Nantucket murphy bed chest

I’ve been seeing so many posts from Sims randomly dying from crazy meteorites, or that a quirk is if you use the phone booth to travel from the Supernatural expansion you could be a tragic clown. There’s of course the magic jelly bean death which I’ve never actually seen. Deaths from Murphy beds or shaking a vending machine. Really quirky funny crazy things.
They’re also rare!! I’ve NEVER had a meteorite kill my sims or townies, never been a tragic clown, and never seen the quirky deaths either. I gotta try to up the chances here as I’m sure the base chance is like 0.001 or something crazy low. I’m not well versed in NRAAS Returner at all…. Any tips to increase crazy base chances to make the game more… chaotic?

Me and my bf are in a ldr. When I was visiting him I also met his family for the first time. Because he’s in the military and lives in a different state. Before I even met his parents I kinda new that his mom had a problem with me but I don’t know why. At the beginning everything was fine. We even went on a little trip to the beach for 3 days. In the evening we decided to go in his family’s hotel room so we could all hang out together. It was me, his mom his sister and my bf. The das was in the grocery store. My bf laid on one of the two beds there. His mom immediately laid right next to him and so did his sister. I was just standing in the room. Hoods mom put his arm around him and started petting his hair. He put his head on her chest. While they were all cuddling together I was sitting where all their feet were. In the corner. No one talked to me. My bf was on his phone cuddling with his mom and I was sitting there like an idiot. After 15 minutes I had enough and decided to go back in my room. I know that my bf hasn’t seen his family in months but I’m still his gf. Why didn’t he cuddle with me or at least said come here or something? When I confronted him and told him that I found it weird he got mad at me. I do not know a Single guy who would rather lay to his mom on her chest than to cuddle with his gf that he hasn’t seen in 3 months. I was only there for 2 weeks and while the family was there I felt like a dog. He wasn’t lovey when they were around and barely even talked to me. And his mom called him “ my baby” a few times what I found weird too. The mom definitely has a problem with me and she’s that type of person who would say “you’re not good enough for my son”. What do you guys think of this? Do you think it’s normal that a 20 year old guy cuddles with his mom when his gf is there?

NOTE: I’ll have to double check my gear before I say 100% I have some things here. Lots of this stuff is in my vending machine and sometimes I miss when somebody buys something.
WISH LIST:
Any legacy offer
Power Armor Pieces/sets
Armor sets/pieces
Rare apparel
Chems
Caps
5.56/45/10 ammo
Flux
Junk (lead, steel, screws, ect)
J/SS/* Super Sledge
J/FF* 10mm SMG
J/E/* Radium
J/FF90 Railway
Any rare plan at all
TRADE LIST:
-Treasure Maps:
4 Ash, 17 Bog, Forest 27, Mire 16, 6 toxic
Armor-
Ass/+L Raider RIght Leg
Ass/Powered Wood LA
Ass/+S Marine Chest Piece
Ass/WW+I Forest Scout Right Leg
Ass/+E/Underwater Heavy Combat Right Arm
Ass/Cav/+A Leather Right Arm
Ass/limb/+S Combat chest
Ass/Cav/Powered Sturdy Robot Right Arm
Ass/Powered/Sneak Wood Right Arm
BolstePowered Heavy Robot Chest Piece
BolstePowered Marine Right Arm
BolsteSent/RR Wood right leg
BolsteFDC Weight 20%+I Robot Right Leg
BolsteWW+S Trapper Right Leg
BolstePowered Forest Scout Left Leg
BolstePowered/Water Forest Scout Left Arm
BolsteFDWW +I leather right arm (LEVEL 20)
BolstePowered/FDC20 Heavy Robot Right Leg
BolsteFDWW25RR Robot Left Arm
Bolstering/+I Trapper Left Arm
Chameleon/improved sneak/+S BOS Combat Left Leg
Chameleon/AWR20/+P Marine Chest Piece
Chameleon/Powered/Sent Sturdy Robot Right Arm
Noc/WW/+A robot right arm
Noc/Cav/+S Forest Scout Right Arm
Regen combat chest piece
Regen/powered trapper chest piece
Powered/Ass Marine Chest Piece
Unyielding/+I sturdy combat right leg
Unyielding/Ass/25PR Trapper Chest Piece
Uny/Powered/15 Limb Heavy Leather Left Leg
Unyielding/+A Sturdy Combat Right Leg
Unyielding/Cavalie+A Combat CP
Unyielding/Powered/FDC20% Forest Scout Chest Piece
Van/50Durability/+I Sturdy Combat Left Leg
Van/FDCWR20%/+A Robot Left Arm
Van/Powered/Burning Ultracite Right Leg
Misc-
100 bufftats
50 Med X
101 Scout Life 10’s
-Apparell
Deathclaw Hunter Hat
Emmet Hazmat (Not actively trying to sell, you may still offer)
Hunters Longcoat
Jacko Short Suit
Longshoreman Outfit x2
Treasure Hunter Set
Plans-
Bed of Nails
Grafton Monster Lamp
Ultracite Emergency Protocol
Weapons/ammo-
AE/250DR Assault Rifle
AA/50 Reflect Death Tambo
AA/SS Sledgehammer
AA/FF50 western western revolver
AA/SS Guitar Sword
AA/FFR Single Action Revolver
AA/FFR Auto GL
AA/PA/+E Walking Cane
AA/10/250 Missile Launcher
AA/33V/50DR Fatman (alt)
AA/PA Chinese Officer Sword
AA/SS/+A Walking Cane
AA/50V/FR Gatling Laser (alt)
BeE 10mm Pistol
BeSS/90 Sledgehammer
BeE/RW Black Powder Pistol (alt)
BePA/+S Meat Hook
BeFFFR Gatling Plasma (alt)
BeFFR Combat Shotgun
BeE/90 Double Barrel (alt)
B/PA Lead Pipe
B/PA/40 Bone Club
B/40PA Ski Sword
B/SS/+E Baseball Bat
B/50L/+P Radium Rifle
B/10/15 Pipe Pistol
B/FFRW pipe bolt action
B/33V/FMSW DB Shotgun
E/FFR Combat Rifle
F/E 10mm SMG
F/FFR Gat Laser (alt)
F/SS/+A Security Baton
F/10/FMSWA Lever Action
F/E/FR .50 Cal (level 35)
F/E/15V LMG
F/FFFMS Gatling Gun (alt)
F/FFFR Submachine Gun (alt)
I/33/+A Laser Pistol
I/SS Chinese Officer Sword
I/10 single action revolver
I/FF90 Minigun
I/SS/15 War Drum
I/50L/25V .50 Cal Machine Gun
I/10/RW short western revolver
I/10 Combat Shotgun
I/50+S Machete
I/E/+A 10mm Pistol
J/FFR Telsa (alt)
J/FFR Pump Shotgun (alt)
J/FF250 Railway (alt)
J/SS/+E Machete
J/E/+P Hunting Rifle
J/PA switchblade
J/33V/FR .44 pistol
J/10 Lever Action
J/FF15V Gatling Laser (alt)
J/40PA Chinese Officer sword
J/FF+P Hunting Rifle
J/E/90 10mm SMG
J/10/90 Junkie Western Revolver
J/PA/40 Meat Hook
J/10/FMSWA .44 snub nose
Med/25/25 .50 cal (alt)
Noc/50V/90 ultracite laser pistol
Noc/SS/40 Super Sledge (alt)
N/E Pump (alt)
TS/E Dragon (legacy) (Not actively trying to sell, you may still offer)
TS/FFFR Combat SG
TS/33/50DR Combat Rifle (alt)
TS/FFFMS .50 Cal
TS/FF250 Lever Action
Q/10/15FR Radium
Q/10 Handmade (alt)
V/40PA/15 multi purpose axe
V/SS Rev Sword
V/SS MMG
V/FFR Submachine Gun (alt)

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Lots of thanks to u/Killsode-slugcat for helping me work through this chapter with editing.
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Memory transcription subject: Tevri, Venlil Romanticist
Date [standardized human time]: August 11, 2137
With eyes still closed, I stretched my legs and arms, paws pushing up against the inside of my sleeping bag. A sigh of contentment escaped my mouth.
I let the world in—light falling down in shafts that struck my still-waking eyes. No trees were around to provide cover from the rising sun that hung low in the east. The sounds of life surrounded me, occasionally being broken up by particularly strong gusts as well as a hint of something else.
My head turned to that hint, who still slept somewhat soundly off to my side. Last night Jack had set up his own sleeping bag less than an arm’s length from my own, citing our lack of a fire as the reason to gather closer to each other.
He tossed and turned, occasionally, muttering incoherently. At least he’s found some rest. After carrying me for over half of yesterday, he had certainly earned it.
It was actually quite surprising how well he had managed it all. His slim build compared to other humans that I had seen was betrayed by a hidden strength and incredible endurance. I suppose millions of years of evolution tends to allow such a thing.
Some part of me still felt bitter about what he had done the night prior to our last, but it was clear to me that his apology was sincere. I gave a quiet snort. He probably wouldn’t have carried you on your shoulders if he wasn’t at least somewhat sorry.
The covers of my too-big bag were thrown off and I sat up, holding my knocked knees with my paws.
Rocky rolling hills with low-grown shoots of grass lightly waved towards me. The nearby mountain range looked down upon us with its well-kept snow despite the summer season. Even three days of standing beneath them didn’t eliminate their wondrously looming presence.
I reached over to my nearby pack and grabbed my pen and journal. I clung to every thought that passed its way through my mind, marking them down the old fashioned way. There was something special about writing my feelings down on something physical rather than some pad or computer. It felt real in comparison to the alternative.
It was incredible to me how one of, if not the most dangerous planet to be found within known space was simultaneously one of the most fantastically beautiful worlds I ever had the pleasure of setting foot on. What a travesty it would have been had the federation actually managed to glass the biosphere. Ironically it had been the Arxur that prevented such a disastrous outcome. Those same savages had…
“Gah!”
Jack shot upright from where he had lain. He heaved harsh breaths, chest rising and falling as though he had just sprinted up the incline of a hill. I looked on with alarm, but didn’t think to disrupt the startled man. His eyes stared down at the dirt in front of him as he hung his hands between his legs.
“You okay?” I asked. He whipped to look at me like he had forgotten I was there. Slowly, he turned back to face the dirt. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” He took a curt sniff and ran his hands across his face as he took a deep sigh.
He was lying.
The restless sleep, the violent rise into consciousness, the obvious distress within those wild eyes—all signs of nightmares. It had been years now since I last worried about such things, but I knew all too well how difficult they were to deal with.
A thought, as intrusive as it was unwelcome, pushed its way through the crowded thoughts of my mind, forcing my heart to skip a beat. What would be enough to scare a predator—human—to scare a human within their dreams? Instantly, I shoved it back from wherever it had come. He needs you right now, just like how you needed her.
I gently crawled over to the distraught man and set a paw on an arm while he leaned forward. At my touch, he turned his head towards me, staring with those forward-facing eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked.
A slight snarl of a smile crossed his face, but no answer came. Jack stood up and stretched his arms outward, leaning back and forth.
“C’mon, let's pack up and head out. S’always good to start out early.” He extended a hand down to me where I sat still. How could he just brush something so terrifying off so easily? My tail flicked absently I guess they always have been a rather resilient species. Why should they be any different mentally? I relented to his proposal, grabbing his hand and allowing him to pull me upright.
Breakfast—much like last night’s meal—consisted of dry pre-prepped rations. Without surrounding trees from which drywood could be scavenged, we were left fireless. The ‘breakfast bars’ as Jack called them were a sufficient substitute for warm food. Every meal with the human increased my interest in the cuisine of his species. I hadn’t imagined it would all be so wonderfully varied and delicious.
The bar itself was chewy, made of oats, filled with dried fruits and sweetened by sugar. Each bite gave a satisfying crunch as my taste buds reveled in the impeccably delightful taste.
After hydrating and filling ourselves with calories, we set off once more on the trail.
This time, I was actually able to walk properly, though less than an hour after we departed, I was left wishing that Jack could scare me sleepless again—that way I could guilt him into carrying me.
While we continued, I walked without thinking much about the placement of my paws. I worried for my human friend. His mind was clearly plagued by something terrible, but the answer of what continued to evade me. The only lead I had were my own experiences, and in chasing that lead, my mind wandered back to the past.
As I was dragged from our home without protest, Devra lambasted our parents. Velnik cowered to the side as he watched the ordeal, helpless with widened eyes. Dad practically had to peel my sister away from mom as I was shoved into our vehicle. The echo of her shouts faded away.
It was the first time my parents admitted me for predator disease screenings.
An iron grip held my hand and led me forward through the stark featureless halls of the facility. A glance over my shoulder revealed my parents walking along. They dared not to risk a look in my direction. Tears welled at the edge of my eyes as the echoes of distant screams shocked my ears and flooded my brain with fear-chemicals.
My tail wrapped around my body and my ears bent towards the ground. Why did they want to throw me in here with the monsters? All I did was explore.
The facility worker threw me in a chair within a purely white room other than the single large black wall. From the ceiling hung a projector that faced one of the three white surfaces. After the worker left, my eyes floated through the room, narrowing at a sight that practically screamed of its existence. Dark lines were scrawled into the furthest corner of the sterile chamber.
I didn’t have the time to think about its implications when the screen clicked on and the lights dimmed, enhancing the image before me.
The metal chair fell backward with me in it, creating a resounding clang that bounded back and forth across the walls.
My hands slipped and slid across the slick floor, carrying my body backwards. This scramble led the wall to smash against my back. Without a thought, my claws joined the countless other marks of those who had come before me.
A towering, onyx-shaded visage of the malevolent beast prowled beyond the edge of my vision, obscured by tears of terror that practically blinded me. The blood-orange eyes glowed greedily and its mouth was stuck in a perpetual snarl. Viscera of a horrifically familiar color dribbled down its chin from where the meat was in the Arxur’s razor-sharp teeth.
With a click, the sanguine show moved forward to yet another horrific display. Another click. Another. One more. Click. Click. Click. Silence.
My eyes were as raw as my bloodied paws. Their scraping and scrabbling joined me with the other souls who had faced this same experience. When the lights flicked on and the worker came back to collect me, I curled up trying and failing to back away. She stood me up, patting me down before pulling me from the room. Everything was a collective white blur, compressed into a single moment of unfocused voices until I heard the vehicle’s door slam.
The ride home was silent as I leaned my head against the padded surface of my seat. Shallow breaths rose and fell from my chest while Mom and Dad stared ahead. They hadn’t looked at me once since we left the facility—or even talked to me—since we left the facility.
Among the many questions I had, one clung to the surface of my mind before being swallowed by its sea of screams. Why?
When at last we arrived at home, I barely even noticed. Only when the door to the passenger cabin flung open did I somewhat rise from my stupor. A sudden surprise wrapped around me and pulled me from the car, dragging away from my supposed guardians.
In an instant, I was rushed to my room and placed upon the familiar comfort of my bed before being coated by two layers of warmth; one was the plush cloth of a blanket and the other the fluffy warmth of my sister’s fur. “It’s ok, Tev. You’re home. You’re safe.” My empty eyes had no tears left to give, so Devra lent me hers.
You’re home. You’re safe.
“Tev? Tevri?”
My repeated name yanked me from the memory. Ugh, I’ve got to stop wandering off like that.
“You in there sheep?”
With a grumble, I responded. “I told you to stop calling me that.”
Jack uttered a mischievous chuckle. “C’mon, let's get over this next hill then break for lunch. Sure seems you could use a rest.” Despite it going unnoticed moments prior, I now felt my heart pumping hard and each breath heaved just as harshly. A short break will probably do me some good.
Together, we crested the hilltop and sat down both our packs and ourselves. I greedily lapped up water from my bottle while the man beside me calmly took several swigs from his own canteen. The food he grabbed was a pair of packaged items that he called ‘pasta salad.’
The small noodles were coated in a layer of creamy sauce and mixed with a variety of colorful vegetables that I didn’t recognize, but just like everything else cooked up by these humans, it was delicious. The sweet, creamy sauce contrasted nicely with the savory taste of the noodles and the soft texture of the pasta paired with the lovely crunch of the vegetables made for a wonderful meal.
As I munched on my food, the wind lazily played with my tail. My heart drummed onward, steadying into an agreeable rhythm before finally, my breathing leveled out.
A field of purple flowers greeted us, climbing and falling with the rolling land. Down below us was the river we had loosely followed, bordered by nondescript bunches of shrubbery. Rapid white waters splashed up and against rocks, breaking the flow and sending up spray.
When together we finished our food, we sat there, enjoying the world around us. “So, Tevri,” as Jack spoke, I met his forward eyes, “we’ve been out here for two days now and I still know next to nothing about you. Why don’t you tell me a bit more ‘bout yourself.”
The sudden question caught me by surprise, but I tried my best to answer anyway. “There isn’t much to tell. I write stories and poetry about the nature of worlds I’ve visited.”
“Well, you must be one hell of a writer to throw around money like you do.”
At the compliment, I felt a rush of warmth to my face. “I—”
Jack’s calm demeanor became one of surprise in an instant. “Is your face ‘sposed to do that?” A pair of my paws clapped to my face, trying and failing to hide the spreading orange.
“Y-yes!” I squeaked. “It’s p-perfectly fine.”
“Huh, right.” He didn’t sound convinced in the slightest. “Well, uh, what about your family? You’ve met mine already, why don’t you tell me about yours?”
Just as the orange began to fade away, a shroud of mist met my eyes and my voice sunk with my ears. “I’d rather not.” The whiplash of jumping from a sense of contentment, to embarrassment, to sad longing was jarring to say the least.
“Ah.” He held his silence for a moment, allowing the blowing breeze and the distant rush of water to fill the space between.
“I’m sorry.”
“S-sorry? Sorry for what?”
Jack gave a huff. “You know it's funny really. You Venlil, us Humans. I never really saw it before, but even just a few days around you, it’s shown me just how similar our people really are.”
Again, wind and water.
“If it means anything, I’ve felt your loss.”
What?! How does he know? How could he possibly know?
He must have picked up my confusion before he responded. “After the battle of Earth I got used to hearing that answer of yours.”
Oh.
Jack rose, swinging his pack around his shoulders. “C’mon sheep, sun’s not getting any higher. Let's get going.”
“YOU—!” The dour mood was immediately washed away by my guide’s hearty laughter. Again with the emotional whiplash.
It was amazing how easily he managed to do that. Try as I might, I couldn’t stay mad at him. As I shook my head, I followed my guide’s motions and grabbed my bag to join him.
For a while we walked quietly, but once again, Jack tried to strike up a conversation. “So, you mentioned you’ve visited other worlds. What were they like?”
I gave the human equivalent of a shrug with my tail. “Some were better than others, but for the most part, they were quite beautiful.”
“You have any favorites?”
My ears perked up. “Oh yes! The sky cities of Nishtal were incredible. Dwelling among the clouds, it was a rather uplifting experience.” Jack groaned with a smile still on his face.
“That might be one of the worst puns I’ve ever heard.” In response, I simply chuckled.
“Nishtal, huh?” The smile on his face faded. “That’s the world of feathered sacks-of-shit, right?”
“What? The Krakotl? Don’t be dense now, they aren’t all that bad.”
Jack scoffed. “That’s easy for you to say. They didn’t try to wipe the Venlil from existence.”
“If they succeeded during the battle of earth, they very well could have. Not that it matters anymore. Nishtal’s skies are clouded by the ash of their once-lush swamps and their cities have been plucked from the skies. Their world died.”
Jack gave a gruff grunt. “What goes around comes around I guess.”
I was genuinely shocked at what I heard. The anger that began to bubble within me was not the same lighthearted stuff from earlier. “How can you say something like that?”
“They brought it upon themselves,” he barked.
“That bastard Kalsim was the one who brought destruction to his people and you know it. Billions of Krakotl were killed or captured by betterment. Can you honestly tell me, or even yourself, that any species deserves such a fate?”
Silence.
“No. No I guess I can’t” Mentally, I gave a sigh of relief.
With my tail, I gave him a gentle flick. “The Krakotl are functionally endangered now, you know? They may have killed a billion humans, but for each life taken, tens of their own were paid.”
My voice began to choke. “I had—have—friends among the Krakotl. If you think that the mourning you humans experienced was harsh, I just want you to think; how would you feel if less than a percent of your people survived death or capture”
These words of mine were followed by an air of silence. I wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but something I had said clearly struck a chord with the man. Unlike me, Jack seemed to ground himself in reality, but for the first time since I met him, his distant unfocused eyes made it clear enough that his mind was elsewhere.
The remainder of the day flew by beneath this same blanket of silence.
We passed from the wide grassy knolls into a sparse forest that was more brush than tree. The trail led beneath their branches and through the tall shrubbery, rarely veering one way or the other.
When we eventually stopped to make camp for the evening, the sun was still slightly above the horizon. The campsite was similar to the one we had stopped at on our first day. An old steel fire-pit was set in the middle and a steel food container lay to the side.
Even as we set up, the cold quiet remained.
Progress was slow. Jack usually did the majority of the work, but tonight, his movements were taken with less purpose than I was used to. More than once, his hands fumbled, dropping something only for him to robotically reach down and pick it up again.
Once he did finally unpack his belongings, he left to find wood for the fire. At least this time, I found myself less frightened than when he had last done so. The deafening silence of my thoughts was more disconcerting than the idea of any hunters prowling nearby.
Whatever I had said, it didn’t just strike a chord. No, this had shaken him. Not even those nightmares of his had affected him this deeply.
In much the same way that I hadn’t wanted to talk about my own family, it was clear that whatever this was, he had no desire to elaborate further. I did find it odd however that only after mentioning the near-annihilation of the Krakotl did he seem to change. Perhaps it had to do with whoever he had lost? If this was the case, then I couldn’t fully blame him for his hatred towards the Krakotl. Grief is a powerful accelerant for the fires of rage.
On the other paw, my poor heart broke for the poor avians. So many lost. So few left. When the news had arrived back on Venlil prime, I devoted every moment possible to comforting my grieving friends; to Dualo, Oqui, Icatl and Haiula.
For some though, the grief of their new reality was too strong. Several of my dear friends had been unable to overcome that grief. My ears fell and my head bowed. If nobody else would remember them, I would ensure I never forgot them. They deserved that much.
Despite the clouds looming over my mind, my ears perked up at the sound of footfalls and I turned to see a bundle beneath Jack’s arms. Minutes later, a brilliant blaze burned before us.
It felt good to have a fire again. The protective warmth felt like a familiar embrace. From my pack, I grabbed the same blanket my guide had lent me the day before and wrapped it across my body.
While I found myself shrouded in comfort, Jack prepared our food above the pit. It was yet another warm meal of packaged food. The smell of spice wafted up to the tips of my taste buds as he stirred it about with a metal ladle.
The clink of utensils against our metal bowls rose above the crackling flames. Their sun still peeked out from behind the trees, though soon enough, it fell and with it, came the night’s chill.
Countless stars that you simply didn’t get to see on Venlil Prime appeared in the night sky. A glance told me that I wasn’t the only one impressed by their appearance. My wide field of vision managed to capture nearly the entire sky. I wonder, which of those stars is home?
A gust of wind blew by sending shivers down my spine. The effect of the Wendigo’s story hadn’t been completely lost on me, but the terror it inspired had at least died down to a manageable amount. Staying near to Jack certainly helped.
Speaking of him, I’d had enough of this silence.
“Hey Jack, how would you like to hear a campfire story?” I asked, tossing aside the quiet that had covered.
“Hmph. A promise is a promise. Didn’t really have a fire last night to tell a story ‘round did we. Guess it’s only fair to give you a chance.”
My tail gave a flick of excitement at his agreeance. “I must warn you, this is a bit less of a story and more of a poem. It’s one of the last few that I wrote before my travels across the Federation ended. It isn’t quite as long of a tale as that Wendigo story you told me, but it means a lot to me.
Jack gave a thoughtful nod. “Very well, I call this poem ‘The Wandrer’s Curse.’”
“Across the stars we wandrers go, not caring much for threat or foes, The skies we see are not our own, But from them wonder’s always shown.
From Nishtal’s clear and crystal skies, To Fahl where golden deserts lie, And ‘cross the cradle’s fruitful lands, Our own horizons do expand.
It is amidst these very sights, That we the wandrers oft delight, For friends we seek and friends we find, Across the worlds of species kind.
Thru mountains, oceans and the woods, Where those long past once walked and stood, The wandrers seek to find the past; A simpler time, no clouds o’er cast.
Despite the friends which we have made, The clouds above us cast their shade, Upon the surface of our minds, And seek our hearts with chains to bind.
It is our lot to flee from pain, Brought on by smashing, lashing rains. Til weary broken and undone, We fall with legs which fail to run.
But such is life—that beautiful thing, That brings one joy and suff’ring. So with this final cloudless verse, Remember thee, the wandrer’s curse.”
At the end of my poem, the crackling fire picked up where my words left off. My eyes raised to the heavens once more and I realized just how wonderful this life was. There was something truly sublime about existing right here during this exact moment; under the stars, surrounded by trees the whistling, beside a warm fire that staved off the cold.
Sharing it with Jack made it that much better.
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https://pix4free.org/assets/library/2020-12-13/originals/alaska022.jpg (Cover Image)
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Going through a severe insomnia phase all the sudden after 3 years of good sleep. I have a 24/7 bounding pulse felt in my back, neck, and chest. It was really bad at onset of dysautonomia symptoms but calmed down over the years. My insomnia has brought it roaring back to life and is making insomnia worse because I'm rocking around on my bed involuntarily lol. I was offered beta blockers in the past but declined because I already had a normal low resting heart rate (49-52). Right now my resting heart rate has been averaging in the 60s and I can definitely feel it badly even though that's still a normal pulse. I absolutely feel stuck in fight/flight the past 5 days.
Do you think reaching out to my doctor for a beta blocker to get me through this would help?

Greetings, I wrote a post a couple days ago about having to go to the ER due to a sudden bout of insomnia and very strange panic that came out of nowhere a couple days ago. I'm sad to report that I am still struggling, and I have no idea what precipitated this fully.
Day 0: Went to bed, looking at my cell phone and reading a story. Kept nodding off with my cell phone hitting my face. Fell asleep immediately and slept great! My normal self
Day 1: Woke up with an extreme sense of dread for the first time in 3 years, diarrhea, very panicky for no reason. Went to bed, every time I would get close to falling asleep I would get an adrenaline rush in my chest/throat and open my eyes in a panic. Got 3 hours.
Day 2: Repeat day 1, same weird adrenaline rush all night. Got 2 hours
Day 3: Worsening panic/anxiety, got zero hours with adrenaline rushes every few minutes
Day 4: Just as bad panic/anxiety, zero hours with adrenaline rushes every few minutes, went to ER. Got dismissed with Seroquel (25mg)
Day 5: Took Seroquel, had 1 adrenaline rush, fell asleep for 3 hours, woke up for a couple hours, fell asleep for another 4. Total 7 hours, felt pretty good all day once the medication wore off
Day 6: Took Seroquel, had adrenaline rushes and tachycardia events all night, ZERO sleep
Any advice? I can't figure out where the panic came from (presuming a withdrawal from a medication I stopped for heartburn...yeah I know that's a way-out-there theory). This is affecting my chronic illness and I haven't been able to work since and I need to figure this out soon.
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Last night, my boyfriend and I decided to go out for drinks. I started getting ready and when I started trying on outfits, I started feeling extremely insecure and frustrated because nothing looked good. I kind of shut down and became quiet, which he picked up on. He asked if I still wanted to go out and I, stupidly, said yes. I’m aware that I should’ve communicated better and told him how I was feeling at the time, but I thought I’d feel better once we were actually out.
I was wrong. Once we got in the Uber, I started to have a panic attack. He didn’t realize this because when I get panic attacks, it’s not really obvious. My chest gets really tight, I start fidgeting with my hands, my eyes well with tears, and I become incapable of speaking (not actually, but it feels that way). Essentially I just shut down. However, my boyfriend just thought I was giving him the silent treatment for some reason, which made me even more anxious because I couldn’t (or felt like I couldn’t) communicate to him why I was actually being quiet.
Once our Uber dropped off, my anxiety became 10x worse. I still felt bad about myself, but now I felt overdressed for the place we went to and very uncomfortable. I wanted to leave as soon as we got there. We ended up awkwardly sitting at a table for about 10 minutes, in silence, and quickly finished our drinks so we could leave ASAP. At one point, he asked me in a snippy tone (again, I understand why), “Are you gonna say anything? You’ve barely talked to me all day. This is extremely uncomfortable.”
I just stayed silent because, again, I was having a panic attack.
I was also confused by his wording “all day.” I didn’t think I’d been quiet at all prior to this.
We got home from the bar and he started watching TV. I cleaned up the house a bit and then sat down next to him. Again, neither of us said anything.
He went to bed shortly after and I joined him. He was scrolling on his phone for a while and I was crying but trying to be quiet and not make it obvious. Eventually it became obvious because of the sniffling. He still didn’t say anything to me.
I finally was able to get out “I’m sorry for tonight” but it came out all sad and croaky. He was quiet for a while, then said “it’s fine.” Clearly it wasn’t. He just rolled over and went to bed while I continued to cry.
Fast forward to today, I’ve been trying to act normal and nice towards him. I did all of the laundry, cooked him breakfast, and cleaned the bedroom (which are things I normally do every day, but still), but he’s now giving me the silent treatment. He said one lighthearted thing to me this morning about what was on TV, but he’s become more and more distant throughout the day.
An hour ago, we were sitting on the couch watching TV and I was looking at him for a solid two minutes. Normally he’d look back at me right away, but I could tell he was clearly trying to avoid making eye contact with me. I asked him if something was wrong. He said no. I asked if he was sure. He said yes.
I said he’s barely looked at or talked to me all day. He said I barely talked to him last night. I said that I apologized for that already. He didn’t say anything.
I left him alone and went into the bedroom. He’s only come in here to grab something and tell me he’s taking the dog for a walk. Nothing else.
I realize that I should’ve communicated better last night, but at least I recognized it, apologized, and tried to make it up to him today.
How can I get him to talk to me if I’ve already tried flat out asking what’s bothering him? There’s so much tension being here right now and I’m at a loss for what to do.
Tl;dr I had an anxiety attack because I felt insecure about myself last night and ended up unintentionally giving my boyfriend the silent treatment as a result. I apologized for my behavior, but today, he’s giving me the silent treatment and refuses to talk about what’s bothering him.
EDIT: I just now tried to talk to him and told him that I was being quiet because I was feeling bad about myself and was having a panic attack. He said I should’ve told him. I said it’s hard for me to communicate when I’m having a panic attack, and he scoffed and said I could’ve at least told him I wanted to go home. Doesn’t seem like this is getting anywhere, but at least now he knows why I was quiet.

I have no reason to be such an awkward person, I have a good family and many friends, or I did.
After graduation I moved away and lived alone for 8 months. I was a party kid in highschool, since 15 Ive been regularly smoking pot and drinking. When I first lived alone I stopped smoking and started drinking more. Nowadays, and since maybe February, I drink all day.
If im unemployed I wake up, drink, and watch Youtube or listen to music all day. I rarely blackout, Im just content to get less and less present all day. If I have a job I drink the night or morning before and right after, I act pathetic and quiet around almost anyone in a public setting. I shake and twitch constantly, I have the darkest eyebags you have ever seen.
I had a lot of insomnia when I lived alone, thats approved as has my diet since coming back to my hometown. My people skills have improved a bit as well and people think im funny at my new job but I’m calling in more and more. My manager is my high school friend and he has been very supportive, I’ve lied and said I have some sort of blood problem and hes bought it but I was supposed to work today and im not going to because im drinking.
A few nights ago I heard voices all around me criticizing me and I could hear my friends cheering for me to be arrested and wanting to beat me up and calling me a pussy and all sorts of shit and I hid in my bed, drunk and terrified and delusional. I called my friend twice confused and slurring and asking where he was because I could hear him outside. (This is the friend whos also my boss.)
He was in bed both times and I have never heard a human sound as concerned about me as he sounded responding to my call. He asked if I was ok and seemed genuinely disturbed.
I am doubting my reality, I am scared that whatever front I have to convince people im not a massive drunk is cracking.
I used to like rum, now I exclusively drink high ABV vodka and I go to the liquor store almost everyday. I get sick if I manage to not drink for a day. I just nurse on vodka all fucking day.
Im scared I have wetbrain, Im scared that im going to hear voices again, im scared that my friends will give up on me because I just get more cold, awkward, and rigid every single day.
So thats off my chest i guess lol idk what im asking for.

I'm going to keep it vauge because, knowing my luck, someone from my company will be on here.
I've been in my current managerial position now for two years. It's a non-profit, one of the largest in the country and is the second most profitable store by a large margin. In other words, it's absolutely manic. I was head hunted for the position two years ago and brought on to sort out an absolute shambles of a messily run store. Think zero care for rules and regulations, zero incident reports despite the store being an entire health hazard, regular theft and some of the worst, rudest and shoddy customer sales attitudes I've seen in a decade. (And I've had some seriously crappy jobs!)
Anyway, within a year, (with the core teams help) we all managed to get the store to a much better place. I slowly got rid of incompetent staff, let go of volunteers that were stealing and pushed for more staffing to help take the stress off the main core workers. (Who are awesome btw!)
Now as a non profit, each store is designed to be run by volunteers purely. Which, in theory, works if you have a small store that is easy to manage. Not with our store. It's huge, we do deliveries and collections so a lot of heavy lifting and manual labour is involved. Not unusual to hit 24k steps in a single day on the shop floor.
However, I came in after COVID restrictions, which meant we had lost 80% of our volunteer base ( elderly, immuno compromised, etc) as handling second hand items ran a far higher risk of contracting COVID 19. The store was struggling big time, it was five times the size of a normal store. Staff were unhappy, overworked and the previous manager had already left due to mental health reasons. (This is important to remember later!..)
I worked hard. I mean extraordinary hard, to get that store to a much better place. I held volunteer rally's, open days, coffee mornings, and went round local colleges giving talks about volunteering and the circular economy and encouraging work placement positions with us. I found local government grants to hire people on 20hr contracts in exchange for extra social welfare payments. I pushed for monthly and annual reports, budget plans, allowances and made interior improvements and exterior housing repairs that had needed to be done years ago.
I held staff meetings to find out what they wanted or needed (turns out training wasn't something the company offered AT ALL.) Then pushed for, and GOT additional annual training courses, better canteen facilities, even daily tools and equipment! Everything there was broken, tired or a donation.
It paid off, and I'm happy to say that in addition to having a really amazing core team, better working conditions and more qualified team members, the store is up 58% in PURE PROFIT ALONE. I mean, that in itself is pure insanity.
People are actually taking lunch breaks, using thier holidays and sick days and are generally happier. (I hope! ...at least, they could be lying to my face. There's always that fear. 🤦🏼‍♀️)
The only part thats getting worse...well... is me.
I'll admit, I'm not the best on mental health. I take care of all my staff FAR better than I ever take care of myself. (Not feeling well? Then straight home and bed rest, and take lots of fluids. If I'm sick...well then, I'm a piece of trash that deserves to die. lol)
I have a tendancy to go 100 miles an hour and not stop unless I'm dying. Which in fact, almost happened last year when I stupidly attempted to work through a bout of sickness that landed me in hospital for a week.
I love the job, but have realised that even if I give it 110%, it will never be enough. I've had zero support from my regional manager. All my results for additional support were ignored or refused. I'm the only paid member of staff there, so when we started opening back up on weekends, there was just this assumption that I'd do a 6 day week. (Which I did, stupidly, for 4 weeks straight, which led me to becoming severely burnt out.)
After that, I started going to therapy. Both to deal with my own anxiety and to cope with the stress of work. I've recently took a week's holiday from work to rest and honestly, just couldn't. Staff didn't show up, my manager rang me several times (no, I didn't answer.) And I found I just slept the entire week as I just wanted to rest.
After confiding in both my GP and my therapist, ice decided to take a months leave for Mental Health. The idea of going back into the chaos on Monday has my in tears all weekend and my heart just sinks.
I know it's time to move on but I have this overwhelming sense of guilt for leaving my team in the lurch. I know that if it was anyone else, I would fully understand and support it but because it's me, I feel like I'm somehow not entitled to it?
Like I don't want to inconvenience anyone or be a bother but I hit every number on the burnout assesment by my therapist apart from no.11 "are you participating in any dangerous new activities?" And that's purely because I'm so goddam tired and exhausted all the time!
I sleep from 7.30 till 8am some days and still feel like a dead weights on my chest. I can't switch off my brain and I'm constantly worried about work, if they're struggling, if there's enough staff, are we hitting targets.... It just won't stop.
I've a plan....to use the month to seriously job hunt, take care of myself and really, really take care of my mental state but....I can't help but feel like I'm failing somehow? That I'm letting work down? I know it'll go on without me, as any company would, but I feel like a child about to be told off for taking leave.
I don't know what to do anymore..

I have no reason to be such an awkward person, I have a good family and many friends, or I did.
After graduation I moved away and lived alone for 8 months. I was a party kid in highschool, since 15 Ive been regularly smoking pot and drinking. When I first lived alone I stopped smoking and started drinking more. Nowadays, and since maybe February, I drink all day.
If im unemployed I wake up, drink, and watch Youtube or listen to music all day. I rarely blackout, Im just content to get less and less present all day. If I have a job I drink the night or morning before and right after, I act pathetic and quiet around almost anyone in a public setting. I shake and twitch constantly, I have the darkest eyebags you have ever seen.
I had a lot of insomnia when I lived alone, thats improved as has my diet since coming back to my hometown. My people skills have improved a bit as well and people think im funny at my new job but I’m calling in more and more. My manager is my high school friend and he has been very supportive, I’ve lied and said I have some sort of blood problem and hes bought it but I was supposed to work today and im not going to because im drinking.
A few nights ago I heard voices all around me criticizing me and I could hear my friends cheering for me to be arrested and wanting to beat me up and calling me a pussy and all sorts of shit and I hid in my bed, drunk and terrified and delusional. I called my friend twice confused and slurring and asking where he was because I could hear him outside. (This is the friend whos also my boss.)
He was in bed both times and I have never heard a human sound as concerned about me as he sounded responding to my call. He asked if I was ok and seemed genuinely disturbed.
I am doubting my reality, I am scared that whatever front I have to convince people im not a massive drunk is cracking.
I used to like rum, now I exclusively drink high ABV vodka and I go to the liquor store almost everyday. I get sick if I manage to not drink for a day. I just nurse on vodka all fucking day.
Im scared I have wetbrain, Im scared that im going to hear voices again, im scared that my friends will give up on me because I just get more cold, awkward, and rigid every single day.
So thats off my chest i guess lol idk what im asking for.

I am someone who has experience with edibles but to say that yesterday was my worst experience on edibles is an understatement. My boyfriend had recently purchased a 2 84mg peach ring from a questionable source. A few days back he had taken one of the rings and had a great time nothing crazy, so I decided to take his second ring last night. Boy was that a mistake
As soon as it hit I had to immediately sit down, I felt weak and dizzy. We decided to try to watch chainsaw man but to my dismay we were on the episode with the infinity demon and everything went downhill from there. My brain was on overload and felt as if was bursting every few minutes, my chest was aching like crazy and finally, the uncontrollable shaking began. No matter how many blankets I wrapped around my self I was cold and shaking badly. Then everything kept blinking in and out, if I tried to stand and walk it off I felt incredibly dizzy and heavy. I tried to close my eyes and just breathe but that wasn’t helping. At some point my dog and cat started chasing each other up and down the stairs— I live in an upstairs apartment so there is only the front door downstairs— this where I start hallucinating and I mean full on acid esq open eye hallucination that my dog was at the bottom of the stairs mauling my cat to piece. Full panic sets in, I jump off my couch, over the banister, slam into the wall and turn on the stairwell light to my utter shock as my fear has come true: blood everywhere, pieces of my cat all over the ground. Or so I thought. It took me a minute for this horrid image to blink out of existence and for my eyes to adjust to the reality that my cat was just fine and they were just hanging out down there. It was the worst thing I have ever witnessed or experienced, it felt so real that I had to sit there on the top of the steps just breathing and trying to rationalize what had just happened.
At this point I decided I needed to go to bed but it was impossible to sleep, my mind wouldn’t stop playing vivid memories of times before when I had been high. Reality fell apart, I was bombarded with images of what souls actually look like according to my mind. The souls were these odd neon lines forming different shapes with a translucent mesh bag over it. So strange. My mind wouldn’t stop to the point that I no longer knew what a human was supposed to look like. Every memory that came into my mind was tainted by this realization, for example: if I saw myself talking to someone all I saw were these lines forming weird triangles and moving and readjusting as I spoke to other similar squiggly souls. All of this disturbed me to the point of feeling that life was meaninglessly confusing.
All this lasted till about 9 this morning and even know I feel sick and not myself so please excuse the typos. I’m curious to know if anyone has experienced something like this before whether it be edibles or not.

That last chapter was so sweet, ahhhhh, it’s nice to see the two have such a good relationship. Well let’s move on to a more suspicious chapter shall we? This is quite the big chapter so strap in, get a nice drink or snack and get comfortable. This fanfic is based off the fanfic The isolationists, by Seeyouon_otherside. Another thank you to Demon_Deity for allowing me to make another reference to his series marred migration.
Constructive criticism is appreciated.
Memory Transcript Subject: Armanne, Zeyzell toddler.
Yay! Objects! “Squeak!” I was playing with the orange cubes that daddy got me! They are very fun! Stack them. Make them into shapes! Fun fun fun! I was making a grand tower, like the one back on the white covered home we lived on. Before we went to the stars!
*thudding noises*
Aww, they fell over.
I put them back up when I see red-eyed brother in the vents! Hello- aw he’s gone. The door opened. Oh! Daddy and mommy! They brought in my fishy brother, since that’s what daddy calls him, into our room! He’s asleep. He has a blanket around him. What happened?
I tilted my head in confusion. “Squeak?”
“Hey there Armanne! How’s my best juggler!” Yay mommy!
“Squeak! Squee!”
“Aw that’s a good girl! Are you playing with the blocks that daddy got you?”
Yes I am! They are very fun! “Squeak!”
“That’s a good girl…hey Alvaro?” I looked over to daddy as he was putting wet brother into his bed.
“Yeah sweetheart?”
“Do you think it’s a good idea to bring Armanne onto the station?” Station? What station? I look to daddy for answers.
“Hmmmmm, no, not yet.”
What? Hey, I want to go! “Squeak! Squee sqeuuu!”
Dad looks at me again. “Sorry my little juggler, you're not ready yet. Nor is it clean enough yet.”
Hmph! We’ll see about that! Oh there leaving! Not without me! Quickly! After them!
I crawl as fast as I can! They have longer legs! Faster! Yes I’m gaining! Faster! Faster! Oh there stopping! Hide!
We’re through? There! The box. Oh hey it’s comfy in here! Lots of blankets, no don’t fall asleep now, but…I’m so tired from crawling, no don’t fall asleep …don’t…doooo….
[Significant time pass detected, jumping to next conscious moment.]
Ahhhh! That was a nice nap! We’re am I? Hey, the top is closed. Oh! Voices?”
“…yeah this is our area to clean…it’s a mess, protector help me I don’t wanna meet the thing that did this.
“Well you're gonna, he’s in command of this station.”
“What?! Oh that’s great. What is he?”
“Some sort of cyborg Velil.”
“Like a deathwatch guard?”
“Noooo, much more scary.”
“Wonderful, let me grab the cleaning rags. Wow, that’s a long way down. How far do you think?”
“Dunno, deep. When we get this place cleaned up I call dibs on the room with the comfortable bed.
“They all have comfortable beds, dumbass, this place was built for, well an invasion of a galaxy. The Feds would need a place to relax and hang the heads of our kits.”
“Yeah, man am I ever glad we’re getting out of that crazy place of a galaxy, dang the zippers stuck.”
Oh! Someone is opening the top! It opens! I pop out to say hello.
“SQUEAK!”
“AHHHHHHH!”
Oh! I’m falling? Why am I falling? Wow…that’s deep…uh oh. Back into the bag-OFF! OW OW OW!
*thudding noises*
Ow…that hurt! Where is daddy? Mommy?
“Squeak…squeak?”
I look up, wow I fell a long way down. Good thing the bag cushioned my fall! We’re am I? It's weird down here.
I crawl around to see if I can find anything. Maybe down this hall? Oh hey there’s someone here! Why are they lying against the wall?
I crawl over to them. Wow they smell really bad…I don’t like that smell. It smells bad…are you ok?
I touch them, ewwww, they're all slimy, why do they have feathers? Did my paw just go through his arm? Are you ok…
“S-s-squeak?” Why are they leaning over like that? They're sliding down against the wall. Oh no, they're going to hit their head on the ground! Don’t worry I can…
*pop*
D-d-d-did their head…j-j-just fall off? It’s rolling towards me…it-it has no eyes. What’s in its mouth? Is that a worm? What’s a worm…
*Hissing noise*
“…”
“SQQQUUUUEEEAAKKKKKK!!!”
Run away! Get away! Mommy daddy! Help me I don’t wanna be here! Help anyone. I pass by more people slumped against the walls!
*bang* what did I slip…?
“SQUUUUEEAAAAAAAA!”
No no this is a nightmare! They're dead!? Is this what being dead looks like! I don’t wanna die! Mommy! Daddy! Anyone. A room! Get into it! I dive into it and…there’s someone in here? Who is that? They are very big, they have metal all over their body. Wow! It has a screen coming out of his stomach that’s glowing orange, but I can’t see their face, hey there talking.
“…the human and Zeyzell are very important to my plans for my children. You know this.”
Uh oh, I walked into a conversation again! Whoops! Daddy doesn't like it when I do that. I move very fast behind a box thing.
“Yes I do.”
“You also know my children desire…no, crave to no longer be alone in this galaxy. The Humans and Zeyzell are fundamental, no, Vital for my children’s future. Mainly the Humans with their unique abilities to pack bond. Also since my children can pack bond, they will amplify each other's pack bonding ten fold creating unbreakable bonds. The Zeyzell are also changing. Even when exposed to a single human I have observed much change in them. They no longer shy away from xeno like foods, activities, or media and entertainment. They embrace and enjoy it.”
Wow, whoever is talking from that screen has a very odd voice. Loud and powerful. Yet…more? I dunno. Maybe daddy or mommy might know?
“Yeah, I know that effect very well. You couldn’t have picked a better species to bring to your children. They’ll get along VERY well. AHAHAHA!!” Wow he laughs weirdly.
“Yes indeed. The Zeyzell are no longer the Zeyzell they think they are. They are open to new species. They no longer use the term Xeno. This is all from the effect of only one Human, imagine what the Zeyzell will become when they are met with over twenty thousand!”
“Really?! You know we’re more are?! All the way out here?! Wait…do you mean…”
“Yes, I have located two ARK ships, ARK’s eight and twelve. Each has a population of over ten thousand. They have been wandering the stars for a while now. Searching for a home. I intend to give them, and the Zeyzell that have arrived at your station, a home. A place they can not only survive in, but thrive, a place to nurture and protect.”
“That’s a lot of humans! I’m all for it but can your children handle a population that big?
“Yes, I’ve been sending them more raw materials than normal, they will have more than enough. A lot of their planet is still wilderness so colonization shouldn’t be a problem. The surface area is also much larger than earths. Although I’m worried about the fragility of the humans on my children’s planet, the planet has much higher gravity then there earth, among other things. “
“Yeah, humans can be pretty tough, but they're still one of the most fragile and vulnerable species I have ever encountered. Like a child in a giant war suit. They may appear scary and intimidating, however all they wanted was to be loved, to be held and told, welcome to the greater galaxy, yet they got near genocide.”
“Yes it is despicable what happened to them, no species that kind and caring should have that happen to them. Protect the Humans and the Zeyzell, please. They are not the last of their kind, but I fear for them. I can’t bear to see anymore of their kind killed simply because of the way they look and what they eat. It breaks my heart. On this note however, I must also now keep a much closer eye on the Tesh and Wurnta. Since my discovery of them after their societal collapse I saw born survivors. However now they are threatened by a Sivkit herd that crash landed on their planet and I’m uncertain if they can survive a hatred so potent as these federation fanatics.”
“Ah, these two species again! You discovered them on one of your wanderings, yes?”
“Indeed, I remember it like it was yesterday. I passed by a planet of ice and snow, that I sensed once had a great life, imagine my surprise when I bumped into an artificial satellite. It was old, very old. It was ready to burn up in the atmosphere. My presence was obscured by the raging snow storms on their world so they did not see me. So I took a look at them. They are so full of promise these two are, working together to survive a harsh and dangerous environment. Many died and many lived. Now I see that their civilization is back. They are recovering from the collapse of their first civilization. Now however they face a danger that they have never faced before. Pure hatred, by an enemy who is pure evil to them. This Sivkit herd wishes for their extinction, their only crime? Their existence. To the Sivkits that is enough for extermination, and that makes my core BOIL. The two species are linked on a deep level for surviving on a planet together for so long. Something I’m hoping that my children will achieve with the Humans and Zeyzell.
“TWO SENTIENT SPECIES LIVING ON THE SAME PLANET IN DECENT ENOUGH HARMONY! IT IS A GLORIOUS THING! AHAHAHAH!”
“Yes it is. I do believe that my children and the Humans would find them…very cute.”
The metal man looked surprised. “Cuter than…me?”
“Mmmmm, possibly.”
“WHAT?! That’s HERESY! I DEMAND TO SEE THESE BEINGS AT ONCE!”
The belly screen changed color but I still couldn’t see anything on it. The metal man’s hands went up to his face.
“AHHHH! THERE ADORABLE! I JUST WANNA HUG AND SQUEEZE THEM AND-!” The metal man dropped their hands to their hips. “Hmph! Guess I do have some competition. Anyway, I will do everything in my power to protect the Humans and Zeyzell, my lord. For I am your disciple.”
“Oh for- don’t say that! Or call me that! We’re friends Hazard!”
“HAHAHAHAHH! I know! I just like to get under your metal!
“Ohhhh, sometimes I swear…alright I’ll leave you to it, please don’t die too quickly. I can only bring you back so fast!”
“Hehehehhe! Yeah yeah! I know! Have a good day!”
“You too Hazard, you too.”
The screen went dark and it went back into his belly, he turned around and…
“Why hello there little one? Where did you come from?”
He’s huge! Bigger than daddy, I thought no one was bigger than daddy, he looks really scary. Where is his mouth? Why is his eye like that?
“Squeak?”
“Aw you poor thing.” He bent down and I shifted away. “Hey hey don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you! I’m a friend! AH, what would Alvaro do?"
He’s a friend of daddy? I perked my ears up.
“Ah you know that name? You must be one of his kits! Great to meet you!”
He very gently picked me up. Then put me in his lap. I look over at the wall and I hear a faint sound. It sounds like…why is that person being ground up in that device?!?
“SQUEAK!”
“What? Are you-OH, I’m sorry you're too young to see something like that! He’s um, dead so I’m turning him into, uhhhhhh, fertilizer!
Is that what happens to us once we…die? “Ssss-sss-queak?”
“Oh sorry, uh your too young for that, oh I have just the thing!
He opened his chest and turned around, so I couldn't see the person anymore…oh! A plushie! Yay!
“That belonged to someone close to me. However the plushie seems to like you too. I’ll let you take care of him for now? Ok?”
Yay! Of course! “Squeak!”
“Glad you like him! I’ll turn on my heaters and get you a blanket. Better?
Hmmmmm, warm! “Squeak!”
“Glad you like my lap heaters! Built them just for this! I have an idea, I’ll tell you a story. Do you like stories?”
Yes, yes I do! “Squeak!”
“Alright let’s see…got one! This story is about a unique Venlil who was turned into a being of rage, but caring for others at the same time…I’m gonna need to work on that title. well lets get started”
The metal man clasped his hands and made a beep noise with his speaker mouth thing.
“Not too long ago on a planet called Venlil prime, a unique Venlil was born. He had odd thinking, horns, and sharper then normal teeth!”
Sharp teeth? Doesn’t everyone have those? Even daddy has some.
“Now this Venlil was strange from the beginning, he would use his sharp teeth to eat hard and tough plant foods. He would use have to hid his horns, but when he didn't he would put stuff on them, like flashlights, lights, small flags and other Knick knacks. You know what Knick knacks are right?”
I didn’t but I nodded my head yes so he would continue with the story. I love stories!
OK then! Now these oddities on him got him many odd looks. His parents however used their influence to keep the bad people away. With their tubes of fire, their suits of foil, and their tanks of flames. He would spend much of his younger years alone, but alive. Then he started school. He was shunned and bullied by all his peers, casting him out of anything they did together.”
Hey that’s mean! “SQEUAK!” I stamp my legs in protest.
“Hehe, indeed! It was very mean! They would call him names, horrible names!” His metal skin moved around. Up and down…cooool.
“He never liked his own kind much, always preferring to be around the Yotul. As they were very nice, and never judged you at first glance. They were oh so kind and very sweet. They became fast friends. This is when he developed his curiosity with technology! Always testing and building something new to show his friends! They would play and sing, and use the things the Venlil built. They would look to him for help and he would look to them for friendship. One day the little Venlil was walking on the dark side of the planet. He would walk there often. Then one day he came across a dead bird. That had been EATEN!”
Huh? We eat meat all the time. What’s so strange about that?I gave him a very confused look.
“Oh right uh you eat meat. Anyway, this was very unusual. What was more unusual was this young Venlil was not scared, he was curious! He followed the trial the creature had left behind and found an injured night hound, at least that’s what he called them. These would roam the night, hunting for anyone out in the dark side of Venlil prime. The night hound had been caught in an exterminator trap. The night hound was starving because it had had no food for a long time. So, the Venlil walked back to the dead bird and brought it back to the night hound. And feed it. The night hound was very grateful! It yelled in delight and happiness. The Venlil felt happy that he had saved a life, freeing the night hound from the trap it bounded away! The next day, the Venlil went through his daily routine, wake up, hugged his loving parents, go to school, get harrassed and bullied, meet up with his Yotul friends, and walk home by the woods. Then the same night hound appeared! The two became fast friends! Spending much time together! The two were inseparable! He would show the night hound his amazing inventions! It was a very happy time…”
Why did he look so sad?
“Then the bad people came. They had heard about the strange Venlil boy, they wanted to meet him, and so they did. They followed him home one day, and tried to kidnap him! The Venlil boy screamed in fear! Then the night hound tried to rescue him, but he was no match for the tanks of fire. Then…the night hound was no more…the boy cried and wailed, the bad people laughed and laughed at the boy. They take him and he never sees his parents again…he’s taken to a strange place. A place he did not like. They did things to the boy, cried about how the boy was the worse case of predator disease…They kept him there for many years, transforming the boy, taking his teeth, his horns, his…life. After they added things, they added…metal.”
His hand formed a fist, wait? How does he and the boy both have metal skin? Maybe they can be friends!
“Then, the Arxur came. They took everyone, even the boy. They brought them to an even more horrible place. A place of misery and pain. A place where the boy was hunted for sport. The boy was very injured on one of those hunts. He was going away to the other side. Then someone saved him. A powerful being, a chaotic being. It made a deal with him. Take revenge on the Arxur and the Federation, and he shall never truly die. The boy agreed, eager to take revenge against them. So when the Arxur were preparing to eat him, he LEAPED UP! Then the hunters became the hunted. When the boy took many Arxur lives, they trapped him and put him in a dark cold place. There was no light and little food. The boy however hung in with the fire of revenge. Then the humans came, his angels, he saw them for the amazing things they were. True people! Ones who would care about you. He traveled with them, then the powerful being came back in a dream and gave the boy new orders. Protect the humans, and so the boy did, and does, to this very day.”
Wow! That was an amazing story! “Squeak squeak!” I clap my paws together.
“Thank you thank you! Now let’s call your parents…wait…I forgot to call them!” He then put his hand up to his ear. “He Alvaro? Yeah I know she’s lost. How? Because she’s on my lap! Yeah I’ll come up. I’ll be there as fast as possible! Bye! Alright, time to see your dad again my little listener! I probably need to work on my sorry telling, not that age appropriate.”
I did not care I liked it! “Squeak!”
First/Previous/Next

it’s been two days since i had to put my dog down, he was my best friend for the last 14 years i’m only 19 so as you can imagine it’s been extremely difficult coming home to a quiet house. on thursday night my mom and i decided to take him to an er because he had been coughing badly and having trouble breathing. obviously with his age i knew that there was a possibility that whatever it was could be bad. i still wasn’t expecting to have to come home without him that night. the doctor did some x rays on his chest and diagnosed him with congestive heart failure with fluid in his lungs, unfortunately there’s no cure and we were not financially capable of treating him long term. i wish with every part of me that i could have saved him but euthanasia was unfortunately the best option for him, we didn’t want him to suffer but it breaks my heart to think that he just wanted to go home once he saw me. he’s been extremely attached to me the last few years to the point where he’ll bark and whine until i come downstairs and sit with him, he would follow me everywhere he’d even stand outside the restroom and wait for me there lol. for that reason i decided to stay with him though the short albeit heartbreaking process. i held onto him and told him i loved him with my entire heart as he took his last breath. part of me feels guilty especially because he seemed afraid at the end and i feel at times like maybe it wasn’t my decision to make but i just didn’t want him to suffer and be in pain. waking up the next day to his bed empty and a quiet house was so incredibly difficult and it hasn’t gotten easier. he is everywhere everything reminds me of him, i miss my best friend i miss his smell and the way he’d cuddle up next to me on the couch every day. i know it won’t necessarily get easier and truthfully i’m afraid of the day i forget his smell or the way it felt to hold him. i know my heart will heal but i’ll always miss my little guy, my bestest friend since i was 5 i love him more than i’ll ever be able to express. ❤️

Jagger
I have only ever told this to my close friends. I feel like people need to know me first, and know me well, to know that I'm not crazy before I tell them this story. Maybe this isn't like most creepy pasta stories, I'm not telling you something horrible and terrifying that I'm pretending is happening now. I'm telling you something that DID happen. Something that has NO explanation. Something so irrefutable by my own mind, that it forced me to choose being Agnostic, over being Atheist, because what I saw and felt was proof, there is something more out there.
I must have been about 12. My family had just moved to South Carolina, my family being my Dad and step-mom. We didn't have a proper house yet, just an apartment. It's not the kind of place that I would have ever expected something like this to happen. This place, I'm sure, was not haunted. After some research when I was a kid I concluded that there was no burial ground, no reason whatsoever for this location to be home to some type of repeat-cycle haunting.
One day I was grounded, probably for something that I did at school. I couldn't tell you at this point as it so immediately became the least of my worries. Three days, I was to stay in my room, only to come out for dinner and nothing else. There just so happened to be a Ghost Hunters marathon on around this time, and I had a TV in my room so I thought it as good a way as any to pass the time.
As I watched the shows I became very skeptical, but there were some encounters that made me think to myself, it's weird none of this has happened to me. Over the next day or so I even became a little jealous of the more intense encounters the people on the show were having.
Bored out of my entire mind I began to contemplate some way to get a ghost to visit me. I thought of a Ouija board. However I had no money and didn't know anyone with one. The most straight forward way to go about it I supposed was to ask. Now as a kid, coming from an abusive home, separated parents, mother was a drug addict who left us, I had to grow up sooner than most. I had considered death, and life, and what came after, many times all on my own. I had come to the conclusion that I just can't believe anything I'm told, and would rather see for myself if there is anything out there. However that day hadn't come, so I had settled on "Temporary Atheist".
That being said it was in a sort of mocking tone, that I clasped my hands over my air mattress, and began to pray to God. At first cheerily, but as the prayer went on, almost as if I had unconsciously realized my fatal error, my tone grew more serious. "God, if you are out there, if you exist at all. Send me a spirit, a ghost, I don't care. Send me something to meet, send me a messenger that there is life beyond this."
That turned out to be, maybe the worst mistake of my life. I would have happily gone on with my life as an Atheist, and while there are some comforts in knowing there is something more, such as not fearing death quite as much, I would have traded that knowledge away in an instant, to save me from what came that night.
It was around two in the morning. I lay, right after finishing watching my show, on my air mattress in the dark. Nervous, goosebumps on my arms, feeling cold even in the blankets. It was fun to ask for this during the day, but once the light went out, I was far more terrified than I was excited, to meet whomever God may send me. I couldn't sleep, wasn't even slightly tired.
As I lay there on my side trying to fall asleep, it seemed as though my fan had gone on mute, as the air mattress depressed behind me, and my messenger arrived. I was so scared, it was at this moment I realized what I may have asked for, after seeing all of the times that the hunters in the show seemed to know whether or not a spirit had a positive or negative feeling, I realized now how they could tell. This..Thing, I could feel it snaking it's arm around my stomach. my shirt folded, the skin under it icy, I could feel it like it were a person. A cold persons arm. It wrapped over my stomach and clutched the underside of me, for a moment I thought, "This is it, it's going to pull me away and nobody will ever see me again, what did I do!?"
As its grip tightened I became more and more terrified, I had time even to think about quickly hitting the light on the lamp, I had to aim, I thought about where the switch was before doing it, it had to be a perfect thrust, I needed to be fast. I was so fucking terrified.. I screamed as I reached for the light and flipped it on, simultaneously throwing myself from my bed, the closet door which had been closed was open all the way to the wall. I had closed it on purpose out of fear, and there it sat, even though the light was on the darkness inside scared me so much I couldn't move. I was afraid that if I ran to the door something would steal me away into it. So I sat there all night, staring, petrified at the open door and the darkness. This is how I know I never slept that night, I never dreamed up anything, there was no sleep paralysis, no spirit. This Thing. It had come for me, and left when I ran. This, I realized the next night, couldn't be thing that God sent, for what came for me the night after..If God sent it he is cruel.
The next night I was finally off grounding. I couldn't be more grateful to escape my room. I knew there was no way I was going to fall asleep again. Not after what happened last night. I was still spiked awake. I decided to bring my stuff into the living room to sleep there for the night. I stared down the hallway at my bedroom door, I had closed all the doors in the hallway, to be sure nothing could come out of one without alerting me first.
My door was at the end of the hall, to the left of it, around the corner, was the bathroom. Even recalling this is making my skin crawl, imagining it in my head makes me sick, I feel weak and terrified just thinking about it.. anyway.. The night dragged on after dinner at seven, my stepmom and dad had gone to their room and fallen asleep. 8pm, 9pm, 10pm, 11pm, 12pm, 1am. I sat there wide awake, staring. I had been watching TV, glancing back and forth between that and the hall for most of the night, but I wanted to at least lay down.
As I gazed down the hall, goosebumps on my skin, a cold tightening on the back of my neck, everything in the room seemed to dim. I sat up, just to be sure I wasn't losing it, I was still completely awake. I looked across the room at the nightlight plugged into the kitchen counter wall, and it had begun to dim. I was starting to get scared and nervous so I turned my phones screensaver on and laid back down, just in case the nightlight went off. That's when it happened. A dull droning hum seemed to fill the air, silencing the harder to notice sounds. I couldn't hear the fridge cooling, or the buzz of the light. It seemed like the noise was pure, my head felt like it was being rushed by blood, as if I were being held upside down, as I stared at my bedroom door.
Then it came. I heard the metallic scrape of a door opening, but it wasn't my door, it had to be the bathroom door. Now excruciatingly terrified I couldn't bring myself to look away from the corner where the bathroom was down the hall. I gripped my blanket over my shoulders, just to be sure I could still move and I wasn't having a nightmare or some kind of sleep paralysis which I had read about that day, it wasn't that. Everything was real, I was very awake, and I could move.
As I realized I wasn't hallucinating, or dreaming, a black mass gathered at the top of the wall. Seven feet up, what looks like an arm, with it's elbow stretched toward the hallway appeared. The idea of something that..Black. Clashing with the light of everything around it, I thought it was so dark I couldn't see, but I was wrong. as the arm stretched further I started to hear a screeching, which slowly rose to a screaming. Like people dying, the noise you might make when you have time to cry out before it's all over, all collapsing on each other. It got louder and louder, ear splitting, as this things head rounded the corner at the top of the wall, and a massive leg, the knee at 4 feet, splintered it's way into view.
I could see no details of it's face, just the jagged edges of it's body, and it's eyes, lit a dull red, like you might see when you close your eyes against the sun. It's chin seemed to stretch downward, as the screams grew louder, so shrill it made me feel like the temperature had dropped fifty degrees, my stomach twisted and turned like I could be sick at any moment, and simultaneously not even notice. It's head seemed to carry out further, as if it wanted to look at me closer, or it wanted to eat me.
The screams were so loud now it made me light headed with terror, piercing my soul, I felt anguish, I felt this wave of depression like I'd never felt in my life, this urge to die, this longing to get away from something.
Then it receded, almost as if in one motion, save for it's clawed, tendril like fingers, raking the wall as it returned from where it came.
My chest collapsed, my heart was beating so fast my head felt like a speaker, I could still hear a ringing in my ears, I felt so sick but I couldn't go to the bathroom, I sat up, back to my parents door, for the next 5 hours or so till the sun rose. Again, this confirmed that I never slept.
I poured myself into the internet that day trying to find some explanation, but without ever having been asleep, sleep paralysis wasn't it. Hallucinations, I thought maybe, but Auditory and Visual? No way. Especially considering nothing was wrong with me, I wasn't sick, I didn't have a history of this, and it didn't start up again for a long time.
This really happened to me, and it has changed me forever.
What's worse, is since then, especially in the time before I turned nineteen, I had crippling depression afterwards. I remember sleeping in my basement rooms in South Carolina and New Jersey after, just mocking him. Wishing he would come back so I didn't feel crazy. I named him Jagger, for the jagged edges I saw that night.
Around that time I had tried to kill myself a couple of times, maybe half-heartedly, maybe I was too afraid to do it, I don't know. Eventually I told my friends what had happened. And that's when it began again. Only a couple days afterwards two of my friends had come back to me telling me that ever since they heard the story, and saw me tear up thinking about it, they hadn't felt safe in their own rooms anymore. They slept with lights on at home, couldn't deal with silence, and shortly after they both told me that things had begun moving in their rooms at random times of the night. None of us ever spoke the name again, both of my friends, Jesse and Amere, suddenly developed depressive states. Maybe it was always there, and we never talked about whether or not it had something to do with Jagger, or whatever was going on at their homes.
All I know is this is real, it did happen, it has changed me completely from what I used to believe, and maybe I carried Jagger with me, maybe he never went away, but went inside me. Perhaps that's why it seemed almost instantly I went from being a happy, hopeful kid, to being a miserable, sad teenager, craving death, and hurting myself. I don't know. Honestly if I look back, there were times, like being dumped, or failing school, that made me upset, that made me depressed, but every time I considered hurting myself it seemed as though my mind went blank, and it just happened, and I always felt better after for no reason at all. Which scares the hell out of me to this day. I'm sorry to have even told you all this, and sincerely hope nothing comes of it for you.
However if this story is a curse, and this demon is carried in all who hear it, then I need to know. If nothing else, perhaps there is no way it could affect everyone, perhaps at least it'd be proof.

Last night I was talking to an istp that I’ve been talking to for a few months now. I was telling her about an artist I liked. She told me that she hates the artists music but I didn’t take any offense to it because I don’t really listen to the artist — I just think they’re a good artist. She was being very negative and her reasoning was that she used to play on a sports team that would always play the artists songs. I felt like this clouded her judgement a little but I didn’t say that because I didn’t really care and I could see why that makes her not like the artist. I just discussed why I personally liked the artist and discussed reasoning on why I still think their a good artist. The conversation ended with me saying I can’t really change how my brain likes the music of the artist, and she agreed. Then a minute later you could tell she was still thinking about it because she texted me “I FUCKING HATE HERR”. That’s when it low key made me feel some type of way because I thought it was unnecessary and I just wanted to have a conversation with her. I didn’t want her to rant to me about how much she dislikes something that I like, and then say that. I felt like I was being very positive and she was being negative, and when she sent that text I saw it as annoying because I just explained myself pretty thoroughly trying to be empathetic and positive just for her to show me that I brought up something that made her mad and I didn’t help her at all.
I left it on read because I didn’t feel like responding. The problem comes in though that I knew it might make her over-think about hurting my feelings. The thing is though, I was content with it. Sort of like I knew my silence would worry her but I didn’t care because I didn’t feel like making up a response, and also part of me felt like I could teach her a lesson on empathy? After I left it on read a few minutes later she started texting me about how she was “very sorry” and then deleted the text. I was dry and reassured her that I wasn’t mad and that it was fine and whatever. Then I felt a lot of peace knowing that she cared about my feelings. Usually she isn’t very empathetic. Almost an hour passes and I’m about to go to bed and she tells me again that she’s sorry and that she feels bad, which leads me to telling her it was fine and to get some sleep.
I feel like I had some motive or goal to push her to be empathetic. I forgive people very easily if they show me that they are truly sorry. All I wanted to do was let her know what she did was a little insensitive, and through leaving her on read I knew I could do that. I feel very guilty and manipulative for it. Like I consciously guilt tripped a friend with silence and it lead to her overthinking. I feel like what I’m doing may be wrong. I did it for my sake and for hers but it feels scummy manipulating someone.
The other side of me though says it’s okay. I did manipulate her but it was to make her positively change and it was to save myself some energy. It was also mostly for my own sake of not taking it personally and getting off my phone for a second. And also I’m not sure if my silence truly made her guilty, if I sent a dry response like “lol” it might’ve had the same outcome.
I don’t know I just feel like I messed up and wanted to get it off my chest.

Needless to say, I don’t like staying at hotels much anymore…
I drove 9 hours to meet my parents at a halfway mark to pick up my 2 year old daughter at an agreed on hotel. I assumed we were all going to stay there the night since we both had such a long drive. When I had grabbed all her things, I asked “Are you going to stay here too?” My dad said “No, we are gonna head back.” I was a little disappointed but I understood that they don’t like hotels much. I checked in and went to our room. It was fairly late, but I don’t sleep much at night, I am more of a night person. I turned the tv on and I was in my bed and my daughter was in hers. She fell asleep pretty quick, probably the car ride. I had all the lights off in the room, the only light was coming from the tv. I was sitting up against the headboard with my legs stretched out straight in front of me under the covers. All of a sudden, I felt something grab my toes, both feet at the same time. I quickly pulled my legs in toward me with my knees bent against my chest. I grabbed my phone and used the light on it to shine at the end of the bed. I didn’t see anything. I sat there trying to look stoic, like I wasn’t afraid, but inside I was screaming, I didn’t want whatever it was to see me scared. After a few minutes of sitting there, acting like nothing just happened, I relaxed my legs and continued watching tv. Seemed like moments later, I felt pressure next to my leg, like a hand, like someone was leaning their body onto the bed from the end of the bed with both hands down on the mattress. Then I felt pressure as if their left hand moved forward and pressed down. Then, what felt like their right hand, moved forward and closer to my knee. Then their left hand moved forward.. it felt like someone or something was crawling up to my face, slowly and methodically. I flung off the blankets and jumped into my daughters bed, hoping her innocence would save me. I was facing the wall spooning her and I seen shadows go across the wall, I jumped up and turned the light on, franticly grabbing our stuff to pack up to leave. I went down to check out, it was about 4 am., the guy working said “You are leaving early.” I said “Ya, couldn’t sleep, by chance.. do you have anyone ever tell you this hotel is haunted?” I laughed nervously, waiting for him to laugh too, which I wish he would have… Instead he replied “Why? What room were you in?”. I told him and he replied “I don’t know why they put you over there, I never put people over there. Ever since we got new owners, they did a cleansing on the building, thinking things would get better, but since then, things have gotten worse.” I told him “Ya, I don’t think it worked.”
I continued my trip, waiting for the time I could call my dad, finally it was about 7am, I couldn’t wait anymore, so I called him thinking I could just leave a message, but he answered. I told him everything. As I finished explaining my experience, I was saying “I don’t know what it could have been” as I looked out my driver side window and seen a red Corvette, it passed as I was saying that and the license plate said “SATAN”.
I will never forget that, and I wanted to share it.

I hope to find a kind-hearted woman to build a lasting relationship with. Genuine and kind, someone I can talk to about anything and everything. I want a partner who's excited to share their knowledge and experiences with me, grow together, learn new things from each other, and connect on a deeper level. You can share your thoughts and ideas with me, and I'll be happy to discuss all kinds of topics. I want us to build a wholesome relationship where being there for each other is enough.
This part is about what I'm looking for in a relationship: - Mutual love and respect and care, my chest will be your pillow while we binge episodes and watch a lot of things while cuddling, romantic dinners, cooking together, enjoying life to the fullest , holding hands while walking , going to the beach, traveling to new places, trying new things and experiencing what life has to offer together :) . Being there for each other through good and bad times . You can always count on me and tell me everything, I will be the shoulder you can lean on. I'm very romantic and I have a lot of love to give. When we are together expect me to always hug you, kiss you on your forehead, hold your hands and express my love to you and how much you mean to me while I look deeply into your eyes . Romantic moments and lovely things like giving each other pet names, making you bed surprise breakfasts. Tons of Cuddles and hugs . I will always sheer you up, motivate you, and help you . I'll always be there for you.
Currently located in Morocco and I work in IT field. I'm looking for someone 20 or older who's okay with long-distance until we figure things out.
As for my physical attributes, I have light brown skin, black hair, and brown eyes, average looking guy. I used to train in calisthenics and weightlifting, but I had to stop due to shoulder injuries. Personality-wise, I'm an ENFP MBTI type with a bubbly, caring, affectionate, patient, and ambitious personality. I'm easy-going, non-judgmental, and an ambivert depending on the day. I have a good sense of humor and always make my friends laugh. My hobbies and sports include running, calisthenics, cycling, cooking, and hiking. I enjoy reading, playing video games, traveling, camping, watching movies, TV shows, documentaries, and anime.
I can speak four languages fluently and hope to learn more in the future. I love to do many activities like having long walks and exploring new places. When it comes to indoors, I'm very creative at finding ways to enjoy our time. I love discussing all kinds of topics; we can talk about anything from history, geography, cinema, sports, religion, philosophy, languages, food, politics, spiritualism, video games, travel, cultures, technology, and more.
Regarding religion, I'm agnostic, and I don't believe in any religions. I'm still searching for the truth, so I don't have a problem with you being from any religion.
When it comes to films, TV shows, and anime, it's hard to pick favorites, so you can ask me later. As for music, I enjoy classic hip-hop, rap, rock/post-rock, jazz, 80s music, some metal, classic, ambient, pop, and soundtracks. I used to watch anime growing up, and I still enjoy it, but I don't watch it as much as years go by, still watching certain weekly releases.
Thank you for reading through all this! If you're interested, please contact me through DM or chat. Introduce yourself and tell me a bit about you, write more than Hey.

TW TALK OF ASSAULT
At 20 years old, back when COVID had just begun, I was in an abusive relationship with a man. I met him online and in the beginning he told me his wife and he were in an open marriage. It had been a long time since anyone showed me attention, I had just gotten out of a mental institution I was in for months, so I jumped on the chance to be noticed. He showered me with loving language in the beginning and then after we met in person and had intercourse he told me the marriage wasn't actually open. He told me he was ashamed and all of this stuff, and I was so mentally messed up I decided to continue seeing him. We explored BDSM, something I thought I wanted, but it got aggressive very very fast. He was also verbally abusive over texts and in person, demeaning me and making me cry which he thought was hilarious as well as something I should be ashamed of. Then, he convinced me that I should reach out to him pretending it was our first interaction over text, that he and his wife had made profiled looking for a third so if I pretended I had found one of those profiles we could have a threesome. He wanted that so badly, and I wanted to please him, so I did it. I ended up meeting her and I got really really drunk. I had never been drunk before, but he kept encouraging us both to drink and smoke weed. I remember him pushing our faces together saying how much he wanted to see us makeout. We did but I could tell she was uncomfortable too, but I went along with everything drunk and stoned and a threesome occured. Twice it happened then she said she just wanted to be friends. However, he wanted to still see me in secret. He told me how special I was, that I was so so cool, and that they both wanted to introduce me to their friends. He told me all the time how he could really see us being close. I followed along with everything. I continued hanging out with the two of them as well, and sleeping over. He would pressure me, continuing to touch me after she had went to bed and not listening when I said no. I blamed myself because I was the one who stopped protesting and just let him do what he wanted. It all came to a head when he was doing this game again one night, touching me while I said no, drunk as I always was at their place. I ended up having a panic attack and told him I needed to go to bed. He kept asking if I was sure, saying he thought I'd do better awake, but this time I pressed and went to sleep. The next day, after I went home, he messaged me telling me he watched me sleep and wanted to assault me. We had done CNC in the past and that was okay at the time, now I realize how messed up ib the head I was wanting to relive prior trauma in bed, but this was different. He said he really wanted it to be real, that he touched himself while watching me sleep hoping I'd wake up so he could actually r*** me. It scared me but I tried to play it off as if I was fine that it was no big deal. That, however, was the last time I stayed over. I met one of their friends and we fell for eachother almost instantly. The man I was seeing got mad, jealous, said that if I decided to end things he would never sleep with me again [which duh. Obviously that's what I wanted]. He was so pissed off I said we could meet up one last time. That night he got a motel for us and it started out fine. Then it started hurting and I was sobbing begging him to stop. I was screaming his name and then yelling red which had been our safe word. I didn't think I needed it for this last time. It took him a while to stop and then he tried being nice. But then he said he liked that he finally made me actually cry and laughed about it. That was the last time we had sex. I continued hanging out with him, his friends, and my now boyfriend. They were fine and I felt accepted as I really didn't have friends. Then I started having panic attacks everytime he was over or we video chatted and I didn't know why. I'd be in bed sobbing, and at night I had nightmares about him hurting me. It took months before I realized that none of what happened was my fault and he had abused and assaulted me. I told my boyfriend, who knew prior the man and I had been seeing eachother, and he held me. We did not handle things great and it ended with none of the friend group believe me and them all abandoning me and my boyfriend for the man who hurt me. As a result, I feel I trapped his wife. She was always so kind and loving, and throughout our friendship I saw him yelling at her and treating her like garbage, and I knew it must be worse when no one was there. It's been years since this occured and I still feel guilty. She had a kid with him and I worry she feels trapped. She came to the US on a visa and married him, getting residency, and he did not want her returning at all to her home country. It was a hot topic while I knew them, him always convincing her to stay even though her father was building them a house there. I worry that she saw the reaction the friendgroup had, them all blaming me when the man who hurt me said I was actually an abuser not him, and that she felt she could never leave. That no one would believe her. I just had to get this all off of my chest. I still check up on her Facebook every few months, as she never did block me, and I always hope she will escape. That I didn't doom her to unhappiness. Idk what I'm looking for here... I just had to get this all out. There's a lot I skimmed over, but this was the highlights of the months I was with him. Truly a horrid person, wolf in sheep's clothes. He pretends he is progressive and feminist so that no one would ever think he's a horrible person. But I know the truth. And she does too.

21 y/o female just graduated college in one of the more “you need to be on your shit soon because it could affect people’s lives” majors. Nursing. I started drinking freshman year of college, which turned into weekend drinking, which turned into every other day/daily drinking alone, in my room, for 3-4 years. I’m 150 pounds now, and came into college at 125, which i know for a fact has all come from sugary alcoholic beverages. I’m well aware that drinking sucks, based on how it makes me feel and how long it takes to recover. I have a family history (Dad, and paternal grandmother [deceased], both undiagnosed but we’re Hispanic and the whole family just knows.) I don’t want to be an alcoholic. I find the term “alcoholic” sometimes difficult to identify with because im not drinking whiskey on the rocks at 2pm on my lunch break. I’m not doing the dad-like alcoholic things, or pouring spirits in my morning coffee. I drink white claws from the gas station alone in my room at 8pm while I do “self care” and watch movies and clean my bathroom. But I’m more than well aware that three tall boy white claws everyday with the excuse that “I did something good today, so I deserve it” is probably alcoholism. I took longer than I wanted to to finally get on naltrexone, because I was worried about my parents insurance and the EOB (explanation of benefits) getting back to them, and even finding a doctor in my college town (far far from home). I read some threads and found out about web doctors. I booked a consultation and had a prescription at my local pharmacy the next day.
Here’s where the question starts. I’m starting on 25mg (half a tab) for 2 days, then a whole tab or 50mg everyday. I’m choosing to follow TSM, so instead of everyday, I think I’ll take it just when I know I’m about to drink (an hour before). Today is day 2, so I’ve completed my two halves. Yesterday was awful. I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, and I threw up because I knew the feeling to throw up was there (I basically gagged on purpose to get it over with—I don’t usually throw up). I could’ve held it but I didn’t. I don’t know if I blame the meds yet, because I was hungover, so it could’ve been that too.
Anyway. I’m on day 2 and I’ve drank both days because doc said not to stop cold turkey. Also, most videos I’ve seen said to drink as you normally would and wait for the effects. My question comes here. I’m drinking, as we speak on day 2. And I don’t feel the “you’re gonna think your drink is gross and it’s gonna take you forever to finish a single drink” feeling. I don’t feel drunk, but I’m still thoroughly enjoying my drinks. In fact , I’ll definitely open one or two more before bed. Am I doing something wrong? I’m definitely asking this so prematurely but I’m worried that the medication I’ve literally had dreams of being on isn’t going to work for me. And I need so badly for it to work. Is it going to take a lot more time?
TLDR; started naltrexone two days ago but I’m still enjoying my drinks. Is it going to take a lot longer before I start to not want to drink?

21 y/o female just graduated college in one of the more “you need to be on your shit soon because it could affect people’s lives” majors. Nursing. I started drinking freshman year of college, which turned into weekend drinking, which turned into every other day/daily drinking alone, in my room, for 3-4 years. I’m 150 pounds now, and came into college at 125, which i know for a fact has all come from sugary alcoholic beverages. I’m well aware that drinking sucks, based on how it makes me feel and how long it takes to recover. I have a family history (Dad, and paternal grandmother [deceased], both undiagnosed but we’re Hispanic and the whole family just knows.) I don’t want to be an alcoholic. I find the term “alcoholic” sometimes difficult to identify with because im not drinking whiskey on the rocks at 2pm on my lunch break. I’m not doing the dad-like alcoholic things, or pouring spirits in my morning coffee. I drink white claws from the gas station alone in my room at 8pm while I do “self care” and watch movies and clean my bathroom. But I’m more than well aware that three tall boy white claws everyday with the excuse that “I did something good today, so I deserve it” is probably alcoholism. I took longer than I wanted to to finally get on naltrexone, because I was worried about my parents insurance and the EOB (explanation of benefits) getting back to them, and even finding a doctor in my college town (far far from home). I read some threads and found out about web doctors. I booked a consultation and had a prescription at my local pharmacy the next day.
Here’s where the question starts. I’m starting on 25mg (half a tab) for 2 days, then a whole tab or 50mg everyday. I’m choosing to follow TSM, so instead of everyday, I think I’ll take it just when I know I’m about to drink (an hour before). Today is day 2, so I’ve completed my two halves. Yesterday was awful. I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, and I threw up because I knew the feeling to throw up was there (I basically gagged on purpose to get it over with—I don’t usually throw up). I could’ve held it but I didn’t. I don’t know if I blame the meds yet, because I was hungover, so it could’ve been that too.
Anyway. I’m on day 2 and I’ve drank both days because doc said not to stop cold turkey. Also, most videos I’ve seen said to drink as you normally would and wait for the effects. My question comes here. I’m drinking, as we speak on day 2. And I don’t feel the “you’re gonna think your drink is gross and it’s gonna take you forever to finish a single drink” feeling. I don’t feel drunk, but I’m still thoroughly enjoying my drinks. In fact , I’ll definitely open one or two more before bed. Am I doing something wrong? I’m definitely asking this so prematurely but I’m worried that the medication I’ve literally had dreams of being on isn’t going to work for me. And I need so badly for it to work. Is it going to take a lot more time?
TLDR; started naltrexone two days ago but I’m still enjoying my drinks. Is it going to take a lot longer before I start to not want to drink?

Heads up! This story is both unpolished and unfinished, and posted here only for the sake of not letting my work go entirely to waste. If you want to continue the story yourself, feel free to do so.
Credit for The Nature of Predators goes to u/spacepaladin15.
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Memory Transcription Subject: Rania, Gojid Civilian
Date [Standardized Human Time]: Error 560 (estimated date: September, 2136)
At first, we assumed it to be an Arxur weapon, but we had plenty of time to get a more detailed look at the object intersecting our FTL trajectory. A mass of energy, far more than a star could emit, yet giving off no light. Gravitational pull was intense, but completely wrong for a black hole. Maybe the remains of a massive warp core accident? Whatever it was, it was directly in our path.
We had ample time before our collision, and nothing we could do. Our course was set, and escape vessels couldn’t be launched during an FTL jump. All that was left was to wait, and pray for a mercifully quick death that we all knew was unlikely. We built our starships to withstand direct assault from Arxur warships. Our deaths would be both inevitable and slow.
I was away from the refugee’s quarters, on the bridge. I couldn’t bear to watch pups cry in terror, as their parents tried hopelessly to ease their fear. The bridge was only marginally better. Some of the crew were facing their imminent death with stoicism. Many were praying. Many were crying. I don’t remember what I was doing when it hit, but I was probably crying too.
Then… then…
Pain, agonizing and blinding pain. No screaming. No noise at all. Silence, darkness, death.
Movement. But I couldn’t possibly move myself. Was I carried?
​
My first coherent memories started taking shape next to a fire. I couldn’t see, but the warmth and crackling were unmistakable. I tried to move, only to find myself unmoving. Was I in the wreckage of the ship? I felt no pain. Was I already dead?
“Hey, look who’s finally back in the land of the living. Can you hear me?”
A human. The species that started this whole mess. That attacked our cradle, let the Arxur find an easy target. That taunted us with their “Evacuation” cattle roundups. The disgusting mockery of a voice washed over me, tainting my very soul.
That fire must be to roast my flesh. Does it want my fear, before it kills me? It won’t get a single goddamn word, not so much as a noise.
“You… damn, he must still be out of it. Maybe another stimpak..?”
Cli-hsssss. A stabbing pain in my arm, followed by… relief? My arm twitched slightly, but I couldn’t manage anything more. A rushing sound filled my ears, overpowering the growl on my left until it bore me away to unconsciousness.
—
I woke up on a bed, staring at what must’ve been the ceiling, though all I could see was vague rust-brown shapes in the distance. My body still refused to move. And yet still, somehow, so little pain. Was my nervous system destroyed?
No. Hunger. Brutal, snarling hunger stabbed through my stomach like a dagger. I made a weak noise, remembered where I was, and rapidly forced silence. If it knows I’m awake, it’ll torture me until it lets me die…
“Oh! You— you’re awake again! Can you hear me?”
Don’t make a noise. It might lose interest.
“...No. Dammit. It’s going to starve if it doesn’t fully wake up soon… I can’t afford all these meds for much longer anyway. I’ll just have to… leave this here for it. Maybe it’ll wake again while I’m out.”
And just like that, a rush of movement and it was gone. It worked! I lived… I lived, just so I could starve…
​
By the graces of the protector. Food. I could smell food, just inches to my right. Can I move to pick it up? Can I move my jaw to eat?
Is it a trap? The human must be trying to fatten me up. Or maybe it didn’t leave at all, and is just waiting in the shadows to see if I take the bait. Or… maybe…
Fuck it. I was already good as dead, I could at least die full. I tried moving my arm, but to no avail. My other arm was no better. Maybe I could move my head?
The world shifted around me, a nauseating whirl of muted colors. But that meant my head could move. I could move… the food was still just barely out of reach. I can almost taste it… it’s so close to my nose…
I let out a weak cry of frustration. I couldn’t help myself. Did the human intend for this torture? The frustration became rage, filling my body like a white-hot star until I—
Trembling, my claw grasped the food. Rage and hunger animated my arm, pushing it forward. Whatever this was, it was soft. It smelled heavenly. I brought it up to my face. My vision was just recovered enough to make out its form; a strayu-like pillow drizzled with a sweet glaze. I tore into it like an animal, barely even tasting. I must not have eaten in days.
Gone in seconds, and the hunger was barely sated. But it was enough energy to force movement with. Slowly, unsteadily, I rose to a sitting position. The world threatened to shift away from under me, but I held, trying to get my bearings.
I’m in… some sort of shack. Bare, rusted sheet metal on the walls; clearly an improvised structure. Other than that oddity, the room was surprisingly normal. No blood dripping from cages, no hunting trophies on the walls. A torn up carpet, a beaten-up table and chair, some cabinets, all illuminated by soft rays of light pouring in from a window over the table. And right next to my little mattress… is that more food? Some sort of orange vegetable. Like the sweet strayu, I ate without even tasting.
Much better. I was still starving, but only metaphorically. I could even move my other arm, though my legs were entirely numb and refused to cooperate no matter how much I pushed them. Could I escape by dragging my body with my arms?
No. I was still too weak. I had to count on the human fattening me up a bit more before I could make a break for it.
​
​
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Memory Recovery Subject: Nathan Dunne, sole survivor of Vault 111
Date: December 13th, 2287
Just a hair to the right… and… Now. The interloper, a feral dog that had wandered onto the property, dropped without a sound.
I couldn’t afford to attract any attention, so I’d hastily slapped together a silencer for my pipe revolver. An old oil filter, just small enough to not obstruct the scope I’d hastily tied to the top. The gun looked ridiculous, but it got the job done silently. If I attracted any visitors, my alien guest was as good as dead. Nearly a week after finding it, and it still wasn’t waking up consistently.
Now’s not the time for thought. Focus. Now.
The second dog also dropped. The alpha of the pack still hadn’t noticed anything, a miracle. I lined up one last shot… pulled the trigger, and finally let myself breath. That was way too close. Every day without the fence finished was another day of silent stress.
Putting up a fence was easy enough, but putting up a fence QUIETLY was nightmarishly slow work, constantly punctuated by hiding from any would-be visitors. But these dogs had wandered onto the property without even seeing me. Could they smell the alien? I knew Dogmeat could track injuries from a far greater distance…
Fence should've been up yesterday. Back to work.
I’m running out of barbed wire. And screws. And boards. Can I afford another expedition? What if Dogmeat can’t defend him? Not a chance in hell I’m risking any other group learning about this… although Mama Murphy probably knows anyway, doesn’t she. Maybe the Minutemen can—
No. I can’t risk it. I’ll have to improvise. Maybe I can set up a Tesla arc as defense and leave to raid Sunshine Tidings. Rusted metal sheets don’t make for the best walls, but better than nothing.
The sun was still high, so I had some time if I hurried. As I began gathering supplies, a thought crossed my mind. A Tesla arc was better than nothing, and Dogmeat was formidable enough, but… surely if the alien was in serious danger, it could use some self defense. Those spikes weren’t gonna cut it. Maybe that bastard Kellogg’s old .44 would finally get some use?
I grabbed the .44 revolver, a spare arc trap I’d salvaged from Fort Hagan, and some tools. It would have to do. There was already power hooked up to the shack for heating, so wiring the—
The food’s gone.
Dogmeat didn’t eat carrots, so I knew there was only one culprit. The alien must’ve woken up while I was working. It was back asleep now, but at least it got something down. It wouldn’t starve. Thank god.
…right. If it can wake up, this trap is probably more dangerous to it than any invader. I walked back over to the shed, stowed the Tesla arc and tools, and grabbed a handful of vegetables and a water canteen. If it could stomach food, it needed to start putting on weight now to make up for lost time. This would be a start, at least.
I set the food and water on the table (taking care not to break the digital chimera I’d already laid there), and the gun beside the bed. I knew it could reach to there, without a doubt. Maybe toss in a handful more bullets, too; it’s not like I’d ever be able to make myself use the damn thing. I gave one last glance at the alien curled up on a bare mattress before closing the door and setting out.
—
Memory Transcription Subject: Rania, Gojid Civilian
Date [Standardized Human Time]: Error 560 (estimated date: Unknown)
Help me. Kay-ut. Ki-ra. Protector. Anyone. It’s right there.
When I heard the human coming, I faked sleep hoping it wouldn’t check. As seconds passed, that hope grew thinner and thinner. Clearly, it could see the food was gone. Not that it needed to figure anything out; it could probably see through my deception just looking at me. Ki-yu, trickster; please, let this work. Let me live a moment longer. Noises all around me. Was it laying out torturous weaponry? Was it getting ready to gut me?
Protector. Please. I don’t want to die.
The noise around me stopped. Had the gods heard my prayers? I dared not check; if the human was still there, and I so much as opened an eye, I was dead. But death failed to claim me, and more noises failed to appear, until I finally worked up the courage to take advantage of my blessing and open my eyes.
The human was gone. I was alive. One more look around the room, to make sure it hadn’t—
A gun. A human weapon, close enough to grab. And ammo…
I knew humans were masters at trapping, at deceiving; such was their nature. I stared at the gun, trying to figure out what the trap was.
But I was tired, and hungry, and every sense told me that this wasn’t a trap, but a loaded gun. An answer to my prayers for safety. I couldn’t hold myself back anymore. I picked it up. It felt solid and weighty in my hands, lending some sense of security to the otherwise hopeless situation. Emboldened, I tried to rise to my feet again.
If I grabbed some of the furniture and stood on my good leg, I could just about stay upright without pain. That would have to do for now. Maybe I could use something in this room as a crutch. A leg of the table might do nicely, if I could—
Food. More food, all over the table. A sprawl of alien vegetables, including that orange one I had earlier. A metal jug, probably filled with water. And… is that a translator?
Curiosity overpowered both my hunger and my fear. On closer inspection, it was indeed a translator, one of the older dedicated units. Wired into… some sort of metal armband with a green flickering screen. The craftsmanship was shoddy; some parts were literally held together with insulated tape. Still, it appeared to be powered on and functional.
If I wasn’t in so much danger… I’d love to get a better look at what the human did with this thing. To wire Federation tech directly into one of their devices, and make it work…
My attention drifted back to the bounty laid out on the table before me. It could all be poisoned, but I’d already eaten the human’s food; what harm could it do to be full?
—
Sweeter than the orange one, but not as filling. Kind of mushy. Now no longer starving, I began to savor my meal slightly more. The green fruit was next, the one nearly the size of my skull. Upon breaking open the shell, it turned out to be pinkish red inside, and so juicy that I didn’t even need the water in the jug.
Bitter, but strangely satisfying. Next was a massive purple flower, which I could only guess was supposed to be food as well. The taste was unpleasant, but it felt bizarrely good to eat. Maybe a medicinal herb?
Why would the human give me a medicinal herb?
I’d been circling around the question for some time now. Why the food? Why the gun? Why the lack of gutting? Even if those supposed “empathy tests” weren’t faked, our species were at war! Did it not know?
Well-fed prey made for better-tasting prey, but a gun did not feed. A translator did not feed. Did it really want to talk to me? I weighed my options.
Option 1: Run. Impossible to do in my current state. Even with a large head start, even with uninjured legs, humans were nothing if not persistent; my odds were not all too favorable. And where would I go, anyway?
Option 2: Hide. Impossible to do in any state. Humans were perceptive and cunning. Nothing short of divine protection would hide me. And again, where would I go afterwards?
Option 3: Fight. I had a loaded gun, but for all I knew it was only there to lure me into a false sense of security. And besides, did I really expect to outfight a predator?
Option 4: Talk. It wasn’t likely, but maybe the human would have some sympathy (or at least fake some sympathy to keep up appearances). I was already injured, and it hadn’t torn me apart already; it clearly had something else in mind. Maybe the translator was involved in its “Something else”?
I didn’t… like that last option, but it seemed a hair better than shooting on sight when the human came back. Maybe I was forsaking the protection of the gods, forsaking my fellow Gojid. But none of the options were without risk, and I had to try something bold if I wanted to survive.
A noise from outside roused me from my thoughts. It’s coming. Time to make your choice.
​
​
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Memory Recovery Subject: Nathan Dunne, sole survivor of Vault 111
Date: December 13th, 2287
Halfway through the outbound trip, I realized I’d forgotten my pip-boy at camp. I’d taken both off, while working on wiring in that translator to the spare one from Vault 81. Having no way of assessing potential injuries simply would not do.
Halfway through the return trip, I realized I’d brought Dogmeat with me instead of leaving him to guard. I managed to make myself move a little faster. That .44 was no guarantee of safety, not if the alien simply couldn’t get up.
Once back, I could at least be sure that nothing happened. No blue blood seeping through the shack’s foundation. I grabbed the pip-boy, ordered Dogmeat to patrol, and prepared to leave before the daylight faded.
That’s a bit cold, isn’t it? Leaving without even checking on your guest?
I was leaving so I could build a fence for its protection, but… a quick check couldn’t hurt. Just to make sure nothing happened, right? Yeah. Sure. I had the time. Though maybe barging straight in wasn’t the brightest idea, not when I had just given it a revolver.
I knocked twice, and tried to lower my voice to a more soothing register. I had no idea if my hacked-together translator abomination would work, so tone was key. Before I could even speak, I heard a wild scrambling from the inside.
“Don’t— please don’t k-kill me, human, I’ll… I’ll do anything.”
…I guess I should be glad the translator worked? What the hell was that?
“I’m not gonna hurt you. I promise. Is it OK with you if I come inside?”
“I… Y-Yes.”
I gave Dogmeat a strong look to stay back, and cracked open the door. The terrified sniveling over the translator couldn’t have prepared me for what met my gaze.
A few weeks ago, I’d heard a heart-wrenching noise while poking around the edge of the glowing sea; a lone radstag doe, torn literally in half by a deathclaw. The beast was scared off by an approaching Vertibird, leaving the doe to wail helplessly until I put it out of its misery.
I had nothing else I could compare the alien to. It was shaking like an aspen leaf, eyes screwed shut and body curled up against the wall. The gun was still technically in its hand (claw?), but pointed at nothing. Just looking at the thing made me feel helpless.
But I brought it back from the brink of death. Soothing terror would surely be easier than saving its life.
—
Memory Transcription Subject: Rania, Gojid Civilian
Date [Standardized Human Time]: Error 560 (estimated date: Unknown)
Protector. Please, give me strength. It’s… It’s going to…
No. It just wants to talk. Rania, get a hold of yourself.
I cracked open an eye. Tears largely blinded me from the horrifying details of the predator, but the human still towered over me, casting an engulfing shadow over my weakened form. It was all I could do to not further embarrass myself with incoherent pleading.
It seemed to take notice of my fear, crouching down to roughly eye level.
“You’re OK. I’m not going to hurt you, no matter what. What’s your name?”
“R-Rania.” I forced another eye open. The human had moved itself to a chair. Soft daylight illuminated a pair of forward-facing eyes, but no predatory scowl. It had an expression which could be mistaken for solemn sympathy on another species. But it had no reason not to be sincere. There was no other audience, nor anything I could do to escape. Could it really be concerned?
“Rania. My name is Nate. Can you tell me… what you are?”
“Just Nate? I— I thought humans had two names.”
“Oh, uhh… Nathan Dunne. I just go by Nate.”
I noticed a distinct look of confusion engulf the human’s face. Actually, I started to notice a lot of things. It wasn’t just the building and translator that were so clearly improvised. It— Nate’s armor was clearly not standard-issue anything. Nor the weapon on his side, some sort of pistol made seemingly from scrap.
He didn’t look like a UN soldier, nor a civilian of any type. And… just now… did he ask what I was? How could he not know?
“I’m a… I’m a G—Gojid. Does that mean anything to you?”
He shook his head, which even I knew was a human gesture for no. “Not as such. I might need to work out some issues with the translator, though, so don't count on it meaning—”
“The Federation? The cradle? Venlil? Arxur? UN?”
A bizarre shudder passed through Nate. “I know about the UN, though I can’t imagine how they’re relevant now… and no to the rest.”
“I can’t imagine how they’re relevant”!? What the hell could that mean?
“What— what does the UN mean to you?”
Again, that shudder, like a shadow cast over his soul. “They were a global group, trying to keep international peace. When the first Resource wars sparked… they collapsed like a house of cards. 2052. I was 12. After that, it…” he trailed off, before forcing himself to speak. “It all went to hell. As you can see.”
I couldn’t speak for shock. Predators were deceitful by their nature, yet I knew in my heart his words were sincere. It was plain as day, etched across his face. And if so… What the hell? What the hell!? What was any of that?
“As you can see? What do you mean?”
“Can you walk?”
Should I reveal my weakness? I don’t see any way he couldn’t notice my condition by now, so maybe I can get some sympathy for it?
“I… no, I don’t think so…”
“Then I can carry you outside. If you want, I mean. You’ll see what I meant by ‘went to hell’ real quickly.”
He’d have to… oh Protector, if he chose to carry me to slaughter, there’d be nothing I could do. But by this point, my fear was starting to wear thin from weariness. Curiosity was slowly taking the upper hand.
“S-show me.”
And just like that, the world moved out from under me. Instinctively, I grasped the human’s artificial pelt like a pup clinging to its mother. Light flooded my still tearstained eyes. I blinked them clear, and looked out on the world.
​
​
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Memory Transcription Subject: Rania, Gojid Civilian
Date [Standardized Human Time]: Error 560 (estimated date: Unknown)
Was this Earth? This couldn’t be Earth. Earth was green, wasn’t it?
Yellow foliage, grey trees. A soft blue sky, intermittently broken up by concrete highways that towered towards the clouds. And on the horizon, the mammoth corpse of a city, a metal carcass that dominated the skyline.
No green. No life. Not even wind. The whole scene was eerily still, seemingly frozen in time.
Unable to make sense of the wider world, my attention drifted closer. A ring of ramshackle fencing, a larger building that I might mistake for a house. An ancient hand-worked water pump. A plot of vegetables. A beast with glistening fangs, bounding towards—
“Dogmeat, no. Stay.”
Somehow, impossibly, the beast heeded the command, slowing down enough for me to get a better look at my imminent demise. Long brown fur with black markings, a swishing tail, a red fabric tied around its neck. Forward-facing eyes gleaming with hideous intelligence. It sat down, tilting its head and letting out a shrill whine.
“You still haven’t met Dogmeat yet, have you— Rania? Rania!”
I couldn’t breathe. It was looking straight at me. I thought the human was terrifying, but this thing made it look harmless. Did Nate not realize the danger he was in?
“N— No! Please… don’t let it…”
“It’s not going to hurt you either. You’re OK. Breathe.” Nate turned slightly, shielding the beast from view. “Here. We can go back inside if he scares you too much.” I managed to choke out an affirmation, and felt darkness overtake me as we rushed back into the relative safety of the shack. The door clicked shut, sealing the beast outside.
“Rania, talk to me. Can you breathe?”
“Please… please don’t feed me to it…”
Nate’s eyes went wide, and his hand rose to cover his mouth. I didn’t know much human body language (aside from the vicious snarl they called a smile), but shock was a constant across almost every species. His eyes cast around the room wildly, his breathing becoming erratic before he managed to regain control.
“Rania, I— I’m not going to feed you to him. You— listen, I won’t even let him in. It’s safe here.” He clearly had something else to say, and silently struggled with the words for a moment before finding his phrasing. “Can you tell me why you’re so scared? What happened before I found you?”
The words took several moments to consciously register, but their effect was immediate. If Nate was trying to startle me out of my fear, he couldn’t have done a better job. When I spoke, it was with startling clarity as fear was replaced by near-indignant confusion.
“How could I not be scared? You’re predators. Even if… even if you really don’t want to kill me, seeing injured prey must be a powerful temptation to your instincts, no? Not to mention the invasion of the cradle; even if you do have empathy, why try to save an enemy species?”
A few moments of stillness, and then I mimicked his previous motion of shock as I realized what I’d done. If he somehow didn’t know the situation with the Gojid before, he did now. Even prey empathy didn’t extend to their sworn enemies. My stupid thoughtless rambling meant I was good as dead.
“Rania.” Nate’s words were slow, soft, and measured. “I don’t know where you come from or what the situation is out… up there. But I can promise you this.” He tapped my shoulder, snapping me out of my terrified reverie and forcing me to pay full attention. “I’m never going to hurt you. I’ll keep it safe here, as long as it takes for you to heal. You can hold me to that.”
“Safe… even safe from that monster..?”
Nate looked deeply hurt, but quickly covered it up with his previous expression of concern. “Yes. I wish I could prove to you that my dog is friendly, but… if he scares you that much, I’ll find somewhere else for him.”
He stole a glance out the window, before turning back to me. “Listen. I need to get some supplies for the fence while there’s still light. I’ll take Dogmeat with me. Do you know how to use this?” He gestured towards the gun, still sitting where I’d carelessly let it slip from my claws minutes earlier.
“Y-yes.”
Apparently seeing straight through my lie, he bent down to show me. “Here, you just need to pull back the hammer. Finger over the trigger, and line up these sights on your target. Only pull the trigger when you know you have your shot.”
Nate stood up, putting one hand on the door before remembering something. “If you start hurting, you can use this.” He set a syringe down on the table. “Just stab wherever it hurts. The pack’ll do the rest for you. I’ll be back at sundown.”
And just like that, he was gone.
​
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Memory Transcription Subject: Rania, Gojid Civilian
Date [Standardized Human Time]: Error 560 (estimated date: Unknown)
For a while, I just sat there, gun in hand and mind slowly dissolving from all the new information weighing it down. But boredom is a powerful thing, and even injured as I was, restlessness started to take hold.
With the beast gone, and gun in hand, I started convincing myself that it might be a good idea to get another look at the land. I needed to know what I had to work with in case… something happened. And I swore I saw a vegetable garden earlier. Curiosity was getting the better of me.
I tested my legs again. One was sore, but shockingly capable. The other was still burning when I applied pressure, and swaddled in bandages. I didn’t particularly feel like knowing what was under there. One leg would have to do. I didn’t need my legs to shoot, after all.
Cautiously, without making a sound, I cracked the door open. Nobody was out there. I took one shaky step. Then another. Inch by silent sore inch, I made my way over to the “house”.
Like everything out here, it was a rough-hewn heap of rusted metal and thick planks of wood. On closer inspection, however, some care had clearly been put into making it insulated. The windows even had glass (albeit covered in dust), rather than the screen mesh in my shack. This must be where the human lives.
What could Nate be hiding from me?
My curiosity burned brighter than the pain in my leg as I ambled towards the door. Unlocked. I peeked inside.
Thick layers of carpet. A fireplace on the wall, a couple paintings. A mattress much better-maintained than mine, pushed up under one of the windows.
No blood dripping from cages. No hunting trophies on the walls. No indication that this was the lair of a predator. If not for the construction materials, it could be mistaken for a house back on the cradle. It even has refrigeration and lights, without a functional power grid. I guess that predatory cunning comes in handy.
I already knew what the fridge must be filled with. I made the decision not to look. It’d be better if Nate didn’t know I was here, and that’d be pretty hard to hide with vomit all over his carpet. I couldn’t stop myself from looking in one of the cabinets, though. The thing was stuffed with cans of food, nearly full to bursting. Some were clearly homemade, some looked like they’d been excavated from the dirt. Maybe they had been.
My good leg was starting to ache, cutting my exploration short. With no small hesitation, I forced myself back outside, back to the shack where I could rest up a bit.
—
I was only steps away from the door when a horrifying sight stopped me in my tracks. Dead animals, three of them. Sickly looking things, but recognizably the same species as that ‘Dogmeat’. I couldn’t look away. Was Nate hunting before I woke up? I stepped closer, morbid curiosity dowsing my pain. I don’t see any bite marks. And… predators don’t eat other predators.
​
Did he kill them to protect me?
Humans were apex predators on their planet. It couldn’t have been self-defense. Nor could it have been hunger, if he’d just left them to rot. So… what other reasons would he have to fight?
I looked closer, my eyes meeting a series of glassy stares. Two of them looked literally skin and bones, but the third looked a lot like Dogmeat. Mouth closed, eyes staring up at the sky unseeing. I almost felt bad for it.
“I wish I could prove to you that my dog is friendly, but… if he scares you that much, I’ll find somewhere else for him.”
Did Nate feel any conflict, having to shoot them on my behalf? Was he going to shoot Dogmeat too, just to ease my fears? He clearly cared about the beast, but if he thought “keeping me safe” meant…
​
No. I wouldn’t let it come to that. I had to overcome my fear. If I wanted to survive, I needed to be stronger.
Reaching out to the body, arm trembling, I ran a claw down its side. It was soft… still warm, too. The thought that this predator had been alive so recently, only to be put down for my safety, managed to elicit a twinge of sorrow. That feeling, hold on to that. Force it through your fear.
My movements got bolder, even exploring the rows of sharp teeth hidden by a clenched jaw. And the soft fur on its underbelly… its long tail, which sat limp and unmoving on the dust. I could feel my fear begin to fade more and more with every second I sat next to the body of this predator.
Eventually, I forced myself to rise. As I walked back to my bed, I stole one last glance backwards. Instead of horrifying predators, all I saw was a family of three. That they had to die so I could live… the thought filled me with a strange sense of shame.
I couldn’t stand there forever. My poor legs wouldn’t allow it. Back to the bed, step by shaky step.
​
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Memory Recovery Subject: Nathan Dunne, sole survivor of Vault 111
Date: December 13th, 2287
Hauling sheet metal was no easy task, even with the help of a dog. It was dark by the time I got home; I’d missed my appointment with the sunset by nearly half an hour.
Supplies stowed away, armor shed, weapons holstered. I rummaged around the fridge for a radstag fry I’d prepared a couple days ago. I didn’t have the energy to cook, and I still needed to check in with Rania. Dogmeat hovered around my ankles, performing his best puppy impression.
These might be the last meals you get to eat with him. I gave a few scraps for his unconvincing performance.
I knew the minutemen would take good care of him, and Valentine could make good use of his nose. But saying goodbye would be a challenge. He’d had my back practically since I escaped Vault 111, and casting him aside felt like nothing short of a betrayal.
The radstag felt like sawdust in my mouth. I tossed the rest of it to Dogmeat, who looked up quizzically rather than digging in. I knew he was wondering why I was being so generous all of a sudden, but I wasn’t ready to break the news to him yet.
—
“Is it OK with you if I come in?”
The voice responding sounded completely different. Still recognizably Rania, but without the terrified quivering I’d expected. “Yes. We need to talk.”
I slipped inside, taking care not to let out too much heat. The figure facing me, while again still undoubtedly Rania, was otherwise unrecognizable. Sitting up straight, unshaking, looking directly at me. A far cry from the poor creature I’d talked to when I left. He (he? I decided to assume it was male, given the voice from the translator) turned his head slightly to the side, leaving one eye to meet both of mine in what I assumed was an intense stare for a person with side-facing eyes.
“Nate.” Rania’s voice was thick with determination. “I’ve decided… I want to get used to Dogmeat. If he’s really as friendly as you say, you shouldn’t have to get rid of him just because of my fear.”
It was all I could do to suppress a full-bodied sigh of relief. If he’s on the fence on this decision, showing my joy would force his hand. I have to stay calm. “Can I ask why?”
“I, uh… I found the other predators. The feral ones. The ones you shot.”
Oh.
“And I… I don’t want you to have to do the same for him. It doesn’t…” The quivering returned in shades, but he continued. “Even if you meant ‘find somewhere else for him’ literally, you shouldn’t have to do that for my sake.”
“I…” I buried my face in my hands, trying to beat back tears. “Thank you. I couldn’t imagine having to… thank you. I can still keep him away from you if you’re scared. You shouldn’t have to live in fear.”
Rania shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Actually, I was thinking I should… you know, get used to him, not just tolerate him from a distance. Face my fear head-on. Just… not tonight, OK?”
For all that quivering, he’s a lot braver than I thought he’d be.
“Yeah. We can get something worked out later. Right now, you need to rest. I’m not just talking about tonight; you’re still injured. Best you can do right now is rest and eat. Which reminds me… The vegetables I brought you earlier. How were they? Any you really liked?”
“Oh, uhhh… yeah, the orange one was really nice. And that red mushy one wasn’t so pleasant; I could eat it anyway to get full, but I’d rather not. Why do you have so many vegetables, anyway?”
Why wouldn’t I? “What do you mean?”
“Well, I thought… predators eat flesh, right? Were you growing them for decoration? I mean… it was nice to see something green and growing out here, but that seems like a lot of effort!”
I couldn’t manage a verbal response to this. All I could give was a baffled stare, which Rania seemed to interpret as a threat.
“I— I didn’t mean to insult you—”
“No, no, it’s just…” I rubbed my eyes. Hauling sheet metal had sapped all my energy, but I couldn’t just let this slide. “I mean… humans aren’t obligate carnivores. Most predators aren’t; even deathclaws forage for mutfruit when they can. Or does the word ‘predator’ mean something else to you?”
It was Rania’s turn for a blank stare, and I began to wonder if I’d just said something insulting. He looked down, mumbling something the translator couldn’t catch, then turned his attention back. “I think we should talk about this later. I need to rest.”
I knew it was a flimsy excuse (I could practically see his mind overheating as he stared back into the ground), but he wasn’t exactly wrong. I bid my farewell with a solemn nod.
—
The moon cast a picturesque blue light through the windows, giving just enough illumination to fend off sleep. On its own, the meager light couldn’t fight off the exhaustion radiating through my muscles, but Rania’s bizarre outburst was also keeping me up.
Not knowing about the history of our planet was perfectly reasonable, given his alien identity. Being so scared of humans despite apparently knowing about them was strange, but nothing a bit of trauma couldn’t induce. But even schoolchildren knew the basics of the food chain, and I found it hard to believe that a space-faring alien race would be less knowledgeable about ecology than the local population of raiders. Even with no education at all, certain things were obvious by observation.
If nothing else, Rania was right about one thing. We will need to talk about this later.
​
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[Continued in comments]

Preface:
This was the worst experience of my life. I have lost close relatives, been in jail, and dealt with suicidality in my teens, and this is still by far the worst thing I have ever experienced. This is also a moment in my life I look back on with a lot of appreciation for experiencing, I am not sure if I would do it again but I am glad it happened nonetheless.
***Additional context will be provided after the trip.***
The Trip:
07/31/2021
I took a tablet of LSD with my brother. Eventually towards the peak (or maybe at the peak) we decided to smoke weed, so we went out onto his porch and I took a hit out of his bong. The first sign things were going wrong started when the body high I love on LSD, started to be overshadowed by my usual weed body high (which for me was like my limbs falling asleep with full coverage of my body). Once the body high set in I started to feel like my face was contorting into a cylinder that was being pushed forward out of my face in a spiraling motion.
Getting scared I decided to switch locations, so me and my brother went back into his room and tried to bring back the vibes by watching trippy music videos. This wasn’t helping, so I decided that I should try and sleep on the living room couch by myself. This decision sealed my fate, completely unaware I was about to have the worst moment of my life, I left my brother's room.
I went out and laid on the couch. The first thing I noticed was that my body high started to intensify, as if to prevent me from getting comfortable. I started to mentally envision my arms as snakes, because the more I would move to find comfort the less it felt like I was controlling them. This shocked me, so I closed my eyes, and subconsciously thought about my body which started to feel like it was morphing, eventually settling as the shape of a mushroom with my face on the cap (but in a more realistic uncanny valley way so although it sounds funny, it was freaking me out).
I opened my eyes, focusing on the bookshelf in my brother's living room. It looked pretty normal with an okay amount of books, except for a vibrant red colored book. This book stood out to me and I started to feel better when looking at the book, so I fixated on it and tried to calm my mind. The salvation this red book gave me was short lived, as I entered the climax of this experience.
I locked my eyes on this book as this was the first time I had peace since laying on the couch, suddenly my peripheral started to transform. The best way to describe this is that the peripheral became a labyrinth of stairs, the ones where the stairs are all over with no common sense. The surface of these stairs were covered with eyeballs (not sure if they were lifelike or not) and these eyeballs were all looking at me and blinking in synchronization.
Mortified by what I was seeing, I got off the couch and laid on the carpet floor of the living room on my stomach. This is when I started to get very nervous at the idea that I may need to ask my brother to take me to the hospital, causing a very high level of stress and raising my heartbeat. The sound of my beating heart was extremely loud, because I had my ear against the floor as my chest was pressed on the ground.
I started breathing very heavily out of fear, then I heard the sound of synths slowly building and layering over each other, getting more and more grand (most resemblant of the Lucasfilms THX sound). My heartrate rose as the sounds got louder, and I genuinely at this point was not sure if I was having a medical emergency. When it reached the peak of the sound it maintained that level, then I started hearing a voice reverberate all around me.
This voice was very low toned and god-like, it spoke a language that sounded like absolute gibberish completely alien like. Although I couldn't understand what was being communicated verbally I could discern generally through the feeling. It was telling me to slow my breathing, and as I listened my heart started to calm down overall making me feel safer and like I wasn’t going to die. Once I had completely calmed down I decided to head back into my brother's room, because I was sure that my high wasn’t uncontrollable anymore.
Once back in his room I told him I was going to try and sleep in the bed, eventually I realized I was still too high to just fall asleep, but then a good song and music video I liked came on. I changed my mind and decided to try and do what we had planned, which was to get blasted off a tab and watch videos to trip out. The rest of the trip was an amazing acid trip with my brother. It's funny how tripping at times can be like a rollercoaster.
Postface:
***I want to be clear that I think the experience happened because of the weed and my prescribed Bupropion being mixed, causing Serotonin Syndrome during an acid trip. When the experience calmed down, I’m sure that was because I was no longer high off the weed. I am sure if you took enough LSD you could have a similar experience, but for only 1 tab (even accounting that it may have a higher dosage than a tab typically has) I do feel this was either just how my experience of a weed/LSD mix would be, or that Serotonin Syndrome’s hallucinations/delusions symptoms played a part in this disaster.***
Additional Context:
The account of this trip is being written almost 2 years after the actual trip, so take this with a grain of salt. Not every detail is going to be spot on as we typically re-remember things differently every time we recall them, with details changing here and there. At the time of the trip I was 20 and this was my 2nd or 3rd acid trip. The trip took place in my brother's crib. The only people there were me, my brother, my other brother, and his wife. My other brother and his wife had already gone to sleep by the time we took our hits of acid.
I did a lot of research to figure out why things went so wrong with the trip, here is what I learned. I was taking Bupropion (Wellbutrin) prescribed by a psychiatrist for about 2 to 3 years every day at the time of the trip, and continued too, until recently getting off them earlier this year. I noticed since starting Bupropion when I was 18, that smoking weed was no longer enjoyable for me (I am not a heavy smoker btw). I only had 5 instances (give or take) of smoking weed after starting Bupropion, so I just thought It was a case of just having bad highs (I may have formed theories at the time but wasn’t sure it was because of my meds).
Since I’ve looked more into my circumstance, it seems the experience may have been triggered due to an interaction with weed and Bupropion causing something called Serotonin Syndrome. Serotonin syndrome has been reported when bupropion is co-administered with drugs known to be associated with serotonin syndrome, including selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) or serotonin norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs).
From what I found it doesn’t seem like LSD and Bupropion would cause Serotonin Syndrome, and this seems to hold true as every time I have tripped without weed being involved, these experiences seemed typical to LSD. It did however seem like if you smoke weed while on Bupropion it could be more likely to have bad highs, which is what I had always felt after being on Bupropion. This is my general conclusion based on what I found it could be the case, that I never experienced Serotonin Syndrome, and just had a bad high while on LSD which is why I had no control. My reasoning for involving Serotonin Syndrome was that it can be fatal (in relation to feeling like I was dying) and a symptom of Serotonin Syndrome is delusions/hallucinations (which could be why my 1 tab dose got so intense for that short duration).
Thanks for reading.