Benchmark physical therapy

I just want to add trigger warnings: sleeping pill use, possible reactive abuse?, self harm/suicide ideation
Hello everyone! I am just really struggling with determining if I was the narcissist in a previous relationship that’s weighing heavy on me. I would like to state that before this relationship, I was in an all over abusive relationship (That was actually my 1st serious relationship, happened in high school) that was very traumatic. Within and after that relationship, that ex was telling me that no one would love me or love me like he does, would physically hurt me as he would tell me that ‘he is not hurting me, I am hurting myself’, blame me for everything in the relationship, his mom would make excuses for him even as she heard him hurting me.. It was a LOT. And I guess that was also why I was so susceptible to my next relationship which is the one I am inquiring about.
So, that relationship lasted 3 years.. I went to therapy.. A year and maybe a half later, I met another guy (which is the one I am more confused on and questioning myself the most..) My 1st bf was known as not a good guy so it was easier for me to come to terms with that it was not me? But this one… Everyone LOVES him… We met through a friend of mine at a theme park.. I guess for a good month he was trying to get my number from her (she was a good friend of mine at the time, she was dating one of his good friends, they knew each other. She took us to where he was). I got a text from him saying “Hey beautiful, can you guess who this is?” and it all started from there..
He had previously gotten out of a 4 year relationship, 2 months before we met (Stupid me; HOWEVER, i did not know how short of a time span it truly was until I went through his phone and laptop), but he made it seem like she was just cheating on him and not doing right by him majorly, he was over it, and it was done. I didn’t know his part until the 4th year when I went through his laptop and saw that he would call her names, he would be trying to be sexual with her friend which is the same girl who told him that he couldn’t cheat on me with anyone besides her and he agreed (Same girl that would be mentioned in a bit), and so on. We ended up going to the same college, and hanging out a lot; However, even from month one he was trying to get with me and saying that he “had” to be with me because I was sweet, beautiful, xyz but he didn’t have time for that at the moment due to him just getting out of the relationship (which I was ok with tbh. But when mentioning that I don’t think I wanted to date he would be like why?… As well as I think this is what got me too because he was not prioritizing a relationship so it did not seem like he would be using me). He would call me while he was at work a lot, and he even showed up to my house once randomly because I was trying to avoid hanging out with him and me and my friend had to lie and say I wasn’t there. He would explain a lot of how we would make sense together in a sense and why I should not be opposed to dating him.. Within the 4th month, he confessed that he loved me and hoped that I felt the same… In my gut I felt that it did not feel right… But everyone was saying that he liked me, everyone loved him, and he seemed like a good guy and totally opposite of my 1st ex… So I thought, maybe this is love and maybe I do love him… One night I stupidly explained what I been through before meeting him (my previous relationship and friendships) and how I just did not want to go through that again… He said he would never put me through anything like that, will treat me how I deserve like the princess I am, and how laid back he was (but I did not think laid back would mean flirting with other women in front of me or in general, etc which he would mention at a later time when bringing things up to him “Well I told you I was laid back”).. By this time I was lowkey babe, his princess, etc… His friends telling me that he really liked me, and I made him happy… That he talked about me a lot.. I thought maybe this was it…
Around month 8, he asked me out… Immediately a shift began… Right after he asked me out he stated “You’re lucky because there was someone else I was supposed to date”… I instantly knew that something was wrong… But at the same time… A thought that ran through my head was my 1st ex telling me how no one would ever love me like him and other things… and tbh I think I just went with it and accepted fate Ig. I got in his car and we drove off… But now that I even look back, he would question me sexually compared to other women.. call himself the “booty king”.. and talk about how he was sad that he lost his old phone containing photos of all the girls’ pics he had while we were talking… so.. Yeah… Ig that wasn’t even the 1st shift.. I guess I was just used to that type of treatment now that I think about it..
To add more information before getting to the main portion, before so much occurred, I did not mind him hanging out even alone with girls.. He made me feel safe and I trusted him and even told him that. To the point where he told me that he was going to Disney with the girl mentioned above and that she liked him, but I need to not worry because he wasn’t going to do anything and liked me and other stuff. This was after he told me he thinks we shouldn’t be talking to other people (so this occurred a little before he asked me out). During this time, if he saw me with a guy he seemed to get jealous. For example, I was saving the table, and the janitor who looked like a guy my age came over, we nodded, and he just kept working. He came back as the janitor moved and asked me if he was flirting with me and thought that I was lying about him not flirting with me. Another time, I went to the movie theatre with my friend and he brought it up a few times and was asking about it and claiming it was a date.
But anyways after we started dating, he immediately started ignoring me as I was talking and would always be on his phone. One such event was when we were headed somewhere with his friends… Once they got out of the car, and I began talking to him, he immediately got on his phone and was kind of ignoring me but giving ‘mhms’, ‘ohs’, and other sounds like that.. Eventually I went quiet.. When his girl friend 1st got back into the car, he immediately put his phone down and started conversating with her… I was hurt.. which led to him doing some actions and admitting that he did them because I was sad and wouldn’t tell him why and shrugged. He would be on his phone looking at girls.. Even when my parents were going through a divorce, and I was venting to him over skype.. He was just ignoring me.. and I could see through his glasses that he was just browsing on tumblr which already made me more sad and alone, then I saw him staring at and sharing a picture of a girl showing her butt, and I got upset and he got upset with me for being upset.. On our one year anniversary even, I was talking to him, and he was ignoring me.. But I caught him looking at a picture with girls showing their butts and just became quiet and upset.. He’d already called me insecure and such by that point.. Another incident which I’m sure sounds stupid and may just be really stupid.. Was 2 months after we dated.. I told him all that I wanted for my birthday was to take him to HHN for his first time.. He said he didn’t have any plans to go with anyone else and pinky promised me.. I would say maybe a couple of weeks later he told me he was going with one of his girl friends that worked there on that night, and I immediately called him.. He invited me to go, but I couldn’t because I was busy, and I asked if he could wait, and he brought up that he couldn’t just say no because he already told her yes. I brought up the pinky promises, and stupidly begged him if he could just wait.. He said he couldn’t and he had to go.. Later he posted on snapchat about how much fun he was having and how cool and crazy it was.. Later told me he just went with her because she could get him in for free.. which I would have paid if needed, but I didn’t know.. He would manipulate me into letting him do whatever because his ex did (For example, going to stay on the beach with his girl best friend, her mom, and her sister, but by this point he already kind of made it clear that he did not care about me, so I was uncomfortable with it, but he kept pushing until I said yes and would guilt trip me for being unsure). During this 1st year, he already called me a whore for having guy friends, crazy, insecure because of above things etc. One incident we went to the club with one of his guy friends, I didn’t know the plan was to find girls for him to get.. So while I was trying to dance and interact with them, I noticed he was just looking around and point out girls and kind of didn’t acknowledge me a lot of the night.. Which did make me sad.. I became standoffish, and that led to an argument and him hitting the steering wheel yelling at me and asking what the fuck is my problem with girls.. Which I remained silent after trying to explain.. Another incident is when at some point in the first couple of months I told him I would have sex with him.. We ended up at a resort because I have timeshares.. However, I got extremely sick to the point I couldn’t breathe and was worried. I did say I would have to pass on sex because I really could not breathe and didn’t feel well. He was more upset that I didn’t give him sex and said how I lied.. Which I really didn’t mean to.. and I did feel really bad about. He would say how he didn’t care about how I felt about something, would go do that said thing, and then would come back and apologize after talking to one of his girl friends about it, and how she made him realize it wasn’t cool. He would be really mean and say mean things.. he would start denying his actions and words so I started keeping screenshots to make sure that what I had remembered was accurate.. Adults would tell me that I better take good care of him while this was happening and he would look at me and smile and do like a jerking movement with his head like "yeah you better" if that makes sense..
I noticed after a while, I couldn’t control my emotions… I started becoming more and more emotionally reactive. I became increasingly jealous and trying everything to get him to care.. I also begin to try to find ways to get him to understand how he was hurting me and kept thinking of ways to get him to stop.. When I would react he told me that he showed his friends or told them what I did and their reactions and comments.. He told them I was crazy.. I began trying to try to control situations so I wouldn’t get any more hurt. I started becoming passive aggressive and started saying mean things.. I through my toothbrush at the bathroom door once.. I started taking sleeping pills because I got anxiety when he would text me that he was going out. I started taking the pills as well because I couldn’t heal and move on from the things that had happened as fast as he would’ve liked.. I would try to leave but he would say what I wanted to hear of course.. But if I tried to talk to him about the things, he would hardly say anything or just be like “you’re right, I’m trash”, change the subject, or tell me he would break up with me if I brought it up again.. Eventually he would tell me how I needed help and kiss me on the forehead.. At one point, I asked him if we break up, would he consider trying to work on things in the future after we both do growing, and he responded by shaking his head and telling me only if I had changed… I always made him not want to do things or not want to go to things.. He was more cool than me and had more friends than me he would say or imply at times and even brought it up because I got more likes on my insta posts.. One day I would be wifey and he would be so in love with me and not want any other girls.. and the next day I should understand if he wanted to breakup so he can go be with other girls.. His family said in front of me that he could just go get another girlfriend.. and he would shrug his shoulders and repeat that to me.. Major heartbreak events would happen after I helped him in someway, and he would feel a type of way that I wouldn’t want to help him or do things.. Like I helped get him jobs, get back in school, be on time for work, took care of him when he almost died (which led to a major event I will talk about in a few) he would tell me or show me that he didn’t care about me and I couldn’t count on him to be there for me either.. Like when I tried to tell him that I am becoming more severely depressed due to stuff, he was just like “I care less and less” because I brought up depression due to different things.. Which I know.. Stupid for staying.. However.. He would be “hurt” that I didn’t believe that he loved and cared for me.. That the trust I had was diminishing.. He would ask me why I thought he was lying to me and tell me that there were and are no other girls.. Everything led up to the 4th year..
After being with him in the hospital after he could’ve died.. I was with him and making sure he was ok afterwards.. Something was going to happen with a girl I didn’t feel comfortable with him being alone with and he told me.. surprise he didn’t care and had to go.. Told me she said I was pretty.. I asked him if I could go through his phone a couple of days later, I guess I just needed that final push.. I found so much, from him talking to other women about our relationship but being more concerned about how we were having less and less sex, him cheating and flirting, him texting his friend about how he thought him and his ex were getting back together, etc. And I just lost it.. I woke him up shaking him asking why me.. just why… and before I knew it I slapped him.. It was like slow motion, I tried to stop myself but I couldn’t.. I immediately felt guilt.. and that was the first time I ever hit someone.. I know it’s not ok.. but that started an altercation and he dug his nails into me and so on.. I went to the bathroom bleeding.. and the next day.. He asked what happened to me and the marks.. I told him I just had a depressive episode.. and he told me that I shouldn’t hurt myself like that.. Like he didn’t remember anything.. It was like me and him switched places.. He began being afraid to communicate with me.. and to this day.. It’s been almost 3 years.. I feel extremely guilty and re-enact that night but begging myself to stop.. to just leave.. I still feel angry at myself.. His close friends were like “he really tried.. he really loved you.. ah I don’t think he’s like that”.. and sometimes it makes me doubt my experience..
At the end of the relationship is something I can’t forget.. He smirked and told me that he knew he’d be ok.. and that he already moved on and accepted everything.. and that has been something hard on me too.. I removed him from a lot but stupidly texted him a month or so later apologizing.. After the relationship when I would hear or see him or his name, I would have little panic attacks.. everything would go blurry and it felt like I couldn’t breathe..
Therapy isn’t helping.. I feel like I can’t move on and sometimes I idealize or day dream about suicide heavily.. I keep trying to stop myself from looking at his postings about loyalty.. being faithful.. giving everything to the girl who is always down for him.. not lying.. how his friends post how amazing he is and his quotes about cheating and such.. but it’s like a bad addiction I just can’t seem to break.. I keep asking myself was it me.. and if I’m just the narcissist.. He did take the blame and apologize near the end of the relationship and then once I reached out and apologized for my actions after the relationship.. But I still am so confused..
I feel consumed by rage.. envy.. Jealousy.. I see him being blessed with everything and thanking God and Jesus which diminished my faith.. If it wasn’t me, then how come he is getting so many blessings and get to be so happy.. I keep saying how it’s not fair.. I feel guilt.. I feel shame.. I don’t trust myself.. I can’t tell who I truly am after lashing out.. I feel like I want to give up.. Like it’s never going to end.. I keep seeing things about narcissistic abuse, and then I get scared because what if it was me….. Then I feel guilty for not wanting to watch any more things on narcissism or abuse for a while.. I keep praying, begging for it all to go away.. I have resorted to tarot and spells.. Faking it til I make it.. Nothing.. and then I get frustrated.. I keep reliving and trying to play things out differently if that makes sense.. I feel so alone, and I self-isolate so much.. It’s almost 3 years.. I am just confused.. and I am sorry for this being so long and possibly confusing and all over the place.. and I know I should have known better in a lot of this situation..

Chiropractic care has become a popular choice for many people looking for all-natural, non-invasive solutions to a variety of health conditions as the quest of holistic health and wellness gains popularity. Chiropractic treatment focuses on how the spine and nerve system interact and how this interaction affects general health. The advantages of chiropractic care, from pain relief to increased function, and how it can improve your entire well-being:
1.Pain Relief
It is one of the main reasons people turn to chiropractic medicine. Chiropractic adjustments, among other methods, are used to realign the spine and release pressure from the muscles, joints, and nerves. Reduced pain in the back, neck, joints, and muscles can be the outcome of this. Chiropractic care, as opposed to drugs or intrusive surgeries, targets the root of the problem rather than just treating the symptoms.
2.Improved Function
Misaligned spines can negatively affect the neurological system, impairing function in a number of body parts. The spine can be brought back into alignment with the use of chiropractic care, enabling the nervous system to work at its best. Mobility, flexibility, and general physical performance may all be enhanced as a result. Chiropractic therapy is frequently sought out by athletes in particular to improve their athletic performance and prevent injuries.
3.Improvement in Healing
Chiropractic treatment can aid in injury healing. Chiropractic professionals can create individualized treatment plans to assist people in recovering more quickly and efficiently from accidents or injuries sustained during sports. Chiropractic therapy can help patients return to their regular activities with less downtime by addressing the injury's underlying cause and supporting natural healing processes.
4.Natural Approach
The fact that chiropractic therapy takes a natural, non-invasive approach to health and wellness is one of its main advantages. Chiropractic care does not include the use of drugs or surgery, only hands-on treatments. Because of this, chiropractic treatment is a safe alternative for people of all ages, including children and the elderly as well as pregnant women. Additionally, it reduces the possibility of unfavorable side effects, which are frequently linked to drugs and surgery.

1. Holistic Health
   Chiropractic therapy adopts a holistic approach to health, taking into account the body's interconnectivity and the significance of total wellbeing. Chiropractic care includes elements including nutrition, exercise, and lifestyle choices in addition to focusing on pain relief and improved function. By addressing the underlying causes of health problems rather than merely treating the symptoms, this all-encompassing approach can assist people in achieving optimal health and wellness.
   
   1. Personalized Care
   Chiropractic care is highly individualized, with treatment programs made specifically for each patient's needs and conditions by chiropractors. Chiropractors provide complete examinations that involve taking a thorough medical history, evaluating the patient physically, and frequently using diagnostic imaging to evaluate the spine and nervous system. Chiropractic professionals create unique treatment plans based on the results of this evaluation, which may include spinal adjustments, therapeutic exercises, and lifestyle suggestions. 7. Preventive Care
   Chiropractic care has a strong emphasis on preventive care, which is another important advantage. Chiropractic therapy can assist in preventing the emergence of chronic diseases or more serious health problems by maintaining normal spinal alignment and treating imbalances or dysfunctions early on. Individuals who take a proactive approach to their health are more likely to experience a higher quality of life because they won't have to deal with pain, disc
   

I was sexually assaulted by my 21 year old boyfriend at 17. I never told anyone until I was in college.
My first husband mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually abused me. He was a drug addict and he also cheated. He stalked me every time I left until finally I put my foot down and he stopped when I divorced him.
My current husband emotionally blackmails me, gaslights me, and mentally abuses me. We have two girls together. I believe he's bipolar and he refuses treatment. He was abused as a child and i feel so much empathy for him that i havent left. I started cutting myself after a few particularly bad arguments. The physical pain is so much easier that the emotional pain. I don't know how to leave again. I feel so tired and weak and it makes me hate myself. I wish I could stop existing but I can't. My girls need me and if for no other reason but for them I have to push through. I'm in therapy but I'm so stuck.
I feel like my entire adult life has been nothing but heartache and tears. I'm 34 but I feel like I've cried enough for a lifetime. I don't want this for my girls. I kicked my husband out this weekend after a bad fight when the girls were gone. He's back again and idk what to do anymore.

Hello! Looking for an attractive gentleman to charm my night with some flirting. Im looking for someone who can take charge and keep the spark alive instead of a one-sided conversation. Opening this up to the world because 1) I love accents and 2) I like to travel and hope to see more of the world some day. I'm looking for my future husband, someone with a sense of humor, emotionally intelligent, and knows what they want in life. I'm always working on myself so I'd prefer to have a partner who is of the same mindset.
· Please be 24-35
· Left leaning - transgendeLGBTQ friendly
· about you: emotionally intelligent and mature, aware of social issues, have done self improvement or therapy, ability to self reflect, can hold a conversation, I prefer assertive men, bisexual/pansexual, monogamous, physically attractive, flirty, confident, sense of humor, well mannered/respectful, genuinely interested in getting to know new people, child free, and can hold a conversation.
about me: I'm 27, afab/nonbinary, demisexual and use they/them pronouns. 5'6, dark brown skin, slim fit, septum piercing, glasses. Hope to get tattoos some day! Friends would say I'm classy, driven, kind, compassionate, funny, and intelligent. I tend to get along best with talkative types. My time zone is est and I'm open to voice chat if we vibe
other interests : fitness, fashion, painting, space, collecting random rocks, comic books, documentaries, pineapple pizza, petting dogs, uno, sushi, volunteering, memes, and going on long walks.
current fav tv shows : moon knight, bridgerton, disenchantment, Jojo's bizarre adventures, arcane, rpdr, the good place, wandavision and queer eye
Please dm me a brief description about yourself and how you can help. Add to your title the word 'moon' so that I know you read this:)

Just discovered (although knew deep down for a long time) that my husband’s family are narcissistic, manipulative and controlling.
They live in Spain. We live in the Uk. We have a 4 year old daughter.
His Mum has stage 4 lung cancer.
All this came to the surface because my husband was financially and emotionally abusing me for years.
I didn’t realise until I felt like I was losing my mind (we had a terrible marital therapist who was also pushing the blame onto me - but that’s another story!) and spoke to someone who a suggested a domestic abuse support charity - and they confirmed it.
He’s having therapy and has realised how terrible he was and sees how this is largely down to being raised by these people/ family system.
His parents have mostly mellowed and they are pleasant. But MIL was horrendous to me - ruining the first 6 months of my daughters birth by continuously criticising and being grossly enmeshed with my husband.
She only improved up when she realised being awful to me meant she wouldn’t see her son as much.
Every time we go to visit I feel emotionally unsafe. SIL is the worst - charming and seems so caring until she drops the mask. She purposefully plans things with my daughter and takes her off without my consent. Then her 11 year old points and laughs when I am clearly upset by this.
I hate going. Our marriage needs work not more drama. But also my mother in law won’t have a huge amount of time left.
Do I stay clear, or make a visit once a year and that’s it. Cancer or not. They are abusive and toxic - I need to protect my daughter from this.
It turns out they physically abused my husband as a kid. And both his parents enabled extreme bullying by his brother onto him. Generally they cannot ever be wrong, they narcissistically blame everyone else. I look at his mum and see an abuse enabler
Even when they learned about what my husband did apparently I was “also guilty of serious things” My serious thing was calling the police when I got physically hurt, he was controlling all my money and I called the police out of utter fear (I lied to the police so he wouldn’t get charged)
I considered divorce of course but I do love my husband and truly believe he has the insight to change.
I just want to be free of narcs and the only way to do this is by never seeing his manipulative, bullying family members (mainly his siblings)
My main concern is protecting my daughter and doing what’s right by her.
I feel so sad and in despair, any insight would be most welcome.

Through therapy I have found out that most of my panic attacks are pain induced due to having ibs. And my ibs is affected my my anxiety so that’s fun. I am terrified of ever trying benzodiazepines or ssris again due to terrible reactions in the past that made me go into phychosis.
That being said I was just prescribed propranolol off label for the physical symptoms of my panic attacks like five days ago. And it has helped me tremendously but I swear it’s upsetting my ibs and causing diarrhea, but has literally helped all of the other symptoms like high heart rate, sweating, stomach pain, adrenaline rushes, shaking, and has helped prevent panic attacks for sure, like I feel like they’re gonna happen but they just don’t. Like, it’s just a mental thing now.
My question is, does anyone know if the diarrhea eventually goes away? Because I can handle it because it is just minor upset but it’s really annoying. Sorry if tmi.

Someone please tell me what to do because I cant see any other options.
I can't get my ptsd and schizophrenia under control. My doctor doesn't believe how bad it is. She won't work with me on other medications options because she wants to to rely more on therapy. Which might make sense for the ptsd but schizophrenia?
My wife has become physically abusive, so I've been living in my car. I've tried going to the ER many times before. They hold me for 72 hours then let me loose. I've tried the crisis line, they just tell me to get medical care, which I have been trying.
The only other person I had in my life was my dad, but he only wants to talk to me after I get my schizophrenia under control, which I can't do on my own. All my old buddies are strangers at this point. I'm all alone in this and I can't carry it by myself anymore. Being alone hurts the most.
I've given myself until Friday to make some sort of progress. If nothing changes by then, I'm tapping out. I can't let this get any worse than it already is.

I need to start therapy but I physically cannot talk about my feeling or past or thoughts without crying and I have never cried in front of anybody.
I have looked at BetterHelp to text instead but it is too expensive. I also know that it’s okay to cry and should probably do it anyways but the thought of even tearing up while talking and not being able to talk for the rest of the session makes me not wanna start.
And it’s not just deep or sad stuff that I can’t talk about but it’s anything, just thinking about explaining why I want to talk to a therapist makes me cry, like I think I might cry to the receptionist while making the appointment.
I seriously don’t know what to do.

It was only recently that I realized that my entire childhood was emotionally abusive. For years, I looked at my mom as the protector. She protected me from my dad, and they were constantly fighting. I was told that it was all for me and that my mom was a strong, brave woman for putting up with him and then eventually fighting to give both of us a better life. My father was a covert narc. He has called me crazy, subjected me to his borderline insane beliefs (he believed in bioenergies and once touched me inappropriately using bioenergies to justify it). He told me that he was healing my thyroid and my autism (that I never actually had) by manipulating energetic field. Being a child, I just sat through it and pretended like I believed it. I wanted dad to approve of me.
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Anyways, I thought my mom wasn't like this. I thought she was the good parent. No. She enabled him. She was emotionally volatile, so much so to the point where I could never say anything around her or set boundaries because I wasn't sure what would set her off. One time I accidentally stained her shirt. She screamed at me for hours and cursed me for ruining everything good in her life and not even allowing her this ONE thing. I knocked over her ice cream cone on accident once. Same deal. 4 hours. I shut the door to my bedroom and she kept banging on the door and screaming at me. She told me that I was too shy, made her look bad in front of her friends, and that I was too unsociable. Even when I'd try and spend tons of time with everyone else, she would go off on me. She went off on me once in the middle of the airport for being "annoyingly positive" when she went off on me for being negative and a debby downer all the time. I was speaking through tears. It broke me.
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My mother raised me wrong. All fucking wrong and I've been forced to say that she was an incredible mother because how ungrateful would I look if I talked poorly of my poor, delicate, hardworking single mom? She raised me to be a fucking people pleaser who chases narcissists and people who are somehow more avoidant than me (I'm very avoidant and self-sufficient). She raised me wrong and insisted that she was the best mother in the world until I literally tried to kill myself and I finally told her that I hate her and I'm disgusted by her and that I hate myself for hating her. This is the wake up call that it took for her to even think about changing her ways and that infuriates me. No, I'm not ready to forgive her. I'm so mad that I'm in tears right now. I'm not ready to forgive her for making me her therapist, her punching bag, and guilt tripping me into everything all while praising her own DOGSHIT parenting skills. I'm fucking done. Please, god please let the school approve of my dependency override. This woman ruined my childhood and took away my innocence by telling people that I was autistic when I'm not. ABA therapy that I didn't need. Being told that me being introverted and wanting to keep to myself is because I'm autistic and lack social skills. Naw maybe I just hate all of you stupid motherfuckers and don't want to interact. I'm not proud to be autistic and I'm not gonna "embrace my differences" because NONE OF IT IS FUCKING TRUE.
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God, I need to calm down. I really hope they approve my dependency override. I'm working 2 jobs with one side hustle. I'm doing everything I possibly can. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted. Please god please god please god. I need to get away from this. Please.

Tw: suicide............Just at random I'll think to myself , I want to kill myself. I don't really truly want to do it but I have issues that makes me have reasons to want to do it. Therapy does not work because most of my issues on why I hate life are physical, and can't be fixed with talking or medication...I don't know my point of this...maybe just someone's to talk to Or at maybe someone that feels the same I just feel so alone sometimes

I already screwed up my first adult relationship. I, 25F, met my ex boyfriend, 28M, when we were 23 and 26. We dove head first into the relationship, and I loved every second of it. He truly was my best friend. I met him 6 months before my lease ended, and none of my roommates were staying in the city we’re currently in, so my bf suggested we just move in together. I knew deep down it was a little too soon, but I didn’t want to lose him, and I didn’t want to leave this city, so I agreed. It was so much fun the first few months. Then, everything all of a sudden felt very heavy. I travel for work, so paying $1200+ a month for my share of the rent, was honestly drowning me. I also avoided visiting my hometown as often as possible because I wanted to spend all my free time with my ex, which means also neglecting all my appointments for therapy, and my medication soon ran out. I noticed he spent a lot of time on his computer playing video games. It didn’t bother me at first, but after awhile it got really old. My bf is very introverted, so 99% of the time it was just the two of us. We ended up downgrading into a one-bedroom apartment. I switched to a different job, but still in the traveling industry, so money was better. But between barely having extra money after rent, not being able to save, my bf sitting on his computer all the time, and not being on my medication, my mental health plummeted. I already had really bad mental health issues, but it just kept spiraling. I knew I needed help, I knew I needed my medication, but I just didn’t. I took all my anger out on my ex. He was, and still is, the only person I never wanted to push away, but he ended up being the person I pushed the furthest away. I was also very drunk at a baseball game and kissed one of my friends that’s a girl. In my mind, it wasn’t a big deal because I don’t like girls like that, it was just a drunk kiss. My ex didn’t like that at all, and I knew I was in the wrong but I still made him feel bad for feeling the way he felt. We got over it and thankfully moved on. Then a few months ago, my crew and I were out eating dinner, and a pilot kissed me out of nowhere. That’s a whole situation in itself, but I ended up reporting him. I told my ex, and he was understandably even more upset. I feel terrible because I feel like if I was in a better mental state, I’d be able to stand up for myself, reassure my ex, and be there for him more than I had been. I’m not playing the victim, I know I’m in the wrong. Just like me, my ex’s feelings are totally valid. I just have so much regret and guilt for how things ended, and I would do anything to get him back. He moved out and things got way out of hand. I blew up his phone constantly after he left. I knew I was acting crazy, I knew I shouldn’t be sending those texts, but in the .001% chance, he’d respond and take me back, I just kept sending them. I’m so mad at myself for not taking care of myself, physically or mentally. I wish I was one of those people who didn’t have to rely on medication to feel balanced. I’m back in therapy and on my meds, but I just wish I would’ve done this sooner. I’m so mad at myself for letting myself get as bad as I did. I don’t blame him for not wanting to get back together. I just really don’t know how adults do this. I’m struggling everyday and nothing makes me happy anymore.

Hello! Looking for an attractive gentleman to charm my night with some flirting. Im looking for someone who can take charge and keep the spark alive instead of a one-sided conversation. Opening this up to the world because 1) I love accents and 2) I like to travel and hope to see more of the world some day. I'm looking for my future partner, someone with a sense of humor, emotionally intelligent, and knows what they want in life. I'm always working on myself so I'd prefer to have a partner who is of the same mindset.
· Please be 24-35
· Left leaning - transgendeLGBTQ friendly
· about you: emotionally intelligent and mature, aware of social issues, have done self improvement or therapy, ability to self reflect, can hold a conversation, I prefer assertive men, bisexual/pansexual, monogamous, physically attractive, flirty, confident, sense of humor, well mannered/respectful, genuinely interested in getting to know new people, child free, and can hold a conversation.
about me: I'm 27, afab/nonbinary, demisexual and use they/them pronouns. 5'6, dark brown skin, slim fit, septum piercing, glasses. Hope to get tattoos some day! Friends would say I'm classy, driven, kind, compassionate, funny, and intelligent. I tend to get along best with talkative types. My time zone is est and I'm open to voice chat if we vibe
other interests : fitness, fashion, painting, space, collecting random rocks, comic books, documentaries, pineapple pizza, petting dogs, uno, sushi, volunteering, memes, and going on long walks.
current fav tv shows : moon knight, bridgerton, disenchantment, Jojo's bizarre adventures, arcane, rpdr, the good place, wandavision
Please dm me a brief description about yourself and how you can help. Add to your title the word 'moon' so that I know you read this:)

so i met this girl through another friend online we hit it off immediately, we shared interests humor, outlooks even hobbies. about 4 months into our relationship i told her i liked her she did not reciprocate and that was that, i understood and i cannot say i moved on but i can say i left it at that, around 2 months later she said she had feelings for me and we got into a relationship. we video called everyday, talked about everything and nothing. gamed, hell we spent most holidays together just us, they're as introverted as i am so we basically always had time cause when we weren't working we were at home.
two years later and probably 20 meetups irl things. then things suddenly go south for no reason. she starts getting irritable at stuff she used to laugh at running jokes old clips of us ect. she started getting distant she just started studying at university again and because she is around 14 hours ahead of me we dont get much longer than 6 hours to begin with. that put it to three if we're lucky. and a few months ago we took a break she said she loved me, but that she could not keep a relationship going that we needed to stop so she could focus on working and studying. i was hurt but i understood.
i gave her the space she needed but was still there anytime she needed to talk. after all i was still madly in love with her. and several weeks ago she told me she didn't want me to see that as a breakup but that we are through, she said she still loved me but asked my permission to pursue physical relations with other people. no relationships just sex or i imagine thats what she meant. i told her she could, not that i could really say no if we aren't together, but she told me i could do the same.i dont want too, and dont know if i will. i have since lost myself, i dont eat i barley sleep, i dont smile, dont laugh anymore. i feel so alone even surrounded by friends i feel nothing. i've tried therapy all it does is make me feel worse, like i have a problem feeling the things i feel. when she checks in i dont have the heart to say im broke, empty. i've had relationships before breakups, cheaters, abusers, good ones. but none of them made me feel as horrible afterwards as this one. i dont know what to do anymore.

Hello Reddit community,
I hope you're all doing well. I wanted to reach out and share my story in the hopes of gaining some insights and advice. Two years ago, I experienced a severe case of encephalitis, which has had a significant impact on my life. While I am not visibly physically impaired, I am dealing with the lingering effects of this neurological condition. I am at home the whole time with brutal pain. I can‘t go to university anymore, I cant work, I want to die because of the pain.
Ever since I was a child, I have had a deep love for horses and horseback riding. It has always brought me immense joy and a sense of connection. However, due to the aftermath of my encephalitis, I find it challenging to engage in horseback riding in the same way I used to. While I don't have visible disabilities, I do experience limitations caused by the condition. I am disabled in terms of memory, concentration, numbness of body parts, severe pain, stamina etc.
Recently, I came across the concept of therapeutic horseback riding and its potential benefits for individuals with various neurological Challenges. It has piqued my curiosity and has made me consider trying it as a part of my recovery journey.
However, I have reservations. Most of the resources and discussions I have come across are centered around individuals with visible disabilities. I can't help but wonder if my participation would be appropriate or if I would be taking away resources from those who need it more. Since they would also take money of their funds (I cant pay it). I genuinely don't want to be insensitive or disrespectful towards others who might have more visible challenges.
That's why I'm turning to this Reddit community for guidance. Has anyone here had experience with therapeutic horseback riding after encephalitis or a similar condition? Are there any known benefits or success stories related to this type of therapy? I would appreciate any insights, personal experiences, or advice you can offer.
Ultimately, my goal is to explore therapeutic horseback riding as a means to address the lingering effects of my encephalitis and support my overall well-being. I want to reestablish my connection with horses and harness the potential benefits this activity-based therapy might offer.
Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my post and for any responses or suggestions you may have.
Warm regards,

Hello Reddit community,
I hope you're all doing well. I wanted to reach out and share my story in the hopes of gaining some insights and advice. Two years ago, I experienced a severe case of encephalitis, which has had a significant impact on my life. While I am not visibly physically impaired, I am dealing with the lingering effects of this neurological condition. I am at home the whole time with brutal pain. I can‘t go to university anymore, I cant work, I want to die because of the pain.
Ever since I was a child, I have had a deep love for horses and horseback riding. It has always brought me immense joy and a sense of connection. However, due to the aftermath of my encephalitis, I find it challenging to engage in horseback riding in the same way I used to. While I don't have visible disabilities, I do experience limitations caused by the condition. I am disabled in terms of memory, concentration, numbness of body parts, severe pain, stamina etc.
Recently, I came across the concept of therapeutic horseback riding and its potential benefits for individuals with various neurological Challenges. It has piqued my curiosity and has made me consider trying it as a part of my recovery journey.
However, I have reservations. Most of the resources and discussions I have come across are centered around individuals with visible disabilities. I can't help but wonder if my participation would be appropriate or if I would be taking away resources from those who need it more. Since they would also take money of their funds (I cant pay it). I genuinely don't want to be insensitive or disrespectful towards others who might have more visible challenges.
That's why I'm turning to this Reddit community for guidance. Has anyone here had experience with therapeutic horseback riding after encephalitis or a similar condition? Are there any known benefits or success stories related to this type of therapy? I would appreciate any insights, personal experiences, or advice you can offer.
Ultimately, my goal is to explore therapeutic horseback riding as a means to address the lingering effects of my encephalitis and support my overall well-being. I want to reestablish my connection with horses and harness the potential benefits this activity-based therapy might offer.
Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my post and for any responses or suggestions you may have.
Warm regards,

Hello Reddit community,
I hope you're all doing well. I wanted to reach out and share my story in the hopes of gaining some insights and advice. Two years ago, I experienced a severe case of encephalitis, which has had a significant impact on my life. While I am not visibly physically impaired, I am dealing with the lingering effects of this neurological condition. I am at home the whole time with brutal pain.
Ever since I was a child, I have had a deep love for horses and horseback riding. It has always brought me immense joy and a sense of connection. However, due to the aftermath of my encephalitis, I find it challenging to engage in horseback riding in the same way I used to. While I don't have visible disabilities, I do experience limitations caused by the condition. I am disabled in terms of memory, concentration, numbness of body parts, severe pain, stamina etc.
Recently, I came across the concept of therapeutic horseback riding and its potential benefits for individuals with various neurological Challenges. It has piqued my curiosity and has made me consider trying it as a part of my recovery journey.
However, I have reservations. Most of the resources and discussions I have come across are centered around individuals with visible disabilities. I can't help but wonder if my participation would be appropriate or if I would be taking away resources from those who need it more. I genuinely don't want to be insensitive or disrespectful towards others who might have more visible challenges.
That's why I'm turning to this Reddit community for guidance. Has anyone here had experience with therapeutic horseback riding after encephalitis or a similar condition? Are there any known benefits or success stories related to this type of therapy? I would appreciate any insights, personal experiences, or advice you can offer.
Ultimately, my goal is to explore therapeutic horseback riding as a means to address the lingering effects of my encephalitis and support my overall well-being. I want to reestablish my connection with horses and harness the potential benefits this activity-based therapy might offer.
Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my post and for any responses or suggestions you may have.
Warm regards,

I have an L5-S1 herniation and I haven’t sat in a chair, driven, or worked in 5 weeks. I am in my late 30s and work on my feet and I’m pretty active in general. I have had back issues for about the 10 years but this herniation is a new level of pain and disability that I have never experienced. My main question is around physical therapy. I am a believer in it and know that it is helpful, but it seems that every time I attempt any level of physical therapy then I pay for it. I have started to gain some progress in the last couple of weeks. Able to sleep better, able to stand/ walk for longer distances. My pain has subsided too. But every time I try physical therapy it sets me back. I can’t sleep, my pain gets bad again and mentally it does me in because I was gaining progress and then it regress after any physical therapy. So my question for everyone is when did you start physical therapy in the healing process? I want to just wait until I’m back to close to normal agin, but I’m afraid that the healing process will be prolonged if I do this. Any experiences either way? Thank you

I, 16F, resorted to having to cut off my dad last week. Here’s a bit of brief background. After my parents divorce, i stayed living with my mum and my dad quickly met another woman and moved in with her. This new woman was never welcoming or friendly to me and very rarely would attempt to make kind gestures.
Overtime my dad has changed massively and it reached a point where even in situations his girlfriend has done something he has witnessed that my friends have informed me is basically abusive he won’t make any comment.
For one example, one weekend when I was staying at their house, I was feeling pretty unwell and didn’t feel up to going to visit his girlfriend’s family who were an hour and a half’s drive away. When they got back home in the evening, his girlfriend cooked the two of them a proper dinner but I was only given a small snack and a few slices of cucumber because according to her, “if you’re too unwell to see my family, you’re clearly too unwell to eat a full meal”. That’s just an example of something to give you an idea.
Anyways, situations where she would do something like that or say some cruel things to my face, even if my dad witnessed it he would always brush it off when would tell him it made me feel very unwanted and unwelcome. He would often use the excuses of “oh she was just tired” or “oh she was just in a bad mood”. However this was consistent behaviour for years and years. My dad would never take my side in things and would never let her have any responsibility for it.
For about the past few years, I’ve been seeing him less (about once a month) but whenever I would see him or have to call him, i would shake excessively and get really anxious. Even when calling him I would have to get someone else to press the button because i physically couldn’t bring myself to.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I was clinically diagnosed with anxiety and trauma, both caused by my dad. I am now being put on a therapy waiting list and due to my mental health i made the decision to cut him off.
Whilst I think that I was just doing what was best for me, what if I was doing worse to him? I know he bottles things up and I don’t want him to stress himself out to a point where, it may just be me overthinking it, but where he could cause himself a heart attack from it? Like I said, I may just be overthinking it but I’m starting to feel more and more guilty with every message I ignore from him (even though I told him I wanted him to stop contacting me) but I don’t know how much he cares and if he still does, is it too little, too late?
Please let me know honestly what you think of the situation and if you think I should give him another chance or something. I really don’t know what to do. There is some more background of things they’ve done but I wanted to keep it short as possible, sorry.

Apologies if this isn't the best place for this post, but I couldn't find a better subreddit and this is kind of important / getting creepy. I'm gonna be vague, but try to provide enough details to get across the severity.
Story time! My wife and I went to a convention and met someone who has been a fan of her cosplaying for years and has always wanted to meet her. He talks to her a lot and she tries to be polite and engage in casual conversation, but I've always felt something was a little "off" about how much he liked her.
On to the con - we went to a convention and she mentioned online we were going, he messaged her and was excited and wanted to finally meet her, give her a hug, gifts, etc.. Pretty normal stuff. When we finally got there she let him know, and we met up with him. He gave her a lengthy "love" letter, hugged her for maybe 5 minutes straight, held her hand for maybe 15 minutes straight, kept going back in for hugs, kept wanting her to put their heads together, etc. - over the course of 30 minutes until we left the con.
She was extremely uncomfortable with the entire thing, I wasn't super thrilled either at the length of the hand holding and how he was acting since it looked like he getting really "excited". Now don't get me wrong, I love to see her interact with people who like her cosplay, I love to see her get stopped for pictures - she puts a lot of effort into everything she does so it's great to see - but this guy? He made her so uncomfortable with how he was acting.
That was just the first interaction - there's a lot more, but I'll just sum it up with the fact he liked the other cosplayers, but he was obsessed with her. He wanted to hang out with us constantly, wanted to get more and more pictures of them together, and got extremely emotional when we wanted to go do other con stuff without him.
Onto my question:
How the heck do we deal with this?
He told us he talks about her a lot in therapy, so I'm worried he may be putting a lot of importance on their "relationship" and would be devastated or may even try something if she is TOO firm with boundary setting. But giving someone you don't know a love letter the first time you meet, holding their hand for 15 minutes, hugging for 5+ minutes, constantly wanting physical affection from them, etc. is going too far and is making her extremely uncomfortable and makes her not want to announce where she's going and she is even getting a bit nervous of going to cons at all due to this experience.
tl;dr A fan of my wife got way way too friendly and touchy with my wife, she's been talking to him online casually for a few years but doesn't want this type of attention from him - it's stepping over several lines and a lot of her boundaries as an introvert.

18f and i dropped out of a really good school where i had help with tuition. i hate myself. i couldn’t do the work and felt like i stuck out like a sore thumb, plus i have no idea what i want to do. as a result my parents tell me every day i have to leave their house. it is increasingly obvious that my dad has disdain for me. it has been growing. he is ex military and has been physically abusive to my mom and sisters my entire life. when my 15 year old sister tried to speak out about the abuse he called her crazy and she has to stay with other family now an hour away. he is trying to cut me out of his life completely, but i have no where to go and i know nothing. i’m not exaggerating when i say he genuinely dislikes me. i am dirt to him. and i am still instinctively scared of him from things that happened before, whenever he talks to me and looks at me like that i feel like the scum of the earth.
i work at a gas station and a regular was asking me what was wrong, i told him about needing to leave my place and he implied i’m just a spoiled white girl.
thing is there is something deeply wrong with me. i have such strong uncontrollable emotions that they take up my entire brain and i am unable to see a way out or think rationally. this ebbs and flows but recently lasted a few months of horrible deep depression leading to me dropping out. i’ve been slowly rising to the surface but still thinking of ways to kill my self everyday. i think my childhood (where i was abused, terrified of social interaction, and ostracized) is still affecting me to this day. i think i may have a mood disorder. i was taking anxiety meds because i would start shaking, but i stopped taking them many months ago because i still felt bad. the shaking only happens sometimes now. my life is devoid of meaning and purpose. “so give it a purpose!!!” i am lost. i feel like i’ve doomed myself to poverty forever. my only friend moved away and i still call her but i can’t go over and live with her like i could’ve. that could’ve been a way out.
the only thing i have going for me is being pretty. sounds disgusting to say but i know i can be conventionally attractive. i know how to make my face look good which is important for work because it makes people be nice to me and sometimes give me money. underneath it all i hate myself and i feel like i can’t express how much terror i feel about every fucking thing, the constant sense of dread that once again i’ve fucked it up. i have no where to go and only my face to rely on sometimes, which i acknowledge is white girl privilege. but i am so close to ending it. i think about how nice it would be to not be and not think and not be consumed by stupid feelings and hate and anger and DREAD ALL THE TIME. read this and agree with the regular at the gas station. but there is something seriously seriously wrong and i don’t know what to do, i can’t explain the feeling that is always with me but it is so fucking bad that i feel like i have to just leave because it always sticks around. i could have a perfect life and still not do it right still fuck it up and still feel sick inside
what is wrong with me. i have always felt wrong. i need to go to therapy but everyone around here has a 2 year waitlist and i’ve been before and it was awful. i’ve fucked up my life i’ll always be broke, searching for someone to be with to make me feel whole because that is one thing i can get with the way i look. i sound whiny and privileged but there is something wrong. what do you think. what should i do. i might be bipolar because people in my family are but doesn’t that comes with highs? i never feel that good and the bad drags on and on for way longer. i went through a couple years of being constantly high on weed in order to act normal and i feel like once i get my hands on something stronger that’ll be it, but i don’t care because at at least i will feel good. please share your thoughts if you’ve made it this far, i need help.

Hi all! I thought I had this issue worked out. Turns out it still isn't working.
I have a dual WAN setup using two DHCP clients and recursive routing (see FULL config below) . When I physically remove the cable from the main WAN the device fails over to the secondary WAN as expected. However if I sever the connection further down in the chain so the link is still up but the gateway can no longer be pinged, it doesn't failover. What am I doing wrong? Thanks for the help!

# may/28/2023 18:16:01 by RouterOS 6.48.7 # /interface bridge add name=bridge1-LAN /interface ethernet set [ find default-name=ether1 ] name=ether1-WAN1 set [ find default-name=ether2 ] name=ether2-WAN2 set [ find default-name=ether12 ] name=ether12-Other /interface list add name=WAN add name=LAN /interface wireless security-profiles set [ find default=yes ] supplicant-identity=MikroTik /ip pool add name=dhcp ranges=x.x.1.180-x.x.1.254 /ip dhcp-server add address-pool=dhcp disabled=no interface=bridge1-LAN name=dhcp1 /interface bridge port add bridge=bridge1-LAN interface=ether3 add bridge=bridge1-LAN interface=ether4 add bridge=bridge1-LAN interface=ether5 add bridge=bridge1-LAN interface=ether6 add bridge=bridge1-LAN interface=ether7 add bridge=bridge1-LAN interface=ether8 add bridge=bridge1-LAN interface=ether9 add bridge=bridge1-LAN interface=ether10 add bridge=bridge1-LAN interface=ether11 /ip firewall connection tracking set enabled=yes /ip settings set tcp-syncookies=yes /interface list member add interface=bridge1-LAN list=LAN add interface=ether1-WAN1 list=WAN add interface=ether2-WAN2 list=WAN /ip address add address=x.x.1.1/24 interface=bridge1-LAN network=x.x.1.0 /ip cloud set ddns-enabled=yes ddns-update-interval=1m /ip dhcp-client add add-default-route=no disabled=no interface=ether1-WAN1 script="if (\$bound\ =1) do={ \\\r\ \n/ip route set [find comment=\"VERIZON CF\"] distance=1 dst-address=1.1.1\ .1/32 gateway=\$\"gateway-address\" scope=10\r\ \n/ip route set [find comment=\"VERIZON GOOGLE\"] distance=1 dst-address=8\ .8.8.8/32 gateway=\$\"gateway-address\" scope=10\r\ \n}" use-peer-dns=no use-peer-ntp=no add add-default-route=no disabled=no interface=ether2-WAN2 script="if (\$bound\ =1) do={ \\\r\ \n/ip route set [find comment=\"COMCAST-NAT CF\"] distance=2 dst-address=1\ .0.0.1/32 gateway=\$\"gateway-address\" scope=10\r\ \n/ip route set [find comment=\"COMCAST-NAT GOOGLE\"] distance=2 dst-addre\ ss=8.8.4.4/32 gateway=\$\"gateway-address\" scope=10\r\ \n}" use-peer-dns=no use-peer-ntp=no /ip route add check-gateway=ping comment="VERIZON DEFAULT CF" distance=1 gateway=\ 1.1.1.1 add check-gateway=ping comment="VERIZON DEFAULT GOOGLE" distance=1 gateway=\ 8.8.8.8 add check-gateway=ping comment="COMCAST-NAT ALT CF" distance=2 gateway=\ 1.0.0.1 add check-gateway=ping comment="COMCAST-NAT ALT GOOGLE" distance=2 gateway=\ 8.8.4.4 add comment="COMCAST-NAT CF" distance=2 dst-address=1.0.0.1/32 gateway=\ x.x.0.1 scope=10 add comment="VERIZON CF" distance=1 dst-address=1.1.1.1/32 gateway=\ x.x.x.1 scope=10 add comment="COMCAST-NAT GOOGLE" distance=2 dst-address=8.8.4.4/32 gateway=\ x.x.0.1 scope=10 add comment="VERIZON GOOGLE" distance=1 dst-address=8.8.8.8/32 gateway=\ x.x.x.1 scope=10 /ip dhcp-server network add address=0.0.0.0/24 gateway=0.0.0.0 netmask=24 add address=x.x.1.0/24 gateway=x.x.1.1 netmask=24 /ip dns set allow-remote-requests=yes servers=9.9.9.11,149.112.112.11 /ip firewall address-list add address=x.x.1.2-x.x.1.254 list=allowed_to_router add address=0.0.0.0/8 comment=RFC6890 list=not_in_internet add address=172.16.0.0/12 comment=RFC6890 list=not_in_internet add address=192.168.0.0/16 comment=RFC6890 list=not_in_internet add address=10.0.0.0/8 comment=RFC6890 list=not_in_internet add address=169.254.0.0/16 comment=RFC6890 list=not_in_internet add address=127.0.0.0/8 comment=RFC6890 list=not_in_internet add address=224.0.0.0/4 comment=Multicast list=not_in_internet add address=198.18.0.0/15 comment=RFC6890 list=not_in_internet add address=192.0.0.0/24 comment=RFC6890 list=not_in_internet add address=192.0.2.0/24 comment=RFC6890 list=not_in_internet add address=198.51.100.0/24 comment=RFC6890 list=not_in_internet add address=203.0.113.0/24 comment=RFC6890 list=not_in_internet add address=100.64.0.0/10 comment=RFC6890 list=not_in_internet add address=240.0.0.0/4 comment=RFC6890 list=not_in_internet add address=192.88.99.0/24 comment="6to4 relay Anycast [RFC 3068]" list=\ not_in_internet add address=0.0.0.0/8 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=no_forward_ipv4 add address=169.254.0.0/16 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=no_forward_ipv4 add address=224.0.0.0/4 comment="defconf: multicast" list=no_forward_ipv4 add address=255.255.255.255 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=no_forward_ipv4 add address=127.0.0.0/8 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=bad_ipv4 add address=192.0.0.0/24 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=bad_ipv4 add address=192.0.2.0/24 comment="defconf: RFC6890 documentation" list=\ bad_ipv4 add address=198.51.100.0/24 comment="defconf: RFC6890 documentation" list=\ bad_ipv4 add address=203.0.113.0/24 comment="defconf: RFC6890 documentation" list=\ bad_ipv4 add address=240.0.0.0/4 comment="defconf: RFC6890 reserved" list=bad_ipv4 add address=0.0.0.0/8 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=not_global_ipv4 add address=10.0.0.0/8 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=not_global_ipv4 add address=100.64.0.0/10 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=not_global_ipv4 add address=169.254.0.0/16 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=not_global_ipv4 add address=172.16.0.0/12 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=not_global_ipv4 add address=192.0.0.0/29 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=not_global_ipv4 add address=192.168.0.0/16 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=not_global_ipv4 add address=198.18.0.0/15 comment="defconf: RFC6890 benchmark" list=\ not_global_ipv4 add address=255.255.255.255 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=not_global_ipv4 add address=224.0.0.0/4 comment="defconf: multicast" list=bad_src_ipv4 add address=255.255.255.255 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=bad_src_ipv4 add address=0.0.0.0/8 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=bad_dst_ipv4 add address=224.0.0.0/4 comment="defconf: RFC6890" list=bad_dst_ipv4 /ip firewall filter add action=accept chain=input comment=\ "defconf: accept established,related,untracked" connection-state=\ established,related,untracked add action=drop chain=input comment="defconf: drop invalid" connection-state=\ invalid add action=accept chain=input comment="defconf: accept ICMP" protocol=icmp add action=accept chain=input comment=\ "defconf: accept to local loopback (for CAPsMAN)" dst-address=127.0.0.1 add action=drop chain=input comment="defconf: drop all not coming from LAN" \ in-interface-list=!LAN add action=accept chain=forward comment="defconf: accept in ipsec policy" \ ipsec-policy=in,ipsec add action=accept chain=forward comment="defconf: accept out ipsec policy" \ ipsec-policy=out,ipsec add action=fasttrack-connection chain=forward comment="defconf: fasttrack" \ connection-state=established,related add action=accept chain=forward comment=\ "defconf: accept established,related, untracked" connection-state=\ established,related,untracked add action=drop chain=forward comment="defconf: drop invalid" \ connection-state=invalid add action=drop chain=forward comment=\ "defconf: drop all from WAN not DSTNATed" connection-nat-state=!dstnat \ connection-state=new in-interface-list=WAN add action=masquerade chain=srcnat comment="defconf: masquerade" \ ipsec-policy=out,none out-interface-list=WAN /ip firewall raw add action=accept chain=prerouting comment="defconf: accept DHCP discover" \ dst-address=255.255.255.255 dst-port=67 in-interface-list=LAN protocol=\ udp src-address=0.0.0.0 src-port=68 add action=drop chain=prerouting dst-address-list=ddos-targets \ src-address-list=ddos-attackers add action=drop chain=prerouting comment="defconf: drop bogon IP's" \ src-address-list=bad_ipv4 add action=drop chain=prerouting comment="defconf: drop bogon IP's" \ dst-address-list=bad_ipv4 add action=drop chain=prerouting comment="defconf: drop bogon IP's" \ src-address-list=bad_src_ipv4 add action=drop chain=prerouting comment="defconf: drop bogon IP's" \ dst-address-list=bad_dst_ipv4 add action=drop chain=prerouting comment="defconf: drop non global from WAN" \ in-interface-list=WAN src-address-list=not_global_ipv4 add action=drop chain=prerouting comment=\ "defconf: drop forward to local lan from WAN" dst-address=x.x.1.0/24 \ in-interface-list=WAN add action=drop chain=prerouting comment=\ "defconf: drop local if not from default IP range" in-interface-list=LAN \ src-address=!x.x.1.0/24 add action=drop chain=prerouting comment="defconf: drop bad UDP" port=0 \ protocol=udp add action=jump chain=prerouting comment="defconf: jump to ICMP chain" \ jump-target=icmp4 protocol=icmp add action=jump chain=prerouting comment="defconf: jump to TCP chain" \ jump-target=bad_tcp protocol=tcp add action=accept chain=prerouting comment=\ "defconf: accept everything else from LAN" in-interface-list=LAN add action=accept chain=prerouting comment=\ "defconf: accept everything else from WAN" in-interface-list=WAN add action=drop chain=prerouting comment="defconf: drop the rest" add action=drop chain=bad_tcp comment="defconf: TCP flag filter" protocol=tcp \ tcp-flags=!fin,!syn,!rst,!ack add action=drop chain=bad_tcp comment=defconf protocol=tcp tcp-flags=fin,syn add action=drop chain=bad_tcp comment=defconf protocol=tcp tcp-flags=fin,rst add action=drop chain=bad_tcp comment=defconf protocol=tcp tcp-flags=fin,!ack add action=drop chain=bad_tcp comment=defconf protocol=tcp tcp-flags=fin,urg add action=drop chain=bad_tcp comment=defconf protocol=tcp tcp-flags=syn,rst add action=drop chain=bad_tcp comment=defconf protocol=tcp tcp-flags=rst,urg add action=drop chain=bad_tcp comment="defconf: TCP port 0 drop" port=0 \ protocol=tcp add action=accept chain=icmp4 comment="defconf: echo reply" icmp-options=0:0 \ limit=5,10:packet protocol=icmp add action=accept chain=icmp4 comment="defconf: net unreachable" \ icmp-options=3:0 protocol=icmp add action=accept chain=icmp4 comment="defconf: host unreachable" \ icmp-options=3:1 protocol=icmp add action=accept chain=icmp4 comment="defconf: protocol unreachable" \ icmp-options=3:2 protocol=icmp add action=accept chain=icmp4 comment="defconf: port unreachable" \ icmp-options=3:3 protocol=icmp add action=accept chain=icmp4 comment="defconf: fragmentation needed" \ icmp-options=3:4 protocol=icmp add action=accept chain=icmp4 comment="defconf: echo" icmp-options=8:0 limit=\ 5,10:packet protocol=icmp add action=accept chain=icmp4 comment="defconf: time exceeded " icmp-options=\ 11:0-255 protocol=icmp add action=drop chain=icmp4 comment="defconf: drop other icmp" protocol=icmp /lcd set color-scheme=dark default-screen=stats /system clock set time-zone-name=America/New_York /system identity set name=RouterOS /system package update set channel=long-term /system ups add name="Network UPS" port=usbhid1 /tool bandwidth-server set enabled=no 

** Note: gateway addresses are obscured with "x.x" for pubic posting, they are proper addresses in the config.

Hello reddit! Hope you're having a good time
So to put it bluntly, I'm a Pakistani guy in his late 20s with no dating experience. Why you ask? Well talk to anyone who's south asian. There's a whole stigma and culture of shame which takes a while to unlearn. Doesn't mean I've unlearnt it all yet. But I've been able to push past a couple of boundaries. Therapy has helped massively with this.
It'd be accurate to say that at this stage in my life, I'm kinda thirsty for physical and emotional intimacy. I'm not entirely sure how to go about this though lol. I don't drink, go to bars or clubs so the classic routes are out. My age means there's no uni societies to hang out with. Dating apps really, really suck! I'm trying to break out of my comfort zone as an introvert but it takes time y'know? It always felt easier to be by myself but that gets a lot harder to do as you get older.
I'd love to chat with other people who've had similar experiences. So other south asians lol. How were you guys able to push past your borders and relax and have some fun? I'm also down to chatting with pretty much anyone who's interested. Nothing is more attractive than two people who are into each other right?
For a quick thumbnail sketch of what kind of person I am -> I'm someone who likes to dive into fantasy worlds with books, movies and video games. When I'm not doing that, I'm cycling, going to the gym and trying to stay active. I'm trying to branch out and explore and think about how I can grow as a person.