Jimmy john's caesar chicken wrap



Hello everyone!! This theory has two parts as said in the title. The first one about what the D. means and the second one is about how I think Luffy and Imu are each others counterparts, simbolizing dreams vs nightmares, and how Imu´s surname "Nerona" takes inspiration on emperor Nero and what lies behind that inspiration with Imu´s possible fruit, hope you guys like it!!!

FIRST THEORY: The clan of the "Dreamers"
Following chapter 1085, Oda has given us some information about the possible meaning of the "D.", after showing us the conversation between King Cobra and Imu sama. While these dialogues have not directly revealed what it means, he does seem to have specified with certainty that the "D." is not a family name of a particular family or dynasty, but is actually a moniker according to TCB's translation.
If we take this premise of the moniker I believe that the meaning of the "D." could be an adjective that was given to those who fit within that moniker.
An important fact I should mention to try to give substance to the theory is to recall Oda's use of anglicisms in One Piece, the most well known to all being the revelation that Raftel (Rafuteru) was really "Laugh Tale". To mention some of the most significant anglicisms within the very many that exist, we can name the Levely, which we all knew as Reverie (the change is confirmed in chapter 905, it is seen in the flag of a man in the background) or the case of Joy Boy's title.
I make a disclaimer here that, despite using the romanization of Japanese, I know nothing about Japanese; but it is true that as simple readers many of us, with or without knowledge of Japanese, have seen a certain tendency of Oda to play with words and their possible meanings. Thanks to people like Artur - Library of Ohara, fans who do not understand Japanese can be informed of these nuances that enrich One Piece.
From the beginning of One Piece we see how dreams are very important in the story, with each of the Mugiwaras having a dream to fulfill, in addition to the famous and mysterious dream of Luffy and Roger that Oda keeps up his sleeve. Let us also remember one of the most famous quotes said by Kurohige himself "A man's dream will never die". It is well known that dreams are one of the pivots of the story.
Therefore, joining the knowledge about the "D." as a moniker, the use of English words directly used by Oda to "mislead", and the great importance that dreams have in the story of One Piece and its characters, I believe that the meaning of the "D." could well hide the adjective "Dreamers". The famous clan of "D." could actually be the clan of the Dreamers, not as a genealogical lineage, but as a distinctive in the form of a moniker given to the people who came from the Great Kingdom/Ancient Kingdom (Kyodai na Ōkoku) that perished during the void century. It could also directly mean "Dream" but I opt more for the "Dreamers" option.
To explain why I think the "D." has this meaning, I will first comment facts that we know 100%, for having already appeared in One Piece, and then the part of my own imagination.
As we know so far the "D." that have appeared and have been important in the story, have great and ambitious dreams for which they fight. As an example of this we have the dream of Xebec, who wanted to be the King of the world; or that of Kurohige who aspires to be the king of pirates and found a pirate nation recognized as such by the World Government; and well, as I mentioned, earlier the dreams of Roger and Luffy, which although unknown, it is clear that they must be big and imaginative dreams by the reactions they have provoked to those to whom they have been revealed.
Why Dreamers? To answer this question I will first quote what Vega Punk said in chapter 1069, which although it is the character's own theory and not a definitive explanation, I am of the opinion that it can serve as a basis:
“- We owe all ther is to desire (dreams)!! For instance the devil fruits!!
Each devil fruit embodies a different wish (dreamt) someone had for our evolution.
“If only I could do X… It´d be great if Y were possible”.
The powers actulize these sentiments, showcasing potential futures for humanity.
Of course, since they cause unnatural aberrations they earn the ire of mother nature… the sea itself. Such blasphemy cannot go unchecked.
Those who have eaten a fruit face a totally alien reality born from boundless imaginatiom!!
That´s my theory at least, whether you believe there´s a god out there or not… (i will explain the idea of maybe Nika isn´t a god but a man from the Great Kingdom) … one thing´s for sure, we live in a wondrous world!!
And as he finishes by saying, that is his theory but it is not something fully proven.
It could be that in the Old Kingdom they reached such advanced technology in general, and specifically in genetic scientific research, that from the dream or the thought of desiring they could make fire (mera mera no mi) or become x animal (zoan), they experimented until imbuing those abilities into fruits (like Vegapunk does, but perfecting the process), which they could then eat and alter their base DNA, mixing it with the chosen ability. This idea of creating fruits that genetically modify people by eating them to achieve x or y ability would come from imagination, from dreams.
The people of the Old Kingdom perhaps traveled throughout the world and visited different islands, both inside and outside the Grand Line, and those who came from the Old Kingdom, being users of "Akuma no mi" and having abilities that would seem impossible, fantastic or divine to the people of these primitive people (when I say primitive I mean that they were less technologically advanced, as may be a stage similar to the middle ages, for example), were at first deified. The case of the Sun God Nika, who could have been a normal human being but with the abilities of the gomu gomu no mi or hito hito no mi, could be a perfect example of that possibility. In the eyes of people who were not from the Ancient Kingdom he would appear to be a God, provoking smiles and happiness in the places he visited and carrying the hopes and dreams of the people. If we think about it, it also makes sense in our context. In One Piece we already have internalized the idea that supernatural powers exist, that there is a reason for them, but if someone appeared today with the power to create earthquakes, fire or light out of nothing, without knowing where those abilities come from, he would be a supernatural being in our eyes; in the eyes of ancient civilizations, a God.
It is worth making reference here also to the theory of evemerism, either because of the possibility that Oda was inspired by it for his representation of religious cultures in One Piece, or simply as a tool to understand the vision of the gods that is being proposed. Evemerus of Messene was a 4th century B.C. thinker who proposed in his work the possibility that what classical culture considered gods were nothing more than mortals who gained great prominence in their society. He argues that figures such as Zeus or Cronus could thus be ancient rulers of another civilization, and that their divinity would be an idealized memory by society of them, exaggerating their attributes and greatness. Thus, Zeus would have been only a revered king. In essence, evemerism is the search for a "rational" explanation of the divine.
In One Piece we see several cases where a certain character is shown for a particular culture at first, as one who possesses divine powers when in reality this conception is only given due to a lack of knowledge about the origin of his powers. The most obvious case is that of Enel, who in the eyes of the Shandians is a God, but only because of ignorance and low presence of the akuma no mi in Skypea.
An example of this deification in reality would be the first impression that the pre-Columbian people had with the arrival of the Spanish armies, thinking at first, (although this thought did not last long) when they saw them mounted on horses with shining armor and guns that shot fire, that they must have been gods. And we already know how much Oda likes to take real historical references for inspiration.
This relationship between the people of the Old Kingdom and the "primitive" kingdoms could be maintained over the centuries allowing the "primitives" to become familiar with the unknown of those who came from the Old Kingdom, perhaps they even came to mix and have joint offspring, but the first writings deifying them would have already been captured in the history of One Piece, passing from legend to myth. The reality would have been distorted by the different versions of the different civilizations that would have been told from generation to generation, undergoing the modifications of each culture, as it happens in reality with the historical evolution and being in the end the person of Nika considered the God of the Sun.
So, if we accept that the members of the Old Kingdom may have been seen as gods, perhaps they taught them their knowledge as a gift and showed the reason why devil fruits were created. It may be that at that time the akuma no mi were called by another, less derogatory name, instead of "devil fruits". The name "clan of the Dreamers" could then be because they were people who believed in the improvement of human evolution and with the power to materialize what they dreamt and desired into a fruit that would provide the desired abilities. For example, the dream of wanting to cure and save people's lives would have been the origin of the ope ope no mi. It is also possible that people from kingdoms with a more backdated technologi, transmitted their dreams to members of the ancient kingdom and the Dreamers, as a gift, created the appropriate fruit to achieve such dream, thus forging a reputation that motivated them to be assigned a nickname, the Dreamers, for being able to materialize dreams.
Therefore, I think it is a possibility that "the clan of the Dreamers" was the moniker that less advanced kingdoms gave to the people coming from the Old Kingdom. Perhaps the "D.reamers" first introduced them to the akuma no mi and told them that they came from their imagination, ideas and dreams.
Likewise I also believe it would make sense of another mystery of the story, "the inherited will of the D." Will is something that only people possess, and the idea of inheriting implies that something is also necessarily received from a person. This interpretation would be in contrast to the possibility that the "D." stands for "Dawn" (which is also an interesting theory, and one that I would equally like if it were the final meaning), since a concept or natural phenomenon such as dawn, which has no will and cannot be inherited, fits less in my opinion, than the idea that inheritance could be that of ideals or principles passed from one civilization to another.
Regarding the reason why the word Dreamers stayed in the initial D. I think it was the way they chose for those who defied the 20 kingdoms, to recognize each other but also so that the enemy did not, it would be the same thing that happens with the tattoo on the ankle of the people faithful to the kozuki clan in Wano.
In short, I think the clan of the Dreamers would be formed by the people of the Old Kingdom, and the inherited will of the Dreamers would be the will of the people who pursue and fight to make the world a better place, people whose ideals include the pursuit of freedom and happiness of all people throughout the world of One Piece, and thus bringing the eventual dawn of the world, as said in Lili´s card.
Pd: this is a part that I don't quite know how to substantiate, but going back to Oda's puns, the word "dream" in Japanese would be pronounced "dorIMU" (meaning "Mu" emptiness in Japanese), and it could be a kind of very vague interpretation that "Imu" or "Mu" (as he/she calls him/herself), was the one who betrayed the Dreamers' clan. He/she would then be "the void" that absorbed all the dreams and hopes of humanity by ending the said Clan.

SECOND THEORY: Luffy vs Imu, and Imu´s devil fruit
Connecting with my theory that the D. stands for Dreamers, I see a clear antithesis between Luffy and Imu that I will try to explain below.
Luffy being the Sun God Nika, personifies happiness, freedom, hopes and dreams while Imu symbolizes the opposite, terror, oppression and in my opinion also nightmares. It is very interesting to highlight how while Luffy is free and travels around the world living adventures and being happy, on the other hand, Imu despite being the king of the world and having all the power, is someone who is hidden from the world, imprisoned in his own room without anyone knowing of his existence.
From here I will give my opinion on what Imu's fruit may be after seeing chapters 1085 and 1086.
The first option is that Im's fruit is the "akumu no mi", the fruit of nightmares. I believe in this idea because of the design Oda has drawn for the manifestation of Imu's powers, a formless being, full of darkness that engulfs the whole empty throne room. In addition akumu contains the same kanji as Mu (as Imu calls himself), whose meaning besides nothingness or emptiness, can be translated as dream, And what would be the antithesis of dreams? Nightmares, which would be what could symbolize Imu, in front of Luffy as symbol of the dreams, and this fits very well with the idea that the clan of the Dreamers would be the natural enemy of the nightmare (Imu or Mu). Therefore the first option would be the nightmare against the dreams.
The second option is that Imu would directly have the akuma no mi, the devil fruit as such. While in chapter 1085 there are times when Imu's power is blurred and formless, in other panels we have been able to see the shape of an arrow-tipped tail and sharp teeth. It is mainly because of the arrow-tipped tail that I think it could be the akuma no mi. To substantiate this theory I have to refer to the possible full name of Im revealed in this last chapter 1086.
Saint Imu of the house Nerona. The surname Nerona could be inspired by the Roman emperor Nero, whose reign is associated with tyranny and extravagance, being the architect of a series of systematic executions and a relentless persecution of Christians. It is for this last reason, that in a book of the Bible, the number of the beast (666) is associated to the emperor Nero being considered the devil. Therefore, if the surname Nerona comes from this emperor, the idea that Imu has the akuma no mi is quite feasible. Below in brackets, I leave the long explanation of this, but if you don't want to read it you don't need to. Then follow it up with a third possibility about Imu's power.
[In the Apocalypse of St. John, Rome is criticized in a veiled way for its persecution of the Christian population, and in this book the Beast (which had 7 heads, like the 7 hills on which Rome was settled) is mentioned, represented by the number 666 (or 616 as well). The specific quote is "He that hath understanding, let him calculate the number of the Beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is 666". The Greeks and Hebrews at that time used gematria, that is, the assignment of a numerical value to each letter of the alphabet. So, the sum of the Hebrew letters of "Caesar Nero" adds up to exactly 666. And therefore, Nero is the Beast/the devil who wants to destroy the world].
The third possibility is that Imu, like Kurohige, has more than one devil fruit and perhaps has both akuma no mi, akumu no mi, devil and nightmare fruits, again being the complete antithesis of Luffy, having on the one hand the God of Dreams and the Devil of Nightmares Imu.
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2023.06.09 15:58 YerBlues69 One day I’ll own the real one.

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2023.06.09 14:44 autotldr American Politics Would Have Been Infinitely Better Without Pat Robertson

This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 73%. (I'm a bot)
The best I can say about Pat Robertson, the Christopolitical television star and onetime presidential candidate who, on Thursday, went off to glory, is that he eventually faded into irrelevance and that he was easily surpassed for pure craziness and reckless damage by succeeding generations of clerical errors who took up politics as a career.
In December 2020, amid intensifying efforts by President Donald J. Trump and his supporters to overturn the election, Mr. Robertson told viewers of his television show, "The 700 Club," that a lawsuit filed by the Texas attorney general challenging results in four states was a "Miracle." "They're going to the Supreme Court to say, 'This election was rigged and you've got to overturn it,'" Mr. Robertson said, citing unsubstantiated claims of voter fraud.
Despite his own awfulness, or, alas, because of it, his son Pat was a transformative figure in American politics, and in American culture generally.
David John Marley, the author of Pat Robertson: An American Life, said that Mr. Robertson's statements were calculated to arouse his core following: Christians who felt ignored or mistreated by elites.
Pat Robertson rendered an awful lot to Caesar, as well as rendering an awful lot to his bank account.
Paranoia is the rock on which Pat Robertson built his church.
Summary Source FAQ Feedback Top keywords: Robertson#1 Pat#2 American#3 political#4 television#5
Post found in /inthenews, /politics and /esist.
NOTICE: This thread is for discussing the submission topic. Please do not discuss the concept of the autotldr bot here.
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2023.06.09 14:41 ebbsdoesntflow [Real] (6/9/23) Childhood Memories

“Hope is my philosophy; just needs days in which to be…love of life means hope for me…” John David
Dear Diary,
When I was a child, I used to wish/dream of living in a very cold, winter setting… in a tent. …alone. …with nothing but a man-made fire to warm my body and a blanket wrapped around my shoulders. Sometimes kind strangers would come by and bring me things that I was unable to obtain on my own but mostly, I was self sufficient.
Whenever I found myself alone, I would allow my mind to escape to this place of what I imagined to be safety.
Other times, when I would take a bath in our very tiny bathroom, I would imagine what it would be like to live alone. I could do it, I thought! I could do it and I could be happy doing it. This would inspire an entirely new daydream of living in a space the size of a very small bathroom. Without rationalization, of course, my very young brain imagined a total transformation of that very small bathroom. I could… hang a curtain around the toilet! I would convert the bathtub into a bed at night. I would make the counter top a kitchen counter with one of those little portable electric stove top burners and a microwave and I’d learn to cook! I’d take cabinet space and divide it between clothes/kitchen/bathroom. I’d get a little bar stool and put it next to the counter and use that as a table, too. I’d use the space beneath the counter for storage. I’d heat it during winter with one of those small space electric space heaters. I could use towels for blankets!
Suddenly, my tiny little bathroom was no longer attached to a house, but a tiny little house of its own; My own little secret safe- haven that I never told anyone about. I never wanted to leave. I wanted to take baths all the time and escape to that place of solitude where no one could find me.
I still find it perplexing when I think back on what comfort this …escape? brought me as such a small child. Only in recent years, have I even begun to dig into why my small heart would even dream of living in such poverty; poverty that I clearly didn’t even begin to understand yet.
I don’t know why I’m sharing this here. I’ve quite literally never shared this with anyone, but I do think it may play a small role in the person I am now; the person I grew up to be. I look back on that small child with love. I don’t feel bad about what I day-dreamed. I also don’t think it’s normal, but as a self-sufficient and successful individual now, I am thankful for that strong-willed child who was just a little bit different than the rest.
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2023.06.09 14:01 Crazyhorse471 What two characters from the same show or across the TWD universe would you like to have seen team up together for one episode? Name the couple and the situation they are thrown in.

Here’s some examples 1. Daniel (FTWD) & Carol (TWD). Ambushing a group of commonwealth soldiers on the road. 2. Milton (TWD) & Eugene (TWD). Holed up in Boston electronics laboratory which is surrounded by walkers. To escape they build a Walker killing machine (preferably to the theme-tune of the A-Team) 3. Rick (TWD) & John Dorie (FTWD). Using their cop skills to Investigate a massacre cover up by the CRM while communicating to eachother with just one word like Jimmy and Bunk do in ‘The Wire’
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2023.06.09 13:54 Magneto-Electricity 56426

56426 submitted by Magneto-Electricity to CountOnceADay [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 13:44 MisterPerfect23 BBQ'd chicken breast a few days ago, it was missing something, would love an opinion on my recipe!

i had 3 breasts, this recipe is how to cook an individual and I'm not super into measuring so I've got some approximates here:
take a sheet of tinfoil with 6x surface area of the breast, spread enough lemon juice across the middle of it, basically like 3tsp across the tinfoil
then put on 2 pinches of garlic salt across
then do the same with oregano, mint, basil, chipotle, and onion (all powders, for reference)
then roll the chicken around on the tinfoil til most of it sticks
then, wrap the tinfoil til it looks like a blunt (for visual purposes), with one side exposed with about an inch of "tunnel" where you can see the chicken
i cooked it on a charcoal grill at 375, turned it every 5 mins for 25 mins
i really enjoyed it, and so did my company, but we came to an understanding that it was missing something, any reccomendations for the next time?
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2023.06.09 12:49 Ok-Consideration2480 Custom Nightmare Before Christmas Cup Wraps - Perfect for Gifts!

Custom Nightmare Before Christmas Cup Wraps - Perfect for Gifts! submitted by Ok-Consideration2480 to u/Ok-Consideration2480 [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 10:53 IltisSpiderrick One of our chickens died and how to move on

So this week one of our 5 chickens died due to an intestinal obstruction (her name was Nanny btw). As the vet told us, during heat periods in the summer you should not mow your grass and put it the chicken coop because the grass fibres become hard. That can lead to chickens eating it and even though they eat rocks and sand to help them digesting, the fibres can wrap themselfs to become a literal rope which can then start to cause problems, like intestinal obstructions. We didn't know that and immediatly removed all grass from the chicken coop, leaving only earthy ground. The loss of the chicken struck my gf pretty hard, because it also happens to be most cuddly chicken of the bunch. All others are pretty scaredy and only watch us from a save distance. So right now there is only one chicken left that is tame enough to be touched but very limited.
Now I have read online you can tame chickens by basically develope a routine of visual and audio clues for the chickens to their food. Which is a good tool to tame them. I will now launch a campaign of trying to get at least 3 of them to become tame enough, so the chickens feel comfortable around people. Let themselfs be pet and not run away anymore just by a human aproaching.
Do you guys have any tips to incrase efficiency? I'm well aware that this takes patience but maybe some of you have good experiences with getting chickens to become comfortable around people.
Any tips are appreciated!
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2023.06.09 10:38 dogshitramsay Lost wallet

Think I may have lost my wallet around Jimmy John’s (kirkwood), wildside, or switchyard brewery. If you found it please shoot me a message
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2023.06.09 09:43 Cay7809 title

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2023.06.09 06:58 spookey_horror Sneezing when full??

I was sleeved 10 weeks ago today, have had no issues at all, it’s been an absolute dream ride for me.
I have noticed though that I now seem to sneeze after eating something heavier (eg. chicken/meat, wraps etc.) I had never experienced this before the sleeve, is this normal?
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2023.06.09 05:43 DropWatcher Drop Watch: June 9th, 2023





* means not on Apple Music or Spotify
Sorted by Spotify Monthly Listeners

Old Drop Watches

Full Calendar

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2023.06.09 04:55 Darmanarya Hunting Pack chapter 11

((This is inspired by the wonderful u/spacepaladin15 and is a fanfic of his story "Nature of Predators." You all know that already though, we are on chapter 11 of this already!))

Memory transcript subject: Arxur girlfriend Syle
Date [human standard time]: October 23, 2136


I don't know what it's called, and I don't know why, but Jack just put a finger behind his thumb and used it to strike my head! It didn'treally hurt that much, but still!

"What did you do to Taita?" He asked as we relaxed on the couch after lunch. He had fixed me some nice organ meat and venison chunks while he had something called a "hot dog." I let out a hiss and crossed my arms.

"I did nothing to the firebird! I simply said I hope one day we can all be together!"

He let out a sigh and slid that nice, warm, soft hand rubbed under my chin again. My tail curled around his nice, warm, smooth leg. “I think she might have taken it the wrong way.” He calmly explained to me as he slid that hand up the side of my face. Ohh yes.
“How else was she supposed to understand it? I mean. She doesn’t know I am an Arxur, but she seems pretty open minded. So maybe she could move in with us and date us too?”
He froze, his face turning red before he laughed. And laughed hard. “What!? You offered that!? Ohhhh that… OHHHHHH!” He then started laughing harder. Asshole.
“What is so funny!?” I grumbled out before laying down on his lap. My head against one of his thighs as I looked up at him. The data dump was right, this WAS nice!
“Well. For starters remember we normally take much longer than what we did to get into a relationship.” He explained slowly as he slowly rubbed my belly. He really liked to put his hands on my body, but it felt so good compared to the rough, worn, and sharp arxur hands I had to normally slap away that it was allll good. I nodded a bit looking back up into his eyes.
“Fair enough. We just live short lives where our return to continue our line is not always guaranteed. So we would not really court much. Plus I REALLY wanted you” I explained.
“Yup, it's good you remembered!” He asked me as he rubbed under my chin again. I wanted the chin rubs to continue so I simply nodded my head. “Well, from what I read the fed species, the prey, are very similar. Most pairing up with only one after a long time. So when you just approached her asking to date us both she freaked out.”
I let out a hiss. “She told you!? I was trying to surprise you!” I bellowed out waving my fists a bit in the air. I trusted that birdy bitch and she gave it all away! How DARE she-
He gently grabbed my hands and guided them down to my belly. “Welllll she didn’t think you were inviting her to DATE us at first.” I paused. What the fuck el- oh. OH. OHHHHH! I soon started laughing too at the whole idea of just strolling up to a prudish Krakotl and asking that kinda thing! No WONDER she came to him! Prey were known to panic at just about anything and that was something that would make even some arxur uncomfy!
After we laughed a bit I sent her a sorry really quick then returned to this thing called “cuddling.” I was glad we got that sorted out, but now I was going to have to be more careful. I still am going to make that bird one of our pack. She was a bit cold, a bit too rigid, but otherwise she seemed to be nice and calm. Doubly so for a prey. I had to admit I was curious as well!
I mean, having both a man AND a woman was a very good bonus for me as well. Even bigger bonus to not have to worry about arxur at all as a well. I looked up into Jack's eyes who simply smiled down to me and poked my nose.
There was one other reason. She already helped me so much with him. She talked me through the dark time and even gave me advice and helped me sort out some of the data on this “dating” thing. I didn’t have to pretend to be all knowing and able to do everything on my own now that I was with this human, but I didn’t want to rely on him for EVERYTHING. It would be fantastic to have a second person to help me.
And I really needed help with this dating thing.
I really like Jack. I want to make him happy. I want to be good. But he is a human and I am not used to human things, or even nice things at all! I needed help to be a good “girlfriend.” And she would be amazing to have around.
That. And I was kinda into her as well.
As I thought Jack continued to pet me before he patted my belly. “Come on. We are going to bed to relax.” He said as he gently got up to make sure I didn’t fall off the couch as he slid out from under me. He stretched a bit letting his joints pop as I looked out the window. It was still light outside! Was he… was he!?
“And no, nothing too intense yet. I just have a nice TV in my room and as cuddly as you are right now I thought it would be better to do it in bed rather than my legs going numb.” He chuckled as he led me to the bedroom where he pulled the curtains over the window. The room got as dark as night as he slid into the comfy bed before holding up his datapad. Soon a show about old guns people didn’t think about anymore was playing as he motioned me to join him.
I slid next to him and pressed my whole body against his warm, soft one and clicked happily once I felt his arm wrap around mine. This time he pulled me a little on top of him, letting me feel just how soft and warm he was. I didn’t give a shit about the show right now. Just being held softly. Safe. Fed. With a guy that treated me like something that could think. Fuck betterment humanity was were the best shit was.
“Any requests?” He asked me, getting only a small grunt from me. I didn’t care at all really. Was enjoying myself juuuuuust fine like this! “Alright, let's see…. AH!” He then flipped to a different one.
“-18th century cooking, I am your host, John Townsend, and today we are doing a beef stew.” A voice deeper and older than Jack’s rolled out from the screen. I opened my eyes some drawn by the word “beef.” Hey. I know what I like and that juicy, soft meat that was from a dumb animal was VERY high on that list. I rubbed a bit against Jack as I moved to see the show a bit better as he pulled the blanket over us both.
I watched as some random guy talked about how to cook a meal, but it was… odd. He didn’t use new machines or even electricity! Everything looked nothing like the stuff I saw in the kitchen down the hall. It was strange to see humans taking pride in how things used to be done. Explaining the history of FOOD. I mean, food is good, but I never thought about- well… I had thought about the history of some of my food. It's why I liked human food so much better and HATED betterment. Here food was just tasty and not… cruel. I watched as he showed how to cook, my tail rubbing against Jack as I learned a little about human meat food history. I thought it would be boring, but there was pride in tradition. A pride in doing things in ways that was just fun by the looks of it. I knew very little about arxur history beyond what the feds did to us. But humans could learn about even something as boring as stew?
Okay, not that boring. Wanted to eat it.
Still! It just made me enjoy being in Jack’s arms even more. I didn’t give a shit about Arxur history anymore. Fuck. I wish I was born a human. I wish… I felt myself start to shiver again.
Tears again.
Soon though I felt that soft hand reach under my chin, lift up my head, then warm, soft lips press against mine. This… I liked more than pets. I didn’t know what it was, but I could feel new things from him as he did it. Once it was done I didn’t feel like crying anymore. I felt… happy again. I watched the TV some more as I rubbed my head against his soft furry chin.
I don’t wish I was born human. Life before was horrible, but this? This was good.
I was okay being born Arxur if it is what got me this.


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2023.06.09 04:54 SoldMySoulForAids a real Jimmy johns ad

a real Jimmy johns ad submitted by SoldMySoulForAids to 196 [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 04:49 IDislikeHomonyms When I spoke through the drive-thru speaker, "Thank you for choosing Jimmy John's, what can I get started for you today?," why did "Brüke" mutter to me, "Just say 'Jimmy John's.'?"

What was the harm in saying:
Thank you for choosing Jimmy John's, what can I get started for you today?
...over the drive-thru speaker?
Why did she prefer that I just say the less exciting sounding "Jimmy John's.?"
submitted by IDislikeHomonyms to jimmyjohns [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 04:46 JapanApril2023 Belated Trip Report of Our Honeymoon

April 9 - April 26: Tokyo - Nanyo - Hakone - Kyoto - Osaka - Koyasan
We had two main goals for this trip to Japan: eat great food and see cherry blossoms. We had the best of both in the city of Nanyo in Yamagata prefecture. It's not a place that I've ever seen mentioned on Reddit or the western internet, so I wanted to share it with you all here.

What we learned


Tokyo Highlights


As I mentioned before, Nanyo was the highlight of our trip. Despite being a small town, it had it's own distinct feeling and cuisine, and I think it deserves more love. I definitely shouldn't have been able to book a last minute ryokan reservation during peak Cherry Blossom season.


Kyoto Highlights

Osaka Highlights


submitted by JapanApril2023 to JapanTravel [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 04:40 clingklop A mega-list of the episodes Shaffir recommended to listen to in the last episode

So this is a list of the podcast episodes Shaffir listened as ones he particularly liked as he is now ending the show. Summaries are provided by ChatGPT and may be shitty, but I fixed the ones that were way off. There's also direct links to 0-200 as a comment below Enjoi.
First 100:

37: The Nuthouse (Brody Stevens):

Ari Shaffir interviews comedian Brody Stevens, who opens up about his struggles with mental health and shares stories from his time spent in a psychiatric hospital.

40: Prostitutti Frutti (Miss X):

Ari Shaffir speaks with Miss X, a former prostitute, about her experiences in the sex industry, the challenges she faced, and her journey towards a different life.

50: Buddhism (Duncan Trussell):

Ari Shaffir and Duncan Trussell explore the principles and practices of Buddhism, discussing its relevance in modern society and how it can help individuals find peace and fulfillment.

73: Love Scam (Sarah Tiana):

Ari Shaffir talks to comedian Sarah Tiana about her personal experiences with online dating scams and the hilarious and sometimes shocking encounters she had while looking for love.

80: Chester the Molester (Dale Dudley):

"Dale Dudley came over to my hotel room in Austin, TX to shoot the shit and talk about his childhood molestation. It's way more fun than the subject matter. This is a really good, honest, and funny podcast. It's exactly what I envisioned when I started the Skeptic Tank."

79a: We Are Anonymous (Luke Harder, Star_Fawkes):

Ari Shaffir interviews Luke Harder and Star_Fawkes, two members of the hacker collective "Anonymous," discussing their motivations, activities, and the impact they have had on various issues.

79b: We Are Anonymous:

Continuing from the previous episode, Ari Shaffir further delves into the world of the hacker collective "Anonymous," discussing their methods, philosophies, and the societal implications of their actions.

92: Caddyshack (Greg Fitzsimmons, Steve Simeone, Greg's hyper dog):

Ari Shaffir is joined by comedians Greg Fitzsimmons and Steve Simeone, along with Greg's energetic dog, as they share their love for the classic comedy film "Caddyshack" and reminisce about their favorite moments.

99: Scrappy Doo w Greg Fitzsimmons:

Ari Shaffir and Greg Fitzsimmons discuss the infamous cartoon character Scrappy Doo, exploring the reasons behind the character's unpopularity and the impact it had on the show "Scooby-Doo."

95: Childless (Dom Irrera):

Ari Shaffir has a conversation with comedian Dom Irrera about his decision to remain childless and the societal pressures and misconceptions surrounding the choice. They explore the joys and challenges of living a child-free life.

100: Deliverance (Ryan O'Neill, Jeff Danis, George Saint Pierre, Nate Diaz, Ari Shaffir):

In this milestone episode, Ari Shaffir is joined by Ryan O'Neill, Jeff Danis, George Saint Pierre, and Nate Diaz. They engage in a lively discussion covering a wide range of topics, including personal anecdotes, comedy, mixed martial arts, and life experiences.

104: The Art of War with Greg Jackson and Kevin Christy:

Ari Shaffir delves into the world of martial arts and strategy as he sits down with Greg Jackson and Kevin Christy to discuss the art of war, combat sports, and the mindset required for success in the fighting world.

105: Going Blind (Tom Segura):

Comedian Tom Segura joins Ari Shaffir for a candid conversation about his personal experience with vision loss, discussing the challenges, adaptations, and humorous moments that come with going blind.

115: Heroin - Down In A Hole (Donovan Pee):

Ari Shaffir talks with Donovan Pee about his battle with heroin addiction, exploring the depths of addiction, the journey to recovery, and the ongoing struggles and insights gained from his experiences.

113: Lefty Liberty (Jimmy Dore):

Ari Shaffir sits down with comedian Jimmy Dore to discuss political ideologies, focusing on left-wing perspectives and the importance of civil liberties in society.

120: Shroomfest 2013 w Tony Hinchcliffe, Mat Edgar, Pete Cornacchione:

Ari Shaffir and his guests Tony Hinchcliffe, Mat Edgar, and Pete Cornacchione share their experiences and adventures during Shroomfest 2013, discussing the highs, insights, and psychedelic encounters they had.

122: Exspecially Cutting:

Ari Shaffir explores the topic of self-harm and cutting, engaging in a deep and honest conversation about the psychological and emotional aspects surrounding this behavior.

123: You Know What Dad (Robert Kelly):

Comedian Robert Kelly joins Ari Shaffir for a humorous and heartfelt discussion about fatherhood, sharing personal stories and reflections on the joys and challenges of being a dad.

124: Rape & Eggs (Kathleen McGee):

Ari Shaffir talks to comedian Kathleen McGee about her experiences with sexual assault, discussing the sensitive and important topic of rape and its impact on survivors.

133: Fuck the Government (Dave Smith):

Ari Shaffir and Dave Smith engage in a provocative conversation critiquing the government, discussing libertarian perspectives, and exploring the flaws and shortcomings of political systems.

134: Maniac (John F. O'Donnell):

Ari Shaffir sits down with John F. O'Donnell to discuss mental health, specifically focusing on O'Donnell's experiences with bipolar disorder and the challenges and insights that come with living with this condition.

141: Happiness (@SteveSimeone) by AriShaffir:

Ari Shaffir and comedian Steve Simeone delve into the topic of happiness, exploring the sources of joy and fulfillment in life and sharing personal anecdotes that highlight the importance of embracing positivity.

142: Gender Bender (Lauren Hennessy):

Ari Shaffir talks to Lauren Hennessy about her journey as a transgender woman, discussing the challenges, triumphs, and insights gained from embracing her true identity.

151: Ass Burger (@AutisticThunder):

Ari Shaffir has a conversation with Autistic Thunder about living with Asperger's syndrome, exploring the unique perspectives, challenges, and strengths associated with autism.

152: The Streetz, USA (Doc Willis):

Ari Shaffir sits down with Doc Willis to discuss his experiences growing up in the streets of the United States, shedding light on the realities, struggles, and resilience of those living in disadvantaged communities.

157: Divorce, of Course:

"Jacob Sirof and Sherry Sirof (nee East) each had me over to their places of residence to talk about the divorce that they're going through right now. First I went to Moshe Kasher's old place where Jacob is staying. Then a week later I went to their old apartment to talk to Sherry about the same topic. It's an interesting view into two sides of a disolution of the bond of marriage."

159: Thrilled (@TomSegura):

Comedian Tom Segura returns to the podcast as he and Ari Shaffir share hilarious stories, discuss comedy, and reflect on their careers, leaving listeners entertained and thrilled.

169: Blacklanta with Big Jay Oakerson and Ms. Pat:

Ari Shaffir, along with Big Jay Oakerson and Ms. Pat, explores the city of Atlanta, delving into its culture, comedy scene, and unique experiences.

170: HIV for Victory w Jeff Scott:

Ari Shaffir and Jeff Scott engage in a thought-provoking discussion about HIV, its history, misconceptions, and advancements in treatment, challenging the stigmas surrounding the virus.

173: Beijingaling (@DesBishop, @ComicDaveSmith):

Ari Shaffir welcomes Des Bishop and Dave Smith to the podcast as they share their experiences and insights gained from living in Beijing, discussing Chinese culture, politics, and the challenges of adapting to a new environment.

183: Popo (@MarkDemayo):

Ari Shaffir talks to Mark DeMayo about his experiences as a former police officer, exploring the realities of law enforcement, the complexities of the job, and the impact it had on DeMayo's life.

197: Injection Protection (Morgan Black):

Ari Shaffir and Morgan Black engage in a conversation about harm reduction and drug use, discussing strategies, safety measures, and the importance of education in minimizing risks associated with drug injection.

203: Prison Rules (Ali Siddiq)

Ari Shaffir and Ali Siddiq dive into a discussion about life in prison, exploring the unwritten rules, survival strategies, and the harsh realities faced by inmates.

216: Tenement (Nick Mullen):

Ari Shaffir chats with Nick Mullen about his experiences living in a tenement building, sharing stories of the unique characters, challenges, and memorable moments that come with this type of living situation.

219: Khob Khun Krap with Pete C:

Ari Shaffir and Pete C have a conversation about Pete's experiences living in Thailand, discussing the culture, customs, and the adventures he had while immersing himself in the Thai way of life.

223: Palsy with Davey Wester:

Ari Shaffir talks to Davey Wester about his life with cerebral palsy, delving into the challenges, triumphs, and the unique perspective that comes with living with a disability.

224: Take Me Out To The Ball Game (@PaulMorrissey):

Ari Shaffir and Paul Morrissey discuss their love for baseball, sharing stories, insights, and hilarious moments related to America's favorite pastime.

227: The Herp (@JoeListComedy):

Ari Shaffir and Joe List engage in a candid conversation about herpes, discussing the stigmas, misconceptions, and the impact it has on relationships and personal lives.

235: First Responder; A 9/11 Story (Cris Italia):

Ari Shaffir talks with Cris Italia, a first responder during the 9/11 attacks, as they share stories, reflections, and the emotional toll of being on the front lines during such a devastating event.

256: Take a Hike (@TheoVon):

Ari Shaffir and comedian Theo Von embark on a humorous and insightful conversation as they discuss their experiences and adventures while hiking, sharing stories and reflections from their outdoor escapades.

257: Money For Nothing (2 anonymous defense contractors):

Ari Shaffir interviews two anonymous defense contractors, delving into the world of military contracts, the intricacies of their work, and the ethical considerations surrounding the defense industry.

262 Cleavage Day @Gary Vider:

Ari Shaffir is joined by comedian Gary Vider to discuss the light-hearted topic of "Cleavage Day," sharing funny anecdotes and observations about this peculiar holiday.

265: Knife Hits in Alaska (@DanSoder):

"Dan Soder came over to my place to tell me all about the summer he spent working in a cannery in Alaska. The people he worked with were straight deigns without even realizing it. This might be the best summer job of all time."

270: NY Pizza Party (@NotAlexis):

Ari Shaffir and NotAlexis delve into the world of New York pizza, discussing their favorite pizza spots, unique pizza-related experiences, and the cultural significance of this iconic food.

276: "Running" Of The Bulls (@KaiHumphries, @MiloComedy, @Daniel_Sloss):

Ari Shaffir is joined by comedians Kai Humphries, Milo McCabe, and Daniel Sloss as they share their humorous and outrageous stories from participating in the infamous "Running of the Bulls" event in Spain.

277: Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost (@HenryRollins):

Ari Shaffir engages in an enlightening conversation with Henry Rollins, discussing travel, exploration, and the personal growth that can be achieved through wandering and experiencing new places.

281: The Reyk (@AriEldjarn):

Ari Shaffir talks to comedian Ari Eldjarn about his experiences growing up in Reykjavik, Iceland, exploring the culture, customs, and unique aspects of life in this Nordic country.

282: Aunt Flo (@Aiapalucci, @Stollemcache, @AmberSmelson):

Ari Shaffir and comedians Aiapalucci, Stollemcache, and Amber Smelson have a candid and hilarious conversation about the topic of menstruation, sharing funny stories and observations related to "Aunt Flo."

284: #BertIsFat (@BertKreischer):

Ari Shaffir sits down with comedian Bert Kreischer to playfully discuss Bert's weight and share humorous anecdotes about his larger-than-life personality.

288: Death of a Salesman (@TimJDillon):

Ari Shaffir engages in a conversation with comedian Tim Dillon, exploring the world of sales and discussing the challenges, successes, and pitfalls of the profession.

289 Tales of a Teenage Bedwetter w Mark Normand:

Ari Shaffir and comedian Mark Normand share hilarious and embarrassing stories from their teenage years, specifically focusing on the topic of bedwetting.

290 Cave Man with John Spies:

Ari Shaffir talks to John Spies about his experiences living as a cave man in Thailand, discussing the unique lifestyle, survival skills, and insights gained from immersing himself in this primitive way of living.

292: Cleavage Day 2017 with Legion of Skanks:

Ari Shaffir and the Legion of Skanks comedians celebrate Cleavage Day 2017, sharing funny stories and observations related to this playful holiday.

294 Jee Zu Tin Ba De w Ryan Nanni and William Childress:

Ari Shaffir is joined by Ryan Nanni and William Childress as they explore the topic of Chinese food, discussing their favorite dishes, cultural experiences, and humorous encounters related to Chinese cuisine.

298 Vagabonder w Rolf Potts:

Ari Shaffir sits down with travel writer Rolf Potts to discuss the art of vagabonding, exploring the philosophy and practicalities of long-term travel, and the insights gained from embracing a nomadic lifestyle.

320: Take My Wife Please - Aubrey Marcus:

Ari Shaffir has a conversation with Aubrey Marcus about relationships, discussing the challenges and dynamics of being in a committed partnership.

321: Let My People Go:

Ari Shaffir explores the concept of freedom with guests, discussing personal freedoms, societal constraints, and the importance of liberation in various aspects of life.

323: Mitzi:

Ari Shaffir pays tribute to the late Mitzi Shore, discussing her significant impact on the comedy world and sharing stories about her influential role as the owner of The Comedy Store.

347: Hot tub time machine (@BertKreischer, @SteveRannazzisi, @DanishAndOneill, @MarkNorm):

Ari Shaffir, along with Bert Kreischer, Steve Rannazzisi, Danish and Oneill, and Mark Normand, engages in a hilarious and nostalgic conversation about their experiences and misadventures in hot tubs.

353: Modern Hippie (@TFerriss):

Ari Shaffir talks to Tim Ferriss about the modern hippie movement, exploring the pursuit of alternative lifestyles, mindfulness, and self-discovery.

361: Spange (Tall Boy):

Ari Shaffir discusses spanging (spare-changing) and the subculture of panhandling with Tall Boy, shedding light on the experiences and challenges faced by those who engage in this lifestyle.

365: The Revolution w Adbuster Editor in Chief Kalle Lasn:

Ari Shaffir interviews Kalle Lasn, the editor-in-chief of Adbusters magazine, discussing activism, media culture, and the role of counterculture in shaping societal change.

369: The Podfather - Brian Redban:

Ari Shaffir talks to Brian Redban, the co-founder of the Deathsquad podcast network, discussing the evolution of podcasting, its impact on comedy, and Redban's influential role as the "podfather."

370: Troll (Milo Yiannopoulos):

Ari Shaffir interviews Milo Yiannopoulos, discussing the controversial nature of trolling, freedom of speech, and the impact of online personas on society.

372: ‘Roid Range (Mike Cannon):

Ari Shaffir chats with Mike Cannon about his experiences with steroids, exploring the world of performance-enhancing drugs and the physical and psychological effects they can have.

405: War Stories (Jake Hanrahan):

Ari Shaffir and Jake Hanrahan engage in a conversation about war reporting, sharing stories, insights, and the challenges faced by journalists covering conflict zones.

407: Obsessive compulsive with Eli Sears:

Ari Shaffir talks to Eli Sears about his experiences with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), shedding light on the condition, its impact, and the coping mechanisms employed.

408: The Lady With A Giant Hog (Margo Reiss @Margo_A_GoGo):

Ari Shaffir has a candid conversation with Margo Reiss about her experiences as a transgender woman, discussing personal journeys, challenges, and insights into the transgender community.

415: Baby Skeletons w/ Adrienne Iapalucci:

Ari Shaffir chats with Adrienne Iapalucci about dark humor, exploring taboo topics, and the art of finding comedy in sensitive subjects.

438: Six Months Of Hating Men with Annie Lederman:

Ari Shaffir and Annie Lederman discuss dating and relationships, delving into Annie's experiences and perspectives on men as she humorously reflects on her six-month period of hating them.
"and this one"

519: Talk Talk with Ron Bennington

"Ron Bennington joins me on today's episode to talk about interview style and his series Unmasked. Ron is someone whose style of interviewing I've always admired, it seemed fitting to have him on this episode."
submitted by clingklop to AriShaffir [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 04:38 Mammoth-Basket-801 Don’t hang up FRANK

hangs up
Next episode he wants to be shot like a sick dog. Eats a hamburger with ketchup on his gun. Becomes a predator loan shark. Gets shot by a tenant. Proceeds to shoot every member of the gang. Common Frank W. I can not wait for cricket to return and for Frank to do his magic. Danny Devito is a national treasure and go eat some Jimmy johns you animals.
submitted by Mammoth-Basket-801 to IASIP [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 04:27 Magellanic_ OMG! New Bladee song lyrics just got leaked???

(Verse 1) Yo, it's Bladee in the place, ready to drop some rhymes, But today, we're gonna have a goofy good time. I'ma rap about the things that make us laugh, From rubber chickens to a silly giraffe.
(Chorus) Goofy ahh, that's the vibe we bring, Laughing so hard, it'll make your heart sing. From silly faces to dances so wild, Bladee's here to make you smile like a child.
(Verse 2) I'm the king of goofiness, that's my style, Rapping 'bout funny things that make you smile. From whoopee cushions to banana peels, I'll crack jokes that'll give you all the feels.
(Chorus) Goofy ahh, that's the vibe we bring, Laughing so hard, it'll make your heart sing. From silly faces to dances so wild, Bladee's here to make you smile like a child.
(Bridge) Let's put on our goofy hats and silly shoes, Do the funny dance, no need to be cool. It's all about the laughter, spreading joy all around, Bladee's goofy ahh vibes, we're holding the crown.
(Verse 3) I'll rap about unicorns and rainbow farts, Tickle fights and silly pop tart arts. Giggles and chuckles, that's the sound we chase, Bladee's goofy rhymes, lighting up the place.
(Chorus) Goofy ahh, that's the vibe we bring, Laughing so hard, it'll make your heart sing. From silly faces to dances so wild, Bladee's here to make you smile like a child.
(Outro) So let's embrace the goofiness, let it flow, Bladee's rapping 'bout the funny things we all know. With silly lyrics and a playful rap, Bladee's goofy ahh vibes, that's a wrap!
submitted by Magellanic_ to bladee [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 03:40 _bexcalibur Help me?

The grand turkey club was my favorite (double meat, no mayo). Then I tried the jalapeño ranch chicken wrap sub turkey (I’m weird about chicken, I’m sorry).
Is there any way I can order either of these again without being obnoxious or am I just SOL? TIA
submitted by _bexcalibur to bys [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 03:21 Downtown_Club_5633 I'd love some feedback on my short story. TITLE: CRAWLING, GENRE: Horror

LIBRARY INTERACTION: “That’ll be ten days.” “I’ll try to be a good Samaritan and bring it back.”
The phone rings and I answer it. “Quick”, he says, “What’s the capital of South Dakota?” This is another test from TLN (The Library Network). I hear his stopwatch click and I rush to the computer. I type: WHAT Is THGE COAITOK F SOUTH DOIKAS (caps lock was on). I rewrite my search to simply just “SOUTH DAKOTA”. I knew Google would give me that little box guy off to the side. It did, I read: Pierre, and I say that to the TLN Man on the phone.
He tells me that if I took any longer, I would be fired. The agents would come in and I would find myself in the snow, red hands from the cold and red ears from the embarrassment.
I listen to Apple Music’s “80s Dancehall Essentials” playlist. It has a clear Jamaican influence, every song so far at least. I stand at the front counter when the phone rings. “No grooving!” the TLN Man says. He hangs up before I can apologize I stare outside and if I squint really hard I can see someone hiding behind the middle bar of the doors. A skinny man, or person, maybe a woman, like Maris from the acclaimed sitcom “Frasier”.
We have a fan in the – who is we? – front lobby to reduce harmful particles in the air. I want to stomp on it. I know if I turn it off the TLN Man would call and instruct me to turn it back on. I would too, since I am a slave to authority, or so they tell me.
I’ve stopped listening to 80s Essential Dancehall Essentials so I don’t start grooving again. I get a text from my Dad: We had McDonald’s for dinner. I say: Sounds good. LIBRARY INTERACTION #2: A man whose daughter is hiding check out the Blu-Ray of “Knives Out” and “The Revenant”. I say, “Good variety in movies here.” He says, “There we go. Have a good night.”
TLN Man can see me through every camera. I cannot see him; I never have. The phone rings: “What were you just thinking about?” I hesitate. “Every second is five dollars deducted from your pay!” I say, “I was thinking about how I can’t see you.” He hangs up. My phone beeps I have had thirty dollars deducted from my pay.
I’ve switched to 70s light rock Apple Music Essentials. My co-worker comes up from the back – We aren’t supposed to learn each other’s names. She smiles at me and I feel furry like someone just shoved feathers into my stomach through my belly button. I attempt to smile but I think I look like a monster. She scurries away. I have struck fear in her.
My face feels funny and I call TLN Man. I ask to go to the bathroom and he tells me I’ll get no lunch of I do but my face is squirming and I only get a five minute lunch anyway. I go to the nearest bathroom, the public one, and I look at my face. The feeling is emanating from a mole on the left side of my face, the mole that I have a hair growing out of. Every time that I pluck the dang thing it grows back in days. It’s a thick hair, so it always is a little uncomfortable. I always scratch and itch at it until TLN Man calls and tells me to stop and that I am disgusting and will drive customers away. I want to tell him they are called patrons not customers or at least they used to until now I guess. Everyone is a customer and everything is a business.
TLN Man doesn’t know that I can access the cameras. I managed to get the software by sending myself an email from my boss’ computer. I use the cameras to write this journal. I watch Her as She walks. I am enthralled. My mole throbs. I try to ignore it. MY home is small and sad but the camera feed brings me light and brings my joy. I can be God for a moment too.
I am back at work and sometimes I worry my thoughts are projected above my head and I get scared because I think inappropriate things about Her and TLN Man. Different things but both bad. A patron customer comes up to the desk and asks me if I know anything about some apartment buildings down the street. I say no and she spits at me, claiming I shouldn’t keep information from the public. Another man comes over and asks if he can put real mail in our Santa mailbox. I tell him no and he turns on his heel as quickly as he can and steps outside and he pours his coffee into the letters to Santa mailbox.
The more my mole twitches the more I wish I had the money to pay a dermatologist to remove it entirely. If there even is a dermatologist around here. Maybe if I didn’t talk so much at work or slack off. They money I was docked could’ve been used to drive out to see a dermatologist in the town over. Nobody has cars here since nobody can afford to leave for an extended period of time. I’ve been here for six years now, they only place I’ve lived since my parents died. A man came into our house and shot them along with my siblings. They were nine years old. He came into my room and pointed the gun at me but he didn’t pull the trigger. I’ve always wondered why.
At work She makes a joke to me but I’m too nervous to respond. I just laugh and look down as my hands search for something to do. They find some rubber bands and I try to take a big rubber band and wrap the other ones around up in it but it snaps back at me and hits me in the face. My glasses fly off and she chuckles and hands them to me. In my head she leaps into my arms and saves me from this job. I hope the TLN Man cannot see this.
The last thing I remember about my parents was them fighting while making dinner. Mostaccioli. They didn’t fight often, so it was jarring when they did. I can’t remember what the fight was about either. We ate dinner quietly and when we were done we all went into our separate places. Nobody said goodnight to me that night.
I never know how old people are at work. A woman comes in and I guess she is nineteen but she is forty-three. Married, with kids, two kids, Joey and Marko. She lives at 14432 Cumberland Avenue. Her husband is fifty-four, John. I can find this very quickly at work as long as everything is up to date. I’m not a stalker but I could be.
I left my journal in my work bad on accident. I hope nobody finds it especially Her. Good thing TLN Man is never here, I bet he’d sniff it out. I tried to bury it in my bad, hopefully nobody knocks it over on accident. The page that works knocks the cart into the wall and I jump. The phone rings. TLN Man asks me why I did that and I shrug. He tells me never to shrug, answer with your words, like a man! My fists become tight and I hope he doesn’t notice. I’ve never hit anyone but I would hit him. My mole twitches abnormally, it feels like it’s pulling me in a direction. I let it guide me, I follow it, briefly, and it takes me face to face with Her. She smiles and I blush and walk by Her. The mole stops guiding me and throbs once, hard. Almost feeling like a punishment. I get a drink of water which’ll dock my pay but I don’t care I’ve embarrassed myself and needed and excuse after nearly running Her over. Not that I would ever hurt Her. I barely know Her, what reason would I have to hurt Her?
I believe the man is standing in front of the doors again. I envision him hurling the doors open and lunging at Her over the counter. I save Her, everyone cheers. My boss (not TLN Man) comes in and tell me I have a piece of tape stuck to my jacket. I try to grab it and can’t reach. Double embarrassment. I tried to take the jacket off and she walks by and I worry she can see slash smell my armpits. Every patron customer that has come in has been able to see the tape. They never forget it, I bet, I’ll be the tape guy forever.
Sometimes when I get home from work I daydream about how work should’ve been, how I wanted work to go. I have a dog – Bailee. She barks and barks and I’ve given up trying to stop her. She sees something I don’t, clearly. I sit and I think and I stare at the empty television. I wish TLN wasn’t there, or, I guess he isn’t there but he is present. I am his empty television, waiting for the static, maybe a picture someday. I search dirty things on my computer to take my mind off all this and I feel the one haired mole throbbing.
I am back at work and I see a text from my Dad. Usually I try not to check it at work to avoid TLN Man’s rage, but the phone is quicker than I am and my face opens the phone and I see the text. “Hi. Marla passed away”. She was an old across the street neighbor. TLN Man calls he’s so mad the words sound animalistic, guttural. I tell him my neighbor died and he tells me he can make one phone call and get another neighbor killed the next time I go on my phone at the desk. Phone at desk = lazy = no customers = no $$$. I’m not even sure how we make money but I don’t say that I just hang up. My dad should’ve known better than to text me while I was at work. He’s done this on purpose I bet. Jealous I have a job and he doesn’t. My head throbs, the pain crawling up and around the top of my skull. Fuck him.
I’m home and I go back in the camera feed to see the moment I took my phone out. As TLN Man is yelling at me I see Her behind me laughing at me. How can such an empty television feel so many things at once? I am ashamed and angry, ready to run and ready to gage Her eyes out, rip her tongue out, biblical punishment – thou shalt not laugh at me. I could be better than her, I could be the authority. She’d bow down to me if I had the strength to make her. The headache has moved back into my mole. I storm into my filthy bathroom and rip the cabinet door of the henges; I didn’t know it was broken. The tweezers are in my hand and I’m yanking at the mole hair, mostly missing. My face is bleeding from the poking and prodding and I finally grasp the hair. I yank hard and my face both throbs and tingles. Pins and needles shoot into my face by way of the mole. It feels explosive, volcanic. What’s the lava, I wonder. I feel movement and the hair comes loose, thick, mangey, twitching in the light breeze. I stare hard at the cause of my pain, is this my inhibitor? Is this the reason I am who I am? Maybe now I can be free. I will be the authority. Maybe I can be the TLN Man. My mole throbs – my head whips to the mirror. I watch the hair regrow: longer, thicker than before. I’m on the ground and my mouth is open and I’m wailing. My fists hit the floor and my eyes bleed tears. I remember my childhood exercise. “Weezer, Dolly Parton, Elton John, Dodie, Avett Brothers, Metallica, Disturbed, Bobby Darin.” All musicians whose music has been devoid of all meaning to me. It doesn’t even exist anymore. I sit alone.
TLN Man calls me and tells me my facial injuries are too gruesome for the customers. I notice She is looking at me while I am on the phone. She is stifling a laugh; not obviously, but I just know it. She brought Her friend up to the desk to watch me suffer. The phone has left my hand and has gone flying towards her face. The cord pulls it back and it hits me. She and Her friend laugh. TLN Man is screaming. Suddenly I am home. I do not look at the cameras.
Rejoice! The library is out of power. What a joyous occasion. Alas – I will not see her today, in person or on camera. Or perhaps ever. Tis a shame, although the pain I feel in my face as I think this overcomes the shame. It grips my attention. I turn on my 80s ballads Apple Music station – “Forever Young” plays. Alphabetville? The band name escapes me. I twirl and twirl, attempting to enjoy this lucky day and dismiss my facial pain. My arms were flailing and my brain was quiet. Then, horror! My music changes! I did not request this. MY joy is sucked out of my body; I can feel it leaving, dispensing through my pores. How dare my moment be ruined? I walk over to my phone and to my behest it stands up tall, sprouting two legs! “Ugly mole!” it says to me. I head to my kitchen and I slide one of my dull knives out of the slot and I go walk into my tiny bathroom when I hear a knock at the door. I freeze – who would be here? Must be a vagrant; a burglar; murderer; rapist. I keep the knife behind my back when I answer. Two police officers stand right outside the door, sternly. “Sir, we regret to inform you that there’s been a murder in the building. We have police stationed at all exits and we are doing our best to blah blah blah”. He went on for too long and I managed a weak, “Thanks, officer” and they left. I hope they don’t think I did it. I don’t think they saw the knife. And I was so careful about it all too.
I am back at work. I go home. Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.
It has been a week since the police came by. They still haven’t found who killed Her.
It has been two weeks since She was killed probably with a knife and my mole the mole on my face (not my mole, I do not own this, I do not condone this) has made me cry every single day. I can barely work, so I have been yelled at by TLN Man every day until he quit.
TLN Man has been reported as a missing person. Work is closed in remembrance. Not that I could forget him – I see him every day.
I cannot move. My mole The Pain on my face has spread, parasitically. I can feel it moving through my brain, down into my arms, all the way to the tips of my fingers. I am rigid with crawling pain. I cannot handle this. I am through. I grab my tweezers – removing the eight hairs might make the mole removal easier. I pull and pull on some of the hairs, then I get them into the grasp of the tweezers. I hear my skin rip apart, I can barely feel it, I’m already in so much pain. I yank and rip the hairs out and I look at the tweezers. In their grasp is a spider. Our eyes meet, the pain is fading, but so is my vision. The pain moves from all over my body back towards my face. Another spider rips its way out, then another, and another, and another. Then a swarm of them. The pain fades, and the pain fades, and the pain fades, and
BREAKING NEWS: The murder of two local people, both employees of the district library, has been found dead in his apartment along with the two bodies. More at six.
The end.
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