Im still in 11th grade taking the strand of Humanities and Social Sciences. I was thinking of becoming a psychologist or a veterinarian, but those careers require brains, and i don't have that. Im currently burnt out, unmotivated, and some may say lazy. I never even participate in recitations because i hate speaking in front of a crowd so much, let alone defend a thesis.
Im not good with math and science AT ALL, so STEM careers are not for me. My hobby before is painting, but i stopped that because i don't like the results of my work. Im also not physically strong. Im borderline obese and still working on losing weight.
I can socialize, like talking to customers and serving them might be manageable for me, but definitely NOT presenting in front of a group of higher ups or talking to a potential client (basically im not a public speaker. My limit is talking to customers).
Im thinking of going to a culinary school because i do enjoy cooking, but im worried that it will affect my weight more. Im leaning towards this at the moment.
I want to have a job that pays me well enough where i can have money for bills (needs), money for vacation, money for wants, money for savings, and extra money. But i doubt i will have that freedom with serving customers. It's not like u wanna be a millionaire. Business men and millionaires have too much responsibilities, and i don't want that. I want a chill life.
People are saying to focus on what you have and not on what you lack, but i don't know what skills i have. I wouldn't say im hardworking, because if i was, i would be kn top of the class right now, but no, i have failing grades. Im not even beautiful and skinny, so i can't marry rich..

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I knew that Ray liked to party, but this was a little too much. He was on the dance floor with a spaced out look in his eye, dancing like he’d just stepped out of some 1980s music video. The people around him didn’t seem all that put off, but they were probably almost as high as he was.
​
Almost, being the operative word in that sentence.
​
Look, I get it. I like to party too from time to time. But you gotta be smart about it. You gotta know where your limit is, and I don’t think that Ray knew his limit.
​
***
​
I’d never actually been to this part of town before, but hey, there’s a first time for everything, right? Ray and I had just closed the deal of our careers and figured a little celebration was in order. I’d initially figured we’d just have a few drinks and maybe get laid. But when he broke out the molly, I wasn’t going to say no and the next hour or so after that was fucking killer.
​
Then we’d ran into that dude at the bar.
​
This guy was… well, he looked like he was on drugs, not like he sold them. He had messy hair, a grin that said: ‘I just farted!’ and I’m pretty sure he was covered in glitter. He was wearing a hot pink suit, with a neon blue bowtie, on top of a regular black tie. Yeah. Two ties.
Anyways, he must’ve realized that we were also high off our asses, because as we took a seat at the bar he came right over to us, wearing that ‘I just farted’ grin and chatted us up.
“Hey man! You two having a good time tonight?”
“Fuck yeah we are!” Ray replied, “Fucking love your getup, man!”
“Aww hell yeah, brother!”
​
The Glitter Man went in for a high five and Ray reciprocated.
“You having a party?” He asked.
“Yeah, just closed a fuckin BIG ASS client. Fuck yeah, we’re having a party!”
“Oh man, then I’ve got just the thing for you! Check this shit out.”
​
Glitter Man reached into his suit jacket and took out a gunmetal gray cigarette case. He opened it, showing us a collection of small neon blue pills inside.
“These right here? These are gonna kick your night up a whole other notch,” He promised. “You want in?”
​
Ray stared down at the pills, and I could see his eyes widening like a kid who'd just walked into a candy shop.
“Fuck yeah, I want in!” He said with barely a moment of hesitation, and that is when I stepped in.
“Wait up, the fuck are these?” I asked. “Molly?”
​
“Nah, man. It’s a new thing. Been calling it Blue Lagoon. Trust me, this is the shit! One pill… and you’re never gonna forget tonight. I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds.”
“How much?” Ray asked.
“Tell you what, man. I’ll hook you both up for ten bucks a pop!”
​
Ray started reaching for his wallet, but I stopped him.
“Dude, we don’t even know what this shit is!” I said.
“C’mon, loosen your asshole and live a little, Geoff!” Ray replied, pulling away from me. “Sorry about my friend, man. He just needs a few more drinks.”
“Hey, no worries!”
​
Ray handed over twenty bucks and Glitter Man dropped two pills into his hand, before taking off.
“See you around!” He said, and that was it.
“You in this with me?” Ray asked, offering me one of the pills.
​
I didn’t answer, so he started making a ticking clock noise.
“Times almost up…” He sang, “You gonna get the stick out of your ass and party like a man, or are you gonna pussy out?”
​
I took the pill, sighed and put it in my mouth.
“ATTA FUCKIN’ BOY!” Ray cried and slapped me on the back, before taking his own pill. “Thought for sure you were gonna go all fuckin’ soft on me!” He teased, “Go full Mr. Mackey from South Park. ‘Drugs are bad, M’kay!’” He laughed at his own bad impression of the show.
​
He turned back to the bar, reaching into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes.
“Hey, my buddy and I are gonna have two dry martinis!” He said, “Dirty as you can fuckin’ make them!”
​
He popped one of the cigarettes into his mouth, and that was around the time I noticed that the world around me seemed… off…
​
I blinked slowly, looking around at the people in the bar. I could’ve sworn that I saw flowers blooming on their skin, but it was hard to get a look at them. They only ever seemed to be there when I wasn’t looking directly at them. From the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something moving behind the dance floor. Some tall, wandering shadow although I couldn’t get a good look at it either. I think that it might have looked at me, with eyes on stalks like some kind of slug. But I couldn’t be sure. It disappeared completely when I tried to look at it head on.
​
I looked over at the bartender, a relatively plain looking brunette. She glanced at me briefly as she shook our martinis, and I swore that I could see flowers growing out of her hair, wreathing her head in vibrant colors that were impossible to really describe.
​
I looked over at Ray, and he was staring at her too. I’m not sure what he was seeing, but whatever it was, it had to be beautiful! The man beside me had roses growing out of his eyes and whenever he laughed, I heard a chorus of angels singing. He was holding a giant chameleon that he kept petting, and it was looking at me.
“Think this is DMT?” It asked.
“Who the hell knows?” Said the man. His head was mostly flowers now.
​
Ray absentmindely handed me my martini, and I took a sip. It tasted like heaven. It tasted like a fresh donut, right out of the oven with the glaze still melty and warm. I wanted to cry from just how beautiful it was!
​
A hazy mist swirled around me, lifting me up to new levels of paradise. As Ray and I went to the dance floor to join the party, I felt at one with the universe.
​
A beautiful girl with flawless dark skin danced with me, as we danced I realized that my place in the cosmos was here! Right here!
​
And then I saw it, really, truly saw it. The grand tapestry of all things. It was right there in her eyes. Right there for me to see. An expanse of events, all seemingly unconnected save for the fact that they contributed to some great, glorious final outcome. A perfect future for all mankind, for all that existed beyond mankind. Hundreds of lives, thousands, millions, billions… perhaps even an infinite amount, all moving parts in an enormous machine, working toward the completion of a single function. Pawns in a grand game whose outcome had been determined outside of time. Every little piece would in it’s own way, fall into place exactly when it needed to, at the moment it needed to, each one carefully guided by a grand design, that operated exclusively through others. An outside force, that pushed them to trigger the events that would lead to the favorable outcome, and arguably, the only outcome, but there really was no big picture to be seen. The end result was something far less finite. It was a state of being. A higher state. A type of perfection that went beyond perfection. Oh, the knowledge of it burned so bright in my skull!
​
I hugged the girl that I was dancing with and we kissed. She told me that she was proud of me before promptly dissolving into a cloud of butterflies, and as I watched them fly away I laughed, knowing that they too were part of the fabric of the universe! I admired the crowd dancing around me, basking in their radiance. They seemed to go on forever and I could see every aspect of their lives in each of them. Their hopes, their dreams, their aspirations. I loved each of them, and looked into each of their souls, looking at what the greatest possible version of them might be.
​
From the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow. The same one from before, possibly? I looked at it, watching as it surveyed the crowd. Despite its darkness, I could see its shiny white teeth and beady eyes. The eyes shifted to me for a moment where they lingered, but the shadow didn’t move.
​
Water flowed around me, distracting me from the shadow again. Fish swam past me, daring me to chase them and I obliged. They promised to take me to a mermaid and teach me how to live in the sea with them. Then I promptly threw up all over some poor girl who was just trying to dance, and after I apologized to her, I tried to explain to the fish that I just needed to sit down for a moment, but by then they’d already turned into seagulls and were just casually shitting on the dude they were sitting on.
​
I stumbled over to one of the booths and collapsed into it, trying to catch my breath.
“Would you like some cheese, sir.” Asked the sentient platter of cheese on the table underneath me.
“My name is Brie!” Said the brie.
​
I stared down at the platter, before picking up a cube of cheddar and trying to eat it. For some reason it tasted like a napkin. This was because it was actually a napkin.
​
My skin felt cold, my hands were shaking a little. The music was way too loud and my mouth was dry.
​
I looked up.
​
There were no fantastical creatures around. No fish, no seagulls, no flowers, no talking cheese. Just a normal nightclub.
​
My head was kind of throbbing.
​
I took out my phone to look at it. It’d been about an hour since Ray and I had gotten our martinis. Had time really passed that quickly?
​
Speaking of which, where was Ray?
​
I looked around for him, before finding him still on the dance floor, dancing like a goddamn maniac. He didn’t seem to be coming down the way that I was. Maybe I’d puked some of the drug up when I’d vomited and it had cut my trip short?
​
Speaking of which, what the hell was that? DMT or something? I was pretty sure that I’d just hallucinated everything that had just happened. Those had to be hallucinations, right?
​
I shook my head, before trying to ground myself in the moment. I still felt dizzy and weak. I ended up going to the bar to just get some water before finding another seat where I could rest for a while while Ray partied his little heart out… and after another hour, I started thinking that maybe something was wrong with him.
​
I noticed that he only seemed to take a break once, and when he did, it was only to head to the bar to get another hard drink. While he was there, I noticed him slipping a familiar gunmetal gray cigarette case out of his pocket. He downed some pills from inside and chased them with a generous sip of whatever he’d gotten. Then, swaying like an idiot he put the cigarette case back in his pocket and lumbered back to the party.
​
That idiot.
​
He must’ve bought the whole fucking case off of that weird guy we’d seen earlier! It was one thing to try some weird new drug like a dumbass, but this? This was insane!
​
I considered going up to him to ask him just what the hell he’d been thinking, but given how out of it he probably was, I knew there wouldn’t be much point to it.
​
So I resolved to just watch him, and make sure he got home safely like a responsible friend/co-worker. I didn’t really want a repeat of the Vancouver Incident where I’d had to drag him crying like a baby out of a convenience store at 4 AM because they were out of gummy bears. (He’d promised me that it would never happen again and up until now I’d held him to that.)
​
I guess if nothing else, Ray didn’t seem to be violent or anything while he was high. The bouncers in this place looked pretty tough, and I really didn’t want to have to watch them beat the crap out of him. And it wasn’t until around 2 AM when the party was dying down that I started to notice Ray acting strange. Well… strange compared to the way he’d been acting for most of the night.
​
He’d seemed more unstable on his feet and seemed less interested in dancing now. He kept looking around frantically, and I saw him take out the cigarette case to look for more pills.
​
I figured that this was probably the time to get up and stop him.
“Hey, hey… relax, man,” I said, coming up to him and stopping him from taking more of those pills. “Take it easy, alright?”
​
He looked over at me with wide, bloodshot eyes as I spoke to him.
“Geoff?” He asked in a small voice.
“Yeah, it’s me. Put the pills down. How many of those have you had?”
​
I took the case from him and looked inside, only to feel my stomach sink a little when I realized that it was empty.
​
It suddenly occurred to me that I probably should have been watching him closer, to make sure he didn’t take all of the goddamn mystery pills, and I quietly kicked myself for not thinking about that sooner!
“Well shit… you feeling okay, bud?” I asked.
“Fraid…” He slurred, “Universe is… wrong…”
​
His eyes suddenly widened, filled with a horror that I’m not sure I could properly describe.
“THERE!”
​
He pointed at something over my shoulder and I looked.
Behind me, sat the unknowable terror that lurks in all places where something ceases to exist and only absence remains… absolutely fucking nothing.
​
“Maybe we need to get you to a hospital…” I murmured.
“No hospital! N-no hospital!” He said, “Please… Geoff… j-just get me somewhere safe! Please!”
​
Yeah, I was definitely getting him to a hospital. I’d already made enough dumb decisions for the night. I didn’t really feel up to making one more.
“Alright, let’s get you someplace safe,” I said with a sigh. I took out my phone to call us a cab. “C’mon, Ray.”
​
He grabbed at me like a scared child as I led him out of the club, jumping at every shadow that we saw on the way out.
​
***
​
“So what exactly did he take?” The nurse asked me. She had a sort of deadpan, matter of fact tone and barely even looked at me, while Ray screamed bloody murder in the next room. I gotta say, I wasn’t exactly beaming with pride as I confessed to the nurse that Ray and I had partied in defiance of every 1980s anti-drug PSA we’d grown up with. But it needed to be done.
​
“I think the guy called it Blue Lagoon,” I said. “I don’t know how many he had, but it was a lot.”
“Blue Lagoon?” The nurse asked, “That’s a new one.”
“Yeah I’ve never heard of it either. I took one of the pills too,” I said. “I was seeing shit for about an hour before I came down. Like, mermaids, talking cheese, flowers… that kinda stuff.”
“So it’s a hallucinogen?” She asked.
“Yeah, I’ve never done DMT but I was thinking it might be similar to that? I don’t know.”
“We’ll take some bloodwork shortly, see if we can’t figure out some more,” She said before leaving me.
​
I quietly went back to Ray’s room, and watched as he fought against the restraints that bound him to the bed.
His face was bright red from all the screaming and he was sobbing like a little kid as he struggled.
“IT’S COMING! IT’S COMING FOR ME!”
​
I didn’t bother trying to talk to him. He was still pretty out of it, and he’d been screaming about something coming for him.
“GEOFF!” He sobbed, looking at me. I saw him trying to reach for my hand, “Don’t… don’t leave.. Don’t let him take me, Geoff… please… you gotta let me out of here, YOU GOTTA LET ME RUN!”
“Relax, you’re gonna be okay,” I promised. “I’m gonna stay right here with you.”
The words didn’t seem to do much for him. He just kept fighting and sobbing.
​
At around 4 in the morning, I finally slept. It was in a chair in one of the waiting rooms, since Ray was still screaming too loud for me to sleep in his room, but I slept. I figured that when I woke up, Ray would have sobered up a bit and we could both go home.
​
I was wrong.
​
When I woke up, there was a police officer standing over me, gently shaking my shoulder. My first thought was that the nurse we’d talked to had reported us for taking drugs (which I thought they weren’t supposed to do!) but no.
​
He just wanted to ask me a few questions about Ray.
​
My memories of talking to the police are hazy. I don’t entirely remember how the conversation went, but I knew that they’d asked me about where we’d been that night. They asked me if Ray had gotten into any fights, or if I knew anyone who might want to kill him. It wasn’t until around halfway through the conversation that I figured out that Ray was dead.
​
I never saw the body. It was covered when they wheeled it out of the room.
​
But I saw the blood.
​
Good God… all that fucking blood… more than I thought could fit in a person.
​
From what I heard, none of the nurses saw what happened. At some point, the screaming had just stopped and when they’d come in to check his vitals again, they were greeted by the gory mess that used to be Ray.
​
After the police talked to me, I didn’t hear a lot about the investigation into Ray’s death. To my knowledge, they never identified any suspects. Hell, I don’t even think they’re entirely sure about what killed him. I heard somebody say it could have been some kind of animal attack, but I think that got shot down pretty quickly, since where the fuck would the animal have come from?
​
The police cleared me as a suspect in the case pretty quickly, since I’d been asleep when it had happened and there were plenty of witnesses who could confirm I was in the waiting room, passed out.
​
I imagine that they talked to some people at the nightclub we’d been at too, but I don’t think anything ever came of that. I’d been watching Ray for most of the night. He’d been dancing and having a good time. The only time I hadn’t been keeping an eye on him was when I was hallucinating, and I highly doubt he picked a fight with someone who’d be willing to break into a hospital to murder him during the hour that I was indisposed! There was literally no logical reason he should have died the way he did! There wasn’t a single person I could possibly think of who could have killed him!
​
Person being the operative word here.
​
Before he died, Ray had been screaming about something coming for him. My memories of the hallucinations I had after I took that pill are a little hazy, but I remember the shadowy thing I glimpsed among the crowd a few times.
​
I remember the pitch that the guy who’d sold us the pills had made:
‘I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds!’
​
Call me crazy… but I’m wondering just how true that pitch was. Maybe not everything we saw after taking those pills was a hallucination. Maybe they let us see something… touch something… and they let that something touch us right back.
​
I don’t know for sure. But that’s the closest thing to an answer that I’ve got. Either way, I’ve been sober ever since that night and I think I’m going to stay that way.

I knew that Ray liked to party, but this was a little too much. He was on the dance floor with a spaced out look in his eye, dancing like he’d just stepped out of some 1980s music video. The people around him didn’t seem all that put off, but they were probably almost as high as he was.
​
Almost, being the operative word in that sentence.
​
Look, I get it. I like to party too from time to time. But you gotta be smart about it. You gotta know where your limit is, and I don’t think that Ray knew his limit.
​
***
​
I’d never actually been to this part of town before, but hey, there’s a first time for everything, right? Ray and I had just closed the deal of our careers and figured a little celebration was in order. I’d initially figured we’d just have a few drinks and maybe get laid. But when he broke out the molly, I wasn’t going to say no and the next hour or so after that was fucking killer.
​
Then we’d ran into that dude at the bar.
​
This guy was… well, he looked like he was on drugs, not like he sold them. He had messy hair, a grin that said: ‘I just farted!’ and I’m pretty sure he was covered in glitter. He was wearing a hot pink suit, with a neon blue bowtie, on top of a regular black tie. Yeah. Two ties.
Anyways, he must’ve realized that we were also high off our asses, because as we took a seat at the bar he came right over to us, wearing that ‘I just farted’ grin and chatted us up.
“Hey man! You two having a good time tonight?”
“Fuck yeah we are!” Ray replied, “Fucking love your getup, man!”
“Aww hell yeah, brother!”
​
The Glitter Man went in for a high five and Ray reciprocated.
“You having a party?” He asked.
“Yeah, just closed a fuckin BIG ASS client. Fuck yeah, we’re having a party!”
“Oh man, then I’ve got just the thing for you! Check this shit out.”
​
Glitter Man reached into his suit jacket and took out a gunmetal gray cigarette case. He opened it, showing us a collection of small neon blue pills inside.
“These right here? These are gonna kick your night up a whole other notch,” He promised. “You want in?”
​
Ray stared down at the pills, and I could see his eyes widening like a kid who'd just walked into a candy shop.
“Fuck yeah, I want in!” He said with barely a moment of hesitation, and that is when I stepped in.
“Wait up, the fuck are these?” I asked. “Molly?”
​
“Nah, man. It’s a new thing. Been calling it Blue Lagoon. Trust me, this is the shit! One pill… and you’re never gonna forget tonight. I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds.”
“How much?” Ray asked.
“Tell you what, man. I’ll hook you both up for ten bucks a pop!”
​
Ray started reaching for his wallet, but I stopped him.
“Dude, we don’t even know what this shit is!” I said.
“C’mon, loosen your asshole and live a little, Geoff!” Ray replied, pulling away from me. “Sorry about my friend, man. He just needs a few more drinks.”
“Hey, no worries!”
​
Ray handed over twenty bucks and Glitter Man dropped two pills into his hand, before taking off.
“See you around!” He said, and that was it.
“You in this with me?” Ray asked, offering me one of the pills.
​
I didn’t answer, so he started making a ticking clock noise.
“Times almost up…” He sang, “You gonna get the stick out of your ass and party like a man, or are you gonna pussy out?”
​
I took the pill, sighed and put it in my mouth.
“ATTA FUCKIN’ BOY!” Ray cried and slapped me on the back, before taking his own pill. “Thought for sure you were gonna go all fuckin’ soft on me!” He teased, “Go full Mr. Mackey from South Park. ‘Drugs are bad, M’kay!’” He laughed at his own bad impression of the show.
​
He turned back to the bar, reaching into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes.
“Hey, my buddy and I are gonna have two dry martinis!” He said, “Dirty as you can fuckin’ make them!”
​
He popped one of the cigarettes into his mouth, and that was around the time I noticed that the world around me seemed… off…
​
I blinked slowly, looking around at the people in the bar. I could’ve sworn that I saw flowers blooming on their skin, but it was hard to get a look at them. They only ever seemed to be there when I wasn’t looking directly at them. From the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something moving behind the dance floor. Some tall, wandering shadow although I couldn’t get a good look at it either. I think that it might have looked at me, with eyes on stalks like some kind of slug. But I couldn’t be sure. It disappeared completely when I tried to look at it head on.
​
I looked over at the bartender, a relatively plain looking brunette. She glanced at me briefly as she shook our martinis, and I swore that I could see flowers growing out of her hair, wreathing her head in vibrant colors that were impossible to really describe.
​
I looked over at Ray, and he was staring at her too. I’m not sure what he was seeing, but whatever it was, it had to be beautiful! The man beside me had roses growing out of his eyes and whenever he laughed, I heard a chorus of angels singing. He was holding a giant chameleon that he kept petting, and it was looking at me.
“Think this is DMT?” It asked.
“Who the hell knows?” Said the man. His head was mostly flowers now.
​
Ray absentmindely handed me my martini, and I took a sip. It tasted like heaven. It tasted like a fresh donut, right out of the oven with the glaze still melty and warm. I wanted to cry from just how beautiful it was!
​
A hazy mist swirled around me, lifting me up to new levels of paradise. As Ray and I went to the dance floor to join the party, I felt at one with the universe.
​
A beautiful girl with flawless dark skin danced with me, as we danced I realized that my place in the cosmos was here! Right here!
​
And then I saw it, really, truly saw it. The grand tapestry of all things. It was right there in her eyes. Right there for me to see. An expanse of events, all seemingly unconnected save for the fact that they contributed to some great, glorious final outcome. A perfect future for all mankind, for all that existed beyond mankind. Hundreds of lives, thousands, millions, billions… perhaps even an infinite amount, all moving parts in an enormous machine, working toward the completion of a single function. Pawns in a grand game whose outcome had been determined outside of time. Every little piece would in it’s own way, fall into place exactly when it needed to, at the moment it needed to, each one carefully guided by a grand design, that operated exclusively through others. An outside force, that pushed them to trigger the events that would lead to the favorable outcome, and arguably, the only outcome, but there really was no big picture to be seen. The end result was something far less finite. It was a state of being. A higher state. A type of perfection that went beyond perfection. Oh, the knowledge of it burned so bright in my skull!
​
I hugged the girl that I was dancing with and we kissed. She told me that she was proud of me before promptly dissolving into a cloud of butterflies, and as I watched them fly away I laughed, knowing that they too were part of the fabric of the universe! I admired the crowd dancing around me, basking in their radiance. They seemed to go on forever and I could see every aspect of their lives in each of them. Their hopes, their dreams, their aspirations. I loved each of them, and looked into each of their souls, looking at what the greatest possible version of them might be.
​
From the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow. The same one from before, possibly? I looked at it, watching as it surveyed the crowd. Despite its darkness, I could see its shiny white teeth and beady eyes. The eyes shifted to me for a moment where they lingered, but the shadow didn’t move.
​
Water flowed around me, distracting me from the shadow again. Fish swam past me, daring me to chase them and I obliged. They promised to take me to a mermaid and teach me how to live in the sea with them. Then I promptly threw up all over some poor girl who was just trying to dance, and after I apologized to her, I tried to explain to the fish that I just needed to sit down for a moment, but by then they’d already turned into seagulls and were just casually shitting on the dude they were sitting on.
​
I stumbled over to one of the booths and collapsed into it, trying to catch my breath.
“Would you like some cheese, sir.” Asked the sentient platter of cheese on the table underneath me.
“My name is Brie!” Said the brie.
​
I stared down at the platter, before picking up a cube of cheddar and trying to eat it. For some reason it tasted like a napkin. This was because it was actually a napkin.
​
My skin felt cold, my hands were shaking a little. The music was way too loud and my mouth was dry.
​
I looked up.
​
There were no fantastical creatures around. No fish, no seagulls, no flowers, no talking cheese. Just a normal nightclub.
​
My head was kind of throbbing.
​
I took out my phone to look at it. It’d been about an hour since Ray and I had gotten our martinis. Had time really passed that quickly?
​
Speaking of which, where was Ray?
​
I looked around for him, before finding him still on the dance floor, dancing like a goddamn maniac. He didn’t seem to be coming down the way that I was. Maybe I’d puked some of the drug up when I’d vomited and it had cut my trip short?
​
Speaking of which, what the hell was that? DMT or something? I was pretty sure that I’d just hallucinated everything that had just happened. Those had to be hallucinations, right?
​
I shook my head, before trying to ground myself in the moment. I still felt dizzy and weak. I ended up going to the bar to just get some water before finding another seat where I could rest for a while while Ray partied his little heart out… and after another hour, I started thinking that maybe something was wrong with him.
​
I noticed that he only seemed to take a break once, and when he did, it was only to head to the bar to get another hard drink. While he was there, I noticed him slipping a familiar gunmetal gray cigarette case out of his pocket. He downed some pills from inside and chased them with a generous sip of whatever he’d gotten. Then, swaying like an idiot he put the cigarette case back in his pocket and lumbered back to the party.
​
That idiot.
​
He must’ve bought the whole fucking case off of that weird guy we’d seen earlier! It was one thing to try some weird new drug like a dumbass, but this? This was insane!
​
I considered going up to him to ask him just what the hell he’d been thinking, but given how out of it he probably was, I knew there wouldn’t be much point to it.
​
So I resolved to just watch him, and make sure he got home safely like a responsible friend/co-worker. I didn’t really want a repeat of the Vancouver Incident where I’d had to drag him crying like a baby out of a convenience store at 4 AM because they were out of gummy bears. (He’d promised me that it would never happen again and up until now I’d held him to that.)
​
I guess if nothing else, Ray didn’t seem to be violent or anything while he was high. The bouncers in this place looked pretty tough, and I really didn’t want to have to watch them beat the crap out of him. And it wasn’t until around 2 AM when the party was dying down that I started to notice Ray acting strange. Well… strange compared to the way he’d been acting for most of the night.
​
He’d seemed more unstable on his feet and seemed less interested in dancing now. He kept looking around frantically, and I saw him take out the cigarette case to look for more pills.
​
I figured that this was probably the time to get up and stop him.
“Hey, hey… relax, man,” I said, coming up to him and stopping him from taking more of those pills. “Take it easy, alright?”
​
He looked over at me with wide, bloodshot eyes as I spoke to him.
“Geoff?” He asked in a small voice.
“Yeah, it’s me. Put the pills down. How many of those have you had?”
​
I took the case from him and looked inside, only to feel my stomach sink a little when I realized that it was empty.
​
It suddenly occurred to me that I probably should have been watching him closer, to make sure he didn’t take all of the goddamn mystery pills, and I quietly kicked myself for not thinking about that sooner!
“Well shit… you feeling okay, bud?” I asked.
“Fraid…” He slurred, “Universe is… wrong…”
​
His eyes suddenly widened, filled with a horror that I’m not sure I could properly describe.
“THERE!”
​
He pointed at something over my shoulder and I looked.
Behind me, sat the unknowable terror that lurks in all places where something ceases to exist and only absence remains… absolutely fucking nothing.
​
“Maybe we need to get you to a hospital…” I murmured.
“No hospital! N-no hospital!” He said, “Please… Geoff… j-just get me somewhere safe! Please!”
​
Yeah, I was definitely getting him to a hospital. I’d already made enough dumb decisions for the night. I didn’t really feel up to making one more.
“Alright, let’s get you someplace safe,” I said with a sigh. I took out my phone to call us a cab. “C’mon, Ray.”
​
He grabbed at me like a scared child as I led him out of the club, jumping at every shadow that we saw on the way out.
​
***
​
“So what exactly did he take?” The nurse asked me. She had a sort of deadpan, matter of fact tone and barely even looked at me, while Ray screamed bloody murder in the next room. I gotta say, I wasn’t exactly beaming with pride as I confessed to the nurse that Ray and I had partied in defiance of every 1980s anti-drug PSA we’d grown up with. But it needed to be done.
​
“I think the guy called it Blue Lagoon,” I said. “I don’t know how many he had, but it was a lot.”
“Blue Lagoon?” The nurse asked, “That’s a new one.”
“Yeah I’ve never heard of it either. I took one of the pills too,” I said. “I was seeing shit for about an hour before I came down. Like, mermaids, talking cheese, flowers… that kinda stuff.”
“So it’s a hallucinogen?” She asked.
“Yeah, I’ve never done DMT but I was thinking it might be similar to that? I don’t know.”
“We’ll take some bloodwork shortly, see if we can’t figure out some more,” She said before leaving me.
​
I quietly went back to Ray’s room, and watched as he fought against the restraints that bound him to the bed.
His face was bright red from all the screaming and he was sobbing like a little kid as he struggled.
“IT’S COMING! IT’S COMING FOR ME!”
​
I didn’t bother trying to talk to him. He was still pretty out of it, and he’d been screaming about something coming for him.
“GEOFF!” He sobbed, looking at me. I saw him trying to reach for my hand, “Don’t… don’t leave.. Don’t let him take me, Geoff… please… you gotta let me out of here, YOU GOTTA LET ME RUN!”
“Relax, you’re gonna be okay,” I promised. “I’m gonna stay right here with you.”
The words didn’t seem to do much for him. He just kept fighting and sobbing.
​
At around 4 in the morning, I finally slept. It was in a chair in one of the waiting rooms, since Ray was still screaming too loud for me to sleep in his room, but I slept. I figured that when I woke up, Ray would have sobered up a bit and we could both go home.
​
I was wrong.
​
When I woke up, there was a police officer standing over me, gently shaking my shoulder. My first thought was that the nurse we’d talked to had reported us for taking drugs (which I thought they weren’t supposed to do!) but no.
​
He just wanted to ask me a few questions about Ray.
​
My memories of talking to the police are hazy. I don’t entirely remember how the conversation went, but I knew that they’d asked me about where we’d been that night. They asked me if Ray had gotten into any fights, or if I knew anyone who might want to kill him. It wasn’t until around halfway through the conversation that I figured out that Ray was dead.
​
I never saw the body. It was covered when they wheeled it out of the room.
​
But I saw the blood.
​
Good God… all that fucking blood… more than I thought could fit in a person.
​
From what I heard, none of the nurses saw what happened. At some point, the screaming had just stopped and when they’d come in to check his vitals again, they were greeted by the gory mess that used to be Ray.
​
After the police talked to me, I didn’t hear a lot about the investigation into Ray’s death. To my knowledge, they never identified any suspects. Hell, I don’t even think they’re entirely sure about what killed him. I heard somebody say it could have been some kind of animal attack, but I think that got shot down pretty quickly, since where the fuck would the animal have come from?
​
The police cleared me as a suspect in the case pretty quickly, since I’d been asleep when it had happened and there were plenty of witnesses who could confirm I was in the waiting room, passed out.
​
I imagine that they talked to some people at the nightclub we’d been at too, but I don’t think anything ever came of that. I’d been watching Ray for most of the night. He’d been dancing and having a good time. The only time I hadn’t been keeping an eye on him was when I was hallucinating, and I highly doubt he picked a fight with someone who’d be willing to break into a hospital to murder him during the hour that I was indisposed! There was literally no logical reason he should have died the way he did! There wasn’t a single person I could possibly think of who could have killed him!
​
Person being the operative word here.
​
Before he died, Ray had been screaming about something coming for him. My memories of the hallucinations I had after I took that pill are a little hazy, but I remember the shadowy thing I glimpsed among the crowd a few times.
​
I remember the pitch that the guy who’d sold us the pills had made:
‘I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds!’
​
Call me crazy… but I’m wondering just how true that pitch was. Maybe not everything we saw after taking those pills was a hallucination. Maybe they let us see something… touch something… and they let that something touch us right back.
​
I don’t know for sure. But that’s the closest thing to an answer that I’ve got. Either way, I’ve been sober ever since that night and I think I’m going to stay that way.

I knew that Ray liked to party, but this was a little too much. He was on the dance floor with a spaced out look in his eye, dancing like he’d just stepped out of some 1980s music video. The people around him didn’t seem all that put off, but they were probably almost as high as he was.
​
Almost, being the operative word in that sentence.
​
Look, I get it. I like to party too from time to time. But you gotta be smart about it. You gotta know where your limit is, and I don’t think that Ray knew his limit.
​
***
​
I’d never actually been to this part of town before, but hey, there’s a first time for everything, right? Ray and I had just closed the deal of our careers and figured a little celebration was in order. I’d initially figured we’d just have a few drinks and maybe get laid. But when he broke out the molly, I wasn’t going to say no and the next hour or so after that was fucking killer.
​
Then we’d ran into that dude at the bar.
​
This guy was… well, he looked like he was on drugs, not like he sold them. He had messy hair, a grin that said: ‘I just farted!’ and I’m pretty sure he was covered in glitter. He was wearing a hot pink suit, with a neon blue bowtie, on top of a regular black tie. Yeah. Two ties.
Anyways, he must’ve realized that we were also high off our asses, because as we took a seat at the bar he came right over to us, wearing that ‘I just farted’ grin and chatted us up.
“Hey man! You two having a good time tonight?”
“Fuck yeah we are!” Ray replied, “Fucking love your getup, man!”
“Aww hell yeah, brother!”
​
The Glitter Man went in for a high five and Ray reciprocated.
“You having a party?” He asked.
“Yeah, just closed a fuckin BIG ASS client. Fuck yeah, we’re having a party!”
“Oh man, then I’ve got just the thing for you! Check this shit out.”
​
Glitter Man reached into his suit jacket and took out a gunmetal gray cigarette case. He opened it, showing us a collection of small neon blue pills inside.
“These right here? These are gonna kick your night up a whole other notch,” He promised. “You want in?”
​
Ray stared down at the pills, and I could see his eyes widening like a kid who'd just walked into a candy shop.
“Fuck yeah, I want in!” He said with barely a moment of hesitation, and that is when I stepped in.
“Wait up, the fuck are these?” I asked. “Molly?”
​
“Nah, man. It’s a new thing. Been calling it Blue Lagoon. Trust me, this is the shit! One pill… and you’re never gonna forget tonight. I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds.”
“How much?” Ray asked.
“Tell you what, man. I’ll hook you both up for ten bucks a pop!”
​
Ray started reaching for his wallet, but I stopped him.
“Dude, we don’t even know what this shit is!” I said.
“C’mon, loosen your asshole and live a little, Geoff!” Ray replied, pulling away from me. “Sorry about my friend, man. He just needs a few more drinks.”
“Hey, no worries!”
​
Ray handed over twenty bucks and Glitter Man dropped two pills into his hand, before taking off.
“See you around!” He said, and that was it.
“You in this with me?” Ray asked, offering me one of the pills.
​
I didn’t answer, so he started making a ticking clock noise.
“Times almost up…” He sang, “You gonna get the stick out of your ass and party like a man, or are you gonna pussy out?”
​
I took the pill, sighed and put it in my mouth.
“ATTA FUCKIN’ BOY!” Ray cried and slapped me on the back, before taking his own pill. “Thought for sure you were gonna go all fuckin’ soft on me!” He teased, “Go full Mr. Mackey from South Park. ‘Drugs are bad, M’kay!’” He laughed at his own bad impression of the show.
​
He turned back to the bar, reaching into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes.
“Hey, my buddy and I are gonna have two dry martinis!” He said, “Dirty as you can fuckin’ make them!”
​
He popped one of the cigarettes into his mouth, and that was around the time I noticed that the world around me seemed… off…
​
I blinked slowly, looking around at the people in the bar. I could’ve sworn that I saw flowers blooming on their skin, but it was hard to get a look at them. They only ever seemed to be there when I wasn’t looking directly at them. From the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something moving behind the dance floor. Some tall, wandering shadow although I couldn’t get a good look at it either. I think that it might have looked at me, with eyes on stalks like some kind of slug. But I couldn’t be sure. It disappeared completely when I tried to look at it head on.
​
I looked over at the bartender, a relatively plain looking brunette. She glanced at me briefly as she shook our martinis, and I swore that I could see flowers growing out of her hair, wreathing her head in vibrant colors that were impossible to really describe.
​
I looked over at Ray, and he was staring at her too. I’m not sure what he was seeing, but whatever it was, it had to be beautiful! The man beside me had roses growing out of his eyes and whenever he laughed, I heard a chorus of angels singing. He was holding a giant chameleon that he kept petting, and it was looking at me.
“Think this is DMT?” It asked.
“Who the hell knows?” Said the man. His head was mostly flowers now.
​
Ray absentmindely handed me my martini, and I took a sip. It tasted like heaven. It tasted like a fresh donut, right out of the oven with the glaze still melty and warm. I wanted to cry from just how beautiful it was!
​
A hazy mist swirled around me, lifting me up to new levels of paradise. As Ray and I went to the dance floor to join the party, I felt at one with the universe.
​
A beautiful girl with flawless dark skin danced with me, as we danced I realized that my place in the cosmos was here! Right here!
​
And then I saw it, really, truly saw it. The grand tapestry of all things. It was right there in her eyes. Right there for me to see. An expanse of events, all seemingly unconnected save for the fact that they contributed to some great, glorious final outcome. A perfect future for all mankind, for all that existed beyond mankind. Hundreds of lives, thousands, millions, billions… perhaps even an infinite amount, all moving parts in an enormous machine, working toward the completion of a single function. Pawns in a grand game whose outcome had been determined outside of time. Every little piece would in it’s own way, fall into place exactly when it needed to, at the moment it needed to, each one carefully guided by a grand design, that operated exclusively through others. An outside force, that pushed them to trigger the events that would lead to the favorable outcome, and arguably, the only outcome, but there really was no big picture to be seen. The end result was something far less finite. It was a state of being. A higher state. A type of perfection that went beyond perfection. Oh, the knowledge of it burned so bright in my skull!
​
I hugged the girl that I was dancing with and we kissed. She told me that she was proud of me before promptly dissolving into a cloud of butterflies, and as I watched them fly away I laughed, knowing that they too were part of the fabric of the universe! I admired the crowd dancing around me, basking in their radiance. They seemed to go on forever and I could see every aspect of their lives in each of them. Their hopes, their dreams, their aspirations. I loved each of them, and looked into each of their souls, looking at what the greatest possible version of them might be.
​
From the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow. The same one from before, possibly? I looked at it, watching as it surveyed the crowd. Despite its darkness, I could see its shiny white teeth and beady eyes. The eyes shifted to me for a moment where they lingered, but the shadow didn’t move.
​
Water flowed around me, distracting me from the shadow again. Fish swam past me, daring me to chase them and I obliged. They promised to take me to a mermaid and teach me how to live in the sea with them. Then I promptly threw up all over some poor girl who was just trying to dance, and after I apologized to her, I tried to explain to the fish that I just needed to sit down for a moment, but by then they’d already turned into seagulls and were just casually shitting on the dude they were sitting on.
​
I stumbled over to one of the booths and collapsed into it, trying to catch my breath.
“Would you like some cheese, sir.” Asked the sentient platter of cheese on the table underneath me.
“My name is Brie!” Said the brie.
​
I stared down at the platter, before picking up a cube of cheddar and trying to eat it. For some reason it tasted like a napkin. This was because it was actually a napkin.
​
My skin felt cold, my hands were shaking a little. The music was way too loud and my mouth was dry.
​
I looked up.
​
There were no fantastical creatures around. No fish, no seagulls, no flowers, no talking cheese. Just a normal nightclub.
​
My head was kind of throbbing.
​
I took out my phone to look at it. It’d been about an hour since Ray and I had gotten our martinis. Had time really passed that quickly?
​
Speaking of which, where was Ray?
​
I looked around for him, before finding him still on the dance floor, dancing like a goddamn maniac. He didn’t seem to be coming down the way that I was. Maybe I’d puked some of the drug up when I’d vomited and it had cut my trip short?
​
Speaking of which, what the hell was that? DMT or something? I was pretty sure that I’d just hallucinated everything that had just happened. Those had to be hallucinations, right?
​
I shook my head, before trying to ground myself in the moment. I still felt dizzy and weak. I ended up going to the bar to just get some water before finding another seat where I could rest for a while while Ray partied his little heart out… and after another hour, I started thinking that maybe something was wrong with him.
​
I noticed that he only seemed to take a break once, and when he did, it was only to head to the bar to get another hard drink. While he was there, I noticed him slipping a familiar gunmetal gray cigarette case out of his pocket. He downed some pills from inside and chased them with a generous sip of whatever he’d gotten. Then, swaying like an idiot he put the cigarette case back in his pocket and lumbered back to the party.
​
That idiot.
​
He must’ve bought the whole fucking case off of that weird guy we’d seen earlier! It was one thing to try some weird new drug like a dumbass, but this? This was insane!
​
I considered going up to him to ask him just what the hell he’d been thinking, but given how out of it he probably was, I knew there wouldn’t be much point to it.
​
So I resolved to just watch him, and make sure he got home safely like a responsible friend/co-worker. I didn’t really want a repeat of the Vancouver Incident where I’d had to drag him crying like a baby out of a convenience store at 4 AM because they were out of gummy bears. (He’d promised me that it would never happen again and up until now I’d held him to that.)
​
I guess if nothing else, Ray didn’t seem to be violent or anything while he was high. The bouncers in this place looked pretty tough, and I really didn’t want to have to watch them beat the crap out of him. And it wasn’t until around 2 AM when the party was dying down that I started to notice Ray acting strange. Well… strange compared to the way he’d been acting for most of the night.
​
He’d seemed more unstable on his feet and seemed less interested in dancing now. He kept looking around frantically, and I saw him take out the cigarette case to look for more pills.
​
I figured that this was probably the time to get up and stop him.
“Hey, hey… relax, man,” I said, coming up to him and stopping him from taking more of those pills. “Take it easy, alright?”
​
He looked over at me with wide, bloodshot eyes as I spoke to him.
“Geoff?” He asked in a small voice.
“Yeah, it’s me. Put the pills down. How many of those have you had?”
​
I took the case from him and looked inside, only to feel my stomach sink a little when I realized that it was empty.
​
It suddenly occurred to me that I probably should have been watching him closer, to make sure he didn’t take all of the goddamn mystery pills, and I quietly kicked myself for not thinking about that sooner!
“Well shit… you feeling okay, bud?” I asked.
“Fraid…” He slurred, “Universe is… wrong…”
​
His eyes suddenly widened, filled with a horror that I’m not sure I could properly describe.
“THERE!”
​
He pointed at something over my shoulder and I looked.
Behind me, sat the unknowable terror that lurks in all places where something ceases to exist and only absence remains… absolutely fucking nothing.
​
“Maybe we need to get you to a hospital…” I murmured.
“No hospital! N-no hospital!” He said, “Please… Geoff… j-just get me somewhere safe! Please!”
​
Yeah, I was definitely getting him to a hospital. I’d already made enough dumb decisions for the night. I didn’t really feel up to making one more.
“Alright, let’s get you someplace safe,” I said with a sigh. I took out my phone to call us a cab. “C’mon, Ray.”
​
He grabbed at me like a scared child as I led him out of the club, jumping at every shadow that we saw on the way out.
​
***
​
“So what exactly did he take?” The nurse asked me. She had a sort of deadpan, matter of fact tone and barely even looked at me, while Ray screamed bloody murder in the next room. I gotta say, I wasn’t exactly beaming with pride as I confessed to the nurse that Ray and I had partied in defiance of every 1980s anti-drug PSA we’d grown up with. But it needed to be done.
​
“I think the guy called it Blue Lagoon,” I said. “I don’t know how many he had, but it was a lot.”
“Blue Lagoon?” The nurse asked, “That’s a new one.”
“Yeah I’ve never heard of it either. I took one of the pills too,” I said. “I was seeing shit for about an hour before I came down. Like, mermaids, talking cheese, flowers… that kinda stuff.”
“So it’s a hallucinogen?” She asked.
“Yeah, I’ve never done DMT but I was thinking it might be similar to that? I don’t know.”
“We’ll take some bloodwork shortly, see if we can’t figure out some more,” She said before leaving me.
​
I quietly went back to Ray’s room, and watched as he fought against the restraints that bound him to the bed.
His face was bright red from all the screaming and he was sobbing like a little kid as he struggled.
“IT’S COMING! IT’S COMING FOR ME!”
​
I didn’t bother trying to talk to him. He was still pretty out of it, and he’d been screaming about something coming for him.
“GEOFF!” He sobbed, looking at me. I saw him trying to reach for my hand, “Don’t… don’t leave.. Don’t let him take me, Geoff… please… you gotta let me out of here, YOU GOTTA LET ME RUN!”
“Relax, you’re gonna be okay,” I promised. “I’m gonna stay right here with you.”
The words didn’t seem to do much for him. He just kept fighting and sobbing.
​
At around 4 in the morning, I finally slept. It was in a chair in one of the waiting rooms, since Ray was still screaming too loud for me to sleep in his room, but I slept. I figured that when I woke up, Ray would have sobered up a bit and we could both go home.
​
I was wrong.
​
When I woke up, there was a police officer standing over me, gently shaking my shoulder. My first thought was that the nurse we’d talked to had reported us for taking drugs (which I thought they weren’t supposed to do!) but no.
​
He just wanted to ask me a few questions about Ray.
​
My memories of talking to the police are hazy. I don’t entirely remember how the conversation went, but I knew that they’d asked me about where we’d been that night. They asked me if Ray had gotten into any fights, or if I knew anyone who might want to kill him. It wasn’t until around halfway through the conversation that I figured out that Ray was dead.
​
I never saw the body. It was covered when they wheeled it out of the room.
​
But I saw the blood.
​
Good God… all that fucking blood… more than I thought could fit in a person.
​
From what I heard, none of the nurses saw what happened. At some point, the screaming had just stopped and when they’d come in to check his vitals again, they were greeted by the gory mess that used to be Ray.
​
After the police talked to me, I didn’t hear a lot about the investigation into Ray’s death. To my knowledge, they never identified any suspects. Hell, I don’t even think they’re entirely sure about what killed him. I heard somebody say it could have been some kind of animal attack, but I think that got shot down pretty quickly, since where the fuck would the animal have come from?
​
The police cleared me as a suspect in the case pretty quickly, since I’d been asleep when it had happened and there were plenty of witnesses who could confirm I was in the waiting room, passed out.
​
I imagine that they talked to some people at the nightclub we’d been at too, but I don’t think anything ever came of that. I’d been watching Ray for most of the night. He’d been dancing and having a good time. The only time I hadn’t been keeping an eye on him was when I was hallucinating, and I highly doubt he picked a fight with someone who’d be willing to break into a hospital to murder him during the hour that I was indisposed! There was literally no logical reason he should have died the way he did! There wasn’t a single person I could possibly think of who could have killed him!
​
Person being the operative word here.
​
Before he died, Ray had been screaming about something coming for him. My memories of the hallucinations I had after I took that pill are a little hazy, but I remember the shadowy thing I glimpsed among the crowd a few times.
​
I remember the pitch that the guy who’d sold us the pills had made:
‘I got a buddy who swears this shit lets him see into other worlds!’
​
Call me crazy… but I’m wondering just how true that pitch was. Maybe not everything we saw after taking those pills was a hallucination. Maybe they let us see something… touch something… and they let that something touch us right back.
​
I don’t know for sure. But that’s the closest thing to an answer that I’ve got. Either way, I’ve been sober ever since that night and I think I’m going to stay that way.

I'm (30f) an objectum sexual who has been both fascinated and sexually aroused by electric chairs since I was young. I love electric chairs in general, but I have strong sexual feelings towards two electric chairs in particular - the Sing Sing electric chair and the Riverbend Prison one. When I look at those two electric chairs, I feel so happy and I've researched everything I could about them. The Sing Sing chair has claimed 614 lives in his career while the Riverbend one has claimed 6.
I like to envision myself marrying either (or perhaps even both!) of those beautiful chairs. I'd arrive at the prison(s) in a wedding dress. The Warden would be sure to make the proper arrangements, read me a mock-up 'death warrant' and would hereby pronounce me as Inmate and Electric Chair. To celebrate, I'd be strapped into the electric chair.

I'm (30f) an objectum sexual who has been both fascinated and sexually aroused by electric chairs since I was young. I love electric chairs in general, but I have strong sexual feelings towards two electric chairs in particular - the Sing Sing electric chair and the Riverbend Prison one. When I look at those two electric chairs, I feel so happy and I've researched everything I could about them. The Sing Sing chair has claimed 614 lives in his career while the Riverbend one has claimed 6.
I like to envision myself marrying either (or perhaps even both!) of those beautiful chairs. I'd arrive at the prison(s) in a wedding dress. The Warden would be sure to make the proper arrangements, read me a mock-up 'death warrant' and would hereby pronounce me as Inmate and Electric Chair. To celebrate, I'd be strapped into the electric chair.

Bad things have been happening to me all of my life. I remember my mom saying I was “retarded” while I pretended to sleep. Just because I had trouble speaking as a kid. Now as an adult I realize I was just having social anxiety but my mom hated that.
I used to get bullied as a kid in elementary school and ate by myself. My parents were strict to I didn’t really build friendships outside school unless it was an extracurricular like dancing or sports and I ducked at both.
In middle school was my first contact with self harm. I had watched the movie thirteen and like the girl in the movie, I felt comfort in slitting my wrists. I confided in a friend and my entire class started to call me “psycho” . My mom found out and punched me for ruining her reputation.
The next year while I was in class some boys called me ugly. I was so ashamed I didn’t want my friends to tell the teacher. They did. My parents found out which added to my shame.
Later that year, my mom passed away of cancer. I was 14. While I was shocked, I felt relief. Relief she would no longer insult or hurt me.
Around that time I got a new haircut and suddenly boys started to notice me. I was so shy and awkward that I made up for it by going straight to kissing and touching to avoid conversations. That’s how the rest of my relationships became even as an adult.
I lied to the world about being not being a virgin because I was. I ended up giving “it” to an older man because it was the only way no one my age would find out I was still a virgin. Around that time I was going out with one of my schools teachers. I was just 17. I never had sex with him but it got scary one time that he followed me home and I was by myself.
When I was in college things somewhat improved but I always felt lonely. I never had friends who cared enough and I covered that by always being in relationships. I never had a big family and I never attended family parties. I never learned how to dance or how to be social. My only sister got married and never introduced me to her partner or let me know she was getting married. It was a small intimate wedding but I never felt important enough even though I tell her everything.
I always ended up with men who needed me to take care of them. The college dropout who I did his school work for and who left me for another woman after he graduated.
After that I went on a tinder binge and had sex with about 5-10 people and I can’t recall their names. I met one man who took me out for dinner. I ended up being drugged and r*aped in my sleep.
I let my doorman who was 53 years old perform oral s*x on me. I was 23. I never felt so much regret and disgust for myself in my life.
At that time I met a man who would become my husband 2 years later. Now that I think about it it was too soon for us to marry. He never demonstrated sexual interest in me and always raised his voice at me. On my 25th birthday I asked him if he loved me and he said “love has to be built”. It had been 1 year after we started dating. A few months later he asked me to marry him while he said “I love you” for the first time. I don’t want to make this post about him but he rejected me so much. After he got his green card he left me. Now he’s with a beautiful woman and told her I love you after the first 2 months. I am in the process of divorce and we’ve been separated for nearly 3 years.
When I first got separated from him I tried to fill that void by shopping. I got into debt of 45k in just two years and I’ve let most of the payments default. I am so scared but i can’t afford it. I was also hospitalized twice and incurred medical debt. The only good thing that happened to me during that time was getting into my dream school for my doctoral program with a scholarship. I’ve always liked to learn and I want to build a career where I can help others. After all, sometimes I feel that everything that happens to me has a bigger purpose and that I should serve the world and help it become a better place.
I’ve been seeing someone for 1 year and for the first time I’m with someone who calls me pretty all the time and reassures his love for me. Even though I gained 20 pounds while dating him after starting my doctoral program, he always shows he desires me and has never rejected me. He helped me apply for school and takes care of the dishes when I’m too tired. He’s been my rock but I’ve been hurt by life so much I can’t appreciate that I’m worthy of anyone’s love.
I ended up getting pregnant. Due to financial reasons I decided to go for an abortion. I didn’t want to because I love my partner. He was by my side even though he wanted to keep it. The abortion ended up being incomplete. I spent two days in the hospital thinking I would die. I haven’t healed from that yet and all I do is sleep, eat, and cry. It’s so recent still.
Even though I am no longer with my ex husband I can’t stop comparing myself to his new partner. Physically, she’s everything he ever wanted in terms of what I observed about him while we were married. His friends always rejected me and I see how much love his friends have for her. It reminds me of the rejection my mother dad towards me and the rejection my peers had in school. I will always be the weird and ugly one.
I have isolated myself so much that I don’t have friends. I cry a lot though I’ve never thought of dying. Somehow, being depressed is so familiar to me that it’s all I’ve ever known. Even when I was little I would write about me having no worth in my journals. I’ve kept those journals many years.
However, something strange awoke me a few nights ago. I had a dream where I was in my childhood home and kept knocking on my sister’s door and she wouldn’t open. Suddenly a huge figure that looked like my mom broke into my room asked me what was going on. I went on my knees and started to cry and said that I was so tired of bad things happening to me. It was like my soul was vulnerable in that moment in my sleep. I can’t stop thinking about that dream or what it could’ve meant.
What does this dream mean and how can I use it to transform myself?

Now that I think about it— amateurs are people who don’t get paid for doing something. So I guess we’re all amateur daters…
Anywho. I found someone on this sub before, and though we had a great time, it ultimately didn’t work out but we remain as friends. So I’m back and hoping for another success. Hopefully an even greater one.
There’s a lot of things I can say about who I am or what I like. But I think the best way to do it is paint a picture; of what I’m looking for in life and how I’m building mine.
And that is by sharing what I’d do if I had F-U money. I’d become a traveling author writing a fictional epic as I wander through hotels in different countries. I’d run through my giant backlog of books, anime, restaurants, and games— and also become a massive donor to a bunch of aquariums because I think they’re absolutely beautiful places. And I’d also want to create some sort of social nonprofit that teaches people: both kids and young adults on things that I think society has forgotten or doesn’t know to teach: personal finance, understanding and being comfortable with emotions, finding meaning in life and being kind. Then there's family plans too, but all I'll say is that I'll be sneaking the kids out of school to show them theres more to life too much and become their teachers' least favorite parent.
I’d like us to start slowly, chat throughout the day and get to know each other. If we just stay as friends, that’s perfectly OK. If it does get romantic: I’m pretty free-form; I dont have an age range as long as we have similar values and compatible perspectives. You can be taller or shorter. You can be unemployed or studying or changing careers. My only condition is that health is something you prioritize, and ideally you exercise and care about your diet. And that you're a good person: kind, empathetic, and looking for the same.
As for me: I’m 28. Male. American-born Chinese. Speak Cantonese and Japanese (worked and studied there for a few years). 5’7 and have a lean-fit body type. Open to trading pics or video chatting if it gets there. I live in NYC but am open to out-of-state as long as you either travel here sometimes or do not mind eventually moving. If you’re interested; tell me about yourself— age, location, and what you’d do with FU money!

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My ex and I had a beautiful relationship, though it became very complicated. A lot of it was timing related but also to do with some mental health issues I struggled with. We met just after she broke up with her longterm ex, and we immediately knew we wanted to be in each others' lives, but decided to stay friends before considering anything romantic. After a while everything just fell into place naturally, and the transition to romance was seamless and easy. It felt like a dream - we were compatible in all the right ways, communicated openly, were honesty with each other, and fell heavily in love. We both constantly remarked on how we'd never felt something like this before, that we'd loved other people before, but nothing of this nature - and how lucky we were to have met.
However she was still not ready to jump into a new relationship, especially since she'd been in a relationship for almost all of her 20s and needed to detach/decompress from that, but also because her ex knew some of our mutual friends and she didn't want him thinking she'd been cheating or left him for me. I understood this rationally, but emotionally and internally, I started feeling anxious. My previous ex cheated on me and lied to me, and I was having trouble trusting that things would work out. This anxiety grew and began to have an effect on us because I wasn't dealing with it in healthy ways. Our communication started breaking down a bit, but then she asked me to be her boyfriend, and I thought it would solve things. She later admitted that she didn't feel ready, but was terrified of losing me, and thought diving into a serious relationship would solve the issues too.
In reality it just made things more difficult, because clearly neither of us were in the right place for a relationship. My anxiety spiked because I sensed she was rushing it for my sake, and her anxiety spiked because she felt she was moving too fast. Combined with both of us entering new stressful careers and working 12-14 hour days, our communication got worse. We started having recurring little arguments (less arguments, more just annoying misunderstandings), though we were never malicious or abusive towards each other. We were always kind, caring, and tried our best to communicate despite clearly being out of sync and not hearing each other properly.
By the end, it was easier for us to see in hindsight why things went the way they did. We cleared the air and talked it out, both started doing therapy, but ultimately broke up. She cried uncontrollably and told me she loved me more than anybody on this planet, and that we were still as compatible as we'd always been, but that there was too much stress and pain associated with our relationship, and that she needed to cut ties. She also hadn't had much time to just be single and independent as a young adult which I understand. I needed to cut ties as well so that I could focus on dealing with my traumas/insecurities via therapy and self-work, as well as focus on my career and passions. She said she wants to reconnect someday but that she also prefers to be pragmatic and meet someone new eventually because 2nd chances carry too much potential for even worse heartbreak (she's a very logical, pragmatic person...).
I really miss her. I've been casually dating lots of other women, have gotten into better physical shape than ever, been writing a lot and have made tons of new friends, but I often think about my ex. All of the good things, and the good days, feel a bit less happy than they should. I feel sad knowing that she's gone, and wonder what would have happened had we met at a different time or if I'd done therapy before meeting her. I live with one of her best friends, and I hear she's really enjoying being single and travelling and having flings and thriving at work. I often wonder if she thinks about me at all, or if the idea of a love as passionate as the love we shared is something that just disappears after a while for the person who wanted to cut ties.
Is there any possibility that she ever thinks about me or misses me? How did/do you feel being in her position?

We've been seeing each other for about 2 months. The connection is actually super strong and the sex is amazing. However, we've already been through like 3 different phases.
About her
She's 23, smart, great personality, beautiful, has a career, and travels often for work (weekdays). We match really well on a lot of levels.
She recently broke up with an ex at the end of March.
Phase 1: First 2 weeks (late April)
She was absolutely perfect. Texted back quickly, always caring. FaceTime'd. She initiated chats about how many kids she wants to have, her goals, and just life in general.
We spoke about everything honestly. The sex was absolutely amazing, and she even asked me if we could be "sexually exclusive" and if I "couldn't f anyone else". We agreed.
Unfortunately I was really negative in general, as at the time I was interviewing for new positions (job-related).
We made plans for a Friday she was flying back. I was really excited to see her. Then later that day before she flies back, she tells me she has to cancel. Apparently she had plans with a girlfriend and forgot about them, but she promised to come over at night.
At first I was a bit upset, then I was understanding as she had made those plans prior to us even meeting. I was like sure, sounds good, I'll see you at night. Around 7pm she becomes unresponsive via text.
Again another mistake I made was texting too much and coming across as overbearing.
She says this is too much and blocks me. I feel like shit for a few days, then move on emotionally.
Phase 2: May 2023
So I was feeling really happy, then I get a text out of the blue. She texts me and says we can talk. I was excited and immediately said yes, when and where. Tonight.
I come pick her up, we have an amazing night together. I avoid talking about all of the negative things and what I've said. She spends the night and I drive her back in the morning.
We saw each other a few times, went on dates. She said she really doesn't like what I say and how I judge other people.
She made plans with friends for a beach day on Sunday. Once again instead of being understanding I came across as overbearing. The problem is that I really wanted to see her and that ruins it
As I'm typing this I'm realizing that we have some unresolved issues we have to talk about in person, and never have. So they keep coming up.
Anyways, another block.
Phase 3: Now
She once again texts me a 3-4 days later. Saying we can see each other. I say when, she says maybe tonight but she's working (She has a restaurant gig on weekends sometimes). I say okay.
Anyways, she gets off and I ask if I could at least see ehr in person as that would make me really happy.
Fast-forwarding to the issue today
So! The issue is that she now wants to keep it "casual" and "have fun". She is also "not looking for a boyfriend".
I'm somewhat okay with it but also not. Because that means her going on dates with other guys and so on. It's a really shitty feeling honestly.
This is a total 180 from when we first met. Obviously it's my fault for being so negative and toxic, and a "walking red flag" as she puts it. I probably propelled her into this view and now it's difficult to change it.
What keeps me interested is: the connection is really strong, she's said "I love you" a few times during sex, the sex is amazing, and we align really well on goals. Unfortunately, all the things that make her not-attracted are what I said and not who I am.
Overall, my issues have been:

1. Texting too often sometimes, overbearing
2. Asking when I can see her, and this question itself becomes annoying
3. Unnecessarily negatively of her friends (this is something that's wrong and I'm changing)

Thoughts? Advice? Thank you!!

I used to be a confident and optimistic person. I worked since i was 15. No car? No problem. I ALWAYS found a way. Suddenly, in adulthood i started having extremely bad luck. Found out my boyfriend was married, then he knocked me out in public. Got a new bf and my sister told him I cheated. My sister fought me & pressed charges on ME! The state put a protective order (before dropping it bc she had no case) & it made my then bf hate me. I lived with him because we’d moved to NY together. He became abusive, & turns out I was pregnant but couldn’t leave him because for 9 months I only got 1 under table job interview and nobody hired me since I was straight out of college. My degree was in finance and I was in the saturated finance capital of the world with only an internship under my belt and no connections. Needless to say I never got hired . I couldn’t go to my fam because of the stupid court order. Had to abort 💔 when the case was dropped, I came home. Turns out my boyfriend was cheating. Things got better for a year. Then I had ONE one night stand & got pregnant. At this point, 2018, I’d gotten my own apartment but was still sleeping on the floor bc I couldn’t afford anything else (my ex left me all of our debt 😖). Anyway, I had no communication with my fam, no friends, no money & not even a pillow to my name even tho i had 2 jobs and the guy didn’t want the baby. I had another abortion & just wanted to die. Mid 2018, I FINALLY got on my feet. & found a “better” job. They were sexist and racist to me. The Karen tried to get me fired since my first day. I couldn’t leave the job bc I really needed it. 2020 my knees gave out & I couldn’t walk. I was 30 years old. COVID happened & I got stuck working 14 hrs a day. Then I got laid off. 2021, I could walk again. I got diagnosed with ADHD, my friends stopped talking to me. I was a victim of a hate crime and got a mini concussion. My boyfriend didn’t go see me knowing I had nobody. I was supposed to start a new job the next day and I couldn’t bc I had a black eye and swollen lip & was generally out of it. I was stressed bc unemployment hadn’t paid me for months for no reason. I was burning through my savings. Then i found out that boyfriend was cheating. My stove was leaking gas. My landlord cursed me o and would not only show up at my apartment cursing at me, but tried to throw me out over the stove leaking AND refused to fix it. I stopped getting my period due to stress. That’s when I noticed I wasn’t able to cope anymore. Anyway, I was top 2 at my job & somehow got fired anyway. I tried to run away to Miami and I got rear ended on the freeway the next day. I came back to California. Got 2 new jobs and was fired from each. I’d had another car acciden for the last job before being fired on Nov 30, 2022. The mechanic ruined my car & refused to fix it. Not even the camera worked. I caught COVID. Was alone on Christmas (December 2022), got a text that my stepdad was hospitalized. 2 minutes later, someone attempted to break into my apartment and I had nobody to call for help. I just had to hope he wouldn’t get in before the police came. He didn’t get in. A few days later my rent got raised and I realized I wouldn’t be able afford my bills or anything if I paid January rent. I also was so mentally gone at this point from stress that I couldn’t fathom having a job. I had to move back in with my parents on December 31, 2022. The next day, Jan 1, 2023, a woman at a store physically attacked me for walking into a store when apparently she wanted to be the only one to go through the doors, despite BOTH doors being wide open. I lost my mind and began idealizing death at this point. February I tried to do something nice for myself and get some highlights, the hair dresser fried my hair off. It was literally disintegrating at the slightest touch. When I asked for my money back, she told me off in front of everyone, called security, and in a rage grabbed me by my shoulder . I was so shocked and weak and broken at this point. I just asked her not to touch me and then I had a complete and severe mental breakdown in public. I cried uncontrollably and I couldn’t stop 😞. It’s now Jun 2023. Yesterday, I decided I’ve healed enough to try and step back into the world. I decided to grab dinner with an acquaintance but on my way home a truck swerved right into my car. I need to get a higher paying job but I have no references since I’m always being fired. Today, my phone has stopped charging. I need to buy a new one or fix this one even tho i just bought this refurbished one 2 months ago. Also, my body is aching from the accident, & I think I’m catching a cold or flu just from the stress. I don’t understand how this has happened to me. I’m objectively intelligent. I went to college. I am very pretty and I try to say and do the right thing always, but somehow someway I continue being crushed by life. My mom says that I’m a little negativity magnet and she’s right. There are so many things I didn’t even mention here. Just so much that if I heard someone else tell me, I wouldn’t believe it. Everyone around me is prospering financially, married with kids, being promoted, buying property. Even my evil sister met someone while in a 10 year relationship & mow that her relationship is over, she’s marrying that other guy. Who happens to be a gas station mogul and millionaire. He takes her to Dubai and gets her jewelry. Wedding in Italy etc. Meanwhile I seem to Continuously have nothing. Not a friend. Not a career . Love life is trash. Idk anyone who’s luck is as bad as mine. And so, I’d like to ask if anyone’s ever experienced this sort of luck before and do things ever get better? Does luck ever change? Will I ever be a happy beautiful person again or will I always be jaded and afraid of life from now on?

In a promotional era where we got so, so many different varieties of the dance challenge for Queencard and little bits of Allergy, this recap will go through the 6th mini-album promotional activities, with content that you may have missed. Past promotional recaps can be found in the Recap Archive. Any news and updates related to this promotion for this current week will also be updated to this recap. All dates and times are in KST, unless stated.
The most recent Neverland Hangout is available here, and the Announcement Megathread for the upcoming 2023 concert tour is here.

Music Videos

Allergy Total views @ 10am: 27m; 💬
퀸카 (Queencard) Total views @ 10am: 104m; 💬 / Performance Ver

Teasers & extras

Pre-release

💬 Image Teaser
Announcement : [I feel] New Episodes (Track List); 💬
💬 Concept Poster (Queen Concept)
💬 Casting Board (Cat Concept)
Character Introduction : [I feel]; 💬
💬 Character Map (Cat Concept)
Spoiler Alert : [I feel] #YUQI ("All Night" Track Preview); 💬
Spoiler Alert : [I feel] #SHUHUA ("어린 어른 (Adult)" Track Preview); 💬
💬 'Just be a #Queen' 👑 (Queen Concept)
Spoiler Alert : [I feel] #MINNIE ("Lucid" Track Preview); 💬
Spoiler Alert : [I feel] #MIYEON ("Paradise" Track Preview); 💬
💬 'Fly like a #Butterfly' 🦋 (Butterfly Concept)
Spoiler Alert : [I feel] #SOYEON ("Allergy" Track Preview); 💬
💬 'Crawl like a #Cat' 🐱 (Cat Concept)
💬 'Allergy' MV Pre-Release Poster
💬 'Allergy' MV Teaser Photos
Comeback Interview : [I feel]; 💬
💬 '퀸카 (Queencard)' Image Teaser

Post-release

"I feel" mini-album on Spotify / Apple Music / Youtube Music
💬 Mini-album B-side Discussion
💬 Melon Magazine: 'I feel' Album Jacket Shoot
💬 CUBE Naver Post: 'I feel' Album Jacket Shoot ' BTS
💬 Moving Poster
💬 CUBE Naver Post: 'Allergy' & 'Queencard' MV Shoot BTS

Cube exclusive content

Date	Title	Extra info
230515	퀸카 (Queencard) Special Performance Video	💬
230516	퀸카 (Queencard) Fanchant Guide	💬
230517	(G)I-DLE Original Series [I feel] Production Presentation	Mini-album Press conference
230520	(G)I-DLE 6th Mini Album [I feel] UNBOXING	💬
230521	퀸카 (Queencard) Choreography Practice	💬
230522	#HASHTALK EP.23	Yuqi's plane room tour 🙌; 💬
230523	I-TALK #124	'I feel' Album Jacket Shoot BTS; 💬
230524	#HASHTALK EP.24	You wanna be the 퀸카 (Feat. Soyeon's Queencard Box Making 👑🎀);💬
230526	'퀸카 (Queencard)' Recording Behind the scenes	💬
230529	'Allergy' (Live Clip)	💬
230530	6th Mini Album [I feel] Audio Snippet Shoot Behind the scenes	💬
230603	I-TALK #125	'Queencard' MV Shoot BTS Part 1; 💬
230604	'Allergy' Special Performance Video; 💬
230605	M/V Bloopers : [I feel]; 💬

Music show performances

Date	Show	Song	Extra info
230518	M Countdown	Allergy + Queencard	Comeback stage
230519	Music Bank	Queencard	Comeback stage
230520	Music Core	Queencard	Comeback stage
230521	Inkigayo	Queencard	Comeback stage
〃	The Seasons: Choi Jung Hoon’s Night Park	TOMBOY (Live Band ver) + Queencard	Miyeon, Minnie, Yuqi cover of Jannabi's 주저하는 연인들을 위해 (for lovers who hesitate)
230523	The Show	Queencard	Comeback stage; #Queencard1stWin🏆
230524	Show Champion	Queencard	Comeback stage; #Queencard2ndWin🏆
230525	M Countdown	Queencard	#Queencard3rdWin🏆
230526	Music Bank	Queencard	#Queencard4thWin🏆
230527	Music Core	Queencard	#Queencard5thWin🏆
230528	Inkigayo	Queencard	#Queencard6thWin🏆
230601	M Countdown	Queencard	-
230602	Music Bank	Queencard	-
230603	Music Core	Queencard	#Queencard7thWin🏆
230604	Inkigayo	Queencard	#Queencard8thWin🏆

Variety / Specials

Date	Show	Extra info
230515	Melon Station Spotlight Interview	Commemorating the release of 'I feel'
〃	MisTaery	Ongoing Google Play Korea series feat Miyeon
230516	Dingo Music Killing Voice
〃	BTOB's Kiss The Radio	Live studio performance of Queencard / Queencard Challenge practice & attempt
230517	Lee Eunji's Gayo Plaza	Miyeon, Minnie & Soyeon. Queencard Challenge practice & attempt
230518	MMTG - Civilization Express	Ep.291
〃	MISUN:IMPOSSIBLE	Yuqi
〃	Yongjinho Health Center	Ep.10
〃	1theKILLPO Performance
230519	SHUHUA of (G)I-DLE Answers 21 Questions	Ongoing Mindset collab
〃	M2 Relay Dance
〃	Bam House	Ep.14 feat Minnie
230520	Music Core mini-fanmeeting
〃	LeoJ Makeup	Soyeon
230521	The Seasons: Choi Jung Hoon’s Night Park	Choi Jung Hoon’s Queencard twerking practice & attempt / Choi Jung Hoon & Miyeon's MC skit
230522	Park Myung Soo's Radio Show	Miyeon, Minnie & Yuqi. Performance of Queencard
〃	Begin Again Open Mic	Performance of Die For You (duet with Onestar) & Paradise (Minnie solo ver)
230523	LeeMujin Service	Ep.64 feat Miyeon
230524	Thumbnail Scramble
〃	Dongguk University Spring Festival	Full set fancam
230525	MMTG - Civilization Express	Ep.292
〃	Eunchae's Star Diary	Ep.9 feat Shuhua
〃	Workdol	New weekly web variety series feat Shuhua
230526	Cosmopolitan Korea Zoomterview	Monthly featured special feat Soyeon
〃	Korea University IPSELENTI Festival	Full set fancam. Stage cams: TOMBOY / Queencard
〃	Kyung Hee University Spring Festival	Full set fancam. Stage cams: LATATA / TOMBOY
〃	Hanyang University RACHIOS Festival	Full set fancam. Stage cams: LATATA / MY BAG / Allergy
230527	The Kstar Next Door	Season 3, Ep.6 feat Miyeon, Minnie & Yuqi
〃	Amazing Saturday	Ep.265 feat Miyeon, Minnie & Yuqi. Highlights / Queencard fancam
230529	Begin Again Open Mic	Performance of beside you
〃	MisTaery	Ongoing Google Play Korea series feat Miyeon
230530	1theK BE-RIC VIDEO	1theKILLPO BEHIND the scenes
230531	Cultwo Show	Miyeon, Soyeon & Yuqi Queencard dance performance
〃	Kookmin University Festival	Full set fancam. Stage cams: TOMBOY / Allergy / Queencard
230601	Workdol	New weekly web variety series feat Shuhua
230602	Singles Korea INSTA TOUR	Monthly featured special feat Yuqi
〃	M2 DOPE CLUB	Minnie & Shuhua Queencard (DOPE CAM ver)
230603	Knowing Bros	Miyeon. Highlights
230604	Ask Anything Chat	Collab feature with iHeartRadio's Most Requested Live

News / Interviews / Highlights

Date	Title
230514	📈 Pre-orders for the 6th mini-album, I feel, have broken its own record, exceeding 1.1 million copies
230516	📰 'I feel' ranked 1st across 18 regions globally on the iTunes Top Album category†
230520	📈 (G)I-DLE records over 1 million copies sold from 'I feel' on Hanteo
230521	🎉 'Queencard' M/V hits 50,000,000 views!‡
230522	📰 (G)I-DLE breaks its own opening week album sales record with 'I feel', achieving a career high & ranking 4th overall in girl group history
〃	🎉 'Queencard' M/V hits 60,000,000 views!‡
230523	🎉 'Queencard' M/V hits 70,000,000 views!
〃	📰 ELLE Korea: Princess's arrival, Jill Stuart Beauty and Miyeon's meeting
230524	📰 Weverse Magazine: SOYEON, (G)I-DLE’s leader - Five songs where the idol’s skills as a producer shine
〃	📰 Weverse Magazine: (G)I-DLE’s Playlist - (G)I-DLE Sing about Self-esteem and Love
〃	📰 Singles Magazine: The freedom of Yuqi
230526	📰 Cosmopolitan Korea: Jeon Soyeon's passionate love story with herself
230527	📰 (G)I-DLE, sells out all seats for the world tour in Seoul within 5 minutes
〃	🎉 'Queencard' M/V hits 80,000,000 views!‡
230530	📈 'Queencard' achieves a Realtime All-Kill
〃	🎉 'Queencard' M/V hits 90,000,000 views!‡
230531	📈 'I feel' debuts on the Billboard 200 at #41
〃	📰 I-DLE ‘Queencard’ insane music power…3 consecutive chart all-kill
230601	📰 Billboard: (G)I-DLE Hits No. 1 on Emerging Artists Chart for First Time
230603	🎉 'Queencard' M/V hits 100,000,000 views!

† - At time of announcement
‡ - Delayed announcement

Hello Charlotteans!
My girlfriend is doing her clinical internship in Charlotte this summer and I'll be driving from the Triangle area to spend the weekend of 6/16 - 6/18 to celebrate her birthday. I'd really love some suggestions on a few things to do. She was excited to go to the Van Gogh exhibit but I just looked it up and realized it's already moved on. She loves sushi (she went to Rockin' Rolls a couple of nights ago) and we both loveeee food in general. I worked in high-end restaurants for years for my first career, but we both love institutions and hole-in-the-wall places that serve great food. Also not adverse to one fancy meal out if the food is truly special. We both will have our dogs and love being outdoors in beautiful spaces while relaxing. We also like to hit ghost tours sometimes when we travel and are truly open to anything that makes your Queen City special. Many thanks in advance for any guidance you could offer and happy to return the favor when you visit Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill!

I came here because I trust both Reddit and the listeners of this podcast to deliver the truth, no matter how hard it might be to hear.
I (34F) feel like I’m going crazy.
I’m a graduate student working on my thesis, a single mother of 3, a therapist, and a survivor of domestic violence. Needless to say, I’ve overcome a lot and have been the image of strength and resilience in my family for years. I’m not perfect by any means. I struggle with stress, occasional burnout, the odd relationship here and there, and of course the drama that my children’s father brings to the table. But up until this year I’ve felt confident, strong, and steadfast in my decisions and mental health.
I’m not sure what is happening to me.
I feel like within the past 4 months my mental health has taken a nose dive. Especially when it comes to being contacted by others. Do you know that feeling you get when your parents said “we need to talk” when you were younger? Multiply that by 100 and apply it to everything. Every email. Every text. Every meeting. Even the occasional phone number from an unknown number. It’s enough to have me wanting to vomit from fear every time. This makes it really hard for me to proactively reach out to anyone at all. Which makes things like setting up my research especially difficult. Eventually a list of important tasks start to pile up and the list starts to feel insurmountable.
To make matters worse, the anxiety gets so bad that my memory seems to be affected. I forget or overlook things that at times makes me look ridiculous compared to my professional peers. I’ll forget things I’ve done, said, or participated in to the point that I sound repetitive or even stupid. I have gotten to the point that I try to write down or record as much as I can and when it happened so I have something to refer back to.
I’ve spent years devoting my time and energy to my beautiful children and my wonderful career. I love my life. I’m finally clawing my way out of extreme poverty. My children sleep safely every night. But I’m afraid that somehow my brain will continue to slowly leak out of my head to the point that I lose everything, which only makes me more anxious and becomes a vicious circle.
Within the last month I’ve established a relationship with a local therapist to try to figure this out. This process seems to crawl.
Has this happened to anyone else? Am I doomed? How have others overcome this issue? Why now?
Any advice appreciated.

I’m a 24-year-old guy. Ever since I was a young boy, mainly what I’ve wanted out of life is to have a deep, meaningful, and passionate romantic relationship. Since aging a bit, I’ve realized that it’s not going to happen like it does in the movies and it will take some effort and trials but am still feeling a bit discouraged. Not to boast, but I am an attractive guy (I have received confirmation from many sources) and am in good shape.
For a long time, I was painfully shy, awkward, and timid, and was convinced girls didn’t like me. In high school, girls started to take interest but I was still shy and awkward and was always afraid that they wouldn’t like who I really was or wouldn’t be as passionate about it as I would be. Once I started to gain confidence from football and leadership roles, I still had not gained much confidence in the department of dating. There were always girls I had intense crushes on but didn’t pursue out of fear of jeopardizing a friendship or some other fear. Even some, I knew liked me as well. It seems like I’ve always taken it too seriously and just don’t know how to navigate dating.
In college, I had one serious relationship. I met the girl from living in the same dorm and having some of the the same friend groups. We were friends before dating and had a lot of fun together but never kissed and were never intimate in the month and a half we were together. We were both devoutly Christian at the time, so that contributed to that. We broke up because we were starting to barely see each other and a lot of it felt forced towards the end. Since then, I’ve gone on dates, I’ve been aware of women who were interested, have pursued some of them, and none of it has resulted in anything romantic. I’d be lying if I were to say that I’ve put forth a great effort towards dating, but it’s just been so discouraging and it rarely ever feels right. It almost feels like an interview or a screening process that you’re supposed to act like is just “going out and having fun together.”
Now, at 24 years old, I’ve been in one serious relationship and have never kissed a girl or had sex. I’m currently in grad school for a decently paying career that j find is important and meaningful. Sex isn’t my interest; I want to connect with someone, experience beauty, and create beauty and serve others through our union. I just mention this because it seems odd for my situation. Lady friends and older women I’ve been around have told me since high school that I’m a catch and will make someone very happy one day. I just wanna make some positive progress towards that. The idea of dating apps doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest due to how superficial they are. This being said, I’m now insecure about being a kiss-less virgin who’s attractive. It makes me think that she’d red flag that and pull away, thinking there’s something wrong with me. Dating makes me anxious still and it’s hard for me to know what to do. It’s not that I don’t meet women, it just hasn’t worked out like I want it to.
I’m a sensitive soul, and I’m afraid to show all of that to a woman. In the past, I’ve felt as though women/girls I’ve talked to have lost interest quicker than I did because I opened up too much too soon. It’s a game that I’ve repeatedly failed at and have had little fun playing. On paper, I would seem like the kind of guy who would have a pretty active dating life. It just hasn’t happened that way. Maybe I am taking it too seriously, maybe I haven’t tried hard enough, and maybe there’s something wrong with how I’m communicating or presenting myself to women. If anyone is kind enough to offer me some advice, I’d really appreciate it. This isn’t for pity, as I’m very fortunate to live the life I live. It’s just that my intentions are to meet someone who I love with all of me and am motivated to provide for, encourage, and grow with for life. These seem like the right intentions for love and marriage.