Funny text messages pictures

A place to submit funny and weird text messages

2011.02.15 01:03 laaabaseball A place to submit funny and weird text messages

/texts - a subreddit to submit your funny, weird, or random coversations from your mobile or cell phone.

2014.10.24 00:23 Cakesmite Funny but fake.

Welcome to /GoodFakeTexts! This subreddit is for posting text messages that are extremely likely fake, yet funny.

2008.01.25 07:35 funny

Welcome to Funny, Reddit's largest humour depository.

2023.06.10 22:41 lordbladdemere [EU-NL] [H] Mr.Suit R1 Red + EXTRA's [W] Paypal

Hey there! I am selling my beloved Mr.Suit from Owlabs for cash towards a new rendering computer. Owlabs Mr.Suit R1 (Hotswap) Red WK with Black Mirror Finish. Pom Plate ANSI hot-swap PCB + Poron Plate Foam + PE Sheet + Stand-offs Set OWL Screw-in Stabs - lubed with 205g0 Durock Poms - Lubed with 205g0 no film Mr.Suit Artisan Silver Comes with all original packaging and parts. For any questions/more images, no worries drop me a message. (Does not come with Keycaps shown in pictures) If you're interested I can also sell the whole thing as a single package including GMK Bleach and No Man Left Behind Artisan.
PRICE €550 O.N.O. in the EU preferably.
submitted by lordbladdemere to mechmarket [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:39 EliteBB 23 [M4F] Illinois/Anywhere. Dating is kinda hard

Hello! My name's Joshua, I'm 23, and from a small town in Illinois. Hence why I think dating is kinda hard, my dating pool is fairly small to begin with.
Anyways, a bit about myself. Appearance wise I'm 5'11, weigh 200ish, and I think I have 10 tattoos now I'm honestly not sure but I plan on filling in all the blank spaces eventually. But here's a few pictures of me
I'd describe myself as a caring individual, although I'm definitely not the best at expressing myself. I was homeschooled for my last 6 years of schooling so my social skills definitely took a significant hit unfortunately, although I am consistently getting better.
I'm the kind of person that has absolutely no problem doing things by myself and I'm absolutely shameless about it. If I want to go try a new restaurant and nobody wants to join than it's their loss anyways! I try to have that general mindset on things.
I genuinely like being able to help pretty much anyone with anything they may be working on. Need help with a college paper? Fuck if I know the subject but let's try it out! Need a new recipe or just help baking in general? I got that too. Someone stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire? I'm pulling over and giving em a hand! Everything's easier with a little help.
I also really enjoy teaching pretty much anything. I may not know everything but I do know a couple of things about a lot stuff. Maybe I just like hearing myself talk? Idk but either way I enjoy it.
I'm left handed! Not really important in capacity but just a random fact about me for ya.
But let's move on to some hobbies of mine.
Hiking/camping/fishing/hunting. Is it fair to fit all of these into one section? I just really like being out in nature, it's amazing to get away from endless seas of cornfields.
Gaming. I built a PC earlier this year and have been throughly enjoying playing on it. I originally built it solely for the game Ready or Not. I have also been slowly building my steam collection but could always use more suggestions/someone to play a few games with.
Cooking. I just really like cooking. My mother would cook all the time and with me being homeschooled for so long I had just started helping and just kinda started liking it a lot. My mother is a way better cook than I but I can at least keep myself well feed.
Traveling! Traveling is just another great way to see something other than cornfields. I'm honestly not a huge fan of the city life and tbh I hate driving in the city. I grew up in a town of 300 so it's just so different than what I know/am most comfortable with.
Machining. I find machining just super interesting in all honesty. It's really amazing the tolerances that can be achieved with the tools we have today. It's also insane how perfect people can make things by hand! Just the amount of time and dedication it takes to be that good at something is amazing.
Anyways this has gotten way longer than I expected it to. If you got this far and want to send me a message than please do so and try to include some information about yourself.
submitted by EliteBB to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:39 girl_of_hello_kitty mods help a shawty out😔

mods help a shawty out😔 submitted by girl_of_hello_kitty to teenagersbuthot [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:39 Due-Supermarket1305 Can we make better chess jokes?

Let's be honest, this google en passant thing isn't funny anymore. It's like way to old and overused to make anyone smile or laugh at it, and it's not very memorable or likable anymore. Maybe if we actually managed to make creative, original memes, this subreddit would be more popular. Like maybe look at the background picture for this subreddit; it's full of examples to build upon and improve/get meme templates from. Can we stop this old, dead thing and give this subreddit a decent community? It's not even that hard.
submitted by Due-Supermarket1305 to AnarchyChess [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:36 Im_being_stalked Ex [32M] of about ten years ago messaged me a random cat video, should I [28 F] react?

This was about two months ago but I don't know today I'm thinking about it.
My ex 30 years old M messaged me two months ago on Instagram a reel of a cat, he knows I love cats and had them all my life. We dated maybe ten years ago and went no contact because if I tried to be his friend he would keep having feelings and asking to be together. He has had relationships since. We ended things with no problems between us, I was the one that ended it because I felt I could not see a future with him and he was moving to another country.
I'm currently in a very happy relationship with someone that respects me and I feel strongly about. We live together and have the same interests so I'm not considering anything.
But I just feel like I was a bit rude of seeing his message and ignoring it. We didn't break up for any bad reasons and I can't shake the feeling that maybe he is lonely, friends wise and just tried to reach, in a bit of a stupid way I know, to have an old friend back. Another add is that I still react and comment on his old friends posts on Instagram. Maybe I'm being very dumb and naive about this, but today I'm in a low mood and can't shake this off.
Should I react to the message at all? This would not be a problem at all with my current partner, we are very secure and anything dodgy I'll shut it down right away.
TL;Dr old ex messaged me a random text, we ended things ok but have not talked in ten years, I find this strange.
submitted by Im_being_stalked to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:36 Tervia Should /r/evnova join the blackout in protest of Reddit's API changes?

tl;dr Reddit's shutting down third party apps at the expense of usability and in the name of profit, and is acting like the Bureau in the process. Should we join the sitewide blackout starting on June 12th, be it for 48 hours or indefinitely, to pressure reddit to rescind these changes so that third party apps may continue?
As you're probably aware, many subreddits will be shutting down on June 12th through the 14th in protest of recent API changes announced by Reddit. These will charge relatively high rates above a certain threshold, similar to Twitter, and would have the effect of killing major third party Reddit apps. Reddit is not obligated to run features at cost, of course. And if the API is a financial burden, then it seems appropriate to have larger users share the burden. But charging rates that would be likely be several times in excess of what the average user brings Reddit in ad revenue, while forbidding third party apps from running ads of their own, makes it clear that they do not want to share the financial load. They want to kill competition to their official app. People who use third party mobile apps trust their app of choice over the official one for better user experience, mod tools, or accessibility features, and the official one demands much more of your personal data. The official reddit app does not play nice with screen readers on iOS, so those who are visually impaired have to rely on third party reddit apps instead. Even if you don't use a third party app, there's a good chance that a poster or commenter you liked does. One of the third party apps, Apollo, even got a name drop and other shoutouts by Apple in their latest Worldwide Developer Conference keynote, To lose these apps would be a loss to the community.

Reddit's "PR" Campaign

In the process to rolling this out, Reddit has not enkindled much, if any, goodwill, I'd argue. They've gone to blame the developer of iOS third party app Apollo of "excessive" API overuse despite staying within currently sanctioned limits. They have accused the same app developer of "threatening" reddit:
Steve (Steve Huffman, i.e. spez, Reddit CEO) : "Apollo threatened us, said they’ll “make it easy” if Reddit gave them $10 million."
Steve: "This guy behind the scenes is coercing us. He's threatening us."
Even after Reddit admitted on a recorded phone call that said perception was a misunderstanding:
Christian Selig (i.e. iamthatis, Apollo app developer): "I said 'If you want Apollo to go quiet'. Like in terms of- I would say it's quite loud in terms of its API usage."
Reddit: "Oh. Go quiet as in that. Okay, got it. Got it. Sorry."
Reddit: "That's a complete misinterpretation on my end. I apologize. I apologize immediately."
And then accused the same developer of gaslighting the community... with no evidence presented:
Steve: His “joke” is the least of our issues. His behavior and communications with us has been all over the place—saying one thing to us while saying something completely different externally; recording and leaking a private phone call—to the point where I don’t know how we could do business with him.
Christian: Please feel free to give examples where I said something differently in public versus what I said to you. I give you full permission.
It would have honestly felt better if they were just announcing that they were killing third party app access outright. But instead, we've been presented with a pricing structure that looks like it was meant specifically to kill third party apps, them acting like that isn't, and accusing third party app devs of being incompetent instead of asking themselves why others would want to use apps that aren't theirs in the first place. spez's latest AMA yesterday is only more salt in the wound, offering only token concessions so that a few accessibility-focused third party apps can continue unharmed, while other third party apps have announced their shutdowns because of these changes:
Apollo (iOS app): Apollo will close down on June 30th. Reddit’s recent decisions and actions have unfortunately made it impossible for Apollo to continue. Thank you so, so much for all the support over the years. ❤️
Reddit is Fun (Android app): RIF will shut down on June 30, 2023, in response to Reddit's API changes
Sync for Reddit (Android app): Sync will shut down on June 30, 2023
Relay for Reddit (Android app): The pricing is prohibitively expensive and it cannot be ad supported. And, even if you paid a subscription fee of several dollars a month to continue to use Relay, you still wouldn't have access to any NSFW content in it. My opinion is that they want third party apps gone despite saying otherwise.

The Bigger Picture

And these changes are not being done in a vacuum. Reddit has made other changes to take features away from this site and what people have built on top of it. Namely:
Spez said in the latest AMA that old.reddit, the original desktop website for reddit, isn't going away. Then again, Spez also said years ago that "The API isn't going anywhere", and while it isn't going away, it is going towards places that will be worse for us all. That, combined with a list of broken promises, as compiled by the mods of /AskHistorians, makes Reddit's word as solid as Drop Bear Repellent is effective, in my eyes (though Reddit has been making improvements, in fairness).

Should we do something in response to this?

Now, that brings things to this sub.
/evnova is a very niche subreddit. While new reddit is happy to claim we are within the top 20% of subreddits in size, we are ultimately about a 20+ year old series of abandonware single player games. Modders and wiki editors like SharkyNebula and developers like Peter Cartwright with Cosmic Frontier: Override keep this series alive, but things are generally quiet for the most part.
Over 4,000 subreddits have announced some form of shutdown in protest of Reddit's API changes. Most people on this website probably don't know this subreddit even exists, but together with several default subs, I am open to joining as a means to show that we are willing to sacrifice our place here in the hopes that the collective pressure with other subs will compel reddit to revise or rescind these changes, so that major third party apps may continue to exist and that their users - members of all the communities around us - may continue to enjoy them. As a site dependent on user content and volunteer moderation, Reddit is nothing without its userbase, and with a show of protest and maybe some bad press, perhaps Reddit will change their mind. If it doesn't work, then, well, it'll beat doing nothing and having it happen anyways, and I guess that'll shows how much reddit values you, the user. And with comments from the CEO like:
We’ll continue to be profit-driven until profits arrive. Unlike some of the 3P apps, we are not profitable.
If this goes through unabated, what feature will reddit put on the chopping block next?
Now, with all this wall of text said, I have said many times that I am an absentee mod here. I do not believe that I have the authority to unilaterally shut down the subreddit. So I come here to ask you, the memberbase: Should we join the subreddit blackout, be it for 48 hours or indefinitely until Reddit backtracks on their changes and allows major 3rd party apps to continue?
Please leave your feedback here. A decision will be made in no more than 24 hours based on what you think and say.
Thank you,
submitted by Tervia to evnova [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:36 throwaway2278101 I am a survivor of the MSU school shooting. AMA

I am a survivor of the MSU school shooting. AMA
Aight take two of this (hopefully no problems posted this time). Not sure why I’m writing this, can’t tell if i want a reference while everything is relatively fresh or if I just need to get my story out of my head. Catharsis maybe? Halfhearted attempt at healing? Who knows. But here goes I guess. I am verified on another post, and that’s my id at the top. This is my account of that day (Sorry in advance cuz this is gonna be a novel)
At the time of the shooting, I was in my dorm. I lived in the north part of campus, though for anonymity reasons I cannot say which building. MSU north campus is set up so that there are a bunch of dorms on the western side. Moving eastward, there is the union, the medical center, Berkey, the art museum, and then a couple more dorms on the far east side (kinda like bookends). I was in the dorms on one side and some of my close friends lived on the other. For scale, from one set of dorms to the other is about a 10 minute walk (I have a bike so I could do it in two minutes easily). All these buildings are set facing Grand River Avenue, which is basically EL’s main strip. That’s where the target, chipotle, cvs, all the bars, etc are. It was a Monday night, but msu kinda has a party culture, so this area was pretty busy.
I had actually talked to my grandparents at about 3:30 pm ish about going to the Union to “study”. The food court there has insanely good pork nachos, and if I’m being honest, I really just wanted queso. However, I was stressing about midterms and had a shit sleep schedule, so I ended up falling asleep. I tend to have a pattern where I’ll come home, take a giant nap, eat dinner, do homework like real late, and then get like 4 hrs of sleep. If I hadn’t fallen asleep when I did, I would have gone to either the Union or the gym around the exact time everything happened, and i would have more than likely crossed paths with the shooter.
I remember waking up about 15 minutes before the alert first went out. Because of timing and my proximity to it all, it’s not unlikely that I actually woke up to the first volley of shots (I don’t remember this part, only the second volley). I was really groggy and kinda was just sitting in my bed when the alert came in.
Lansing isn’t the safest place, so it wasn’t uncommon to get an email saying “shots reported at the intersection of A and B”. Usually these were from the east side of Lansing, not East Lansing proper. This was different though. The subject was just “Shots fired”. I saved the email, so below is the contents of the first emergency alert:
“MSU Police report shots fired incident occurring on or near the East Lansing campus. Secure-in-Place immediately. Run, Hide, Fight. Run means evacuate away from danger if you can do so safely, Hide means to secure-in-place, and Fight means protect yourself if no other option. Monitor for information.”
As I read this email, I began to hear “pop pop pop pop pop”. Looking back, this matches more closely with the Union shots (the second attack). I kinda immediately went into panic mode. I’m an out of state student, so I called my mom. She kinda picked up happily, but when I said “mom I need you to get on the parent fb page, they’re saying shots on campus”, she went into info overdrive mode.
I immediately get out of bed, close the blinds, and turn off the lights. At some point i push my desk in front of my door (I lived on the first floor by an entryway). I kinda had a hard time with this because I couldn’t get it over my rug, but I eventually got it. I grabbed my pepper spray and hid in my closet. My mom was on ft with me and my dad was sitting next to her with the police scanner I sent to him playing.
At that point we start hearing the first responders get to the Union and Berkey. I could hear a shit ton of sirens, and I vividly remember hearing the 911 dispatch call out at least two casualties, one of whom was dead on arrival (pretty sure this was Brian). At this point I was texting my best friend (she went to college about two hours away), a family friend, my ra, a group chat of online friends, and constantly refreshing yikyak. I don’t have Twitter but my best friend does, so I was getting pretty much all the info from everywhere.
I think what usually gets lost here is that we all legit thought this was a terrorist attack on campus. People were running into dorms and screaming. A lot of these dorms are older (especially in north) and have heavy wooden doors. In a crisis, people slamming doors while screaming sounds a lot like gunfire. 911 calls were coming in from all 5200 acres of campus. People were convinced that the shooters were running with Ak-47s along the river (this turned out to be students running and a team of off duty officers). They actually evacuated Akers, which is pretty much as far from the Union as you an really get, because they were so sure the shooter was in the cafeteria. People were knocking on doors pretending to be police, and at one point, there were rumors of explosives being placed around campus.
The scariest part was when the police scanner said that the shooter was in the exact same location as my friends were hiding in. I was convinced for a while that I would never see my friends again.
The lockdown lasted for 4.5 hours. MSU is a huge ass campus, so they called in troopers from around the state and the fbi/swat teams as well. They flew helicopters around (the sound still gives me panic attacks) and systematically cleared every building on campus. There were still reports of single shots, but eventually people started to realize that it was probably over as no one new was getting hurt. There were a couple of funny moments though, the major one being when the 911 dispatch pages an ambulance for a girl experiencing neck pain from a car accident two weeks before (it broke the tension and the irony was great).
Just after midnight, they found the fucker a couple miles off campus. Pretty much right after shooting up the Union, he fucked off to the residential sector of EL. He shot himself as police closed in and was declared dead on scene. At this point I was still in my closet and heard them as they found him / call time of death.
I don’t think i slept that night at all. Once the lockdown was lifted, pretty much everyone who could left campus. I spent the night on the floor of my friend’s room. Around 6 am I went back to my room and packed a bag. We knew classes were gonna be cancelled for at least the next two days, and I knew I sure as hell wasn’t coming back that week. I’m pretty sure I eventually fell asleep around 9 am.
I got picked up by my father around 12 pm. My mom wanted to immediately go get me, but my dad convinced her to wait until morning. At that point I was pretty much the only person I knew that was still on campus. Going outside was the weirdest feeling ever. Campus was dead quiet, and I could see a bunch of yellow police tape. I just remember sobbing in my dad’s arms and telling him “im glad I got to come home”.
submitted by throwaway2278101 to masskillers [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:36 Full-Muffin-26 Does this mean anything?

Me (24F) and this guy (28M) that I was seeing for a couple of months stopped talking 10 months ago because of my friend. I spoke to him 7 months ago and explained everything to him and he said there’s no bad blood between me and him. Anyways so he made a new Instagram account a couple of months ago and I’ve been wanting to follow him, but never had the courage because after that call 7 months ago we never really spoke, only sent a couple of snaps here and there, sent birthday wishes so just small messages.
I have kept an eye on his insta account (this might sounds crazy) but I noticed for awhile his followers and following never didn’t increase or decrease so he’s not actively following people or whatever. The other day he changed his profile picture on Instagram and sent a friend request that same day.
The people he follows are also his close friends mostly, like he doesn’t even follow his friends from college so it’s just his family and people he’s close with.
I also noticed he’s been watching my stories on Snapchat very quickly recently…
Idk if I am overthinking, but does this mean anything?
Thank you!
submitted by Full-Muffin-26 to BreakUps [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:35 InternalPiece Just saw this scam text from 2 hours ago

submitted by InternalPiece to scambaiting [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:34 Case-Feisty I (28) broke up with my boyfriend(34) because he was saving photos of his co workers on his phone.

Im going to try to make this short, I meet my ex about 4 years ago we worked together for about a year before we started dating, (we dated for 3 years) right off the bat I felt something was not right about our relationship, like the vibe was off ? But i ignored it because i really liked him. I wasn't feeling like a girlfriend to him like I should have been, and when I would try to express my feelings he would get pissy about it, looking back very childish. Now I'm not saying he wasn't nice to me becausehe was for the most part, Or if I asked him for something that I absolutely needed he would have gotten it for me. But we also worked together and I'm aware that's a lot time together and for him that was "our time together" he didn't want to do anything after work, ever, absolutely nothing, just the weekends if his son was away for one of those days because he wanted laid, He didn't want to come over & watch a movie or come over for dinner because he always said he needed to go home to his son and help him with homework, but honestly half the time it was always done because his grandparents would him, or just be with his son in general or helping other people with lawns when it was nice out & I have 2 daughters so I'm well aware children come first, but there was absolutely no balance between his son or me when it came to my ex, we didn't even do anything on our anniversaries because we worked, or he would ALWAYS use the excuse of I was always working, even if I was working there was absolutely no creativity on his end when i got off work when he had his days off, like I did for him when I was off.
We lived separate for about a year and a half and we decided to move in together thinking that would have made a difference and I left my job to save our relationship and started a new one. But moving in did absolutely the opposite, I felt more like a roommate than anything else, we still didn't do anything together with kids or alone, once in while we would watch a movie because he wanted laid and honestly half the time I wouldn't give to him because I was beginning to be very unattracted to him because I was starting to feel like crap when I was around him. When we first moved in together i tried if I was off to clean the house (because it needed clean and honestly no one cared how they lived which was highly gross to me) cook dinner for him and the kids, but when I worked I didn't ever come home to anything but him and his son screaming at each other playing video games or my boyfriend in bed because he worked early shift, I usually worked 10am-6pm. After awhile I started feeling things were REALLY off and my trust was starting to faid very quickly and yes i tried to talk to him like a adult and he said he had nothing to hide, I dropped it, even though my gut was saying otherwise because i wasn't being treated like a girlfriend that i deserved to be. Well about 2 months later his phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing and just kept going off so yes I picked up & the call was his mother off a new number I felt bad but then his notifications when off right before I put it down, emails for pornhub, and other porn sites, his search history was absolutely NOTHING but that, he had abulms in his gallery of our co workers in the facility that we both worked at, he had been following 100+ females on very social media page he had included those co-workers, loving every girls profile pictures, and even trying to hook up with a few, but none of them budged as I read, at that point I was completely done because that's beyond creepy to me and im well aware boys will be boys but thats extreme to me, I told him that i wanted to leave him and he made me feel bad for wanting to leave him, and he told me that I wasn't going to happen again and he would delete everything. I didn't believe him and sounds shitty but I always needed a place for my 2 daughters to live until I could find something else and (believe me i was trying to get as fast as I could) so I lied and said "okay", I felt like I was being used because he just wanted to tile of having a girlfriend and absolutely not putting in any effort towards me and just wanting laid.
A couple months later I ended up putting in a offer to a house and got it. In that time of me getting my house and getting my ducks in row to leave him, and i didnt tell him yet that's when he really started to try to work things out and started to want to take me places, cook for me have alone time with me and even bought me a ring, I didn't except it because why would i ? And he didnt understand why i didn't want it, at this point I was with him for 3 years, I was completely over it, I was over everything. Having those images in my head told me everything, and me not feeling loved or cared for like I should have been i told I was moving and I told him I was done and explained why and that was more than a fight and he told me it was just an excuse to leave him. I moved out the next day.
Two months later now, he's been sending me apologie letters to my house, texting & calling my phone from differnt numbers and even to my mom, he's even sent me 2 gifts to my house thinking thats going to get me back, but at the same time ive heard hes trying to move on and ive heard hes with someone but its a fake profile? I told him I would press charges if it doesn't stop, part of me in a way I feel bad for leaving him the way I did and kindof wanted to be acquaintances with him and then part of doesn't, I don't know if it's even worth feeling this way or if I was overreacting.
submitted by Case-Feisty to BreakUps [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:33 ItsEsmeJones [MMMM4A] The First and the Last [Ancient Vampire Speaker][Grim Reaper Speaker][Butler Speaker][Vampire General Speaker][Eldritch Listener][Confrontation][Eldritch/Lovecraftian][Megalomaniac][Mystery][What Are You][Horror][Lore Drops][CW: Mentions of Violence/Action/Death/Genocide]

Context: The world is dark. Primus, the first vampire, and the other members of the Ancients have been committing atrocities for centuries. In his pursuit of power, Primus has indeed become more powerful than anyone or thing, even striking a deal with Death that, should he fall, he cannot truly die. All seems lost and, really... it is.
Setting: Primus's castle
Tags:[MMMM4A][Ancient Vampire Speaker][Grim Reaper Speaker][Butler Speaker][Vampire General Speaker][Eldritch Listener][Confrontation][Eldritch/Lovecraftian][Megalomaniac][Mystery][What Are You][Horror][Lore Drops][CW: Mentions of Violence/Action/Death/Genocide]
Usage: You may tweak or record this script. Gender flipping is OK! Please credit me if you use this script in any of your projects. If you would like to use this script for a paywalled recording, please note:
Monetization: All forms of monetization are OK with me! Youtube, Patreon, etc. I would appreciate being able to listen to the recording, if possible. Let me know if you have any questions. Thank you!
Check out the rest of my scripts by using the Script Directory, if you'd like :3
[P] = Primus, the first vampire and most powerful man on the planet
[G] = The Grim Reaper
[B] = Bernard, a butler who really wants no part of this
[X] = Xander, Primus's general and oldest friend
All text in italics are Eldritch whispers not attributed to any characters
[Scene opens in the dining hall of an ancient castle]
[SFX: Baroque music/dining ambiance - Medieval]
[A man sits at the head of a royal dining hall, raising a glass in a toast]
[P] “Attention, my esteemed guests.”
[SFX: The chatter dying immediately]
[P] “I just wanted to give thanks to all of the Ancients who joined in my celebration tonight. The rest will die, hmhm, but that’s for later. Let us celebrate another step in my rise to perfection. A cheers to you, Grim, for being kind enough to make a deal with me.”
[At the end of the table, the Grim Reaper himself raises a goblet]
[G] “A cheers to the first vampire, our immortal Primus.”
[SFX: A cheer being given]
[Primus reclines on his throne, pleased as a cat that knocked an urn off the shelf]
[P] “Mmh… What a ride. Born the first and grown to be the most powerful entity on the planet. The seas of blood, the desperate pleas, the satisfaction one gets when the genocide is done and you can focus your attention elsewhere… Well, I feel quite spoiled.”
[SFX: Some polite laughter]
[P] “Hmhm… We Ancients are the most powerful things here. Driven by a need to grow in power! And I daresay, my dysfunctional little family, that we’ve done very well for ourselves. I mean, I think I deserve to brag about having my soul eternally preserved by the Grim Reaper himself, don’t you?”
[SFX: Murmurs of affirmation]
[P] “Thank you. I know you have to flatter me by proxy, but you’ve all been doing it with such gusto lately! I do appreciate it… So sorry I had to gut a few of you to get the point across but, hey, you know how it is.”
[SFX: More laughter]
[P] “So, a toast. To power and domination! To a thousand more years of culling the weak!”
[G] “Here here.”
[SFX: A cheethe music and ambiance fading back in while they resume their feast]
[After a moment, a young man pokes his head nervously into the hall]
[B] “A-Ah… Sire?”
[P] “Bernard, my favorite butler who is still alive! What can I do for you?”
[B, confused] “Sire? You appear to have a guest.”
[The Ancients all pause in their conversation, their King resting his cheek in his palm]
[P] “Oh? And what exactly is it this mysterious guest wants of the most powerful man on the planet?”
[The butler leans his head back for a moment and then pokes it back inside, infinitely paler]
[B] “...They said they are here to kill you, Sire.”
[SFX: The fire dipping briefly]
[There is silence at the table before the vampires all burst into laughter]
[P] “Oh my! And here I thought my guest of honor would be the one saying those words, eh, Grim?”
[G, chuckling] “It is a bit early in the evening, Primus… I haven’t touched my food yet.”
[P, still chuckling] “Oh, I do love a good prank… Alright. Why not? I do love my food fresh as possible."
[B] “Y-Yes, Sire.”
[The butler steps aside and allows you to enter]
[SFX: A coffin dragging across the ground]
[You walk into the dining hall of the Ancients and face Primus and his family]
[The First Vampire extends his arms, power making the room shake]
[P] “Well… Look at you. A ragged little thing with a ragged little shovel, shouldering a coffin on their ragged little back, hmhm. Trying to intimidate me, perhaps? Make me think, ‘Oh no, Death is coming for me!’. You may wish to wait until the man himself finishes eating.”
[The God of Death lets out a chuckle and raises a goblet in a toast]
[G] “Yes, do forgive me… I’m not really here to kill anyone tonight and, even if you could hurt Primus, I’ve agreed to safeguard his presence on this plane. After all… Someone must always be the strongest.”
[SFX: A swarm of crows cawing and flying outside]
[P] “Oh, look. It finally moved its head a little. Nice of you to-”.
[You break from your slow, rigid walk with a grunt. Before any of them can move, think, or react, you grasp the shovel and point it towards Death itself]
[G] “Ohoho… pointing that rusted little shovel at me? Did you literally just walk in here to die, little No Name?”
[SFX: The crows cawing getting loudeindecipherable whispering]
The strong
[SFX: The Listener clanging their shovel against the coffin once]
The weak
[SFX: The crows and whispers growing louder]
There is no difference
[P, laughing madly] “Oh, look at the show it's putting on! Crows and ravens blotting out the moonlight, conjuring mad little whispers! Adorable… But you must realize-”.
[The other Ancients recoil as you connect the shovel to the coffin once more]
An’ anatas ver’is…
[Death, somehow, pales. He stands, sweat pouring out of his brow]
[G] “W…What is this?!”
[P] “Grim…? What’s gotten into you?”
[G, panicking] “I-I don’t know this feeling, I don’t understand! M-My hands are shaking, I cannot breathe, I-I…”
[G, screaming] “STOP! PLEASE!”
[P] “Grim! Get a hold of yourself, you’re the God of Death!”
[Grim stumbles back, almost clawing at his chest in sheer, desperate adrenaline]
[G] “PLEASE!!!”
[P] “GRIM-!”
[The last hit rings out across the dining hall and the Grim Reaper screams once more, his entire essence bursting into long-cooled ash]
[SFX: Something akin to paper burning and crumbling to ash]
[There is silence in the hallway as the Grim Reaper crumbles to ash, screams faded into the night]
[P] “...You… killed him…”
[SFX: Clang]
[Primus flinches. It’s subtle but enough. You see weakness. Smell it]
[The Ancient sitting to his right stands, taking a few steps back]
[P] “Xander, hold your ground!”
[X] “...It just killed Death itself…”
[P] “If you dare show cowardice-!”
[G] “THERE IS NO COWARDICE IN TRYING TO PRESERVE YOURSELF, YOU FOOL! I am your general, you have trusted my decisions for eons! So swallow your damned pride and call for a retreat until we can figure out what we’re dealing with!!’
[SFX: Clang!]
[P] “...Call the retreat!”
[SFX: The crows and whispering escalating]
[The Ancients rise in a flurry, wings spreading as they try and head a retreat]
[X] “Move, MOVE! It’s weighed down by the coffin, use speed to your advantage!!”
[SFX: Bones cracking into place]
[P, lingering] “What is it doing?!”
[X] “It’s gone down to all fours… Maybe it’s winded?”
[SFX: The coffin rapidly scraping across the ground/arachnid-like movements]
[The general shoves him out of the way as you rapidly advance on all fours, darting between tables, silverware, from wall to the ceiling]
[Primus flies back as you pounce Xander, staring down into the general’s face]
[X, quiet/desperate] “Gods preserve me… It has no face-!”
[SFX: Vampiric wings flapping en masse and desperately]
[The others flee rapidly, almost stumbling over themselves while Gregor lies still beneath you, stoic still]
[X] “...Do it, then! Finish me off!”
[You lean down close to his ear, forming a mouth so you can speak]
[SFX: Flesh rending/rearranging/forming, if desired]
Anat’oros eslin veris.
[With that, you let him up, rising to your full height and slinging the coffin on your back]
[X] “...Is that the message you wish me to tell Primus?”
[You say nothing. You turn toward where Primus fled and begin another laborious walk after your target]
[X] “Wait! Why are you doing this?!”
[Again, you say nothing. You must move forward]
[SFX: A gradually fading series of ‘clangs’ from the Listener tapping their shovel on the ground]
[To be continued]
Anat’oros eslin veris.
They, who tills the field. They, who sings to the universe and hear its song in return.
Know well the shadow that stretches in their wake
And that shadow shall project from their deeds and word
A Destroyer, without a Songbird
To wake them from their dreams of grandeur and godhood
That shadow follows eternally
The projection of the one given everything and all they’ve done
submitted by ItsEsmeJones to ASMRScriptHaven [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:31 jimmy__jazz What's the scam? They want me to use WhatsApp.

A while back someone via reddit contacted me via chat and we started talking. I was of course apprehensive because I did not initiate the contact. Very quickly into the conversation, she unprompted sent me a picture of herself. Very attractive Asian woman, but an appropriate picture, not xxx rated. I initially thought it was a bot but still don't think it was. She kept trying to get me to use WhatsApp. Before I could even think of downloading the app, her acct was either banned or deleted.
Fast forward months later: I received a text message from someone asking for another person. I replied back she had the wrong number and person. She then continued the conversation for some reason and once again, unprompted, sent a G Rated photo. Once again, a very attractive Asian woman. Out of nothing but boredom I continued the conversation. She then wanted to continue on WhatsApp. Once again I was bored so I tried the app. I point blank asked if she was selling something or doing onlyfans or something. She got offended. I still continued the conversation.
As far as I can tell, she's not a bot. I think I would notice. However, it's clear that there's about to be a scam going on. What can I expect?
submitted by jimmy__jazz to investing [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:31 Throwra-Nerd17 My neighbor ghosted me - what’s the best way to reduce friction?

She had a crush on me then ghosted me?
I got ghosted - should I move on or try and talk to her again?
It all starts with a mutual friend of hours who happens to work at the same company as me. Me and him aren’t super close, but we’re what you’d call great work friends. He’s my favorite coworker, I see him on the way to work as he lives a bit closer so we usually meet up and walk the final leg. A coffee buddy, but not necessarily a go out party buddy or anything like that. He’s a few years my senior and has kids and a wife putting him in a completely different stage in life.
Anyway, the story goes that he mentioned someone who lives in my building I think he went to college with, but I get the impression it was more so a friend of his wives who also went to the same school. I had never paid attention to this girl, but seen her a few times around the high rise. You know like when you see a person and you’d recognize them, but wouldn’t do anything beyond that. I don’t recall if I ever even said hello. Again it’s one of those things, IDK why, but some people I say hello to right when I get on the elevator others I don’t.
He mentions her and how she said “who’s that guy he’s so handsome” and said she’s been crushing on me or a secret admirer I guess you’d call it. He first told me this at the end of April.
Well, finally I met her bumping into her I introduced myself we chatted for a couple mins and that was that. Again, a few days later I ran into her in the package room we rode the elevator up and just said hello. Not too much at all.
I felt like after the first interaction things were good, I think she knew I’d heard obviously what my friend had said but wasn’t awkward at all. We just smiled she said her name etc.
Next thing you know, she’s popping up everywhere on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, so a couple days after I see this I shoot her a follow request on Instagram. I check back the next day, still on requested. Then, the following day I go back and it says follow. WTF? Did I just get ghosted?
Also, I shot her a funny message on our housing portal app it’s like a community app where we submit vendor tickets, pay bills, and it has everyone’s contact in there where you can DM.
I sent one on there. A week later I’m sitting on ghosted 2x.
Eventually I’ll have to see her again simply by chance, but I’m absolutely going to take a backseat role here — right? My friend absolutely wouldn’t send me off, but we aren’t so close that I’d bother him over this. And based on the girls friendliness etc when we first introduced, she definitely seemed interested.
FWIW, I know she’s really close with this other girl I am friendly with who’s married. Me and this girl and sometimes her husband all keep the same schedule and she’s super friendly almost like she’s interested for her friend, if that makes sense. I haven’t seen her recently to notice any change in her attitude but will definitely be watching for it. I don’t even know her name, but we chat a lot when we run into each other.
What do my next steps look like? It seems obvious if she was super into me she would’ve at least replied to my message? Maybe too soon for IG, but IDK the whole thing seems off…
Honestly it won’t be awkward for me, but I feel bad if I did something that turned her away. I’m fine with just being neighbors at a distance.
submitted by Throwra-Nerd17 to Advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:31 ju2there4AITA AITA For talking about my mom while angry

I 14F was texting my dad 38M last week and recently because I was angry at my mom and I was calling her a weirdo and saying that I was tired of her existence also I got $50 from my dads friend for graduating 8th grade I spent some and had 27 left my my asked me for favors and said she’d pay me so I gave her my $27 to add with what she owed me and send it to me but I had asked her day after day she kept making jokes but I was actually angry so 2 days ago I wanted to go to this pop up SHEIN event but my mom wouldn’t give me my money she told me to ask my dad and when texting him I said that my mom was a weirdo for not sending my money then we got to talking about how I haven’t had fun on my birthday since my 10th birthday party because every part after wasn’t planned by me or something that I wanted so I was watching TikTok and fell asleep facing away from my mom on the couch when I woke up I seen my phone behind me and in me and my dads messages I initially thought that she went threw my messages but she’s never done it before so I pretended to still be asleep I heard her saying that she was “trying to send my dad a messages” saying that he didn’t have to give me the money anymore which is a lie because I sent my dad two messages he read but didn’t text back so she grabbed my phone and read me and my dads messages then she told my sister to inform me that she wasn’t speaking to me or my father and that we were both blocked then yesterday she says for her birthday (which is the same month as mine) that she wanted a $600 suitcase from the tote bag and my sister was calculating how much we would each have to put in and my mom says not to add me because she and I quote “is not doing shit for her or her birthday because I’m a weirdo” but then says she’s not mad at me but mad at my father because he didn’t stop me from referring to her as a weirdo and talking about her the way I did with us weird to me because I felt a since of security talking to my father and if I was talking to a therapist I none of it would be disclosed to her but also a little more to add is that I also said that even tho she spent thousands on my golden birthday that I didn’t have fun because I didn’t she rented a bunch of bouncy houses and closed down the block for my party but a situation happens where the ride that was for older kids ended up not getting set up so it was kiddie stuff and water rides I ended up not doing anything but walking around and eating slushees and hotdogs so I had no fun and got no birthday presents barely also I was really taken aback because I said a couple of things in private while i was angry but when she’s angry she tells me and my siblings that she hates us and called me and my brother fat so yeah after reading all of this AITA for talking about my mom while I was angry at her
submitted by ju2there4AITA to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:30 ElectronicWorry5029 [Real] (06/10/23) Lost in the Mirror

That’s kind of a dramatic title, huh? It’s the title of the book I’m reading and I didn’t really know what to name this entry. It kind of reminds me of “Alice In Wonderland”and “Through the Looking Glass”-Both stories of a girl and her wavering sense of self through various trials. I fckin knew I identified with those stories too much. Go figure. Sigh.
My therapist suggested this book; but she had to suggest it in such a way that I would pick it up from a point of curiosity rather than a place of needing help, otherwise I wouldn’t read it. I fell for the bait. She’s admittedly, pretty good.
You know. I don’t like any of this, for a lot of reasons. Some of the qualities that are used to describe people like me are really scary. “Splitting”?!!! That’s terrifying. “Black and white thinking”?! How incredibly limiting and isolating. “Fragmentation”?!!! Fuck offffffff. I’m not crazy, bro.
Some of it makes me really sad because it’s not a brain chemical thing. It’s an impact thing. I was born a normal, fully functional person…really bad stuff happened and then it kept happening over and over and over again until I became… this monster. I feel sad for little me. I remember what it was like to be little me too. I don’t think she deserved any of that shiz and I feel angry that from the start we didn’t have a chance to succeed. It makes me feel more hopeless.
Once I read about splitting it became a little bit less frightening. As an infant, we see our caregivers as good or evil dependent upon how they care for us and whether they meet our needs. Eventually, as we age, we form a whole picture of our caregivers and can integrate both the good we see in our caregiver and the bad. For someone like me, we continue the “good” and “evil” perceptions in order to protect ourselves. A small example of this is how I saw my father. I’ve always adored him. He is charming, popular, creative, funny, handsome, intelligent and magnetic. He was constantly attracting people to him and I loved that when I was in his good graces, I was his favorite. We talked about words and meanings behind song lyrics, we talked about movies and what they meant, we played puzzles and performed on his radio shows/commercials together. I worshipped him.
However, my dad also scared me. He had a darkness that I didn’t understand. When he was angry he hurt us. He threw things. Drug us out of bed in the middle of the night. I hated myself for loving him so much even when he was being violent. I tried to figure out his algorithm… what could I do to make him happy? Over time I learned that I needed to leave him alone… he would come to me when he wanted me and that’s how it’s been ever since.
I made small connections; the biggest one being that when he wore his glasses, he was angry. Somehow in my mind I believed that the glasses made him evil. When he wore his glasses, I made myself scarce. Having this belief helped me maintain the adoration I had for “good dad”. The book says that we have to make these kinds of “good” and “evil” connections if we are still reliant on caregivers because it helps us rationalize why we can love someone who hurts us so.
My mother’s abuse was more consistent. She was just “evil”. Though in adulthood I have found a great deal of compassion for her. Her childhood years were filled with sexual abuse and neglect. I find myself wondering if she and I are more alike then we realized.
The problem I have with this is that there ARE bad people in the world. I was with a man for a long time who did terrible, unspeakable things to me. He is not good. He is dangerous and I am only now coming to understand the depth of impact his abuse has had on me. My experience is not illegitimate because I have a condition.
My therapist says that acknowledging a disorder and treating it is no different than treating diabetes or high cholesterol. But it’s not really seen that way outside, is it? If you take a gander at support groups even within Reddit you’ll see so much hatred towards people like me. As if any of this was a choice. As if I woke up one day and decided that being an absolute villain would be a barrel of laughs. I saw my own ex questioning the validity and realness of our experience together on one of those sites and it broke my heart. My existence, my love language, my hard work, my investment…. My goodness all in question. And you know it’s funny that these so called normal people talk about us as being all bad because isn’t that why they are frustrated to begin with? Black and white thinking isn’t limited to people with disorders.
One thing that has stood out to me in my readings is the “magical nature” of people like me. The book describes how we are storytellers, whimsical… we can bring fairytales to life. And I like that. I don’t want to change that part of myself. People like me can’t be all bad, right? I started looking up good things about people like me because we just can’t all be evil. I appreciated what I found but the internet is kinda gross because it insinuates that the good things are basically mirages or part of an illusion carefully crafted to manipulate. There’s more of that black and white thinking. I’m Unsure of how I am supposed to tame this beast if I am being told that even my goodness is bad.
submitted by ElectronicWorry5029 to DiaryOfARedditor [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:30 AtriDevi_luna Smartphones listen to people, I have a direct evidence - it talked to us (without ever using Google Assistant)

I'm from Poland, I have this message written in English as I tried to share on more fitting subs but I don't even know where to share this bizzare situation, I tried on unpopularopinion but there was instant "bullshit" answer and the thread got removed after 3 minutes, I made a thread on /conspiracy but it got auto-deleted idk why, feels like you can't post anywhere on reddit without your thread getting insta-removed I quess this is a peak reddit moment, I'll try on my national forum then.. Ok, the case is:
Smartphone talked randomly to my family several times about topic we were currently discussing without ever using Google Assistant
1st time: - I was talking something stupid to my mom, her phone had a GPS going on.. suddenly, a voice from it said - It's hard to be funny but I'm still learning
2nd time - My mom was travelling with her other family , 4 people in the car - they were talking about sicknesses and my mom's phone said again: - It's good to know, I'll remember it =,=
3nd time - Totally another phone of my dad - He was playing with the dogs and the phone said: - I won't give you a paw..
Bonus: I googled it and some people had similar experiences, I remember one person said they were talking about holiday and it said: Ah, vacations - I hope I try it next year
The 4th comment found online is very fitting to the stuff we heard, it's literally a same style so I believe it was also real
submitted by AtriDevi_luna to poland [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:28 jnf_goonie 35 [M4F] Looking to get back into the dating scene

I haven't dated for a few years. Between juggling a full-time job, doing my Masters, and general life responsibilities I just couldn't find the time to dedicate to someone. Now that I've completed my Masters I'd like to get back into dating and spending meaningful time with someone. I've tried online dating and matched with many girls but when asked to meet up for coffee or drinks, it seem the conversation just fizzles and dies LOL! I think girls on dating sites probably get a shitload of messages and have a hard time deciding who to see perhaps.
Here's a few things about me:
If you've made it this far, appreciate you reading and if I pique your interest, shoot me a DM or chat :)
submitted by jnf_goonie to TorontoSinglesOver30 [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:28 Low-Promotion-2746 I hate how I still miss my ex

I’m 18F my ex is 20M we broke up more than one and a half years ago and I still miss him. I miss him a lot, I make up scenarios in my head that we’re together and we’re in the same uni and we somehow fall back in love again. But in reality he’s going to a total different uni than me and has a girlfriend.Truth to be told I think I still like him and I just hate myself for this. I also dream of him occasionally.
We didn’t even date for a month and I can’t believe I still think of him it’s just makes me angry and I hate myself for this. I also hate him for the way I was treated by him. He said he won’t leave and in the end he did. He never spent time with me at all. I hated how he described me to others yet I think of him.
At one point he came back and he kept messaging me but I just left him on read and didn’t reply because I was mad for what he had done to me and I regret not replying to him. I cried when I saw his texts I missed him so much but then i didn’t reply.
So anyways earlier today I was about to have a breakdown and my first instinct was to look at the account where I posted things about him and look at his pics and after a few minutes I was ok and everything was normal. I hate how he has a chokehold over me. I’m not sure but I feel like I still have some feelings for him. I just hate myself for still liking him
TDLR: ex treated me like shit and we broke up more than one and a half year ago and I think i still have feelings for him.
submitted by Low-Promotion-2746 to offmychest [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:27 HourlyWorn Looking for 5* Review on Google// Paying 1€ each PayPal F&F

Hey. I give you the opportunity to earn some money by placing 5* reviews on Google. If you have more accounts( they shouldn’t be new!) you can earn more money ofc. Payment is instant after publishing
Write me a message for more informations :)
You‘ll get the link for the review and also a pre written text you need to insert in your review. :)
submitted by HourlyWorn to beermoneyph [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:26 yirium I got PERMAbanned from r/stopdrinking for this single comment that contained no words 💀

I got PERMAbanned from stopdrinking for this single comment that contained no words 💀
Please delete if not allowed but I don’t see anything in the rules so I think it’s fine. But basically the title. I can’t believe it. I messaged and the mod said that I gave “unsolicited criticism of a moderator by inserting myself in a conversation that had nothing to do with me”. He also said that he saw me posting in other subreddits and not responding to his comment (that he literally deleted before I even saw) so that was another factor. 😭 it’s funny bc it’s ridiculous but I actually really liked that sub, moving over here now I guess 💀
submitted by yirium to alcoholism [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:26 Wrong-Breath4026 I can’t forget about my ex

I apologize in advance for the owl English, because it is not so good. Although i don't think that online relationships are good, i had one half year ago. This girl was literally my exact copy and we got along from the very beginning. Our relationship lasted 4 months, although this is not long but it was best times in my life. We breakup because of lots of arguments (especially related to my jealousy). I mean i am jealous because she is most beautiful girl i ever saw and i think that i am ugly (she used to look at me like i am most handsome person in the whole world, but it didn't rise my opinion about myself. When we started face with arguments almost every day she told me that she doesn't love me anymore, but we didn't stop our relationship and started solving problems together. At one moment after that i started act cold because of stress and pressure due to exams and other problems, she thought that i didn't love her anymore and she asked me "(my name), do you still love me?" my answer was i don't know. This was my most stupid mistake ever because i knew that i love her as much as i possibly can. After this conversation she sent a big text about how much she loves me and described every month with me and at the end she said "you are my first love and i will never forget you, you was only person who i loved more than anything and anyone in my life" Next 3-4 months i cried, remembered her and read our messages again again and again, I still act with other like nothing happened but i was in depression. In summary, even if she hate me now, still love her and wish her happiness and love. She definitely deserves best.
submitted by Wrong-Breath4026 to u/Wrong-Breath4026 [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 22:24 DifferentLanguage731 Alleged "no contact"

brief summary of my situation - affair lasted 1yr with older MM at work, he changed jobs but a few months ago confessed to his wife about the affair and said we couldn't speak we're speaking again, sort of. (more details in past posts)
today marked two years since MM first asked me for coffee, and it took me back to when everything was all innocent friendship at the start (or at least i didn't fancy him at that time so thought his crush was harmless BIG LOL). i had no idea the mess this would cause.
things have been weird. he views all my stories on social media and messages me once or twice a week. but it all stays light and friendly, when i tried to talk more deeply a few weeks ago he went back to his line of "i can never speak to you again, i can't fix things while still speaking to you blah blah blah, we can maybe talk once a month but THAT's IT" then literally 2 days later it's like he said none of that - he went on a business trip and texted me all day every day when he was there.
i'm just confused. he knows he can't fix his relationship with his wife while he's still texting me, however infrequently, but it's not like he can ever see me again. so what's his plan here? he decided to stay and try and make it work so why doesn't he just do that and block me forever? and on a similar note, why hasn't his wife made him block me? can she tell he's still in contact with me?
he didn't want to leave so then he should just STAY and cut me out! he knows this, i know this so what gives?
submitted by DifferentLanguage731 to theotherwoman [link] [comments]