Rancho cucamonga school district jobs

possible TWs, sorry
Sometimes I wonder if I had spoke up more when I was a little girl. About the things I knew were wrong but I didn’t want to get anyone in trouble.
I wonder what would’ve happened if my mom figured it all out on her own.
I wonder if I should’ve tried harder with drawing because it was something I enjoyed. I always imagined I would become an artist someday.
I wonder if I would’ve enjoyed my childhood more if I wasn’t so obsessed with my grades.
I wonder what would have happened if I had succeeded in killing myself in high school.
I wonder if my dad remembers driving home from school, passing the neighboring horse farm as he told me I was never going to amount to anything in my life because I liked to read whenever he drove, and I often times couldn’t recall directions.
I wonder if I had been stronger willed like my friends when we were teens and ate salads every day or nothing at all, would I look as skinny as they did? Would I have felt better? Had more confidence?
I wonder what attending college for something I’m passionate about would’ve been like. Would graduation have felt more fulfilling? Would job hunting be easier now?
I wonder if my parents had never married. Never met. Where would they be now? Probably happier.
I wonder why everyone around me is getting married, having babies, starting the careers they’ve been wanting for years now. What am I doing wrong?
I wonder if I lowered my standards, maybe I would find someone. Like if I went back to my ex, or explored my sexuality, or even just found a way to be happier on my own.
I wonder about my next step in life. I want to get it right, not settle for anything that would make me miserable. But I can’t take risks. I just can’t.
I wonder what would happen if I could though.

Hi, I have a job offer from a school but am still actively interviewing. I’ve already asked for two extensions on my decision (from a couple days to two weeks). Would it be inappropriate to ask for another extension given I’m still waiting to heainterviewing at other places?

Hello friends, I am extremely interested in becoming a dispatcher . For background information, I have a Bachelors degree: Political Science with a concentration in Public Law and a double minor: psychology & ethnic studies.
I would love to go back to school to get a degree in Criminology (most likely an intelligence analyst). However that is not likely to happen this year or next due to the financial difficulty it comes with .
For the meantime I would love to have a stable & career-experience building opportunity. Given that I’ve also worked customer service/retail for more than 4 years, I desire a job that aligns with my career interests.
Can anyone please share how they were able to obtain their job as a dispatcher?
& The requirements it took in order to become one ?
& any advice ?
I’m currently located in California.
Thank you all so much ! K.

I am incredibly lucky to have received offers at both BCG and McKinsey to start full-time after undergrad (both in the same West Coast major city). I'm struggling to decide between the two options. I'm not sure what I want to do long-term, but I think it's not unlikely I leave the private sector to work at institutions doing work related to political economy of governance. I wrote a brief list of pros for each option below. I know this is a very privileged post, but I'm hoping to get any input from people on the sub if they are willing to help.
BCG:
- I have a close friend working here in the same office
- Potentially less intense work culture (though I don't mind intensity)
- Fewer scandals and therefore a better reputation in some circles (and possibly a culture that is less reckless)
McKinsey:
- More international and government-related work
- The most elite reputation (which is important to me if it gets me into grad school or helps me land a job)

New Grad Nursing
Hey! I’m moving back to norther California/ Sacramento area once I graduate nursing school with my BSN later this year. Ideally trying to have a position secured before I move.
I have begun to look into hospital/med center jobs for new grad nurses and and having some difficulty finding open positions that don’t require 2 years of experience or a nurse residency program.
I am interested in PACU, most any med/surg, psych, ICU. Although I’m not closed off from other recommendations other than maybe neo/long term/geri/bari care/SNFs.
Anyone have any insight or advice? Any hiring events or creative ways to get in front of a nurse manager? Anything at all is appreciated. Thanks all!

I'm currently trying to do research on what classes are about in my school's ECE program. I was planning to do Mech Eng but I go deferred and am pursuing an Electrical Engineering degree instead. I'm interested in Arduino and the electronic sensors and things that go into robotics. I LOVE robotics. My dream job is working with cyberpunk technology haha! I would love to end up in an integrated technology/ electronics job, preferably for the improvement of the life of those who may have an impairment. I believe we have an obligation to make the world accessible to all and make all accessible to life. Maybe that's the wrong word but you get my point. I also really enjoyed learning about circuits and magnets in physics, especially the magic that magnets are! haha, we didn't go much in-depth but I found it fascinating and I like the right-hand rule.
I currently attend Ohio State University and any pointers for elective classes to look for that you enjoyed or where a little bit more hands-on would help tremendously! I'm also trying to incorporate a robotics minor it's just hard to switch gears and see the overlap between Elec E and Mech E
I will list the elective branches as I am trying to find out what each one entails
Communication and Signal Processing Domain :
Computer Domain:
Control Systems Domain:
Electronic Circuits Domain :
Electromagnetics, Microwaves and Electro-optics Domain:
Sustainable Energy and Power Systems Domain:
Solid State Electronics and Photonics Domain:
Just looking for stuff i can look up like i know nothing about electronics but im egar to know where im going and getting into ! Thanks

Alright everyone. Young parent of 2 toddlers here. I'm 24 with a 4 year old and a 1 year old. I am married to an incredibly smart and capable wife whom I love. I didn't know where else to reach out besides on here to explain my constant feelings. When me and my wife (gf at the time) got pregnant with our first child, I can admit I was not mentally ready nor was I mature enough to take care of a child to the best of my ability. I don't have a college degree and I do the best I can to work a job that helps us scrape by. My wife is currently in hair school and should be done in about 6 months. I have this constant feeling hanging over me that if I was able to provide better, if we had been somewhat established before having kids, if I just went to college and worked a job that paid more, me and my wife would get along better, I'd feel less stressed when I come home at the end of the day and I'd be able to enjoy my personal time because I'd actually have any amount of disposable income, but I just don't have that. Is this a feeling that lots of other people have??? I know as I get older, things will change but it's hard on me and my relationship with everyone in my family. Thanks.

I did my concurrent BA/BEd (juniointermediate) in Ontario, but as I finished in 2016, there were no jobs going so I moved to England.
I've now been teaching "high school" English in England since then but now want to move back to Ontario as my husband and I are expecting a baby and want to be nearer to my family (plus teaching in the UK is terrible and unsustainable so I'm not sure I want to do that while being a parent).
My concern is that I have had my own classes and everything so I'm hating the idea of a supply list and LTOs. If I have 7 years of experience do I still have the follow these channels?
I would probably look into getting my ABQ for senior so I can teach high school. I'd also have to reinstate my OCT certificate. Anything else I would need to consider?
It seems pretty niche to leave and then move back, so I can't find any advice on Google!

Long story short, my ex best friend is a very insecure teacher. No one likes her, she's inappropriate with male students, and her class is notoriously difficult (ELA).
My class is also very hard (college prep chemistry). Anyways, we recently got in an argument because a student skipped her class to finish her chemistry test (the student told me they had an open period and I believed them). My ex best friend/coworker felt really slighted and cut off our friendship because I disrespected her and now she can't trust me.
So, my class has a written and lab exam for each unit. The tests are stressful to kids (because assessments are worth 60% in my class), but the average test score is usually around an 85% for written tests and high 80s/low 90s for lab tests. Despite doing well, kids get really stressed out before chemistry tests. They're used to all my coworkers making practice tests that are identical to the real tests where they can just memorize answers and do well. In my class, they have to use what they learned in a new situation and explain their reasoning for every answer. Kids actually have to think in my class. She told me my expectations are too high for kids, and that my class is too hard and I'm not preparing them well enough for the tests because even some of our "good" students freak out and get nervous before tests. She said I'm doing something wrong if I have so many kids after school every day (when a kid missed school they miss a lab they have to make up. I can'tjudt hand thema worksheet- they need to put in the time to do the lab they missed). Between regular absences and athletes that miss my 6th, 7th, and 8th period class two or three times a week, I easily have 5 to 10 kids a day making up labs they missed during the week.
At the end of the day, she just wants a reason to vilify me and make me look bad. She keeps telling other students that it's ridiculous so many kids are always in my room getting help. When they walk in from taking tests, she makes comments like "Are you okay? Do you need to take a lap and calm down? She's too much, huh?" She'll go up to certain students (male jocks) and say "Did you know that so-and-so skipped practice last night for chemistry?? Right before a big game? You should tell their parents." One student I'm close to confronted her one day and asked her "Why are you so mad that she's willing to help kids make up wprk after school?" and she'll say "That's not my only problem with that class!" and proceed to bad mouth me to our students. Ever since our falling out, around 2 to 3 students a week come and tell me things she says in class about me. These are honest kids I trust.
I'm convinced it's a jealousy thing. Both of our classes are notoriously hard classes, but kids actually like me. I'm recognized by multiple students during senior sports nights for the teacher that made a difference. I recently received a governor's award. I won a city-wide Kids Choice award a few years ago. Despite my hard class, I have the lowest fail rate of any core teacher. So, I'm not worried her shit-talking holds any truth. She is just dead-set on ruining my reputation. I'm mostly pissed and embarassed for her due to how unprofessional she's being. I want the badmouthing to stop. She's blocked me on all social media and on her phone. Should I just go to admin? Our principal is leaving in June for a new job. Should I wait for the new principal? For those of you who'd suggest just going in and talking to her, she gets really aggressive and loud, and I'm afraid she'd twist my words. Also, after our fight, she sent an email to the principal complaining about me "deliberately" allowing a kid to skip her class and cc'd me on the email. She's being petty and rude, and I'm not going to be the nice friend who takes it anymore. What should I do?

Hello everyone,
Im thinking of taking the patent bar since I meet the requirements, but was wondering whether I actually had a chance of getting a job as a patent agent without an MS or PhD.
Currently I've been out of school for a few years now after graduating with two separate science bachelors in chemistry and biochemistry, and have been working as a chemistry lab TA , a cancer biology lab manager, and a research assistant in microbiology. I also just recently took this spring semester off from research to take graduate level organic chemistry classes at a different university through their non-degree seeking visiting graduate student/ post-Bach program (I.e. no certificate, etc).
I also have research experience in organic chemistry and total synthesis from undergrad, and also took a lot of chemistry graduate classes with a focus on organic chemistry as an undergraduate as well.
In addition to this, I've also worked as a freelance general and organic chemistry tutor since graduating in 2020.
Is there hope for my job prospects, or should I hold off on the patent bar until I can earn a MS degree?
Thanks in advance!

Hi everyone. To give some context I [M23] and this girl I’ve been seeing [23F] are both recent grads and met on hinge. Let’s call her Sarah. I’ve went on four or so dates with her and I vibe well with her. I think she’s pretty, has a good sense of humor and is a down to earth, kind person. However something has been eating at the back of my mind and I’m not sure if it’s a fair thing to judge her on. Basically, since I’ve been a kid I’ve been a highly driven person. Whether it be with the gym, hobbies, or with my career I kinda always strived to excel. I went to a prestigious university and will be going to med school this year. The other day, I was talking to sarah and realized she never really cared about school and didn’t study much in college. She did say she feels like it was a product of her environment since she went to a local school but doesn’t have a ton of ambitions for her career in general. I grew up in an environment where it was second nature to strive to be successful career wise so it feels so odd to be with someone who didn’t feel that way. Is this a fair thing to judge someone on? She has a job lined up and everything so she has a plan but I’m concerned how her outlooks on her career and taking more of a non driven approach to life will be a deal breaker or not. I really enjoy hanging out with her but it’s just this one thing that’s causing me to have second thoughts.
Any advice is appreciated

Me (f29) and we will call her Amanda (29f) have been best friends for 25 years, started in preschool. For the most part we have been tied at the hip. She was my maid of honor and is my childs godmother. We have had a few hiccups in our friendship, mainly in adolescence, but they never lasted long. Amanda is severely depressed and has borderline personality disorder. She has had this since we were in middle school. This past year her mental health hasn’t been great and whenever it is the worst of the worst she completely ghosts me. Wont talk to me for 3-4 weeks. (We normally text or FaceTime daily). I get it, depression can be so damn tough and sometimes you don’t have the energy to talk. I really do get it as I’ve suffered from depression my whole life as well. The first few times this happened I just messaged her daily and let her know I’m here for her and waited for her to reach out. Recently she didn’t talk to me for about 4 weeks even though she knew I was going through some serious stuff with my family. I was a little hurt but again, I get it. However, I recently found out that she is still talking to other friends daily when she is “ghosting” me. I’m happy she has people but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel bad, especially her not reaching out to me. During the 5 week hiatus she found out her sister was pregnant and this made her spiral. She called me and asked if she could stay with me for a few days. I agreed with open arms. Then she left, and I didn’t hear from her again. And I haven’t in a couple weeks. I really want to be there for her but this friendship seems so one sided. Her sister informed me that Amanda got a new job this week. I’m hurt that she didn’t reach out to me but my husband says it’s not about me. Any advice? Similar stories?

My school does not offer Nuclear Engineering or Chemical Engineering. So, the closest thing I guess would be electrical engineering.
How likely is it for an electrical engineer to get a job designing reactors?
For context, I am located in Canada.

MBA Profile Review for Fall 2024
I’m hoping to get back to where 16 year old me wanted to be by now.
I’d love to get advice on if my schools are appropriate choices and any other advice you may have.
Reach: Stanford, Kellogg, Wharton
Target: Tuck, Ross
Lower Targets: UCLA, Tepper
Demographics
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Ethnicity: White
Education and Stats
Degree Transcript GPA: 3.91 (Summa Cum Laude) 3.4 Cumulative GPA
School: Insignificant Private School on West Coast
Undergrad Major: Finance
GMAT: 730 (45/45)
Gonna study for 6 weeks and get the Quant up. Hoping for 760.
Work Experience
6-8 YOE (confusing)
Enlisted in 2016 as a Signals Intelligence Analyst. I supported Special Forces for a few years with intelligence products and was accepted into a fully paid degree completion/officer commissioning program in 2019.
2019-2021 still on Active Duty but attending college and participating in ROTC as the operations and training officer.
2021-Present: I manage the Army’s largest Disbursing network of 7 permanent offices and 4 rotational. We support operations across Europe and Africa. A lot of good, quantitative, team building and project development experiences.
Been the distinguished honoleadership graduate every where I’ve been. AIT, BLC, ROTC, BOLC. (Meaningless fluff tbh)
Extracurricular

• Unit Sexual Harassment/Assault Representative (Something I’m passionate about due to personal circumstances)
  
• Unit Voting Assistance Officer
  
• Tutor for ASVAB retakers (predominantly from low-income backgrounds)
  

Post MBA Goals
Consulting (Preferably MBB(Bain) based on west coast); transitioning into non-profit consulting and eventually want to start my own non-profit focused on education reform action and support of low income communities. Would love to support people getting a second chance in life.
I want to keep climbing, but I also want to help those who didn’t have the privileges to save themselves like I did.
Background:
I was 20 in 2014 when I dropped out of College due to mental health… and a lack of discipline at the end of the day.
I left before finals and failed all my classes. My girlfriends dad died that year, my dad was an actively suicidal drug addict. I spent all of 2014 at my girlfriend’s college supporting her through her trauma, or on the phone begging my dad not to kill himself. I felt trapped, powerless, and useless. I ended up calling my mom one night in November and asking her if I could come back home or I wasn’t sure I’d make it out alive (how the tables turn lmao, my bad).
Left college with a 2.4 Cumulative.
Took a few classes at community college and worked as a shoe salesman before finally escaping my self inflicted struggles by joining the Army.
Immediately felt free. Excelled in my job, retook classes through community college at night after work (3.85 GPA), and applied to my commissioning program. I graduated Summa Cum Laude with a 3.91 GPA in Finance June 2021.
Since then I’ve had great work experience as a Finance Officer in the Army.
Fun Facts:
I’ve never eaten meat in my life. I like to backpack, bike, and play intramural softball/basketball. I’ve taken off in a helicopter 20+ times, but I’ve never landed in one.

So my boyfriend (26M) and I (25F) have known each other for eight years, but with situations as they were, we’ve only been seeing each other for the past 8 months or so. All of that time we’ve been together, it’s been long distance. I’ve been in distance relationships before, and it has been hard, but I’ve made it work as long as I can. He and I discussed not getting into a distance relationship, however I just graduated from grad school and moved home to start work (only place to offer me a job) while he is living at home saving to move out eventually.
Long story short, he is busy. And I mean busy. He’s a full-time manager at a large chain gym, working upwards of 50 hours a week, 6 days a week scheduling and booking personal training clients, along with his own workouts as an elite athlete. I start full-time work soon, in about two weeks, and it’s already hard to see or talk to each other as is now. We don’t get time to talk as much as we should or want to, we havn’t gotten to see each other in a month, and it’s starting to get frustrating because he is also a horrible texter and doesn’t communicate… (ie - literal just thread of me texting him during the day, no response, or absolute minimum).
I love him, we’ve wanted to try to be together for so long, but the circumstances never worked until now. And now I feel like it isn’t going to work at all. Am I being paranoid? Overly needy or clingy? I’ve been thinking about asking him to move up closer to me, and he’s offered the same, but I think he wants me to move in sooner than I’m comfortable with. Is it unreasonable to ask?
Thanks for reading, I know it’s long. Any tips for getting through this or having the conversation of feeling ignored is certainly appreciated in advance…

Okay, so, FF6PR was one of the handful of FFs I've not beaten, nor do I know how they end that are currently out as of typing this (late may 2023 if you're in the future and FF16 came out).
The other's where I don't know how they "end" are: Tactics and Tactics Advance, I guess I technically don't know how FF3's final areas conclude... as in, I know the big stuff because FF14, but I don't know the post-final fight stuff, um, oh and 11 and since I play 14, I don't plan on playing it, especially after my friend showed me exactly how old school it is and I just went "and that's why I don't play it... everything you said, went in one ear and out the other and I was trying to understand it!" I guess I don't know how FFCC ends, but I have a GCN with it, so I could find out at some point.
Anyway, point is, as you might notice, I either beat or know how they end on the other games. Like, more than the average fan... and actually I just beat FFV last week or so before today and beating FFVI. Now, I'm just gonna say, I love good sprite work, game was beautiful, I had a 4-man squad that was too overleveled and, aside from 2 dying between me selecting my actions and not being able to arise, I nearly 1-party'd the final boss, as in just 4 people *almost* beat Kefka, I was too high level at 80, but, that's namely from grinding all my espers out and yeah, just yeah, steamrolled the whole tower with them, I just had 2 people get hit and they died and then I moved stages which meant I couldn't rez them with Arise sadly... oh well.
Anyway, this is probably in the top 5, like coming from a person who plays tons of games and have played many FFs... this is almost assuredly in my top 5, and yeah "bad takes for top 5" but 2+DoS on GBA is in there alongside FF8, which I played before 7, which is probably up there too, just there order in which I played the games, lengths of times that I did that, etc. I just identify with Squall more, especially at the time, being capable but socially awkward, being afraid of not being good enough (yeah, I have military experience, so weirdly, I can identify him on that level too, but before then it was friends, saying something stupid, trying to "not care" and stuff, like FF8 speaks to me on many levels, FF2, well, mostly to do with DoS add-on, dunno if I'd like it as much, but the fact that you get better at anything is by casting the spell more, using certain weapon types more, etc, etc, etc, if you want someone to be better at something, you literally used that thing and you'd naturally just get better over time, yeah, it just made intuitive sense, even if it wasn't really ever seen again...
But this is about FF6 and I can see why people said "play 6 or Tactics next" when I asked for suggestions on my previous post... namely because I was trying to decide between the games I haven't beaten or haven't beaten in a VERY long time (FF4 DS, I beat FF4 GBA, but never finished DS, so was considering it as an option), but 6 was a very good call, the game does a great job of conveying the importance of the cause, my main gripe is Terra being optional in pt 2... she's the freaking outline of the game logo, her at the beginning of the game, and they, for some reason, despite her being important in WoB, come WoR it's a "meh, bring her or don't" and like, everyone who isn't her, Gerad or the world's biggest gambler, they're all flipping optional! I get that it's cool, but at the same time, kinda feels like something Terra of all the others should also be mandatory for, with a side of Locke and Sabin for, hopefully, obvious reasons.
Anyway, had a fine time, game was good, and yeah, I feel it improved on FF4, my closest point of comparison as, well, FF5 is more closely related to FF3 and Bravely Default series than other games tbh... so, I feel it improved on FF4, another game I hold in high esteem though I really feel like Terra shoulda been a mandatory character considering her WoB importance, and that's my main casting gripe. I guess like after Mog feels weird, Gogo, Umaro, like they just feel like secret characters that exist for the sake of having secret characters, not, actually good characters that are hidden... I mean, to me, both Gau and Relm feel more relevant than Gogo or Umaro, and Mog feels borderline weird, but still okay, as yeah, also a bit hidden, but also helps Locke and Terra at the beginning of the game and helps tell the story after Ultros... so he feels like he belongs slightly more.
Now, please understand, I am not saying Gau/Relm/Mog or anyone else is superior to Gogo or Umaro, I just, I feel Mog makes more sense than Gogo, and I mean, being the boss of Umaro... I feel is odd for Mog, but hey, I'm just giving my feelings on the matter, NOT, in terms of facts in this case. Like once I got them I found myself wondering "why did I bother?" and subsequently answered myself with "because, all characters. You obsess over stuff like this. Stop asking dumb questions." And quite frankly I'm right, it is why I got everyone and ended up only needing "6" (the 2 replacements got KO'd near-immediately, turns out repeated 9999 Ultima off 1MP and constant 9999 1MP Curaga tends to stop you from dying off 8k HP, dunno why. /s
All in all, I enjoyed it thanks to those of you who suggested I try it, I think I'll go and play 9 before I learn how it ends (like I know about Kuja because Dissidia 012, but much like FF12, no real idea of the end of the game, just that Kuja is a villain *shrug*) from somewhere else... then 16 will likely be near to releasing or released once I finish it. Oh and yes, I'm aware of Excalibur 2, I'm not going for Excalibur 2 on my first run... for, hopefully, obvious reasons.
PS- not asking you to, but I did mention it, so for those curious souls the post asking which title to play next, as I mentioned it a bit: https://www.reddit.com/FinalFantasy/comments/13pd3yx/ive_beaten_around_half_the_ff_games_looking_fo

Pretty much the title. I don't find anything enjoyable anymore. Things that once were fun are now nothing worth getting excited about. I spend every single day at home counting down the days until I can leave. I can't even convince my parents to let me get a job because I'm always told I can get one when I finish online school, but then they refuse to help me, leaving me to teach myself. I can't find happiness in anything anymore, and I've tried so many things to make myself happy but they don't work. I'm constantly stressed, constantly upset, I can barely do basic things like brushing my teeth/showering, etc. I'm so done with being isolated.
**I've been getting a lot of people defending homeschooling on my posts, so If your intention is to defend my situation please kindly do not, it really upsets me to see. Thank you**

Hi all! I just finished my CF and will be starting my first CCC job at an elementary school next year.
Unfortunately, when I went to grad school COVID had struck and I completed my MS completely online; we had a virtual assessment simulator, but it's nothing compared to the real deal.
I completed my CF at one middle and three high schools; unfortunately, I didn't get a single opportunity to do an initial eval or any other kind of assessment or have any referrals the entire year. I asked for advice and help from my supervisor, but she basically just said to look in the manuals.
Besides just reviewing the testing manual, what sort of "rule of thumb" advice do you have about initial evals/assessments/referrals in general? I'm very confident in my treatment abilities since I worked as an SLPA as well, but it's been probably 5 years since Ive given a GFTA/OWLS.
I haven't had a lot of exposure to language assessments, and I think artic assessments are super easy.

Hey guys,
I'm a fourth cycle applicant looking for tips to help get interviews :) feeling hella disappointed after this year.
OMSAS cGPA 3.94 MCAT 520 (132/127/130/131) Last year Casper: 4th quartile English, 2nd quartile French
ECs: Hospital volunteering for 4 years, various small non-clinical volunteering, a couple of clubs namely in philanthropy and pre-law and robotics, two "published" abstracts (lesser known journals) and an honours thesis, part time hospital job, casual tutoring, high school lifeguarding/swim instructor. References: honours prof, a supervisor from one of my job supervisors, and my volunteer coordinator.
I'm in my gap year working full time at the hospital I volunteered at. When writing my essays for UofT and Western, I had a bunch of current med students look at them and comment. No interviews there. Rs from Mac and Queens as well. I got interviews from McGill and uOttawa French, but I spent my time prepping (with current med students) for McGill (waitlisted in the 90s) and didn't prep much for uOttawa, which not-so-magically also landed me no acceptance. I'm just trying to see where I could do better other than MCAT and making sure this year is my last application cycle for better or for worse. Thanks!

I found you right before graduating high school. I walked into the shop, asked for the elegant, sleek little red stick, and walked back to my car. I raised you to my lips and was surprised by the flavor, a dead-ringer for watermelon chewing gum, but quickly was even more surprised by something else.
You made me feel good.
Enticed by the head rush, I told myself it was only a little experiment. That it would have been a shame to walk through life without meeting you once. I told myself that this would be the last vape I ever bought. I told myself I wouldn’t be like my mom, my aunts, my uncles, that I really meant it when I said this was temporary.
I told myself the same thing the next time I found myself at the smoke shop, and the times after that, too.
You were never supposed to become a mainstay in my life, but then, are you ever? Does anyone think about the years they’re handing over with their first puff? I told myself I knew about toxic friends, I knew my worth, I knew what I deserved and I deserved better. But one “last” vape after the other I grew far more attached than I thought I ever would have been.
Lately things have been strained between us. I tell myself I don’t need you as I pull, with all my might, from a little pink stick that ran out weeks ago.
A few days ago I woke up and wanted to die. I realized it was you. It had to be you. I missed you. I needed you. I drove to the shop and bought the quick fix to these thoughts that I won’t graduate college, I’m never going to leave my hometown, I’m never going to have a successful career and there’s no way in hell I’m going to have the chance to have a life outside of whatever dead end job I inevitably wind up at. One little puff and I was no longer a leaf blowing in the breeze.
I don’t want to let you do this to me. I don’t want to keep you in my life when you tell me the minute you go I am nothing. I don’t want to let anyone, or anything, do that to me.
I have done this before and I will do it again and I will be successful. You do not have room in the life I want to live. The person I want to be does not let you taunt me the way you do. I hate you with all my being and yet it’s still so hard to leave.
I think that means it’s high time I did just that.
Goodbye and good riddance.