’t even start listing any of the items in the BITE model I have issue with. I think about 90-95% of the BITE model red flags are met by the cult. I mean church.
I spoke briefly with V about this a week or so ago, during a camping trip in which we got to share a tent. She was concerned we were sinning but I expressed to her I wasn’t worried about it. I told her I was struggling with the church’s history and current practices. Jesus didn’t teach not to sleep together, he taught not to cheat. She wasn’t ready to discuss it further so we decided to set it aside and we slept side by side in the tent anyway.
A couple nights later, she was feeling sick and wanted to stay with me. Normally she has slept on my couch but she chose to sleep with me in bed. I took care of her that night and the next day and we haven’t slept together since. We also haven’t had sex or performed any sexual acts together. I have no issue with pre-martially sleeping and/or having sex with her as it is a committed relationship that we both are committed to making last (obviously, this isn’t cheating).
Fast forward to 2-3 nights ago. She wanted to stay over again but was feeling guilty and anxious about it. I expressed to her I don’t want to make her feel guilty of anxious about sleeping with me. I gave her a standing invitation to stay whenever she wants but that I would support her in not sleeping together. Then the topic of my beliefs came up again. I told her slightly more but she wasn’t (and still isn’t) emotionally prepared to hear my concerns with the church. She’s concerned my leaving the church would cause her to lose her connection with Jesus (I told her I want to attend a non-denominational christian church with similar morals and beliefs to ours). She asked that we both speak with our bishops and I agreed.
I expressed my concerns to my bishop and it went slightly better than expected. He shared a story about when he was a missionary. Two months in, he met a super aggressive anti-mormon who attacked their beliefs for 30-minutes straight. They left without saying a word. Bishop says he has many questions still but has chosen to “shelve” them for now. He basically told me two things: 1 - to read a particular talk about dissecting difficult questions with V. 2 - that I would have to grapple with this and come to my own conclusion. He’s just grateful I have a strong belief in Jesus, regardless of if I leave the church or not.
V spoke with her bishop and he is convinced I won’t leave. He doesn’t know me very well. He also doesn’t know I would leave in a heartbeat if V would come with me. I know my TBM family would accept my decision. When I left as a teenager they still loved me. When my brother left they didn’t shun him one bit. I know they would do the same for me. But V… I don’t know.
We both got blessings tonight (I honestly believe anyone living a good life who is trying to follow Jesus can speak in his name) and I felt so much peace as I contemplated the direction I want to take my life in… except for the part of not knowing if V will accept me. The young men who gave the blessing stated that “my father in heaven is proud of me” and I believe that is in regard to my dedication to knowing the truth about Jesus, accepting everyone for who they are (including mormons), and forgiving the church as it is God’s place to judge them and not mine.
I adore V and genuinely want to spend my life and eternity with her. She’s the only reason I’m PIMO and not exmo. She clearly, truly loves me. She and I have dreams of raising a small family together, we often laugh together (even when discussing difficult topics such as these ones), and we are able to communicate very well. But, when I’ve asked if she would stay with me if I left the church she skirts around the question and tells me she is confident I’ll come back before I leave. She’s never been afraid to hear the details of why I am struggling with something, until I brought all of this up to her. I really want to tell her what I am feeling and why. I wonder if she won’t agree and choose to find another church together if only she would take time to understand.
She wants both of us to meet together with her bishop because he has a similar style of communicating as I do. I think she might maybe be willing to hear my side if her bishop is there. I’m not sure he’ll actually give me a chance to say my side though. If he does, I’m not really convinced she won’t be torn apart between me and the church. We have agreed to take this one step at a time and to try to figure it all out piece by piece. We’re still talking wedding plans or even eloping if we both still feeling confident in us (I won’t let any marriage happens if we aren’t able to reconcile these differences).
Anyway, I’m just really not sure what to do next. Help? :’(

Lately I've had the bad luck that every time I'm interested in a girl, she has a boyfriend or she's just left a relationship and doesn't want to know about it 😅 I'm at the point where I'm not looking for anything anymore, I just flow with what the universe gives me Yes, but the reality is that I would like to get married and start a family some day.

I apologize in advance for grammatical errors and if this post seemed kind of all over the place.
My (18f) mental health has been rapidly declining in just a few months. I have been through a lot I have 4 siblings I am the youngest. We were abandoned by our father while our mother was pregnant with me. Our mother never really was the caring loving type she got us the bare minimum and called it a day she didn’t like when we would talk to her she would get an attitude when I was younger and yell at me If I tried to speak to her while she was doing anything. She would spank us with objects such as wire hangers belts our toys ect (that kinda stopped tho after we all got older although she still will threaten to “be our ass” from time to time. My mom picks favorites (I am not one of them) she projects her issues onto us if she has a bad day at work she will come home and find the smallest thing wrong and flip out on us call us ungrateful spoiled abusive brats and then she will start to slam stuff and stomp around the house. She’s emotionally neglectful, and when you do go to her with private and sensitive information she cannot and will not keep it to herself. Because of my lack of an actual healthy parental figure in my life it has caused me to be susceptible to grooming. I have recently come to be able to admit that I was being groomed by my best friends uncle. He is 40+yo married with multiple kids. He always gave me such sweet vibes and was very comforting (I met him when I was 16) after a few months of knowing him I got his number and he would give me rides home from work, during these rides he would often grope me and say inappropriate things (even when I would push his hands off and ask him to stop) but I would continue to make excuses for him in my head because I just wanted that comforting parental figure. I was able to distance myself from him after I turned 18 and moved away for college, but I never told my friends or family about what he would say and do. I didn’t want to get him in trouble and I didn’t want to get blamed so I figured it would be easier to just keep it to myself. When I was back in my home town for winter break I was sexually assaulted by a friend of mine. TW I got drunk and he was “taking care of me, I let him sleep in the same bed as me but soon woke up to his hands down my pants I didn’t know what to do I continued to pretend to sleep for a few minutes (those minutes felt like years) when I realized he wasn’t going to stop I sat up and just left the room without saying anything. I ended up only telling 2 of my friends about it one I swore to secrecy and the other well she blocked me and hasn’t spoken to me since. After the assault I felt isolated and alone I tried to push what happened out sm so that at some points it feels like it wasn’t real like it was just a dream or like I wasn’t there (idk how to explain it I know logically it happened but another part of me is just detached from the whole situation). Anyways after the SA I couldn’t really sleep much I was exhausted and frustrated and just full of so many emotions. Because of my lack of sleep and intense emotions I ended up having an over the top mental breakdown over some slightly annoying comment my mom made to me before she went to work. I was sobbing in my room and just couldn’t stop I started to punch myself lin the legs and head and face (I used to do that when I was younger but hadn’t in a while) after a few hours of angry cries and hitting myself I fell asleep and just continued on as I was. I was trying my best to pretend like I was ok but with the feeling of so many emotions coursing through my body I started to cut my hands In hopes to cope, and after that first cut I haven’t been really able to stop I started cutting my palms and then moved onto my thighs. In this time I still pretended I was ok and went on as if nothing was wrong. I went back to college where I met my current boyfriend at the beginning of second semester and I like him a lot but he has pointed out to me some of my self destructive habits and behaviors of pushing him away and then pulling him back in when the fear of abandonment gets a little to much. I have noticed that I tend to go from liking him so much that I feel like I would die if he left to where I want to leave him and ruin him for doing something small like not answering my text fast enough. I don’t understand why I think this way, there will be a slight change in his tone and I will go through a wide range of emotions because of it. I go from hating him to loving him and needing him to be with me always. And because of these thoughts it’s made me look back on my previous relationships types (he’s my first real bf) but with my previous bsf’s I noticed I would act similarly towards them. But yeah I feel like this post is all over the place but I feel like my brain is constantly scattered so can someone please tell me what they think is wrong with me and why I’m so crazy. (I’m currently on antidepressants… I feel like they haven’t been helping tho)

Hello
So I'm a guy in Pakistan. Software Engineer. Doing 25 years old. I've been thinking about immigrating to Canada (I do have a bunch of questions on that too might make a separate post). Is that a good idea?
Anyway so I'd like to hear some opinions and pros cons of the following approaches to marriage that are in my mind:

1. Marry right away. Immigrate together as a couple
   
2. I go to Canada. Get settled. Marry back here in Pakistan and my wife immigrates as well. (I'm assuming we'll be long distance in the meantime).
   
3. I go to Canada. I marry a pakistani girl who is already living there (bonus is that I get a family there so we're not totally alone).
   
4. I marry a non Pakistani in Canada 😀
   

Thoughts? Are any of these options something I should completely avoid?
Thanks

First off, glad I found this sub. I have a little rant. I (37F) have been married to my husband (36M) for 10 years. In the very beginning I had a great relationship with MIL, but after my husband and I got married the relationship soured quickly. She has always had a huge issue with boundaries, and to make matters worse my husband has always tried to “play both sides”. He has never supported me when I tried to enforce my boundaries with her. They have a classic co-dependent relationship. He can do no wrong and her wish is his command. At some point I was just over it. I just resigned myself to my room. I make no demands on anyone. I don’t speak up about anything anymore because I know my feelings don’t matter. About a week ago, I picked my daughter (9) up from her last day of school and we were talking about summer plans, etc. I told her we could find time to visit my family (who live 4 hours away), and then she asked me why I don’t want to go see dad’s family (they live 16 hours away). She told me Grandma said the reason we aren’t going to see his family this summer is because I don’t want to, because she knows Dad would really want to see he family. WHAT?!?! I have NEVER told ANYONE that they could or could not go ANYWHERE. All my husband wants to do is sit at home and play video games. He hasn’t seen my family in YEARS and again they’re only a few hours away. I have suggested taking a family trip literally anywhere and he refuses. If I want to take my daughter somewhere I have to go alone. I told my husband what my daughter said to me and he gave me the typical “I’ll talk to her” (MIL). Which really just means he will complain to her about me and they will talk shit together. So I told him I was going to say something myself this time. His response was, “Let’s not have an explosion because it a big weekend at work for me.” I sent her a respectful text asking her to please not put ideas in my daughters head that I am keeping my husband from his family, and of course she denied it. As per usual, the M.O. is just deny and act shocked that I am making such an accusation. But my daughter is 9. She didn’t just make this up. MIL told my husband she never said that and, of course, he believes her. So cue the gaslighting and pretending I am just making things up because I’m crazy. I just feel completely defeated. I just accepted this is the way it will always be and I have taken extreme measures to stay out of the way of their enmeshment. Defame me and paint me as a villain to anyone else, fine. I’ve had 10 years of that and I’m used to it. Paint me as a villain to my own child??? Outrageous. Anyway, I’m just completely exhausted and defeated. I can’t take this anymore.

What the actual fuck! We have been married for nearly 20 years. He finally admitted it. We have had lots of issues, and I always ask- why do you do this stuff? Do you still love me? Do you still care about me? The answer is always an emphatic yes from him. It is always- I love you, I care about you…you don’t listen and believe me, blah, blah, blah. I moved from state to state on the promise that he loves me, against my better judgment, bc compromise is required in a marriage and we are a family. Between the constant moves and staying home to care for my young kids, I’ve lost career opportunities, friendships, family relationships. I don’t live close to any family, and I am constantly trying to make new friends. We have moved every few years for the last 20 years. His timeline of when he stopped loving me means he didn’t love me when we conceived our second child. Why would he lie to me for years and allow me to follow him around the country to my own detriment? Was it bc I was useful? Does he even see me as a human being? I am so devastated. He flat out lied to my face for so long. Why would anyone do this to someone else, especially their spouse? I feel numb. I feel like my life is a lie and I have fucked up my life. I feel like my life is over. I don’t understand where to go from here. I don’t even know where to start. I don’t know how to live the rest of my life knowing this happened to me. He will be just fine with his job making almost a million a year (yes, you read that correctly) living where he wants to live and probably meeting someone new immediately. And I am a woman in my 40s with two kids, no job, and starting over. Luckily I have my degrees, but I have to get licensed in this state. It is all just so much.

When the AP gets away with it
Drives me insane! Married only 2 years. DDay was April 20. I (30F) caught them having sex in our bed. Kicked him(30M) out but he’s back trying to reconcile. He’s doing the good things..transparent phone access tracking (honestly the bare minimum things he should’ve been doing)
What gets me off is that the AP(21) gets away free!!! We agreed to not tell anyone maybe a few people ( to save face I guess) Which also ticked me off. I know her mom and her mom knows my mom but no clue who AP was, she’s a stranger no one we knew. I wanted to tell her mom her daughter is a home wreaking ***! But then her mom will probably tell my mom and then ruin reconciling I guess. AP herself had blocked me before I can even conversation with her.
It’s not the most mature thought. But I go back and forth every time. Just needed to vent it out there. How to get over this feeling. Could be self destructive

I'm in the middle of a big Ad Mech -> Dark Mechanicum Conversion project, with a big emphasis on heretical technology. Think Necron Warriors converted to Skitarii, Necron Lokust Destroyers converted into Kataphrons, Necron Skorpekh Destroyers bashed with Ruststalkers into three legged Sicarian Infiltrators and Rust Stalkers , and Canoptek Doomstalkers converted into Ironstriders.
Most of this is Necron conversions, but I'm not married to Necrons specifically.
My sticking point is Kastelan Robots.
My initial thought was some of the 30k robots, but I don't really want to work with Forgeworld resin. Then I thought either some kind of Tau suit or maybe Talos mashed up / in, but I thought I'd hit up the brain trust to see if anyone had a good alternative / thought on where to go.
Any thoughts on alternative conversion / proxy targets here?

I apologize in advance for grammatical errors and if this post seemed kind of all over the place.
My (18f) mental health has been rapidly declining in just a few months. I have been through a lot I have 4 siblings I am the youngest. We were abandoned by our father while our mother was pregnant with me. Our mother never really was the caring loving type she got us the bare minimum and called it a day she didn’t like when we would talk to her she would get an attitude when I was younger and yell at me If I tried to speak to her while she was doing anything. She would spank us with objects such as wire hangers belts our toys ect (that kinda stopped tho after we all got older although she still will threaten to “be our ass” from time to time. My mom picks favorites (I am not one of them) she projects her issues onto us if she has a bad day at work she will come home and find the smallest thing wrong and flip out on us call us ungrateful spoiled abusive brats and then she will start to slam stuff and stomp around the house. She’s emotionally neglectful, and when you do go to her with private and sensitive information she cannot and will not keep it to herself. Because of my lack of an actual healthy parental figure in my life it has caused me to be susceptible to grooming. I have recently come to be able to admit that I was being groomed by my best friends uncle. He is 40+yo married with multiple kids. He always gave me such sweet vibes and was very comforting (I met him when I was 16) after a few months of knowing him I got his number and he would give me rides home from work, during these rides he would often grope me and say inappropriate things (even when I would push his hands off and ask him to stop) but I would continue to make excuses for him in my head because I just wanted that comforting parental figure. I was able to distance myself from him after I turned 18 and moved away for college, but I never told my friends or family about what he would say and do. I didn’t want to get him in trouble and I didn’t want to get blamed so I figured it would be easier to just keep it to myself. When I was back in my home town for winter break I was sexually assaulted by a friend of mine. TW I got drunk and he was “taking care of me, I let him sleep in the same bed as me but soon woke up to his hands down my pants I didn’t know what to do I continued to pretend to sleep for a few minutes (those minutes felt like years) when I realized he wasn’t going to stop I sat up and just left the room without saying anything. I ended up only telling 2 of my friends about it one I swore to secrecy and the other well she blocked me and hasn’t spoken to me since. After the assault I felt isolated and alone I tried to push what happened out sm so that at some points it feels like it wasn’t real like it was just a dream or like I wasn’t there (idk how to explain it I know logically it happened but another part of me is just detached from the whole situation). Anyways after the SA I couldn’t really sleep much I was exhausted and frustrated and just full of so many emotions. Because of my lack of sleep and intense emotions I ended up having an over the top mental breakdown over some slightly annoying comment my mom made to me before she went to work. I was sobbing in my room and just couldn’t stop I started to punch myself lin the legs and head and face (I used to do that when I was younger but hadn’t in a while) after a few hours of angry cries and hitting myself I fell asleep and just continued on as I was. I was trying my best to pretend like I was ok but with the feeling of so many emotions coursing through my body I started to cut my hands In hopes to cope, and after that first cut I haven’t been really able to stop I started cutting my palms and then moved onto my thighs. In this time I still pretended I was ok and went on as if nothing was wrong. I went back to college where I met my current boyfriend at the beginning of second semester and I like him a lot but he has pointed out to me some of my self destructive habits and behaviors of pushing him away and then pulling him back in when the fear of abandonment gets a little to much. I have noticed that I tend to go from liking him so much that I feel like I would die if he left to where I want to leave him and ruin him for doing something small like not answering my text fast enough. I don’t understand why I think this way, there will be a slight change in his tone and I will go through a wide range of emotions because of it. I go from hating him to loving him and needing him to be with me always. And because of these thoughts it’s made me look back on my previous relationships types (he’s my first real bf) but with my previous bsf’s I noticed I would act similarly towards them. But yeah I feel like this post is all over the place but I feel like my brain is constantly scattered so can someone please tell me what they think is wrong with me and why I’m so crazy. (I’m currently on antidepressants… I feel like they haven’t been helping tho)

I apologize in advance for grammatical errors and if this post seemed kind of all over the place.
My (18f) mental health has been rapidly declining in just a few months. I have been through a lot I have 4 siblings I am the youngest. We were abandoned by our father while our mother was pregnant with me. Our mother never really was the caring loving type she got us the bare minimum and called it a day she didn’t like when we would talk to her she would get an attitude when I was younger and yell at me If I tried to speak to her while she was doing anything. She would spank us with objects such as wire hangers belts our toys ect (that kinda stopped tho after we all got older although she still will threaten to “be our ass” from time to time. My mom picks favorites (I am not one of them) she projects her issues onto us if she has a bad day at work she will come home and find the smallest thing wrong and flip out on us call us ungrateful spoiled abusive brats and then she will start to slam stuff and stomp around the house. She’s emotionally neglectful, and when you do go to her with private and sensitive information she cannot and will not keep it to herself. Because of my lack of an actual healthy parental figure in my life it has caused me to be susceptible to grooming. I have recently come to be able to admit that I was being groomed by my best friends uncle. He is 40+yo married with multiple kids. He always gave me such sweet vibes and was very comforting (I met him when I was 16) after a few months of knowing him I got his number and he would give me rides home from work, during these rides he would often grope me and say inappropriate things (even when I would push his hands off and ask him to stop) but I would continue to make excuses for him in my head because I just wanted that comforting parental figure. I was able to distance myself from him after I turned 18 and moved away for college, but I never told my friends or family about what he would say and do. I didn’t want to get him in trouble and I didn’t want to get blamed so I figured it would be easier to just keep it to myself. When I was back in my home town for winter break I was sexually assaulted by a friend of mine. TW I got drunk and he was “taking care of me, I let him sleep in the same bed as me but soon woke up to his hands down my pants I didn’t know what to do I continued to pretend to sleep for a few minutes (those minutes felt like years) when I realized he wasn’t going to stop I sat up and just left the room without saying anything. I ended up only telling 2 of my friends about it one I swore to secrecy and the other well she blocked me and hasn’t spoken to me since. After the assault I felt isolated and alone I tried to push what happened out sm so that at some points it feels like it wasn’t real like it was just a dream or like I wasn’t there (idk how to explain it I know logically it happened but another part of me is just detached from the whole situation). Anyways after the SA I couldn’t really sleep much I was exhausted and frustrated and just full of so many emotions. Because of my lack of sleep and intense emotions I ended up having an over the top mental breakdown over some slightly annoying comment my mom made to me before she went to work. I was sobbing in my room and just couldn’t stop I started to punch myself lin the legs and head and face (I used to do that when I was younger but hadn’t in a while) after a few hours of angry cries and hitting myself I fell asleep and just continued on as I was. I was trying my best to pretend like I was ok but with the feeling of so many emotions coursing through my body I started to cut my hands In hopes to cope, and after that first cut I haven’t been really able to stop I started cutting my palms and then moved onto my thighs. In this time I still pretended I was ok and went on as if nothing was wrong. I went back to college where I met my current boyfriend at the beginning of second semester and I like him a lot but he has pointed out to me some of my self destructive habits and behaviors of pushing him away and then pulling him back in when the fear of abandonment gets a little to much. I have noticed that I tend to go from liking him so much that I feel like I would die if he left to where I want to leave him and ruin him for doing something small like not answering my text fast enough. I don’t understand why I think this way, there will be a slight change in his tone and I will go through a wide range of emotions because of it. I go from hating him to loving him and needing him to be with me always. And because of these thoughts it’s made me look back on my previous relationships types (he’s my first real bf) but with my previous bsf’s I noticed I would act similarly towards them. But yeah I feel like this post is all over the place but I feel like my brain is constantly scattered so can someone please tell me what they think is wrong with me and why I’m so crazy. (I’m currently on antidepressants… I feel like they haven’t been helping tho)