Malaria symptom crossword clue
I'm cutting off all contact with my dad when i move out because he ruined my life
2023.06.08 18:56 VVOXXS I'm cutting off all contact with my dad when i move out because he ruined my life
(I am British so some words I use may be spelt different than in other countries) I (male 15) will be finishing secondary school (or high school) next year and will have to move out the second I do so.
I don't have any plans for my future, no clue what job I want or where I'm going to live other than my older siblings house (female 29) but that might not work out considering she Isn't doing amazing moneywise. My life has been pretty crappy, to sum it all up, my mum and dad split before I was born, five years after that she died of cancer and I had to go live with my dad and his abusive wife.
she's treated me like shit ever since she met me, I've developed depression and anxiety because of her, she's hit me, emotionally abused me and overall treated me like I didn't deserve to live, ( my school knows about this, but they will either ignore me, send me away or tell me others have it worse). My dad used to stick up for me but he stopped when I was around 11 years old, he doesn't care for me and he never will after every lie that bitch has told to make our fights my fault, I came out as trans four years ago completely on my own, not to be trendy or different, but because I know that I am a man, this coming out made the abuse worse, my dad refuses to get me the care I need for my transition, refuses to get my name changed at school and it is affecting my grades, I've hit rock bottom is almost every subject, I don't care to listen to people who cannot respect me and use my preferred name and pronouns, as cringe as that sounds.
I think another reason why I might be so affected by being mis-gendered and dead-named is because I am autistic, no I do not have an official diagnosis, mainly because my dads wife would constantly talk over me in my assessment so I didn't have any of my actual symptoms talked about in the appointments, my autism also explains why I am constantly drawing (aswell as other symptoms but those aren't relevant right now), which slightly affects my work but hardly since I'm able to juggle them pretty well if I want to, but like I said, if I'm not being respected I will not work. I have mock exams in a couple weeks, art, history, wood tech, and health and social, as well as the basics like maths, English and science.
I'm going to do horrible and I know it, I know this is only a mock but I need to think about my actual GCSE's, if I mess those up I'll never get out of here, never get a good job, never afford my surgeries and a place to live. when I'm older I want to move far away, another country even just so that I don't have to live with the reminders of everything that has happened in this city. when I do move out I'm losing all contact with my dad and his bitch wife, if they're lucky maybe I wont slash their tires before I walk away.
I have a sister, even though she doesn't feel like one, she's around 11 years old but I cant be sure her mum (dads wife) doesn't let me near her, she says I'll hurt her and has even installed locks on her door so I 'cant get in', that little girl is growing up in the worst household in the world, both her parents are racist, homophobic, transphobic, ablest, sexist, abusive (to people and animals) people I have ever met. I hope when I do move out she grows up to be a good person and not like her crazy mother or my bastard father. I'm gonna be changing my whole identity the second I turn 18 and can legally change my name, first name, middle name, last name. I will be completely unreachable from my dad. thank you for reading this, I needed to get this off my chest.
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2023.06.08 18:52 maniacal_monk One year since I noticed my first symptom
Well here we are one year in. I never would have thought I’d still be suffering a year later, I had no clue how bad it would get. If I could, I’d kick my olds self ass for being such a baby letting days go by worrying because I had a little static. Now I’m functionally blind for 5 minutes when I wake up, afterimages last at least a minute, trailing/Nyctalopia makes it almost impossible to drive at night. All still progressing with no sign of an end. I had it fucking made last June and had no clue. Don’t look at what I’m saying as a “your life is going to get so much worse.” If you are experiencing progressive symptoms. Instead I’m begging you to cherish what you have now because it could get much worse and I don’t want you to look at yourself down the line feeling like you missed out on life.
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2023.06.08 18:37 dhudsonco Pihole Rate Limiting (After Increasing Limit)
I've been noticing slow performance on my Pihole, and checked the device. I saw that my gateway was triggering the rate limiting. After some research, I decided to increase the limit by doubling it.
Within a minute or two of rebooting, the pihole had already reached the new rate limit for the gateway again.
This makes no sense. I have DHCP, and every device on the network uses the pihole directly as their DNS. ....except for the gateway (a clue, I'm sure).
I've never had this issue previously, but had to reinstall pihole a few weeks ago. I'm wondering if some setting I changed should not have been changed.
So, increasing the rate limit seems to be a band-aid for the symptom, NOT a solution.
Does anyone have suggestions on a solution?
Pihole Hardware: Rpi 4, 2GB
OS: DietPi v8.18.2
Gateway: Ubiquiti Unifi Dream Machine (UDM)
OS: UDM v3.0.20
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2023.06.08 17:34 bibikhn Mefloquine experiences
Can anyone tell me about the mefloquine experiences? I have been prescribed it because I am pregnant. I’ll be in Kigali for only one week and mostly indoors. Then I’ll be in South Africa for 10 days after for vacation (no malaria issue). I am reading about some terrifying, long term symptoms of anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts. This seems to be the case for veterans and peace corps volunteers. I’m wondering if this similarly happens for people only taking it a short while (7 weeks - 2 weeks before the trip, one week during, and 4 weeks after).
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2023.06.08 17:33 Clear-Ad-7170 Anyone else?
Hello! Thank you for taking the time to read. This is my first time posting here, so I do hope I’m doing this right. Over the past few months, I’ve had two incidents happen to me that have left me utterly exhausted and confused. I try not to think about them, but it’s been eating away at me. I’m not sure what happened. I am a DID system and was previously recognized for it, although at the moment I’m not receiving any treatment.
CW: Trauma, SA(?) mention The first event happened at night. I was laying in my bed, high—which tends to make our switches easier—and talking to my partner at the time. Suddenly, I start to remember something, and an alter is pushed to the front. She claimed that she was a younger version of me named Katie; she said she was six and liked Sonic, which was very true at the time. She seemed to be happy, but she then told my partner that something happened to her at both the ages of four and six and that I would forget about it. I believe she was implying sexual assault, but I have no recollection of it happening. None at all. I share strangely similar symptoms with those who have been sexually assaulted at a young age, but there is no concrete evidence. I’m sixteen and can barely remember my childhood. I know the trauma I’ve experienced—not all of it, but most of it. After that happened, I tried to disconnect myself and pay it no mind. I don’t know where this alter is now, and more importantly, I’m unsure of what happened or why it happened; no one is giving me answers. A similar situation happened again last night. I was watching a movie with my grandmother, slightly high but perfectly coherent. We were watching Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. It was a great movie! Very funny. I was enjoying myself until the scene where they nearly crash into the two trucks came on. I remember thinking how familiar the scene felt, and suddenly I was gone. Another child was out, and it felt like a huge tangle of people. She went to the bathroom and sobbed and sucked her thumb; barely able to speak, she mouthed for someone to "help her." She scratched herself. While she was out, images of the event that supposedly made her so upset flashed through my head; it was almost like a stop-motion movie. It was surreal to be able to visualize myself as a child so clearly. As this was happening, I could hear everyone. It was hectic. Everyone was scrambling to try and stop it from happening, and eventually it worked, and she was gone. I’m at a loss here. I have not the slightest clue why this could happen. I suppose what I wanted to ask was if it was normal and if anyone else had experienced something similar. I apologize if this was inappropriate to share. I’ve never consulted the Internet about personal issues before, but this subreddit seemed very welcoming, so I decided to try it. I’m a bit nervous.
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2023.06.08 12:14 Goodbichon POTD: My very first crossword!
Hi -- here is link to it on crosshare: https://crosshare.org/crosswords/uG8pDoJzgCAdahHDZust/my-first-crossword
I am very much a beginner (still on the Times quick ones), but from the start felt drawn to making clues up, so gave a whole puzzle a go.* My arsenal of tricks is quite limited so maybe it is very easy. And possible I've made a faux pas here or there. Would really really love your feedback and advice on how I could improve certain clues, and also overall feel of the puzzle. Maybe feels a bit samey? Or perhaps I've just been staring at it too long! I think maybe in future would like to try more &lit. clues to spice things up a bit -- but I do find those very hard to solve, let alone set...
*(Note: I actually borrowed a completed grid from a non-cryptic which i found on Google images, and just made up cryptic clues for it — so... maybe not counting as a fully
self-set crossword... but excited to make my own now I know about crosshare).
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2023.06.08 08:57 optical_illusionss Outlying community NYT Crossword Clue
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2023.06.08 08:39 SnooMacaroons9281 What a shitshow. I don't know how else to title it.
I went to my parents' house after work this afternoon, on what should have been a 30 minute errand. It morphed into several hours. I really just can't right now.
Dad is in his early 80's. He has undiagnosed ASD, most likely level 2. His restricted interests include tools, heavy equipment, farm equipment, local history, and anything salacious.
Mom is in her early 70's. She has a form of dementia that is not Alzheimer's. I legit do not know if Mom is also neurodiverse or whether the behaviors I observed for the entirety of my life and now recognize as symptoms came as the result of multiple traumatic brain injuries (TBIs). It's possible that both things are true: Mom was neurodiverse and sustained multiple TBIs.
So, no wonder the stuff. All the stuff. People think that just because they've caught an episode of one of the reality TV shows about hoarders, they understand hoarding. They don't have a fucking clue.
I'm trying to be kind, but I'm tired of it already and we're not even started yet. An incident happened on Monday and I received a call from the neighbor (who's had my number for nearly 5 years and this is the first time she's used it). This afternoon, I had the "thank you for letting me know, and if anything like that happens again I am OK with it if you call APS" conversation with them. I know they're concerned, and I didn't want them thinking that I'm blind to what's going on. I told them about the petition I'd filed before COVID to be appointed guardian and conservator of both my parents and that it went nowhere due to their attorney refusing to cooperate with the proceedings and no in person hearings due to COVID, but that the GAL had concerns then about both Mom and Dad.
It is very clear to me that Dad has no business making any kind of decision about finances or medical for himself or my mom, but I'm not power of attorney. My sister is, and she relishes the control it gives her. Last month, Dad listed our family home with a realtor. The living areas of the house aren't hoarded, but the storage area (full basement) and all the outbuildings are crammed, with accumulations of scrap metal, building materials, vintage farm equipment, and so forth on maybe 10 acres now. He listed the house without first doing any cleanup what so ever. He has no goddamned clue that his "treasures" will affect the offers he receives. Instead of cluing in to the notion that maybe it's time to make a plan (which he won't, because that's how he rolls), he's off in La La Fantasy Land about how he hopes a particular piece of equipment he owns is donated to a museum and put in a glass case, like this other similar piece of equipment he knows about. I shit you not.
However low a benchmark "no goddamn clue" is, he has even less clue than that about how much crap his guest/caretaker has hauled onto the property and packed into the outbuildings.
He was supposed to line up a dumpster for next week. He didn't. I'm calling tomorrow to get a quote for a 20 yd and a 30 yd rolloff, and details such as how long it can stay and how much lead-time they need to arrange a rental.
Dad's hyperfocused on shredding Mom's papers, which are personal documents Mom brought home from work upon her retirement. It's clear that his expectation of me spending a week there to "help clean out and get ready to move" is that I will shred these documents. No, Dad, I won't be shredding. My time is more valuable than that. I need to see exactly what the situation is before I decide whether Mom will do the shredding while I do other things or they'll pay $6/box to have it taken care of by the recycling company.
This weekend I'm taking Mom, who has a dementia that is not Alzheimer's, to spend the night at our family home so she can go through her china cabinet and (hopefully) tell me which pieces came from whom. We'll dig up some flowers to transplant to the house they live in now. I'll also get whatever triage information she can provide regarding trash/donate/keep.
When Mom and I come back, Dad wanted me to bring "the pictures" back with us. Silly me, I thought he meant our family albums. Nope. Further conversation revealed he wasn't even thinking of our family photos. Not even. He was referring to some vintage "local history" photographs he purchased sometime within the past 30 years and put in this one place, but then Mom moved them and the last time he saw them they were in this other place...
The thing is, the stuff Dad has amassed is actually worth a substantial amount of money (the real estate alone is low seven figures). If it weren't for that, just take a fucking match to it.
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2023.06.08 08:30 varian109760 AITA for making my bf quit smoking?
Before my bf and I started dating, I was already aware he was into drugs and I didn’t care. In fact, our first date we smoked together. A couple times after we shared his b*ng.
He said he really liked getting high with me, but I never felt “high”, or if I did, I just felt sluggish and I cried for about an hour one time. So it wasn’t that great for me.
Fast forward a few months, we were talking and weed was brought up. He mentioned that he smoked every single day, at least 2-3 times. Up to that point, I had no clue he was high all the time. I knew he smoked, but not to that extent.
It made me wonder if I really knew him if he’s been high since I first met him. I wondered if he had true feelings for me.
And yes, I’m dumb for not realizing he was constantly high, but he is the only person I’ve really met that smokes.
Anyway, I was starting to feel bad about weed. And then it got much worse. I went to a coworker’s house and had an horrible experience. I cant remember it except parts and terrible feelings. My therapist claimed I had “symptoms of ptsd”, although no official diagnosis since I’ve switched therapists.
This event happened in January, and since then it has negatively impacted my life. Before, I wanted to prove my parents’ wrong about drugs and hoping weed would help me. Now I can’t think about it without crying, shaking, or feeling nauseous. Before I watch anything, I have to make sure there are no smoking scenes or I freak out.
I know this sounds like an exaggeration; I wish it was. I don’t like living like this. He’s confused why I suddenly changed my opinion on weed, and he thinks I’m trying to prevent him from enjoying himself. But I can’t really be around it at all, it’s not just him.
At first I was thinking, “I can just learn to deal with it over time”, but somehow it kept getting worse. We have arguments every month. My therapists have told me I need to cope with it or break up for both of our sakes, but neither of us want to leave each other. Both of them advised me not to ask him to quit, because it was his choice and his way of handling anxiety.
But it was starting to get to me. He agreed to quit smoking so often and went on a break, but then he started smoking again without telling me. He’s not obligated to tell me, of course, but I caught on to it anyway and I doubted my trust in him, especially since he knew how much it bothered me. After a big argument last month, he agreed to go on a break until I figured something out in therapy.
Recently he’s been asking if it’s okay for him to smoke. He’s asked if we could smoke together sometime, and I’m disappointed I can’t give him that. He would prefer a partner to smoke with, or someone who isn’t bothered by it. I’ve tried my therapist’s advice, meds, and even tried smoking again.
I’m hoping I can be used to it again and maybe smoke with him. In the meantime, AITA for wanting him to quit? And if so, should we break up?
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2023.06.08 07:08 aussierecroommemer42 Would you take a drug that "cures" autism?
I was recently reading this article
about how autistic brains do significantly less synaptic pruning than non-autistic brains. Basically, synaptic pruning is the brain's way of cleaning itself up, and getting rid of neural pathways that aren't being used to improve its efficiency. Synapses are known to be affected by many genes linked to autism, and some researchers have hypothesized that people with autism may have more synapses.
So, for this experiment, the researchers compared the brains of (dead) autistic children across ages 2-9 and 13-20, as well as those of (dead) non-autistic children. Looking at the brains, they found that by late childhood, synaptic density had decreased by about 50% in the control brains, but only by about 16% in the autistic brains. This means that autistic brains have about 68% more synapses than non-autistic brains of the same age, thus proving the hypothesis that autistic brains do less synaptic pruning.
From the article:
Clues to what caused the pruning defect were also found in the patients’ brains; the autistic children’s brain cells were filled with old and damaged parts and were very deficient in a degradation pathway known as “autophagy.” Cells use autophagy (a term from the Greek for self-eating) to degrade their own components. Autophagy is how synaptic pruning happens at a biological level.
Using mouse models of autism, the researchers traced the pruning defect to a protein called mTOR. When mTOR is overactive, they found, brain cells lose much of their “self-eating” ability. And without this ability, the brains of the mice were pruned poorly and contained excess synapses. “While people usually think of learning as requiring formation of new synapses, “Dr. Sulzer says, “the removal of inappropriate synapses may be just as important.”
The researchers could restore normal autophagy and synaptic pruning—and reverse autistic-like behaviors in the mice—by administering rapamycin, a drug that inhibits mTOR. The drug was effective even when administered to the mice after they developed the behaviors, suggesting that such an approach may be used to treat patients even after the disorder has been diagnosed.
Because large amounts of overactive mTOR were also found in almost all of the brains of the autism patients, the same processes may occur in children with autism.
The last paragraph talks about how by administering a drug to the autistic mice (which I'd personally love to see), they were able to "reverse autistic-like behaviours in mice [...] even when administered to the mice after they developed the behaviours, suggesting that such an approach may be used to treat patients after the disorder has been diagnosed".
How would you, as an autistic person, feel about this drug being used on humans? If it could reverse all of the symptoms of autism, how would you feel about taking it? How would you feel about it being promoted? Personally I'd feel very... awkward if my doctor suggested that I take it for my autism. But what about you?
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2023.06.08 05:12 heretoheal678 UGHHHHH (tw drug use)
we just got home from couples therapy and i am ripping my hair out (only metaphorically, for the moment. actually did that a couple days ago and cried hard enough to pop a blood vessel in my eyeball!)
i have been waiting for today for TWO WEEKS. two weeks of HELL. i had a well thought out short list of things to ask about! i brought my notebook, my reflection journal, and the “help her heal” workbook! i was ready to WORK!
we get in there and all he wants to do is yell and seek validation from the therapist about how he can’t do shit for me as long as i am using an addictive substance to cope right now.
let me give background:
i started using a drug that i will not name. it is not weed or alcohol. i had tried it casually with friends a handful of times prior to DDay. on dday, my partner rubbed it in my face, sarcastically telling me to “go to my plug” about it eyeroll
i’ve used it almost daily since, we are entering week 6. i have begged him for an ounce of the love and support i showed him about HIS addiction that he hid for NINE YEARS.
THIS HAS BEEN A MONTH(s, he’s convinced i’ve been doing this for 6 months regularly)
i can not cope with life. i reached for the closest thing available to numb the pain. but apparently, this substance is his equivalent to how i feel about him using P. it’s in no way equal, and i am crushed.
i spent the last week crying and screaming while he berated me for it. i just want to feel like he cares even a little.
he said he will not be there for me in any way until i stop. he can not see past the drug. he won’t. he doesn’t care why i started or why i continue.
I DONT HAVE ANYONE OR ANYTHING AND I AM AFRAID RIGHT NOW. I AM HAVING SCARY THOUGHTS.
i’m all alone and i’m stuck and he keeps making it worse somehow.
we wasted the hour, but at least the therapist seemed very sympathetic to me while also getting the message across that we need to work together.
i’m still hurt, maybe worse than i was going in. why do i need to beg this hard for him to do the bare minimum?
edit to add: when we got home (we drove separately, went right after he left work) he was nice? now he’s watching his first bloom for partners live group session for free. i pulled it up, but he wanted to watch. he’s fully immersed. i have no clue what to think about anything in my life right now. one day at a time right?
second edit because my brain is a mess for both obvious reasons here: I DO WANT TO QUIT! i am quitting. i’ve never struggled with addiction to anything other than nicotine. i even used prescriptions and other stupid “party” substances in high school, regularly, for longer periods than this, and didn’t have any kind of addiction/“craving” or withdrawal symptoms. right now with what i am using, i am aware that i very well may be experiencing onset of dependency - and maybe i am justifying it by thinking that i am choosing to use it to cope, because it works! BUT I WANT TO STOP. i just want someone to be there as i walk the tightrope that is 1) the immediate aftermath of the worst DDay i’ve ever had, 2) a sick elderly parent i care for and who lives with me, 3) raising my 10 yr old when i am not yet 30, 4) returning to full time employment, 5) the possible upcoming hysterectomy caused by 6) chronic fatigue caused by 7) acute anemia from extreme period blood loss. i was planning on taking short term medical leave the whole week before DDay. my leave started the following workday post-DDay. i have to return soon despite all of this, AND cope with everything else?! i don’t WANT to do drugs! who the hell WANTS to do drugs to simple be able to exist through the day and make it to tomorrow?! but the only adult person i have, since i have no safe friends or family, is choosing to abandon me in the dust after i did the opposite when he came to me for help with his PA. i hate this
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2023.06.07 23:14 Commercial-Gear3640 Idk where else to ask this question. Haven’t had any luck finding out what this is.
I (19) use tampons on my period, 2-3 tampons a day. Today, I realized i wasn’t bleeding anymore so I just didn’t put in a tampon. However when i checked, I noticed that in the entrance (internally) about an inch in, it felt like a tampon. But when i try to grab it, it won’t come out. I have tried squatting, pushing, but it literally will not come out. And from what I remember, I have taken my tampons out. I took one out last night. I have no idea what it is and i’m freaking out. I’m really trying to avoid going to the ER, i called my gyno and she said she’s not available until the 14th. I asked my best friend and mom and they have no clue. I’m not showing any symptoms or pain.
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2023.06.07 22:18 FriendlyBear23 My Recovery Story from Severe CFS/ME
Background and severity of my illness:
I lived with severe ME/CFS for almost 2 years that left me not only housebound but largely bedbound. For months at a time the most I could do was get to the bathroom – sometimes having to take a break on the way. The illness fitted all the criteria of ME/CFS and was defined by post-exertional malaise which occurred if I tried to do a great number of things, including watching films, chatting for any length of time on the phone etc. Even sitting at a table to eat would trigger the malaise. I was only able to tolerate visits from a friend rarely and was cared for by my mum who cooked all meals etc. (I am an adult who previously lived independently and was going to the gym 2 hours a day etc.) Doctors I talked to were not helpful and had no insight into the condition other than diagnosing it as ME/CFS. I had many rounds of blood tests which were basically clear and even a brain MRI which was also clear. The only ‘treatment’ I was offered was CBT therapy which I refused because I was not depressed (other than sometimes struggling with my feelings about being ill) and in any case would not have had the energy to do therapy, even if it was available over zoom from my bed. Aside from the general crushing fatigue and post-exertional malaise I also had difficultly sleeping, which is another typical symptom. I suffered from some cognitive dysfunction during the illness which left me struggling to read things of any length or respond to written messages from friends. Often I also suffered from light and noise sensitivity. Anyone who has suffered from this condition will know how very lonely it can feel and how frightening it can be to not know how long it might go on for, especially when one believes there is no treatment. While ill I got most of my information about ME/CFS from the ME Association who collate research on a regular basis that supports a ‘medical model’ of the illness: that is, it flags up and sometimes funds research relating to finding an underlying biological/physical cause with the hope that one day a drug based treatment (or something akin to that) will be available to sufferers. When things started to look more hopeful:
At some point, I became disheartened with the healthcare system as a whole since I felt so abandoned by doctors and I thought to myself that even if they eventually found a physical cause for ME/CFS that it would probably mean getting put on a drug with lots of side effects that I would have to take for the rest of my life… It was at this point that I started looking into alternatives that were not based in mainstream medicine. I looked up ‘functional medicine’ which is a more holistic approach to the mainstream medical model with functional-medicine-practioners considering the body as a whole system, rather than a bunch of individual organs and limbs, and the mind and body as being connected. Something that had been repeatedly dismissed by NHS Drs I’d spoken to was that I had mildly raised ALT levels (this relates to liver function). I had been told that this wouldn’t have anything to do with my ME/CFS and was not unusual. However, after looking into functional medicine, I decided to take a supplement to support my liver function since it is part of the body’s ‘system’. I took artichoke extract which I believe was helpful. I also noted that I had been suffering from mild constipation for some time and started taking a digestive enzyme supplement with meals: it took about 24 hours for my tummy to get used to this but after the short adjustment period my digestion seemed much healthier. It seems very important to me in the treatment of ME/CFS to consider the body as a whole system and not ignore minor issues, as they can be clues to what your body needs. The Importance of Environment to Healing:
While ill I’d had to leave my flat and had moved into a spare bedroom at my mum’s place. Unfortunately this room was quite sparsely decorated, with not very much daylight and it looked out onto a public walkway where local youths often gathered and engaged in anti-social behaviour. In short, it was not a particularly relaxing space to be in. I was lucky that eventually, after many months, another room in the house was made available and this room was nice, quiet and had a lovely view of trees, as well as access to a balcony. Before this, I had not been able to get outside at all. I remember thinking to myself when I moved into the new room ‘this feels like a space I could heal in’. Since the mind and body are, after all, connected this was very important. The Beginning of Recovery:
In almost two years of being ill I’d never spoken to a chronic fatigue specialist since I could only get to see one privately and this was expensive. However, it came about that I did talk to a private specialist over zoom – a Dr from a fatigue clinic in London – and he said to me that he had treated people over zoom and they had made a full recovery. He seemed credible to me but I was completely baffled as to how this could be true, seeing as my understanding was that it was an incurable condition. He said he had seen recovery in people with ME/CFS as severe as mine and that it was important to be hopeful. For some reason, this simple thing resonated with me and I reflected to myself that I did believe that I could get better… He also told me, which really confused me, that nobody gets better from ME/CFS just by resting and that he would advise me to sit on a chair on the balcony for a few minutes each day and build up tolerance. After our conversation I was still really confused as to why that advice would work to build up tolerance, but thought to myself that it must be both physical and mental tolerance. Following his advice, I went to sit in a chair – noticing that my symptoms were rising – and thought to myself that his advice sounded a bit like the way you would treat a phobia – by exposure therapy… It was then that I experienced a kind of eureka moment! What if, I asked myself, your body had decided for whatever reason that everything in the world was dangerous? I thought about various ways in which that might potentially come about. What if you’d had a virus and your body decided that to protect you it would maintain the symptoms of illness rather than risk you going out and being exposed to more viruses? What if you’d been so burnt out at work or struggling in a relationship or been just ‘keeping going’ for so long that your body decided to force you to stop after you had repeatedly ignored warning signs that you were becoming overwhelmed? What if you were a really high achiever, someone who didn’t let life get in the way of your ambitions, or an athlete who worked passed pain – and your body decided it needed you to stop and give yourself time? I can understand if this doesn’t resonate with you, but all I can say, is that while I was having these thoughts I realised that my symptoms were abating. For the first time in almost 2 years I felt that I could sit in a chair for as long as I wanted. Ongoing Recovery:
At first I was really incredulous that just telling myself when symptoms arose, "It’s ok. You are safe. It’s ok to stand up and walk across the room. It’s ok to go into the kitchen. You are safe" etc. was really helping. But after a few days of saying this to myself every time symptoms arose, the progress was undeniable. I was able to do things that I hadn’t been able to do for all the duration of the illness. Within 3 days of reassuring myself that I was safe every time symptoms arose I was able to leave the house by myself, get a taxi and go visit my brother. It was astonishing. Now, here comes a hitch… soon after these big leaps forward in what I could do… and the really huge rush of excitement that came with it, I began to feel manic: I now had too much energy and couldn’t sleep at all! After the mania had passed, with some helpful medical support, I began to experience anxiety: my anxiety related to the relationship I was now well enough to go back to, and other family relationships, and the worries I had about how I was going to cope with various things in my life that I hadn’t had to think about while I was ill. It was at this point that I realised that in fact the illness had been ‘protecting’ me from dealing with certain aspects of my life which I found overwhelming. That’s not to say that it wasn’t a physical illness: it very much was in my experience of it. The illness was in fact the result of being overwhelmed in some respect. These things had not been conscious before and I had not greatly worried about them during my illness, but now they had come into consciousness. I share this because I am certainly in a better position now, supported by a therapist and working through my issues, which are not insurmountable, than when I was ill and bedbound. It’s been about 6 weeks now since I first regained most of my mobility and I have been visiting friends and going for proper walks and even doing active yoga from home while I work on my fitness. I am also pacing myself more sensibly than when I first realised I could engage with my condition on a mental level with efficacy. I now know that being kind to myself as I adjust and going at a slower pace is important.
Now that my perspective has shifted away from the purely medical model, I have found it interesting to watch videos about other people’s recovery stories. Everyone’s seems to be a bit different while they find what works for them. My recovery story is only my experience and obviously everyone’s journey towards ME/CFS recovery is unique to them and totally valid. It’s about finding what works.
Here is a link to a channel where lots of people share their recovery stories, in case you find it of interest: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLNX_MIJ_pJAa_wpF1y9p9acM3cn443B0t
I’d also like to share this meditation link: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLiMQBfetkFbY6wuEptrmODXv50s-mKpjx
These are guided meditations facilitated by a woman who lived with ME/CFS for 10 years and it is clear to me that she fully understands the mind-body connection and how deeply we can be unsettled without realising it. Her meditations offer support to healing, body and mind.
If you are reading this because you are living with this condition, I send you all my love and hope. Recovery is possible.
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2023.06.07 20:01 Goodbichon Recommended app/platform for sharing already created crossword online?
Hi, I have a crossword I've set (my very first!). I did it by finding an already completed non-cryptic grid I found on google images and then I made new clues for the answers (so perhaps not counted as a fully set crossword in that I borrowed a completed grid!). I would love to share it with you all to get your feedback but I'm not having much luck finding a way of getting it online to then share such that it could have that neat check/reveal functionality I'm seeing in others' POTD posts. Do you know of a platform that could help me out? (I've tried various but either failing to find one which will let me create my own grid, or with ones that seem to allow this (e.g. amuselabs) I'm failing to understand the interface. If not, OK to just share a picture of the grid and clues (and then maybe the answers too but hidden?). Thanks so much for your help.
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2023.06.07 19:05 The_Real_Nixie Only Covered 1 MH condition during exam
So I just had my first MH C&P exam. It’s was suppose to be for MDD(referred MEB condition) and Generalized Anxiety.
It was all virtual if that makes a difference. The examiner only talked about my Anxiety. They never gave me a chance to speak and I have no clue if that’s normal. Am I suppose to tell them my diagnosis? My symptoms never came up and I feel like it got all written off and anything I brought up got downplayed as just my anxiety as opposed to my MDD.
Is this normal? Did I completely screw up my exam?
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2023.06.07 17:58 Finhl Twitching and tremors?
I was wondering if anyone of you are seeing your twitching and tremors getting worse?
Ive done all the tests (mris, enmgs etc) but docs cant find anything..
While some of my other symptoms are slowly improving (at least lately), the muscle twitching is not.
If i look at how this has progressed since my vaccination 07/2021 its slowly getting worse. (My twitching started for first pfizer at the injection shoulder the same day of the injection).
Anything I could do to help tomhe body heal and try get rid of it?
Ive seen many has recovered from the twotchin.. while many still are having them. Nobody seems to have a clue why we have them nor how to treat them.
I had twitching and buzzing and tingling before but now also the tremors..
Im on low histamine, gut restore diet and supplements. Also have been tested for autoimmunity.
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2023.06.07 17:21 Nidindunuffin Just turned 18, need testosterone or i'll...
im the most pathetic insecure guy ever. for all my life i have looked like a little auschwitz prisoner, it had never bothered me until recently. since i was 15 ive basically been locking myself in my room isolating from society because i am so ugly and small. ive never had a gf and i never go to school or go out. all i do is lift and looksmax (practice good hygiene, mew, etc). my mental state is terrible and ive been on many medications and seen many therapists but nothing has helped me. im so alone and unhappy. i need to fix my life now and i think steroids will help me. i dont need a big beefy physique i really just want an aesthetic body and face. i feel like my past habits have irreversably damaged my body. i always mouth breathed and my diet consisted of pepsi and microplastics. i have all the symptoms of low testosterone but i have no clue where my levels are at. i begged my dad to help me get my bloodwork done for months and months until i finally got that appointment with the doctor just for her to say "you dont need to worry about that at your age". my time is running out, not only do i want a bigger body and to be happy and confident but since im still young i can get like a bigger dick and more handsome face if I raise my levels soon. im going to be taking Enclomiphene and hgh soon to hopefully help me but i want to consult you guys before i do anything. I plan on taking enclo for 4 months however i haven't found much about what i should do when i come off of it. do i need pct? usually enclo is used as a pct so idk. my father used to do sarms so we have nolva, winstrol, rad 140, cardarine and shit just sitting in a drawer and ive been so tempted to just start taking rad but i dont have enough nolva or knowledge on it to do a full cycle, nor do i want to damage my hormones even more than whatever fucking chemicals ive ingested already have. even though my dad took sarms he really isnt that knowledgable on anything, so he really isnt a big help. is enclo to weak? should i just start taking testosterone by itself? where can i learn more quickly? my time is running out i really dont care that much about side effects besides the ones that make you ugly like acne. i plan on getting plastic surgery soon too.
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2023.06.07 13:34 windowbulk Nasal congestion for months (19M)
19M, 6'0, 72kg, White, UK, don't smoke, occasionally drink, no drugs.
Hi all, Since around Mid December (around 6 months) I have had really bad issues with congestion. I'm always blowing my nose and get post nasal drip which I cough up. The ent I went to had a look up my nose via endoscopy and concluded that there was nothing wrong- aside from a slightly deviated septum which he believes is too minor to be a cause. He also had me do a CT sinus scan and from that said there was nothing wrong. The only thing he said which maybe could be of use was that I have very large sinuses. He told me to take a steroid nasal spray- beconase, for a few months and then stop to see if the symptoms have gone away. Which is what I did. The spray definitely helped my symptoms, but when I stopped taking it, my symptoms quickly came back, this time with a cough too. Since then, I have started reusing the spray- for just over 2 weeks and it does not appear to be helping anymore. I am not sure what to do, does anyone have an idea as to what it could be? From my research I see alot about dust allergies and such but I really have no clue, as I seem to have this wherever I am, including outside of the house. It is worth mentioning that this came about around a few weeks after I had a REALLY bad infection/illness/cold (unsure) in which I had a really bad blocked nose, temperature and so on. The colour of the mucus is sometimes green but sometimes more clear. This has really been interfering and lowering my quality of life so any advice or solutions would be really appreciated. Right now I am considering going to see an allergist.
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to AskDocs [link] [comments]
2023.06.07 04:41 thejdam3256 I have severe driving anxiety and it's ruining my life
I (22M) live in a photogenic, good ol' western American suburb, still rocking my childhood bedroom in my parents' house (thanks rent prices). Growing up, I never needed to worry much about transport (or even thought about it at all, really), my elementary school is literally next to my subdivision, and any other place I visited regularly was either a 10 minute walk or 5 minute ride in my parents' cars; there was no inbetween. But, I'm not a kid anymore. I'm in my twenties. I have my own life (even if it doesn't feel like it), responsibilities and expectations. Problem is, I'm severely stunted by my stubborn, infuriating inability to operate a car. I started feeling it a little bit before I got my permit, but I chalked it up to just me being nervous. When I actually started driving, though, I never shook it, never "got used to it," never felt the godawful stress symptoms or negative opinions on it fade in any way. They only got worse and worse and now they're crippling, despite my effort and hours upon hours of forcing myself to do it.
I got my license out of pure spite and luck, and sometimes I seriously consider giving it up and just having a state issued ID so there's no expectation of me to drive. But I shut those thoughts down because I wouldn't be able to completely escape the horrible feelings anyway. In the years since, my intrusive thoughts and nauseating anxiety has bled into simply riding in a car in general, so having the ability to legally drive in an emergency situation would be nice, I guess.
It's difficult to describe how I feel when driving in a way that makes perfect sense to other people because my anxiety (fear? phobia?) is inherently irrational, and that makes it all the worse because the non caveman part of my brain recognizes that. So I guess I'll just ramble and push enter a couple of times when I'm done and maybe it'll make sense. I need to try and justify myself in a medium where I can think about what I'm saying so I don't sound absolutely insane and completely embarrass myself like I've done before.
Cars feel too big. I could be driving the smallest little Beetle or Mini, and the thing would still feel as big as a fucking continent. Even imagining driving one of those huge fuck off death machines called a pickup truck sends me into a spiral. The wheel being off center makes me feel like there's this, like, mass that's stuck to my side and I'm afraid I'm gonna smash into something whenever I turn right. You know that vertigo effect they do in movies? Where they move the camera backwards and zoom in at the same time when looking down a long hallway? That's similar to what it feels like looking across the hood of a car from the driver's seat to me. Like, the hood is so fucking long and it could be hiding anything behind it even though I know it isn't. I guess it makes me look at the road at least. Not to mention backing up, Jesus Christ backing up is a nightmare. Thank god for back up cameras.
Going at any decent speed makes me feel sick. Thinking about how fast I'm going on the highway, especially since I've been outside of a car on it and have seen and felt just how fucking fast a car going 60-80 mph is is insane to me. It feels so wrong. My gut feeling is that I should not have the ability to move something this stupidly big weighing literal tons this fast. I cannot fathom the idea of purposefully going over 100 mph in a car. That feels unreal to me. I genuinely don't think I could make myself do that. I get intrusive thoughts of unwittingly slamming into a median or someone materializing in front of me all the time. Imagining the aftermath of those scenarios make me want to puke. Obviously I try not to do that, but sometimes your mind wanders towards it anyway.
There's also just the general symptoms of anxiety and panic I feel when shit gets really stressful (i.e. the highway or traffic jams). My heart beats a million miles an hour, I sweat like a pig and hyperventilate, the works. I've gotten very good at grounding myself and focusing when it gets bad but fuck me it is always an awful experience.
I guess my brain chemistry is just not built for driving. At least I have a robust, efficient and affordable public transportation network in my city, right? No. This is America, baby! Of course, there's no other transport options near my home. The nearest bus stop is a convenient two hour walk away and the bus routes are shit! :) There is a train station somewhat nearby, but guess what? The route is shit and goes nowhere near where I need or want to go and in other cities no less! :) Biking around the stroads here is a fucking deathwish! There's also no bike lane or even a fucking sidewalk on 90% of the roads here! :) So essentially, I'm fucking landlocked. We bulldozed our cities for these dangerous, obnoxious, expensive machines and that is existentially infuriating.
My life has been completely fucked by this stupid, stupid thing I have. I can't get a job that's even a decent distance away, so I'm stuck doing gig work online and odd jobs around the neighborhood for money (and seasonal work for events that set up near my home). Shocker, it isn't much. I save what I can, but I am very poor because I insist on paying my own way for the things I use. I cannot afford a car and I don't even want one in the first place, but I kinda need one. Hey, at least I'm known as the neighborhood handy man? My parents both work jobs where they can be potentially called in at any time, so I need to schedule car use with them and I need to complete trips fast. My parents are very sweet and understanding and I love them to death, but I hate myself every time I need to go somewhere with one of their cars. Not only does it feel like I'm potentially jeopardizing their livelihoods if I get held up for any reason, but with my rambling you read above, it also feels like I'm signing up to get shot in the gut.
My dating life has been nonexistent since high school. I'm sure it makes a great first impression on someone when you can't go out to see them or if you ask them for a ride to the coffeeshop! :)
My group of close friends, god bless their souls, are also 100% understanding of my situation and have been so sweet by offering me rides to their apartment they share to hang out on the weekends. They're like siblings to me (we've all known each other since elementary school) but, again, it feels so wrong to have to rely on them to go places.
It is viscerally embarrassing when I ask them to go somewhere or to slow down on a back road because I feel gross, so I rarely do.
Honestly, I don't know what to do. I have no clue how to approach or start getting over this outside of just driving. But I think it's fairly obvious that I shouldn't be doing it just to do it. I feel like an insufferable leech and I wish I could just make myself go places. I'm not spending $50 on an Uber to the fucking grocery store. Any advice is very welcome because I'm getting really tired of feeling like a child in an adult man's body. I genuinely want to get better and start my life way after I should've. I want to stop telling my friends, "I'm okay," when I'm clearly not. But I'm very happy to have finally said this out loud to someone in a way I wanted. Thank you. God bless the suburbs.
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to offmychest [link] [comments]
2023.06.07 03:23 troubledannoyance20 Did I really just need a tune up?
Hi everyone, I’d like to preface this with the fact that I know little to nothing about cars, so let me know if I sound stupid. I currently drive an ‘04 civic and its only had little issues here and there. It just reached 200k miles. On my way to work one day, the car started misfiring like crazy, but only at idle. If I idled to long, it would eventually stall. I took it to a mechanic and they said the compression was on the lower end (all cylinders 145-165) but nothing too concerning, and that it was showing misfire codes on 3 cylinders.
They said all it really needed was a tune up and new spark plugs, which I agreed to. I haven’t replaced the spark plugs or had the engine serviced at all since I bought it at 160k, so I guess it makes sense that this could be the issue? I also have no clue when the spark plugs were changed or if they were at all. I guess I’m just not so sure why the misfiring was so sudden and why the car wouldn’t have shown symptoms before such a drastic change.
The car drives fine now after new spark plugs and an emissions cleaning, but is this just a bandaid on a bigger issue? I’m starting medical school in August and I really don’t want to have issues.
submitted by troubledannoyance20
to MechanicAdvice [link] [comments]
2023.06.07 02:12 Workaholic-cookie I got cured super quick : My story.
I realised something was wrong with me when I got horrible pain during intercourse.
I have no clue how I could have picked up ureaplasma : it was my first intimate week with my new bf at the time.
We had always used protection with previous partners and neither of us had ureaplasma as far as we knew.
Then I got a very ugly boil on my face and started freaking out and assumed I had herpes or something.
Fast-forward a few tests, the only positive I had was ureaplasma.
The awful thing was how CLUELESS pharmacists, sex clinic people seemed to be a bout ureaplasma. It was a shock that I had to explain to some of them what ureaplasma was.
I ended up ordering doxycycline and after only 2 weeks of treatment, I was clear and months later, I have 0 pain and 0 symptoms. Still testing negative.
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2023.06.06 23:09 AbhiN1289 Origin of Ganesha
Below, I am going to prove that Ganesha is originating from the non-Vedic, i.e. Dravidian beliefs:
Ganesha or Vinayaka is the famous Elephant-headed deity. His role is to remove obstacles and bestow knowledge. According to legend, Parvati made a boy out of clay to guard the entrance to her house while she bathed. Shiva arrived to meet Parvati but the boy tried to stop him. Shiva out of anger used his trident to cut the boy’s head off. To pacify a grieving Parvati, Shiva obtains an elephant head and attached it to the headless copse of the boy and bestowed upon him life. Later, Shiva made Ganesha the leader of the Ganas, thus giving him the title of Ganapati.
Now it is the Ganas of Shiva, of which Ganesha leads, that offers a huge clue to his origins. The Ganas are in fact a host of spirits, and much like them, Ganesha originated as a spirit rather than a typical deity. But we shall get into that later.
The name Ganapati is found in the Rig Veda, but no connections to the elephant headed deity is known. Rather the word means what it literally means: a leader of a troop. For example in Rig Veda 2.23.1:
“gaṇānāṃ tvā gaṇapatiṃ havāmahe kaviṃ kavīnām upamaśravastamam jyeṣṭharājam brahmaṇām brahmaṇas pata ā naḥ śṛṇvann ūtibhiḥ sīda sādanam”
“We invoke the Brahmaṇaspati, chief leader of the (heavenly) bands; a sage of sage; abounding beyond measure in (every kind of) food;best lord of prayer; hearing our invocations, come with your protections, and sit down in the chamber of sacrifice”
Similarly in Rig Veda 10. 112.9:
“ni ṣu sīda gaṇapate gaṇeṣu tvām āhur vipratamaṃ kavīnām na ṛte tvat kriyate kiṃ canāre mahām arkam maghavañ citram arca”
“Lord of the companies (of the Maruts), sit down among the companies (of the worshippers), they call you the most sage of sages; without you nothing is done in the distance; have in honour, Maghavan, our great and various adoration. of wealth, (the wishes of) your friends; make war (for us), you warrior endowed with real strength, give us a share in the undivided riches”
So it seems that we can’t try our luck with the word Ganapti at this early on. However, there is an older term for Ganesha that offers us a great amount of evidence: Vinayaka. Even today, in south India, Ganesha’s older name Vinayaka is more popular, at least in Andhra Pradesh.
If one looks at the older Indian literature, they will notice that Vinayaka appears in the plural, referring to a class of spirits on par with Bhutas and Pretas. The earliest text to mention them is the Manava Grihya Sutra.
“Atha ataH vinAyakAn vyAkhyAsyAmaH shAlakuNTas ca kuSmaNDarAjaputras ca uSmitas ca devayajanas ca iti etair adhigatAnAm imAni bhavanti loSTam mRdgAti”(MGS 2.14.1-4)
“Now hence we will account the Vinayakas. Shalakunta, Kushmandarajaputra, Usmita, and devayajana thus. By these, they will become of the learned. Softly he recites”
The 11th chapter of the Yajnavalkya Smriti, a person under the influence of a Vinayak will have negative symptoms, namely depression and absent mindedness. The examples get specific: a prince will have no kingdom, a girl wont find a husband, women won’t have children, a student will not learn well, a merchant may not obtain profit.
The very first verse of the 11th chapter in fact states:
“Vinayaka has been appointed for the purpose of bringing about obstacles in the performance of sacred rites, and he has been put at the head of all the hosts of Devas (Gana) by Rudra and Brahma as well as (by Visnu)”(Verse 271)
Here we see 4 Vinayaka becoming one. Later on in an enumeration of Vinayakas names, we see Kushmanda and Rajaputra. Admittedly the single name kushmandarajaputra split into two, but nonetheless there is preservation of an older tradition.
The 11th Chapter oes on explaining how to worship the deity should one be under his influence.From this, we see the formation on the familiar motifs surrounding Ganesha. In the Ritual, there is the throwing earth into 4 pots of water, and the chanting of the various names of Vinayaka. However, verse 287 has something interesting:
“ Then having taken all the following things and bowing his head on the ground let him invoke Ambika, the mother of Vinayaka : — Husk and unhusked rice as well as cooked rice mixed with sesa- mum paste, fish, raw and cooked fish, so also raw and cooked flesh. ”( YS Verse 287)
First thing to note is that Vinayaka is the son of Ambika. Ambika is the precursor to Parvati and Durga. This is interesting as at this time period we are seeing the commonly known belief that Ganesha is the son of Parvati. Keep in mind that Ambika herself is a deity of Dravidian origin (PDr amma > Skt. amba> Skt. ambika). The other interesting thing to notice is meet offerings, including that of fish and raw meat. We will get to this later.
Vinayakas spirit connection is also understood from his mention along side the Grahas (not the planets) and Kartikeya.
“Having thus worshipped Vinayaka and the Grahas according to rule^ he obtains the fruit of all actions as well as gets the highest fortune. ” (Verse 293).
“ He who always offers Puja of the Aditya and makes tilaka of Swami Kartikeya and MahE Ganapati, obtains all success. ” (Verse 294).
The Grahas are a disease-causing class of spirits, of which one of them is Skanda. Later on we shall see that the god Kartikeya (Skanda) originated as Grahas and other forms of spirit worship. The association of Vinayaka with the Grahas and Skanda suggests two things.
The first is that Vinayaka is a spirit or supernatural entity. His prominence made him foremost of the spirits, i.e. Ganas.
The Bhagavatam 8.12.2 establishes the spirit like nature of the Ganas, of which Vinayaka leads.
“vṛṣam āruhya giriśaḥ sarva-bhūta-gaṇair vṛtaḥ saha devyā yayau draṣṭuṁ yatrāste madhusūdanaḥ”
“Having mounted the bull, the lord of the mountain (Shiva) surrounded by all the bands of spirits (sarvabhutaganair) went along with Devi to see where Mashusudana is”
The second is that we see the origin, at least in part, of the modern Hindu belief that Skanda and Ganesha are brothers.
The other motif interestingly seen is that Vinayka is offered Modakas (verse 289). Modakas are balls of rice, and modern Hindus will mention how Ganesha is fond of them.The mention of a white cloth being used in the ritual may be the origin for modern iconographic deptions of Ganesha with a white garment.
Non Vedic Origins
Besides the ritual being very earthly, the other interesting thing to note in the 293th Verse of the Yajnavalkya Smriti is the offering of Raw Meat and cooked fish. Vedic rituals do use meat, but those are offered in the fire. Here, no such thing is recorded.
In addition, the use of fish is a staunch prohibition in the Manusmriti
“He who eats the flesh of an animal, is called the ‘eater of its flesh’; he who eats fish is the ‘eater of all kinds of flesh’; hence one shall avoid fish” (5.15)
Admittedly, in the next verse Manu makes an exception to two kinds of fish: Rohita and Pathina.
“The ‘Pāṭhīna’ and the ‘Rohita’ are fit to be eaten when used as offerings to gods or Pitṛs; the ‘Rājīva’, the ‘Siṃhatuṇḍa’ and the ‘Saśalka,’ (one may eaṭ) on all occasions”(5.16).
However the fish are specific and are an occasion for festivities. These seem to not be used for appeasing spirits. Besides there is no specification of the fish to be offered to Vinayaka in the commentary of Vejnanevara. Besides, the mention of raw flesh is a huge indicator to the non Vedic origin of the Vinayaka worship. Verse 288 also mentions offering wine, to which the commentator explains to be of the Gaudi type, made from molasses. This wine, as it is made from molasses, is forbidden for brahmins.
Gaudi is not the same as Soma or Sura, the latter is made from grains and is not necessarily sinful for a Brahmana to drink (Manusmriti 11.90, commentary by Medhatithi and notes by Ganganath Jha).
Returning to the offering of raw meat and fish, scholar Kenneth G. Zysk in his “religious Healing in the Veda” records a nuanced set of rituals pertaining to healing and exorcism associated with the Rig and Atharva Vedas. Despite the nuanced list of rituals, not a single one of them involves meat offerings. Admittedly though, there is an instance where animal hide to make a pouch to store herbs. Beyond that, it seems that Vedic rituals pertaining to dealing with problematic spirits were vegetarian in nature. Thus, the presence of meat in the appeasement of Vinayaka suggests that the Vinayakas as a class of spirit are of non Vedic origin.
Dravidian and Tribal Parallels
Spirit worship is a feature in Dravidian folk customs and in tribal religion. In Kerala there is the festival of Theyyam where the spirit of a goddess enters a man, making him dance frantically. Tulu Nadu has Bhuta Kola, where gods and other spirits enter priestley men who also dance frantically. The Gonds, Santhals, Mundas, and other Central Indian tribes also believe that spirits dwell everywhere and influence the lives of living beings. They can be good or bad.
In Andhra Pradesh, scholar Wilber T. Elmore notes that when a person is sick and no remedies work, a Bhuta Vaidyudu (demon doctor) is called to do an exorcism ritual. In that ritual there are uses of muggus, blood offerings, and pot offerings with rice.
“The demon doctor makes three kinds of the sacred muggu, and after a bewildering number o f small ceremonies he makes an image of dough . He then forms nine small lamps o f dough and pours three kinds of oil into them. The lamps are lighted and placed on an offering o f food in front o f the image . A sheep is sacrificed, its blood caught in a broken pot and mixed with rice . This bloody rice is then sprinkled in the four corners of the room” (Emlore pg 53).
Later it is mentioned that:
“He then places the image of dough, one lamp, and the head of the sheep, in a pot, and the procession starts for the burying ground. Two men carry this pot and two others follow with the pot containing the bloody rice. After reaching the burying ground, they dig a hole and bury both pots with their contents, performing the usual burying ceremonies . After all is over another bloody nail is driven into the earth above the buried pots” (Elmore pg 54).
The ritual mentioned to have occurred in rural villages in Andhra Pradesh is more gruesome than the ones for the Vinayakas mentioned in the Yajnavalkya Smriti. Admittedly, this may be because the Brahamnical influence may have toned the ritual down. In any case we see an earthly folk ritual involving pots, rice, and raw meat
. This is good evidence to suggest that the Vinayakas were a belief originating amongst the non Vedic cultures of India.
Origin of the Elephant Head
The solidification of Vinayaka having an elephant head occurred around the Gupta period; however what factors led to Ganesha having an elephant head in the first place.The interesting thing about the iconography of spirits in Ancient India was that depicting them with animal heads was not unusual. The Bharata Natyasashtra for example advises the costumes of spirits to have various animal heads.
“Bhūtas are known to be of various colours. They are dwarfs with odd faces and may have faces of boars, rams, buffaloes and deer as well” (Natyasashtra 23.98).
In Khmer Art, Yaksas are depicted with heads of various animals including the elephant. And on the Mathuran Frieze #2335, 5 yakshas accompanying Kubera are shown with elephant heads.
So the idea of Vinayaka having any animal head need not be questioned. However, what needs to be figured out is why the elephant is chosen out of all animals. Perhaps Vinayakas, back when there were more than one, may have had heads of other animals but this is speculation.
The most obvious answer to this question is that elephants in India were, and still are, a sign of high status and immense power. A kings wealth is measured by how many elephants he had. Elephants were used for war, construction, and ceremonial purposes. Such an animal that people looked to with awe should no doubt be the prime choice of selection when depicting Vinayaka. In simple terms, the majesty of elephants made the spirit having an elephant head popular.
Other sources of influence come from other figures in Hindu-Buddhist lore. One Vinayaka mentioned in the Manavagrihya sutra was Kusmandarajaputra. The name gets broken into two: Kushmanda and Rajaputra. The Kushmandas (or Kumbhandas) are a class of spirits in Buddhist lore. They are headed by Virudaka, who wears and elephant helmet. Virduaka guards the southern direction; interestingly, later Puranas mention Ganesha as the guardian of the South.
Another name invoked when one is possessed by a Vinayaka is “Virupaksa”. Virupaksha is also the name of the western Diggaja, a group of 8 elephants said to hold up the earth in each of the 8 directions. In Buddhist lore, Virupaksha is not an elephant but said to be lord of the Nagas. While Naga is taken usually to mean snakes, it could also refer to elephants. The relation of the names of the Vinayakas to existing elephantine figures could have partly motivated the success of the elephantine Vinayaka.
Other elephant cults may have popularized the elephant headed Ganesha as well. For example, Pilusara. Pilusara was an elephant deity worshiped in the mountains of Gandhara. Hieun Tsiang writes in the 34th chapter of his Buddhist Records of the Western World
“To the south-west of the town is Mount Pi-lo-sa-lo (Pīlusāra); the mountain spirit takes the form of an elephant, hence the name. In old days, when Tathāgata was alive, the spirit, called Pīlusāra (siang-kien, i.e., elephant-fixed), asked the Lord of the World and 1200 Arhats (to partake of his hospitality). On the mountain crag is a great solid rock; here it was Tathāgata received the offerings of the spirit. Afterwards Aśoka-rāja erected on this same rock a stūpa about 100 feet in height. It is now called the stūpa of the Elephant-strength (Pīlusāra). They say that in this also is about a pint measure of the relics of Tathāgata”
Later, the Indo Greeks adopted Pilusara as their own deity, identifying him with Zeus. In addition, Greek records indicate there is a a record of the tribe Hastikas which may have been an elephant worshiping tribe. The existing elephant cults may have helped propel the formation of Ganesha the way we know him today, as well as popularizing him.
ORIGIN OF GAṆEŚA by M. K. Dhavalikar 1990: https://www.jstor.org/stable/41693515...
AN INVESTIGATION INTO THE FIFTY-SIX VINAYAKAS IN BANARAS AND THEIR ORIGINS by Isabelle Bermijn: https://eprints.soas.ac.uk/29335/1/10...
Hieun Tsian’s Buddhist Records of the Western World
The origin of the Ganapati Cult https://www.jstor.org/stable/1178368?... https://www.jstor.org/stable/20486646… https://www.jstor.org/stable/1177671 https://www.jstor.org/stable/40444039
DRAVIDIAN GODS IN MODERN HINDUISM A STUDY OF THE LOCAL AND VILLAGE DEITIES O F SOUTHERN INDIA by Wilber Theodore Elmore.
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