Coors ugly christmas sweater
Ugly Christmas Sweaters
2013.01.10 20:14 iMacCarthy Ugly Christmas Sweaters
The home for [Ugly Christmas Sweaters](http://www.ultimateuglychristmas.com), ugly sweaters of all occasions, and the beautiful people who are brave enough to wear them.
2023.06.05 03:18 vhamerable Is this normal? Cannot figure out how to have more than 10 minute conversation with my mom and every time we see each other I end up crying or get angry.
I have a series of behaviors I am curious if fall into the narcissistic mom bucket. I think my mom is a covert N specifically . I also barely can talk to her without losing my shit so avoid her, but that makes me feel guilty and sad too.
Half of my frustration and our fights arise from the fact she either doesn't hear or listen to me. And she remembers things differently than how they happened.
submitted by vhamerable to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
Half of my frustration and our fights arise from the fact she either doesn't hear or listen to me. And she remembers things differently than how they happened.
- Visiting me in a different state, I asked her to not clean my apartment picking her up @ the airport. Get home from work day 1 = she has spent all day cleaning my apartment, which feels like such an invasion of privacy+ I don't want her spending her time doing that.
- She then thinks it wasn't a big deal b/c it was filthy (it wasn't) and it's not a crime, so what's the big deal.
- She can't apologize, doesn't think it matters, and blames me for hating her and being prejudice towards her.
- I tried to help her ReFi during covid, and she never got me her taxes. Refused to consider I could help, because she couldn't do it at Chase. This is after I spent months cleaning up her credit and talking to multiple nonprofits specializing in mortgages and housing accessibility.
- Didn't even give me an option to try.
- Over Christmas I was dog sitting in NYC and she was going to come spend time with me. I asked her to call me before she entered the home I was staying in - as to not make a scene in the lobby (she often makes scenes by being loud, confused, and doing weird things - and I was staying at someone's home w a Doorman.)
- She confirm OK, I explain the doorman thing. Then she calls me while in the lobby and the doorman looks so confused what this lady is doing. I get upset - and she starts screaming in that home making more of a scene. So the neighbors can hear her. It is an apt building in NYC after all Tries to leave on Christmas day. Refuses to leave the bedroom of the apartment designated for her. Refuses to answer questions about it. There are like 5 other fights - one of which she tells me I am still single because I drink too much alcohol (no one would ever say that about me - as I do not drink too much alcohol - maybe 2-4xs a month nowadays).
- Over thanksgiving she kept giving me food despite me saying I am not hungry, then is offended when I don't eat it. We went to a park and I left my jacket in the car, and asked for the car keys and she said I wasn't cold. Woudln't give me her car keys to go get the jacket and wanted me to wear her sweater despite me asking 3xs - til I started screaming to get them.
- Today she called me because she gave me power of attorney if she gets sick and wanted me to log into her gmail account to get the e-mail. I try to log in and it sends her a security prompt, she can't figure out. I patiently listen to her fiddling with her phone. Then finally am like mom: let me teach you how to find the google app. She starts talking over me (not listening) and I lost patience so said: - listen I don't have time to deal with this. And she figures out how to forward me the doc.
- She then calls me back, and I said listen - mom I don't mind that the phone is hard for you to use - 50% of our fights are that you do not listen to me. You never listen.
- She says it is b/c I don't have patience with her. So I say why is it always on me? Nothing is ever your responsibility?
- Over Christmas even you did not listen to me.
- She responds that over Christmas I locked her in a room without food or water. WTF are you talking about woman. A previous version of me would have tried to argue with her over that -. New me just hung up the phone on her. I just feel so bad and dissatisfied about it.
2023.06.05 02:11 rat_empanada Does anyone else get upset by little comments?
I bring this up because, for lack of a better term, little comments will often trigger my BDD and ruin my whole mood. they're pretty small though so it feels embarrassing to tell someone to stop saying it because I don't want ro reveal that it bothers me nor do I want to get into the specifics of why. And the few times I have asked, they say ok but later it comes up again.
For example, I used to wear hoodies all the time as a kid because I hated my body, but I would say it was bc i was cold or because i liked them. I would wear it even on super hot days, but on some nice fall days, I would take it off because I loved the weather. And then my dad would make some comment like "haha you're so opposite. you wear sweaters when it's hot and don't when it's chilly." It made me feel insecure but I didn't want to say anything because he didn't know why and was just trying to joke. I'm an adult now and have been out of that habit for years, but every autumn, like clockwork, my dad will make the same comment and it brings me to back to the time when my bdd was worse and it makes me feel small and insecure and ruins my whole day. I've told him to please not make that comment, he says ok then forgets in a few months and says it again.
The worse comments are when it's about my eating and send me into worse spirals/moods, but I mention the sweater one specifically because it doesn't seem like a big deal but on worse days it's still been enough to make me go cry in my room.
I feel very silly and somewhat pathetic, like I haven't progressed at all from being an ugly little insecure kid. Does anyone feel similar or know how to deal with this??
submitted by rat_empanada to BodyDysmorphia [link] [comments]
For example, I used to wear hoodies all the time as a kid because I hated my body, but I would say it was bc i was cold or because i liked them. I would wear it even on super hot days, but on some nice fall days, I would take it off because I loved the weather. And then my dad would make some comment like "haha you're so opposite. you wear sweaters when it's hot and don't when it's chilly." It made me feel insecure but I didn't want to say anything because he didn't know why and was just trying to joke. I'm an adult now and have been out of that habit for years, but every autumn, like clockwork, my dad will make the same comment and it brings me to back to the time when my bdd was worse and it makes me feel small and insecure and ruins my whole day. I've told him to please not make that comment, he says ok then forgets in a few months and says it again.
The worse comments are when it's about my eating and send me into worse spirals/moods, but I mention the sweater one specifically because it doesn't seem like a big deal but on worse days it's still been enough to make me go cry in my room.
I feel very silly and somewhat pathetic, like I haven't progressed at all from being an ugly little insecure kid. Does anyone feel similar or know how to deal with this??
2023.06.04 21:21 KiKiKittyNinja Office Politics with a Kevin: Part 1
Greetings fellow beard scientists!
It's, uh… It's been a hot minute since I last posted a story here. Like, nearly a year. I've been trying to write up a story of some bronies that got banned from a comic store I used to volunteer at as well as some of the stories of my childhood of being raised by a legbeard, but… 2022 was not a kind year. In fact, if you like, starting with my next part, I can go into what happened to me last year since it does weirdly tie into how I was forced to work with the specimen of this series. After all, what is life if not a strange series of domino effects leading to greater outcomes that no one would have ever expected? My tale may be tragic, but Kevin's is tooth-grindingly dripping with schadenfreude.
So, let's fucking go!
Story 1: A Proto-Kevin Story 1, ironically, will not feature Kevin. Instead, it features a Proto-Kevin I will call Devin. I though of calling him Kemo, like Kevin Demo, but I was scared that ReddX would pronounce it like Chemo and though interacting with Devin sometimes felt as excruciating as slow dripping poisons directly into your veins– at least chemotherapy serves a purpose. Devin would prove to be a disaster of a person to such a caliber no one could predict, and has caused issues that I am still fixing nearly 3 months later.
Back in mid-January, I was working hard to train some of my coworkers to know how to do my job. At this point in time, I was the only buyer in my company and I had been since October. Even before my senior buyer moved onto greener pastures, I had been the one largely in charge of placing orders, chasing down items, and doing expedites, and anytime I had been out for more than 2 days the whole office would creep to a stop with people freaking out as to what to do without me. Now, I know that sounds like not-so-humble bragging, but when the top of the food chain comes halfway across the country to thank you personally for handling an issue with a military project that could have gone really badly had we not saved a paper trail showing that we were not to blame for the 4 month delay of a project that could have cost us a quarter million, you start to realize what sort of pressure you've willingly put yourself into. As such, I was making a step-by-step slideshow on how to place orders or customer supply orders since I was about to go out of town the following week to go on a week-long trip with my family. It was as I was explaining how to submit info into Purchase Advisor that the production manager, let's call her Fae, walks into my cubicle with a troubled expression.
"Hey Kitty. Do you have a moment?"
"Yeah. Just working on the slides like you asked. What's up?"
"Well…" Fae pursed her lips for a moment, looking a little frustrated, before finding her words. "You know how we've been looking for a new buyer ever since Sergeant left?"
"Yeah. I know you've had a lot of people coming in…"
"Well, the good news is that we found someone." I must have made a face, because Fae reluctantly followed up with, "Well, Caligula hired this new guy. I actually never got to meet him."
Ah, and there was the rub. Caligula is our location manager. Caligula had already been a little bit of a narcissist, but without Sergeant to openly defy him he had straight up gone into a power trip where he felt like he had to prove what a capable leader he was! Hell, on the day of the company Christmas Cookie exchange/ ugly sweater party, he made a female employee cry and then proceeded to passive-aggressively shame her in front of the whole team via a "mandatory group meeting" with a 30 minute speech that could be summarized into the phrase, "If you hate working here so much, then leave!" Three employees quit within 2 weeks of this incident. Stupid prizes, I suppose.
The reason for my concern had to do with the fact that Caligula was clearly trying to take some short-cuts in solving the issue of putting a 29 year old woman with a year of experience and a crumbling personal life in charge of keeping an entire company's finances. This shortcut included putting Fae in charge as a supervisor to my department, that way I was answering to someone, but that just meant yet another thing on Fae's plate. To top it off, he was going behind our backs when finding a new employee just as Fae and I were getting on the same page and learning to truly communicate, which showed he wasn't interested in knowing what purchasing needed since clearly Caligula, King of Cables, knew what was best.
I sighed a little, but gave Fae a small smile, "Well, hey! Maybe this is a good thing! I mean, it would have been nice if he asked for our input, but what can you do? Did he say anything about our new buyer?"
"All I really know is that he was a buyer for for about 15 years as a freelancer of sorts. And Devin is supposed to start the Monday after you come back from your vacation." She then gave a little bit of a playful smirk before saying, "Are you sure you need to go for a whole week?"
I gave a small snort before rolling my eyes and turning back towards my computer. "After all the bullshit this divorce has put me through, I need to get the hell out of town for a week. Besides, I don't think even Walt Disney himself could keep my mom from dragging me down to Florida at this point. I've just about finished this slide on how to use the Suggestion List to place your orders while I'm gone. I'll start the slide on how to manually input POs, and if I have time I'll also make one for Customer Supply parts. If I hear anything about that list you gave me, I'll let you know."
"Thanks, Kitty! Keep me posted." With that, Fae walked off, and the rest of the week proceeded more or less as usual.
Fast forward two weeks. I walked into the office, expecting to meet my new colleague. I was told he'd be in the cubicle next to mine, but it was distinctively empty. Weird, but whatever. It wasn't my place to worry about if someone was on time or not, so I shrugged it off and proceeded to mind my own business. Some odd twenty-something minutes later, the doorbell rang. I went to the door, and there stood who I would soon learn was Devin.
Devin was a scraggly and worn down individual. I'll short cut my description of him by saying this– you know how in Japanese dramas you tend to have that one office worker character who looks like he's working on a combined total of 5 hours of sleep this week and is only being kept alive via canned coffees and 3 packs of cigarettes a day, all while looking longingly to the stairs that lead to the roof? So picture this poor, barely kempt, husk of a man whose dreams died long before the blade of his razor blade dulled too much to tackle the whisper of whiskers on his upper lip, and put him into khakis and a sloppy dress shirt. He stood a little hunched over, almost like he was uncertain if he was in the right place. He gave a wry and nervous little smile before speaking up.
"Uh… I'm looking for… Ah, they're a manager? I think their name starts with an A?"
I felt my face scrunch up as I thought this over. Now, even if I am using altered names to protect the bearded, the innocent, and my job, we don't have any managers whose name starts with an A. Fae's real name could sound like it starts with an A if you missed the first letter, but I proceeded to press.
"Did you happen to speak to someone before you came over?"
"Yeah."
"Do you happen to know if it was a man or a woman you spoke to?"
He gave the human equivalent to the dial-up tone, and I smiled politely to him.
"Tell you what, why don't you come in, and I'll see if I can find either Fae or Caligu–"
"That's them!"
"Uh, Fae?"
"Maybe her, but Caligraphy hired me." I blinked for a moment. Caligula's irl name might be slightly unconventional spelled, but it's phonetic enough not to mess it up. This guy completely whiffed our boss's name. Still, he was new, and I suck at remembering names, so who am I to judge?
I returned the polite smile to my face. "Ah. So you're the new purchasing team member? Nice to meet you! I'm Kitty. Fae said you'd be next to me, so I'll show you to your cubicle so you can settle in, and then I'll go find her."
He did not return the greeting, nor did he give me his name.
I showed him to his desk before I scurried off, and I let Fae know that our newest team member was here. You'd think she'd be thrilled, but she furrowed her brow before checking her watch. "He only just came in? He said he'd be here at 7:30, and it's past 8:20." She stood from her desk in the warehouse and asked that I join her and the new guy in the meeting room so that we could all be introduced properly.
The first meeting itself was pretty uneventful. Besides Devin reiterating what we already knew--15 years of purchasing experience, his last job being with Major Airline Company, and being hire by Caligula– I also got his name about halfway through the meeting (his name was asked at the beginning, and it took Fae asking him at 3 separate points to, ya know, answer that basic question), learned he was married with a kid, that his wife had threatened to divorce him if they continued to both work at Major Airline Company, that Devin has a hard time separating from work and personal life, and how he's thankful to be back to working in an office. He asked about my commute time, and when I relayed that I have to drive 40 minutes just to get to the office, Devin scoffed and said, "I would never work that far off again. I'm so glad I work just 5 minutes down the road!"
Now, this got a look from Fae and I. The obvious is because this dude was nearly an hour late to work on his first day, despite being 5 minutes down the road. The other reason was because Fae knew this was a bit of a sore spot for me. I had been only 15 minutes away, but with me being mid-divorce and paying off some hefty medical bills… Well, there was a reason I was now stuck with an hour+ commute back and forth 5 days a week. This new dude obviously didn't know that though, and I winced up a smile to politely say, "Oh! That's pretty lucky for you. Hopefully I'll be in the same boat soon."
The rest of the meeting went uneventful, and as we all left the room, Fae did pull Devin aside to chide him for being so late before asking him to follow me to my desk to learn how we do things in our company as well as some of my tips and tricks to get our system to work since Devin had never worked with our OS before.
This pseudo training ended up being a different kind of uneventful. You see, Devin had brought a notepad and pen to learn how the system worked…. Both went completely unused. I'd check in with him to ask if he had any notes or questions and he just replied with, "No. This seems pretty basic," and, "This seems easy enough." Alrighty. I'll admit my job usually isn't too complicated, but he was definitely far more interested in babbling on about his life to the point he'd interrupt me in order to talk about his family. He reiterated that he and his wife had worked at Major Airline Company together for several years and how she threatened to divorce him if he didn't quit his job and seek employment elsewhere. He spoke a lot about his son while revealing nothing about his kid outside of general good feelings towards his child. I heard a lot about his life story, and he never once asked me any questions. Not about life. Not about work. He just wanted to talk about himself endlessly while saying nothing at all.
By the end of the day, Fae asked what I thought about Devin.
"He's friendly…. He likes to socialize."
"Did the training go well?"
"Um… hard to tell. He didn't take any notes or really ask any work related questions. After a while, I just ended up doing my usual work while he chatted in the background. He said he understood what was going on, but when I asked if he wanted to try any of the things I was showing him he said nah, I'm good and kept chatting."
Fae pressed her lips in concern and took note.
For the next few weeks, Devin would show up whenever he could. You might think I mean that in the sense that things would come up and he'd call out. No no. He'd roll into the office at whatever time he felt like. He was confirmed for a 7:30 start time, but there were many mornings I'd get to the office long before him and he'd have some half-assed excuse for being late. At one point, Caligula did a company meeting praising Devin, despite Devin having done literally nothing. In fact, as I was looking over some of our recent orders, I was noting a pattern. Any order placed with Devin were unconfirmed, prices were all over the place, he was sending requests to the wrong vendors (think ordering fans from a place that specializes in wires despite our suggestion list listing someone else).
Eventually, corporate decided to bring Devin into headquarters for a week's worth of training since they realized he was causing a lot of issues. Two days after coming back from his corporate training, he tried having me order a military-grade item for a government contract off of Amazon saying, "This part isn't available anywhere else, and Kitty is the only one with the authority to buy off of Amazon in the office!" He had been given the task of buying this 1 item and spent 4 hours trying to find this part. As he whined to Fae about the impossibility of finding this part, I managed to find, purchase, and confirm shipping from the vendor we had in the vendor's list. The look on Fae's face was almost on par with Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star.
Two days later, Fae pulled me into the meeting room to inform me that Devin was no longer a part of the team. This man, who had been brought in to be the head of my department, lasted 2 and a half weeks. In that time, he attempted to do some work… but mostly he just caused more issues than he solved. I was still cleaning up his mistakes 3 months after his departure. Fae also took this time to let me know that she was pushing for me to become the head of my department. I'd be lying if I didn't say this had me super excited. After nearly 4 months of managing the purchasing department alone, it'd be amazing to be paid a living wage that could turn my life around. Plus, I like validation. I'm not ashamed to admit sometimes a little "Good job kiddo!" is all it takes to string me along on whatever bullshit I've been dragged into. I beamed for the entire rest of the day, excited for the possibilities that lay ahead of me…
And that is when Kevin entered the arena with a company-wide email declaring that corporate decided he was "now in charge of handling purchasing."
Welp, I'll leave it there for now. I have a few other stories I want to write up, but I promise to get in some Office Kevin stories as soon as possible. I've only been dealing with him since February, but dear God the amount of insanity I've had to deal with has been wild. I also apologize if this lost steam towards the end. Current Kevin has been a drain on my mental energy, so it has taken me a lot longer than I'm proud to admit to get even this much out. In the meantime, be good to each other.
Remember that you are loved, and you deserve to be loved.
submitted by KiKiKittyNinja to ReddXReads [link] [comments]
It's, uh… It's been a hot minute since I last posted a story here. Like, nearly a year. I've been trying to write up a story of some bronies that got banned from a comic store I used to volunteer at as well as some of the stories of my childhood of being raised by a legbeard, but… 2022 was not a kind year. In fact, if you like, starting with my next part, I can go into what happened to me last year since it does weirdly tie into how I was forced to work with the specimen of this series. After all, what is life if not a strange series of domino effects leading to greater outcomes that no one would have ever expected? My tale may be tragic, but Kevin's is tooth-grindingly dripping with schadenfreude.
So, let's fucking go!
Story 1: A Proto-Kevin Story 1, ironically, will not feature Kevin. Instead, it features a Proto-Kevin I will call Devin. I though of calling him Kemo, like Kevin Demo, but I was scared that ReddX would pronounce it like Chemo and though interacting with Devin sometimes felt as excruciating as slow dripping poisons directly into your veins– at least chemotherapy serves a purpose. Devin would prove to be a disaster of a person to such a caliber no one could predict, and has caused issues that I am still fixing nearly 3 months later.
Back in mid-January, I was working hard to train some of my coworkers to know how to do my job. At this point in time, I was the only buyer in my company and I had been since October. Even before my senior buyer moved onto greener pastures, I had been the one largely in charge of placing orders, chasing down items, and doing expedites, and anytime I had been out for more than 2 days the whole office would creep to a stop with people freaking out as to what to do without me. Now, I know that sounds like not-so-humble bragging, but when the top of the food chain comes halfway across the country to thank you personally for handling an issue with a military project that could have gone really badly had we not saved a paper trail showing that we were not to blame for the 4 month delay of a project that could have cost us a quarter million, you start to realize what sort of pressure you've willingly put yourself into. As such, I was making a step-by-step slideshow on how to place orders or customer supply orders since I was about to go out of town the following week to go on a week-long trip with my family. It was as I was explaining how to submit info into Purchase Advisor that the production manager, let's call her Fae, walks into my cubicle with a troubled expression.
"Hey Kitty. Do you have a moment?"
"Yeah. Just working on the slides like you asked. What's up?"
"Well…" Fae pursed her lips for a moment, looking a little frustrated, before finding her words. "You know how we've been looking for a new buyer ever since Sergeant left?"
"Yeah. I know you've had a lot of people coming in…"
"Well, the good news is that we found someone." I must have made a face, because Fae reluctantly followed up with, "Well, Caligula hired this new guy. I actually never got to meet him."
Ah, and there was the rub. Caligula is our location manager. Caligula had already been a little bit of a narcissist, but without Sergeant to openly defy him he had straight up gone into a power trip where he felt like he had to prove what a capable leader he was! Hell, on the day of the company Christmas Cookie exchange/ ugly sweater party, he made a female employee cry and then proceeded to passive-aggressively shame her in front of the whole team via a "mandatory group meeting" with a 30 minute speech that could be summarized into the phrase, "If you hate working here so much, then leave!" Three employees quit within 2 weeks of this incident. Stupid prizes, I suppose.
The reason for my concern had to do with the fact that Caligula was clearly trying to take some short-cuts in solving the issue of putting a 29 year old woman with a year of experience and a crumbling personal life in charge of keeping an entire company's finances. This shortcut included putting Fae in charge as a supervisor to my department, that way I was answering to someone, but that just meant yet another thing on Fae's plate. To top it off, he was going behind our backs when finding a new employee just as Fae and I were getting on the same page and learning to truly communicate, which showed he wasn't interested in knowing what purchasing needed since clearly Caligula, King of Cables, knew what was best.
I sighed a little, but gave Fae a small smile, "Well, hey! Maybe this is a good thing! I mean, it would have been nice if he asked for our input, but what can you do? Did he say anything about our new buyer?"
"All I really know is that he was a buyer for
I gave a small snort before rolling my eyes and turning back towards my computer. "After all the bullshit this divorce has put me through, I need to get the hell out of town for a week. Besides, I don't think even Walt Disney himself could keep my mom from dragging me down to Florida at this point. I've just about finished this slide on how to use the Suggestion List to place your orders while I'm gone. I'll start the slide on how to manually input POs, and if I have time I'll also make one for Customer Supply parts. If I hear anything about that list you gave me, I'll let you know."
"Thanks, Kitty! Keep me posted." With that, Fae walked off, and the rest of the week proceeded more or less as usual.
Fast forward two weeks. I walked into the office, expecting to meet my new colleague. I was told he'd be in the cubicle next to mine, but it was distinctively empty. Weird, but whatever. It wasn't my place to worry about if someone was on time or not, so I shrugged it off and proceeded to mind my own business. Some odd twenty-something minutes later, the doorbell rang. I went to the door, and there stood who I would soon learn was Devin.
Devin was a scraggly and worn down individual. I'll short cut my description of him by saying this– you know how in Japanese dramas you tend to have that one office worker character who looks like he's working on a combined total of 5 hours of sleep this week and is only being kept alive via canned coffees and 3 packs of cigarettes a day, all while looking longingly to the stairs that lead to the roof? So picture this poor, barely kempt, husk of a man whose dreams died long before the blade of his razor blade dulled too much to tackle the whisper of whiskers on his upper lip, and put him into khakis and a sloppy dress shirt. He stood a little hunched over, almost like he was uncertain if he was in the right place. He gave a wry and nervous little smile before speaking up.
"Uh… I'm looking for… Ah, they're a manager? I think their name starts with an A?"
I felt my face scrunch up as I thought this over. Now, even if I am using altered names to protect the bearded, the innocent, and my job, we don't have any managers whose name starts with an A. Fae's real name could sound like it starts with an A if you missed the first letter, but I proceeded to press.
"Did you happen to speak to someone before you came over?"
"Yeah."
"Do you happen to know if it was a man or a woman you spoke to?"
He gave the human equivalent to the dial-up tone, and I smiled politely to him.
"Tell you what, why don't you come in, and I'll see if I can find either Fae or Caligu–"
"That's them!"
"Uh, Fae?"
"Maybe her, but Caligraphy hired me." I blinked for a moment. Caligula's irl name might be slightly unconventional spelled, but it's phonetic enough not to mess it up. This guy completely whiffed our boss's name. Still, he was new, and I suck at remembering names, so who am I to judge?
I returned the polite smile to my face. "Ah. So you're the new purchasing team member? Nice to meet you! I'm Kitty. Fae said you'd be next to me, so I'll show you to your cubicle so you can settle in, and then I'll go find her."
He did not return the greeting, nor did he give me his name.
I showed him to his desk before I scurried off, and I let Fae know that our newest team member was here. You'd think she'd be thrilled, but she furrowed her brow before checking her watch. "He only just came in? He said he'd be here at 7:30, and it's past 8:20." She stood from her desk in the warehouse and asked that I join her and the new guy in the meeting room so that we could all be introduced properly.
The first meeting itself was pretty uneventful. Besides Devin reiterating what we already knew--15 years of purchasing experience, his last job being with Major Airline Company, and being hire by Caligula– I also got his name about halfway through the meeting (his name was asked at the beginning, and it took Fae asking him at 3 separate points to, ya know, answer that basic question), learned he was married with a kid, that his wife had threatened to divorce him if they continued to both work at Major Airline Company, that Devin has a hard time separating from work and personal life, and how he's thankful to be back to working in an office. He asked about my commute time, and when I relayed that I have to drive 40 minutes just to get to the office, Devin scoffed and said, "I would never work that far off again. I'm so glad I work just 5 minutes down the road!"
Now, this got a look from Fae and I. The obvious is because this dude was nearly an hour late to work on his first day, despite being 5 minutes down the road. The other reason was because Fae knew this was a bit of a sore spot for me. I had been only 15 minutes away, but with me being mid-divorce and paying off some hefty medical bills… Well, there was a reason I was now stuck with an hour+ commute back and forth 5 days a week. This new dude obviously didn't know that though, and I winced up a smile to politely say, "Oh! That's pretty lucky for you. Hopefully I'll be in the same boat soon."
The rest of the meeting went uneventful, and as we all left the room, Fae did pull Devin aside to chide him for being so late before asking him to follow me to my desk to learn how we do things in our company as well as some of my tips and tricks to get our system to work since Devin had never worked with our OS before.
This pseudo training ended up being a different kind of uneventful. You see, Devin had brought a notepad and pen to learn how the system worked…. Both went completely unused. I'd check in with him to ask if he had any notes or questions and he just replied with, "No. This seems pretty basic," and, "This seems easy enough." Alrighty. I'll admit my job usually isn't too complicated, but he was definitely far more interested in babbling on about his life to the point he'd interrupt me in order to talk about his family. He reiterated that he and his wife had worked at Major Airline Company together for several years and how she threatened to divorce him if he didn't quit his job and seek employment elsewhere. He spoke a lot about his son while revealing nothing about his kid outside of general good feelings towards his child. I heard a lot about his life story, and he never once asked me any questions. Not about life. Not about work. He just wanted to talk about himself endlessly while saying nothing at all.
By the end of the day, Fae asked what I thought about Devin.
"He's friendly…. He likes to socialize."
"Did the training go well?"
"Um… hard to tell. He didn't take any notes or really ask any work related questions. After a while, I just ended up doing my usual work while he chatted in the background. He said he understood what was going on, but when I asked if he wanted to try any of the things I was showing him he said nah, I'm good and kept chatting."
Fae pressed her lips in concern and took note.
For the next few weeks, Devin would show up whenever he could. You might think I mean that in the sense that things would come up and he'd call out. No no. He'd roll into the office at whatever time he felt like. He was confirmed for a 7:30 start time, but there were many mornings I'd get to the office long before him and he'd have some half-assed excuse for being late. At one point, Caligula did a company meeting praising Devin, despite Devin having done literally nothing. In fact, as I was looking over some of our recent orders, I was noting a pattern. Any order placed with Devin were unconfirmed, prices were all over the place, he was sending requests to the wrong vendors (think ordering fans from a place that specializes in wires despite our suggestion list listing someone else).
Eventually, corporate decided to bring Devin into headquarters for a week's worth of training since they realized he was causing a lot of issues. Two days after coming back from his corporate training, he tried having me order a military-grade item for a government contract off of Amazon saying, "This part isn't available anywhere else, and Kitty is the only one with the authority to buy off of Amazon in the office!" He had been given the task of buying this 1 item and spent 4 hours trying to find this part. As he whined to Fae about the impossibility of finding this part, I managed to find, purchase, and confirm shipping from the vendor we had in the vendor's list. The look on Fae's face was almost on par with Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star.
Two days later, Fae pulled me into the meeting room to inform me that Devin was no longer a part of the team. This man, who had been brought in to be the head of my department, lasted 2 and a half weeks. In that time, he attempted to do some work… but mostly he just caused more issues than he solved. I was still cleaning up his mistakes 3 months after his departure. Fae also took this time to let me know that she was pushing for me to become the head of my department. I'd be lying if I didn't say this had me super excited. After nearly 4 months of managing the purchasing department alone, it'd be amazing to be paid a living wage that could turn my life around. Plus, I like validation. I'm not ashamed to admit sometimes a little "Good job kiddo!" is all it takes to string me along on whatever bullshit I've been dragged into. I beamed for the entire rest of the day, excited for the possibilities that lay ahead of me…
And that is when Kevin entered the arena with a company-wide email declaring that corporate decided he was "now in charge of handling purchasing."
Welp, I'll leave it there for now. I have a few other stories I want to write up, but I promise to get in some Office Kevin stories as soon as possible. I've only been dealing with him since February, but dear God the amount of insanity I've had to deal with has been wild. I also apologize if this lost steam towards the end. Current Kevin has been a drain on my mental energy, so it has taken me a lot longer than I'm proud to admit to get even this much out. In the meantime, be good to each other.
Remember that you are loved, and you deserve to be loved.
2023.06.04 16:35 MooseMalloy I watched Oceans Eleven (1960)
Recently, I've been listening to the very good history podcast, You Must Remember This and it's series on Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr. And it occurred to me that I had never seen much of The Rat Pack outside of clips and spoofs... so I thought I'd give their signature film a watch. What can I say...The Rat Pack was very Rat Pack-y. Sammy and Dino both got their chances to sing, although oddly, Sinatra didn't. But what a hot mess of a movie. It felt as though more than half of the film was dedicated to establishing all the Stars' cool factor as they were roped into the scheme. This was extremely bloated and slow moving. Then they had to steamroll the whole fallout of the heist into the last 5 minutes, which left a lot of questions unanswered. It was also, unsurprisingly, sexist and occasionally racist, but what really got me was how ugly and tawdry everything was. The sets were actually distracting with just how bland they were. Everything, outside of the Casinos, looked like it was decorated by someone's colourblind grandmother and all the cast seemed to be decked out in various shades of black and grey, with the occasional jarring red sweater. As a timepiece, it was interesting. The "Greatest Generation" was in the final throws of it's heyday, before the sea change of the '60's really hit. All the prejudices, gender roles and values of that generation are one full display. And Vegas, mobbed up and garish as it was, looks kind of quaint and small time in retrospect. Never has "cool" looked so square.
submitted by MooseMalloy to iwatchedanoldmovie [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 13:25 Buggiesss Am i wrong in this situation?
Hello everyone im not sure if i am asking my question in the right place. I will try to be as short as possible when explaining this. So i met my girlfriend last year, she was in perfect shape and she is really beautiful with a nice smile,eyes and basically everything a man wants. When i met her i wasnt fat but i had a small belly and a bit of fat on my face from bad dieting ( i was and i am still working out actively everyday). Anyway fast forward to last christmas my whole body changed and i started growing a lot more muscle, my belly and face fat was almost gone and a nice six pack about to show up meanwhile my girlfriend has been gaining weight constantly during our time together and while i just started glowing up she already had a belly, fat on her arms, legs and a bit on the face. I told her directly then that i am unhappy about her current body state and we agreed that she will start working out and change her diet and start following my progress so we can both be looking good and be healthy. So that was like 5 months ago right now is the beginning of June and i am even more buffed up my belly is 90% gone and six pack is more visible than ever, i am in the best shape of my life as i used to be an ugly fat kid. But i cannot say the same for my girlfriend. I seen her try but she only changed her diet and has been doing 3 to 4 30 minute workouts per week wich if you ask me is nowhere near enough for a person that claims to want to change their body and workout hard. Ive noticed how all the pretty girls started noticing me more and more and i see i am becoming very attractive ( sorry for the cockiness but i busted my ass off to get to where i am now and i will be as cocky as i want). So my question is am i an asshole for telling my girlfriend that i will break up with her soon unless i see she is actually trying hard to change her body and bring it back to the way it was or even better?
submitted by Buggiesss to GymMotivation [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 08:47 QuasarSoze New white & color ambiance bulbs are ugly half-frosted plastic. They feel cheap and look even worse. Is this the new standard for the classic A19 Hue bulbs..?? What happened to beautiful glass bulbs?
 | I was beyond excited to add 4 new White & Color Ambiance A19 bulbs to our collection of Hue bulbs—We started our Hue ecosystem over 10 years ago with a handful of 1st gens, which were the only Hue bulbs at that time, and purchased a bulb or two for birthdays or Christmas over the years—I purchased these 4 directly from Philips last week during Bright Days sale to save 30%. submitted by QuasarSoze to Hue [link] [comments] Unboxed today and my heart sank. This cheap plastic is anything but beautiful, and the line of demarcation is worse. I’m totally cool with the regular White Hue bulbs (the rounded bulb shape) from plastic as they’re very affordable and make sense for closets or porch lights when I don’t care for Color temperature. But the classic White & Color Ambiance A19 bulbs have not decreased in price (ignoring bulk purchase or special sales). I did choose 1100 Lumens this time vs previously available only with max 800 Lumens. The jump from (glass) 600 lumen 1st gen to subsequent 800 lumen (glass) bulbs came with the added benefit of better greens and increased saturation of colors. I assumed my new 1100 lumen Hue bulbs would be brighter, but would (at least!) maintain the quality craftsmanship of previous generations of the classic A19 color bulb. Am I wrong, or am I missing out if I return these ugly cheap feeling bulbs, and say goodbye forever to my dreams of growing our Hue ecosystem to infinity and beyond? Or did Hue get bored and give up on quality? Lastly is it possible I’m entirely mistaken, and that this ugly new take on the classic Hue bulb will knock my socks off? |
2023.06.04 04:08 OP-RandomBystander My Parents Don't Know I Have A Boyfriend
I (21F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for two years and my parents don't know that I've been dating somebody this entire time. I'm not happy about it. My boyfriend definitely isn't happy about it. I've been wanting to tell them for the past two years since the first day I met this amazing guy, but the only reason why I haven't told them is due to fear, which I know is incredibly selfish. I know this makes me a horrible person, and Worst Daughter of the Year. It's been eating me up inside, and my boyfriend thinks that it's starting to get ridiculous that it's been TWO YEARS and he still hasn't met my parents. Especially since I've met his family many times and they now think of me as part of their family. I promised my boyfriend that I will introduce him to my parents later this month, but I'm terrified of the hell it will inevitably unleash.
I feel like I now have to explain why I'm so scared, but I know it doesn't truly excuse the fact that I am a horrible person. My current boyfriend is my second boyfriend, and my last boyfriend. He is also white. While my parents are not necessarily openly racist against white people, they definitely do not want their children dating/marrying any white people. This has been pounded into my head by my parents since I was ten years old. Really, they are against me dating/marrying any other race than Chinese.
For context, when I was dating my first boyfriend (who was white), I was very open to my parents about when we decided to start dating, how we met (we were coworkers), where we were meeting up for dates, what time I would be back home (usually by 8pm the latest), etc. I thought that by being honest, I could trust them in return.
My first boyfriend was a good guy, I definitely liked him, but that didn't prevent my parents from being absolutely horrible to me every single day we were together. At first, they would passively-aggressively make comments during meals that would get on my nerves, but I held my tongue. When that didn't work, they started outright insulting how he looks and saying hateful things about him in general, such as saying he looked ugly and that he only loved me for how I looked and that he's a creep for not dating someone from "his own kind". I would ask them if they wanted to meet him in person so that they can get to know him personally and see that he's a good person, but they would vehemently refuse. They said, "Why should I get to know him if he's not going to marry you?"
That's when it became clear to me that my parents weren't going to give their blessing of our relationship, even though our relationship was only in its early stages. And so, I stopped trying to swallow down their verbal abuse and every time they talked badly about my boyfriend I would stick up for him. I would point out that they wouldn't know what a happy relationship looked like because both of them are so miserable with each other (my parents had nearly gotten divorced three times, but stayed together only for my siblings and I). Obviously, this only made things worse and they turned their verbal abuse towards me. They threatened to kick me out, disown me, tried to guilt trip me, etc. It got so bad that I became suicidal (again). I would've left, if my boyfriend had a place of his own, but he didn't. He still lived with his parents too, and I wasn't going to ask his parents (whom I only met ONCE) to take me in. So I was forced to break up with my first boyfriend. I cried so much over the phone. Luckily, he understood and he was very kind about it, assuring me over the phone that he knew it wasn't my fault that I wanted to end our relationship. He even urged me to get mental health help (which I did eventually). All in all, our relationship lasted less than a month because of my parents. We hadn't even kissed at that point, because we were still in the phase where you're learning more about each other and doing coffee dates and small things like that. If you had talked to my parents, you'd think I was sleeping with him every single night or planning our wedding.
I don't know why I was surprised by how they reacted, but it hurt nevertheless.
A few months after the whole fiasco with my Ex, I decided to start going on dates again. At the time I was just dating for the heck of it. I didn't have any friends at the time, since most of my high school friends had moved out-of-state, so I was lonely. I wasn't planning on hopping into a serious relationship any time soon. To answer the question I know some readers might be wondering, NO, I did not have casual sex. I think most of the guys were lonely too and they just wanted to grab lunch/dinner, grab coffee, go bowling, etc. They were usually guys who more shallow people wouldn't date, either because they weren't ripped, didn't have any sexy tattoos, or were too short. All of the guys I went on a date with understood that it was only a 1 time thing and that I wasn't going to kiss them or have sex with them. We always split 50/50 for food, so that it was fair. A lot of them were happy to treat our date like a "practice date" for when they ended up meeting a girl they planned on seriously dating, and I was happy to give them advice after the date before we parted ways and went no-contact.
In a way, it helped me get over the pain I felt from breaking up with my Ex, knowing that there was always the opportunity to find love again. It gave me something to hope for, even when some days the world felt empty and grey.
Then I met my current boyfriend.
At this point I was getting used to the routine: swipe right, send them a friendly text introducing myself, ask where and when they would like to meet up, ask them what we would be doing on the date, and set my ground rules for the date.
However, I had such a great time with my boyfriend that I couldn't imagine not seeing him again. During the short 3 hours I got to know him over lunch, it felt like my world was full of color again. He had so many ridiculous funny stories to tell! I laughed and laughed and laughed. I remember thinking, "Geez, when was the last time I laughed this hard or smiled this much?"
I knew I definitely had to go on another date with him, so I asked. And we did. This time we went to the beach, which apparently made his family FLIP OUT because he supposedly hated going to the beach because of the sand sticking to his skin. After that, his family wanted to "meet the girl who got [boyfriend's name] to go to the beach". And so, everything kind of snowballed from there. I met his family and they were wonderful and so welcoming. My boyfriend and I went on a few more dates.
Eventually, at around five months, my boyfriend began to wonder when he was going to meet my family, and my stomach sank, because I thought that after I explained everything, he would run for the hills. But I was wrong. He told me that he understood. He told me to take my time until I felt comfortable enough to tell my parents about him. At around the 1 year mark, his family was horrified to learn that we have been dating without my parents' blessing, until I explained the gist of why, which still left out a lot of the more horrible details. Basically, I just briefly explained that my parents were kind of racist, but that I love [boyfriend's name] too much to let him go. They understood and mostly left it alone. Although sometimes they would hint that they think it would be really nice to have both of our families celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving together under one roof.
But now it's been two years and my boyfriend has told me that he doesn't feel right letting this go on without my parents knowing. He also has expressed that he hates feeling like my dirty little secret. He also has his own condo, so he's offered that if my parents do end up kicking me out and disowning me, I can just move in with him. It makes me feel a little better, but the main problem is that I still love my parents too. Despite everything.
His family has also been super supportive. And my friends have been supportive of our relationship. Everyone else can see that my boyfriend and I have a strong relationship. Even my younger brothers.
Yes, my two younger brothers (17M & 15M) know about my boyfriend, and they really like him. Especially my 17 year old younger brother, who is autistic. My autistic younger brother practically idolizes my boyfriend, because he actually listens when my brother talks about one of his interests. If you've never been around an autistic person, here's something you should know. Autistic people love to talk about their interests, sometimes for hours at a time. Most people would just tune out my autistic brother when he starts talking for longer than 15 minutes. It doesn't help that he also happens to have a really bad stutter. However, my boyfriend is more than happy to talk with him for HOURS, which is something even I don't have the patience for. My other younger brother will occasionally chime in, which is surprising since he usually likes to just stay glued to his phone.
My love for my boyfriend grows every time I see him interact with my autistic younger brother, because I was afraid that they would not get along. Or worse, my boyfriend would dump me out of the fear that any children we have may also show signs of being on the spectrum (in my culture, people like my brother are outcasts). I feel blessed to have such an amazing partner.
Which brings us back to the main dilemma. No matter what, I am not leaving my boyfriend. He has not given up on the love we share, despite all of my warnings. So I'm going to stand my ground, because it's the least he deserves.
Sorry for the long post. I'm still unsure of how I'm going to go about this, but I know that this cannot go on any further. Moral of the story for any parents out there who are reading this: do not do this to your children. You. will. fuck. them. up. Trust your children and they will trust you in return with the major things going on in their lives. Like who they are dating.
submitted by OP-RandomBystander to offmychest [link] [comments]
I feel like I now have to explain why I'm so scared, but I know it doesn't truly excuse the fact that I am a horrible person. My current boyfriend is my second boyfriend, and my last boyfriend. He is also white. While my parents are not necessarily openly racist against white people, they definitely do not want their children dating/marrying any white people. This has been pounded into my head by my parents since I was ten years old. Really, they are against me dating/marrying any other race than Chinese.
For context, when I was dating my first boyfriend (who was white), I was very open to my parents about when we decided to start dating, how we met (we were coworkers), where we were meeting up for dates, what time I would be back home (usually by 8pm the latest), etc. I thought that by being honest, I could trust them in return.
My first boyfriend was a good guy, I definitely liked him, but that didn't prevent my parents from being absolutely horrible to me every single day we were together. At first, they would passively-aggressively make comments during meals that would get on my nerves, but I held my tongue. When that didn't work, they started outright insulting how he looks and saying hateful things about him in general, such as saying he looked ugly and that he only loved me for how I looked and that he's a creep for not dating someone from "his own kind". I would ask them if they wanted to meet him in person so that they can get to know him personally and see that he's a good person, but they would vehemently refuse. They said, "Why should I get to know him if he's not going to marry you?"
That's when it became clear to me that my parents weren't going to give their blessing of our relationship, even though our relationship was only in its early stages. And so, I stopped trying to swallow down their verbal abuse and every time they talked badly about my boyfriend I would stick up for him. I would point out that they wouldn't know what a happy relationship looked like because both of them are so miserable with each other (my parents had nearly gotten divorced three times, but stayed together only for my siblings and I). Obviously, this only made things worse and they turned their verbal abuse towards me. They threatened to kick me out, disown me, tried to guilt trip me, etc. It got so bad that I became suicidal (again). I would've left, if my boyfriend had a place of his own, but he didn't. He still lived with his parents too, and I wasn't going to ask his parents (whom I only met ONCE) to take me in. So I was forced to break up with my first boyfriend. I cried so much over the phone. Luckily, he understood and he was very kind about it, assuring me over the phone that he knew it wasn't my fault that I wanted to end our relationship. He even urged me to get mental health help (which I did eventually). All in all, our relationship lasted less than a month because of my parents. We hadn't even kissed at that point, because we were still in the phase where you're learning more about each other and doing coffee dates and small things like that. If you had talked to my parents, you'd think I was sleeping with him every single night or planning our wedding.
I don't know why I was surprised by how they reacted, but it hurt nevertheless.
A few months after the whole fiasco with my Ex, I decided to start going on dates again. At the time I was just dating for the heck of it. I didn't have any friends at the time, since most of my high school friends had moved out-of-state, so I was lonely. I wasn't planning on hopping into a serious relationship any time soon. To answer the question I know some readers might be wondering, NO, I did not have casual sex. I think most of the guys were lonely too and they just wanted to grab lunch/dinner, grab coffee, go bowling, etc. They were usually guys who more shallow people wouldn't date, either because they weren't ripped, didn't have any sexy tattoos, or were too short. All of the guys I went on a date with understood that it was only a 1 time thing and that I wasn't going to kiss them or have sex with them. We always split 50/50 for food, so that it was fair. A lot of them were happy to treat our date like a "practice date" for when they ended up meeting a girl they planned on seriously dating, and I was happy to give them advice after the date before we parted ways and went no-contact.
In a way, it helped me get over the pain I felt from breaking up with my Ex, knowing that there was always the opportunity to find love again. It gave me something to hope for, even when some days the world felt empty and grey.
Then I met my current boyfriend.
At this point I was getting used to the routine: swipe right, send them a friendly text introducing myself, ask where and when they would like to meet up, ask them what we would be doing on the date, and set my ground rules for the date.
However, I had such a great time with my boyfriend that I couldn't imagine not seeing him again. During the short 3 hours I got to know him over lunch, it felt like my world was full of color again. He had so many ridiculous funny stories to tell! I laughed and laughed and laughed. I remember thinking, "Geez, when was the last time I laughed this hard or smiled this much?"
I knew I definitely had to go on another date with him, so I asked. And we did. This time we went to the beach, which apparently made his family FLIP OUT because he supposedly hated going to the beach because of the sand sticking to his skin. After that, his family wanted to "meet the girl who got [boyfriend's name] to go to the beach". And so, everything kind of snowballed from there. I met his family and they were wonderful and so welcoming. My boyfriend and I went on a few more dates.
Eventually, at around five months, my boyfriend began to wonder when he was going to meet my family, and my stomach sank, because I thought that after I explained everything, he would run for the hills. But I was wrong. He told me that he understood. He told me to take my time until I felt comfortable enough to tell my parents about him. At around the 1 year mark, his family was horrified to learn that we have been dating without my parents' blessing, until I explained the gist of why, which still left out a lot of the more horrible details. Basically, I just briefly explained that my parents were kind of racist, but that I love [boyfriend's name] too much to let him go. They understood and mostly left it alone. Although sometimes they would hint that they think it would be really nice to have both of our families celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving together under one roof.
But now it's been two years and my boyfriend has told me that he doesn't feel right letting this go on without my parents knowing. He also has expressed that he hates feeling like my dirty little secret. He also has his own condo, so he's offered that if my parents do end up kicking me out and disowning me, I can just move in with him. It makes me feel a little better, but the main problem is that I still love my parents too. Despite everything.
His family has also been super supportive. And my friends have been supportive of our relationship. Everyone else can see that my boyfriend and I have a strong relationship. Even my younger brothers.
Yes, my two younger brothers (17M & 15M) know about my boyfriend, and they really like him. Especially my 17 year old younger brother, who is autistic. My autistic younger brother practically idolizes my boyfriend, because he actually listens when my brother talks about one of his interests. If you've never been around an autistic person, here's something you should know. Autistic people love to talk about their interests, sometimes for hours at a time. Most people would just tune out my autistic brother when he starts talking for longer than 15 minutes. It doesn't help that he also happens to have a really bad stutter. However, my boyfriend is more than happy to talk with him for HOURS, which is something even I don't have the patience for. My other younger brother will occasionally chime in, which is surprising since he usually likes to just stay glued to his phone.
My love for my boyfriend grows every time I see him interact with my autistic younger brother, because I was afraid that they would not get along. Or worse, my boyfriend would dump me out of the fear that any children we have may also show signs of being on the spectrum (in my culture, people like my brother are outcasts). I feel blessed to have such an amazing partner.
Which brings us back to the main dilemma. No matter what, I am not leaving my boyfriend. He has not given up on the love we share, despite all of my warnings. So I'm going to stand my ground, because it's the least he deserves.
Sorry for the long post. I'm still unsure of how I'm going to go about this, but I know that this cannot go on any further. Moral of the story for any parents out there who are reading this: do not do this to your children. You. will. fuck. them. up. Trust your children and they will trust you in return with the major things going on in their lives. Like who they are dating.
2023.06.04 03:57 BeatyWithatSierra I Regret Being a “Fuckboy”
I (18m) have been friends with girl number 1, let’s call her Sarah, Sarah (15f) and I have been friends with her since November when I was 17, I would text her and eventually I took her to our local Christmas parade and I had a fun time with her, some time passes by and I don’t text her and I assume she wants nothing to do with me, after Christmas break I swiped up on her story and we text back and forth for while and we make plans and I come over and meet her and parents, I’m having fun with her for weeks on end, we were fwb’s and I took her out on dates, our dates end with us having sex or she would blow me, I genuinely like her but I was going to wait til she turned 16 so I could see what I can do, By this time I’ve met this girl, let’s call her Kaylee, Kaylee (18f) is someone I met during the last 2 weeks of school, I met her through my ex and we’ve been knowing each other for a long but it wasn’t til I become friends with her that I realized she was a queen, royalty really, When school ended, Sarah had to be out of town for a whole week due to her visiting her younger brother, I start hanging out with Kaylee over that week and by the time School ended I wanted to know her better, she turned me on like no other, we hung out a several days ago and we ended up kissing and I said things to her that made her fall hard for me, she knew about my fwb, one night Kaylee she’s would be a little sad about my fwb but since I’m not with her she wouldn’t say anything, she kept cuddling and kissing me, I realized my mistake and I cried, I remember wrapping my arms around her and she held me in, she said she doesn’t want to be an option and I respect her for that,I know I had to make a decision, I tried hard to enjoy the moment, she cried too and said if it had to be a choice, choose her, Kaylee has gone through a breakup not too long ago and she said that she its “just 1 more to my count, it would hurt but oh well”, I chose Kaylee and broke the news to Sarah, Sarah became blunt and in short I went to pick my hoodie up, I was crying my eyes out, When I pulled up to her house I tried wiping them away, her and her stepmom came out, she handed me my hoodie and her stepmom said “ give him his sweater, Leave and never come back”, I call Kaylee and Tell her what I did, I delete videos as well as photos of Sarah, Kaylee says I should’ve picked Sarah instead, I cried as i told Kaylee my feelings and emotions, I go home and Kaylee loves me a lot though she says likes me, Kaylee doesn’t believe anything I say, honestly I don’t blame her, she says I might manipulate and leave her, Idk if I like Kaylee, she’s texts me non stop and she says the most romantic things and she is obsessed with me but she thinks I’m going to dump her a week or two later, I don’t want to believe her and I she says I’m the first to treat her really good, She’s texting me as I’m typing this and it touches my heart that she does, she’s gonna leave for 4 days and idk what to do or think of during that time
submitted by BeatyWithatSierra to BreakUps [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 02:53 Exotic_____Butters02 An Unexpected Reunion.
Clementine looked out of her binoculars, examining the landscape she could see the bridge that the group crossed earlier that day.
"Wait, I see something!"
"What is it?" Asked Luke, the group has been on the run for five days. Ever since the eleven year old first met Carver at the cabin, they had to keep moving. And this was not a good sign.
"A light. Wait, there's another." She called out.
"Luke?"
As she looked down, Clementine could see Luke run off to the lodge, there was something going on, Clementine climbed down the ladder. As she got closer to her group, Clementine could hear them arguing with the strangers, and things didn't sound too good.
"Liston everyone, just stay calm."
"Who are you?! Are you trying to rob us?" Asked a woman with a heavy accent.
"Excuse me, honey, but do I look like a fucking thief?"
"Everyone calm down." Said a balding man, who wore a red sweater.
"Hey man, you calm the fuck down."
"Sarah, get behind me."
"Just tell us who you are." The man in red said.
"We ain't here to rob nobody. Put the gun down, man."
"Fuck That!" Yelled a voice, one that Clementine thought sounded familiar.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa."
"Please, just do what he says." The woman pleaded.
By the time Clementine got behind Luke and Nick she saw someone who she thought had died a long, long time ago.
"Kenny!?"
"Wait, you know this guy?" asked Luke.
"Clementine?" Kenny said as the eleven year old hugged him. As Clementine hugged Kenny there was only one thought that went through her mind, How is this possible? Christa said that he died!
As Kenny placed his hand on Clementine's shoulder, the man in red remarked. "I'll take that as a yes."
"These people with you? Kenny asked, wanting to make sure that the eleven year old wasn't in any danger. She nodded.
"We can talk inside."
"Great, I just started dinner." Said the man in red.
"Are you sure you don't mind?" Asked Carlos hesitantly.
"It's gonna storm soon, please, come in."
As the two groups walk into the lodge Clementine could see Kenny's smile grow bigger and bigger. As she smiled back, Kenny let out a chuckle and said "Come on, there's something I want to show ya."
Clementine was a little confused but she didn't care, Kenny was alive and right now, that's all she cared about. As they entered the lodge Clementine heard a man's voice callout, it was deep and soothing, it was a voice that had once brought her comfort. Still brought her comfort in her through both dreams and nightmares. It couldn't be Him, could it?
"You alright Ken?"
"Yea, I'm all right. But I've got someone you might want to see." replied Kenny.
Even more confused than before Clementine looked up to see the one person that she could swear that she would never see again, there, with one arm and a bushy black beard, stood Lee Everett.
"Cl-Clementine?!?" Lee blurted out.
There was a moment of stunned silence between the two.
'LEE?!" Yelled Clementine as she started to cry, the two embraced each other. Clementine had so many questions but all she could do was repeat Lee's name, hoping beyond all hope that he was actually there.
"Shh. I'm here, sweet pea, I'm here." said Lee with tears streaming down his eyes. As she pulled away, Clementine cried out "W-why Lee? Why did you make me leave?"
"Clem I-"
"I-I thought you were a walker, l-like my parents." Sobbed Clementine. "Omid and Christa took care of me, a-and now they're gone too."
"Oh sweet pea, I'm so, so, sorry that you had to go through all that."
Clementine hugged Lee again. "I'm sorry, Lee, I'm sorry that I ever trusted the man on the radio, I'm sorry for not listening to both you and Christa, I'm sorry for causing you to get bit back in Savannah!" Exclaimed Clementine.
"Clementine, honey, none of that was your fault. If there is anyone to blame, it's that son of a bitch who took you." Responded Lee “He manipulated you, for his own selfish gain."
"Lee?"
"Yea, sweet pea?"
"Swear."
Lee let out a short chuckle, and Clementine gave him a smile in return.
“Kenny and Sarita have been staying with us for several weeks.” explained the man in red “and Lee arrived here a few days ago. Used to be a ski lodge, obviously, so we have plenty of food.”
Clementine looked around at the lodge, it was big and was full of Christmas lights.
“And believe it or not, we still get some power from that wind turbine out front. We tend to keep most lights off at night to avoid drawing attention. But after we found this stuff in storage, we couldn't resist making an exemption.” Said the man as Kenny made a playful talking motion with his hand, which made Clementine giggle.
“What's funny?”
“Oh nothin, Walt” Kenny responded “Walter here is one smart son of a bitch. Makes a mean can of beans too.”
“Well, why don’t you three catch up while I get some dinner started?” Invited Walter in a friendly manner.
“Please, make yourselves at home. You can leave your things over there.”
“The hell we will” Retorted Rebecca.
“Yeah, I’m holdin’ on to my rifle, thanks,” Nick added.
“You're our guest here. There’s no need to worry.” Replied Walter.
“Tell them to put their guns down, then.” Nick suggested, eyeing Kenny and Lee’s firearms.
“Kenny, Lee?” Asked Walter. Lee looked over at Clementine, putting his gun in his holster. Lee asked, “Clem, honey, do you vouch for these people?"
"They're cool." ***
[AN] And so, I think (if I had more time to write) I would have kept the overall plot of S2 the same, with some tweaks considering ya know, LEE IS FLIPPING ALIVE IN THIS AU. I think that when it's time for dinner, Luke would want to know how Lee is alive, and Lee would tell him how he escaped Savannah with the help of Molly. Kenny and 'Vanilla Ice' would have their argument. Long story short, I think that after everyone is captured by Carver, Lee would be overprotective of Clem. I personally like the idea of a more aggressive and darker Lee after Savannah.
And for those who are wondering how Lee is still alive, my thought process is that, if you (as Lee) save Molly in the Crawford school, you would have to cut your arm off and have Clem leave you (if that wasn't obvious). If Molly is with Lee, I'd personally would have either killed her off screen or have her and Lee separate for some reason (either by walkers or bandits or something like that).
But yea, I really enjoyed writing this out. I think I did my best with the dialog, trying to stay in character and whatnot.
I think at some point I'll write out the Kenny vs Jane scene in this AU, mainly because I want to see the beginning of "Mama" Clementine and Lee still alive, somehow. Anyway, I hope y'all enjoyed this. Like I said, it was fun and heartwarming to write. Please leave your thoughts in the comments
submitted by Exotic_____Butters02 to TWDGFanFic [link] [comments]
"Wait, I see something!"
"What is it?" Asked Luke, the group has been on the run for five days. Ever since the eleven year old first met Carver at the cabin, they had to keep moving. And this was not a good sign.
"A light. Wait, there's another." She called out.
"Luke?"
As she looked down, Clementine could see Luke run off to the lodge, there was something going on, Clementine climbed down the ladder. As she got closer to her group, Clementine could hear them arguing with the strangers, and things didn't sound too good.
"Liston everyone, just stay calm."
"Who are you?! Are you trying to rob us?" Asked a woman with a heavy accent.
"Excuse me, honey, but do I look like a fucking thief?"
"Everyone calm down." Said a balding man, who wore a red sweater.
"Hey man, you calm the fuck down."
"Sarah, get behind me."
"Just tell us who you are." The man in red said.
"We ain't here to rob nobody. Put the gun down, man."
"Fuck That!" Yelled a voice, one that Clementine thought sounded familiar.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa."
"Please, just do what he says." The woman pleaded.
By the time Clementine got behind Luke and Nick she saw someone who she thought had died a long, long time ago.
"Kenny!?"
"Wait, you know this guy?" asked Luke.
"Clementine?" Kenny said as the eleven year old hugged him. As Clementine hugged Kenny there was only one thought that went through her mind, How is this possible? Christa said that he died!
As Kenny placed his hand on Clementine's shoulder, the man in red remarked. "I'll take that as a yes."
"These people with you? Kenny asked, wanting to make sure that the eleven year old wasn't in any danger. She nodded.
"We can talk inside."
"Great, I just started dinner." Said the man in red.
"Are you sure you don't mind?" Asked Carlos hesitantly.
"It's gonna storm soon, please, come in."
As the two groups walk into the lodge Clementine could see Kenny's smile grow bigger and bigger. As she smiled back, Kenny let out a chuckle and said "Come on, there's something I want to show ya."
Clementine was a little confused but she didn't care, Kenny was alive and right now, that's all she cared about. As they entered the lodge Clementine heard a man's voice callout, it was deep and soothing, it was a voice that had once brought her comfort. Still brought her comfort in her through both dreams and nightmares. It couldn't be Him, could it?
"You alright Ken?"
"Yea, I'm all right. But I've got someone you might want to see." replied Kenny.
Even more confused than before Clementine looked up to see the one person that she could swear that she would never see again, there, with one arm and a bushy black beard, stood Lee Everett.
"Cl-Clementine?!?" Lee blurted out.
There was a moment of stunned silence between the two.
'LEE?!" Yelled Clementine as she started to cry, the two embraced each other. Clementine had so many questions but all she could do was repeat Lee's name, hoping beyond all hope that he was actually there.
"Shh. I'm here, sweet pea, I'm here." said Lee with tears streaming down his eyes. As she pulled away, Clementine cried out "W-why Lee? Why did you make me leave?"
"Clem I-"
"I-I thought you were a walker, l-like my parents." Sobbed Clementine. "Omid and Christa took care of me, a-and now they're gone too."
"Oh sweet pea, I'm so, so, sorry that you had to go through all that."
Clementine hugged Lee again. "I'm sorry, Lee, I'm sorry that I ever trusted the man on the radio, I'm sorry for not listening to both you and Christa, I'm sorry for causing you to get bit back in Savannah!" Exclaimed Clementine.
"Clementine, honey, none of that was your fault. If there is anyone to blame, it's that son of a bitch who took you." Responded Lee “He manipulated you, for his own selfish gain."
"Lee?"
"Yea, sweet pea?"
"Swear."
Lee let out a short chuckle, and Clementine gave him a smile in return.
“Kenny and Sarita have been staying with us for several weeks.” explained the man in red “and Lee arrived here a few days ago. Used to be a ski lodge, obviously, so we have plenty of food.”
Clementine looked around at the lodge, it was big and was full of Christmas lights.
“And believe it or not, we still get some power from that wind turbine out front. We tend to keep most lights off at night to avoid drawing attention. But after we found this stuff in storage, we couldn't resist making an exemption.” Said the man as Kenny made a playful talking motion with his hand, which made Clementine giggle.
“What's funny?”
“Oh nothin, Walt” Kenny responded “Walter here is one smart son of a bitch. Makes a mean can of beans too.”
“Well, why don’t you three catch up while I get some dinner started?” Invited Walter in a friendly manner.
“Please, make yourselves at home. You can leave your things over there.”
“The hell we will” Retorted Rebecca.
“Yeah, I’m holdin’ on to my rifle, thanks,” Nick added.
“You're our guest here. There’s no need to worry.” Replied Walter.
“Tell them to put their guns down, then.” Nick suggested, eyeing Kenny and Lee’s firearms.
“Kenny, Lee?” Asked Walter. Lee looked over at Clementine, putting his gun in his holster. Lee asked, “Clem, honey, do you vouch for these people?"
"They're cool." ***
[AN] And so, I think (if I had more time to write) I would have kept the overall plot of S2 the same, with some tweaks considering ya know, LEE IS FLIPPING ALIVE IN THIS AU. I think that when it's time for dinner, Luke would want to know how Lee is alive, and Lee would tell him how he escaped Savannah with the help of Molly. Kenny and 'Vanilla Ice' would have their argument. Long story short, I think that after everyone is captured by Carver, Lee would be overprotective of Clem. I personally like the idea of a more aggressive and darker Lee after Savannah.
And for those who are wondering how Lee is still alive, my thought process is that, if you (as Lee) save Molly in the Crawford school, you would have to cut your arm off and have Clem leave you (if that wasn't obvious). If Molly is with Lee, I'd personally would have either killed her off screen or have her and Lee separate for some reason (either by walkers or bandits or something like that).
But yea, I really enjoyed writing this out. I think I did my best with the dialog, trying to stay in character and whatnot.
I think at some point I'll write out the Kenny vs Jane scene in this AU, mainly because I want to see the beginning of "Mama" Clementine and Lee still alive, somehow. Anyway, I hope y'all enjoyed this. Like I said, it was fun and heartwarming to write. Please leave your thoughts in the comments
2023.06.04 01:19 peachyroo May empties 🧼🕯️✨
 | submitted by peachyroo to bathandbodyworks [link] [comments] |
2023.06.03 23:53 -Xoz- Deep Discography Dive (#2) — Post
This is a master list of every official and unofficial track from the Post Era (1995 — 1997). I have tried my best to make this an exhaustive list after comparing and referencing multiple sources. For remixes, only official and promo ones are included - which had at least one form of physical release, unofficial digital only remixes which came on years later by lesser known artists are not included. For Live versions, only the ones officially released are included. Radio edits and video versions are only inluded if they are significantly deifferent than album versions. See something not on the list which fits the criteria, please comment.
Spotify Playlist — Playlist order : B-sides and bonus tracks followed by alternate versions and remixes in the order of album tracklist. Availability of songs on Spotify is subject to your location. Songs not marked as unavailable here are because they are available for me, and will most likely be for you too, unless you are in the US.
See a song not available for you on Spotify or another digital platform? Head to this post and fill out a form.
submitted by -Xoz- to bjork [link] [comments]
Spotify Playlist — Playlist order : B-sides and bonus tracks followed by alternate versions and remixes in the order of album tracklist. Availability of songs on Spotify is subject to your location. Songs not marked as unavailable here are because they are available for me, and will most likely be for you too, unless you are in the US.
See a song not available for you on Spotify or another digital platform? Head to this post and fill out a form.
■■■
##Key:- ◆ — Unofficial / Promo
- ♣︎ — Official but not on Spotify (yet) / Can be found on YouTube
- ♣︎/ — Official but neither on Spotify nor on YouTube
- ◆/ — Unofficial not found on YouTube
■■■
B-Sides / Bonus:
- Charlene
- I Go Humble
- Sweet Intuition
- Sweet Sweet Intuition
- My Spine
- Karvel
- Vísur Vatnsenda-Rósu♣︎
■■■
Features / Collaborations / Covers:
- Keep Your Mouth Shut (with Nearly God)♣︎
- Yoga (with Nearly God)♣︎
- Oxygen (with Evelyn Glennie)♣︎
- Short Term Affair (with Tony Ferrino)
- Party Town (Groove of Hafnir City) (with HAM, Keyboards by Björk)
- Sodoma Theme (with HAM, Keyboards by Björk)
- Animalia (with HAM, Keyboards by Björk)
- On the Run Again (with HAM, Keyboards by Björk)
- Icelandic Christmas Song aka Jólasveinar♣︎
- Nu Flyver Anton◆
- Travessia (Milton Nascimento Cover)◆
- Stressed Out (Dandelions Mix Master) (Remix by Björk)◆
- Stressed Out (Married to the Mob Mix Master) (Remix by Björk)◆
- Stressed Out (Say Dip Mix Master) (Remix by Björk)◆
■■■
Alternate Versions [Demos / Promos / Live / Remixes]:
- Army of Me (feat. Skunk Anansie)
- Army of Me (Live Debut Tour Version) aka (If You Complain Once More)◆
- Army of Me (Post Live)
- Army of Me (Voltaïc Live)
- Army of Me (ABA All-Stars Mix) aka (Beastie Boys Vocal Mix)
- Army of Me (Instrumental ABA All-Stars Mix) aka (Beastie Boys Instrumental Mix)
- Army of Me (Masseymix)
- Army of Me (Sucker Punch Remix)♣︎
- Army Of Me (Nellee Hooper Mix) aka album version
- Army of Me (Interzone Cover)♣︎
- Army of Me (Reinterpreted by Grisbi)♣︎
- Army of Me (The Messengers of God Cover)♣︎
- Army of Me (50 Hertz feat. Häxor Och Porr and Slagsmålsklubben Cover)♣︎
- Army of Me (Dr Syntax'N'CB Turbo v Rivethead Cover)♣︎
- Army of Me (Dr Gunni Cover)♣︎
- Army of Me (Accordian Mix)♣︎
- Army of Me (Hemp Cover)♣︎
- Army of Me (Lunamoth Cover)♣︎
- Army of Me (Bersarinplatz Mix)♣︎
- Army of Me (Baker Mix)♣︎
- Army of Me (Random Cover)♣︎
- Army of Me (Atoi Cover)♣︎
- Army of Me (The Liquid Riot Mix)♣︎
- Army of Me (Pink Battle Mash Up)♣︎
- Army of Me (Army of Klaus Remix)♣︎
- Army of Me (Undancing Remix)♣︎
- A(r)mour (Liliom Cover)♣︎
- Once More (In CoF Minor) (Mikhail Karikis Cover)♣︎
- Army of Me (Tor Bruce Cover)♣︎
- Hyperballad (Post Live)
- Hyperballad (Voltaïc Live)
- Hyperballad (Vocal Accapella)◆/
- Hyperballad (Tibetan Freedom Concert Live)♣︎
- Hyperballad (Radio Edit on UK CD #2) aka (Video Version)
- Hyperballad (Brodsky Quartet Version)
- Hyperballad (Girls Blouse Mix / Outcast)
- Hyperballad (Over The Edge Mix)
- Hyperballad (Over The Edge Mix - Live at Wembley)♣︎
- Hyperballad (Towa Tei Remix) aka (Towa Tei Choice Mix)
- Hyperballad (Towa Tei Remix Vocal Loud)◆/
- Hyperballad (Towa Tei Remix Instrumental)◆/
- Hyperballad (Robin Hood Riding Through The Glen Mix)
- Hyperballad (The Stomp Mix)
- Hyperballad (The Hyperballad Fluke Mix)
- Hyperballad (Subtle Abuse Mix)
- Hyperballad (Tee's Freeze Mix)
- Hyperballad (Tee's Radio Edit)◆/
- Hyperballad (LFO's 3am Mix)
- Hyperballad (Disco Sync Mix)♣︎
- Hyperballad (David Morales Classic Mix)♣︎
- Hyperballad (David Morales Boss Dub Mix)◆
- Hyperballad (David Morales Radio Edit)◆
- Hyperballad (Tom Apella Remix)◆/
- Hyperballad (With Drums)◆/
- Hyperballad (No Drums)◆/
- The Modern Things (Post Live)
- The Modern Things (Demo)
- It's Oh So Quiet (Post Live)
- Enjoy (Post Live)
- Enjoy (The Beats Mix)♣︎
- Enjoy (Further Over The Edge Mix)
- You've Been Flirting Again (Icelandic Mix)
- You've Been Flirting Again (Homogenic Live)
- You've Been Flirting Again (Flirt is a Promise Mix)
- Isobel (Post Live)
- Isobel (Homogenic Live)
- Isobel (Biophilia Live)
- Isobel (Deodato Mix)
- Isobel (Siggtriplet Blunt Mix)
- Isobel (Isobel's Lonely Heart) aka (Goldie Remix)
- Isobel (The Carcass Remix)
- Isobel (Dim's Enchanted Forest)♣︎
- Isobel (Transfunk Remix)♣︎
- Isobel (Ln's Remix)♣︎
- Isobel (Dim's Hi Compact French Touch)♣︎
- Isobel (Dim's Ol' School Dubstrumental)♣︎
- Possibly Maybe (Post Live)
- Possibly Maybe (Homogenic Live)
- Possibly Maybe (Biophilia Live)
- Possibly Maybe (Promo)◆/
- Possibly Maybe (Live at Wembley)♣︎
- Possibly Maybe (with the Brodsky Quartet)
- Possibly Maybe (No DJ Scanner sample Version)◆/
- Possibly Maybe (Lucy Mix)
- Possibly Maybe (Calcutta Cyber Cafe Mix)
- Possibly Maybe (Calcutta Cyber Cafe Dub Mix)♣︎
- Possibly Maybe (Dallas Austin Mix)
- I Miss You (Demo) aka Gail Biffen◆
- I Miss You (Alternate Vocal Take)◆
- I Miss You (Post Live)
- I Miss You (Voltaïc Live)
- I Miss You (Photek Mix)♣︎
- I Miss You (Dobbie Rub Part One - Sunshine Mix)
- I Miss You (Dobie's Rub Part Two - It's a Hip Hop Thing)
- I Miss You (Darren Emerson's Underwater Mix)
- I Miss You (R.H. Factor Lovely Mix)♣︎
- I Miss You (R.H. Factor Ugly Mix)♣︎
- I Miss You (R.H. Factor Beats) aka (Percussion Mix)♣︎/
- I Miss You (R.H. Factor Radio Edit)♣︎/
- I Miss You (Junior Vasquez Remix)◆
- I Miss You (Compulsion Mix)◆
- Cover Me (Cave Version, with the Brodsky Quartet)
- Cover Me (Cave Version)
- Cover Me (Dillinja Mix)
- Cover Me (Plaid Mix)
- Headphones (Post Live)
- Headphones (Ø Remix) aka (Mika Vainio 0Mix), (The Mëtri Mix)
- I Go Humble (Post Live)
- I Go Humble (Homogenic Live)
- I Go Humble (Instrumental)◆
- I Go Humble / Got To Be Startin' Somethin' Improvisation (Live)◆/
- Vísur Vatnsenda-Rósu (Homogenic Live)
Post related releases:
- Telegram
Remixes and Covers♣︎ - Live at Shepherds Bush Empire (Live Video)
- Later (Live Video at Later with Jools Holland — Hyperballad and Possibly Maybe)
- Post Surrounded♣︎
- MTV Unplugged & Live (Live Video) [Contains only Isobel and You've Been Flirting Again from Post]
- Post Live
■■■
2023.06.03 21:54 lucewrites [725] The Old Man and the Teacup
I'd love some feedback on this excerpt from a story I've been writing (especially on the prose and the dialogue). The story focuses on a young woman, Sylvie, who thinks her local pub might be a sort of 'truck stop' for time travellers. It's set in the UK, in the present day. In this excerpt, she's sitting in the pub with her pen and notebook, trying to figure out whether there are really time travellers among the pub's patrons.
Thank you so much for reading!
..........
Over the course of the afternoon, Sylvie recorded the comings and goings of eight customers: four sixty-something men who arrived together, drank together, and left together; a young couple dressed in matching Christmas sweaters; a dour-faced woman and her equally dour-faced Mastiff; and an elderly man who nursed a single cup of tea for nearly an hour. They all looked twenty-first-century-ordinary. No Brylcreemed pompadours. No bell bottoms. No spiral perms. But to get a proper sense of where—when—they were from, appearances alone wouldn’t suffice.
The old man looked to be the most approachable of the bunch. Sylvie ordered another lemonade at the bar and, as she headed back to her table, she stopped to speak to him. ‘Excuse me. Do you have the time?’
‘Oh—er—yes.’ He pushed back his sleeve and peered at his watch. ‘It’s just after eight.’
‘Thanks,’ Sylvie said. It was two in the afternoon.
‘You’re an early riser, too, then?’ the man said.
‘I suppose I am.’
‘You know what they say—the early bird gets the worm.’ He smiled, and the crows’ feet at the corners of his eyes deepened. There was something so exceedingly good-natured about him that Sylvie couldn’t help but smile back. ‘Now,’ he said, ‘I’ve not seen you here before.’
‘I haven’t been coming here long. Have you?’
‘Oh, yes. I come by for breakfast nearly every day.’
‘Do they serve a nice breakfast here?’ Sylvie asked.
‘To tell you the truth,’ the man said, glancing over at the bar, ‘the toast is a bit soggy. Just between you and me, of course.’ He tapped the side of his nose conspiratorially. ‘Have a seat, if you’d like.’
‘Thanks,’ Sylvie said, accepting his offer. ‘What brings you here, then? If the breakfast isn’t up to much, I mean.’
He scrutinised her. Sylvie got the sense that he was trying to make up his mind about something. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘let me show you something.’ He opened his wallet and held it out to her with a trembling hand. Inside was a small black-and-white photograph. It featured a young man wearing a military uniform. He was handsome—full-cheeked and bright-eyed, with large, elfin ears. He was smiling, but only a little, as if he was trying to suppress it.
‘This,’ the man said, ‘is my boy. Edmund. He’s been dead—let me think—forty-five years, now.’ He shook his head. ‘You’re going to think I’m mad. Goodness knows I do, sometimes.’ He paused and looked at the photograph again. ‘I saw him in here. Only once. Years ago.’
‘Do you mean…?’
‘Yes. After—after he died. Years after. But it was him. I swear it was him. I’d stake my life on it. I know my boy. I was on my way in, and he was on his way out, and by the time I’d clocked what I was seeing, he was gone. Just like that.’ He snapped his fingers, and the silence and stillness around them lent the small sound a strange, resonant quality. ‘Well, I went after him, of course, but it was as if he’d vanished—right into thin air.’
‘That’s strange,’ Sylvie said, softly. She felt a pang of some difficult-to-identify emotion—guilt, perhaps. Part of her wanted to divulge her suspicions to this grieving father; another part of her, however, was afraid. Afraid that she was wrong about all this. Afraid of giving him false hope. Afraid of giving herself false hope.
‘I’ve been coming here ever since. Never seen him again.’ He looked down at the contents of his teacup, which must have been stone-cold by now. ‘Still,’ he said, looking back up at Sylvie with a smile, ‘I live in hope.’
Sylvie smiled back. She pointed at the teacup. ‘Can I get you another?’
‘No, no—thank you, but no. I should be off. I need to pick up a newspaper and get back to Rosemary. She’s a Maine Coon, you know, and she likes to eat. She’ll be looking for her brunch now.’ He got to his feet with some difficulty and took up a battered walking stick. ‘Perhaps I’ll see you in here again soon. What’s your name, my dear?’
‘Sylvie. What’s yours?’
‘Nice to meet you, Sylvie. I’m John.’
‘Nice to meet you too, John.’
‘Have a nice morning, now. And if you see that boy of mine, tell him I’m looking for him, won’t you?’
submitted by lucewrites to WritersGroup [link] [comments]
Thank you so much for reading!
..........
Over the course of the afternoon, Sylvie recorded the comings and goings of eight customers: four sixty-something men who arrived together, drank together, and left together; a young couple dressed in matching Christmas sweaters; a dour-faced woman and her equally dour-faced Mastiff; and an elderly man who nursed a single cup of tea for nearly an hour. They all looked twenty-first-century-ordinary. No Brylcreemed pompadours. No bell bottoms. No spiral perms. But to get a proper sense of where—when—they were from, appearances alone wouldn’t suffice.
The old man looked to be the most approachable of the bunch. Sylvie ordered another lemonade at the bar and, as she headed back to her table, she stopped to speak to him. ‘Excuse me. Do you have the time?’
‘Oh—er—yes.’ He pushed back his sleeve and peered at his watch. ‘It’s just after eight.’
‘Thanks,’ Sylvie said. It was two in the afternoon.
‘You’re an early riser, too, then?’ the man said.
‘I suppose I am.’
‘You know what they say—the early bird gets the worm.’ He smiled, and the crows’ feet at the corners of his eyes deepened. There was something so exceedingly good-natured about him that Sylvie couldn’t help but smile back. ‘Now,’ he said, ‘I’ve not seen you here before.’
‘I haven’t been coming here long. Have you?’
‘Oh, yes. I come by for breakfast nearly every day.’
‘Do they serve a nice breakfast here?’ Sylvie asked.
‘To tell you the truth,’ the man said, glancing over at the bar, ‘the toast is a bit soggy. Just between you and me, of course.’ He tapped the side of his nose conspiratorially. ‘Have a seat, if you’d like.’
‘Thanks,’ Sylvie said, accepting his offer. ‘What brings you here, then? If the breakfast isn’t up to much, I mean.’
He scrutinised her. Sylvie got the sense that he was trying to make up his mind about something. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘let me show you something.’ He opened his wallet and held it out to her with a trembling hand. Inside was a small black-and-white photograph. It featured a young man wearing a military uniform. He was handsome—full-cheeked and bright-eyed, with large, elfin ears. He was smiling, but only a little, as if he was trying to suppress it.
‘This,’ the man said, ‘is my boy. Edmund. He’s been dead—let me think—forty-five years, now.’ He shook his head. ‘You’re going to think I’m mad. Goodness knows I do, sometimes.’ He paused and looked at the photograph again. ‘I saw him in here. Only once. Years ago.’
‘Do you mean…?’
‘Yes. After—after he died. Years after. But it was him. I swear it was him. I’d stake my life on it. I know my boy. I was on my way in, and he was on his way out, and by the time I’d clocked what I was seeing, he was gone. Just like that.’ He snapped his fingers, and the silence and stillness around them lent the small sound a strange, resonant quality. ‘Well, I went after him, of course, but it was as if he’d vanished—right into thin air.’
‘That’s strange,’ Sylvie said, softly. She felt a pang of some difficult-to-identify emotion—guilt, perhaps. Part of her wanted to divulge her suspicions to this grieving father; another part of her, however, was afraid. Afraid that she was wrong about all this. Afraid of giving him false hope. Afraid of giving herself false hope.
‘I’ve been coming here ever since. Never seen him again.’ He looked down at the contents of his teacup, which must have been stone-cold by now. ‘Still,’ he said, looking back up at Sylvie with a smile, ‘I live in hope.’
Sylvie smiled back. She pointed at the teacup. ‘Can I get you another?’
‘No, no—thank you, but no. I should be off. I need to pick up a newspaper and get back to Rosemary. She’s a Maine Coon, you know, and she likes to eat. She’ll be looking for her brunch now.’ He got to his feet with some difficulty and took up a battered walking stick. ‘Perhaps I’ll see you in here again soon. What’s your name, my dear?’
‘Sylvie. What’s yours?’
‘Nice to meet you, Sylvie. I’m John.’
‘Nice to meet you too, John.’
‘Have a nice morning, now. And if you see that boy of mine, tell him I’m looking for him, won’t you?’
2023.06.03 09:11 hoagsobjectearth Ugly Christmas Sweater Promo Code for June 2023
Check out the link for Ugly Christmas Sweater Promo Code for June 2023. Once on the website, you'll have access to a variety of coupons, promo codes, and discount deals that are updated regularly to help you save on your purchase.
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2023.06.02 18:08 voluntarilyweedriver My Bratz Movies Tier List
 | no one asked for this 💓 submitted by voluntarilyweedriver to Bratz [link] [comments] |
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2023.06.02 00:55 Superb-Ad4997 Wildflower Weekend Wedding - Budget/Recap May 2023
This subreddit allowed me to plan our wedding. I am so grateful and found these breakdowns especially useful, and now a cathartic experience for me and hopefully a way to give back!
Photos
First step that helped us the most was deciding as a team early on what we wanted our wedding to bring to us and our future.
We were inspired early on by This Post and the comments.
We have both been through a lot of life and have a lot of gratitude for the people that have gotten us to this point and wanted to make space to celebrate with all of them in a big way. This inspired the rest of our wedding planning, committing us to a big guest list, requiring a big venue. We invited 304 people (154 households), 179 RSVP’d yes, and had ~10 no-show. Our family and friends live all over the country and some abroad, so we decided to pick a location close to us, but that had multiple houses on site to host our family/bridal party for the weekend (thurs-sunday; saturday wedding) so that we could have more time with those people closest to us.
Total: $69,407 (MCOL area)
Venue: $28,250 “Weekend Package”
Google Spreadsheet Wedding Planning
It’s created from all sorts of different helpful spreadsheets I found here and from other wedding websites. The “Checklist” really doesn’t start until I realized how easy it is to get lost in needing to capture so many personal little details that would keep me up at night feeling like they were slipping through the cracks. But if you’re starting from the beginning, you will need to include the big ticket “check boxes” that are in the budget portion. Hopefully it can help some others! Happy planning Weddit!
submitted by Superb-Ad4997 to weddingplanning [link] [comments]
Photos
First step that helped us the most was deciding as a team early on what we wanted our wedding to bring to us and our future.
We were inspired early on by This Post and the comments.
We have both been through a lot of life and have a lot of gratitude for the people that have gotten us to this point and wanted to make space to celebrate with all of them in a big way. This inspired the rest of our wedding planning, committing us to a big guest list, requiring a big venue. We invited 304 people (154 households), 179 RSVP’d yes, and had ~10 no-show. Our family and friends live all over the country and some abroad, so we decided to pick a location close to us, but that had multiple houses on site to host our family/bridal party for the weekend (thurs-sunday; saturday wedding) so that we could have more time with those people closest to us.
Total: $69,407 (MCOL area)
Venue: $28,250 “Weekend Package”
- Indoor and outdoor space for ceremony/reception
- Lodging for ~60 people w/Lake access
- Rehearsal dinner space (same as wedding reception)
- Weekend coordinators
- Tables/chairs/arbor
- Additional costs - $1500: rehearsal dinner speakers/mic, bars, extra chairs/tables, late checkout, event insurance
- 2 additional houses near venue (lodging for 15 people)
- Because we were about 30min from the nearest city, we decided it was important to us to be able to have close family nearby, and rented out these houses as a gift for close family and friends. We debated a few different ways to have people rent the rooms back from us, but in the end felt like covering lodging cost was the better option.
- Postcard STD ($60), Invites w/vellum paper + details/rsvp insert + personalized sticker ($298), Thank you cards ($25), Seating Chart ($20 - GotPrint, 24”x30” foam board, used coupon), Table Numbers ($35 - printed on shutterfly sale 5x7), Programs w/menu ($200), Postage ($207 - estimating on thank you cards, saved money with postcard stamps).
- I designed everything on Canva (free), and printed almost everything above through canva as well with a few exceptions. They were excellent. I had fun making my own wedding “suite” that suited our personalities and could be used from the invites to the table numbers.
- Program was a booklet that was made using x2 8x11 sheets printed as “letterhead” folded to have a welcome page, ceremony structure, wedding party, community vow, wedding day timeline, our love story timeline, the menu, and a thank you back page with a map I designed using SnazzyMaps with pins from every state/country people traveled from
- We did online RSVP through WithJoy and it was great. We also used GoogleForms early in the planning process to collect addresses that autopopulated into an excel spreadsheet.
- Linens** ($360 - bought, (40 round, 10 rectangle) split cost as sharing with a friend. The cost to rent and have the linens transported to the venue would’ve been $2000. This was one of the toughest parts of the DIY wedding - happy to post more info if other people are also trying to do this.)
- Sign holders ($80 - 5x7 off amazon for 48 total), bud vases ($22 - most vases were borrowed from friends/family), Guest “book” ($180- we bought 4 nice photo frames with mattes and took the mattes out and had people sign them - came out beautifully), Bathroom baskets ($189), Glowsticks/Foam party sticks ($63), Sparklers ($97 - last minute add and I’m glad we did. It was special to have a “closing ceremony” of sorts - even though we all went back to the house at the venue for an after party)
- Photo backdrop and neon “good vibes only” sign - gifted
- Flower Moxie “Wildflower Package” with additional add ins ($2260) - these flowers were amazing. (photo of my bouquet in a vase - I’d had the flowers for 1 week!) We got buckets from Trader Joes for free. We had pruning shears and gloves on hand. We have a family member that has done florals for a few weddings and works at a plant shop. She gave us the amazing gift of doing our bouquets and bringing in potted flowers and ferns as well. She also designed a faux flower arbor accent for us based on our flowers. This work was incredible. Happy to answer more DIY flower questions.
- Grandparent charms ($102): both sets of my grandparents passed away. I had these designed from etsy with 3 charms including their wedding photo, kiss photo, and cake cutting photo. Absolutely worth it. Planning to re-purpose as a christmas tree ornament heirloom.
- Wedding catered for 174 people, Chickfila for wedding day lunch (~70 people), PapaJohn’s Thursday night of wedding weekend
- Catering was buffet and “Heavy Hors d'oeuvres” style with a mac n’cheese bar and we heard only good things from everyone
- Included cake cutting service, coffee/tea/watelemonade, and sodas/mixers/ice for the bar
- Bride mom paid for costco snacks/sandwiches for the weekend
- Groom family paid for catered rehearsal dinner
- Bride mom mom paid for wedding cake ($75) also from costco which was amazing - we did 3 sheet cakes and 1 round cake for cutting. We had 1 entire sheet cake leftover.
- BeeWine for wedding and rehearsal dinner ($1557); wedding day bartenders x3 for 5.5hrs ($1950), personalized koozies ($245)
- Groom’s family had a contact and bought all the liquor for the rehearsal dinnewedding
- Our venue allowed BYOB, and some of this cost includes extra alcohol for the wedding weekend, though we also had friends BYOB
- Beer from Sam’s Club and Total Wine ($727) - mix of Miller, Coors, Ultra, Founder’s IPA, Stella (this is the only alcohol that ran out)
- Wine from Trader Joes ($830)- you can talk with someone about ordering cases in advance and it took about 5 days to arrive. We did not do a champagne toast, but I got 10 bottles of trader joe’s prosecco to have at the bridal party house for the weekend. We got 2 cases of red, 6 cases of white, 2 cases of rose and had between 6-12 bottles of each type of wine leftover. I only bought wine that we like, so plan to drink it in the coming months and did not ask about their return policy.
- Included ceremony speakers/2 mics, had a fun video display that rotated out photos of people dancing, and including lighting
- Photo ($4839) 10 hours day of wedding and an engagement session.
- Video ($5000) 9 hours day of and includes a short video plus we paid extra to have all the raw footage
- These were some of our biggest hype people! It was definitely a price point early in the planning process where we had sticker shock, but we are very happy with the decisions we made here. These memories are priceless and the day really does fly by. They made us feel so at ease and so comfortable just being ourselves and coordinating chaotic big families and making the day all about us being in love and celebrating our love.
- Groom suit ($462 - mens warehouse custom, “lifetime” alterations - was a mess. Dropped it off 6 weeks before the wedding, they didn’t call and tell us it was ready, called them the week before the wedding and they said it was ready, the pants were not even hemmed and incorrect alterations had been done. We bought a “back-up” sale suit from J Crew that night for ~$300 and that’s what my husband ended up wearing- no alterations but fit and looked better than the men’s warehouse. Hopefully we get other uses out of both suits).
- Groom shoes, tie, belt, suit shirt ($180)
- Bride Dress ($2299- Stella York- included steaming, storage, preservation), alterations ($410- 7 point bustle, hemmed, shoulders shortened, felt added to shoulder straps, button loops added - was just a zipper, back taken in slightly).
- Bride Shoes ($99 - custom converse, wore several times again already!), Bra ($50- boomba, worked great!), accessories ($130), Veil $20 on amazon and perfect.
- Last minute also added in a new rehearsal dinner dress and short party dress that can be worn for other occasions. I loved my wedding dress and really wanted to wear it all night but about 30min into dancing I wasn’t able to party as much as I wanted to and was glad I had the party dress to swap into!
- Wedding bands from Brilliant Earth: Groom ($1285- platinum), Bride ($1069- white gold)
- HMUA $125 for haimakeup/lashes- (was also $125 for the trial - glad I did it!)- there was also a travel fee as we had it done at the venue that I paid.
- Marriage License $85, Notary $60
- Officiant $300
- Groomsman Gift ($300)
- Bridesmaid Gift ($0- family friend quilted large tote bags for everyone)
- Bridesmaid/Groomsmen Attire ($0 for us - we had large bridal parties so did not cover this cost. Bridesmaid’s ordered their preference of Azazie dress - decided on bermuda blue to contrast the wildflowers- and groomsmen rented from Men’s Warehouse).
- We tipped our day of coordinator $100, DJ $100 (owns the business, but did great!), HMUA 20% ($300 - I paid the entire tip cost for my bridal party but they paid for the HMU cost).
- Photo/Video own their businesses so did not tip- (leaving reviews!)
- Asked catering about tipping and they said they pay all staff a fair wage and it is not expected and gave a range of what people sometimes do tip. We ended up tipping the 9 staff/bartenders $30 each.
Google Spreadsheet Wedding Planning
It’s created from all sorts of different helpful spreadsheets I found here and from other wedding websites. The “Checklist” really doesn’t start until I realized how easy it is to get lost in needing to capture so many personal little details that would keep me up at night feeling like they were slipping through the cracks. But if you’re starting from the beginning, you will need to include the big ticket “check boxes” that are in the budget portion. Hopefully it can help some others! Happy planning Weddit!
2023.06.01 23:00 JackPembroke [SF] God Mode - A Litrpg Short Story
Inside the boundless expanse of Loria Online, Guspy the elven mage drained the last of his mana vaporizing a Vickerbite. It was his third hour of grinding this particular mob, and he was getting tired.
“What’s the drop rate on this thing again?” he asked Collins.
Collins cleaved another Vickerbite with his greataxe. “0.02% or something. Getting bored?”
Guspy was indeed getting bored. Despite their grotesque appearance (they looked like flying crocodile heads with mosquito feet), Vickerbites were pushovers.
“Yeah, I might only have a few minutes’ more patience for this.”
Collins slammed his axe into the ground, causing a shockwave that killed another three. “That’s ok, we’ve been playing for a while. It just kind of feels like wasted time if we quit now, though.”
“Are you getting close to leveling?”
“Nope.”
“Me neither.”
A Vickerbite burst when he swatted it with his staff. A loot bag dropped onto the rust colored dirt.
Probably another Vicker Tongue or leg or something, Guspy thought. He almost didn’t bother to check. But when he did, he found what he and Collins had been seeking for so long.
“I got it! The belt dropped!”
“Thank God, let’s get out of here,” Collins said, regrouping with the mage he protected.
Guspy read the item description for The Belt of Endurance.
The Belt of Endurance Slot: Belt Rarity: Very Rare Earth Resistance: %%0 Air Resistance: %%0 Fire Resistance: %%0 Water Resistance: %%0 Physical Resistance: %%0 Magic Resistance: %%0 Debuff Resistance: %%0
“What the hell?” Guspy said.
“What’s wrong? Is it the wrong belt?” Collins casually swatted two final Vickerbites.
“The stats are glitched or something. It’s supposed to be 5% resistance to everything, right?”
“The BoE? Yeah, 5% resist all. Is it not?”
“It shows ‘percent percent zero’.”
Collins shrugged. “Put it on, see what happens.”
Guspy equipped the belt and checked his character’s stats. “Ha, that’s so weird. All of my resistances show backslash, open parenthesis, ‘N’, close parenthesis.”
Collins used the Warrior’s Assessment ability on Guspy. “Huh. When I analyze you, I see hashtag ‘null’.”
“That’s either really good or really bad,” said Guspy.
Collins raised his sword and struck Guspy on the shoulder.
Collins attacks you for 0 damage
“There are safer ways to check!” Guspy said.
“It didn’t hurt you, weird. Mind if I use a little Fire Fan scroll on you?” Collins asked with a toothy grin.
“You have one? Aren’t you a little over leveled for that?” Fire Fan produced a tiny cone of flame that did very little damage.
“I’m a hoarder. So, can I?” Collins wiggled the scroll between his fingers.
Guspy agreed.
Collins casts Fire Fan for 0 fire damage
“Guspy, I don’t want to alarm you, but I think that belt makes you invincible,” said Collins.
Guspy began to bounce up and down in excitement. “Oh man, think of the possibilities! I can solo raid a guild hall. The Nighthawks deserve that kind of ass whupping,” he said, referring their rival guild in Loria. “Or I can loot an end-game dungeon! We’re not far from The Death Pit.”
Collins looked into Guspy’s eyes and gave him the smile a parent gives a child when they ask where rainbows end.
“Oh, you asshole!” said Guspy.
“I think you should turn it in,” said Collins.
“Why?! Why would I do that?! The Nighthawks have been bullying us for months now. With this, I could walk right in their guild hall, wipe them out, and tear the whole thing down. They wouldn’t be able to stop me! You can’t tell me they don’t deserve it.”
“Not saying they don’t,” said Collins.
Guspy pressed, “I can farm The Death Pit for Soulflayers. Everyone in our guild could have a Soulflayer, even the newbies. They’d finally be tough enough to join us on raids. You know how they’ve been dying to play with us in high level zones. Think how happy they would be!”
“Oh, they’d be awfully happy,” said Collins.
Guspy unleashed his coup de grace. “And! I can go to Fort Murder, stroll through it without a care in the world, kill the general, and not have to split the loot with anyone. That means I would get a Headsman’s Axe, which I would of course donate to my dear friend Collins. Wouldn’t you like a Headsman’s Axe?”
“I absolutely would,” said Collins.
“Ok, good. So, I’ll just—"
“Turn it in, Guspy,” said Collins.
Guspy stamped his feet in frustration. “Why though? You just said you were on board with the Nighthawks and the Soulflayer and the axe!”
“Oh, I am. The Nighthawks need to get taught. Having the newbies be tough enough to join us would be great. I’ve been dying for a Headsman for months now. But you’d be cheating. Momma didn’t raise no cheater, and daddy didn’t raise no troll,” said Collins.
“That’s so backward. You know the Nighthawks would do that to us if they got it,” said Guspy.
“Sure enough. But we can’t control what they do, and I can’t control what you do. I just want you to remember what I’ve said before: there’s a person on the other end of that character. A person just like you. I can only imagine how tilted you’d get if someone cheated to become invincible and killed you. Or farmed their whole guild ultra-rares and used them on you. I’m just asking you, as a friend, to turn it in. Please.”
Guilt. He’s put the guilt in me, thought Guspy. What an asshole.
“Fine, I’ll head to Pokate and turn it in,” said Guspy, pouting and kicking an errant stone.
“Thanks, Gusp. I promise I’ll help you find a legit one. I gotta go, though. Play later?”
“You know it,” said Guspy, and he watched Collin’s avatar dissipate.
Guspy walked back to Pokate City, the largest player hub in the area. The journey was a particularly hazardous one. Wild beast attacks, an assassin, a rockslide, even an errant fireball from an ongoing battle, all harmless in the face of his perfect resistance. He crossed into the city proper, whitewashed buildings that held little shops and extra dimensional guildhalls. Pokate Palace loomed over all of this like a resplendent sundial. The stained-glass windows shimmered in the sunlight.
Guspy approached a beggar in the street. The beggar’s body was gaunt. His dirty rags and matted beard spoke of hungry days and cruel nights. The beggars of Loria Online were portals to moderator attention. Speaking to a beggar cued a request. A moderator would eventually take control of the beggar and offer assistance.
Guspy knelt before the beggar.
“I’d like to speak with a moderator, please.”
“All in good time, my boy,” the beggar wheezed.
Guspy felt an itch in his legs. There was still time to run wild, to reap the rewards of his lottery ticket. He cursed Collins for guilting him and attempted to distract himself. Guspy admired the features on the beggar. His eyes traced cavernous wrinkled flesh. Saw the tiny movements of lice in the filthy thick beard. Saw the faintest deposits of salt in two long tracks leading down from the cloudy blue eyes.
The beggar had been crying. Why would they include such a heartbreaking detail? Why haven’t I ever noticed this before? Guspy thought.
The clouds in the beggar’s eyes parted, revealing a bright blue sky. “Thank you for waiting, this is Raymond. How can I help you?” A voice as crisp as autumn wind now spoke through the beggar.
“Uhh, hi. I’ve got a problem with an item I found?” Guspy spoke at the mouth of the beggar.
“Sure thing! Is it an item you have equipped right now?”
“Yeah, The Belt of Endurance. The values look wonky, and It makes me immune to every element. I’m immune to physical and magic damage now too.”
There was a long pause, the beggar’s eye fluttered. “You’re reporting that an item is broken in your favor?”
Guspy winced. “Umm, yes sir? It basically makes me immortal.”
Guspy waited patiently. The moderator was using his tools to see Guspy’s menu screens, something that was normally private.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” the beggar said. “It’s a null shunt error.”
“A null shunt error?”
“Yeah. Sometimes during a drop-roll, the system shunts over a clipped value that…sometimes it breaks.”
“Ah.”
“They’re a bitch to fix. Thankfully very rare. This one is particularly bad, and I’m at the end of my shift.” The mod let out a sigh that prophesized an exhausting tedious future.
“Well…thank you for your honesty! Usually when an item glitches in a player’s favor, they keep it a secret for as long as they can. Then they have a temper tantrum when we take it away. Alright, Guspy, I’m on morning shift tomorrow. I don’t want to deal with this right now. I’m giving you eight hours of god mode. Can I trust you not to make me regret it?”
Guspy was stunned. A mod was allowing immortality for eight hours? Trusting him? Why?
“You can trust me,” Guspy said.
“I hope so. I’ll fix this in the morning, don’t take the belt off or you’ll have negative infinite resistance and die from a sunburn.” The beggar’s eyes clouded back over.
Guspy threw a gold piece into the beggar’s bowl, a good luck ritual that even the highest level raiders did before a dangerous run.
He was in the clear. A mod had okayed him having god mode. Anything I do is the mod’s fault now! Guspy thought, but the thought gave him a queasy feeling the moment it passed through his mind. He was being trusted. He had promised to not make the mod regret it.
What was the mod’s name? Randy? He remembered Collins's words about there being real people on the other end of the game. He supposed that meant Randy too. He imagined telling someone to their face that his actions were their fault, like trust somehow absolved him of responsibility. He imagined someone else doing that to him. Or doing that to his little sister…
He spent a fair amount of gold on fast travel scrolls, valuable, single-use items that would transport the player anywhere in Loria. Guspy now stood on the craggy lip of Salamander’s Eye. The massive active volcano dominated the primordial jungle landscape. A vast column of ebony smoke rose from the lava pit, the birthplace of thunderclouds. Guspy spread his arms wide and fell into the heat, letting simulated gravity carry him downward to the roiling floor of liquid earth.
At the last moment he reflexively raised his hands to shield himself. Lava was instant death in Loria, doing an infinite amount of damage per second. Guspy was now sinking slowly in this most dangerous of elements unharmed. He raised his hand in a thumbs up as he sank beneath the surface.
Whorls of incandescent crimson, brown, and orange materialized and dispersed endlessly. It was like looking into the fickle furnace of creation, so eager to invent but too chaotic to design.
Guspy wondered if he’d fall forever. At last, his feet settled on something solid. He was the first player to set foot here. A unique accomplishment, one he could keep. He moved through the lava as though it was water. Must not have been a very important thing to program considering you die as soon as you touch it, he thought.
Guspy explored the floor of the volcano. It was perfectly smooth and without texture, an entire volcano held up on a pane of glass. But then he found something. A deformity in the bottom of the world. He explored it with his hand. It felt like a solid bubble sticking up out of the flat plane beneath him. It moved a little.
It’s a doorknob! Guspy realized. He turned it and felt it fall away beneath him. He sank further and dropped into a vast open room, the lava didn’t follow past the entry. Guspy cast a series of Light spells, banishing the darkness to the black obsidian of the walls and floor.
A giant floating sign that hung suspended in midair grabbed Guspy’s attention.
“IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO GET HERE.”
“Shows what you know, sign,” Guspy said, and began to explore.
In the secret chamber Guspy found dozens of monster models from the surrounding area, frozen in the sterile T-position. He took the time inspect them in the minutest detail. He saw the way salamander skin glittered with the luster of countless ruby gemstones. He watched the dancing flames of fire elementals, and discovered their heat rose above the limitation of their hitbox. He looked deep into the eyes of a stone golem and saw that they were prisms. They split the blue glow of the golem’s magical core into a frigid winter sunset, whites and blues dancing and concealing a secret whisper of deep red.
I don’t think I ever really looked at the models before, he thought. Even now he couldn’t recall any specific details of any monster he had fought. They were all colored blurs in his mind, faceless values and blocks of information.
Despite his immortality, he still froze in fear when his spell illuminated a colossus of steel tucked away in a corner of the room. It was a broad suit of cold iron armor, bereft of adornment and pockmarked with the careless ministrations of a thousand hammers beating the metal into shape. In one clenched fist it carried a wicked looking cleaver, one that belonged in a giant’s butcher shop, used to crack the toughest dragon bones and partition the choicest bits.
Guspy had never seen or heard of this creature in his life.
You must not have made it into the final game. At least not yet, thought Guspy. Despite its beastly ugliness, Guspy felt a pang of remorse. Someone worked to design every aspect of this monstrosity to evoke the feelings of fear and disgust, and they had been very successful. But it had gone unused and unseen since the game’s inception.
I remember the Christmas ornament I made in middle school. A Christmas light made to look like a reindeer, googly eyes and fuzzy brown pipe cleaners for antlers. I was so proud. But when Christmas came, they didn’t want to put it on the tree. They thought it looked too silly.
Guspy left a gold coin at its feet, alms for unsung effort.
He was preparing to depart when he noticed an unadorned chest had appeared beneath the presumptive sign. Guspy was certain it hadn’t been there before. He approached, circling the chest, before reaching out and lightly tapping it. He may invulnerable, but this was a developer’s world. Who knows what treachery could hide here? He lifted the lid, tilting his head and peeking at its contents with one eye shut. Inside was a billiard sized ball of translucent glass. Guspy recognized a Title Sphere. These rare items would grant a moniker to the character’s name. It was a single use item worth tens of thousands of gold. Too curious to resist learning what it would bestow, he shattered the sphere in his palm. Red dust flowed between his fingers like Martian sand. His name had changed from Guspy to Guspy the Wanderer.
Guspy used his next scroll and teleported to the shipwreck of the Soothsayers Doom. A brig suspended above the ocean on a monstrous coral bed, the ship itself was a mid-level dungeon. Players could fight their way from deck to deck, battling undead crewmen that fired grapeshot salvos into crowded rooms, shredding players into bloody clouds. The Captain was the boss of the dungeon, and part of his loot was a map that would send players on a quest line that eventually led players to the halls of the merfolk king, an extremely high-level dungeon at the bottom of the ocean.
Being immortal, Guspy took what players called the ‘express route’, swimming directly downward from the open sea. It was suicide. Besides suffocation, players had to contend with titanic carcharodons, giant squid, invisible water elementals, and elite merfolk guard. These creatures had mastery of the terrain, and few players were accustomed to attacks that could come from any direction.
Beneath him, the phosphorescent glow of the Coral Castle overpowered the distant sun for dominion of the depths. Guspy slipped into a castle window, ignoring the tridents of the pursuing Knights of Pearl. The Castle was a dungeon that needed to be completed quickly, lest the player’s water breathing magic wear off. That made it the perfect sight-seeing location for someone who didn’t need to breathe. Guspy examined the meticulously decorated royal bedrooms. The books in Loria were filled with open source stories from the real world. Players spent hours in this fantasy world engrossed in the prose of Tom Sawyer and Paradise Lost. But yellowed letters fell from between the pages like autumn leaves.
Never whole without you, my beloved Jennifer,
B.C.
Guspy didn’t know the merfolk princess even had a name. Neither had he any idea who B.C was, or if these pages were part of some fetch quest he had never come across.
Deeper in the palace he found the throne room of the merfolk king. The king was gigantic, of course, all raid bosses were. The king was also an enemy that demanded constant focus and attention to defeat. He cycled seamlessly through attack patterns, buffs, and stage activations. Missing the tell-tale signs would leave you a step behind the dance and doomed to failure.
Guspy now had a unique opportunity. He ignored the king completely. The throne room was heaped with chests of gold and artifacts plundered from sunken ships. But they were only decorative, ersatz décor designed to regale the room with the trappings of wealth and luxury. Being worthless, players ignored them. Guspy took the time to closely inspect the mountains of coins and bejeweled quillions that rose from the coin piles. Ignoring the world-shaking bolts of lightning, magical rays, and great sweeps of the merfolk king’s trident, he crouched to the level of a single coin.
There, in the face of the coin, were three smiling children. The normal relief of Empress Aubrianna, a mythical figure in Origin’s history, was replaced with a picture of a family. The normal Latin phrase, “A solis ortu usque ad occasum”, had been replaced with, “Jason, Melody, Brock”. He moved from one coin to the next. Families, pets, and selfies looked back at him. Some had names written, others messages, “Thx Mel, my rock <3” “Joe & Cara 4 eva” “We did it!”
Guspy wondered if any player had ever seen these. Maybe, but he hadn’t, and that made it special to him. He wondered what he would put on his own coin. Me, Collins, and Becca at the beach, he thought. A picture that had been his desktop background for years. The only evidence of a perfect day.
Having taken his fill of the throne room, Guspy pulled out another scroll and teleported away.
Hogglerock dungeon was an aberration. Most dungeons tried to evoke a sense of awe or fear, but Hogglerock was just gross. Its entrance was at the center of a mud-smothered swamp. Poisonous insects and carnivorous slugs roamed the wastes searching for carrion to strip or making their own if none could be found.
To descend into the putrid depths of Hogglerock, you entered the mouth of a great saurian beast. It was long since dead, its flesh in a perpetual state of decay. Down its mucus-caked throat, you entered a dungeon that had been created from the offal that remained of its digestive system. Noxious acid pools, monstrous parasites, and bloated scavengers challenged players that came to plunder the carcass.
Guspy had to stop and think before entering the sixth stomach of the beast. He had no idea if his plan would work, or even made sense. Guspy removed all his armor and weapons, save for the Belt of Endurance. He entered the dungeon’s final room, aggroing a great bipedal minotaur and its bovine kin. Guspy sat and crossed his legs. He closed his eyes and focused on slowing his breath and his heart. Aggro in Loria was based on a series of factors: proximity, source of damage or debuff, equipment levels, class, movement, and supposedly even biometric data the VR rig was able to obtain.
The monsters were instantly aggroed when the rubbery sphincter of the sixth stomach was touched, converging on their only target. Guspy’s lack of equipment, aggression, and stillness would reduce his aggro over time. He waited and he watched. In time the monsters lost interest, ceasing their attacks and wandering back to their starting positions. Guspy continued to watch. For a time, they only bobbed in place, replaying idle animations and howling blistering war cries. But, in time, Guspy saw a strange behavior begin. One smaller minotaur creature pulled out a hunk of meat, clutching it by the pure white protruding bone. It chomped a piece and munched in contentment, eyes closed in blissful indulgence. The giant boss minotaur began to sniff the air, and a game of keep away began. The smaller minotaurs tossed the meat between themselves as the boss zeroed in on the source of the smell.
Who is this for? wondered Guspy. Who was meant to see this? And how? Why hide it? How many monsters of Loria Online had these little secrets? Tiny moments of humor buried in terabytes of code, only visible in a state of extreme passivity. Once the capering script had completed, the bovines returned to their normal places and continued to cycle basic idle motions.
It’s for me. Since I’m the one watching it, that means it’s for me, thought Guspy.
Guspy pulled out his final scroll, completing the spell just before he was beset again.
Guspy the Wanderer appeared back in Pokate City. His new title drew lingering looks from other players who searched their memories. Guspy’s time was running low, and fatigue massaged his mind and eyes. There was more he could search for. He could run down the hours until the mod logged back on and set things to rights. But he didn’t want the last moments of such an enlightening day to be a race against the clock. It would spoil the sense of calm and contemplation he had cultivated. Instead he sat down next to a beggar and composed a message to Collins.
“I won’t be joining you today, Collins, but I’ve got so much to tell you about when I do.”
He had seen beyond the veil. He witnessed tiny miracles of creation hidden from mortal sight. Sparks of love that flickered once more when observed. For a precious few hours, he was blessed with a peace that allowed him to fall in love with the game all over again, to appreciate its creation like a benevolent god.
Collins and Guspy returned to the red rock canyon. Guspy admired the visible strata of the walls. Simulated eons left perfect layers of color stacked like the pages of a book. Little details, so insignificant yet so engrossing. He appreciated the work that went into this game. The efforts of artists always caught his notice.
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“What’s the drop rate on this thing again?” he asked Collins.
Collins cleaved another Vickerbite with his greataxe. “0.02% or something. Getting bored?”
Guspy was indeed getting bored. Despite their grotesque appearance (they looked like flying crocodile heads with mosquito feet), Vickerbites were pushovers.
“Yeah, I might only have a few minutes’ more patience for this.”
Collins slammed his axe into the ground, causing a shockwave that killed another three. “That’s ok, we’ve been playing for a while. It just kind of feels like wasted time if we quit now, though.”
“Are you getting close to leveling?”
“Nope.”
“Me neither.”
A Vickerbite burst when he swatted it with his staff. A loot bag dropped onto the rust colored dirt.
Probably another Vicker Tongue or leg or something, Guspy thought. He almost didn’t bother to check. But when he did, he found what he and Collins had been seeking for so long.
“I got it! The belt dropped!”
“Thank God, let’s get out of here,” Collins said, regrouping with the mage he protected.
Guspy read the item description for The Belt of Endurance.
The Belt of Endurance Slot: Belt Rarity: Very Rare Earth Resistance: %%0 Air Resistance: %%0 Fire Resistance: %%0 Water Resistance: %%0 Physical Resistance: %%0 Magic Resistance: %%0 Debuff Resistance: %%0
“What the hell?” Guspy said.
“What’s wrong? Is it the wrong belt?” Collins casually swatted two final Vickerbites.
“The stats are glitched or something. It’s supposed to be 5% resistance to everything, right?”
“The BoE? Yeah, 5% resist all. Is it not?”
“It shows ‘percent percent zero’.”
Collins shrugged. “Put it on, see what happens.”
Guspy equipped the belt and checked his character’s stats. “Ha, that’s so weird. All of my resistances show backslash, open parenthesis, ‘N’, close parenthesis.”
Collins used the Warrior’s Assessment ability on Guspy. “Huh. When I analyze you, I see hashtag ‘null’.”
“That’s either really good or really bad,” said Guspy.
Collins raised his sword and struck Guspy on the shoulder.
Collins attacks you for 0 damage
“There are safer ways to check!” Guspy said.
“It didn’t hurt you, weird. Mind if I use a little Fire Fan scroll on you?” Collins asked with a toothy grin.
“You have one? Aren’t you a little over leveled for that?” Fire Fan produced a tiny cone of flame that did very little damage.
“I’m a hoarder. So, can I?” Collins wiggled the scroll between his fingers.
Guspy agreed.
Collins casts Fire Fan for 0 fire damage
“Guspy, I don’t want to alarm you, but I think that belt makes you invincible,” said Collins.
Guspy began to bounce up and down in excitement. “Oh man, think of the possibilities! I can solo raid a guild hall. The Nighthawks deserve that kind of ass whupping,” he said, referring their rival guild in Loria. “Or I can loot an end-game dungeon! We’re not far from The Death Pit.”
Collins looked into Guspy’s eyes and gave him the smile a parent gives a child when they ask where rainbows end.
“Oh, you asshole!” said Guspy.
“I think you should turn it in,” said Collins.
“Why?! Why would I do that?! The Nighthawks have been bullying us for months now. With this, I could walk right in their guild hall, wipe them out, and tear the whole thing down. They wouldn’t be able to stop me! You can’t tell me they don’t deserve it.”
“Not saying they don’t,” said Collins.
Guspy pressed, “I can farm The Death Pit for Soulflayers. Everyone in our guild could have a Soulflayer, even the newbies. They’d finally be tough enough to join us on raids. You know how they’ve been dying to play with us in high level zones. Think how happy they would be!”
“Oh, they’d be awfully happy,” said Collins.
Guspy unleashed his coup de grace. “And! I can go to Fort Murder, stroll through it without a care in the world, kill the general, and not have to split the loot with anyone. That means I would get a Headsman’s Axe, which I would of course donate to my dear friend Collins. Wouldn’t you like a Headsman’s Axe?”
“I absolutely would,” said Collins.
“Ok, good. So, I’ll just—"
“Turn it in, Guspy,” said Collins.
Guspy stamped his feet in frustration. “Why though? You just said you were on board with the Nighthawks and the Soulflayer and the axe!”
“Oh, I am. The Nighthawks need to get taught. Having the newbies be tough enough to join us would be great. I’ve been dying for a Headsman for months now. But you’d be cheating. Momma didn’t raise no cheater, and daddy didn’t raise no troll,” said Collins.
“That’s so backward. You know the Nighthawks would do that to us if they got it,” said Guspy.
“Sure enough. But we can’t control what they do, and I can’t control what you do. I just want you to remember what I’ve said before: there’s a person on the other end of that character. A person just like you. I can only imagine how tilted you’d get if someone cheated to become invincible and killed you. Or farmed their whole guild ultra-rares and used them on you. I’m just asking you, as a friend, to turn it in. Please.”
Guilt. He’s put the guilt in me, thought Guspy. What an asshole.
“Fine, I’ll head to Pokate and turn it in,” said Guspy, pouting and kicking an errant stone.
“Thanks, Gusp. I promise I’ll help you find a legit one. I gotta go, though. Play later?”
“You know it,” said Guspy, and he watched Collin’s avatar dissipate.
Guspy walked back to Pokate City, the largest player hub in the area. The journey was a particularly hazardous one. Wild beast attacks, an assassin, a rockslide, even an errant fireball from an ongoing battle, all harmless in the face of his perfect resistance. He crossed into the city proper, whitewashed buildings that held little shops and extra dimensional guildhalls. Pokate Palace loomed over all of this like a resplendent sundial. The stained-glass windows shimmered in the sunlight.
Guspy approached a beggar in the street. The beggar’s body was gaunt. His dirty rags and matted beard spoke of hungry days and cruel nights. The beggars of Loria Online were portals to moderator attention. Speaking to a beggar cued a request. A moderator would eventually take control of the beggar and offer assistance.
Guspy knelt before the beggar.
“I’d like to speak with a moderator, please.”
“All in good time, my boy,” the beggar wheezed.
Guspy felt an itch in his legs. There was still time to run wild, to reap the rewards of his lottery ticket. He cursed Collins for guilting him and attempted to distract himself. Guspy admired the features on the beggar. His eyes traced cavernous wrinkled flesh. Saw the tiny movements of lice in the filthy thick beard. Saw the faintest deposits of salt in two long tracks leading down from the cloudy blue eyes.
The beggar had been crying. Why would they include such a heartbreaking detail? Why haven’t I ever noticed this before? Guspy thought.
The clouds in the beggar’s eyes parted, revealing a bright blue sky. “Thank you for waiting, this is Raymond. How can I help you?” A voice as crisp as autumn wind now spoke through the beggar.
“Uhh, hi. I’ve got a problem with an item I found?” Guspy spoke at the mouth of the beggar.
“Sure thing! Is it an item you have equipped right now?”
“Yeah, The Belt of Endurance. The values look wonky, and It makes me immune to every element. I’m immune to physical and magic damage now too.”
There was a long pause, the beggar’s eye fluttered. “You’re reporting that an item is broken in your favor?”
Guspy winced. “Umm, yes sir? It basically makes me immortal.”
Guspy waited patiently. The moderator was using his tools to see Guspy’s menu screens, something that was normally private.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” the beggar said. “It’s a null shunt error.”
“A null shunt error?”
“Yeah. Sometimes during a drop-roll, the system shunts over a clipped value that…sometimes it breaks.”
“Ah.”
“They’re a bitch to fix. Thankfully very rare. This one is particularly bad, and I’m at the end of my shift.” The mod let out a sigh that prophesized an exhausting tedious future.
“Well…thank you for your honesty! Usually when an item glitches in a player’s favor, they keep it a secret for as long as they can. Then they have a temper tantrum when we take it away. Alright, Guspy, I’m on morning shift tomorrow. I don’t want to deal with this right now. I’m giving you eight hours of god mode. Can I trust you not to make me regret it?”
Guspy was stunned. A mod was allowing immortality for eight hours? Trusting him? Why?
“You can trust me,” Guspy said.
“I hope so. I’ll fix this in the morning, don’t take the belt off or you’ll have negative infinite resistance and die from a sunburn.” The beggar’s eyes clouded back over.
Guspy threw a gold piece into the beggar’s bowl, a good luck ritual that even the highest level raiders did before a dangerous run.
He was in the clear. A mod had okayed him having god mode. Anything I do is the mod’s fault now! Guspy thought, but the thought gave him a queasy feeling the moment it passed through his mind. He was being trusted. He had promised to not make the mod regret it.
What was the mod’s name? Randy? He remembered Collins's words about there being real people on the other end of the game. He supposed that meant Randy too. He imagined telling someone to their face that his actions were their fault, like trust somehow absolved him of responsibility. He imagined someone else doing that to him. Or doing that to his little sister…
He spent a fair amount of gold on fast travel scrolls, valuable, single-use items that would transport the player anywhere in Loria. Guspy now stood on the craggy lip of Salamander’s Eye. The massive active volcano dominated the primordial jungle landscape. A vast column of ebony smoke rose from the lava pit, the birthplace of thunderclouds. Guspy spread his arms wide and fell into the heat, letting simulated gravity carry him downward to the roiling floor of liquid earth.
At the last moment he reflexively raised his hands to shield himself. Lava was instant death in Loria, doing an infinite amount of damage per second. Guspy was now sinking slowly in this most dangerous of elements unharmed. He raised his hand in a thumbs up as he sank beneath the surface.
Whorls of incandescent crimson, brown, and orange materialized and dispersed endlessly. It was like looking into the fickle furnace of creation, so eager to invent but too chaotic to design.
Guspy wondered if he’d fall forever. At last, his feet settled on something solid. He was the first player to set foot here. A unique accomplishment, one he could keep. He moved through the lava as though it was water. Must not have been a very important thing to program considering you die as soon as you touch it, he thought.
Guspy explored the floor of the volcano. It was perfectly smooth and without texture, an entire volcano held up on a pane of glass. But then he found something. A deformity in the bottom of the world. He explored it with his hand. It felt like a solid bubble sticking up out of the flat plane beneath him. It moved a little.
It’s a doorknob! Guspy realized. He turned it and felt it fall away beneath him. He sank further and dropped into a vast open room, the lava didn’t follow past the entry. Guspy cast a series of Light spells, banishing the darkness to the black obsidian of the walls and floor.
A giant floating sign that hung suspended in midair grabbed Guspy’s attention.
“IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO GET HERE.”
“Shows what you know, sign,” Guspy said, and began to explore.
In the secret chamber Guspy found dozens of monster models from the surrounding area, frozen in the sterile T-position. He took the time inspect them in the minutest detail. He saw the way salamander skin glittered with the luster of countless ruby gemstones. He watched the dancing flames of fire elementals, and discovered their heat rose above the limitation of their hitbox. He looked deep into the eyes of a stone golem and saw that they were prisms. They split the blue glow of the golem’s magical core into a frigid winter sunset, whites and blues dancing and concealing a secret whisper of deep red.
I don’t think I ever really looked at the models before, he thought. Even now he couldn’t recall any specific details of any monster he had fought. They were all colored blurs in his mind, faceless values and blocks of information.
Despite his immortality, he still froze in fear when his spell illuminated a colossus of steel tucked away in a corner of the room. It was a broad suit of cold iron armor, bereft of adornment and pockmarked with the careless ministrations of a thousand hammers beating the metal into shape. In one clenched fist it carried a wicked looking cleaver, one that belonged in a giant’s butcher shop, used to crack the toughest dragon bones and partition the choicest bits.
Guspy had never seen or heard of this creature in his life.
You must not have made it into the final game. At least not yet, thought Guspy. Despite its beastly ugliness, Guspy felt a pang of remorse. Someone worked to design every aspect of this monstrosity to evoke the feelings of fear and disgust, and they had been very successful. But it had gone unused and unseen since the game’s inception.
I remember the Christmas ornament I made in middle school. A Christmas light made to look like a reindeer, googly eyes and fuzzy brown pipe cleaners for antlers. I was so proud. But when Christmas came, they didn’t want to put it on the tree. They thought it looked too silly.
Guspy left a gold coin at its feet, alms for unsung effort.
He was preparing to depart when he noticed an unadorned chest had appeared beneath the presumptive sign. Guspy was certain it hadn’t been there before. He approached, circling the chest, before reaching out and lightly tapping it. He may invulnerable, but this was a developer’s world. Who knows what treachery could hide here? He lifted the lid, tilting his head and peeking at its contents with one eye shut. Inside was a billiard sized ball of translucent glass. Guspy recognized a Title Sphere. These rare items would grant a moniker to the character’s name. It was a single use item worth tens of thousands of gold. Too curious to resist learning what it would bestow, he shattered the sphere in his palm. Red dust flowed between his fingers like Martian sand. His name had changed from Guspy to Guspy the Wanderer.
Guspy used his next scroll and teleported to the shipwreck of the Soothsayers Doom. A brig suspended above the ocean on a monstrous coral bed, the ship itself was a mid-level dungeon. Players could fight their way from deck to deck, battling undead crewmen that fired grapeshot salvos into crowded rooms, shredding players into bloody clouds. The Captain was the boss of the dungeon, and part of his loot was a map that would send players on a quest line that eventually led players to the halls of the merfolk king, an extremely high-level dungeon at the bottom of the ocean.
Being immortal, Guspy took what players called the ‘express route’, swimming directly downward from the open sea. It was suicide. Besides suffocation, players had to contend with titanic carcharodons, giant squid, invisible water elementals, and elite merfolk guard. These creatures had mastery of the terrain, and few players were accustomed to attacks that could come from any direction.
Beneath him, the phosphorescent glow of the Coral Castle overpowered the distant sun for dominion of the depths. Guspy slipped into a castle window, ignoring the tridents of the pursuing Knights of Pearl. The Castle was a dungeon that needed to be completed quickly, lest the player’s water breathing magic wear off. That made it the perfect sight-seeing location for someone who didn’t need to breathe. Guspy examined the meticulously decorated royal bedrooms. The books in Loria were filled with open source stories from the real world. Players spent hours in this fantasy world engrossed in the prose of Tom Sawyer and Paradise Lost. But yellowed letters fell from between the pages like autumn leaves.
Never whole without you, my beloved Jennifer,
B.C.
Guspy didn’t know the merfolk princess even had a name. Neither had he any idea who B.C was, or if these pages were part of some fetch quest he had never come across.
Deeper in the palace he found the throne room of the merfolk king. The king was gigantic, of course, all raid bosses were. The king was also an enemy that demanded constant focus and attention to defeat. He cycled seamlessly through attack patterns, buffs, and stage activations. Missing the tell-tale signs would leave you a step behind the dance and doomed to failure.
Guspy now had a unique opportunity. He ignored the king completely. The throne room was heaped with chests of gold and artifacts plundered from sunken ships. But they were only decorative, ersatz décor designed to regale the room with the trappings of wealth and luxury. Being worthless, players ignored them. Guspy took the time to closely inspect the mountains of coins and bejeweled quillions that rose from the coin piles. Ignoring the world-shaking bolts of lightning, magical rays, and great sweeps of the merfolk king’s trident, he crouched to the level of a single coin.
There, in the face of the coin, were three smiling children. The normal relief of Empress Aubrianna, a mythical figure in Origin’s history, was replaced with a picture of a family. The normal Latin phrase, “A solis ortu usque ad occasum”, had been replaced with, “Jason, Melody, Brock”. He moved from one coin to the next. Families, pets, and selfies looked back at him. Some had names written, others messages, “Thx Mel, my rock <3” “Joe & Cara 4 eva” “We did it!”
Guspy wondered if any player had ever seen these. Maybe, but he hadn’t, and that made it special to him. He wondered what he would put on his own coin. Me, Collins, and Becca at the beach, he thought. A picture that had been his desktop background for years. The only evidence of a perfect day.
Having taken his fill of the throne room, Guspy pulled out another scroll and teleported away.
Hogglerock dungeon was an aberration. Most dungeons tried to evoke a sense of awe or fear, but Hogglerock was just gross. Its entrance was at the center of a mud-smothered swamp. Poisonous insects and carnivorous slugs roamed the wastes searching for carrion to strip or making their own if none could be found.
To descend into the putrid depths of Hogglerock, you entered the mouth of a great saurian beast. It was long since dead, its flesh in a perpetual state of decay. Down its mucus-caked throat, you entered a dungeon that had been created from the offal that remained of its digestive system. Noxious acid pools, monstrous parasites, and bloated scavengers challenged players that came to plunder the carcass.
Guspy had to stop and think before entering the sixth stomach of the beast. He had no idea if his plan would work, or even made sense. Guspy removed all his armor and weapons, save for the Belt of Endurance. He entered the dungeon’s final room, aggroing a great bipedal minotaur and its bovine kin. Guspy sat and crossed his legs. He closed his eyes and focused on slowing his breath and his heart. Aggro in Loria was based on a series of factors: proximity, source of damage or debuff, equipment levels, class, movement, and supposedly even biometric data the VR rig was able to obtain.
The monsters were instantly aggroed when the rubbery sphincter of the sixth stomach was touched, converging on their only target. Guspy’s lack of equipment, aggression, and stillness would reduce his aggro over time. He waited and he watched. In time the monsters lost interest, ceasing their attacks and wandering back to their starting positions. Guspy continued to watch. For a time, they only bobbed in place, replaying idle animations and howling blistering war cries. But, in time, Guspy saw a strange behavior begin. One smaller minotaur creature pulled out a hunk of meat, clutching it by the pure white protruding bone. It chomped a piece and munched in contentment, eyes closed in blissful indulgence. The giant boss minotaur began to sniff the air, and a game of keep away began. The smaller minotaurs tossed the meat between themselves as the boss zeroed in on the source of the smell.
Who is this for? wondered Guspy. Who was meant to see this? And how? Why hide it? How many monsters of Loria Online had these little secrets? Tiny moments of humor buried in terabytes of code, only visible in a state of extreme passivity. Once the capering script had completed, the bovines returned to their normal places and continued to cycle basic idle motions.
It’s for me. Since I’m the one watching it, that means it’s for me, thought Guspy.
Guspy pulled out his final scroll, completing the spell just before he was beset again.
Guspy the Wanderer appeared back in Pokate City. His new title drew lingering looks from other players who searched their memories. Guspy’s time was running low, and fatigue massaged his mind and eyes. There was more he could search for. He could run down the hours until the mod logged back on and set things to rights. But he didn’t want the last moments of such an enlightening day to be a race against the clock. It would spoil the sense of calm and contemplation he had cultivated. Instead he sat down next to a beggar and composed a message to Collins.
“I won’t be joining you today, Collins, but I’ve got so much to tell you about when I do.”
He had seen beyond the veil. He witnessed tiny miracles of creation hidden from mortal sight. Sparks of love that flickered once more when observed. For a precious few hours, he was blessed with a peace that allowed him to fall in love with the game all over again, to appreciate its creation like a benevolent god.
Collins and Guspy returned to the red rock canyon. Guspy admired the visible strata of the walls. Simulated eons left perfect layers of color stacked like the pages of a book. Little details, so insignificant yet so engrossing. He appreciated the work that went into this game. The efforts of artists always caught his notice.
2023.06.01 22:01 waves15365 I can never just 'like' something
 | Going through zines at work submitted by waves15365 to astrologymemes [link] [comments] |
2023.06.01 13:24 Dangerous_Ant_8377 Young Girls Shouldn’t Wander the Woods Alone at Night
It gets dark very early this time of year this far north.
By 4:00 PM, the sun is already set, and dusk is upon us. Definitely not the ideal conditions for a girl who looks as young as I do to be walking home alone. The route that I'd chosen from the Junior high school to the house was particularly off the beaten track and took me through several tranquil and deserted areas of town. No parent with even a shred of love in their heart for their child would allow them to make this walk at any time of year, let alone in the depths of winter.
It was just after I’d passed the cemetery and was about to turn onto the path through the woods that I became aware of his presence. At this point, he was what you would consider a safe distance behind me. I didn't want to turn around and look directly at him. Still, I could tell from the heavy footfall of his steps and the excited nature of his breathing that he was about 30 or 40 feet away. There were no other people around, and this road was a dead end with no houses on it, meaning that the chances of someone driving by were minimal. I was acutely aware that it was just him and me.
Despite many thoughts running through my mind at that moment, one above all was controlling me: 'if this situation is going to go down the way I think it will, I need to make a move right now.' I started to increase my pace, not so much that it would be immediately apparent, but enough that I would significantly increase the distance between him and me. Unless that is, he really was following me and altered his speed to keep up. Sure enough, within a couple of seconds, I sensed him breaking into a slow jog in order to catch up and close the distance between us.
'OK, Carmilla, time to make a choice: do I run or do I turn and confront this man?' I was right at the head of the woodland park at this point, so I decided to turn around.
"Hello, mister. Can I help you with something? Are you lost?"
I detected the slightest hint of surprise that I'd acted in this way. Still, he quickly regained his composure and continued his slow approach.
"Hey there, little girl. I was just out here looking for my dog. I think he went into these woods. Do you want to help me find him?" He was smiling at me now.
"What's your dog's name?" I asked.
"What?"
"Your dog's name. What is it? If I'm going to help you find him, I need to shout his name."
"Oh, erm… yeah. His name is Fred." Was he surprised by my question, or had he hesitated because he'd needed to make up a name?
"Well, I'm kind of scared of dogs. I think I'm just going to go home. Sorry I can't help you."
"Can I at least walk you home? Which way are you headed? It's dark out here and not safe for little girls like you."
He was edging ever closer to me now and had a big, creepy smile plastered across his face.
"I live just on the other side of these woods. Trust me, I can make it just fine."
"I'd still like to walk with you if that's OK. I mean, I'm sure my dog is in there somewhere." His icy blue eyes were laser-focused on mine now. It almost felt like he was trying to hypnotically control me with his gaze.
"If you really think Fido is in there, I guess you should look for him."
"Fido is a crazy old mutt," he said, "I'm sure I will find him in there."
There is no dog.
This man definitely means trouble.
Time to take action.
I turned and started running into the words. While I had a couple of seconds head start on him, the fact is that the body of a 13-year-old girl can't run as fast as a fully grown man. He caught up with me ridiculously fast, so quickly, in fact, that we were still within view of the road. The street lamp gave off enough light for us to be seen by a passerby if one were to approach.
"What did you run off for?" he asked, "I'm not going to hurt you."
"Sorry, mister, I just got scared at the thought of your dog running around in here. I got bitten by something pretty nasty when I was younger and the thought of it happening again freaks me out."
"OK, I understand. Let's keep walking, and I'll keep you safe from any stray dogs. Hey, are you hungry? I have some food I could share with you. Let's find a nice place to sit down and eat."
"What do you have?" I was kind of hungry, as it happened.
"Delicious homemade spaghetti and Bolognese sauce. Let's go a bit further into the woods, and then I'll share it with you."
He didn't have a bag with him, and there was no way he was hiding some container full of food in his pockets. This was bullshit.
"Erm, no thanks mister. My elders say I'm allergic to garlic, so I shouldn't eat Italian food."
"OK then. Let's just keep walking." His heart rate was increasing, and the adrenaline was kicking in. I could smell the excitement oozing from his pores. "Here, let me hold your hand. You will be safer that way."
He didn't wait for me to respond, grabbing my hand in his clammy grip. He was a strong one, it was apparent. There was no way a regular girl of my height and frame would be able to escape this bastard. We walked on and were soon far away from any streetlight, and any semblance of safety. Soon, things were going to take a turn very much for the worse. He clearly sensed this, too, letting go of my hand and standing in front of me to block the path.
The disingenuous smile had gone now: "OK little lady, fun time is over. Well, for you anyway. My fun is just about to begin." He withdrew a set of handcuffs from his pocket and dangled them in front of my face.
"I seriously fucking doubt that, Johnny."
This was the part that I always loved the most: the look of utter shock on these assholes' faces when I first call them by their name. I'd seen it dozens of times before, and it never grew old. Now, for the next part: he’ll be rocked back for a few seconds before trying to reassert his authority.
"Wait… what? How did you know…"
I didn't let him finish his question: "Johnny Mutton. Pedophile, rapist and child killer. We've been tracking you for a while." Damn, he looked stupid, still dangling those cuffs in front of him. "Guess what? We found you."
Just watching the cogs of a regular human's brain slowly turn was not my favorite part of this whole game, though. 'C'mon, work it out already. Then you can pretend it doesn't matter, that you’re the boss here, and we can get down to business.'
"Well, I don't give a fuck what you think you know." Oh good, the bravado had returned. It was always more fun when they still thought they had the upper hand. "I'm still going to torture you, rape you and then leave little pieces of you scattered all over this forest."
Again, with the dangling handcuffs. What was wrong with this shithead?
"Which hand should we start with? You want my left?"
The fucking shmuck had a look on his face like it was Christmas and his birthday all rolled into one. He advanced and roughly placed the handcuff around my left wrist.
"Things are going to get real ugly now, little lady." He was smirking; he genuinely believed he was still in control.
"At least we can agree on something. OK, jackass, let's get this over with."
I was going to make this quick. This piece of shit wasn't even worth toying with. I grabbed the other end of the cuffs and clasped it around his wrist; there was no way he was going to escape me now.
"What are you doing, kid? You think that's…"
I jumped up and sank my fangs deep into his neck. I would feast on him later, but for now, ripping out half of his jugular would lead to a suitably painful death. I climbed off of him and spat out the chunk of flesh onto the ground in front of him. In his shocked state, he actually bent down and tried to pick it up, as though that would fix his lethal wound. I wasn't going to allow this sick bastard even that tiny crumb of false hope, though, and dragged him away, into the middle of the clearing.
"Any last words, Johnny?"
This was a little cruel of me, what with the fact that this asshole was choking to death on his own blood. I didn't have much sympathy, though. He let out a pathetic gurgling sound, looking up at me pleadingly.
"Sorry, didn't catch that."
He was as white as a sheet now and not long for this world; time to monologue.
"You guys just don't put in the effort any more. I mean, for fuck's sake, I only got into town last night. I was obviously indisposed during the daylight hours, meaning I know you had zero time to prep this. Damn, I remember the old days when sick fucks like you would at least put in the effort. You know, a couple of weeks of following your victim, regular drive-bys, watching the home through binoculars, learning the names of friends. But you? You just spotted me and decided there and then to act on your impulses. Fucking pathetic. It didn't even occur to you how dumb it would be for a girl to be walking through the woods on her own? It took me less than two minutes to lure you in here."
His breathing was extremely labored now. He had moments left.
"OK, fair enough. Nobody expects one of our kind to look the way I do. But hey, like I said, you should've put in the legwork. Goodbye, Johnny."
And with that, I decided to feast. It always tastes better when they're still alive, even if only just.
submitted by Dangerous_Ant_8377 to FreeToReadCreepypasta [link] [comments]
By 4:00 PM, the sun is already set, and dusk is upon us. Definitely not the ideal conditions for a girl who looks as young as I do to be walking home alone. The route that I'd chosen from the Junior high school to the house was particularly off the beaten track and took me through several tranquil and deserted areas of town. No parent with even a shred of love in their heart for their child would allow them to make this walk at any time of year, let alone in the depths of winter.
It was just after I’d passed the cemetery and was about to turn onto the path through the woods that I became aware of his presence. At this point, he was what you would consider a safe distance behind me. I didn't want to turn around and look directly at him. Still, I could tell from the heavy footfall of his steps and the excited nature of his breathing that he was about 30 or 40 feet away. There were no other people around, and this road was a dead end with no houses on it, meaning that the chances of someone driving by were minimal. I was acutely aware that it was just him and me.
Despite many thoughts running through my mind at that moment, one above all was controlling me: 'if this situation is going to go down the way I think it will, I need to make a move right now.' I started to increase my pace, not so much that it would be immediately apparent, but enough that I would significantly increase the distance between him and me. Unless that is, he really was following me and altered his speed to keep up. Sure enough, within a couple of seconds, I sensed him breaking into a slow jog in order to catch up and close the distance between us.
'OK, Carmilla, time to make a choice: do I run or do I turn and confront this man?' I was right at the head of the woodland park at this point, so I decided to turn around.
"Hello, mister. Can I help you with something? Are you lost?"
I detected the slightest hint of surprise that I'd acted in this way. Still, he quickly regained his composure and continued his slow approach.
"Hey there, little girl. I was just out here looking for my dog. I think he went into these woods. Do you want to help me find him?" He was smiling at me now.
"What's your dog's name?" I asked.
"What?"
"Your dog's name. What is it? If I'm going to help you find him, I need to shout his name."
"Oh, erm… yeah. His name is Fred." Was he surprised by my question, or had he hesitated because he'd needed to make up a name?
"Well, I'm kind of scared of dogs. I think I'm just going to go home. Sorry I can't help you."
"Can I at least walk you home? Which way are you headed? It's dark out here and not safe for little girls like you."
He was edging ever closer to me now and had a big, creepy smile plastered across his face.
"I live just on the other side of these woods. Trust me, I can make it just fine."
"I'd still like to walk with you if that's OK. I mean, I'm sure my dog is in there somewhere." His icy blue eyes were laser-focused on mine now. It almost felt like he was trying to hypnotically control me with his gaze.
"If you really think Fido is in there, I guess you should look for him."
"Fido is a crazy old mutt," he said, "I'm sure I will find him in there."
There is no dog.
This man definitely means trouble.
Time to take action.
I turned and started running into the words. While I had a couple of seconds head start on him, the fact is that the body of a 13-year-old girl can't run as fast as a fully grown man. He caught up with me ridiculously fast, so quickly, in fact, that we were still within view of the road. The street lamp gave off enough light for us to be seen by a passerby if one were to approach.
"What did you run off for?" he asked, "I'm not going to hurt you."
"Sorry, mister, I just got scared at the thought of your dog running around in here. I got bitten by something pretty nasty when I was younger and the thought of it happening again freaks me out."
"OK, I understand. Let's keep walking, and I'll keep you safe from any stray dogs. Hey, are you hungry? I have some food I could share with you. Let's find a nice place to sit down and eat."
"What do you have?" I was kind of hungry, as it happened.
"Delicious homemade spaghetti and Bolognese sauce. Let's go a bit further into the woods, and then I'll share it with you."
He didn't have a bag with him, and there was no way he was hiding some container full of food in his pockets. This was bullshit.
"Erm, no thanks mister. My elders say I'm allergic to garlic, so I shouldn't eat Italian food."
"OK then. Let's just keep walking." His heart rate was increasing, and the adrenaline was kicking in. I could smell the excitement oozing from his pores. "Here, let me hold your hand. You will be safer that way."
He didn't wait for me to respond, grabbing my hand in his clammy grip. He was a strong one, it was apparent. There was no way a regular girl of my height and frame would be able to escape this bastard. We walked on and were soon far away from any streetlight, and any semblance of safety. Soon, things were going to take a turn very much for the worse. He clearly sensed this, too, letting go of my hand and standing in front of me to block the path.
The disingenuous smile had gone now: "OK little lady, fun time is over. Well, for you anyway. My fun is just about to begin." He withdrew a set of handcuffs from his pocket and dangled them in front of my face.
"I seriously fucking doubt that, Johnny."
This was the part that I always loved the most: the look of utter shock on these assholes' faces when I first call them by their name. I'd seen it dozens of times before, and it never grew old. Now, for the next part: he’ll be rocked back for a few seconds before trying to reassert his authority.
"Wait… what? How did you know…"
I didn't let him finish his question: "Johnny Mutton. Pedophile, rapist and child killer. We've been tracking you for a while." Damn, he looked stupid, still dangling those cuffs in front of him. "Guess what? We found you."
Just watching the cogs of a regular human's brain slowly turn was not my favorite part of this whole game, though. 'C'mon, work it out already. Then you can pretend it doesn't matter, that you’re the boss here, and we can get down to business.'
"Well, I don't give a fuck what you think you know." Oh good, the bravado had returned. It was always more fun when they still thought they had the upper hand. "I'm still going to torture you, rape you and then leave little pieces of you scattered all over this forest."
Again, with the dangling handcuffs. What was wrong with this shithead?
"Which hand should we start with? You want my left?"
The fucking shmuck had a look on his face like it was Christmas and his birthday all rolled into one. He advanced and roughly placed the handcuff around my left wrist.
"Things are going to get real ugly now, little lady." He was smirking; he genuinely believed he was still in control.
"At least we can agree on something. OK, jackass, let's get this over with."
I was going to make this quick. This piece of shit wasn't even worth toying with. I grabbed the other end of the cuffs and clasped it around his wrist; there was no way he was going to escape me now.
"What are you doing, kid? You think that's…"
I jumped up and sank my fangs deep into his neck. I would feast on him later, but for now, ripping out half of his jugular would lead to a suitably painful death. I climbed off of him and spat out the chunk of flesh onto the ground in front of him. In his shocked state, he actually bent down and tried to pick it up, as though that would fix his lethal wound. I wasn't going to allow this sick bastard even that tiny crumb of false hope, though, and dragged him away, into the middle of the clearing.
"Any last words, Johnny?"
This was a little cruel of me, what with the fact that this asshole was choking to death on his own blood. I didn't have much sympathy, though. He let out a pathetic gurgling sound, looking up at me pleadingly.
"Sorry, didn't catch that."
He was as white as a sheet now and not long for this world; time to monologue.
"You guys just don't put in the effort any more. I mean, for fuck's sake, I only got into town last night. I was obviously indisposed during the daylight hours, meaning I know you had zero time to prep this. Damn, I remember the old days when sick fucks like you would at least put in the effort. You know, a couple of weeks of following your victim, regular drive-bys, watching the home through binoculars, learning the names of friends. But you? You just spotted me and decided there and then to act on your impulses. Fucking pathetic. It didn't even occur to you how dumb it would be for a girl to be walking through the woods on her own? It took me less than two minutes to lure you in here."
His breathing was extremely labored now. He had moments left.
"OK, fair enough. Nobody expects one of our kind to look the way I do. But hey, like I said, you should've put in the legwork. Goodbye, Johnny."
And with that, I decided to feast. It always tastes better when they're still alive, even if only just.
2023.06.01 10:49 YetAnotherWagie 50th S17 clear
 | My new year's resolution was to get 50 S17 clears, and I got it today! submitted by YetAnotherWagie to PumpItUp [link] [comments] List of S17 clears (in order):
https://preview.redd.it/xb7183d6cd3b1.png?width=2604&format=png&auto=webp&s=e6c3d0caf855ca3fea5857108e94955cae5b85dc |
2023.06.01 06:41 getoffmychest7 I was almost a school shooter when I was 16
It's been 5 years now and I've never told anyone. When I was 16 a lot was happening in my life.. I was already pretty depressed because of the constant bullying I faced for years and I was simply just very lonely, no friends, no siblings, all I had was my parents until my dad passed away from an underlying heart condition right before I went back to school in my sophomore year. Every year was the same.. the bullying never stopped and what used to just make me just sad, led to hatred and a huge desire to get back at the ones that have wronged me over the years.. I started to become very angry, I even took it out on my mother while she was grieving too, I will never forgive myself for that.
My father was a great dad, we weren't very alike at all though.. he was the macho/sporty type and I never cared for sports, I feel like this made him feel a bit disappointed because he always tried to push me to get into things he liked at my age. After his passing I felt insanely guilty for not doing the things he wanted me to do and just not spending more time with him in general.. I started to burn/cut myself a lot to cope. My father was a huge gun fan, he owned many and had always tried to include me, I never really cared to learn about them or took any interest in it.. my anger was just growing rapidly and I couldn't stop it, I started to use his guns after school to blow off steam a lot of the time.
It started to become an every day thing and I was getting more and more frustrated with living everyday. The only thing that kept me from killing myself during that time was the fact that my mother would be completely alone, I wasn't able to do it. One day I started to jot down a hit list, when I did that, I wasn't literally deciding that I was going to shoot my school up.. but I was contemplating it a lot and my anger was growing more rapidly everyday. I assumed I'd eventually have enough and just off myself anyways so why not take the out the ones that have hurt me too? It was approaching the end of the semester and I eventually decided that enough was enough, I was going to try and give my mother one last good christmas and after christmas break I planned to do it. My mind was set, as sick as it sounds, it started to become all I could think about.. and I already had all the equipment I needed. shortly after new years, right before going back to school my mom was cleaning the bathroom and found some razors I had dug out. I guess this sparked her brain so she asked me to roll my sleeves up.. it was bad, I still have big ugly scars on my wrist till this day and usually only wear long sleeves because of it. She just cried and asked me why, I just remained very quiet out of embarrassment.. she asked me if I was thinking of doing worse and I didn't give much of a direct response.. I was way too embarrassed and felt disgusting. The next day my mother admitted me to a mental health hospital. I stayed there for 59 days and revealed a lot about the anger I had, the pinpoint was my depression though. It may had not been wise at all, but I have never told anyone about my plan.. once I got on some medicine and started to try and work through the grief, those thoughts appeared less and less. I wasn't in my right mind at all. I was angry with my mom when she sent me off and even after getting out, for a long time I still felt angry about it.. but looking back I'm very very grateful. That happened at the exact perfect time, and my mom figuring that out was a real blessing.. after I got out, my mom realized it'd be best if I was homeschooled for my remaining years and that helped my mental health a lot.
God, I am just so happy that I wasn't able to act upon something so evil.. things have turned around for me a lot in the past 5 years, I still struggle a ton, but I have a great girlfriend and I even have a coupl friends.. so that's new for me. This is something i'd never reveal to someone in real life.. chances are it would just lead to abandonment, I feel a lot of guilt pertaining to that situation now. I wanted to let it out somewhere.
submitted by getoffmychest7 to confessions [link] [comments]
My father was a great dad, we weren't very alike at all though.. he was the macho/sporty type and I never cared for sports, I feel like this made him feel a bit disappointed because he always tried to push me to get into things he liked at my age. After his passing I felt insanely guilty for not doing the things he wanted me to do and just not spending more time with him in general.. I started to burn/cut myself a lot to cope. My father was a huge gun fan, he owned many and had always tried to include me, I never really cared to learn about them or took any interest in it.. my anger was just growing rapidly and I couldn't stop it, I started to use his guns after school to blow off steam a lot of the time.
It started to become an every day thing and I was getting more and more frustrated with living everyday. The only thing that kept me from killing myself during that time was the fact that my mother would be completely alone, I wasn't able to do it. One day I started to jot down a hit list, when I did that, I wasn't literally deciding that I was going to shoot my school up.. but I was contemplating it a lot and my anger was growing more rapidly everyday. I assumed I'd eventually have enough and just off myself anyways so why not take the out the ones that have hurt me too? It was approaching the end of the semester and I eventually decided that enough was enough, I was going to try and give my mother one last good christmas and after christmas break I planned to do it. My mind was set, as sick as it sounds, it started to become all I could think about.. and I already had all the equipment I needed. shortly after new years, right before going back to school my mom was cleaning the bathroom and found some razors I had dug out. I guess this sparked her brain so she asked me to roll my sleeves up.. it was bad, I still have big ugly scars on my wrist till this day and usually only wear long sleeves because of it. She just cried and asked me why, I just remained very quiet out of embarrassment.. she asked me if I was thinking of doing worse and I didn't give much of a direct response.. I was way too embarrassed and felt disgusting. The next day my mother admitted me to a mental health hospital. I stayed there for 59 days and revealed a lot about the anger I had, the pinpoint was my depression though. It may had not been wise at all, but I have never told anyone about my plan.. once I got on some medicine and started to try and work through the grief, those thoughts appeared less and less. I wasn't in my right mind at all. I was angry with my mom when she sent me off and even after getting out, for a long time I still felt angry about it.. but looking back I'm very very grateful. That happened at the exact perfect time, and my mom figuring that out was a real blessing.. after I got out, my mom realized it'd be best if I was homeschooled for my remaining years and that helped my mental health a lot.
God, I am just so happy that I wasn't able to act upon something so evil.. things have turned around for me a lot in the past 5 years, I still struggle a ton, but I have a great girlfriend and I even have a coupl friends.. so that's new for me. This is something i'd never reveal to someone in real life.. chances are it would just lead to abandonment, I feel a lot of guilt pertaining to that situation now. I wanted to let it out somewhere.
2023.06.01 06:07 Eyerockets I feel like I was just here, but now it’s my father who has passed away.
I posted to this sub when my mother died in December of 2021, not even two years ago. Now my father is gone- long term effects of COVID. I hadn’t been speaking to my father. We had a complicated relationship. My mother’s death brought up a lot from the past, and I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. I showed signs of it as a child and was either physically restrained or punished for it, so I needed space to process that. He also had a way of saying cruel things, like when I was crying as a child, he made me look in the mirror and laugh at myself, because I was ugly when I cried.
He also helped me in some tough situations when I was a young adult. We went on weird and interesting road trips. He took me to see a classic 80s band when I was 13. He always encouraged my artistic endeavors.
But he never acknowledged a birthday, a Christmas, anything. I could go months without hearing from him. This was also true when I was a teenager living with my mother.
So- complicated. My brother was very enmeshed with him and had a different upbringing. He probably doesn’t understand why I’d be so angry at the old man.
I really don’t know how to feel.
submitted by Eyerockets to GriefSupport [link] [comments]
He also helped me in some tough situations when I was a young adult. We went on weird and interesting road trips. He took me to see a classic 80s band when I was 13. He always encouraged my artistic endeavors.
But he never acknowledged a birthday, a Christmas, anything. I could go months without hearing from him. This was also true when I was a teenager living with my mother.
So- complicated. My brother was very enmeshed with him and had a different upbringing. He probably doesn’t understand why I’d be so angry at the old man.
I really don’t know how to feel.