This might end up being fairly long and if so I apologize in advance but I hope this ends up being as cathartic as I’m hoping.
Let’s start at the beginning. I wasn’t a good husband... hell I probably wasn't even a good person. I was selfish, inattentive to her needs, hid a painkiller addiction for many years and a copious amount of other issues. I wasn’t perfect though neither was she. We were happy though and together for a decade. I’ll preface this by saying that I’m the most non-jealous person in the world. I don’t care what you do with your friends, where you do it, and when as long as your honest. For example let’s say one of her friends invited her to go out of town or to do something for a weekend, it was like “hey are we doing anything this weekend? No? Okay I’m gonna go out of town with insert name here” and vice versa for me “hey are we doing anything this weekend? No? Okay I’m gonna go hunting with insert name here”. All that being said, again, not jealous AT ALL, but after the divorce and subsequent relationship I think my trust with SO coworkers is irreparably damaged.
His name was Joe, I heard through some of her other coworker friends he had a crush on my wife. Whatever, she got cheated on with her first love and couldn’t even watch movies or shows where someone cheats it would make her so angry. So I never thought twice about her going out with her coworkers. Now again, let me say I was not a good husband towards the end, and it took a long time and a lot of hurt and anger had to be let go to where I finally realized that I don’t fault her for finding solace in the arms of another, because she was a damn good wife, a damn good mother, and an even better husband. And she deserved better. I relapsed after an incredibly awful start to 2018. I went and stayed at my moms and had to go over to the house to get some things. Her and my daughter were gone somewhere but her Apple Watch was there. My gut told me what I already knew, and what I knew was that I shouldn't look through it knowing what I would find. What did I find? That she was filing for divorce the next week and plenty of messages to Joe. I knew it was only a matter of time before they ended up together. Can you guess what happened? I had a decent amount of money saved up so I took a sabbatical from work that ended extending to almost two years
December 2018, Christmas morning. I had a plan, it was foolproof. I was going to facetime my daughter in the morning to tell her how much I loved her and missed her and had a very merry Christmas... and then I was going to go in my backyard and blow my brains out. So thats what I did. I called her, talked to her as best you can to a three year old in the midst of a post present high with her cousins there too. Then I walked out in my backyard with my favorite rifle and sat there. And sat there. And sat there. For six hours. I cried, I wept... I wept for me, for my kid who was going to grow up without her daddy. I wept for my ex-wife who was going to have to explain to my daughter why she wouldn't be able to see her daddy again. I wept for my family and the pain I was about to cause them I begged and screamed to God. That if they were real and I was meant for things in this life that they would show me a fucking sign. Show me ANYTHING that would show me whether this drastic choice would be the right one... or the wrong. For six hours in the freezing cold. Never did get an answer that I could recognize as one. But the thought of my kid calling the person my wife had AT LEAST an emotional affair with, "Dad" made me sick... and made me want to live.
I decided to check into rehab, not for drugs, but so I didn't kill myself. Ive always kind of been a natural leader. I don't know why or what it is about me but people tend to flock towards me and have really either one or two reactions. They either really like me, or they really fucking hate me. Here though everyone really liked me and I was put in charge of running the meetings held there and trying to keep morale of the folks there. And it was a great fucking time. It was a month vacation in a really nice area of the state, I didn't have a phone, only my guitar and the resolve to work through my emotions in a safe place the best way I know how, by writing songs about it. Which is exactly what I did both in the classes, AA Meetings, out of class, didn't matter I was just knocking out song after song. I met a kid in there with a killer voice and a guy around my age who actually was the lead singesongwriter for a local band I was a fan of so it ended up being a really enjoyable experience.. The kid though... he got murdered last year from a drug deal gone wrong. Shot in a car and left to die in the parking lot. I think about him almost every day.
What did I learn? I learned that I shouldn't go looking for things I don't want to find, or ask questions that I really want the true answer to. Or so I thought.
I met K in December 2020 on Hinge. I wasn't sure I was really over my ex wife but then when we met it was love at first sight. And for a guy that didn't think he was ever going to love anyone again it was a major deal. She felt the same it seemed, though I now realize it was probably more of a trauma bond/rebound type situation. Things went really well for the honeymoon phase, it was like we couldn't get enough of each other. She was a cheer coach/art teacher, it was new, it was exciting, the sex was great.. she was great... She had some pretty serious insecurities and abandonment issues though. Her mom dropped her off with what ended up being her adoptive family only to come back a few years later and take her away for a few months, then bring her back and drop her off again. She self sabotages and destroys anything good in her life for fear or being hurt and left by someone again. And she only dated guys that controlled her, treated her like shit, stole from her, etc etc. She took xanax and ambien which when it would kick in at first it seemed she was still cognizant. One night when I was staying over there she had taken it and asked me to look something up in her phone. As soon as I open it I see a text to a coach at the school she taught at that was just really inappropriate shit that made me feel uncomfortable, especially since he was married. I asked her about it when she off work the next day and she just downplayed it as they are wont to do. I let it go but its something I thought of often, especially after it ended.
We moved in together in August of 21. I helped her get a job at a school over on my side of town so we got a really nice apartment close to her work and not far from mine. Thats when things started to change. I'll never forget we were laying in bed on a Friday afternoon, I was about to go pick up my kid. I rolled over towards her side and propped myself up and looked at her for a second and thought how lucky am I, and so thats what I said out loud to her. Its like she recoiled like she got bit by a snake, bolted out of bed and said I was being clingy and essentially ran out the door where she ended up back on the other side of town and had dinner with a gay guy friend. I really didn't know what to do or how to take it so when I picked my kid up I took her over to my moms house and we stayed there until K called and asked me to come home so we could talk. I left my kid with my mom and went over there and she apologized and reiterated how she feels in relationships, the fear of being left, how independent she had to be because of her upbringing and a few other things.
Not long after that she forwarded me an email, I'm not even sure what she meant to send me if she even meant it to send to me because I never got around to asking. It was an email thread with the coach where she said "guess what?", "What? You're gonna have my baby?" "No I got Covid!". I confronted her about it, told her how it made me feel, and while she never really responded to it in a way that made me worry I still strongly disliked it and let her know that. Not long after that as we were laying in bed I saw she was texting someone exceptionally long paragraphs, you know the type, the type when you're first talking to someone and are explaining things about yourself to them? I'll spare the long part but come to find out shes found a new coach to have what appears to be an emotional affair with. Though come to find out this one ended up being physical. She broke up with me in January 22. Told me while I showed her love in a way she didn't know was possible, and treated her in a way nobody had ever treated her before that I was too good for her and deserved better. I tried to change her mind, lord knows I tried, I was madly in love. My kid was in love with her. We talked about a future I never thought possible after my divorce.
I moved out of the apartment and back to my moms until I could find a place. We talked occasionally and I spent so much time reading this sub and others. Posts about how to get her back, how to make her miss me, what to do and what not to do. When my work sabbatical ended I got my old job back. Its a great job, ridiculously easy and the amount of work I actually do compared to my compensation should be illegal. She lost her cheer stipend when we moved back to my side of town since she didn't coach and since we got the apt together I knew what her funds looked like. We got that place because we could afford it together, alone I knew she was going to struggle. And I still wanted her back... what better way to show her that and try to manifest it by just being there for her when she needed me? Little did I know that would be the only time she asked me anything. Only when she needed help, or was having an anxiety attack and needed someone to talk her off the ledge and tell her everything was going to be okay. It was never her asking how I was doing, or my kid, or my dog, or what was going on in my life. Everyone told me what my gut had already told me but I lied to myself over and over. Not long after all this happened I found out she had been seeing the new coach at the new school though she still won't admit it even up to... checks notes today.
March 23 I get my first really big commission check I gave her 10k and we paid off her credit card, some other debt she had, some missed car payments and other bill help. Not long after that she tells me shes going to a cabin nearby where shes from with her sisters and nieces/nephews and asks me to watch her dog which I miss just as much as her so I do it. Mind you previous to this we went through a rough spot and she had blocked me on IG and never unblocked me. One of my cousins still followed her though, she hits me on snapchat saying "oh wow K looks amazing" I say "Oh yeah, does the cabin look nice?" She said "Cabin? Looks like shes at the beach" and sends me a screenshot of her IG post. I do my best FBI investigation and zoom in on her glasses, it appears to be a guy taking the picture based on the reflection from the frames and I kind of have an idea who I think it could be, come to find out, we'll call him JMJ also happens to be in Florida at the same time. So I call her out and tell her she needs to find someone to come get her dog and I'm done with her and her lies. She tells me "Oh my mom and dad are traveling across the country in their RV (WHICH THEY WERE) and so when you sent me that extra money after we paid the bills my sister and I decided to fly to Florida to spend some time with them on Spring Break"
She then breaks down and tells me how shes ruined the relationship with the last genuine person in her life and that when she gets back she'll get her dog and I'll never hear from her again. Master manipulator and while shes an amazing liar to someone who wants with every fiber of his being to believe him, is awful at hiding her lies. What do I do? Well I'm a fucking idiot so you can already imagine what I did. I begged her for once to just be honest with me. For once in our entire two years going back and forth that if she ever did truly love me or respect me for things I did for her that she would be honest. She told shes not dating anyone and doesn't have a boyfriend and that nothing has changed. I told her that even if she was seeing someone and told me about it I would help her out one last time only because I had committed to it. I told myself I was doing it for altruistic reasons, that because of all her issues that if I can do for her what I said I would do for her and that would help her out in her future relationships to show her that not everybody is it out to just fuck her and leave her, that when some people tell you they'll do something for you they mean it and she stops self sabotaging then I did my part.
A couple weeks ago was her 30th birthday. I see if she wants to grab dinner but she says one of her girl teacher friends is taking her to dinner in the galleria area. Check the guys IG story via an anonymous viewer and guess who happens to be at a restaurant in the galleria area? I don't even call her out because at this point Im making a plan. I get another rather large check in July and so we had previously talked about paying off the rest of her debt. She tells me shes going to her parents house for MDW and then that shes going out of town today with one of her old friends to New Orleans. This is when I realize just whats about to happen. Im about to have the answer to the question I thought I was dying to know the answer to. I told myself if he posts an IG story today where hes traveling, there is 0% chance that shes not with him. The first thing I see when I open IG is he posted a story... in Cancun. Then the next picture I see... her phone on the table next to him. Bingo. Send her an email saying "Hey I hope you have fun in Cancun!" and that was it. Almost immediately she texts me asking how I know and figured it out and I just saw red. I immediately opened up IG and sent him a message with texts, receipts, bank transfers, her telling me that she still loves me and we can go take a trip this summer, how many times shes asked me for money and help and the lies shes told me about him. She asks me to stop messaging him and I say that shes forever lost the option to ask ANYTHING of me but realize what Im doing is not the right thing and is hella immature so I send her another email saying I'm sorry and out of respect for her I wont say anything else to him.
Then he sends me a message on IG asking to elaborate more and then told me she told him I owed her a lot of money... I asked how much and for what and he said $2k for bills when we first got together. Thats when I sent him an entire list of all bank transactions through our bank and Apple Pay. Just digital alone, $18.647.00 over the last six months plus another $12,460.00 in cash over the last eight months. Then I realized just how little better this made me feel. In fact I thought I would feel triumphant, and ready to move on and finally be over her and start to heal. Knowing full damn and well keeping her around and helping her was keeping me from being able to heal and move on. I sent her another message telling her I was taking the last part of her birthday gift to her apartment and leaving it in the ottoman outside her door and that because I had already accounted for and mentally prepared for giving her money in July that I still would then I blocked and removed her from IG and anything else that would open up an avenue for contact.
Here we are. Starting NC again... a year and a half after we broke up all because I thought I needed the answers to what I didn't want to find out or know. And that yet again, my gut has yet to lie to me in regards to relationships. What is wrong with me? Why even after all of this do I still want her in my life and want her back? If she called me tomorrow needing help I'd probably still do it. How do I fix myself? I've gotten an entire new wardrobe, an entire home gym so I quit blaming my depression for why I didn't go to the gym, and have tried really hard to focus on myself yet I know deep down everything I'm doing, I'm still doing for hopes of her. I lied to myself and clouded my own gut and mind to listen to my heart when I knew what I already knew yet still felt the need to confirm it.
Its not worth it. IT. IS.NOT. WORTH. IT. Keep that door closed if you don't want to know whats on the other side. Don't open that book if you don't want to see whats written on that last page. If your gut is telling you something, its probably right. Listen to it. When your friends and family are telling you the same thing your gut is telling you, listen to them. Even if its killing you, even if its the last thing you want to do, even if its going to break your heart again and reopen any wounds for you to bleed out again it has to be done. Don't be like me. Don't prolong your suffering for a year and a half for hope that you know isn't going to shake out in your way regardless of what the other person might be telling you.

This might end up being fairly long and if so I apologize in advance but I hope this ends up being as cathartic as I’m hoping.
Let’s start at the beginning. I wasn’t a good husband... hell I probably wasn't even a good person. I was selfish, inattentive to her needs, hid a painkiller addiction for many years and a copious amount of other issues. I wasn’t perfect though neither was she. We were happy though and together for a decade. I’ll preface this by saying that I’m the most non-jealous person in the world. I don’t care what you do with your friends, where you do it, and when as long as your honest. For example let’s say one of her friends invited her to go out of town or to do something for a weekend, it was like “hey are we doing anything this weekend? No? Okay I’m gonna go out of town with insert name here” and vice versa for me “hey are we doing anything this weekend? No? Okay I’m gonna go hunting with insert name here”. All that being said, again, not jealous AT ALL, but after the divorce and subsequent relationship I think my trust with SO coworkers is irreparably damaged.
His name was Joe, I heard through some of her other coworker friends he had a crush on my wife. Whatever, she got cheated on with her first love and couldn’t even watch movies or shows where someone cheats it would make her so angry. So I never thought twice about her going out with her coworkers. Now again, let me say I was not a good husband towards the end, and it took a long time and a lot of hurt and anger had to be let go to where I finally realized that I don’t fault her for finding solace in the arms of another, because she was a damn good wife, a damn good mother, and an even better husband. And she deserved better. I relapsed after an incredibly awful start to 2018. I went and stayed at my moms and had to go over to the house to get some things. Her and my daughter were gone somewhere but her Apple Watch was there. My gut told me what I already knew, and what I knew was that I shouldn't look through it knowing what I would find. What did I find? That she was filing for divorce the next week and plenty of messages to Joe. I knew it was only a matter of time before they ended up together. Can you guess what happened? I had a decent amount of money saved up so I took a sabbatical from work that ended extending to almost two years
December 2018, Christmas morning. I had a plan, it was foolproof. I was going to facetime my daughter in the morning to tell her how much I loved her and missed her and had a very merry Christmas... and then I was going to go in my backyard and blow my brains out. So thats what I did. I called her, talked to her as best you can to a three year old in the midst of a post present high with her cousins there too. Then I walked out in my backyard with my favorite rifle and sat there. And sat there. And sat there. For six hours. I cried, I wept... I wept for me, for my kid who was going to grow up without her daddy. I wept for my ex-wife who was going to have to explain to my daughter why she wouldn't be able to see her daddy again. I wept for my family and the pain I was about to cause them I begged and screamed to God. That if they were real and I was meant for things in this life that they would show me a fucking sign. Show me ANYTHING that would show me whether this drastic choice would be the right one... or the wrong. For six hours in the freezing cold. Never did get an answer that I could recognize as one. But the thought of my kid calling the person my wife had AT LEAST an emotional affair with, "Dad" made me sick... and made me want to live.
I decided to check into rehab, not for drugs, but so I didn't kill myself. Ive always kind of been a natural leader. I don't know why or what it is about me but people tend to flock towards me and have really either one or two reactions. They either really like me, or they really fucking hate me. Here though everyone really liked me and I was put in charge of running the meetings held there and trying to keep morale of the folks there. And it was a great fucking time. It was a month vacation in a really nice area of the state, I didn't have a phone, only my guitar and the resolve to work through my emotions in a safe place the best way I know how, by writing songs about it. Which is exactly what I did both in the classes, AA Meetings, out of class, didn't matter I was just knocking out song after song. I met a kid in there with a killer voice and a guy around my age who actually was the lead singesongwriter for a local band I was a fan of so it ended up being a really enjoyable experience.. The kid though... he got murdered last year from a drug deal gone wrong. Shot in a car and left to die in the parking lot. I think about him almost every day.
What did I learn? I learned that I shouldn't go looking for things I don't want to find, or ask questions that I really want the true answer to. Or so I thought.
I met K in December 2020 on Hinge. I wasn't sure I was really over my ex wife but then when we met it was love at first sight. And for a guy that didn't think he was ever going to love anyone again it was a major deal. She felt the same it seemed, though I now realize it was probably more of a trauma bond/rebound type situation. Things went really well for the honeymoon phase, it was like we couldn't get enough of each other. She was a cheer coach/art teacher, it was new, it was exciting, the sex was great.. she was great... She had some pretty serious insecurities and abandonment issues though. Her mom dropped her off with what ended up being her adoptive family only to come back a few years later and take her away for a few months, then bring her back and drop her off again. She self sabotages and destroys anything good in her life for fear or being hurt and left by someone again. And she only dated guys that controlled her, treated her like shit, stole from her, etc etc. She took xanax and ambien which when it would kick in at first it seemed she was still cognizant. One night when I was staying over there she had taken it and asked me to look something up in her phone. As soon as I open it I see a text to a coach at the school she taught at that was just really inappropriate shit that made me feel uncomfortable, especially since he was married. I asked her about it when she off work the next day and she just downplayed it as they are wont to do. I let it go but its something I thought of often, especially after it ended.
We moved in together in August of 21. I helped her get a job at a school over on my side of town so we got a really nice apartment close to her work and not far from mine. Thats when things started to change. I'll never forget we were laying in bed on a Friday afternoon, I was about to go pick up my kid. I rolled over towards her side and propped myself up and looked at her for a second and thought how lucky am I, and so thats what I said out loud to her. Its like she recoiled like she got bit by a snake, bolted out of bed and said I was being clingy and essentially ran out the door where she ended up back on the other side of town and had dinner with a gay guy friend. I really didn't know what to do or how to take it so when I picked my kid up I took her over to my moms house and we stayed there until K called and asked me to come home so we could talk. I left my kid with my mom and went over there and she apologized and reiterated how she feels in relationships, the fear of being left, how independent she had to be because of her upbringing and a few other things.
Not long after that she forwarded me an email, I'm not even sure what she meant to send me if she even meant it to send to me because I never got around to asking. It was an email thread with the coach where she said "guess what?", "What? You're gonna have my baby?" "No I got Covid!". I confronted her about it, told her how it made me feel, and while she never really responded to it in a way that made me worry I still strongly disliked it and let her know that. Not long after that as we were laying in bed I saw she was texting someone exceptionally long paragraphs, you know the type, the type when you're first talking to someone and are explaining things about yourself to them? I'll spare the long part but come to find out shes found a new coach to have what appears to be an emotional affair with. Though come to find out this one ended up being physical. She broke up with me in January 22. Told me while I showed her love in a way she didn't know was possible, and treated her in a way nobody had ever treated her before that I was too good for her and deserved better. I tried to change her mind, lord knows I tried, I was madly in love. My kid was in love with her. We talked about a future I never thought possible after my divorce.
I moved out of the apartment and back to my moms until I could find a place. We talked occasionally and I spent so much time reading this sub and others. Posts about how to get her back, how to make her miss me, what to do and what not to do. When my work sabbatical ended I got my old job back. Its a great job, ridiculously easy and the amount of work I actually do compared to my compensation should be illegal. She lost her cheer stipend when we moved back to my side of town since she didn't coach and since we got the apt together I knew what her funds looked like. We got that place because we could afford it together, alone I knew she was going to struggle. And I still wanted her back... what better way to show her that and try to manifest it by just being there for her when she needed me? Little did I know that would be the only time she asked me anything. Only when she needed help, or was having an anxiety attack and needed someone to talk her off the ledge and tell her everything was going to be okay. It was never her asking how I was doing, or my kid, or my dog, or what was going on in my life. Everyone told me what my gut had already told me but I lied to myself over and over. Not long after all this happened I found out she had been seeing the new coach at the new school though she still won't admit it even up to... checks notes today.
March 23 I get my first really big commission check I gave her 10k and we paid off her credit card, some other debt she had, some missed car payments and other bill help. Not long after that she tells me shes going to a cabin nearby where shes from with her sisters and nieces/nephews and asks me to watch her dog which I miss just as much as her so I do it. Mind you previous to this we went through a rough spot and she had blocked me on IG and never unblocked me. One of my cousins still followed her though, she hits me on snapchat saying "oh wow K looks amazing" I say "Oh yeah, does the cabin look nice?" She said "Cabin? Looks like shes at the beach" and sends me a screenshot of her IG post. I do my best FBI investigation and zoom in on her glasses, it appears to be a guy taking the picture based on the reflection from the frames and I kind of have an idea who I think it could be, come to find out, we'll call him JMJ also happens to be in Florida at the same time. So I call her out and tell her she needs to find someone to come get her dog and I'm done with her and her lies. She tells me "Oh my mom and dad are traveling across the country in their RV (WHICH THEY WERE) and so when you sent me that extra money after we paid the bills my sister and I decided to fly to Florida to spend some time with them on Spring Break"
She then breaks down and tells me how shes ruined the relationship with the last genuine person in her life and that when she gets back she'll get her dog and I'll never hear from her again. Master manipulator and while shes an amazing liar to someone who wants with every fiber of his being to believe him, is awful at hiding her lies. What do I do? Well I'm a fucking idiot so you can already imagine what I did. I begged her for once to just be honest with me. For once in our entire two years going back and forth that if she ever did truly love me or respect me for things I did for her that she would be honest. She told shes not dating anyone and doesn't have a boyfriend and that nothing has changed. I told her that even if she was seeing someone and told me about it I would help her out one last time only because I had committed to it. I told myself I was doing it for altruistic reasons, that because of all her issues that if I can do for her what I said I would do for her and that would help her out in her future relationships to show her that not everybody is it out to just fuck her and leave her, that when some people tell you they'll do something for you they mean it and she stops self sabotaging then I did my part.
A couple weeks ago was her 30th birthday. I see if she wants to grab dinner but she says one of her girl teacher friends is taking her to dinner in the galleria area. Check the guys IG story via an anonymous viewer and guess who happens to be at a restaurant in the galleria area? I don't even call her out because at this point Im making a plan. I get another rather large check in July and so we had previously talked about paying off the rest of her debt. She tells me shes going to her parents house for MDW and then that shes going out of town today with one of her old friends to New Orleans. This is when I realize just whats about to happen. Im about to have the answer to the question I thought I was dying to know the answer to. I told myself if he posts an IG story today where hes traveling, there is 0% chance that shes not with him. The first thing I see when I open IG is he posted a story... in Cancun. Then the next picture I see... her phone on the table next to him. Bingo. Send her an email saying "Hey I hope you have fun in Cancun!" and that was it. Almost immediately she texts me asking how I know and figured it out and I just saw red. I immediately opened up IG and sent him a message with texts, receipts, bank transfers, her telling me that she still loves me and we can go take a trip this summer, how many times shes asked me for money and help and the lies shes told me about him. She asks me to stop messaging him and I say that shes forever lost the option to ask ANYTHING of me but realize what Im doing is not the right thing and is hella immature so I send her another email saying I'm sorry and out of respect for her I wont say anything else to him.
Then he sends me a message on IG asking to elaborate more and then told me she told him I owed her a lot of money... I asked how much and for what and he said $2k for bills when we first got together. Thats when I sent him an entire list of all bank transactions through our bank and Apple Pay. Just digital alone, $18.647.00 over the last six months plus another $12,460.00 in cash over the last eight months. Then I realized just how little better this made me feel. In fact I thought I would feel triumphant, and ready to move on and finally be over her and start to heal. Knowing full damn and well keeping her around and helping her was keeping me from being able to heal and move on. I sent her another message telling her I was taking the last part of her birthday gift to her apartment and leaving it in the ottoman outside her door and that because I had already accounted for and mentally prepared for giving her money in July that I still would then I blocked and removed her from IG and anything else that would open up an avenue for contact.
Here we are. Starting NC again... a year and a half after we broke up all because I thought I needed the answers to what I didn't want to find out or know. And that yet again, my gut has yet to lie to me in regards to relationships. What is wrong with me? Why even after all of this do I still want her in my life and want her back? If she called me tomorrow needing help I'd probably still do it. How do I fix myself? I've gotten an entire new wardrobe, an entire home gym so I quit blaming my depression for why I didn't go to the gym, and have tried really hard to focus on myself yet I know deep down everything I'm doing, I'm still doing for hopes of her. I lied to myself and clouded my own gut and mind to listen to my heart when I knew what I already knew yet still felt the need to confirm it.
Its not worth it. IT. IS.NOT. WORTH. IT. Keep that door closed if you don't want to know whats on the other side. Don't open that book if you don't want to see whats written on that last page. If your gut is telling you something, its probably right. Listen to it. When your friends and family are telling you the same thing your gut is telling you, listen to them. Even if its killing you, even if its the last thing you want to do, even if its going to break your heart again and reopen any wounds for you to bleed out again it has to be done. Don't be like me. Don't prolong your suffering for a year and a half for hope that you know isn't going to shake out in your way regardless of what the other person might be telling you.

https://apnews.com/article/turkey-election-erdogan-domestic-challenges-bc4dccdbe9ac8033d22cb6e0bfa74acb
ISTANBUL (AP) — Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan won reelection in a runoff Sunday, following a nail-biter first round two weeks earlier. Having secured another five years, Erdogan now faces a host of domestic challenges in a deeply divided country, from a battered economy to pressure for the repatriation of Syrian refugees to the need to rebuild after a devastating earthquake.
Here’s a look at the challenges ahead.
ECONOMY: HOW MUCH LONGER CAN ERDOGAN’S UNORTHODOX POLICIES BE SUSTAINED?
Inflation in Turkey hit a staggering 85% in October before easing to 44% last month — although independent experts think the latest figure still masks how severe the cost-of-living crisis is in a country where people are having trouble paying skyrocketing rents and buying basic goods.
Critics blame the crisis on Erdogan’s policy of keeping interest rates low to promote growth. Economists generally recommend raising rates to combat inflation.
Despite a faltering economy, Erdogan won the election, in part by softening the effects of inflation with public spending that experts say is unsustainable, including minimum wage and pension increases.
“The Turkish economy has been partying for a long time and well beyond its means. And I think in the period after the election, this is when we are going to pay for the feast that we consumed,” said Selva Demiralp, professor of economics at Istanbul’s Koc University.
Moving forward, the government will need to decide whether to stick to low rates, as Erdogan has promised, make gradual hikes, or combine small increases with other measures. All will be bring an “unavoidable slowdown” in the Turkish economy and higher unemployment rates, according to Demiralp, but the question is whether it’s a controlled slowdown or a sudden stop.
The Turkish lira plunged against the dollar Monday, though stocks rallied.
EARTHQUAKE: ERDOGAN HAS VOWED TO REBUILD — BUT AT WHAT COST?
Erdogan’s overwhelming victory in the provinces hit hardest by the Feb. 6 earthquake that killed some 50,000 people came despite criticism that the government’s response was slow and ineffective.
Voters in nine of the 11 provinces affected by the quake backed the president, including in especially hard-hit Hatay. In his victory speech, Erdogan said rebuilding efforts would be a top priority for his government.
The World Bank estimates that the earthquake caused $34.2 billion in “direct damages” — an amount equivalent to 4% of Turkey’s 2021 gross domestic product. The recovery and reconstruction costs could add up to twice that much, it said.
Erdogan’s two-decades in power have been marked by a huge boom in construction. Despite criticism that the lax enforcement of building codes contributed to the deadliness of the quake, many of his supporters believe he has shown that he can rebuild. But geologists and engineers have warned that a speedy construction campaign could also pose risks.
SYRIANS: ERDOGAN UNDER PRESSURE TO SEND REFUGEES HOME
Erdogan is deeply aware that sentiment has soured on the 3.4 million Syrians who fled violence at home for Turkey, especially as the country grapples with an economic downturn.
In his victory speech, Erdogan said some 600,000 refugees had already voluntarily returned to Syria, where his government is creating so-called “safe zones” in northern areas that it controls. An additional million would follow thanks to a joint resettlement program with Qatar, Erdogan said, without providing details.
But Emma Sinclair-Webb from Human Rights Watch said Syria is still not safe for many refugees — while the polarizing discourse in Turkey is also creating a dangerous situation for them.
RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS: ERDOGAN SIGNALS CRACKDOWN TO CONTINUE
Erdogan’s presidency has been marked by a crackdown on freedom of expression and increasing hostility toward minority groups: Mainstream media is pro-government, internet censorship is widespread, new social media laws could limit expression online, and he has frequently targeted members of the LGBTQ community and ethnic Kurds.
In the aftermath of the 2016 failed coup attempt that Turkey blames on a U.S.-based Muslim cleric, the government used broad terror laws to imprison those with links to the cleric, pro-Kurdish politicians and members of civil society.
Sinclair-Webb, the human rights campaigner, said Erdogan’s victory speech was a “taste of what’s to come” when he targeted the imprisoned pro-Kurdish politician Selahattin Demirtas, as crowds chanted slogans for capital punishment.
He similarly used another victory speech to stir up anti-LGBTQ sentiment.
Erdogan once called the mistreatment of gay people “inhumane” but now refers to members of LGBTQ community as “deviants.” Since 2015, his government has banned pride parades, as officials have increased the use of discriminatory language while trying to strengthen their conservative base.
Erdogan’s government has also withdrawn Turkey from a landmark European treaty protecting women from domestic violence, bowing to conservative groups that claimed the treaty promoted homosexuality.
Anti-gay rhetoric only escalated during Erdogan’s campaign.
“Mentioning it again at the first opportunity in the balcony speech on victory is a chilling reminder of how he’s really putting LGBT people at great risk,” said Sinclair-Webb, the human rights campaigner.
Turkey’s oldest LGBTQ association, Kaos GL, said that Erdogan’s win would not silence them.
“Even though they promise to shut us down, we came out once and we are not going back in,” the organization and others said in a statement.

I learned about the snowball method via YNAB YouTube videos and it makes my debt payoff sound manageable. I want to aggressively tackle my credit card when my new salary becomes effective. I have $12K on my credit card and it's been a source of stress for over a year now. I've never missed a payment though!
Should I do bimonthly or monthly payments? I don't know if I trust myself to not spend the money elsewhere if the funds sit there until the monthly payment.

Hi there,
I have been looking for a new job for quite some time, I have interviewed for this company and went very well, I spoke with the owner too and told me that he knows that employees need to be trusted and he wants to build a team of professionals, that he is against micromanagement, also he told me that he will review the salary once a year and if I had any issue, money related too, he is happy to chat about it, etc. Also told me that they work at milestones, so I am free to set my own schedule as long as the work is delivered on time.
I then quickly accepted the offer as both the owner (during the 2nd interview) and the hiring manager (1st interview) were very polite and professional, they asked for references and I provided them and I am now waiting for my contract before giving my formal notice to my current company.
Curious I went online to check out the company reviews, and I saw a very low review rating, that the owner fires people randomly, and there is bullying and micromanagement. That the owner does not trust the employees and wants to control everything. All the negative reviews say the same thing; the last one is from around February 2023, it seems they also changed their name as under the previous name there were even more bad reviews from ex-employees, which I reached out to on LinkedIn, but none of them replied yet.
I have got a secure job at the moment, and even though I am looking for a change (here I am very underpaid), I am not sure now. The interview went well, and I had positive feelings, but after reading the reviews I am now worried.
They are both remote roles, and I can set my schedule in both roles.
Would you advise me to keep both jobs for 1/2 month and see how it goes? My current contract allows me to have another job, but it'd be so full of work for these months though, but if I see bad behaviours I could resign very quickly as I would have my current job as back-up.
What do you think?

From the industrial to the digital revolution, the introduction of new technology has always changed the way we work and the products and services we need. Artificial intelligence, especially generative AI such as ChatGPT, is the next wave of radical transformation. While AI is certainly a buzzword, we understand that it will have a deep impact on how companies do business. PwC reported that 54 percent of CEOs are already feeling the impact of AI within their organizations, and the White House held a summit in early May to discuss these and other growing concerns about AI with leaders from major tech companies such as Microsoft and Google.
The question for talent and people leaders is not if, but when and how AI will impact their organizations. A key part of the solution is investing in your people through training, upskilling and apprenticeships. Organizations that take a strategic approach to integrating and working with evolving AI technologies now will be well-positioned to make the most of this fast-approaching revolution.
The Next Digital Transformation
AI’s impact will be felt across many industries and role types within organizations, including engineering, marketing, finance, legal, human resources and customer service. Similar to how the digital transformation of the past few decades necessitated that all types of businesses become tech-driven, over the next few years, every business is going to have to figure out how AI can integrate into what they do. This will necessitate working with and hiring employees who understand how AI functions and have the skills to help integrate it into a company’s strategy, processes and systems on a technical level. For talent managers, this will also mean reconsideration of your broader talent strategy when it comes to sourcing, hiring and development.
Peter Schwartz, a futurist who also serves as the senior vice president of strategic planning at Salesforce, wrote in 2018 about how AI will create jobs. He compared the AI revolution to the revolution brought on by ATMs in the 1960s, writing, “Of course, a teller of the 1960s couldn’t just step into one of today’s bank jobs—not without a lot of retraining. And that’s the challenge new technology brings. There’s no difficulty in finding an open job, but it’s hard to find people for the jobs that exist.”
Finding the Perfect Match Between Human Creativity and Machine Efficiency
While AI won’t necessarily replace jobs, it will provide opportunities for employees to develop and use a different set of skills on the job. Companies need to brainstorm and strategize about how to integrate AI into their work and think about what opportunities it opens up for new products and processes. AI is not just a computer doing a human's job, but a collaboration between humans and computing power that creates results that drive efficiency, innovation and business growth.
In commentary for McKinsey & Co., Michael Chui, Roger Roberts and Lareina Yee reminded readers that generative AI tools are not meant to work without human intervention, though they may imperceptibly approximate human interaction and labor as they grow more sophisticated. They wrote, “In many cases, [AI tools] are most powerful in combination with humans, augmenting their capabilities and enabling them to get work done faster and better.”
As you work AI into your business, you will also need to define who is responsible for building, implementing, managing and analyzing it. This may necessitate working with and training a group of employees with a very specific set of technical skills.

1. Provide Employees with the Next Generation of Skills—Now

As your company adapts to an AI-driven business world, you may find that you are looking for employees, especially entry-level and midlevel engineers, managers, and data analysts, with a highly in-demand skill set that does not yet fully exist. As such, to effectively and flexibly plan for the future, organizations can consider turning to a latent talent pool: Their current employees. Schwartz wrote, “Even as old tasks disappear, new ones will emerge. The jobs of the future will be built around those tasks. Companies will need to help their employees upgrade their proficiency and gain the necessary new skills.”
Your current employees already understand your products, company culture and processes. Adding on-the-job training, such as through an apprenticeship program, is an additive, cost-effective way to supercharge your talent pipeline and ensure your employees have the skills your organization needs to succeed in the future.
In this nascent moment, as use of AI becomes more widespread, organizations need to take a creative and strategic approach toward how to use it. Just as companies must be curious and adaptable in a new AI-driven landscape, so must employees. Organizations that invest in and engage employee curiosity and ambition will be well-equipped to succeed in the future.
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When I first met my friend, who is also an INTP like me, there was an initial spark and I might have even had some feelings for her. However, as I got to know her better, I realized that we wouldn't have been compatible. She had a strong fear of rejection and preferred dropping hints instead of being straightforward. It turned out that she actually had stronger feelings for me than I did for her.
She made efforts to spend time with me, taking me out to eat and going on what felt like unofficial dates. I even met her parents at a concert, and she admitted to having a crush on me. At one point, she even said she loved me before abruptly hanging up on a call. But despite her affection, she would get incredibly jealous whenever I talked about other women or interacted with them. Her reaction to jealousy was to become quiet and passive-aggressive, which made me feel intimidated.
Although it was flattering to know that she liked me so much, she wasn't really my type. Strangely though, I started finding her sexually attractive, although I often snapped out of it and realized it was more of a fantasy than a genuine desire. I was unsure about what I wanted, and uncertainty usually meant that it was a no for me.
I've had my fair share of experiences in life, including heartbreak, being the one to break hearts, feeling nostalgia, and facing rejections. These ups and downs have shaped me as a person, and I'm grateful for them. My friend has also faced her own challenges, although it's subjective whether she has been through worse or not. While I had to mature quickly and rely on myself, she seems to have struggled to grow from her past experiences. She finds it difficult to trust people and doesn't actively engage with others.
In essence, I am an INTP who has embraced my negative aspects and turned them into strengths, while my friend still has some personal growth to work on. Everyone needs experiences to grow, but not everyone perseveres. My friend often comes across as angsty and self-loathing, expressing self-consciousness about her image and how social media glorifies certain body types. She casually mentioned her struggles, such as ending it all, and I assured her that I would always be there for her as a friend and care about her well-being.
I believe my friend gets jealous and upset about many things I say, but she never wants to discuss how it makes her feel. She expects me to know that she likes me, and I partly blame myself for sensing her feelings without fully understanding my own. She has a tendency to date other guys and try to make me jealous because she's used to guys always making the first move on her. It seems like she doesn't want to be just friends anymore or doesn't have the energy for our friendship. If we had pursued a romantic relationship, her communication style would have likely been frustrating.
Interestingly, it seems like she has found someone who genuinely loves her, the guy who was third-wheeling us. But it feels like she no longer wants to maintain our friendship. If her intention was to be my friend only because she liked me, then it seems petty that she got upset when things didn't go her way and moved on. Perhaps it's for the best that I didn't ask her out, considering her challenging communication style.
She conveniently informed me that the guy who was third-wheeling us didn't want to be with her anymore because of their positions as president and assistant manager or something like that, and he didn't want people at our school to know they were dating. Frankly, it sounds incredibly silly to me. We're not in high school anymore. I'm 20, and my friend and the guy are 19 and 18, respectively.
So after all that unfolded, I was on a phone call with my friend, talking about whatever as usual, until she decided to invite this dude into the call. This guy then starts talking to me about what’s going on in his life, so I respectfully listened and gave my opinions and whatnot. Later, I find out that they were both going on dates with other people, and both told me and each other. The third-wheeler guy had a date with another girl, and my friend was going on a date with someone else. I was utterly confused and felt like this situation was giving off red flag vibes. However, I didn't say anything at the time due to the sheer confusion swirling in my mind. I couldn’t believe that they just put that out there IN the phone call.
What does ANYONE think of this? I feel like the obvious answer is to stay away, but I’m intrigued by the craziness going on.

hey! long story short, im at a 1400 and sat's are hard for me due to a learning challenge, but i feel like the rest of my profile may be strong enough for me to try and apply to some top schools *as reaches*...i plan to ED1 at Penn and apply to Columbia, Swat, Barnard, and Villanova for my other reaches. considering the info below, should i 1) go test optional 2) retake my SAT and try to bring up the score 3) submit my score as is? ty!
white female upper middle class looking to study polisci, linguistics, or cog sci. want a small to medium school in or near a city, in NY, NJ, PA, or CT.
probably top 10% of class (school doesn't officially do class rank but...)
passion project: got selective grant from international fellowship program (program itself has 11% acceptance rate grant part, unsure) to start mental health literacy org. abt 10k cumulative views on social media, working to change mental health curriculum in high schools in NJ, CA, TX, and other states. giving TEDx talks, hosting online panels, working w local mental health advocates.
paid executive role of operations director at political advocacy org, making $18k a year as a baseline salary. significant contributions: transitioning team (over 300 people) to new software, dealing w hiring and removal of employees and volunteers, helping organize national in-person event.
speech and debate: top 5 and semifinalist at a couple national and state tournaments. part of honor society w top 12% of speakers by end of JR year. (did not participate as a freshman bc of covid) team captain.
did research on AI and linguistics as jr year elective, presented work to AI professionals and academics in the field, had presentation shared w linguistics class at fordham university. trying to publish research this summer.
Junior state of America: attended national summit w top 50 participants, regional leadership role for past 2 years, chapter president.
top 1% on national spanish exam 3 yrs in a row
got some college book award and $25k annual scholarship to that school (idk if that's impressive lol)
other activities-editor of school magazine, blog, vice president of peer mentor club, drummer in band, write for publications outside of school, play drums in church's band.

Updated May 2023
After changing reddit accounts and about a year since posting it, it seemed prudent to throw this up for visibility. :)
Few things are worse than not knowing what happened to a loved one. Which is what convinced Robin Ayou to get into a drop shuttle with a lifepod with basically nothing, then fire herself down onto an ocean planet where the only place that she could investigate was a tiny little patch of barely-even-land and pray she can survive long enough to find a way to get off the planet.
Nobody ever told Robin she was great at forward planning.
https://subnauticamap.io/belowzero - This map will provide direction/orientation for this guide, but BEWARE! It marks spoilers if you turn those on!

Touchdown

Once you've landed, you'll find some food and water to start you off scattered around the ship. You won't have to worry about getting cold, since standing next to your now-burning ship will warm you up and the meteors coming down don't actually paste you, they're mostly to stress you out.
Note that may not be the case later. The weather in this game is a serious thing.
Once you have your stuff, you'll find the drop pod on your HUD. Don't go straight to it, though. As soon as you hit the water, look for an indentation in the ground. You'll find some copper in there. Then, follow the northern glacial wall (That's to your right when you're looking at your lifepod) until you find a small cave, which will have some silver and gold. That'll get you started off nicely. Get to your lifepod, take a look at your fabricator. You'll find that the items you have blueprints for can be pinned to the top-right in your PDA by clicking on them in the blueprints tab, a useful feature when hunting for materials.
Your goals right now are your basic survival tools. Note that the kelp forest is a bad place to hold your stuff in your hand. The sea monkeys are kleptomaniacs and will gank your stuff. You can totally get it back though, it just means chasing after them a bit, which is annoying and wastes time. However, if you pull out a flare and hold it in front of them, they freak out and run away from you for a little bit.

Time To Get Rolling

Your first task, as indicated by the PDA, is to find Delta Island. This becomes relatively easy once you find a compass. If you've gone to the emergency cache you'll have the beacon blueprint so stock up on them before traveling so you can mark things. You're going to be making a lot of these but since you can toggle them it's not so bad, you'll just need a lot of beacons. Its south of where the drop pod lands. As you spread out your searching range you'll find that the sea floor drops down among twisty coral structures.
This area is called Twisty Bridges. It's the main go-to for coral samples and you'll want those. There's small bits of Alterra stuff scattered around the area. It's here you'll find mobile vehicle bay, sea truck and seaglide fragments. When you've been in the area for a bit, you'll hear what sounds like an SOS. It's worth checking that out and you'll find that this spot goes deeper than you might suspect. Makes you wonder what's down there, doesn't it?
Beyond Twisty Bridges lies the thermal spires, an area of volcanic activity and thermal smokers. Many sea truck fragments are here. The wildlife here is noisy and menacing sounding but if you don't hang out next to them they're easy to avoid. Smacking one with a blade will made it instantly turn and get the hell away from you. They don't like being hit. On the border between thermal spires and twisty bridges someplace is a small foundation platform with external grow beds for you to scan, but you can get these at Omega Station later if you're not sweating on it. There are large crevices and a few volcanic fissures out here. Beware the heat vents, but exploring those areas can pay off, later.
On the island, you'll find blueprints you need, as well as some materials like sulfur and horseshoe nuts. The latter are very useful to plant in the seabase you'll be wanting. Take care to look around thoroughly for blueprints you'll find useful, as not all of them are inside the buildings. Also, keep a sharp eye out for music disks which you'll find scattered throughout the game, especially in bases.
On the south-west corner of the island is a precursor artifact you can scan. Look for the beach with all the pengwings on it. The habitat builder can be found on a box outside Delta Station. Make sure to scan the map inside the sea base. There's also a PDA up by the comms tower.

Let's Go Explorin'

So, by now you've visited Delta Island, have had a good look around Twisty Bridges and you've probably discovered the sea monkey caves in Kelp Forest. If you haven't gone exploring in those, you really ought to. You'll find more MVB fragments there but that's also where the propulsion cannon blueprint can be found, the laser cutter, as well as a fair amount of gold and some precursor artifacts as well. Once that's all done with and taken care of, you've probably got at least a tiny seabase, but if you don't... what are you doing?
Go on, shoo. Go make a base.
...
Okay, got one now? Good! Hopefully it's someplace nice. Your basic sea truck can't get down to where you want to be going next but a depth module will take care of that. A MkII depth module will let you get to the very bottom of where you want to go. Where do you want to go? Koppa Mine. You'll find it on the western side of the island. Take care to look around when you find the door eventually, since there is a databox just inside the main doors, before you head down. It has the moonpool and will allow you to get that much earlier than you would through scanning it.
To drive the seatruck inside the mine, drive north from the entrance of Koppa mine, you'll come across a volcanic fissure in the seafloor nearby which has JUST enough space for you to fit your seatruck through it. The fissure leads right into Koppa Mine, allowing you to drive the seatruck inside!
The other alternative is actually spare air tanks. Totally a viable solution so long as you remember to refill them by equipping them once you're out of the water. You can swap them out mid-dive and extend your breathing time, which is handy since the prawn fragment blueprints you require are kinda far down there. If you're free diving in this way, note that the bottom chamber of the mine has a hole in the ceiling leading to a small cave system which will lead you back to the surface, as well as having a number of oxygen plants to keep you from choking on the way. The entrance to that is almost right next to the Delta Station docks.
Also note that Site Zero, which has useful blueprints, can be found by hugging the northern glacial wall and heading east along it. You can find it by checking breaks in the ice, one of them leads up to a small hidden cave where the base lies. But if you don't find it, you'll be directed here later. It just has some useful things to scan and a lantern fruit tree. There is a music disk here.

Way Down South

By now you've probably answered the SoS. If not, go do that. As you hang out with Al-An, he'll give you prompts to artifacts that you haven't found yet, if you dawdle in looking for the required number. At this point you should have the following:

• A sea base, even a basic one. The databox in Koppa Mine's entrance will grant you the moon pool but if you missed it, you can get the blueprint later following the storyline.
  
• Seaglide, knife, propulsion cannon, beacons, repair tool, scanner, flashlight, builder tool
  
• Seatruck with at least one depth module
  
• Prawn blueprints
  

Building the Prawn is surprisingly easy, but requires lithium, a material you probably haven't seen a lot of yet. There's a little scattered around in thermal spires, but only a little. You can find a lot at purple vents, but be careful to avoid the doom shrimp. A chelicarate hangs out here. There are other things in this area which are relevant to you which you'll want to mark out for later. There is a small seatruck crash site with a variety of fragments out here, if you find it, look around carefully for the music disk that's here.
Following the marker for the unknown pilots last position, you will find a green area rich in confusing cave systems. This area is the lilypads zone. Old girl can be found down near the signal, just look for the shimmering things on the wall, the hive minds. She's near them. Grab the seatruck defense module she has in there. Be sure to pick up the databox directly outside her base to get the stillsuit as well and if you follow the caves down where they turn blue you'll stumble on an old thermal plant of hers, where another databox lies. There's fragments scattered all over this zone as well as The mercury II stern, which lays on the border between lilypads and purple vents, as well as the bow, which is a little further in on the western side of lilypads. Be sure to explore the area thoroughly and take note of the massive crevasse near the middle of the zone. Inside the chunk of land here is Omega Lab, which will net you the external grow beds, nuclear plant, nuclear disposal as well as a couple new beds and the antenna plants. It's in this area you'll need to search for nickel later, so building a scanner station here is a good idea. Deep Lilypads holds an Al-An body part you'll require. Deep Lilypads is also the only place you can acquire the materials to manufacture benzene.
Don't go too close to the Lily Paddlers, unless you like being off your face, in which case go say hi, it's hilarious. Trust me. ;D
In order to disable the satellite for Dances-With-Reapers, you're going to need to wreck dive the Mercury II. Two of its sections can be found in purple vents, while the bow - the largest - can be found in Lilypads, west of Omega Labs floating island. You'll need the laser cutter for this. Your goal is to scan the parallel processors in the wreck, but there's all kinds of really useful stuff in there too, not to mention all the titanium. ALL the titanium. So be sure to drop beacons on these things, bring a spare air tank and bring your pathfinder tool. If you don't have the pathfinder tool, go look around in the caves full of emeralds between Phi Robotics docks and Phi Robotics itself. There is one up on a small ridge in one of those caves. If you can't find it, don't worry though, just bring flares and use them as breadcrumbs while diving to prevent yourself from getting too lost. The alien containment tank, reinforced dive suit, parallel processor can be found in these. A music disk is in the bow section on a bridge console.

LAND HO!

Aaah, glacial basin. How I hate thee. The basin is split into four sections, two for each part of the basin, north and south. South is where you'll probably end up first. You can find the docks to access this area by tracking along the northern glacial wall and continuing west until you come to the eye jellyfish. Check the radio tower next to the docks, there is a music disk there. The upper southern area is where Phi Robotics lays, as well as frost vase plants and spicy peppers. Both of those are excellent crops to grow, as they net you useful things. The spicy peppers scattered throughout the entirety of glacial basin essentially means that you'll not starve while out here so long as you're paying attention to what you're doing. Note that snow stalkers REALLY HATE FLARES. They'll make your trips out here annoying, even in the prawn, which is the best way to ensure the weather isn't a factor for you. Sometimes they're in the caves. Flares will make exploring these much safer.
You can get to lower glacial basin through the upper part, but it's a bit confusing and I prefer to access it via the glacial tunnel. Head south along the western glacial wall from the glacial basin docks and you'll find a tunnel which eye jellyfish are hanging out near. This tunnel leads directly to lower glacial basin and provides a convenient way to access the area without needing to travel through upper GB every time.
Northern Glacial Basin can be accessed by scanning the hydraulic fluid on the bridge, then repairing the bridge to cross it. DO NOT GO HERE WITHOUT THE PRAWN. SERIOUSLY. The grip arm is very handy to have out here and if you haven't found it, use a scanner room in Lilypads to find the sea monkey nests but it's not necessary so don't stress if you don't have it. Just don't use the snow fox. It's useless and handles like crap.
The iceworms here are dangerous if you stay still too long. Take your time, explore thoroughly and mark out any Alterra sites you find with beacons. A couple of these have the blueprints for the Thumper and this is your ticket to working in this area safely. A thumper will keep the iceworms away within a radius, ensuring you don't get whacked while picking stuff up outside the prawn.
Along the western wall of this zone is a small cave with three large ion cube deposits. Keep a sharp eye out for it, you definitely want those. At the north-east tip of the zone you'll find ice worm corpses you can scan that don't put you in mortal danger during the attempt.
Really funny seeing them pop up and chow down on snow stalkers, though. Pay back sucks, don't it? Al-An's body part is out here. Keep an eye out for the precursor cables and make sure to check all the caves, because the master gateway leading to Phi Robotics is here as well. The room containing the gateway leads to a small docks and tunnel with an ice wall you can cut through to easily access the middle of northern glacial basin from the docks. There is a music disk at those docks as well.

Going Down?

By now you're probably wondering where to go. Remember purple vents? The engine part of the mercury II has a crevasse leading down to where you need to go next. Once you've found the crystal caves, you better hope you picked up the defense module at Marg's base. It's sitting inside her room and sometimes gets knocked to the floor when Preston jumps you. You'll be wanting it for what's down here.
The Shadow Leviathan.
Ohhhh boy are they ever aggressive. Good news for you though, they patrol around on a set route and they don't go through the whole of crystal caves. You'll be looking for fragments here, as well as materials. Lots of gold, silver and kyanite in the crevasses in the floor of these caves. An Al-An body part, the final one, can be found at the bottom of a tunnel which is mouthed by a circular formation of crystals. Once you have it, you'll want to go even deeper to find the fabrication facility, forcing you to wander crystal caves until you find the blood crystal caves.

Oh Yeah, It's All Comin' Together

So, you now have everything you need to build your home boy a body. Once that's done, you'll be wanting to wrap up the bit with Sam. If you've explored lower southern glacial basin, you'll have found the cave with the frozen leviathan. Oh, and grab the music disk in the security bunker. Exploring this cave gets you some useful stuff. You know the little caves here with the blinking markers? Explore these with spy penglings! There's some useful stuff in some of them, actually. Including the antidote Sam hid. You can use that on the loader located on the upper part of the leviathan in the cave.
And... that's that! That's the whole game.

Tips and Tricks

• The air bladder can pull a tiny amount of air into your tank. It's not very much but those 10 seconds of extra air can save your life in a deep pinch.
  
• You can find lots of quartz if you hug the northern ice wall and roam east of west, but be careful of the brinewings. They'll freeze your ass, which can be inconvenient if you're low on air.
  
• Frost Anemone Hearts are actually a really great food source and should be picked up any time you can get them. They'll last forever in the fridge.
  
• Made your base with some helpful sea monkey neighbours? After awhile they stop stealing from you and begin trying to help you - but they don't know what you want! If you mark blueprints in your PDA, they'll try and bring you materials for that if they can.
  
• Most predators will back off if you feed them a fish before they bite you. This includes leviathans. You might still get hurt from them slamming into you or something but feeding them a fish will usually cause them to stop attacking you. This doesn't work against the shadow leviathan, it hates you and everything you hold dear. It doesn't know what those things are, but it doesn't care either. It just does.
  
• Spare air tanks are great and can be kept stocked in your sea truck, but remember to put them on to refill them.
  
• Animals will react to your behavior in some instances. Feel tree to try new things with them like feeding fish. You can even ride on glow whales! Some of them really hate flares too, like sea monkeys and snow stalkers.
  
• Surface bases are a completely viable thing in this game and some of the ice sheets have holes in them, allowing you to have a surface base with a dropped section for moonpools and water filters. Water filters will work outside of the water, but you don't get salt and they're much slower.
  
• Get the cold suit as soon as you can. It's in Phi Robotics. It changes your outside time from 2 minutes to 7 minutes, which is a huge difference. Without it, the prawn is the only way to explore the surface without constantly stressing about freezing to death. You can find the tufts of fur in snow stalker caves where the pups are, make sure you have a flare if you don't like getting nommed on.
  
• Can't figure out how to get on top of the ice sheet, but you want a base up there? Swim down deep and use the air bladder to get some height. You can build a hallway up there, then drop a ladder down into the water to make a surface base with an underwater docking section. Alternatively, you can probably get up there with the prawn and the grip arm.
  
• Speaking of the prawn and grip arm, you can totally launch yourself with it. Attaching the grip to the ground and using it to pull yourself into a jump will get you some serious air time, which is helpful for getting up small ridges on the surface. If you break the map and managed to get above it in the prawn, return to the player area. Being up there breaks progression completely and the only interesting thing is a leftover animation testbed east of glacial basin. The collision on terrain is also patchy here and it's possible to fall through the ground into the void. In your prawn. So don't screw around up there too much.
  
• Spicy peppers and coffee will both warm you up while on the surface, which makes the spicy peppers scattered all over the place pretty valuable.
  
• The greenhouse you get sent to can be found in Lilypads on an iceberg. The three large icebergs here all have things to find so be sure to search thoroughly.
  
• The crashed ship is a great place to get a lot of metal very quickly and will basically hand you a free sea base so long as you're willing to go keep picking it up. If you've already looted it all, give it awhile and check back later, sometimes new scrap shows up as the wrecks continue their eventual rot.
  
• Drop emergency caches of food, water, medpacks, batteries, power cells and flares along with a beacon and never be caught short on supplies because you went out looking for stuff and forgot to bring rations. D'oh!
  
• A small base specifically for replacing vehicles is very helpful when you lose one. Have the materials gathered beforehand and you won't have to spend a long time struggling to get them together after the bad feeling of having your stuff crunched.
  
• Be sure to look for creature eggs out in glacial basin
  
• Rock punchers are jerks and will kill stuff in your containment tank, so now you know, and knowing is half the battle. And the lives of your fish.
  
• There is no good way to scan the leviathans, but your scan progress gets saved if you don't scan other things, so letting it chow down on your seatruck and scanning it while it's distracted, then repairing your vehicle after, will allow you to get the whole scan after a couple rounds.
  
• Make scanner rooms everywhere. Solar panels and bio reactors are your friend. Nuclear power is better but not viable in early game. If you need magnetite, go to the glacial tunnel and look at the ice walls just where the tunnel curves upwards, you'll find ore fissures there with magnetite inside.
  
• Beacons, beacons, beacons. I can't stress this enough, litter them EVERYWHERE. You can toggle them on and off in your PDA, so having a bajillion around the map isn't really a problem and they're really useful.
  
• There are more precursor artifacts than Al-An mentions to you. Keep a sharp eye out, look everywhere and scan for ion cubes. Check icebergs for moulins, AKA hollow chambers inside. You'll need a laser cutter to access the ones you find.
  
• Tree Spires has a hell of a lot of uraninite in its cave systems, it's a good spot to stock up on it. Beware the chelicarate in the zone.
  
• The crystal caves are roughly the shape of a spiral. Knowing this makes navigating them a lot less mystifying. Mind you, it's still difficult. As usual, use beacons a lot. Also make sure to explore the cracks in the floor of the cave!
  
• Penglins/Pengwings drown if you leave them in the alien containment tank after hatching :( They have to hold their breaths. If you breed them, make sure to set them free.
  
• There are no large nodes for lead. You must search for galena outcrops with the scanner room. It's pretty much the only way to stock up on the stuff. The other one people have a lot of trouble with is Magnetite, which can only be found in lower glacial basin. You'll want a scanner room to find it. Upper glacial basin has a TON of lithium if you can handle the ice worms... as well as three large mining nodes for ion cubes hidden in a cave.
  
• Keep exploring Upper Glacial Basin even if you find the precursor body part. There are ice worm corpses and a slipgate out here for you to find. The slipgate links to the Phi Robotics slipgate and has a tunnel which leads directly back out to the docks that you can only cut open from the inside. There's also a music disk down there on a crate so keep a sharp eye out when you find it.
  

Good luck, Robin!

From Bolivia with Love
Not since the days of the dictatorships into the early 1980s have we seen government opponents (internal and external) die in mysterious circumstances with such frequency. Four decades have since those dark days, and in the last 6 months we have not 1, not 2, but 3 strange deaths, that rival the demise of Putin's contrarians in Russia. If true, who knows how long this apparent purge of government enemies (internal and external) might last.
The latest victim is Carlos Colodro, who had been charged distributing the assets of Bank Fassil. Fassil went bankrupt recently, Colodro was charged with taking its assets to return the bank’s customers their money, transfer their accounts to other banks, pay back the salaries of Fassil employees and so on. Saturday night he turned up death after allegedly falling down from the 14th floor of a building. As per his family the corpse shows strange bruises not explained by a suicide, and he was missing an eye and a testicle. Unconfirmed reports say the government actors had money in Fassil of unknown and potentially illegal origins, and Colodro was perhaps getting too close to this information. As per his family’s lawyer Colodro had been receiving threats recently. Curiously the next day the Minister of Government Eduardo Del Castillo had a press release with an apparent suicide letter. This came as a surprise to the family as a search with the police at 11pm Saturday night did not find this letter. According to Del Castillo the letter was found (conveniently) during a second search at 2am Sunday morning. However neither the handwriting or writing style fit Colodro’s. Take that as what you will.
Colodro’s death is eerily similar to the recent death “by suicide” of Christopher Balcázar, who happens to be the defense lawyer for political prisoner and opposition leader Luis Fernando Camacho. On the night of May 1 Balcazar “jumped” to his dead from his 11th floor apartment. At the time the police said they were collecting footage from the building’s security cameras, but almost a month later these haven’t been released to the public yet. Why?
In 2022 attorney Felipe Sandy Rivero came out as a whistleblower exposing corruption within the ABC government agency (Administradora Boliviana de Carreteras – Bolivian Administration of Roads) with Chinse company CHEC. At the time of the allegations this was seen as the latest battle of the MAS civil war (Evo Vs. Arce) as Sandy Rivero was receiving help from a hardcore member of the “Evista” wing of the party, and the accusations were against the “Arcista” wing as allegedly President Arce has his people and family member working in the ABC. Sandy Rivero ended up receiving death threats and fearing for his life escaped to Miami. In March 2023 the Minister of Justice Ivan Lima (an “Arcista”) disclosed that Sandy Rivero had died the previous January in a car accident. The press was able to independently obtain a list of transit deaths in Miami and Sandy Rivero’s name was nowhere to be found. The press then produced US forensic results indicating that Sandy Rivero “had assaulted his own body” and he had “attempted against his life”, some convoluted language to describe an apparent suicide, there was nothing about a car accident in the document. The Evistas then pointed the finger to Lima as responsible for Sandy Rivero’s death. Before dying Sandy Rivero made a video in which he stated that he feared for his life from Bolivian and Chinese actors and wanted to explain the corruption details (fake documents, money laundering, front documents, etc).
Here Comes Johnny
State congressman Federico Moron recently went to the police to make corruption allegations against Santa Cruz Mayor Johnny Fernandez. During his term Hernandez has been reluctant to construct new roads in his city, but has decided to make an exception by ordering the construction of an avenue linking Tundi with Las Peñas. Moron alleges that Hernandez conveniently bought all the land around the road (currently under construction), once the road is complete the value of this land will increase and Fernandez will make a killing by selling it.
Now Moron is under arrest. You read that right, immediately after hearing his testimony the police arrested Moron on charges of his own corruption. The details are not clear to me yet, but are these charges true? Or is this a way to silence Moron? Or a bit of both? Your guess is as good as mines. In the meantime Johnny keeps creating content for his REAL TikTok account “UncleJohnnyFernandez”. His most common content revolves around him just giving money away while his own theme song “Johnny Cash” plays in the background. Selected lyrics:
Jhonny Cash, with Uncle Jhonny Cash
The Land Cruiser waiting in the garage
I am Johnny, pure money
I am boss, I am Fernandez
MVP with only Mansions grandes [big]
I am Jhonny, they call me Don Dinero [money]
In the yellow Ferrari I arrived primero [first]
The Congressional Battle Royale: A Fight for Signs and Glory
This week congress came together to debate on whether to censure or not Minister of Government Eduado Del Castillo, who is a member of the MAS party. As part of the process Del Castillo had to answer 11 questions regarding the violent “arrest” of opposition leader Luis Fernando Camacho last year. A kidnapping might be a better way to describe it. Rather than answering them Del Castillo instead made a long partisan speech. Congresswoman Maria Renee Alvarez tried to voice her protest with a sign, but MAS congresswoman Tania Paniagua had other plans, grabbing and tearing signs from opposition congresswomen. More opposition congresswomen then brought their own signs, which Paniagua also proceeded to grab and tear. Not happy with that Paniagua then proceeded to assault her fellow congresswomen and a battle royal ensued.
The fun also takes place outside of Congress
The Guarayo Province in Santa Cruz is home to the indigenous Guarayo people. A large part of the province is protected and Guarayo hold collective title for it. However for over a decade the central government created an “intercultural” program in which government supporters from the highlands are allowed to use the land of the Guarayo (and others) for their own. This has resulted in mass deforestation and has severely weakened the Guarayo way of life. The “interculturals” simply take their land and do whatever they want with it. Finally a local district attorney was taking steps to remove these squatters, in return a mob of them went into his office an assaulted him. The police were able to rescue him fortunately. This is not the first time the squatting interculturals have resorted to violence. It seems the interculturals have taken the term "culture clash" to a whole new level.

• Skills: Cryptocurrency; C++; Golang; Rust; Solidity; Blockchain; NFT
• Locations: Remote
• Type: Full-time
• Salary: $105k - $205k (Estimate)
• Company: Binance

Job details https://jobsfordevelopers.com/jobs/applied-cryptography-engineer-staff-trust-wallet-at-binance-jul-3-2020-138481

(read the whole thing here, for reasons)
(all my stuff is here)
Albert Kesler sighed as he looked at the forces arrayed against him. He had been entirely outmaneuvered and trapped, and his only choices now were to fight foolishly on to the end, or simply accept defeat. It didn’t take very long for even someone like him, who was lacking in tactical acumen, to see how any attempts to relieve himself of his difficulties.
And worst of all, the commander had a front-row seat.
He could only shrug. “I feel like I must concede the victory to you.”
At the other end of the wargaming table, Sovetskaya Belorussiya could only smile. “Don’t feel too bad. You at least were willing to admit your own weaknesses, which not many people can bring themselves to do.”
It was an oddly slow day at the commander’s office, with only paperwork to bother him, and since Albert was without orders and had already completed his own assignments, he decided to play a tabletop wargame against Belo while in the commander’s office to find out exactly how much he didn’t know.
And Belo was more than eager to show him.
“You seemed to know you would lose.” She said. “I’m not sure that’s the healthiest attitude when going into battle, but you were interested in finding out your weaknesses. Of course, it’s not as though even something like this is an adequate measure of ability, seeing as games have far more rules than war does.” She began putting away the models. “Were you that curious about yourself that you would challenge me at my strengths?”
“You seemed like the correct person to talk to about this.” He pushed the few remaining models on his side over to Belo. “…Kii and Izumo actually wanted me to face off against the commander in a war exercise a little while ago.”
The commander looked up from his desk. “So, why did you decline?”
Albert shook his head. “I did not believe I could put on a good show. My talents lie in other places.”
Belo smiled. “It’s a skill that can be developed, but I can understand why you feel it would be a poor use of your time to embarrass yourself. There’s nothing wrong with discretion, after all.” Once she finished putting away the figures, she leaned on the table. “Now, if it’s something you’d like to learn…”
Albert shot that down immediately. “Between my other duties, I don’t see that as entirely practicable. Besides, even if the commander is unavailable for some reason, there are plenty of Kansen who can take over, even if only for a temporary basis- I can think of at least a dozen I would put ahead of myself under any circumstance.”
“All right.” She said, picking up her case. “The offer is still there, of course.” And soon the voluptuous northerner left the office with her toys.
The commander looked at the time. “She’s good- She finished just before our next appointment.”
Albert agreed, and got up. “Someone from the Sakura Empire, if I recall.”
“Yeah, Special Envoy from the Ministry of Defense, one Captain Masaharu Ishimoto.” He said. “They’ve been fine with being hands-off most of the time, but considering we now have a couple of VIPs here, I think they’re going to want to add a bit more of a personal touch to their dealings with us.”
The Lieutenant remained silent for a moment. “…Do you believe they will try to interfere with our operations?”
“Doubtful.” He replied. “I think that they just want to put on a show and make it look like they’re putting some closer oversight on our activities, but the message from their government referred to him as a visitor rather than an investigator. I think the most he’ll actually want to bring home is a photo op of me and him shaking hands. For the papers, of course.”
“I see.”
Soon enough, there was a knock on the door, and Albert covered the distance in less than a moment, opening the door. The Sakuran officer entered, wearing a uniform of the Maritime Self-Defense Force. Albert dutifully closed the door after the captain entered, and he did get a good look- He seemed serious, but not inflexible, but also had the look of an experienced, tested officer. Whatever he might have come to say, the Sakurans weren’t treating this as a joke.
Captain Ishimoto walked up to the commander’s desk, and after the commander stood up, their visitor made a bow. “Commander. Captain Masaharu Ishimoto, special envoy of the Ministry of Defense.”
“Thank you for coming all this way. I am Commander Alexander Cochrane, and over there is my assistant, Leutnant zur See Albert Kesler. I’m afraid your government was a bit roundabout in telling me why you were coming, but you’re welcome all the same.”
“I assure you, I would prefer them to be more direct at times, but we do have to keep things purposefully nebulous- one does not know who or what may be listening.” He replied. “Anyway, I am here to have a look at how things are progressing on the ground, and speak to the Sakuran Kansen to gain a good idea of how well they have been treated. Then we produce something that the papers can sell back home.”
“You’re free to talk to anyone.” He said. “In fact, this is more or less what I expected.”
“Then I’m sure your cooperation will make things go more smoothly.” He replied. “…Also, I do have some small business to discuss with Lieutenant Kesler, but I would prefer to do it privately, if that is acceptable.”
The commander nodded. “He’s an honest person, you know.” He folded his hands together. “…If I ask him about it later, he probably will tell me anyway, so telling something to him is the same as telling something to me.”
“Ah, so it’s that kind of work relationship.” He replied. “…Since it’s merely a political matter, and brief, I do not see why we cannot settle things now. Lieutenant Kesler, take a seat.”
Albert looked at the commander, and the commander gestured for him to go ahead. He sat down on a couch. “What is it?”
“I was asked to relay a decision made by my government to you. I will answer what questions you may have, but I must impress upon you that this decision is one which cannot be negotiated.” He put his hands behind his back. “You are aware of the recent ousting of the former Vice-Minister of defense, correct?”
“I am.” He said, simply.
“Then there is something you must also be aware of.” He said. “While there are some who welcomed this, we also prefer to know who the instigators are in such a campaign. There is no advantage to use remaining blind to the outside world, after all.”
“You believe I had something to do with it.” He said, as a statement of fact rather than a question.”
“We have something better than belief- we have truth.” The captain paced around in front of Albert. “Though our military units have been of relatively little effect at bringing an end to the Siren threat, our intelligence services are still active, and this is the kind of problem of national security they aspire to correct. And so, certain concerned persons have held a series of meetings, and have come to a decision- They do not believe that it is prudent to allow you entry to the Sakura Islands.”

A lot of comments about how Greg turned down 250 mil inheritance to take 200k per year (maybe less post GoJo), but I had thoughts on this.

• 250 mil is allegedly Ewan's entire fortune. We know that there is at least one person in line before Greg (his own mother). Greg's in his 20s. His mom is probably in her 50s/early 60s. My 97 year old grandmother just passed away leaving all her assets to my 65 year old mom. It's potentially decades before I directly inherit any of that. Assuming Greg keeps his 200k annual salary, maxes out his retirement accounts annually, and makes wise investment decisions, his lifestyle over the next 30+ years is going to be dramatically better than sitting around decades for an inheritance that may never come. His mom could marry. She could blow it on foolish investments. Who knows.
  
• Greg admits Ewan changes his mind a lot. Threat of disowning family was how my grandmother wielded power in her family. She had probably threatened to disown my mom and my Aunt every couple weeks. It wasn't until a few years ago when I actually looked at the family trust documents I realized that they were all empty threats and she hadn't touched that thing since she set it up in the 80s. Whether or not Ewan ever intended to leave all his money to his family or actually gives it to Greenpeace remains to be seen, but a lot of it was just him trying to influence Greg's choices.
  
• Greg mentions he's still getting 5 mil from Grandpa regardless, which is laughed at by Tom/Connor, but it's something. I think that's probably all he was ever getting in the first place. The bulk of the money to Greg's mom. A little money to Greg.
  
• If anything, Ewan might respect Greg's rise a little. This dude just went from being a theme park mascott to the right-hand man to the CEO of Waystar Royco and he's still probably in his 20s. At the end of the day, Ewan might leave everything to Greg after-all.
  
• Worth mentioning that Greg's corporate rise looks good on a Linkedin. Isn't his title "Chief of Staff" or something now? It's suggested he has his own Gregs. This dude was the main point person carrying out the firing of ATN employees and by all accounts, ratings have been flourishing during his regime. He doesn't have to spend the rest of his life Gregging for Tom. At some point, he's going to get big time offers from other companies and his glorified 200k/annual salary internship under Wambsgans is going to pay off.
  

Flash forward 20 years from, Greg, now in his late 40s, has mountains of corporate experience working from the ground up. He could genuinely end up being CEO down the line either at this company or a different one. He's very well positioned.
... and he could still end up getting his inheritance anyways.

I have been in corporate America for 20+ years I have worked for both women and men and never have I worked for a horrible and abusive boss as I do now. He is nicer to men, I hold a Vice President position and I have always had bosses that mentored and taught me. This is not one that does that, it sucks but I can get over that. It is the dismissive attitude, not letting me speak, because he doesn't want a conversation a wants to lecture and everyone says he is a man that wants brevity, either yes or no. Not all questions are that simple. He has called me passive aggressive He hired me after the pandemic and after being let go from a job of 20+ years he said where did your self confidence go? I don't know perhaps getting laid off messed with my head? I didn't say that just took his observation in. Now when I try to give my opinion or suggestion, he doesn't listen, automatically blows it off and I am his revenue person. He has me working so much because we are understaffed like most companies, but he will ask me for project at 4p on Friday and say I need this on Monday, but I don't want you to work weekends. This memorial day weekend is the first weekend I have not worked in the year I worked at this company. I thought he understood the volume of work I had on my desk and he always says what can I do to help? He never means it but then he dis take two projects off my desk, but made sure I felt bad and his comments were great now I have to work the weekend. I got so angry and said yeah I know it sucks working weekends. He turned bright red and really hasn't spoke to me unless he had to in the last month. I am actively looking for another job, but this guy is either on the spectrum or is too rich and thinks he is truly smarter than everyone else. I am at a loss how to deal with this professionally. There are not many jobs out there in my field, but I wish he could realize what he is doing to the company moral. I work with mostly men and I know everyone is not a fan of him, but the difference is he yells at a man and then says want to go get lunch, where as me he ignores as long as he can. I work my ass off and if I had two minute heart to heart with him I would say all the hard work I do is because my name is attached you do not inspire me at all and we walk out tomorrow if I didn't live in a place where capitalism drives anxiety. Money may not create happiness, but lack of it it is a definition for anxiety.