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2023.06.10 23:19 bartwronski Technique explanation question - crossfader in techno? (Ancient Methods)

I am learning to DJ and focus on techno (industrial, hypnotic, hard), and while I'm still a total noob, I think I got the basics of technique and now keep practicing every day. Most techno DJing seems to be about a) track selection and layering, often more than 2 b) perfect phrasing, making sure elements of both tracks don't overlap c) constant EQ work, much more than the faders.
I never looked into using a crossfader, as it seemed to me as something mainly for fast cuts in other styles. I have never seen a techno DJ using a crossfader... until recently, at an Ancient Methods show. Later I found he uses it regularly, like in this Hor set: The majority of the time, he would move it a bit, between 40%-60%, and do it pretty often, only sometimes cutting completely.
How does it work in this style, as opposed to just EQ work and moving the sliders a bit to avoid too much loudness when blending two tracks? He obviously does all of those, which makes me more puzzled.
submitted by bartwronski to Beatmatch [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:19 Alexizking i need some advice for dealing with school.

im 14 and currently im finally out of school for summer break wich would be decent but i know school is coming back next year and i don't know what to do, i have alot of issues regarding school, school has held alot of traumatic memories for me like bullying and teachers treating me poorly and on top of that i have focusing issues, i keep stimming to pay attention but i feel embarrassed and get made fun for it, then there's my depression/anxiety, trauma, and not to mention the sensory hell and
constantly trying to do school assignment i dont know how to do and i always have teachers tell em to just figure it out without actually giving me anything to work with and then im seen as the stupid one by them and all my other classmates, the more i try and not hide who i am the more awful it gets and its just so frustrating people think im playing dumb on purpose or saying i dont know how to follow
basic instructions on purpose im not doing it on purpose i seriously dont understand my mind is just not comprehending it im trying to be annoying or act dumb to get out of things i just dont know i beat myself up over it just as much as others do to me, i just need maybe a bit of advice of what do or if someone is going through something similar it would be appreciated.
submitted by Alexizking to mentalillness [link] [comments]

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submitted by AutoModerator to GenkiCourses_Cheapest [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:18 OnnieTheBonnie I went from being happy for my husband now envious.

In my whole adult life I been with my fiance for almost 5 years 24M/24F. First 3 years I was peer pressured into finding a good job to help pay the bills when I did know for a fact I wanted to go back to school. In the 3 years of us dating he decided to go to school I was shocked and happy so I decided to take going back to school seriously for me...His last 2 semesters or 1 I found out I was pregnant.. After our son was born and everything, he talks about going to get his bachelors I put my foot down and said No it is my turn, of course his mom and my family agreed with me he brushed it off and kept telling me if i wanna go back to school i gotta find a 3rd shift job for it to work out. Honestly, that is really scary to think knowing i am epileptic. Finally my fiance get the job of his dreams where he would be traveling controls engineer.. I found out last October I was pregnant AGAIN! so that pushes school for me way back more.. Im just fed up, like im questioning our relationship I feel like the fingers are pointing to him. Can I leave? Yes. Will I have a place to stay? Yes. Will I be able to start asap if I do? no. Do I still love him? I think? idk.. I just dont think its fair that i work at a job i dont wanna work long term at.. he brags about how his co worker makes money and his wife is a teacher... like when i heard that i snapped like atleast she does what she wants to do in life. I hate when he compares partners to us especially me like im trying my best but at the end of the day I am tired and I am not happy. I hate I keep telling him I am. Maybe I am in just that moment.
submitted by OnnieTheBonnie to u/OnnieTheBonnie [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:17 FairchildIV Lateralling in to Biglaw

Hi everyone! I wanted to know about any experience/tips/insights you have for an experienced attorney from a smaller firm trying to lateral into Biglaw.
I've been a practicing attorney for about 7 years in a major market. About 6 of those years have been spent at my current job at a plaintiff's firm handling Federal court litigation. The firm itself is small with 5 attorneys in my practice group. My job title is "senior associate". Because the firm is small, I have had a lot of great opportunities including lots of discovery and motion practice, acting as lead counsel during trials, handling multiple appeals, etc.
After COVID hit I moved from in-office to 100% remote. As a result, I moved across the country to a much smaller market. I'm preparing to take the bar in my new jurisdiction in July and am looking to try to lateral into a Biglaw position. All of the openings I have seen are looking for associates with 2-4 years of experience. I would be content to take a job at this level, and I don't care about retaining my senior associate nor do I care about trying to quickly make partner. I am worried that the amount of my experience and my "senior associate" title at my current firm would make me appear overqualified or too expensive for some of these job openings.
My area of practice is somewhat niche, so I am open to switching practice areas, although I am not sure if any firm would be willing to take a flyer on an experienced attorney who does not have subject matter experience.
Additionally, I was a late bloomer in law school. I did not do very well in my first year and ended up graduating about the middle of my class with a 3.17 GPA. I know a lot of job postings require the submission of law school transcripts, so although I have significant professional experience, I am worried about how my GPA might affect my job prospects.
I would be grateful for any advice or insight on how to approach my job search given my background. Thank you!
submitted by FairchildIV to biglaw [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:17 SpookyColubrine Inability to care (TW: drugs)

I experience what I’m 99% sure is dissociation almost all the time, and among other annoying things it makes it incredibly difficult for me to give a shit about anything. I’m unable to comprehend the consequences of decisions I make, like I know that doing X will cause Y to happen, but I’m unable to care or acknowledge that in my decision making however hard I try.
It causes me to partake in a lot of self destructive behaviours which affect those around me, mainly heavy substance abuse, which while I have no urgency or desire to stop, I know that I need to before it escalates.
I’m unable to access professional support for a few different reasons, and I know it’s likely that this is something I won’t be able to tackle without receiving support for my more general issues, but if anyone’s had experience with this particular problem and is able to give advice on how to manage it I’d really appreciate it. I’ve only recently become aware of this (the link between my drug use and my dissociative symptoms), but I’ve been doing it consistently from a very young age so it’s impossible to imagine life without it. Thanks in advance.
An unrelated (and much less important) question: I suspect the reason my drug of choice is ketamine is because of its dissociative effects and the control and consistency they provide me, in comparison to just dissociating while sober. Does anyone else have a similar experience with this/other dissociative drugs?
submitted by SpookyColubrine to dpdr [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:17 nervous_Observer How coming out 3 years ago made me boring as hell.

I came out as demisexual pan romantic 2020 April 6th this is when I accepted myself and told the ones closest to me not everybody knows.
In fact I purely made this Reddit account to speak about my sexuality.
I am a disabled woman you see, I was pushed my whole life to be good in school the only thing I'm really able to do by myself or so said my family. So I did my best and people thought I liked school I didn't I never did. Liking school versus my own house is liking the rec center over liking the babysitter that doesn't let you do anything it's a pretty easy choice. I was allowed to do more in school so I liked being there and I got to escape my family who annoyed the crap out of me at times. After doing my all in school and graduating in the top 10%. There was really nothing left for me I didn't want to go to college because the thought of more school made me want to shoot myself cuz I'm not gifted academically I just work my fucking ass off. But working at something you don't like even if it's the lesser of two evils it still drains you. It took me years to convince my family then what they thought I liked I did not. With not going to school and not being accepted for any job I clung to dating cuz I was now allowed to talk to people online a gift for now being a legal adult. After being emotionally beat up and used prayed upon by guys on the internet which gave me nightmares.
I had gone from thinking I'm going to meet my prince charming and he's going to take me away from here to if I act the right way a guy is going to take me away from my parents and I could finally start acting like an actual adult instead only being an adult legally.
That was when I met my last boyfriend. He made me feel like he actually saw me like I was a real person and I could tell him stuff that I was afraid to say as a black woman it helped cuz he was a black man who went through all this stuff (pansexual) I loved him so deeply dearly. I was ferociously attracted to him for the first time ever it wasn't just a way it'll happen or if I just wait he'll fall in love with me all feel safe and I'll feel it right?
Sexual attraction coupled with the fact that he was such an interesting person was a whirlwind for me and that's when I knew that this is what it feels like. Do other people feel this all the time? And it led me on research that lasted even after we broke up
There's a lot more to that relationship even after we broke up. I find myself always going into the whole spiel and I don't need to.
the point is from the moment I discovered who I really am and decided I was going to try to be as authentic as possible, after I got over the initial shock of realizing I don't know who the fuck I am because I've been wearing a mask for so long I realized I'm fucking boring as hell!
Let me explain I had always been called the g word because I never hesitated to call women pretty but I never really felt anything behind that. And the only reason why I was obsessed with sex is because I thought it was an adult thing and adult things were cool to a fresh teenager and a teenager like me. Considering I was always treated as a child. children don't talk about sex and a girl who's gay wouldn't talk about having sex with guys a lot so that's how I got my reputation of being all talk and really wanting to have sex. This masking behavior of mine lead to a backlash with my mother and grandmother which gave me trauma that's too much to get into right now.
Even with this trauma making me dial down that mask people still knew me as that perverted person and it made me feel like that was the only interesting thing about me. That as well as making interesting things with my hobby of crochet and knitting.
So just to recap and get all the contacts to what was happening in my life.
Graduated with honors because of my family. I myself hated school with a burning passion I was allowed to talk to people on the internet but because I am a woman most of my interactions were with guys who wanted to bang me. And to just add a little bit more at the end of my junior year me and my immediate family moved three states over so we knew no one so I had no friends and no familiar surroundings. Talking to people online became my only social interaction with people my own freaking age after graduation.
I had finally become burnt out with trying to date and at least find a useful guy to move in with so I could feel more like an adult. I even tried to be an SW because my family would always joke about doing it constantly so I actually tried and then my mother was ashamed and everyone was uncomfortable. But I'm not ashamed and I'd still do it if I could do it safely and actually make money.
It felt like even people were putting pressure on me for my hobbies
And this now brings me to the reason I think I'm boring as hell and why I don't have many friends.
Now I expressly don't talk about relationships because now I know I can't get anything out of them not a house not money not even an orgasm is guaranteed so I at least want to pick someone I like talking to this person comes around rarely and usually they find out I'm boring and stop talking to me. Actually I feel like they want to talk about such a niche topic that something about it just feels hollow but even still.
With relationships out there goes some of the only reasons I think my family thought I was funny or interesting. I have no more dirty jokes or funny stories to tell because not only does Demi repel most people the people it doesn't don't seem to be the right fit for me either.
On to my hobbies I don't really have things I like. I have passions meaning I'm obsessed with everything I dare take interest in. besides stuff that's human nature.
I also forgot to mention around this time I got the library app Libby and hoopla. I always had a passion for books they seemed forbidden intangible to me because of issues with my disability. I always had a hard time reading and it was always a chore to get access to books I could never do it independently. so with these two apps I soon became a person who read. I read most everything from the latest books to very old books. Half the time when I knew a TV show or movie was coming out based on a book I just read the book instead. No one of my family thought I was pretentious. they were actually quite happy because I was extremely happy and still am over my access to books but I have realized something. that a lot of people my age seem to either have a contempt for books think books are okay or be pretentious dick widgets about books. Usually I could only find people early 30s to late 50s who want to talk to me about books.
I knit and crochet I've done so since I've been 18 everyone always wanted me to make this cool stuff like outfits flowers scrunchies stuffies my mom wants ugg boots and a bikini. However to be the realest real and the most honest of honest I like making blankets and scarves and shawls and hats that's literally it stuff I can make with minimal effort but I can make it fancy if I wanted to. I freaking hate making clothes I do. I feel it's such complicated math and I hate shaping actually fitting a garment to a person as hard as fuck. I have a size trick for hats.
I don't think anyone will be excited to hear about the 30th beanie I've made or the scarf with little trees on it.
You must think I'd hate relating to people like I'm some emo hipster with what I decided to get obsessed with next quilts I am obsessed with making quilts. With my newly realized gay audacity after almost 4 months of research thanks to one tiktok video I decided I was going to make two quilts.
Yes I completely hate relating to people my own age because now not only do I get made fun of but no one thinks it's very interesting that I'll probably spend two years piecing little octagons and squares for gifts for my siblings.
You'd think I'd be finished but I'm not in addition to that to turning my hobbies into relaxing things and not just reasons to give people stuff so they say wow I have also gotten backing to Sudoku, jigsaw puzzles and mahjong solitaire all on my phone. And I'm having a blast but this doesn't exactly make me the coolest 25-year-old
Apparently the only thing that makes me cool is the same thing that made me uncool when I was 12 years old anime.
Whether it was a gift from God or a sign that God is dead and we have killed him anime is mainstream and I can't stand it.
Don't get me wrong I'm not a pretentious gatekeeping dweeb. It's just that that's all people want to talk to me about. And they don't even want to have a good conversation about it. they just say if a anime is good or not and tell me I should watch it. Yell at me for only being a dubbed watcher if they are elitist enough and ask me for recommendations it doesn't even sound like a real conversation at the time it just sounds like we're reciting our watch list and we might as well be putting a thumbs up or thumbs down for how much deep thought anyone's opinion has. I feel like I should preface this by saying I've mostly talk to dudes with the most toxic personalities about anime that is usually how the conversation goes.
I'm honestly about to say that I don't like anime just so people stop talking to me about it in this way. I remember vividly telling someone my favorite anime of all time is yu yu Hakusho and he said what you know about it baby girl visible cringe the pain oh it hurts.
All this being said I don't know really where to find friends I've tried finding friends my own age I've tried in other Skittle communities only to be hit on by jerky guys and lesbians who don't respect me or ones that do and we're just staring at each other cuz we have nothing in common.
submitted by nervous_Observer to lgbt [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:17 depressed_apple20 I feel I'm BANNED from the party of sex

[Venting] I (20M) feel I'll always have to see how other people enjoy romance and sex while accepting all of that is kind of forbidden from me.
It seems everybody else is out there enjoying sex, enjoying talking to people and seeing their interest, feeling the thrill of the moment and making things go further with that person, and I have to see that from the outside, knowing that I can't do such beautiful and exciting things, it's like I'm not allowed to put a foot in that reality because I'm not attractive.
I like to think that you don't get a girlfriend when you're "good enough" by some objective standard, because, who decides what's "good enough"? Instead, I think you get a girlfriend when a woman SUBJECTIVELY thinks you're a good option for her, so in this party, there's not a closed door, instead, there are multiple doors, because all people are a door with the capacity to accept and reject people, all of them with different requirements, but all of them are closed for me, I'm banned from all of them because I don't fit the attractiveness requirements, I don't have inner and outer attractiveness, it's like all woman agree on that at the same time without even trying to agree on that.
People can feel attracted to whatever they want and that's ok, everybody has to deal with rejection and heartache, that's why there are multiple songs dedicated to heardache, we shouldn't let that make us hateful people, but it hurts how much not a single woman wants to have anything more than a friendship with me, I always have to see them enjoying those exciting things with other people, I see how the attraction develops sooo naturally with those other men, and I can't help but think I must be horrible, I must look horrendous. All of this makes me feel like absolute trash. Why does all of this have to be sooo fucking hard for me, when for other people is soo easy and natural?
submitted by depressed_apple20 to virgin [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:16 StayTiny_0325 i don't wanna be friends with my freind anymore

I feel so stupid for asking for advice on Reddit but I really don't know how to approach this situation and I think my other friends don't know enough about this or just don't wanna hear it anymore.
There is a sorta long TLDR at the end cuz this shit's about to be LOOOONG.
This friend, let's call her Carly and I have been "friends" since our first day of elementary school - we're in 11th grade. I'm quoting friends because I really don't wanna count our elementary years. We used to be in a trio-friendship and when I say it was bad, it was BAD. She was our leader and was ALWAYS mad at either me or the other girl. So mad (for no reason whatsoever btw) that she would legit RUN AWAY from us. I'm not kidding. I've chased her down several times, trying to figure out what I did wrong this time - which I btw never got an answer to once. Why did I stick with her? I had no one else. I, as an introverted and extremely awkward girl was dependent on her. If she ran, I would chase like my life depended on it. Everything would be forgotten the next day until her brain decided that it was time to be mad at someone again. In third grade, there was actually an incident that I really regret not handling properly. Carly's "boyfriend" at the time punched me in my abdomen after she told him to do so. You'd think I would actually stop being her friend, right? Like, how sad does your life have to be, to continue on with the friendship like nothing happened? Right... We probably hung out two days later even though I never even got a proper apology that wasn't forced by teachers.
In 7th grade, I actually took a big step for myself by telling her that I just couldn't be her best friend anymore. I was stupid enough to add that we could be casual friends since we know each other so well and it would be hard to just completely forget about the other. And that did work at first. We were both n the same friend group but I found myself another best friend and she stuck with the third girl from elementary. It really was just kinda casual. But when she and her bestie had a fallout I was forced to grow closer with her again. It's been a year now and I just can't do it anymore tbh.
No matter how hard I try, I hold such an overdramatically huge grudge against her. At times I find myself blaming her for "ruining" my life. She did give me trust issues and almost made me run away from home but it just isn't all her. I guess she also made me this extremely socially anxious and awkward girl since she would always freak out on me if I spent more time with someone else than her. I basically "wasn't allowed" to have other friends. But can I really blame her for that? No. I technically didn't have to do a single thing she told me to.
What also makes this really hard is that she clearly sees me as a good friend of hers. She still thinks we both live in this beautiful world where everything is great and we're "sisters" like in the good old days. She sees me as her closest friend.
But to me? God, I feel like a horrible person for saying this, but she talks so damn much and I just need her to kindly shut up sometimes. All her jokes that I used to laugh at just aren't it anymore but became extremely odd, annoying, and just CRINGE af. I find her cringe. She also feels the need to always comment on everything in class so she actually won't stop talking when I'm trying to concentrate (she sits in front of me and always turns around to make some of these too but I hear her loud af "whispers" anyway). The point is: I probably dislike her more than I like her by now and we both deserve better for that.
a few days ago she send me a lengthy message where she apologized after all those years for what a bad friend she's been and that she's lucky I've stuck to her. And I just have the urge to finally tell her that this conversation shouldn't even be happening cause I should have dumped her in elementary already.
BUTTTT there's another thing. She's mentally not very... stable. Nor healthy (diagnosed anxiety and depression + she's been to a clinic multiple times and takes meds). This also explains why she used to be the demon in elementary that she was. That doesn't really justify me getting hurt, though. Or does it? I just don't know at this point. I feel like I'm being selfish for not understanding that she maybe didn't want to hurt me. She also attempted su!c!de like a year or two ago and I'm scared that she might hurt herself if I cut her off further. I just don't wanna be responsible for this cause I know that she is not a bad person.
Nevertheless, she's still annoying to me and if I'm being an asshole rn then she at least deserves a better friend than me that actually likes hanging out with her. I'm just not sure how I should tell her that and what I should her exactly or maybe what I should rather leave out.
TLDR: After a long, pretty toxic friendship with a mentally unstable person (she has diagnosed anxiety & depression, been to a clinic, has attempted yk, takes meds, etc.), I just hold too big of a grudge against her to be friends with her anymore. She send me a truthful-sounding apology message for how bad of a friend she was (not addressing anything specifically) and I kinda wanna give her an honest response. My feelings towards her have changed; her jokes aren't funny anymore but rather odd and I find her to be quite cringe and annoying now. If you think I'm just being rude, consider that she also just deserves a friend that actually likes her instead and/or read the whole post.
My point/question is: I don't know what to say/what to leave out to not hurt her further iykwim.
submitted by StayTiny_0325 to friendship [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:16 Key-Indication-8085 Not 1 day into a work trip

I (39M) had to leave the country for a work trip and literally not 5 hours into checking into the hotel, wife (39F) calls, roughly 6 AM here, and splits on me. She's devaluing me and dumping all these accusations on me and how I've given her this trauma. No idea I had this coming and unfortunately couldn't set the record function on phone.
Basically she goes off on how I supposedly mistreat her our whole relationship and she wonders why I haven't left them yet. Claiming I never initiated any phone calls to her while on work trips in the past, which isn't true. I try to defend and explain how that isn't true but she isn't hearing any of it. Says I mistreated her while she stayed home alone with no-one to talk to. She goes on about how ever since my stepmother came over one day and asked her if she was schizophrenic that I've been treating her differently and keeping our daughter (4F) away from her, not true as she's the one avoiding us. How I've slept on the couch and created drama, which she made me do ironically when she would split heavy on me and start call me every name in the book in front of our daughter.
She continues to claim I was on dating sites and talking to someone on the playstation too. That one is always funny to me as I never talked to anyone on playstation and she has access to the history on it. She's also the one who hopped on dating sites after our relationship to try and date women, when she wanted to open up the relationship because she had so much love to give and crap. Only thing I did do was not delete my old dating app when we started dating. After she made it an issue one night, I immediately deleted it and never looked back at any sites. But she vehemently claims I've been on several since. Just can't win this argument at all.
She claims she remembers all our conversations perfectly and knows I'll just deny or say I forgot. Well, I do forget conversations, I know my memory is crappy in the regard but I also know she forgets things I tell her constantly. She brings up past conversations where she read too much into them and holds them against me. One was where she suspected and asked me if I was gay and if I'd ever turn gay in the future. I had told her no, I was not gay but I can't claim to know about the future. I explained to her that asking me if I'll turn gay in the future is like asking me if there'll be a tornado or not next year, I have no way of knowing so I won't say yes or no to such a question. Well, she moves on seeing she can't argue with me on that one again.
Another situation she brings up is about how she suspected something happened to our child in child care one time and brought it up to my attention. She claims I just told her our kid is ok and then turned back to play a game. I don't recall this interaction at all but she uses it to justify how I don't listen to her or how I'm supposedly ignoring the well being of our child. Mind you, I've been the one handling our child's healthcare, school, therapy, meals, mornings, bedtime, and playing with her. Shoot, I checked our indoor security camera the day after this call, which she made me install in the house due to some paranoia about people following her home, and she's upstairs watching tv or something while our daughters been downstairs all day watching cartoons. Her grandmother offered to take her to the zoo or someplace today but my wife is choosing to ignore it.
She goes on and tells me about how she thinks I'm a conniving liar and even my family is out to get her. This upsets me and I tell her I don't like being treated like I'm some bastard or something. This triggers her and she responds that I shouldn't put words in her mouth and called me a narcissist. Try to tell her that is not what I said and that I feel like I'm being treated one, but no winning that one either.
Well, she gets upset about my trying to respond to her many claims and says that's not the point at all. It's about how I've made her felt during the whole relationship and I need to stop responding to individual claims and respond to the whole point. That confused me as I'm thinking I should respond to each claim and show how it's false instead of admitting to it and saying I'm sorry to claims I never did. As if she wants me to admit fault to things I never did just because of how she feels. She talks about how her physical health has been hurting due to all the things she held onto, the trauma and supposed abuse. How she won't be some stupid person who'll kill herself for some man. She has her daughter to live for and take care of, funny because I'm the one taking care of both of them. But the suicide remark does trigger a concern, even if she doesn't claim she will the thought itself has me wondering about her mental health while she watches our child alone.
Eventually she tells me to get off the phone because she's driving as she's telling me all this and she missed her turn because of the call. So I hang up after telling our daughter goodbye, as she's in the car with her mother during all this too. I really dislike how she tends to have these splits and go off on me in front of our daughter. All I can do after this is journal the interaction and prepare to get a few more consultations after I get home in a few weeks. I wonder if the this episode is due to her being responsible for taking care of our kid while I'm gone now and she's not handling how attention seeking our kid can be. This'll be another interaction to go over with my therapist too when I get back.
submitted by Key-Indication-8085 to BPDlovedones [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:16 bnr32jason Ayaneo 2 - A Six Month Review and Commentary - Far Too Late, But Oh Well

Ayaneo 2 - A Six Month Review and Commentary - Far Too Late, But Oh Well

FFVII Intergrade Runs Smooth 30FPS at 1080p Low at 16 watts

Going to try to keep this short, but share some of my thoughts, some go against the popular commentary in this sub, and some go right along with everyone else. There will be some minor comparisons to my Steam Deck, but not really that much. This is a small sub, I'm not going to spend an hour writing up a giant review for 30 people to read and half of them to downvote because I say things they don't like.
- Who am I / Background - Just a simple gamer, console, PC, handheld, arcade, mobile, gacha, retro, modern, streaming, Xbox, PS, Sega, etc. Basically all of it, I just like playing games. I'm not a PCMR guy, but I do have a pretty good PC (3960x, 3080, etc). I don't NEED to max out performance, I'm fine with 30FPS on a lot of games (like JRPG's as you can see in the image). I still play a lot on my Switch and Vita. Had my Steam Deck since March 2022. Busy dad who plays mostly handheld now.
- Initial Experience - I bought from IndieGoGo, it's a 1TB B.Duck model, put my "contribution" in November 4th and had it in my hands by January 12th. Ordered a spare battery at the same time, they put it in the box along with it, no extra shipping charge, battery was like $25. Just bought it because I plan on using this for a long time. AyaSpace was meh, but it worked for me, I'm an IT professional by trade, but I'm not going to mess with much. Games launch fine, easy to adjust TDP, that's all I need. I did eventually install Handheld Control Panel, and I like it a lot more. After adjusting the fan curve I saw recommended by a YouTuber, it's nice and quiet. I play mostly at 20 watts or below, and almost exclusively handheld on the bus/train commute to/from work every day. Overall a pretty positive experience with a small learning curve.
  • The screen! Not as good as my Switch OLED, but a thousand times better than my Steam Deck.
  • Feels great to hold, aesthetics of the device are pretty much perfect
  • D-Pad is great for me on fighting games, sticks feel great, buttons feel great.
  • Performance is basically exactly what I hoped for, I can run most of the games I want to play at 1080/1200p (yes the difference from 800p to 1200p is worth it for me) and still get a couple hours of battery life.
  • Battery life is pretty good for me. Since I play a lot at 10w or so, I'm regularly getting 2hrs+. I do carry an extra battery bank with me in my backpack pretty much every time I go somewhere because I bring my backpack with me anyway. If I need it, I use it.
  • Docking station works great! No complaints
  • Multiple USB-C ports!
  • Fan is not noticeable until I get above 15 watts, but even then I can play it in bed next to my wife without her complaining. Stock fan curve was louder though.

  • Ayaspace, I mean like I said above, it is what it is. It works, freezes up infrequently, not my favorite interface for sure. Replaced it recently with Handheld Control Panel. Will give Ayaspace 2 a shot
  • Not as seamless as SteamOS 3.0, but I don't really care that much, I can do everything I need and play Honkai Star Rail and all my Xbox Game Pass games without a problem.
  • Price - It's a premium product, but there are equal or better performing products on the market now for significantly less. I'm happy with the $1050 USD I paid (total after everything) but I'm sure some people aren't.
  • LT and RT - the triggers are weird, but I've gotten used to them. The shape is weird, the travel is weird, but I'm accustomed to them now. I don't love them, but I'm used to them.

  • My B.Duck has the shell cracking, very happy to see they are going to deal with it for free, but we'll see how the process goes.
  • Fear of service. I treat my stuff super well, but I don't have the peace of mind with it like I do my Steam Deck. If something does break, so many unknowns, makes me nervous.
  • Not much of a community. The people who are active in Discord are awesome and a great resource, but it's a super small community compared to the Steam Deck. It's nice not having to deal with Linux fanboys though. ;)

Commentary (Random thoughts basically)
  • I don't care that they are releasing a new product every few months, it's a business, and mine isn't going to suddenly stop working when they release a new one.
  • I'm a minor videophile, not crazy like some, but I do value a good screen. The screen on the Ayaneo 2 is good enough to make me not even want to touch my Steam Deck unless it's for a very specific purpose
  • I don't miss the trackpads, I tried to force myself to use them for several hours in RimWorld, but I just don't like them. If I want to play a mouse heavy game, I sit at my desk and use a mouse.
  • I feel the price is worth it. I've held the Ally at a local Best Buy, and my Ayaneo 2 feels more premium, the no bezel design makes a HUGE difference.
  • I may consider doing the 7840u upgrade depending on price
  • I don't buy into the "Valve supports the Steam Deck!" stuff. Valve releases constant updates for SteamOS because they are building a new OS, so they HAVE to release updates. As long as AMD supports the chipset and Microsoft continues to release Windows updates, I don't see a major difference.
  • SteamOS 3.0 was a little rough back in Q2 2022, lots of small issues, I've honestly had an overall smoother experience with Windows. It launches my games, that's all I need it to do, the rest of the stuff is fluff that I'm not worried about.

I could go on more, but I don't think it's worth it.
8.5/10 - not perfect, but it doesn't have to be. Would have loved OLED or that upcoming Mini-LED. Performance meets my needs, screen is beautiful, comfortable to hold for an hour or more, controls are excellent.
submitted by bnr32jason to ayaneo [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:16 Sauliuxz Food couriers

Hello everyone I'm looking for food delivery couriers that could share their opinion and experience. I kindly ask to fill out this short list of questions:
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  3. How you deliver your orders (car, bike, etc.):
  4. If you deliver your orders with car, do you get any privilege to park car for free or anything else?:
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  6. How the order payout is counted? Do you get paid for range?:
  7. What are the taxes you have to pay?:
  8. How much do you earn (average per hour) after taxes and expenses?:
  9. What do you think about your platform?:
I hope for honest answer and thank you in advance!
submitted by Sauliuxz to couriersofreddit [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:15 Ok_Anything7897 Anyone feel like parts of their body are bigger/smaller than they actually are?

My mental health has been pretty bad this week due a lot of small things going on in my life right now so I tried to do a guided meditation to help ground myself but it ended up triggering a dissociative episode where my hands felt much larger than they actually were. Like I could move them around but it felt like they were a lot heavier and took up a significantly larger amount of space in front of me to the point where I felt them touching my face although they were just resting on my lap.
I have experienced this before in different parts of my body (like feeling like my head was a lot bigger than it was sort of like a bobble head) but normally it was when I was already feeling very physically uncomfortable or extremely anxious. It sucks because I want to calm myself down but I also want to feel like I’m in my body. Does anyone else relate to this experience and know how to work around it?
submitted by Ok_Anything7897 to Dissociation [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:13 insanezenmistress A Bankei book report, intro.

Introductory salutations and stuff;
Ya know how "u/ that guy" is always going on and on about book reports? Well I don't think it is such a bad idea for me. I tend to have difficulty thinking up topics or parsing the cases as well as others here, but I do have a collection of Zen Master Books I have been reading. Many of them I have only read the teachings of but have yet to really dig into the historical bits. And my collection is due to grow soon, up to about around 15 before I have exhausted Ebay.
I have kept it simple, an attempt to read the lineage in order. I do not yet have the Blue Cliff Records, Book of Serenity, The Treasury Eye of the True teaching, or The Gateless Gate, which are covered heavily in here. I have them waiting for me to buy from my open Ebay tabs. I do have Lankavatara, Bodhdharma, Huang-Po's Transmission of mind, Linji, Yuan Wu's letters, Dahui's Swampland Flowers, And Bankei just got to me last week, although I have not had much time with him. (pg 74 of 164)
Next up to have, will be Foyan's Instant Zen and Joshu.
The thing about book reporting is one can just keep reporting on the same books like a cycle. The hope of this project is familiarity with who said what and how did the others reference them. And from there I do not have any understanding of how the 15th "Bankei book report" or even "Joshu book report, 1" will look like. Only that you won't be seeing an unbroken stream of bankei, bankei, bankei, Joshu, joshu, but something random, like me. **cute smile**
I am assuming that it will be more focused on digging in the teachings after the initial intro post.
Book: Bankei Zen, translations from the record of Bankei, by Peter Haskel.
Lauded as "standard source book for the Western Student of Zen"
Bankei was born in 1622 in Hamada, Japan. His father was Confucian and Bankei was devoted to his mother. One driving factor in his seeking the name sake of his teaching "the unborn mind" was so that he could gift his mother with liberation.
Another was curiosity about a statement he learned while memorizing a Confucian classic called "The Great Learning". Though a little bit of a unruly youngster, his mind sparked up to find out about this statement "The Way of the great Learning lies in illuminating the Bright Virtue." This key concept of the classic was interpreted to mean some kind of dynamic intuitive moral sense that makes up our intrinsic human nature. And Bankei could not find answers from his teachers about what the really meant.
We have heard that he was the luggie guy, that he was the do nothing zen guy, but do we know that his drive to discover "Bright Virtue" even caused him to try suicide?
There are are so many ways I feel relation with Bankei. Perhaps it is because he was so close to the modern times. Maybe because the recorded sayings show us a real human being who spoke with everyday people. He even had some griping to do about the Chinese Zen.
"When I was young and trying to uncover the Buddha mind, I made serious effort at taking part in mondo (using Chinese expressions, I am guessing those like "the Cypress in the garden") But later on, having come to a real understanding of things, I gave it up. Japanese are poor at Chinese, so in dialogues using Chinese terms, they can't question teachers about things as thoroughly as they might wish. When you put your questions in ordinary Japanese, there's no matter you can't ask about. So instead of taking a roundabout way and knocking yourselves out trying to pose your questions in difficult Chinese words, you are better off putting them in easy Japanese without exhausting yourselves. IF there is some situation in which the Dharma won't be completely realized unless you ask your questions using Chinese words, then it's alright to use them." And he really went on further belaboring his point. And I am not sure I agree about putting my questions in Japanese would make things easier. But Modern English; let's go for it.

Bankei does that. His approach to zen was unique and very popular to the public. "Most came to listen, to learn about his unusual teaching, but others arrived with special problems, hoping to solicit his advice. Whether it was a monk with trouble meditating, a layman afraid of thunder, a farmer with a bad temper, or a local family feud, Bankei's approach was essentially the same. What ever the problem, for him there was really only one solution; to deal with things on a wholly new basis- to let go, to be neutral, to have faith in one's real original mind. He called this his teaching of the Unborn Buddha Mind." (from the introduction) He was quite a story teller too, enthusiastic to tell the tales of those who's lives improved when they realized the unborn mind.
I must admit it is hard to pick out any particular teaching or quote to present specifically at this time. The book reads like a story not like other zen books. Another reason I like him, one can't cut his words out because the teaching is in the story.
It was wide spread that people thought that he could read minds but he told it himself that is not what he does. He deals with the individual in front of him. Showing them that clear mind they have before they attach to mental conditions. This book of recorded talks and interviews shows a guy who collected fingers, and people couldn't wait to throw them at him.
But I hear, as rudimentary as my education thus far is, that he left no successor. I have read where he said that he didn't let his students teach anything beyond the simple statement of the unborn mind is already present with you, he didn't let them deal with the person right in front of them unless he knew they knew that mind.
Begs the question of whether there where more successors than we know of.
submitted by insanezenmistress to zen [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:13 SibbleConsulting I Hate to Say This: Current EV Goals are Unrealistic

Don’t get me wrong; I want to reduce CO2 emissions. And quickly. But I also prefer to do it economically and by incentivizing people to make smart decisions by making the green decision the cheaper, better decision. I absolutely do not believe in forcing sub-par and more expensive products on a populace in the name of reducing a tiny overall percentage of worldwide emissions at the cost of hundreds of billions of dollars.
Count me out.
Yet that’s exactly what we are doing with electric vehicles.
My ex-wife and I went to buy a car in November of 2021. Remember this was at the height of when vehicles were scarce and prices were high. My lease ran out a month later, so we did not have much time. We went skiing frequently, so we wanted an SUV. Our trips were long (4-6 hours) and we had well over a thousand pounds of cargo between all our skis, luggage, supplies, passengers, and (cute) dog.
Quite simply, I checked and there was no EV on the market that was even capable of handling our payload capacity at the time. So before it even got off the ground, the idea of getting an EV was off the table.
And that was before everything else that disqualified them. Our new condo we had just bought had outdoor parking spots with no electrical source anywhere near them, nor any public or private chargers. So, installing a charger would have required digging up the parking lot and running heavy wiring all the way to our meter on the other side of the building. The mere thought made my wallet significantly lighter. And then, there was the potential cost of an EV. The only EV that came anywhere close to offering what we needed was a Tesla Model X, which started north of six figures. Once again, this was out of the question.
So we went to the Ford dealership, found a Ford Explorer we liked for about half that, which could handle a lot more cargo, has a much longer range, and required no charging infrastructure. It was one of the easiest decisions we’d ever made.
At no point did buying an EV made economical or practical sense. Since then, a few more EVs have entered the market, and I frequently reconsider my purchase decision. The calculus still has not changed. I don’t see it changing any time soon.
Yet federal and state governments seem hell-bent on, pardon me, shoving electric vehicles down our collective throats over the next decade or so.
Now, the average American only travels a short distance every day. So for many of them, EVs work in theory. But that discounts so many people who travel long distances, regularly go on road trips like we did, live in rural areas, or need to tow or haul heavier things. This is a rather large percentage of the population, even if only on occasion.
While the EV is a more advanced product in many ways compared to an ICE vehicle, it is not all-encompassing as many would like us to believe. It also fails against ICE in many categories. Additionally, until physics is reinvented, it will continue to fail for the foreseeable future. It’s unrealistic to think that every car and truck in America can be made electric. It simply won’t work. Not to mention the fact that they are more expensive! The parts and raw materials are more complex. And, as demand goes up, the cost of the raw materials will increase as well. The price of many EVs has, in fact, been increasing, not decreasing. This is the opposite of what would be needed to get mass adoption.
Suffice it to say, for these reasons alone, EVs have a long way to go before mass adoption.
And then there are the other issues, including a long litany of problems.
First of all, where are we going to get the power to charge all of these cars? It’s well-known that our power generation system and grid is already in terrible shape. Just look at how much difficulty we’re having at keeping houses powered in Texas and California. Now, you’re saying you want to dump all this added demand onto an already-stressed system?
A study showed that preparing California’s distribution assets and power grid for EVs and electric heaters would cost about $50 billion by 2035. Now, guess who’s going to pay for that? The people of California, via higher electric bills, will. That doesn’t sound pleasant or desirable.
And that’s just one state…out of 50.
We are nowhere near ready if 2035 is the goal. And neither are the cars.
Then comes this brilliant WSJ article. Remember how Toyota led the environmental car charge with hybrids? Well, it turns out they don’t buy into the electric car goals, and they’re getting slammed for it.
Except, well, Toyota has a point. Let’s examine it.
A Toyota memo to auto dealers in April explained the challenges to full electrification. For instance, “most public chargers can take anywhere from 8-30 hours to charge. To meet the federal [zero-emissions vehicle] sales targets, 1.2M public chargers are needed by 2030. That amounts to approximately 400 new chargers per day.” The U.S. isn’t close to meeting that goal.
That’s a really good point. If you’ve noticed, the Federal government loves mandating things without any basis in the reality of how anyone is actually supposed to meet said goal. This is a perfect example. And Toyota is calling out BS for being complete BS. The US absolutely cannot meet its federally mandated goals it has pushed upon automakers, at their expense, for electric vehicles. Building 400 chargers a day? Who is paying for that? How are you going to obtain permits for them that fast in this modern environment? According to EVAdoption, we added 4,200 chargers in all of 2022. That’s 11 per day…not 400.
Houston, we have a problem.
Unless we all want to sit for eight hours waiting for a charger, this alone makes mass adoption of EVs completely unrealistic. Just DOA.
And then, there’s the raw materials that make up EV batteries. It’s an extremely inefficient use of materials currently to make one EV, and the environmental disasters that are these mines is a topic EV lovers love to ignore.
Well, Toyota has a few things to say about that too:
Toyota also noted that “more than 300 new lithium, cobalt, nickel and graphite mines are needed to meet the expected battery demand by 2035,” and they could take decades to develop. “The amount of raw materials in one long-range battery electric vehicle could instead be used to make 6 plug-in hybrid electric vehicles or 90 hybrid electric vehicles.”
And here’s the real kicker: modern plug-in and regular hybrid electric vehicles are so efficient compared to EVs that they have nearly the same reduction in CO2 emissions. Furthermore, they are significantly cheaper and a dramatically better and less wasteful use of finite raw materials.
So, let’s just all agree that Toyota has a point.
On the greater scale, mass EV adoption has a lot of problems yet to be solved. Government so frequently likes to think it can wave a magic wand through legislation and change the world via fiat. Unfortunately, that’s not how the world works.
I would love to see mass EV adoption but I want to see it by making EVs the better choice for consumers. Until that day, I just don’t see it happening.
submitted by SibbleConsulting to electricvehicles [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:13 heirofsorrows Kawhi isn’t “always injured”

If you count load management for a degenerative knee condition as “being injured,” then you’d likely disagree, but it’s not an injury. It a measure taken to prevent injuries since his condition makes him more susceptible to them. Given the condition he has, it’s impressive that he has played as much as he has in his time here.
Doomers doom but this is just not true.
In his first season in LA, he missed 14 of 72 games. Only three of those absences were consecutive. All others were load management (this post is not about whether he should manage his load as much as he does). This is 80.55 percent of all regular season games (in a standard length season, the minimum games a player can play while still being eligible for awards is 65/82, or 79.3 percent, which he surpassed). He played all playoff games in this season.
Season 2 in LA saw Kawhi played 52/72 games, or 72.2 percent. This would be too low to consider for any awards in a standard length season with the current requirements. This is mainly because of a foot injury that saw him miss 9 of 10 straight games. There were a few blips of 2-3 missed games (often the result of load management, but still missed games) and he missed the final two game of the regular season, not because of injury, but because they were the last two games of the regular season (PG also sat fwiw). The ACL tear in the playoffs was the result of dirty play and not because he is made of glass or something.
He missed all of season 3 recovering from the ACL tear, an amount of time that is common for players to miss for such an injury. This is a result of the previous playoffs.
In season 4, he had some very clear rust that needed to be worked off after not playing for over a year. He also had an ankle sprain at the beginning of the season. These were both done and over with by the first week of December. From then on, he never missed two or more consecutive games. The playoffs were obviously disappointing, but we don’t know all the details, and given what his family was dealing with off the court, he probably was not mentally ready to try to play through a knee injury.
In his time in LA, Kawhi missed no considerable time in year one, missed 9/10 games recovering from a foot injury, and then missed 12 games straight in his fourth season as he came back from a year away and a sprained ankle. The load management adds up, but I truly don’t see how someone can, in good faith, argue that to be an injury. The narrative that he never plays is perpetuated by people who only pay attention to the team during the playoffs, which is why he gets so much hate. He has just had bad luck in the playoffs, which is nothing new for this franchise (2016 game 4 against the Blazers, for just one example). Deeming him as someone who can’t stay healthy because he had two season ending injuries in the three playoffs isn’t entirely fair imo. He played several months straight this season and in his first year (and other than the one serious foot injury that led to him missing 9/10 in his second season, he was otherwise healthy the whole time then too.
Tl;dr: Kawhi is not much more injury prone than the average player. This is just a really, really unlucky franchise.
I really think him getting blame for the lack of success so far is unwarranted. Unrealistic bad luck is something that has tortured this franchise for decades.
submitted by heirofsorrows to LAClippers [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:13 jhpratt2 $nwbo

Bright Boy
Re: OncoJock post# 600279
Saturday, June 10, 2023 4:59:32 PM
Post# of 600344
ONCO:I know who you are! I know you are a Harvard grad from way back AND I know you are bought and paid for, Kinda like a "Soiled Dove" !! For the benefit of the suffering cancer patients who desperately need the DCVax-L Cell Based Platform Technology, please take your rantings to "Speaker's Corner in Hyde Park London, UK, crawl up on your soap box and see how long you last!!! If the mob doesn't tear you apart, it's only because you managed to begin your rant at a time allocated for the "lunatic fringe" !!!!
Do yourself a favor and put your debate textbook back in the box and take it back to the bookstore and when they ask you why you are returning the book, tell them that you are too stupid to own a book"!!!

📷OncoJock :Au contraire, when the MIA was awarded on 3/20/23, the train left the station. That predestined MAA approval , which should arrive about 8/1/23. Everybody knew that the MAA award would precipitate 2 partnerships , and bids for NWBO by 5 of the biggest CI players. Net, net, NWBO change of control 30 daus after the MAA award. But the Bosch MOA Bomb on 6/3/23 increases the bids to 10 within 30 days of the MAA award.Why? Because the big boys know the MOA Bosch described will revolutionize medicine. And it is moated by patents, proprietary manufacturing technology, and knowhow. Bright BoyRe: Lykiri post# 600189Saturday, June 10, 2023 10:48:29 AMPost# of 600340 GoSo bottom line, DCVax-L Cell Based Platform Technology is a developed process that allows medical science to Direct The Immune System in a general application for all diseases. It improves all existing treatments used in healthcare as we know it!!! In very simple terms, it is the APPLE of modern healthcare treatments!!! Cheers, BB Bright BoyRe: Lykiri post# 600189Saturday, June 10, 2023 10:48:29 AMPost# of 600341 GoSo bottom line, DCVax-L Cell Based Platform Technology is a developed process that allows medical science to Direct The Immune System in a general application for all diseases. It improves all existing treatments used in healthcare as we know it!!! In very simple terms, it is the APPLE of modern healthcare treatments!!! Cheers, BBRe: ae kusterer post# 600271 Saturday, June 10, 2023 12:48:17 PM Post# 600279 of 600333 Can we all please calm down? The people who are making the most noise about this broad mechanism of action presented at ASCO are the people who are most heavily invested in it, or those who stand to gain from others becoming more heavily invested. The presentation by Marnix Bosch at ASCO was NOT a scientific presentation, despite the venue. It was a highly technical commercial/promotional presentation made during the industry expert theater portion of the meeting, when ASCO essentially sells the stage to whomever wishes to pay the going price for the exposure. The presentation was not peer-reviewed and it was highly biased in favor of the presenter's commercial interest. Therefore, statements about murcidencel's mechanism of action will not have the credibility needed to truly become part of the medical literature, and prescription of murcidencel will not become routine clinical practice in even a single tumor type, much less multiple tumor types, much less other disease states, unless and until the data have been peer-reviewed and vetted by others and perhaps replicated by other scientists. We make ourselves look bad when we get all excited about a grand slam home run to win the pennant when we haven't even succeeded in getting on base in the first inning of the series. FIRST THINGS FIRST. Speaking for myself, I might begin to get a bit more excited after DCVax-L has won approval for a single indication (nd or rGBM) by MHRA, and a little more excited after it has received an indication from the FDA, or EMA, or Health Canada. Those milestones seem a long way off right now, based on current evidence (as opposed to current wishful thinking and speculation). -- OJ ae kusterer Re: None Saturday, June 10, 2023 4:04:19 PM Post# 600328 of 600336 ae kusterer Re: None Saturday, June 10, 2023 12:22:22 PM Post# 600271 of 600326 Prior to Marnix Bosch's ( CTO-NWBO) 6/3/23 ASCO presentation(lecture and slides) AVC ( pointed out that the LIAU-UCLA-SPORE combination trial data showed that all CIs (checkpoint inhibitors) are more efficacious when dosed in combination with DCVax-L, and that some CIs do not work at all without DC VAX L. MRK's Keytruda( a CI with $21 billion in '22 revenues) is a good example. Keytruda as a mono therapy proved in five clinical trials that it did not increase efficacy, compared to SOC, in GBM. But when dosed in combination with DC VAX L , there was impressive efficacy . But on 6/3/23 at ASCO, Marnix Bosch presented data showing that DC VAX L is a process that can direct the immune system response to targets in all diseases, not just all solid tumor cancers. From conversations with our associates in Big Biotech and Pharma , they are shocked because they do not know how to do what NWBO has done .They know their portfolio of drugs will perform better when dosed with DC VAX L . Their attempts to replicate the manufacturing of DC VAX L have come up short . Plus they do not know how to get around the patent moat. They are left with attempting to buy NWBO, or invest in partnerships which will license them the rights to have access to the DC VAX L technology. What strategic moves are afoot? "Dr. Bosch: „If you use a lysate from another tumor you get new antigens that are more appropriate to that particular tumor.“ AGNOSTIC= "A type of therapy that uses drugs or other substances to treat cancer based on the cancer’s genetic and molecular features without regard to the cancer type or where the cancer started in the body. Tissue-agnostic therapy uses the same drug to treat all cancer types that have the genetic mutation (change) or biomarker that is targeted by the drug. It is a type of targeted therapy. Also called tumor-agnostic therapy."
submitted by jhpratt2 to NWBO [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:12 ibWickedSmaht I can get through this, but it feels shitty in the meantime

This is a relatively “normal” experience I think, but it hits hard especially since the work we are doing partially surrounds childhood trauma (something I am very knowledgeable about and I have also experienced it for years), and it feels horrible to hear people say things and have misconceptions that my abusers would have had, all the while ignoring any input I have on the subject. Based on how they talk about the subject, I am certain things would go very badly if everything was just left to them to make choices, but I feel like I have to fight ridiculously hard to have my voice be heard because of one coworker who seems to enjoy ignoring everyone and having things her way, even when she clearly does not know anything about certain things.
A sidenote, but I also have a neurodevelopmental condition that causes me to make small repetitive noises, to which she keeps giving me dirty looks/turns and eyerolls for- I’ve never experienced this in a workplace, and I think the privilege and specific background of some of these individuals partially contributes to this being a first-time for me.
2 of them in particular (but the rest are in essence being bystanders which contributes to the dynamic) have been ridiculously shitty, ableist, and hypocritical. It’s really sad to hear people claim to be open-minded, accepting, wanting to “do good”, and “team-workers” when I can watch them actively exclude others for unfair reasons, and when I try to make sure those people are being treated fairly, I’m treated like I’m being a nuisance. It takes so little effort to not be an asshole to others, I wish I know how I could be more influential and have people join in.
Then when my acquaintance opens up about a diagnosis, all of a sudden when there’s a name to go with the behaviour, they suddenly try to act sickeningly polite while still not seeming to understand that perhaps they should just… have more empathy in the first place, or perhaps they should just try to stop trying to push others down to keep themselves up, especially when nothing the other person doing is harming them? Also one of them needs to stop directly taking such a large quantity of my ideas and work and presenting it as her own, lol.
I feel lucky it’s mostly just one of them, but I hate how she somehow has so much influence and others just follow her shitty behaviour, it would be so much easier if they could just treat others like humans.
submitted by ibWickedSmaht to offmychest [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:12 EliteAn0rak How do I know if she'll change, or if I should start moving on without her?

I've been dating my current girlfriend for almost four years now. When we started dating, she was perfect. She was studying to be an aerospace engineer, knew three languages, got scholarships, and was part of the mountain biking team, ski team, and a CrossFit gym. As someone who is really attractive to intelligence, drive and passion, she was incredible. And for the first two years of our relationship was also incredible. I'm not going to waste anyone's time by telling every single date we had or explain every single amazing moment, but I think the biggest reason we lasted so long was because she gave me the opportunity to change. Instead of just jumping ship whenever I did or said something I didn't mean, she talked to me about it. With her, I was able to get over a lot of issues I had, chief of which was an anger problem. She helped and waited and understood like no one else did for about a year, and I can't explain enough how much it meant to me.
However, over the past year or so, I've started to notice her change. I started to notice as she let her diet go a bit and gained some weight. She also stopped skiing, mountain biking and weight lifting. I wanted to be extremely understanding and helpful, just like she was to me. So about a year ago, I sat down with her and asked if she'd like to make a diet and workout plan with me. I thought if we did it together, it would be good for us. She agreed, and thanked me for understanding. Unfortunately we rarely were able to go to the gym at the same time, but I did my best to hit the gym as I promised. However, as the semesters rolled on, I noticed her kinda slacking off. There was always some kind of excuse or reason she couldn't go, and I always tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. After all, she is studying aerospace engineering! However, I started to notice her slacking off in her studies as well. She'd spend hours and hours playing games on her computer or phone during the time that she reserved for studying. She'd try to get everything done last minute, and would frequently turn in incomplete assignments. As I did before, I tried to help her. We talked about why she wouldn't study, or how she studied. I tried to help her make plans and stick to them. But no matter what I tried, she would rarely even start. I didn't know what to do anymore, and she ended the last semester with a failed class and gained five pounds.
I'm trying my best to understand her, and talked to a few of my friends about it. Luckily, I think I found exactly what's wrong. When she was a kid, she was diagnosed with ADD, but was never treated for it because she was able to get A's in all her classes. What I think is happening, is that her ADD is finally catching up with her. It lined up with all the issues she has, even the tiny things I didn't include in my story. So I encouraged her to find a therapist that can re-diagnose her and help her through it. However, she's struggling to do it! Again, I know it's because of the ADD but I can't help her through this part. She needs to do it herself.
Now my moral issue. I'm worried that it won't help. For whatever reason, I'm worried that the new changes in her are ones that might not be able to change. Even if she does get diagnosed and treated, will it help her grades? Will it help her weight? Will she start texting me again (which is suddenly very dry and rare)? Will she be the person I originally fell in love with? Or have I wasted a year trying to help her without her taking the initiative to help herself?
I still have two years of college left (some classes didn't transfer and it messed everything up), should I spend it continuing trying to help her? Or should I learn to move on?
submitted by EliteAn0rak to internetparents [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:11 okaytrash333 How do I break up with my long distance partner who has mental health issues?

I (20f) and dating my boyfriend (26T). I will try to make this quick. We are almost at our two year anniversary and basically lived together for the first year before he decided to move to Texas to “get his shit together”. He also decided while he was there that he wanted to go to welding school so our planned one month of distance turned into a year. It was fine at first until we drifted because his mental health was worse than when he first left. We got into a relationship too soon-he had just gotten out of an abusive relationship. He is not responsible, he can’t hold a job, is in severe debt, has terrible credit, and has no plan for the future other than graduate welding school and get a job. I on the other hand have a job that pays well, am going to school, have great credit for my age and my only debt is my car which I am almost done paying off. He has been financially reliant on me until I told him I couldn’t help him anymore once he moved away. I have big plans for my future and all I see is him holding me back.
Don’t get me wrong, I do love him, very much, but I also grew up in an abusive household (financial, physical, emotional and mental) and I don’t want that for myself. My partner was so emotionally supportive at the start of our relationship but that’s since disappeared and it’s really all he offered after I thought about it for a bit. He was so much better to me than all of my past exes and he raised my standards a lot. But..I need someone who has the same ambitions and passion as me, someone who doesn’t take advantage of me.
I have never broken up with someone before, I have always been cheated on and dumped (every one of my exes has tried to get me back too so I know it’s not a me problem at least). I am nervous to break up with him because I know he isn’t doing well mentally, but he also isn’t doing anything to try and fix it. I think I might call his mom before I do end it so that she can be there for him. I just don’t know how to actually have the conversation. Plus I don’t want to have to go through figuring out who’s shit is who’s and sending a massive package to TX. Do I facetime him to sort out our belongings afterwards?
submitted by okaytrash333 to BreakUps [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:11 Notnarcnorempath Returning after 4 months with updates: some improvements, some stagnancy!

Hello everyone!
I didn't really establish myself here but many of you got me through a really difficult period in my life, and for that I truly appreciate this community. I got the reality check I needed and also set me on a path to be more authentic and genuine. I don't have as severe NPD as some people here so please bear that in mind when it comes to reading about my progress!
  1. WIN: I am in an open relationship with my partner! I always used to cheat but decided to be truthful and honest about what I want and how monogamy is difficult for me. I feel so much lighter and freer now. My partner was totally open to it and does not have issues with this. I honestly wish I asked earlier but I was so scared of not appearing perfect.
  2. LOSS: I still sneak around and don't really think I'm living up to the spirit of an open relationship with honest communication. :( My partner said he doesn't want to know details but I'm so comfortable with just...sneaking around that I'm not addressing difficult topics like "how" we we would communicate and what we would do. I feel like I'm off the hook because he said he's fine with an open relationship but I'm also not really talking to him about it. Just going on as is when I should be using this opportunity to talk more honestly and openly.
  3. WIN: I am slowly but surely getting over my abusive, suspected NPD ex who I was cheating with. I barely check his socials any more and overall don't care too much about what happens.
  4. LOSS: I still haven't told my partner about that instance of cheating and how much it damaged me. It's too scary and shameful to bring that up and I also worry about hurting him and how that'll hurt me.
Overall, I think I'm on a better path but I have a lot of work to do. I still feel these strong pangs of loneliness and isolation, a feeling that no one truly knows me and I keep so much of myself hidden. I feel like I'm so much more scared and fragile than I used to be before the crisis I went through and that really sucks.
submitted by Notnarcnorempath to NPD [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:10 ThrowRApd How do I (F25) get over my ex (M26) who I am still friends with?

I apologize for such a basic situation, but I’ve gotten myself in too deep. I will try to give my best summary…
So me and my friend met in college, were friends for a while, senior year developed feelings, dated for the summer after for a few months long distance, did friends with benefits for basically two years long distance, and then decided to just remain friends for the last couple months. When we originally broke up our relationship, it was more on my terms, we just had way too much to learn and balancing the long distance was getting so difficult as we were trying to find ourselves as adults.
He’s one of my best friends and I’ve been going in and out of circles of catching feelings for him. In the past, those feelings were always put to a stop when we spaced out our hang outs, or I truly believed that we weren’t meant to be because we had a lot of personal growth to do as individuals… and I thought I was over him until the last time we saw each other in person and I really fell for him. Hard.
There are so many ways I’d love to grow with him, dive into his quirks, and I think about him so often. We text every day throughout the day, we get each other, we laugh a lot, we care so much about each other, we have amazing communication, I love when he’s part of plans, I love when he wants to plan events together, he fits in well to my friend group and my family likes him. I’ve fully convinced myself that he is a person I’d love to spend time with and stumble through life together with. I’ve even considered moving closer (changing the 4 hour drive to more of a 45-1 hour drive) with my other friends to take on a new town and bridge the distance between us and rest a possible relationship with him because we both for a while said distance was our biggest challenge.
Recently we have been in such great headspace’s and have had so much fun over text it seems and just getting ready to plan trips and such. I realized I was getting way too excited so I figured I probably should try to reach out before I got wayyy to ahead of myself. I have asked him what he thinks of the possibility of us in the future and he said that he does not think that there is a chance of us ever being together in the future and that we are bound to find people better suited to us and other things align those lines. Those are things I said when I broke up with him, so maybe they still hold true and I’m seeing things in such an unrealistic way now. I don’t know what change there was in him saying there could be a chance to now having no chance. But I really beleive the growth has given us a chance again…
loooong story long, I basically just want to know how I can get over him while maintaining a friendship because we both mean so much to each other… I know I probably should have made this move much sooner to try to avoid another round of me catching feelings… I know blocking him for a moment in time to heal will probably be best to give myself space to process but I don’t know how best to endure that. Any help???
submitted by ThrowRApd to relationship_advice [link] [comments]