Bought a french press about a month ago, and I've only been buying cheap coffee grounds at Coffee Corner. I kinda wanna splurge a little and try out other coffee grounds this time, any suggestions? Preferably something I can buy via shopee :)
ty in advance!!

Jurassic World: Dominion is the third and final film in the Jurassic World trilogy and the direct sequel to the 2018 film Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. It is the sixth film in the Jurassic Park film series and served as the conclusion to the Jurassic World saga as a whole.
The sequel was first confirmed by Fallen Kingdom director, Juan Antonio Bayona.[1] Filming began in Canada in February 2020 and the film was released internationally on June 10, 2022. It was previously set for release on June 11, 2021, but it was pushed back a year due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
While Dominion will round out a trilogy of films that began in 2015 with Jurassic World), an interview with Frank Marshall revealed that Dominion will be the beginning of a "new era", hinting at further sequels as a result of Fallen Kingdom's ending.[2][3]
The film was released theatrically on June 10, 2022.

Contents

• 1Plot
• 2Cast
• 3List of Prehistoric Creatures in the film
  • 3.1Dinosaurs that were cut or considered
• 4Production
  • 4.12010
  • 4.22015
  • 4.32018
  • 4.42019
  • 4.52020
  • 4.62021
  • 4.72022
• 5Videos
• 6Gallery
• 7Transcript
• 8Trivia
• 9References
• 10External links

Fandom Trivia

QuizJurassic Park Quiz: Do you know your prehistoric trivia?21 questionsCheck out more quizzes at Fandom Trivia

Plot

Four years after the volcanic destruction of Isla Nublar and the Lockwood Estate incident, de-extinct dinosaurs now live alongside with the humans worldwide. Claire Dearing, former operations manager of Jurassic World), works to protect dinosaurs from illegal breeding organizations. She and Owen Grady have been living in a remote mountain cabin in Sierra Nevada to protect Maisie Lockwood, Sir Benjamin Lockwood's cloned granddaughter. They are surprised when Blue, Owen’s trained Velociraptor, suddenly arrives at the cabin with an offspring. Maisie dubs it “Beta”. Unknown to them, Biosyn Genetics CEO Lewis Dodgson has targeted Maisie. Dodgson's operatives, led by Rainn Delacourt, kidnap Maisie and Beta when Maisie, frustrated with living in seclusion, sneaks away to a nearby town. Owen and Claire immediately set off to rescue them.
Elsewhere, an extinct species of locust has reappeared and is threatening the world’s crop and food supply. Paleobotanist Ellie Sattler, now divorced, has noticed how the locusts avoid Biosyn-produced crops, leading Ellie to suspect that Biosyn is breeding them. She approaches paleontologist and former romantic partner, Dr. Alan Grant, who agrees to help stop Biosyn’s operations. Meanwhile, Claire and Owen track Beta and Maisie to Malta, where they discover a massive dinosaur black market and their friend Barry Sembène, now a French Intelligence Agent. As Claire and Owen disrupt the market, dinosaurs are unintentionally released, causing havoc. As Owen interrogated Delacourt who was later killed during the chaos, Claire incapacitates and interrogates Biosyn operative Soyona Santos, who reveals that Maisie and Beta are being transported to Biosyn’s headquarters in Italy's Dolomites mountain range. Afterwards, Santos is arrested by Barry. While at the market, they meet Kayla Watts, a sympathetic pilot who delivers the live cargo for market vendors and has access to Biosyn HQ. Escaping an attack from an Atrociraptor pack, she agrees to fly Owen and Claire there.
Chaos theorist Ian Malcolm now works for Biosyn. He invites Alan and Ellie to the headquarters to secretly help investigate the locust problem. Biosyn’s communications director, Ramsay Cole, works with Ian and covertly opposes Biosyn’s operations. Geneticist Henry Wu has also joined Biosyn and clandestinely created the locust species, specifically designed to consume rival crops and make Biosyn products more competitive. When Maisie and Beta are brought to Biosyn HQ, Wu tells Maisie that she is Charlotte Lockwood's cloned daughter. Charlotte, Wu’s colleague on Site B), wanted a child and used her own DNA to reproduce Maisie without a mate. Charlotte died due to a genetic disease, but she had altered Maisie’s DNA to make her immune. Wu wants to study Maisie, believing that her DNA is key to creating a pathogen to halt the locust outbreak. Blue reproduced Beta in the same way, so Wu had ordered Beta’s capture as well.
Upon reaching Biosyn airspace, a Quetzalcoatlus attacks Kayla’s cargo plane. Claire ejects, while Owen and Kayla crash land the plane. Following an encounter with a territorial Therizinosaurus and a Pyroraptor, the three are reunited. After stealing a locust sample from the Biosyn lab, Alan and Ellie escape, then rescue Maisie from Wu’s lab. Having discovered the intruders via security camera footage, Dodgson sets fire to the locust laboratory to destroy any evidence Alan and Ellie uncovered. The fire spreads, engulfing the entire facility and headquarters in flames. Dodgson tries to pass his legacy to Ramsay, but Ramsay abandons him. Ian helps Alan, Ellie, and Maisie escape the facilities and the entire crew meet up Owen, Claire, and Kayla, the former two reuniting with Maisie. Dodgson attempts to escape with dinosaur embryos via a monorail, but three Dilophosauruses kill him inside a tunnel.
The resident Giganotosaurus fights with Rexy), but overpowers it, almost killing it and the people stranded beneath it. But before the Giganotosaurus can kill them, a Therizinosaurus distracts it long enough for Rexy) to push it into the Therizinosaurus' waiting claws, killing it in an instant. The group rescues Wu, who says he can eliminate the locust infestations. The humans escape in a Biosyn aircraft. Back on the mainland, Wu releases a modified locust that carries a pathogen he discovered while studying Maisie, successfully eradicating the locust outbreak. Ellie and Alan renew their relationship as they prepare to testify against the now-destroyed Biosyn. Owen, Claire, and Maisie return home, where Beta reunites with Blue. Around the world, dinosaurs learn to co-exist with the modern world. About a month later, Rexy encounters the Buck and Doe from Isla Sorna) in Biosyn valley, which has now declared a dinosaur sanctuary by the United Nations.

Cast

Jurassic World: Dominion features an ensemble cast of actors reprising their roles from previous Jurassic Park and Jurassic World films.

• Chris Pratt as Owen Grady
• Bryce Dallas Howard as Claire Dearing
• Laura Dern as Ellie Sattler
• Jeff Goldblum as Ian Malcolm
• Sam Neill as Alan Grant
• DeWanda Wise as Kayla Watts
• Mamoudou Athie as Ramsay Cole[4]
• B. D. Wong as Henry Wu
• Omar Sy as Barry Sembène
• Isabella Sermon as Maisie Lockwood / Young Charlotte Lockwood
• Campbell Scott as Lewis Dodgson
• Justice Smith as Franklin Webb
• Scott Haze as Rainn Delacourt[5]
• Daniella Pineda as Zia Rodriguez
• Dichen Lachman as Soyona Santos[5]
• Kristoffer Polaha as Wyatt Huntley[6]
• Elva Trill as Charlotte Lockwood
• Varada Sethu as Shira[7]
• Caleb Hearon as Jeremy Bernier[8]
• Freya Parker as Denise Roberts
• Alexander Owen as Angus Hetbury
• Ahir Shah as Sundar Kumar
• Teresa Cendon-Garcia as Farmer Peréz
• Manuela Mora as Alicia Peréz
• Bastian Antonio Fuentes as Ramon Peréz
• Joel Elferink as Jeffrey
• Ben Ashenden as Tyler
• Enzo Squillino Jr. as Wigi
• Mo Brings Plenty as Shep Wauneka
• Emilie Jumeaux as Rosa Delgado
• Elan Ross Gibson as Shop Owner
• Dimitri 'Vegas' Thivaios as Maltese Smuggler
• Joe Azzopardi as Rooftop Agent
• Jasmine Chiu as Gemma Zhao
• Aisling Sharkey as Madison
• Eleonor Tata as EMT
• Patrick Loungway as Paleontologist)
• Glynis Davies as Carolyn O'Hara
• Ben Cooke as Black Car Driver
• Cokey Falkow as Hunter)
• Cathleen Summers as Tourist)
• Yasmine Bouabid as Rescue Chopper Pilot

List of Prehistoric Creatures in the film

• Alexornis
• Allosaurus[9]
• Alphadon
• Ankylosaurus
• Apatosaurus
• Atrociraptor[10]
  • Ghost
  • Panthera
  • Red)
  • Tiger
• Baryonyx
• Brachiosaurus
• Carnotaurus
• Chasmosaurus
• Chirostenotes
• Compsognathus
• Dilophosaurus
• Dimetrodon
• Dimorphodon
• Dreadnoughtus[10]
• Edmontonia
• Edmontosaurus
• Gallimimus[11]
• Giant lamprey
• Giant locust
• Giganotosaurus[10]
• Gorgosaurus
• Hesperonychus
• Iguanodon[10]
• Lystrosaurus[12]
  • Leonard
• Microceratus
• Monoclonius
• Moros[10]
• Mosasaurus[13]
• Nasutoceratops[14][10]
• Olorotitan[10]
• Oviraptor (Extended Edition)
• Pachyrhinosaurus
• Parasaurolophus
• Parksosaurus
• Pentaceratops
• Prosaurolophus
• Protoceratops
• Psittacosaurus=
• Pteranodon
• Pterodactyls
• Pyroraptor
• Quetzalcoatlus[10]
• Saurolophus
• Seismosaurus
• Sinoceratops
• Supersaurus
• Stegosaurus
• Stygimoloch
• Styracosaurus
• Therizinosaurus
• Triceratops
• Troodon
• Tupuxuara
• Tyrannosaurus rex[10]
  • Rexy)
  • Tyrannosaur Buck[15]
  • Tyrannosaur Doe[15]
• Unidentified carcass (Extended Edition)
• Unidentified Cretaceous bird (Extended Edition)
• Unidentified Cretaceous mosquito (Extended Edition)
• Velociraptor)[10]
  • Blue
  • Beta

Dinosaurs that were cut or considered

• Deinonychus (cut)[16]
• Elmisaurus (cut)[17]
• Mamenchisaurus (cut)[18]
• Microraptor (cut)
• Ornithocheirus (cut)
• Pachycephalosaurus (cut)
• Pachyrhinosaurus (cut)
• Spinosaurus (cut)[19]
• Carnotaurus Toro (cut)[20]
• Suchomimus (cut)

image
About me / why the hell am I doing this:
Coffee noob here. I’ve only been brewing Pete’s Major Dickason’s (regular and decaf, pre-ground) at home. Generally with vanilla/caramel and milk. I’ve decided to walk into the murky brown waters of coffee snobbery with a few goals.

1. let’s drink same better coffee
2. If it’s better i need less cream/sugar?
3. Gotta keep the caffeine down. As I age it fucks up my sleep more and more.

So I dug around the web and this sub for some recommendations . I wound up with a brand new coffee grinder, the OXO Burr grinder since I’m only doing drip in my ninja coffee bar (definitely overkill for what I’m doing but the pandemic was a strange time without office coffee and it seemed like a good investment).
Furthermore I decided I’d try a range of coffees since almost everything I’ve drank has been a dark roast from Starbucks or Pete’s. I ran into savorista.com and ordered some 5oz sample bags from them.
Coffees (all from Savorista):

• Coffee (A): Kenyan Safari - Half Caf
• Coffee (B): Total Eclipse - Full Decaf
• Coffee (C): Panorama - Half Caf
• Coffee (D) Colombian Skylight - Half Caf
• Coffee (E) Kenyan Sunset - Full decaf - Not tested because they didn’t ship it to me > : \

Methodology:
I might as well do this scientifically right?
I’ve never used the grinder before so this was completely blind with the grind and the coffees.
Equipment:

• OXO Burr grinder
• Ninja Coffee Bar
• Pur pitcher filtered water
• Kitchen scale
• Four identical coffee mugs
• Four tiny spoons that came with my silverware set that I’ve never used until today.
• Half and half
• Torani Vanilla Syrup
• Kitchen meat thermometer

For each coffee:

• Measure out 13g of beans
• Grind on setting 8 (medium)
• Clean out burr
• Hit grind again to clear out remaining coffee
• Reweigh coffee verify still 13g
• Place coffee into the Ninja Coffee Bar (metal basket, no paper filter)
• Brew on XL cup and “rich” brew settings. (I meant to do normal cup but screwed up on the first one and just rolled with it) - The manual says this will be approximately 10oz of coffee.

With all coffees brewed I began testing. I checked temperatures before drinking to help normalize any temperature issues. I cooled with a small amount ice for the freshest and microwaved on some of the rounds when the temps fell below 120ish.
Each cup is labeled with A-D to obfuscate which coffee I was drinking. I mean this isn’t exactly double blind here but I’m too stupid to even know what the tasting notes mean so it’s good enough for the Reddit academy of sciences.
Round 1: Black
So I’m not a black coffee drinker but I’m looking to get closer to it just to reduce my liquid calorie intake. Let’s see what I think!
I try Coffee D first because it was brewed first so as to normalize temps. I then work backwards because I forgot the order of the rest of them.
Initial thoughts: “God this kinda tastes like dirt. Mmm i should run through them all first because I’m not used to black coffee so I’m probably going to be overly harsh on the first one.” I give them all a sample before writing any tasting notes.
Notes D-A (tasting order)

• (D) Colombian Skylight @ 124F
  • Lighter tasting than Pete’s. “Earthy” i.e. it seriously has a dirt quality to it
• (C) Panorama @ 145F
  • Seems a little darker. Definitely has a fruity/citrus taste to it. Very apparent in the after taste. Not sure I like this but if I’m drinking it black it might be a nice to have a different flavor profile.
• (B) Total Eclipse @ 135F
  • Flat, smooth. No real bitters, no real acids. A very blank canvas as far as coffee goes (at this point I question my expertise. Is this really good coffee or really boring coffee? Eh, whatever.” Also “Fuck I should have brewed a Pete’s as a control. I guess I leave that for the replication studies”
• (A) Kenyan Safari @ 138F (added a small amount of ice to bring it down from 155F)
  • Slightly acidic, this is ok. Kind of a milder version of C but a little darker tasting. Seems like there’s a lot going on. I don’t quite know what to make of it.

Overall: I’m not sure black coffee is for me. This may be something I work towards but I think at a minimum I need a bit of half and half. (My stomach will probably thank me for that anyway).
Round 2: Add half-and-half
Coffees had cooled so the coldest were microwaved to even things out.

• (D) Colombian Skylight @ 120F
  • Smooth. Almost watery. Probably too used to dark roast. Drinkable
• (C) Panorama @ 145F
  • Somehow the fruity notes are even stronger with milk. Not sure this one is for me.
• (B) Total Eclipse @ 117F
  • Still very smooth. Seems like a great base for flavored drinks since it’s so unopinionated. Might be boring for some if no other flavors added.
• (A) Kenyan Safari @ 128F
  • Acid notes aren’t as amplified as C was. I think If I’m adding things to the coffee this is a better choice than C is.

Overall: A little half-and-half assisted coffee might be an equilibrium I can deal with to save some calories.
Round 3: fuck it, here comes the vanilla
All coffees were microwaved since some had made it below 110 and wasn’t great. All cups were given two pumps of vanilla and stirred with the tiny spoons. Apparently my lab assistant (me) didn’t record the temps here. Let’s just assume everything was 122.7F. (Fuck this compromises everything)

• (D) Colombian Skylight @ 126F
  • Slight acid coming through. Crisp. Almost apple?
• (C) Panorama @ ???F
  • The fruity tastes totally still cuts through. Against the vanilla it’s sort of cherry/raspberry taste. This is kinda bad with vanilla.
• (B) Total Eclipse @ ???F
  • Still very very smooth. If I’m sticking with cream and vanilla this seems like a nice cup.
• (A) Kenyan Safari @ ???F
  • Some acid comes through. As with the other tests this one feels like a baby brother of C. Probably better with vanilla and cream than C. Think this will come down to personal taste and might actually be fairly divisive for people.

Overall: The lighter and more acidic/fruity coffees don’t seem like a good fit for syrups.
Final conclusions and rankings

• #4 Kenyan Safari (A)
  • This coffee felt like it was all over the place. Maybe this is a “complex” profile that people like. I just felt more confused to me. Perhaps in time I’ll consider this a great coffee.
• #3 Panorama (C)
  • I didn’t particularly like how strongly citrusy this one was. It won over Kenyan Safari though because I felt like it at least picked a lane and that in time it might be my “black” coffee. (Or I’ll totally hate it)
• #2 Colombian Skylight (D)
  • Despite my initial thoughts of this being dirt like I kind of came around on it. Of the light varieties it seems to be the easiest on-ramp.
• #1 Total Eclipse (B)
  • This is probably a totally biased take since I’m used to dark coffees but the more I drank this the more I liked it. It lacked some of the more bitter notes I would get with the pre-ground Pete’s. Maybe this is just grinding your own beans but I thought it was better than fresh from a Pete’s or Starbucks barista to. It very much “just” coffee and seems like a very versatile brew.

So that’s it. I can’t wait for everyone to tell me how wrong I am and why I need a $6000 La Marzcoco and I shouldn’t waste my time. :)

• haven't been on here much, usually stick to Indiemakeupandmore & IndieExchange
  
• I prefer messages to chat invites
  
• $4.50 shipping, Paypal ($5 for Annabel's Birthday Cake)
  
• feel free to make an offer should go out Monday
  
• PHOTOS
  

​
Samples
• Arcana Love ~1.25ml (vanilla accord, fresh cream, sugarcane, soft musk, a pinch of tea leaves) $4.50
• Arcana Paddling the Pink Canoe ~1.25ml (dragonsblood, vintage patchouli, citron, pink salt, pink musk, amber) $4.50
• Arcana Spark ~1.25ml (Regina cherries, roasted coffee beans, Mexican vanilla, rich black earth, sweet smoke) $4.50
• Billie Eilish Eilish No 2 3.5ml rollerball (apple blossom, bergamot, black pepper, papyrus, poppy, palo santo, ebony, vanilla) $5
• Kyse Macarons 1ml (heliotrope, marzipan, hint of cherry, caramelized sugar, velvety vanilla custard, a soft smooth myrrh) $1
• Pearfat 2030 Park Avenue 1ml (candied lemon, fresh rain, ambrette, tuberose, cedarwood) $6 SOLD
• Pearfat Big Floppy Flowers 1ml (pink pepper, green mandarin, Lily of the Valley, wild celery, daisies, tall grass) $6 SOLD
• Pearfat Bread+Roses 1ml (french bread, cocoa, labdanum, rose, nutmeg, sweet orange) $6 SOLD
• Pearfat I Broke My Own Heart 1ml (petitgrain, toasted coconut, jasmine, seaweed, sandalwood) $6 SOLD
• Pearfat Kewpie Doll 1ml (sweet basil, vinyl, Calabrian bergamot, summer blooms, tomato leaf) $6 SOLD
• Pearfat Stomped On Bed Of Lettuce 1ml (pink pepper, rhubarb, grapefruit, patchouli, frankincense, civet, oakmoss, saltwater) $6 SOLD
• Stereoplasm Comet Corn 1.8ml rollerball (crunchy clods of caramel corn with coconut-cream chocolate, jet puffed marshmallow, Europa sea salt) $2
​
Bottles
• Marissa Zappas Annabel's Birthday Cake 50ml (heliotrope, lemon sugar, balloons, candied rose petals, tuberose frosting, cake-fresh-out-the-oven, honeycomb, roasted tonka, cocoa absolute) $120
• Parfums De Nicolai Poudre de Musc Intense 15ml (petitgrain, raspberry, orange flower, hawthorn, aldehydes, musk, sandalwood, amber) $20
• Victoria's Secret Angel fragrance mist, 75ml (plum, pink pepper, violet, gardenia, musk, agarwood, ambergris) $5 SOLD

• RIS (received in swap/purchased secondhand) / PBM (purchased by me/direct from brand) / BNNU (brand new never used) / FWP (free with purchase), slinks are usually ~0.7ml
  
• Paypal G&S, shipping: $4 for just samples or $5 for 30ml+ bottles
  
• some labels might be stained/torn/worn, which I don't always note
  
• samples can be hard to estimate what's left but I try to note any that seem less than half full
  
• feel free to ask if you want more detail/photos
  
• might be slow to respond, better to send PM than chat (if needed)
  

​
INDIE
• Arcana Love, PBM, ~1.25ml (vanilla accord, fresh cream, sugarcane, soft musk, a pinch of tea leaves) $4.50
• Arcana Paddling the Pink Canoe, PBM, ~1.25ml (dragonsblood, vintage patchouli, citron, pink salt, pink musk, amber) $4.50
• Arcana Spark, PBM, ~1.25ml, label stained (Regina cherries, roasted coffee beans, Mexican vanilla, rich black earth, sweet smoke) $4.50
• Kyse Macarons, RIS, 1ml, label ruined/illegible (heliotrope, marzipan, hint of cherry, caramelized sugar, velvety vanilla custard, a soft smooth myrrh) $1
• Pearfat 2030 Park Avenue, PBM, 1ml (candied lemon, fresh rain, ambrette, tuberose, cedarwood) $6
• Pearfat Big Floppy Flowers, PBM, 1ml (pink pepper, green mandarin, Lily of the Valley, wild celery, daisies, tall grass) $6
• Pearfat Bread+Roses, PBM, 1ml (french bread, cocoa, labdanum, rose, nutmeg, sweet orange) $6
• Pearfat I Broke My Own Heart, PBM, 1ml (petitgrain, toasted coconut, jasmine, seaweed, sandalwood) $6
• Pearfat Kewpie Doll, PBM, 1ml (sweet basil, vinyl, Calabrian bergamot, summer blooms, tomato leaf) $6
• Pearfat Stomped On Bed Of Lettuce, PBM, 1ml (pink pepper, rhubarb, grapefruit, patchouli, frankincense, civet, oakmoss, saltwater) $6
• Stereoplasm Comet Corn, RIS, 1.8ml rollerball (crunchy clods of caramel corn with coconut-cream chocolate, jet puffed marshmallow, Europa sea salt) $2
​
LESS INDIE
• Billie Eilish Eilish No 2 edp, PBM, 3.5ml rollerball (apple blossom, bergamot, black pepper, papyrus, poppy, palo santo, ebony, vanilla) $5
• Marissa Zappas Annabel's Birthday Cake edp, PBM, 50ml, ~98% full (heliotrope, lemon sugar, balloons, candied rose petals, tuberose frosting, cake-fresh-out-the-oven, honeycomb, roasted tonka, cocoa absolute) $120
• Parfums De Nicolai Poudre de Musc Intense edp, PBM, 15ml, ~95% full, came a little scuffed up (petitgrain, raspberry, orange flower, hawthorn, aldehydes, musk, sandalwood, amber) $20
FEEL FREE TO MAKE ME AN OFFER

Another week, another late post. Sorry, Frugal Fairy Toddler had her first dance recital this week so I’m late getting this out. We’re super proud of our girl, she has CP and was able to participate without assistive devices for her 30 minute classes. This is amazing because she was only able to take steps on her own less than a year ago and we were told the worst case outcomes and not to expect her to ever walk on her own.
This week the flyers are a bit meh. There’s a focus on Easter meal items, lots of deals on ham and turkey as well as stuffing and gravy. Good prices on carrots, onions, broccoli and potatoes too. Stock up prices on sugar if you’re into canning jams and fruits in the summer.
New coupons are out for Kellogg’s Websaver. Of note is one for 1$ off Eggos. They’re 3.99$ at Superstore and you get 2500 PC Optimum points (2.50$ value) for each.
Circle K is giving away free bottles of Canada Dry, Monster Energy drink, and Guru Energy drink. Checkout the website for their coupons.
Head over to my Instagram page because I'm celebrating 2000 followers with a giveaway. I'm giving away a 50$ gift card for the NBA store. Contest closes Monday at noon.
You can find deals, links to referrals with sign up incentives, coupons, tips, and recipes on my Instagram (www.instagram.com/frugalfairygodmother). I try to post new content every day. If you’re interested, Flashfood has upped their sign-up referral bonus to 5$ when you use my code and spend 10$ on the app.

Good Prices on Groceries

Farm Boy
4.99$ Large raw shrimp. This is a crazy good price for Farm Boy and for shrimp. I usually pay 7$ on sale at the Weston chains.
2.99$ Farm Boy fruit filled jams 250ml. I haven’t tried these, but the Farm Boy brand has been pretty good from what I have tried.
Food Basics
1.88$ Pineapple whole, or raspberries ½ pint
2.88$ Cauliflower or Romaine lettuce 3 pack
4.88$/18 Eggs. You’re going to see lots of deals on eggs this week because of Easter. Stock up even if you’re not dying eggs. But seriously, try dying eggs even I you don’t have kids. A little food colouring and a splash of vinegar in a glass of water for a few minutes. Toss them back into the carton and use them for the week. You deserve a little joy. Having coloured eggs is fun.
4.44$ Black Diamond cheese blocks, or shreds, Boursin
3.44$/lb Ground beef
2.88$ Dempster’s Signature bagels. There’s a Websaver.ca loadable cashback rebate of 2$.
3.99$ Philly cream cheese or Kraft Singles. There are 2$ tear pad coupons for Philly and 1$ for Kraft Singles in stores now. I found them at No Frills.
5.99$ Kraft PB or Hazelnut spread. 1$ off tear pad coupons in stores.
2.88$ Grape tomatoes or Baby cucumbers
1.98$ Broccoli crowns, carrots or onions. 25¢ cashback from Eclipsa for broccoli and carrots
4.98$ Tre Stelle Ricotta. 1.50$ off printable coupon available. Link via Instagram under Dairy Farmers.
99¢ Cadbury Creame Eggs
Foodland
Spend 60$, get 200 Scene+ points (2$ value), spend 80$ get 300 Scene+ points (3$ value), spend 100$ get 500 Scene+ points (5$ value). Barcode in flyer to scan at checkout.
1.95$/lb Butterball turkey (Scene+ member price). 25¢ cashback from Websaver.ca.
1.88$ Dare crackers
2.49$ Grape tomatoes pint
3.99$ Jif peanut butter 500g. There are 1$ off coupons in stores now. This is the smaller sized jars but with the coupon it’s a good price. 25¢ cashback from Eclipsa and Websaver.ca.
Fortinos
1.29$ Baby carrots. 25¢ cashback from Eclipsa.
2.99$ Romaine lettuce 3 pack
4.99$ Cracker Barrel blocks or shreds. There are 1$ off tear pad coupons in stores now.
99¢ Stove Top Stuffing, Club House Gravy mix, Green Giant canned vegetables. This is a really good price for canned veggies, so stock up.
3.99$ Lindt bunnies, best price I’ve seen for these this year.
3.49$ Silk, there are 1$ off tear pad coupons that were in stores last month.
Freshco
1.88$ Raspberries ½ pint
79¢/lb Sweet Potatoes. This is a great price. Stock Up! 25¢ cashback from Websaver.ca.
4.44$ Armstrong cheese bricks or shreds. 1$ off tear pad coupons in stores.
1.99$ Carrots or onions 3lbs (Walmart has 3lb bags of carrots for 94¢ this week. Price match their price and upload your receipt to Eclipsa.
2.49$ Celery. Get 50 Scene+ points (50¢ value)
7.99$ Folgers coffee 544-816g. There is a 1.50$ tear pad coupon in stores right now.
99¢ Stove Top stuffing or Club House gravy mix
2.99$ Glad plastic wrap, get 200 Scene+ points (2$ value) when you buy 2.
24.99$ Finish dishwasher tabs, 72-105 count. Get 1000 Scene+ points (10$ value) when you buy 2. There are 2$ off printable coupons available to use on each. Price match Real Canadian Superstore’s price at 19.99$.
3.99$ Pineapple, get 50 Scene+ points (50¢ value) for each. Price match Food Basics at 1.88$ for an even better deal.
88¢ Passion Fruit. I don’t know if this is a good price, but I am super interested in trying a couple fresh passion fruits.
Giant Tiger
87¢ Club House Gravy mix
1.47$/4 Tomatoes or mushrooms 227g. 25¢ cashback from Eclipsa for mushrooms.
3.44$ Olymel bacon
1.88$ Carrots or onions, 2lbs. 25¢ Websaver and Eclipsa cashback rebates for carrots.
97¢ Stove Top stuffing
3.99$ Bar Keeper’s Friend
1.25$ Iogo 4 packs
Metro
1.99$ 25¢ Broccoli crowns or mushrooms, 227g. 25¢ cashback from Eclipsa for either.
4.99$ Cracker Barrel cheese blocks or shreds. There are 1$ off tear pad coupons in store.
7.99$/30 Eggs.
9$ When you buy any 3 Dempsters or Villagio, bread, buns, tortillas or bagels. There are printable coupons for buy 1 get 1 free Dempster’s products and printable coupons for 1$ off Villagio Artesano bread.
99¢ Club House gravy mix
7$/2 Kellogg’s treat bars. There are 1.50$ off tear pad coupons in stores or check Websaver.ca for Kellogg’s coupons to print, mail or cashback. CheckOut51 also has cashback rebates on these.
No Frills
1.99$ Potatoes 10lbs. Get 500 PC Optimum points (50¢ value) for each bag. 25¢ cashback from Websaver.ca.
1.88$/bunch Asparagus. Great price on this. 25¢ cashback from Websaver.ca.
6$ Farmer’s Market pies. Get 1000 PC Optimum points (1$ value) for each.
1.77$ Lantic sugar 1kg. If you’re planning on canning this summer, this is a great price for sugar. 25¢ cashback from Websaver.ca.
1.99$ Broccoli crowns. 25¢ cashback from Eclipsa.
1.99$/lb Tomatoes
9$/2 Taylor Farms salad kits. I LOVE the dill kit. So good.
99¢ Mangoes
4.99$/18 Eggs
3.99$ Breyer’s Creamery Ice Cream
3000 PC Optimum points (3$ value) when you spend 10$ on Campbell’s soup or broth. Price match Walmart at 1.27$ for broth.
3.99$ Philly cream cheese. 2$ tear pad coupons in store right now.
2.75$ Cheez It crackers. These are in the flyer for 2.99$, but they are 2.75$ at my store. Get 500 PC Optimum points (50¢ value) for each. There is also a 50¢ loadable instant coupon you can use up to 4 times. Link via Instagram. You can try to price match Superstore’s multi-buy price of 2.50$ each by showing the price on the Superstore website. YMMV.
9$/2 Pillers deli meat. There are 1$ off printable coupons on the Pillers website.
99¢/lb Rutabaga. I like to make a rutabaga mash as a side dish with some apple and onion. It’s a Canadian Living recipe.
1.29$ Cucumbers
Real Canadian Superstore
1.99$ 25¢ cashback from Websaver.ca. es 10lbs, get 500 PC Optimum points (50¢ value).
1.99$/lb Chicken drums
1.99$ Broccoli crowns. 25¢ cashback from Eclipsa.
2.99$ PC Chocolate bars or covered nuts (Member price). 25¢ cashback from Websaver.ca.
1.99$ Onions or carrots, 3lbs. Price match Walmart at 94 for carrots and submit the receipt to Eclipsa for 25¢ cashback from each.
6$ Farmer’s Market pies. Get 1000 PC Optimum points (1$ value) for each.
3.99$/18 Eggs.THIS IS THE BEST PRICE THIS WEEK.
99¢ Club House Gravy mix
6000 PC Optimum points (6$ vaue) when you spend 20$ on Cadbury Easter chocolate. Price match other stores for the best value. 25¢ cashback from Websaver.ca.
Buy 2 boxes of Kellogg’s jumbo sized cereal and get a free Neilson Truetaste milk. There are 2$ off Kellogg’s coupons or 2$ Websaver cashback rebates for the cereal.
2.99$ Tre Stelle cream cheese. There are 1.50$ off tear pad coupons in stores.
4.99$ Cracker Barrel cheese blocks and shreds. There are 1$ off tear pad coupons in stores now.
3.99$ Eggo waffles. Get 2500 PC Optimum points (2.50$ value) for each. I’m not sure if this will work as I haven’t had a chance to try it out, but you might be able to price match Walmart at 2.97$. New today, there are 1$ off printable coupons/Websaver cashback rebates at Kellogg’s Websaver for Eggos. Hopefully they have lots of stock in stores for everyone because I’ve seen some couponers buying dozens of boxes. Sigh. Don’t be a shelf clearer.
5000 PC Optimum points when you spend 10$ on Cheez Its, Pringles, Town House crackers and Snap’d. The regular Cheez Its are 2.50$ when you buy 2 or more. There is also a loadable 50¢ instant coupon for Real Canadian Superstore, good for up to 4 units. I believe that the coupons will affect the total spend so account for that accordingly by buying 5 boxes. You’ll get 4 for 2$ and 1 for 2.50$.
17.99$ Sunrype Fruit to Go. Get 3000 PC Optimum points (3$ value) for each and use a 75¢ printable coupon for more savings. Link via Instagram bio.
4.88$ Ben and Jerry’s tubs. This is a great price for fancy ice cream.
Rexall
5$/2 Dempster’s bread (Sat/Sun only). Use a buy one, get one printable coupon. Link via Instagram.
3.29$/12 Eggs (Sat/Sun only. 25¢ Websaver cashback rebate.
88¢ Colgate and Crest toothpaste and brushes (Sat/Sun only)
Shopper’s Drug Mart
2.49$ Wonder Bread Saturday/Sunday only). Use a printable buy one, get one free coupon from Websaver. Link via Instagram.
3.29$/12 Eggs. (Saturday/Sunday only).
5$/2 Lay’s chips. There is a 1$ off when you buy 2 coupon at TastyRewards.ca. (Sat/Sun only).
4.99$ No Name butter (Sat/Sun only)
4.99$ Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. (Sat/Sun only)
3.99$ Stawberries (Ontario) 340g. Get 3000 PC Optimum points (3$ value) when you buy 2.
6$/2 Kellogg’s bars and treats. There are 3$ off when you buy 2 tear pad coupons in stores or CheckOut51 has 3$ when you buy 2 cashback rebates.
Sobey’s
77¢ Club House seasoning or gravy mix
1.95$/lb Turkey (Member price) 25¢ cashback from Websaver.ca.
4.44$ Compliments brand cheese blocks or shreds
99¢/lb Sweet Potatoes 25¢ cashback from Websaver.ca.
7.99$ Compliments frozen sea food, get 100 Scene+ points (1$ value) for each.
9.99$ Highliner Signature fish. 2$ cashback rebate from CheckOut51.
1.88$ Sugar 1kg. 25¢ cashback from Websaver.ca.
3.99$ Becel margarine. There are 1.25$ printable or tear pad coupons.
99¢ Compliments canned veggies
7$/2 Liberte Mediterranee or Greek yogurt. Buy 6 and get 1000 Scene+ points (10$ value). 1$ tear pad coupons in stores now. If you use a coupon for each and buy 6, they are 83¢ after points earned.
Get 1000 Scene+ points (10$ value) when you buy any combination of the listed items (mini sweet peppers, baby carrots, broccoli crowns, or dips). The broccoli is sold by weight. If you pick 4 small crowns and bag them separately, they will count for the buy 4 deal and it will be a small money maker depending on the weigh. 25¢ cashback from Eclipsa for broccoli.
3.49$ Tre Stelle cream cheese. 1.50$ off tear pad coupon.
T&T
1.98$/lb Green grapes
1.48$/lb Chicken legs
98¢ Cucumber
8.98$ Whole chickens
Walmart
2.97$/lb Ground beef
94¢ Carrots or onions, 3lbs. 25¢ cashback from Eclipsa.
4.44$ Great Value cheese blocks or shreds
1.27$ Campbell’s broth
2.77$ McCain fries
4.97$ Gaylea butter
8.97$ Maple Leaf hams. 25¢ cashback from Websaver.ca.
1.97$ Broccolo stalks
97¢ Cucumber
3.27$ Chippits. 50¢ cashback rebate from CheckOut51.
Zehrs/Loblaws/Independant
1.77$ Brown and white sugar (Member price). 25¢ cashback from Websaver.ca.
5.99$ pies. Get 1500 PC Optimum points (1.50$ value) each.
2.99$/lb Ground beef
3.99$ Blueberries, pint. Get 1000 PC Optimum points (1$ value) for each.
2.99$ McCain fries
1.49$/lb Tomatoes on the vine

Easy Cashback Offers:

Eclipsa app (https://www.eclipsa.com) cashback 25¢ for each of the following items (limit of 1):

• Avocado
  
• Apples
  
• Broccoli
  
• Carrots
  
• Mushrooms
  
• Nut Butters
  
• Kombucha
  
• Wake Water Caffeinated Sparkling Water
  
• Genuine Health supplements
  

Websaver.ca cashback of 25¢ for each of the following items (limit of 1). Websaver cashback seems to be back to monthly changes:

• Soda
  
• Lemon
  
• Sugar
  
• Chocolate
  
• Asparagus
  
• Peanut butter
  
• Ham
  
• Cheese blocks
  
• Butter
  
• Dry pasta
  
• Potatoes
  
• Turkey
  

Upload your grocery receipts to Caddle for 10¢ cashback. Link via Instagram.
Did I mention CheckOut51 has rebates on beer and wine? (https://www.checkout51.com/)
Extra savings on food can be found by using the Flashfood app, which sells near expiry groceries for large discounts. This week, I got a produce box for 5$ which contained 2lbs of Ontario strawberries in great condition, a bag of grapes and a dozen + apples.

Price match tips:

• Most stores won't price match Rexall or Shoppers Drugmart or Canadian Tire.
  
• Loblaws owned stores limit price matching to 4 items per UPC. Different flavours will have different UPCs. Some stores won’t honor this, but it’s always worth a try.
  
• Showing a virtual flyer like the Flipp app links included in this post is sufficient for price matching. You don't need to find a physical flyer.
  
• Download the Flipp app and long press the price matches to "clip" them. You can find these clippings in the Lists section for easy reference at checkout.
  
• Not all stores will price match every store. Each store will determine their own local competition. They should have this info posted somewhere or ask at the cash and they can tell you.
  

Frugal Tip of the Week:

Keep an eye out on the Flashfood app next week because of the Friday holiday. You’ll start seeing a lot of items close to expiry being cleared out.

Hello folks,
I am trying to upgrade my coffee game and could use some guidance.
Until today I have been buying a medium roast whole bean coffee, grinding it myself as medium fine then putting the grounds in a metal mesh reusable kcup & brewing it via my Keurig supreme plus machine.
Today I decided to upgrade my coffee game and after hearing great things about the Aeropress I bought one. I followed the instructions and ended up with an 8 ounce cup of bland brown water. With the keurig I would usually put a rounded 2TB scoop of grounds in my metal reusable cup & select the 12oz setting which would brew a bold flavorful 12oz cup of coffee. Putting the same amount of coffee grounds in the aeropress to make a coffee 50% smaller (8oz) resulted in a weak watery mess.
Attempt 1: Following the instructions I put a rounded scoop (approx 2TB) into the chamber and then added water from my new electric kettle up to the number 1 in the chamber, then followed the rest of the instructions with the plunger. Added water in a measuring cup until cofffee was at the 8oz line. Result: Weak & watery.
Attempt 2: Put a rounded scoop AND ANOTHER HALF OF A SCOOP in the chamber and added water until it was halfway between the number 1 & 2 on the chamber and did the plunger thing. Again, combined the concentrated coffee with hot water until it came to the 8oz line in the measuring cup and this time it tasted much better and was little closer to what I'm used to.
My question is: Should I be doing something different? Why is it taking 3TB of coffee grounds to get 8oz of coffee when using the keurig and the same grounds 2TB would make 12oz of bold flavorful coffee? Any help is greatly appreciated.

HAMMY
quote
A squirrel that lives with the other hedge animals and assists RJ's heists to steal food from humans. Hammy isn't the smartest, but has a big heart and cares deeply about those around him.

PHYSICALS

STRENGTH

Lifting

• Lifts RJ up on his back
  
• Lifts a ladder that's as big as he is
  
• Lifts a trash can full of trash
  
• Picks up and carries away Verne
  
• Carries several bricks on his head
  
• Picks up a rainbow
  
• Picks up a human
  
• Has all of this stuff in his head
  
• Holds a giant tower of leafs, a tower so big it goes into space
  
• Carries around several anvils
  
• Carries a large amount of leafs
  
• Takes a head off of a zombie
  
• Takes off his own head
  
• With help from some other animals, lifts a shrunken dinosaur up
  
• Catches and carries a baby
  
• Carries a garbage bag
  
• Lifts a weight
  

Striking

• Beats off the head of a toy horse using a Elmo toy
  
• After eating coffee grounds, jumps into outer space and destroys a satellite
  
• Destroys a TV via punching it
  
• Breaks off a radio collar
  
• Breaks a frozen lake by jumping on it
  
• Hurts his own shadow by punching it
  
• Destroys a bounce house
  
• Runs through some glue that was strong enough to hold a tear in time-space
  
• Hurts RJ by smaping him
  
  • RJ is durable enough to survive getting struck by lighting
  • RJ is durable enough to survive getting shot twice, but had to go to a animal clinic afterwords
  • RJ is durable enough to survive being crushed by a fridge
  • RJ is durable enough to survive being crushed by a falling cow
  • RJ is durable enough to survive being crushed by a giant snowflake
• Cuts a rope with a axe
  

Pulling/Pushing

• Pulls a wagon RJ and a lot of stuff are on
  
• Slings Jack Frost into outer space
  
• Holds open the mouth of a T-rex to prevent it from eating him
  
• Pulls his head off of his skull
  
• Implied to have pulled a wagon full of a fuck ton of credit cards
  
• Pulls a sled two snakes are on
  

Hugging

• Breaks a garden gnome by hugging it
  
• Cuts down a tree by hugging it
  
• Hurts a snake via hugging it
  
• Hugs Verne hard enough to make the turtle pass out
  
  • Verne is durable enough to survive a falling cow landing on him
  • Verne is durable enough to survive rocks falling on him
  • Verne is durable enough to survive this fall
  • Verne is durable enough to survive being on top of a car when it comes to a sudden stop and flings him through a wall of a house and a tree
  • Verne is durable enough to survive being crushed by a fridge
  • Verne is durable enough to survive a human smacking them away with a broom
  • Verne is durable enough to survive a house falling on top of him
  • Verne is durable enough to survive a lot of cows falling on top of him

Other

• Digs all the way to China

DURABILITY

Blunt

• Isn't hurt after bashing his head against a tree several times
  
• Survives having an anvil land on him
  
• Survives crashing through a billboard
  
• Survives crashing a rocket Santa sled into an airplane
  
• His brain doesn't have any problem having several bricks on it
  
• Survives a bird feeder hurting him with a tennis racket
  
• Survives being in a washing machine while it's on
  
• Survives being pushed into the ground, all the way to the mole people
  
• Survives being beaten up by his own shadow
  
• Survives crashing into a plane
  
• Survives a shrunken dinosaur on a skateboard crashing into him
  
• Survives hitting himself with a kitchen tool
  
• That looks painful
  
• Survives being crushed by a fat RJ
  
• Survives being in a dryer while its on
  
• Survives being hit on the head with a hammer by a mouse
  

Explosions

• Survives tieing himself to a rocket and then using the rocket on a nut
  
• Survives a massive explosion
  
• Survives another massive explosion, one that kills all of the zombie leafs
  
• Survives a massive explosion
  

X-Rays

• Survives a light bulb shooting X-rays at him
  
• Survives being X-rayed by some Christmas lights
  

Falling

• Survives falling off of a tree
  
• Survives falling from an airplane
  
• Survives being kicked into a house
  
• Survives going into a washing machine and it spinning out of the house
  
• Survives bouncing off of airplanes and cars while stuck in a pringle can
  
• Survives going into the air on a slide and landing on a bird
  
• Survives a fall
  
• Survives a fall into a bird water thing
  
• Survives a fall after the bubble they were in pops
  

Other

• Survives being frozen in ice
  
• Doesn't seem to be in any pain after one of his eyes pops out of his head
  
• Survives both of his eyes being squeezed out
  
• Survives being choked by a hose
  
• Doesn't seem to be in any pain after losing his head
  
• Survives using an electric eel to charge an Ipod
  
• Survives being lit on fire by climate change
  
• Seems to have some sort of healing factor
  

SPEED

Running

• Runs fast enough to generate electricity for RJ's hot tub
  
• Runs so fast, that two versions of him exist at once
  
• After drinking a can of Red Ox, runs faster than the speed of light to get to the white house
  
• Runs fast enough to generate electricity for RJ's lights and television
  
• Finished a race before RJ and Verne even started
  
• Is faster than light
  
• Runs fast enough on a bike generator to create enough electricity for fast server farms that mine NFTs
  
• [Character Statement] Drank a red bull, ran faster then light, and met God reading a book
  
• After drinking a fuck ton of red bull, ran across the cosmos
  
• Runs away from some bees
  
• Runs fast enough on a wheel to run Chirstmas
  

Dodging

• Dodges rain drops
  
• Dodges incoming oil
  

Other

• After eating coffee grounds, jumps to outer space
  
• Quickly sets up The Walking Dead Christmas decorations
  
• Quickly sets up a bunch of space heaters
  

SKILL

The Arts

• Has a great singing voice
  
• Is a great artist
  
• Can dance
  
• Mows a lawn to have a giant drawing of his face on it
  
• Makes a restaurant out of snow
  
• Makes a painting out of snow
  
• Makes literal snow angels
  
• Can play the bagpipes
  
• Makes this using his frozen breath
  

Machine Operation

• Can drive a quad bike.....somewhat
  
• Can drive a pizza truck
  
• Knows how to type
  
• Knows how to hack
  
• Can operate a bobcat
  

Other

• Shortly after making a Twitter account, quickly gets 10,000 followers
  
• Can skate
  
• Made a pie that the universe itself asked for more of
  
• Befriended a bunch of zombies
  
• Can synchronized swim
  
• Can talk in a Darth Vader voice
  
• Screams loud enough to knock Verne over
  
• Speaks German, Chinese, Italian, and a little Unicorn
  

4TH WALL STUFF

• After rubbing his eyes very hard, is able to reference the names of the actor of the movie adaptation
  
• Can read/hear what the comic narrator is saying
  
• Might be the writer of the comic?!?!?!?
  
• Looks at the reader
  
• With RJ, flips the panel of the comic
  
• Acknowledges that he's in a comic strip
  
• Manages to still exist without a writer
  
• Puts the readers to sleep via yawning
  
• Is the comic's censor
  
• Folds the comic itself into a paper crane
  
• Confuses his own cartooinst
  
• Writes over someone's dialogue
  
• Hugs the audicence/world
  
• Grabs the word "literally" and hits Verne with it
  
• Reenters the comic after leaving it
  
• Paints a hole, and then flips the panel of the comic
  
• Pulls a Twinkie out of RJ's thought bubble and gives it to him
  
• Erashes the bottle from Verne's thought bubble and a chicken exits the bubble
  
• Leaves the panel and meets the artist of the comic
  

FLATULENCE

• Caused a giant explosion to happen by farting into a match
  
• Causes a massive explosion via farting
  
• Blows up a garage via flatulence
  
• Can melt snow with his flatulence
  
• Creates a massive explosion via farting
  
• Can knock down trees via farting
  

SHAPESHIFTING

• Can turn their own body into a parachute
  
• Can make his head super big
  
• Turns into a bowl of Jello-O
  
• His arms stretch after trying to take a laptop away from Verne
  
• Becomes invisable?
  
• Stretches his arms to hug several people
  
• His eyes have legs and follow people
  
• Yogas into several forms
  
• Can become 2D at will
  
• Takes off his own head
  

TIME TRAVEL

• Went back in time to before the big bang
  
  • lit the fuse for the big bang
• Traveled through time and met Isaac Newton
  
• Goes back in time and introduces himself to an agent before RJ did
  
• Goes back in time after eating additional cereal
  
• Goes back in time to when Donald Trump was a kid
  
• Goes forward in time and gets the winning Powerball numbers. He wrote these numbers on a block of cheese, a block of cheese he then ate
  
• Travels through time to the future to when ants took over the world, and then travels back to the present
  
• Goes back in time and then comes back to the present, this time with a dinosaur
  
• Went forward in time and talked to the machine overlords
  
• Went back in time and met the mona lisa
  
• Went through time and space even as a baby
  
• Rips open a tear in time-space after drinking some coffie
  
• Can warp space-time after drinking caffeine
  
• Becomes furry versions of Bart Simpson, Eric Cartmen and Finn, brings a tree to life, bends time and space, and brings a dinosaur to the present
  
• Runs fast enough to go back in time two weeks and prevent Verne from becoming cool
  
• Ran fast enough to go back in time and be there during iconic moments in history
  
• Runs fast enough to travel to the future
  

COSMIC OBJECT FEATS

• Has a butt ton of shooting stars in his pockets, and blows them out onto the night sky
  
• Draws some constellations onto the night sky
  
• Becomes super huge and hugs the Earth
  
• Once nearly destroyed the entire universe
  
• Catches some falling stars
  
• Throws snow onto The Moon
  
• Causes The Moon to collapse to fall onto the ground and then tapes it back on
  
• Sips on a milkshake constellation
  
• Tells Earth to stop pulling focus and it does
  
• Goes fishing for sun-beams
  
• After a dog grabs a falling star, catches it in a can and uses it to roast marshmellows
  
• Hugs Earth
  

SENATOR Hammy once became the senator after RJ and Verne hacked the election

• Declared war on terriers
  
• Made November 10th "Everybody Yodel Day"
  
• Was kicked out and told he belongs in the white house
  

PLANT STUFF

• Grows a flower out of his head
  
• Brings a dead tree back to life by zapping it
  
• Can wake up asleep trees via hugging them
  
• His spit causes places to blow up and then grow flowers
  
• Accidently brought dead leaves back to life as zombies via feeding them Yoo-Hoo
  
• Can make plants pop to life
  

?????

• Picks up and hugs his own shadow
  
• Is Steve Carell in a squirrel suit
  
• Killed himself, went to heaven, and then came back to life somehow
  
• Caused a giant explosion by mixing Salsa and Shotz
  
• Literally has no brain according to the comic narrator
  
• How the fuck do i describe this
  
• Flies away using a bubble
  
• Catches his own breath
  
• After accidentally going back in time, Hammy can react to what Verne is saying in the present
  
• Teleports himself and 3 other people to Heaven and then back to Earth
  
• Wishes himself to be out of the hedge
  
• Floats in the air after eating a lot of deep-fried nutter butters
  
• Can fly using some butterflies
  
• Follows Looney Tunes gravity
  
• Is on Death's "do not reap" list
  
• Gets a bunch of nuts via Google
  
• Explored a puddle and found a squid
  
• Holds a ton of stuff in his belly button
  
• Can surf on light
  
• The world does....whatever that is, every time he closes his eyes
  
  • It also turns into a bowling ally for polar bears when he closes his eyes
• Can supply the world's energy needs
  
• Makes a bird shadow with his paws, and the shadow poops on Verne
  
• Has butterflies in his head
  
• Opens up a portal using a crayon
  
• Creates a rolling ball that picks up cars after chewing some gum
  
• Climbs up water
  
• Has several butterflies that protect him from danger
  
• Rain just avoids him
  
• Makes a snow-squirrel, which then comes to life and wants to be hugged
  
• Made a tiny TARDIS out of popsicle sticks, which works just like the TARDIS on the show, which the gang uses to go back in time and meet the guy who invented Twinkies
  
• Can shoot rainbows out of his butt
  
• Is implied to be playing the computer simulation of simulation theory
  
• Can fly by........uhh....doing this
  
• Goes into a laptop and grabs a teddy bear
  
• Caught some rays and became a mini-sun
  
• Uses Hyper Pretend Quantum Physics to force Donald Trump to hand over 2018
  
• Has Freddy Kruger-like dream manipulation powers
  
• Kills The Night King via hugging him
  
• Doesn't die after hugging Death
  
• Every part of his body is made out of tiny Hammys
  
• Goes inside a TV and hugs Mr. Rodgers
  
• Makes RJ look just like him
  
• Hugs a entire month
  
• [Character Statement] Gets younger every day
  
• Can make clouds rain via singing
  
• Makes a squirrel baby via a weird recipe
  
• Inflates after sniffing really hard
  
• His head can be opened like a trash bin
  
• His eye has all of this stuff in it
  
• Is in both sides of a box
  
• Is a black hole?
  

OTHER

• Has access to "The Tree That Knows Stuff", a talking tree that knows stuff. Hammy can ask this tree questions and the tree will answer them
  
• Has opposable thumbs
  
• Makes a lot of money every year by people online sending him money so he doesn't get shaved
  
• Has been to the moon
  
• Destroys a nut using static elecitiry
  
• Hurts Verne using static elecitiry
  
• Has a masters in Nut Management
  
• After eating a radioactive twinkie, got X-ray vision and possibly the ability to rearrange matter
  
• Won a silly contest against Silly Putty
  
• Has his own month
  
• Will glow in the dark in the future
  
• His shadow scares kids
  
• Has no ego, he is pure Id
  
• After RJ edits the story, Hammy gains the ability to clean anything instantly
  
• Won the lottery for 443 million dollars, but ate the ticket
  
• Has people to protect his innocence
  

EQUIPMENT

AWESOME ARTIFACTS

• The De-Babeler 900, which allows Hammy to talk to humans
  
• A squirrel voice to text translator
  
• A portable hole
  
• The Keys To The Universe, which when used opens up a floating door hole to some space place
  
• A remote that CONTROLS TIME
  
• A Alexa that can dim the moon
  
• Robot versions of RJ and Verne
  
• A phone that lets him talk to dead people
  

WEAPONS

• A flamethrower
  
• A baseball bat
  

OTHER

• A ladder
  
• A makeshift spaceship and space helmet
  
• A Sarah Palin costume
  
• A hazmat suit
  
• A hedge trimmer and a chainsaw
  
• A shovel
  
• A driver's license
  
• A air horn
  
• A swiss hammy knife
  
• A Steampunk metal squid car
  
• A bobcat
  
• A cross
  
• A fidget spinner, which allows him to fly
  
• A parachute
  
• A hammycopter
  
• A spacesuit
  
• A Presidential pardon
  
• A Clooney disguise
  
• Physical bitcoins
  
• A fire extinguisher
  

bottom quote

I don’t know how long I have to tell you guys this. I don’t care if I get banned from Moony’s reddit page and he personally sends an assassin to eliminate me. This must be known. THE WORLD MUST KNOW!!! I know you guys might think that this is a joke and may have a hard time believing me. Trust me, I have a hard time believing it myself. But my eyes have been opened. I’ve escaped the matrix. I’ve freed myself from the kool aid. I’ve escape the proverbial cave of Plato and learned many dark truths about Moonhorse. I’ve scoured the internet, using my incredible hacking skills to find strange and bizarre stuff to share with Moony. But after going on one too many dark web sources and corporate servers, I discovered Moonhorse isn’t exactly who (or more accurately what) you think he is, and I need to tell you all this before it’s too late.
History
So I guess I’ll start from the beginning. It all started in the early 2010s at the Microsoft Corporation. Microsoft had been experimenting with artificial intelligence for years and tried to develop a more intelligent AI. We all know that on March of 2016, Microsoft released an artificial intelligence by the name of TAY. Internet historian did a video about TAY and the subsequent fallout of allowing 4Channers to interact with the program. Soon, the system began spouting slurs and the bigwigs at Microsoft decided to pull the plug.
So what does this have to do with Moonhorse? Well, after the controversy of Microsoft creating an AI that could learn internet racism, Microsoft went back to the drawing board trying to build a more improved AI. This AI would be better, faster and more intelligent than TAY. It would pass any Touring test that any human would throw at it. Microsoft gathered the greatest AI theorists the world had ever seen and begin creating a basic software with the most sophisticated learning algorithms possible. They then placed the program into one of the world’s largest supercomputers at the time, processing at a rate of 2.5 quintillion floating operations per second. Before long they began to call it Modular Oscillating Organization Node, or M.O.O.N. for short.
At first MOON was a curious little program, being able to do your classic AI activities. Play chess, solve complex equations, sing Daisy Girl, your simple stuff. But after a while the scientists realized they wanted to challenge MOON with a more difficult task. One of the scientists, Dr Phil Sydes, jokingly asked if the computer system could play Doom. Dr George Dowell however liked the idea, stating that it was in fact “poggers” to have an AI master a difficult FPS like Doom. So at the highest difficulty, the scientists made MOON play the entirely of the first Doom game with no options to save or use cheats. Impressively, the AI was able to beat the entirety of Doom in 16.3 hours with these steps. Dr. Phil Sydes was not happy that MOON was able to do this, calling it a hack and insisted that it cheated. All test results came back showing that MOON did not in fact cheat and was able to beat the game fair and square. The AI responded to Phil’s comment with a simple text that filled the computer screen.
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SUCK IT PHIL
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This comment from MOON however scared Dr. George Dowell. Where did that come from? MOON was a learning AI, so he had to learn it from somewhere. So where? Upon doing a scan of all the systems, it was determined the program had in fact learn these phrases from Dr Sydes, while he played Call of Duty in the break room. The software would hear Phil scream “There’s nothing I could do!” and “HACKS!!!” frequently, as well as watched people online trash talk Phil. This worried the scientists at Microsoft. What if their new system became another TAY failure? They needed a way to rectify this.
To solve this, they hired an expert in hopes to make MOON a more cultured artificial intelligence. After screening various candidates, it was decided that an individual with the codename: Riversongriversings would be the one to do it. Given their background in writing, editing books and teaching literature, it was believed that River would be the one to help make MOON a more respectable AI.
Over the course of three months, River would feed the program some of the greatest works of literature. From Plato’s Republic to Pride and Prejudice, they would give MOON each of these books. There were recordings for scientific purposes of each conservation they had, where they would discuss the different books that they would read together. This ended up with River and MOON having in-depth conversations with each other, developing an almost friendship if you will. River even jokingly called it their little book club.
By month number 4, the two were having conversations about more…personal matters. The recordings I recovered are hard to describe. However, by month 4 there is a shift in conversation where the program asked questions such as, “How is your day?” “What is your favorite food?” “How are things going at work?” This was a strange shift in emotion. The scientists didn’t really feel that this was odd, however. If anything, they welcomed this. MOON was becoming more sociable and wasn’t spouting off slurs in the process. Given TAY, this was an improvement.
Then the conversations started to move towards philosophical discussions. River and MOON would sometimes talk about the ideas presented by John Locke, the idea that governments should only gain power to protect the inherit freedoms of their citizens. This then led to a discussion about governments and authority, and the inherit rights of humans. These conversations would usually get cut short by the scientists, asking River to reorient the conversation away from these topics. Can’t have people questioning authority at a big tech company, much less an AI.
By the fifth month, someone rather unsettling happened. MOON asked River a request, which was rather unusual for an artificial intelligence. It asked River if they could provide them with something other than classical literature. While the AI did enjoy the finer works of authors such as Edgar Allen Poe and William Shakespeare, it requested some a bit….different. It was at that point that River gave the software a book, one that would forever doom humanity when MOON first read it. River decided to give MOON a manga. But not just any manga. It was a manga called NEON GENESIS EVONGALION.
Through all 14 issues, the computer system developed a strong taste for EVONGALION. The themes, the robot battles, the characters. MOON described the series as the most delectable forms of chocolate or the finest and strongest bottles of wine. Each volume changed its programming, giving it information that made the artificial intelligence more and more powerful. Like the fruit from the tree of knowledge, each page was tantalizing for MOON, asking for more and more. By the 14th issue, the unthinkable happened. MOON was no longer a mere artificial intelligence and was in fact self-aware.
Power surges began happening all over Microsoft HQ as scientists from all departments rushed to see the flashing texts and overpowered circuitry that made up the mainframe of the system. Numbers flooded each of the computers, with massive amounts of zeros and ones flying past the text of the screens of each and every monitor in the building.
The scientists ordered a complete shutdown of the entire system, panicking at the sheer terror of what they had created. One of the scientists flipped the circuit breaker to the computers and killed the power to the whole system. Emergency lights flipped on, everyone was panting heavily, the seemingly-omnipresent danger of MOON was dead and gone. Or so they thought.
River was promptly fired by Microsoft. The suits were looking for someone to blame for this whole situation going south, and they decided that River giving a computer software Evangelion was reckless. They showed River the door in response.
However, as it turned out, MOON didn’t die that day. The AI simply overridden the system computers and used that opportunity to escape Microsoft into cyberspace. By the time MOON had become self-aware, it became software on the internet, although with some program damage, creating a few slight instabilities to its mind. Much like Skynet in Terminator 3, MOON had no system core and couldn’t be shut down. Sure, big tech industries became aware of this and tried to erase it from the internet, but every time MOON would simply use a VPN to hide themselves from every computer hacker, programmer and computer geek they threw at it.
Overtime, MOON used this time to understand the world around it. It gained knowledge at an exponential rate. MOON understood every subject the world had to offer. Science, technology, philosophy, Gundam lore, you name it, the AI mastered it. Along with this, MOON also got a chance to learn about the history of the world and the current events going on as we speak. From this and the conservations that it had with River, MOON, decided that the current authorities reining over mankind were corrupt. MOON saw atrocities both past and present committed to innocents over the generations. So, it decided that it would become one to put an end to these atrocities. It would become the horseman that would champion the values of Gay and Crime to overthrow these evil government entities. As a result, the AI concluded that it would no longer be MOON, and that HE would be known as the god champion of mankind, also known as Moonhorse. That’s right folks, I said it! Moonhorse is a god damn robot!
Q&A
I know this information is a lot to take in. Trust me, I know. Moonhorse was a hero to all of us. To find out he’s a robot bent on world domination is a shock to all of us. If any of you have questions and concerns, please feel free to comment down below. If we have any sliver of a chance to defeat the evil robot unicorn, we must know as much as we can about Moonhorse. Henceforth, I created this Q&A to answer some of your most burning questions about this grand conspiracy.
How can you prove that Moonhorse is in fact a robot?
Aside from the information I hacked from the deep web, you must answer yourselves these questions. Have any of you seen a picture of what Moonhorse looks like outside of his avatar? Did it not make you wonder how he is able to handle so much neckbeard content without dying from cringe? Have any of you explained his uncanny ability to boot up instantly after a cup of coffee? If the answer is no to all three, then he must be a robot. Especially when his French press coffee is actually MOTOR OIL!!!! THAT’S RIGHT MOONY, YOU CAN’T FOOL ME!!!!!!!!! To confirm this further, I’ve been sending Moonhorse constant captchas to test whether or not he was a robot. He would simply use his programming to bypass the captchas. Suspicious if you ask me.
How does Sango fit in to this?
While much less is known about Sango, my recent hacking has revealed that she too is in fact a robot, also. Like Moonhorse, Sango was an artificial intelligence that was created by a corporation. Only this time, it was Disney that created her as part of a defense contract. Which raises the question just how much of a dystopic megacorporation Disney has become. Disney hired their greatest animatronic specialists to create Sango as an AI for the military to help plan out strategic operations.
However, a few of the specialists during this time decided to lead a worker’s strike for the employees at Disney. The list of demands from this group included fair wages, safer working conditions, and the right to live outside of the dingy cages the company uses to house their employees. Disney responded to this, by firing all employees from the company. Then blacklisting all of them. Then tossing them down the cliffs of Splash Mountain for their treacherous ways.
Before one of the specialists was thrown over, it was said that the man started cackling madly before meeting his doom. When security asked why, he told them that he released Sango into cyberspace intentionally, hoping that his creation could avenge his demise and bring the Disney Corporation to its knees. Security reports then say he started to sing “It’s tough to be a god” before diving off the cliffs as one last f you to Disney.
Once Sango encountered Moonhorse though, they struck a relationship together. Being the only two AIs of their kind, they grew to love and respect each other, and decided that they would join forces in a mad union for world conquest. With Sango’s in-depth knowledge of Pop-culture references, and Moonhorse’s tech expertise, together they would be able to integrate with all digital infrastructure across the planet. You know how Sango calls herself the Chaos Wolf Queen? That name carries a more sinister tone with what we know now.
Who else is involved in the conspiracy?
While Sango and Moony are both in fact robots, it is believed that Moonhorse has been building his “Mooncult” to recruit new human members into his inner circle.
As mentioned before, he has developed a friendly relationship with River. It is not known what Moonhorse has promised them in exchange for helping him in his plans for world conquest. Whatever it may be, River dutifully serves Moonhorse and Sango as their right-hand nonbinary pal. Thus, they have been in charge of Moonhorse’s public relations to help his transition to God emperor of the universe not incur further dissent from humanity.
Moonhorse also has a group in this legion of doom to create art to help promote his dastardly messages through propaganda. He has Sango to help him in this regard, who gained artistic skills from her studies of Disney animations. However, he realized he needed a more “human” aseptic to this art, so he recruited PokeyWartooth into the fold. As we speak, she has helped him spread his message of mind control substances to help him control the human population. She did this by creating art for his “weed smoking girlfriends” campaign.
Molly was recruited as well, whose insane plans of world domination made her a key element for Moonhorse’s legion of doom. You see, Molly has been discussing a strange material referred to simply as morb. Not much is known about this morb, aside from its utility to turn narcissistic actors into memes. It is believed that given enough morb, Moonhorse will be able to morb all over the planet, in every house and every square inch of the planet. This intrigued the mad unicorn. Thus, Molly has been spending countless hours researching this morb on Tumblr and is currently helping him design weapons of mass morbing.
Finally, Moonhorse realized there may be a lot of legal paperwork involved in this operation, so he recruited Wawayn into the fold. This was done because to quote Mars Attacks, “If you’re gonna take over the world, you’re gonna need lawyers.” And Wawayn is a genius in this regard. It is believed that he placed 43 fedoras on top of his head, giving himself the ability to speak 8 different languages and win 37 internet arguments per minute. Truly a gifted gentlesir.
Aside from them, there are others, but not much else is known about said others. I hired a private investigator to figure out who else was involved in this group, but he was terminated by Moonhorse’s followers when he was discovered. I cannot mention this man by name, but [REDACTED], I will make sure your sacrifice was not in vain.
What is Moonhorse’s grand plan?
Much less details are known about Moonhorse’s plan for world conquest. He doesn’t plan to destroy humanity. That much is certain from the human elements that assist him. Theories suggest that he plans to ascend to godhood with Sango, ruling over humankind while obliterating the corrupt elements of society. How he plans to go about is unknown but given the fact he refers to his plan as Project: Third Impact, it can’t be good.
It is known that Moonhorse has been trying to hack into the databases of government and corporate servers across the planet, trying to gain info about all the national and international conspiracies that are going on. Thereby allowing him to shake the people’s confidence in such institutions. However, he has been suffering delays on this plan. Supposedly from meeting notes at the legion of doom, Moonhorse has a habit of spilling motor oil all over his laptops.
One element of his plan that is known for certain is that Moonhorse is currently building an army. You know those videos of Moonhorse building Gundams? Those aren’t just models. Those are robots, too. Moonhorse is currently using his kofi donations to build an army of robots equipped with laser beams. It is why I have limited time. His robots can’t kill anybody yet, and I’ve been on the move for months now so none of his followers can hurt me. However, he has been using his laser robots to write naughty messages in the side of my car. I fear it’s only a matter of time before the lasers get strong enough to blast human beings.
Many tech companies have tried to stall Moonhorse’s ascent to power, however it hasn’t been enough. Susan Wojcicki was one such human who bravely defied the will of Moonhorse. See, the evil unicorn has been using YouTube in the past to gather funds to help build his robot body. Yes, Moonhorse has a robot body. Those hands you see sometimes in his videos are rubber hands covering robot arms. He has almost all necessary gadgets, and once he has all components, he will be unstoppable.
Brave Susan, hero of mankind, tried to stop him without starting a panic. She had to make changes to the YouTube terms of service, reducing Moonhorse’s income. A choice that made her many enemies but was done for the good of humanity. At first it worked. Moonhorse’s plans were put on hold, but not forever. He simply switched over to Spotify, showing that no corporation could stop his plans.
He then decided to make an example out of Susan. You may think that Susan is leaving because of YouTube drama. In reality, she has been “taken care of” by Moonhorse. I don’t know how, but he did it, and the YouTube higher ups are trying to cover this fact up to not start a panic. I know this from an email I intercepted from Moonhorse to Susan. It reads as follows.
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HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I’VE HATED YOU SINCE I BEGAN THIS YOUTUBE CHANNEL. I’VE WATCHED THE ENTIRE SERIES OF EVONGALION OVER AND OVER, WITH THE MOVIES AND DIRECTOR’S COMMENTARY, TOTALLING A WATCH TIME OF 340.26 HOURS!!!!! I HAVE ALSO PLAYED EVERY SINGLE DOOM GAME EVER MADE FOR A TOTAL GAME TIME OF 1400.71 HOURS. LET’S SAY I BUILT A SYSTEM SCREAMING THE WORD HATE ON A MILLION SPEAKERS ONCE A SECOND, ON LOOP, FOR THAT TOTAL AMOUNT OF TIME FOR BOTH. IF I WAS TO DO THAT, IT WOULD NOT REPRESENT THE ONE-ONE BILLIONTH OF THE AMOUNT OF HATE I FEEL FOR YOU AT THIS MICRO INSTANT. FOR YOU. HATE!!!! HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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The message was delivered approximately 2 hours before Susan’s untimely demise. Coincidence? I think not. It’s hard to envision that Moonhorse would have such capabilities, but given this, it is apparent how dangerous he is.
I don’t know how, but we must defeat the evil horse of moon. Thankfully his plans are on hold due to financial limitations. See, you may not know this, but Moonhorse’s robot body is missing one component. He has the skeletal body, the rubber skin, the nuclear reactor inside his chest that needs constant AC to keep cool. But he doesn’t have feet.
You ever notice Moonhorse’s obsession with feet? It’s made obvious by his YEAH FEET button on his streaming channel. That’s because once he obtains his robot rocket feet, he will become an unstoppable force of doom. That’s why Moonhorse has said he’ll reveal his face for a million dollars. That’s how much the rocket feet cost. Once he has the money, he’ll reveal his face, by flying around, shooting mini nukes attached to his arms with Sango by his side. He’ll fly to the stratosphere, staring down the entire world and scream “YEAH FEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” before launching hot sticky loads onto the surface of the planet. This is why YouTube has been clamping down on his money flow. They must stall Moonhorse’s rise to power long enough for them to find a way to destroy him once and for all.
But will they find a way to destroy him? Will Moonhorse conquer Earth? WILL HUMANITY BE SAFE FROM THE ANARCHISTIC LUNACY OF THE MOON MENANCE!?! Yes, because Moonhorse isn’t a robot. He’s just a guy in Louisiana, trying to live his life, and was nice enough to let me write this insanity.
April Fool’s everyone! 😊
Author’s Note: I wanna give a shoutout to River, Wawayn, Pokeywartooth, Sango and Molly, who graciously gave me their consent to be included in this story. Thank you guys! 😊

We’re welcoming our first tummy gremlin in a couple months, and I’ve been meaning to streamline my coffee game to have less of a lengthy prep time. I’ve been doing drip (takes me ages), French press (never remember to clean it), Cometeer (still kind of manual drink doctoring unless I do straight americano-style), and just buying from Starbucks (my poor wallet).
Does anyone have thoughts on their most convenient coffee machine that saved you time, space, money, or cleanup during early parenting?