Oldies n more radio

Hi i am very new to this i want to have something cheap to receive images from NOAA and METEOR M2 i found the RTL-SDR Blog V3 RTL2832U 1PPM TCXO HF BiasT SMA Software Defined Radio on eBay here is the link https://www.ebay.com/itm/RTL-SDR-Blog-V3-RTL2832U-1PPM-TCXO-HF-BiasT-SMA-Software-Defined-Radio-/272411458376?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&_trksid=p4429486.m46890.l6249&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0 is this good enough for this or do I need to buy something more expensive

Timestamp
Hey there! I am selling my beloved Mr.Suit from Owlabs for cash towards a new rendering computer. Owlabs Mr.Suit R1 (Hotswap) Red WK with Black Mirror Finish. Pom Plate ANSI hot-swap PCB + Poron Plate Foam + PE Sheet + Stand-offs Set OWL Screw-in Stabs - lubed with 205g0 Durock Poms - Lubed with 205g0 no film Mr.Suit Artisan Silver Comes with all original packaging and parts. For any questions/more images, no worries drop me a message. (Does not come with Keycaps shown in pictures) If you're interested I can also sell the whole thing as a single package including GMK Bleach and No Man Left Behind Artisan.
PRICE €550 O.N.O. in the EU preferably.

Hi! I'm 19 male (caucasian/european). Last year I took dercutane 30mg/day during 6 months aproximately. Now I m not taking any medications. I have never smoked, neither used drugs, I don't drink. I have moderate myopia -5.5/-5.25. Since one year and a half I am in suspected of glaucoma. As far as I know, I am healthy.
One year and a half ago, by Novemeber 2021, I decided to compare how different was my vision with each eye separately to see if my my myopia had increased in each of them. When I did this, I realized that I did not perceive colors exactly the same with both eyes. With one eye I saw colors somewhat more "dull", with cooler tones than with the other eye, which perceived colors somewhat more vivid and warmer. The difference was minimal, and really had no implication in the quality of my vision, maybe I had been this way all my life and I had never noticed it, but it was something that scared me. I thought that maybe it was something transitory and I let a few weeks go by, but I kept noticing it and I made an appointment with the ophthalmologist. At that time, I had been taking dercuntane (isotretinoin) 30mg/day to treat acne for 5 months. I had blood tests and everything was apparently fine. But I thought that dercutane could be the cause of that differences in color perception since it is a drug with many side effects.
A few days later, during the ophthalmologic tests everything was going fine, until they took my eye pressure which came out slightly high, but they told me that it could be a false result because my cornea is quite thick and that could give higher values than the real ones. I had a fundus examination and the doctor saw something in the optic nerve that alerted him, and I was referred to the glaucoma specialty. At that moment I started to get very anxious thinking that maybe I could be losing my vision and that this difference in the way of perceiving colors could be a symptom of it. In that moment I decided to interrumpt the treatment with dercutane since all my acne had already healed, and the dermatologist gave me permission to do it even though I had not completely finished the cycle of the medication. In the following weeks I had several ophthalmologic tests such as OCT scans and a campimetry. The OCT scans showed "alterations in the retinal nerve fiber layer" and the campimetry showed results within the normal range.
The doctor did not give me any treatment and decided that the best thing to do would be to repeat these tests every 6 months, which I did. Both tests came out the same, always with small fluctuations but with very similar results. I have been having check-ups every 6 months for a year and a half now, and according to the doctor, everything it is stable and I should not worry, but I cannot avoid doing it. The doctors told me something that I didn't quite understand about the fact that these alterations reflected in the OCT scans may be due to my myopia, since I have relatively high graduations of -5.5 and -5.25 in each eye. I have been tested for visual acuity several times and it come out fine with glasses, also I have been tested for color blindness due to the difference in color perception and the results come out fine with each eye, as well, contrast perception tests are also correct.
A year ago, I also went to the neurologist to have a visual evoked potential test done because of this slight difference in perception in each eye, and the obtained results were completely normal. I also got done an MRI scan of the brain which was also normal except for a litle finding which was "partially excavated empty sella turcica" , asymtomatic and with no relevance according to the doctor.
Yesterday I had another checkup in which I had a macular OCT, and they took my eye pressure. The OCT results, always show some kind of alteration that worries me a lot. It has remained stable all this time (it hasn't gotten worse since doctors started checking my retina one year and a half ago). To the moment the doctor say that I don't need to be treated.
I attach my latest OCT scans and other tests performed. Some test are in spanish, but I can translate them if needed.
May the litle differences in color perception be caused by the retinal alterations showed in the OCT scans, or are normal diferences in vision? Do the performed tests show worrisome results? Should I be worried, or should I relax about it? Should I do something more for my eye health?
My current visual aquicy and refractive errrors: https://imgur.com/UU1AdYc
23 June 2022 tests (dilated pupils):
- OCT optic nerve: https://imgur.com/a/nTLuu9Q
-Campimetry : https://imgur.com/a/4TsARYx
4 January 2023 tests (dilated pupils):
-OCT Optic nerve : https://imgur.com/a/iRNznav
-OCT macula: https://imgur.com/a/rqqMSxw
- Campimetry : https://imgur.com/a/A12378u (in one eye it shows a bordeline case, the doctor told me that it is posbily caused by refractive errors, but I don`t know what to think.)
8 June 2023 test (non dilated pupils)
- Intraocular pressure meditions: https://imgur.com/mDVyhY5 (values vary too much depending on the technique. Which one is more reliable?)
-OCT macula: https://imgur.com/hW1vjch (as the pupils were not dilated, the doctor told me that the given results are a litle artifacted)
Thanks a lot for reading this!

We did 4 nights in Vegas this week, Mon through Friday, staying at the MGM grand.
MGM Grand Hotel: nice hotel, well located not too far down the strip. We had a grand king room and it was clean and well appointed and while not brand new, didn’t look worn down or dated. it was a perfect fit for the budget, and the confidence of having a smoke free room was great. We didn’t eat on site except for a lazy buffet day/pool day. Crowd was all conference and low key from Mon-Wed, not too busy at all, then on Thursday the unwashed masses began to appear, and the nightlife also became much more vibrant.
MGM Buffet: I got a two for one voucher through the myVEGAS Slots app and about 9 days of play. The buffet vouchers always seemed to be sold out but about 48hrs before my departure I managed to get one. Buffet was fine, the food and selection was good, the look was a bit dated. New menu items started showing up around 11am. Probably not worth the price for two full adults, but with the 2 for 1 it was worth it, the wife was very happy and I saved $30+ because of the app.
MGM pool: Lovely, we spent two full days here. All pools and river were open except the Splash pool, which looked okay but was closed the whole time, probably because things weren’t crowded. No problem finding good free seating, much harder to find free seating with shade but we got lucky on the Tuesday and there was decent cloud coverage on the Thursday. All seating on lazy river island was reservation only. Way quieter on a Tue than on a Thu. Didn’t get a floatie, they were $25-30+tax depending on the size, but never felt we needed one. Bag check was low key.
Cheap eats: we did Shake Shack and In n Out burgers and both were great, with Shake Shake winning by the tiniest of margins. Oh, and Evel Pie for a quick slice away from the bustle of Freemont.
Expensive eats: we did Momofuku and enjoyed the menu, best item (hard to believe) was the brussel sprouts and cauliflower.
Cheap activities: We enjoyed the volcano at the Mirage more than the fountain at the Bellagio, maybe because we came in with zero expectation. Too bad it won’t be there for long, glad we saw it. Pinball Hall of Fame was also a great value, we split $20 between the two of us and were there for well over an hour. Conservatory at Bellagio was way too tacky for our tastes.
Other activities: Blue Man Group was great, make sure you buy tickets from the MGM site and not from the BMG/Ticketmaster site, saved about $40/seat that way. Cirque de Soleil O had the most impressive stage set I’ve ever seen, magical really. Omega Mart was fun, we had 11:20am booking but would recommenf you book for 10am and make sure you’re on some drugs first. Vegas Neon Sign museum was good but short and felt a bit like a graveyard, lots of potential but $20/head was a bit high. Freemont was Freemont, but driving from Freemont down the strip at night was great and felt like out of a movie.
Side note: We rented a car on the Wednesday and did Red Rock National Park, Area 15, In-N-Out Burger, Pinball Hall of Fame, Neon Sign Museum and Freemont all in a day, it was totally worth it and added to the Vegas/Desert experience. Our only regret was that we could have spent 4-8 hours hiking at Red Rock but had tight 11:20am reservations for Omega Mart so that part felt rushed (we’re from Canada, seeing cactus and sand in the wild is wild!)
Other tips: don’t buy booze in the hotels/casinos, way cheaper at CVS/Wallgreens, same for food/snacks whenever possible. Uber from airport was $6 cheaper than taxi.
Canadian Tip: ATMs are a scam here. Casinos/hotels charge $9.99 just in ATM fee, it was 1/3 of that at Walgreen/CVS. And that’s not the half of it. Get your cash once and be done with it, and watch out, they will offer to “exchange” your currency during the purchase path, decline because there is a huge markup, let your bank do it instead. For example, I took out $400 USD, ATM offered to do the exchange with total coming out to $607.88 CAD but by declining that and having it use the exchange from my bank I paid $561.24, saving me $47 in scam markup.

I'm still fresh to the dating world as I was never lucky enough to get a GF in highschool or even before that. Now all that's passed me by and I've graduated and so I've got all this time to myself.
But that's boring! Life isn't meant to be some little lonesome thing, it's supposed to be shared and experienced together! So I'd like to share my life with someone, no matter for how little or how long I want this experience to be fun for the both of us!
So if your looking for a connection, a friend, or something more then I'd be glad to be a part, no matter how miniscule, in your life! Because I enjoy helping anyone that I come across, no matter how small.
If your bored, interested, or both then I'd be happy to talk with anyone!
If you need just that bit more to reach out then a few of my interests are D&D, Rock (Queen and Guns N' Roses all the way!), video game design, baking, classic movies (Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile, movies like those), as well as the standard three: video games, anime, and music in general.
If any of me interested you or you just want someone to talk to them I'd be willing and happy to do so! Talk to you there! (Reddit/Discord)
(🃏♥♣ Wild Card ♠♦🃏#8441)

That’s kind of a dramatic title, huh? It’s the title of the book I’m reading and I didn’t really know what to name this entry. It kind of reminds me of “Alice In Wonderland”and “Through the Looking Glass”-Both stories of a girl and her wavering sense of self through various trials. I fckin knew I identified with those stories too much. Go figure. Sigh.
My therapist suggested this book; but she had to suggest it in such a way that I would pick it up from a point of curiosity rather than a place of needing help, otherwise I wouldn’t read it. I fell for the bait. She’s admittedly, pretty good.
You know. I don’t like any of this, for a lot of reasons. Some of the qualities that are used to describe people like me are really scary. “Splitting”?!!! That’s terrifying. “Black and white thinking”?! How incredibly limiting and isolating. “Fragmentation”?!!! Fuck offffffff. I’m not crazy, bro.
Some of it makes me really sad because it’s not a brain chemical thing. It’s an impact thing. I was born a normal, fully functional person…really bad stuff happened and then it kept happening over and over and over again until I became… this monster. I feel sad for little me. I remember what it was like to be little me too. I don’t think she deserved any of that shiz and I feel angry that from the start we didn’t have a chance to succeed. It makes me feel more hopeless.
Once I read about splitting it became a little bit less frightening. As an infant, we see our caregivers as good or evil dependent upon how they care for us and whether they meet our needs. Eventually, as we age, we form a whole picture of our caregivers and can integrate both the good we see in our caregiver and the bad. For someone like me, we continue the “good” and “evil” perceptions in order to protect ourselves. A small example of this is how I saw my father. I’ve always adored him. He is charming, popular, creative, funny, handsome, intelligent and magnetic. He was constantly attracting people to him and I loved that when I was in his good graces, I was his favorite. We talked about words and meanings behind song lyrics, we talked about movies and what they meant, we played puzzles and performed on his radio shows/commercials together. I worshipped him.
However, my dad also scared me. He had a darkness that I didn’t understand. When he was angry he hurt us. He threw things. Drug us out of bed in the middle of the night. I hated myself for loving him so much even when he was being violent. I tried to figure out his algorithm… what could I do to make him happy? Over time I learned that I needed to leave him alone… he would come to me when he wanted me and that’s how it’s been ever since.
I made small connections; the biggest one being that when he wore his glasses, he was angry. Somehow in my mind I believed that the glasses made him evil. When he wore his glasses, I made myself scarce. Having this belief helped me maintain the adoration I had for “good dad”. The book says that we have to make these kinds of “good” and “evil” connections if we are still reliant on caregivers because it helps us rationalize why we can love someone who hurts us so.
My mother’s abuse was more consistent. She was just “evil”. Though in adulthood I have found a great deal of compassion for her. Her childhood years were filled with sexual abuse and neglect. I find myself wondering if she and I are more alike then we realized.
The problem I have with this is that there ARE bad people in the world. I was with a man for a long time who did terrible, unspeakable things to me. He is not good. He is dangerous and I am only now coming to understand the depth of impact his abuse has had on me. My experience is not illegitimate because I have a condition.
My therapist says that acknowledging a disorder and treating it is no different than treating diabetes or high cholesterol. But it’s not really seen that way outside, is it? If you take a gander at support groups even within Reddit you’ll see so much hatred towards people like me. As if any of this was a choice. As if I woke up one day and decided that being an absolute villain would be a barrel of laughs. I saw my own ex questioning the validity and realness of our experience together on one of those sites and it broke my heart. My existence, my love language, my hard work, my investment…. My goodness all in question. And you know it’s funny that these so called normal people talk about us as being all bad because isn’t that why they are frustrated to begin with? Black and white thinking isn’t limited to people with disorders.
One thing that has stood out to me in my readings is the “magical nature” of people like me. The book describes how we are storytellers, whimsical… we can bring fairytales to life. And I like that. I don’t want to change that part of myself. People like me can’t be all bad, right? I started looking up good things about people like me because we just can’t all be evil. I appreciated what I found but the internet is kinda gross because it insinuates that the good things are basically mirages or part of an illusion carefully crafted to manipulate. There’s more of that black and white thinking. I’m Unsure of how I am supposed to tame this beast if I am being told that even my goodness is bad.

As a soon to be former Reddit user I have been trying to really understand the idea of federation, which is brand new to me
And luckily I'm a baseball fan and that's when it came to me
It would be like if baseball was something you could only see if you were in a stadium (no TV, radio, no streaming, only physically present)
But once you were in the stadium, any stadium, you could see any baseball game anywhere
Mastodon is like a ticket to a stadium (server) and also to all of the baseball (content) at all of the other stadiums, which I access through search (searching with hashtags seems to be the most effective so far)
And that's why it doesn't matter what stadium I join, I just need to pick up stadium that isn't terrible. I think of mastodon.social as a ballpark and me on that server is just like me in a seat in the ballpark and also with access to all of the stuff that mastodon has to offer, not just the stuff on the Mastodon.social server
But also critically each stadium is owned by a different individual / group, and they are connected, but not with some overarching ownecorporation with unethical terrible ownership and unreasonable demands with zero respect or understanding for its user ba...... sorry.
So I can join a big one until Mastodon makes more sense to me, and then I can move all the stuff I like to my own server or something
or I can take my stuff and move to somebody else's server like anytime I want
And now I think I'm beginning to understand the popularity of Mastodon
Because if I understand this much, the level of autonomy / control every person and each server has is very anti-corporate and very appealing
How far off am I ? LOL

soo i’m here, looking for a preferably long term friendship (or more) with someone and we can also game as well! i play on xbox one (soon to be ps4) and the games i mostly play are gta, fortnite, minecraft and roblox
a little about me is my name is jade, i’m 16 obv and i’m really easy to talk to. i can be a bit shy when we first talk in voice chat or on the mic in a party but eventually i’ll warm up to you- just don’t be awkward n silent all the time. also i’m always down to call on the phone and sleep otp since i’m bored the majority of the time
that being said, i prefer people around my age so 15-19 preferably. i have been friends with older people just don’t be fucking weird or instant block anyway dm me

was thinking about best yb production for recent projects and it might be up there lowkey… open arms, young stunna, bigger end, heart n soul, black ball and more
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Hello everyone, Have some items up for trade
All the buyouts for the selected items are just because of the rules.
I am open to discussing trades on Steam or Discord: Ab1r#1680 , feel free to add me there to discuss.
Some of the tradeable items are listed as follows:
TradeLink: https://steamcommunity.com/tradeoffenew/?partner=201510509&token=5HbDjuiH
-
Item Condition Float B/O
★ Butterfly Knife Doppler FN Phase-2 2390$ - Available on June 11
★ Stiletto Knife Damascus Steel MW 0.10 360$
★ Talon Knife Ultraviolet BS 0.57 312$
★ Bayonet Forest DDPAT FT 0.21 230$
★ Gut Knife Doppler Phase-2 FN 0.03 218$
★ Gut Knife Lore FT 0.27 210$
★ Ursus Knife Blue Steel MW 0.13 206$
★ Moto Gloves Polygon FT 0.27 205$
★ Falchion Knife Autotronic FT 0.16 203$
★ Navaja Knife Marble Fade FN 0.00 202$
★ Gut Knife Doppler Phase-3 FN 195$
★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure FT 0.37 187$
★ Shadow Daggers Slaughter MW 0.11 182$
★ Survival Knife Night Stripe MW 0.13 170$
★ Ursus Knife Night Stripe FT 0.34 157$
★ Survival Knife Stained FT 0.33 154$
★ Falchion Knife Freehand BS 0.45 140$
★ Survival Knife Blue Steel WW 0.44 139$
★ Moto Gloves Cool Mint BS 0.75 136$
★ Bowie Knife Bright Water BS 0.47 127$
★ Ursus Knife Urban Masked BS 0.71 126$
★ Huntsman Knife Rust Coat BS 0.53 120$
★ Navaja Knife Crimson Web WW 0.39 113$
★ Gut Knife Ultraviolet FT 0.16 111$
★ Gut Knife Stained FT 0.20 108$
★ Gut Knife Scorched FT 0.23 96$
★ Driver Gloves Rezan the Red WW 0.38 78$
★ Hand Wraps Desert Shamagh BS 0.48 66$
★ Hand Wraps Duct Tape BS 0.65 65$
★ Hand Wraps Constrictor BS 0.45 64$
★ Hydra Gloves Emerald FT 0.30 63$
★ Hydra Gloves Mangrove FT 0.37 52$
AWP Wildfire FN 0.06 168$
M4A1-S Golden Coil MW 0.14 83$
UMP-45 Crime Scene FN 0.06 66$
USP-S Printstream FT 0.36 59$
M4A1-S Golden Coil FT 0.35 47$
ST AK-47 Redline FT 0.30 47$
M4A4 The Emperor MW 0.09 46$
ST M4A4 In Living Color MW 0.07 42$
M4A4 Neo-Noir FN 0.05 35$
AWP Hyper Beast FT 0.22 34$
Sir Bloody Darryl Royale The Professionals 21$
AK-47 Redline FT 0.27 19$
Glock-18 Bullet Queen MW 0.13 17$
P250 See Ya Later FN 0.06 12$
& more
Some prices might be outdated.
Note: I have new items coming and going daily and everything is not included in this list but everything is up for trade just send an offer!
TradeLink: https://steamcommunity.com/tradeoffenew/?partner=201510509&token=5HbDjuiH

Hey guys! I am clearing out some of my collection to get some more money. Here are some of the records in my collection I am willing to part with, I can send photos if you like so DM if interested. Prices are decently negotiable. $5 shipping from North Carolina, US only.
All of these have been stored upright on a shelf. In a well ventilated room.
Brockhampton- Saturation 1 NM, apparently it is pressed in random colors, mine is like semi-clear. Prices are all over the place but idrc. $25
Gorillaz- Song Machine LP Deluxe- Has everything it came with, i received it dented at the top of the hardcover unfortunately. $25
Have A Nice Life- Deathconsciousness Oxblood/black splatter, NM, comes with book. $75
JPEGMAFIA- All My Heroes Are Cornballs Mint, Opened never played. Has download card. $45
JPEGMAFIA- Black Ben Carson NM, opened, played once. $70
Kero Kero Bonito- TOTEP VG+, played once, paper vinyl sleeve has small tear in it. $10
Kero Kero Bonito- Time ‘n’ Place NM, played once. $15
Kero Kero Bonito- Civilisation Spotify Fans-First Edition Mint, never opened. $75
Silent Hill 2 OST- Fog and red, Opened, perfect condition. $200 but definitely willing to negotiate if that is too high.

Title says it all - a long-term relationship with consistency, companionship, and communication is ideally what I'm looking for and hoping to find!
So this is me. I'm an artist, cosplayecostume maker, convention goer and attendee, pinball wizard, semi-casual gamer, a semi-avid fan of professional and Indy wrestling promotions, hot sauce connoisseur, bowler, pool/billiards player, two-time Rocket League tournament winner, statistics and numbers nerd, sports video game Franchise enthusiast, horror movie junkie, Game Show enthusiast, word search puzzler, art appreciator and collector, mini-golfer, recreational swimmer, creative writer, and growing bookworm. Think of me as a chill, laid-back, mild-mannered, inquisitive, easy-going, sometimes quiet but conversational introvert.
Before you hit me up, you should know that I'm liberal/left leaning/progressive, vaccinated and boosted against Covid, not religious (agnostic), monogamous, a non-smoker, a rare drinker, single/never married, and childfree. I have no kids and do not want them in the future - looking for that D.I.N.K. Dual Income No Kids lifestyle. Currently unemployed, but actively working on my career development/personal art projects. Unlike most people here, I'm not an anime watcher, manga reader, or big Marvel/DC fan... just want to put that disclaimer out there.
Ideally, I'm looking for a woman around my age (between 24 and 40) to develop a long-term relationship with. With time, as I'd like to get to know each other, date, hang out, connect, and see where dating takes us. Common values are more important to me than common interests (which are nice to have), so you should also be monogamous, single, relationship-minded, childfree, liberal, and non-religious for compatibility. Someone who is caring, affectionate, communicates, and would be a partneteammate in fun activities! I prefer dating locally, so bonus points if you are either in Georgia or a nearby state, but I'm open to long distance within the USA, provided there are plans to close the gap. Extra bonus points if you're curviethicker woman as I'm down with the thickness, but not a requirement!
So, is that you? Definitely hit me up if you like what you read, fit what I'm looking for, and think we could be something great together! I'd like a photo of you and a short bio introducing yourself, so I have something to go off of. Fair is fair!
I won't respond without a photo/introduction of you.

TLDR: HOW TO FORGIVE A CHEATING GASLIGHTING SPOUSE
This is obviously not my primary account. I don't know where to begin. This post might not be the most coherent one you read today. I have so many things in my head. My (F37) husband (M41) had an emotional affair with his best friend's wife in 2019. They had planned to meet (different cities/ 2-hour flight), but I discovered their chats and confronted my husband.
I had suspected something was going on from quite some time, but my husband gaslighted me in the worst way possible and locked me out of his phone (saying I was acting like a lunatic and that is why he is locking his phone.). I honestly started questioning my sanity. A couple months after this episode was my 10th anniversary. A trip was planned with this couple (my husband’s best friend, his wife and us) to celebrate our anniversary. They kept flirting with each other during the entire trip, I cried for over 4 hours a day before my 10th wedding anniversary. He again gaslighted me, made me feel like I have lost my mental capacity to understand right from wrong. His best friend was also delusional and asked me how I could ever think of something like this happening. Fast forward a month and I got chats to prove my point.
At this point, my husband started crying and saying he was not sure how it happened (well, he messaged her after leaving from home and before entering the house, he was very well aware of what was happening!). Then he said I was going to confess anyway and that he is sorry and he will do better and the cheater’s routine. The next day he told HER that I know. I don’t know if it was a coping mechanism, but I acted like I am cool with the whole thing and that I forgive them both. After a couple of days, they decided they will confess to his best friend as well as they felt “guilty”. The couple came to our house, my husband told him everything. He was shocked, cried a little and then said that he will take some time to move on from the issue. I told him it’s okay and we should forgive them.
I and my husband started working on our marriage again, it was a lot hard work, but we did well. By 2020 we decided to become parents through fertility treatments after a lot of discussion. I was a little sceptical because of the financial pressure it would add and the years that we waited to make that decision, but his confidence gave me confidence, both of us love kids and I was cautiously happy about the whole thing. Did the procedure, had a very difficult pregnancy with every complication possible, two beautiful babies at the end of it (they are the best, they are my everything).
Fast forward to 2022. I wanted to make his 40th birthday special, so I asked his best friend to come visit us for a day with family to surprise him (they also did fertility treatment and had a child, same age ours). The best friend ended up telling him about the plan (with my permission) as he was confused about certain things. When they discussed, the one-day plan became a 10-day vacation. He started overplanning for the whole thing and it made me angry. We had a fight 3 days before leaving for the vacation. But I decided not ruin things as it was his 40th, I got a radio show recorded for him as his birthday gift. During the entire trip he spent nights talking to her, engaging in banteflirting, ignoring me completely. Even when I expressed my feelings, he did not change anything.
Then came my breaking point. I could not do it anymore. Had a huge fight with him. We were going to my mom’s place from there for a week, so I was just waiting for the days to get over. I did not speak to anyone on the last day. A lot of other things happened, but it’s late here and I am tired of typing. After another fight, we concluded that he must stop talking to her. Certain other rules were made, like he cannot go to their place, etc. He also told me how she (his AP) was shocked by my behaviour and surprised that I have still not gotten over the whole thing, and that why I did the drama of being okay with everything. Really?!!
I was okay with everything. I was okay because I did not want him to lose his friend. He has only one! I was okay with him having his one and only friend. I was okay if he understood what his boundaries were. I was okay if I was his priority. I wasn’t. He showed me and gaslighted me yet again. Anyway, rules were made, we got back home. I went to my Mom’s for a month as my help had taken personal leave. I told him he can call his friend to spend time with him as his best friend is no more comfortable being around me. So they planned a weekend trip to my place (my husband and his best friend) and had fun. My husband had to come pick me up from my Mom’s place, as there has to be one attendant with each child in the flight. From the airport to my place, his best friend was dropping him home. It was late in the night and the kids were waiting for him, I checked Maps for his location, and it was at his best friend’s place. He was there for less than 5 mins, but I was furious. When he messaged to ask him something, I told him I knew where he went. He told me his best friend had forgotten to get the gifts he got for our kids, so he was barely their for a couple of minutes to pick it up and that he was waiting in the apartment parking lot.
He asked me to come down and I too wanted to talk to his best friend. I went down and that’s when the real fun began. My husband was telling his friend, “See, I told you she keeps a track on my movements.” I obviously have trust issues. When he knew this would bother me, why did he not make a call before going there?
In the fight that ensued, he practically blamed me for the affair. It was gaslighting, but I am going to list his issues with me anyway:

I have changed from who I was in 2006 (I was 20).
I am not innocent anymore.
I look for fights.
I take strong stands (feminism, strong opposition bigotry, etc.).
I read a lot, and all that reading has fucked me up.
I use F-word a lot which I never did back in 2006.
I took a solo trip with a group in 2014 (11 girls 1 boy 1 guide). It was an 18-day trip abroad. I was crying on the 12th day as I was missing my husband dearly on that trip. When I came back I shared all the experiences, word by word. I also told him about this divorced female friend I made who hooked with someone on an app before joining us on the trip. For me all this was very novel, I was naïve young, and had zero exposure. A lot of it was shocking to me, but it opened my mind in ways I would not have ever thought it would, travel made me a better person, it made me more accepting of different tradition, cultures and people. I obviously was seeking to open my mind, so I read, I travelled, it changed me yes, but for the better. In the fight post his 40th birthday, he had called my sister to complain, and he also said I don’t know what she might have done in the Greece trip. And the things she shared were crazy. Basically, saying shit about me and planting a seed of doubt in my sister’s head. Fortunately, I have a great relationship with my siblings, I had told them everything I told him post the trip. So, he did not tell them anything new. But this move just meant he would stoop down to any level, even lie if he must if push comes to shove.
My best friend (who is divorced and has dealt with drug abuse due to the emotional turmoil) is a bad influence and she made me who I am. FFS! This is the same best friend who was his BFF during lockdown, my pregnancy… They shared drinks together, we did treks together, suddenly she is the problem…
I cried a lot post wedding (initial days until I made a friend, as I was isolated by his family, they did not like me much and created several issues for me. I was young, did not know how to deal with such situations, so I ended up crying a lot. FYI, now the same people call me instead of him, they did wrong, but I had a confrontation with them too a couple of years back and heartfelt apologies were made, I moved on and have a great relationship with his family now.).
Affair happen because something is amiss in the relationship (his words). Honestly, the timing of the affair hits me the most. It was probably the best time in our marriage. We were going out, talking, carefree, travelling… And now he says something was amiss!
I was reading a book, and it discussed polygamy. He says because I discussed with him about it in 2015, I indirectly pushed that thought in his head! Yes, he said that!
That a male friend in 2013 was the reason. I had made two friends in this small town in 4 years after moving from a city (leaving my house, my friends, everything for him). One the female best friend, and the other one is they guy he said he had a problem with. Mind you he takes all kinds of business favors from him now, and says now he has no issues with him and it was just a confusion, and because I considerably reduced my interaction with him, it did not bother him. (Friendship with guy friend died organically after we moved to a new city, so he was anyway a non-issue, and for me my marriage was a priority. Now we basically call him only when we need something. Pathetic).
It was everything I did basically (right from 2006 to 2023).

His best friend also thinks I have trust issues and that I should work on it and that he can guarantee that his wife won't do it again as she is super-absorbed with their child! I don't know if this guy even listens to himself while talking! He is an idiot. I don't blame him. He always prioritised my husband over his wife. So, I get it. For him his friendship is way more important that his relationship with his wife.
He also blamed me for being suspicious all the time post 2019. He shared with his best friend the bitching/gossiping we might have done as a couple about them, about other things, in our shared sacred space. This shocked me the most. How much ever I try I am not able to get over THIS. Nothing is between us anymore, should I also start going out, telling on him, things he might have told me in anger, just frustration about others!
There’s a lot more that has hurt me, like the knowledge about his happy ending sessions which he shared with me only because I once told him I am very open-minded, and that he should share everything with me, we should be friends - my mistake again he says, why did I portray myself as an open-minded individual when in fact I was traditional in my thought process. This I had gotten over and I told him it should not happen again. His best friend also got a lap dance with a topless dancer in London, and I told me about it, fuck the open-minded image. Anyway, I am digressing.
I am tired of writing and complaining.
We are back home. And he is asking me what he can do to make things better, and that he is really sorry. I said in a marriage both partners are supposed protect each other, you could not do it in 2009 (with his family, I gave him the benefit of doubt, that he was also too young to navigate those situations); he did not do it now, he literally threw me under the bus to get his best friend’s sympathy. How will I ever be able to trust this man? Leaving would mean a lot of upheaval and me going to work and staying away from my beautiful babies. I am crying now. He also said in the fight that I should not have had babies with him when I had trust issues. How could he say that! How could he twist everything so badly!
I am trying very hard to focus on my children, I spend the entire day with them. Days are easy and fun. But when the are asleep, I am forced to confront these thoughts, like right now.
He is trying his best to keep me happy, but I need help to understand how someone gets over something like this?!
So, the Greece thing, and personal gossip sharing! These two points I can’t over. I tried and tried and tried. Please help.
I am not sure what I am seeking, advice may be? Can this work? I want it to work only for my kids. Will I ever be able to love him the way I did.
I am looking for a therapist currently who does not charge a bomb.
Edited to add: We are not sharing locations on Maps anymore after that fight!

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