No boundaries long sleeve shirt

Hello. I know I’ve only recently made a post about pursuing PA therapy with my partner, but I had decided to end things with him after consideration. He has been lying to me, from what I know, about using porn in a way that disrespects my boundaries. At the beginning of our relationship, I had actually said that it was okay to watch porn since I felt that it was normal in moderation. Even I had seen some porn, and had enjoyed artists who drew suggestive art. To clarify, from what I know, he had primarily looked at hentai and had this on his computer. I thought it was fine because it was just a drawing. I don’t know if allowing this leeway was a mistake or not.
Two years ago, he had admitted to me that he was watching a very sexual twitch streamer who drew suggestive art of herself. She had also posted many thirst traps of herself. I had immediately confronted him about her and told him that this wasn’t okay, that it’s not the same as just porn, and that this was something that seriously hurt me. It was too far and too close.
This may have been invasive, and he said it was, but I immediately made him prove to me that he wasn’t paying for her Patreon access. I later found out that he may have been paying for it all along on a different website she uses. During this, he lied and gaslit many times about what content she really made, and said it was all an accident, just a joke, not his fault, etc. I told him I was not okay with parasocial relationships and following thirst traps at this point, and especially not paying for it. He would have to stick to drawings and pornhub content.
From then on, I grew completely insecure and invasive. I checked his following many times, and confronted him many times. A few weeks after the first incident, he privated his account. He always said he wasn’t doing anything disrespectful, yet never unfollowed them (verified with doesfollow). I genuinely believe that he had much worse going on, since he STRICTLY hid his photos, text messages, history, etc on his phone and computer when I was around him. I also know he has a throw acc on Twitter and most likely on Reddit to look at things he knows I’m not okay with. I’ve also felt like he was sharing porn with his friends on Discord, but when I confronted him about this and said this wasn’t okay either, he said he wasn’t. I never saw him speak to his friends on Discord again after the confrontations. Each time I confronted him, he would make up new lies and stories and gaslight me. There was even times where I was having panic attacks because of how he would hide his phone from me right in-front of my face. At this point a year ago, I tried to tell him that he couldn’t hide anything from me or act this way with his phone if he was to continue with me. However, this behavior never ceased and he had even asked me to “have patience with him.”
All of this back and forth behavior between us has bubbled up to the point where he had asked me if I needed to go to couples therapy for the anxiety and insecurities I was feeling in the relationship. I immediately reacted to this the night he suggested this and asked him how long he was doing all of this with the thirst traps. He had stated that it was when he lost his job two years ago. During this time, I felt like since he wasn’t working, that we could spend more time together. But he never did, despite me bringing up wanting to see him more. At that time, I had a deep feeling it was because of something like this. Once he admitted this, I stated that if we were to get therapy that it would have to be CSAT certified and he would have to work on his PA. He had gaslit me, lied to me, and let me feel terrible for two years straight for thirst traps. The whole time, all I wanted him to do was just respect a boundary, even if he watched porn and he couldn’t even do that. It was an addiction at this point, to me.
Despite all of this happening, I brought it up with some classmates who knew him and had told me they felt he had been somewhat manipulative with me from their experience with him. I had also brought it up with his mom, in which she told me it was a serious problem and to take space away from him and that she would do the best she could to help us with CSAT therapy.
I was ready to go to couples counseling very soon to work on this. But the whole time I’ve been contemplating if it’s even worth it. If he’s already gaslit me about everything before trying to recover, how will he be during actual recovery? At this point, I think he must stop watching porn entirely due to how addicted he seems to be from my perspective. It doesn’t feel like he will ever be able to do that. We’re not married, we’re both young, and we both have our whole lives ahead of us.
It was once he texted me that he suddenly wants to move out next week, no plan, just straight move out because all of this is happening that I chose to break it off with him. Our plan was to move in together, but I immediately felt all loss of trust when he chose to make this decision without me due to me confronting him about a porn addiction. I’ve always felt uncomfortable about the thought of moving in with him due to my lack of trust in him because of these issues. I had never really revealed that I knew he was lying all this time until very recently. He has shown no remorse, has given no apologies, blamed it on his anxiety, taken no accountability for his actions or how he has affected me for so long, and says that it’s entirely up to the therapy to teach him how to do these things. Even after I begged his mom to take it easy on him, and kept telling him that I just want him to believe in himself. I feel like I still love him, and will always love him. I may still go to therapy with him as well, but not with the intention of preventing separation. At this point, I feel like it’s more up to him to stop this behavior for himself. I know this has been a very long post, but it’s been a very long process in feeling okay again. I appreciate everyone on this sub for being so supportive of each other, and would appreciate response and advice from you guys when considering this situation I’m in. I just want to be happy with myself again, despite everything that happened between us.

Hello everyone!! This theory has two parts as said in the title. The first one about what the D. means and the second one is about how I think Luffy and Imu are each others counterparts, simbolizing dreams vs nightmares, and how Imu´s surname "Nerona" takes inspiration on emperor Nero and what lies behind that inspiration with Imu´s possible fruit, hope you guys like it!!!
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FIRST THEORY: The clan of the "Dreamers"
Following chapter 1085, Oda has given us some information about the possible meaning of the "D.", after showing us the conversation between King Cobra and Imu sama. While these dialogues have not directly revealed what it means, he does seem to have specified with certainty that the "D." is not a family name of a particular family or dynasty, but is actually a moniker according to TCB's translation.
If we take this premise of the moniker I believe that the meaning of the "D." could be an adjective that was given to those who fit within that moniker.
An important fact I should mention to try to give substance to the theory is to recall Oda's use of anglicisms in One Piece, the most well known to all being the revelation that Raftel (Rafuteru) was really "Laugh Tale". To mention some of the most significant anglicisms within the very many that exist, we can name the Levely, which we all knew as Reverie (the change is confirmed in chapter 905, it is seen in the flag of a man in the background) or the case of Joy Boy's title.
I make a disclaimer here that, despite using the romanization of Japanese, I know nothing about Japanese; but it is true that as simple readers many of us, with or without knowledge of Japanese, have seen a certain tendency of Oda to play with words and their possible meanings. Thanks to people like Artur - Library of Ohara, fans who do not understand Japanese can be informed of these nuances that enrich One Piece.
From the beginning of One Piece we see how dreams are very important in the story, with each of the Mugiwaras having a dream to fulfill, in addition to the famous and mysterious dream of Luffy and Roger that Oda keeps up his sleeve. Let us also remember one of the most famous quotes said by Kurohige himself "A man's dream will never die". It is well known that dreams are one of the pivots of the story.
Therefore, joining the knowledge about the "D." as a moniker, the use of English words directly used by Oda to "mislead", and the great importance that dreams have in the story of One Piece and its characters, I believe that the meaning of the "D." could well hide the adjective "Dreamers". The famous clan of "D." could actually be the clan of the Dreamers, not as a genealogical lineage, but as a distinctive in the form of a moniker given to the people who came from the Great Kingdom/Ancient Kingdom (Kyodai na Ōkoku) that perished during the void century. It could also directly mean "Dream" but I opt more for the "Dreamers" option.
To explain why I think the "D." has this meaning, I will first comment facts that we know 100%, for having already appeared in One Piece, and then the part of my own imagination.
As we know so far the "D." that have appeared and have been important in the story, have great and ambitious dreams for which they fight. As an example of this we have the dream of Xebec, who wanted to be the King of the world; or that of Kurohige who aspires to be the king of pirates and found a pirate nation recognized as such by the World Government; and well, as I mentioned, earlier the dreams of Roger and Luffy, which although unknown, it is clear that they must be big and imaginative dreams by the reactions they have provoked to those to whom they have been revealed.
Why Dreamers? To answer this question I will first quote what Vega Punk said in chapter 1069, which although it is the character's own theory and not a definitive explanation, I am of the opinion that it can serve as a basis:
“- We owe all ther is to desire (dreams)!! For instance the devil fruits!!
Each devil fruit embodies a different wish (dreamt) someone had for our evolution.
“If only I could do X… It´d be great if Y were possible”.
The powers actulize these sentiments, showcasing potential futures for humanity.
Of course, since they cause unnatural aberrations they earn the ire of mother nature… the sea itself. Such blasphemy cannot go unchecked.
Those who have eaten a fruit face a totally alien reality born from boundless imaginatiom!!
That´s my theory at least, whether you believe there´s a god out there or not… (i will explain the idea of maybe Nika isn´t a god but a man from the Great Kingdom) … one thing´s for sure, we live in a wondrous world!!
And as he finishes by saying, that is his theory but it is not something fully proven.
It could be that in the Old Kingdom they reached such advanced technology in general, and specifically in genetic scientific research, that from the dream or the thought of desiring they could make fire (mera mera no mi) or become x animal (zoan), they experimented until imbuing those abilities into fruits (like Vegapunk does, but perfecting the process), which they could then eat and alter their base DNA, mixing it with the chosen ability. This idea of creating fruits that genetically modify people by eating them to achieve x or y ability would come from imagination, from dreams.
The people of the Old Kingdom perhaps traveled throughout the world and visited different islands, both inside and outside the Grand Line, and those who came from the Old Kingdom, being users of "Akuma no mi" and having abilities that would seem impossible, fantastic or divine to the people of these primitive people (when I say primitive I mean that they were less technologically advanced, as may be a stage similar to the middle ages, for example), were at first deified. The case of the Sun God Nika, who could have been a normal human being but with the abilities of the gomu gomu no mi or hito hito no mi, could be a perfect example of that possibility. In the eyes of people who were not from the Ancient Kingdom he would appear to be a God, provoking smiles and happiness in the places he visited and carrying the hopes and dreams of the people. If we think about it, it also makes sense in our context. In One Piece we already have internalized the idea that supernatural powers exist, that there is a reason for them, but if someone appeared today with the power to create earthquakes, fire or light out of nothing, without knowing where those abilities come from, he would be a supernatural being in our eyes; in the eyes of ancient civilizations, a God.
It is worth making reference here also to the theory of evemerism, either because of the possibility that Oda was inspired by it for his representation of religious cultures in One Piece, or simply as a tool to understand the vision of the gods that is being proposed. Evemerus of Messene was a 4th century B.C. thinker who proposed in his work the possibility that what classical culture considered gods were nothing more than mortals who gained great prominence in their society. He argues that figures such as Zeus or Cronus could thus be ancient rulers of another civilization, and that their divinity would be an idealized memory by society of them, exaggerating their attributes and greatness. Thus, Zeus would have been only a revered king. In essence, evemerism is the search for a "rational" explanation of the divine.
In One Piece we see several cases where a certain character is shown for a particular culture at first, as one who possesses divine powers when in reality this conception is only given due to a lack of knowledge about the origin of his powers. The most obvious case is that of Enel, who in the eyes of the Shandians is a God, but only because of ignorance and low presence of the akuma no mi in Skypea.
An example of this deification in reality would be the first impression that the pre-Columbian people had with the arrival of the Spanish armies, thinking at first, (although this thought did not last long) when they saw them mounted on horses with shining armor and guns that shot fire, that they must have been gods. And we already know how much Oda likes to take real historical references for inspiration.
This relationship between the people of the Old Kingdom and the "primitive" kingdoms could be maintained over the centuries allowing the "primitives" to become familiar with the unknown of those who came from the Old Kingdom, perhaps they even came to mix and have joint offspring, but the first writings deifying them would have already been captured in the history of One Piece, passing from legend to myth. The reality would have been distorted by the different versions of the different civilizations that would have been told from generation to generation, undergoing the modifications of each culture, as it happens in reality with the historical evolution and being in the end the person of Nika considered the God of the Sun.
So, if we accept that the members of the Old Kingdom may have been seen as gods, perhaps they taught them their knowledge as a gift and showed the reason why devil fruits were created. It may be that at that time the akuma no mi were called by another, less derogatory name, instead of "devil fruits". The name "clan of the Dreamers" could then be because they were people who believed in the improvement of human evolution and with the power to materialize what they dreamt and desired into a fruit that would provide the desired abilities. For example, the dream of wanting to cure and save people's lives would have been the origin of the ope ope no mi. It is also possible that people from kingdoms with a more backdated technologi, transmitted their dreams to members of the ancient kingdom and the Dreamers, as a gift, created the appropriate fruit to achieve such dream, thus forging a reputation that motivated them to be assigned a nickname, the Dreamers, for being able to materialize dreams.
Therefore, I think it is a possibility that "the clan of the Dreamers" was the moniker that less advanced kingdoms gave to the people coming from the Old Kingdom. Perhaps the "D.reamers" first introduced them to the akuma no mi and told them that they came from their imagination, ideas and dreams.
Likewise I also believe it would make sense of another mystery of the story, "the inherited will of the D." Will is something that only people possess, and the idea of inheriting implies that something is also necessarily received from a person. This interpretation would be in contrast to the possibility that the "D." stands for "Dawn" (which is also an interesting theory, and one that I would equally like if it were the final meaning), since a concept or natural phenomenon such as dawn, which has no will and cannot be inherited, fits less in my opinion, than the idea that inheritance could be that of ideals or principles passed from one civilization to another.
Regarding the reason why the word Dreamers stayed in the initial D. I think it was the way they chose for those who defied the 20 kingdoms, to recognize each other but also so that the enemy did not, it would be the same thing that happens with the tattoo on the ankle of the people faithful to the kozuki clan in Wano.
In short, I think the clan of the Dreamers would be formed by the people of the Old Kingdom, and the inherited will of the Dreamers would be the will of the people who pursue and fight to make the world a better place, people whose ideals include the pursuit of freedom and happiness of all people throughout the world of One Piece, and thus bringing the eventual dawn of the world, as said in Lili´s card.
Pd: this is a part that I don't quite know how to substantiate, but going back to Oda's puns, the word "dream" in Japanese would be pronounced "dorIMU" (meaning "Mu" emptiness in Japanese), and it could be a kind of very vague interpretation that "Imu" or "Mu" (as he/she calls him/herself), was the one who betrayed the Dreamers' clan. He/she would then be "the void" that absorbed all the dreams and hopes of humanity by ending the said Clan.
​
SECOND THEORY: Luffy vs Imu, and Imu´s devil fruit
Connecting with my theory that the D. stands for Dreamers, I see a clear antithesis between Luffy and Imu that I will try to explain below.
Luffy being the Sun God Nika, personifies happiness, freedom, hopes and dreams while Imu symbolizes the opposite, terror, oppression and in my opinion also nightmares. It is very interesting to highlight how while Luffy is free and travels around the world living adventures and being happy, on the other hand, Imu despite being the king of the world and having all the power, is someone who is hidden from the world, imprisoned in his own room without anyone knowing of his existence.
From here I will give my opinion on what Imu's fruit may be after seeing chapters 1085 and 1086.
The first option is that Im's fruit is the "akumu no mi", the fruit of nightmares. I believe in this idea because of the design Oda has drawn for the manifestation of Imu's powers, a formless being, full of darkness that engulfs the whole empty throne room. In addition akumu contains the same kanji as Mu (as Imu calls himself), whose meaning besides nothingness or emptiness, can be translated as dream, And what would be the antithesis of dreams? Nightmares, which would be what could symbolize Imu, in front of Luffy as symbol of the dreams, and this fits very well with the idea that the clan of the Dreamers would be the natural enemy of the nightmare (Imu or Mu). Therefore the first option would be the nightmare against the dreams.
The second option is that Imu would directly have the akuma no mi, the devil fruit as such. While in chapter 1085 there are times when Imu's power is blurred and formless, in other panels we have been able to see the shape of an arrow-tipped tail and sharp teeth. It is mainly because of the arrow-tipped tail that I think it could be the akuma no mi. To substantiate this theory I have to refer to the possible full name of Im revealed in this last chapter 1086.
Saint Imu of the house Nerona. The surname Nerona could be inspired by the Roman emperor Nero, whose reign is associated with tyranny and extravagance, being the architect of a series of systematic executions and a relentless persecution of Christians. It is for this last reason, that in a book of the Bible, the number of the beast (666) is associated to the emperor Nero being considered the devil. Therefore, if the surname Nerona comes from this emperor, the idea that Imu has the akuma no mi is quite feasible. Below in brackets, I leave the long explanation of this, but if you don't want to read it you don't need to. Then follow it up with a third possibility about Imu's power.
[In the Apocalypse of St. John, Rome is criticized in a veiled way for its persecution of the Christian population, and in this book the Beast (which had 7 heads, like the 7 hills on which Rome was settled) is mentioned, represented by the number 666 (or 616 as well). The specific quote is "He that hath understanding, let him calculate the number of the Beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is 666". The Greeks and Hebrews at that time used gematria, that is, the assignment of a numerical value to each letter of the alphabet. So, the sum of the Hebrew letters of "Caesar Nero" adds up to exactly 666. And therefore, Nero is the Beast/the devil who wants to destroy the world].
The third possibility is that Imu, like Kurohige, has more than one devil fruit and perhaps has both akuma no mi, akumu no mi, devil and nightmare fruits, again being the complete antithesis of Luffy, having on the one hand the God of Dreams and the Devil of Nightmares Imu.

There was little food in the house when they checked. Of course, since Paul's parents were away, it made sense. No point leaving a lot of comestibles in an empty house.
"We have two cans of beans, a little flour, and a half-loaf of weird diet bread in the refrigerator," Paul said.
"Guess we might have to go for supplies," Nick nodded.
"Or we could beg from Old Trefont."
At that moment, a knock at the kitchen window drew their attention. There was the caretaker himself, as if Paul's mention had made him appear.
"Hullo," Paul grinned, and hurried to open the window.
"Made some calls," Trefont grunted. "You'll need some food and things. Should all be delivered by tonight."
"Ta, man."
The old man rolled his eyes.
"Well, I supposed you young people wouldn't'a thought to arrange that. He eat real things yet?"
Trefont pointed a crooked old finger toward Danny, and Paul nodded.
"Mostly, yeah."
"Good. Didn't order any o' that pre-made baby stuff. Your mother always made yours herself, though I s'pose no one does that now."
Spinning on his heels, Old Trefont wandered back off to his cottage, grumbling as always. Paul laughed softly and closed the window.
"Your mum made your baby food?" Nick asked.
"Sure. Did yours?"
"Most of the time, unless there was a deal on the tinned stuff. I just figured, with a place like this..."
"Figure I grew up with servants or something?"
"Yeah," Nick said, and lifted Danny up to stand on the kitchen table.
"We had a cleaning woman that came 'round. When my sister and I were really young, there was a lady who helped look after us, and my dad had a live-in secretary..."
"Oooh, do tell."
"Not much to tell," Paul laughed. "Ken was like an uncle. My dad... I know what people think when they hear secretary, but Ken was most a general assistant, I guess. Helped Dad with correspondence, taking messages, packing Dad's work to be shipped for exhibitions..."
"I think I get it," Nick said. "I was just bein' funny an' all."
"I know. I... Well, I'm just sort of protective of my parents. They're both... They never fit in a lot, from what I gather. Always people gossiping, presuming things 'cos they did art stuff. But they're good folks, really. They were the best parents."
For a while there in the kitchen, silence reigned. At last, Nick spoke up again.
"How come, if your parents are artists, they have so much money?"
"Hmm? Oh, it's old family stuff. Mum comes from a long line of financiers and successful architects."
"An' your dad?"
"Descended from an acknowledged by-blow of the penultimate Viscount Ellys of Ellysmoor, Eglosbray, Cornwall."
The usage made Nick grin.
"Ya say it that way every time?"
"Mm-hmm. As does Dad, as has every ancestor probably going all the way back to said by-blow."
"So. You're kinda nobility, in a way."
Paul shrugged.
"Not legally, of course. We have no real claims. But the Viscount who fathered my ancestor did leave money for the bastard in his will, and then the last Viscount Ellys did the same."
"The last viscount being..."
"Half-brother to the bastard. The last viscount died young, without issue, and there went the title and all. Extinct."
"STINKED!" Danny cried, apparently deciding he needed a place in the conversation.
"Exactly," Paul agreed, "all very stinked."
Previous Chapter Table of Contents

Hello,
This post will probably sound strange and contradictory at times, since this is a big thing that's been part of me forever, yet doesn't make sense at times.
To start with, the title is the best description I can find, namely that I believe I'm incredibly obsessed with myself and my own well-being, while giving little to no care to others, even if they have some degree of relationship with me. I never paid it much thought because frankly, I always though this was natural human behavior, and it's more "abnormal" to see people who are openly compassionate towards others. But recently I've felt like that belief no longer holds.
So, in order to describe more of this. It's something about myself that's been around so long that for me it feels like a natural part of myself, and not exactly to be corrected. I'm not selfish to the point I'd throw someone else under the bus in my favor, but if someone else throws that person under the bus, I won't be inclined to help them. I don't really feel much compassion for other people, and I noticed that everything I attempt is geared towards my own satisfaction. I want to learn something new, to feel good about myself, or to receive praise from others for doing something great. I still seek out relationships with other people, not because I am inclined to know and understand them, but because I require social contact or I'll literally go insane.
I mentioned this would sound contradictory, because despite all this focus on myself above anyone else, I'm actually doing far worse off than you'd think. I dropped out of college, I've only found work twice in these 10 years, and neither lasted more than a year, I often cut off contact with people I knew, my many attempts to work self-improvement have been half-hearted, the initial spur of motivation always died out, and I've been back to square one so many times. Now I'm almost 30, and aside from having become far more insightful and able to control and understand some of my emotions, it feels like nothing has changed since I was 18.
I live this near hermit lifestyle, always on my computer. I have a friend who I talk to often online, but even he feels like a social crutch I need since I don't have any other friends, and I don't really care about all of his life events (many of which are positive, at least which he tells me), and in fact I even get a bit annoyed, but I still show basic decency of encouraging him and feigning interest because I don't want to lose this friend. I also live with my mother, I lost my father 10 years ago, and all this time I live with her, I dread the eventual day I will lose her too, and the part that makes me feel a bit sick, is that I dread it because this means I will lose my main means of sustaining myself, and I have no more future once she's gone.
The point of all this is that I'm confused about these feelings, yet I can't quite grasp what it means to be genuinely compassionate or caring towards another human being, without wanting to satisfy your own ego. Is there someone who understands or even has a very similar mindset to mine? Is there a reason behind these things? I just want to understand more of this mindset, and I think this is the best place I could post without facing judgment for my thoughts.

My husband and I are look for a new house, and are wondering how much we can afford.
We both are in our early 40s, we work as civil servants with permanent jobs, including DB pension plans. Husband makes $105 000 and I make $75 000 (plus a bonification of $5000 per year, but I don't count it in my income as I don't know how long it will last). Household income is $180 000. No kids, no plan for kids. We have 2 car payments for a total of $850 per month (one is a lease). No other debt or obligations.
We currently own a semi-detached house, bought in 2016 for $245 000 (we owe $195 000). On our street, all houses are basically identical and 3 houses sold within the last couple of months for $305 000 to $319 000. Our house probably fall in the middle of that (roof is 5 years old, water heater is new, we added central air, basement is fully finished but the kitchen is dated). As of totay, we would walk out with $100 000 to 115 000 to use as a cash down on the new house.
We are looking for a house outside the city. We live in a LCOL area (bungalows are around $350 000). We want more land and no neighbors. We don't mind a longer commute as we go to work in person less than once per week.
Our bank says we can afford $600 000. I think it's crazy. We are thinking about something in the $400 000 to $450 000 range. If you can't tell, we are risk adverse and pretty conservative.

Blackout subs are fine as a temporary push, but do you know what's really driving the changes around reddit these days?
Your content.
All of us add invaluable content to the reddit servers, which the company is leveraging for wealth at our own expense.
It seems to me that the solution is easy: delete your content. Delete your comments, delete your posts. Remove your own work that build reddit's wealth.
In my experience no one engages with content more than few days old, so what do you gain from having posts and comments from years ago, long-buried and forgotten for us but still generating traffic from Google searches?
If reddit wants to charge an obscene amount of money for third party apps to access our content, then I say we make reddit pay for that content. Tell you what, reddit: You pay me for any posts or comments I make that stay on the site longer than a week, and if not, I'll remove it.
Gut the fat beast, take your power back, delete your content.

You are seeing a counselor. You decide to stop seeing the counselor. You are polite and let them know to cancel your future appointments. They respond with asking about it and wanting to talk about it.
So, therapy is supposed to be about boundaries, only discussing what you want and it is a customer service relationship. If I decide I'm done seeing you, that's it. I no more expect Kroger to call me if I decide to stop shopping there or shopping somewhere else so why do you feel entitled to drag me in for a conference? Sure, they may ask, but I find it super annoying, especially coming from that field. Like if I wanted to discuss it with you I already would have. Or may be you did something that made me so uncomfortable or even was unethical why on earth would I put myself at risk talking to you again? Or, sure, let me take the therapist role and do your work for you and help you get better at your job. Unless someone offers to talk about it, accept their decision and leave them alone.

I've been asking about this exact same issue for so long, but seems like no one here has an answer to it (or maybe simple don't care)
Oh and before rushing typing your prejudge, I have enough RAM. I don't think my RAM is the cause. Maybe the chrome itself that's installed on my device? My chrome version is 114.0.5735.110 (Official Build) (64-bit)
Anyone has similar issue like mine, or mabye anyone knows how to at least diminish the annoying random crashes to happen... I'll really appreciate that.

Hello all, so (22F) I am in a tough situation. I got accepted to a university 800 miles away from home 2 years ago during covid and moved down here with some good friends from home. Well, when I moved it was during covid and i was locked in the house for a couple years before they allowed classes to go back in person. During that time, a lot of my friends including the ones I moved down with went back home. I was extremely depressed because I was lonely and literally knew no one. I ended up getting accepted into a nursing school separate from my university I moved down here for and have been going for a few months. There are 8 modules until graduation from the program and I am going into module 3.
I met my BF down here and his family and unfortunately, his mother is super mentally ill and has been very abusive to the both of us mentally and emotionally out of nowhere. Because of this I will probably be leaving my bf after a year (there’s a lot to it) of us being together. I’m afraid to do this because if we break up, I literally have nobody at all. All my friends moved, etc.. where i am is a very small town and i’m just afraid. If an emergency happens I have nobody. I’ve been extremely depressed because of the abuse i’ve suffered from my bfs family and the stress of being in nursing school with no support.. i just feel so alone. I’ve put on 100 pounds because i’m constantly stressed and just so depressed… I went and visited my hometown and family for two weeks and my family members were sick to see how i looked and just how depressed i am and my sister talked to me and told me to think about maybe moving back home and finishing in my hometown with all my family and friends. My mom is afraid I’ll have regrets but is also worried too since they’re so far away. Covid just really ruined my college experience.
I’ve looked at programs at home and there is an LVN program I can apply to and start next January at home. It is cheaper, and being at home I wouldn’t have to pay rent and save lots of money. I would get my rn while working as an lvn and in the future come back and get my bsn at the university i would be leaving. Id hate to leave my nursing program but I miss my family, Im lonely and depressed and being home for the two weeks was the best i've felt in a very very long time and I even lost some weight because i wasn't stress eating. My mother isn’t exactly on board with me moving home because she said everything i’ve done up to this point including moving here would be in vain even though i feel that it wouldn’t. I’ve been here for almost 3 years completely on my own, paying rent, bought my first car, got into nursing school. etc.. i’ve persevered my struggles the whole time i’ve been here. i’m just tired now and really need my family..
Thoughts?

throwaway account obviously, sorry about the gross name haha!!
so long story short, my older brother has been friends with this dude since forever, they grew up together etc and are pretty close. I’ve hung out more than a couple times with him and my brother, nothing one on one.
I’ve gotten to know him a little better and he is honestly so funny, attractive, and intelligent. he is single with occasional girlfriends but nothing serious.
we get along really well and can keep a conversation going despite the age difference. I know this is said a lot but I am mature for my age and a lot of people comment on it, even my parents. I am in college for a job close to graduating, and I already have a good job. I drive too.
he has a good career going as well.
so my brother has even joked, saying that if I was a little bit older he would try to get me and his friend together.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I am genuinely interested but I have no idea how to make a move without making things awkward… we text occasionally, and he is always happy to talk to me but I don’t want to overstep any boundaries, and I can’t tell if he’s just being friendly or if he would potentially date me. I want to ask my brother about it but I’m afraid if I do he will tell him. Idk.
I think I may be too young and he could never see me in that way, but who knows. I have massive feelings for him and I’m going to be upset once he finds a girlfriend which is why I want to make a move. I wish I was a bit older so the age gap stigma wasn’t being affected here.
Advice appreciated !:) tysm

Obligatory this happened in 2019 and I have been feeling the results since then.
So I was in the process of moving from the US to the Netherlands in the summer of 2019. I went on vacation with my family to Turin, Italy. I was shopping by myself and I stopped into Celio, a mens fashion/clothing store. I saw a pink pair of shorts, made of cotton and linen, which I loved. The pair of shorts came with a braided belt. I bought a size S.
I wasn't happy with the waist sizing when I got home (I don't know why, I was stupid. I tried it in store, obviously). The next day I happened to be going to Genoa. I decided to go to the store in Genoa to return the correct sized short, and get M-sized pants. They didn't fit me (but I was stupid, I tried it in-store) and got them. I think the belt affected how I perceived the fit of the pants. But at that point I was too embarrassed to say "no, I will stick with the small" as I was being personally taken care of, and I didnt want to go to the store in Turin again as it would be even more embarrassing. Again, I'm stupid.
Because the pants were too big, I had my grandma stitch up the sides by collapsing the excess fabric over one another to decrease the waist size. It was actually quite nicely done, and you couldn't tell it was stitched up unless if you saw it from up close. Because I am so bright, I decided to cut off the tag that gives info about the shirt, most importantly the product ID/reference number. I have no idea why I did that. Let me re-iterate, I am as dumb as a brick.
​
My grandma's stitches started to rip recently (the normal stitching is just fine, I am surprised how long it was able to last, considering that I wore it quite often during the summer, but I always knew that it was the incorrect size and I always felt a bit stupid wearing sown up shorts). I tried to find the shorts on the website to buy a new pair in size S but I couldn't find them. I spent hours looking for a pair on the internet until I found a pair on Vinted. I sent the customer support an email, with a link to the Vinted page, but they couldn't do much without the reference number, that I cut off forever ago. So I bought the pair of shorts (they are the incorrect size so that's why I didn't buy it before emailing support, and maybe they could help me by just having a picture of the shorts, so I wouldn't have to spend money).
So I spent 15e or so to have it shipped to me, but now I have the reference number, I sent them a follow-up email, and waiting for a response.
I will update this post when I get an email response.
​
TL;DR: I bought a pair of shorts from Celio in 2019. Originally the correct size, then stupidly swapped it to a larger size. Because it was too big, my grandma sowed the waist to fit my waist size. I also cut off the product reference tags. Now I want to buy a new pair, but eventually found the shorts on Vinted after HOURS of searching. Customer service can't help me based of just a photo of the pants until I get the product number. So I spent 15e to buy the wrong sized shorts just to get the product number and I am waiting for the email back. Will update after I get an email response.

I've been bleeding since about the first week of February and it has not really stopped since. I've had no cramps nor discomfort. My periods have always been pretty regular, sometimes early but never late nor a missed one. I haven't been bleeding too heavy, just normal with regular clotting. It has slowed down to almost nonexistent (very light pink when I wiped) for a couple weeks here and there but it starts right back up again to that bright/dark red and clotting. I know this isn't normal but I have CRIPPLING anxiety and I'm sooo scared of going to the doctors and ending up with horrible news. I also don't have insurance nor a lot of money to just pay upfront. I'm so scared and at a loss. My partner believed it to be from stress because I'm constantly stressed but obviously there is no telling as it could be so many things.. I also noticed after I got covid (I have long covid too) that my periods were a bit more out of wack but idk if that actually would have any effect on your period or not... I just don't know what to do because besides me being deathly afraid of the doctors, there is the money/no insurance issue... any advice or something, please

37 m, bent out of shape, but decent weight. Wanted to drop some weight for the older shirts. Got an inguinal hernia playing sports Got a double laparoscopy and fixed a small umbilical one that I had for 10 years, was not evolving but it was painful when I hiked.
Surgery was fine - mesh, but there were a lot of things I had to google or go through and adding anxiety to it was less fun.

1. Pain - meh - all i got was Ibuprofen 400mg, but really rarely at night more to sleep well. Had worse sore muscles
2. Weird pain as shit settled. The ileoinguinal nerve was shooting some lightning. It died down gradually over 2 weeks.
3. Gut woke up slow. Gum helped a lot. It was unusual, my bowels were swiss clock exact before.
4. Scared about incisional hernia after. Found out it was a shit lipoma 10 years old literally acting like a cap on the ombilical one. Doc said remove it if it causes discomfort.
5. Afraid my junk was acting weird, back to the past level morning wood. Actually I think the inguinal hernia started long before but never hurt until the sports accident. I feel much better than I did before lol. I thought it was age and stress taking its toll.
6. Have not overeaten in a while. Turns out I was overdoing eating due to stress. Feel better now, and, ironically lost decent weight.

1.2 months in the lipoma is miiiild discomfort rarely. No pain, no other weird stuff.
Sad to read a lot of stories around insurance and not finding doctors. I live in a shit country but got the surgery for free.

If you find yourself spending 30+ hours a week playing video games and realize how much of a waste of time it truly is, it's time to take control and embark on a journey of personal growth.
Imagine the possibilities if those 30+ hours were dedicated to learning a new skill or pursuing meaningful activities for an entire year.
I once found myself in a similar situation, and I made the decision to quit gaming completely, cutting it out cold turkey. I deleted all my games and reset my progress to remove any temptation or triggers.
However, this isn't the first time I've attempted to quit gaming.
I learned a valuable lesson from my previous attempt: simply quitting without a plan or replacement activity often leads to relapse.
After a few weeks of feeling lost and unsure of what to do with my newfound free time, I fell back into the trap of gaming, playing for hours once again.
I realized that to break free from the addiction, I needed to replace gaming with something else that would gradually transform my life. This could be anything from going to the gym, working out at home, learning a high-value skill, or engaging in hobbies that contribute to personal growth.
Treating life as a video game, where the goal is to level up in real-life endeavors, can be an effective mindset shift.
Instead of spending countless hours gaming, I committed myself to learning a high-value skill. By replacing my gaming time with productive activities.
One strategy that has greatly helped me is using a structured schedule. I fill up my Google Calendar with tasks related to my goals, ensuring I allocate time for studying copywriting or any other skill I aim to develop. This not only keeps me accountable but also provides a sense of direction and purpose.
So, If you're ready to break free from a video game addiction and take charge of your life, I'm here to unveil four proven strategies that can help you on your journey towards quitting video games to pursue your journey in personal growth, transformation, and success.

1. Set Clear Goals: Start by defining your long-term goals and the areas of your life you want to focus on, such as career, relationships, health, or personal growth. This will help you prioritize your time and energy towards achieving these goals.
2. Find Meaningful Alternatives: Explore activities and hobbies that align with your interests and goals. Engage in activities that promote physical fitness, enhance creativity, or contribute to personal growth. By replacing gaming with fulfilling alternatives, you'll develop new skills and passions that make your life more enjoyable.
3. Create a Structured Schedule: Establish a daily or weekly schedule that includes specific time slots for work or study, physical exercise, social activities, hobbies, and personal development. Stick to this schedule as much as possible to maintain a routine and stay productive. Tools like Google Calendar can help you organize your tasks effectively.
4. Celebrate Progress: Recognize and celebrate each small step you take towards overcoming your gaming addiction and becoming more productive. No matter how small the achievement may seem, acknowledging your progress will keep you motivated. Remember, personal growth is a journey, and every milestone is worth celebrating.

Remember to be patient with yourself throughout this process. It won't be easy, but by employing these strategies, setting your sights on success, forging a network of supportive individuals, and empowering yourself, the process will be 10x easier.
Remember: Quitting cold turkey is great, but you need to replace it with something else.

I relapsed 2 days ago June 7th while on a 150+ days streak, it wasn't a binge and I didn't fap to porn I woke up on hard and you know how that went cus im here typing this.
But this is crazy I never wanna relapse again. LITERALLY the day after the relapse people on my team disrespecting me, people at the school started to talk to me any typa way. Coaches yelling at me, people coming up to me and insulting me for no reason, Mom got up and came into my room and started yelling at me. (All these things never happened to me while I was on my long streak) Everything that could go wrong went wrong. I dont feel as confident in my abilities as a player.
I'm wondering how long until im back to normal and all the magnetism and stuff comes back. I came off a long streak of 150+ days and I didn't binge. I know what I did wrong and Ill fix it.

Not blaming phenibut only but I was using phenibut and kratom for about 3 years daily. Average probably 5gpd of phen towards the end, 30 gpd of kratom too.
Severe restless legs especially during night, couldn't sleep for days, worst imaginable anxiety, severe anhedonia, constant urge to pee from urine retention. Afraid to go outside. Mind racing with negativity while not being able to sleep.
Long story short I cut myself multiple times with a blunt kitchen knife about 2 weeks ago. Also swallowed capful of toilet cleaner. I'm currently in a psych / mental health ward.
Never did anything like that before. Just occasional intrusive thoughts of suicide. I saw no way out cos I knew the doctors or my family wouldn't know what phen or kratom were.
Had severe anhedonia for a few weeks before that despite still taking phen and kratom
I was trying to taper both but I wasn't sticking too it properly.
Worst part was at the time I felt extreme coldness towards what it would do to my family if I succeeded. Was like I didn't care at the time. Was singly focused on ending my suffering
After I was fixed up in the hospital was brought to a psych ward who prescribed low dose baclofen for a few days, among some other drugs.
Then after a few days I was transferred to another mental health place closer to my home. Here they refused to prescribe me baclofen, just valium.
It's been a living hell for someone with social anxiety, haven't slept properly for about 10 days.
Just a warning to not be dumb like me
Still second guessing myself if it wasn't another substance I'd stopped talking like magnesium glycinate or vitamin c. Suppose I'll never know

Previous Chapter - Read 10 weeks ahead on Patreon - Read the story so far on Royal Road
*
Chapter Thirteen - Bridge Over Swift Water (Part II)
​
The cottage beside the mill was not large, and its low ceilings were packed with all manner of cupboards, shelves, chairs and tables, pressed in against the walls in a maze of well-worn clutter. The result was a rather overcrowded space, and Ren was forced to take more care than usual so as not to bump into anything when they entered, but the hearth was broad, and the smell of cooking filled the air, so it did not take long to settle into a comfortable lull of pleasant talk around the table whilst they waited for their lunch. Ted's wife, a young, slender woman with dark, smiling eyes and shoulder-length fair hair, hurried about the fire busily, stirring and seasoning her pots with a methodical efficiency. A mug arrived for each of them (water for the boys, something stronger for Ted), and they talked for a time of small things, of the weather and the harvest, hoping for a mild winter, idle talk for idle minds. Even Trin seemed to have relaxed in the lazy firelight, though he was more quiet than usual. Ren thought of how scared he had been of the miller as a boy, remembering the fearsome man with his scarred neck and deep voice that had raked their dinner table at the farm with his dark eyes. It was a memory that fit the man beside him about as well as a child’s boot might fit its fathers. He started to feel a little guilty for avoiding him, whenever he visited the farm.
‘Heard you were heading to Overwood, last week.’
Ren blinked, looking up from the fire to find Ted watching him over his mug. He swallowed.
‘Took a cart to the market with grandfather.’
‘How is the old goat?’
Ren hesitated. ‘He’s… he’s well.’
Ted took a swig of his ale, not a little wistfully. ‘Used to live up there, you know. Overwood, I mean. After the soldiering, when the Black Breath took my Da. Coughed up his own lungs, ‘fore it got ‘im. Always was a scrapper. Not easy, losing someone like that.’
Ren swallowed, looking away, and the miller’s eyes softened.
‘Your Ma, too, boy, I know. Damn shame.’ he said apologetically, and Ren decided not to correct him. ‘Long time before I came out here, anyways.’
‘You fought in the war?’ Trin asked tentatively.
‘I fought in the rebellion, boy.’ Ted corrected him. ‘Was only one King, back then.’
Trin swallowed, looking at the floor.
‘But that was a long time ago now. Afore you were born, I reckon. Not a lot of work for soldiers in peacetime. Must have dug half the privies in Overwood before I earned the coin to up sticks.'
‘Earned?’ Werla snorted from beside the fire, cheeks dimpling. ‘Swindled, more like.’
Ren looked over at her. He had always thought her a little young for the old miller. He was well past forty, and with his weathered brow and ugly scar he was hardly an obvious match for a pretty young girl not long from twenty when they had wed a couple of summers back. He wondered, not for the first time, how they had fallen in together to begin with.
‘Now, don't be giving our guests the wrong idea.’ Ted told her, grinning, and the scar on his neck knotted. He turned back to the boys, holding up his hands earnestly. ‘An honest game of chance, I swear it. Northerner, he was, didn't know dice from a pebble.’
Ren and Trin both nodded sagely at his explanation, neither of them knowing one jot about dice, or gambling, or Northerners, for that matter. Werla swept to their rescue, appearing at the miller's shoulder and planting a kiss on his cheek.
‘Swindled.’ she said pointedly.
Ted smiled in spite of himself, shooing her away. She chuckled and turned back to the stew, humming softly to herself.
‘I hear there’s a lot of new folk in town.’ Ted said, turning back to the boys. ‘From up in the Stonelands.’
‘Enough to notice.’ Ren replied, thinking of the unpleasantness on the road. He frowned. ‘Unfriendly types.’
‘Been a while since I made it over that way. Couple of winters back, now.’ He frowned thoughtfully, then smiled in Werla’s direction. ‘A lot can change in two years, though.’
Werla looked up, flashing him a smile, then went back to her stew pot again, humming. The miller paused, scratching at his scar, then gave the boys a curious look. ‘So, then. What brings you out this far?’
Ren lowered his eyes, and Trin shifted uncomfortably beside him. Ted laughed, weathered face creasing into a smile.
‘Come now.’ he told them. ‘Can’t hardly turn you over to your grandfather from here, can I?’
Ren swallowed. ‘We were just out for a ride…’
‘Mister Derin told us never to cross the bridge.’ Trin finished for him, scowling. ‘He said it was too far from the farm. Not safe, he said. So of course that’s exactly where Ren has to go. We’ll be in for it when we get back!’
‘You didn't have to come, Trin.’ Ren told his friend patiently. He thought of his grandfather’s old map, carved with rivers and mountains and cities in dark ink. The Swiftwater wasn’t even big enough to merit a line, and the distance they’d travelled this morning wouldn’t be more than a nails-breadth.
‘Well you didn't tell me where we were going.’ Trin replied, fidgeting nervously. His fingers twisted around a stray tear in his shirt, tugging at it. ‘And besides... Hardly going to let you go running off on your own. Too risky. It's not safe this far from the farm, for you most of all, so they says.’
‘Who’s they?’ Ren asked, scowling.
‘Hector. Your grandfather. And Ma, too! Everyone!’
‘Your Ma doesn’t know everything, Trin.’
‘Still a damn sight more than you!’
‘Easy, boys.’ Ted was smiling, and his scarred neck twisted. ‘I wager the north side of the river is much the same as this one.’
Trin lowered his eyes, and his cheeks reddened. Ren thought of the shadows moving in the trees over the bridge, the way he had fallen when Ted had found him, and started to feel very foolish indeed. His thoughts had been dark, unpredictable, these past few days, since the trip to Overwood. He never had been a good sleeper, but his nights had been more restless than usual, too, his dreams a little thicker with shadows. Shadows with faces, and a hunchback with gold eyes to give them voice. Turning every doorway to the gloom of the fortuneteller’s tent, every flame the silver light of his brazier. He frowned at himself. Just rhymes and empty words. Best not to dwell on it.
‘Food's ready!’ Werla said suddenly from the fire, and a few moments later they had steaming bowls of fragrant brown stew sitting in front of them on the table. Ted carved up some slices of soft, pale bread for them to soak, and they set to eating it all in relative quiet for a time, content with good food and the soft warmth of the fire, and it was not long before all thoughts of the bridge, and the shadows beyond it, had gone entirely from Ren's mind. He found himself staring wearily into his cup, watching idly as the clear water rocked and rolled against the rim, listening to the rumble of the river outside.
‘Won’t turn to ale just by looking at it.’ Ted told him, and he looked up to find the miller looking at him curiously, taking another mouthful of bread. Trin was still quite engaged in his food, and Werla was sipping her mug contentedly, pale hair brushed back behind her ears.
‘What?’
‘Come, now, boy. What’s got you twisted?’ Ted asked, taking sip of his drink.
Ren hesitated. ‘I was thinking about the market.’ He said after a moment, looking up. It was true enough.
‘Ah. Town ain't what it used to be.’ Ted looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, then began rubbing his thumb around the rim of his mug, staring at it. His young wife watched him with a slight frown. ‘All these unsavoury types arriving. You hear the talk, even out here. City folk, some of them, and worse. Heard… there’s talk of Brothers abroad, up in the Westmere. Out in the open, again, like.’ He pressed harder against the mug, thumb turning white. Werla reached out and pulled his hand away, folding it in her own and meeting his eye. Ted frowned, squeezing her hand, and the ugly scar on his neck gleamed. Trin had stopped eating.
‘But the Westmere’s a long way from here, and I ain’t one to be complaining. Got a good roof over my head, and a good living. A good woman, too, and might have a son of my own by next winter, Makers willing.’ He grinned at Werla, putting a hand to her belly, and she smiled, pulling it to her mouth and kissing it softly. ‘Reckon I’m a lucky man.’
Ren smiled at them both, lowering his eyes.
‘Say hello to your folks, for me, boy. Tell your old man I better see his arse over here before the snows.’
Some words of thanks, warm, earnest ones, and one or two more for goodbye, then they were homeward bound again, ponies snorting in the afternoon sun, promises of a return visit ringing in their ears. Ren was left with the distinct feeling that he had misjudged the old miller, scar and all. But it wasn’t long before his thoughts turned towards the rumours he had imparted from the Westmere, his white knuckles pressed against his mug. To Hector’s words in the shadow of the farm hill. To the ugly fortuneteller and his tent of oddities and silver fire. Words whispered in the dark. He’d not mentioned the encounter in the tent to anyone. Not even his grandfather. In truth, he’d been doing his best not to think about it at all, without much success. He frowned, hunching over his saddle.
A mask on fire.
Neither of them spoke for a long while. Trin, for his part, was busy trying to subtly feed Pol the stash of small treats he had smuggled away from the cottage, glancing over at Ren occasionally to make sure he hadn’t noticed. He had, of course, but there was little use in pointing it out.
‘Trin.’ Ren said once they had crested the hill, looking back towards the river-bound cottage in the distance. Trin started and stuck his hand quickly back into his pocket, hiding a scrap of bread.
‘What?'’
‘You heard what Ted said?’ Ren asked. ‘About Brothers?’
Trin frowned. ‘Suppose so.’
Ren was still looking back the way they had come. 'What do you make of it?'
‘Reckon he’s right.’ Trin shrugged. ‘Westmere’s a long way away.’
He hesitated, frowning.
‘But Hector’s been saying it for years. Overwood’s not what it used to be. Strange folk coming and going by night. No safe place for good folk that side of the Swiftwater. Brothers or no.’
‘Grandad says there haven’t been Black Hand this far south in years.’ Ren murmured, still looking back towards the river. ‘Not since we were born, at least.’
‘Wouldn’t pay it any mind. Plenty to worry about without them.’ Trin told him, giving him a serious look. ‘You’ve been acting up more, these past few weeks. Ever since the old man came calling.’
‘Have I?’ Ren scowled, shooting his friend a sideways glance.
‘You know what I think about him.’ Trin told him seriously. ‘Can’t be trusted, that one. And you can’t be taking so many risks. Not with your… Well, you know.’
‘Your ma tell you that, too?’
‘Don’t make it wrong.’ Trin grumbled, turning away in his saddle and trotting off south over the crest of the hill. Ren waited a moment longer, frowning to himself, then followed him reluctantly. The sound of the river was long gone behind him, but he caught one final glimpse the gleaming water before he shook the reins and disappeared finally over the brow of the hill, bound for home.

throwaway account obviously, sorry about the gross name haha!!
so long story short, my older brother has been friends with this dude since forever, they grew up together etc and are pretty close. I’ve hung out more than a couple times with him and my brother, nothing one on one.
I’ve gotten to know him a little better and he is honestly so funny, attractive, and intelligent. he is single with occasional girlfriends but nothing serious.
we get along really well and can keep a conversation going despite the age difference. I know this is said a lot but I am mature for my age and a lot of people comment on it, even my parents. I am in college for a job close to graduating, and I already have a good job. I drive too.
he has a good career going as well.
so my brother has even joked, saying that if I was a little bit older he would try to get me and his friend together.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I am genuinely interested but I have no idea how to make a move without making things awkward… we text occasionally, and he is always happy to talk to me but I don’t want to overstep any boundaries, and I can’t tell if he’s just being friendly or if he would potentially date me. I want to ask my brother about it but I’m afraid if I do he will tell him. Idk.
I think I may be too young and he could never see me in that way, but who knows. I have massive feelings for him and I’m going to be upset once he finds a girlfriend which is why I want to make a move. I wish I was a bit older so the age gap stigma wasn’t being affected here.
Advice appreciated !:) tysm

Read the story so far on Royal Road - Series Page - Read 10 weeks ahead on Patreon
*
Chapter Thirteen - Bridge Over Swift Water (Part II)
The cottage beside the mill was not large, and its low ceilings were packed with all manner of cupboards, shelves, chairs and tables, pressed in against the walls in a maze of well-worn clutter. The result was a rather overcrowded space, and Ren was forced to take more care than usual so as not to bump into anything when they entered, but the hearth was broad, and the smell of cooking filled the air, so it did not take long to settle into a comfortable lull of pleasant talk around the ta-ble whilst they waited for their lunch. Ted's wife, a young, slender woman with dark, smiling eyes and shoulder-length fair hair, hurried about the fire busily, stirring and seasoning her pots with a methodical efficiency. A mug arrived for each of them (water for the boys, some-thing stronger for Ted), and they talked for a time of small things, of the weather and the harvest, hoping for a mild winter, idle talk for idle minds. Even Trin seemed to have relaxed in the lazy firelight, though he was more quiet than usual. Ren thought of how scared he had been of the miller as a boy, remembering the fearsome man with his scarred neck and deep voice that had raked their dinner table at the farm with his dark eyes. It was a memory that fit the man beside him about as well as a child’s boot might fit its fathers. He started to feel a little guilty for avoiding him, whenever he visited the farm.
‘Heard you were heading to Overwood, last week.’
Ren blinked, looking up from the fire to find Ted watching him over his mug. He swallowed.
‘Took a cart to the market with grandfather.’
‘How is the old goat?’
Ren hesitated. ‘He’s… he’s well.’
Ted took a swig of his ale, not a little wistfully. ‘Used to live up there, you know. Overwood, I mean. After the soldiering, when the Black Breath took my Da. Coughed up his own lungs, ‘fore it got ‘im. Always was a scrapper. Not easy, losing someone like that.’
Ren swallowed, looking away, and the miller’s eyes softened.
‘Your Ma, too, boy, I know. Damn shame.’ he said apologetically, and Ren decided not to correct him. ‘Long time before I came out here, anyways.’
‘You fought in the war?’ Trin asked tentatively.
‘I fought in the rebellion, boy.’ Ted corrected him. ‘Was only one King, back then.’
Trin swallowed, looking at the floor.
‘But that was a long time ago now. Afore you were born, I reckon. Not a lot of work for soldiers in peacetime. Must have dug half the privies in Overwood before I earned the coin to up sticks.'
‘Earned?’ Werla snorted from beside the fire, cheeks dimpling. ‘Swindled, more like.’
Ren looked over at her. He had always thought her a little young for the old miller. He was well past forty, and with his weathered brow and ugly scar he was hardly an obvious match for a pretty young girl not long from twenty when they had wed a couple of summers back. He wondered, not for the first time, how they had fallen in together to begin with.
‘Now, don't be giving our guests the wrong idea.’ Ted told her, grin-ning, and the scar on his neck knotted. He turned back to the boys, holding up his hands earnestly. ‘An honest game of chance, I swear it. Northerner, he was, didn't know dice from a pebble.’
Ren and Trin both nodded sagely at his explanation, neither of them knowing one jot about dice, or gambling, or Northerners, for that mat-ter. Werla swept to their rescue, appearing at the miller's shoulder and planting a kiss on his cheek.
‘Swindled.’ she said pointedly.
Ted smiled in spite of himself, shooing her away. She chuckled and turned back to the stew, humming softly to herself.
‘I hear there’s a lot of new folk in town.’ Ted said, turning back to the boys. ‘From up in the Stonelands.’
‘Enough to notice.’ Ren replied, thinking of the unpleasantness on the road. He frowned. ‘Unfriendly types.’
‘Been a while since I made it over that way. Couple of winters back, now.’ He frowned thoughtfully, then smiled in Werla’s direction. ‘A lot can change in two years, though.’
Werla looked up, flashing him a smile, then went back to her stew pot again, humming. The miller paused, scratching at his scar, then gave the boys a curious look. ‘So, then. What brings you out this far?’
Ren lowered his eyes, and Trin shifted uncomfortably beside him. Ted laughed, weathered face creasing into a smile.
‘Come now.’ he told them. ‘Can’t hardly turn you over to your grandfather from here, can I?’
Ren swallowed. ‘We were just out for a ride…’
‘Mister Derin told us never to cross the bridge.’ Trin finished for him, scowling. ‘He said it was too far from the farm. Not safe, he said. So of course that’s exactly where Ren has to go. We’ll be in for it when we get back!’
‘You didn't have to come, Trin.’ Ren told his friend patiently. He thought of his grandfather’s old map, carved with rivers and mountains and cities in dark ink. The Swiftwater wasn’t even big enough to merit a line, and the distance they’d travelled this morning wouldn’t be more than a nails-breadth.
‘Well you didn't tell me where we were going.’ Trin replied, fidget-ing nervously. His fingers twisted around a stray tear in his shirt, tug-ging at it. ‘And besides... Hardly going to let you go running off on your own. Too risky. It's not safe this far from the farm, for you most of all, so they says.’
‘Who’s they?’ Ren asked, scowling.
‘Hector. Your grandfather. And Ma, too! Everyone!’
‘Your Ma doesn’t know everything, Trin.’
‘Still a damn sight more than you!’
‘Easy, boys.’ Ted was smiling, and his scarred neck twisted. ‘I wa-ger the north side of the river is much the same as this one.’
Trin lowered his eyes, and his cheeks reddened. Ren thought of the shadows moving in the trees over the bridge, the way he had fallen when Ted had found him, and started to feel very foolish indeed. His thoughts had been dark, unpredictable, these past few days, since the trip to Overwood. He never had been a good sleeper, but his nights had been more restless than usual, too, his dreams a little thicker with shad-ows. Shadows with faces, and a hunchback with gold eyes to give them voice. Turning every doorway to the gloom of the fortuneteller’s tent, every flame the silver light of his brazier. He frowned at himself. Just rhymes and empty words. Best not to dwell on it.
‘Food's ready!’ Werla said suddenly from the fire, and a few mo-ments later they had steaming bowls of fragrant brown stew sitting in front of them on the table. Ted carved up some slices of soft, pale bread for them to soak, and they set to eating it all in relative quiet for a time, content with good food and the soft warmth of the fire, and it was not long before all thoughts of the bridge, and the shadows beyond it, had gone entirely from Ren's mind. He found himself staring wearily into his cup, watching idly as the clear water rocked and rolled against the rim, listening to the rumble of the river outside.
‘Won’t turn to ale just by looking at it.’ Ted told him, and he looked up to find the miller looking at him curiously, taking another mouthful of bread. Trin was still quite engaged in his food, and Werla was sip-ping her mug contentedly, pale hair brushed back behind her ears.
‘What?’
‘Come, now, boy. What’s got you twisted?’ Ted asked, taking sip of his drink.
Ren hesitated. ‘I was thinking about the market.’ He said after a moment, looking up. It was true enough.
‘Ah. Town ain't what it used to be.’ Ted looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, then began rubbing his thumb around the rim of his mug, staring at it. His young wife watched him with a slight frown. ‘All these unsavoury types arriving. You hear the talk, even out here. City folk, some of them, and worse. Heard… there’s talk of Brothers abroad, up in the Westmere. Out in the open, again, like.’ He pressed harder against the mug, thumb turning white. Werla reached out and pulled his hand away, folding it in her own and meeting his eye. Ted frowned, squeezing her hand, and the ugly scar on his neck gleamed. Trin had stopped eating.
‘But the Westmere’s a long way from here, and I ain’t one to be complaining. Got a good roof over my head, and a good living. A good woman, too, and might have a son of my own by next winter, Makers willing.’ He grinned at Werla, putting a hand to her belly, and she smiled, pulling it to her mouth and kissing it softly. ‘Reckon I’m a lucky man.’
Ren smiled at them both, lowering his eyes.
‘Say hello to your folks, for me, boy. Tell your old man I better see his arse over here before the snows.’
Some words of thanks, warm, earnest ones, and one or two more for goodbye, then they were homeward bound again, ponies snorting in the afternoon sun, promises of a return visit ringing in their ears. Ren was left with the distinct feeling that he had misjudged the old miller, scar and all. But it wasn’t long before his thoughts turned towards the ru-mours he had imparted from the Westmere, his white knuckles pressed against his mug. To Hector’s words in the shadow of the farm hill. To the ugly fortuneteller and his tent of oddities and silver fire. Words whispered in the dark. He’d not mentioned the encounter in the tent to anyone. Not even his grandfather. In truth, he’d been doing his best not to think about it at all, without much success. He frowned, hunching over his saddle.
A mask on fire.
Neither of them spoke for a long while. Trin, for his part, was busy trying to subtly feed Pol the stash of small treats he had smuggled away from the cottage, glancing over at Ren occasionally to make sure he hadn’t noticed. He had, of course, but there was little use in pointing it out.
‘Trin.’ Ren said once they had crested the hill, looking back towards the river-bound cottage in the distance. Trin started and stuck his hand quickly back into his pocket, hiding a scrap of bread.
‘What?'’
‘You heard what Ted said?’ Ren asked. ‘About Brothers?’
Trin frowned. ‘Suppose so.’
Ren was still looking back the way they had come. 'What do you make of it?'
‘Reckon he’s right.’ Trin shrugged. ‘Westmere’s a long way away.’
He hesitated, frowning.
‘But Hector’s been saying it for years. Overwood’s not what it used to be. Strange folk coming and going by night. No safe place for good folk that side of the Swiftwater. Brothers or no.’
‘Grandad says there haven’t been Black Hand this far south in years.’ Ren murmured, still looking back towards the river. ‘Not since we were born, at least.’
‘Wouldn’t pay it any mind. Plenty to worry about without them.’ Trin told him, giving him a serious look. ‘You’ve been acting up more, these past few weeks. Ever since the old man came calling.’
‘Have I?’ Ren scowled, shooting his friend a sideways glance.
‘You know what I think about him.’ Trin told him seriously. ‘Can’t be trusted, that one. And you can’t be taking so many risks. Not with your… Well, you know.’
‘Your ma tell you that, too?’
‘Don’t make it wrong.’ Trin grumbled, turning away in his saddle and trotting off south over the crest of the hill. Ren waited a moment longer, frowning to himself, then followed him reluctantly. The sound of the river was long gone behind him, but he caught one final glimpse the gleaming water before he shook the reins and disappeared finally over the brow of the hill, bound for home.

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