Suddenly worsen crossword clue

Using Whisper to transcribe the entire Forensic Files series

2023.06.05 03:55 ronmfnjeremy Using Whisper to transcribe the entire Forensic Files series

Using Whisper to transcribe the entire Forensic Files series submitted by ronmfnjeremy to DataHoarder [link] [comments]


2023.06.05 03:48 No_Detective_2317 My mom has hours/days and hospice is trying to keep her comfortable but it doesn’t seem like it’s working that well

Is anyone out there? Talk to me? I need to stay awake all night to make sure she gets morphine on schedule. I am living a nightmare. This happened so suddenly. Dementia. But she was relatively fine two weeks ago. I have no clue how to move past this
submitted by No_Detective_2317 to GriefSupport [link] [comments]


2023.06.05 02:59 ThunderShott To Victory! (Chapter 3)

After their handshake, Nelson realises that they can’t hear anything from the crew, and neither can feel the ship starting to move. Growing concern overwhelms him and he brings Victory to the upper deck. Upon reaching it, the only thing the two of them hear is the deafening silence, and the only thing they see is the sky, sea and ship. None of the crew or escorts are present. They look at each other in confusion, and Nelson says, “Why didn’t you mention you couldn’t feel anyone on the ship?”
Victory defends herself, “I’ve only just been awakened, sir. I don’t know how it feels to have several people on and inside me.”
Nelson smirks and turns to face her, “I should hope not, Miss Victory!”
Victory realises what she said and her heavy blush returns. “Oh… Um… I didn’t mean…” her stammering is interrupted by something moving a couple of decks below them. “There’s someone here, sir! On the lower gun deck!”
Nelson becomes serious again and draws his pistol. “Stay behind me.” They go back down and then to the deck below the one Victory awoke on to investigate. They see a familiar face sitting up and rubbing his head and box next to him. Nelson lowers his gun. “Mr. Pollard? How are you still here?”
Pollard sees Nelson and he scrambles to stand at attention. “Sir! With respect, what do you mean?”
Nelson holsters his pistol and says, “At ease, Midshipman. Everyone on this vessel has disappeared, and we have no clue why. I’m wondering how we are the only ones left….” He trails off as he sees Pollard’s attention had shifted to Victory. “This is….” He thinks that perhaps he should let what Victory is be a slower revelation. “…this is Miss Victoria. She is another member of the crew to remain behind with us during the freak storm and is assisting me in investigating where rest of the crew went. Isn’t that right, Miss Victoria?”
Victory holds back a smile from hearing him try to keep her identity secret for now and salutes, “Affirmative, Vice-Admiral!"
Pollard rubs his head again, unable to remember seeing her among the crew aboard. “Miss Victoria? What’s your rank, then?”
“Midshipman like you… or Midshipwoman, I suppose.”
Nelson chuckles slightly at her humility of choosing a low rank and brings the conversation back on track. “Mr. Pollard, do you require first aid?”
Pollard returns his hand to a salute and says, “Nay, sir, it’s a bit of a bump and a headache, but I’m ready to serve.”
Victory walks up to him and says, “Allow me to check, anyway.” She gently brushes his hair out of the way to see the injury beneath and says, “The skin isn’t broken, just a bit of blunt force, and there is indeed a lump. I recommend you don’t wear a hat for a while.”
“Noted…” Pollard sheepishly says.
Nelson clears his throat and says, “Miss Victory, Mr. Pollard, do you two need some privacy or are you capable of coming to the upper deck?” With a smirk.
The two of them look at him, the each other and realise how close they are, and Victory still has her hand on his head. She backs up and they both blush and say, “We’ll be up right away, sir!”
Nelson turns around shaking his head as he heads back to the stairs. When he is out of earshot, Victory awkwardly says, “Do… do you need help balancing? That is a rather large bump.”
Pollard can’t help but smile at her kindness and says, “Nay, I’ll be fine, Miss Victoria. Let’s just get back up there before the Vice-Admiral gets annoyed.” Victory nods and lets him take the lead. He looks back at her with concern, “He wasn’t kidding, was he? Where IS everyone?”
Victory shakes her head, “I have no clue, John…”
Pollard stops and looks at her, “How do you know my first name?”
Victory inhales sharply, knowing she’d let that knowledge slip. “Um… I… knew from the… Quartermaster….”
Pollard raises an eyebrow, “Really? You don’t sound too sure.”
Victory sighs and says, “… I guess I’ll have to show you in a minute anyway. I don’t see how else we’re gonna get moving.” And she continues on ahead of him up the stairs.
“Wait, what do you mean? Victoria?” He tries to get his answers but to no avail until they join Nelson up on the upper deck. He’s stood at the helm and looks at them.
“Miss Victoria, it seems to me the only way to keep going forward is to reveal our little secret to Mr. Pollard.”
“I agree, sir. The escorts were all sunk in that freak storm so there’s nobody else to help us, and Toulon still needs blockading.”
Nelson nods, “Quite right. Get us underway, Miss Victoria.”
Pollard looks between them in confusion, “By herself, sir?”
Nelson winks and says, “Observe.” They both watch as Victory takes the helm and focuses her eyes. Suddenly the ropes holding her sails rolled up release and the massive white canvasses drop into place and the ringing ties itself all together, ready to catch the wind. They hear both of her main anchors winch themselves up and the sudden jolt of the HMS Victory finally setting sail by her own effort. "I…. im…. impossible…!” Pollard stammers. Victory looks over at him and winks.
Nelson pats him on the shoulder, “Lad, with that freak thunderstorm and Miss Victoria appearing out of nowhere, I doubt we have any say on what is an isn’t possible any longer. I hate to admit, but perhaps those old pirate tales weren’t such poppycock after all!” He lets out a laugh at his own words.
Feeling the throbbing pain in his head worsen, Pollard shakily says, “I think I need to lie down for a bit, sir…”
Nelson pats his shoulder again. “Of course, Mr. Pollard. I would.” He lets him go do that and stands next to Victory as she quietly hums a familiar tune.
“Rule Britannia?” He guesses.
Victory happily says, “Affirmative, Vice-Admiral!”
“A fine tune, Miss Victory, but when did you hear that?”
“I think I had a few sailors sing it while on previous missions, along with a few others. I heard a lot as a mere warship over the almost 40 years since I was built. I assume that’s why I know English as well.”
“Huh…” Nelson says, looking her over briefly. “You don’t look that old.”
She blushes again and her grip on the wheel slightly tightens, “Thank you, sir…”
Nelson notices how fast they’re going, and he says, “I must say I don’t think this ship has gone this fast before…”
Victory’s blush vanishes as she assumes a more proud stance, “Behold the power of a ship controlling itself! With humans working the ship, some mistakes happen and it’s not always the most efficient way. The fastest they could get me to sail was about 11 knots. With me controlling every tiny detail of my ship, I can get it just slightly faster. Also, the strong winds are helping a lot.”
Nelson nods, “Very good. Not to say that my crew disappearing was in any way a good thing, but that small advantage just might help.”
“I assure you, sir, full control over my ship will prove far more useful If we are to engage in combat.” Victory reminds him of her ability to load all her guns instantly.
“Oh, of that, I have no doubt. By the way, I brought these up here for you. I’d say I trust you now.” Gestures to Victory’s sword and pistol.
She smiles, “Thank you, sir. I swear to use them only to protect you and Mr. Pollard.”
“Very good, Miss Victory.”
After a while of casual small talk, jokes and Nelson enjoying Victory’s melodic humming of Rule Britannia and old sea shanties, Victory suddenly stops and says, “Vice-Admiral?”
Nelson looks at her, “Yes?”
“Toulon is in sight.”
Author's note: Sorry for being so slow in uploading these to Reddit for anyone who's enjoying reading them. I have more written already, but having written them on Ipad, and then not being able to upload from said Ipad anymore for some reason, it's very tedious to upload these chapters. With that said, I'll try to get them on here more quickly from now on. Again, if you want to read them now, they're on Fanfiction.net. Thanks for your patience :)
submitted by ThunderShott to AzureLane [link] [comments]


2023.06.05 01:34 DrownedWorld1 The domino effect - anger that leads to trouble

I’m currently in a hole of shame, anxiety, dread and fear. Fear of what exactly I don’t know but another ‘incident’ happened again where I lost my shit and I am deeply ashamed.
Has anyone else noticed that their anger can often lead them into trouble? Even if said anger was not the direct cause of the eventual trouble and there were other factors, your reaction triggers some already not-so-nice-people into reacting back and in my case last night, I think illegally. But though I can outwardly place blame elsewhere for what happened, ultimately I know what caused it and it was me.
My friend and I were at a baclub we’d never been before and it turned out to be one of those chi-chi places where you can buy bottles for the table and there was a VIP area - not our bag at all but there we were. We stood front and centre at the bar for 15 minutes where the chiselled, model-esque bartenders continually ignored us and served their friends who were coming up to the bar and ordering drinks over us. Then another guy came up to the bar and was immediately asked what he wanted to order. He pointed to me and my friend and said ‘these ladies were here before me’, whereby the female bartender looked me and my friend up and down and then went to serve on the other end of the bar.
That did it.
I should point out that my friend and I were the only non-Caucasian people in the entire club, and having had bad experiences before in this new city/country I’ve moved to from the UK where it’s super integrated, I lost my shit. Even after one of the bartenders who’d initially ignored us saw what happened and came to serve us, I couldn’t switch off.
I was told to calm down by the bartender as she was making the drinks but I didn’t stop. There was a literal 6ft 5 Abercrombie jock washing glasses behind the bar who then thought it’d be a good idea to mimic me and wave his hand in my face in a yapping motion, like blah blah blah.
I lost it even more and said something questioning his sexuality, which was totally out of order. But when I’m in one of these rages nothing can stop me and I turn into a Jekyll and Hyde type - anything can come out of my mouth so long as it’s to hurt and destruct. I knew I was getting myself into trouble but the sense of unfairness and anger just overwhelmed me.
The giant slammed a glass down and left the bar, i thought to speak to the bouncer. My friend and I carried on ordering at the bar when I suddenly felt myself being dragged from behind. I immediately grabbed onto the bar but was being dragged with full force and then carried out of the bar by the giant.
Being a 5ft 5 female and of a slight build I was absolutely terrified to be grabbed and hauled out without any warning by this huge bloke. People around me were gasping and even the bouncer outside was shocked asking me what happened. He was very nice about it and, I feel, somewhat afraid of what had happened.
Although I was outraged and deeply shaken, I’ve developed this weird reaction to the aftermath of when I’ve lost my temper. No matter what has happened and despite the fact that I was raging a second ago, I then just shutdown and am beyond exhausted.
Now I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to contact the club and report what happened, if only to stop that monster from ever doing the same again. I’ve never seen or experienced anything like it before. However I also know the role I played in it and feel deeply ashamed, not wanting to revisit the scene again.
Has anyone been in a similar situation before, where their rage and anger has worsened an already bad situation and things just spiral out of control?
submitted by DrownedWorld1 to Anger [link] [comments]


2023.06.05 00:53 Ruktiet Do symptoms/triggers need to be consistent?

Meaning, do the same triggers need to always, or almost always, trigger you, and do the symptoms you experience need to be similar each time for the underlying condition to be MCAS?
I'm asking because some days I can't sit in the sun for more than 5 minutes before getting an "attack" (EXTREME sense of impending doom/anxiety/panic, elevated heart rate (+/- 135), elevated blood pressure (170/110), feeling as if my skin is on fire, feeling like my nervous system is fried, a dizzy-like feeling as if I'm walking on a wobbly platform on water, but no hives or wheezing, or any visible symptoms whatsoever), while other days I can sunbathe for hours on end without any problems. I noticed these attacks improve drastically upon taking alprazolam after about an hour upon ingestion. So I'm wondering: this due to the mast cell stabilizing effect of benzodiazepines, or due to my central nervous system being calmed down due to an autonomic nervous system problem...
Also, during one type of "attack" I suffer from the aforementioned excitatory symptoms, but I also suffer from a different type of "attack" where I suffer from EXTREME brain fog, as if I have hypoxia or dementia or an extreme form of migraine without headache or something. I feel completely intoxicated with some kind of toxic substance during one. I can't do any substantial work on it and belong in bed when I'm going through one of these completely different types of attacks. Does the fact that I suffer from different clusters of symptoms likely exclude MCAS, or is this seen in MCAS cases?
On top of those two types of attacks, my feet often feel like they're burning, mostly at night (peripheral neuropathy?), and my feet and hands are very cold. I come from a bland, almost vegan diet because of a sudden onset of severe intolerance to meat and fermented foods (I suspect histamine intolerance, which recently improved and now I can eat those foods again), and prior to that I suffered from 1.5 years of idiopathic recurrent duodenal ulcers, and idiopathic chronic gastritis, which both improved tremendously after quitting PPIs which I had been on for 7 years straight due to GERD. I started supplementing a methylated, complete vitamin B complex, but I don't feel any better on it, maybe even worse, except for maybe the fact that my hands feel warmer and tingling senstions on my skin have decreased. Any thoughts on this?
Something else: my seasonal allergies (birch pollen, grass pollen, dust mites) haven't worsened. They've stayed the same. I just get itchy eyes and a stuffed nose like all the years prior to it. Is this unlikely the case in MCAS; do allergy symptoms increase?
Lastly: I've had my baseline serum tryptase measured at 3.9 microgram/L during cold season where I live, and now, during pollen allergy season, my serum tryptase was measured at 4.5 microgram/L during an "attack". It was quickly measured during this attack at the ER. Is this likely to exclude MCAS?
I have a lot of questions because I've been suffering from debilitating mystery symptoms without any answers from extensive medical testing. I'm really suffering terribly. So help would be very much appreciated.

Thanks in advance for reading/responding!
submitted by Ruktiet to MCAS [link] [comments]


2023.06.04 23:48 sunghooter Reminded why I don't do squad fill.

DMZ player since day 0, tried squad fill first week before I decided I enjoyed playing solo better since it was frustrating spawning with randoms. Sure, I've squad up with teams in games on the fly but always go in solo. Last week I was thinking about turning squad fill on again for a round or two to see how it is these days. So a couple days ago I turn it on going into the deployment equipped with comms vest, advanced UAV, scavenger bag, self-revive, revive pistol, and my favorite Hemlock I call 'Loose Lips'.
I spawn with two players who both have one-plate vests, one of them has a mic and isn't using it, and the other has no mic at all. Spawn in on the small island west of Al Bagra and both teammates go off in two different directions, one swimming north towards Sarrif Bay and the other swimming west towards the lighthouse. I warn them that Sarrif can have lots of bots using my mic thinking maybe they'd hear me and be careful. Player going north hits the shore and immediately goes down in the water. I jump on a nearby jetski and zoom over to him taking the bots out and reviving him from Davey Jones' locker. Soon as he's revived, other teammate goes down fast in front of the lighthouse building. Jump on the jetski once again and take down all the homicidal bots before reviving him and notice the first player that went down has now joined us and seems to need reminding to plate up.
We head over towards the resort and I'm looking for them a two-plate vest or something when the comms vest alerts me to nearby operators. Within two seconds after that alert, teammate gets completely obliterated giving me an idea where the operators are but since he didn't have a mic no clue how many. I climb to the roof and take cover to pop the advanced UAV and see two operators running around below me. I scan vicinity with spotter's scope on thermal for any stragglers waiting to snipe and it looks clear. I move to a position on the roof above where my teammates body is laying looking for operators or an opportunity to revive him. Not sure what other teammate is doing at this time. Parachute down and take cover inside the building hearing footsteps running around me so I wait for a window to attack staying quiet. Enemy operator runs in the room I'm in and gets hemlocked into oblivion. I'm not hearing any enemy prox chat so I run up some nearby stairs waiting for his teammates to try to revive him from an elevated position. I didn't wait very long until one ran into the room towards his buddies body so I jumped down to ground level and start shooting him only to suddenly be flanked by his other still living teammate. So it comes down to the mute random teammate I almost saved from drowning just a minute ago with his one-plate vest to take out this enemy operator and revive us. I watch his helmet cam as he frantically searches for the enemy and steps from behind cover towards my body. He gets to the entrance to the room my dead body is in and just gets obliterated and my squads eliminated within less then five minutes of starting.
I've went back to solo only after that but honestly, I'd give squad fill another shot for the hell of it. I like to help players and get missions done and really enjoyed all the times I've joined squads mid-game. Hopefully I get teamed with some better squads. Maybe I'll see you in Al Mazrah!
submitted by sunghooter to DMZ [link] [comments]


2023.06.04 23:41 Crashmittensickle Can this mean I am or am not trans?

As AMAB, before questioning I have always seen myself as a male and looked up to men. I have wanted to be a man. I remember having playful argument with my brother about who's a boy and who's a girl and we both always wanted to be a guy. Thought some years later I kinda remember 'settling' for being a girl - but perhaps it actually didn't feel so bad after all.
I liked to look myself after gym when I still was into working out. I didn't have shame about myself (yes I know about butch lesbians and more masculine women). I remember liking the feeling of being strong and powerful man, I liked myself like that.
Now I feel like I've "failed as a man". I no longer work out and have no will to do anything
But what is because of my internalized misogyny I think that "I'll settle for being a woman since I cannot be a real man"? I have no clue. Need to talk to a therapist, but IT'D BE HORRIFYING TO TALK ABOUT THIS KIND OF STUFF FACE TO FACE WITH SOMEONE!
I have always made friends with boys much easier. It has always been easier to talk to them. Girls seemed very distant to me in my childhood, and I had only boys as friends (excluding a few exceptions).
I never understood women, either. They are still quite a mystery to me. I had some chats with girls in my teens and remember being very confused on what to do etc. Thought I have ADHD and many autistic traits so perhaps it could explain some of my social problems.
I kinda wish I had a social life. I wish I had more friends, both guys and gals. I wish I was accepted in my teens, so that I'd get a better view of these genders. Perhaps I could've discovered more about my gender identity...
On the other hand, I have admired some women too in my teens. One I knew fairly well.
I have had this feeling that "If I cannot get a hot and lovely gf, I will become one myself". It seems as if I wanted to become something I cannot get so that I'd "get it by my rules". I also hate myself so I don't really feel that sorry for myself, only a little.
I always answered all polls as a male. I never doubted it a second. It was automatic for me to choose "I am male"-answer. Still, lately I've kinda had mixed feelings about it, but have still went by "male". I also remember creating some accounts and assigning my gender as "I prefer not to say" on those accounts. I always told myself that "It's to confuse people and to protect my identity and privacy", but I have also been thinking if that wa sjust a conscious excuse.
I have wanted to hug my friend, but felt like it was inappropriate bc we are both guys. I have done it earlier to someone else and it was very awkward.
I have always been a "pig" with bad habits - swearing, eating loudly, farting and burping near others on some occasions etc. I have always thought it as cool and manly.
I have had the need to be a "tough guy" who doesn't give a fuck. I have expressed my opinions and words like that. I have very often put up a show to act more masculine.
In reality I am emotional and enjoy deep talks and bonding. I ABSOLUTELY HATE the aggression that's associated with sports and other "male activities". I hate the aggressiviness of men in general. It makes me feel weak, vulnerable. Perhaps it's bc of my low self-esteen and shortness.
This post isn't even about the topic anymore, it's just venting rn and some trans stuff. I am just so goddamn confused. Been questioning for over 6 weeks now. Have tried many feminine things. Some are fine, some are not. I asked my mom to do my makeup (I didn't dare to leave their home). I felt awkward abt it but then decides to proceed. She did it and it was ok. I was able to be around her with makeup on. I was also able to do it with my dad and brother around.
I suddenly feel like I should cover my chest, while part of me tells I shouldn't. I just took a shower and felt like walking out with towel on my chest would be awkward as I had to pass my dad. But I also felt like I had to cover my chest. Well, eventually I left without covering my chest but turned my body so that my chest wasn't visible. I've tried to hide my chest most of the time after starting to question.
I think it's sweet how women take care of their children. I will always be happy that my mom taught me how to calm and help someone in a moment of distress. She is caring and kind, she has a good heart. I will always love her, and her way to love others, how she taught me on how to do it properly.
I am full of anger and grief. I just want peace. I want to be calm. I want to be caring. I want to prove myself that I can do it too.
Suddenly I hate my tiny beard, and wanna shave it all the time, like it actually gave me dysphoria. I have liked it earlier, wanted to grow it more. I liked playing around with my beard. Now I hate the idea of having it bc it feels too masculine.
I have also always had to look angry to appear more masculine. I have done it so many times. But looking myself in the mirror, making a cute face, I actually feel good. Perhaps it's some sort of euphoria.
Growing out hair feels nice. I like the feeling of hair on my upper back.
I have had tranformation-fantasies (sexual or not) for most of my life. I have always wanted to be something else, like a mythical creature or a cyber warrior etc. But it was always abt being a male one.
Yet as I ask myself if I wanna be a woman, I am like "Hell naw I wanna be a strong man and kick ass😎". Then I force myself to say that "No I wanna be a woman, I wanna be smol, I wanna be cuddled by a strong woman or man". Though there's also truth to it 😎.
I have also said terrible, sexist stuff about women with my guy friends - anything that you can suppose an incel would say - literally anything...
I hate being called a boy. But that's probably bc I wanna be seen as a man.
I guess I am a man. I will always be a man. Being a woman feels too odd and otherwordly, unknown.
Yet saying "I am a man" makes me feel how all of my thoughts abt being trans just shatter into tiny fragments. It feels like a small, caring and loving heart was shattered. With it I can hear sobbing and screams of pain and sorrow, like a creature was killed.
So it "being a man" to me only about being emotionless and strong, unwavering. I have always been the exact opposite. Perhaps this also makes me feel like "I have failed as a man".
But what if I am just trying to prove that I am not a man but a woman, while the truth is actually the opposite?
What if I wanna be a woman to just escape myself, my duties as a male?
I am so goddamn lost. Help me find the light, please...
If you read it all, thanks for that. Thanks for taking the time 🙂
submitted by Crashmittensickle to asktransgender [link] [comments]


2023.06.04 23:39 Magkachu Please help what are these symptoms? Could it be an ulcer, GERD/gastritis, IBS, SIBO, C Diff?? Should I keep taking a PPI?

23F; Diagnoses: PCOS, high cholesterol, anxiety disorder, depression, gastritis, GERD; Meds: Lexapro, dexlansoprazole
Sorry for the long read but I felt it was important to include all this info to better understand my situation.
So I left what was initially gastritis untreated for about 2 years and eventually I also got GERD ( I was diagnosed by two different docs for each based solely on my symptoms) and now I’m having symptoms that I don’t know if they’re related to these things anymore. Before my most recent flare up my symptoms consisted of me having to constantly eat, I’m talking about every 35 minutes. I eat in small quantities because I get full super quick. Before, I used to need to eat every hour or two but it’s gotten more severe after I kept eating foods that triggered a flare up and eventually I kept having to eat more and more frequently. After I realized I was getting hungry in such a short amount of time I stuck to a strict diet for almost a year with hopes that I would improve and be able to go longer without eating, but I never did. If I didn’t eat within this time, I got really bad stomach pain, like this dull gnawing sensation in the middle right below my breastbone sometimes to the sides of my ribs and my back, along with burning in my stomach, anxiety, dizziness, shakiness, and eventually I’ll experience a horrible flare up from not eating on time. Eating within this timeframe was the only thing that kept these symptoms and feelings away. Initially i was able to get through the night without eating because it felt like my body was still able to suppress my hunger at night like it normally would before I got sick, so my symptoms were usually throughout the day. However, as I worsened and as the frequency with which I needed to eat increased I also began getting hungry throughout the night and experiencing the symptoms I was experiencing throughout the day if I didn’t eat. It got to the point where I was waking up every hour and a half or two throughout the night hungry and needing to eat. Now it’s so severe that I can’t even sleep from how constantly I need to eat after my last flare up.
This most recent flare up happened as a result of me accidentally eating food mixed with a red pepper seed that I didn’t know was there. Of course this triggered a horrible flare up and I had burning in my stomach and diarrhea for several days which landed me in the ER because later I also caught an upper respiratory infection and unknowingly I was dehydrated and low on potassium which made the infection hit me 10x worse. Now here in the ER is where I feel they ended up completely messing up my stomach. At this point the diarrhea had stopped, they were treating me for the upper respiratory infection and low potassium. They gave me a big cup of liquid potassium chloride and I know that can be horrible for someone with my issues but they made me drink it all anyway. On top of that they gave me iv antibiotics right away without first finding what kind of infection I had. I’m almost sure the potassium chloride and antibiotics on top of my recent flare up did this to me because fast forward I go home and I’m experiencing the worst crippling stabbing stomach pain whenever I felt hungry and also as I ate. I would eat and it felt like someone was stabbing my insides and this pain also came when I would get hungry. It would calm down a little after I finished eating. I wasn’t able to handle almost any food even the ones I was handling right before this. I was now convinced I had an ulcer. My stomach hasn’t been the same since. I’ve been having a new symptom. I’m having sudden severe urges to poop and severe crippling stomach pain that feels like it’s down below almost in my ovaries. And most of the time when I go it’s loose stool, rarely it’s a firm stool and it can vary how often I go. Sometimes I’ll go 2 times a day other times I’ll go 5 and sometimes it can be more watery other times it’s in between solid and loose and rarely it’s pretty firm. At night I now have to eat every half an hour because if I fall asleep for even an hour I wake up with crippling stomach pain along with an urgent need to go poop and horrible nausea. Not only that, the poop smells horrible it’s a really strong foul smell and it feels acidic and burns as it comes out. It’s usually a light yellowish/light brownish color. I’m also having a lot of gas that is also really strong and foul smelling. I’m bloating like crazy after almost every meal to the point where it feels like my stomach might explode. I have also had some belching. I’m salivating so much and have this horrible bitter taste in my mouth. I don’t remember ever having this symptom to this severity before going to the ER. I would get diarrhea before during flare ups but I’ve never felt this horrible crippling pain right where it feels my ovaries are.
One weird thing I’ve noticed about the cramping and urgency to poop is that the triggers vary. They often happen right as Im eating after taking a couple bites of food. Like as soon as the food reaches my stomach I feel the urgency to go a lot of the times. It can also happen immediately after I’m completely done eating and also as soon as I start feeling hungry. As soon as my stomach starts hurting from hunger, I begin to experience the cramping and urgency to poop. I noticed I can calm it down at times if it’s from hunger pain by eating as soon as I notice the pain and if I hold it in long enough sometimes the pain subsides and I no longer have to go poop, specifically when it’s triggered by hunger pains. When it’s triggered after I eat I have a harder time stopping it and I usually have to go relieve myself. I don’t know what this is I’m confused. I’m worried that now my symptoms may have turned into like SIBO or that I have IBS, c diff I don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t know what happened that after the ER I haven’t been the same.
Recently I went to a gastroenterologist and they prescribed me dexilant because they’re assuming I have GERD/gastritis meanwhile I can get an endoscopy/colonoscopy done, which won’t be until another 4 months which I think is too much but if I somehow managed to get it done earlier im in a dilemma because they require fasting and Im unable to fast due to how horribly ill I get to the point of almost fainting. I don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t know if I should keep taking the dexilant despite the bowel and intestinal issues I’ve developed that Im scared may be bacterial growth in my intestines or something, as I know PPI’s can aggravate this. But then I don’t know how I can get the endoscopy/ colonoscopy if I don’t cure what I think is a possible ulcer causing frequent hunger. Im currently in the process of getting my stool tested for parasites and h pylori and things like that. If nothing comes up I was thinking of asking for a SIBO test but the problem once again is a lot of these tests require fasting and I can’t I need to resolve my issue but I also don’t want to worsen my intestinal issues I need advice. Please help I don’t see the GI doctor until like another month what can these symptoms be should I modify my diet, should I keep taking the PPI in hopes it will resolve my frequent hunger pains but what if it aggravates my intestinal symptoms?today was my 3rd day on it but I’m hesitant to continue.
submitted by Magkachu to AskDocs [link] [comments]


2023.06.04 23:09 KyleKKent Out of Cruel Space, part 703

First
Capes and Conundrums
There was some excitement around Skathac, some which the more, sensible, party-killer kind of girls were speaking up against.
The first madwoman had shown up. Oh sure, she hadn’t done very well. She’d basically run into the person that played Deathstroke and that was considered just asking for it. But it was happening! The city was changing and it was becoming more like the comics!
Only one in every ten girls thought this was a problem. The statement from The Undaunted was that they would need volunteers to stress tests their tests so that they can properly categorize the events they would be running in the city.
There were just shy of a million women signing up and most of the men on The Undaunted had at least a chuckle about the fact that the first thing stress tested was the attendance sheet and schedule.
“Are you honest to god CHEATING on an open book test!?” Shortly followed by the suspension of disbelief and patience of the examiners.
There are some complications, especially as some women have all the grace of a drunken rhinoceros and are in firm, firm denial about their lack of capacity. Needless to say, tests one and two cut off a surprisingly large amount of the crowd. Leaving the third test less congested than feared but far more so than they hoped.
They were quick to rush the girls from one test to the next so that there wouldn’t be any sharing of information about the actual solutions. It did help, and many girls were caught up in the thrill of things. However... there were still issues.
“What do you mean I can’t just pry it out of the pipe!?”
“You have been told you don’t have to and that doing so is a failure of the testing parameters! Get out! You signed a contract not to damage things and you have anyways! Skedaddle!”
In order to speed up test four the alert whoever gets caught as soon as they do as many, many women find that stealth just isn’t something they’re good at. It’s not that they can’t sneak or hide, it’s that most of them are so impatient that a hyper toddler would tell them to calm the hell down.
A thousand women make it to where Five different men playing Deathstroke are waiting. Thankfully they’re spaced out time wise so each of them is properly tested. There is a roughly half and half pass and fail rate.
The tests take seventy two hours to finally finish up and everyone in the base takes a shift proctoring a test, monitoring them on the security or playing the part of a supervillain.
When the triple shifting is done and over with there’s a half day to recuperate beyond standard break times before an announcement is held. They need a few more schedules to work out but everything is ready. Start practising your evil laughs, things are about to shift into high gear.
There’s a cheer that echoes through the entire blimp/base.
•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•
The scene is as gruesome as it sudden. A murdered woman deliberately posed in a lifelike manner, the blood seeping from her wounds and staining the area around her. It’s a level three scene and there is a limit of ten women in the area.
Which means that there’s a lineup until the announcement of more scenes opening up draw the crowds away.
Leaving only a small crowd of women to comb over the area and try and piece things together.
Several blocks away a level one test has a robbery with the entire building half frozen in an iceblock and a few streets away is one on fire.
Those are the low level ‘mysteries’ with battles that are higher level. No villain fight is below third level and just taking on a ‘thug’ is a second level event.
Which means that the real show is when the first fully qualified Sonir swoops into the area and dodges a beam of cryogenic energy. The armoured man physically resembles the Batman and Robin version of Mister Freeze, but the cold stare is straight out of the animated series.
“Batman.” He intones in a cold dead tone. “You will not stop me.”
Ice floods the area as thrilled contestants take cover. There’s more to do in order to take down Freeze.
•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•
“You forgot to use the one liners.” Santiago teases the slightly smaller man.
“I’m not doing the Schwarzenegger routine.” The other soldier says after their first day of full proper events.
“Oh come on! Chill out! You need to stay cool and not just let the excitement freeze over! This is as much entertainment as actual combat.” Robin teases.
“Don’t you have a child to abuse? Fuck off.” The man snaps back and Robin raises an eyebrow.
“That’s going a little hard. What’s got you so upset?” Robin asks.
“I just... I’m just still coming to terms with this. I understand this is a powerful recruitment and training tool, I understand that this is amazing for PR and allows all kinds of weapon testing. I know for a fact that I’m basically... I mean.” The man says before taking a deep breath. “I understand that this is practical, but I’m getting serious cognitive dissonance from the absurdity of our actions and the already proven value of the outcomes.
“That will pass, just remind yourself how many different ways you’re superior to the fragile little thing called a villain and much of the stress will fade away. I am no Bane, I am better than Bane. I am stronger and smarter. More importantly my mind is intact in the places where Bane’s is not.”
“Maybe, but... Mister Freeze is a little different. He’s less a villain and more desperate. He...”
“If he were in our reality and not printed in a comic book he would have already cured his wife and perhaps himself. Even if not done by his own hand a healing coma each would have seen both fit and free and the villainy finished. The more you look at most villains, even the more sympathetic ones, they quickly become less so. How many has Mister Freeze killed to try and save one person? How many happy lives has he utterly destroyed because there is no more in his own. Do not feel for the villain, that is the greatest trap they have over you.” Robin says. “Outside of a comic Deathstroke would have had a bounty on his head so huge that no one would deal with him honestly. Joker would be shoot on sight, even if Black Mask or The Penguin or Zsasz got out due to technicalities or bribery they would have been wiped out in random violence or poison. Comics are not reality.”
“No, reality is even more absurd in it’s own ways.” The man says and Santiago nods.
“See? You’re getting it.”
“Hey guys, oh hey Freeze! Didn’t get your actual name.” Pavel says as she shows up with a tray heaped high with food.
“I thought you had another hour of being Deadshot.” Santiago notes.
“I did, but then the girls damaged the lead up scenes and that bit was cancelled. There’s talk about monetary penalties on top of things being cancelled, but that’s not my department. I just shoot things.” Pavel says before chuckling. “Although from what I overheard before they realized the mic was still on, YOU have a lot more work to do Robin buddy.”
“Oh, okay.”
“That’s it?”
“The work can be boring, but it’s a good productive boring. So long as they let me listen to music, which they do, then it’s a very solid shift.” Robin says and Pavel clucks his tongue in disappointment.
“Well boo! I was hoping for more! Where’s the rage? Where’s the rant? Where’s the fun?”
“I’m in legal, it’s filed away.” Robin jokes and Pavel huffs a bit in amusement. “By the way, his name is Darius Sarris.”
“I see. Good to meet you.” Pavel says and gets a nod from Darius. “So I heard a little bit from the chow line. You’re not liking this?”
“I’m struggling with it. For all that this is goofy as hell I’m struggling to have fun with it.” Darius says before he runs a hand through his short blond hair. “It’s just... I understand it’s use but... It’s still sinking in.”
“I think I get it. Granted I haven’t had any problems with it.” Pavel says. “Chin up, things are only awkward the first few times. After that it gets much easier.”
•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•
Shadowflight grinned to herself as she crawled along the ceiling. She was wondering who exactly would be her opponent after this. The little announcement that retesting can only be done after you complete at least one event at your highest level had been encouraging. And now here she was. Collecting clues once more.
She was fairly sure. She was almost entirely sure, but she needed to scan the last few rooms in order to make completely sure.
There was nothing to be found. Which means it had to be a Black Mask Case. She slips through the building. The image of a few elite bots finally rolling in catching her eye. She slipped out and takes off between guard patrols. She reaches the sideroom where she inputs the aaddress. It’s accepted and she steps through the emerging door.
She’s suddenly above a high rise apartment, stepping out onto the roof and directly across the street in a penthouse apartment is the villain in the skull like mask. A villain who abruptly turns to face her. There’s the crunch of gravel behind her and she rolls to the side.
A staff slams into where she was a heartbeat ago.
“Hello batman.” The mocking and derisive tone coming out of Deathstroke’s mask is almost chilling.
“Hello Robin.” She says cheerfully.
“Stay in character.” He chides her before rushing with the staff. She slams down a homemade smokebomb she brought into the test and dodges the attack. He swings widely to try and keep her back before launching upwards, but she was counting on that.
She hits his side and due to the Axiom she pulled in they both go rolling despite the sheer weight difference between them. He holds her away with the staff and a quick fight over it begins. One she’s not likely to win so she simply lets him have it and tries to use that moment of unbalance to land a good shot in.
That’s when things start to fall apart as he is NOT unbalanced and the staff slams into her forehead and she’s sent staggering backwards. “Oh bloody hell. You’re not letting up are you?”
“Why would I detective?” ‘Deathstroke asks and then swings. Shadowflight then kicks off a pummelling force of wind hard enough to send him skidding backwards with a single sweep of her wings. “Surprising!”
She launches herself at him and avoids the jab withe the staff and uses it as a platform to try and get an angle to attack on him. But he simply lets it go and gets one over on her as he grabs her by the foot instead of the other way around and slams her into the roof. “Not enough!”
He then throws her towards the entrance way to slam her against the wall and be done with her. She stops herself gently enough to not be dazed by the slam and shifts to the side fast enough for Deathstroke’s knee to the chest to miss hard enough that he’s left hanging in the air for a moment.
Her fist meets his mask followed by the other before she grabs him by the helmet and tries to pull him by it. It comes loose but she was ready for that and turns it around to try and hammer him in the head with it.
He dodges that as well and backs away. “Aggressive.”
“... Robin, are you honestly wearing an eyepatch to stay in character?”
“Yes, and you should stay in character too.” Robin says before drawing the sword on his back. “Now I will end this quick!”
His opening thrust is barely caught on the helmet and it starts to go through the hardened metal. She twists it to try and break his grip, but his retaliation is a boot to the back of the knee that folds her up and sends her to the ground. Where she slams a smokebomb down and fades away.
“Losing your nerve batman?” ‘Deathstroke’ asks before there’s a rush behind him and he takes a swing with his sword that causes his helmet to bounce away as it’s flung off. There are other rushes and he swings at each one in the same flawless movement... then.
‘click’
His left wrist is clasped into a cuff and he dodges away to try and escape before a blast of wind catches him in midair and dispels the smokebomb to reveal Shadowflight. Then she throws out another directly where tumbles into and even as he rises up she’s on him, wrestling with all four limbs and then lets out an ear piercing scream that causes him to flinch.
‘click’
“I win.” Shadowflight says as Robin feels the cuffs around both his wrists and he chuckles.
“Distraction on distraction after distraction. Well done. You’ve passed.” He congratulates her even as the room fades, but the smokebombs and smokebomb residue do not. “This chamber will need to be cleaned. But well done. Very well done.”
“Thank you.”
“Now go jump on El Rhino to celebrate or something, I have to prepare for the next one in.”

First Last
submitted by KyleKKent to HFY [link] [comments]


2023.06.04 22:49 Bayek-_- Please help me solve this error "ERR_GFX_STATE , Game error, please reboot and restart the game"

Please help me solve this error
I was playing rdr2, and everything was going well up until I stumbled upon this error, "ERR_GFX_STATE , Game error, please reboot and restart the game" I tried almost everything on the internet to fix this, but nothing worked. I tried to delete the settings from the document, tried lowering the graphics, to even reinstalled the game 3 times. note I am using crack version, I tried fitgirl and dodi repack, I have no clue what is going on, it was working fine up until all of a sudden I started to encounter this error. I am getting tired and frustrated, please help me with a proper solution, I am desperate
https://preview.redd.it/zgljmbe2d24b1.jpg?width=336&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ce5ff3bd711ea98d07ff919a7cd383d5c70b38d6
submitted by Bayek-_- to reddeadredemption2 [link] [comments]


2023.06.04 22:29 Ninjiteex IBS diagnosis but I am unsure.

Last week I was diagnosed with IBS. A few weeks ago I had a colonoscopy and upper endoscopy. The doctor did not do biospsies which I am frustrated with. I was informed that everything looked fine and that I have IBS. This is where I am confused. I have been dealing with rather severe and unrelenting abdominal, chest, back, and joint pain for almost 8 months. When I research IBS it seems that there are flare ups that last a few hours, days, weeks, and sometimes a few months. I know it is unique to the individual. I have been stuck in a constant flare up of pain the entire time. If I am awake I am in a lot of pain. I do not have diarrhea and I do not suffer from constipation. I did the FODMAP diet for over six weeks. I followed it very strictly. I had a food journal and researched everything that I ate to make sure it was ok for me to eat. I followed what the GI doctor told me to do. I did not get better on the diet and actually started feeling worse as whatever I am dealing with progressed. I am now eating whatever I want. No food causes pain to worsen or causes me to have a sudden bowel movements. When this initially started I began drinking peppermint and ginger tea on top of the tea that I usually drink everyday. It does calm the pain down just a little. I am wondering if the tea keeps me from having diarrhea or constipation. I do have a healthy diet and have had one for a long time. I am currently on my third week of taking 10mg of amitriptyline every evening. I know it can take time to notice results. I thankfully do not have any side effects. I will be going to a holistic doctor soon to get a different point of view. I hope I can find some relief soon. I spend most of my time in bed or on a recliner because I hurt too much to do most things. I do still try to leave the house a couple times a week and I still have friends over to keep me company. It takes a toll on me when I leave the house but it is something that I need to do. I would probably go crazy if I never did anything else.
submitted by Ninjiteex to ibs [link] [comments]


2023.06.04 22:00 cantthinkofauserna69 My experience through the org of scientology (im not sure if this will be very helpful but it is interesting)

for context i’ve had dprd since i was around 9 and a year back my ex boyfriend tried to murder me after we were given spice and that worsened it ,it has permanently affected my life in many ways
a couple months back i found myslef in a very bad dpdr episode that was unending ,i would get sudden waves of panic and at first i would be sobbing but i tired myself out and would just lay in bed paralysed and hyperventilating with my eyes wide open trying to stay alert ,my dad who is a scientologist realised what was going on for the first time and offered for me to receive a sort of therapy treatment through the org .
i was taken out of school for a week or so as in school i would be completely unaware of where i was and who i was and if anyone touched me i would completely freak out ,everything was muffled and my vision was static ,a lot of my friends were scared as i’ve always been good at holding it together in public and they knew about me having it but had never seen me in that state .
so i tried out scientology to help ,i know a lot of people think it’s a cult ,i can’t say anything for certain on the matter because my ideas of being controlled and watched are a lot worse than the standard person so i don’t really trust anyone lol .they value privacy because they are not legally allowed to share people’s personal experiences .nothing scary happened there it was basically just therapy but it actually really worked .
i’ve always felt as if there is somebody inside of me anylising every situation and causing me my panic and anxiety. she is the one who doesn’t feel at home in my body and she has no clue where she is and wants to go home .this influence behind my every action manifests as a human girl struggling with dpdr. one day after leaving i step outside and go to get some food ,i am less confident and i keep bumping into things .I was also not distanced from the people in the city .this is when i realised it was gone .this was crazy for me because i always wondered what i’d be like without it and it was like id been woken up from a dream .the girl inside me was not gone but she was asleep .Because i was just learning how to function without it it was actually quite scary .feeling unreal has always been like a comfort to me as i’ve sat with it for so long but without it i was skittish and scared and shy now that i was really living for the first time in over 8 years .
i’ve been very busy these past couple months so haven’t gone back to the org and the dpdr is back but i have lived without it and it was honestly such a crazy experience to me to be woken up.
submitted by cantthinkofauserna69 to dpdr [link] [comments]


2023.06.04 21:58 MarcHolly No diagnosis for 5 months and it is getting seriously bad

Hello everyone, my name is Marko, I got sick 6 months ago on new years with diarrhea. Weight/Age/Height then - 95/23/192cm
Weight/Age/Height now - 76/24/192cm
This is my story, so it all started with a standard diarrhea, tried to fix it, but it wouldn’t go away. I fix it, I eat something like a hamburger, it comes back. I tested my stool for parasites, bacteria and candida. Candida came back positive, but I have felt something was off. At this time I have had candida before a couple of years ago and it didn’t feel like this. Then something very strange happened for the very first time. I started having nausea symptoms when eating some kinds of foods, and then every kind of food. One night I was hanging out with my girlfriend and I ate something, suddenly I started having a vertigo episode with trapped gas on the left side beneath the ribs. We have rushed to the hospital thinking it was an ulcer, oh boy how grateful would I have been if it was only an ulcer. They ordered gastroscopy and it came back with Transcardial prolapse, esophagitis A and candida. Started taking PPI’s and the pain stopped only when I was on those. As the time passed I still didn’t get my diagnosis so I went to another doctor. He told me it was probably IBS and ordered a colonoscopy and a gastroscopy again. The second gastroscopy showed nothing of significance and the colonoscopy showed only NLH. What I have noticed is how much of balance I would be when climbing the stairs or when I tried to workout my symptoms would worsen. What I forgot to mention is that before I had digestive issues I have had the dizziness, but only when working out so I ignored it since I knew that if I went to my doctors in Serbia, they wouldn’t be able to diagnose it properly. A few days ago something extremely scary happened, I couldn’t walk only lay down cuz of the vertigo, also when I sit and stand up I would get severe dizziness as you should get for laying down. Also I have had an “attack” where I could feel trapped gas above my belly and a burning sensation which resulted in huge dizziness and I almost went unconscious. I couldn’t eat food from then and it has been 3 days. I’m writing this for a hospital bed now. I also have a feeling of trapped gas in my stomach as well, and I can’t burp. Tests done: CT Entherography MRI abdomen Parasitic, bacterial and calprotectin Endoscopy Head Mri Ultrasound A lot of bloodwork Diagnoses from those Fecal calprotectin 920, but now it is below 100. Enlarged bladder IgE 830 Nlh findings in the small intestine I feel like every-time I’m eating food my body releases something and I go in the state of shock. Please help me
submitted by MarcHolly to AskDocs [link] [comments]


2023.06.04 21:54 No_Coconut_1556 IF and hair loss

i started back up with IF at the beginning of the year. initially before ever being diagnosed with pcos, IF was the only thing my body responded to for weight loss. i lost nearly 40lbs with IF and low carb/sugar diet and don't recall losing so much hair. fast forward to today after being diagnosed 2 years ago now and having dealt with hair loss to a nearly extreme level, i've been using topical minoxidil for around 8 months now with great results. since starting IF again this year to get down to my goal weight, my hair is been falling out at an alarming rate yet again. i don't know if it's due to the sudden stress of the IF and working out frequently again or if this is due to the minoxidil. i'm at a loss at this point. does anyone have any clue what could be causing this all the sudden?
submitted by No_Coconut_1556 to PCOS [link] [comments]


2023.06.04 21:31 PlusCoast1489 Am I the only one who really developped AvPD during early adulthood ?

Sorry about the lenght, TL:DR at the end.
I'm a 24 year old who has only very recently found out about Avoidant Personality Disorder. I couldn't quite explain what was happening to me before then. I truly felt alone and attributed my symptoms to a combination of a variety of illnesses or disorders in an attempt to self diagnose.
Even though I relate to the vast majority of experiences described by my fellow avoidants, one thing I don't share with most is the fact that my disorder is not (or does not feel) rooted in my early childhood, and I have only been experiencing all these symptoms progressively in the last 5 years following a series of traumatic events.
I was a in fact a very happy child, the first 10 years of my life are filled with almost nothing but good memories, I was a healthy, social, outgoing child who had tons of friends and very good relationships with my extended family.
As soon as I got into Middle School (age 11 in France), I was subjected to so much rejection and scrutiny by other kids and my own best friends that it entirely shut me down, I became somewhat reserved and had my first wave of depression and suicidal thoughts. I didn't handle it well and acted like an asshole to most other students to cope, which made these years hell for me. My relationships with my family went downhill and never recovered, to this day I still feel like they greatly dislike me for keeping to myself so much, and are even ashamed of calling me family.
I got to a better place mentally once I left that school at 16 years old, made a lot of new friends that happened to share my sense of humor even though I was now deeply introverted. And I enjoyed a somewhat healthy social life, but only at school. (Never got invited to anything outside of school, didn't even have their phone numbers).
I graduated High school at 19 and lost contact with said friends, (as I said our friendship was limited to a school setting). I entered the work force as an electrician and now had to interact with nothing but older adults. This was such a great shift that I quickly developped extreme social anxiety, my self-esteem also worsened because I was complete sh*t at my job, both in terms of skill and physical strenght (I was remarkably weak), causing coworkers to straight up hate me for my incompetence, and often calling me out. I worked in 6 different companies in the span of 2 years before giving up on the very well paying job of electrician. I started doing odd jobs and a lot of factory work (been working some place for the last 5 months and i'm really good at it and even enjoy it so there's that).
After years of trying and failling at making any friends because of my social anxiety, I moved to the other side of the country and met 2 guys that also had moved in from up north and didn't know anyone in the region. We really hit it off and went out every week, drinking, smoking and partying anytime we had free time. I felt like I was finally out of it, I finally had actual "outside" friends for the first time in more than 10 years. I felt my anxiety getting better although I still worried about them only tolerating me and only going out with me because they didn't know many other people and related to me being a Poc like them in a region that was was overwhelmingly white. After 4 months, one of them expressed to the other that he disliked me (which the other told me about the next day as if it wasn't a big deal) and they both ended up ghosting me suddenly.
That hit me extremely hard, every memory of feeling inadequate and unloved since age 10 hit me all at once, all my friends in middle school rejecting me, my family distancing themselves from me, including my own sister and father who I haven't seen in 6 years, my high school friends only tolerating me within the school grounds, my coworkers calling me a literal burden to my face. and I've been living the past 2 years with the constant feeling of being an unlikable, unlovable, asocial, weirdo.
TL:DR
Been living with AvPD for the last 5 years (19-24yo) due to traumatic periods of my life mainly in adulthood. I was brought down by coworkers and ghosted by the only friends i'd made in the last 10 years, I'm now scared of looking at people in the eye, hate physical contact with anyone but my mother, scared of intimacy while also craving it, have social anxiety, frequent panic attacks, mental breakdowns, and the emotional strenght of a 7 year old girl, along with every single symptoms of AvPD.
I just want to know if anyone can relate to developping the disorder so suddenly.
submitted by PlusCoast1489 to AvPD [link] [comments]


2023.06.04 20:33 RedPuppet11 Need help on a greathammer build

Hello, I've just beaten the game for the first time, and I still have no clue what I'm doing.
I had run a high dex build with +10 blacksteel katana and was wrecking havoc, but changing it up I wanted to re-try a few bosses that I hadn't felt I'd done right the first time - and wanted to give a great hammer a go.
But I feel like I'm suddenly terrible at the game again, I don't understand how wearing heavy armour at all could work, I just get obliterated and can't escape by rolling.
Currently, my set up is as follows:
VGR - 46 / END - 46 / VIT - 4 / ATN - 6 / STR - 25 / DEX - 16 / ADP - 30 / INT - 20 / FTH - 20
I'm using a +5 Dragon Tooth infused with dark. I'm at 46.9% carry capacity, because other than rings I'm completely naked, and that's with a Royal Soldier's ring +1, with a ring of blades +1, cholranthy +1, and silver serpent +2.
The problem is, I'm quite struggling with everything all over again.
Have I missed something fundamental about my build? I find it is impossible to wear any armour without being deadly slow. I wanted to redo the lost sinner, but my oh my its a struggle even getting to him.
I'm doing about 550 damage per hit. Is this just a matter of figuring out how to play with this build, forming combos and the like?
submitted by RedPuppet11 to DarkSouls2 [link] [comments]


2023.06.04 20:29 dnew My Firmament Critique (heavy spoilers for all Cyan games)


Before I dump on the game, let me mention a few of the places that were actually clever:
I found the game to be disappointing and frustrating, all down to three reasons:
Let's look at these, along with contrasting to early Cyan games, and notice how combining all three together makes for a poor experience.
Essentially, the only mode of interaction available is turning a knob. While this is not necessarily a game killer (Myst, for example, only has clicking something) in Firmament it is completely treated as turning a knob. That is, every time you use the adjunct, you're interacting with a manufactured bit of machinery to control power to one or the other function of what you're connecting to. This leads to a sparse range of puzzles that can be included, essentially none of which progress the narrative. And it leads to the requirement for a technical instruction manual at the start of the game.
There's no "let the water out of the chest then close the knob again so it'll float when you fill the pool." There's no compass rose or turning mirrors. There's no locks to find the combination to (fortunately, given the plot). There's no sorting of singing monkeys. There's no tempting of birds with seed pods. There's no catching of Squees. There's no summoning of Wharks. The steam generator and pipes to fill the Voltaic airship actually work logically, and there's a reason they're puzzling, unlike the steam pipes in Curievale. (I had to actually look up which world the steam pipes were in just now, which shows you how well-integrated that puzzle is.) Also, each puzzle is independent of all the others; there's no foreshadowing of what you need to know, nor cleverness of relating one puzzle to another, as was common all through Exile for example.
Almost all the puzzles (including the most frustrating) involve trying to find the next doorknob to turn; or, having found it, trying to figure out how to reach it with the one and only tool available. Occasionally there's the "let's see if I can find the hidden pathway." Almost none of them involve figuring something out based on the environment or the world building. When stuck, I found myself walking around with the adjunct out looking for some hidden doorknob to light up, or wandering into unobvious corners and walking around the edge of the playable area seeing if I missed a hidden pathway. This is compounded by the huge amount of nonsensical consistency-busting designs. (Watch any first-time playthrough and you'll see the player running all over the place looking for the next clue.)
Granted, once you figured out the solution, it was often clear in hindsight what you were supposed to have been doing.
The lack of characters, living people, conflict, narrative, etc also left the game feeling lacking. There's nobody you can interact with, almost no direction is provided as to what you should do (and no, just saying "start the Embrace" doesn't help given you have no memory of what that means), and no motivation for doing it other than some ghost tells you. The real reason you work at it is you know you're playing a game. The fact that the world is terribly inconsistent with the story, and the mentor wants you to do things she won't reveal, just compounds the problem.
The entire time I was playing, I was saying to myself "Why would this be like this?" It made the entire experience tremendously gamey. Myst and Riven didn't make you think "why would anyone do this?" Exile and Portal both had reasons for being full of puzzles, as well as a motivation for your opponent to be setting up the puzzles and for making them solvable. But Firmament should have been 10x as easy to navigate, except that wouldn't make a good game, so artificial barriers that make no sense are set in your way. This, for me, destroyed the suspension of disbelief. Especially when the ending reveals that even the things you might have thought were accidental were designed that way. Even the constructed places were designed like puzzles rather than somewhere you want your workers to be effective at working.
And then you get to the end, and it becomes even more absurd, given that everything you've seen was intentionally designed and built.
And many more I don't remember the details of.
Given Cyan's track record, one might ponder some of the inconsistencies in implementation and wonder whether they have a deeper meaning. I couldn't find any.
Compare to Myst: Myst was surreal, magical. It's expected in such situations that there will be weirdness. Nevertheless, essentially every puzzle was reasonable in its environment and grounded and somewhat predictable. Things like getting the key to the lighthouse was grounded in basic physics; things like resetting the spaceship after a mistake, or figuring out how to deduce the stoneship symbols, or raising the channelwood tree, were based on wide-spread cultural references. Where there were other puzzles, the end-goal was shown in advance, with you almost always running across the lock before being presented with the keys. The rare maze allowed you to (mostly) see where you were going several steps ahead and also told you the destination before you found it. The pointers to the story were left in conspicuous places (the note on the grass, the blue and red books). Also, the weird crap was explained in extensive world-building (heh) books in the library. Nothing (almost) was hidden just to make a puzzle harder. The solution to each puzzle was presented while you're in the puzzle trying to figure out the solution, if only you were clever or observant enough to understand it. If you wanted to get into the spaceship, you followed the wires. The elevator trick in Mechanical Age wasn't hidden; you just had to think about why the elevator didn't start right away. The most hidden thing there was the secret panels, which were secret, but still had a target drawn on them. Every place you were stymied by a lock, the lock was intentionally put there to keep natives of the land away from the books, or to keep others from using the books on Myst Island (i.e., the places of protection).
Contrast with (say) the greenhouse puzzle: first you have to figure how to get to the entrance riding the skiff, because that made so much more sense than another flight of stairs or a ladder; thank goodness the vines didn't quite close off every path. Then you have to figure out that the place you're trying to go is the other side of the planters on the same level (and not to the thing that looks like a lift or ladder), even though you can't see the other side. Then you ride the things around a while, trying to see the walkways above and below you, before realizing there's another doorknob down at the bottom; good thing they all have distinctive lights on them, eh? That doorknob can only be reached from where you're far from your goal, and from a limited number of puzzle states, then you have to work your way all the way back up, and then if you're lucky you'll have figured out how to turn the planters so you can dodge across. Sometimes you can cross on the diagonal, sometimes it's a fraction too far. And your knees don't bend, so you can't get over the foot-high plank lying on the floor. Or look at the steam pipes and heaters. You need to turn them on, and oh goody, they light up when you do. But some of the doorknobs don't glow; other sockets on the pipes aren't doorknobs they just look that way. Some of the pipes go above the surface, and you can't tell where they come back down. You then can turn on electric heaters using steam, somehow. You have to go down to turn one on, then melt some ice, then coming back up requires turning that off again. Several times you have to turn it on, then turn it off again because the valve was installed in a way that blocks the walkway. There's a valve hidden behind a grate for some reason, but fortunately your other tool can go through grates and the walkway passes by quite close. Then you have to turn on a valve, loop around to go two levels down, turn on the second valve that you can't get to because the steampunk builders thought it was a good idea to install valves that block the pathway, come back up far enough to turn on the third valve, go back down to turn on the heater, come back up and turn off the first valve, then you can progress. And when you've worked the steam power all the way to the end, what do you get? A steam-powered machine? No, just the same electric lift as in every other realm. Good thing, because you had to turn the steam off again to get to the other side of the path. The only reason for the steam pipes is to make a puzzle that somehow runs electric heaters off steam pressure, with electricity at both ends of the path already. Oh, and there's a hundred meters of gangway in loops and ramps in the water, instead of, you know, a path from one side to the other.
Compare to Riven: Riven is grounded like Firmament. It's not particularly supernatural. The stuff is mechanical, not magical. If someone disappears from a one-door room, there's probably a hidden switch. Granted, "fire marbles" aren't explained, and why there would even need to be clues to get into Tay is unclear story-wise, but OK, combinations to locks need to be written where you can find them. And the mine cart going under water was just Rule Of Cool. Everything else makes sense. Secret passages are only secret from one side. Doors are locked between where Ghen moves and where natives move, and locked on the side where Ghen is. When there's a "hidden" passage that's hard to see, the people who created it leave a pointer (usually a dagger). When there's a hidden door, you can see into the adjacent room so you know to look for the door. There's no case of "wander all over the level holding the 'show me interaction points' control, trying to figure out if there's a button that enables some other part of the level to work." There's no wondering whether you need an upgrade to even start working on this puzzle. If there's a hidden button to make something work, you can follow the wire to it (the fan), or see the pathway over there, or see the room through the window (book assembly island dome), or notice from where you start there's only one other path of many open (the lake sub), or etc. Look at the design of the wood pulp boiler vs the sulphur mixer. And again, the reason for all the locks are explained in-game. Riven is a masterclass in adventure game design because the puzzles all make sense in the context and story of the game, all of which we see before we need to know it, and there's almost nothing arbitrary about the puzzles.
Contrast with Firmament: Firmament looks realistic, but is surreal in detail. The entire place acts like one giant puzzle, with a dozen unintuitive steps to get from each place to the next. It has knobs that can control things remotely, but uses that capability to put things out of reach instead of making things easier, even tho the only people with adjuncts would be people who are supposed to be working the machines. It has machinery on rails constructed too close to other features to let the cars pass (like the first crane blocked by rocks, the second crane blocked by ice, the bubble car blocked by the ice, etc), which is even more silly when you find out the cliffs aren't natural either. It uses complex machinery of all different kinds to accomplish the same ends; the skiff vs the first crane vs the second crane vs the sulfur trains; the conveyance pods vs the bubble cars vs (cripes) riding blocks of ice and hopping off hopefully before you reach the shredder blades. There are places where simple stairs or bridges could be built, but instead there's a half dozen baroque processes to get from one place to another place a literal stone's throw away (see "riding blocks of ice" as well as the pointless skiff and the pointless steam pipes and ....). There's several kinds of power supplies which have to be turned on, each of which powers only the bits of puzzle blocking your way. There are innumerable doorknobs placed in cages where you have to be at the right angle to fire them with no obvious reason for the cage walls to be blocking you from there (see "riding blocks of ice"). Even at the end you have to walk entirely around the axis twice to unlock a door you're 20 feet from when you come out into space.
Compare to Exile: Exile is surreal, but this time it's intentionally designed by its creator to be surreal. Each age has a purpose and a theme, and it looks designed (unlike Myst's ages). The design of each Age gives you clues to the solutions of the puzzles, and then plays into the endgame. You have an ongoing story that tells you the motivations of the people involved. You have a reason you're suddenly thrown into the situation alone. (As in Myst and Riven, for that matter.) No need for the cliche loss of memory or untrustworthy narrator (both features of Firmament, both described in the opening monologue). There's a reason the puzzles are more difficult than you'd think necessary. The same reason is why there are clues how to solve them scattered about. And you're shown the ways in which the puzzles were made more difficult, which helps tell the story; nothing is randomly broken by accident. When you solve an age, you get a beautiful reward of getting to see the age laid out before you to admire. The ending is fulfilling, and in your hands, left to you to figure out how to bring about some solution or the best solution.
Contrast with Firmament: No setup other than a monologue telling you "you remember nothing, I might lie, go do puzzles I mean maintenance work." The puzzles are arbitrary-progress-blockage puzzles. There's very little where you have to think about what the world is like to make things work. The ages don't feel any different from each other, because every one is "figure out where the path is, where the goal is, and then try to find where you can reach the doorknob from." There's no puzzle having to do with ice on Curievale (other than the heaters, which are just different forms of doors). There's no puzzle having to do with plants on St. Andrew. Even places where you might have figured it out, it was tedious rather than clever; for example, the batteries were painted colors. Imagine how it would have been if you could see into the water and each post had a different number of batteries wired to it? I don't really want to spend time doing linear algebra to figure out puzzles during my gaming hour. And when you do solve a puzzle, half the time you're inside a building or vehicle where you can't see what's happening; the shutters only open once, the bubble cars obscure most of the view, engaging the Embrace doesn't make it obvious the doors are opening in the spire, etc.
How could I have done better? Well, I don't design games for a living, but I've been playing adventure games since they were coded in FORTRAN and printed their text on paper. There are a few obvious places the puzzles could have been made more enjoyable.
Anyway, that's my TED Talk rambling rant. Hope you enjoyed. :)
P.S., what it reminds me most, thinking on it, is all the knock-off adventure games that came out right after Myst became a world-wide success. Except refined and moved into the 2020s.
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2023.06.04 19:32 xtremexavier15 TSROTI 4 (pt 2)

The episode resumed with a shot panning down from yet another shot of the moon onto Dave, Scarlett, and DJ walking through the pet cemetery.
"Don't you think Katie should've been back by now?" DJ asked.
"Hey guys," Katie called out, gaining the attention of the three, "I think I found something over there!" The shot cut to a large headstone. "See?" the sweet girl said as the shot came in for a close-up, detailing both a skull mark and a date engraved below it. "June 06, 1806," Katie read. "That's 6, 6, 18, 6, right?"
"Yeah!" DJ said with a smile. "Good eye."
Confessional: DJ
"Katie is pretty resourceful," DJ said to the camera. "Sure she doesn't have her tablet, but at least she's helping the team."
Confessional Ends
"Look," the camera cut back to the headstone's close-up as Dave pointed a finger at the skull mark's oddly-shaped nose hole, "there's a keyhole too."
The shot cut back out to show the whole group as DJ inserted the key, turned it, and was promptly flung backward out of sight by a large, spring-loaded coffin bursting out of a trap door in the ground, much to the Maggots' shock.
"Look at this!" Scarlett called out. "We got flashlights!" The camera cut to the inside of the now-opened coffin, revealing several flashlights standing on a shelf in it.
"Awesome," Dave smiled, as DJ rejoined them. "Let's grab them."
Dave scooped up the flashlights, then ran off with Scarlett.
"You're strong, right?" Katie talked to DJ before running. "Make sure to put that coffin back so the Rats won't know where to look."
DJ lingered long enough to close the coffin and shove it back into its hole, and was about to catch up with his teammates, but was pulled back by the spider's string and eventually got taken away by the spider.
The camera panned in the opposite direction, eventually stopping on a large tree. After a moment, Geoff leaned out from behind it. He decided to make a wolf sound in order to signal his Rat members, who saw what he was doing and were visibly disgusted.
Leshawna smacked the boy. "What are you doing?"
"Using animal calls to signal you?" Geoff answered. "Team Maggot found the souvenirs on the tombstone over there."
"Wow…nice work," Scott said as he slowly reached out to put their key into the keyhole.
"I want to let you know before you open the coffin-" Geoff tried to warn Scott as the latter opened the coffin, but got flung off-screen, making him groan in pain. "-make sure to not get flung."
"That would've been good to hear earlier," Scott looked at his face for injuries angrily, but got his mouth wrapped up by a spider web, before being pulled away by the spider in a flash.
"Scott got taken away!" Leshawna freaked out and held Geoff by his shoulders. "Let's finish the part of the area and get the heck out of here!"
\
The footage flashed to Scarlett and Dave standing before the entrance to a cave, the mouth flanked on either side by flags bearing the team logos.
"Welcome to your final destination!" Chris announced over an unseen loudspeaker, laughing evilly before adding "The clue is just inside the entrance...aaand down the tunnel...into total darkness. Good luck! Yooouuu'll neeeeed iiit!"
Dave gulped and Scarlett snatched a flashlight from him. "Follow my lead," she told him as she turned it on and walked into the cave.
"Wait," Dave said with a hint of anxiousness, "Where's Katie and DJ?"
"They probably fell behind," Scarlett answered back, her words echoing from inside the cave.
Dave lingered for a second. "Go explore the cave. I'll get DJ and Katie."
\
The scene flashed inside and Scarlett peered around with her flashlight. "This location hasn't seen many good days," she said as she noticed what appeared to be the skeleton of an intern suspended in a web, a note taped to its tattered plaid shirt. "And there's the clue," Scarlett remarked, looking closely at the note then reaching out and lightly touching the web. "By hook or by crook, the end is near if you look," she read.
"This writing is simply telling me to locate the finish line by any means necessary-!" She was interrupted by a line of webbing shooting down from the ceiling and wrapping around her body and head, and she struggled to break free before she was pulled up and away.
\
The scene cut to a close-up of Dave's sneakers as he ran through the graveyard. The camera cut outward as he ran up to Katie, who were wandering the area with flashlights in her hand, and said "Hey, Scarlett and I found the cave. Where's DJ?"
"He hasn't arrived," Katie said warily. "The spider likely got him."
"That cave must be where the spider is," Dave theorized. "And if the spider took our teammates, that's where we'll find them."
"Let's go with that then," Katie said, trying to seem determined but coming across as scared.
\
The scene flashed back to the cave entrance. "Scarlett!" Dave called out as the shot cut to him and Katie standing just inside, flashlights already turned on. "Scarlett, where are you?"
"Um, you might want to look over there," Katie said as she pointed out Scarlett's discarded flashlight.
"Well that's not good," Dave said nervously.
Confessional: Dave
"I'm starting to question how we were gonna win this challenge," Dave admitted. "Katie and me aren't exactly capable of fighting off a giant spider."
Confessional Ends
"Look over there!" Katie piped up as the static cut away to the two Maggots walking through the cave. The camera panned ahead along their beams of light to show a creepy skull-like rock with several metal hooks sticking out of it, and the two smiled.
"Those must be the last souvenirs," Dave realized, rushing over to the skull-shaped rock. "We must still be in the lead."
"Look out!" Katie cried out in sudden panic.
"What?" Dave looked back nervously just as a line of web shot down from the ceiling and quickly wrapped him up, encasing just about everything but his head. He moaned before getting hauled up by the spider. It hissed at him menacingly and he screamed in terror, and with a hiss the spider tossed him to the side.
He landed on a larger web suspended in the ceiling, and the shot zoomed out to reveal that the others who'd been captured were within – Scarlett, Scott, DJ, Anne Maria, Sierra, Molly, Trent, and Sammy.
"Who landed in the web now?" Anne Maria asked.
"It's just me," Dave said. "Dave."
"At this rate, it's up to the ones who didn't get captured to figure something out," DJ pointed out.
Confessional: Dave
"The plus side to not being a cartoon character? I don't have to worry about getting spider-like powers," Dave confessed.
Confessional Ends
The shot cut back down to the cave floor, Katie still looking up nervously just as Geoff and Leshawna finally arrived on the scene.
"There's the next souvenir! And our teammates! And a gigantic spider!" Geoff pointed out his surroundings to his teammate.
"Well, I guess we found the right place," Leshawna commented as she went ahead.
"So what should our plan be?" Geoff sprinted towards Leshawna, but tripped and collided into Leshawna, sending both flat on the ground.
They instantly got wrapped together by the spider's stringed web. "I'm starting to think that we're a bad duo," Leshawna frowned dryly.
Confessional: Leshawna
"Geoff's sweeter than honey, but he needs to think more before he acts," Leshawna stated. "I'll cut him some slack since we didn't land in the web."
Confessional Ends
"Katie! Go grab the hook and we'll win!" Molly ordered.
"Okay. I'm on it," Katie went to take off a hook.
"But we're still trapped in this web with no way to get out," DJ tried to protest.
"Uh, DJ," Dave realized something that caught his eye.
"Huh?" DJ replied back.
"The spider is coming towards us!" Dave shouted, causing everyone to freak out in a panic as the giant mutant arachnid crawled towards them, its fangs dripping green venom.
"Someone get us outta here!" Anne Maria shouted, causing Katie to stop in her tracks.
"Everyone is in danger," Katie gasped. "I'm coming to help."
"You should get the hook first!" Scarlett tried to advise her teammate.
The spider was hissing right at the people in front of the web. "Somebody do something!" Trent yelled out as the camera panned over to Dave's scared face.
And then, with a burst of adrenaline, Dave burst free of his silken cocoon and tackled the giant spider clear off the web. They swung away on a line of silk attaching the spider to the ceiling, and the normal guy began to pound furiously on the back of the mutant's abdomen.
Confessional: Dave
"Adrenaline can really get your blood pumping," Dave explained in an impressed tone of voice.
Confessional Ends
Meanwhile, Katie was shown climbing the tree that had the spider webs attached, but fell back down. "I can't reach the top!"
"Really?" Molly questioned her.
"Sorry, Maggots," Katie apologized. "I don't have enough muscle power to reach you."
"If that's the case, then go and get the hook," Scarlett demanded.
"But I don't want to leave you behind!" Katie stood firm.
"You need to win! You're the only member of the team who isn't trapped in a giant web!" DJ said supportively.
"I'll do it, but I'll come back to help you. I promise that," Katie declared bravely before grabbing her hook and ran to the zipline.
Leshawna was struggling to get to the hook due to her situation of being stuck with Geoff.
"Wow! I'm surprised you can hold us up together, even if we're trapped," Geoff marveled at her strength.
"I came to win, not to quit!" Leshawna said determinedly before tugging a hook off the skull rock.
The shot quickly cut to Dave and the spider, the boy now jumping up and down on the mutant's back.
"You spiders have been a big pain in the neck ever since I was young!" Dave confronted the mutant spider while the shot cut to the stalactite the spider's line was attached to, the rock beginning to crack.
Katie attached her hook to the zipline. "I'm ready." She took off screaming afterwards.
"I won't let you bother me anymore!" Dave continued his attack on the spider.
With one final jump the silk line snapped, sending him and the spider to the floor and causing rocks to fall from the ceiling. Those stuck in the web screamed as dust filled the air.
"Go go go!" Geoff hastily commanded Leshawna as he saw the place crumbling. Leshawna quickly hooked them to the zipline and they took off.
There was an ominous snap followed by thuds and grunts. The dust dissipated to reveal that all the captives – as well as the web itself – had fallen to the cave floor.
Several groans filled the air as everyone tried to recover, the silken prisons beginning to unravel.
\
The scene cut to near-complete darkness, lit only by the eyes of some unknown creatures – and three known ones, based on their screams. Katie zipped through the darkness screaming, with Leshawna and Geoff zipping past a few seconds later screaming as well, and soon enough made it to the other side – a smaller tunnel in the side of a cliff face, with the zip line tied to the end of a small stalactite on an overhang just outside. Katie arrived first and dropped when her hook slammed into the end of the line; Geoff and Leshawna arrived moments later, and landed on top of the Maggot girl when their hook slammed to a stop as well.
The shot panned down to them as they all groaned in pain.
"Looks like both teams made it out," Chris chimed in, walking up from the left and looking the three over. "That's something I did not expect at all."
"So who won the challenge?" Katie asked after standing up. "I did arrive before the Rats did."
"Today's winning team iiiiss," Chris announced, pausing for effect, "the Rats!"
"What?" Katie asked. "But I arrived here first!"
"Remember when I said stick together, 'cause there'd be a penalty for each team member you lost?" Chris placed a hand on Katie's shoulder. "Yeah, you lost your whole team. The same would go for Leshawna, but at least she brought someone with her. So, the Rats totally win!"
"I was wrong, Geoff," Leshawna cheered for her team. "We do make a good team."
Katie was distraught to lose. "I knew I should've stayed back and gotten my teammates down!"
"So true," Chris replied without a care.
\
The scene cut back to the cave as Dave approached the camera coughing. He looked down and gasped. The perspective inverted and the camera panned across what looked like a canister of artificial webbing, nuts and bolts and the tattered remains of a spider costume, and the all-too-familiar legs and torso and arms and groaning head of Izzy.
The psycho hose beast groaned before shouting "Boo!" and laughed silly.
Confessional: Dave
"Turns out it was just one of the old cast members in a spider costume," Dave explained in the confessional. "Though it makes sense in context. Izzy and Spider-Man are both annoying, but at least they can be funny sometimes." he quipped. "I'm still not a huge fan of spiders, but I can at least tolerate them now."
Confessional Ends
The scene cut to a shot of the island at night, the camera zooming in then cutting to the six Mutant Maggots at the campfire pit – Dave and Katie together on the left side of the back row; Anne Maria and Scarlett on the front left; Molly on the back right; and DJ on the front right.
"Team Maggot, welcome to your second elimination ceremony," Chris began. "I would comment on your collective failures and mistakes throughout the challenge, but it speaks for itself." The shot shows some of the Maggots either disappointed or shooting daggers at Chris.
"Just pass out the marshmallows already," Dave grumbled.
"Someone's eager," Chris smiled in satisfaction before seeing that Chef wasn't present. "Where's Chef with the Marshmallow of Loserdom?"
\
Elsewhere, Chef was tied to a post in frustration as a number of plungers were stuck to his face. The camera panned out to show that Izzy, currently holding a bow while wearing a tribal headband, was the one responsible for his fate. She laughed after hitting Chef one too many times with the plungers, much to Chef's annoyance.
\
"If Chef isn't here, does that mean the elimination ceremony is canceled?" Anne Maria raised her hand.
"Heck no. I'm still gonna send one of your butts home," Chris announced. "And the person who's leaving is...," he said with an impish smile, pausing for effect.
"Nobody! Psyche!"
"Wait, what?" Katie said in confusion.
"I was kidding all along!" Chris laughed. "The elimination ceremony is canceled. Not because of Chef not being here. But because this is a non-elimination episode."
"So if none of us would be taking the Hurl of Shame, then what was the point of even having us here?" Scarlett asked.
"I just love tension," Chris answered with a smug grin.
"Awesome!" Katie squealed cutely. "I was afraid I would be eliminated!"
"Whatever," Chris said, rolling his eyes. "Kinda disappointing no one's going for a catapult ride, though." He looked over to the right, and an idea dawned upon him. "I think I know who would be willing to."
\
The scene flashed to the Dock of Shame, Izzy in the catapult's bucket with Chris standing nearby.
"This catapult is amazing, but why am I here?" Izzy asked the host.
"Because somebody needs to get hurled tonight," Chris explained as he walked over to the catapult's lever. "Plus, you seem like the type to enjoy this kind of stuff."
"You know me so well. Now press that lever," Izzy grinned before Chris pulled the lever and launched her cheering loudly into the night sky.
"Wanna know who I'm gonna catapult off the island next?" he turned and asked the camera as the capstone theme began to play. "You'll have to come back and find out, right here on Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!"
(Roll the Credits)
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2023.06.04 19:31 xtremexavier15 TSROTI 4 (pt 1)

Toxic Rats: Geoff, Scott, Leshawna, Sammy, Trent
Mutant Maggots: Anne Maria, Katie, Molly, Scarlett, Dave, DJ
Episode 04: Finders Creepers
"Last time, on Total Drama Revenge of the Island!" Chris opened over a stock shot of the camp, the recap montage starting off with a clip of the contestants racing off towards the side of Mt. Looming Tragedy. "Twelve bumbling buffoons battled it out in a brutal buffet of bombastica," Chef was shown gleefully dropping ice blocks on the climbing campers, catching Geoff and Scott but narrowly missing Molly and almost catching Anne Maria.
"Why all the 'B' words?" B was shown demonstrating his couch invention created from junk, "Because, B proved he was a brave and brilliant improviser who scored big time for his team!" B used an ice pick to poke holes onto a shard of ice and placed it on top of the castle, directing the sun beam towards the Maggots' base and melting it effectively. "Until his bitter teammate Scott allowed brainy Molly to botch it on purpose and B got the boot," Molly threw a snowball onto the shard, melting the castle and B was shown being flung into the night.
"And now," Chris said, popping up in front of a shot of the full moon in a cloudy sky with a lit candle in his hand, marking the end of the recap montage, "tonight's challenge is about fear." He made a devilish look. "And everyone knows fear is a dish best served, in the dark!" he said in an exaggeratedly spooky manner, an eerie sound playing as he laughed evilly. "Huh?" he stopped suddenly, the camera pulling back to reveal Chef standing next to him...dressed like a showgirl with lots of peacock feathers. "Chef!" the host said in annoyance.
"Wardrobe was all out of vampire costumes," Chef explained as the series's capstone then began to play.
"It's all scary!" Chris said, walking off to the left. "Other than that," he scowled and gestured back toward his off-screen assistant. "Right here! Right now!" he resumed his usual demeanor. "On Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!" He adopted his spooky tone as he finished the title, and ended with another evil laugh.
XXXXX
Frogs and crickets chirped and croaked, joined by an owl's hoots as the episode opened on a shot of the full moon. The camera panned down to the cabins as the sound of snoring was added to the nighttime mix, and the scene cut inside to the girls' side of the Maggots' cabin where Anne Maria and Katie were sleeping peacefully in the bunk they shared. Dave and DJ were also shown sound asleep on the boys' side, and the scene cut to the Rat boys to show Geoff also sound asleep.
The camera cut next to show Sammy waking up with a yawn. She stretched her arms out for a few good seconds and fell right back to sleep...until the sudden shrill wail of a blow horn pierced the air.
"RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Chris hollered from off-screen as the scene cut back outside, the blowhorn continuing even over the panicked shouts of the campers.
The camera briefly cut to a close-up of the blowhorn still blowing, then over to the Maggots' cabin as they ran outside fully dressed – first Katie screaming "What's happening?!"; then DJ just screaming; then Scarlett yelling out "This is unethical!"; then Anne Maria just hollering; and then finally Dave coming out, calling out "I'm wide awake!"
The Rats were shown next, Scott grunting "Me first!" as he shoved Geoff down the stairs and slid down the railing; Leshawna quickly running after him; Sammy screaming at the top of her lungs; and Trent coming out last at around the same time while screaming.
They assembled nervously in the common area between cabins, where Chris – wearing a pair of heavy earmuffs – finally eased up on the blowhorn. "Glad you all could make it," he grinned as he took off his headgear.
Molly soon arrived later. "Is there an attack or what?" she asked her teammates.
Katie shot her a quick glare. "Of course not, but why would you care about anything but yourself?"
Confessional: Molly
"Olay, yes," Molly moaned. "I left my teammates behind, but that was because I wanted to win the challenge first. I was always taught to focus on one thing before moving on to the next, and that's what I did." She grew concerned. "I don't see any problems with that."
Confessional Ends
"I hope you're all ready," Chris continued, "'cause it's challenge time!" He stepped to the side as Chef rolled up a large widescreen television on a wheeled cart. It was currently displaying an aerial map of the island with several additional colored icons – six bright green skulls scattered around the island; three yellowish envelopes over the campfire pit, the western edge of the campgrounds, and deeper into the forest; and a large purple spider in the middle of it all.
"We're gonna do a challenge?" Anne Maria wondered. "In the middle of the woods? At night?"
Confessional: Anne Maria
"Doesn't Chris know that we need our hours of sleep?" Anne Maria criticized. "I haven't even done my hair."
Confessional Ends
"Your challenge," Chris continued as though there'd been no interruption, "a scavenger hunt for three creepy souvenirs. Your locations? A haunted forest," he walked across to the other side of the television, "a scaaary pet cemetery, and an extra spooktastic cave. First team to each location gets a special clue," he said, the camera zooming in as he pointed towards the westernmost letter icon on the screen. "But watch out for booby traps," he added jovially as he moved his finger to one of the skulls, "I really went to town with them, heheh." The campers were shown watching warily.
"So move fast," the host added, "and stick together. You'll be penalized for each player you lose!"
"Umm, what's with the giant spider?" Sammy asked.
"Oh yeah," Chris answered as the shot zoomed in on the icon in question, "there's some kinda gigantic mutated spider sorta running around loose on the island."
The cast immediately started to voice their fears and protests.
"A huge, humongous spider is on the loose?!" DJ hugged Katie out of fear.
"I guess so," Katie said frightfully, but was secretly enjoying DJ hugging her.
The shot zoomed in on Dave in particular as he looked around, moaning "Oh no..." in annoyance.
Confessional: Dave
"Ever since I was a kid, I've never been a huge fan of spiders," Dave admitted. "They leave messy webs everywhere they go, and it takes me a long time to clean them up in places like my uncle's attic or my aunt's basement." A spider soon crawled down on a string. "This is gonna be unpopular, but I'm not a huge fan of Spider-Man because of my dislike of spiders." The spider hissed after hearing the criticism, making Dave flinch.
Confessional: Leshawna
"I may seem fearless on the outside, but spiders are one of the few things I'm terrified of," Leshawna said nervously. "Anything with eight legs is frightening enough."
Confessional Ends
"And since I want to keep things fair for both teams," Chris continued, "I decided to bring back an eliminated contestant for the Rats."
"It's so good to be back here!" the familiar voice of Sierra was heard, becoming more recognizable when she ran next to Chris.
"Sierra! I haven't introduced you yet!" Chris snapped at her.
"If I waited any longer, the episode would've been past the usual 22-minute runtime," Sierra explained. "I'll just go join the Toxic Rats and save you the trouble of doing so since I've rejoined."
Chris watched the fangirl run up to the contestants in annoyance. "Long story short, Sierra is the returnee." Chris regained his smile, and the dramatic and almost heroic tune started playing again. "There's nothing to fear but mortal terror itself! Talk soon," he added impishly, sounding his blowhorn once again.
The twelve campers ran off towards the woods.
\
The footage flashed ahead to another shot of the full moon over the forested hills of Wawanakwa, an owl hooting as the scene cut down to ground level. The logo of the Toxic Rats appeared in the corner of the screen just before the team itself did, running up and stopping in front of a tree with a loudspeaker set up in its branches.
"We're in first place! Sweet!" Geoff cheered just before the loudspeaker whined into activity.
"Welcome to the Haunted Forest!" Chris announced over it, the shot panning downward to show the six Rats gathering around a small crack in the ground. "Your clue can be found at the base of this tree!" Sierra reached into the hole...and screamed in pain as something metallic snapped inside the hole.
"Inside a bear trap," Chris finished his announcement with a laugh.
Sierra withdrew her hand from the hole, the trap clamped down firmly on her arm – though she was at least clutching a note in her hand. "Here! Read the clue," she said, passing it to a mildly shocked Sammy. Just as she was about to read it, the sound of approaching footsteps distracted her and her teammates.
"Bad news guys," Anne Maria commented from the six Maggots. "They have the clue."
"Even with a team advantage they still managed to beat us," Katie reminded them.
"We can let the opposing team have their clue," Scarlett said, looking back towards her teammates. "I have another plan," she said, running ahead with her teammates in tow.
\
The shot cut to the Maggots as they stopped at a clearing further along the trail. "So what's the plan?" Katie asked the girl in front.
"Find a place to hide so we can follow the Rats and their clue to our first souvenir," Scarlett answered. "Into that bush!"
The Maggots dived and painfully tried to hide in a thorn bush.
"Be quiet," Dave hissed, "They're coming."
"Inside a knot is a nest," Sammy read as the scene cut to the Rats. "Your souvenir lives with a pest. Find Polaris to travel northwest? Polaris is the North Star."
"The North Star is right there, so this way's northwest! There's a path!" Trent declared. He ran off, the rest of his teammates following suit.
"Now we follow!" Scarlett declared as the rest of her teammates came out of the bush.
\
The Rats' logo reappeared as the footage skipped ahead again to them running along through the woods.
"Inside a knot is a nest," Geoff muttered to himself as the shot zoomed in on him. "Hey Sammy, what was the rest of that poem again?" he called back without taking his eyes off the path ahead.
When he didn't get an answer he immediately skidded to a stop. "Sammy?!" he yelled in rising panic, and looked back to see nobody behind him.
The shot cut back to show that the rest of the Rats had stopped in their tracks. "What? Did we lose the mouse?" Scott asked.
Geoff gulped. "We get a penalty for each player we lose, right?" he asked nervously.
"And there's a spider crawling around, right?!" Leshawna said in panic. The shot cut outward as he did so, showing a large purple spider crawling down through the shadows of the forest trees.
"We're looking for a knot with a nest, right?" Scott looked off to the right; the camera quick-panned over to a large tree with a noticeable hollow knot in the trunk with the hints of a nest inside; a few green and red marks had been spray-painted on the bark under it.
"There it is!" Leshawna said, immediately rushing towards it.
"But what about Sammy?" Trent asked his team.
"We'll look for her after we get the souvenir," Sierra assured him.
Leshawna started climbing up the trunk as the rest of her team ran up to join her, and soon began to root through the tree hollow with one arm.
Suddenly, a large eye opened up inside the hollow and stared directly at Leshawna. She screamed, and several squid-like tentacles reached out of the tree's other hollows. One quickly grabbed her around the neck and held her up, while another gave her a few wet slaps then poked her in the eye.
"My eye!" Leshawna yelped in pain and terror. In response the tentacle tightened its grip, and Leshawna began to choke.
"What do we do!?" Sierra yelled in panic.
Geoff looked around, then bent down and picked up a handful of small rocks. "We can throw these stones at the octo guy!"
"Good idea!" Scott said as he and his team picked up rocks of their own and began throwing them at the creature, but they seemed to be hitting Leshawna more than the mutant squid-tree monster. Eventually, the thing just raised its captive up even higher, then slammed her down onto the ground and hissed at the others.
"RUN!" Geoff shouted, turning to flee as a tentacle shot towards them, forcing them to scatter.
Unfortunately, Trent was unable to get away in time and was lifted up by the leg. Trent cried in pain as the mutant began to punch him in the stomach with a curled-up tentacle.
The sounds of pain and wet punches caused Leshawna to get frustrated. "No way am I gonna get pushed around or let a squid attack my teammates!" she declared, getting back on her feet and climbing up the tree-squid's trunk while it was distracted. "Quit buggin' us!" she cried as she punched the mutant in the eye.
The beast bellowed in pain, dropping Trent and retracting into its tree. As soon as he got back up, a strand of spider's webbing shot down from above, sticking on to his head and pulling him away from the floor.
Leshawna reached into the knot once again, quickly and triumphantly pulling out a brass key. "And that's how I roll!" she called down to her teammates.
She dropped down to the forest floor, and landed in front of Geoff, who grinned when he saw it. "We got the key, Trent." Geoff received no response as Scott rejoined.
"Trent?!" Leshawna yelled out in concern. "Where are you?!"
As she panicked, the shot changed to a perspective further away, and the footage switched to an infrared shot of the four Rats.
"Guess he's gone," Sierra sighed sadly. "On the plus side, we found the key."
"We lost two players!" Leshawna said. "Shouldn't we go and look for them?"
"Knowing Chris, he probably has them trapped someplace else, so I'm not too worried right now," Scott brushed it off.
"You've got a point there," Geoff agreed.
Just then, the six Maggots arrived on the scene.
Scott was the first to notice them. "No luck here," he quickly said with faux disappointment, "Do you want to see if Sammy and Trent saw anything better over there?" he looked back and asked Sierra, Leshawna, and Geoff.
"Absolutely. It's not just the three of us," Sierra caught on before they turned and ran off.
"I see something!" Katie pointed off to the camera's right – the direction of the squid-tree. "Team colors!" The camera briefly cut over to the knot in question, with a focus on the marks below it in the two teams' colors.
"Excellent eye, Katie," Scarlett complimented while DJ ran to the tree.
"I'm not just a phone addict, y'know," Katie laughed a bit.
"I got the key, everyone," the camera cut to DJ who was in the tree's hollow and holding out a key. He threw the key in front of Dave and Molly.
"Way to go, DJ!" Molly said.
"Now you want to support us," Dave snarked at her. "Where was that when I was frozen?"
"Are you still mad about that?" Molly groaned.
"Of course we are," Katie snorted.
"You don't just leave your teammates behind," Dave lectured.
"Whatever happened happened," Anne Maria got in between them. "Let's focus more on the challenge and less on squabbling right now."
Confessional: Anne Maria
"I'm here to start no fights," Anne Maria confessed. "What Molly did was messed up, but they can scold her after the challenge."
Confessional: Molly
"Thank you, Anne Maria," Molly let out a sigh of relief. "Finally, someone who won't ride on me for my choices!"
Confessionals End
"You're right, Anne Maria," Dave sighed. "We shouldn't waste anymore time fighting."
As Dave bent down to pick up the key, however, a line of spider silk shot down from the treetops, wrapped around Molly, and pulled her up out of sight.
DJ regrouped with his team. "They said they saw something far away, so maybe-" he paused and looked behind his teammates. "Wait, where's Molly?"
The other four looked behind them and gasped. "Oh no, Molly's got taken by the spider!" Dave cried out.
"What do we do now?" Anne Maria griped.
Scarlett sighed. "Not to sound apathetic, but I think we're gonna have to continue on without her."
"Are you sure about that?" Katie questioned.
"I'm sure we can catch up to wherever she's being taken to," Scarlett waved off her concern.
"Well, I hope so," Katie said as she and the team exchanged nervous looks.
Confessional: Dave
"I don't see Molly in the best light right now, but that doesn't mean that I want her to be taken away," Dave began to shudder. "Especially by a spider."
Confessional Ends
"Why are we running so slow when we're in a challenge?" Geoff said as the scene moved back to him, Sierra, Scott, and Leshawna running through the forest. "We won't beat the other team at this rate."
"Relax, I know what I'm doing," Scott conversed with him.
Confessional: Scott
Scott was whittling another piece of wood with his shark tooth. "I'm heading us back into last place where we belong. Another elimination ceremony for the Rats and it's bye-bye Geoff! Or Sierra. I can't decide."
Confessional Ends
"C'mon, let's rock this! With years of exercise and partying, I've got energy to burn!" Geoff said, snatching the key from Leshawna and jogging ahead. The three followed him, but the camera kept its focus on Geoff as he passed a tree stump, then a rock; then stepped on a mysterious clump of dirt… which exploded and sent him flying.
Leshawna, Sierra, and Scott stopped immediately, the shot showing Sierra and Leshawna being shocked and Scott showing delight as Geoff got launched from one land mine to the next off-screen.
During this, however, a line of spider webbing was shot onto Sierra's leg. It quickly wrapped around it and tugged Sierra away from her team.
The camera finally cut back to Geoff, singed and groaning on the ground in an awkward but still holding the Rats' key. The Maggots approached him moments later. "Sorry that had to happen, doll!" Anne Maria comforted as she ran past Geoff.
Scott and Leshawna came to Geoff's need. "You gonna be alright?" Leshawna helped him up.
"I'll walk it off," Geoff tried to remain cool headed.
"Thanks, focus boy," Scott said.
"I don't want to strain my calves," Geoff added.
"We should leave in a few minutes just to make sure we catch up to the other team," Leshawna said. "Sierra just got captured, and I don't want us sticking around here."
\
The scene cut to the lantern-lit cemetery. The camera panned left across its headstones and crosses, several of which were pet-themed, to the entrance as the five remaining Mutant Maggots arrived, huffing and puffing from their run.
"Welcome to the Wawanakwa Pet Cemetery!" Chris greeted them over the loudspeaker.
"We're first. Nice!" Dave said.
"What's the clue?" Anne Maria asked Scarlett.
The camera cut in close as she opened the lid to a small coffin in an open grave, revealing a ragged piece of paper within bearing a list of numbers: 5 in the first row; 5 in the second; 5 in the third. Notably, while most of the numbers were plain black there were three 6s and the 18 were all an eye-catching red. "Three 6's is normally not a good indication of luck," Scarlett said with a nervous look.
"Let's fan out and look for numbers!" DJ said as the perspective cut back to its usual sideview.
"By ourselves?" Anne Maria asked.
\
"I'm in a creepy cemetery in the middle of the woods looking for three 6s. It's no big deal," Anne Maria said warily as she backed through the graveyard. "Good news is, there aren't any owls hooting around. I think I'm safe," she told herself, pausing to smile. "Now, let's see if I can find any numbers..."
She turned around and started examining the nearest headstone, and the shot cut to a view from afar, the footage switching back to infrared. The monster serving as the camera's viewpoint blinked, and when it opened its eyes it had gotten much closer to the jersey girl, and had extended four sharp limbs with tiny claws on the end towards her...
Anne Maria's scream echoed through the cemetery, quickly catching the attention of Katie, DJ, Scarlett, and Dave as they looked up in shock. "Anne Maria?" Dave asked out in concern, the footage quickly skipping ahead to show all four arriving at the location the tanned young lady had been snatched from.
"I could've sworn she was just here," Dave said in confusion.
They all gasped. "Where'd she go?" Katie asked in mild terror.
"I'm just as concerned as you all are," Scarlett started, "but like what happened with Molly, we should move along and hope to catch up with them."
"I know you're trying to be reasonable," DJ said, "but you're rubbing me off the wrong way."
"Yeah, it's like you don't care about what could happen to our teammates," Dave told her.
"I'm just used to not expressing my emotions on occasion," Scarlett told her team members. "Thank you very much."
\
The scene flashed to the Rats, where Scott and Leshawna were next to grimy coffins propped upright against a couple statues.
"Find the souvenir, hide the souvenir, lose the game…" Scott went in to unlock the coffin, but was interrupted by Fang bursting out of the coffin with a menacing grin.
"AAAAHHHHH!" The devious ran away screaming when Fang moved to chase after him.
Geoff was looking at a grave that was open. "This grave smells like french fries. Weird, but I'm not complaining." He got shoved in thanks to Scott running away from Fang.
The camera followed Scott as he ran past two open graves, one of which with a mound of dirt in front of it.
The mutant shark followed his quarry, but when Scott leapt over the mound of dirt, Fang tripped over it. The shark fell into the open grave and growled.
"Why does this graveyard smell like fries?" Katie wondered aloud, following a scent as she walked through the cemetery. She soon came to the pit Geoff was in. "Maybe it's coming from there."
"Hello? Anybody? I need someone to help me down here!" Geoff called out.
Katie backed away a bit. "Did that hole just talk?"
"It's me. Geoff!" Geoff tried to denounce her belief.
"Oh right," Katie sighed in relief. "You're the guy with the cowboy hat."
"That's right," Geoff confirmed her statement. "I fell down this hole, and I'm covered in grease right now."
"So that explains the smell," Katie realized.
"Can you get me out of here?" Geoff begged her. "Grease doesn't mesh well with my shirt."
"I would, but I have to help my team right now," Katie declined. "One of your teammates could get you out. Bye," she left the scene.
"This sucks," Geoff whined, unaware of four maggots coming by the grave. As soon as they saw the grease and Geoff, they jumped in and attacked him, making him howl in agony.
\
The scene cut to Chris, who was watching feeds of both teams on a trio of monitors and laughing hysterically. "Will anyone make it to the spooky cave?" he turned and asked the camera, holding a covered cup with a straw in it. "And if so, how can they possibly make it all the way to the finish line? Less brain, more pain, when we return!" he said, finishing with a sip of his drink.
\
(Commercial Break)
\
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2023.06.04 18:52 positivly_wolf I've been slowly losing my mind over the past few days/week

I've been so up and down lately that it feels like I'm going crazy. During all this i have the strong need to cut every person i know out of my life entirely and never leave my house again. One day I was so down I snapped at every person I saw and then the next hour I was fine and laughing again. Then the next day there was a total of 10 minutes where the s*icidal ideations were so strong, and right after I was fine again. Yesterday I locked myself in my dark room, taped my curtain to the walls so no light could get in and hid under my blanket crying. Last night I was up late and afraid to be alone so I got my gram to stay up with me while I just sobbed for hours and contemplated everything I ever knew and tried not to shave my head because I felt so desperate for change. Today I was left alone and continued to move things around because I'm in the middle of switching rooms around. Something didn't go right and I was just suddenly so angry and yelled at nothing. I then punched a wall and cut my 7 months of hair growth off. The entire time I was cutting my hair off i was going back and forth between crying, laughing, yelling at myself to stop, and silently staring at myself in the mirror doing nothing. I'm legitimately scared of myself right now but feel like I have no control over what I do. I don't know why I've been like this and I'm just so scared of what I might do next. I don't have any mental diagnosis besides anxiety, depression, and ptsd so I have no clue why I'm acting like this, and it's only the second time I've been this bad in about a year.
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2023.06.04 18:49 Practical-Present279 Hire a hacker to Track Your Wife’s Phone Without Her Knowing tracking your partner phone best way to track your wife’s phone how to trace a phone hire a hacker

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2023.06.04 18:23 UsualBoth4887 DPDR & autism (message from recovery)


Is the DPDR community aware of the possible link between DPDR & autism spectrum disorder?
I've looked at the psychology literature, and the academics are (somewhat) aware of this link.
However, it is not something I was made aware of while involved in the DPDR community. In fact, I don't recall autism being discussed at all.

After experiencing chronic DPDR for nine years, I have recently been made aware that I have many behavioural/neurological traits that are diagnostic of autism.
Several of these traits I had previously attributed to DPDR.
Now that I realise these are personality traits associated with autism, and not symptoms of DPDR, I strangely find that I view them in a far more positive light.
Here are three examples:

1) Processing speed.
I believed I was slower than average at processing information, or reacting to things, because of the fog (DPDR). I felt drunk, and my friends did not, which resulted in me being 'slower' than them. My intelligence is important to me, so when I perceived my intelligence as being hindered by DPDR, it really upset me, which worsened my mental state and DPDR symptoms.
I am now aware that this reduced processing speed is because I am autistic. Autistic individuals have a slower-than-average processing speed, but have a much higher-than-average capacity for deep, structured, and analytical thought (to name a few!). I now view this trait of mine, as a 'cognitive trade-off' rather than a 'debuff' of my intelligence.
When I believed this trait was DPDR, it greatly upset me, whereas now I realise it is autism, I am happy and proud to have this trait.

2) Social skills & being funny.
Frequently, I enter social situations where I do the wrong thing. Again, I blamed this on DPDR. I believed that the brain fog was slowing me down, so I couldn't think of the right thing to do in time. As you can imagine, this made me embarrassed, frustrated, unnerved, and upset.
Now that I know this is autism, it makes complete sense why I don't think of the 'right thing' to do. It has nothing to do with my intelligence, processing speed, or DPDR. It is because autistic individuals generally lack social skills (it is one of our defining traits, and a necessary trade-off to allow for amazing skills which so many of us have).
I no longer view this trait of mine negatively. Instead, my friends, family, and myself, now aware of my autism, view this as a 'quirk' which is often quite funny.
Additionally -
I found that I was never 'witty' enough to crack smart jokes in social situations. I would blame this on DPDR. I believed my brain was 'too slow' to come up with witty jokes in the moment, because of the fog.
I now realise that I don't come up with witty jokes very often because I often take things very literally, which is characteristic of autism spectrum disorder.
That's okay. I don't need to be cracking witty jokes to make myself or others happy. Now that I know this is not a result of DPDR, it doesn't bother me like it used to.

3) Emotional numbness.
I believed I was incapable of feeling emotion. I had convinced myself that this was a result of my DPDR state, and that nothing, no matter how consequential, would have an emotional effect on me.
I found that instead of feeling negative emotions, I would instead just think about the consequences. I would ruminate.
I now realise that I simply process emotions differently than others (neurotypicals) because I am on the autistic spectrum. Autistic brains are wired to process things logically rather than emotionally (in contrast with neurotypical brains).
It was never true that I was 'incapable' of feeling emotion. I had only convinced myself of this, because I noticed that there were occasions when people around me experienced negative emotions, whereas I did not.
BUT, there were also instances where I experience great joy and excitement from just talking about my interests, whereas others (neurotypicals) would not (to a similar degree).
It was my anxious mind (which all of us here unfortunately share) that ruminated on the instances where I felt nothing, and inflated their significance, forcing me to believe I never felt anything.
This, again, is a trade-off of being autistic, which I am very much content with.
Now, being able to understand why I often process emotions differently, gives me great peace of mind, and I no longer perceive myself as, or worry about, being emotionally numb.

Discussion
'Autistic meltdown'
When overwhelmed with stress, people with autism spectrum disorder enter a (temporary) state called 'autistic meltdown'.
Autistic meltdown is often described as feeling: 'spaced-out; disconnected from reality; my brain is fried; robotic; controlling my body from a cockpit inside my head'. Sound familiar?
My suspicion is that many of us, if not all of us, who are experiencing symptoms of DPDR, are somewhere on the autistic spectrum. The stresses of reality have caused us to enter an autistic meltdown. This, coupled with the additional factor of having an anxious mind (not exclusive with autism), leads us to ruminate on our symptoms, and become stuck in the anxiety-symptom cycle.
That's not to say that neurotypicals can't experience these symptoms or get stuck in the cycle, but I'm tempted to say that autistic individuals have an increased susceptibility to DPDR because of our comparatively low stress tolerance.

Sensory hypersensitivity
During an Unreal (UK-based DPDR charity) support meeting, I spoke to a man who had been suffering from DPDR for most of his life. He described how his DPDR symptoms would increase whenever he was exposed to a bright light.
This is a very common trait of autism. They call it 'sensory hypersensitivity'. Bright lights, loud noises, or even certain textures/materials can be extremely overwhelming to autistic people and cause a stress response, which for people already with DPDR, will cause it to increase. This suggests that this man was on the autism spectrum, and also supports my suspicion that traits of autism are frequently misinterpreted as symptoms of DPDR.

Deep thought
Psychologists researching DPDR are aware that most DPDR sufferers very frequently wonder about the deep mysteries of the universe, such as - the origin of life; evolution; animal life; alien life; space and time; neurobiology; why things are the way they are; etc.
I'm sure many of you in this forum share this trait. I for one have wondered since a young age about human evolution and life on other planets.
This is true for autistic people too. We call it 'special interests', and it is an extremely common trait. This supports my suspicion that people with DPDR are on the autistic spectrum.

Adolescent origin?
Still, one question remains. If DPDR is autism, then why, for so many of us, did DPDR start suddenly during adolescence or early adulthood (13-25)?
Autism is a developmental condition that begins before birth. It can't just 'start' at age 14 (for example).
I suspect that so many of us develop symptoms of brain fog (normally attributed to DPDR) during adolescence and early adulthood, because this is the age at which anxiety becomes most prevalent.
Anxiety is what causes us to ruminate on symptoms of brain fog, and become trapped in the cycle, which is described as 'DPDR'.
I suspect that autism spectrum disorder is a prerequisite to DPDR, which only becomes manifested once the brain becomes anxious during adolescence or early adulthood.

Conclusion
I had DPDR for nearly a decade. I no longer consider myself to be suffering from DPDR. I also don't consider myself to have recovered from DPDR.
I never had DPDR.
I am autistic. Discovering this has drastically improved my quality of life.
I sincerely hope that this information will be of help to the people in this subreddit.
submitted by UsualBoth4887 to dpdr [link] [comments]