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Let's actually address pedos in the LGBTQ community and Shoe's views on them
2023.06.07 23:03 cat_boy_the_toy Let's actually address pedos in the LGBTQ community and Shoe's views on them
With all the mudslinging going on about Shoe's "responsibility" for her content (from the recent alleged grooming of teenage boys into becoming alt-right neonazis to the months old handwringing over her Balanciaga posts providing ammo for rightwing groomer panic), I think it's worthwhile to really discuss a topic near and dear to a lot of people, which is what is the actual overlap between pedophiles and the LGBT community. I, like Shoe, don't have time to read studies or provide scientific evidence, but as a concerned LGBT person myself, I have my own anecdotes and observations to add.
First, I think anyone with basic reading comprehension should understand that Shoe doesn't believe that pedophilia is rampant in the queer community, nor does she believe that they belong to the community. Her attacks on drag shows and queer associations with children come from a good place. Shoe's entire ethos is to criticize things in order to make them better, and I believe she's sincere about that. I think she genuinely believes that if the left and queer communities don't call out sketchy and bad actors now, we're soon going to find ourselves in a world where pedos actually are accepted members of the community. I personally don't think that that's likely to happen anytime soon, but I still support her for calling out bad actors because we should always attack child predators regardless of which political side benefits from the optics of it.
So what is the actual, legitimate threat to children from the LGBT community? From my experience, LGBT children are especially vulnerable to being predated on because they tend to have fewer supportive adults in their life. Kids and teens look to trusted adults for support, and when they can't get that from their family or teachers due to homophobia and general bigotry, they're going to latch on to anybody who provides that validation and support...even if it turns out that that person has ulterior motives. To accept this argument, you need to first accept that LGBT kids exist in the first place. You have to also accept that people usually develop sexual and romantic attraction prior to turning 18, with romantic attraction sometimes starting even before puberty. You're not going to be able to fully grasp what's going on or provide effective solutions if you don't accept those realities.
Generally, the average LGBT adult is not a threat to LGBT kids, but a lot of queer culture has developed within a heavy backdrop of tolerance with pedophilia. A lot of teen gay boys get their first sexual experience with adult men. In some ways it's a hierarchical culture that's become engrained, where young gay boys in their teens and early 20s are encouraged to bottom and be submissive to older, more masculine and mature men...and then as they mature and gain more experience, their role reverses and they're expected to be tops to the newest generation of gays. Sure, some gay men will form lasting relationships and marriages, but the current climate still promotes an empty hookup culture that makes the heterosexual one look wholesome and quaint by comparison. Even if they're legal, we're culturally conditioned to be skeptical (rightly, imo) of straight relationships with large age gaps because they can be predatory and patriarchal. We're not similarly conditioned to be skeptical when that relationship is between two men, because these relationships are still considered part of the natural order (ironically also due to the patriarchy.) Age gap relationships between gay men are often framed as mentor-mentee or father-son relationships, rather than romantic ones, where the younger boy exchanges sex and pleasures the older man in exchange for his ability to provide - be it money, safety, housing, job opportunities, even just affirmation of his gay identity. Does this not sound explicitly predatory to you? It alarms me that when I go on queer dating apps, whether they be as sleazy like Grindr or "wholesome" like (such an app does not exist), I as someone who appears barely legal overwhelmingly attract older men who want to top me. I, for one, would rather date people closer to my age, and I don't appreciate the fact that having ugly hairy older men wanting to fuck jailbait like me is considered the natural order of things.
I am lucky that I wasn't socially active online as a teen, because if I was, I probably would've been victimized by a predator. Given that the queer community is heavily in the minority, we really have no option but to go online to find each other, and that creates a deadly confluence of circumstances. Predators bask in the anonymity of online spaces. Parents and other trusted adults are usually far removed from monitoring who their kids talk to online, and even when they are involved, their queer teens are loathe to trust their homophobic parents over the community of online strangers who affirm and validate who they truly are. And plus, teens are sexual and horny, especially isolated gay teenage boys who have literally few other outlets besides exchanging lewds with online strangers. And then, on top of that, these strangers can turn around and threaten to out these teens to their friends and family, blackmailing them with their own photos. Straight kids are a lot less vulnerable to these issues on average, because they don't usually have such strained relationships with their parents and don't have to go online to find people who are accepting of them.
If we want to stop predators within the LGBT community, the first place to start is with the parents of LGBT kids. If they were more accepting of their kids, their kids wouldn't turn to literal predators for support. And those monstrous parents that kick their kids out for being LGBT are literally enabling predators, because the vast majority of homeless queer youth are forced to exchange sex for survival - food, housing, transportation, etc. Homeless children share hotel rooms and take turns being raped by predators so that they can keep their room for an additional night. And let's be clear - when it's between an adult and a minor, it is rape. If you're a parent of a queer teen who you're considering disowning, please burn that image in your head, of your child being pinned down on a crusty stained hotel bed, crying and moaning in pain, as a fat hairy stranger rapes them and thanks you for the pleasure of forcing your child into this situation. You enable child predators by pushing your child away. Are you so selfish that you believe your child's queerness is really a means to spite you, a ploy just for attention?
If you're a conservative who truly believes in protecting children, how about you start by actually acknowledging that LGBT kids exist and root out the vile pedophilic element on your own side that believes teen girls being impregnated by middle-aged men is the ideal, traditional, natural order of things? Queerness manifests in every race, every ethnicity, every culture - gay and trans kids are born into even the most conservative traditional families. It is impossible to groom someone into being gay, just as you never had to be groomed into deciding to be straight. How about you take your own advice and leave the kids alone, stop trying to do everything within your power to separate them from trusted adults - parents, teachers, doctors, therapists - because all you're going to accomplish is make it even EASIER for predators to rape and take advantage of children.
And if you're a liberal, stop pretending that all queer content is appropriate for all audiences. Drag shows are sometimes not appropriate for children. Kinks belong in private, you are not being shut down or discriminated against or kink-shamed by not being allowed to show off half-naked at the pride event - as a community that's so big on consent, remember that viewing sexual content requires consent, too. And finally, stop humanizing monsters. The mass murderer and child rapist do not need to be given the grace of rehabilitation, actually. Some marginalization and discrimination is deserved. We don't need to "destigmatize" pedophilia. Sure, we can put pedophiles in therapy, but given that conversion therapy doesn't work and that they claim that their attraction can't be helped... I don't really see any other option but locking them up far away from kids. You don't need to feel sorry for them, and hey, it's better than the woodchipper that conservatives are calling for. Stop attacking people like Shoe for rightfully calling out the pedophilic element that's trying to weasel their way into acceptability.
Sorry if this is long-winded and brainwormed. I'm sure a lot of you disagree with my points.
TLDR - Shoe is right to criticize the left on the pedo issue but conservative bigotry is enabling pedos to thrive on queer kids.
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2023.06.04 19:36 CriticalCherry3979 Could I be experiencing OSDD?
I have been doing research on OSDD due to having a special interest in psychology, and I wanted some advice on whether some things I experience could be plurality or are normal for the disorders I already have. If it is relevant, I am twenty years old.
For context, I have ADHD, Autism, OCD, Dyscalculia, and Social Phobia.
The discussion of trauma is not until the end of the post and the beginning and end are clearly marked:
I will begin with discussing my memory. I am notorious for remembering basically nothing. Before the recent months, I have always assumed this to be my ADHD. However, it is more the way I do not remember that is making me question this. Generally, I experience what one may refer to as 'greyout amnesia' perhaps(?) I have a general idea of what happened to this body, but I can not remember it in any specific detail; moreso, it is as if I am given a list of facts that happened and a general sense of being there. I could tell you what I did in order, but I do not physically remember it (or-- I do remember it, but it feels like I was not there). That being said, it is like that with a lot of my memories unless I was directly just doing it, so it can be hard to say for sure whether this would indicate anything of relevance.
I do, however constantly experience dissociation in both depersonalization and derealization. I will very frequently find myself feeling as if I am not in my own body. It is a common occurrence to peer at myself in the mirror and find that I do not recognize myself. It is the same body and same face that I have always had, and I do recognize this fact, but it does not feel like it is mine. I have the same feeling with looking at photos of myself. However, it is important to note that I do not always feel this way. There have been times where I was comfortable and familiar with my face and body, but lately it has not been that way for months. For derealization, it feels like I am not actually real or living in this world. This happens to me a lot and it is a general sense of 'there's no way I'm real' even if I know technically I should be. After I am done with these dissociative episodes, the memories do not appear to me as an episode, but as they were. As if I actually was not myself and/or real for those moments.
Another thing that I experience in regards to not feeling like this is my body is what I have been referring to as 'age dysphoria'. It is exactly what it sounds like; I have phases where I feel very much so like a child (in particular-- the child I used to be) perhaps around age ten. During these periods I will look in the mirror and feel completely dysphoric about appearing so old. This also manifests itself in feeling like my body is too big or that my appearance is much older than it is supposed to be. I will see my hairy legs and think "how are they so hairy... this feels wrong... I'm not supposed to be this old", or I will lay in my bed and be uncomfortable about how much space I occupy. I experienced this just last night, yet I can not recall if I have felt this before because of my memory.
When it comes to possible alters this part is very confusing to me, because everything I experience is not exactly clear. What I do know, is that I have at least two particular versions of myself that I tend to switch between at random intervals. These personality changes usually cooccur with finding a new hyperfixation, and so I always assumed my personality heavily depended on those. Almost everything about me tends to change depending on the type of hyperfixation I have (gender, sexuality, feelings about myself). Right now, my hyperfixation is a children's cartoon and I have been feeling very child-like. I commonly will talk in language too young for my age and broken sentences, even if I technically know how to say it correctly. On the flip side, my last hyperfixation was a media for more mature audiences due to the violence in it. During this time I was definitely feeling more adult-like. This also manifests in periods of complete asexuality and being uncomfortable with adult topics while I am hyperfixated on something child-like.
In addition to these feelings, my thoughts do talk to themselves on occasion. I am confused mostly because it is not exactly a separate voice, but instead the same voice of consciousness. However, I will say there is the capability of two voices at once. Usually I can sing a song in my head and still have a consciousness stream going as normal. Once again, this was presumed to be ADHD. But usually, it is all my same inner voice (more commonly known as thoughts) that think against one another.
For example, I may think "why did you do that?" and then I would answer "I don't know." OR, sometimes I get responses in what may be considered 'the back of my mind'? These are usually very short responses and do not say much if anything. I may say "should I do ___?" and then I will sometimes hear a small "yes" or "no." Usually I would refer to this as intuition, or, when I was younger and religious, I would sometimes think of it as God's voice. Whatever it is, it is clear that I am not deciding these thoughts. They make themselves.
[THIS IS THE TRAUMA PART. DO NOT READ IF IT MAY BE TRIGGERING]
The biggest confusion I have had is with the prerequisite of trauma for the disorder. I know I did not have an easy childhood, but to me it does not seem 'bad enough' to cause OSDD (?). A lot of people consider me very traumatized, but I seem to not care too much about what has happened to me. That being said, I know a lot of people with these types of disorders do not remember a lot of their childhood due to the amnesia, so what do I know.
What I do know, however, is that I never really had a sense of security as a kid. Until my parent's divorced (around age seven) they were constantly fighting. My father has always been a yeller, and will find every excuse to use his loud and booming voice against you. I know I was spanked very hard up until age thirteen. When my father got angry, it was instant terror. He would scream, and throw stuff, and grab you very hard. If you tried to run to your bedroom and lock him out, he would get even angrier. Sometimes he would be so mad that he would rip doors off their hinges and scream at you so loud that you'd instantly zone-out. If my older brother or I made him angry we would immediately be bent over his knee and smacked extremely hard.
My living conditions were always dirty, and we constantly moved around the city at least once every two years. I did not have many (if any) friends because I was autistic and people thought I was weird. These facts were a constant throughout my entire childhood.
After my parent's divorce, I lived with my mother until age fifteen. She also yelled, but more out of stress rather than anger. My mother was very disabled (living with undiagnosed Autism, ADHD, CPTSD, OCD, and Bipolar Disorder as well as diagnosed fibromyalgia) and so she did not do much but sit around. She did not have a job and we lived off of child support alone. Food insecurity was pretty prevalent. We could not afford many things that may be considered valuable or sometimes necessary to a child's development. In addition to this, since my mother was so incapable of parenting, I had to step up as the (previously) eldest daughter. I had been parenting my youngest siblings from a very young age. My older brother stayed away from everyone and was constantly locked in his room in the basement. Mostly, the kids were my responsibility if my mom could not do anything (which was frequent).
Ever since I was very young I was completely emotionally neglected. I actually can not recall being told 'I love you' very much at all. I was constantly considered a bother and an inconvenience and spent a lot of time alone as a result. Every time I am rejected I feel as if I am ten years old again and my parents are telling me to shut up for being so annoying. On the upside, I was more than content to spend time with myself as my mind is always entertaining on its own. However, it did feel like I was there for everyone and nobody was there for me.
My mother was also not a very mentally well person in general. She would constantly emotionally manipulate us and tell us things nobody should ever tell their kids. She would go into detail about her traumatic childhood abuse and tell us kids that she would end her life if she did not have us to take care of (even going as far as to describe how she would do it in graphic detail).
I worked a job as young as possible and hardly ever attended school due to being depressed since I was about twelve. I missed a very substantial portion of my middleschool and highschool education.
When I was fifteen, my mother was arrested for distribution of child pornography. She had kept secret cameras in our bedrooms and bathrooms to send footage to her pedophile boyfriend who lived in a different country. The brunt of the physical sexual abuse was committed on my younger sister who was nine at the time, and, to my knowledge, I was never physically touched by her; however, she did very much groom me with topics I should not have been familiar with at such an age. I remember her constantly telling me to 'go masturbate' (worded as "touch yourself") everytime I was stressed out because it would 'help'. Knowing what I know now, it is clear she just wanted me on camera for her partner.
That aside, when my mother was arrested I moved back in with my father. It was not easy. My father does not believe in mental illness very much, and he was always quick to gaslight me on my emotions. He was still prone to incredible anger as well. Mostly, though, now directed at my younger brother (the new scapegoat now that I was too old to scare into submission). He is very alike me as a child (he has autism and ADHD) and I would constantly get flashbacks to things he said to me as a kid everytime he yelled at my brother.
Needless to say, there was constant yelling in the house. I would have to cover my ears and pretend I did not hear it because I was so petrified due to experiencing the same things very young. Despite that, I was still in charge of emotionally raising my siblings at this house because my father has always been very distant emotionally. I was always the first person to rush in after my siblings got yelled at and comfort them. Yet still, I never had anybody to care for me.
When I turned eighteen, I moved out to university and I thrived very much. However, I did get dependent on weed for a good two years.
I had to drop out due to being completely incapable of functioning as an adult, and now live with my father currently. I will say, he is not as bad as he used to be due to a visit from Child Protective Services.
That is all the relevant information I can think of for my childhood. If any of that was enough to cause some sort of disorder, then perhaps my findings may have some value.
[END OF TRAUMA]
This is all the information I can link to maybe having an alter-based disorder. That being said, I only know so much. This is why I have made this post; it is my hope that something I said today can be explained.
I would like to hear the opinions of people who do experience OSDD and what they make of this. I will be happy to answer any questions you may have for me.
Thank you for your help.
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