​
Processing video u24xaazuxdra1...
https://www.buzzsprout.com/371360/12222180
Transcript: https://www.johannadraconis.com/episode144

Intro [0:00]

Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about just wanting peace - an expression often in regards with the marathon that is the healing process. This is part for validation but also helping.
So let us talk about it.
​

Prelude [0:27]

Usually the sentence “I just want peace” is said by the biggest stirrer of chaos and unrest. Usually when they are confronted about their part in the chaos. But in this case it was from a mail I received and it wasn’t the first time I heard it.
While the basics of how to deal with PTSD isn’t that complicated - one of the most brutal aspect is its duration. This is a long fight - a long walk - a marathon - or whatever you want to call it. It takes long and once started you can’t really quit it.
And so the statement of “I just want peace” - is just a sentiment of the exhaustion of this long and difficult journey to finally be over and one can walk again without the burden. Which you got so used to.
The most shocking aspects of being cured were how vivid the colors, intense the smells, comforting my chest was and how light I felt. Even when it returned thanks to survivor’s guilt - I still remember that feeling of lightness and how the heaviness was no longer normal.
We first get into why it is exhausting, what we can do and then some closing words
​

Why it is exhausting [1:48]

The reason why it is exhausting is pretty obvious, but lets see if we can’t add some more. Not only does PTSD often get accompanied by depression, which drains the joy out of your life, but PTSD also drains your energy reserves, harms social interactions and your intake.
This means positive social interactions, positive feedback for accomplishments, from food, drink to positive impressions (like a pretty flower field). It also makes it harder to focus and to regulate your emotions. Additionally you will find it difficult to hope.
In other words: Life is now played on highest difficulty. Often this is also accompanied by a constant pain - often dull and hard to pinpoint, but yet makes you suffer. The interesting thing is, that chronic pain patients also report their low energy levels.
They also say even the smallest task can be huge challenge to accomplish. The constant having to endure the pain costs energy and therefor just drains you. Like cold water constantly drains the warmth of your body.
​

What we can do [3:02]

As so often, let us also dive into what we can do. And the most common advice I usually give is to take it slow - so it is over faster. I know, I still struggle with accepting it as well and love to rush into a hole like everyone else. But what do I actually mean by that?
Well it is the same method I recommend when you feel everything is lost and there is no hope. Make your world as small as it needs to be. Don’t focus on being cured, an event you want to make, the things you plan to do at full strength or the like.
If it hasn’t a deadline that is due soon - just put it aside. Make a list if you worried about forgetting, but otherwise put it aside. As much as you can. Until you literally only focus on the daily activities that have to be: Brush your teeth, eat and sleep.
Everything beyond that is bonus. If you feel like it: Try to achieve at least 1 additional goal. That can be writing a letter or doing the dishes or whatever. If you can do more - even better! Don’t think about tomorrow - just focus on today… on the next step.
Try to keep an eye on the general direction, but otherwise keep looking at your feet. And try to make these steps as enjoyable as you can - as it really helps and keeps the motivation up. As do success moments.
​

Closing words [4:36]

What it wonderfully does is turning this enormous mountain to just taking steps - and what is a journey but a collection of steps? Like how does travel time pass faster, counting down the time remaining or just focusing on doing stuff?
It really changes your perspective and helps so much. The worst part is that this nightmare keeps telling you towards the end that this is a dead end, that you can go no further and it was all futile. All this trouble just to stand in front of a locked door.
And then… it is just all suddenly gone. Like a bad dream - sometimes within minutes. It is not fair to go up against someone who can influence how you feel, what you think about, what you can do and how you receive messages from outside.
Its not fair and just frustrating. I know. But the most important information you need, is that it will be over. And as long as you head in that direction - you will get there. Sooner or later. There is no locked door at the end - that is the final bitter lie.
At the end is a new world and a great strength to tackle it all. For a while you feel invincible and like you can do everything. After all, what are these problems compared what you went through and accomplished? Keep going, keep getting up and you get there.
​

Outro [6:17]

That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it helpful. Hope you are safe and well. And as always, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.

Early symptoms (childhood and teenage years):

• inability to show pain and vulnerability to others
• deep belief that you "have to be tough," secretly fearing that you're weak and pathetic if you ever shed any tears or break down in pain
• personality changes from outgoing and social, to isolated and quiet, trying not to be noticed
• feeling like there's something deeply wrong with you, deep belief that you're some kind of monster who deserves to be punished
• fear that if someone finds out about what's happening to you, they will blame you and hurt you worse
• anxiety around adults, always being scared you'll annoy someone and be hurt for it
• very low attention to your needs and wants, feeling pride in neglecting your own wellbeing, even neglecting your pain
• belief that your value is tied to how much pain and mistreatment you can endure
• urge to self harm, or outright hurting yourself
• feeling like you want to disappear, or not be born at all, contemplating suicide
• self-hatred, feeling extremely negative about yourself, and feeling like things would be better if you didn't exist
• spending phases of time being emotionless, feeling like a zombie and not caring about anything
• foreshortened sense of future (belief that you won't live for much longer; inability to see your future or plan for it)
• not feeling the consequences of events in the real time, or not at all—for instance, being completely unphased by a violent outburst or screaming, not feeling pain when you're hurt, or not feeling the exhaustion when you're clearly overworked
• strong urge to not think about certain topics or events, or inability to do so
• fear that your body is wrong and disgusting, anxiety about anyone seeing it but desperate need for validation that you're normal
• deep sense of shame in yourself, your actions, and your appearance
• strong investment in finding excuses for people who do harmful things, always trying to see things from their angle and to forgive them
• feeling like the blame for any bad thing in the world can be put on you
• not feeling like a human being; belief that you're less than human
• feeling like your home is not here and you do not belong on this planet
• feeling uncomfortable being touched and wanting people to back off
• uncontrolled outbursts of rage
• looking for anything to soothe your pain or distract you, indulging with obsessions or drugs
• early development of anxiety disorder, depression, insomnia, ocd
• trying to regress your age and force yourself to stay younger than you are because you feel like your value is dropping with age and nobody will care for you anymore
• trying to desperately take control over some aspects of your life, which can result in overdoing or completely neglecting school, losing yourself in virtual life, eating disorders, self harm or magic thinking that enables you to believe you can control your circumstances
• in case of a sexual trauma: inappropriate sexual behaviour, deep shame tied to your body, feeling like you're meant to be used, violent or forceful intrusive thoughts or sexual fantasies accompanied by shame, fear of touch, fear of anyone finding out
• feeling desperate to appear normal and clinging very strongly to the perception that your childhood is normal

Later symptoms, can develop anytime after puberty, can be in 20s or 30s or even 50s:
Emotional

• Flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, freezing up in terror, beyond-average amounts of fear and dread
• Trust issues, either trusting without suspicion even when you shouldn't or trusting nobody and feeling completely alone in the world
• Episodes of re-living traumatic events from childhood or later in life; emotional meltdowns
• Being unable to leave the past and feeling frozen in the moments of trauma
• Emotional flashbacks; feeling the events from past as if they're happening now, except this time you feel it thousand times stronger and completely fall apart from the horror of it
• Feeling unstable, ashamed for not being able to control your emotions, fear of being judged, mocked or humiliated for it, trying desperately to not feel it, using distractions or drugs
• Self doubt, struggling to know what is real and what isn't, doubting your memories and emotions, trying to only feel what you believe is obliged from you
• Questioning the past over and over again, trying to find sense and who to blame
• Trying desperately to put your relationship with your abuser(s) into perspective, feeling both guilt and obligation towards them, but also rage and desire to take over control from them
• Self harm, self-destructive behaviour, suicidal behaviour, wanting to die to end the pain
• Deep and overwhelming grief over loss of childhood and loss of trust in people you believed wouldn't hurt you, or believed they were doing it for your good, which now proved not to be true
• Depression, loss of joy in anything you used to like doing, loss of optimism in life
• Losing the courage to try anything, regardless of how much it would benefit you, if there's even a slight chance of getting hurt in a way you find impossible to endure, living passively
• Feeling irreparably damaged and ruined
• Getting lost in maladaptive daydreaming, fiction, or the virtual world, feeling unable to face reality, falling to obsessions or addictions to endure the pain
• Feeling other people's feelings as if they're your own, especially feelings of pain, anxiety, fear, nervousness, anger or grief; trying to soothe them and especially having strong reactions to anger
• Feeling overwhelmed whenever around people, feeling the urge to self-isolate and to be completely alone
• Being hit with extreme amounts of rage and struggling to process it; worrying about misdirecting the rage or acting on it, violent fantasies
• Struggling to achieve even minimum function, or not functioning at all
• Losing the will or the energy to participate in any activities you used to enjoy
• Fighting or indulging the urge to normalize what happened or make it "not that bad"; trying to re-live it in a way that wouldn't be traumatic; especially with sexual trauma: needing to perceive it as if it would be normal if only it were more controlled, trying to find a way to frame it as "not that big of a deal," and denying it's hurting you
• Beating yourself up horribly for still being upset and traumatized by events that happened long ago
• Inability to have friends or form connections with others; high alert for betrayal and manipulation
• Avoiding places and people connected to the trauma; getting easily triggered and forced to re-live something that needs recovery time of days or weeks
• Losing your sense of reality, not being sure where you are or what year is it for some periods of time, feeling like you're going crazy
• Only being able to focus on surviving a short amount of time (just trying to get through the day or week)

Physical

• Extreme anxiety; trembling, spending prolonged amount of time tense and expecting danger and pain at every second, inability to calm down, limbs not working properly, fainting out of fear
• Continually activated "fight or flight" response, always feeling endangered, trouble digesting food because your body shuts down your digestion in order for you to be able to escape faster, vomiting, stomach pains after eating
• Hyperventilation, problems with breathing, feeling there's "no air" in small or crowded spaces
• Chronic exhaustion, feeling heavy weight over your body, having difficulty moving at all
• Chronic pain, tension in your body never leaving, physical pain appearing when you're experiencing emotional pain, chest pain, heart palpitations
• Problems with blood pressure, fainting easily
• Dissociation (feeling detached from your emotions and/or body, feeling numb and unreal, your body not feeling yours, feeling outside your body or like you're stuck in someone else's body)
• Memory issues, not being able to remember whole parts of your life, weak short-term memory, not being able to look back on your life in linear way or put the events in they order they happened in, mixing several events into one, remembering feelings but not events
• Increased sensitivity to noise, getting very upset at any non recognizable sound, reacting with irritability or rage to background noises, or with terror at loud noises; needing complete silence, or constant soothing background noise
• Extreme sensitivity to stress, having to block out stressful things from memory, having physical reactions to stress, like shaking, your hair falling out, feeling incapable of dealing with even minimally stressful tasks
• Dry mouth in the night, overheating during the nightmares, getting so distressed after sleep you can't move from the bed for hours, not calming down for days
• Not being able to control your body, falling down and shaking uncontrollably, even trashing around as your body processes violence done to it
• Not being able to relax or calm down without experiencing physical pain; feeling addicted to abuse and indulging in self-harm, or letting someone else hurt you so that you might gain a moment of not feeling tense, stressed and scared
• Feeling sensations of pain or discomfort on your body even when nothing is happening to it, especially the body parts that have been violated in some way; in case of sexual trauma, it would mean private parts; in case of overworking yourself or breaking yourself by using much effort, pain in all muscles and joints
• In case of sexual trauma: reoccurring memories of it, trouble figuring out your sexuality because the trauma interferes with your ability to understand it, wanting to escape your body or perceiving it in a distorted way, urge to repeat the trauma to get desensitized to it
• Weight gain or loss, hatred of your body and desire to change or hurt it, or complete neglect over body, lack of any self care of even acknowledging you need it
• Difficulty sleeping or being awake, feeling too high-alert to fall asleep, or dropping out of consciousness from overexhaustion
• Inability to focus or finish tasks, procrastinating or feeling sick just knowing there is a task you have to do.

If you struggle(d) with 5 or more of the early ones, or 5 or more of the later ones, you've been dealing with trauma.

I’m fronting and arranging for an upcoming trip of 5-6 dudes at MGM Grand in a few weeks. We have a Tower One Bedroom King Suite and a second standard room Two Queens all in like $2K for the long weekend.
Looked at the Two Bedroom Marquee Suite. 1500 sq ft, looks nice and might be fun to splurge. Rates came in around $4K after fees and taxes for the 3 night stay.
My question are what are my chances of asking for the upgrade upon check in. For example if it was $3K all in instead of $4K I would pay the difference almost certainly for the experience. If the suite is available would they be willing to negotiate? Anyone have any experience or thoughts? Thx.

Hello, I need advice/help. I recently moved out of an large apartment complex in Dallas, TX. I paid no regular deposit because i "have good credit" (did not realize what a red flag that was until later) but paid an $800 non-refundable pet 'deposit' on move-in. Prior to move-out, I spent $200 getting carpet repairs for places my cats scratched up (have before and after pics), $250 on an all-around cleaning service, and $200 on a dedicated carpet steam cleaning (did not get pics but it looked really good.) My cats did scratch up the places I repaired, but they never peed or pooped on the carpet. I went into the office before moving out to ask if there was anything I needed to look out for and they said as long as I was getting it cleaned and there wasn't any major damage, I should be fine. I have reciepts for everything I had done, and the pictures I mentioned. Do I have a case for contesting these charges? I think they're absolute bull, because with what I had cleaned/fixed it should be normal wear and tear, which I don't believe I should be charged for. Please help!

Hii I’m Dalton. A Content creator that is very interactive with my viewers on Youtube,Twitch and Discord.
​
This server is a steady Growing server with amazing people! Which Everybody is welcome here!
​
Very interactive in all Chats always and VC’s especially when I am streaming!
​
GIVEAWAYS atleast once a month also/events such as movie nights ETC!
​
MOD APPLICATIONS Twitch mods, Server mods you name it! More info on server!
​
What are you waiting for? Come join the server and be apart of the family!
​
https://discord.gg/6VazwQ3jFA

So… it’s time! As you UK NHS patients will know, we get an upgrade on our pumps every 4-5 years (I’ve lost count…). After a fuck up from my clinical team, I’ve been on the Medtronic 640G for 8-10 years now 🤦🏻‍♂️, so it’s been a long time coming but the date is here! Upgrade time!
I’ve loved the Medtronic 640G (maybe because I’ve been under its regime for so long…), and I find the company support to be great! My main issue is Medtronic’s Guardian sensor… I’ve found it the be the worst out of all the CGMs in every aspect, and the thought of having to rely on this system is enough to make me look at switching to another pump company.
My clinical team haven’t been particularly great with their advice, which is probably due how overrun the NHS is currently. Therefore I’ve turned to you lovely Reddit lot to help out. I’ve been given three options (as seen below), and I would love to have your insights and experiences on the options.
Thanks a lot!
The 3 options from my team:
View Poll

Live in California. Bought our house brand new in 2021. A few months after the builder's 1 year warranty expired, our heater started acting up. It'd struggle to maintain set temperature.
We usually set our upstairs thermostat to 73 and downstairs to 72. Occasionally, when it's very cold outside (due to a cold wave, etc), the overnight temps would drop to 67/68F. It seems the thermostats themselves may be working fine: we hear clicking when temps are adjusted, screen shows "Heating", etc, when they send signal to the Carrier gas furnace. However, the furnace doesn't start every time. Even when it does, it runs for sometime and shuts itself off without reaching the set temp. This issue has been present since more than a month.
So, I called a licensed tech last week who went into the attic to investigate. Here was his diagnosis:
"Tested heat upstairs for extended period. Intermittently not working correctly. Drainage, hoses and wiring all appear correct. Sequence of operation makes it past transducer, then relay closes for HSI 1 sec then relay clicks open over 10-15 times with no error code. Carrier tech support & myself believe issue is with control board. Also possible drainage issue. Need unit running constantly to check drainage fully."
He said these new high efficiency heaters are very prone to failures. His suspicion is the control board. Although, he didn't sound very confident about that. He said the whole thing costs $900 to fix, which includes $400 for the part + shipping + return shipping for the broken part + labor. Apparently, the part is covered under Carrier's warranty but shipping is not. So, I would have to pay the full price of the new part, he'd ship the old part back to manufacturer, he'd get a check from them and he'd pay me back within 6 weeks.
I'm a total noob when it comes to HVAC systems. I don't want to get into my attic, figure things out myself and fix them. I don't mind paying pros to get the job done, but at the same time, I want to make sure, with collective wisdom, that we are getting accurate diagnosis and replacing actual broken parts instead of running experiments on my HVAC system with my own money, and that I'm not overpaying.

1. Is it normal to have a control board break so early in its life (<2 yrs old)?
   
2. Could it be something else that's broken based on what I said above?
   
3. Do you guys suggest that I take second opinion?
   
4. Is it normal to pay full price for a new part, get it shipped back to manufacturer and get the check back from the HVAC company?
   

I moved across the country to be with him (from PA to OR) and he told me last week he no longer wants to be with me and wants me to move back to the east coast. He wants me to pay April rent and I don’t see any reason to as I am leaving on the 6th to fly back. We are on a joint lease but I am working on getting my name off the lease.

Hello, I need advice/help. I recently moved out of an large apartment complex in Dallas, TX. I paid no regular deposit because i "have good credit" (did not realize what a red flag that was until later) but paid an $800 non-refundable pet 'deposit' on move-in. Prior to move-out, I spent $200 getting carpet repairs for places my cats scratched up (have before and after pics), $250 on an all-around cleaning service, and $200 on a dedicated carpet steam cleaning (did not get pics but it looked really good.) My cats did scratch up the places I repaired, but they never peed or pooped on the carpet. I went into the office before moving out to ask if there was anything I needed to look out for and they said as long as I was getting it cleaned and there wasn't any major damage, I should be fine. I have reciepts for everything I had done, and the pictures I mentioned. Do I have a case for contesting these charges? I think they're absolute bull, because with what I had cleaned/fixed it should be normal wear and tear, which I don't believe I should be charged for. I'm sorry if this isn't exactly a legal question but please help!

26 year old (M) that is learning code at the moment with 2 idea's in mind. 1.) Creating a simple website for advertising my families duplex, which through my understanding requires learning Html as a beginning and than branching from their to possibly JS and other languages as well. 2.) Creating an app (IOS) oriented that with the simple scan of a QR code on a blank badge will bring the user to a basic list of named clinics with different abbreviated names and their meanings. To start off with my first project where should I start branching off into apart from html for building my website advertising the duplex? My second question which is in relation to my second idea more is where would I need to start programming wise to make this app for this designated clinic itinerary. To give a little bit of backstory I work in a hospital as a patient transporter, someone who wheels a patient to and from a medical procedure such as a CT or X-ray to the designated area and back to their assigned hospital room. An issue that I have noticed even amongst myself is the different name usage and wording for some of these medical procedures that we take a designated patient too. Newcomers and veterans of the job still have trouble deciphering the different names that hospital workers give these procedures and an idea that I had was attaching a QR code to a blank badge which can be pinned on our hospital ID's and scanning the code with our phones which than pulls up a compiled data base of each procedure and the different names that are abbreviated to it on a website or an IOS app. For context I say IOS because our pagers are iphones in the hospital I work at. Where would I need to start coding wise for this second project since it is more advanced a requires a lot of layering. I am planning in getting into talks with our hospitals IT staff to pass this idea along and see where I can start off as well, but would like the professional opinion of my fellow redditors here if they can assist! Thanks for your time everyone reading and hope to see comments and answer questions about my idea's to the best of my ability.

First Saturday under my belt, So far it has improved my sex life drastically and my cum loads are massive which I guess is a positive. Feeling pretty good without the porn and so actually had an easy day 6. Can’t believe tomorrow will already be a week. First time in my life I’ll make it that long. Mindset is very powerful in this. Keep striving for the goal. Onto day 7

I (24 F) have been with my bf (22 M) for 3 months, I am currently in the process of looking for a new apartment. I have a bit of a different circumstance. If you could please refrain from passing judgement as I know I’m wrong and came clean with the leasing agent. I needed to modify my paystubs. Yes it was poor decision making on my part but I took responsibility. So please disregard this in your final answer as I was just desperate. Now, the apt called my work for verification and left a message with reception that my bf returned. My bf (22M) and I work tg, him making a careless mistake is besides the point it was how he handled it. He called to talk about this and his response was “what a fuck up huh”, and “what are you gonna do now”. It just gave me a bad energy, especially bc when I mentioned my approval on the apt he said “congrats you got what you wanted like you always do”. We all know that’s a backhanded compliment. Mind you I found the apt he lives in, I don’t think I’m wrong since I didn’t ask him to lie for me to begin with. I don’t think I’m wrong for wanting a sincere reaction when my living situation was near jeopardized.

-elemzés: egy ukrán tartalékos tiszt szerint mit kell javítani az ukrán hadseregben -elemzés: milyen tapasztalatokat vonnak le a háborúból a kínai biztonságpolitikai szakértők -elemzés: az altisztek /NCO/ fontos szerepet töltenek be az ukrán hadsereg sikerességében -elemzés: hogyan épül újra Bucha a megszállók pusztítása után -orosz katonák arra kaptak utasítást, hogy aknákat szórjanak el Donetskben és fogják az ukránokra a civil áldozatokat

drónok, rakéták

-elemzés: megbénította a krim elelni ukrán dróntámadás az orosz hadsereg kalibr rakéta szállítását -drón-drón harc -riport: fiatal ukrán katonák drónokat programoznak/szerelnek/indítanak

fegyverrendszerek

-a NATO országok 160 tankot küldenek UKrajnának -az ukránok rendeltek 100db lengyel Rosornak APC-t EU/US fogja fizetni -elemzés: az orosz hadsereg nek képes hatékonyan használni a tankjait -UK-ban gyártott L119 lövegek a fronton -az ukránok használnak aknamentesító amerikai M58 MICLIC-et

friss térképek

-front Avdiivkánál -front Bakhmutnál

Veszteségek

-orosz veszteségek ápr2 -ukránok hidat lőnek Tochka-U rakétával Bahmutban -veszteség statisztikák -front közeli orosz raktárak kapnak találatot -a megszállók megpróbálták felgyújtani Vuhledár lakóházait ez is háborús bűncselekmény -orosz tank nagyot robban kb. 75m magasra repült a tornya -orosz veszteségek márciusi összesítés -orosz veszteségek ápr1 630 troop losses, 7-day troop average: 586, 24 equipment* losses, 7-day equipment* average: 31 ; VISUALLY CONFIRMED: 3.16x losses to date, 2.82x since counteroffensive (Aug 29), 3.95x 30-day average

ISW

RUSSIAN OFFENSIVE CAMPAIGN ASSESSMENT, APRIL 1, 2023 Russian, Ukrainian, and Western sources observed that the Russian winter offensive has failed to achieve the Kremlin’s goals of seizing all of Donetsk and Luhansk oblasts by March 31. Growing Russian speculation about Russian military command changes likely indicates that Russia may soon reshuffle its senior military command due to the failed winter offensive. Russian forces conducted limited ground attacks along the Svatove-Kreminna line. Russian forces did not make any confirmed gains in or around Bakhmut and continued offensive operations along the Avdiivka-Donetsk City frontline. Russian forces continued to build defenses in occupied southern Ukraine. Russia began its semi-annual conscription on April 1, the largest conscription call-up since 2016. Russian occupation officials continue to deport Ukrainian children to Russia under rest-and-rehabilitation schemes. Russian nationalist figures criticized Belarusian President Alexander Lukashenko for failing to pursue the Union State between Russia and Belarus efforts since mid-1990s.

Vége

szombat reggel

I have lived with her for a handful of months. Things got off to a good start, but tonight my laundry list of red flags was brought up when I was in the bath.
I’m relaxing and suddenly she is at the closed door asking why I’m taking one if I’d already showered? I told her that’s a weird question. She asks how it is and says she heard I already showered. I like to do that before bathing. She says I never take baths (she does daily). I stopped replying because I didn’t know what to say…. I was just trying to relax.
She goes on to ask if I’m staying the night and I said I’m not sure. I’d just gotten home. Usually we let each other know when we come and go, for privacy’s sake of having boyfriends over and stuff.
I was already having somewhat petty thoughts prior to this. She’d said she would give me a letter of recommendation for something important and just never got around to it. It’s an easy task in my eyes and she never felt like it when Id bring it up. I know that’s my problem but she knows my situation and while she doesn’t owe me anything, I’ve gone out of my way for her on other occasions.
Again, I know I am being immature. The reason it bothers me is because then she writes me a text about the soap I use that was paragraphs long and probably would have taken as long as writing the letter that would have got me the job I need (you need a handful of letters to get it and I don’t know many people to ask - plus she offered).
Well, after that happened I realized she must think very little of me. She knows i have been low and to interrupt me in a moment of trying to get peace is like the straw that broke the camel's back.
There have been few red flags with her, but i usually only look at my own and others tend to use that to their advantage. She has had questionable behaviors. One being having me put my deposit down after showing me the washer and implying it was for both of us to use (said she’d show me how to use it when viewing the place). Once I moved in she said I couldn’t.
Still, I’ve been letting her use my vacuum that costs as much. My pettiness has wanted me to revoke that privilege. I’m not really sure what a rational person would do, but I want to tell her to mind her business and also take away anything communal I’ve offered. My rent covers cleaning supplies, but I doubt she’d take those away in return since I’m the only one who uses them.
I know the logical thing would be getting out asap, but I’ve stayed this long since it’s month to month until I have paystubs and find the perfect place.
Part of me wants to keep the peace, the other half wants to express my true emotions. I don’t know if I’m being dramatic, but I do know I’ve had the warning signals go off in my brain before about others with similar behaviors. I have my own set of red flags and she’s been tolerant, but that’s more to do with depression and less to do with being nosey.
Sorry for the rant. I took an edible.
TLDR: roommate drama

I come up with this idea while responsibly walking my dog under the influence off some rabbit lettuce.
These days gaming and especially kids with gaming at a young age is evidently growing vastly - and not many parents know what to do about it (some obviously do)
I was thinking (and my whole is a working with children’s check kind of situation which I have as I’ve almost completed uni as a teacher) of like hiring some sort of ‘party’ bus with lots of old and new multiplayer games for the kids to spend some time on and working together with. Things like mines craft, maybe mortal combat , even things like Stardew valley. Ranging from consoles to joystick like games.
After the video games are over we can spend an hour or so playing kid friendly games Like basketball or soccer or anything along the lines with what’s multiplayer and safe and kid friendly (easy rules)
Then we can sit down the kids in a group and discuss in a kid friendly easy to digest manner these importances of keeping balance between how you spend your free time, how it makes you healthy but that it’s ok to still like to play games. I think if you can nail down a script the adults are listening too then you’ve found yourself a honeypot for business. I’d imagine a bit of success would get media coverage
Has anyone got any holes they can kindly point out, or any financial numbers on rigging a gaming bus and anything else we’ve missed ?

I was doing some Yellowjackets reading (articles, Reddit posts, etc.) and I got to thinking about the well-discussed idea of there being a secret bunke shelter that either dead cabin guy or someone else left. People speculate it as the place Javi has been hiding/is stuck, just another option for shelter, or a bunker full of supplies (or all 3). But then I got to thinking, if it is a bunker full of supplies or something of the sort, do you think there could be a secret tunnel under the cabin leading to it? Maybe this secret bunker of supplies has more than one entrance, once being in (or by) the cabin for those winter months when venturing out in the snow is dangerous and deadly. I think if someone was able to build a shelter, they could have possibly made more than one entrance, just in case one collapses or just one entrance is too far for an emergency.
It could be the secret/extra entrance is under the cabin or maybe under the shed? Maybe well hidden and not obvious so the wilderness gang hasn’t found it yet? I’m about to fall asleep so excuse the random bedtime thoughts I’m having if they are too far fetched haha.

First of all, this a throwaway account for privacy reasons. Second, English is not my native language and I hope reading this won't be a nightmare. Lastly, I'm considered by many to be somewhat of an apathetic person. This is my attempt to let things out instead of distracting myself from the situation, but I'll appreciate every single one of you giving me feedback of any kind.
I'll try and summarize our relationship to this day. We met when we were 18-19 and immediately fell in love. We both were in a bad place and the relationship just sparked our life just when we needed it. This was our first relationship and we discovered together all the beautiful things abiut being a couple. We had great communication, and did everything together. Two years into the relationship, we had the chance, and we moved together to a small condo, and were very happy about it.
After a year or so, I needed to move in order to study at the university, and we had to separate in terms of living together. From there, everything went bad. I invested everything into studying, and got great results in return. I'll have to admit, I didn't gave her the affection and attention she deserves. She's a beautiful person, in and out, and I love her very much. But in the last year, we couldn't talk. We would fight on every little thing, and sometimes we had big arguments which led to not speaking for days. This was a new thing since we always managed to sort things out quickly and get back together.
It's time to mention we both came from religious families, and didn't have any experience with the other sex, not even friends. We had to evolve together and break many habits and views we got from religion and our environment. A year after dating, we both went to different places with many people and had our first experience of friendship with the opposite sex. We had some tension about it, and had to review our boundaries once in a while, but generally we didn't have many problems.
In the last year, she moved to my city and went to leave with two male roommates. Something we would never dream about a few years back, but I was ready to trust her. I helped her with setting up the apartment and everything, and she found a nice place to work. As said, I was very invested in my studies and I neglected my duties as a partner. We would talk a few times a week and had huge arguments, and generally couldn't find a moment of peace.
Few months of that, and I felt the end of our relationship coming. I was very confused, since I loved her very much, but felt the relationship is too much pressure on me, and I felt like I'm being a bed partner. I thought about letting her go, but couldn't do it. After a very tough 2 months of constant fighting, she asked to meet and told me she want to break up. I was somewhat in shock, but wasn't sure how to respond. I was half heartbroken and half relieved. We didn't talk for a week and I had a lot of time to think about it. I understood that I love her very much, and I'm ready to invest everything into the relationship, including marriage and moving back together even though I don't have a lot of money (I lived in the dorms).
We met and I apologized for my behavior in the last few months. I told her she had every right to break up with me, and I also wish for her much better. I told her I'm ready to do whatever necessary to make it up with her and I understand if she's not interested. She told me she'd be interested but she needs to ahare something with me.
Apparently, in the 4-5 months she lives there, she always felt like both of her roommates are into her. They helped her with everything she needed, gave her a lot of affection and interest. I never heard about it. Firstly, she told me she kissed one of them. Then, after I told her I want to know every details, and after a lot of time since she had trouble getting into details, I discovered that: They slept together in the same bed while snuggling and kissing a few time. He was naked while she was shirtless. She helped him to finish twice but didn't let him to touch her, or take her pants off. She sucked his dick once (literally once) and stopped.
She insists she don't feel nothing to him. She says she's in a very bad place and feel horrible about everything. She told me she's a terrible terrible person and deserves nothing from me. She said cheating was one of the reasons she wanted to break up, and she didn't want to share it with me and break my heart even more than a regular breakup would. She said it's all a huge mistake from her and she can't explain it what so ever.
I'm obviously very shocked and in disbelief. We "broke up" a week ago but she was in his bed two days ago, again, not fucking (so she says). I ensured her that this is the only time I'm going to let her tell me everything she remembers, and she said what I've stated above.
I'm really torn, and absolutely numb. I never imagined this is something she's capable of, such a pure person. I know this is not a single mistake, therefore can't be a "mistake". She told me a few months back she feels like she's not in a relationship and now I see why.
I love her very much and I'm really in doubt if I can ever find something as good as her, but also I can see this is far from a single mistake, and that I deserve better. I want to believe she will learn from her mistakes and we can rebuild what we have but it feels like a big lie. She said she's leaving the apartment first thing tomorrow regardless of our status, and she don't care about losing money or having to leave her job. She offered to go to therapy and offered to pay for couple consulting. She said she would do everything to make it up to me and asked for my forgiveness 10 times. She said many things and told me she don't deserve a second chance but wishes to have one.
Why would she do it? Why would she throw everything she have for nothing? It there a better person for me out there? Is there a good person out there?
Sorry for the long scroll, I had to take it out of me.
Tldr: I (25M) got cheated by my first and only girlfriend (24F) of 4 years. I'm lost and don't know what to do.

Demographics

• Gender: Male
• Race/Ethnicity: Asian
• Residence: Bay Area
• Type of School: Competitive private
• Hooks (Recruited Athlete, URM, First-Gen, Geographic, Legacy, etc.): Double legacy at Notre Dame

Intended Major(s): Aerospace Engineering, Electrical Engineering
Academics

• GPA (UW/W): 3.84 / 4.52. Had like 8 semester B's, most were in STEM subjects in sophomore and junior year. Definitely tanked my application.
• Rank (or percentile): NA / 400
• # of Honors/AP/IB/Dual Enrollment/etc.: 16 APs, 7 Honors
• Senior Year Course Load: Multivariable Calc, AP Physics C, AP Bio, AP Gov, AP Microeconomics, AP Lit

Standardized Testing
List the highest scores earned and all scores that were reported.

• SAT: 1550 superscored (750RW, 800M)
• AP/IB:
  • 5: AP Lang, APUSH, Human Geography
  • 4: Physics 1, Calc BC, Stats, CS A
  • 3: Chem, Music Theory
• Other (ex. IELTS, TOEFL, etc.): none

Extracurriculars/Activities
List all extracurricular involvements, including leadership roles, time commitments, major achievements, etc.

1. Tournament Chess Player. Ranked top 3% of all players under 21.
2. Electrical work for an experiment sent and tested onboard the ISS.
3. Interned at NASA Ames. Applied through NASA's official intern portal, mentioned paper to be published and a return internship this summer
4. MIT BWSI
5. Chess Club President
6. Chess Esports Team Captain
7. Summer Camp Counselor
8. Recreational piano player (so unbelievably unique)

Awards/Honors
List all awards and honors submitted on your application.

1. 2nd Place, national research conference for EC #2
2. 12th Place, ^
3. National statistics competition project
4. National Esports chess tournament champion
5. AP Scholar with Distinction

Letters of Recommendation
(Briefly describe relationships with your recommenders and estimated rating.)

• Physics Teacher: 7/10
• Latin Teacher: Bombed the AP Exam but he still said I was his best student that year. 6/10?
• BWSI instructor: Wasn't the most vocal student during the program but I did try my best over Zoom 6/10

Interviews
(Briefly reflect on interview experiences, if applicable.)

• Had them for HMC, Rice, Penn, and Stanford. They were pretty average and definitely didn't help me.

Essays
(Briefly reflect on the quality of your writing, time spent, and topic of main personal statement.)

• CommonApp: Used chess to connect the different phases of the game to personal values. I thought it would be unique enough, but in hindsight this was very very cliche. Surprisingly everyone I showed it to thought it was great. 8/10
• Supplements: I think I'm a decent writer. I think these ranged from average to pretty good, but I guess they didn't help in the end. 6/10
• UC PIQs: These were solid. I think the UC's just want to hear the facts of what you did because they spend like 6 minutes on each application. 7/10.

Decisions (indicate ED/EA/REA/SCEA/RD)
Acceptances:

• UW Seattle Engineering -> going to commit after visiting
• Purdue EA -> defer -> RD accept (data science)
• UCSC
• UCR
• SDSU

Waitlists:

• CMU ECE
• UMich EA -> RD
• UCLA
• UCI
• UCSB
• Cal Poly Pomona

Rejections:

• JHU ED
• Georgia Tech EA
• UT Austin EA
• USC EA -> defer -> rej
• UIUC EA -> defer -> rej
• UC Davis
• UCSD
• UC Berkeley
• SJSU
• Cal Poly
• Notre Dame
• Harvey Mudd
• Northwestern
• Rice
• Brown
• Cornell
• Duke
• Penn
• Stanford
• and many more that I forgot along the way.

Additional Information:
I didn't get a single acceptance until February. That SJSU rejection really killed me inside, but I'm glad to be going to UW -- it's a great school for engineering and specifically what I want to do. I think I'll be happy there. Only thing I don't like is how much it costs out-of-state, but that's about it.
Though I don't want to live with any regrets, I do honestly wish that I cared more about my grades. Taking a hard course load doesn't mean anything if you can't do well in it. Maybe if I worked a little harder. Maybe if those 4's on my AP's were 5's. Maybe I wouldn't be counting my acceptances on one hand.
Then, maybe, those waitlists could be acceptances, and I could be going to Berkeley or LA with my friends.

31, I have 900 hours on pc and 2k or more on console. I'm a well rounded player farming, monuments, building/elec and raiding with a decent spray. Been apart of big groups on console before and controlled servers but wanted to put my big boy pants on and see what pc rust was like. I'm also not sexist or racist just a chill guy from hawaii looking for a group to enjoy rust with, you can add me on discord keonimana #0509

Hey everyone! I’m the person who posted the lead. I unfortunately can’t get into my previous Reddit. If you have any questions please comment under this post instead and thank you for having interest in Alicia’s case. Mostly, I’m making this post cause I’d like to let everyone know for the time being I’ve been in contact with people about this lead who I believe are looking into it and I do appreciate the help I’ve gotten on who to contact and everyone who shared the post with organizations. I’ve seen some concern from people regarding the post giving attention to the lead and possibly alerting the suspect. I understand and appreciate the concern but cops can easily check his internet history and are experienced in telling when people are lying even if they have solid alibis. I want to keep the post up in case anyone has any more information on this man other than what has been revealed. Again thank you for your concern

I took my iPhone 13 Pro Max in for a rear system repair under warranty because there was an issue with charging. I picked it up, took it home and have left it charging and connected to Wi-Fi. It says it’s done restoring, but it’s only restored text messages from 2019 or older. This is very frustrating as I have really important info from work in those recent that texts I need retrieved.
I backed it up, had it updated to the latest iOS and did all of that right before turning it over. Is there any hope of getting my texts back, or is this the way it’s going to stay? I’ve never had this issue before and I’ve gone through a lot of phones. Am I doing something wrong?