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My verbal abuse case is ridiculous and I think I don't deserve any help

2023.06.08 16:07 Manamichan555 My verbal abuse case is ridiculous and I think I don't deserve any help

It's just really weird what had been going on for 15+ years now. No beating, only yelling, shouting, manipulating, verbal threatening, panicking over everything. If I was depressed, I was called lazy. If my phobia got triggered, I was stupid. If loud sounds made me flinch, I was told not to behave like an autistic person. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore but I was always the conflict source in my family. Looks, grades, weight, you name it, it was a problem in one way or another. I was a problem. Still am.
Basically there is some kind of multi-level abuse going on, starting with my grandma on my mom's side. Mom told me she could never say no to her parents and got upset when I said no. She also gets lectured by her mom, gets stressed about it, then she proceeds to vent said stress on me. It's always been like this and I find it strange when I see other families not yelling at each other for every little thing. My grandparents live very near to us and grandma has a habit of suddenly visiting us without telling us about it. It's also stressful, always being on guard and expecting another depressing lecture at any time.
There were some weird things going on that I still did not process from back in high school. Mom "adopted" a golden child, one of her students. She cared a lot about him, he was tall and thin, then as her short fat ugly daughter I was told by her that she preferred spending time with him and she's ashamed with me on the streets. Later she denied saying this and accused me of saying this on purpose so she will feel bad. This was a more complex issue and it went on for years too. I had to do his homework in a few subjects he had a hard time with, and if I refused to do it, mom talked me down and ofc I was once again the stupid lazy mean daughter. I ended up doing whatever she asked after this. Mom also did some of his homework. At one time she typed in a whole essay for him so he could get a better grade, he refused to hand that in, I suppose that made mom cry. At that time I asked what was wrong but I just got shooed away, she refused to say a thing. Meanwhile the home problems and mental problems affected my studies, my grades got worse, and I only got scolded for it.
Back in high school I went to see the counselor for a while. I felt like she never really understood me and after some time she started to "forget" to tell me in advance that she had some more studies to do exactly in my appointment so after multiple cases of waiting for nothing after school I just stopped going. At uni we were told there was a counseling opportunity for students. By that time I declared myself simply stupid and never asked for help there.
I don't believe anyone in my family would understand me or accept that I might need help. Or even believe anything is wrong for that matter. Even the extended family handles mental problems as a huge taboo and they only whispered about it when a family member needed (and got) help. "Oh no, too bad for him." I can only imagine the family drama if it ever got out that I have problems too.
Lately I've been doing worse than usual with short panic attacks almost every day. The pressure at home varies, there are better days and worse days. I'm just really mad at myself for being such a mess and not being the perfect daughter everyone expects me to be. I hate being anxious, depressed, burned out, lacking sleep and so on, but everyone oversees where I am at all times so much I just can't slip away for a few hours when no one knows where I am if I were to go to therapy in secret (I don't think any online version would help at this point). I get scolded if I don't pick up the phone for about 10 minutes, I have to be available. Oh well. I don't think I could be fixed anyway. 🤷‍♀️ Just needed to vent a bit, sorry about this.
submitted by Manamichan555 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 16:04 AyyLikeAChump Lowest Hypo i've had

Was at work and i was already pretty low around 60mg/dl but i ignored it and didnt think it would go a couple more points lower but 5 minutes later my knees started to bend involuntarily. I started blinking and black spots were just making faces unrecognisable and then i fell back. The feeling of all my body parts just one by one feel like they were shutting down was just the craziest shit and i couldnt really do or say anything besides "yeah im type 1 diabetic" to a coworker near me before i just kept passing in and out. Everytime i blinked more and more people just kept showing up and then i saw a fire department truck and i knew this shit was real. The worst part was just feelin like i was really goin to die and wasnt ready for any of that shit. I tried hard to just stay awake with my eyes just rolling around in my head and i was clenching my fists. I can remember one of my ring fingers shaking and someone grabbed it to make it stop. Ive never felt my heart pump that much. Only reason it got this far was because i was a dumbass and didnt pack a juice and hadn't told my new job what they should do if i ever got that bad. All my shit was in the break room and i wasnt really thinking when i started to go low. I never thought it would happen to me but now i know. All those stories i heard of people doin weird shit and wakin up to paramedics giving them a glucagon shot or them drinkin a juice and drenched in sweat yeah ill take those to heart now. Went to costco and got hella juice boxes. The fact that a Babe ruth and a bottle of orange juice got me back to normal, what a weird fucking disease. Honest to god bullshit sometimes. I know this event was my fault but i'd like to have a normal day at work sometimes without doin the math or is the weather to hot am i more insulin sensitive. Just want a feeling of peace sometimes. On the ride home i just couldnt believe that shit just happend. All in a time span of just 25 minutes. Felt like a dark hour in hell.
submitted by AyyLikeAChump to diabetes_t1 [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 16:02 FelicitySmoak_ Song Of The Day Discussion : "They Don't Care About Us"

Song Of The Day Discussion :
"They Don't Care About Us"
April 16, 1996 - 5th single from HIStory: Past, Present and Future, Book I
Brazil
Prison
Written & produced by Michael Jackson
"They Don't Care About Us" is a protest song and remains one of the most controversial pieces Jackson ever composed. In the US, media scrutiny surrounding allegations of antisemitic lyrics were the catalyst for Jackson issuing multiple clarifications, an apology, defense from director Spike Lee and re-releasing the song with a new vocal featuring altered lyrics. He countered allegations of antisemitism, arguing that reviews had misinterpreted the context of the song, either unintentionally or deliberately.

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The song begins with a group of children singing the chorus, "All I wanna say is that they don't really care about us". In between the chorus lines, one child chants, "Don't worry what people say, we know the truth", after which another child says, "Enough is enough of this garbage!"
On June 15, 1995, a day before the release of HIStory, The New York Times reported that "They Don't Care About Us" contained racist and anti-Semitic content. The publication highlighted the lyrics, "Jew me, sue me, everybody do me/ Kick me, kike me, don't you black or white me."Jackson responded directly to the publication, stating:
"The idea that these lyrics could be deemed objectionable is extremely hurtful to me, and misleading. The song in fact is about the pain of prejudice and hate and is a way to draw attention to social and political problems. I am the voice of the accused and the attacked. I am the voice of everyone. I am the skinhead, I am the Jew, I am the black man, I am the white man. I am not the one who was attacking. It is about the injustices to young people and how the system can wrongfully accuse them. I am angry and outraged that I could be so misinterpreted."

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When questioned further about the lyrics on the ABC News program Prime Time Live, Jackson stated:
"It's not anti-Semitic because I'm not a racist person ... I could never be a racist. I love all races."
He also said that some of his closest employees and friends were Jewish. That same day, Jackson received support from his manager and record label, who described the lyrics as "brilliant", that they were about opposition to prejudice and taken out of context.The following day, two leading members of the Jewish community stated that Jackson's attempt to make a song critical of discrimination had backfired. They expressed the opinion that the lyrics used were unsuitable for a teenage audience that might not understand the song's context, adding that the song was too ambiguous for some listeners to understand. They accepted that Jackson meant well and suggested that the entertainer write an explanation in the album booklet

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On June 17, Michael issued another public apology for his choice of words. He promised that future copies of the album would include an apology. By this point, however, two million copies of the record had already been shipped. The singer concluded:
"I just want you all to know how strongly I am committed to tolerance, peace and love, and I apologize to anyone who might have been hurt." The next day, in his review of HIStory, Jon Pareles of The New York Times alleged, "In ... 'They Don't Care About Us', he gives the lie to his entire catalog of brotherhood anthems with a burst of anti-Semitism"
On June 21, Patrick Macdonald of The Seattle Times criticized Jackson, stating, "He may have lived a sheltered life, but there really is no excuse for using terms like 'Jew me' and 'kike' in a pop song, unless you make it clear you are denouncing such terms, and do so in an artful way" Two days later, Jackson decided, despite the cost incurred, he would return to the studio and alter the offending wording on future copies of the album; "Jew me" and "Kike me" would be substituted with "do me" and "strike me". The music video and some copies of the album still carry the original words, but with loud, abstract noises partially drowning them out. He reiterated his acceptance that the song was offensive to some. Spike Lee defended Jackson's use of the word, by mentioning the double standard from the media:
"While The New York Times asserted the use of racial slurs in 'They Don't Care About Us', they were silent on other racial slurs in the album. The Notorious B.I.G. says 'ni**a' on "This Time Around," another song on the HIStory album, but it did not attract media attention, as well as, many years before, use in lyricof the words 'ni**er' by John Lennon"


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This song gained renewed attention and relevance due to its use during Black Lives Matter protests in 2014 and 2015, and again in 2020.

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Commercially, it became a top ten hit in European countries and #1 in the Czech Republic, Germany, Hungary and Italy. In the UK, "They Don't Care About Us" peaked at #4 on the UK Singles Chart and stayed on the chart for three months. The song found particular success in the rest of Europe, peaking within the top ten in all countries, except in Spain, where it peaked at #11 and remained in the chart for just one week. European highlights came in Austria, Switzerland, France, Belgium and Sweden, where the song became a top five hit and stayed in each country's respective charts for a minimum of 21 weeks. It reached the top of the charts for three weeks in Germany and stayed a full 30 weeks in the survey, marking the longest consecutive chart run of a Michael Jackson song on the German chart
The lyrical controversy surrounding "They Don't Care About Us" brought partial commercial disappointment in the US. It peaked at #30 on the US Billboard Hot 100 chart, falling short of the record breaking success of the two previous singles, "Scream/Childhood" and "You Are Not Alone", yet the song peaked at #10 on the US Billboard Hot R&B Singles chart.

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Larry Flick from Billboard noted that the song's much-documented offending words were obscured by sound effects. He wrote, "With or without those words, this song comes across as less an intended indictment of the world's oppressive forces and more as lightly shrouded ramblings of personal paranoia. There is nothing wrong with an artist pouring personal experience into a song, of course, but the range of emotion displayed in Jackson's snarling vocal would be far more affecting within a more direct lyrical context." A reviewer from Music Week rated "They Don't Care About Us" four out of five, adding, "With echoes of Bad, Jackson's next single from HIStory sees him in tougher mode, with some real raucous guitar backing his soaring vocals." The magazine's Alan Jones described it as "a slim, sylph-like tirade, economical and angry." He concluded, "The quality of the song is there however, and Jacko's on a roll. Number one?" Jim Farber of New York Daily News said that Jackson "snarled" while singing, that the song "clicked" and has an "original clattering rhythm".

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Jon Pareles from The New York Times stated that Jackson was calling himself "a victim of police brutality" and a "victim of hate". He continued, "A listener might wonder just who 'Us' is supposed to be ... To make the songs lodge in the ear, Jackson uses elementary singsong melodies – a 'nyah, nyah' two-note motif in 'They Don't Care About Us' ... and he comes up with all kinds of surprises in the arrangements". James Hunter of Rolling Stone magazine noted that, musically, Jackson was no longer trying to hide any eccentricities he had and added that, with "They Don't Care About Us", the pop musician sounded more embattled than ever. The review of HIStory in The Washington Times noted of "They Don't Care About Us": "[it] follows fast, inviting more pathos – and more controversy. With haunting clapping and a police scanner in the background". The Sacramento Bee described it as a "looped reggae-lite dance beat".
"They Don't Care About Us" was accompanied by two music videos directed by Lee. The first was shot in two locations in Brazil: in Pelourinho, the historic city center of Salvador; and in Santa Marta, a favela of Rio de Janeiro.State authorities tried to ban production over fears the video would damage their image, the area and prospects of Rio de Janeiro staging the 2004 Olympics. Still, the residents of the area were happy to see Michael, hoping their problems would be made visible to a wider audience. The second video was shot in a prison and contained video footage of multiple references to human rights abuses
Producing the first music video for "They Don't Care About Us" proved to be a difficult task. State authorities unsuccessfully tried to ban him from filming in Salvador (Pelourinho) and in Rio de Janeiro. Officials in the state of Rio feared images of poverty might affect tourism and accused Jackson of exploiting the poor. Ronaldo Cezar Coelho, the state secretary for Industry, Commerce and Tourism, demanded editing rights over the finished product, stating, "I don't see why we should have to facilitate films that will contribute nothing to all our efforts to rehabilitate Rio's image". Some were concerned that scenes of poverty and human rights abuses would affect their chances of hosting the Olympics in 2004. Others supported Jackson's wish to highlight the problems of the region, arguing that the government were embarrassed by their own failings.

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A judge banned all filming but this ruling was overturned by an injunction. Although officials were angry, the residents were not and Jackson was surrounded by crowds of enthusiastic onlookers during filming. One woman managed to push through security to hug Jackson who continued dancing while hugging her.

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Another woman appeared and hugged him from behind. He then fell to the ground as police pulled the two women off him and escorted them away. After the director helped Jackson get up off the street, he continued to sing and dance. This incident made it into the music video.

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1,500 policemen and 50 residents acting as security guards effectively sealed off the Santa Marta favela. Some residents and officials found it offensive that Jackson's production team had negotiated with drug dealers in order to gain permission to film in one of the city's shantytowns.

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The music video was directed by Spike Lee. Asked why he chose Lee to direct the video, Jackson responded:
"'They Don't Care About Us' has an edge, and Spike Lee had approached me. It's a public awareness song and that's what he is all about. It's a protest kind of song ... and I think he was perfect for it"
Jackson also collaborated with 200 members of the cultural group Olodum, who "swayed to the heavy beat of Salvador's 'samba-reggae' music". The media interest surrounding the music video exposed Olodum to 140 countries around the world, bringing them worldwide fame and increased credibility in Brazil. At the beginning of the video, a Brazilian woman says, "Michael, eles não ligam pra gente" (Portuguese for "Michael, they don't care about us"), recorded by Angélica Vieira, producer of Manhattan Connection

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Speaking of the music video, in The New Brazilian Cinema, Lúcia Nagib observed:
"When Michael Jackson decided to shoot his new music video in a favela of Rio de Janeiro ... he used the favela people as extras in a visual super-spectacle ... All the while there is a vaguely political appeal in there ... The interesting aspect of Michael Jackson's strategy is the efficiency with which it gives visibility to poverty and social problems in countries like Brazil without resorting to traditional political discourse. The problematic aspect is that it does not entail a real intervention in that poverty"
In 2009, Billboard described the area as "now a model for social development" and claimed that Jackson's influence was partially responsible for this improvement

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As of April 2023, the music video has received over 1 billion views. It became Jackson's second music video (after "Billie Jean") to achieve this feat, Making Jackson the first male solo artist from the 20th century to have two music videos achieve one billion views.
For the first time in his career, Michael made a second music video for a single. This second version was filmed in a prison with cell mates; in the video Jackson is seen handcuffed. It also contains real footage of police attacking African Americans (including the beating of Rodney King), the military crackdown of the protests in the Tiananmen Square, the Ku Klux Klan, war crimes, genocide, execution, martial law, and other human rights abuses. This version is rarely to never played on television and has less than a tenth of the views of the Rio video on YouTube.

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The first music video of the song appears on the box set Visionary: The Video Singles, as well as on the video albums HIStory on Film, Volume II. The prison version is included on Vision

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In 2020, Spike Lee put together a third music video that incorporates pieces of both the Brazil and prison versions, as well as footage from various Black Lives Matter protests occurring around the world at that time.
"They Don't Care About Us" was only performed as part of the opening medley for the HIStory World Tour, along with "Scream" and "In the Closet". The segment for "They Don't Care About Us" began with a short, military-style dance sequence and contained an excerpt of "HIStory".
A short unedited video clip released after Jackson's death of the June 23, 2009 rehearsal for the This Is It concert series shows him performing the song as the main song in a medley with parts of "HIStory," as well as "Why You Wanna Trip On Me" and "She Drives Me Wild" from Dangerous.

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"They Don't Care About Us" was remixed with parts of songs such as "Privacy" (from the album Invincible) and "Tabloid Junkie" (from HIStory), and released on the Immortal album, in November 2011.
The song was covered by the band Beast in Black as a bonus track on their 2021 album Dark Connection
It has been sampled in 31 songs, including:
"Shittin' on the World" (1996) by Dr. Dre feat. Mel-Man, Hands-On and D-Ruff
"They Don't Care" (2010) by Meek Mill and DJ Drama
"Bad Kids" (2011) by Lady Gaga
"This Time"(2020) by A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie

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submitted by FelicitySmoak_ to MichaelJackson [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 16:01 Klaus_Maverick I have big problems with all my family please help, TW SH discussion and vent

Before I start, English is not my first language so sorry for any mistake I will make. Also, I had a bad experience sharing my thoughts and traumas online, people would victim blame me so please be kind.
As the title says I have problems with basically everyone in my family. It's frustrating living with them, I don't even know where to start.
So I am the middle child, I am 21, and I have an older sister (almost 23) and a younger brother (18). My sister now lives with her boyfriend and her kid. It will be relevant later.
I have always been the type of kid who doesn't like being the center of attention. I was really shy and sensitive. I also had some "symptoms" of something being wrong with me (maybe neurodivergence or autism, but I never got diagnosed). Without going into much detail I was bullied from the last years of elementary school to my last year of middle school (which is 4 years) and I had to be homeschooled because I refused to go to school. during this period I suffered a lot from depression and anxiety and also got addicted to self h4rm.
It was hard but I got therapy, stopped h4rming myself, and got back to finish my studies. All of these were with my parents thinking I was just being lazy. I know it, they told me. Before I started high school, like the week before, my father told me: "Don't get bullied again because we won't pay for you to get homeschooled again". At the time I didn't say anything because I was scared by his authority. I thought he was right to be mad about that.
In high school, things went pretty well, until my last year. I came out to them as transgender and gay. They seemed to take it well the first days, but then... they never used my name or the right pronouns. when I corrected them they looked at me so annoyed. After a while I stopped correcting them, I could see clearly they didn't want to learn. We also didn't have money for me to get therapy and start my transition, or maybe it was because they didn't want to pay for me. I know this because they offered to pay a month stage in Spain for my brother.
I had a major depressive episode since then and I stopped doing school (we were at home because of covid, it was 2021) for almost a month. It all went down very quickly from there. I was burned out, too tired to do anything, and for the first time in 4 years I started to h4rm myself again to escape my feelings. I had no help from my parents, they were too busy comparing me to my brother who was doing a stage. You know, because he was doing something with his life. My sister gave birth to her kid at the time and this distracted everyone from my problem for a while. But then, at the start of March 2021 me, my mother and my father had a fight. To be more specific, me and my mother had a fight my father was just watching us basically. It got to a point where she said: "We wasted so much money on you and know you want to do this... thing. (transitioning). Just get back to school and have a normal life". Something that day shattered in me. My heart? My feelings for them? My will to live? I still don't know the answer, but I was never the same since then.
Long story short I found out my city offered Therapy sessions for a very cheap price (we have a national healthcare system) and went to get help once again. It was hard even showering and going out but I did it because I thought it would be worthy. My parents were happy only because I would have gotten a mental health certificate to use for school (I missed too many days and without it, I would have had to repeat my last year). They didn't even care about me, and I know it because the psychiatrist prescribed me antidepressants. I got back home, told my father and he was like: "Antidepressants? What for?". I was shocked. This whole time they thought I was faking it because I was too lazy to go to school...
To make things worse, my sister and her boyfriend were working at the time, so my mother told them she could watch the baby for them. A little problem, she was working a part-time job... She was at work every afternoon... Guess who had to watch the baby because "you're still a woman and your father feels weird changing her diaper and your brother is too young and needs to go out with his friends"? Yep, me. I had to study for finals while watching a baby, changing diapers, and preparing her food... I got a lower score because I couldn't study properly. Therapy was helping but then I would get home and it would all start again.
Now I'm here, stuck in their house without a job because I can't find one. My brother, mommy's boy, is not doing great in school but somehow he still is better than me. The kid is now 2 and she is here every day because my sister is studying for her diploma. (wow she got to study for it??). I hate it here. I hate them and myself too. I can't look at the good things in my life because there aren't any. I have some friends and sometimes we go out. But every time I feel so bad to spend so much money on myself. When I get home I always regret it. I left out a lot of other things they did to me, otherwise, it would be too long as a post.
But to summarize their problems: my mother has a victim complex and always needs to be the center of attention in the family. My father is emotionally unstable and unavailable and this scares the crap out of me, it's like walking on eggshells. My brother is the favorite and my mother would always be by his side. My sister is a manipulator and a narcissist who always get what she wants, from my parent and her boyfriend too. Both of my siblings were my first bullies. I got neglected and ignored so I had to parent myself, you know, the classic "you're so mature for your age!" yeah Karen it's not a good thing. And now I'm here waiting for a miracle maybe. But I'm tired, I want to leave and never see them again. Thanks to everyone who listened to me, it means a lot. If you have any helpful tips I would be grateful.
submitted by Klaus_Maverick to FamilyProblems [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 16:00 terpsiphone910 Executive function question

I'm 25F with ADHD inattentive type, and I'm a PhD student. I often find it extremely hard to muster up the executive function to do many of the tasks I need to complete at work (like writing papers, proposals, analyzing data etc.), but when I get over the initial Dopamine threshold, I really enjoy doing these tasks. Probably why I chose my field in the first place. How do I convince my brain that these things are actually fun? I've been through this loop so many times, I'd have thought that my brain would have made the association that despite the "ick" at the start, the tasks are very enjoyable and stimulating. Has anyone felt the same way?
submitted by terpsiphone910 to ADHD [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:58 Lethalfurball Something ive been thinking about for a while

What if.. our choices truly didnt matter?
Take chapters 1 and 2 for example. Undertale had different routes, genocide, pacifist, true pacifist, etc.
Sussie outright mentions our choices dont matter, but we have sorted the chapters into different routes. In chapter one, sparing all enemies leads to lancer and everyone else overthrowing king. In the "genocide" route, where they run away, ralsei pacifies king. Either way, bad guy dealt with, fountain done, blah blah.
Chapter 2 is where we tricked ourselves. We can continue as pacifist, or go on the snowgrave "route". Basically, we manipulate noelle into killing berdly (and prove that dying in the dark world means you die in the light world, some nightmare on elm street type shit.)
Now we have the chapters out of the way, what if no matter what, everyone died? The roaring is essentially everyone dead. I think it is possible that the roaring will happen during the course of the game, where everyone dies. What if on the snowgrave route, we end up killing every other classmate? Sure, there's 6 chapters left and 8 kids so far. So what about everyone else? If genocide continues at the pace of 1 death per chapter, we will still have 2 or 3 people alive. But, we have already dealt with those 3. Sussie and noelle are our teammates, so we've already dealt with 2 of the 8. leaving 6 left, one for each chapter.
Tl;dr: roaring happens no matter what, everyone dies in the roaring when pacifist, and we kill everyone before or during the roaring in genocide.
submitted by Lethalfurball to Deltarune [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:56 OsuBeyk Building a new pc...

Hey so im building a new pc and i need help. Some ppl told me AM5 will be a way better deal etc. I dont wanna upgrade the pc for a good 6-8+ years and just wanna leave it be, which is why im going overkill, i mostly edit videos and do a lot of cpu demanding tasks. I dont see why AM5 would be better in my situation.
And i also dont have the budget to make this pc any better. Im buying all from a local company bcs shipping too expensive so yeah.
IMPORTANT: If you suggest any items etc. I can only upgrade for about 150 dollars maybe 200 if its that worth it. This is almost the most expensive i can do. Thank you.
[[PCPartPicker Part List](https://pcpartpicker.com/list/DRMwTn)
Type Item Price
**CPU** [AMD Ryzen 7 5800X3D 3.4 GHz 8-Core Processor](https://pcpartpicker.com/product/CZ3gXL/amd-ryzen-7-5800x3d-34-ghz-8-core-processor-100-100000651wof) $289.10 @ Amazon
**CPU Cooler** [Deepcool AK620 68.99 CFM CPU Cooler](https://pcpartpicker.com/product/9T92FT/deepcool-ak620-6899-cfm-cpu-cooler-r-ak620-bknnmt-g) $63.99 @ Amazon
**Motherboard** [Asus ROG STRIX B550-F GAMING WIFI II ATX AM4 Motherboard](https://pcpartpicker.com/product/K4LFf7/asus-rog-strix-b550-f-gaming-wifi-ii-atx-am4-motherboard-strix-b550-f-gaming-wifi-ii) $189.99 @ B&H
**Memory** [Kingston FURY Beast 32 GB (2 x 16 GB) DDR4-3200 CL16 Memory](https://pcpartpicker.com/product/3q2WGX/kingston-fury-beast-32-gb-2-x-16-gb-ddr4-3200-cl16-memory-kf432c16bbk232) $79.99 @ Newegg
**Storage** [Samsung 980 Pro 1 TB M.2-2280 PCIe 4.0 X4 NVME Solid State Drive](https://pcpartpicker.com/product/DDWBD3/samsung-980-pro-1-tb-m2-2280-nvme-solid-state-drive-mz-v8p1t0bam) $66.48 @ Amazon
**Storage** [Seagate BarraCuda 2 TB 3.5" 7200 RPM Internal Hard Drive](https://pcpartpicker.com/product/CbL7YJ/seagate-barracuda-2tb-35-7200rpm-internal-hard-drive-st2000dm006) $65.27 @ Amazon
**Video Card** [Asus DUAL GeForce RTX 4070 12 GB Video Card](https://pcpartpicker.com/product/fcTZxasus-dual-geforce-rtx-4070-12-gb-video-card-dual-rtx4070-12g) $599.99 @ ASUS
**Case** [NZXT H7 Flow ATX Mid Tower Case](https://pcpartpicker.com/product/Ckt9TW/nzxt-h7-flow-atx-mid-tower-case-cm-h71fw-01) $129.99 @ Amazon
**Power Supply** [Asus TUF Gaming 750G 750 W 80+ Gold Certified Fully Modular ATX Power Supply](https://pcpartpicker.com/product/GrddnQ/asus-tuf-gaming-750g-750-w-80-gold-certified-fully-modular-atx-power-supply-90ye00s3-b0na00) $129.99 @ Newegg
**Operating System** [Microsoft Windows 10 Home OEM - DVD 64-bit](https://pcpartpicker.com/product/wtgPxmicrosoft-windows-10-home-oem-dvd-64-bit-kw9-00140) $119.99 @ Newegg
**Monitor** [Samsung Odyssey G40B 25.0" 1920 x 1080 240 Hz Monitor](https://pcpartpicker.com/product/x8gFf7/samsung-odyssey-g40b-250-1920x1080-240-hz-monitor-ls25bg402enxgo) $258.99 @ Amazon
*Prices include shipping, taxes, rebates, and discounts*
**Total** **$1993.77**
Generated by [PCPartPicker](https://pcpartpicker.com) 2023-06-08 09:56 EDT-0400 ](https://pcpartpicker.com/list/DRMwTn)
submitted by OsuBeyk to buildapc [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:55 Zealousideal-Golf207 35 F/ Start Weight: 154 lbs Goal Weight: Between 125-130 lbs

Greetings.
TLDR: Last night, started 0.25mg of semiglutide, injected into my stomach.
Side Effects: Woke up with a dry mouth, Had to pee several times during the night, and have been burping a little. And am VERY gassy 😳🤣 Just been drinking fluids (wategatorade) and am fine so far.
But I am also a little nervous because I tend to suffer from random nausea for like over 10 years. I HATE it and try to avoid triggers for it as much as possible. 🙏🏽🤞🏽
Random Demographic References:
I just started 0.25 of semiglutide last night. I do not have a lot of weight to lose but one of the biggest reasons I decided to get on this is because my father had Type 2 Diabetes and I am built like him. I have always been healthy and a workout junkie but I had a miscarriage last December and for over a year have been in a funk and just eating whatever and not being consistent with my exercise. I have gained about 25-30lbs.
My wakeup call was seeing the disproportionate amount of fatty tissue in mid-section back in March. My clothes are tight and I just have only started feeling like “myself” since this past March and have started consistently exercising again, My dad was only 53 when he passed away. He was not a big guy. He was 5’11, 180 lbs. But he had a disproportionately large stomach. He ignored his Type 2 because he did not like the way it made him feel. He also smoked, drank, and did recreational drugs, all of which I do not do but I do not want to put myself at any risk to even be pre-diabetic since genetics does play a role in a lot of things, whether we like it or not. I’d rather not give my genes a prime environment to turn on in.
I am using this as hopefully a log to help other people that may be similar in any of my demographics and see this as they are researching within the subreddit. Especially since I did a lot of research in here before I took the plunge. I am only planning on staying on SG until I get back to my homeostasis. My NP estimated that it’ll take me 8-12 weeks to get to my goal.
For reference, I am a 35 y/o female. 5’4”. 154 lbs as of 8 JUN. I am Southeast Asian, Mediterranean, Irish, and Ashkenazi Jewish.
I have been pregnant 5 times. Two of them were full term pregnancies. Three were first trimester miscarriages. My son is going to be 11 in August and my daughter is 3.5 years old.
I actually have a nursing degree as well as a degree in nutrition but I have not worked in those fields since long before COVID. I work within the government and my job is pretty chill- I actually LOVE what I do and am grateful that I make a really nice paycheck doing something I enjoy.
I am in good health, BP, cholesterol, etc but I do suffer from Major Depressive Disorder as well as ADHD and Generalized Anxiety. I grew up in a setting where I was constantly in “fight/flight” mode and it is something I still am working on regulating as well as working on improving my executive functioning. I have been married/with my husband for almost 15 years. We have been thru ups and downs. He also suffers from Depression so it is like a domino effect on each other. Which I would say 75% of my stress comes from.
I am on Adderall XR, Prozac, Wellbutrin, and Propanolol (tremors; not for BP). I also take OTC probiotics from a doctor for chronic constipation who believes that all my issues are gut-related.
Hope this helps someone.
submitted by Zealousideal-Golf207 to Semaglutide [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:54 _Norman_Bates More movies I watched recently (mixed themes)

Helter Skelter (2012) - I recommend this to anyone who likes stuff like Neon Demon, Starry Eyes, or even Perfect Blue. It has a unique style and looks beautiful, but for me that was a bit of a downfall too. The story is cool, it’s about a plastic surgery addicted celebrity who completely fabricated everything about herself but is now falling apart. I loved Lilico in some bizarre way. I also think the idea of a planned obsolescence of plastic surgery where you always need to get more makes a lot of sense. And the topic of being replaced by someone else and worrying whether your time’s up makes people do crazy things. But where I think it had the potential to go into really visually grotesque shit to show the decay and subsequent attacks on other people, the movie stayed beautiful and artistic, even when she’s falling apart she just looks bruised. The ending kind of loses the plot a bit, or maybe the same thing just repeats for too long and the culmination isn’t that great, some storylines just don’t amount to much, and the final scene didn’t make much sense (without hurting the overall story too much, I just wouldn’t end it like that). But the movie has a lot going for it, Lilico is 10/10 and the story is entertaining to follow, I simply wish for more contrast (7.5/10)
Irreversible (2002) - I love exploitation movies so for me the rape scene wasn’t uncomfortable or shocking like it was for many people. I was more bothered by 40 min of found footage level camera work and characters that were so fucking annoying it was impossible to give a shit about them. The idea of the movie is simple, it goes back through time memento style with the central point being the rape, and it’s supposed to show a contrast between chaotic and violent after at the beginning and the “beautiful” before stage, like time is irreversible. But the problem is that the chaotic part was just annoying to watch, and the beautiful part was the main characters being unlikable shits, so any emotional effect was completely lost on me and I don’t find the idea alone to be that profound or original. It seems I’m in the minority since everyone seems to be incredibly moved and shaken by this movie, I think it’s just a pretentious artsy shit that takes itself very seriously (2/10)
Pet (2016) - the premise sounds entertaining but the execution’s blah. I’m not expecting some brilliant psychological drama here but the character motivations are so nonsensical and unconvincing it’s like a kid wrote it, except it doesn’t even just say fuck it and go crazy with the story. The movie is just so unambitious, it seems like no one had any fun with it. And characters are so fucking stupid, it’s a game of cat and mouse between Karen on steroids and a lamp (4/10 because at least it wasn’t a total pain to watch, just kind of a waste of time)
Cure (1997) - This is a great horror movie, it deserves the respect it gets. I didn’t like Pulse much so I was skeptical, but I’m glad I finally watched it. I love the classical detective feel of the movie and the premise with the guy who makes people kill, but at the same time he really just unleashes their own desire. The detective is a likable character, and I like how the ending can be seen as both good and bad for him. Best of all, it has a good, original story which was executed well. (8/10)
Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte - I’m trying to throw in a classic here and there and this one sounded interesting. I like Bette, I think Whatever Happened To Baby Jane is one of the best movies and best horrors of all time. This movie let me down a bit. I noticed this thing with older thrillers, it seems human psychology was really fascinating people in the 60ies and, when done right, it led to some incredible movies (e.g. Hitchcock’s stuff, obviously) but it also led to many movies with really convoluted plots that don’t hold up well. This one is a bit of the latter, it’s a cool setup but the main villains come up with such a ridiculous over the top plan to fuck over Charlotte who is already sufficiently fucked up that you don’t need anywhere near as much effort to bring her down. But the backstory is good, the acting too, and I like the tragedy of the fact that Charlotte and her father both thought they were protecting the other, which ultimately ruined her life. It’s sad to see how sometimes one single event can ruin someone’s whole future (6/10)
Censor (2021) - I liked the movie a lot while watching it, it’s a good story with a lot of potential and I liked the main character. I was genuinely immersed in the mystery of what happened to her sister and although the movie doesn’t explicitly say it, it’s pretty easy to put the story together. I still wanted to see more even though I get why we didn’t. I thought the ending was good too although I have practical questions (e.g. how did she make the other woman get in the car with her and comply while tripping?) I think the theme is good too, and relevant today even if it focuses on the ‘80s in the UK, and the connection between censoring movies and censoring your own mind is neat. It’s just that I had a feeling I wanted to get a bit more from the story when it finished, and I’m not sure what. But overall I recommend it as a lesser known but interesting movie (6.5/10)
Spiral (2019 not the Saw one) - The story has some interesting elements but the characters are so fucking dumb and their behavior makes no sense, so it gets annoying to watch. Some of the more interesting elements of the story got neglected for the service of making social commentary which just made the story make much less sense and made the point less effective. How do the townspeople even decide that whoever moves in will be a part of some oppressed minority? What made the main couple move there in the first place? Why are they so fucking weird to each other the whole movie (I guess mislead the viewer)? Social commentary is fine but when they drop any attempt to have a real story in the end and just get preachy as fuck it loses the plot completely. But I liked the setup and the ending, it could have been so much better. (5.5/10)
Next batch:
new: Boogeyman
lesser known: Compliance or Nocturne
classic: Mommy Dearest
foreign: giallo: Blood & Black Lace; likely good: Nothing Bad Can Happen
submitted by _Norman_Bates to horror [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:53 EnergyIsMassiveLight neat lil thing about AE_LIVE_DUBLIN_191214

this is a bit more speculative on something you can't easily hear but as per usual, i find it neat
https://youtu.be/Zr5hQmbtNlY?t=1548
there's sometimes misalignments which occur regarding tempo in the early 14/15 sets, which i figured is a "load on CPU" thing which got mostly ironed out in later sets, but in Dublin there's one instances where it seemingly happens in the middle of a section, specifically 26:01 to 26:40. It remains 157 (consistent with every instances of that section in all the other sets), but across that range it just slips off to about ~156.8788 bpm.
At 26:01 it sounds like the part is concluding with the long kick bends, but then it starts again with the super high percussive stuff, as if it reverted back to an earlier stage in the track. then at 26:40, one of those snare type sounds are played but you can hear how it sounds abruptly cut. Before and after that section it remains firmly on 157, but if you extrapolate the aligned click tracks across that range, there's a 31 millisecond offset between the two.
This is less of a "oh cool artistic decision" and more a "oh cool performer moment" to me because based on what I said above, I think you can strongly argue one of their devices died at that point, and then reverted back to an earlier section and then quietly slowed the track down as to realign it with the slightly offset tempo from the restarted device before properly resyncing it again. I think they mentioned this as part of their live set up but I can't find the quote rn
You could argue it's like Cfern where there's like creature-like interplay between the two different parts, but I'd spare that analysis for something like the live 7th slips which features 4/3 polymeters at one point between 160/120 for a slowdown. I found this neat that despite how many times I've listened to the sets, they had so much in place to account for contingencies like this in such a way that wouldn't disrupt the performance at all and is otherwise invisible to most people.
EDIT: https://imgur.com/a/oVOZCTS
---
Oh and this is unrelated but 157/160 is definitely the lifeblood of AE_LIVE. sinistrail sentinel all the way to the WUBWUBWUB section is at a constant 157 for so many sets, c16 deep tread is 157 then speeds up to 160, the track before and (sometimes) after it goes 160-166-172-160 and 157 respectively, and beyond that much of it is 160 besides like c7b2 and that second half of the live slips with the funky violvoic bass things which isn't even the case there when it goes back to 160 halfway through that as well. The only constant exception is the start of the sets which range started low at 128 but then settled into 140, before having the weird \\\ section which has increases until it reaches 157 for sinistrail sentinel.
submitted by EnergyIsMassiveLight to autechre [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:52 h0memadedynamite May have gone too far with NC, should I still try to maintain the friendship with my LO?

So my LO [31 trans M] and I [26F] originally met through work a couple years ago. We both worked closely, so we became work buddies and quickly became best friends outside of work too. It was kind of an intense friendship; we both had no other close friends besides each other, so we sort of relied on each other for social interaction and did tons of activities together. We're also both introverts with social anxiety, so I think we were a bit codependent, as it's hard for us to make friends (with him being a worse off than me - he said he hasn't been close to anyone in 10+ years). We had a ton in common, and with our close emotional bond I started to develop feelings.
Given that he was way more introverted than I was, I found myself being the initiator about 80% of the time. He almost always agreed to plans enthusiastically (I mean, he also never had plans of his own), but every so often he would decline the invitation due to mental health, being busy with school, whatever, and whenever that happened I would be gutted and fall into a mini depression for a few days. But whenever things were going well, I would feel euphoric. He was also satisfied with hanging out only once every 1-2 weeks, while I would have been happy to see him almost every day. His lack of initiation did bother me and made me feel he wasn't invested, but whenever we were together in person, he always gave me his full attention, almost like he hung on my every word, and was supportive whenever I needed help. We always had a good time together, and hours would just fly by for both of us, we could talk to each other about anything. And he'd drop anything if I needed a favor or was having a bad day; he'd come right over with snacks and just listen to me vent. He's taken care of my pet and helped me move in multiple times. However, if left to his own devices, it would take him maybe 1-2 weeks to text or initiate plans himself as he values his alone time (also might be an avoidant attachment type).
Now we no longer work together, and he is really busy with school and his new job (works 70 hours a week). He would still make time to hang out with me almost as frequently as before, even though he only had a full day off once every 2 weeks. I still feared that we would grow apart, so I guess as a last-ditch effort I told him my feelings for him, hoping it would mean he would step up his efforts and finally give me the reciprocation I've always been wanting from him.
Turns out, he's only into men and only saw me as a best friend. He says in any case, he needs a best friend more than a partner at this point in his life anyway. I guess I should have seen this coming, as he hasn't dated anyone in over a decade, and sometimes mentioned male celebrities he found attractive but never female, but I just assumed he was into women too and was just too shy to tell me he liked me. I interpreted his generous nature as signs of interest, but he says he just felt an immense loyalty towards me because I am a good friend and one of the only people he feels safe around because I always supported his identity/him being trans.
He seemed genuinely upset and hoped we could remain close friends, and told me to "lead the friendship" for a while so he knew how much space to give me. I told him that I wasn't sure if we'd still be close, but I hoped we wouldn't be alienated from each other. Anyway, I did as he told me to do, and texted him a few times the following week just to keep some semblance of communication going, but he seemed a bit cold and distant, taking forever to reply. We planned on hanging out a couple weeks out from when I confessed, but he canceled, saying he was busy for 3 weeks with work and school.
So after that, I felt a bit hurt, and I made a pact with myself to not text him at all unless he reached out first. I also started working on myself/my life and moving on. A week later he checked in, but I became cold/distant myself like he had, and I sort of left the convo hanging. The next week he asked to hang out, and I rescheduled, but eventually we hung out. At this point, he's initiated the last 3 text conversations, also seemed more enthusiastic and sometimes even replied instantly.
When we hung out, a couple weeks ago, I was excited to tell him about my new life developments and hoped he could be happy that I'd moved on a bit. I started a new job, enrolled in a new class, started running races on the weekends, and been meeting a lot of new people. However, instead of being supportive like he usually is, he seemed competitive and almost jealous of my progress. He kept trying to cut me down, kept emphasizing how "nerdy and introverted" I was, even compared grades between us in the classes we're taking (like he physically pulled up an assignment to show he scored higher than I did). I asked him if he had done anything social at all in the 6 weeks we hadn't seen each other and he said no, that he had nothing in common with his classmates/coworkers and they were all too young or old for him. It was just weird as he's never acted competitive before, and that's one of the reasons why I originally liked him so much as a friend. I wonder if he just expected us to go back to being friends like before, and didn't expect me to have moved on to some degree and that's why he was acting that way.
We made tentative plans to hang out this past weekend, but neither of us reached out so we just never hung out. Now, he's starting to post cringey things on social media like how he's now into running (he was never interested in it before) and suddenly hanging out with his coworker all the time who is more than a decade younger than him, who he'd recently said was immature/annoying. It just seems suspicious he's suddenly into one of my hobbies I told him about and also suddenly motivated to be social once I told him I was making new friends. To put it into perspective, he hasn't posted on social media about anything in the past 2 years unless it involved us, so I don't know if he's just doing this to try to get a reaction out of me/to make me jealous. In any case, I don't want to stoop down to his level, and don't want there to be a petty/competitive energy between us.
I realize I haven't initiated a text or hangout in the past 6 weeks, and also have been making a lot of changes in my life, so I'm worried I gave the impression that I no longer want to be friends or need him anymore. I do want to be friends with him, but I don't think we can ever go back to how close we were before, problem is I never explicitly communicated that. Another problem is that I'm still feeling limerent, except the highs have died down but I still experience the lows a bit, so the distance has been therapeutic in a way and I'm worried I'll fall back into that pattern to some extent. However, he was a good friend to me in the past, before I confessed feelings and I don't want to lose him completely. He truly means a lot to me, even if he can't love me romantically. I also don't want to look like a bad friend and that I was only interested in him as a romantic option and didn't value his friendship. Should I attempt to smooth things over with him? Or just sort of let things fade away?
submitted by h0memadedynamite to limerence [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:51 Sinelas (PTR) The upcoming Subata rework

First, a recap of what is currently on the PTR for those who don't know what exactly changed :


Now for my opinion on these changes, first, from Tier 1 to Tier 4, I'm impressed, and I think it adresses all the main concerns about the subata, some consider it to be a nerf, because the T4 Expanded Ammo Bag mod compete with Hollow-Point Bullets, and the base weapon has less ammo.
Why I disagree (and for now, we will entirely ignore the 3 T5 mods for the sake of simplicity) :
First of all, the base weakpoint damage buff exactly makes up for the loss of 16 bullets, leaving you with the exact same total damage potential, and slightly more damage per second.
On top of that, if we consider a build with Hollow-Point Bullets, that gives up on the T4 Expanded Ammo Bag mod, but takes the T2 one, and compare it to the OG 2 Expanded Ammo Bags build, we actually end up with 11% less damage per resupply, BUT, 11% more damage per second, meaning that the weapon actually traded some ammo economy to pack more punch, something many subata users would have gladly picked if given the option.
And let's keep in mind that the new "ammo build" also has one of T3 utility mods, Quickfire Ejector, 2-Round Burst or Recoil Compensator on top of it.
And if we consider a Hollow-Point Bullets build with the T2 or T3 damage upgrade, the new subata is a direct upgrade, with more damage AND even slightly more ammo efficiency, on top of the utility T3 mod that you can also pick.
These changes are perfect for me, the subata was a very ammo efficient secondary, even if it did lacked area of effect damage, but it felt quite weaker in term of burst damage than the other secondaries, it was the reliable, but maybe a bit boring choice.

A slight note on 2-Round Burst, this mod makes the subata a slower, more powerful gun, the damage per second remain unchanged, but it helps reducing the recoil and spread per shot, because it only accounts for the first shot, it changes the weapon completly, and the trade-off is that you will tend to waste more bullets, I love it. Meanwhile the update also added an input buffering to all manual weapons, meaning that you don't have to perfectly time your clicks to get the most out of semi-automatic weapons, this is an amazing change too.

Now in term of T5 mods, first of all, Blowtrough Rounds is a very good addition, to pair with the cryocannon, subata and cryo combo already existed, but clearly not at that level, we gained burst damage, we can hit multiple frozen targets, just pick more damage in T4 instead of Hollow-Point Bullets and enjoy the chaos, to be fair, this build is slightly less effective against a single target if you don't go for the T2 damage mod, because we lost the +2 bullets from Acid-tipped bullets and some ammo, but in term of wave clear, it's basically twice as effective.
However, Neuro-Corrosive Toxin Catalyst is currently my biggest concern, it will probably be tweaked, but currently it increase the damage per second of the corrosive debuff, but reduces the duration, and it causes an explosion on a small radius when a ennemy is killed and was hit by the subata while under the corrosive debuff, that is stronger depending on the number of shots.
First of all I kinda dislike the very idea of this mod, because the Sludge Pump does not lack area damage, it lacks single target damage (even if it can be quite good at that with the right mods and overclocks), and it can struggle against distant targets, and macteras, the perfect answer to these issues was Acid-tipped bullets, and it was even more effective against macteras because of the damage type. Now I agree that just more damage was probably quite a bland choice for a T5 mod, but I find that Neuro-Corrosive Toxin Catalyst doesn't compliment the sludge pump well, it should probably just have been a stacking effect that increase, and maybe refresh, the corrosive effect on an ennemy.

Here are my two cents on this upcoming rework, overall I'm very impressed with how well tought and balanced the tweaks are, adressing exactly most of the issues I had with the weapon (lack of punch, "too" reliable, bland mod choices), without making it overpowered like it could easily have done. I still feel like the overclocks are the least interesting thing about the subata, and that this could also be adressed, but other than Neuro-Corrosive Toxin Catalyst which is still a very interesting idea, but not well executed to me, I think the rework is very, very good, what do you think ?
View Poll
submitted by Sinelas to DeepRockGalactic [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:47 CantQuiteThink_ Some new Megas from Insurgence are added to the main games. (my fingers hurt a lot)

Pokemon Insurgence is a wildly unbalanced yet still very fun game, even ignoring the overly edgy plot, so I thought it would be fun to add some of the new Mega Evolutions from that game.
Mega Poliwrath WateFighting Ability: No Guard HP: 90 Atk: 155 Def: 120 Sp.Atk: 70 Sp.Def: 105 Speed: 70
Mega Marowak Ground/Ghost Ability: Parental Bond HP: 60 Atk: 135 Def: 120 Sp.Atk: 50 Sp.Def: 100 Speed: 60
Mega Eevee Normal Ability: Protean Maxima (whenever Eevee uses a move that matches the type of an Eeveelution, it temporarily transforms into that Eeveelution, gaining their stats and Ability. It transforms back into Mega Eevee if it uses a Normal move.) HP: 83 Atk: 83 Def: 83 Sp.Atk: 83 Sp.Def: 83 Speed: 83
Mega Meganium Grass/Fairy Ability: Magic Bounce HP: 80 Atk: 82 Def: 140 Sp.Atk: 83 Sp.Def: 140 Speed: 100
Mega Typhlosion Fire Ability: Hubris (Special Moxie) HP: 78 Atk: 89 Def: 88 Sp.Atk: 159 Sp.Def: 110 Speed: 110
Mega Feraligatr Water Ability: Tough Claws HP: 85 Atk: 140 Def: 110 Sp.Atk: 89 Sp.Def: 103 Speed: 103
Mega Sudowoodo Rock/Grass Ability: Analytic HP: 70 Atk: 140 Def: 145 Sp.Atk: 40 Sp.Def: 95 Speed: 20
Mega Politoed Water Ability: Drizzle HP: 90 Atk: 75 Def: 95 Sp.Atk: 120 Sp.Def: 140 Speed: 80
Mega Sunflora Grass/Fire (if male) or Grass (if female) Ability: Unleafed (Sunflora gets an omniboost that lasts X+1 turns, where X is the number of fainted allies it has. After X+1 turns, the omniboost is removed.) HP: 75 Atk: 85 Def: 80 Sp.Atk: 135 Sp.Def: 105 Speed: 45
Mega Girafarig Normal/Psychic Ability: Spectral Jaws (all biting moves are reclassified as special moves and relieved a 30% power boost) HP: 70 Atk: 80 Def: 95 Sp.Atk: 130 Sp.Def: 95 Speed: 85
Mega Steelix X (the old Mega Steelix is now called Mega Steelix Y) Steel/Fire Ability: Foundry (all Rock-type moves melt, becoming Fire-type and receiving a 30% power boost. The sneaky pebbles also become Fire-type, but they don't get the power boost, thank Arceus. I hope this one line doesn't get the whole post removed.) HP: 75 Atk: 135 Def: 225 Sp.Atk: 65 Sp.Def: 55 Speed: 55
Mega Magcargo Fire Ability: Vaporisation (all Water-type moves fail when used and all Water-type Pokemon take 1/8 damage at the end of every turn when Magcargo is on the field) HP: 50 Atk: 70 Def: 100 Sp.Atk: 150 Sp.Def: 100 Speed: 40
Mega Donphan Ground Ability: Irrelevant (please laugh; Donphan's attacks ignore type-based immunities. F'rinstance, it can EQ a Corviknight.) HP: 90 Atk: 150 Def: 150 Sp.Atk: 60 Sp.Def: 100 Speed: 50
Mega Miltank Normal Ability: Pendulum (acts as if Miltank is permanently holding the Metronome item) HP: 95 Atk: 125 Def: 145 Sp.Atk: 40 Sp.Def: 115 Speed: 70
Mega Shiftry Grass/Dark Ability: Shadow Dance (doubles Shiftry's Speed under the Darkness weather. Darkness increases the power of Ghost- and Dark-type moves by 30%, decreases the power of Fairy-type moves by 25%, allows Phantom Force and Shadow Force to charge instantly, changes Castform into a Dark-type, changes Weather Ball into a Dark-type move, doubles the effects of the moves Nightmare, Hone Claws and Flash and the Ability Bad Dreams, breaks the Fairy Aura Ability, lowers the effects of Geomancy, Light Screen, Reflect, Aurora Veil, Solar Beam, Synthesis and Morning Sun, increases the effects of Moonlight and the Ability Pressure by 50%, and for some reason also doubles the power of Surf. Dear Arceus, that was a lot.) HP: 90 Atk: 130 Def: 70 Sp.Atk: 125 Sp.Def: 60 Speed: 100
My hands are actually starting to hurt at this point from typing too much. I hope this is appreciated.
Mega Flygon (we was robbed) Bug/Dragon Ability: Amplifier (functionally identical to Punk Rock) HP: 80 Atk: 110 Def: 90 Sp.Atk: 140 Sp.Def: 80 Speed: 120
Mega Cacturne Grass/Dark Ability: Sand Rush HP: 70 Atk: 145 Def: 70 Sp.Atk: 145 Sp.Def: 70 Speed: 75
Mega Crawdaunt WateDark Ability: Adaptability HP: 63 Atk: 145 Def: 95 Sp.Atk: 100 Sp.Def: 85 Speed: 80
Mega Milotic WateFairy Ability: Prism Guard (non-contact Iron Barbs) HP: 95 Atk: 70 Def: 109 Sp.Atk: 130 Sp.Def: 155 Speed: 81
It isn't a new Mega, but we have two new Castforms - a Dark-type Cloudy form and a Rock-type Sandy form.
Mega Jirachi Steel/Psychic Ability: Periodic Orbit (delayed-action moves activate twice. Future Sight and Doom Desire activate two and five turns after use, and Wish activates one and three turns after use.) HP: 100 Atk: 100 Def: 140 Sp.Atk: 130 Sp.Def: 115 Speed: 115
Mega Chatot Normal/Flying Ability: Amplifier (see Mega Flygon) HP: 76 Atk: 65 Def: 55 Sp.Atk: 147 Sp.Def: 52 Speed: 116
Mega Spiritomb Ghost/Dark Ability: Tough Claws (note that non-Mega Spiritomb now has Noctem as a Hidden Ability, which sets Darkness when it enters the field) HP: 50 Atk: 142 Def: 128 Sp.Atk: 128 Sp.Def: 133 Speed: 20
Mega Froslass Ice/Ghost Ability: Fur Coat HP: 70 Atk: 80 Def: 85 Sp.Atk: 120 Sp.Def: 105 Speed: 120
Primal Regigigas Normal/Ground Ability: Unaware (luckily, Slow Start doesn't get completely removed until the timer runs down at least once. Switching will pause the timer. The balance is saved, for now.) HP: 110 Atk: 195 Def: 140 Sp.Atk: 95 Sp.Def: 130 Speed: 100
Primal Giratina Ghost/Dragon Ability: Omnitype (defensively, Giratina is every type at once. This means it takes normal damage from Flying, Fire, Water, Ice and Fairy, takes double damage from Rock, takes half damage from Steel and Dark, takes 1/16th damage from Grass and Bug, and is immune to everything else. Ouch.) HP: 150 Attack: 135 Def: 135 Sp.Atk: 135 Sp.Def: 135 Speed: 130
Primal Arceus Normal/Dragon Ability: Ancient Prescence (all of Arceus' moves do neutral damage and gain STAB. This means it cannot damage Shedinja at all, which I find to be really funny.) HP: 120 Atk: 150 Def: 130 Sp.Atk: 150 Sp.Def: 130 Speed: 140
If those last three aren't AG, I don't know what is.
Mega Zebstrika (finally, something that doesn't cause the game to self-destruct) Electric/Fairy Ability: Competitive HP: 75 Atk: 100 Def: 63 Sp.Atk: 135 Sp.Def: 83 Speed: 141
Mega Zoroark Dark Ability: Trace (if Zoroark is disguised as a Pokemon that can Mega Evolve when it does, the text and animation appropriate for that Pokemon plays. If not, the animation does not play and the illusion is maintained.) HP: 60 Atk: 130 Def: 60 Sp.Atk: 145 Sp.Def: 90 Speed: 125
Mega Gothitelle Psychic/Dark Ability: Ethereal Shroud (gives Gothitelle Ghost-type immunities and resistances, making it weak to Bug and Fairy, immune to Normal, Fighting and Psychic, and resistant to Poison.) HP: 70 Atk: 55 Def: 125 Sp.Atk: 120 Sp.Def: 150 Speed: 65
Mega Reuniclus doesn't exist. If you want to know why, pop onto the Insurgence Wiki and look at its Ability.
Mega Haxorus Dragon/Steel Ability: Weak Armor HP: 76 Atk: 182 Def: 130 Sp.Atk: 80 Sp.Def: 90 Speed: 82
Mega Cryogonal Ice Ability: Sleet (summons hail when Cryogonal enters the field. While Cryogonal is on the field, Hail's damage is increased to 1/5th instead of 1/8th.) HP: 70 Atk: 50 Def: 65 Sp.Atk: 115 Sp.Def: 150 Speed: 135
Mega Stunfisk (yippee!) Ground/Electric Ability: Athenian (Special Huge Power) HP: 109 Atk: 76 Def: 104 Sp.Atk: 91 Speed: 56
Mega Bisharp Dark/Steel Ability: Moxie HP: 65 Atk: 145 Def: 130 Sp.Atk: 60 Sp.Def: 85 Speed: 105
Mega Hydreigon Dark/Dragon Ability: Lernean (I can't even begin to describe what this Ability does. Please check the Insurgence Wiki, it will save me a lot of time.) HP: 92 Atk: 130 Def: 105 Sp.Atk: 170 Sp.Def: 105 Speed: 98
And that's it. I'm going to go put my fingers in the freezer now, because that hurt a lot. I did not use Copy + Paste a single time during that. Let me know how many of these absolute busted powerhouses would be banned to AG.
submitted by CantQuiteThink_ to stunfisk [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:46 Prudent_Analyst8528 Working away from home.

I'm happily married, my wife is gorgeous in both her physical appearance and her personality and our sex life still takes my breath away at times. I consider myself a decent bloke, and not too bad looking for my age, and I take care of my body and physical appearance.
For the last few months I've been working and living away from home. It pays the bills and as a family unit we've adapted well to such a big change, I travel home every second weekend. I'm 48 and it's been an intriguing adaptation having free time, me time if you like, probably the first time in my life since I graduated from uni in the late 90's.
I've noticed however that when I'm away my libido is almost out of control. I've always had a very high sex drive, petite and busty women have always and will always be my kryptonite. I have no desire at all to be unfaithful usually but living like this has me facing conflicting emotions. I miss and crave the physical attention from my wife, her tender kisses, especially her gorgeous large chest and delicious pussy. I masturbate at least twice a day, I'm constantly looking at porn on here and on my laptop. At my new accommodation I walk around naked all of the time, answering the door in just my boxer shorts in the hope that it may be a female on the other side. My apartment is overlooked by numerous other properties but I still don't dress, not caring that someone may see me and actively hoping that someone does. When I go out I find myself walking with more of a swagger, openly smiling at and ogling women who I imagine fucking. I feel that with the tiniest of opportunities I would find myself fucking someone new, usually my standards are very high, but recently I see sex as something base, unemotional, a simple physical need and my standards have dipped in line with this.
The strange thing is that when I return home these feelings and urges disappear, fucking my wife once again leaves me feeling satiated and wholesome. But, I'm growing to love feeling like this. Even as I type this I'm hard and edging.
There's no real point I guess to this ramble apart from typing it is turning me on and I was wondering if anyone of you fellow Redditor's out there have experienced anything similar?
submitted by Prudent_Analyst8528 to sex [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:46 BF3ClusterfuckLover I am deficient in multiple B Vitamins. Do i need to supplement them all?

So since 2017 my levels have been bellow 300ng/L and in 2022 it reached 190 ng/L. I have other exams that shows my Folic Acid levels are quite low too ( around 1,8 ng/mL ) and B6 is low as well and vitamin D too. The reason why i haven't treated my deficiencies since 2017 is because i been extremely scared of the vitamin B increased lung cancer risk association and being a former smoker (quit in 2019) is what got me scared. But now my symptoms have become quite bad ...and im tired of dealing with them since 2017. I dont think i may have neuropathy although i might be wrong (i hurted my back once so every now and then i get pins and needles in my torso but it hasn't happened in a long while either). I have extreme fatigue, really low motivation and a really bad depression. The brain fog and the fatigue is the most crippling for me. And seems like every time i eat something i feel extremely tired and foggy after an hour or 2 and it lasts for many hours ..its almost like a crash of some sort but ive checked my sugar levels and did many types of diabetes/sugar blood exams too and they found nothing.

So my question might be kinda dumb but im also worrying about supplementing 3 of the vitamins linked to increased cancer risk at once...do i really need to supplement all 3 vitamins or would taking B12 shots raise the other B vitamins indirectly as well?
submitted by BF3ClusterfuckLover to B12_Deficiency [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:44 softpitta Did anyone think Blake Lively's looks/body type wasn't entirely suited to the role?

The Jenny and Blair actresses were perfectly suited to their roles and wore the clothes perfectly and be convincing . But I feel Blake Lively was not.
Blake lively was a normal to slender sized woman who was tall. But in late 2000's high fashion clothing many times it appeared to be unflattering. These were designs that only looked good on someone who was a size ''0''. In my opinion Blake was a 6-8 in the first few seasons and then got down to a 2-4 in the last season. Some of those Bandage dresses they had her in back in '09 looked all around unflattering. The only person who wore that type of design on the show and absolutely killed it was Tayor.
As far as her looks go it's not like she was ugly. But her looks were quite unconventional in comparison to her peers. Her hair appeared to be course, damaged, with roots grown out and in my opinion a bad shade of blonde. But... she was playing a character that was supposed to be gorgeous. I know the hair thing is partially because she was supposed to be boho but it was never flattering.
I always feel like she was wrong for the role.
submitted by softpitta to GossipGirl [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:43 phileruper2 Can you test drive sports cars?

I've had bad experiences in the past. Prior to kids when my wife and I were in our 20s we did better than average for our area in Connecticut. Im a car guy, used to autocross and really care how they drive.
My wife fell in love with the 2014 lexus IS when that new body style came out. We couldnt get any dealers to give us the time of day, and couldn't get test drives. Literally one saleswoman didn't even get up from her chair to greet us, and instead told us what the starting price was for the car. (Also it was like 46k, nothing crazy) I'm stubborn, so we traveled to all lexus dealers until i felt like we got respected, and a test drive, We bought the car from a dealer 2 hours away.
Prior to this we were shopping for a e90 M3. Same issue, could get test drives due to my age. Ended up buying one and never really fell in love. Sold it 5 months later, ( I wanted a more involved driving experience). I was frustrated, because I feel a test drive would have kept me from taking the roughly 6k loss on the car.
Now 10 years later we are done paying for daycare this summer and want to buy another fun car. There are a ton of options around the 100k pricepoint. I want to find a good compromise between my wife and myself, but I dont really know what that would be, there are a lot of cars we'd like to drive. Lexus LC, stingray, lotus emira, porsche taycan, 718, M3, F type.
I'm in no rush to purchase, and expect it to take most of the summer to shop due to our schedules. We honestly both love shopping for cars, and even had fun shopping our SUV and truck in 21 and 22. We treat it like dates, and its nice to get time away from the kids.
Will I be taken seriously, especially since I do honestly want to only test drive cars before we make a decision? Does it depend on the brand? Can test driving 100k sports cars be accomplished? We're really looking forward to this, should we be prepared to be disappointed? Does everyone else buy sports cars without dirving them?
To long didnt read- I've had bad experiences not being taken seriously when purchasing "nicer" cars. Is it possible to actually test drive 100k cars?
submitted by phileruper2 to askcarsales [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:40 godspilla98 Hollywood Dreams and Nightmares

I just finished the Robert England story and to be honest I smiled during the entire time. I meet him at the top of the Freddy craze and he made me and everyone feel like a friend. I was a fan of his work before as Willie from V. And to meet someone who wasn’t a jerk in real life was just so cool. The fact is most actors give off a I’m just here because I am being paid. The convention shows today suck and to pay in the 100$ for a minutes time is dumb. The shows of the times I went to are and will forever be special. The one Line given in the movie is so true if you don’t want to be at a meet than why do it. I am the type that I don’t even need a autograph if I say hello to an actor and he says hello and we walk away it brings me happiness. I don’t know if I made any sense but. But I do know fans that have had bad interactions with media people from sports to film. The one bump into that I will never forget was my bumping into Roddy Piper at a Jersey con. He is and forever ever will be my favorite wrestler of all time along with Bret Heart. So I see him walking passed me I said hello he stoped shakes my hand says hiyadoin and then walks off I was so happy it was amazing I will never forget it.
submitted by godspilla98 to horror [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:34 itsnotabowl13579 ADHD and Daily Ketamine Therapy (troches/lozenges)

I’m wondering if other people have found a medication combo that works for them.
And…does this happen to you?
I am sensitive to stimulants and many antidepressants. I have ADHD, anxiety, and treatment resistant depression. I’ve tried many different medications (SSRIs and SNRIs for depression, and Wellbutrin; methylphenidate/Concerta and atomoxetine). The only thing that has helped me is alprazolam/Xanax, which I take the lowest dose once a day, and often skip days to not get dependent on it. It helps me focus a little bit, it calms me negative thoughts and feelings, and calms the anxiety. It doesn’t really help the ADHD - I still have a million thoughts all the time, for example.
With ketamine, it feels like the depression is clearing up. I’ve realized that I’ve always had this response to positive thoughts: I think a positive thought about my cat (for example), and immediately feel heartbreak, pain, sadness, and anxiety. Also, i think my brain and my heart hurt - like this is the physiological response to what is supposed to be a happy thought. Then I immediately come ip with the reasons - like, I am worried about them dying or getting sick.
I realized that the bad thought (like the thought of death) didn’t come BEFORE the feeling of heartbreak and brain pain. The thought of death came AFTER the feeling of heartbreak and brain pain.
So it’s like this (an example): My cat sits on my lap >
I pet my cat > I think to myself “this little guy is awesome, I love him so much!” > simultaneous physical and emotional response: immediate heart break and brain pain (like a dull headache) with immediate feelings of sadness, hopelessness, anxiety > then I think “I am worried about his health, he’s had a random twitch more recently, maybe he’s exposed to some toxin…” (I believe I am subconsciously trying to explain to myself why I’m sad/anxious) > then I think “well, he’s generally happy and I do my best for him and I’ll try to clean the house better”
After I started ketamine treatment a few weeks ago, I realized that my happy thoughts were causing me emotional and physical pain! And that the pain didn’t start with negative thoughts.
With ketamine, I have a happy thought and it is calming and satisfying for me. It’s not an over the top, crazy “omg this thought is so amazing feeling”, which can happy with some types of drugs or alcohol. It’s like, this is a nice thought, I feel love for myself and whatever I’m thinking about, and I can appreciate that the thought. Like a memory of my cat or an old friend or something I did well st work yesterday - I actually feel good about thinking about those things and they bring positive feelings. That almost never happens any other time, and I feel like it’s been like that since I was a kid.
There are a lot of good parts to my life, and this is the first I actually FEEL that way. But ketamine doesn’t work this way every time and when it wears off, I’m back to the negative responses. My ADHD is also really bad, and getting worse in the last few years, and I’m trying out Vyvanse right now and its negating the ketamine - in fact the negative feeling are heightened and more cringy.
Has anyone experienced any of this before?
If you have ADHD and TRD, what medications have worked for you? Do you take them at different times or on different days?
I’m working with my psych as well, but it helps to get ideas because I’m at a point where I’ve tried a lot of things…so it helps when I can suggest things to her.
Thanks for letting me be vulnerable here. We’re all trying our best!
submitted by itsnotabowl13579 to KetamineTherapy [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:33 Jazzlike-Pollution-4 Career advice wanted - data/platform/software engineer with 3 YOE

Hi folks, I am a data/platform/software engineer with 3 YOE. I want to share my experience and challenges at work, and hopefully get some advice for my career in the next 2-4 years from the community.
I am hiding some of information to stay anonymous, but I think they should give a good idea of what my work is like.

Work experience / tech stack

I was hired as a data engineer at first, but I only seriously worked on one data engineering project. In this 3 years, I worked on a lot of stuff:
  1. Serverless data serving system on AWS
  2. Airflow deployment / development / plugins / pipelines, I am the main guy supporting this platform
  3. CICD
  4. Python / Docker application
  5. FastAPI and ElasticSearch backend
  6. Python CPU/GPU image classification backend dev/testing (I really enjoyed it although it was mainly a previous senior's work)
  7. Webscraping
  8. Some Spark for unstructured data (batch)
  9. Snowflake / dbt (batch)
  10. Terraform / AWS CDK
My manager has a very wide range of work scope, so I follow his scope and worked on a lot of stuff, which is truly a blessing but I don't get very deep into these skills. Recently my work has been more and more on platform capabilities and enabling other engineers.

Team background / culture

The entire department is big enough for my work to make impact, but we are not a team with strong engineering background, most people are analytics/data science background. People/management are friendly and supportive.
My immediate team is a central platform team. My immediate teammates/managers are very good engineers, but our team's work scope is too wide so we are not focused enough. There are some more good engineers but we don't have a lot of knowledge sharing.

My challenges / concerns / struggles

  1. Starting to feel some politics
  2. Tech debts are not usually prioritised, not like some companies which will regularly dedicate sprints to fix tech debts. This leads to problems / inefficiency down the road
  3. Projects are not well planned, and designs can change on a daily basis, I was really stressed on some projects, because they progress slowly and time became tighter and tighter
  4. Tickets story points poorly estimated, usually because we are bringing new stuff to our projects and have less experience
  5. (might be the reason of 3) my immediate team has no project manager, and no proper analyst
  6. My work scope is too damn wide. I am not sure this is good or bad, I certainly learn so so much, and I continue to become important to the team. But I don't get a chance to be very good at something. And I get very distracted in context switching, and eventually stressed out.
  7. My manager is giving less code/implementation review, because he's working on higher level design, and some tech stack is also new for him.

Things I enjoy more

  1. Writing code, testing it, running it. Things with short feedback loop (who doesn't like it).
  2. Building applications.

Things I enjoy less

Analytics and looking at graphs. I think analytical thinking is a crucial skill for any one any job at a high level, but actually doing analytic work is painful for me.

Salary

After all, the paycheque is what ultimately matters for a job. According to [this collection](https://www.reddit.com/dataengineering/comments/npxcqc/quarterly_salary_discussion/), I am around / above median for engineers with my YOE in my country. I am quite happy with my pay now.

Things I want to get advice on

  1. Should I change job? If yes, should I aim for FANG/tier 1 companies, or smaller companies / consulting, or let's be bold, trading firms?
  2. Should I stay in data platform career? Or move into more pure data engineering? And I am interested in software/backend engineer role too
    1. I actually got an offer as a software/backend engineer from a biggish tech company, but I rejected it due to multiple reasons, mostly job security.
  3. Stay or leave, what should I ask from manager to help me progress?
  4. Is it better for me to be in a more independent situation, or get more guidance / review from senior engineers?
  5. Should I keep a wide scope or more focused scope?
  6. Any other thought or advice you have

Finally

Thank you for reading and providing advice! Feel free to ask anything as well I will try to answer what I know.
submitted by Jazzlike-Pollution-4 to dataengineering [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:28 Disastrous_Still_789 Dark Trip Listening to Tool

Hey guys… I’m going to make this as comprehensive as possible but I’m not very good at articulating my thoughts so bear with me…
Ok so I tripped for the first time about 4 years ago. It wasn’t a real heavy dose. Maybe 2 grams or something like that. Enough to make me hallucinate but nothing major. I always wanted to do it again but I haven’t been able to find shrooms until about 3 weeks ago. Since they’ve been so hard to find I decided to buy a shit load. So I’ve been tripping the past few weeks starting with a small dose and working my way up.
Most of my trips have been very peaceful and fun but I keep wanting to go deeper. I usually go outside and trip in nature. My trip about a week ago left me feeling connected to everything and everyone. I’ve always had pretty bad social anxiety and it felt like that just kinda dissolved and I was real happy and outgoing for the first time.
Last night was very different. I decided to trip in my room in the dark with my AirPods in. After about an hour I felt it kick in so I put my AirPods in and decided to listen to Tool. I turned on Lateralus (the album not the song) closed my eyes and I immediately got sucked into some kind of vortex or something. I remember seeing my body in third person and I just looked like some skinny alien or some shit. Then I melted and somehow merged with the music and saw myself as a whirlpool of slime and I could just hear the music getting more and more intense. Sorry I know I’m rambling but I’m trying my best to recall it correctly because it was so chaotic and hard to grasp.
Ticks and Leaches came on and by this time I’m just like wtf!! This is way too intense but I was compelled to listen anyway. I could hear all type of sounds and voices in the song that I’d never heard before and I’ve listened to it a million times in the past. By the time Triad came on I had to take the AirPods out. It was way too overstimulating and I felt like I was in hell.
I got out of my bed and turned the bathroom light on. As soon as the light came on I saw the room burst into a million different fractals and I saw myself in the mirror and looked like some kinda of monster lol.
I remember after this for whatever reason I decided to get on Facebook and had a some kind of God complex. My ego was super inflated and I felt somehow superior to everyone and just realized that everything is a complete joke. I still felt connected with everyone like I mentioned before but felt really disconnected at the same time. It was really weird.
Then I got stuck in what seemed to be a never ending cycle of checking every app in my phone, trying to go to sleep just to find myself stuck in my phone again. Today I feel pretty drained and almost a bit psychotic and more perplexed than ever. I’m going to try and sleep it off. Anyone ever had a similar experience?
Sorry if this was confusing as hell. Thanks for reading anyway!
submitted by Disastrous_Still_789 to PsilocybinExperience [link] [comments]


2023.06.08 15:27 Mission-Meaning-39 Me (20M) and my girlfriend( 22F), Is my partner avoidant and sabotaging the relationship? Commitment confusion and mixed signals.

I don’t even know where to start to be honest, I am a 20y(M) my partner is a 22y(F). We’ve been together on and off for about 9 months due to her tendency to leave every time something goes wrong whereas I tend to say we can work on things together and have never left first, although we had many challenges I’ve never seen leaving as a solution, I always believe as long as the partners love each other then you can work things through unless a third person is involved and the trust is broken in any way then that’s a valid reason to leave. For about sometime I would communicate my boundaries and expectations to my partner and she would accept it and tell me she’d work on it and this was initially however later on she adopted the mindset that you should love me as I am and I shouldn’t change anything. In response to this, I tried getting her to understand, just the way she puts in effort in her career and listens to her seniors and progresses and works on skills for the benefit of her career, she should look at a relationship the same way which she then responds to saying “im not your dog” “ I will consider what you have to say but I won’t listen” “I can’t be bothered to do all this” “why don’t you find someone else” “You have to love me as I am or else that means you don’t love me” which is a foolish take as no one is perfect but that doesn’t mean we continue doing wrong things when we can easily change them. She says I don’t see the need to communicate properly and I don’t want to and I say there are times I don’t want to either but I do it either way as a relationship is a commitment and it comes with responsibilities. As I proceed to say that I will leave her if she doesn’t act right is when she says that she will try and basically acts right for a few before she goes back to her previous mindset. I do everything without being asked, I give her reassurance when she needs it however when it’s my turn and all I’ve asked for is proper communication, I could be sending paragraphs about the situation with a respectful tone just trying to teach her and make her understand, I send her videos on avoidant style people and she’d ignore them like they’re nothing and she just changes the topic or replies in one sentence saying I don’t feel like doing it and I don’t want to fix things. And so I asked her, so you’d rather lose the relationship over fix small things like communication and matching my energy and she said yeah I’d rather lose you over fix things and she said I can live without you and she justifies it saying that if god wants us to be together then we will I’m like it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have the mindset to fix it, I said if that’s the case go sit on the streets and say if god wants me to get a job I will. I told her you need to have the intention and you have to put in the work but she doesn’t apply it to our relationship she applies it to other aspects of her life and she even said I can go on days without talking to you even and the relationship is fine, why do you assume it’s wrong although she doesn’t do this because Im someone who doesn’t pursue when I’m shown I’m unwanted so she herself comes to me and texts me and calls me however the words, the lack of respect, this need to be seen as hyper independent, is ruining the relationship. She has even said I’m egotistical and yes I have pride. There are lots of other things going on but I can tolerate those and I’m being patient with her and having hope trying to fix it.Now let me get to the important part of it which I need y’all’s view on, recently she wanted to break up with me and leave me and I did try to understand her reasoning and I usually make her state the words before she leaves “I don’t want you or I don’t want to fix us and I’d rather leave” she said all that and said us breaking up wouldn’t affect her as much and she can live with it, she’s content without me and said some other hurtful things that I can’t recall. Now bear in mind there was a point where I wanted to leave as after being in a relationship she said she doesn’t want to be married and just wants to be in a long term relationship with me when I made it explicitly clear we’re talking for marriage and until I started holding her accountable for her actions and making her meet my boundaries she changed her mind, she’s like what’s the point in getting papers to prove your love, I’m like okay If it’s not that deep why don’t you do it and I said that’s fine I just want to get married religiously and we’re both religious and we’re sinning according to religion. She says yeah that seems nice but I don’t want however prior she used to discuss her ideal marriage and what I find utterly messed up was that in her past relationship, the guy didn’t even put in half the love I gave but she did admit that she did an end goal to get married to him and reassured him that if circumstances allowed she would get married to him and have a family with him but she ended up leaving him however with me she doesn’t have that end goal she’s like well go with the flow and then she ended up leaving me saying you love me more than I love you and it’s unfair on you and what not and I told her as long as you’re making gradual process I’m happy and I used to acknowledge it and she’s like don’t praise me for it I don’t like it. Anyways fast forward, she continued calling me after breaking things with me and now we’re back together after I said there’s no pressure on you, fine we’ll just have a long-term relationship and not marriage and she said it hurts to hear that you don’t want marriage anymore, so it’s fine if she doesn’t want it with me but if I don’t want it as well it hurts her and I still do want marriage I just returned her energy and she doesn’t like that and thinks something is wrong with me, lately I’ve been mirroring her actions and she gets irritated. I don’t mean to paint her as a bad person, we do have good times and enjoy each others company. The part that bothers me the most is the marriage part of it. She comes from a broken family however she didn’t use this as an excuse for her ex and gave him this confirmation and certainty that she would marry him once the situation allows (stability in finances) however things didn’t work out for them and that’s why it didn’t happen but why doesn’t she have the same energy for me and when I bring it up she said it was a mistake saying that to him but that doesn’t make sense she’s saying to me stop using my past against me, I said you just don’t want to marry me and she’s like no I just don’t want marriage in general which doesn’t add up because of her past relationship, it’s as if I’m not ideal for her hence she doesn’t want to commit fully to me. Plus, before progressing the relationship intimately I made her confirm several times if she would marry me if situations allow, not now but eventually as the end goal she said yes and I asked more than thrice and she confirmed it and I have proof of it too but then after it she changed her mind and says that I don’t want marriage in general I just want a long term relationship, she’s like what’s the point of it I mean if it isn’t that deep and you can be in a long term relationship why can’t you take religious vows? But you were ready to and certain/sure with another man but not me. And anytime I tried to leave for this reason she said yes I would marry you but then she would wait a while just so SHE could be the one leaving me only to spam me with me with messages once we go no contact and starts being all lovey, like an endless cycle . I don’t think she does this intentionally but ever since I’ve been mirroring her behavior she’s been pursuing me more. Is she a narcissist or an avoidant? What do you guys think of this?TL;DR!In my 9-month on-and-off relationship, I'm struggling with my partner's avoidant behavior and the mixed signals she sends. I believe in working through our problems together, but whenever difficulties arise, she tends to leave. I've communicated my boundaries and expectations to her, but now she insists that I accept her as she is without any changes. She refuses to put in any effort to communicate properly or address the issues we face, dismissing my attempts to improve our relationship. It's frustrating because I truly believe that relationships require effort and growth.I've emphasized the importance of proper communication, but she doesn't see the need for it. My efforts to teach and help her understand go ignored, and she doesn't take it seriously when I share videos about avoidant personality types. When I try to address our problems, she either changes the subject or simply states that she doesn't want to fix things. It's disheartening because I'm asking her to work on basic aspects of our relationship like communication and commitment, but she acts like they're not worth her time. It's especially confusing because she initially discussed marriage as a future goal, but now she claims she doesn't want it at all. It's hard to understand why she had different expectations in her past relationship but doesn't exhibit the same energy with me.We've broken up multiple times, but recently she wanted to end things again. However, she continued contacting me afterward, which left me confused about her true intentions. I'm starting to question if her behavior is avoidant or even narcissistic. I'm seeking others' perspectives on this situation because I genuinely want to understand what I'm dealing with.
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