Who is Hilary Thomas?

“Spain “was something that was part of my father’s childhood”, Baldwin said. “He would go there when he was younger and created these deep, deep, deep bonds and it was something that was part of my childhood. It was something my father introduced to my mother when they met, when they were pretty young.”
Baldwin first visited Spain with her parents when she was a baby, she said, and she went at least yearly thereafter. She declined to explain in detail how frequently they traveled there or how long they stayed. “I think it would be maddening to do such a tight time line of everything. You know, sometimes there was school involved. Sometimes it was vacation. It was such a mix, mishmash, is that the right word? Like a mix of different things.”

How did they meet? Why did they get married?

“What’s worse than waking up with a 25-year-old woman, you know what I mean? You want to go shoot yourself because you have nothing to say to her. Seriously.”
“It’s sad but there are men who go for whatever their earliest ideal of a sexual partner was, they stay with that ideal, meaning men often lock into the image of the first girl they loved at 18. They get stuck in an idea of sexuality with young women. Other men learn to see beyond all that.”
“Men are literally lying in bed with their wives when the marriage is essentially over thinking ‘I’ve got to get the hell out of here’ and have a fantasy woman in mind. Then you get divorced, meet a woman, marry her and, by the time all that goes by, you’ve aged a few years and are ready to go back to your ex-wife. You want a woman who is sane and normal. A woman who is more like you. You’ve gotten older.”

“He compared himself with his brother Billy. “My life, in some ways, has been a half-measure. I didn’t commit myself all the way to my marriage and family, because I would have given up more. And I didn’t go all the way with just being completely selfish. I always wonder where my career would be if I was more selfish. Billy is someone who gave it all up for his family. And he has a lovely family. He’s happily married. He stayed married to one person. . . . ”

“I must know you”

“I walked by him,” she said of Alec Baldwin and he called out to her, “‘Who are you, I must know you, I must know you,’” she recalled. “He said, ‘Where are you from?’ And I said, ‘I’m from Boston.’ That was the first thing I said, that has always been my narrative.” Here is a photo of what AB looked like at the time.

• #throwbackthursday 2012-2013 pap shots (all pulled from CDAN’s random celebrity pic lists or Celebrity Dirty Laundry)
  • Multiple fashion violations at the US Open
  • Alec impressing his pregnant wife with pushups
  • Hilary is styled appropriately at Cannes for the first and last time
  • One for Hilary’s self-proclaimed style icon sockpuppet finsta
  • Alec has Hilaria carry the baby while he carries his coffee
  • Alec’s cursed face/weak upper body strength lifting up the dog
• Ireland Baldwin is Jealous of Hilaria Baldwin (July 2013)
  • Star Magazine claims Ireland hates how Alec shows more love to Hilaria than her and is totally being a spoiled brat about it!
  • Alec is standing up for his wife and does not tolerate Ireland’s rudeness.Star wonders if Ireland will then terrorize their future children, not counting on Hilary never aging mentally past the age of 14.
• Hilaria Wears Low-Cut Dress, Alec is Embarrassed in Front of Rich People (October 2013)
  • Page Six reports that Hilaria wore a dress that was too racy for the Smithsonian yoga exhibit at the Sackler Gallery. DC’s elite finds her “cornucopian bosom” a bit much. On top of that, Hilary kept addressing guests collectively as “you guys,” which embarrassed Alec since it’s now known he’s dating a pleb. Here’s the dress.
• Hilary’s yoga student gets seriously injured, mocked by the press, and bullied by AB/H by making a big deal about it (February 2013; updates in 2021)
  • Spencer Wolff, 32, claims he was instructed to perform a handstand at Hilary’s insistence. Unfortunately, it was against a glass wall. He fell and sliced his knee open in five places, requiring 40 stitches. Blood is reported to be gushing everywhere.
  • He unfortunately didn’t have insurance at the time. The only compensation he wanted was covering his medical expenses. AB/H refuse.
  • Eventually, they settle for a paltry sum on an NDA contingency.
  • Later, Spencer would express that he had to leave the city/state entirely. The anxiety of living around the same area was overwhelming. Hilary had recognized Spencer on the street, but according to him and witnesses, she ran over and aggressively yelled “I know who you are and you traumatized me!”
  • This lawsuit would lead to yet another incident of Alec threatening a reporter. Here’s the uncensored CDAN summary:

• The NY Post has the full context and makes fun of him.
• Hilary fucks up as an entertainment reportedecent human being attending a beloved actor’s funeral (June 2013)

• Eleven days after Carmen is born, she makes her debut People cover (September 2013)
  • CDAN noted that in the three weeks after Carmen’s birth, AB/H are photographed at 17 different red carpet events.
• Hilaria and Alec are fighting so hard they’re on the brink of divorce (December 2014)
  • Star Mag is the first to link “Hilaria” and “famewhore” together. Labeled “a total attention seeker,” Alec decries the complete loss of privacy with her social media posting. Divorce seems inevitable for someone who punches paparazzi as often as Larry calls them, and worst of all: “Hilaria is determined to get her nearly sixty year old husband on a diet – and Alec wants no part of it.” Gossip sites always love poking the bear, and PeePaw is raging on Catholic narcissism and "secret whiskey shots" he finds from a nearby bar in the smoking breaks he takes from his wife.
• Hilaria thinks Alec is cheating on her with Demi Moore (December 2015)
  • Demi Moore and Alec play adulterous lovers in a movie called “Blind” (2016). Apparently, they’re close off set. Hilary has a blink-and-miss-it role as a yoga instructor.
  • Alec claims that he’s not flirting with Demi, but “being sensitive to her heartache.”
  • Hilary intimidates Demi and Alec by showing up randomly on set with Carmen and Rafa, which from Beyond the Blinds' Alec episode, is a recurring behavior whenever Alec is on a set.
• Gossip about Hilary blocking nannies in her IG photos for the supermami grift (June 2015)
• Alec and Hilary bring TWO BABIES to the Carmen Marc Valco fashion show’s front row (September 2015)
  • Hilariously, Anna Wintour banned babies and toddlers from New York Fashion Week after sitting next to Kim Kardashian’s screaming infant, North (Feb 2015)
  • Rafa, looking sick of their shit, gets the pap treatment at three months old.
• Alec posts a rare photo thanking the five nannies for their two children (2016)
  • Hilary is boolied for privilege but has her defenders in the insta-parent community.
  • Of course, Pepinos know how often Hilary likes to pretend her nannies aren't there, so the subtext is "how dare you acknowledge we have nannies that do all the parenting help supermami?"
  • Food for thought: How many nannies do they have now per child? How many nannies have they gone through since Hilary likes to ensure that children/Alec don't bond with any specific nanny by firing them monthly?
• Hilary wears the pants in the Baldwinito home (November 2016)
  • According to Alec, their home is “just one long, endless psychotherapy session in Spanish.” This fluff piece for Hilary’s supermami grift reads strangely passive-aggressive to me, recalling that tone-deaf stick figure drawing of Alec begging for help. They phrase Hilary’s psychoanalyzing as “method to madness,” which is a choice.
  • Model “alpha” parent’s child-rearing philosophy versus Alec’s: “Well, you do it your way, I’ll do it my way, and we’ll see how they turn out! Kidding. I just feel like kids learn by example, and if you want to teach your kid to be kind, you can’t be mean at them,” she said. At. Them. Her children are indirect objects both in a grammatical sense and literal sense.
  • Hilary is proud to call herself “the alpha” parent of the two of them, saying Alec avoids his family defers to her often because she considers herself the Ancient Greek goddess Leto, but had the mythology explained to her by Jordan Peterson.
• Alec and Hilary renew their vows after five years of marriage (June 2017)
  • Disturbing detail from AP News: At the premiere for his latest movie ‘Blind,’ Alec Baldwin and wife Hilaria talk about why they have chosen to renew their wedding vows, with Baldwin joking that it is because he needs “reassurance.” I don't know what that word means in passive-aggressive resentment.
• Puff piece: Alec insisted on a live-in nanny despite Hilary’s objections (December 2018)
  • Another spin on supermami where Hilary is so great at mothering that she doesn’t need nannies, but Alec, known for sensitivity and romantic gestures, insisted upon it so she could go out on the agreed-upon contractual dates with him to events.
• Hilary sucks, according to the SNL cast (2019-2020)
  • DC Urban Mom poster: “Oh just when I thought we were done with Hilaria, I spoke with my cousin who works on SNL. He told me she hangs out on the set any week that Alec is appearing (like during the week's rehearsals) where she acts like a total diva. Apparently the cast and crew have a nickname which he wouldn't tell me, but it's not flattering. She is a piece of work.”
• Hilary claims Alec didn’t kiss her for the first sex weeks of dating (March 2020)
  • Alec sits in for Ellen Degeneres’ daytime talk show and brings Hilary. They engage in some totally believable banter about how Alec was so chaste that he shook her hands for six weeks before kissing her–all because he wanted Hilary to know he wasn’t in it for the sex. It's definitely because he wasn't in it for the sex, either.
  • An audience member asks them about their sex life. Her response is sexless and dispassionate: “You just gotta find time, and you have to make it a priority because people have needs,’ Hilaria quipped.” The image that Hilary, chewing gum and bored, gives a lackluster handjob to AB's alleged tiny, beloved by Russell Brand for how much hair it has-penis. I cannot tell whether (fellow Jordan Peterson acolyte) RB is fucking with us or not.
  • Related quote: Alec Baldwin felt emasculated by Meryl Streep (and cucked by Stanley Tucci) when Streep brought Tucci to set. He said his"penis telescoped up his body," and knowing that Tucci is a dom to Alec is so homoerotically charged that it becomes a meta-satire of gender politics.
• Vanity Fair España reflect on the infamous cucumber incident; had their suspicions on her odd behavior (December 2020)
  • Vanity Fair España noted in another interview with Hilaria in 2014 that she was oddly dodgy when it came to their direct questions about her ancestry.
  • No one answers questions about her, as Alec claims "privacy of his family. This man infamously overshares So, Hilary only talks about her career path...
    • Said career path: “I started dancing when I was two years old. At first just classical dance but after a few years I started to study flamenco and spent a lot of time in Seville, where I also learned sevillanas. The night before our wedding we had a party and Alec learned to dance first."
    • From the 2014 article, translated via Google: "By now Hilaria had become something of a Manhattan character. But the first thing that was known about her was her behind. The photo? Likely a self-leaked upskirt pap photo (DURING A BLIZZARD) of her went viral "amongst high society."
    • Thomas simply tweeted: "Thanks to my gym, Phisique 57, for getting my ass in such good shape for this unfortunate appearance."
    • Lies: "I don't want to be famous if it means I have to give up my job, my students and my passion,” Hilaria tells me, who continues to teach her yoga classes. Her life seems perfect, but with a certain dose of nostalgia. “I miss my family in Spain a lot. I spent a lot of time in Matalascañas and Murcia and I have very nice memories of the sea and the walks after the siesta."
  • The Spanish publication brought up its 2014 interview with Hilaria again — as it panned her “terrible accent” and recalled her now-infamous TV appearance in which she claimed not to remember the English word “cucumber.”
  • ”In short, she tried too hard to be a more exotic person than she was,” said the story in a Google translation.
• Ex-dance partner claims “Hilary always wanted to be Spanish” (December 2020)
  • Alexander Rechits, Hilary’s dance partner from 2006-2009, comments post-grift reveal. Surprisingly, he’s complimentary towards Hilary, saying she was “sweet and talented” and understood why she did it to stand out in the crowd.
• Salma Hayek says Hilary “fooled her,” but is “honored” by Hil’s alter ego (December 2021)
  • We’ve come full circle! Apparently, Salma is one of Alec’s close friends. Was she one of those friends that Alec was tired of taking out all the time? In a casual Google search, seems like no, she wasn’t.
  • “We all lie a little bit,” she told [Andy] Cohen on a Sirius XM interview. “She makes my friend happy. She fooled me because she’s such a good mother. She has five [kids] and you know, I don’t care.”
  • Hayek, who is Mexican, Lebanese, and Spanish, added that she felt “honored” that Hilaria, 37, wanted her alter ego to be something similar to her “roots.'" “It makes me feel proud that people are inspired,” she said. “I think she’s smart to want to be Spanish. We’re cool, you know?” And while she found the whole ordeal to be “bizarre” she decided not to judge the situation.
  • “Don’t we all create our own character in life? I mean this might be extreme, ok, but I don’t care,” Hayek said. “She’s not a bad person. [She’s] a good person, a good mother, and good wife. She makes my friend happy. She’s very kind to me and that’s all I care about.”
  • Alec attempts to play 4D chess by having Salma soften the post-grift fallout, validating Hilary through a Legitimate Latina who can speak on behalf of all Legitimate Latinas. See? It’s TOTALLY not a big deal! I really don’t care. Do u?
  • However, as I read it from the perspective of a Latina woman who has been fetishized and pursued relentlessly by AB, it's hilarious passive aggressive shade. Note that she doesn't tie "lying" anywhere near to "acting," since an industry vet like Hayek is too sympathetic of a character for the multiple masks people put on every day for myriad situations. Hayek is also married to a billionaire, so there is no way she could authentically hide her disdain from someone who is universally frowned upon by higher society.

• 2020: Hilary admits that Alex shushed her during labor
• 2021: Hilary weaponizes sandwiches when she’s mad at Alec
• Hilary’s Marilu humiliation 1 2
• Interesting aside for another time: Hilary follows Jordan Peterson and JWoww on Instagram. These two very distinct celebrity personalities make for one helluva psychological dichotomy.