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Is he playing games with me/stringing me along?

2023.06.09 15:48 Newaccount729 Is he playing games with me/stringing me along?

We only met about 3-4 weeks ago and hit it off. Sexual chemistry, get along, etc. He was always chill at texting and stuff like that and always seemed like a detached guy but I feel like he wants me to chase him. Only hung out 3 times and this past weekend was great, he seems really into me. However, communication isn’t super frequent. He will text me once a day and it’ll be a super generic text like “how are you” or if he calls, it’s the same. Two days ago, I was the one who texted him good morning and then he didn’t respond until 4 hours later.. so I also let it sit and actually ended up posting on my story because I thought I looked good since I was preparing to take a passport photo. Right after seeing the story, he called me to say hi and told me to reply to his text later. I didn’t end up doing so because I got busy and he texted me at night to ask the name of a recipe I told him about only to leave me on read for all of the next day until I was the one who called him. When I called him the next day, he told me that he’s super busy now doing some work in his backyard but we still talked and he goes “alright, I’ll ring you later. If you don’t hear from me for a bit, just give me a call”
I never ended up hearing from him and never gave him a call either because I was tired and figured if he wanted to talk he would, but I also wasn’t stressing it yesterday since I was too tired anyway.
Today I invited him out with me and some friends— it’ll be a birthday thing and he said he might stop by but I bet I won’t hear anything from him until tomorrow or Sunday and it’ll be something generic like “how are you doing”
Our conversations in person are great and I know we haven’t been talking for that long. I’m just confused because it seems like he wants me to chase him? Or maybe he just doesn’t like me and I’m delusional?
We’re both 25
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2023.06.09 15:10 InfoGuruJam WHO IS THE A-HOLE

Need some direction here. I thought it would be fun to bid on abandoned storage units. My husband and I did about 7 units and were done. My second unit I did was in Carlsbad, I’m in Riverside. We rent a U-Haul and head out. When we arrive, we pay the $800, leave a cleaning deposit,(we get back) and they walk you to the unit. You kinda go through and separate the trash to the keep (sell).Nothing here was trash! This was an AMAZING find, but immediately it felt like a huge loss to someone. We go home and start going through it all. It belonged to a military family. The grandfather was a General , graduated the Navel Academy in 1922 Everything you could imagine. From his acceptance letter to his retirement. Along with his stuff, there are two of his military sons items. So I started searching for this family. I couldn’t imagine selling this stuff, or separating it. I just felt it had to be a mistake. Well I found the wife(widow) of one of the men. When I explained what I had found she snapped and said we had the WRONG family! I couldn’t understand but thought ok. Finally I found another family member online. Left a message. Once we spoke, it happen to be the man daughter. The woman on the phone was the widow🫢 but she’s the one that tossed it in storage and didn’t pay! Just to be evil apparently this step mom wasn’t so nice. The daughter seemed generally thankful I found her. I sent her my receipt for the unit. Told her I cared to make no money on this, just to receive the storage $$ I paid for the unit. No problem! Like I said, this could have been a big win for us by auctioning, but if there was a family, that was my goal! We text back and forth, I tell her no hurry at all. Take her time, I knew this was a shock. She text she had a family member die, and was going to Vermont for a funeral and would contact me in a couple days. Well it’s been almost two years now. I finally texted her and let her know how sad I thought it was and thought I’d held it long enough. Finally getting it separated and looking for family info to list along side. An article pops up of his granddaughter!! A novelist( popular book too) what got me?? The photo they used had her sitting in a chair with her General Grandfathers photo above her!!! I’m thinking to myself, wait a minute…. He is your grandpa, you use him in an article, but I am the one that owns all his and his sons military legacies? Was it over the $800 storage fee? I’m out way more then the $800 The uhaul, the gas, a unit for three months, I had to put it in a storage because there was so much, Should I have been out all of it and just gave it to them? Am I the A-HOLE???? And where does an a-hole auction this as one;) Oh and you should all read a book-😂 The Last Samurai ( hint) I hear it’s good 🫢
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2023.06.09 14:40 Shoddy_Expression440 Revenge from toxic friends?

I have a situation with ex best friends from high school, met friends that wanted me to be there 24/7 and im a very beautiful introvert but I’m also a follower so we hung out all the time. We made so many good memories but at the same time it was so controlling, manipulative and I know now that I was hugely taken advantage of. Despite all of that, when I look back on photos where I’m smiling and having fun with them which there were genuine moments and the happy birthday messages, I get a wave of aww I wish we were real friends now.
I haven’t been able to make best friends like that since so it hits a little more. I’ve been my own introverted self and kept my limits mostly from how bad this friendship got.
They’ve reached out to me but when they do they are kinda manipulative and sneaky and just wanna know things about me. I really don’t do social media but when I post on Snapchat they are the first people to watch my story, I’m talking 2 mins after I post..
There’s some stalker stuff there but to be honest I secretly love the silent and subtle drama because I know they’re still curious about me and keeping someone hooked and having that tiny by of power is evily fulfilling…
Every once in a while I’ll post a pic of me that I know will catch their attention and get them talking because I just know em so well and I love it. Now I will say I have no drama in my life and I ‘hate’ real controversy so I keep my life pretty calm with good solid friendships so this is all I have and want 😂
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2023.06.09 14:39 kuished [SG][H] JER-A06 (Mira Red, "Serial 1"), OTD 456GT, NCR OG dyesubs with unknown sublegends, Leading Edge DC-3014 [W] Paypal

Timestamp Hi mechmarket. I'm as out of this hobby as out can be, so don't ask me for trades or any other obscure details about the keyboards! Also, I apologize if it looks like I'm fishing for offers, I honestly don't know what the market looks like nowadays, let me know and I can adjust. All reasonable offers considered. Just clearing out the store room and will be offloading some stuff I didn't get around to 3 years ago (time flies!) JER-A06 (Mira Red, "Serial 1") The red boy. Back when JER-A06 made its debut in the western world (they had at least 1 domestic run), I was the first serial on the submission form. See post below for proof of serial and manufacturing pics. To my knowledge, this is the one and only red JER-A06 from that run, done as a special commission from Eve, in the same shade red as Mira. I have a spare original PCB that I ordered along with the keyboard. The current PCB is built with PCB mount vintage blacks with Spirit springs and lubed with 250g0 I believe (I don't know the weight, feels like 65-67g). The cable is a custom sourced thicc boi that I terminated myself into USB. Non-detachable, as suits the vintage idea of this homage keyboard. The key set is GMK Red Alert. Some minor scuffs on the bottom vertical side of the keyboard, not visible from the top (see pictures). $900 OBO (GMK Red Alert pending) OTD 456GT It was my daily driver at work for the better part of a year many years ago so exaggerations of it being a “wrist breaker” are a bit overstated. Currently soldered with Gateron pinks, lubed with 205g0 and 65g springs (I believe). Some tarnishing on the brass weights, one nick on the bottom. $2700 OBO (keyset separate, see below)
OG NCR dyesubs from a SAU-3077 with unknown sublegends The keyset on the 456GT. I sniped it from a eBay listing 4 years ago. PM me for more details on the listing (I attached a photo of the original photo from the eBay listing in the Imgur album). I haven't seen any other information about what sublegends might be. French-Canadian? It was shipped to me from some keyboard recycler in CONUS. Anyhoo, happy to hear offers on this. Condition wise it's probably a solid 7 to 8. Not NIB that's for sure, if that bothers you. I did use it daily for ~9 months after all (yes that probably cost me $1 a day in value depreciation idk) $1200 OBO Leading Edge DC-3014 with weird mix of keycaps The blue alps on these are a good 8/10 I'd say. I've attached a short typing video. The keycaps are all double shot from a variety of Chinese/Japanese alps keyboards, don't ask me about provenance. I might have photos of the original keyboards somewhere in iCloud but kinda lazy to dig out. You're probably not buying these for the keycaps anyway (although they are kinda neat for certain sub-population of weirdos here). The cable is not original but also comes from another similar vintage AT keyboard. $500 All prices include PP fees but no shipping. As always, happy to ship anywhere around the world, just ask for a quote. Thanks for looking!
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2023.06.09 14:36 McGlone_Games Episode Recap - Louis and the Nazis

Episode Recap - Louis and the Nazis
Following on from my 'In Vision' commentary notes, I had a request from freddythefuckingfish to recap 'Louis and the Nazis'. Here it is, along with some additional notes from Louis' follow-up visit to Lamb and Lynx for his 'Call of the Weird' book.

\"I thought it was time to leave.\"

Opening Scene
  • The episode opens with tape being put on a kitchen floor by April, while she is being watched by her aspiring pop-duo daughters, Lamb and Lynx
  • They all laugh when April starts to use the tape to draw a swastika, because she's a Nazi
  • Note: the twins go by 'Prussian Blue', which is a reference to how the walls of gas chambers could be stained blue by the Nazi's usage of Zyklon B, which contained Prussic acid
  • Louis asks if April cares about "people's feelings", which quickly descends into April going on a rant about "The Jews" and how she just thinks the swastika is "neat"
  • Personal Note: there's something about April's agitated head and mouth movements that reminds me of a Muppet
  • April refers to Louis as a "brainwashed lemming"
  • Lamb and Lynx dance a merry jig to the sound of bagpipes, before we go to the opening credits

Meeting Tom Metzger
  • Louis is driving to meet "one of America's most notorious" racists, Tom Metzger (who died in 2020)
  • Tom has a garden ornament with a motion sensor that makes a noise when you approach his house, then has what looks like another motion sensor to the right of his front door, with a security camera on the left
  • Tom says he's "more serious than most of the Nazis [he's] met"
  • There appears to be a sign that says "No Snivelling" on one of the doors in Tom's office (I couldn't find any significance to that)
  • Tom shows Louis a racist cartoon from his newsletter, claims that he is better looking than Denzel Washington, and then (in my opinion) tries to get a reaction out of Louis by using The N-Word, but Louis remains stone-faced
  • Tom says that he would not use that word in public if Louis asked him to, but that he would not stop using it in private (even as a favour to Louis)
  • Louis: "It makes me think slightly less of you."
  • Tom: "Well, that's okay, I'm not here to adopt you."
  • Louis takes a look at Tom's music collection, and Tom's wife flatly says "It's part of history" when Louis asks her if it's shocking to have the image of a black man being lynched on an album cover
  • Tom, again, seems to be intentionally saying extreme things to get a reaction out of Louis, but, when Louis doesn't bite, he does then tone things down a bit
  • Tom's youngest daughter arrives, and doesn't consider herself to be a racist (mentioning how people judge her solely for her last name)
  • Abrupt cut to a different room, with a tired-sounding Louis now lounging in a chair with a drink in his hand, and what look like papers in his lap, telling Tom that "it bespeaks kind of a hatred"
  • Personal Note: Uh... what just happened? How much time has passed since the interview with Tom's daughter? Is that a copy of Tom's newsletter in Louis' lap? Is that the "it" he's referring to?
  • Tom, with a beer in his hand, sounds upset as he tries to justify his hatred for "blacks" with, "they kill my friends, they imprisoned them for life"
  • Louis, almost sounding drunk, uncharacteristically replies with, "That's such bull. That is such bull."
  • Tom yells at Louis about black people committing crimes in England, then starts to make a phone call to end this very awkward and out-of-place scene
  • Personal Note: What was going on there?! Both men acted completely differently towards each other, while Tom's wife and daughter appeared to be nervously stood in the doorway. Just a really weird scene that felt like something directed by David Lynch.
  • Over at the karaoke bar ("Lets Party Right Here!"), we see someone who looks like Danny Trejo serenading a table of middle-aged women
  • Louis says it has been a "long and, in some ways, depressing day [...] I was even more confused when the karaoke bar [Tom] took me to turned out to be largely non-white"
  • Louis: "I could only assume that, for Tom, karaoke sometimes took precedent over racism."
  • We hear a (mercifully short) clip of Tom "singing" 'Bad to the Bone' (he sounds like the love-child of Elmer Fudd and Les Claypool)
  • Note: None of what was said between Louis and the Metzger's while they were at the bar is in the episode, and we only hear Louis speak in voice-over.

Meeting John Malpezzi
  • Louis is being driven by Tom to meet his new "manager", a man named John Malpezzi, who was "supposedly a show business veteran"
  • When John gets in the car, Louis tries to get him to talk about the racist things Tom says and publishes, but John seems like he was expecting that line of questioning and is having none of it
  • John gives the, oddly specific, example of how he has known people in the past who would "throw you out of the air plane, over the jungle" for trying to catch him out like that
  • Louis had been keeping his powder dry during the car trip, as he knew that there were rumours of John having a "colourful career" and that he "had spent time in prison"
  • Louis is more direct once they arrive at their destination and John, after initially trying to shut down the conversation about his past, admits that he had legally represented the Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar
  • John had also been looking at "85 years" in prison for cocaine trafficking, but only served "3-and-a-half" years (here's an archived LA Times article from 1987 that covers what happened)
  • Louis says that who John was, and whether what he was saying was actually true, was "vague to me, and possibly to him, too"

Meeting Skip
  • Louis visits Skip and his family, some of Tom's "skinhead supporters" who were hosting a rally that Tom would be speaking at
  • Skip had followed Tom since 1983 and thought he had "done a lot of good *awkward pause\* he's a good patriot"
  • Skip's brother says that telling someone "you're on the fence" is considered to be an insult by skinheads
  • The second Louis suggests that he might be Jewish, Skip immediately starts eyeing him up and becomes less friendly towards him
  • Louis spent the afternoon with the family before Skip really started to become agitated
  • Skip: "You're a Jew, that's why you got so much animosity. [...] You're a Jew. ...You're part Jewish."
  • Skip points at the sound guy and says, "He's not Jewish, I'll tell ya that, right now."
  • Personal Note: the camera pans over to the sound guy and he reminded me of Seth Rogen, who is Jewish
  • According to 'Call of the Weird', Louis' Director was Jewish
  • I think you can just barely hear a member of the crew start to interject when it's clear that Skip isn't going to let go of the issue, however I can't make out what they're saying
  • Louis, after Skip and his family have all left: "I thought it was time to leave."

The Gathering of the Gods
  • Tom: "Yo, yo, yo, are you ready to go, to the Hate-ananny? Huh?!"
  • Tom is wearing a t-shirt that says "Some People Are Alive Simply Because It's Illegal To Kill Them"
  • Louis heads to a major event ("by skinhead standards") with Tom, which is being held at "Skip's place" (or at least in a field near "Skip's place")
  • According to 'Call of the Weird', Louis had "security experts" who refused to accompany him into the festival (they would have been required to give up their weapons), so Louis was told to "stay alert at all times" and that the crew should run to the exits as quickly as possible, if things went bad (the armed "security experts" remained parked outside in their van)
  • Tom only attended "one or two" events per year, and Louis suspects that he felt embarrassed by Louis being part of his "entourage"
  • According to 'Call of the Weird', the scene where a group of skinheads ignore Louis was not an exaggeration, as not a single skinhead at the event would let Louis interview them
  • Louis: "I felt like the schoolkid nobody wanted to be friends with."
  • Lamb and Lynx take to the stage, and the appreciative crowd of shirtless male skinheads salute them at the end of their song (a few look like they are wiping tears from their eyes)
  • According to 'Call of the Weird', Louis did not know of Lamb and Lynx before the festival, and only spoke to April by chance, because her lack of tattoos made her look approachable
  • Personal Note: I don't mean to imply that Louis is lying here, but I can't imagine that they planned for the episode to be an hour of Tom and some random skinheads, so what were the 20 minutes dedicated to April's family originally going to be about?
  • Tom takes to the stage, where he yells a lot and is a racist
  • The sign for the event reads "The Gathering of the Gods, An Ian Stuart Memorial, The Flame That Never Dies, American Front"
  • [Ian Stuart was an English nationalist, white supremacist, and the lead singer of the punk band 'Skrewdriver'. Stuart died in 1993 and this episode is from 2003, so the "memorial" might be for the 10-year anniversary of his death.]
  • The day after The Gathering, Tom tells Louis how he likes skinheads because they're "not hypocritical" and are "strong racists"
  • Note: Tom is slightly out-of-focus during this short interview, with the camera more focused on the greenery behind his head

Meeting April, Lamb, and Lynx
  • According to 'Call of the Weird', the only hint that April's house contained Nazis was a "battered" car bumper sticker that read "My Boss is an Austrian Painter"
  • Louis arrives at April's house, where a bored-looking Lamb and Lynx sing about "Marxist black dictators" in Africa
  • According to 'Call of the Weird', April had been making the twins sing "white power" songs for other Nazis since they were at least 8
  • Louis: "They don't seem old enough to really know what that's about."
  • April: "Well, I've explained it."
  • The girls demonstrate that they are not, in fact, old enough to know what that's about
  • According to 'Call of the Weird', there exist white nationalist children's books that (and this is meant to be taken seriously) contain "E is for Eugenics" and have illustrations made by prisoners who were found guilty of hate crimes
  • April is looking ahead to when Lamb and Lynx are 16-year-old girls, because any "young... man" or "red-blooded American boy" would find them "very appealing" (well, that isn't creepy at all...)
  • April's fiancee refused to appear on camera, as he felt it could lose him his job (he was a public school teacher, though she cautiously only says "an educator")
  • April wouldn't let her 11-year-old children play "Nintendo" games, but a violent, first-person shooter named "Ethnic Cleansing" was perfectly fine
  • Personal Note: I did play 'Ethnic Cleansing', just for a laugh, many years ago, and it's not even "funny bad", it's just rubbish
  • April drives them all to a horse ranch, and Louis looks lost for words when the family start rocking out to skinhead music (one of the twins seems to find it funny how visibly uncomfortable he is)
  • April asks the crew to only tell people that they are making a documentary on the girls' music, as she doesn't want anyone "hurting my horses because of my politics"
  • April essentially says that she is so racist that she struggles to hide it
  • Louis: "I've noticed."
  • According to 'Call of the Weird', April would bring up race, or "The Jews", in almost every conversation Louis had with her, no matter what the original topic was
  • April talks about how she "wouldn't want to have anything to do with" her daughters if they went against her beliefs
  • [What ended up happening when Lamb and Lynx grew up and renounced their racist beliefs (albeit with just a little bit of holocaust denial left in there) is that April... wait for it... waaait for it... blamed "The Jews".]

A Trip to Bill's Ranch
  • They drive to meet April's father, Bill, who owns a cattle ranch where his cows are branded with a swastika
  • Bill, who lives on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, says that Louis can't "see what's going on" with the white race
  • There's a rare production snafu when the camera man is forced to rush over to everyone else when Bill starts talking
  • Personal Note: based on how this is the last scene shown at the ranch and they are all gathered by their cars, my best guess is that this was originally meant to be a long shot of everyone getting in their cars to leave, but Bill had other ideas
  • Bill, like Tom, is the kind of racist who pauses for effect and looks for a reaction after saying The N-Word
  • Louis takes so long to answer the straightforward, "Do you usually date white women?" that I suspect he's trying to get April and Bill more worked-up (not that they need encouraging)
  • After Louis asks if a Jewish woman would be considered "white", Bill imitates a "Jewish Princess" by squawking "Louis! Louis! I want a new ring, Louis!", like he's one of the Monty Python cast in drag
  • As April drives them home, she says that she considers her racist indoctrination by a Nazi to be a "gift"
  • Note: Bill's wife is not shown here, but she was featured in another documentary, Nazi Pop Twins (2007), and did not share his extreme views

Tom's "Ambassadorial" Trip
  • Louis is back with Tom and John, who were considering an "ambassadorial trip" to Mexico
  • John refers to Tom as an "international politician"
  • Louis refers to Tom as a "racist politician"
  • John acts like Tom being a "racist politician" is a good thing, because then he'll be popular "in a racist country" like Mexico
  • Tom and John act like they're making a sequel to 'Grumpy Old Men' as Louis drives them into Mexico
  • John meets a lady friend (or "whore", as Tom calls her) at a bar, before they put on sombreros, and start to get sloshed on booze
  • Louis: "The ambassadorial visit was degenerating into a pub crawl."
  • After making two American tourists uncomfortable with his shameless racism, a drunken Tom loudly asks the staff in a souvenir shop if they have any rings with swastikas on them (I think someone says "You're lucky there's no black people about, man" in the background)
  • Tom disappears, returns even more drunk, and accuses John of "neglecting his security duties"
  • Tom and John drunkenly argue about, of all things, how racist John actually is
  • Louis notes that this was Tom at his most "unguarded", and Louis was struck by Tom's "fantasies of his own importance"
  • During the drive home, Tom Metzger, "one of the most dangerous racists in America", drunkenly mumbles about Mexico being a "vurry inturressting playst too vizzit"
  • Two elderly, boozed-up racists babble on about nothing

Goodbye to Tom and John
  • Tom's day job was a 'TV Repairman', and a Peruvian client Tom is very friendly with says that they get on great, just don't talk about "politics"
  • Louis tries to get Tom to address the inconsistency of Tom being friends with someone who appears to be non-white
  • Tom never really answers the question, instead nit-picking the definition of a "friend" and just saying that Louis doesn't understand
  • After arguing with Tom in the car, Louis says that he found it "hard to take Tom totally seriously" and sums him up with "there was a touch of karaoke about this supposed international politician"
  • Louis visits John to try and challenge him on the racism that Tom publishes
  • John (again, probably expecting to have to deal with this) refuses to play along, and only gives vague, non-committal answers to everything Louis throws at him
  • The scene ends with a prolonged silence, after John lights up a cigarette and tries to look cool

Goodbye to April, Lamb, and Lynx
  • Louis plays guitar with Lamb and Lynx in a recording studio, where they are working on their debut album
  • According to 'Call of the Weird', April was careful to ensure that the album could be sold in Germany, so the song titles did not explicitly reference Nazism (apparently, "Aryan" was okay), and any images of the girls saluting would be removed for the European release
  • Louis asks the 11-year-old girls if they want to date skinheads *awkward pause\* when they get older
  • April would approve of the girls dating any skinhead that was a "hard worker" who didn't "booze it up" and "cause trouble"
  • When alone with the girls in the car, they tell Louis that they are being home-schooled because of "money problems", and "also that" April disagreed with what was being taught
  • Lamb and Lynx's friends did not know about the family's racism
  • One of the twins endearingly calls Louis "Shaggy" when she says goodbye to him
  • Louis has a final conversation with April, where he tries to confront her about the disadvantages Lamb and Lynx will face in life, because of how they have been indoctrinated by her
  • April basically blames everyone else for the problems her children will face, then goes on a disturbingly childish rant where she says things like "I find other races annoying. They bother me. [...] They're just not pretty."
  • Louis: "I feel like I'm pretty well-connected to reality."
  • One of the only times April does not have a comeback is when Louis says she is "out-voted" when it comes to "civilised thought"
  • Louis: "My journey through the world of Nazis had reached a frustrating conclusion, with an argument, in a kitchen, with a mother of two."

End Credits
  • A scene with Louis and John (seemingly recorded after John lit up his cigarette) plays by the credits, where Louis asks John about Tom saying that he was better looking than Denzel Washington
  • John confidently asserts that Tom is better looking (?)
  • John says that they want to trademark Tom's "beautiful" head to make mugs shaped like it (??)
  • Cut to Louis holding a large head-shot photo of Tom, wondering where you would drink from if Tom's head was a mug (???)
  • Some random old woman (John's mother?), who I don't think we ever see in the episode, turns up to say that "people like mugs, and his head would make a good mug" (????)
  • Louis looks like he legitimately has no idea if he should take anything that they're saying seriously (and neither do I)

\"People like mugs, and his head would make a good mug.\"

'Call of the Weird' Follow-up Visit
  • Note: There is more than this in the book, but it's mainly just "I asked April about ____, and she responded by being an obstinate bigot, then said something racist". Louis also spoke to people working at a white supremacist record label, which wasn't anything worth mentioning.
  • April was not happy with the documentary after she saw all the negative comments about her online, so rebuffed Louis' attempts to stay in contact
  • Louis eventually got her to agree to meet up again around a year later, by offering to take the girls to a theme park
  • Louis would also be meeting a new member of the family, baby Dresden (named after a German city that had been fire-bombed during World War 2)
  • Coincidentally (cough-cough), Louis had been allowed to meet the twins again just in time for them to be promoting their new CD
  • Certain images made to promote the CD were quite "provocative", prompting a member of a white nationalist message board to comment "Do you think Hitler would have allowed his little girl out, dressed like that?!"
  • They all went to a Halloween-themed amusement park and Louis tried to talk to the twins about whether their views on race had changed
  • The twins would still parrot the usual stuff from April, but they seemed disinterested, and preferred to focus on music
  • Lamb and Lynx had already started to write more "commercial" music, and were considering the possibility of having a separate group where they wouldn't perform any "white power" songs
  • The twins would finally be attending a regular school, because April claimed to be satisfied with one she had found that was "70% white"

And that's the end of the recap. Louis did have a Skype call with the twins for his 'Life on the Edge' series during the lockdowns of 2020, where it seemed like they had managed to grow up without any trace of April's hatred and prejudices, so I guess you could say this does have a happy ending (unless you're a Nazi).
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2023.06.09 13:56 Other_Reindeer_3704 Sick betta—medicine or let nature take its course?

Sick betta—medicine or let nature take its course?
Hello! Jump down for the tl;dr but here's the whole tale:
We ended up with a betta named Moon, a 1-gallon aquarium, a bit of blue gravel, 2 snails, a tiny "whisper" pump, and one plant a couple months ago. I quickly saw the fish looked bored so we got a 5.5-gallon tank, more sand and gravel, a driftwood, a lid, a light, and a bunch more plants. Nobody mentioned that we needed, like, bacteria, a filter, or to let the tank stabilize before adding the fish. You will be unsurprised to learn that all of this was at Petco. Of course, a week or two later the tank was brown and the water foamy. The fish went from normal, to darting frantically for a couple days, to totally lethargic at the bottom of the tank. His anal fin was all but invisible (clamped or gone) and his ventral fins looked like threads.
Moon with what look like fungal hyphae on his fins
At that point I freaked out and started reading whatever I could. There are some websites out there that explain this and that, and this subreddit has been very helpful. Based on what I learned, I found a proper aquarium shop, where a nice young lady who had actually cared for fish before told me that I needed at least a sponge filter, some bacterial support, and to never change all the water at once. Good lessons! She sold me a pH kit, with which I found that the water was indeed very basic — probably ammonia.
Within a few days of putting in the filter, things had changed. The water was clearer and if anything was pretty acidic, falling from well above pH7 to below pH 6.4. I added a pinch of baking soda. Over the next 10 days, Moon just kept hanging out at the bottom, but at least would go to the surface to eat. Things have gradually gotten better since then. Over the past week, he has started swimming normally. His bottom fin has remained "clamped" until today, when I saw it starting to relax.
Now that he's out and about I can see that he still has some sort of disease on his fins (see photo). To my mycology-trained eye that looks like fungus. But at the aquarium shop they said it was fin rot and sold me Bettafix, which is apparently just diluted tea tree oil, a supposed anti-bacterial.
I don't trust this stuff at all, as the instructions are cryptic (it's unclear if you're supposed to keep adding a tablespoon a day to the water and then change half the water after a week, or add a tablespoon and then change half the water daily) and I can't see how this medicine would affect fungi.
I'm especially concerned because the medicine seems pretty toxic and the fish just today started to relax its bottom fin: see photo!

Moon starts to relax his anal fin, but is still diseased
I have been changing out a gallon of water every couple days (about 1/3 of the water, given all the stuff in there) and just learned that I should be sucking up water from the bottom to clear out waste products and such. Since the fish seems to be getting better, should I use Bettafix? Or just let nature take its course? I hate to see these white fibers on poor little Moon!
tl;dr: What should I do for the problem shown in the photo?
submitted by Other_Reindeer_3704 to Aquariums [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 13:32 wardXn 35 day solo itinerary check across western Honshu, Shikoku, Osaka/Kyoto, Kanazawa and Tokyo

Hello, I would like to seek fellow redditors opinions, input and recommendation on how I could better finetune my itinerary better. There's only so much I can think of, and plan as an individual, but with everyone's input and comments I can further refine and enhance the travel experience before I set foot into Japan. Do forgive me in advance for the theorycrafting wall of text.
I know it may be difficult to review the itinerary, so to make the review easier I have broken the itinerary down into specific sub-groups e.g. Shikoku, Kinki etc. Specific questions that I have are bolded.
Thank you in advance for taking your time to provide your opinions!
Baseline information

Specific goals/objective:
  1. Experience Shikoku in autumn (specifically the views at Iya Valley) and in other prefectures (thus making nature sightseeing more of a priority this time round)
  2. Experience Kanazawa for anime stuff
  3. Experience the Shimanami Kaido in full (including any sightseeing spots in between the 6 island chains)
  4. Bonus - try as many sightseeing trains as possible.
  5. Bonus - if weather, time and schedule permits, try skiing as an option in Nagano.
  6. Bonus - stay in as many onsen ryokans as possible, without breaking the bank.

Locked-in prefectures [i.e. I will definitely go to those prefectures no matter what]:
  1. Shikoku (as per above objective)
  2. Hiroshima (because its on the opposite end of the Shimanami Kaido)
  3. Kanazawa (for anime related reason)
  4. Tokyo (that is my starting and end point so it has to be included by default)
All other prefectures are basically float i.e. I am open to consider dropping said itinerary for something else based on your suggestion that aligns with my preferences/interest. Most of the other locations I added are prefectures that are often next to each other, or well-connected (apart from the initial Tokyo Kagawa jump via Sunrise Seto/Shinkansen).

Wait-list prefectures (prefectures that I want to go, but I don’t think I can realistically fit in without dropping other locations):
  1. Snow skiing at Nagano (depending on how cooperative the weather is in early-ish December (would 2 days be sufficient?))
  2. Ehime, Kochi expansion [spend 1-3 more days]
  3. Izu Peninsula (~2 days, via Saphir Odoriko)
  4. Nagoya + lower Nagano (Kiso Valley) (~3 days)
  5. Ishikawa expansion [1 extra day at Kaga]
I am open to dropping a few days in Tokyo/Osaka etc to make that trade off [currently kept 3 days free for further development]. Alternatively, if the planning can be better optimized based on your inputs I might be able to do one of those without compromising on the base set. I would like to hear your opinion on what locations you would drop in the itinerary to make time for one of the above.

General planning philosophy:
  1. My itineary adopts a breadth approach (cover as much area as I can humanely possible without rushing/touch-and-go) as opposed to depth (i.e. spending much more time within Shikoku than what I allocated); though I would be open to considering more days at selected locations if you have strong recommendations. My thought is to experience how different autumn is at various parts of the country (if possible), and maybe winter too (to a certain degree).
  2. Due to the nature of my travel, I note that luggage logistics is a critical consideration when moving between prefectures; my thought is to park that luggage at the next hotel as quickly as possible so that I can free myself for sightseeing within the vicinity, or leave the luggage at the hotel after I check out until I am ready to travel to the next location. I will need to send (quite a fair bit of) emails to the hotels to confirm on this prior to booking.
  3. I will attempt to minimize transit time between prefectures to no more than 2~3 hours a day to avoid having excessively long transport days (except the initial Tokyo Kagawa jump).
  4. Because of the long trip, I will also need to factor a bit of downtime at night for administrative stuff (e.g. catching up a little bit on work, laundry etc).
Shikoku (~7 days)
Specific thoughts while planning:
  1. I will need to exploit Limited Express trains as much as possible to minimize downtime between the 4 prefectures. Fortunately, for the most part these train frequencies are almost hourly, thus missing one train isnt too deadly consequence-wise.
  2. The transfer between Kochi and Ehime [Matsuyama] is oddly quicker via express bus as opposed to trains (!)
  3. For Kochi, my opinion is that it is best explored on car instead of public transport [it’s a really wide prefecture]; I feel that 1 day may not do it justice, but it is probably adequate for exploring the city centre as a whole.
  4. There's a fair bit of uncertainties while planning this leg so I would deeply appreciate any advice you may have.
  5. This current iteration is unable to weave in the Shikoku Mannaka Sennen Monogatari sightseeing train [四国まんなか千年ものがたり] ; if you people think its something not to be missed do let me know and I will reshuffle my timetable as such.
Day 0: Tokyo Kagawa (Sunrise Seto) [Saturday, 11 Nov]
Day 1: Kagawa (Takamatsu) [Sunday, 12 Nov]
Day 2: Kagawa (Kotohira) Tokushima (Iya Valley) [Monday, 13 Nov]

Day 3: Tokushima (Iya Valley) [Tuesday, 14 Nov]
[Post-research note: I realized that there is NO public transport to Mount Tsurugi on a weekday. I will have to rent a taxi direct to Mount Tsurugi, make the 'climb', then thereafter take the taxi down to the other attractions. I am inclined to just go full hog on the private taxi and rent it (almost the whole day, probably 7~8 hours for 4300yen/hour) to save the trouble.
Otherwise, I will need to hike downhill which can be rather rough since its just a single lane road (looking at nearly 10++ km) so I think it wise not to penny pinch in the interest of both time and safety.]
Spend the day at Iya Valley.

Day 4: Tokushima (Iya Valley) Kochi (Kochi) [Wednesday, 15 Nov]

Day 5: Kochi (Kochi) Ehime (Imabari) [Thursday, 16 Nov]

Day 6: Ehime (Matsuyama / Imabari) [Friday, 17 Nov]
Day 7: Ehime (Imabari) Hiroshima (Shinamani Kaido) [Saturday, 18 Nov]
I am of the opinion that 1 day in Shimanami Kaido is adequate if I attempt just the main route which is about 80km [as a test run, I did 70km and finished it within 6-7 hours with lunch breaks included]. For now I will plan for two full days, however should I truncate it down to one day later, I will add an extra day to either explore Matsuyama or Okayama.

Hiroshima + Yamaguchi (~4 days)
Specific thoughts while planning:
  1. Onomichi is a pretty good base to jump to Okayama to explore Okayama, Kurashiki or Tomonoura with the Shinkansen accessibility, but it is impossible to cover them all within a single day. If I finish the Shimanami Kaido within a single day or finish it early on the second day, I will have that extra time to visit those.
  2. There's another sightseeing train etSETOra from Onomichi to Hiroshima but it only operates on Monday/Friday/Saturday/Sunday. For now the schedule could fit the train timetable pretty nicely.
  3. Would anyone suggest visiting Miyajima in the morning or in the evening? This would help me determine the order for the Kintaikyo Bridge/Miyajima day trip. Watching the sunset at either destination is pretty good in my books.

Day 8: Hiroshima (Shinamani Kaido Onomichi) [Sunday, 19 Nov]
Ideally reach Onomichi just around lunch or earlier. Chill for the rest of the day, and if I'm still up for it, explore Onomichi, including but not limited to:
Retire at a guesthouse/hotel near JR Onomichi that I have forwarded the luggage to.

Day 9: Hiroshima (Onomichi, Takehara+Kure OR Tomonoura OR Okayama) Downtown Hiroshima) [Monday, 20 Nov]

Day 10: Hiroshima (Downtown Hiroshima) [Tuesday, 21 Nov]
Spend the day surveying Hiroshima proper.

Day 11: Hiroshima (with a day trip to Yamaguchi) [Wednesday, 22 Nov]
Shimane + Tottori (4 days)
Specific thoughts while planning:
  1. Matsue becomes the main jump point for Shimane just because of the subsidized highway bus from Hiroshima, and ease of access towards Tottori later. There's no direct train between Hiroshima and Izumo/Matsue (!).
  2. Tottori is really wide size-wise, to the point that it feels more efficient to have two separate hotels in two nights (Kurayoshi/Misasa Onsen + downtown Tottori) rather than one hotel for two nights (i.e. downtown Tottori). Could be just me making excuses to get into an onsen ryokan however.
  3. Is there anything interesting at Yonago (Tottori) that I should take note of? Based on my initial survey nothing in particular pops up (other than the Tottori Prefectural Flower Park).
  4. Skipping Tottori Castle since it doesn’t seem to be interesting at first glance. Any other interesting things to at Tottori downtown (or nearby)?

Day 12: Hiroshima Shimane (Matsue) [Thursday, 23 Nov]

Day 13: Shimane (Izumo / Matsue) [Friday, 24 Nov]

Day 14: Shimane (Matsue) Tottori (Kurayoshi) [Saturday, 25 Nov]

Day 15: Tottori (Kurayoshi Tottori) [Sunday, 26 Nov]

Hyogo, Kyoto, Osaka , Nara, Mie (10 days)
Specific thoughts while planning:
  1. Kinosaki Onsen is intentionally designed to be a slow-paced leg to recover [and also to make time to enjoy the onsens].
  2. The limited express train between Kinosaki Onsen and Osaka stops by Himeji thus I thought of resting a night there instead of doing day trips via Osaka.
  3. Osaka itinerary does look sparse but that is in large part because I have already visited most of them in the past. Nevertheless, I would like to experience how different it is in autumn compared to summer [based on those few destinations that I loved going previously].
  4. I have kept one float day to decompress, OR shift to any of the other prefectures (TBC).
  5. There are (multiple) special limited express train by Kintetsu; they're not covered by JR pass but nevertheless I would love to ride on those as an experience. The Kintetsu pass covers the basic fare only but based on my preliminary cost estimate, it is still worth getting it.
  6. Is it feasible to compress Himeji and Kobe to a single day?
  7. The itineraries for Osaka, Kyoto, Nara and Mie are flexible since they're literally beside one another - makes it particularly easy to shift around base on ground situation.

Day 16: Tottori (Tottori) Hyogo (Kinosaki Onsen) [Monday, 27 Nov]

Day 17: Hyogo (Kinosaki Onsen + Northern Kyoto (Amanohashidate) day trip) [Tuesday, 28 Nov]
Day 18: Hyogo (Kinosaki Onsen Himeji) [Wednesday, 29 Nov]
Retire at Himeji for the night.
Day 19: Hyogo (Himeji Kobe) Osaka (Dotonburi) [Thursday, 30 Nov]
Day trip to Kobe, before continuing further down to Osaka.
Day 20: Osaka [Friday, 1 Dec]
Osaka Nostalgia (acid) trip, speedrun edition: revisiting places that I want to go again
Day 21: Osaka (Nara day trip) [Saturday, 2 Dec]
Spend a day in Nara.
Day 22: Osaka (Mie day trip) [Sunday, 3 Dec]
Day trip to Mie.
Day 23: Osaka ('north' Kyoto day trip) [Monday, 4 Dec]
(north) Kyoto day trip.
Whichever choice, return back to Osaka for the night. Look out for Kyoto-specific food such as Yudofu, Saba Sushi, Warabi Mochi, Nishin Soba (にしんそば) etc.
Day 24: Osaka ('south' Kyoto day trip) [Tuesday, 5 Dec]
(south) Kyoto day trip edition (mainly Uji and Fushimi).
Head back to Osaka and retire for the night. Consider doing any other night activities in Osaka if time, and body permits.
Day 25: Osaka (wildcard) [Wednesday, 6 Dec]
Spare day to do whatever I feel like doing OR reallocate this to another prefecture. Intentionally left blank for later planning
Kanazawa, Gifu+ (4 days)
Specific thoughts while planning:
  1. Is it likely for the skiing season to open around 9~10 December at Shiga Kogen or Nozawa Onsen? Would very much like to try skiing for fun, but am uncertain if the snow condition would be satisfactory by then. Some of the skiing website indicates that these two destinations are usually the first to open. I would like to seek advise on this if possible [never skiied before].
  2. As an additional question to point 1, is 2 days adequate just to get a flavor on skiing?
  3. Kanazawa is a pretty solid jump point to Shirakawago/Takayama via express buses (~1 to 2 hour one way).
  4. My initial planning considered going to Kurobe Gorge (Toyama) but apparently the railways are closed from December onwards. Please correct me if I am mistaken.
  5. Another sightseeing train in Kanazawa that I can fit in nicely in my current plans (花嫁のれん), runs on Mon/Fri/Sat/Sun.
Day 26: Osaka Ishikawa (Kanazawa (Kanazawa cityside)) [Thursday, 7 Dec]
Any outstanding spots not completed today, to be rolled over to the next 2 days (if possible).

Day 27: Ishikawa (Kanazawa cityside) / Gifu (Shirakawago, Takayama) [Friday, 8 Dec]

Day 28: Ishikawa (Kanazawa cityside / outskirts) [Saturday, 9 Dec]
Side trip to Wakura Onsen / Nanao for anime-related sightseeing. (Insomanics after Class, Hanasaku Iroha)
Day 29: Ishikawa (wildcard) [Sunday, 10 Dec]
Spare day to do whatever I feel like doing OR reallocate this to another prefecture. Intentionally left blank for later planning
Tokyo (~6 days)
Specific thoughts while planning:
  1. Specific interest to target: anime/vtuber stuff, music (piano in particular), bookstores etc.
  2. This is the point in time I should go ham on souvenier purchase if I have not done so. I'll probably get an extra cardboard box or duffel bag to lug with me to the airport to store extra stuff.
  3. Would like to seek recommendation on where I should set my base for the 5~6 days here. For now I am planning to pit at Ginza, subject to availability and cost. My thought is that as long as its along the Yamanote line everything rolls I suppose.
  4. Hard pass on Golden Gai on the Shunjuku leg (I do not drink).
  5. There's way too many to list in terms of what I would like to do in Tokyo, but I have listed items that are of particular interest to me first within the available time frame. If you have strong opinions on specific locations do let me know.
Day 30: Ishikawa (Kanazawa) Tokyo (Ginza) [Monday, 11 Dec]
Day 31: Tokyo (Shibuya, Shinjuku and Nakano) [Tuesday, 12 Dec]
Explore ('west') Tokyo, namely Shibuya, Shinjuku and Nakano.
Day 32: Tokyo (Akibahara, Asakusa and Sky Tree) [Wednesday, 13 Dec]
Day 33: Tokyo (Kamakura day trip OR Ikebukuro) [Thursday, 14 Dec]
EITHER take a day trip Kamakura, OR explore northern Tokyo (Ikebukuro)
Kamakura leg:
Tokyo (Ikebukuro leg):
Day 34: Tokyo (wildcard) [Friday, 15 Dec]
Spare day to do whatever I feel like doing OR reallocate this to another prefecture. Intentionally left blank for later planning

Day 35: Tokyo Home [Saturday, 16 Dec]
If you're still reading up to this point, here's my own personal ramblings/thoughts on JR pass usage:
I have thought of two ways of doing this for the first 21 days:
a. easy-mode : just get 21 days JR global pass before the price hike at 60450 yen, OR b. hard-mode: get a 7 day JR global pass (to cover the NEX fees, the basic fee on the Sunrise Seto to Shikoku, as well as limited express trains within Shikoku) (29650) + 5 days for JR Okayama Hiroshima Yamaguchi Area Pass (15000) + 4 days for JR Sanin Okayama Area Pass + 5 days for JR Kansai Wide Area Pass (10000) for a total of 59230.
The initial conclusion was to go with option A since that reduces the administrative burden, but I realized the individual passes do have its own perk which truimphs over the global JR pass. For instance, the Sanin Okayama Area Pass provides a (minor) discount for the Adachi Museum of Art; the Kansai Wide Pass covers the Kyotango route between Kinosaki Onsen and Amanohashidate which the global JR pass does not cover, JR Okayama Hiroshima Yamaguchi Area Pass covers JR buses within Hiroshima for free, therefore I am inclined to go with the hell option (option B) as it stands.
For the remaining 14 days, I could also get the global 14 day JR pass at 47250 yen but it is not worth it at all, because I will be relying largely on Kintetsu for the Osaka/Kyoto/Nara/Mie leg which the JR pass most certainly does not cover.
So all in all, there's quite little incentive to get the global JR pass after I worked out my schedule, apart from the initial 7 days for the Sunrise Seto jump which the All Shikoku Pass will not cover.
Through the hodge-podge of multiple area passes, it works out to around 102890 yen for the whole trip of 35 days, contrast with 107700 yen for a 21 + 14 global JR pass. While there's a minor cost saving doing the hard way which sweetens the deal, the additional minor perks associated with the area passes sells it for me, as I would had to pay more out of pocket to cover non-JR pass buses/rails and such which would add up to much greater cost than I would had anticipated. Also, if I did this trip post-price hike in October, the calculus becomes a no-brainer: avoid the global JR pass like the plague.
Thank you very much for your opinions, suggestions and advice in advance!
submitted by wardXn to JapanTravel [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 13:27 Visual_Antelope_9392 Brain problems/MRI

hope its ok to post here. Im 23F, 5ft 6, 130lbs, European.
I had a brain scan recently (MRI) and am awaiting the results, however im quite nervous about it. I've looked briefly at the scan as I was sent a copy, im not very good at this stuff but the things I noticed (with my untrained and unknowledgable eyes!!) is that my nose septum isn't straight, and that there is a big black space behind my cerebellum (not sure what it is?) I was being investigated for a possible pituitary tumour, ICP hypertension and chairi malformation. if anyone recognised any of these in the scans or anything else of note I would be profoundly grateful if you could help

if anyone can help me at all I would be extremely grateful as im a bit nervous whilst waiting for the consultants report

Thank you very much in advance! I will post the scan photo below :)
submitted by Visual_Antelope_9392 to AskDocs [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 13:09 throwawayhatescam My grandpa is being scammed by somebody impersonating young American woman

Hi reddit,
My family and I are exhausted with the situation and we are worried that the scammer will bleed dry grandpa. So starting from the beginning - about a year ago someone send a message on WhatsApp to my grandpa saying "Hi Ireland". The photo showed young woman in sensual pose. Since then my grandpa has been talking to this number. He is very secretive about his phone and so we don't know what they are talking about. My parents live in another country so they can't keep an eye on my grandpa at all times. My grandpa sends sometimes "I love you" texts to my mom (by mistake - they are directed at the scammer) or other more inappropriate stuff too. Not long ago my mom received credit card details from my grandpa again they were directed to the scammer. I have posted this on Scams subreddit and received some good advices. We have contacted adult protective services. My grandpa and I live in Ireland so it's called National Safeguarding Office in here. They told us they can't do anything because grandpa didn't file a complaint ( grandpa thinks the scammer is a real woman so he doesn't want to file a complaint). We managed to get the number of "this woman". The number is from Nigeria. Can we do anything about it ? We are worried that he is going to get himself homeless with all the money he is spending on this scammer.
Reddit please help- any advise will be highly appreciated !
submitted by throwawayhatescam to Romancescam [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 11:08 kahlen369 27 [F4R] Online/anywhere - looking to talk and see where it goes!

I’m bi and open to any gender. I don’t mind an age difference as long as it’s not too big.
Used to be an architect, but I’m currently a freelance artist and writer. You can check out my stuff just be clicking through my profile. I can also link/show more pics if u wanna see them! Always happy to show off my stuff haha.
You can feel free to stalk my profile in general. I don’t mind and I’ll probably be doing the same.
I'm Chinese-Filipino, currently living in the Philippines. I speak Mandarin and Fookien relatively fluently, along with English and Filipino. But English is definitely my best language and I’m probably gonna be using that 99% of the time we talk lol. Though if u wanna hit me up in Mandarin I have been wanting to practice it! Just be aware I’m like intermediate level at best.
I can seem quiet at first glance, but I get really really loud once I get close to someone. Friends have told me before that I have no volume control--or filter, and I tend to be really blunt. I'm not good at lying because I tend to show everything on my face (so you'll know if I like you or not.. Unless you're as bad at reading nonverbal cues as I am). Despite this, I like to use sarcasm a lot... Even online, which is really hard.. So I'm going to try not to do that here.
To sum it up, I might be a little weird but at least I won't be boring. :)
I’ve got a ton of different interests, which just checking the subs i frequent should tell you about. But to sum it up, I enjoy anime/cartoons/animation in general, some live action series too, video games (mostly handheld stuff, with some PC and my Switch—I’m down for some multiplayer games), fanfiction (a lot of times more than the original canon lol) and several niche interests. Also been getting more into fitness lately. Been playing badminton (and taking lessons) and trying vainly to learn how to dance via Youtube.
I don’t mind exchanging photos but I don’t like voice or video calls. Sisks. Hope that doesn’t make me seem like a scammer but I’m just more comfortable writing and chatting (i’m pretty wordy, as u can probably already tell, and I enjoy long messages like we’re writing letters to each other haha) vs talking. Also tends to be lots of annoying background noise where I live.
(Speaking of though, I can be reaally bad at noticing messages/replying back/etc. So sorry in advance for long wait times in between messages, but I’m trying to be better about that this year so let’s see, lol)
submitted by kahlen369 to r4r [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 10:57 West-Better I think I’m (28f) am getting SHINGLES from serious anxiety over my (27m) ex

You read that right. And I’ve had shingles before on my shoulder that led to permanent nerve damage so I’m well aware of what the onset of it feels like. Last night the left side, upper part of my face started tingling/shooting pains and by the morning it was much worse, so much so that I did go to urgent care to get put on anti virals.
My ex and I have been broken up for about 5 months after a 3 year relationship. We broke up briefly about 2 years in, right around when I thought we would be moving in together. First heartbreak. He still talked to me ALL THE TIME. And of course I talked to him too, wanting to get back together. He ended up moving into a new apartment and I gave him practically all of the stuff we had been purchasing together for the previous 2 years and helped him move in. Sucked. Then his father passed away and he went into a downward spiral into alcoholism for I’m not kidding, a year. Like he stopped working and drank 24/7. He had a couple breaks of sobriety and we did get back together. Part of me thinks we did though because I was practically the only one in his life trying to help him as he slowly lost all of his friends and his family lived an hour away. I dealt with so much that year with him, trying everything possible to just keep him alive and help him find a way to stop. Eventually he went to rehab and got out of that apartment. His mom broke his lease and realized he cannot live alone. I supported him through 5 months of rehab, emotionally and financially.
Now during this time I ended up relapsing myself. Just not as bad. I caved and drank with him a couple times and that got me started. I would drink at night occasionally but it didn’t really effect my life. Until he went to rehab. Nearing his last month and a half of rehab he started growing distant, harder to get ahold of and the entire time not going on any passes wanting to see me, claiming he didn’t do the work required to leave the campus. My drinking got bad as I was insecure about our relationship. I decided that I needed to take a leave of absence from work and deal with my own issue. So I went to rehab.
When I got to rehab he practically ghosted me, it was even harder to get ahold of him. I almost stopped talking to him completely. Which was so weird because we never even had a conversation about being over or what the hell was going on. He made me feel like I was bothering him so I left him alone, feeling miserable. Towards the end of that rehab we finally talked and he told me while he loved me, he was sorry that he just didn’t want to be with me, heartbreak number two.
Needless to say that rehab didn’t work out. I went back to work only to keep drinking, except I stopped talking to him finally. Two months later I decided I was ready to go to rehab again and do it for myself and really try, and stay for 4 months instead of 1. About two weeks into my stay I had a terrible conversation with my parents and ended up calling him. He was happy to hear from me, told me I should have called sooner and was happy to be my contact for my phone calls. I was nervous about this, opening to door of contact but I did call him about often during my first 30 days when I couldn’t have a phone.
When I got my phone back I reached out to him only to go back to basically what he was doing to me last time I was in rehab, super slow to respond. I stopped trying and stopped texting him. Then about a month later he randomly called me. It was a weird 30 minute conversation about random stuff, he was overly happy and I could tell he was drinking. I didn’t want to accuse him so I didn’t say anything. Then I didn’t hear from him.
About a week later I hear from staff that worked weekends at another rehab that he was back in rehab. I was happy he was safe. Now about a week after that idk WHY I didn’t realize it sooner but I realized that a tech that worked at my rehab was one of the 14 friends that my ex has on Instagram. It’s just kinda a catfish photo and I kept forgetting her name when I saw her so I didn’t put two and two together. He follows her back and she ALSO follows his old profile that he doesn’t even use anymore. She only follows 21 people. They also follow each other on tiktok. I soon found out that they were in rehab together when he was in rehab for 5 months and she got at job at the rehab afterwards. I also found out from a client who was back in with ME but was AlSO with them that she had a crush on him but he never showed interest in her at the time. I know they didn’t follow each other until I went to rehab the second time though, so after we had been broken up for a couple months.
Now I did mention how this upset me to another tech and I was then told by head staff that I was not allowed to talk to other staff… about staff. So basically I have to deal with her running some of the classes I’m in. They did tell me that they weren’t going to tell her about my curiosity about the situation though. Which thank god because the following day his mom reached out to me and tells me the reason he relapsed was because his sister died from an overdose. So I didn’t need him getting out of rehab and hearing any drama. I just dropped it. Blocked her on social media so I wouldn’t have to see it and tried my best to focus on myself again.
Well, a couple days ago he got out of rehab and I guess the first thing he wanted to do was call me. He calls me and we have a good hour long conversation about what has been going on. I find out his mom is letting him take over his dead sisters lease, which absolutely worries me considering last time he was alone in an apartment he almost died. He goes on to tell me there is no excuse for how he hasn’t been talking to me more or been there for me more regardless of his situation and he was sorry about everything. Over all it was a good conversation, even though it left me worried for him. We talked about how I was doing and idk it was super nice to talk to him that way again. He thanked me for answering his call. I said “of course I’m always here to talk.”
That was 4 days ago. Part of me wants to reach out to him and see how he is doing, part of me thinks that would be codependent. But I’m constantly looking at my phone hoping he will reach out to me so we can talk. I DONT KNOW WHY I still want to be with him. I miss him so much. I miss how well he knows me and how easy it is to talk to him. I hate that I haven’t seen him in so long. And most of all im hella paranoid that since he isn’t talking me he is talking to this tech I see all the time instead and it breaks my heart. To note she is 5 years younger than him, has only 9 months sober herself, I don’t think she’s that pretty but that’s besides the point, I’ve been nothing but nice to her even though I really hate and feel super uncomfortable being around her. I hate that I can’t tell staff that it makes me uncomfortable. I’m worried that if I even do tell staff and it gets back to her, she will tell my ex and that will make things even worse. I keep telling myself to not make assumptions but it’s hard.
So here I am, trying to fix myself, I really want to get it right this time and yet this enormous road block is in my way because my heart hurts and I feel confused. I guess I’m just looking for words of support on how to navigate this or pull through for myself, I’m CLEARLY stressed AF because now I’m dealing with this illness. What can I do? How can I feel better, physically and emotionally?
submitted by West-Better to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 09:59 DopeLife92 MIL Needs Everyone to know she will be Raising my child.

This is super Long!!
I’m not sure if this post is within the scope of this Subreddit… but I will try again.
Ok so my original post was removed before I was able to defend/ explain my side of this story. This was definitely not our brightest moment and I am in no way proud to sit here and tell everybody I was once addicted to heroine. It’s actually really hard due to the fact of what was said in the comments of my last post. But that isn’t why I am here. I’m not here to talk about my past and how I need to fix that issue because I’ve done that. That being said if you could please put yourself in my shoes and look at how my SO and I were treated during this time when we needed support and compassion, not betrayal and fake love from my MIL. MIL did try and manipulate the whole situation for no good reason other than to make herself look like she cared and make herself out to look like the “hero”. So this is another story but with a bit more explanation and background.
So me (31M yes,I forgot my age) and my SO (32F) have been together for about 4 years. Shortly after we made things “official” I found out that she was a long term heroine addict. She has been using for 10+ years. I explained earlier that at the time I was having trouble sleeping at night, but not why, but it was due to drinking too much red bull and I was on Adderall for my ADD. I drank to come down every night and when I found out about my SO and her heroine addiction she started openly doing around me so I became more and more interested in it over time because I seen how it just put her out!! I had to drink almost all day to barely fall asleep, so when I say inevitable, I mean if something is in your face like her shit was in mine, it more likely than not, is going to end up being very difficult not to try. Most people who have a heroine dependency know it only takes once or twice to be hooked. Kinda like someone eating ice cream in front of a lactose intolerant person. Not at all, I know, but I’m not trying to get too deep because I’m really here to talk about my MIL so don’t linger on our addiction.
So 2 years into our relationship my SO gets a feeling she could be pregnant. It wasn’t planned and I wish it could have waited until we were committed fully to sobriety, but that wasn’t in our cards. My MIL caught wind of my SO believing she was Pregnant and on Valentines Day gave Her a pregnancy test and a Flower. The results were in fact positive and we absolutely knew it was time to grow up and do better. MIL said she understood and made us believe we could confine in her and she would have our backs and she would Pray for us.
MIL called CPS on us when she was AROUND 7 months knowing we had a plan!We explained our situation and to CPS and they told us that they ultimately were not able to look into our case until LO was born. So she in essence tried to get him taken away right off Rip. It was later in the pregnancy when we found out we were expecting (LO Birthday is 6/27/21) so only giving my SO less than a month to find a doctor, to see Dr, and make a pretty drastic lifestyle change is definitely a little harsh. Maybe SO took a minute to get on Suboxone but how can you try and fuck with someone knowing they are putting in an effort to get better? And behind their back? (Rhetorical questions,To me it’s BS)
Anyways, she was all supportive to our faces but after we left or whatever she was off telling people we were 100% going to lose our LO. She told her sisters, her co-workers, and anybody else who knew us that we were handing rights over to her after birth because we couldn’t kick our addiction. She continued to fill her house up like she was truly going to come home with our LO. MIL completely child proofed her home to set the scene for her lies and delusions. We didn’t know. We thought MIL was just being extra and buying stuff for herself for when we “came to visit” but, nope!! She told people that “there was no way CPS will allow them to take that baby home” and “they plan to hand custody rights over to me before leaving the hospital” I even heard she had no faith that when our LO was born he wouldn’t have to go through withdrawals. All of which were UNTRUE. She KNEW SO was getting help so MIL wouldn’t have to be stuck raising our LO. We didn’t want that, we planned on getting Sober before baby came and that’s exactly what SO did. Unfortunately I wasn’t sober until after, but there wasn’t a time where both of us were using, one of us has always been sober taking care of our LO.
We did talk to everyone, even CPS, before leaving the hospital that needed to be informed and we were cleared to take him home! MIL still somehow convinced my SO that our LO was better off in her care and so CPS was called again to write up a “legal contract” (it was written with a marker on yellow lined tear-away type of paper) stating she had temporarily guardianship of our child for 6 months. All this entitled MIL to do was to go to his Drs appointments without us and to make critical decisions for him without our consent. Nothing else, we were not limited to seeing our LO or anything like that. She just needed to feel less like an idiot so I let her have her victory.
It didn’t last but maybe 2-3 months and she realized how time consuming and difficult it was to raise a newborn. She wasn’t able to do any housework and her sleeping schedule was abruptly interrupted and she just couldn’t handle it, so we of course, took him back and have been caring for him 125% since then like we always planned on doing.
Months later I don’t know what the reason was for my SO to be in her mothers closet, but she came across photos, along side court documents motioning to get full custody of our child. These were like the photos you wait an hour for at your local supermarket, but they were of my SO and I asleep with our LO in our arms, sleeping himself. Every picture it was one of us nodded off, looking as though we were high as a kite, looking after the LO. When In actuality we were napping with our NB, just like most new parents do, I’m sure!! But!!! she was snapping pics of us without our permission thinking she could carry out this delusion of us neglecting our LO.
She never admitted to doing us dirty, never once did we make any kind of remark, request, or even have a need for her to think she would be raising our child. She just needed everyone to see how great of a person she would be for stepping up. She needed validation for some weird reason.
As I speak my so is getting a text from her aunt saying MIL plans on taking in a homeless woman. AND SHE PROBABLY ISN’T EVEN HOMELESS!! Like she really has a problem!!!
My parents think she is unhinged, hopefully this completes the picture.
Edit: spelling/ grammar
submitted by DopeLife92 to u/DopeLife92 [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 09:50 yelloworange99 I found out my best friend is lying about cancer

it had been something that felt off for so long, something i had so much guilt for doubting, where i suppressed my gut feeling, and i lost trust in myself.i finally mustered the courage to first bring up to another of her best friends that things were not adding up. i was scared they’d tell her ‘lol wtf ur friend thinks ur a liar about something so serious’but, they agreed.
eventually, on another day, i suggested potential elements of borderline personality disorder in her, and this opened the gates to a bunch of little things that didn’t feel quite right but i still couldn’t say for sure. never seen the meds (when it was tablet chemo), never seen her sick, still drinking every weekend, declined my friend to see diagnosis for better understanding of the ovarian cancer, the fact the ambulance picks her up at night but her mum doesn’t even know she has it, she tells the hospital she needs to leave in the morning so she can see me that day, have never met the friends who took her to the hospital when the immense pain started (which i have yet to see again, 9 months later), refusal of every doctor in the state to get surgery as she mentioned she may want a child, debt and selling all properties to cover medical costs, much more that i probably don’t even remember honestly - these could all be things that were real. some of them might be in the event she does have it. but i am 95% sure this isn’t the case, and if not, im 100% sure the situation is extremely exaggerated and i have caught lies;…..
the thing that irked me upon this realisation is that when she was homeless for being outed (i have met her family, so lovely and made her a birthday party i went to following this, her sister is so generous, i thought ‘well they must be incredible actors pretending to be nice’ which again is possible). i used to drain myself to make sure she was safe, had somewhere to go and she’d refuse to come to my home. (the reason it was draining was because of the refusal and back and forth and saying stuff like ‘its ok ill just freeze and get assaulted, its comfy under the bridge???’ like in a half joking but not funny way. one night, after this refusal, i threw a jacket into the train carriage she got on as it left and started to cry. i talked to my dad because i was so upset, and finally told someone, my dad, that she had cancer. (she was not open about it at this point). dad, rationally, said ok, just check her location. this is not something that crosses my mind as i had trust, and don’t like to push boundaries of privacy in sharing that. anyway, she was already at home. and every time i checked, was still there. now, that’s fine if you text or later say ‘don’t worry, im home safe, all is good’. but that is not what happened; she continuously brought up homelessness from there as something scary and horrible, living under a bridge in the rain that was in my mind for sure.
anyway, flash forward to the last couple weeks, her friend and i hung out individually (rare) and talked. they said that she sent a photo of her getting the chemo. it was blood coming out of her arm. they questioned this; ‘aren’t they supposed to be putting stuff in?’ she said it was just a blood sample. they checked where she was on location, maybe not knowing it was shared via messages just recently before for a different case of meeting for dinner or something — and she was actually at a blood bank donation place. as soon as the friend told me this, dots were connected.
just days before, i checked her location when she said ‘chemo pumping into my veins, should be done in 30’ (we were hanging out later that afternoon). she was also at a blood bank, or the park near it maybe, this one different location from the last when the friend saw it. i checked thoroughly to see if any hospitals or anything were nearby. nope. this blood donation bank does not do samples, and they do not take donations from people with cancer (obv).
ANYWAY back to the friends perspective, they then received a photo of the bandage they give you. the friend responded something like ‘ohh cute, those are the ones they give you at the blood donation company’. then, they get a notification ‘___ has stopped sharing her location with you’. wtf?
my confidence in knowing whether it was a lie or not fell just a week before i was told this, because she fainted (for the first time I’ve seen) at a concert we went to. that put me back in the spiral. i think that could be from lack of eating or, dare i say it, possible faked too. but it sure seemed real and i really can’t say. but from hearing this story from the friend, i was quite confident she was lying.
consuming for my mental health, i started to obsessively check on the 2 days a week she claimed to get treatment. one of them, didn’t go at all, other, ended up at ANOTHER blood donation bank. a third different one. no hospital nearby. and this caused me to have a panic attack. which i never have. it triggered me so bad. the friend sure enough said later, she said to them they were at chemo that day. if you’re wondering why im getting less of this info, it may be because i started distancing myself from that part of the friendship as a defence mechanism, where previously i fed into wanting to make sure she’s taking her meds and stuff. like i said making sure she had somewhere to live killed me because no help was often taken (she did still stay here and there) and i still felt responsible. and also, she told me to my face ‘if i keep doing what im doing now, the doctors say i only have 8 months to live’ which made me cry in front of her and again spiral into making sure she was taking meds. anyway, i couldn’t do all that anymore.
also last week, the two of them were hanging out ( i can’t bring myself to do so atm ). she said that she suddenly felt sick, while they were in the change room. the friend said ‘oh shit no worries let me drive u to the hospital’. she refused, and literally escaped like running away while they were in the change room. again, they checked where they were and they were at a different friends house (the one she currently stays at and says is the one curing her cancer depression). but she was texting them like she was in the hospital !!!!!!!
it’s endless crazy lies at this point. does she think im stupid?im well aware it is most likely a mental illness and she is doing this for attention and to maybe keep people from leaving in a way. but i can’t be the one to open the flood gates from all the people she’s told by bringing it up. i just want to ghost, but i haven’t, because it raises flags… but i can’t bear to see her and pretend like nothing is wrong. nope. i don’t think its my responsibility to change her when i have already been chipped away and broken from this whole thing? but at the same time of course i want her to have help and i have so much love for her. what if the lies get worse - self harm? which reminds me she has had cuts on her leg she said was from her mum. it might be true but I CANT TRUST HER at the end of the day so??? GAG i hate this and the fact I’ve mentally struggled with this aspect of the friendship for like a year and now it’s caught up to me actually hurts so much. going to 2nd counselling session in 2 weeks
submitted by yelloworange99 to offmychest [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 08:10 Gnashes 32 [M4F] Texas / Online - Looking for someone who enjoys voice chats!

Well I'll be honest, never really saw me throwing myself in the /r4r pool of fish, but here we are and here I am! May as well try to make the best of it.
My name is Chance! My career is in public accounting where I'm currently a senior manager. Sadly as a result, my usual workday is all boring and spreadsheets and making sure people did their stuffs right (companies, not people). Nothing to do with taxes, all just normal boring accounting for every day business stuffs. I'm decent enough at the job and it pays well enough that I don't really see myself changing careers unless something external pops up and causes me to give it a second thought.
Physically - I'm white, 5'8", blue eyed, salt and pepper hair (been getting more gray since high school!), bearded currently, and have a bit of a belly that I'm working on losing. I'm a stockier built guy so I don't look as big as my weight makes me sound, but I could definitely use losing some weight! Here's a photo of me (scruffy beard is scruffy, I know)!
Politically - I lean left. People are people regardless of their beliefs, what gender they were both with and/or identify with. People deserve for their government to have their backs if they're in need, society would be better if everyone were a tiny bit more kind. There's more to be said, but you get my general idea there. I am conservative in some ways, just usually more fiscal rather than social ones.

Relationship stuffs:
General Bits:
I've been in... not very many relationships, and never in a "normal" relationship. I was in a 4.5 year long Long-Distance relationship as a late teen early 20's that ended with her cheating on me and getting knocked up, and recently got out of a ~7-month long relationship with a very close friend with whom we're still figuring out the getting back to friends part. Otherwise? I'm just a generally friendly and laughing kinda guy. I try not to take myself too seriously and try to keep things fairly simple and straightforward to the best of my ability. I'm a smartass, I joke, I pick, I try to make everyone feel as welcome as I can without breaking myself in the process. I'm opinionated but more than happy to hear opposing views.
Anyway, if you're still here, I'd love for you to reach out with some of your own interests, hobbies, and more! Maybe we'll be friends, maybe we'll be more? Only time will tell! :)
submitted by Gnashes to r4r [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 07:51 icechip12 Laptop for student and avid chess player

$1000 USD
1: performance 2: battery 3: build quality 4: form factor
Not important
15" to 16"
I'll run Chessbase 17. Obviously a web browser. Maybe discord. Probably a few things for school too.
I don't intend on using it for any gaming (besides chess if you count that)
Last for 6+ years
512GB+ storage
Windows 10 or 11
Intel Core i5 or i7 (not sure which would be better since I'm not that familiar with tech stuff, open to other suggestions)
Bluetooth (does anything come without it anymore?)
I probably won't be buying for a while since I'd most likely have to save money for it. I should also say that I'm basically new to this stuff (I think I know basics), so please let me know if there's anything better than what I thought would be fine. I think a decent amount of storage is needed. I want this to last throughout college (Jr in high school now). Since you might not be familiar with Chessbase, here are what they say about this stuff:
System requirements Minimum
Dual Core, 2 GB RAM, Windows 8.1, Fritz 15 or ChessBase 14 or Komodo Chess 11/12 or Houdini 6. Recommended: PC Intel Core i7 or AMD Ryzen3, 8 GB RAM, Windows 10, Fritz 16 or ChessBase 14 or Komodo Chess 11/12 or Houdini 6.
submitted by icechip12 to SuggestALaptop [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 07:49 Ruru_Kaimbe Perth Mint and the convicted killer

Perth Mint and the convicted killer
Justin Parker, the founder of Golden Valley, leaves a Port Moresby prison on bail in 2016. Despite his conviction for manslaughter, he retains full ownership of the company. Below: A family pans for gold together in PNG. PHOTOS: LOOP, SHAWN BLORE, Small-scale gold mining provides much-needed income for families in Papua New Guinea, above; Perth Mint chief executive Richard Hayes, below, and chairman Sam Walsh, bottom left. PHOTOS: COLIN MURTY, BLOOMBERG
The Perth Mint, owned by the West Australian government, is buying up to $200 million of ‘‘conflict gold’’ annually from a convicted killer in Papua New Guinea, a breach of its global accreditation and internal policies. An investigation by The Australian Financial Review can reveal the historic Mint has repeatedly ignored staff concerns around purchases from smallscale gold miners in PNG, a practice heavily criticised for using child labour, degrading the environment through the use of mercury, and promoting conflict.
Chaired by former Rio Tinto chief executive Sam Walsh and backed by a state government guarantee, the Mint is the largest refiner of newly mined gold in the world and in February said it was at the ‘‘forefront of setting the highest possible ethical standards’’. But insiders, speaking on the condition they remain anonymous, said the Mint is paying little more than lip service to this pledge by dealing with the PNG firm, Golden Valley. It is owned by Justin Parker, who was convicted of manslaughter in August 2017 and sentenced to 13 years’ jail after beating his helicopter mechanic to death. He was released on parole last year.
Despite Mr Parker’s conviction, he has retained full ownership of Golden Valley and it remains a large supplier to the Mint, despite internal reservations. When a Mint employee asked a delegation of senior managers from Golden Valley how they dealt with competition in PNG, a representative said: ‘‘It’s easy, a gun to the back of the head.’’
Luke van Boehm, the managing director of Golden Valley, denied a comment like this was ever made by anyone at the company. But he said the Perth Mint had never conducted an audit on its supply chain, conceded mercury was often used by those it purchased gold from and that children were involved in mining with their families. ‘‘In a country like PNG, all the family gets involved,’’ he said during a phone interview.
He said Mr Parker was no longer a director of Golden Valley, but continued to have some input into its operations. Ciaran O’Faircheallaigh from Griffith University, who has studied smallscale gold mining in PNG and cited Golden Valley in his research, said the Mint could never claim its gold was ethically sourced.
‘‘They [the Mint] would have no idea where the gold came from. They would not have a clue,’’ he said. Both Mr O’Faircheallaigh and Mr van Boehm said small-scale gold mining provided muchneeded income at the village level in PNG and entire communities often depended on it for their livelihood. Mr van Boehm said efforts were being made to phase out the use of mercury. ‘‘We are trying to encourage the use of other chemicals,’’ he said. The Mint insiders said buying from Mr Parker was highly profitable, as the margin from Golden Valley was 10 times higher compared to other corporate customers such as Newcrest or Lihir Gold.
‘‘Golden Valley is happy to take a cheaper price because the gold is being washed through a government-backed institution,’’ one insider said. ‘‘They know if someone did proper due diligence then maybe the metal would not be accepted.’’ Mr van Boehm said he was not aware of this discount and denied his gold would be rejected by other refiners.
The Mint insiders said in previous years Golden Valley had sold up to 50,000 ounces to the Mint, worth $137 million at today’s prices. They said this had increased to around 80,000 ounces last year or $200 million at current prices. Richard Hayes, chief executive of the Mint, said it could not comment on individual customers but was acutely aware of the ‘‘complex issues’’ associated with small-scale gold mining in developing countries. He said five of the Mint’s largest PNG customers, who bought from smallscale miners, were subject to audits as the country was rated as a ‘‘medium risk’’. ‘‘All of our customers have been granted and currently hold export licences from the Bank of PNG and due diligence documentation accompanies all shipments from the nation,’’ Mr Hayes said in a statement. Like the consumer backlash over ‘‘blood diamonds’’ which forced buyers and cutters to be more accountable at the end of last century, the gold industry has sought to stamp out ‘‘conflict gold’’ and ensure the integrity of its supply chains in recent years. This is part of a broader push by companies and government bodies to ensure they meet their environmental, social and corporate governance (ESG) responsibilities. In the gold sector the move towards ethical sourcing has been led by the world’s largest gold exchange, the London Bullion Market Association (LBMA), which traces its roots to 1750 and the East India Company. The LBMA is loosely regulated by the Bank of England. Under the LBMA’s responsible sourcing policy refiners like the Perth Mint commit to not buying gold which promotes conflict, human rights abuses, including childlabour, and issustainably sourced.
‘‘Failure to adhere to the LBMA’s Responsible Sourcing Programme will result in the removal of the refiner from the Good Delivery Lists,’’ said the LBMA’s chief technical officer, Nick Harby, in a video explaining the policy. In a February press release the Perth Mint said it had ‘‘long been at the forefront of setting the highest possible ethical standards across all its operations’’. In launching an ethical supply chain solution, Mr Hayes talked about ‘‘child labour and other,
abhorrent practices’’ and how this contrasted with ‘‘ethically sourced [gold] from mines in Australia and the United States’’. He made no mention of the Perth Mint’s purchases of alluvial gold from PNG, of which Golden Valley is among the largest buyers. Nor did he mention that these small miners frequently use child labour and often remove impurities through the use of mercury, which is banned in Australia. ‘‘The use of mercury causes serious environmental and health problems. It is unambiguously awful,’’ said Professor O’Faircheallaigh from Griffith University. In addition, he said, silt from the gold mining often had an adverse effect on food suppliers and water quality downstream due to increased levels of sediment in rivers.
Professor O’Faircheallaigh said the Mint could never say with any confidence that the metal it buys from Golden Valley was ethically sourced. ‘‘Some of it may be [ethically sourced] but equally there would be a high proportion where mercury was used,’’ he said. A 2016 report co-authored by Professor O’Faircheallaigh also identified Golden Valley as a supplier of mercury. ‘‘Dealing in bulk mercury can be remarkably lucrative,’’ the report said, noting the likes of Golden Valley could expect a 10-fold mark-up. Mr van Boehm said the company did sell some mercury, but had sought to educate miners on its correct use to avoid the worst side effects of the chemical. These include physical and mental disabilities in children and compromised development, according to an article published in the European academic journal, Chemistry. ‘‘The health effects on the miners are dire, with inhaled mercury leading to neurological damage,’’ it said. ‘‘The communities near these mines are also affected due to mercury contamination of water and soil and subsequent accumulation in food staples, such as fish.’’
Another researcher who asked to remain anonymous due to fear of reprisals said small-scale gold mining had a highly negative impact on remote villages in the PNG highlands. The researcher said when gold was discovered children were often taken out of school and there was an influx of outsiders. ‘‘Suddenly there are guns in the village, along with conflict and crime which had previously not existed,’’ the person said. ‘‘It is definitely not ethically sourced gold.’’
Typically, gold from these villages would make its way down to a regional centre, where an aggregator like Golden Valley would purchase it. From here it would be flown by helicopter down to Port Moresby and then onto Perth.
submitted by Ruru_Kaimbe to u/Ruru_Kaimbe [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 07:12 MLMCMLM Yes sir, we do expect payment up front.

 A little background info; I live in a popular tropical tourist destination & one of my jobs is as crew on a snorkel boat. I set up the boat before the trip, lifeguard, give history about the area, etc. My captain is also the owner of the business so what he says goes & knows the local waters like the back of his hand. Our company consists of him, me, & his GF who manages bookings, phones, emails. We aren’t low quality but we don’t offer full meals or entertainment on board & focus solely on the snorkel experience; because of that compared to the larger boats our private charters are lower cost than most competition. In turn, we often get penny pincher people. Onward to the main story. A family of 22 had been hounding our office before they even arrived to our location (our offices words). They were pushy and trying to get discounts and free upgrades so I was already dreading this charter. Generally we take a card number and charge it before the charter but this group was adamant about paying cash, office and captain said fine but told me to get payment before getting them on the boat. Our boat is 50ft long & stays moored offshore a few hundred yards so we use a water taxi to ferry from the shore to boat. I got dropped off to get payment, check the group in, and give them pre-boarding info. I walked up to the main guy paying for everything to start the process and that’s when things went downhill. M=me G=guy 
G: hello, which boat are we going on?
M: points to our boat that pretty one right there!
G: that’s not the boat we are going on.
M: yes it is, there isn’t any other boat sir.
G: no the boat looks like this shows me photo of boat from our website
M: yes sir, that is the same boat. We just had the bottom and paint replaced a month ago. I guess our office hasn’t updated our website, sorry about the confusion but I assure you it is the exact same boat.
G: well I don’t think you’re trying to deceive me but then why would they send me that photo?
M: I’m sorry I’m not sure what to tell you it is the same boat
G: well I think we need to go out and inspect it and look at it before we decide to go and pay for it.
M: I’m sorry sir that’s not how this works. We have already set up the boat for the charter and blocked any other bookings to accommodate your private charter. You can pay and we can take your family out for their excursion or you can decide not to go. We haven’t received payment from you so we have no obligation to you and no money to return. What would you like to do?
G: then we don’t want to go on the boat.
M: ok sir sorry it didn’t work out, you and your family have a good day.
 I picked up my stuff, turned around , got in the water taxi and left them on the shore. As we rode away I could see the guy already on the phone trying to call the office. I called his bluff & he was panicking because his whole family just heard him say they didn’t want to go; even though a lot did. Got back to the boat and explained to cap what happened, he said it sounds like he doesn’t want them on his boat anyway and their loss. We had planned to refuel after their trip but decided to do it now since we now had the morning open. They were still on the shore when we left but were gone when we got back. Once back on shore the other guys who run activities in the same area told us the group had hung around for about an hour. I guess the guy was very convinced we would come crawling back but when we didn’t the family started fighting since many had still wanted to go. Now they have to try to find another boat that has 22 spaces open and will most likely cost 2-3x more than us. It was totally worth waking up early without pay! 
submitted by MLMCMLM to MaliciousCompliance [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 06:32 Best-Promotion-3189 Fucked up family 😕

For some context my mom and stepfather are split but not devoted appartly they both agree not to. My dad and step mom are also having truboes but mainly with money and their relationship and rn me trying to take up a job and also figuring out what my summer jobs are gonna be(I also work at Kroger and they want me to still be working their I have alot of outstanding thanks from their)
So I haven't posted in a while mainly my last post which was my first was very depressing which I still have depression and still feel sad about stuff and more sad about this stuff to but before it was talking about a guy my mom was dating she moved on from him after he went back to jail for some warrents but we picked him up from jail and she was supposed to start letting him live with her but told him he couldn't and he said that was fine he when to live with his friends I have no clue what his life is rn honestly don't care at all.
My mom has been not good lately mainly because she is in a predicament of soen sort tbh I done car anymore I just wns to leave when I turn 18 from all the bull shit in my family and just not talk to anyone she was dating a guy that tried to kill her then stoped and now she was dating my cousins ex husband but now not and turns out he was sleeping with my mom and her at the same time so tbh that's a problem and turns out my brother might have told my cousin that my mom and my cousins ex husband was sleeping int he other room for my brother but in all reality turns out that he walked into the hosue and they were screwing or something at the time I didn't realize what he was texting about but now I'm kinda worried my brothers scared and trying to reach a him to alj to him about it he is only 14 so I'm worried but still rn I'm kinda pissed at my mom my cousin and he ex husband and just all of the above people in this paragraph so yeah.
My stepfather I haven't seen in a while mainly just school my bio dads house since I'm gonna live their soon start figuring what I'ma need to do when i live their and stuff like that but I've been going to my step father's house here and their gonna be going their this weekend to after school ends I got a chem exam today when school starts and I can't sleep reason I'm making this post but basically I'm trying to maintain a relationship with him too along with all my parents and siblings too.
My bio dad is kinda not in a good mental place from what my step mom says talking about depression anxiety and possibly mpdwhich I'm not fond of because nobody in my family knows this but my cousin has it too and I'm the only only family member that knows this so it's kinda stressful tbh but my dad and I are gonna be building a old Kawasaki Vulcan 800 up for me when I get my driver's licence and then my motorcycle endorsement im M16 so I still have to have my driver's license to get a motor endorcmen so it's annoying but still me and him have plans to build that upa and also try to get a care for me.
My stepmom is well not what you think a regular step mom is tbh she gets annoying sometimes talking about my dad but I let her talk about it mainly because she needs to relaxe as all my parents do so I just let her talk and talk on the way home from my mom's house to hr and my dad's house when she picks me up after work on the weekends.
My cousin is a sweet cousin but we have grow distant like all my cousins have done with me she has mpd and it annoys me because one of her personalitys are dating a m22 which scares me I don't wns my cousin and her personalitys sending explicit photos to him or anything so I'm worried but I'm still trying to help her.
My brothers are nice I'm not gonna go into each one of them just my parents but I got one brother full brother halfe that's my step dad's and then three other half's that are my step mom's I love them all but it's annoying sometimes.
And in the end I don't even feel bad about all of this it's just something I'm writing about my feelings are none existent anymore so yeah.
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2023.06.09 06:30 Bubbly_Expression Minnesota Birthday Photos

Minnesota Birthday Photos
Photos I took today since its her birthday and I live in Minnesota! Definitely a great day for photos lol. I think her dress is handmade, and not sure by whom as I thrifted it. Cropped just good enough for one to not notice she was wearing two completely different shoes. :)
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2023.06.09 06:12 kolonalpanic Report for a last minute 5/29-6/9 trip

Wrote some stuff down in a Google Doc every night, so it ended up being super long and rambly. Hopefully I was able to cut it down at least a little bit. I wasn't sure if I could leave references to individual businesses or Airbnb experiences in, so please let me know if I need to remove those.
I planned this trip 2 weeks before I had to leave, so I was in a huge rush. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without everyone’s help here and on the Discord! It was my first time traveling solo, so I was a little more neurotic about it than usual. Also I don’t know how accurate the steps/distance on iOS is, but I figure there’s enough internal consistency to compare between days.
Some personal highlights
Monday, May 29 - arriving in Tokyo
Reflections If you’re an anxious planner or traveler like me, definitely don’t plan anything specific on the first day. There’s a good chance your plans will get derailed. The JR Pass line at the airport is often super long and if you can, try to stop by an office close to where you’re staying or near one of your stops.
Walked: 6540 steps / 3.1 miles
Tuesday, May 30 - Tokyo (Akihabara)
Having a list of restaurants or specific foods (e.g. tempura, okonomiyaki) to pull from can be super helpful in being slightly flexible/spontaneous but also settling some of your (my) neuroticism. I had planned to check out Gyukatsu Motomura elsewhere but since it’s a chain and I had no idea what to eat, it helped me make a decision for lunch.
It can be a good idea to have an “overflow list” of things to do in certain areas. I thought I’d spend more time in Akihabara but I think I was still getting the hang of traveling/exploring without rushing around.
Walked: 27728 steps / 12.9 miles
Wednesday, May 31 - Kyoto (Nishiki Market / Department Store food floors / Kiyomizu-dera) * 7:30am - Shinkansen from Tokyo to Kyoto * 10:15am - Walked to hostel and suitcase wheels ripped off on the way there (still left it there for storage). Original plan was to wander Nishiki Market and the food floors for Takashimaya Department Store and Fujii Daimaru, which I did for a bit. Then got a new suitcase at the large tax free store a block down, and walked back to the hostel to put my suitcase there. * 3pm - Check in with a new suitcase and head to Kiyomizudera. Three hours was more than enough time for me to wander around Sannenzaka, Ninnenzaka, and Kiyomizu-dera. I’m also not someone that is great at lingering to stop and smell the roses, though. * 6:30pm - Try to line up for Menya Inoichi. The line was already closed for dinner, so I stopped by Nakau for some fast gyudon/tonkatsu instead.
Have backup plans for your meals, list out some ideas in the area but expect some of those to be derailed.
You might need an eye mask even if you splurge on a private room in a hostel. The blinds were paper thin here so I woke up at like 4-5am.
Walked: 26290 steps / 12.2 miles
Thursday, June 1 - Kyoto (Arashiyama / Ginkakuji / Philosopher’s Path / Eikan-do / Nanzenji / Gion) This was the day I was prepared to walk the most because of the itinerary. It ended up being pretty packed, but I think it worked out decently well. Both of these things would’ve been better off unrushed as maybe 2/3 of a full day, so I would’ve split this up into 2 days if I could have.
Even if you’re a rusher like I am, Nanzenji especially can take some time. Otagi Nenbutsuji and Adashino Nenbutsuji are a little out of the way, but definitely worth it. The preserved street isn’t all that exciting, but it is along the way from Adashino Nenbutsuji to Tenryuji.
Menya Inoichi apparently closes pretty damn early wtf, possibly due to running out of their limited supply of wagyu. Loco Chicken was suuuuper good though. I guess there see a lot of great food options and planning meals in advance should only be if there’s a restaurant I really want to stop by (e.g. Fu-ka).
Walked: 33577 steps / 16.4 miles
Friday, June 2 - Kyoto / Nara / Osaka
Walked: 27023 steps / 12.4 mi
Saturday, June 3 - Osaka (shopping streets and Dotonburi)
Taka brought us to one of the streets that I completely missed in my research, which was Tenshinbashi-sushi. It’s supposedly the longest shopping arcade in all of Japan, at 2.6km long. Definitely something to check out!
Walked: 25782 / 11.8 miles
Sunday, June 4 - Osaka (Shinsekai, Abeno Harukas)
Walked: 20954 / 9.6 miles
Monday, June 5 - Hakone This is the part of the trip that I embarrassingly botched, but considering I had less than 2 weeks to plan the whole thing while working full time, I’m trying not to give myself too much shit for it.
Walked: 17975 / 8.2 miles
Reflections If you really want to stay in Hakone for only one night and one day, I would recommend checking into your hotel/ryokan the night before and relaxing there, which gives you the next full day for exploring the city. YMMV of course since I did get to Hakone in the late morning, but I think doing the loop then ryokan will inevitably feel like it’s cutting into ryokan time.
Even though the Hakone transportation system is great, things like the Tozan Bus line can have long lines and alternative/workaround routes like in the big cities don’t really exist. Tight schedules are tough to stick to, and I nearly got stranded because I stood at one of the taxi stops around 5pm and it became clear that no one was going to be coming by. has a lot of ryokans listed as minimum 2 people (I just bit the bullet and decided to splurge), but the staff at Senkyoro were confused about why I paid for 2 instead of 1. Could be good to try to check with the ryokan directly in case you can save some money when booking.
Tuesday, June 6 - Tokyo (Shinjuku, Shibuya)
Walked: 27632 / 12.8 miles
Wednesday, June 7 - Tokyo (Shibuya Sky, Akihabara, Bar Martha/Track) I spent a good chunk of my life in Shanghai, China, so I think the appeal of the big city stuff was a little lost on me (not a huge big city guy). In hindsight, I definitely didn’t need to allocate this many days for Tokyo. I definitely should’ve gone further to other areas for day trips that were recommended on the Discord, like Shimokitazawa, Jiyuugaoka, Koenji, Kamakura/Enoshima, Honmonji Ikegami, Yokohama, Nikko, or Fujikamaguchiko.
Walked: 21181 steps / 10.3 miles
Thursday, June 8 - Tokyo
Walked: 19530 / 8.9 miles
Thursday, June 9 - Flight out from Tokyo
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2023.06.09 05:34 Individual-Region-57 I’m being bullied by these two girls and idk what to do or why they hate me so much

I don’t really know what to do, any advice?
So I’m being bullied by these two girls that I thought were my friends, we got into an argument were they ganged up on me before i sent them screenshots of all my photos and they circled something’s that were “sus” which somewhat started the argument as I said things back to what they said about my “sus” photos. They ended up ghosting me on the Saturday we had the argument and didn’t talk to me at school, telling who I thought was just their little group a whole different version where I was the bad guy that I can only assume was highly exaggerated. They didn’t say they didn’t want to talk to anymore they just basically said I was messed up and I thought that we make up on Monday. They ended up telling a bunch of people that I had “porn” in my camera roles at other bullshit, but the dirtiest photos that I had that they circled were legit just a girls outfit from Tik tok that I took a screenshot of because I thought it was a good fit (the out fit was an aliah core fit, search it up if you don’t know what it is but it’s definitely not “porn”) and the other was another screenshot from a Kernal Sanders edit that my sister sent me on tik tok. If I’m correct the video sprouted from yt as like a music video thirst trap and in the small clip I saw kernal sanders he didn’t have a shirt on and his abs were out. I took a screenshot and apparently that’s “porn” to them, a shirtless dude.They talked behind my back, make fun of me, spread rumors, tell people I have a crush on this dude that I only talked to for the time he was at my table in one class, and even stole my phone after thinking I “hacked one of their accounts on Roblox” fyi I didn’t and they have never told me their passwords but tbh their just stupid and it’s there fault for not putting an email or pin or phone number or something as an extra precaution. I thankfully got my phone back because my mom had one of the bully’s moms phone number and asked her for the other bullies moms info, they both gave me dirty looks the next day like I did something to them. I wish I brought it up with the school that day so they would get in trouble because I honestly doubt their push over Mom‘s did anything to them while I got screamed at by mine for not telling an adult. They’ve also sabotaged me and im sure have done other things I’m not aware of. I’m not really a social person and there’s like no one I’m close with and if I am close with them then one of the girls are closer. The only person who told me jack shit admitted that they would still be friends with the person who tormented me if she didn’t stop talking to her once she my friend asked for proof. It’s currently summer and I really don’t want to go to school again in two months knowing I’ll be tormented and get dirty looks from people who blindly believe them. More info about me is that I’m a girl, black, a straight a student with a perfect record and some more info about them is that one is white and one mixed I think but still very light, they will pick at me for anything by saying stuff in front of me for example racist things, things about how I look, my friends or lack of I should say and more, they are kind of on good terms with everyone and are not favored by teachers unlike me due to being chatter boxes skipping class in the bathroom , being rude, and just being bad students with bad grades. I haven’t done anything to them sense the argument months ago, but I am looking for advice to get the rumors to stop, what to do in general, and how to maybe get revenge without getting caught seeing as how I haven’t done anything back to them yet. Any advice?
submitted by Individual-Region-57 to mentalhealth [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 05:29 AlwaysChic38 I think I have a shopping problem….

24F I seriously think I have a shopping problem. I wouldn’t call it an addiction because I know how to reign it in. My financial situation and credit are still good thank god. I save a bunch of money for months then splurge usually by thrifting and sales shopping for stuff I’ve wanted. Usually clothes, makeup, jewelry. The pandemic really started my spree.
I can’t drive and am visually impaired. I think I am shopping as a way to feel grown for once. I haven’t really been able to be an adult yet. I’ve been in school my entire life at this point. I’m unemployed too as I’m getting through school. Therefore I haven’t had many adult experiences on my own accord, unless I ask friends for favors. I don’t get out much due to lack of access to transportation and social experiences as a partially blind woman.
I always try to dress up so others will take me seriously. Those with disabilities can get infantilized, especially women. I wanted my appearance to reach some semblance of womanhood and maturity to those around me. I’d shop brands like Anne Taylor, Express, The Row, etc. Others around me are getting married, engaged, buying houses, real jobs, doing the adult stuff etc. I figured if I can’t do those things yet at least I can look the part.
I feel incredibly guilty and quite stupid about it all. I spent so much money I could have saved. Out grew some things I purchased (I donate everything). I just feel crummy that I let it get to this point.
What would you do if you were in my position? I don’t know what to do really. I mean I’m definitely going to talk to my therapist about this realization when I’m back at school. To myself I am sorry for making stupid decisions like this!🖤
submitted by AlwaysChic38 to shoppingaddiction [link] [comments]