First communion necklace boy
Let's chat about our "baseline" view of equality.
2023.05.29 05:31 Jonathanese Let's chat about our "baseline" view of equality.
OK so first of all, I'm new here. So Hi. This is a bit of an introduction, but there's a particular thing I wanted to talk about, and figured I would wrap my intro around it.
In several of my conversations here, I've noticed that different people seem to have very different ideas of what the "majority" or "dominant" opinion is on some of this stuff, and I think that's worth talking about, because it creates a lot of confusion.
So here's the crux of the post: What views did you grow up viewing as dominant? How might it bias you?
So take my case: (You can skip all this unless you want more context)
I was raised in a household that was politically moderate and relatively egalitarian in the sense that while there were one or two gendered expectations, there really weren't gendered limitations. My parents earned about the same. My parents were both in tech, with my mom emphasizing management and my dad emphasizing customer service. Both my sisters were older, and my brother was younger. So women were kind of authority figures to me. Gender was just not a significant factor beyond me being expected to do more mowing, or having to give the girls the bedroom on vacations while I slept on the living room floor.
In college, I was active in LGBT and other feminist-aligned groups to support my friends and freedom for things I thought weren't even controversial.
Once I was targeted for bullying by a department of girls, assaulted, and then had an arguably-abusive girlfriend later, I found myself being heavily victim-blamed by the very groups who introduced me to the term. A sense of realization that "they wanted me to have their back, but never actually had mine. It was just them fighting for their own team."
As far as I was concerned, the feminist perspective was pretty much a monopoly on all gender conversation. In fact, I had to discover later that men even dealt with domestic abuse to any significant degree at all. I figured as much as DV against women was discussed, domestic abuse against men must not really be "a thing". So I had trouble recognizing when I was in the midst of it. My friends had to convince me otherwise.
That then started getting me interested in men's issues. I would ask about the stuff and be told it was either my fault because I'm a man, or that it was sexist for me to ask. So that had me going more anti-feminist MRA, then somewhat RP, before I realized my thoughts were getting paranoid and toxic and sought professional help.
(Just a reminder. If someone is heading down this path, and they don't feel like they can talk to you, they will find someone who will listen, and there are a lot of groups that prey on this sort of thing. If you can, try to be the one they would prefer to talk to. I'm just saying that was all I wanted at the time.)
But my perspective of feminism having a monopoly played a major role in all of it. It felt like a lot of guilt-by-association, and prejudice, judging me by assuming I was thinking things that I never really had thought. So "taking the red pill" and "waking up" to all these other issues was more of a "fighting for the underdog" sort of thing.
But at the same time, I imagine for the ones I had talked to, they probably viewed the feminist perspective as a tiny minority fighting for some semblance of influence, and probably saw me as some "high and mighty oppressor afraid to lose his power" and needed to be taken down a peg. But for me, I was already at rock bottom. There wasn't a peg to go down.
It was a passing thought at the time. But on here, it seems to crop back up quite a bit. There seems to be wildly different perspectives on how dominant different sets of ideas are. A girl in rural Kansas probably feels like an underdog trying to be taken seriously. A boy in Portland probably feels like he was born with inescapable guilt. Get the two talking to each other, and not a single word will hit the others' ears.
After the ordeal, I consider my self to "be generally feminist", but not "A" feminist. I refuse to align with a party, specific ideology, or movement. As far as I'm concerned, every one of these is just another tribe. A group attaching its identity to a specific worldview, and needing everything to fit into that worldview. People looking for an in-group, and then identifying a villain they can criticize so they can avoid subjecting themselves to the same criticism.
I want no part in any of that. It's all just noise and fog getting in the way and tainting everyone's perspective. I just want to be able to take issues at face value, and not value or devalue it based on how it fits into a narrative. I love thinking of bigger narratives, don't get me wrong. I just don't think it helps anyone to tell a homeless man he's only poor because of patriarchy, or to tell a woman trapped in an abusive marriage about "gynocentrism". These terms belong in philosophy class, not the therapy room.
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2023.05.29 05:31 ig-geo_trunks916 Feeding my boy shikamaru and hot work for the first time- glizzy special
2023.05.29 05:23 Top_Watercress_8861 My finest photos from first playthrough
A selection of my favourite photos, the first half or so are auto shots with Prompto's camera (no filter, just the way I like it), while the latter half are my own. Do most players get the same auto shots, I wonder? I did a lot of night time manual shooting - the skies were just so beautiful in Leide. Lots of sleepless nights for the boys so we can do nighttime wanderings.
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2023.05.29 05:20 RegularSense7782 Update 10 not played only watched thoughts
These thoughts are just from my vod watching experience and may not be liked by everyone, to that i dont care if you dont like them lol i probablydont like ypur thoights but this platformseems to be a good place to share my "persived" bad thoughts to others however I feel they are good thoughts, and if my ideas are put into the pack awesome if not I'm still going to play this pack for a very long time! As it's super enjoyable and keeps improving in this alpha state!...
First the tables are amazing for preparing tools and yes one for inscriptions would be fun to plan around.
Second is I'm excited to now play with the smite abilities as update 9 was kinda gated out of using it as the cost wasn't achievable before lvl 30.
Third the treasure room chest looked better, however I still feel it should have a +++mod box. So the chest could get a Omega Green/ or Pog colored Mod Box that only has better mod items in it. Stuff that is a bit of a time sink to get. This way it's not a feel bad on rabbit hide at lvl 50+.
Forth in episode 98 on vodskall85 youtube channel, he crafted the omega library crystal. When it came down to what should he add when it was at 12x gilded, he was going to add extended but chat pointed out that it's just better to add blank inscriptions for time do to the additional instability from the catalyst. So my thoughts would be 3 tiers of catalysts instead of the current 2 tiers. Tier 1 is one + modifier and one - random. Tier 2 is only one + modifier Tier 3 could be one + modifier & one additional + modifier in a pool of 3 +'s, these 3 would be: Extended +1min, Rabbits Foot +1-5% item rarity, Loot Goblin +1-5% item quantity. These would be very powerful catalysts thus the need to be harder to get ahold of I.E. a treasure room chance &/or black market as the name states lol. They would roll like the Uber catalyst does.
Fifth is the jewel cutting, I'm a huge fan of this being added because I'm just sitting on trash ones early game do to crafting sh*t tools tell I lvl up to better tools and just tossing some garbo jewel sizes just to get the slicing early game. But end up with 3-4tools brought into vault. Now this gives a chance to not be as disappointed. With that I do believe you need more size cutting options like "Broad Cut" which can remove 10-25 size each click at the 50% chance to fail. And a "Percise Cut" that can cut 1-5 at a 45% fail rate. This way you can hack huge chunks off of a perfect 90size with out the massive feel bad. And then add a bit of fine tuning....and if your feeling frisky add a knowledge core focus which gives use to beni-boys and costs the vault diamonds, and could Incorporate some other item like glass panes or even the vault crystal decor block to the recipe to craft above mentioned focus.... and its use would allow you to remove an attribute you don't want but adds 5-10size only use once per jewel... so you can remove that pesky copiously from my legendary vanilla immorality jewel.... or any affinities.
Seventh is proving that people make mistakes and now your check to see what happened to point six.... who knows...
Eighth would be the high end vault tools. Iskall is already making a new chest breaker.... no not the one from alien... however that would be a funny tool model you can get if you put every modifier type on one tool which would have to be a sickle to get reaping.... but back to the point hit tool still has like 3-4 repairs left and now will get wasted but it's something I've thought about for a while now, the tools longevity to jewels aquribilty is very bad. Iskall has broke probably 9k chests with his current tool give or take do to unbreaking, and has technically lasted him from lvl 70-90... he only upgraded because why not. I think the tools need to be more set up on a I have to work on getting my next tool made ready.... so chromatic tools have 1 time repair and are cheap with low capacity. Which is good but I think as the tiers of tools increase the capacity should increase but the repair slots should not, other wise you end up with so e of these tools that last you 50+ lvls of looting. If on average you loot 100 chests a vault and you have one tool that only breaks chests and another paxel for everything else. That chest tool with out unbreaking would be able to last 40 vaults on average.... the average exp gained per vault is about 5-10k so we shall call it 7.5k x 40 = 300k exp, now I don't know the exact math but I believe that's enough the go from level 0 to lvl 30ish... under perfect conditions of course... but then you use a repair core and now that tool is good to go for another 40 vaults and with the affinity change and jewel cutting you can make a chest buster on a chromatic iron tool.... wooden 10, ornate 10, living 10, gilded 10, coin 10, that's 50 size on a tool with nothing else.... ideal conditions of course... bit that leaves you space for 5 more jewels which most likely would be your best trap disarm jewels or even some great looting rarity or quantity jewels. So I think the tools should have the same amount of repair cores except maybe tier 1 and tier2 tools should just have 1 repair making you Cycle them, then 2 repairs for all the other tiers and implement "+1 repair slot" jewels as rare as hamming currently is... this way those higher grade tools with all that capacity can now be balanced out.... also just saying it's a long time for me to get to lvl 100 but if you have a God tool with 5-6 repairs slots and 400-600 capacity you could loot with that same affinity 50 size use and add extra durability and trap disarm, and loot bonus, with unbreaking enchant and unbreaking expertise, at 5k-6k durability that tool could in theory break on one repair slot 10k chests... if you don't put any tool types on it so it only breaks chests, so that's 50-60k worth of chests.... so with that logic at lvl 100 your probably at best if your not catalysting like crazy averaging 400 chests a vault so that one tool will last you 125 vaults minimum if you focus like brryhrry, but if you iskall avg 250 chest that's still 200 vaults... not sure how many vaults he has ran so far but I believe it's only 350ish vaults total. Meaning that this tool would most likely never run out before he stopped playing on the server. But if you have a limit of 2 repairs on a pog tool with 600 capacity and then you use up some of that capacity to add the repair slots to it then it balances..... not by much but in my opinion makes it more of a better goal to reach.... out the tools. With that being said the other issue lvl 100 tool that can last 125 vaults... the amount of new jewels you will get that are technically a waste... most likely an average balance on chests is 40% wooden, 15%living, 15%ornate, 15%gilded, and 15% coin as what I've gathered from iskall saying the balance is so that means 15% of 50k chests will be gilded, which is 7.5k, and if you have 50%+ item rarity... but on that God tool it's going to be like 100%+.... a jewel every other chest so after that tool dies you'll have about 3-4k of jewels to build a new one, and a new god tool can only hold a max of 60 jewels. That ration is insane.
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2023.05.29 05:17 Representative-King1 My (26M) bi boyfriend(21M) chose to hang out with his friends after come back from trip around a month
So we haven’t seen each for a month and before that he was in uni so be basically LDR. We’ve been dating for half year. And today I know he’s gonna come back so I asked for day off just wanna spend time with him. But he told me he’s gonna unpacking stuff and doing some housework. Turns out he just hanging with his boys. it makes me feel like he only hang with me becuz he’s friends are busy or didn’t ask him out.
He’s living with his family and he has strict parents so usually he comes over (around 20 mins drive or 40 mins by transit) since I live alone. Also his family doesn’t know that he’s bi and dating a boy.
I love him so much so I always let him do whatever he wants. What should I do?
Btw English is not my first language. So I don’t know how to start this kind of convo.
TLDR: I feel like my bf prioritizing his friends over than me.
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2023.05.29 05:16 plrmoon3 We lost our Championship game without a last out or even second out in the last inning of the game.
I coach AA (7-10 yr olds) little league in an area known for wine country and hot air balloons north of San Diego in Riverside county. I’ll keep the city out of it just incase I know someone on here.
So about 4 hrs before the game started I knew the outcome and emailed the board president and the opposing coach, also a board member, about the last inning rule in a non-timed 6 inning game. Real quick on the topic of the board, it’s made up of 3 married, couples, current coaches in little League, and maybe 1 non-baseball person. I had a feeling with my strategy and knowing what he HAD to do to win, since my team was the best in the league all year I needed an answer to specifically that topic. By the way, there is no tie allowed in this game since the winner goes to tournament of champions. So the answer I get back in an e-mail train of 4 discerning answers, was never given a yes or no. More or less, it’ll never happen and if it does it’s the umpires ruling. So again at that moment reading that 4 hrs before the game I redid my defensive strategy just thinking I’m going to be playing against the board also tonight. An hr before the game I talk to a board member, a friend, and I told him hey I need you to be neutral tonight please. He said I’ll be standing in the middle and rooting for both sides, I said perfect.
Game starts and it’s back and forth the first few innings then we take a lead. Next inning we almost broke it open but an umpire made a bad call on a kid tagging up at third on a pop up. The kid umpire admitted he never saw the play and just called him out. Whatever, that shit happens I thought we have them on their heels anyway. They came back and took the lead going into the last inning, and my team is down by 10. My last pitchers just hit batters and gave up hits and that’s how they came back in their top half of the 6th inning. Their team batted around all 14 kids. Now all of my team has to score in order to win, and I thought well we can do this, my boys are animals and have guts, trained better, and want it more. 18 wins told them and everyone else they are the best in the league that year. The other team has 14 kids and I only had 10 at the game because of family things with my other 2, remember that. The inning starts and their pitcher just starts waking batter after batter and he we get some hits and get within 4 of a tie. Now with 1 out and baes-loaded one of best hitters is up next and is 2-2 with 2 walks and 2 RBI’s on the day. I knew he was getting at least a double and score 2-3 runs. Instead the ump says did you go around your order, and I said yah. Well then that’s the game, and I said hold on they have 14 kids and I have 10 and we should get 4 more at bats to make it even. The umpire said you’re right, let’s go talk to the the other coach, remember he’s a board member, and he says let’s go talk to the president. The president said nope game over that’s it. I argued in a quite voice because of the 150 people there and the kids. But think about my email I sent 4 hrs before the game and the answers I got. I fucking knew that “they” were going to pull out all the stops to WIN as adults instead of letting the boys finish the game.
- Final score 22-18 with bases loaded and 1 out Yah there’s a * there because it’s deserved.
Moral of the story is my 7-10 yr old boys on my LL team learned more about integrity at too young of an age that night. The BOARD stole the game away after 3 hrs 40 minutes of a battle!!!!! Instead it was decided by a deuchebag!!!!
There was never a second or third out in the final inning. Every game I have ever been apart has an ending, except for this one. The look of WTF on their faces was so sad!
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2023.05.29 05:07 sadariel Experience with plushies of your pet??
Hi everyone, I’ve never posted or been on this sub so let me know if this type of post does not belong here.
My beautiful boy crossed the rainbow bridge on May 20, 2023. I had him for 12 years. I haven’t cried in the last few days but I’m still not 100% used to him not being here anymore. I remember that a while back I saw an ad for a website called cuddle clones where you can have a plushie of your pet made to look extremely realistic. I couldn’t even think about getting one done when my boy first passed, but now that it’s been a week I’ve been considering it.
I guess my question is, has anyone on here had something done like this before? Was it comforting or was it odd to have a replica of your deceased pet?? I’m on the fence because I’d like to see my boy again, but I also don’t know how I’d feel seeing him and knowing it’s just a plushie. Comment your experiences/opinions pls! Thank you :)
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2023.05.29 05:04 NyanCats911 Roadkill Racoon.
Picked up a racoon off the side of the interstate a couple days ago. He's been in my freezer since while I figure out for sure what I want to do with him. He looks to be in great condition but this is my first time attempting something like this.
From what I'm reading I have two main routes I can go I think.
Maceration / Purification. From what I understand I would need to skin and de-flesh/organ him. Stick him in a bucket of water. I have the land / space for that and since its summer time(averaging easily 90 degrees throughout the day) I can just leave him be until I need to change out the water. Only problem is I've never de-fleshed/organed a animal and he is one stanky boy and I'm not sure if its a A. easy process(not easy per say but it would be hard to fuck it up) and B. if there is any work around the smell factor. I have a stronger stomach that most and could handle picking him up and taking him home but I don't know if I could handle being up and personal with him for awhile while cleaning him up.
Bone cage / leaving him to nature and let it take its course. In reality I'm only after the skull/teeth so I'm not worried about losing a bunch of the smaller bones like toes and such.
Maybe I could just kinda hack his head off and set up just that portion in a maceration tub.
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2023.05.29 05:03 TheGriszly [TX/USA][H] Swamp Thing #37 CGC 9.8, ASM #122 CGC 9.0, Thor #168 CGC 7.0, more [W] Paypal
Hey hey! I have started collecting marvel cards, specifically the Fleer Ultra 2022 Avengers set, and wanted to liquidate some of my comics to put into hobby boxes. Here is a list of books I am selling as well as grade, page quality and pricing.
Link to photos: https://imgur.com/a/adDZD6r
ASM 122 (death of Green Goblin) CGC 9.0 OW-W - $550 shipped Swamp Thing #37 (First appearance of John Constantine) CGC 9.8 WP - $1,900 shipped Thor #168 (Origin of Galactus) CGC 7.0 WP - $250 shipped ASM #39 (Green Goblin and Spider-Man learn each others identities) Raw, approximate grade 5.5 - 6.5 - $450 shipped Nova #1 (First appearance of Nova) CGC 9.4 OW-W $240 shipped Captain America #25 (Sam Wilson becomes Captain America) CGC 9.8 WP - $160 shipped King in Black #1 Liefeld exclusive variant signed by Rob Liefeld CGC 9.8 WP SS - $200 shipped The Boys #3 (First appearance of The Seven; Homelander, Starlight, Queen Maeve, Black Noir) CGC 9.6 WP - $150 shipped.
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2023.05.29 05:03 Picklerick4464 He does indeed need god
2023.05.29 04:57 PrincessMouseBear I'm ashamed. I wanted English breakfast (long post sorry)
| || |TW: Transphobia Tldr; I'm a lonely idiot and a cis American (29F), and my online crush was a cis English dude (35M). It blew up in my face. I thought I was following the advice of "disengage" from normies, and be a normal, chill, left-leaning person, but it failed spectacularly. submitted by PrincessMouseBear to VaushV [link] [comments]
I thought things were going well. From the start, he said he was smart, and he seemed very motivated, in-shape, and an all around interesting, well-traveled person.He had some quippy thing on his profile about how according to some evangelical North Carolinian on the Plane to the UK, he was going to hell (Cute, STEM, atheist, bad boy~~~)....
At the start, I jokingly informed him I was a broke socialist (bc he's in finance) and I "hoped we could still be friends." He had a sort of sarcastic demeanor, but in a cool way.
However, he kept bringing up a trans people out of nowhere and being generally ignorant, but I thought like in the same way my grandma would. I know some STEM dudes especially may have emotional blindspots or a slight arrogance debuff, so I waived it off. He was a normie and generally apolitical. I would normally poke fun at him, or England, or ignore it and change the subject.
Besides, maybe it was just a cultural thing, and plus we were just talking to each other as people. I pretty much NEVER brought up these issues first -- it was always him signaling at something and me responding. After a while the things he said started to sound like something out of 2016, but I was just being sensitive.
He's just a workaholic dude who "doesn't get the trans thing."He shared the link to this vintage movie upload on youtube that looked really beautiful. In the description it showed that he helped with piecing together the audio so that this lost media could be available again.
Then he brought up that the person who spearheaded the project was "transsexual." This again told me he was kinda ignorant, but collaborating with trans people on his off time. He was outside the sphere and he just didn't have the right language is all.
Then it went to shit.He casually pointed out her breasts and misgendered her. I jokingly said something like "you can't help you live on TERF island and you're brain-broken on this issue, but you don't mean anything bad."
Like, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt.
He corrected me and said he wasn't a TERF, and by that, he meant he was an avid Jordan Peterson fan.
Yeah, he wasn't insulted by being called a TERF. He was insulted that I would dare insinuate he was feminist by any stretch of the imagination. At this point I just wanted it to stop. There was literally nothing I could say to this guy. I told him forget it, and I wanted to talk about English breakfast instead.
I know it was illogical, but my knee-jerk reaction was to just beg that we go roll it back and talk about happy things again. I had been crushing on this guy and looking at his shirtless photos like 24/7.
He instead asked me "what is a woman?"
and I reacted emotionally and said basically "You and every debate bro (wants to know that)"
He called me stupid and went off on me.
I said that we might disagree on language around this, and that its a personal issue to me because my friends were trans. I told him I wasn't prepared to argue, and that I had plenty of MALE sources
he could have a look at if he wanted to see them
. Maybe then there would be a chance in hell?
He said he didn't want to argue. He wanted THE definition
. He assured me that it wasn't just my stance that was stupid. It was me
and how I was "ignoring definitions." He asked if I went to University (maybe a passive aggressive, English way of calling me a dumbass, I guess).
He was "concerned" that the oxford dictionary was "pressured" into changing the definition of woman to be more inclusive . I told him I know he didn't mean any greater harm to anyone, but that language has power over all other institutions and the definition should
change, and who cares?
After that I was blocked -- it was over. I have no desire to talk to this guy again. However, I feel ashamed that I was weak and avoidant on my values beliefs. It was in an effort to be optically pleasant to an "apolitical" person that I was horny for. I'm sorry y'all.
**Edit- reddit got rid o my precious line breaks so I put em back https://preview.redd.it/gp8nzqcedq2b1.png?width=1058&format=png&auto=webp&s=0fcd3aa4cc64043ff8506d84d54b0ae90874f674
2023.05.29 04:57 Surreal_Ethereal This happened a while back, but someone used "autistic" as a derogatory term on a game. I told them that that was ableist. They started acting passive aggressive towards me, mocking me by saying that I have a "psyche degree" and crap.
Not sure if this is something that belongs here, but please do not go apeshit on me for it.
I do not have autism.
Everytime I look back on these moments, I feel strong flashes of annoyance and anger.
This is a fighting game. I will not list the name of said fighting game.
One person was using a censored version of "autistic" in a derogatory fashion. I told them that was ableist. They then proceeded to contradict me in a way by comparing them using "autistic" to black people being used the n word. I proceeded to ask them a question in order to argue back. They said that I didn't answer their question first, therefore I was in no place to ask questions of my own.
I argued with them for a while. They mocked me by saying that I have a psyche degree, that I was a keyboard warrior, and stuff. Then their friend came up to me and said that they were going to "give me some advice." They then proceeded to attack me (this was a fighting game) and told me to "shut the fuck up."
I fought back a little, but I didn't really want to waste all my energy on fighting against mulish, ignorant people. The original person I was arguing with stood there, watched, and proceeded to say "You should use that psyche degree to fight better. It's not even that hard of a 1v1."
I replied by saying that having a psyche degree and being good at a fighting game are two different things. Which is undeniably true.
I wasn't trying too hard to win against the person throwing me around, and I told them that.
"HAHAHAHA. THE 'I WASN'T TRYING' CARD. HAHAHAHAHA."
The person that was throwing me around told me that they didn't really care about the argument, they were just throwing me around and mocking me to "get a reaction out of me."
Why waste your time and energy on something like that if you didn't care about it in the first place? Why do all that just to "get a reaction out of me?" Because you're bored and wanted to back up your ableist, passive aggressive friend?
I told the original person I was arguing with I wasn't even acting aggressive towards them.
"Oh, but I wasn't even acting aggressive either..."
Oh honey. There's something called "passive aggressive," you know.
Don't you agree with me that this is just passive aggressiveness at it's peak????
This is the aftermath.
At school, I started asking multiple people, including fellow classmates and teenagers, if using "autistic" in a derogatory manner counted as a slur. This was my own personal survey.
All of the students said no, but all of the teachers said yes.
Conclusion: Majority of the people that use slurs like these are ignorant adolescents, or just ignorant people in general. Not really surprised.
Some weeks later, two boys (I'll call them Adrian and Jack) were goofing around. They were punching each other's laptops for shits and giggles. Jack's laptop was more fragile, so it was completely busted after Adrian punched it (the screen was all glitched and funky and everything).
Jack was pissed.
"DO YOU HAVE MENTAL DISORDERS OR SOMETHING? DO YOU HAVE AUTISM OR SOME SHIT?"
Let me ask you a question. Do you need to touch some grass and get some brain cells for once?
The teacher witnessed all this and told them to calm down.
I told the teacher (lets call him Mr. Roberts) that Jack shouldn't have used "autistic" and "mental disorders" in that kind of fashion.
The teacher agreed with me wholeheartedly.
Thanks, Mr. Roberts! At the very least, some people like you exist in this world.
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2023.05.29 04:54 lucky_omelette Has anyone else felt like this after losing a pet?
First the question then the vent off my chest: Is It fairly common or normal to feel a very deep pain (even after some months) due to the loss of a pet? I feel like I lost a family member, and I never felt this much pain/sadness about a family member passing away. I'm not at my worst anymore but it's still painful. Should I, by this time, have to already be completely over the death of my dog?
My parents and I had to put our 12 y/o dog to sleep because he had a terminal illness, the vet said that even if we allowed for the surgery to remove the tumor, there weren't many chances of him surviving because of his old age.
This happened on January, after 5 days of my dog feeling unwell. It was very sudden, he seemed perfect before new year's eve and then everything went downhill really fast. We never really felt he was too old, let alone think that he may have an illness. My dog was always very cheerful, energetic and affectionate, he didn't have many white hairs. We thought he was gonna live until 15 or 17 years old. The last few days he was (barely) alive was like the 12 years suddenly made their appearence.
I wanted to know if other people ever felt this much pain after losing a pet. It's been almost 6 months since he passed away. I (sometimes) have something that's best described as a ghost feeling of him being there in my backyard. I still dream of him from time to time. I have this pain that comes from the inmense love I felt for him. He wasn't just a pet, he wasn't just a dog. He was part of the family.
My father is still hurt by this like me, he said It feels kind of close to losing a child (of course losing a child is worse but you get It). How can we feel this amount of love and such strong bond with a little animal?. I really do feel like I lost a family member, I feel even worse than losing a family member because I lost my grandmother a few years ago, and I lost my grandfather this year too. Their departure didn't feel as painful. This was sudden for us because we really thought he would live longer. But he lived the exact life expectancy for his dog breed instead. The vet told us It wasn't our fault, this problem is common in his dog breed, and told us that if this dog lived normally this long without showing symptoms or pain is because we did the best we could, and we gave him a happy life.
I still feel a little regret. What if we catched the illness before? Could we have saved him? Maybe he could've lived longer? But I'll never know. Maybe this was the best way. For us and for him. Enjoying our company to the fullest, being happy.
Two friends of mine also lost their elderly dogs this year. But It seems like I'm the only one that still holds on to my dog. I don't think it's necesseraly unhealthy because I do not cry every day, and I don't think of him 24/7. But It hurts from time to time, I cry a little sometimes because I still miss him deeply.
I miss hearing his paws walking on the floor, I miss petting his soft hair and looking at his beautiful eyes. He was part of our daily lives. It doesn't feel like something is missing as much as before, but the knowledge that he's gone still hurts. He was the best dog, never hurted us, never misbehaved terribly. Before we knew what was wrong with him, I f*cking picked him up in new year's eve when he was feeling bad, to give him some affection, and he did not cry in pain or made a noise, he didn't bite me despite having a painful tumor on his belly. He was way too much of a good boy, the biggest smallest good boy there could ever be. I loved him and I still do. I grew up from child to adult with him. Last year he saw me graduate from university, and he (and I) met my LDR boyfriend for the first time (he adored my dog and always wished to play with him, which they did). I was even thinking of bringing him with me when I move out. It feels like my dog was waiting for the perfect time to go. When both my brother and I were adults, with me about to get independent, and when my parents both began to want to travel more.
I was not emotionally and mentally ready for his death, but could I ever be? Probably not. And I'm grateful I was able to be by his side on his last moments, even if It was painful. I wanted him to feel loved by us, and die peacefully, without any pain. Because he deserved that. The last day (without knowing for certain it would be the last day) I had the urge to take a picture with him, I also asked my bf if he would like to say goodbye to him on videocall (he did), and on the way to the vet, this song sounded on the radio: "Let her go" by Passenger. And the line "Only know you love her when you let her go" broke me and I teared a bit in the back seat of the car. I firmly believe It was a message because of the timing. And indeed, 3 hours later, I had to let my fluffy best friend go.
I have my own beliefs, not exactly religious. I have no clue whether there is a heaven or an astral plane or something. But even if we are just energy, souls or information, I want to be that with him one last time when I die.
Thank you if you took the time to read all of this. If anybody lost a pet recently, you can use this space too if you need to vent.
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to offmychest [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 04:53 SBDovah Reduction and User Illusion: The Darkness's True Links to Consciousness
As we've learned more about the Darkness, we've come to know that it's more strongly connected to consciousness and psychic phenomena than the Light, while the Light is more associated with the physical world. There's been a lot of confusion and debate as to how this syncs with previous descriptions of the Darkness and its effects, with some going as far as to call it a retcon. I propose that not only is this not necessarily
a retcon (advice I'd apply to many prematurely jumped to conclusions around here, frankly), but that it could fit seamlessly with the Darkness as it was described prior to Lightfall. Specifically, its nature as the metaphysical embodiment of reduction.
Ontological Winnowing: Darkness and Reduction
Before we get into how the Darkness relates to consciousness, let's examine what we knew of the Darkness before that connection was revealed. One's first thought might be that the Darkness was presented as a force of hyper-Darwinism that defined and measured existence through conquest and violence... which it was, as illustrated through the Sword Logic. However, I'd argue that this wasn't the philosophical core of the Darkness, but rather an emergent outgrowth of a deeper nature (and that the same is likely true of its relation to consciousness). That deeper nature being reduction, as simply and as universally as that concept can be applied. The best evidence for this is probably found in Clovis's observations of Clarity...
This is the application of Clarity to state A to produce a lower-entropy stateB. (Clarity is fond of removing portions of a state configuration, harrowingthe phase space down to only its most robust inhabitants.)
What if there was some primeval chaos, some pre-cosmic entropy, whichwas soaked in Clarity to reduce it to that first nucleus of all existencewhich issued the Big Bang? What if Clarity's defiance of time-reversibilitymakes it a fountain of cosmic youth, returning all that is burnt out andburnt down to its state before the fire?Perhaps Clarity is the Ein Sof, the nameless god before creation.Preparator of the cosmic egg. Razor that cuts the fat of complication awayfrom the bone.---
The Vex radiolarian fluid is obviously too virulent for use in exominds. Butif exposed to Clarity, the Vex patterns break down, and the fluid takes onsome of the properties of Clarity itself—namely, its reductive effect.
Introducing a tiny aliquot of this reified Clarity into an exomind solves theloop/billboard/crash cycle. As far as I can tell—permanently.
THE COMBINATION OF VEX FLUID AND CLARITY IS THE KEY TOCYBERNETIC IMMORTALITY!
Speculation: the interaction of Clarity, with its caustic anti-structural properties, and the Vex mind fluid, with its highly physicalized and asymbolic architecture, creates a "physicalized algorithm" that can serve as a random seed for the knockouts required to sustain a viable exomind.
... which were that it has a fundamentally reductive nature. Not a destructive
one necessarily, as shown by Clovis using this reductive effect to bypass the billboarding problem and create functional Exos... just plain, neutral reduction. A skeptic might say that this effect on the Exos has less to do with Darkness's reductiveness and more with its general psychic properties, but aside from those aspects probably being closely connected anyway (more on that later), note Clovis's comments on Clarity's reduction of phase spaces in a general context, and his direct observation of it breaking down Vex radiolaria patterns. In other words, even if the Darkness reinforces Exo minds through its mental aspects to some extent, it certainly does so through its reductive aspects as well.
So with this reductiveness in mind, it's not that hard to see how one finds the Sword Logic and pursuit of the Final Shape, as maximal reductions of existence itself, in the Darkness. But how do the mind and consciousness enter this picture?
Informational Winnowing: Darkness and Consciousness
To start off this section, let's go back to our boy Clovis and his summary of Human cognition, in contrast to that of the Vex.
I note that the Vex milk, while computationally powerful, seems to avoid semiosis. That is, it prefers to mimic the actual dynamics of phenomena rather than assigning a symbol. This a fundamental difference between Vex cognition and our own. We encode inputs as symbols, manipulate the symbols according to some set of logical rules, and produce output. The Vex are more direct. Burn them, and they will extinguish the fire-not because they possess a symbolic knowledge of fire and its properties, but because their structure is so suited to adaption and survival that the heat of the fire directly becomes the response required to snuff it out. Rather than encoding symbols, they generate self-sustaining and self-correcting patterns, which like the suspension of a bridge flexing under strain, can accept destructive input and produce reparatory output.
TL;DR is that while Human (and apparently most species in Destiny) cognition relies on semiotics
, the assignment of mental symbols to external phenomena, the Vex just simulate the phenomena directly. To explore this distinction more, let's look at how a Vex's observation of an apple would differ from that of a Human. Place an apple in front of a Vex, and all the Vex would 'perceive' is a cluster of numbers and equations. Data representing all the particles and forces comprising the objective, physical existence of the apple and whatever interacts with it. And objectively speaking, that's all the apple really is anyway, as far as monist materialism is concerned.
Now place the apple in front of a Human. A Human generally won't perceive the apple in terms of the physics equations underlying it, but will instead tell you of its redness. Its roundness. The texture of its skin upon picking it up, and its taste and smell after taking a bite of it. Perhaps they'd also tell you of a happy memory involving an apple, or some weird superstition they have about apples. Or any number of thoughts Humans can have about apples... as mediated through their consciousness.
What's the fundamental difference between the Human take on apples and the Vex take? Symbols, just like Clovis said. In lieu of processing all the math and physics that describe the apple objectively, Human brains construct symbols of consciousness that subjectively substitute for those things. Apples appear red because they reflect a certain wavelength of light, but while a Vex would know an apple's redness only in that it simulates that wavelength of light and the apple's reflection of it, us Humans... just see red. For whatever reason, our brains construct this little illusion, the qualia
of redness, and assign it to that particular wavelength of light, and ditto for everything else we perceive. Even when we aren't directly perceiving something, but recalling or imagining it, our cognition is ultimately still constrained by this symbolic mode of thought.
In philosophy of mind studies, this topic is addressed in a concept called user illusion
, named so because it compares consciousness to a computer's user interface. What we see and interact with on a UI has virtually nothing to do with how the computer actually functions, except that it organizes and simplifies all the functions into little symbols we can grasp more easily. The same goes, according to this idea's proponents, for our conscious minds as to our unconscious minds. There's tons of fascinating research surrounding this, but a convenient factoid in the above link is how Humans perceive roughly 12 million bits of information through all our senses every second... but nearly all of this is processed subconsciously, and conscious processing only does about 60 bits per second.
In other words, what we consciously experience is filtered... or winnowed, you might say... from a vastly larger influx of information into a relative handful of symbols we can process more efficiently. But where do these symbols come from, at least in Destiny's case?
"Metaphor simplifies as the knife does."
It's easy to see where I'm going with this now, but for extra support (and to make a point on another issue I think people tend to overlook), I'll refer to Inspiral, which I think might have directly hinted at this...
(Remember that the sun is also a metaphor: a thing said beautifully, winnowed down to poetry, when the truth is too vast to put in words at all.)
All of these are false, for metaphor simplifies as the knife does. It pares incalculable concepts into shapes your wrinkly little brains can comprehend. The weight of billions and the simple curve of a planet give you pause, and how then are you to be expected to grasp the forces that created your nth-removed creator?
The Winnower itself (no objections on how it's actually the Witness catfishing us please) places particular emphasis on metaphor (basically a linguistic symbol) as a simplification of inconceivably complex concepts into forms our little monkey brains can manage... and poetry. "A thing said beautifully." Aside from explaining why it seems so fond of metaphor in general, this might tie into another Inspiral entry, the one narrated by Eris.
…I digress. There were times, deep in that dark pit, when I thought: Ah, Sai means to break left. And then she would, knives like lightning, as true as if she herself had told me she would. Or: Ah, there is Omar, beside me, and though he was not, his presence rang comforting in my ears like struck metal.Synergy, I thought. The closeness that combat creates. We were pinned together in the dark, and so we learned to read each other perfectly, for to do otherwise would have been to die.To die sooner.Anecdata? Perhaps. Always the quiet voice that says to temper my expectations, that it is wishful thinking to imagine that they lie beside my heart, instead of Nightmares floating in my wake. But in all this time, all of this lingering, I am surer of what I felt then. Not only necessity; not only the edge of the blade.I know more of Darkness now. It is not violence. It is something more: something that hums and flows and resonates, knife or song by equal measure.
After recounting how she started to mentally synergize with her fireteam in the Darkness of the Moon, Eris concludes that the Darkness is not just
the violence of the Sword Logic, but something more. "Knife or song by equal measure.
" A "song" being no more or less intrinsic to the Darkness than the Sword Logic isn't that far removed from "poetry" being winnowed down from less organized information. So I argue that the root of this mental synergy Eris experienced, this "something more" from which song and knife both stem... is reduction again. Reduction of the barriers between Eris's mind and her teammates', I would guess, and the same thing on a larger scale is probably how the Ecumene utilized the Darkness. Instead of slamming together countless different species of literally astronomical differences in biologies and histories and hoping for the best, they used the Darkness to "gloss"... to refine... to winnow all the wildly divergent perceptions and values into a common medium through which all partaking could see through each other's 'eyes' (literally or otherwise) and relate to one another.
Take all that in aggregate, and it seems to me that the Darkness's psychic aspects are neither 'deeper' in the Darkness than the violent, Sword-adjacent aspects nor entirely removed from how the Darkness was presented before Lightfall. Rather, both are just outgrowths of its truly fundamental nature as reduction, whether that reduction is absolute in pursuit of the Final Shape or measured for the purposes of psychic unions like the Ecumene.
TL;DR - I propose that consciousness in Destiny derives from the Darkness, as a paracausal embodiment of the user illusion
principle, reducing the mathematics that form the cosmos objectively into the semiotics and qualia through which most intelligent beings (excluding the Vex) perceive it subjectively. And that further reduction of the differences in consciousness between individuals is the mechanism behind the Darkness's constructive uses.
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to DestinyLore [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 04:51 Sush1burrito WIBTA if i planned a week long vacation 3 months after I have my baby?
A baby free one. Probably in Mexico or the DR.
First of all, I’ve never had a baby. I’m told I won’t even want to let go of the baby once it’s here, so maybe I’ll regret it and skip out. But I think it sounds like a great stress relief after a hard pregnancy.
I’ve had HG my entire pregnancy, which is basically terrible morning sickness. Have lost almost 20 lbs and felt sickly most of it (I finally found a prescription that works:) or I guess my doctor did lol), and I was not heavy before my pregnancy. Not only that, I’m going through a break up with the father of my baby.
I’m strong, but boy has it been hard and depressing.
My doctor and psychiatrist also think I will get PPD because I have been so depressed and struggling as it is. I am starting therapy and getting help. And also preparing with my doctors for the possibility of PPD. I think if I do get ppd, a trip with friends and siblings would be a lot of help. But also, I’ve never had ppd so idk.
I’m excited for this baby, and I’m financially set up to succeed. Same with support, I have a LOT of it. So it’s not all bad. And the dad wants to be involved (dw, I’m going to court to make sure everything is on paper).
Theoretically, I’d be leaving the baby with either him or my dad (he was a single father, so he’s well equipped).
Is it selfish for me to plan this? Is it even a good idea?
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to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 04:44 idontknowanymore_501 I think I ruined my (27F) relationship with my entire family and ended my seven year relationship with my fiance (27M) all in one day
Hi -- to forewarn, this a long story that contains... a LOT. There is also a lot of background. Sorry for that.
To give some background, my (27F) father (65M) is very possibly dying from metastatic lung cancer. We found out less than three weeks ago. It has been very stressful for the family and emotions are not exactly level at the moment. I acknowledge that we are all very stressed. It is probably a large contributor to what went down.
So... Given that this is a three-day weekend and we are trying to do more as a family with whatever time we have left, we planned for a small family gathering. Me, my (ex?) fiance (27M), my dad, my mom (68F), my sister (29F), my cousin (38M), and my 2nd cousin (a minor).
Now, this is very important -- Everyone is the household has a dog. My parents have two dogs, one large (2-ishM) and one small (10-ishM). There is also my dog (7M). All of these dogs have met and get a long great and never had issues.
My cousin's dog (2-ishF) and the other dogs have never met. We planned to introduce them in the front yard of leashes and hope for the best. My sister's dog (2-ishF) cannot be around my parent's small dog because of aggressive issues from sister's dog. My sister's dog has undergone "training" to calm her anxiety and behavioral issues, but it has had minor success. The first introduction between my dog and my sister's dog was botched because of a planning issue caused by all sides. My dog holds grudges, so the next controlled introduction was also a failed attempt, and we have avoided having them near each other ever since.
We introduce the dogs. There's teeth and barking, but eventually everything calms down. Once inside the activity picks up. The little dogs start to retreat. It is extremely over stimulating for everyone. My dog retreats to a corner and settles for barking. There is some baring of teeth and lunging involved, too. After the third time of my dog displaying aggression for the cousin's dog, we removed him from the situation.
Eventually, after everything had quieted down a little bit, the dog bones picked up, the dog food removed, and everyone had gotten most of their ya-ya's out, we introduced my dog back to the situation. It was fine, for the most part. We tried to let them figure out the "pecking order" and sometimes that means things getting a little ugly and toothy, but the scuffles were brief.
Now, it is important to mention that my cousin is not staying in my parent's house. Me and (ex?) are, my 2nd cousin is, but my cousin has a bus he uses as a primary residence (go bus/ van life) and so he is staying in there with his dog.
Me and (ex?) run out to go to the gym, the store, and then my sister asks us to go to her house to help with something, which we do. At the point of us leaving that AM, everyone besides my parents were asleep. We get back about two-hours later. At the point when we return, my cousins are awake, the four dogs are all together, and I ask how everyone is getting along. I'm told everyone is fine with each other and that there have been no altercations. The dogs were even laying together for a moment. Me and (ex?) are told to hurry up and get showered and come back down, because we were late for breakfast, and it was getting cold.
We go, shower, get dressed.
(Ex?) goes down first, and comes back a few minutes later saying our dog is bleeding.
Apparently everyone downstairs is saying he banged his head into a table, and it must have happened from that. (Ex?) brings our dog upstairs, and it is very apparent that the bleeding is NOT from running into a table. There are at least four visible puncture wounds from a dog bite on his face. One gusher above his eye (1/2 inch), two superficial bites next to the big one around his eye, and one next to his mouth. My cousin's dog is bigger than our dog. His dog's mouth could absolutely fit most of my dog's head in it.
It is also relevant that my cousin made numerous comments the previous night about his dog being an alpha. He said that she has been known to, "put other dogs in their place" while at the dog park. He did not say any of these ended badly or bloody.
I will also mention here that I know my dog probably antagonized the situation by being a little shit. I know I should have just trusted my gut and removed him from the situation entirely. These are things I am aware of and things I regret.
At this point, we hear my sister come into the house with her dog, and it is pretty apparent that this arrangement is not going to work.
This only adds stress, but it’s not pressing. What is pressing is the fact that the puncture above my dog's eye is still bleeding, that it is larger than a superficial wound, and that I don't want it getting infected and it is a holiday weekend. I text my boss pictures of the bite and ask her to ask her vet if she would advise an emergency trip to the vet, and her vet responds that the bite would probably form an abscess before the weekend was over. So, that was our answer.
We take our dog to the emergency vet. All in all, it takes nearly seven hours. Our dog ended up having to have a sedative and five sutures over all (including two in his ear, which we hadn't previously noticed). We kept being told by the vet that it shouldn't take more than an hour, so we waited. Traffic in that area is BAD. I mean, it took thirty-minutes to go two miles, so we figure it best to wait for him instead of getting into traffic twice to go to my parents' house (20 mins away) and back. During this time, my sister is calling me asking me to run errands delegated to her, my mom is texting and calling asking for status, me and (ex?) had been holding it together pretty well, for the most part. That is until the wait started to get to us, and the constant pings from our phones, and my anxiety and stress about my dad, and my (ex?)’s anxiety and stress about the dogs (he was saying it was he thought it best to take our dog home, which means he would go home, and I know that would upset my dad, so I tell my mom ahead of time)...
After the seven hour wait, we finally get to go back to the house.
Now -- here's the real story now that the brief (HA!!) background has been established.
I call my mom on the way and ask what the current dog situation is, and what the plan is to avoid any more confrontations. Now, me and the (ex?) already discussed that we need to alternate my cousin's dog being in the house and my dog being downstairs. My cousin's dog lives in his bus, so we think that she needs to be in the bus half the day to let our dog be with everyone inside, and then the other half we would put our dog upstairs and let his dog be with everyone. As always, we think my sister's dog just shouldn't be there at all.
My mother pleasantly informs me that "all the big dogs are getting along GREAT!" She says that the plan is to keep all the big dogs outside together, and the little dogs sequestered together inside upstirs. I inform her that it will be raining, and therefore the big dogs cannot stay outside all day, and there is no way that I am OK with my dog being isolated while the other dogs are there barking and playing. She repeats her previous plan, and this is where I kind of lose it, because I'm not here to manage doggy daycare. I'm here for my dying father, and I have seen him for maybe a few hours total and the other time has been spent stressed about dogs.
All the rage and frustration boils to the top, and I go off. I tell my mother that if this was her plan then (ex?) would just take the dog home. She eventually concedes and says that we can do the alternating, but at this point I do NOT trust that this will actually happen. There is a lot of yelling going on, and there is still the variable of my sister's dog (who is still at parents' house). It is too much. I have had enough. I tell my mom that we will just go home if her plan is to keep ALL FIVE dogs on the same property. She explodes on me saying that was my plan from the beginning (mind you, I have been trying for a solid week to help coordinate everyone being there together and brought enough supplies and clothes to last me more than a week. I had planned activities to keep 2nd cousin busy, and there were meals planned as a family -- I, in NO way shape or form, had ANY intentions of dipping on this get together. I am pissed.)
Once I get back to their house, (ex?) stays in the car with our dog, and I run in to get our stuff. I am met with a barrage of blame and accusations as soon as I'm through the door. I am told that this dog bite situation was my fault for leaving my dog downstairs while I took a shower, that my dog was "under-socialized and aggressive." Mind you, my parents both love my dog and frequently have commented on what a good boy he is for the last SEVEN years. Never once mentioning that he was UNDERSOCIALIZED or aggressive. He's a prima donna, sure. He has had moments where he'll lash out when uncomfortable or feeling threatened by another dog, but he has, not ONCE, bitten anything or anyone, or even come close to it. He gets along with my (ex's) families dogs. All of them. And there's a lot.
He has only had two aggressive interactions. With my sister's dog through the fence, which everyone should share blame in, and now my cousin's.
There is a lot thrown around. My sister is smiling and mocking me about wanting everyone together.
My sister fuels the fight, smiling the whole while, and my mother regurgitates sentences that I know aren't coming from her.
It is obvious that there had been discussions that I was not privy too (because I have been stuck in an emergency vet for seven hours), and that everyone (barring the minor cousin and idk about my dad) has come to the conclusion that I am the villain in this scenario and that everything is my fault.
I am in a blind rage at this point. I feel like I am a dog backed into a corner, and everyone is yelling. I am probably yelling the loudest, because I just feel like I have not been heard since getting there. I wanted to keep the dogs separated from the first indication of trouble, and then was told I was overreacting. I specifically said that this would turn very ugly, and was then mocked by my cousin and mom as being overprotective and like a Karen in a dog park, who would jump in between fighting dogs to pull their dog out.
I feel sick at this point. I feel like my back is about to crumble and my head is going to explode. At one point, as I am putting my stuff outside so I can grab my shoes, I come back in to them saying something I can't put together, but I hear my sister say, "Shush! She's coming back" -- and that damn smile is still on her face. I tell my dad I'm sorry, that I would come back to pick him up and bring him to my house, I tell my 2nd cousin the same thing, and then I leave. There is a moment in-between there where I do slam the front door back open, and I admit to putting a hole through the closet door with the doorknob. That's my bad.
I am still fuming while in the car. I tell my (ex?) that when he went back inside to retrieve something he should have defended me, at least a little. Said that the fight was unnecessary on both sides. Something. Especially since I had spent the majority of the afternoon trying to calm him down (he doesn't rage like I do, his is quieter and filled with more anxiety that clouds his ability to think). I called my mom on his urging to begin with. I was just going to go inside and put the other dogs away, smuggle our dog inside and upstairs, and deal with the planning part afterwards. But (ex?) has diagnosed OCD, so sometimes going with the flow is the best option. So I did. I tried, at least.
During the ride back, my (ex?) boyfriend decides out of the blue and without saying anything to me to call my mom, tell her that he doesn't want to associate with them anymore, and that he doesn't plan to see them every again. Yes. We can all agree how childish that is. He would agree too. My terminally ill father is yelling and cussing him out in the background, and my (ex?) clarifies that he would have liked to see my father, but if he doesn't want to see him that that's what it is. My family is complicated. There is a lot of past trauma to unpack, but to put it simply my dad is the most unreasonable person sometimes, but also the one that I get along with the best. My (ex?) also agrees with that.
The call ends. I comment (because I just can't help myself) and tell him how stupid that was. I am in that rage-mode where everything I say is super calm and super condescending. (Ex?) says that I wanted him to defend me, so that's what he was doing.
My (ex?) then decides to take this as a very opportune moment to tell me that he had spent the previous week contemplating breaking up with me. Mind you, that Friday, the Friday that we went to my parents' house, was our eight year-anniversary.
I am mind-boggled.
I continue to drive and the hate in me grows a little more with every mile we go.
Eventually, I hear my (ex?) talking, but I know it's not meant for me. He has called my mom to apologize for everything, for the things that he said. He is the one crying now. Balling. He is so emotional with the things he's saying that I am forced to pull off the highway and into a gas station because the tone makes me uncomfortable to be in a moving vehicle. That was me projecting, but still...
He continues the conversation, continues the apologies, and then says, "I was in a no-win position and being told I didn't defend her (me) and so I called and made the worst mistake of my life."
Naturally, I am beside myself. I feel betrayed. I feel crazy. I feel so outside my body.
To be clear, I never once told him to call her. I just wanted him to defend me, because we both were in agreement about the situation and that their plan on how to handle to dogs was wrong. He was the one pushing the idea that my family was in the wrong.
There is a lot said afterwards. Nothing matters, at this point. He ends up calling my mom again (this time on my urging) to say he was apologizing for what he said on the phone, not the situation as a whole. He says he wasn't taking sides. He stops his conversation more times than I can count to ask me if that was what he was supposed to say. I am livid. I feel disgusting. I tell him repeatedly that I am NOT putting words into his mouth and that he is an adult and can speak for himself. He then proceeds to basically have a conversation with my mother in which he outlines the reasons why me and him may not be together anymore, and how we want to different things, etc...
I'm disassociating out of my body while going 70mph down the interstate in the rain, forced to listen to this conversation coming from the back.
We argue. I drive. He asks me to make permeant decisions about us and that he's going to quit his job and go back home to live with his parents if we aren't together. I tell him I am not continuing this discussion while under duress. He continues to ask. I continue to drive. I scream. It gets quiet.
We don't talk the rest of the drive. We only talk about the dog while we get him situated at the house. My (ex?) starts crying. I don't have the energy to cry..
We have spent the day isolated and away from each other. I have not spoke with my family. I don't know if I will ever again. My sister sent me a text of the door with the hole and a smiley face.
I feel like my entire world just crumbled at once.
I don't know where or who to turn to in this scenario. I feel the lowest and loneliest I have ever felt in my life.
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to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 04:40 CheetahSea9189 Utopia Drops how y’all listening?
Imagine Utopia drops right now how are you guys listening to it? Are you grabbing headphones right away or calling up your boys and listening to it in the whip. Personally I don’t think I could wait I would just blast it alone in the whip but also I feel like it’s good to listen to the album for the first time as a group.
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to travisscott [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 04:39 NightCities13 188 Years Later-Game 2-Full Games
The tributes rose up into a dense pine forest arena. Several small ponds were also included, with drinkable water. The trees were climbable. Poisonous mushrooms were also included in the arena.
The cornucopia included the usual weapons, supplies, and consumables, with backpacks filled with food, water, and throwing knives being included on the outlying part of the arena.
Oceanette and Steward made eye contact, before focusing on a trident each. Zara and Avon both saw backpacks, and chose to look at them.
When the bell rang, Zara and Avon ran forwards and grabbed a backpack each, before fleeing in opposite directions.
Steward and Oceanette grabbed tridents, and stood back to back. They both killed the boy from 11 and the boy from 7, before rushing forward and grabbing some food and water, fleeing into the forest together.
Lara and Viktor, the two Russian volunteers from District 2, had seven siblings back in District 2, and had spoken of a bet between the siblings. The two killed the boy from 10, Vernon (12), the boy from 3, and the girls from 9 and 5. Lara caught Glam trying to sneak away from the bloodbath, and slit his throat.
Steward and Oceanette wandered the forest, until they found Rylo, who grabbed his scythe. But Steward threw his trident into Rylo’s head. Meanwhile Lara and Viktor killed Lucille, and found Avon attempting to climb a tree. Lara threw a knife into his head. Harvard jumped out from his camouflaged spot and tried to run, but Viktor speared Harvard in the heart.
That night, the portraits of Lucille and Glam from 1, the boy from 3, the girl from 5, Harvard from 6, the boy from 7, Avon from 8, the girl and Rylo from 9, the girl from 10, the boy from 11, and Vernon from 12 were shown in the sky, leaving twelve tributes remaining. Zara gasped when she saw Avon’s portrait, and she had clearly expected him to survive the first day.
The next morning was started with a cannon. Sarah had mistakenly eaten a mushroom, and had been killed after three hours of agony.
Meanwhile Lara and Viktor found Dalia, who pleaded for her life. Viktor simply snapped her neck. All of a sudden two taser shots were heard, and Lara and Viktor hit the ground. Lara reached for Viktor’s hand, the two held hands as Paulette and Perry fired two more taser shots into their heads.
Zara ate some of her bread, and Steward and Oceanetta discussed what they would do if they won.
That night at midnight, the portraits of Lara and Viktor from 2, Dalia from 11, and Sarah from 12 were shown in the sky, leaving eight tributes remaining.
The next morning, Steward and Oceanette found Paulette and Perry sleeping, and looked at each other, before slamming their tridents into their heads.
Meanwhile, Veronique (7) tried to steal from Romeo (10), and their fight ended leaving both of them fatally injured.
Two cannons sounded as Zara saw Lorraine (6) eating chips. Zara pounced on Lorraine, stabbing her multiple times as Steward and Oceanette rushed towards the sound.
A cannon sounded as Zara stood up from Lorraine’s bloodied body. Zara rushed at Oceanette, who begged Steward to help her. However, Steward appeared to realize that only one of the two could win, and simply stood there, tears streaming down his face.
Oceanette’s screams stopped as Zara slammed her knife into her head. Steward simply waited, and admitted to Zara that he wanted to give her a fair fight.
Zara lunged at Steward, who held his trident out. Zara ran right into Steward’s trident. Steward gently lowered Zara to the ground, and held her hand as she died.
A final cannon sounded, and fifteen year old Steward Crowley of District 4 was announced as the victor of the 2nd Hunger Games. Steward collapsed with exhaustion, and was then carried to the hovercraft by a peacekeeper.
Steward spoke during his victors interview about feeling bad for not helping Oceanette, but how he didn’t want to kill her himself. He spoke respectfully about Zara and Oceanette.
Steward returned to District 4, where Oceanette’s sister tried to attack him. Steward refused to allow the girl to be charged, instead insisting upon giving the family some money from his victors fund.
Steward married a woman named Marinetta Boyd, and had two daughters with her, Oceanette and Riveria, and two sons, Harbor and Reef.
Steward lived happily in his home by the sea, and mentored District 4’s tributes until a new tribute took his place.
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to christianblanco [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 04:35 EhPringle What happened to the UI for this game??
Okay I don't know why this happened in the swap to Overwatch 2 but UI is so trash now on console.
My main annoyance is this weird resetting thing that happens when doing anything. By this I mean for example if I go into the heros page to look at a hero, maybe change a skin. When I go to press the B button to back from the hero to the select page I'm out back to the first hero on the page, being Dva.
This isnt super big, but boy is it infuriating when this wasn't a thing in ow1 and I'm use to just go hero by hero changing things every so often. You can't even go to the next hero while on a hero, like scrolling through them one at a time, you have to back out and select another.
This happens with almost every UI system, staring a game? I'm in ana regardless of role. Changing settings? Every single one change I'm out to the top of the settings page.
sorry for this, just needed to rant.
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to Overwatch [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 04:32 deusdobrasil Pedophile mother supported by the media, in Brazil.
It went viral a few days ago a slut who danced promiscuity funk at her daughter's party look what the child learns, I've been seeing whoring from an early age, and after that visualized this same prostitute climbed into a car on the street to show off and gain more fame, today it's all about fame, just see how pornography later From covid there was an increase of 7000% and became a pandemic along with drugs. The extremism of feminists who mutilate their children's penises just because they were born male. And how many boys have seen Transvestites to have an easier and more acceptable life. Because degeneracy is on the rise, and then those who speak ill of it or are against it. It seems that nowadays it is divine to be promiscuous.. first is the woman Then the trans and finally the man as a market value. Just look at the number of views of Pornography. And the psychological problems they cause in society, Not to mention the hypocrisy of psychology and society that accepts pedophile women. And they say it doesn't exist, but the number is greater than that of men. This is already a proven fact.
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to Brazil_true [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 04:30 JoshP99 Are You Smarter than a Random Picker? Race 05 Results + Race 06 Predictions
| || |Results submitted by JoshP99 to JellesMarbleRuns [link] [comments]
Overview Race 05 Pick Distribution
Not sure what there is to say this week. The season frontrunners are at the top, the Black Jacks
(CHO) are in the basement again, and there's exactly 1 team with more than 20 doubler (2x) picks. There really are only 2 noteworthy placemenbts in this list, and they're both teams that received too many picks. Starting us off, Ecto
(ECT) stumbled and could not recover, leading to yet another Overrated
verdict. As for Bolt
(BLT), the seasoned veteran's struggles have continued, setting the tone for their entire first half of the season.
Let's instead talk about the computer. I will admit, Shimmer
(SHM) gave me a huge scare at the beginning of Qualifying Round 2. But all it took was a single yellow flag to begin a collapse that lasted the entire weekend. For those of you who's Quiplash answers said "the computer knows the results beforehand", how do you explain this? Is it throwing for content? It happens almost every season. Low results in the 2nd quarter, and then everything heats up in the backstretch.
Today's Top 10%
Perhaps more interesting this week was the huge shake-up in the standings, and most of that is due to the high level of deviation in scores. You'll see more in the statistics section, but the point range in the top 20 alone is 40 pts
. But enough about that. Let's find out who actually is in the top 10%, which also happens to be the top 10 this week (due to 95 responses).
- Detroit1Time starts us off, and he definitely needed this one. He's been on a strike since the opening round, and only raked in 30 pts at Greenstone. He's been having a few close calls, so it must be a relief to finally be in the clear.
- NeverEatDawnSoap continues her streak of strong performances in a tussle for the lead. As a Team Momo (TMO) fan, it must have nice for her to have been one of the few fans that has good results from both their favourite teams, as well as their fantasy teams.
- On the subject of green dumpling fanatics, Momoikkai secures her survival past the 1st half of the tournament - something which she wasn't able to do back in the sand.
- Pippin is next (yes, I put the 3 she/hers in order on purpose), and when she said she deserved something after the pain of being a fan of Team Primary (TPR) and the Indigo Stars, I knew it was coming eventualy. And so it was. A blue mark before the bronze line, and she sits in a respectable 33rd.
- Michael van Gerwen't is one of our players who's using a special selection method (the dartboard). Despite this blue mark not meaning too much, on account of his undefeated streak, it's still something nice to see every so often.
- TheBui20 sneaks their way into the top 20 with a strong performance. This is their 2nd blue mark, despite it only being their 3rd highest score in a round. Man, how life is sometimes.
- Bami, oh man. They got a strike last round by virtue of not submitting any picks. And this time, they pulled the classic recovery move. And I couldn't be happier. There's nothing that says you're out if you miss a form (unless you see it here...)
- Lastly on the blue mark list, we find keyboard user, who jumps to 24th after getting rid of his R01 strike. Nothing else to cover here, really.
You may have noticed we have a tie. No, it's not a tie for the last blue mark (thankfully). But it's a tie for the top score. Primary-Hotel-579
(142 pts, 3x RYL, 2x MOM, 1x ARY, 1x PAN, 1x RAZ) hit a huge score for the 2nd consecutive round after some very poor performances in the mercy period. However, since they put Momo
(MOM) in the doubler position, they lost out to someone who managed to tie them with the winning dumplin- er, winning tripler. Congratulations to Steel
, who picked 3x MOM, 2x ORN, 1x FEN, 1x ARY, 1x MST! Despite no points from the Greyhowl (personal nickname for Fenrir
(FEN)), double-digit point hauls from the other 4 marbles was enough to bring them to the top of the round. There's no strikes to remove from either of our round winners, but it shows a flash of brilliance that's necessary to win this tournament.
Statistics Computer's Score:
30 pts (3x SHM, 2x IBG, 1x CLU, 1x RAZ, 1x SWY) Survival Rate:
96.84% (92 of 95) Average Player Score:
77.33 pts Range of Scores:
130 pts (12 min, 142 max) Most Frequent Player Score:
64 pts (scored 5 times: araneaesGrasp
, & Harper
Looking Ahead 49
players need a single win to clinch a silver medal. 30
players are still in the red a bit. 19
players just barely scraped by. 1
player has become a chaos casualty:
I know nobody ever wants to be the odd one out. And if I'm going to be honest, this was a really disappointing weekend for you. If you had swapped any
of your regulars (1x) with your tripler (3x), you would've made it through. I don't enjoy saying this, but you have been claimed by the computer.
As for the rest of you? Well, I'm happy to report we've reached another important point:
== CHECKPOINT: HALFTIME ==
It is now halftime. A bit earlier than the last circuit series, but the same as the previous pool. With so many of you left, I think it's best if we look at the entire top 20. And before you ask, no, I'm not doing this to include myself. I'm 21st.
- The lead battle, just like the one in the main season, is pretty lopsided, since Bored (01st, 591 pts) has held strong at the top since Race 03. His closest challenger in NeverEatDawnSoap (02nd, 563 pts) has also been strong, and both have 4 100-pt rounds.
- Super Yak (03rd, 550 pts) & meme.ystic (04th, 530 pts) have been hanging out near the top, not making much noise. Both of them scored blue marks in the opening round, and proved they didn't need them for later.
- Rube Wizard (05th, 521 pts), the runner up in the Marbula One S3 pool, is chasing redemption, now that JustAround3 is busy
perhaps angry about how the Thunderbolts (TBL) have been performing as of late?
- ...and what happened there, Yellup is gone, with 513 pts (06th).
- The highest scoring player with no strikes or marks is nakomaton, who sits in 07th with 512 pts, and a high score of 124 pts (R03). Keep up the good work!
- Zayvilinixity (08th, 505) describes themselves on Discord as "your local idiot", and I don't think that name really fits here. Despite decreasing scores every time they set a new high score, they've been holding their own, only being scoring fewer than 90 pts in 1 round (and that was thanks to Clementin (CLM) putting on a circus at home).
- Defending champion KD9 finds himself, fittingly, in 09th place. He started off with a huge score that had a very significant number to him - 144, which is his highest single-round score, and a former AYSTARP record.
- Up next we have Lazarus - sorry, I mean Solitarius Unenlagia (10th, 496 pts). He has what are perhaps my favourite Confessional Box segments, and his rivalries with players like Drew (61st, 379 pts, 1 strike) are hilarious to watch unfold. How will this one shake up?
- I'm going to a bit of jumping around the order here, since I want to look at PKShyBoyO7 (11th, 493 pts) and JustAPerson (15th, 482 pts). These two, aside from R04, have been very consistent competitors to watch out for.
- Speaking of models of consistency, we've also got rainbowse (13th, 491 pts), who's opening triplers were the rivals of Marbula One S3 (the O'rangers and Crazy Cat's Eyes (CCE)), leading them to a pair of 123 pt rounds.
- I've already touched a bit on Steel. He's been near the top before, but for now, he finds himself in 12th place with 492 pts. Now comes the hard part - keeping it moving. Don't let a repeat of the Marble Rally S6 pool happen.
- Viridian, in addition to his graphic design prowess, has also been holding strong. He's not currently doing as well as he was with his 4 round blue mark stretch, but he's managing decently well (15th, 482 pts).
- Mercy is up. He currently sits with no blue marks, but is also undefeated. 3 rounds with over 100 pts, and showing no sign of slowing down, boasting 480 pts and a provisional 17th place.
- It hurts quite a bit to see Alexis_HK (18th, 472 pts) all the way down here, after she had 3 exceptional rounds in the mercy period. However, she has just come off 2 rounds in the 50's. If the computer didn't suck as bad as it did, I don't think she'd be in this writeup.
- TheBui20 started off with with a performance that stung - 40 pts. However, they immediately bounced back, managing 3 triple-digit scores, just sneaking into a tie near the top 20 (19th, 470 pts). Who are they tied with? Well...
- ...it's Solaris (19th, 470 pts). The man who declared war on the Shining Swarm (SHN) after his R11 exit during the most recent Marble League was given a lucky break when that same team fell to the bottom 5. He's still on the hunt for the glory at the end of a season, having fallen in the last round twice now. I believe in you!
And that's our halfway point recap! There still is something missing, however. Your bronze medals! 98 medals of bronze on the wall, 98 medals of bronze...
3 more rounds survived nets you a silver, and reaching the end with 0 or 1 strikes will award a gold! Best of luck!
Unfortunately, we're about to go to a clutter circuit to a total clusterf*ck. Sleet Street is back... oh well. Here comes Race 06
Things are going to get interesting now. The computer decided to make up for that time he replicated every pick aside from his tripler, having reused his tripler from last week yet again. Here's the full list:
3x Shining Swarm (SHN), sending out Glimmer (GLM) 2x Crazy Cat's Eyes (CCE), sending out Red Eye (RDI) 1x Hazers (HAZ), sending out Cloudy (CLD) 1x Pinkies (PNK), sending out Pinky Winky (WIN) 1x Thunderbolts (TBL), sending out Thunder (THD)
The picks all looked decent enough.... and then I got to the bottom. It's time to see if everyone who said "the computer picking the Thunderbolts makes a round easy
To submit predictions, CLICK HERE
. Remember, you cannot use a team as your tripler if you've already used them there. It doesn't matter which marble was tripled; if you use 1, they're both off the table for the top spot
. Using a team as a doubler or regular has no limitation.
For full results, please check the scoreboard, which can be accessed by CLICKING HERE
2023.05.29 04:27 lalala850 Names like Ash/Asher/Ashton
My mother Ashlie passed recently before getting to meet her first grandchild, and my husband and I are heavily contemplating naming our baby boy after her.
I personally really like Asher, but my husband isn't sold on it, and that's fair. Can anyone think of any male/unisex names like Ash, Asher, or Ashton? I'm having trouble finding any besides those.
submitted by lalala850
to namenerds [link] [comments]